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ladylooch · 11 months

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Loving & Leaving - Part 6

Visit the series page here.

A/N: The ending we all deserve 😭 Thank you so much for your love and support on this one. Writing these two was so fun and I secretly never want it to end. I did a quick lil poll on Saturday and you guys want to see more! So, there will be more at some point, probably sprinkled in with other requests. Or if you have an idea for me, send it over when requests open again!

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, swearing, breastfeeding.

As an event planner, and a bride, I’m throughly impressed with how our wedding has turned out.

When Timo suggested on Day 2 of Lio’s life that we get married before the season, I looked at him like he was crazy. But then, Rhea came to visit us in the hospital. I casually mentioned the possibility of a small, September wedding to her. My best friend’s eyes began to sparkle.

“Just say go and I’ll get it together.” She held her hands in front of her face like she was pleading with me.

Timo said go before I could stop him.

The reality of it all coming together was better than if I had two years to plan it. Rhea and I called in favor after favor from our contacts. Our beloved vendors showed up in droves, offering their services despite the quickness to create a perfect day for us. The biggest surprise was the availability of the Storchen in Zurich. Their gorgeous banquet room easily houses the 75 people who are here to celebrate our nuptials. It’s a smaller group because of the timing, which is tine with us. Timo and I would have been fine just us and Lio.

I’m grabbing another glass of champagne at the bar, taking the opportunity to appreciate our work. It really has been the best day. From getting ready, to the first look and our written vows, even when Lio spit up on Timo’s jacket and he had to go without for the ceremony. It was all perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

“Here you are. Congratulations, Emma!” Marc, the bar manager, cheers me with a wink.

“Thank you. For everything today.”

“Only for you. We are going to miss you.”

“I’ll be back.” I nod earnestly.

And I will be. While Rhea is running our business in Switzerland, I’ll be launching it in New Jersey. I’m both excited and terrified at the prospect of going international with the little business I formulated out of college. Timo keeps assuring me there is no way I can fail. Not when we are together.

My lips twist up at the thought. I turn, leaning back against the bar and seeing my husband across the room in conversation with Nico and Philipp Kurashev. He looks so damn good tonight. I can barely wait to have him. He’s standing next to the wall of windows, sipping a drink and listening to Nico speak. A chuckle shakes his shoulders. His gaze lifts, scanning the people until his blue eyes rest on me. He scans along my body, smiling bigger in recognition of my look. He tosses me a wink.

But there is no more game to play. We’ve already caught each other for life.

He moves back into conversation with my brother, adding something that makes both Nico and Phillipp laugh. I bite my lip, deciding I’m done not being the center of his attention. My brown eyes feast on my husband as I approach the three men. Timo laughs loudly and then takes a long pull from his whiskey. As he lowers the glass, his blue gaze finds me closer than before. Timo steps through the circle, completely uninterested in the conversation now that I’m within touching distance.

“Mrs. Meier.” It’s more than a greeting. The tone of his voice is ecstatic as his lips find mine. I sigh, melting briefly into his chest. One of his hands slides down my side to my ass, resting there confidently.

“Your wife needs help.” I breath out when we pull apart.

“With?”

“Getting out of this dress.” His eyes deepen before scanning down my body.

“Lead the way.”

I slide my hand into his and we begin to walk from the room together. Soon, we are out of the event space and alone in the hall. Timo takes the opportunity to put his lips against my neck. I suck my cheeks in, nibbling briefly before an unstoppable moan falls from my mouth. I stop in front of the bridal suite, hand on the knob, tilting my head more to the side as his lips explore further. His tongue dips into the crook of my neck.

“Open the door.” He murmurs around his kisses. I do as I’m told so we can walk in together. Once the door is shut, he begins tugging at his tie. “You need help with something else besides this dress?” I bite my lip, nodding enthusiastically.

“There are rules to this though.” I say, watching him while trying to keep my desire at bay a little longer. “You need to undo the buttons completely. No ripping.” His eyes narrow slightly but he nods.

“Turn.” He demands as he approaches. I do so and sweep the curled tendrils of my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck. “Remember last time I took a dress off of you?” He presses his mouth to the meaty part of my neck, sinking his teeth in there for a moment.

“Yes, we have an eight week old as a daily reminder.” Goosebumps break out onto my skin as I feel Timo’s fingers on the first button. I close my eyes and focus on deep breaths to take the edge off. I want him. Every part of him. Every inch of his skin on mine until the ache I have for him settles into something more bearable. The fabric begins to separate as he works a few more buttons loose. He stops for a moment, leaning forward and placing his lips against the indents bruising my skin.

“Mmm.” I hum. Timo stills.

“Baby.” His voice is a low, warning of a growl. “Let me rip this off you. I will buy you a new one.” My eyes open and meet his in the vanity mirror in front of us. He looks like a man possessed- blue eyes molten, tight jaw, nostrils flared. I shake my head because I can’t say the word no when he is looking at me like that. He sucks his cheeks in and pushes out a heavy exhale before continuing.

His fingers move faster, more careless with each slice of skin exposed to him. Finally, the last button releases and the fabric loosens around my upper body. Timo’s hands slide around, finding my wet folds, brushing each of his fingers against them. I lean back into his chest as he stokes me. His jaw brushes my temple as I feel him pulling steady breaths into his lungs. My eyes open and I watch us together in the mirror. The grip of desire tugs at me from deep within and I pant when he grinds his hips into me. Even through the fabric of my dress, I can feel how hard he is.

“How are you going to fuck your wife for the first time?” I ask into the mirror. He grins as he nibbles against the side of my throat. His fingers stretch my folds open to forcefully press into my clit with his middle finger. My knees buckle, shoving my ass into his hard length.

“Exactly how she likes it.” He says against my wet skin. “Fast… and deep… until she can’t speak.”

With that, I pull my arms from the straps of my dress and turn. Timo wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me up so the dress falls completely to the ground. He sets me down immediately. I begin tugging at his belt, needing him as quickly as possible. Timo watches me with those same hungry eyes as I pull him from his pants and slide my lips against the plumped head. I only get a few licks and sucks before he is pulling me off of him, guiding me to lean against the back of the couch. He shoves his pants the rest of the way down so they settle around his ankles. Then his hands are on my hips, roughly pulling me back to him. His plumped head bumps against my entrance before he eases me down. My fingers curl into fists at how tightly he fills me.

“You okay?” He groans, aware that we haven’t had sex much since Lio was born. Sure, it’s a little uncomfortable, but I don’t care about that. The pain I need him to ease right now is a tight coil in my abdomen, begging for release. My manicured nails dig deeply into my palms as I assure him I’m fine and plead him to move.

“Fuck. My wife feels incredible.” He praises. He leans over me and begins to fuck me exactly like he told me he would. I reach back, shoving his white shirt away so our bodies can connect fully with no barriers.

“T, I’ve been needing you like this all day” I cry. I feel his chest rumble with agreement along with a breathy kiss on my neck. “Just like that.” I encourage him as each thrust fills me completely. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, then turn to wetly kiss his mouth.

“I can tell. You’re so wet.” He pulls out less and less each time until I feel the coil intensify to the point I can’t breathe. His balls slap me hard with each intense thrust. My mouth fades away from his as I feel the release begin. It crashes into me, rushing through my veins, tightening my nipples and making my husband groan deep in his chest. His grip on my hips is powerful as I feel his warm cum coat my walls. He pushes out a strangled breath, resting his forehead against my back. For a few moments, only our heavy breathing fills the room. Finally, Timo raises his head, placing kisses along my back where the divots are still present from my dress.

I stand to my full height and turn to drape my arms around his shoulders. He slides his arms around me, hands pressing me tightly to him. I lay my cheek against his chest. We sway gently, holding one another intimately after the best day of our lives.

“That was spectacular.” I murmur to him.

