#These have been waiting to be posted for a while i feel like im going to die every time i post these two together

[wazzappp]

ALRIGHT WE BALL. Time to get on with the story (i have a story planned thats. a real shocker. im ass at writing but ill get this drawn damnit I promise)

This argument is one that just needed to happen. Robbie cant think of the infected he's been killing as people because that would mean he has killed a truly UNCOUNTABLE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE. Lisa has done what she has to in order to survive, and that includes killing the un-infected (which, of course, to Robbie is totally unacceptable). So when he's trying to explain the difference it just comes across JUDGY AS HELL. They're both proud and defensive and bad communicators and the conversation goes BADLY.

This happens while they're on their way to the Beneviento house. Lisa basically goes 'Alright if youre so high and mighty go ahead and beat this one yourself then!' and fucks off back to Duke with the intention to kill as many Lycans in the way as physically possible. Robbie goes ahead to the SPOOKY NIGHTMARE HOUSE trust me I have plans for what he sees in there and its appropriately disturbing but it also spoils the ending I have planned for this whole thing so :) hang in there.

BUT he ends up having a BAD TIME when he's trying to head back and what @rokhal suggested slotted in SO VERY NICE HERE (i feel i have sufficiently LOST MY MIND over the fic you posted i am JKSL:FJSDFDS F UCk)

'Picturing Robbie alone in the Village foraging for gunpowder and cash (because it's a Video Game and they can't just hang out in Donna Benaviento's house throwing the creepy dolls in the river while waiting for rescue after reconnecting the phone lines, no, they have to wander around the entire map) and he's saving the herbs for Gabe and using all the chem fluid for sniper rifle ammo or whatever. And he's fighting off werewolves and it's fine because apparently his health regenerates like mana because he's made of mold.

But as he's wandering around it starts to get harder and harder to remember how much cash and scrap he needs. And he keeps missing shots. And then he gets a little turned around but now he's lost and there's more fkn werewolves, and he's seriously low on ammo and he just wants to get back to Gabe, but he needs to regroup and his hands are numb so he tries to warm them at one of the villager's stoves.

And then he discovers that he's slowly turning into a mindless mold creature, and realizes that the only way to keep Gabe safe from him is to get really really really lost, so lost he'll never find his way back before something kills and eats him.

This does not work, but it does ensure that he is incoherent and barely recognizable by the time Gabe and Lisa track him down.'

Which is all MWAH. CHEFS KISS.

Anyway Robbie is gone for a WHILE and Lisa realizes that the puzzles she needs to solve to move the fuck on require 2 people so she's stuck killing any lycans that stray too close to Dukes camp and hanging out with Gabe. UNTIL, of course, Gabe decides yeah no fuck this fuck that Robbie has been away for WAY to long and I'm going after him. Only problem is that Gabe's abilities are kinda rooted too wherever his sclerotia pods (is adding pods to that redundant? whatever we ball) have had enough time to take root and grow. Meaning, despite her anger towards Robbie at the moment, if Lisa doesen't want Gabe caught, dragged to Mother Miranda and dismembered, she's gotta go with him (also featuring @moosemonstrous hilarious idea of her being proud of Gabe's attempted intimidation).

When they DO track him down he's barely awake. He keeps wandering in one direction then looks like he wants to turn around and go another but he keeps FORCING HIMSELF to go the other way (generally I think he would be a decent bit stronger, but fighting his instincts this hard make him seem more aimless. Robbie is borderline unstoppable when trying to get to his brother, but right now he's NOT trying to get to his brother. you feel me?). Lisa goes up first to make sure he's not going to lose his shit or something. He basically falls onto her with the single saddest "m'sorry" ever heard on planet Earth. If it's for FALLING on her or if its for the CONVERSATION earlier, Lisa isn't quite sure. But it's been years since anyone has apologized to her for anything and thats enough for her to decide she should at least sling him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes back to Dukes camp.

They make it back to the Dukes camp and give Robbie a couple of med kits (GOOP JUICE!!!!!) and he's a little more coherent. He's still trying to stay away from Gabe even though everything in him is saying 'STAY CLOSE' but he's got SOME brain space available because at least he's in line of sight now. Scrambled brain time is not the BEST for trying at an apology but hey, Robbie isn't really known for his great ideas and he tries anyway.

