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#Theyre nice low effort drawings
courfee · 5 months
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Here is moonwater as kiss 2 from this prompt for the people that requested it :)
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stiffyck · 3 months
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(crying anon again)
im glad u think its funny! THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE OFFER! u dont have to of course but i would love a silly drawing of scar with jellie (that way they can travel together, rest in peace queen)
ooh it would be so nice if scar had a slovácký kroj on (any region would do tbh, theyre all so pretty!!), but thats a bonus lol, i will be overjoyed over a low effort stick figure!
-crying anon
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HES READY TO GO AROUND EUROPE!
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radiandromeda · 1 year
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althea what ARE your hobbies and interests that you don't hide from everyone
ALTHEA: (‹|3 OMG YUO AGAIN HI ≈:D)
[His voice is moderately muffled.]
ALTHEA: (‹|3 ONE SEC!!!)
[For several seconds, some kind of audible physical efforts are made. There is a horrible suction noise, like something being rapidly displaced from within deep mud, followed by a series of gloopy-sounding blows connecting with a rubbery surface. Whatever recording equipment may be in use only partially registers the low, reverberant tone that responds; somewhere between a groan and a rattle.]
ALTHEA: ‹|3 THERE we go!!!!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Phew!!!
[Momentarily, Althea’s voice goes quiet again, like he’s far away from the mic.]
ALTHEA: ‹|3 THANK YOU!!!!!!!!
[The audio quality is much clearer now.]
ALTHEA: ‹|3 WELL!!!!!!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like frog hunting!!!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Generaltly speaking I love hodling little guys ≈:) Im in a swmap righ tnow and theres SO MANY GUYS you would not BELEIVE
ALTHEA: ‹|3 And gheyre not all little!!! Theresd soooooo many bugs an dspiders and forgs and really cool birds and turbles ans snakes and cute litl fishies and crocogators
ALTHEA: ‹|3 They dont all like beifn held but thats ok!!! I can appreixtae them from a ditsance!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 But sometimes i think they woukd love to be held but they are too big ≈:( But that usuallt means theyre pettable!!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Pattable?? Petpat.......
[The mud suction noises pick back up, in a steady rhythm.]
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Ans sometimes they dotn like being held or peatted but theyr MORE than happy to try snd shove u in their chomphole
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Like that guy just now ≈:) He was very nice ans helpful when I asked!!! A real hop-up gentlemn
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Other hobbies n interestes uhhhh
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like goin really fast ridinf on my lususz back!!! Anddd climbign things and participatifj in weather and cooking wirh whatever i have around
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like umm drawing sometines but im not very good andd also swimmifn sometiimes and OH
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like visiting my best friends!!!!!!!
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Re— wait can I say thier names
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Uhhmmm
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Best friend 1 adn best friend A!! Theyrbe both the best
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like visitjng them and hanfing out and talking in oerson or over text and sometimes they even let me show fhem cool stuff !! Well Aesi— bestfriend A goes with me a lot when im with her but I hsve a harder time convincing best frend 1
ALTHEA: ‹|3 I like dxploring a lot ≈:) The world is so cool!! Andbthe parts of it that trolsl dont usually go to are so full of the most interestijg creachers and old ruins and environemnts and ahhhhh mannnn itsjust so cool
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Can you see anyvof this??
[The sound of rushing air being processed through a cheap mic. A short pause.]
ALTHEA: ‹|3 ..I wish I coukd show u ≈:( its the prettiest things
ALTHEA: ‹|3 .....
ALTHEA: ‹|3 Augkjh I hsould go my husk is dying ≈:[
ALTHEA: ‹|3 But rhsnk u for asking me!! Stay warm!! And have a good mornign!!!
[-— Manual disconnection 00:00 —-]
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antiloreolympus · 2 years
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11 Anti LO Asks
1. I don't get it, weren't the fans praising Persephone for wanting to own up to her crimes and saying she deserves any punishment she receives? Why are they now upset she got a temporary punishment  that isn't even different from her life pre-uni? Why is Persephone upset too? It's not forever. It's almost as if the fans only care about the aesthetics of looking morally "good" while they really wanted her to get away with murder, and Persephone is a bad person who lied to keep up her nice facade.
2. I legit do not get why LO fans act as if it's some personal affront when people don't like it and even critique it. How self centered if their worldview to think everyone has to obsessively love and praise what they like? What reality are they living in where this is a thing? Get a grip, kids, you're not important and people not liking what you do is not a personal insult, it's just life.
3. LO would probably be better handled if it was put under an age restriction like more mature romances and other comics are, but WT and Rachel would never allow it because then they can't market it as YA and get the biggest draw of tweens and teens to spend their parents' money on it, so now LO is left w/ trying to be tween friendly while also trying to do serious topics with all the nuance of "bullying is bad >:(" but instead of bullying it's being critical of rich mass murdering slave owners 🤔
4. how does rachel have at bare minimum four people working on LO and it only looks worse?? like is it because they arent paid well, is the pay as low as the effort theyre expected to do. i dont care how much thhe fans are obsessed with it they seriously cant think this looks better??
5. What's going to preemptively anger me is that with IRL people I know, r/aita, and even tumblr anecdotes, giving a teen time away from a grown man for a long enough period of time usually results in the teen going, "wow, that was actually fucked up. thank you for stopping that disaster." Yet I KNOW that in LO, Persephone's probably gonna have her love grow by tenfold and miss her dearly totally-not-creepy beloved.
From OP: On a side note, I hate when fans try to justify the age gap by saying “it’s normal” or “perfectly fine since they’re adults” when most people (especially from tumblr, reddit, and just people irl) find it weird as hell and very questionable on the older person’s end. It’s just a blatant lie to try and justify this creepy dynamic.
6. introducing a major villain with no actual build up or reason for them to be in the plot right before a season finale is, no matter how you cut it, bad writing, and that's only one of several poorly planned and executed writing in this thing.
From OP: Yeah, even Apollo had some kind of foreshadowing. The only thing that hinted at Eris was an old tumblr ask from RS (Before LO became an original, RS said something about Eris and Hades having a bad date but that’s probably retconed) and Hera’s line to Hebe about getting her sister. With the sister thing, it’s too vague to pinpoint on Eris since she could also be Nyx’s daughter.
7. ok now LO fans are just lying and saying it was "always supposed to be a dark story" and people who are calling out it didn't develop these aspects well and it should have stuck to its original lighter tone "cant see context clues" like?? yes it did have SA shown early on ... which was IMMEDIATELY dropped and had rachel right way go into making puns! even persephone admitting she killed a village was framed with fart jokes and forced romcom flirting! how is that being a "dark and serious" story?
8. Rachel Smythe seems to have taken a weird approach to making HxP sympathetic? Like, I feel like she's trying to make the infinitely threatening villains more infinitely threatening as a way to make it seem like the rich, straight, cis, white coded deities in the story are the underdogs. The classism almost seems to come from her being too concerned about the image of rich people. Which, come to think of it, actually makes a lot of sense.
9. Even if we get Perse aow "justified" by Eris blessing it still doesn't mean she is innocent. She knew for a very long time that there is something "wrong" with her and she may be dangerous to others but she did nothing with it. Even now after everything that happened she still let that feeling affect her and didn't tell anyone beside Hades who equally doesn't care she may hurt someone again. Her wrath may be not her fault but her actions are
10. Part of me wonders if RS actually took any writing classes or even... just did basic research about how to write cohesive stories? The plot and timeline of LO is all over the place and it includes a lot of unnecessary scenes with characters who don't have a large bearing on the plot (like that whole subplot with Eros and Psyche, Thanatos and Daphne, that flashback with Persephone and the yellow war god who's name I can't remember. Like what was the point of that flashback? She could have just told us they'd met before and left it at that). Even just stuff that could have taken much less time than it did, such as those Medusa ladies spying, that dinner with HxP, Hera, and Zeus, or Hades taking the photographer's eye out.
I just always found the story very confusing to read. I've taken writing classes for my novels before and LO follows none of the guidelines for good writing.
11. I'm just upset that RS chose to make Persephone a young, impressionable literal teenager when she could have made Persephone an older, elegant goddess with years of knowledge and experience about how her world works. Like, if she wanted the r*pe subplot so badly, it could have been set up as Persephone deliberately avoiding Apollo/trying to expose him throughout the story, whilst the readers and Hades try to piece together what happened between them in the past before it's actually revealed. It also would have eliminated the gross age gape and Persephone acting like a child, etc. While we're at it, we could probably just take out that whole uncomfortable, unnecessary subplot where Apollo takes those photos.
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kiyye · 7 years
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Are you still doing playlists?????
YEAH BITCHES KEEP EM COMING
ones that arent god tier ones will continue to take a Long Ass time but im pushin thru the god tiersssss
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spyhop · 2 years
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what would u say are the creative strengths and weaknesses of each of ur ocs! like (purely just saying this as an example:) maybe some of ur ocs would be really good at playing music but horrible at like thinking of lyrics or creating entirely new tunes, or good at sculpting but very weak at painting, that kind of stuff!!!