“That was just round one, baby.” He smooths my hair delicately as he talks.

“Good. Because I have something for you later that you’ll like.” I smile coyly, thinking of the bridal lingerie I purchased for us.

“We don’t… need to go back right? We can just leave and head to bed.”

“No.” I narrow my eyes at him, pulling away. “Plus, some things are worth the wait.”

“I hate waiting to have you.” He teasingly snarls his lip at me. I shrug my shoulders which makes my breasts dance against the buttons of his shirt. My nipples tighten into large points. Timo pouts, knowing they’re off limits. I chuckle lightly, stepping away from him. He immediately reaches for my hand, tugging me back into his chest. His ocean eyes drink me in- sparkling eyes, pink cheeks, and smudged lip paint from his kisses. The smile he gives me has my knees weak. “How am I lucky enough to have you forever?”

“I was just wondering the same thing.” I lean forward and give him a sweet, sincere kiss. His hand travels down, grabbing a fistful of my bare butt. “Love you, T. For the rest of my life.” We stare at each other for another few moments before a knock sounds at the door. Timo turns so my naked body is shielded by his.

“Hey! Meiers! It’s cake time!” I hear Rhea’s voice come through the door. “Quit fucking and get out here!” She doesn’t even give us a chance to respond before she is off down the hallway again, laughter following her steps.

“I think our reputation has caught up with us.” I press a final kiss to his lips before crossing the room for my reception dress. It’s ivory fabric that drapes to mid calf. The A line cut gives way to sleeves that drape along my biceps for an off the shoulder look. I slide into it then turn to my husband for him to zip me up. I rearrange my diamond necklace and kick off my heels to slide into sparkling, pink sneakers. I turn to Timo for his approval.

“Perfect.” I nod in appreciation, then walk across the room to retouch my lipstick.

In the meantime, Timo redresses in his pants. He works the buttons of his shirt down so it isn’t tight against his throat anymore. He sheds his tie and rolls up his sleeves to expose his tan forearms. I pause from replacing the cap on my lipstick as he finishes the last roll of his shirt. Our eyes meet in the mirror again and we share a familiar smile.

“Ready, Mrs. Meier?” He reaches a hand out for me- the hand I get to hold for the remaining decades in my life. I click the cap into place and nod.

“Ready, Mr. Meier.” We both giggle then begin a leisurely walk to rejoin our party.

_ _ _

Our honeymoon is set to begin in under an hour, but Timo and I are struggling to get out of bed after our late night.

I’m feeding Lio, ghosting my fingers over his nose at each one of his suckles. Timo is scrolling through our reservations for Italy, making sure everything is in order before we leave. We picked Italy because it’s nostalgic for both of us. We have spent numerous family vacations there growing up, plus we didn’t want to be too far away from Lio for our first time away.

“Do you need anything?” Timo asks me, looking at Lio, surprised at seeing him still actively eating. He’s definitely in a growing stage.

“No, we are okay.” I assure him. I take my hand off Lio’s face, lacing my fingers with Timo’s left hand. I bring it to my face, kissing along his fingers while he checks the last reservation.

“Okay, I think we are all set.. whenever he is done.” As Timo says that, Lio releases, moving his face away.

“Magic!” I grin at my husband, handing Lio over.

Timo begins to pace the room with our son, exclaiming excitedly at every burp that works out of his little body. When he is done, they both return to the bed next to me. We soak in every little noise and expression on our baby’s face. A few bubbles of drool collect on his lips as he wiggles awkwardly around in my arms. Timo reaches out to wipe the the spit from Lio’s chin. My eyes catch the silver wedding ring around his finger. I turn to him, pressing my lips to his cheek. He works his lips over to mine, gliding his tongue along the seam of my mouth.

“Mmm, just like I thought last night. You taste better as my wife.” He murmurs. I wrinkle my nose in appreciation. Rounds 2 and 3 were pretty damn good.

“Maybe we can change our plans and take him with us?” I question, searching his blue eyes as a crease appears between his brows.

“No. I don’t want to share you. Not even with the world’s cutest baby.” As if on cue, Lio blows spit bubbles, shoving his tongue out at us.

“He doesn’t want us to leave.” I giggle, bringing him up to my face to kiss his cheek.

“How we gonna give him a sibling if he’s in the room with us the whole time?”

“Shut your beautiful mouth. I am not doing that again right now.”

Timo’s laughter fills our room as I pant in exasperation.

“Next year?”

“Maybe.” I respond, brushing Lio’s brown locks off his forehead. His eyes close at my touch, snuggling deeper into my propped thighs.

“We need to go soon.” Timo reminds me.

“Five more minutes, daddy.” He nods, as I manuever my head into his lap. As he strokes his fingers through my hair, he lays his head against the headboard, eyes closing. We are quiet together, listening to Lio’s sweet noises as he begins to fall asleep sucking on his hand. “Thank you.” I break the silence, pressing a kiss to Timo’s abdomen. “For all the planned and unplanned parts of our life.”

“Not sure any of this was really planned.” He responds without opening his eyes.

“Maybe not. But I dreamed of it… with you.” His eyes pop open to look down at me. “Two summers ago. On the dock at Nico’s house when he was in Milan. That’s when I fell in love with you.” His smile stretches his lips apart. “Yeah, I know. I suck for not admitting that sooner.”

“No, I.. I knew, Em. That was when you started touching me different. And holding my hand in the car and laying with me for hours in bed, long after you should have kicked me out.”

“I didn’t like watching you leave much after that. It was a peek at our life together. And I liked it.”

“Me too. It’s why I started getting so frustrated with you.”

“How about I make it up to you for the next 60 years?” He sucks in a deep breath, looking at the ceiling like he’s really contemplating. I scoop Lio up to my face to press feathery kisses along his soft head while I wait. Timo watches me as I do this, unable to hide the joy that fills his body.

“Only because you look that beautiful holding our baby.”

“Please, please, please, please let’s take him!”

“No.” Timo insists. “Give him one last smooch and I’m bringing him to Auntie Liss.” I can’t just do one. So after five kisses, we leave the bed and meet Timo’s sister, Larissa, in our kitchen.

“Take him before she tries to smuggle him into the car.” Timo jokes, handing Lio to his sister. “He should be good to go for a couple of hours. Em just fed him and he’s been changed. Hopefully he will be passed out before we leave the driveway.”

“Okay! Are you ready to have some fun, bubs?” She bounces him, lightly patting his butt too. “We will be fine.” She says to where I watch across the room. I bite my lip, giving pleading eyes to my husband.

“You promised me 60 years of make up sex. And you’re paying up starting the minute we check in.”

“That is not what I said!” I widen my eyes at his sister. She shrugs.

“I don’t care what you do as long as it keep giving me these cute babies.”

“Call if you need anything or have any questions or…”

“Bye!” Timo calls as he places his hands on my hips, forcing me backwards.

“One more kiss.”

“You’re making this harder on yourself.” He chuckles.

I know he is right, but it doesn’t make it any easier to leave.

When we arrive in Italy, our hotel staff greets us with enthusiasm. They grab all of our bags, hand us each a cappuccino, and personally escort us to the honeymoon villa on the property. It’s decked out to the nines with charcuterie and snacks. The best part is a bucket of champagne chilling on the table for us along with a box of chocolate covered strawberries. Timo wiggles his eyebrows excitedly at me, grabbing the chilled bottle.

“Wanna grab some glasses, baby?” He asks me, untwisting the metal basket atop the cork.

I glance around, seeing a few wine glasses resting by the fridge.

“These will do.” I insist, setting them in front of him. He gives us both a healthy pour.

“To us. Forever.” He clinks our glasses together as I smirk. I take a big swallow of bubbles, enjoying their explosions along my tongue. “Oh this is excellent.” He nods his head, turning the bottle to look at the label again.