(ft me being unwell about shoving them together)

They're on better terms after this. The communication is still weird but hey its them so everything is weird. Plus they get some extra bonding time because I also snatched rokhals OTHER suggestion of

'....Been thinking maybe The Duke has a recipe that would heal Robbie...requiring meat from a golden dancing fish and the breast of the blue bird that haunts the graveyard and the tenderloin of the magnificent boar that sires all the swine in the Village...or something. So Gabe and Lisa have to go hunting while keeping Robbie calm...'

Ah yes. the high end flesh of the Great Village Fuck Boar. Delightful.

Cause I mean he's BETTER but still not GREAT. I think now that he's with Gabe he would be unable to leave him again while like this. Gabe would HAVE to go with them (we can get >:] 'Robbie goes into an overprotective frenzy and sword hands himself to hack some poor lycan that got too close in half' its a good time [its not. sword hand is very disturbing to him])

So anyway what Im TRYING to say is that the brainworms will continue

#I also :) found a way to fit :) side-of-face-splitting-into-horror to fit into the actual story :) aha. ahahaha. #ghost rider re7 au #my art #sketch #this took. a while lol. #what he sees in the Beneviento house is gonna be so fun to show you guys I promise its a terrible good time #we just need to get to the end of the story first to get there i dont wanna spoil design stuff >:] #RE!lisa #robbie reyes #gabe reyes

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

#trans #transgender #trans woman #help #please help #trans crowdfund #trans fundraiser #mtf hrt #hrt #hormones

[cephalonheadquarters]

I hate my ocs so so so so bad how do people do this and be normal about it . also i canr draw diesel consistently sorry

lol..

#These have been waiting to be posted for a while i feel like im going to die every time i post these two together #it ramps up my anxiety so bad causes a visceral reaction but people like my guys .i think #I dont hate posting them. I just feel like i will pass out #splatoon #splatoon oc #oc #chamelo fláje #diesel fintasma #my art

[lucky-draws]

as if i actually changed my blog description last month to say "occasionally mgs". like i rly thought id moved on. you fool it was just winter and you were in an art funk. mgs in your brain forever and ever and ever

#i must say im a bit scared about all the new fans but i must believe in peace and love on earth. just know that i was here before the remake #slash j but i sort of like mgs being a niche....i like going insane about bosselot in a little insane circle.... #maybe ill put the dates i first played mgs in my bio like the way annoying people list concerts they've been to #twin snakes on my computer 8.11.20 <3 mgs3 on my 2ds 15.1.21 <3 #just to assert my before the remake superiority #(slash j) #i feel like my d/octor who header is now false advertising bc i drew dw like 3 times and then haven't watched or felt like drawing any sinc #but we'll see... #anyway what inspired this post was i was having bosselot visions +images while i was waiting for the kettle to boil at breakfast earlier.

[arcaneyouth]

rapidly approaching my 21st birthday is hard and weird but not for any normal reasons thats for sure

#not a vent post im just rambling in the tags #theres 4 main factors at play here. #firstly theres Society n all that telling me 21 is a Special Biethday!!! you'll be old enough to legally do adult things!!! #secondly theres the fact that i love being alive and celebrating it this shit rules like fuck yes i get to keep living hell yes #thirdly theres the fact that i kinda dont actually care. like its chill. ive reached the point where a birthday is a cute lil tradition #i dont gotta go wild with it and dont feel the need to treat it differently than any other day #but also the 4th thing which is 21 is yet another age my doctors told me id never get to see so like this is A Big One #so this is actually hard as hell because fundamentally i dont care that much n dont have strong emotions BUT FUCK DUDE WHAT IF BIG CELEBRAT #constantly sitting here going hehe yayy its my birthday soon cant wait to hang out with my friends and then go back to normal life #while also going I NEED BIG PLANS I NEED HUGE PLANS I NEED A CELEBRATION OFF THE WALLS OH FUCK OH GOD #it doesnt stop being funny. i dont even know what kind of big thing id do anyways #mom said i couldnt go to moterey bay aquarium too much money and that was my only idea #ive been thinking about this for weeks and have come up with 0 other plans #'we gotta do a huge party' ok then come up with one then dumbass #oh noooo guess ill have a nice time at home just like any other day oh nooooo #guess my 21st birthday will be unspecial. darn. anyways

