#The support staff has been really responsive when I've had issues to

[babylonbirdmeat]

How I'll feel about ads in mobile games is funny because like if there's a bunch of ads it's like fuck you and usually games with constant ads have aggressive pushes for microtransactions but then every once in a while a game will have completely ignorable microtransactions and very fair fun gameplay and the only ads are like "hello you can watch an ad for a bonus" and I'm just like "Okay I'll watch your ads we can both have a little treat here"

#rutena speaks #I've very rarely as in have not done it in years and years spent money on mobile games #And it's only ever been on ones that are super generous with premium currency and have minimal ads (usually only bonus ads) #Rn I'm playing a fun little word game that fits the bill and tbh if I had money to spare I'd spend money on it #The support staff has been really responsive when I've had issues to

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Not really a question but I just need to say this to someone who will understand. Also, people have asked you questions what a meltdown looks like. So this is mine, one of the worst I've ever had in my adult life.

I'm 40 years old and am so good at masking that I wasn't diagnosed as autistic until my mid-30s. Normally, I can blend into most social situations. However, I have been in constant pain for 2 months due to a medical issue, and the exhaustion of pain that will never stop has eroded away all the mask. I am now 100% Naked Autistic, because I am burned out beyond anything I've ever felt in my life.

Yesterday I had a complete and utter meltdown in the doctor's office, and it was terrifying. First, he entered the room angry, yelling at me to "stop being rude to my staff". I'm extremely sensitive to being called "rude" because that's what I've been called all my life, just for existing. I've internalized it and now I know, my existence is rude. So whenever someone calls me "rude", it hurts very deeply, even when I'm NOT in a burnout state.

This doctor was SO angry and yelled at me SO much and I couldn't hold it together, I started to cry. He told me to calm down "or else", but I was already in the middle of a meltdown, I literally couldn't.

Then he gave me bad medical news. My test results were inconclusive and didn't show what was wrong with me. Which meant there was no hope of my pain ending any time soon.

Thankfully my mother was there and she helped me communicate, and we at least got him to order more tests, and to prescribe me a new medication to try. But at no point did he become kind or merciful; it was clear from his face that he just wanted me out of his sight as quickly as possible, because I am "rude".

At that point I was so overwhelmed with emotions that I turned into an animal. I had to escape; my flight response kicked in HUGE. I ran out of there. The minute I was in the hall I started to scream at the top of my lungs, and I could not stop. I punched the concrete wall over and over (my hand is all bruised today, I think I'm lucky that it's not broken). People in the hall were terrified of me. Rightly so. I was violent and out of control. I tried to rip the pictures of the walls, but they were screwed down.

My mother was brilliant. She knew I couldn't stop, or speak, or listen. She said to me "Our goal is to get to the car. Let's get to the car. We can do it." Simple, clear direction that was easy to follow. I couldn't stop screaming or crying, but I could walk. She put her hand on my shoulder and guided me, down the hall, out the door, into the car. Because if I'd stayed in the building with that behavior, police could have been called. Very bad things could have happened. She saved me from that.

I screamed in the car for a long time. I could only sob and cry and scream. I think about a half hour went by. It was a long time. Finally, because I was in a safe place (our familiar car), with a person I trusted (my mother), the worst of the meltdown passed and I was able to stop screaming.

I was exhausted. I was terrified. My hand was killing me. I was like a puppy or a little child, helpless to my overwhelming emotions. Eventually, Mom asked if I'd like to get a donut from the donut shop across the street. She moved my mind onto something else. The donut tasted delicious (I mean its a donut), and that pleasant sensory input helped me focus my mind. I finally calmed down enough that we could talk.

I am 40 years old, live independently, have a professional career, a long-term relationship with my partner, and otherwise appear to be a "successful allistic". But yesterday, I was absolutely nonfunctional. If I didn't have my needs supported by my mother, who knows what could have happened.

I am much better today. Exhausted from everything, but not overwhelmed anymore. I'm telling this story so that others who go through a meltdown can know what it is- and why they're suddenly acting like that. It's because of my autistic brain, and the fact that it was overwhelmed with more emotion than a body can handle or express.

But it passes. It ends. The next day comes, and you can try to heal.

Hi there,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m not sure if you’re seeing that doctor or not, but I would try and distance myself if you work together, or see each other.

That doctor, or whoever it was, is the rude one, yelling at people and being disrespectful and not understanding. Who walks in and randomly starts yelling at people?

I sometimes have my boyfriend or mom speak for me because sometimes I don’t know what to say or do in certain situations.

Sorry for the rambling. Thanks again for sharing. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

Also please try and get away from that doctor. Reading this made me sad and angry. I’m sorry you had to deal with this. Sending a hug.

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[cemeterything]

In January 2021 there were less than 200 tumblr employees (source is the tumblr staff member on the guy fieri arg discord server who was confirmed to be tumblr staff. Also I think another staff member posted it on their blog around that time). Unless they’ve mass hired people (it sounded like the size of the team was getting smaller at the time so unlikely) the content moderation team is extremely small. It’s definitely a significant issue that there’s not enough people to run this website properly, but it’s a staffing issue, not a not caring about or agreeing with bigotry issue. That’s also why they rely on terrible ai software to review images and blanket bans of certain tags. There’s straight up not enough people to actually review reports, however if something high profile happens they can act quickly. (Sorry this is a long ask, I just feel this is important information in any discussion about how tumblr is run)