As he does that, I set my glass back on the counter and reach out for the button of his shorts. He quickly turns from the bottle with curious and excited eyes.

“You said pay up right away.” I shrug innocently.

I work his zipper down, then glide my hand into his underwear. I stroke him once, then twice, maintaining eye contact with each pass over his length. I grin when I get him to close his eyes in a long blink. He exhales gently, firming fully in my hand as I stroke my thumb along his thick vein. I lean forward, filling his mouth with my tongue. He matches my aggressive kisses, both of us sucking each others lips.

“I want you down my throat.” I tell him when I pull away. He observes with greedy eyes as I get on my knees. My hair is down, but his hands work it back from my face so he can watch his cock inch into my mouth. His jaw drops open in a strangled groan as I take him all the way back immediately. His abdominal muscles tighten under where my nose bumps into them.

“Baby.” He moans as I wrap my fingers around the base of his shaft, stroking up as my throat wraps around his tip. “Oh fuck.” He jolts as I work his balls over with my other hand. “Again.” He begs me, fingerprints pressing firmly into my neck to push himself deeper. He opens his eyes, looking down at me on my knees. “You look so good right now with my cock in your mouth.” He reaches down to put his hand in my bra, palming my breast. I release his balls to grip his wrist as a reminder my breasts are filled with milk. “I know. Just gonna hold ‘em.”

“Am I being a good wife?” I ask him, dragging my tongue along the vein from base to tip.

“The best. You were made for me, baby.” He holds my chin, sputtering as I rest him against my tongue, wiggling along the cleft of his head.

“This mouth is yours now. Take it.” I sit back on my heels, mouth dropped open, tongue out as he guides himself back in. He widens his stance a bit, then puts his hands on both sides of my head and begins to fuck my mouth. He is gentle at first, then as he gets closer, he is wild. I reach up, gripping my hand tightly along his base and rolling his balls in my hand. His fingers spread along my whole head now, watching each flicker of joy in my eyes at his moans.

“I’m close.” He warns me, but I already know. He is tight and pulsing in my hand, begging for release as he slides a bit further down my throat. I hold back my gag, relaxing my throat so he can get to where he wants to be. I wiggle my tongue along the bottom. He sputters out a grunt, then brings himself a bit out of my mouth so I can collect his cum by stoking him through. I curl my tongue in, bringing the salty ribbons together to show him my collection. Then I fold it all back, swallowing it as he watches with hooded lids.

“When is dinner?” He eventually gathers the words to speak.

“Ten minutes.”

“We need to skip it.” He insists as I tuck him back into place. I work his zipper back up, then replace his button. Besides the taste of him in my mouth, it’s like it never happened. I smile, thinking of the times that used to matter when I would suck him off in the bathroom at Nico’s house before we would return, separately, to whatever party my brother was hosting.

“I need to eat.” I respond. He reaches his hands out for me to take and pulls me to a standing position.

“How? I just fed you.”

“Ah!” I laugh, slapping at his chest. “Let me fix my lipstick and we can head to dinner.”

“Okay, but no pasta. I want you ready to go later.”

“Do not ever tell me what I can and can’t eat.” I snap, pointing my finger at his nose. He still has a faint scar from the big playoff hit two years ago. He rolls his eyes at my exaggeration, feigning like he’s going to bite my finger off.

“You’re going to fall asleep before I can have you, huh? You’ll be like, no let’s just cuddle for a minute, then I’ll be ready.” He mocks me with a loud snore. I scoff. I do not snore. He does since his broken nose.

“Maybe.” I shrug, sauntering to my purse to grab my YSL pink lipstick. “Tell you what. If I do, you can wake me up at 2 am to fuck. Like old times.”

“Deal.” He muses, folding his hands together against my stomach. He rests his chin on my shoulder, watching me in the mirror with adoring baby blues as I stroke the pink onto my lips. “You are so beautiful.” He says against my shoulder as he drops plump kisses along my warm skin.

“It’s cause I’m in love.” I turn my face to him. He gently kisses me, then pulls away completely.

“I’m going to head to the lobby and check in with the front desk about breakfast tomorrow. I’ve got a surprise for you.” He wiggles his brows at me tauntingly. “See you in five minutes?”

“Yeah.”

“Kay. I love you, Emma Meier.” I widen my eyes excitedly at my new name.

“I love you.” I whisper back. He sighs happily, staring at me for another few seconds, then disappears from our room.

After freshening up, I go to where Timo waits for me in the hotel lobby. His back is towards me as I come from the courtyard, admiring him. He’s wearing a white, linen button up shirt, stretched wide across his strong shoulders. His hands are in his khaki pockets, expensive Swiss watch shining in the low lighting. The sun is setting over the rolling, grassy hills in front of him as he gazes out at the Italian country side. I fold my bottom lip into my mouth, taking in the way he commands attention from the other patrons. He looks so expensive and compelling. The rest of the world wishes to know him- what’s going on behind that intense blue gaze.

Sometimes, only I know.

As I approach, I reach out for his arm, threading my hand through to dive into his pocket. Our fingers glide together. I’m blissful as the warm metal of his ring strokes my skin.

“You waiting for someone?” I inquire to him like we are strangers. He dips his gaze to me, ignoring the spectacular beauty dancing in front of us to look only at me.

“Yeah, the love of my life.”

“Ah, I better go then.” I move to leave, but his hand possessively holds me in place.

“You and your fucking jokes.” He mutters against my mouth. My shoulders shake with a silent laugh lost on his tongue.

“You’ve always been mine.” I soothe his mild frustration, gliding my hands along his abdomen to hold the muscular swells of his back. “Will be in our next lifetime too.” He rests his chin on my head in a gentle hug.

“You gonna avoid me for years then too?”

“Probably. You gonna put up with that?” He teases his lips over mine, pulling me tighter to him so I can feel him rigid against my stomach.

We aren’t going to make it to dinner.

“Yeah.” It’s a breathless sigh from his mouth. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for your loving & leaving.”

#TM: Loving & Leaving #Timo Meier #Timo Meier smut #Timo Meier series #New Jersey devils #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

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hd-junglebook · 29 days

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It's Always Been You

Part 3

Previous Chapter ... Next Chapter

Word Count - 4,855

A:N this isn't exactly what I pictured for this chapter, but it goes into more detail about their feelings. Which idk about you, but I have been dying to figure out.

Y/N stepped out of the apartment building, the cold night air whipping at her face and stinging her tear-stained cheeks. She took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to compose herself as she made her way down the sidewalk, her heels clicking against the pavement.

As she approached the curb, she saw a sleek grey Mercedes parked along the street, its engine idling softly. The driver's side door opened, and a tall, handsome man stepped out, a concerned expression on his face as he hurried to greet her.

"Hi," he said, his voice warm and slightly hesitant. "Are you alright? I got scared you were gonna ditch me out here."

Y/N forced a laugh, the sound hollow and brittle to her own ears. She felt a pang of guilt at the concern in his voice. If only he knew how close she had come to canceling.

How the thought of walking back into that apartment and facing Jack again made her stomach churn with a sickening mixture of heartbreak and humiliation.

She swallowed hard, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over once again.

But she couldn't bring herself to do it, couldn't bear the thought of spending another night alone in her room, crying herself to sleep over a man who would never love her the way she wanted him to.

So instead, she pasted on a smile, straightening her shoulders with false bravado, hoping that the dim streetlights would hide the redness of her eyes and the tremor in her hands.

"No, no, I wouldn't do that," she said, her voice falsely bright. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a nervous habit.

"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting. I just had a little trouble finding my keys." The lie tasted bitter on her tongue.

Liam studied her face for a moment, his blue eyes searching hers. His brow furrowed with concern. "Are you sure? You look upset." He reached out tentatively, his fingertips grazing her arm in a comforting gesture.

Y/n hesitated, chewing on her lower lip as she debated whether to tell him the truth. She had only matched with Liam a while ago, and the last thing she wanted was to burden him with her problems.