HMMM HM HM THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION ACTUALLY! ILL FOCUS ON MY CORE OCS FOR THIS ONE (RED DEVIL, SYRUP, ORCA, DAVE, MOXIE, TIMOTHY) BECAUSE THIS MAY GET INTENSIVE
RED DEVIL IS PROBABLY ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO ISN'T GOOD AT MAKING UP NEW IDEAS OR CONCEPTS BECAUSE THEY USUALLY JUST FOLLOW ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE (KIND OF THE REASON HE EXISTS--HE HAS FREE WILL OFC THEY JUST SORT OF. ARE SUPPOSED TO BE BLANK AND THEIR TRAITS ARE GATHERED FROM THE PEOPLE THEYRE AROUND) SO THAT IS A HUGE WEAKNESS, THEY CAN'T REALLY MAKE HIS OWN THINGS A LOT, BUT I FEEL LIKE. HE WOULD BE GOOD AT SERIOUS SPEECH, SOMETHING LIKE DEBATING, AND MAYBE THAT'S NOT SUPER CREATIVE BUT HE CAN IMPROVISE PRETTY WELL IN TENSE SITUATIONS AND IS GENERALLY MEANT TO DIFFUSE BAD SCENARIOS SO THAT SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING THEY WOULD BE GOOD AT
SYRUP IS DEFINITELY A PAINTER BUT ONE OF THOSE PAINTERS WHO TAKES A PAINSTAKING AMOUNT OF TIME TO FINISH THEIR WORKS LIKE ONE BRUSH STROKE EVERY DAY KINDA THING. AND HE DEFINITELY SEEMS THE TYPE TO DANCE BUT PROBABLY NOT VERY WELL, HE WOULD JUST MAKE SOME PRETTY FLOWY MOVEMENTS WITH NO TECHNIQUE AND HE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY GODAWFUL AT MAKING HIS OWN MUSIC--HE LIKES SIMPLICITY AND REALISM SO HE WOULD MAKE ONE BAREBONES MELODY AND GIVE UP. AND I SUPPOSE HE WOULD WRITE PRETENTIOUS POETRY BUT HE'S TERRIBLE AT TALKING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON SO ANYTHING LIKE THAT GOES OUT THE WINDOW
ORCA IS MORE OF A CASUAL CREATOR, JACK OF ALL TRADES KINDA THING, TRYING OUT WHATEVER IT WANTS TO BUT NEVER REALLY DELVING DEEP INTO IT. I FEEL LIKE MORE PRACTICAL STUFF LIKE SCULPTING AND WOODWORK WOULD APPEAL TO THEM BUT AS I SAID HE WOULDN'T EVER GET VERY FAR WITH IT. HE HAS HOBBIES ELSEWHERE AND DOESN'T REALLY HAVE A REASON TO CREATE STUFF
MOXIE SEEMS LIKE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS TO JUST MAKE CRAZY MUSIC WITH A REALLY NICHE BUT DEVOTED AUDIENCE (I MEAN SHES A TRANS GIRL. WHAT ELSE. TRANS GIRLS MAKE THE MUSICAL WORLD GO ROUND) AND SHE'D ALSO TRY--WITH TIMOTHYS PERSUASION--TO DRAW, AND SOME OF HER DRAWINGS SEEM PRETTY GOOD BECAUSE HER STYLE IS SORT OF SHAKY AND UNFINISHED BUT IN A REALLY INTERESTING CREATIVE WAY (THINK MORTIS GHOST AND HIS SKETCHES OF OFF CHARACTERS) BUT OTHERS WOULD BE LIKE. VERY VERY LOW EFFORT AND GIVEN UP ON BECAUSE SHE FINDS SKETCHING HARD TO DO. SHES DEFINITELY MORE LIKE CONCEPT BASED IN HER WORKS THO NOT REALLY PRACTICAL
DAVE HAS SOME EXPERIENCE WITH METALWORK BECAUSE HE DOES HIS OWN MAINTENANCE ON HIS MOTORBIKE BUT WELL IT'S NOT SOMETHING HE WOULD PURSUE. HE WOULD DEFINITELY BOUNCE OFF OF MOXIE'S IDEAS AND PROBABLY FIND SOME GOOD SAMPLES TO USE IN HER MUSIC AND MAYBE AFFECTIONATELY FINISH HER SKETCHES BUT I FEEL IN THE END HE'S A WOODWORKER GUY, LIKE ONE OF THOSE CAT DADS WHO MAKE THE BIG ELABORATE CAT TOWERS OR A NICE GUY WHO BUILDS BIRDHOUSES AND STUFF. HE'S NOT GOOD AT LIKE ACTUAL CARVING BECAUSE HE LIKES PRECISION BUT THINGS WITH CLEAR CUT EDGES LIKE SHELVES ARE THINGS HE CAN MAKE FROM SCRATCH
TIMOTHY IS. WELL. TIMOTHY. HE DRAWS WHATEVER HE WANTS ALL THE TIME BECAUSE HE THINKS DRAWING IS JUST SO GREAT (HE IS A DRAWING) AND HE'S NOT POLISHED ABOUT IT BUT DEFINITELY HAS SOME VERY CREATIVE VIVID VISIONS. HE PROBABLY WOULD NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR ANYTHING LIKE PRACTICAL STUFF THOUGH BECAUSE HE'S MORE CAUGHT UP IN HIS OWN MIND AND PUTTING IT ON PAPER AS FAST AS POSSIBLE THAN TAKING AGES TO PROCESS SOMETHING LIKE A SCULPTURE
IDK IF THIS IS LIKE. THE KIND OF THING YOU MEANT BUT. WELL. NICE TO TALK ABOUT!! THANK YOU!!
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The Problem With Spinning Out and Zero Chill
Okay so spoilers. All the spoilers. Go into this at your own risk because every possible spoiler for both shows. Also: I will be speaking about these two shows with the assumption that readers have seen both and as such, will not need a summary of either. Okay, still here? Cool. 
I have no big hot take, just some observations that I would like to put out into the universe in regards to Netflix’s two most recent ice skating shows. Because I have a lot of thoughts, and also one big question for anyone who can maybe help me? 
For starters, Spinning Out and Zero Chill are both Netflix originals that premiered around approximately the same time, both of which feature figure skating as a backdrop for a lot of interpersonal drama surrounding the characters. It’s wonderful, because while I’m not very invested in sports I adore figure skating- It’s beautiful and fun to watch even if you don’t know a lot of the technical aspects or the names of the moves. However, for centering around the same sport the two shows are very different. Also, Spinning Out has already been confirmed to have been cancelled after the first season, while the future of Zero Chill is still up in the air.
In regards to personal preference, I liked Spinning Out a lot more than Zero Chill. It had a love story for me to invest myself in, as well as some messy, dramatic family dynamics, and overall the show was a lot more mature. I suspect that this may have actually been to the show’s detriment but that’s for later. In contrast, I found Zero Chill to be fluffy to the point of an ABC Family special. 
Do you remember those? Shows like Switched at Birth or Secret Life of the American Teenager, that tried to tackle big mature topics while keeping things family friendly? Do you remember how the writing was usually pretty sub par and the drama all seemed super contrived because there was only so much they could actually do within their given boundaries, so they made a much bigger deal out of small issues than they deserved? Yeah. Zero Chill felt like that. For example, the “hazing” from the hockey team was to...put balloons in his locker? And that was a...major diss? Worth getting super pissed? Idk. It’s just that, without the confines of being family-friendly day time programing, I have come to expect more from Netflix original programming. 
Alternatively, Spinning Out may have veered too far into the dark and gritty spectrum. If I had to guess where it failed, I would say that it introduced A LOT of drama, all within the first season and at times felt, overwrought. I think Spinning Out could have done with slowing down and taking a breath. Draw things out. Have the mother slowly escalate her abuse, stop and start with her medication, stretch out the love triangle between Kat, Justin, and Marcus. When I first started watching I thought that maybe Marcus would be Kat’s Luke Danes. Like throughout the show she dates other people, but eventually she realizes that she loves him and they end up together but...nope. The show established pretty early on that we were not going to have an epic, interracial friends to lovers romance. And I loved the enemies to lovers romance we got between her a Justin (Though I really think it should have taken longer. I liked that they hooked up before and that he was kinda low key pining but stretch it out. Sloooooooow buuuuuuuurn. Make it goooood. I want to feel the pining.) but it did feel like the cop out answer. And then they immediately introduce a black female character because apparently in the year 2021 we still have shows with exactly 2 black characters that are there to date each other. Like fuck, even South Park has made fun of that trope, it’s time to move past it. 