[jrueships]

SHUT!UP!!! people using the gainnis (GIANNIS sorry im shaking with rage) (not rlly im just stupid) picking dame over jrue for his all stars team as ammo that he's always wanted dame over himSHURUP!!! that he's already moved on, that he encouraged the trade as soon as it could be done and that's why it happened so quick and unexpected (for us)SHUT. UP. SHUT UP SHUTUP SHUT UP!!! THEY DIDNT CONSULT WITH HIM BEFORE THE TRADE! THEY DIDNTa theyDIDNT

#but it could be the pr just protecting his already very protected image #i feel like theres two starting points people take with media #roll with it or disregard it #and it's like idk which to take #usually i do a combo bcs while i dont like going 100% with i also hate going 100% against unless it's an understandable circumstance fortha #but it's like #..im waiting for the goodbye post is all #IT'S LIKE #idk #like while allstars is cool with ur teammate n all i think theres a thrill when it's going against him #and playing with guys u usually dont #to see whose team is better #it's like when the jays faced off and it was a massive highlight #giannis doesnt play with other teams stars on the offseasons #allstars is his only accepted time for that so naturally hes gonna want to take that opportunity #plus his allstar choices have been laughed at so #ppl dont do defense on allstar week. thats just fact now #but at the same.. it's a little #it's a little eerie #but like #mann idk #why cant i just be into what all the other ppl are into man #i NEED some gray matter i NEED some gra

[arolesbianism]

Thinks oh so hard abt the spiraling upwards clan founders, especially the birchclan founders. Silly lil kitties who's pasts are drenched in blood with the primary regret of not drawing it sooner

#rat rambles #oc posting #warriors posting #spiraling upwards #long story short they had a shitty awful terrible leader who sucked absolutely ass and they tore him to shreds #I mean that literally they pinned him onto the mountain side and slashed and mauled the shit out of him so hard that his lives evaporated #and several of the cats involved in that scene are sill alive and major parts of the story and I love them #oh also the cat that pinned him through a stab through the throat was his own daughter btw everyone hated his ass so much #and for good reason get his ass #alas in the main story I dont rly get to go too deep into how he harmed everyone involved mostly just three main ones #aka bristlestar because shes murtlepaw's ghost mom dawncrackle because hes also haunting murtle and gullspot because shes bristle's kit #so basically all the flashbacks we get involve those three in some form or another #honeystar was also there and involved but Im not currently planning on having her rly talk abt that #most of her more modern angst is the fact that she was forced into leadership against her will #and shes been alive long enough that shes been leading birchclan far longer than she ever lived in her old clan #but she did go through a lot of shit before birchclan was founded and it definitely shaped her a lot #she used to be a very determined and high spirited lil kitty cat who tried to be optimistic #but her family began to slowly be picked off one by one by both the old leader and the one whod later get evicerated #some of the older cats around her hoped it make her back down from her revelutionary ideas but she noticed that and it backfired on them #instead of being worn down to submission she became absolutely Furious and began to lash out more and become more demanding #it got to the point that she really only had two friends in the entire clan and one of them was her aunt whod later also die after coming #out abt having witnessed the leader killing his own kits #that was the final fucking straw for her and she was fully on board when bristle and dawn started looking for cats to join their rebellion #she did get rly frustrated with them as they waited patiently for the right moment but her remaining bestie kept her from going apeshit #so once the big fight finally broke out she was more than eager to join the hoard of cats chasing the bastard upwards #now unlike some of the other cats involved this legitimately actually made her feel a lot better for a while #for the first time in ages she finally felt like she could be optimistic abt smth again and was excited abt the idea of leaving this place #she had lost so much in this damn place since she was an apprentice and just wanted to finally be able to rest easy #but once they got to their new territory and set up camp things went south real fast as a flood fucked everything up #and after losing the only cat she had left in her life and losing her tail and being made deputy on top of that she deteriorated quickly