But there was something about his gentle, caring demeanor that made her feel safe and understood. She met his gaze, seeing only kindness and warmth reflected back at her.

"It's nothing," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. She averted her gaze, focusing on a crack in the sidewalk. "Me and my roommate just had a disagreement. Happens all the time." The words felt flimsy, a poor attempt to downplay the depth of her pain.

Liam's expression softened, and he reached out to take her hand in his. His touch was warm and comforting, a stark contrast to the icy cold that surrounded them.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I hope tonight makes you feel better." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, his thumb brushing over her knuckles in a soothing gesture.

Y/N nodded, blinking back fresh tears. She drew in a shaky breath, trying to compose herself. "I'm sure it will Liam." She managed a small, grateful smile, hoping it reached her eyes.

The man smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he held out his hand to her. "No worries," he said, his voice warm and reassuring.

"I'm just glad you're here. I've been looking forward to this all week." His excitement was palpable, his eyes sparkling with anticipation.

Y/N felt a flicker of warmth in her chest at his words, a tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, this night wouldn't be a complete disaster.

She hesitated for a brief moment before placing her hand in his, letting him help her into the car, the leather seats cool and smooth against her bare legs. The simple chivalrous gesture made her feel cared for, a welcome change from the emptiness that had consumed her.

As they climbed into the warmth of the Mercedes, Y/N felt a flicker of something she hadn't felt in a long time: hope. Maybe, just maybe, Liam could help her forget about Jack, even for a little while.

She glanced over at him as he settled into the driver's seat, admiring the strong line of his jaw and the way his hands gripped the steering wheel with easy confidence.

they drove away from the curb, Y/N leaned her head back against the headrest, her eyes drifting closed as she tried to block out the memory of Jack's words, the look of pity and regret on his face as he shattered her heart into a million tiny pieces. She forced herself to take deep, even breaths, focusing on the present moment and the possibility of a fresh start.

.…

Jacks POV

Jack stormed back into the apartment, slamming the door behind him with a force that rattled the walls. His heart heart throbbed violently, a nauseating mixture of anger, jealousy, and regret churning in his stomach as he replayed the conversation with Y/N over and over again in his mind.

He paced the length of the living room, his hands clenched into fists at his sides as he tried to calm the rage that threatened to consume him. The apartment felt too small, too cramped, the walls closing in on him as he struggled to breathe past the lump in his throat.

Everywhere he looked, he saw reminders of Y/N - the soft grey blanket she always curled up with on movie nights, the stack of her favorite books on the coffee table, the framed picture of the two of them at graduation, their arms around each other and their smiles wide and carefree.

He picked up the picture and stared at it for a long moment, his heart aching. He couldn't believe that everything was over. They had been together for so long, he couldn't imagine his life without her. He threw the picture across the room, where it shattered against the wall.

He sank down on the couch, his head in his hands.

With a growl of frustration, Jack snatched up his phone, his fingers shaking as he opened the tracking app and searched for Y/N's location. He knew it was wrong, knew that he had no right to invade her privacy like this, but he couldn't help himself. He needed to know where she was, needed to know that she was safe.

The app showed her moving through the city, the little red dot that represented her weaving through the streets at a steady pace. Jack watched it for a long moment, his heart clenching with every passing second, before he finally tore his eyes away, disgusted with himself.

He stalked into the kitchen, his mind racing as he tried to think of something, anything, to distract himself from the pain that threatened to tear him apart.

His eyes fell on the recipe box that Y/N had brought with her when she moved in, the faded index cards inside filled with her grandmother's handwriting and the smells of childhood memories.

Before he knew what he was doing, Jack pulled the box open and flipped through the cards, his fingers tracing the loops and whorls of each letter.

He stopped at a card that had 'Grandma's Best Chocolate Chip Cookies' written in large, loopy letters. It was Y/N's favorite recipe, the one she always used to make when she was feeling down or just wanted to fill the house with the scent of home.

Jack was pulling out ingredients, his hands moving on autopilot as he measured and mixed and stirred, his movements slow and deliberate. He measured the flour and sugar, added the butter and eggs, and then stirred in the chocolate chips.

The smell of vanilla and cinnamon filled the air, the warm, comforting scent of Y/N's favorite cookies wrapping around him like a hug.

Jack took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. He could do this. He could make these cookies, and maybe, just maybe, it would help him to feel a little bit closer to Y/N.

But even as he worked, his mind wouldn't let him rest. He kept seeing the look on Y/N's face as he told her he didn't feel the same way, the way her eyes had filled with tears and her lips had trembled with the effort of holding back a sob.

He kept hearing the sound of her heels clicking on the floor as she walked away from him, the finality of it like a knife to the heart.

The cookies came out of the oven, golden brown and perfect, but Jack barely noticed. He was too busy pacing the length of the kitchen, his phone clutched in his hand as he checked Y/N's location over and over again, watching as the little red dot moved further and further away from him.

The hours ticked by, the night deepening outside the windows as Jack lost himself in his thoughts. The apartment was a mess, the kitchen counter covered in flour and sugar and dirty mixing bowls, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

All he could think about was Y/N, and the way he had ruined everything with his cowardice and his fear.

Finally, as the first rays of dawn began to peek through the curtains, Jack collapsed onto the couch, his body exhausted and his heart heavy with the weight of his mistakes.

He closed his eyes, the image of Y/N's tear-stained face burned into his mind like a brand, a reminder of everything he had lost and everything he had thrown away.

Jack knew that he had no one to blame but himself, knew that he had let his own insecurities and doubts get in the way of something that could have been beautiful.

And now, as he lay there in the silence of the empty apartment, the smell of vanilla and cinnamon still lingering in the air, he couldn't help but wonder if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life.

…

Jack stood at the edge of the rink, his eyes glued to his phone as he refreshed Y/N's location for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

Three days had passed since their argument, three days since she had walked out of the apartment and out of his life, and he still hadn't heard a word from her.

He had texted her countless times, his messages ranging from frantic apologies to desperate pleas for her to come home. But every time, he was met with silence, the little blue checkmarks next to his messages taunting him with their unresponsiveness.

The sound of skates scraping against the ice jolted him out of his thoughts, and he looked up to see Nico gliding towards him, a concerned expression on his face. Jack quickly shoved his phone into his pocket, hoping that his teammate hadn't noticed the way his hands were shaking.

"What's wrong with you, Jack?" Nico asked, his thick Swiss accent making the words sound even more blunt than they already were. "Did you break up with your girlfriend again?"

Jack flinched at the question, his heart clenching painfully in his chest. If only it were that simple, he thought bitterly. If only he had a girlfriend to break up with, instead of a best friend he had driven away with his own stupidity and cowardice.

"No," he said, his voice rough and hoarse from lack of sleep. "It's not that. It's... it's Y/N."

Nico's eyebrows shot up in surprise, his eyes widening as he took in the dark circles beneath Jack's eyes and the gauntness of his cheeks. "Y/N?" he repeated, his voice laced with confusion. "What happened with Y/N?"

Jack sighed, his shoulders slumping as he ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't told anyone about the argument, hadn't wanted to admit to the world how badly he had screwed things up.

But standing there on the ice, with Nico looking at him with such concern and understanding, he felt the words spilling out of him before he could stop them.

"I messed up," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I told her I didn't feel the same way about her, and now she's gone. She hasn't come home in three days, and she won't answer any of my texts or calls. I don't know what to do."

“You idiot,” he said, but his voice lacked any real malice. “Why would you say something like that to her? You know how much she cares about you.”

“I know,” Jack said miserably. “I just... I panicked. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to hurt her. But I guess I did anyway.”

Nico was silent for a moment, his eyes searching Jack's face as if he were trying to read the truth behind his words. Finally, he spoke, his voice gentle but firm.