Secondly I think that it’s super out of character for Kat to ever go off her medicine, even if it is to help her skating. It’s the same way I felt when they introduced Ian’s mental Illness in Shameless. Like, maybe it’s a thing that people do and if you’ve known people that act this was in these scenarios than sure, maybe I’m wrong. But it just feels like they go to so much effort to show the effect that their parent’s mental illness has on them and their life when left untreated, they establish the characters as grown up too quickly, forced to mature due to their parent’s poor choices, and then just decide to have them follow in their mother’s footsteps when the plot demands more drama. I hated that as a choice for Ian and I hated it for Kat. Partly because I feel like it’s very out of character and cop-out writing, and also because I feel like if they had to do it at all it should have been later on in the series. 
One advantage that Zero Chill had for me over Spinning Out is that at least the characters were consistent. In this case I’m speaking mostly about Kayla, but also some of the others. Sure, I found Kayla’s impulsivity annoying instead of charming like I feel was the intent, but I liked her friendship with Skye arguably more than Kat’s friendship with Jenn. Mostly because Skye was pretty chill throughout the entirely of the show while Jenn would go from hot to cold and back. Do I think it’s stupid that Kayla and Skyle’s big storyline was “I want to skate with my BFF but regulations don’t allow it?” Yes. You’ve already established that Kayla doesnt care about competitions. The only time she ever did was because she wanted to skate with her OTHER BFF. So like....just skate now? You have Skye’s mom’s approval at this point, it doesn’t have to go anywhere. But at least the two seemed to genuinely be friends. Kat and Jenn started off with potential but then turned fairly toxic. Kat was never that supportive of Jenn, always wrapped up in her own stuff and Jenn just got crazy at the end there. I understand her being upset about Justin but then she learns that Kat is bipolar, you think theyre cool, and then she immediately throws that back in Kat’s face at the first inconvenient moment. 
Can I just say though, how much more interested I was when I thought the secret figure skater was someone on Mac’s hockey team? I was trying to guess which boy it secretly was and I thought that there would be a subplot about her trying to convince him to figure skate with her, but he would feel pressured by his parents to play hockey instead. And that would work as a foil to Ava, who wanted to play hockey but was instead forced to figure skate. And there would be an eventual romance because what can I say, I’m here for the romance. But no...it was Skye and then there was just that subplot about Mac wanting to date his sister’s only friend. And like, when I was trying to guess who it was I thought it might be Bear and that would be her romantic interest but....no. Bear just, also likes Skye. 
Also, is it some unwritten rule that for every white girl figure skater with brown hair, there must be an Asian best friend? This isnt a complaint, just an observation. 
And clearly I don’t ONLY have complaints. I thought that both shows ahd a promising premise, and I loved the relationship on Spinning Out. When Zero Chill actually bothered with real issues instead of contrived nothing issues, I think it did it pretty well. I liked the friendships and family dynamic better in Zero Chill, but wished that it would have been a little more mature like Spinning Out. I liked that the characters in Spinning Out were mostly adults and that it had a more adult tone, but I wish that they had dialed the melodrama back just a bit. What I really want, I supposed, is a combination of the two shows which leads nicely into my question for you all: 
I remember browsing Netflix months ago and seeing a figure skating show advertised, however it wasn’t either of these shows. It feels like these two shows were once one, and then got split up into two because I am completely unable to find the show I originally saw a commercial for. 
In that original ad there was a brother and sister, one who played hockey and one who figure skated. But the hockey brother was jealous of the sister because he felt like their parents prioritized her figure skating. So one day, before a big performance of hers, he met her right before the performance and yelled at her about how unfair everything was and it shook her up and when she went out on the ice she wasn’t focused. She slipped and fell, split her head open on the ice, and her confidence was shaken. 
But like...that wasn’t either of these shows so what the hell was it??? Were they once one? Was there some other show that hasn’t been released yet? Did I see it in a dream???? 
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Sinday Meme for Characters Who Share a Brain
The original meme can be found here: x Characters: Wade Wilson (@theamazingcaptdeadpool), Frank Castle (@mementomorimthrfckr) and Ajax (@cantfeelsht) Warning: An abundance of words, massive TMI, cursing duh, threats double duh, Any complaints may be directed at our lawyer; @hellsainted
Frank scoffed as Wade had spent the last three minutes trying to figure out a title, brainstorming no pun intended with himself – and the result he landed on you already read. “That sounds terrible, Wade.” he grumbled and sipped his coffee. A sort of bribe to get him to partake in the thing. “You come up with a better one then, Skulls, and we’ll use that.” Wade fired back, thankful that Frank wasn’t known for his creativity. “What was wrong with the original title?” Ajax wanted to know and crossed his arms. He was leaning nonchalantly against the wall, watching the other two with what one could describe as ‘calm suspiciousness’. “It was too long.” Wade complained. “Not catchy. And we’re replying as ourselves. The original title suggested that the co-pilot do it for us. Or arms dealer. Or whatever the hell you call her.” he explained, because he could see Frank straining as he tried to work it out. Be nice Wade. I’m always nice.  “Why don’t we just get this over with.” Ajax’s stare moved from Frank to Wade. His former subject was the most keen on this, after all – surely he would kick it off.  “Best idea you’ve had, Francis.” Wade murmured as he counted the questions of the meme. “Alright, there are twenty questions. Let the sinning commence!” he clapped his hands and rubbed his palms eagerly. 
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“Jesus,” Frank exclaimed and leaned over the table, snatching the laptop from the merc with a dirty imagination mouth. “I’ll read these.” He glowered at Wade who raised his hands in defeat. There was no point in challenging the Punisher this early in the game.   “What muse needs the most attention on sinday?” Frank read and for some reason found himself looking glumly up at Ajax who shook his head.  “Wade it is then.” It wasn’t that Frank wouldn’t mind the attention… he just wouldn’t actively seek it.   “Yeah, that’s a no brainer.” Wade murmured, he had somehow produced whiteboard signs and written “Me!” on one side and “Not me!” on the other. What? I came prepared. I always do. Yes, that is me being suggestive. He gave one to Ajax who reluctantly accepted.  “Just making it easier for us.” He explained, surprisingly caring.  “Whatever it takes to shut you up,” Ajax looked at both sides to make sure he hadn’t written anything funny on his. 
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“Easy, Francis,” Wade began only to be interrupted by Frank who read the next question loudly. “Which muse usually stays silent on sinday?” Frank sniffed. He hadn’t partaken in any sindays, yet. “I’m not it.” Wade said quickly. “I love me some sinday. Actually every day is sinday in my book. Doesn’t always have to be sex. Severe procrastination. Excess eating. Pillows of blow…” “You ever hear of TMI?” Frank put the laptop down on the table with more force than he intended.
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  Wade wiped one of the sides of his sign clear and wrote “NO!” only to hold it up for Frank to see. None of them had noticed how Ajax was holding up his own sign reading “Me!” and it took all his effort not to wack Wade in the back of the head with it. “Let’s move on.” Ajax shot in, before Wade could start one of his endless rambles. Frank glared at Wade like a teacher glare at the kid in class that won’t ever stay silent – that they’re afraid to take their eyes off because they know they’ll cause trouble. “Share some headcanons about your muses’ sexual and/or romantic orientation… You want to go first, Ajax?” Frank offered without looking at him. “Francis.” Wade corrected him. “Can’t feel. He can’t get it up – and can’t get it off.” Ajax closed his eyes, his jaw tense. “Wade is right.” he murmured. “I’m asexual. Except for specific muses. That has to be talked over in detail.” “Contracts has to be signed. Very Christian Grey. Wouldn’t play with him.” Wade turned towards the room and whispered to no one. Well, at least none that Frank and Ajax were aware of. They shared a moment of confusion, waiting for something to happen – someone to reply. As the silence bordered awkward Frank nodded and continued with the survey; “I’m bi with a preference towards women, but I’m not really looking for anything.” His voice was low. He wet his lips and averted his eyes, bouncing his foot impatiently. 
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“I’m pan – the comics has me paired up with women and Spiderman. Over here, meaning Tumblr, I have a preference towards men.” Wade stated the obvious. Frank drew a breath to read the next question, but then Wade continued; “Men with metal arms. Men that are Avengers. Men that’s purple… Is that even a man?” “You done?” Frank wanted to know. They’d missed how Wade had fixed the other side of his sign – and was now holding up a “YES!”. “What are your favourite ship for your muses?” Frank was visibly confused by the question.   “For me it’s the Millenium Falcon,” Wade answered – hoping it would make it easier for the not so shockingly thick marine. “Oh, and I love my warship.” “I don’t ship.” Ajax shrugged. He saw no need to. “Cablepool, Winterpool, Cappool, Hawkpool – the one with Colossus, I forgot its name…” Wade counted on his fingers. “Thunderpool is kinda cute.” “You any idea what he’s on about?” Frank turned towards Ajax. “You don’t want to know, mate.” Ajax said with a sigh. “It’s a question about who you see yourself with.” “No one.” Frank answered shortly. He couldn’t be with anyone, because whoever got close to him ended up dead or worse. 