[izzy-b-hands]

If ur waiting on a reply from me (and i know a couple of folks are rn) thank u for ur patience in waiting. I'm working on typing things up but today is just. idk how to put it but i keep winding up grumpy and my replies i feel are suffering for it. Pls know i do wanna chat and exchange ideas, I'm just trying to make sure the Grumpasaurus Rex side of my brain that's v loud today isn't mucking them up before i send them 🫂🫂❤️❤️

#text post #like it's genuinely nothing just bad takes online some shitty messages in my inbox on here and reddit and not sleeping well at all #attempted a nap i woke up from like tenish minutes ago and it was all a realistic nightmare #in which ct house was somehow connected to nd condo & i kept getting caught on one side or the other at a time #unable to touch or talk to anyone until i was fully on either 'side' for a good while #made the flow of time feel fucked up and i fully expected this to have been a longer nap considering how time felt in there lol #but yeah. I'm trying and im v grateful to y'all waiting for being patient with me. thank u & i promise ill have my shit together soon #(aka might take an edible and just. idek. bake maybe? my brain isn't happy doing anything rn but cookies are always good) #have a potential call with mum later i need to prep for #...worst case scenario i try to nap a bit more and hope i don't wind up stuck in that weird hallway from my dream again #worst bit was the nd cats and my mum and ct cats and Housemate on each side both trying to get me out but couldn't #really don't wanna feel as stuck as i did in this dream but hey!! maybe it's trying to tell me something lmao #not entirely sure what but that's nothing new for me lmao #normally wouldn't post like this for replies but everyone waiting follows me so i figure this reaches everyone easily enough #& hopefully is better/more useful than me going radio silent bc my brain is being a baby abt shit that means nothing lmao

[theunconcernedembalmer]

Mr Gatto, do you like doing your job? Is it something you enjoy doing?

(Also take care of yourself Mun! :D)

Even after everything... I don't think I will be changing my job anytime soon.

#identity v #aesop carl #identity v embalmer #identity v ask blog #identity v the embalmer #gatto event #hi anon thanks for the concern XD #im doing alright i just have this insane depressive block that has been impeding y creative processes #so ive been trying a lot of things to get out of it #one option is to wait it out but im miserable doing nothing. so i will force it out and feel slightly better that at least i did something #i probably should have spaced oout my posts i clear the inbox really really quickly #ill try to get some stuff out while i can. since im free for the month before work resumes n i disappear again #seriously though its frustrating sitting down staring at a blank canvas for 10 mins with 0 ideas and low energy #and then resigning myself to going back to lying down and mindlessly scrolling twitter or whatever #every single time i try to do something i end up back on my bed. for days on end. it makes me want to throw myself down a flight of stairs #at least with asks i have something to work towards and thats so much better even if i do end up back on the bed afterwards #this sounds like a very pathetic show of begging for asks. which i guess it is??? #its just that. i used to have so many ideas. i used to draw so many comics. i want to cry every time i compare that with myself now #has work killed off so much of my creativity? probably. but i just really want it back. so im trying my best #i didnt mean to get this emotional in the tags but this is really something ive been struggling with a lot right now #so if u have the time to spare. just drop something dumb in my inbox. it helps a great deal. much greater than i can express #but anyway if ur reading this im still very grateful for the support u have shown to the blog in one way or another. #so thank you very much n i hope the day will treat you kindly #less than three

[lovphobic]

i was tagged by @nuclearstorms umm three weeks ago (oops) to do THIS uquiz for my ocs! thank u bestie mwah mwah mwah

i am not sure who to tag because ummm all of my oc mutuals either tag me in these or are tagged with me in these. so. um. if u have ocs and want to do this then i tag u :)

— 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞?

𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆 . . . 𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘯

your heart is very lonely, isn’t it? is your fortress of ice self-made? are others afraid of you, or are you afraid of them? are you afraid of hurting them, or of being hurt? vulnerability and connection can be frightening, but that’s no reason to shy away from their light, to tuck yourself small into corners, to build up frigid walls to keep yourself from feeling. you will heal when you allow yourself to draw closer to the flames and thaw.

𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒕 . . . 𝘢 𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴

who are you without the company of others? you aren’t sure, but you know that you aren’t fond of whoever it is. you are an actor, a pretty face and a pleasant song. many idolize you, or love you, but you can never be sure of how sincere it is. your heart is buried under the letters they leave you, sealed with a kiss. it can’t be untangled from the red strings they’ve attached to you. you deserve to find something, someone, true and faithful to hold your heart in place. you don’t have to be everything to everyone.

𝒗𝒂𝒍𝒅𝒚𝒔 . . . 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳, 𝘢 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘩

your chest is wide open, and your heart is a home. others are welcomed in readily and asked to stay. you are comfort and love, everything you were never given but so desperately want to provide for others. you have built this welcoming hearth with your own two hands and won’t see anyone else left out in the cold. be careful to not burn yourself out trying to keep everyone else warm.

𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒚𝒂 . . . 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯, 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦

your heart has been torn before, chipped and maybe even shattered. some pieces will never be recovered, and you are shaped by the loss. but it can still be shaped into something tangible, something good, even with its flaws and imperfections. you don’t have to do all the work of rebuilding by yourself. allow other hands to leave their fingerprints on the new heart you create from the remnants.

#can i be so honest. i did this quiz for them when u tagged me. like minutes after. in the dermatologist waiting room #but im so glad i retook it. because now all of them have different answers. i think i was just trying to get it done that first go of it #to have something to do while i waited #i feel like. truthfully. personally. id switch valdys and thalya's results #like their results fit the other SO much better. so much more closely #but i will not forge the results. this is what they got! #THANK U AGAIN. SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG #i didnt really want to post this bc i was like. nobody give a shit about my ocs #bc i cant develop them well. ive never been terribly creative. #but i AM passionate about them. i just dont have a lot to say like u guys do #but i was like. ehh. fuck it. whatever #so here we are #oc: tag games

[zeawesomebirdie]

Nine days and about a million words of superbat fic later, I think we're finally back to our regularly scheduled program here on the ZeAwesomeBirdie blog! :)

#vent post #not actually a vent lmao but thats the tag #(wow i havent used those tags in a *while* i had to go back and check what they were) #but im at that stage of quote unquote recovery where while i *do* still feel like ive been hit by a truck #(several trucks. actually.) #i am very well aware i do *not* have the capability to do much else *besides* read #even though im getting antsy #im waiting for one of my parents to get the various b@tman movies ive requested from the library for me #because i am low key still testing positive (and im not actually 100% on this but i think i might have/end up with long covid) #so im still under quarantine for the foreseeable future #but this is fine cause like #i promised myself id finish my current season of gunsmoke before i got too invested in any new TV/movies #since its so rare for me to do TV/movies in the first place #so thats what we'll be doing today! #at least until my fixation grabs me in a chokehold and forces me back to fic (affectionate) #id actually really like to be writing because heaven knows my writer's brain *never* shuts up #but actually this is the first time ive been too sick to write in.... literal years #i wasnt even too sick to write when i was bleeding to death yknow? #but im too antsy for fic. so. #finishing Gunsmoke it is #lucky for me Chester is such a pretty guy 👀 #anyway yeah we're back to our regularly scheduled programming here now :) #ill make a pinned post if (when) i do another liveblog once i get the movies #love yall hope yall are having a good timezone! #also fuck my brainfog for making a typo in my own url ??????? #like bro #(this is a huge part of why i cant currently write lmao)

[thatone-highlighter]

“Do you know how tiring it is to have to reforge a bond every single time I change hands? Maybe being the Gem of Intelligence means I have to deal with so many egotistical mongrels one after the other with no breaks in between, and maybe you’re the first to actually treat me like a person!”

Felt like doing something funky for the one year anniversary of @maldito-arbol ‘s fic Ill Be Your Best Friend, second in the Were Just Human series!