"Jack," he said, his hand coming up to rest on his teammate's shoulder. "I know you care about Y/N, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to give her space, need to let her come to you when she's ready."

Jack shook his head, his eyes stinging with the threat of tears. "I can't," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "I can't lose her, Nico. She's my best friend, the most important person in my life. I don't know how to be without her."

Nico sighed, his eyes softening with sympathy. "I know," he said, his voice almost tender. "But you can't force her to forgive you, Jack. You have to let her come to that decision on her own. And in the meantime, you need to focus on taking care of yourself. You're no good to anyone if you're running yourself into the ground like this."

Jack knew that Nico was right, knew that he couldn't keep going on like this. But the thought of letting go, of giving up on the one person who meant everything to him, made his chest ache with a pain that felt almost physical.

"I don't know if I can do that," he said, his voice barely audible over the sound of his own heartbeat. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."

Nico smiled, his hand squeezing Jack's shoulder in a gesture of comfort and support. "You are," he said, his voice filled with quiet confidence.

"You're one of the strongest people I know, Jack. And you're not alone in this. Your team is here for you, and we'll support you every step of the way."

Jack felt a rush of gratitude at his teammate's words, a tiny flicker of hope sparking to life in his chest. He knew that the road ahead would be long and difficult, that there would be days when the pain would feel like too much to bear.

But with his friends by his side, and the memory of Y/N's smile to guide him, he knew that he could find his way back to the light, no matter how dark the path might seem.

"Thanks, Nico," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Nico grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Probably drive yourself crazy," he said, his tone teasing. "But that's what friends are for, right?"

Jack laughed, the sound weak and watery, but genuine, nonetheless. And as he stepped back onto the ice, his skates cutting through the smooth surface with a newfound sense of purpose.

…

y/n’s POV

Y/N sat on Liam's couch, her phone clutched in her hand as she scrolled mindlessly through her social media feeds. The apartment was quiet, the only sound the distant hum of the shower running in the bathroom. She tried to focus on the pictures and posts flashing across her screen, but her mind kept drifting back to the one person she was trying so hard to forget.

Jack.

The name echoed in her mind like a heartbeat, a constant reminder of the pain and heartbreak she had left behind. It had been three days since she had walked out of their apartment, three days since she had last seen his face or heard his voice.

And yet, he was still there, lurking in the corners of her mind like a ghost she couldn't shake.

She knew that she was just using Liam as a distraction, a way to numb the ache in her chest and forget about the hole in her heart. But he was a good one, always there with a smile and a joke whenever she needed it most.

Whenever she found herself slipping back into thoughts of Jack, Liam would appear at her side, his presence a comforting reminder that she wasn't alone.

Y/N sighed, her fingers hovering over her phone screen as she debated whether to check Jack's social media. She knew it was a bad idea, knew that seeing his face would only make the pain worse. But a part of her couldn't help but wonder what he was doing, couldn't help but hope that maybe, just maybe, he was thinking of her too.

Before she could give in to the temptation, the sound of Liam's voice broke through her thoughts.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower, Y/N," he called out, his footsteps echoing down the hallway as he grabbed some clothes from his bedroom.

Y/N looked up from her phone, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Okay, don't take too long," she called back, her voice light and teasing.

She heard the bathroom door click shut, and then the sound of the shower turning on, the water pattering against the tiles in a steady rhythm. Y/N leaned back against the couch cushions, her eyes drifting closed as she tried to push away the thoughts of Jack that still lingered in her mind.

But even as she sat there, surrounded by the warmth and comfort of Liam's apartment, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. The ache in her chest was still there, a constant reminder of the love she had lost and the friendship she had left behind.

Jack's absence left a void that no amount of distraction could fill, and Y/n was beginning to realize that she needed to confront her feelings head-on. The sound of running water filled the room, Y/n closed her eyes, steeling herself for the inevitable confrontation with her emotions.

Her phone pinging broke the silence of his living room. "can’t wait to see you! mom and I gonna pick you up from the airport." The text from Luke read.

Y/N's heart sank as she read the text message, the words on the screen a stark reminder of the life she had left behind. In the whirlwind of emotions and distractions of the past few days, she had completely forgotten about their planned weekend trip back to Michigan.

She cursed under her breath, her mind already racing with the logistics of packing and getting to the airport on time. A glance at the clock on the wall told her it was already 10:30, and she knew that Jack would likely be home by now, probably wondering where she was and why she hadn't come back.

With a sigh, Y/N threw her phone into her purse and made her way over to the bathroom door. She hesitated for a moment, her hand hovering over the wood as she debated what to say. Finally, she knocked softly, her voice barely audible over the sound of the running water.

"Hey Liam," she called out, her tone apologetic. "I totally forgot I have a weekend trip to pack for. I need to head out."

There was a pause, and then the sound of the shower curtain being pulled back. Liam peeked his head out, his hair damp and his skin glistening with water droplets. He had a small smile on his lips, but Y/N could see the disappointment lurking in his eyes.

"Oh, okay," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "Do you need a ride? I can take you."

Y/N hesitated, the offer tempting in its simplicity. It would be so easy to let Liam drive her home, to put off the inevitable confrontation with Jack for just a little while longer.

But she knew that she couldn't keep running forever, knew that eventually, she would have to face the music and deal with the consequences of her actions.

"No, that's okay," she said, her voice soft but firm. "I can take a cab. I don't want to put you out."

Liam shook his head, his smile widening. "Don't be silly," he said, his tone light and teasing. "I was just getting out anyway. Let me drive you back home."

Y/N felt a rush of gratitude at his words, a warmth spreading through her chest at the kindness and generosity of his offer. She knew that she was lucky to have him in her life, knew that he would always be there for her, no matter what the future might hold.

"Okay," she said, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Thank you, Liam. I really appreciate it."

Liam grinned, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Anything for you, Y/N," he said, his voice filled with a fondness that made her heart ache. "Just give me a minute to get dressed, and we'll be on our way."

Y/N nodded, her throat tight with emotion as she watched him disappear back into the bathroom. She knew that the road ahead would be long and difficult, that there would be moments of doubt and uncertainty.

And as she stood there, waiting for Liam to emerge from the bathroom, she couldn't help but feel a flicker of hope igniting in her chest.

Maybe, just maybe, the journey ahead would lead her back to the place she had always called home, back to the love that had always been waiting for her, just out of reach.

…

The hallway was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the soft glow of the emergency exit sign at the end of the corridor. Her footsteps echoed on the hardwood floor, each step bringing her closer to the door of the apartment she shared with Jack.

Y/N's heart raced as she stepped out of the elevator, the familiar scent of home filling her nostrils.

Liam followed close behind her, his presence a comforting warmth at her back. Y/N could feel the heat of his body radiating through the thin fabric of her shirt, and for a moment, she allowed herself to lean into him, to draw strength from his solid, steady presence.

But just as they were about to reach the door, Liam's hand shot out, his fingers wrapping around Y/N's wrist and pulling her back towards him. She let out a gasp of surprise, her heart leaping into her throat as she spun around to face him.

In the dim light of the hallway, Liam's face was shadowed, his features obscured by the darkness. But Y/N could still see the glint of his eyes, the curve of his lips as he smiled down at her. His breath ghosted across her cheek, warm and slightly sweet, like he had just taken a sip of hot cocoa.

Y/N's heart raced as Liam pulled her closer, his arm wrapping around her waist like a coil of heat. The hallway was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the soft glow of the elevator buttons behind them.

The air was thick with the scent of stale cigarette smoke and the faint aroma of cleaning products, a sharp contrast to the warm, spicy scent of Liam's cologne.

His face was mere inches from hers, his eyes dark and intense in the dim light. Y/N's heart pounded in her chest, the sound so loud that she was sure he could hear it too.