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“Why so glum sugarplum?” Wade leaned forward. “What about Castlevania?” “Are you…” Frank was about to get fired up but by some miracle managed to compose himself. He cleared his throat and shifted. “Nevermind. The next question – “ Frank decided he best ignore the entire thing; he thought they were done with Castlevania. He was not to be ‘shipped’ as the kids called it – with Dracula. “Which muse is the kinkiest?” “Next!” Wade called – he was holding up his sign. “Me!” it read. And maybe that was the truth. Wade is into a lot of things, after all… “Which muse has the strangest kinks?” Frank read warily. Wade slammed his sign down on the table to grab everyone’s attention and held it up again. He pointed to it and looked between the other two; “Unless you want to list some kinks?” “Next.” Ajax nodded towards the screen. “You sure, Francis? I won’t kink shame. Maybe I could interest you in – “ “Next!” Ajax insisted. “Choose one muse and tell us how they lost their virginity.” Frank read. He thought perhaps they could draw straws or… “Rock papers scissors lizard Spock.” Wade said with remarkable speed and accuracy. 
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“I lost mine to and older girl at one of the many orphanages I visited.” Ajax said flatly, wanting them to believe that it hadn’t really mattered.   “You’re so boring, Francis.” Wade pouted. “At least give us some details.” “It was quick, messy and left me wanting more.” Ajax squared his jaw. “Satisfied?” “Unlike you’ll ever be again; yes. Thank you. I’m touched, Francis.” Wade sniffed as if he was sincerely moved, whilst Frank hid a chuckle and shook his head, clearly relieved that he didn’t have to spill the beans.
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“Each of us have to share a random sex fact… I…” Frank rubbed the back of his neck. “I like it when the woman is on top of me, so I can see her pleasure and have her in control.” he admitted. Wade gave an approving nod. “I prefer to be the sub – to give up the control, but more often than not I’m taking it because I get impatient – I think. What about you Francis? Any sexy secrets about your preferences? Oh that’s right…” “I get off on watching others emotions. Pleasure – pain? Doesn’t matter.” Ajax admitted – his tone threatening. Wade gasped loudly and murmured ‘Sadist’ under his breath. Frank blinked and tilted his head slightly to the side – as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Remind me again why we haven’t killed this guy?” Frank asked Wade. “You tell me. Hey, Francis, would you like to hurt me a little – how about that, huh?” “Yes, how about that?” Ajax pushed off the wall, his eyes like pits of hell. Dark, angry. A far too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. 
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Frank’s arm shot out – stopping the villain from getting too close. “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Wade taunted him. “Yeah,” Ajax snarled – pressing against Frank’s hand. “If you could organise… Seriously who made up these questions? Are these,” Frank turned the laptop around, unable to mask how mortified he felt. “Are you behind these Wade? Because I swear to god…” “I can take the blame for a lot of things – but not that.” Wade pointed at the screen. “Finish the question. I’m curious now.” Frank sighed and tilted his head upwards, as if he was asking for patience. 
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“Alright. Alright… Argh… God. If you could organise a threesome involving three of your muses, who would you choose? I guess this one isn’t for us. And… heaven forbid the three of us ever get put in a room together again. Because the next time? I won’t go easy.” Frank pushed Ajax so he fell back against the wall and stared threateningly at Wade. “Careful Frank, he might like it.” Wade taunted. Ajax pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. He hated Wade for his ability to get to him.   “The next one is for her as well. What muse she’d like to write a ship for…” Frank shook his head again. “What the fuck’s up with all these damned boats? Anyway… I assume she’d like to try me out with Billy.” “Kinky.” Wade purred. “I’m already in quite a few ships. If we’re adding to… pfft.” Truth was, Wade was content with his situation, so it took some thinking. “A Nathan would be nice? And no ships for Francis. His ship sank the day he let Michael Jackson Dr. Killebrew fiddle with his body.” Wade clicked his tongue and winked at Ajax. 
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“How can you possibly know – “ Ajax began – cut off by Frank as he read the next question. “What are some preferences when deciding whether or not to ship a muse?” Frank frowned at the screen. “Read the rules, play nice, write well – I don’t know.” Wade hummed in agreement.  “And don’t assume we’ll ship – I don’t know about the other two, but I’m picky.” “You? Picky?” Ajax scoffed and leered at him. “Do you get to be?” “Well – I can’t fuck all the people who’s bummed because you couldn’t get it up for them.” Wade fired back. 
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Frank rubbed his face – considering shooting them both. Ajax wouldn’t feel it, but he could die. Wade would feel it and couldn’t die. What a trio they were… “Are you guys DONE bickering yet?” he sounded tiredly. “Never,” Wade answered as he breathed in. Ajax rolled his eyes. “I prefer missionary or the cowgirl or whatever it’s known as these days. I like the intimacy. The control or giving up of. I like to touch, to see…” Frank’s words grew with passion as he spoke. Wade blinked and looked at him. “What are you on about?” “The next question. I figured I might finish this on my own and get the hell out.” Frank was done with the bullshit.   “What was the question?” Wade put his hands on the table and leaned forward. “Headcanons, sex positions.” Frank scratched his cheek, and glanced up at Ajax. “You outta this one, too?”
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“Against a wall… Or relentless teasing,” Ajax didn’t even get to finish before Wade corrected him; “Endless foreplay,” “To draw as much sound from the other part as possible.” Ajax blinked and turned slowly towards Wade. “What about you then, collared and on your knees begging for it?” 
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“Actually that’s not that far from the truth. But I like a lot of things. Depends on my partner and whether I’m giving up control or not.” Wade shrugged. “How much time – “ Frank already began reading the next question. “ – none, then.” Wade sighed. “Has she written smut for you guys? Because that’s a no for me.” Frank didn’t take his eyes off the screen – this he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. Ajax arched an eyebrow and cocked his head, Wade nodded vigorously. “I suppose neither of you know whether she prefers to write it or not?” Frank huffed and leaned back into his chair. “How are we supposed to answer these questions when they’re not even… yes… Wade?” Much to his surprise Wade has raised his hand. 
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“Thank you. I happen to know that she don’t mind writing smut, but she has to feel comfortable with the person she’s writing it with.” “Multiship or singleship?” Frank turned to Ajax. He couldn’t stand the guy, but at least he’d had the decency to explain some of these things to him. “Is no ship an option?” Ajax smirked. It should be pretty clear at this point that he didn’t ship. “It is now. I’m on the fence. I wouldn’t ship with someone exclusively I think.” Frank grimaced at himself, as he was now using Tumblr and games own terms.   “Good call, Frank! For me it’s multiship all the way.” Wade drew a horizontal line in the air before him. “I’m not exclusive either.” “Huh, I think we just answered the next question. So… What is our shipping preferences? Weren’t we over that? Chemistry?” Frank thought that slow-burn sounded nice, but neither of the other guys seemed like the “slow burn” type. He didn’t know how wrong he was in his assumptions. “Yeah. What would you call my ship with Thanos? Because… that’s like… unhealthy. Toxic ships? I guess we’re semi into that? Aren’t we Francis?” Wade winked at him. Damn was he having a field day. Ajax on his end just shook his head and slammed his shoulders back against the wall. “What’s an OC?” Frank glanced up from the screen, relieved that they were close to done.  “Original character. We don’t really do those.” Wade knew that was frowned upon in the roleplaying community, but he didn’t give a shit. “I don’t know about you, but I have more than enough with the canon characters.” On most days, he actually had more than enough with himself. Ajax and Frank both seemed on board with that. 
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“So,” Frank turned the laptop off and pulled the screen down. “That’s it. We’re done. Let’s never do it again.” his knees cracked as he stood up. 
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“Or the next time we can get naked and –“ Wade began,  Frank pulled his gun and aimed it straight at his crotch. 
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“You don’t want to finish that sentence.” his voice was low, barely audible.  “You don’t want to shoot me, Francis might get off on it.” Wade kindly reminded him.  “Oh my fucking…” Frank rubbed his face and headed out of the room. There wasn’t enough booze in the world to make him forget. 
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“Hey – are you off to kill someone? Do you have a team yet – hey Frank, wait up!” Wade picked up his swords and chased after the Punisher. Ajax sighed and pushed his shoulders down. Being around Wade always made him tense up. He rolled his head from side to side, then left through the back door – half expecting the two of them to be waiting to kill him.
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If you made it this far, please let me know what you think. No, Frank didn’t kill Ajax. Yet. 