Ive done this comic before but i thought it would be fun to do it a second time to compare and its such a good scene overall so. Its crazy that its been a year, it both feels like too long and not long enough. Im so glad i decided to read this series it is so good the writing is amazing and the characters are all so complicated and interesting, and of course all the people I’ve met and become friends with because of it! so i just wanna say thanks Mal, for deciding to write this i guess, this fic has been amazing it was a wonderful thing to look forward to every second Friday and its crazy to think i could have easily never met you or anyone else in the server or not if it hadn’t been for this series. So thanks and i hope this comic shows even a bit of my appreciation for you and your fic

And to anyone who hasn’t read the series, you should!! I Love fic 1 Marcy’s unreliable narrator and her mumbling habit keeping me on my toes trying to keep track of everything. The girls’ powers and the introduction to the gems and everything that happens with that is just *chefs kiss* amazing, and don’t even get me Started on fic 3 i cant even say anything without spoiling! So if you haven’t read it, go read it! Its such a good series and the writing and characters are incredible and agh! And if you have read it, read it again i don’t care its so good i could re-read it endlessly

#i did not intent to get this sentimental in the post but! its fine we deserve it <3 #bestie you do not KNOW how hard it is rn to not vauge about this. its a secret its gonna be so cool #hhhaargh! im rlly happy with this comic actually. might put it in the server seprately also becausem #i dont know if tumblr is gonna rip the quality like its done in the post maker i can see every individual pixel its awful #seeing the improvement in my art and stuff from the last comic. that was only feb guys. its been 8 months and ive gotten So much better #so proud of myself besties frfr #i was so terrified i wouldnt get this done in time but i finished this morning i was So happy #im gonna schedule this for when i Think ibybf1 would have come out but i wasnt oaying super close attention to the when at that point #i just knew it was while i was at school and id get home and read the chapter. you see mal the reaidng in class didnt start till we talked<3 #feel free to male fun of me if i emd up getting this time wrong. also its gonna be so funny and nerver wracking if we get in vc #and yr reading when the time this is gonna post goes by. i cant wait to see ur reaction to this hehe #almost didnt do this considered doing it in feb for like a one year thing and make it for ibybf11 birthday but nah #len talked me into this im glad it did thanks bestie <3 #uhhhm yeah so. hope u like this. hope it makes you all go insane. some of the inconsistencies just Happened some were intentional #Tree Man Posts #duck art #ibybf #wjh #marcy wu #sentimentality #yes im adding that one what the FUCK happened in this post #i think that quote is a good one i already used the nickname one last time #i Could post now but where the fun in that #gonna break down sobbing if Mal’s at work when this posts

[todayisafridaynight]

We’re having an emergency meeting to discuss Chris Johnson and the whitest name ever

absolutely fitting for our white man now innit

#snap chats #speaking of White People and names tho.. i drove out to barnes and noble because if i stayed at my mom's any longer id go insane #and while i was here i read the entirety of My Brother's Husband. VERY good series it was so good i loved it... #its not in my budget today to buy the whole set but maybe one day.. mike flanagan i love you you're so happy and good.. #WAIT IT GOT A LIVE ACTION SERIES ????? I HAVE TO WATCH IT LATER I WAS JUST THINKING IT'D BE GOOD AS A JDRAMA #what i did buy today tho was the second volume of The Yakuza's Bias since i loved the first one so much #and ive been PRAYING the second one'd come out soon #i also got another kirby blind box </3 its supposed to sit on your drinking glass but i didnt see who i got yet.. #i hope its not meta knight. i love meta knight but i want some variety... #im hoping its the sleeping kirby one but it was hard to hear the difference so idk #and im not checkin til later so i doont get tempted to return what i got to get a new one like a freak ☠️ #SO SAD THO when i was getting my stuff they didnt have any more butterfly bookmarks... #i always get one when i go out and sure i have more than enough bookmarks but now it feels weird... #anyway. im gonna get food i havent eaten all day... tho i did want chicken and soju later didnt i... #maybe ill just get something light here i just came here for the wifi honestly lol #god what else did i do.. OH THERE WAS THIS ONE MANGA. #i forget the full name but it had 'akane' in the title so of course i was like 'lol' and decided to read the blurb #IN THE STORY HER DAD'S NAME IS ARAKAWA ? but all of his teachers also have the surname arakawa but theyre not related #arakawa must be a ral impotrant name in the manga.... point is i lol'd #i almost wanna go back to. stopping this post now to do it LOL HANG ON BRB #AKANE-BANASHI THAT'S WHAT IT WAS CALLED and she wanted to be the best rakugo performer after her father's teacher #also named arakawa. As I Said. #failed everyone for no reason #maybe one day ill check it out.. always thought rakugo was a fine art... #anyway im rambling too much im gonna try to write a fanfic. no way in hell im drawing rgg in public LMAO #actually im gonna get food first.. as i said i havent eaten all day... ok bye #anon im so sorry if you ever read these tags LMAO I JUST LIKE TALKING ABOUT MY DAY