"I had a great few days with you," Liam murmured, his voice low and husky. His fingers trailed up her spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Y/N shivered, her skin tingling with a mixture of anticipation and nerves.

She knew that she should pull away, knew that this was a dangerous game to play. But there was something about the way Liam looked at her, something about the heat in his gaze and the strength of his touch, that made her feel alive in a way she hadn't felt in a long time.

The world around them seemed to fade away, the sound of the elevator and the hum of the fluorescent lights receding into the background.

All Y/N could focus on was the warmth of Liam's body against hers, the way his fingers tangled in her hair and his breath mingled with her own.

She didn't hear the soft ding of the elevator arriving on their floor, didn't hear the sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway. All she could hear was the pounding of her own heart, the rush of blood in her ears as Liam leaned in closer, his lips hovering just above her own.

Her head was spinning, her heart pounding with a mixture of anger, frustration, and desperation. It was time to stop chasing after a dream that would never come true, time to stop pining for a man who would never see her as anything more than a friend.

And in that moment, something inside her snapped. Before she could think twice, Y/N reached up and grabbed Liam's face, pulling him down to her level and crashing her lips against his.

The kiss was hot and hungry, filled with all the pent-up frustration and longing that had been building inside her for so long. Y/N poured everything she had into that kiss, every ounce of emotion and desire and desperate hope that maybe, just maybe, she could find with Liam what she had always wanted with Jack.

But even as Liam's arms wrapped around her waist, even as his tongue tangled with hers and his hands roamed over her body, Y/N knew that it wasn't enough.

The spark that she felt with Jack, the electricity that crackled between them every time they touched, was conspicuously absent.

Kissing Liam was nice, but it didn't set her soul on fire the way Jack's mere presence did.

Finally, Y/N pulled back, her chest heaving and her lips swollen. She looked up at Liam, her eyes searching his face for some sign of the connection she so desperately craved.

But all she saw was a man who cared for her, who wanted to be there for her, but who could never make her feel the way Jack did.

"I'll see you when I get back, Liam," she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "Three days. And I’ll come home."

Liam's face softened, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks. "Okay, Y/N," he murmured, his voice gentle and understanding. "Don’t forget about me." And so, with a final, shuddering breath, Y/N pulled back from Liam's embrace, her eyes shining with a new determination.

"Y/N?"

Y/N's shoulders tensed, her heart leaping into her throat as she spun around to face the source of the sound. And there, standing at the end of the hallway, his face a mask of shock and hurt, was Jack.

The sight of him hit her like a punch to the gut, the air rushing out of her lungs in a sharp gasp. He looked tired and worn, his hair disheveled and his eyes rimmed with red.

Even in the dim light of the hallway, she could see the pain etched into every line of his face, the betrayal and confusion swirling in his gaze.

"Jack," she breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

But even as the words left her lips, she knew they were a mistake. She could see the anger flashing in Jack's eyes, the way his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

In that moment, she knew that whatever fragile peace they had managed to maintain over the past few days was about to come crashing down around them.

The hallway suddenly felt too small, the walls closing in on her like a vice. The scent of cigarette smoke and cleaning products was overwhelming, making her head spin and her stomach churn. And still, Jack stood there, his gaze boring into hers like a laser, his presence a physical force that she could feel in every cell of her body.

Y/N opened her mouth to speak, to try to explain or apologize or beg for forgiveness. But before she could get a word out she thought back to their fight. The things jack had said to her in this same cover of darkness.

Jack brushed past, his steps leading him into the apartment, the door slamming shut behind him with a resounding thud. Y/N felt like she had been punched in the gut, the air rushing out of her lungs in a sharp gasp.

…

Tag List <3

@favsrachz @jacktoria4ever @bunbunbl0gs @ivy-34 @rebelatbay

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imperatorrrrr · 2 months

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The Sopranos X New Jersey Devils

#Nico Hischier #Luke Hughes #Jack Hughes #Jesper Bratt #Timo Meier #Alexander Holtz #Dawson Mercer #Erik Haula #New Jersey Devils #Devils #Stadium Series #NJD #NJ Devils

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toffoliravioli · 3 months

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the saviors of my sanity

#new jersey devils #timo meier #jesper bratt #nico hischier #stadium series 2024

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firechilde · 3 months

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https://x.com/johnsmarino_/status/1758877844275343644?s=12

Get the man his stick!

#john marino #jack hughes #luke hughes #nico hischier #timo meier #nate bastian #nj devils #stadium series

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chippergoose · 2 months

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#timo meier #new jersey devils #nj devils #njd #nhl #nhl hockey #nhl players #stadium series

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cixrosie · 3 months

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ME @ NICO TIMO JESPER DAWSON JOHN AND BRENDAN

IM GOING FERAL

#nhl #hockey #autumn talks hockey 🏒#new jersey devils #stadium series #nico hischier #nh13 #timo meier #tm28 #jesper bratt #jb63 #dawson mercer #dm91 #john marino #jm6 #brendan smith #bs2

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oeldeservesthenorris · 4 months

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These!! Jerseys!!!!!

#nhl #nhl hockey #nhl players #jack hughes #jesper bratt #timo meier #nj devils #newjerseydevils #stadium series #nhl2023 2024

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leaentries · 11 months

Note

Which players do you think irl would date a chubby girl?

sooo many! i feel like it’s not talked about enough! i do have a lil thing going on called the “chubby girl love club” and while i don’t have a masterlist currently, i’ll most likely create one soon. it will have all my thoughts, fics, etc about this topic! but for now, the ones i have currently talked about are, luke hughes, quinn hughes, nico hischier, john marino, etc.

some new guys to add to the list are:

jack hughes

adam fantilli

dylan duke

timo meier

ethan edwards

and more to come! i’ll start a series soon going through each player and doing headcanons for them!

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devilsupdates · 2 months

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Third period

Pens Vs Devils

My moms word of the period is hell yeah

Drew O'Connor off for a trip.

#NJDevils power play on deck.

Hatakka draws a tripping penalty on Drew O'Connor, #NJDevils get their second PP and start with the second unit

Holtz.

3-1 #NJDevils

Great positioning by Holtz net front and he cashes in his 15th goal of the year with a flip over Jarry's pad 3-1

Mercer x2.

4-1 #NJDevils

Mercer wins the race to the puck below the goal line, swings it to Palat who one touches to Nosek back to Mercer who slams home his 19th of the season, giving the #NJDevils a three goal lead with just over 10 min left

Maybe the #NJDevils need to keep wearing the Stadium Series jerseys

#NJDevils to the PK.

Luke to the box for interference.

It was 16 seconds in-between the Holtz and Mercer goal.

That's the fastest two goals scored for #NJDevils this season.

Luke Hughes exits the box and draws a penalty.

#NJDevils to the PP.

Meier, again.

5-1 #NJDevils

TImo with his 2nd PPG and 21st goal of the season, one away from the team lead. #NJDevils 5-1

Rust scores.

5-2 #NJDevils

We could possible get a Mercer or a Meier hatty tonight

THE DEVILS WIN!!!!!!! 5-2!!!!!!!

#new jersey devils #nico hischier #hockey imagine #jack hughes #luke hughes #hockey #timo meier #john marino

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ladylooch · 1 year

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Loving & Leaving- Part 4

Visit the series page here.

A/N: Now, we are seeing a shift for our little “non- lovers”. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that 😘 Thank you so much for your love and support on this one. It’s been dreamy and exciting!

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Swearing, lots of vomit talk, pregnancy, angst.

The month of December is hell on earth for event planners. Between your own personal celebrations leading up to the holidays and your client's, you never have a moment to yourself. I’ve seen the inside of my house for a maximum of two hours since I returned back from America. The other times I’ve been there its falling into a pile of exhaustion on my bed before my alarm goes off to do it all over again. My work weeks have transitioned into 70+ hours. At least I know there is light at the end of this tunnel when I return to New Jersey with my parents on Tuesday.