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the-skooma-den · 5 years
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threw together a couple headshots of Syke cause i wanted to do a proper profile of her, so anyone curious about the character i spend so much time ranting about and drawing thats gonna be under the read more
Part 2 here 
directory to all posts about her and her siblings are here
Real Name: Ava Aurelia Cassia Camoran Tharn Latona. she has an untold amount fake names and identities for a wide variety of purposes, Nowadays she mainly goes by Syke Ivywood, and thats what most of the Dominion knows her as (and is also her in game name)
Age: turned 28 right around when the main plot started. I assume years pass through the DLC’s, including one year where she does the mages and fighters guild quest as well as a bunch of quests.
Race: Imperial. Her father was a bosmer and she takes heavily after him. Her grandpas a Khajiit, which is only relevant here because her dad took heavily after his dad. Hence syke’s weirdly golden eyes and slightly to sharp teeth. 
Class: Nightblade, focus on siphoning magic
Personality: One might look at her usual scowl and her serious demeanor and assume she's the typical lone wolf edgy assassin, and they’re only really half wrong. She’s not a loner by choice,she doesn’t hate people really, shes just not great at interacting with people. Anyone who knows who she actually is tend to be scared of her (even other members of the brotherhood) and that's not great for ones self confidence. In a few words, she’s just awkward and extremely introverted. That being said she is kinda grumpy, but if an evil god stole your soul you would be to.
As for the series Demeanor, that really just her face. She’s just not a smiley person ya know? She just as an incredibly flat affect and it either takes really strong emotions or a lot of effort on her part to break it. She’s actually pretty damn nice, even if she doesn’t really “get” a lot of social norms.Being raised in a assassin cult worshiping the void can do that to a girl.
What also does not help the usual perception of her, is her Bad temper and very very low bullshit tolerance. She’s not hard to piss off and it can be explosive. Usually not the yelling and screaming explosive but the getting right up in your face out of nowhere and quietly informing you that if you say one more word she’ll individually break every bone in your hand type way.
She’s what her mother would kindly call “strong willed” and what everyone else would call debilitatingly stubborn . Keeping in mind this is a woman who was wronged by what is essentially the demon god king of domination and then decided “I’m going to kick his ass” and then did. For good or ill she rarely if ever gives up.
Due to the fact she is technically a noblewoman, she tends to be extremely private as well. The other Cyrodilic nobles know of her and her family, but just know them as the family that for the most part gave up their titles and have no intention of trying to get them back, they have no idea that theyre a whole family of assassin in the Dark brotherhood. That does not mean that they ignore her or her family as even if her family doesn’t want the titles the fact they exist can mess up others claims to the throne.Especially Ava who suffice to say has a pretty decent claim to several very important titles. This has lead her to take on a variety of different fake names and wearing different masks to avoid being recognized both in her daily life and in jobs for the brotherhood...at least at first.
As it turned out she's a natural actor with one hell of a flair for the dramatic. She may have issues interacting with people as herself, but she finds it easier when pretending to be someone else. She got so into it that she has whole characters that she pretends to be for all kinds of purposes, like say if she needs access to mages or fighters guild resources or if a particular job for the brotherhood calls to act as a maid for a little bit.
as for how the Dominion crew know her, well they actually come closer to knowing her then most. When Raz dragged her out of the ocean at Khenarthis roost she was so out of it she was barely able to come up with a fake name let alone a whole character, so they all end up genuinely knowing her as she truly is. Turns out she doesn’t mind that as much as she thought she would.
Backstory (before the main plot): She’s a third generation member of the Dark brotherhood, and most of her direct family (siblings, parents, aunt and one set of grandparents) are apart of it. Her grandmother, A Bosmer noble named Cassa, married an Imperial nobleman when she was pretty young. Cassa wanted to get out of Valenwood and her husband was looking for a way to rebel against his family and found it in a hot bosmer lady. They ended up having one kid together, Lara
A few years later Cassa ends up falling in with and getting pregnant by a khajiiti baker her husband hired, and her husband is not to happy about that to say the least.  He fires and sends the Khajiit away and Cassa is less then happy about that as well. She kills her husband and so convincingly makes it look like an accident that if the brotherhood hadn't already had a contract out on him no one would have ever known it was murder. 
So Cassa ends up joining the brotherhood after her second kid by the khajiit man was born. She never really connected with the bosmeri pantheon or the Green pact, and she ends up taking to Sithis real well. She also as soon as she was able went to find her love and they were married as soon as possible. They all lived in Valenwood for a number of years and both her kids grew up in the brotherhood as well. 
 Eventually the younger one son, Tanis, marries an Imperial woman,Livillia. Also a runaway noblewoman,her mother was friends with Cassa and she was seeking sanctuary with her. Livillia is specifically one of Abnur Tharns kids, who no longer wanted to deal with the Tharn family drama. 
They have a kid together (That is of course Ava). Tanis’s older sister and Cassa’s first child, Lara, has a one night stand with an Altmer and has her own kid who she names Ceryneian (or Nia for short). And they all live pretty happily for a while, as far as anyone knew the family was just a bunch of nobodies, rich nobodies who kept all hours but still just nobodies. They had for the most part completely abandoned all noble titles, even if the nobles weren’t done with them.
When Ava was about 10 years old her great aunt Cilvia tharn found out that Livillia was still alive. She was well aware that if she tried to do anything to Elsweyr Livillia would likely act against her. Livillia may be a member of the brotherhood, but she wasnt completely evil. Cilcvia sent assassins after Ava’s parents, they missed her but her parents were taken by surprise and sadly killed. None of her family felt right staying in valenwood anymore, So Lara took Ava in and moved to the Gold coast where she had spent her early childhood and had inherited some estate.  Her grandparents Moved to Elsweyr and both Ava and Nia would spend summers there as kids. 
So Ava ends up “officially” a member of the brotherhood ,after toddling around the sanctuaries her whole life, at about 15 years old, and was never prouder. Normally they wouldn’t have let someone so young in but once again, she had literally been toddling in sanctuaries, they figured it was fine.
On one of her first genuinely dangerous missions, to kill a necromancer in Northern Elsweyr (chaperoned by her grandma of course), she came across one of said necromancers future sacrifices. This sacrifice happened to be a 13 year old khajiit boy named Thera (later going by Jo’Thera)  with some odd fur patterns, and fuck man he was just a kid (granted shes only a couple years older then him) and Ava couldn’t just leave him there alone. Ava saved him and took her back to Anvil with her after she killed the necromancer as according to the kid, he didn’t have a family or anywhere to go. Lara hears the kids story and is just like…. Welp… guess i got a 3rd kid now.  (as Thera grows up if there's one thing he gets from his adopted family its a love for drama and dramatic irony. He takes to necromancy pretty quickly)
That peace continued for a few years until she was about 19. At 19 years old she got the offer to join the Psijic order, Not because she was particularly powerful or even all that good at magic (at the time of course, she gets much better later), but due to her lack of formal teaching she had her own odd way of casting and working with it that caught their attention. Basically imagine that she did a really complicated math problem wrong, but ended up with the right answer and somehow accidentally discovered a new much easier formula to that particular problem, she did the magic version of that and showed a lot of potential even outside of that.
Then she said no, she was happy in the brotherhood and her current life and she saw no reason to leave
When Ava was about 20 years old, Nia ran away because, well she wasn't as fond of the brotherhood as her mother or cousin, and its not exactly something you can just quit and walk away from. It broke the whole families heart of course but Ava took it particularly hard. She had considered her and had been referring to her as her sister even before her parents death
What really set it all off though was when Nia popped up again alive and well in Valenwood using the last name of their grandmothers family. She didn’t send them a message or anything, it just got to them by word of mouth because Nia had disowned them and been talking shit about them. After she ran away she went back down to Valenwood to claim the title that was rightfully hers, it turns out that she had found proof of her birthright and between that and her uncanny resemblance to her grandmother she barely had to be questioned. 
So Nia is in Valenwood with her relatives and had completely disowned the entire rest of her family. Her grandmother, Her mother and her (now deceased) Aunt and Uncle, and Ava and their brother as well. she never made any concrete statement as to why per say outside of “Not wanting to go down the same path as the rest of her family” which most people assumed meant completely abandoning their noble heritage and titles, not to mention their bosmeri heritage as well (which was partially true, but it was mostly about the whole murder cult thing). So yeah, Lara was heartbroken and Ava was pissed off to oblivion and back and Jo’thera....he was just hurt, but all decided that if that was where Nia wanted to be they weren’t going to drag her back.
At about 23 Ava met her first real significant other, A Dunmeri noble. It didnt go well for either of them really, lots of drugs, lots of unhealthy coping mechanisms, lots of secrets. not a good time. 2 years later, The Dunmer actually proposes to Ava, and Ava not only says yes but Ava tells her everything about the brotherhood, her own noble status, all of it. The Dunmer seems okay with it at first, and admits she kinda suspected who Ava’s family was based on the little she spoke about it, The brotherhood was the real surprising part there. The knife in Ava’s stomach later that night Makes it clear what she thought about that. So it was a messier breakup then most.  