[0tul1ss]

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#mannn i literally assumed he ghosted-- why on earth would he text me after so long???? #i was fully like 'ok the last msg i sent literally makes me cringe a bit to read but its been months so ig im never opening the convo again #it was simpler before when there felt like there was nothing else to do and easier to move on. i even had a little crush on someone else ! #now i have a whole wheel of decisions to choose from #and idek what i truly want from this guy anymore bc even just platonically he kinda fucked it up like. idk #or rather i want a lot of different things and idk what to choose #i want my friend back. i want to never see him again. i want him to know every truth of what ive felt and i want him to know none of it #i want him to miss me or maybe wonder about me sometimes down the line. i want him to not spare me another thought for the rest of his life #i want to reply only 'go fuck yourself' and i want to write him a letter and i want to ghost him better than he ghosted me #i want to tell him i love him and i want to tell him i hate him and i want to say nothing at all #i want the closure i was denied. i want to protect the closure i now have #<-going insane #anyway its soooo stupid like i already grieved for this shit bro. i accepted the end of this years long close friendship #anyway idk why im doing so much processing of this in a vent post nor do i know why i always feel compelled to post these when i do #good thing i keep a small presence on here lol. but yea uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh send post #ok wait i saved this as a draft and went to go look for what i had been tagging vent posts with #[couldnt find one i had been using consistently even tho the whole point is so ppl can blacklist it if they want whoops!!] #and i saw another vent from another time he just kinda disappeared on me #and while this time was a lot worse for a lot of reasons i think its important to say this-- #that the last thing that i want is to go back to square one of this stupid awful cycle #vent

[orcelito]

Brain is rotating between depressing but bittersweet post-trimax one-shot, current wip chapter of itnl, playful horny Sentido sequel one-shot, and violent bloody itnl times to be had sooner than you think

Like the barrel of a gun. Click click click click spinning round and round. Which one am I gonna land on? Only time will tell.

#speculation nation #itnl shit #i did start writing chapter 14 today. finally. #like barely but it's a start. #but ive also been thinking about the post-trimax oneshot i wrote the intro for a month ago & havent written any since #but ALSO im thinking about smut. which i plan to write itnl side stories when that shit comes up #but it's gonna Be A While & i could theoretically do the sentido sequel oneshot WHENEVER i want #ive been waiting for ww to officially be in itnl so hes alive again. b4 i go back to sentido. #but i still have a while and i wanna write smut NOW!!!!!!!! #these 2 make me wanna start Chewing i swear #i also started thinking about blood. specifically vash covered in it. #which yeaaa yeaaa we have seen that already. kind of. but thats not the blood i want to see on him. #there's a difference between his blood and someone else's blood. his blood on him is natural. common. expected. #he's fine with it bc he's so fucking used to it. #now someone Else's blood? that's not as common. he avoids it at all cost. not bc of the blood itself #but rather its existence signifies his failure. to keep someone safe. to keep someone alive. #for him to be covered in someone else's blood he has to fail quite badly. and Boy do i have some immanent plans for that >:3c #all in all i am feeling Profoundly unhinged tonight. but in a creative sort of way. #unfortunately i dont have a brain for writing rn so none of it is being done. but i will do Something... later. #hopefully tomorrow. we'll see!

[risingsunresistance]

#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said #but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard #every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT' #he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project #how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year #i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again #drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it #cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :( #i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard #i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to #i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol) #i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him #it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up #but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough'' #so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa #idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me #idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh #chat #tw death