Then, I’ll be able to spend time with them and… hopefully Timo, depending on if I can slip away or not. Communication between the two of us has been limited the last two weeks. I’ve responded to his texts and we have shared a few brief phone calls. At least he’s understanding and supportive. It helps that his season is ramping up and requires a majority of his focus.

We send pictures and TikTok’s, but I haven’t responded to those in five days. I’ve missed every one of his FaceTime calls this week too. Despite my admitted history, I am honestly not avoiding him. The grind of the holiday season is simply catching up with me. I find myself falling asleep the moment I sit down on my couch with a glass of wine. When I’m awake, I feel so overwhelmed that even keeping up with my friends and family here is disappearing from my never ending list. I’m overwhelmed, nearing burn out and honestly, sick. So sick. The last three days, my body has seemingly rejecting all this stress with a nausea I can’t seem to shake.

Which brings me to where I am now, puking, knees quivering on the tiled bathroom floor of an event center for the third time in three days. It’s my last event before Christmas and I’ve spent more time in the bathroom tonight than anywhere else. This is a different kind of sick. It feels like my body is purging everything I put into it before I can get any sort of benefit from it. All I ate was a piece of bread, fast, while rushing back from a dessert emergency in the kitchen. I barely got the last bite down before I was sprinting back to the bathroom.

“What is wrong with me?” I moan, laying the side of my head against the stall. I move to wipe the back of my hand across my mouth. I rest my forearm into my breast and groan at the tenderness. Awareness begins to seep into my thoughts. “No. This is not happening.” I whisper to the empty bathroom.

The door swings open and I grimace, not wanting to have any of the guests of my high-end client hear me. I thought I would have some time alone with the speaking part of the program under way.

“Em, are you okay?” Rhea, my assistant and long-time friend, asks.

“Um.” I pause, pressing the back of my hand furthering into my wet lips. My stomach lurches and I vomit again. I can hear Rhea sigh outside of the stall.

“This isn’t like you.” She says what we are both thinking. I’m rarely sick. This is new. “I’ll be back.” She calls before leaving the bathroom. I sit on my knees, eyes screwed shut, spitting into the toilet. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, seeing Timo’s FaceTime call. I can’t answer that right now. Not when I think… I won’t let myself even finish the thought.

Rhea returns, kicking a pink, pregnancy test box under the stall. The woman on the front grins joyfully. I can’t say I feel the same. I consider denying that I need one of these, but Rhea and I spoke this morning about how weird my cycle has been. I had my period a few weeks ago, but it was almost non-existent. I chalked it up to stress, except… now I’m sick.

“How do you just have one of these?” I mumble, hating that we are both on the same page.

“At some point, these things are like strips of gum in your purse.”

We fall quiet.

“This is a low moment for me.” I mutter, ripping the box open. “Taking a… test at a client event is so embarrassing.” I work my way to sitting on the toilet.

“You need to be able to eliminate this.” She responds, leaning against the bathroom door. I scowl, hearing my phone vibrate against the toilet paper dispenser. I know that’s him again. So does Rhea. He has the same routine. Calls three times and leaves a message on the third. “Interesting timing. At least you'll know who’s baby it is.” I glare at the stall door as I snap the cap of the test back on.

“Can I have a minute here?” Guilt squeezes my throat at how unfriendly my tone sounds. My whole world seems up in the air right now and I just need her to stop talking.

But the absence of Rhea’s voice makes my phone vibrating louder until it feels like it’s rattling between my ears. A ping echos in the bathroom signaling a voicemail. I grab my phone, listening to his message.

“Hey Em… uh, it’s me again. Look, I know you’re busy but I’m going to be honest this feels like you’re kinda ignoring me. Did I do something? Or… *heavy sigh* I don’t know. Can you just call me? I miss you. We play tonight, but call me.. I’ll pick up. Just… I want to know you’re okay. Bye.”

My bottom lip trembles at the sound of his voice. No. I am not okay, sitting on the floor of this bathroom, trying not to puke again at the reality of the test in my hand. Worried tears build as I sense the two minutes pass. I know the test is ready, can feel it in my shaking hands and the passing of another song from the band beyond this room.

I move my fingers and die at the distinct plus sign that greets me.

“Fuck.” I cry, throwing the test down on the floor. It bounces underneath to the next stall. My abdomen shakes with sobs and terror as I clasp my hand over my mouth. “Fuck.” I say into my palm again, quieter, listening to the classical strings float into the bathroom from the event space. The soft music is an ironic soundtrack to my whole world crashing down on top of me. I look up at the ceiling, tears crawling from the corners of my eyes. They drip into my ears as I shake against the cold floor.

What am I going to do?

How am I going to tell Timo?

A few days later, after arriving in New Jersey for Christmas, I’ve come to the, admittedly, irrational decision that maybe I just won’t. It’s been an exhausting few days that’s accompanied more nausea and tons of smell aversions. One of them is eggs which Nico is innocently frying up for breakfast.

“You want some?” He asks me as he cracks three eggs for himself.

“No.” I can barely respond without gagging.

Our parents went off on their own for a walk around the city and to grab a cup of their favorite coffee. Usually, I would join them, but my stomach has been so touch and go this morning that I didn’t think I could. Nico continues to move the eggs around and they get more fragrant. I try to switch breathing through my mouth, but the smell seems to coat my tongue. My stomach squeezes and I rush from the kitchen with my hand clasped over my mouth. Nico watches my back with confusion. I return to the kitchen wordlessly when I am done, grabbing a glass of water. Nico stares, eyebrows cocked in question.

“Not sure that motion sickness lasts for days, Em. Maybe you need to see a doctor. I can ask one of the team doctors if they can come over?” I’ve already seen a doctor to confirm my pregnancy. And the thought of getting a team official involved has my throat tightening. I come back to the counter, slowly sitting down and rubbing at the tense muscles in my neck. My gaze drifts to the dining room table, grimacing at the reminder it’s one of the places we could have conceived this baby.

I was so stupid to start us down this road. Yes, I’m on the pill. Yes, I take it regularly. No, I have no idea how this happened. When I brought it up to my doctor, she shrugged, saying no birth control options are completely guaranteed. Then she handed me the sonogram I didn’t ask for, that’s now tucked in my suitcase, buried beneath all my clothes.

I watch Nico scrape his eggs onto a plate, then sprinkle more salt and pepper onto the fluffy peaks. He’s right here in front of me, but it feels like we are a thousands of miles apart. Loneliness grips my heart, making my eyes wet as Nico comes to sit by me. The heaviness of being the only person who knows weighs on me. But, here, in his kitchen, I can feel my little brother’s safety being stable enough to take some of that weight from me. I’m going to tell him, I decide as he shuffles his eggs around, spearing a few onto his fork.

“It’s not motion sickness. I’m pregnant.” I tell Nico, who pauses with his eggs at his open mouth. The egg flies off when he exhales sharply. I bite my tongue against the vomit pressing into my esophagus.

“What?”

“And it’s Timo’s.” I didn’t intend to tell him, but it flew out before I could stop it.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.” Surprise absorbs my face now. “I know you two fuck around.” He motions at me with his fork. “Have for years. You two are awful at hiding your obsession with each other.” My mouth is slightly slack as he stabs the egg back on his fork. He stuffs it into his mouth and continues while he chews. “Never understood why you wouldn’t go all in.”

“Because I have a life in Switzerland.”

“Yeah, that’s gone now.” He swipes the air in front of me with his fork again, gesturing to the pregnancy. I narrow my eyes at his bluntness and obvious lack of empathy. “What did Timo say when you told him?” I am silent. He brings his brown eyes back to mine, squinting. “You did tell him, right?” More silence “Emma.” He snaps.

“I just found out.” I defend myself. “Not that I really owe you an explanation.”