Ava doesnt like to speak much of the relationship, but it hurt her more then she lets on and makes her more nervous then ever to be in a real romantic relationship 
Well after that mess Ava threw herself back into the brotherhood hardcore and also into hardcore drugs and alcohol.for about 5 years. Over those 5 years between the Dunmer incident, a lot of self reflection, and all sorts of anxieties she’s an unstable mess. Like verge of a mental breakdown type of mess. 
When she was kidnapped and later sacrificed by the wormcult many who knew her assumed that she had offed herself for good. She was gone for long enough that even her own family started to assume the worst
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yuissamidare · 5 years
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@codes i think i may have put this on my artblog but... Here
i guess ill start w ichi bc i always forget about him somehow like i always come up short when im making lists and im like 'oh wait shit yeah that guy’ bc im stupid n i only think of fishing trio + choro. I’m an Idiot. idk i never thought too hard on ichi bc i so rarely think about him but he looks so high its really funny i said this on main but he looks like my friend when he decided to try a weed gummy bear then started babbling about hentai then watched to watch porn with me but got mad all the intro scenes are a billion years long and started ranting about the industry but now that i think about it he looks like someone who used to send me weird shit when he was high like bad pick up lines about body parts i wish i didnt have
and thats so funny that its Ichimatsu who looks like that but also proof that hes high. but anyway!! hes really cute and im mad hes boutta ruin my reputation for my complete and utter lack of care and interest in him no matter what im mad. my friend gwyn said 'Sp lubing us up for the fuckening that is the reason why Ichi is sad in present day’ im really curious at the change like if hes trying a fake it till you make it type thing bc really emotionally exhausted or if hes just genuinely having a good time or hes puttin on a front since like. nails who stand get hammered down right??? just gotta do your best n Never Relax n i can relate to all that. but uhhh old hcs i guess
in kun ichi was the most serious! really smart but just as bad w school as the rest of them apparently but!! yeah so id think that!! ichis that guy who participates in class discussion constantly and is always willing to debate the readings, but turns in sloppy papers with typos and no a coherency or stucture or anything. he’s A+ in participation but has an average of 60% on most of the written assignments with points knocked bc of lateness then more bc its A Mess. you could ask about the prompts for one of his papers, he could babble about his position on it complete with paragraphs and footnotes but like the day before its due hes playing rpgs and watching horror movies.
his classmates think hes so smart n so intimidating. the family knows hes a hot mess. the teachers tell him he has a lot of potential but they don’t think hes applying himself. all are right. also he doesnt cheat or let people cheat off of him since hes always been about rules and boundaries and Rightness n he n jyushi were the only ones who Minded Themselves in kun
uhh jyushi!! let me talk about schoolwork again bc yeah i love jyushi so so so so much and thinking of him in a school environment is so weird i thought about it a lot n i thought about it him in kun n san and Woah!! i really really love delinquent jyushi, bc when i saw that i was like 'huh! that fits actually!!’ i love that like him and choro flip flopped completely from what i thought. his school must be so cold theyre too cheap to afford heating in the winter and in summer the acs Blast. he was so Shy and quiet and he cried and he liked to sing so i always thought that when he participated in chorus festivals hes always like right in front!! he hums a lot in class and also moves around alot bc he actually like school and people like primary trio are the types that make friends often. i wasnt supposed to talk about this yet whoops.
unlike ichi who relatively neat despite everything but has shit notes, jyushis notes are amazing and understandable and utterly illegible.
theyre covered in doodles, arrows and lines leading every which way, different colors but not like color coded n theyre not in order by date, but he opens to a random page every time yet somehow always seems to know where to find each lesson. he writes footnotes and caveats and corrections and criticisms of the teachers and random thoughts and just smears ink everywhere. sometimes his notes are on a completely different subject. the notebook itself is a horrifying mess, the front and back covers both covered in drawings and designs and falling apart, random papers shoved between the pages, coming apart at the seams, covered in stains of unknown origin. assignments are full of emoticons and informal language, and they always manage to make his teachers feel like hes smarter than they are (most likely). he does his projects the minute theyre assigned, and is finished a minute later so can talk to his friends. he loved school.
sophie told me once about how she thought was Like That was bc one of his main concerns is that he thought he had nothing that made him Jyushi n in kun she said he might have been the one who was the most concerned about having a distinctive personality and i talked about how that sorta carried over san and how he always blended in bc of how gentle and soft and push-overy he was. he was actually the and most gullible and weakest in kun so i was like :0 when i saw that and intentionally did stuff like only carry 14 yen in his pockets to be quirky but it always sorta fell flat and he was still invisible so i was like hmmmmm. and i can see how he couldve toughened up and thinking of this now!! i love that. oh im so happy. this is so much better than i ever couldve imagined ever.
totty…. i do not think he was very popular or good at school. i think he’s very decent at schoolwork but he never put much effort into it. just copies whats on the board but if the class runs out of allotted lesson time n he couldnt finish his work he just didnt do it like cram schools a pain in the ass. if he put effort hed be a star student but he just craps out whatever since hes was the laziest!! oh but something i noticed was that him and jyushi would play together often since sometime he felt overwhelmed by karamatsu a lot. also hes the money thief and scammer its great kun todo is so good. he gets shy and flustered easy too!!
but uhh yeah!! depending on the day im always like 'zaimoku love each other so much they are best friends and the perfect other halves!!’ then im like 'these mofos hate each other what the fuck is this trainwreck’ did you see their shitty small talk in the horse episode. what was that. like they are genuinely trying to communicate and are pretty easy with each other but they have nothing to say. its like when youre having a boring day at school and theres nothing to talk about with an acquaintance so you just look at the walls and go 'have you ever noticed how stupid these posters are’ then you both start reading posters aloud but you both know its not that funny and youre just doing it to waste time but you still enjoy their company you just dont want silence. thats their relationship. and i think they are just very similar in very different ways and like. the key things that make them both similar and different and the same fuck them up (like suiriku!! theyre both really similar even if it doesn’t seem like it at first which is why their compatibility in the relationship chart was so low in s1, but i saw a lot of improvement in both of their behaviours and their communication and honestly. s2 was worth it for that sophie was so happy to see her faves get along) like sometimes when you look in the mirror all the things you see are the things you dont like about yourself instead of what makes you wonderful and unique. also i didnt mean to talk about this but i guess i am.
but yeah. totty is bitter n resentful at kara during hs n karas more confused and upset at tottys behaviour in their twenties n thats bc like i said. theyre dumb. karamatsu!! i think was actually pretty popular in highschool n had a good amount of friends - i genuinely think theatre kids are well liked bc i literally know everyone in my department and im friends w a good amount of people and im not even That extroverted. my actual extrovert friends know everyone in the school by name and everyone in my department is so nice even though theres a lot of bitchiness and drama its not as bad as w other humanities studies (jesus christ humanity students outside of theatre are a hot mess.)
uh yeah n that ultimately makes totty feel a bit… betrayed? karamatsu is his partner! theyre supposed to be there for eachother! kara’s the first one to branch out, get friends etc etc and todomatsus left behind bc hes always the one playimg follow the leader and he breaks out of that once they graduate - he grows up resenting karamatsu slightly though he still cares. but this time Hes the one cancelling plans to hang out with friends instead. my friend katie put it best when, in response to me telling them this, they sent me:
'kara: totty you have so many friends now. We barely see you anymore.
totty, applying chapstick: well, I learned it from the best.’
when i told them about it. but at the time gwyn and i were babbling about possibilities and different storylines and how theres a possiblity the movie might break down into three manageable plotlines n she gave zaimoku 'popularity’ and this was me throwing out ideas but honestly. Good. (aha, the end of this scenario ended up with todo throwing hands and shoulder checking someone outside a window and then getting removed from the premise n hanging with atsushi all night after) why am i on this. shit what happened here.
uhh but yeah totty is Def someone with learned behaviours rather than being a natural extrovert honestly just look at him hes an introverted mess masquerading as a decent human being and i know full well how people like that are bc some of them have been my best friends for years n seein the new hs promos solidifies that fact bc look at him. Crybaby. He is Miniscule. A Child.
then its 'delinquent who looks like an honour student’ choro. i never studied him until sophie started liking choro n since i love sophie i wanted to take an interest in him too. n i started to think very hard about him! then gwyn planted this in me n its taken root and im just never not gonna think its great. yall see his shitty gokudo impression what a bossy lil shit. he pulled a whip on kara once and it was mad funny but also Gwyns Big Evidence for him just being the absolute worst not like a casually skips class type but a Choro was a legit a bully and really mean n sabatoged other classmates to make him look like he was 100% That Bitch. maybe not him being Mean and cruel but just an asshole who bums around, is something i really like that one a lot its been one of my faves since gwyn n i started talking about it but i just!! have a ton of other things too!!