“Get dressed.” Nico says, pointing down the hall to my room. “You’re going to tell him now.”

“No, I am not.”

“Yes, you are. It should have been your first stop when you got here.”

“I can’t just show up at his-”

“Are you keeping his baby?” He cuts me off. A heavy inhale pulls my lips apart.

“Yes.” I say without question. It never crossed my mind to not go through with this.

“Then get downstairs.” His voice is final, like there is no reason to continue to argue further with him.

“When did you stop being my protector?” I grumble while rising to leave the counter.

“Who says I stopped?” His stare is pointed. “Go.” His tone has softened at the obvious tears in my eyes. “I wouldn’t send you if I didn’t think it would be okay.”

I try to remember those words as I stare at Timo’s apartment door seven minutes later. I thought about texting him, but then there would be so much small talk and I can’t do that right now. I contemplate bailing, but my brother comes to mind, knowing he’s going to expect a report from the conversation when I return.

“Damn you, Nico.” I mutter as I raise my hand to knock.

I wait for a minute, maybe two, gripping the sleeves of my sweatshirt in my hands. No sound comes from the other side of the door. I think I might get off easy. I even turn to head back towards the elevator. Then the sound of the lock flipping halts me. My stomach drops out of my body, hitting the floor and flopping around in unease.

“Hey.” Timo is breathless as he opens the door. He is wearing a pair of jeans, waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear taut against his abdomen. He stands shirtless in the entry way, rubbing a towel over his hair. The brown strands flop against his forehead as he looks expectantly at me. He looks so sexy, warm and welcoming, with a gentle familiarity. “Didn’t realize you were in Jersey.” He becomes obviously tiffed, understandable since I dropped off the face of the planet… again.

“Yeah.” My voice is breaking, so I clear my throat. “I’ve been here for a couple of days.” I say, fingers twisting the cotton tighter in my palms.

“Ah.” His voice goes flat and he looks away in annoyance. “So we are back to you ignoring me?” I shake my head, dropping my eyes to the floor. I feel queasy and start shaking. I hope he can’t tell.

“Can I come in?” He pauses, dropping the towel down to his side, like he might not let me. But him and I both know that’s now how it goes with us. The smell of his cologne is strong with my heightened senses and I cough in discomfort as I walk past him.

“I’m going to get a shirt.” He disappears down the hall, coming back in a black t-shirt that hugs his body. He runs his fingers through his wet hair while looking at me. “I don’t have long. I’m… meeting a friend.” I stare at him, wondering if it’s a friend of the female variety. I really don’t have a right to ask, so I don’t. My gaze drops to the couch. “It’s just Kevin, Em. The Kings are playing the Islanders.” He crosses his arms and leans back against the island of his kitchen well across the room from me. His biceps bulge against the fabric as he studies me. “You don’t look like you came here for small talk. What’s up?”

“I’m pregnant.” It’s abrupt. I know. Almost too fast for him to catch in real time, but I can’t hold it in anymore. The words are too full and tumble from my mouth in a rush. My heart shutters with each anxious beat. I bravely lift my eyes back to him.

Timo seemingly glitches. He is confused, not quite understanding, like he wants to ask me to repeat what I said. Then, I watch as the registration gradually fills his body. He begins to stand taller, eyebrows dashing up his forehead. When it clicks, his blue eyes widen in alarm.

“Mine?” He asks quietly. I try not to flinch at the question, realizing he will, logically, want a paternity test. He has assets and money and a career to protect. Funny, I thought being pregnant without a boyfriend was the most shameful thing I’ve done in my life. I think that experience is going to top it. Eventually, I nod in response as tears fill my eyes. He pushes out a loaded breath that fills my chest with discomfort. I look briefly back to his face, seeing a million emotions dash across his features, none of them actually registering.

I can’t watch him process anymore. I begin to soothe myself with internal thoughts. It doesn’t really matter what he wants from this. I’ve already made my decision. I’m only here because Nico forced me. I cross my arms over my tender chest, walking towards the windows to see the city skyline. Tears distort the buildings together. I’m collapsing under so many different emotions. It’s like I’m seeing that plus sign all over again.

A drop slides from my left eye, gradually dragging down my cheek. I reach my hand up, flicking it away. My teeth dig into my trembling lip as I sniffle. Timo’s hand comes along my upper back, wrapping around my neck and gliding me into his body. His other hand wraps around my waist as he buries his face into my cheek. I enclose my arms around him, shoving my face into his chest and releasing my suffocating sobs into his shirt.

“I’m freaking out.” I squeak.

“I know. It’s going to be okay.” Even as his voice shakes, he is so, so gentle with me. His hands press me into his body like he wants to absorb and shield me. “What do you want to do?” He whispers into my hair. “It’s your choice.”

“I’m gonna do this… I’m keeping the baby. ” I tell him. I can feel his body deflate beneath me. For a moment, I don’t know why, but then he presses his face deeper into my hair, kissing my scalp with feathery kisses meant to soothe.

“Okay. I’m happy to hear that.”

I nod, glad that he isn’t pressuring me any which way. I don’t think I could handle his anger with me for wanting to see this through.

“Em, I’m here. You don’t have to do this alone.” I begin to tremble in his arms. He’s not even questioning further about this being ours. “Does Nico know?”

“Yeah. About everything. He is why I am here.”

“You weren’t going to tell me?” He stiffens, pain deepens his voice which makes me feel like shit.

“I.. well yeah, but maybe when we ran into each other in July and I was 9 months pregnant.” I pull back, tilting my chin to see his face. It’s calm and measured, which helps soothe some of the turmoil in me. He reaches up for my cheeks, stroking his thumbs to collect my tears.

“July?”

“Yeah, I confirmed everything at the doctor on Monday. I’m due July 26th.”

“Off-season.” He murmurs with appreciation. “Most NHL couples plan for years to get a July birthday.” I look away with a scrunched nose at the word couple, causing a heavy sigh to drop his shoulders. “Can we agree right now that you’re going to stop fighting the way you feel about us? Please. For our kid?” He says it so casually, like he’s used to and accepted the idea of our kid. My heart grows in my chest for him.

“Becoming a mom isn’t the only thing I’m terrified of.” I confess.

“Baby, I’ve promised you since day one that I would take care of you. I’m not going to let anything hurt you, including me.” He is so sure as he speaks to me. I drop my forehead back to his chest.

“Do you really want this?” I whisper to him, even as he wraps me tighter into his arms, tears dashing down my cheeks again. “You don’t have to do this.” I pull back, reaching up to hold his face in my hands. My thumbs rippling his skin with their pressure.

“You’re all I’ve wanted for years.” He presses our lips together. I cry into his mouth, feeling overwhelmed with everything that has and will happen between us. I feel like I don’t deserve this. Not his sweetness or his understanding at our situation.

“I’m sorry.” I bubble out between sobs. He runs his hand up my back to my head, encouraging my forehead to rest against his shoulder as he rocks us gently. There’s a whole laundry list I could apologize for, but I start with the big one. “I shouldn’t have taken the condom away from you. This is all my fault.”

“Weird, I thought I was the one who came inside of you… three times.” He chuckles at the memory.

“I encouraged it.”

“We both did.” He takes his share of the blame easily from me.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I need him to know that.

“I know, Emma. You’ve been trying to get out of loving me for years. You would never do this on purpose.” I stare at him with blurred vision, blinking so the tears fall down my cheeks. Now I can see him clearly, looking at me like he might finally get the chance to love me for the rest of our lives. I swallow hard, then let myself surrender to him for good.

“I’ve loved you for a really long time, T.” I hum, eyes brightening in earnest with my confession.

He smiles because unlike me, he already knew that.

#TM: Loving & Leaving #Timo Meier #Timo Meier smut #Timo Meier series #New Jersey devils #my writing #hockey fan fiction #hockey writing #NHL writing

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