hes a lot like karamatsu in that theyre both stupid and weird and embarrassing and they put on airs but they also!! dont try!! they talk so big and such high goals n expectations and they dont do shit bc they have so much hubris but i always talk about them bc suiriku is sophies Beloved so ill like. Not. but he acts like he’s better than all of them n forces the role of the straight man on himself because he wants to be seen as the responible, level headed one even if hes just. So Much.
i think the movies calling back to how touchy feely and clingy he was in kun and adding on to how jyushis a delinquent and kara… Is Like That he’ll be around them the most bc jyushi might either be really protective or push him away and then they do something to mend their relationship later on or hell cling to kara and they just. grow apart. sticking to my hc until the end bitches. oh.
for choro… personally!! i thought hed be a slacker instead of a delinquent but not in the way totty slacked - totty was lazy n knew the work but didnt want to put in effort but choro just. Doesnt. choro has so much energy all the time and choro Can Not deal with school situations. bc like… you always hear people say that studying is meant to be done at the desk, silently, no distractions what so ever!! focus on notes and nothing else!! ise a highlighter but dont use it too much!! make your notes legible but you only have five minutes before the board gets erased!! review!!! look at your notes or youll die! take breaks bit dont take too long and honestly. listen. kun choro wouldnt be able to stand that shit and id think hed just think he was doing it The Wrong Way n he just wasnt meant to do it.
he doesnt like quiet classrooms!! he cant study like that and hell get distracted. he cant sit still n thats why totoko broke up w him in the beer ad and why hes just Everywhere in kun!! hes understimulated and its just Ugh! you know??? he’ll fidget w his pens until he breaks them or hum or tap his foot and annoy everyone or leave for the bathroom at least three times a class just to get up and move.
eventually he just. gives up even though hes super smart he like, stops caring bc if you dont care to understand material then you wont have to read and read and reread and rereread something to get it! classes just make everything uncomphrehensible and makes any idea he may have sublimate into nothing. but he can work on the trains and the buses! he needs something kenetic to get him moving and trains n shit always have enough going on to work with, just like with home!! chorochoro motherfuckers. he works much better moving forward, ironic as that is. he feels sorta set apart from every thing like hes behind some big plane of glass doing everything wrong and being all set apart from everything. eventually he takes to acting like a real fussy mom to avoid his own problems and help everyone else out even though hes annoying and even when he graduates but it gets Worse bc then figures out how much!!! he fucked up!! then he kicks himself into high gear n still cant do shit. ahh.
its illegal for me to talk about choukei bc i talk about them so much and im always being annoying n typing stupid essays about them bc theyre… my faves.. But this is so long…
it actually makes me super happy that he kara acne he still can be really fighty and he cries and he still does stupid impulsive shit for others and even though hes really sweet and caring is still an utter monster and fucking mess of a person. love him. i always like to think his shittymatsu nickname came from iyami n it just morphed from there bc in 66 you can hear iyami calling him specifically garbage. ive always been glad they kept his sewing hobby too. ahh, actually from what i see hes pretty similarities to kun so i wonder when he decided to air out that teremity. idk what to say about him that i havent in tottys section. he just Feels like someone who had a good support group and nice friends bc of how hes able to move in the world. kara feels like some whos doing their growing up in their twenties bc highschool came easy to them and now theyre just really struggling with the real world. like i shouldve expected softboy hs kara and i appreciate him very much!! i talk about choukei a lot bc they were the first characters that spoke so i immediately attached myself to them n i talk about karamatsu Specifically but im not sure i ever mentioned how much i appreciated how smart and cautious hes proved himself to be time and time again, like how hes the only one to point out totokos fish shtick aint doing her favours or how he was the first one to notice osos irritation n how you can pick out his voice warning jyushi to calm down in the bg of 24 or how in the comedian episode he was ready to take Notes from iyami and a lot of other small things!!
i would think hes actually a bit more serious n calm in hs and san is him amping up traits that drew people to him in hs and it backfiring on kara spectacularly - kara is always gauging people and their reactions and acting in a way he believes will get something positive, but at the same time is utterly oblivious when it comes to actually Getting them n i talked about the girls on the bridge but this is also prevalent with ichi who kara just. Doesnt Get and can not figure out how to maneuver their relationship. like oso, kara is and elder brother!! and elder brothers have an image theyre supposed to uphold, but while kara acts the part he doesnt do the shit a big brother does and shrugs that responsibility off on oso until oso fucks up until s2, where they share the role more evenly and his relationship with ichi improves but this is another essay entirely. what im trying to get with that is that hyperfocus on what other people think of him, but his complete disregard when it comes to their actual reaction and instead what he wants their reactions to be would also greatly impact him transtioning from a teen to an adult im sorry im getting sloppy now
osomatsu… i really adore him too much and i understand how totty felt in their episode bc i also lent my phone to a friend who needed to desperately jack it before meeting new people n i talk about him a whole lot too. hes mean and an asshole and garbage n i know a lot of people find him plain n boring but idk. i dont think thats the case hes a really complexed n nuanced character n hes literally has always been way back from kun n thats expected from a main character but… hes always been mean n dumb n sly and he can get so pathetically vunerable and thats literally!! him. hes a normal dude nothing wrong with that n it can be real refreshing. n i suppose im so fond of fishing trio+choro bc they remind me of my friends. but yeah even if hes 'plain’ i dont see why thats a bad thing. n this they always have the most interesting body language like despite kara being So Much his body language was always closed off n singled him out as everything But exuberant and bright, and osos quirks like how he stands on his toes a lot had always been so cute… its relaxed and open n screams Talk To Me!!!!
ahh but i always end up thinking oso was. oso??? theres not much to say that i havent before but i do think that he was a lot more like he was in episode 2 when ranting to chibita about having shitty brothers and then actively Chose to be a good brother even if he wasnt a good person and be a stable rock and be someone they could all come back to at the end of the day. and hes good at math im never letting this die.
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askpolylosersclub · 6 years
Note
Hey Eddie! Whats something that each member of the club do that brings a smile to your face? (Bonus points if its done JUST for you)
hi. um…okay…ill try…im not very good at putting things into writing…
- when im cuddling with bev she lets me put my head in her lap, and she plays with my hair really gently and traces her fingers over my skin like on my neck and my arms and sometimes my face and it feels really nice. and if i have a headache (which i get a lot from anxiety and stuff), she does this thing where she massages my temples and she always manages to make my headache go away. usually i fall asleep on her but she doesnt ever seem to mind.
- if im really anxious or stressed about a health related thing, ben will always help me look it up, and he does loads of research and reads all these facts, and then he tells me what he has read and he always makes me feel better about stuff. like…i know im a bit of a hypochondriac, but sometimes i just need to read something or hear it from someone else just to prove myself wrong, even if deep down i know it already. ben puts so much effort into helping me with it…and…i trust him to tell me the truth about things…and he helps me look up all these home remedies and stuff even though i dont think he believes any of it…and he tries them all out with me…ben is the nicest person ive ever met…
- stan always helps me the best if im having a panic attack, because he gets them too so he understands and he knows all these good techniques. usually we do breathing exercises, and hell get me to sit in front of him and he always holds his hand on my chest or holds my hands, and he does them with me until i calm down. and stan has a really gentle voice when he talks to me and hes never mean to me, even though i know he can be to other people. i feel really safe with stan.
- bill leaves me little notes and pictures everywhere all the time, especially when were in the house on our own. like…he writes things on the mirrors, and leaves post it notes on the insides of cupboards and drawers and stuff, and theyre always either drawings of me, or really nice notes about me…i dont even care when bill calls me cute, even though i dont normally like it. sometimes he hides notes in weird places, like inside my shoes, or in the glove compartment in my car, or in richies pockets. i guess…places he knows ill eventually find them. they always make me happy…bill always makes me happy…
- the only person i will ever ask to reach something for me is mike, since i trust him and i know he wont ever make fun of me or make me feel embarrassed about being short. hes the tallest except for richie. this is sorta embarrassing, but…sometimes we play this game if were alone in the house where we both hide pieces of candy or something…usually its candy…and i hide all of mine in really low places…and he hides all his in really high places…and then we have like five minutes to find as many as we can, and when the time is up you have to stop. and for every piece of candy you have, you get like a kiss from the other person or something…its kinda lame, but…its really fun…
- usually if one of us cant sleep, like me because of my anxiety or richie because of his adhd, we sit up together and we do this thing where we make up a story together…and we take it in turns to come up with the first part, and the first person comes up with one sentence, and then the second person continues the story, and so on…and it kinda depends what mood were in…but usually the stories are just super dumb and funny and make no sense, but we just end up laughing until were basically crying, and then…its always easier to sleep, after…and whatever it was that was keeping us awake in the first place doesnt seem to matter any more…
- EDDIE
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chickenfetus · 7 years
Note
ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)
im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)
1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?
i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets
2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?
idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now
3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?
listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves
4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?
this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep
5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?
i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food
6: What does your umbrella look like?
i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas
7: Do you listen to ASMR?
ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift
8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?
both, preferably when im indoors
9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?
hm??????????? my tags lmao 
UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all
10: Favorite color aesthetic?
does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 
11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?
in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like… straight idk i cant use rulers
12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?
neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 
13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?
im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles
14: Have you ever rode a horse?
i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though
15: Do you have glasses?
without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses
16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?
japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 
17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?
my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)
18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?
hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?
19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie
m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 
20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?
my dumb ass didnt know they were different
21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?
i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao
22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?
how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 
23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?
not really rip 
24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?
HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass
25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)
when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o
for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit
26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?
i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends
27: Do you like nicknames?
giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time
28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?
pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 
29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)
never forget dat boi
30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)
we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 
i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 
31:  Are you a fashionable person?
i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be
32: Do you like watching holiday movies?
not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????
33:  Cookies or brownies?
i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable
34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?
no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth
35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?
WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 
36: Do you like cobblestone streets?
my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk
37:  How often do you doodle?
when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out
38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?
a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum
39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?
in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water
40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?
i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either
41: Any birthmarks?
not that i know of
42: Thoughts on freckles?
ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 
43: First video game you ever played?
pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya
44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?
i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk
45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?
memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen
46: Thoughts on spring?
no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring
47: Ideal temperature outside?
oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life
48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?
i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though
49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?
yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????
50: Do you enjoy windy days?
windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao
okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot
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i feel upset today because there is a continual expectation for me to put myself out for other people and get next to nothing in return as they ask for everything. and if i ask for something, it just goes ignored. 
i’m tired of my work being devalued. i’m tired of people just taking it for granted and using it to their own benefit. i felt nothing but anxiety and animosity at the last show our group put on because i was knowingly bullied on more than one occasion by another member and then forced to put on a show with them - and was even questioned why i might pull out my art. 
i was going to perform at this event. but as the weeks passed i realized i was putting in more work than anyone else and when i asked for certain things, they were ignored or put off. and yet there was an expectation for me to complete something for them ‘asap’. this made performing for the first time really devalued. like sure, i worked hard to create the event but why? what was the purpose of this? it was never to bring anyone together, it was never to showcase anything but the organizers themselves and the lack of good promotion means the likelihood of selling something at a venue not known for after hours shows and not joining our marketing is pretty low. 
i am 27 years old now. i have no fucking desire to put on shitty teen shows that are half assed thrown together with a bunch of my friends. thats not what this is about for me - it lacks a certain amount of organization and class. it lacks a curation in performers. i thought i might be the worst one - and that’d be okay. they cant all be winners. but now it’s just open mic - and if i really wanted to perform at a open mic, i’d go to a real one. if i’m going to do a large amount of the work - outside of meeting with the owner one time and putting up 5 flyers on street poles - i want the results to be worth the work i put in. and IMO it’s not. it’s mediocre and thrown together. 
and i feel a personal insult about this because of how much work i put intothe group itself. ive dedicated time on a semi regular basis to all the admin work, the promotion, keeping social media active, posting new submissions, fielding a majority of the questions and i’m not asking for praise - i’m asking for people to respect the work i’ve done. don’t come in and draw on it with magic marker and tell me its acceptable quality when theres folks painting in oils. i dedicated time to create an entity that could be used and harnessed; i ask for the quality of our output to match whats already there. 
and i think it’s asinine that i would hve to argue doing better than average. if this is just a hobby or random activity for you - fine. it’s not serious. you’re not serious. none of this matters. but it was presented as serious. it was presented as a showcase of people’s craft. there is no effort into making it somewhere one would wnt to be. we’re all going for the ~decor. we print posters because we want to see our name on a poster in the street - not becuse we’re really advertising an event. it was acceptable that the only people in attendance would be the performers and a few of their friends. acceptable!! that’s an unsuccessful house party, in my opinion. 
you know whats missing  locally? proper use of social media to network between people. it’s impossible to find other artists in the area unless you scour through obscure hashtags. but yet theres dozens and dozens if not hundreds of artists in the local area. this means you get stuck in one influence and within that influence you may be chastised for going against the “norm” of their influence. instead of new ideas being welcomed, they’re constantly turned down or argued against. 
i’ve met all of the people i know through facebook and instagram in my art world. thats a very powerful tool.i know models who only book through instagram. and ive had arguements about the use of hashtags. as if theyre not relevant. 
i’m tired of questioning what i know. tht honestly gives me the most anxiety. and its not like im tired of questioning what i do - its healthy to question your actions - but what i know and believe makes me feel unsure of myself and the skills i have. i have had experience working in the creative industries since i was 17, freelancing. and i have a wide variety of skills in graphic design, retouching photos, photography of models & landscapes & products, glamour modeling & product modeling (of which i’ve done for dozens of photographers in the local area), web design & blogging + knowlege of e-commerce platforms, wordpress, seo, promotion & marketing both online & offline, i’ve sold crafts online for almost four years and switched my primary creative tool from artisan crafts to trditional & figure art that i studied & practiced extensively for over two years, i have skills in copywriting & journalism, i have a handle on the basic laws of creative works & how they can be used, basic knowledge in building & selling a brand, communicating with clients & customers (of which i’ve had no complaints in regards to my communication - ive had complaints about shipping because post offices are not so nice), creating organized file systems which can be used by multiple people -- i have paid my dues. i am still growing, absolutely. i am not the best at any of the above things i listed. i could be even better. i could spend two hours today on one of these skills and be better than i am right now. i can always be better.
but just because i can be better doesnt take away from what i know now, what i have learned, what i have studied - like i took the time to study and read up on research and marketing & promotion techniques. a good portion of my first shop was spent reading about how to sell stuff, not so much making stuff to sell. as i did not realize at the time how much work went into being successful online. and i did not realize until my shop closed how i had taken that skill for granted - because i had done all that work & effort, it was able to pull in a few sales a month with little to no effort now. if i worked harder, maybe i couldve been even better. 
i also (un)willingly have worked full time as an artist and only an artist for at least two years. this is the “luxury” ive been allowed in  life even though i am the definition of starving artist. i didnt have it as a part time job or hobby - it was something i did every single day and i marketed & promoted for hours a day. an acquaintance of mine upon hearing of my mental state now told me that i had gone so hard for so long - and i kind of appreciated that he saw that on the outside. that someone could see that i actully did work incredibly hard. that i was dedicated.. that i AM dedicated. 
i’m not saying any of this makes me better thn anyone else or knowing more - it just means i’m experienced. i am very very experienced in not only practicing a craft but marketing that craft to sell, displaying that craft in it’s best light, knowing the best places to sell. i also work in quality over quantity. i am not interested in doing 9  - 10 shows a year. i’m not interested in shitting out  5 - 7 paintings at a time. it means before i touch anything to paper or canvas or wood - i’ve thought about it. i’ve really, really thought about it. i didnt just sit down and throw paint on the canvas. i couldve been thinking of this image for days before i do it. or the craft itself - my bone jewelry came because i absolutely neded to make a necklace out of fish bones i found and they needed vials attached. why? i dont know. but it just needed to be. 
when i started the group, i asked about names. i didnt choose a name or dictate the name. i was given a suggestion by someone i actually dont like at all and was given a reson for why he felt it was a good suggestion and i agreed because business-wise it was a good suggestion. i respected that he hd different ideas and experiences that shaped that suggestion that i did not have. i learned through it that i should expand my reach - both in my personal creative life and my ‘business’ creative life. 
my ~partner was disappointed i wasn’t going to perform. i could tell it was frustrating and dissappointing to him because i think he thought it wouldve been good for me and that i would hopefully find something in it that would bring me something. and through his disappointment he told me that it wasn’t totally right to drop out of something you planned to do or that peopl expected you to be at.
but i’d like to turn that around - my partner is someone who also puts himself out for others on a regular basis. and for a long, long, long time he was fucked around and fucked over by many people. an old friend came to his door and asked to borrow money and he allowed him to despite knowing he might be a drug addict now. he had no obligation to this person but it was like since he was asked, he should. and i think if he lerned to say no, or learned to walk away from an unhealthy situation, he would be happier as well. i’ve learned first hand the benefit of walking away from something toxic. and you will feel misplaced guilt for a bit, i feel some guilt now but it’s for the best. 
i try to think how i can change my perspective on it but i cannot. i wold not walk down the street if this was held in the local gallery, nevermind 20km away. like once i took myself out as a performer i realized i wouldnt even want to go. i dont want to see anyone perform but my partner; who will already be subdued because of the venue. ive been completely taken out of the organization of the event - despite having been continually involved in the promotion and a few conversations since the lst one where i said i didnt want to keep doing this. so ive deleted my advertisement efforts online andi’m just halting any further promotion on my part of this event. i’m 97% sure i’m personally not even going to go. i no longer ant to see half of the people there on a personal level so it’s not even worth going to to hang out and i dont care about displaying my art. 
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