yeah that's fair, it's good to have all the information available. it doesn't change the fact that tumblr has pretty much always had problems with moderation though, like it's never been good at handling harassment and hate speech as far as i remember (and i've used this site since 2011/2012), and that's why i can't in good conscience view tumblr as the like. friendly quirky little family community it markets itself as. i respect that it's not easy to run a website, but it has genuine problems with dealing with those issues (as most social media do) and there's not really anything that can excuse that, and i respect why people are upset about it. having been on the receiving end of both targeted mass harassment and hate speech myself, and having received absolutely no help or support from tumblr when i tried to report it, i can't help but feel pretty fed up with how they manage things in that department. i work in retail, so i get that some issues are due to staffing shortages and the limitations of the company and how it's run, so i don't blame individual tumblr staff members for that any more than i'd blame any individual employee of a company for that company's failures unless they were clearly personally responsible, but at the same time i strongly believe in doing the best you can by your fellow human beings and working to prevent harm wherever possible, and how tumblr handles harassment and hate speech falls way short of that.

#sorry im tired idk if this makes sense but like. i see your point and i realize that you acknowledged that its still an issue #but like. yeah i just cant pretend tumblr isnt a company that serves its own interests (making money) first and that was my point #we live in a society there is no ethical consumption under capitalism etc. etc. #anyway tl;dr no tumblr is not the root of all evil but it IS a company it is NOT your friend despite how it markets itself #and it has issues worth criticizing

[starjaeyun]

vlive confession — four, filler chapter : THE confession

"how was y/n in highschool? she was really beautiful and really kind! i used to have a crush on her back then that's why i never talked to her. i think i still do" he laughed at the thought "she always watched my performances before, i can't even count the amount of times i made eye contact with her while i was performing! she's really supportive"

now you might be confused..how exactly did sunghoon manage to convince the staff and not get scolded after quite literally confessing his feelings for y/n?

well despite the amount of articles of dating issues that were being spread all over the internet, they noticed the huge difference it was making. the amount of likes their twitter and instagram posts were getting were usually high so they just let the boy do he please

now back to sunghoon..

"did you get jealous of jungwon?" sunghoon laughed "jealous? why would i get jealous of our precious leader-nim?"

i know he just confessed his feelings for y/n but he still plans to tease, definitely just for the thrill

"are you and y/n talking today? well..not so much due to our busy schedules. but i have her number! and we eat with ethereal in the hybe cafeteria" the comments started flooding with engenes teasing him about being too shy to talk to y/n to which he just laughed at and ignored

while scrolling though the comments, one particular comment caught his eye. "you wanna fake date y/n, don't you?" sunghoon laughed as he read the comment, immediately remembering his jay-hyung's response to his tweet about going live "ah~ jay-hyung did you really create a dummy account?"

"were you the one who asked y/n if she's the cute girl from highschool?" at this point sunghoon just wanted to vanish from the face of the earth. goodness gracious, of all the things he could do and say, did he really have to ask that- he even yelled it which makes it even more embarrassing than it already is.

previous. | masterlist. | next.

summary : you used to have a crush on park sunghoon back in highschool and that didn't change even though you both were now idols who did not want dating scandals, so imagine the shock when during a vlive, park sunghoon confessed that he had a crush on you back in highschool

a/n : another late update, i apologize T___T this month has been busier than i thought it would be. lots of socializing had to happen :') but i'm back! i've decided to make this a filler chapter instead of a special chap as i'm planning to save it for another time as the story goes on ;)

taglist (crossed out means can't tag) : @oddeonu @r3esieeee @igotkpoops @itsjynop @aka-minhyuk-kun @jakeisnotafurry @thisisnotjacinta @i4cho @chiukat @steph507 @jiiniverse @arizejkt19 @prettybastard @moontealemonpie @hwasatiny @stopeatread @lovnayeon @gardeniki @junhaodni @beomsun @jiawji @theandrogynisticcat @yizhoutv @hughoonz @chimajeyn @kyuusung @aleenamya @j4kesworld @nova-xae @beans-and-jeanes @yeppeudau @yylv @nikirikii @lynanist @call-an-ambulance-but-not-for-me @yunjinscafe @vampsvngie @enhasengene @duolingofanaccount @jaemcaffe @marsophilia @i-d-y-l-l-i-c @heelariously @99outros

#[vlive confession : starjaeyun] #enhypen x female reader #enhypen social media au #enhypen masterlist #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen #enhypen smau #enhypen socmed au #enhypen x reader #enhypen x idol reader #sunghoon smau #park sunghoon x reader #sunghoon x reader #park sunghoon fanfic #sunghoon fanfic #park sunghoon smau #park sunghoon crack #sunghoon crack #enhypen crack #park sunghoon socmed au #park sunghoon social media au #sunghoon social media au #sunghoon socmed au

[violinsxsong]

An army lieutenant neglects to file a report on a civilian killing done by his troops because he knows it was an accident. War isn't fair for anyone, but if it wasn't malicious... I guess it's okay.

Tina promises her dying mother that she'll visit her grave once a month. After the mother has passed away, Tina finds it hard to squeeze in the time, and her visits drop to about once a year. I think yearly is completely okay. In fact, I think it's the usual for most people who mourn someone after years. It's okay.

A man orders a custom-built sex doll designed to look just like his neighbor. SO WRONG!

Sarah's dog has four puppies. She can only find a home for two of them, so she kills the other two with a stone to the head. Sarah is a psychopath.

A doctor has been preforming consensual yet illegal procedures one someone in hopes of finding a cure for his ill sister. As long as it's not at the detriment of anyone else, then I guess it's okay.

A neglectful husband pushes his wife to an affair. When the affair ends, the wife's partner nearly kills her and her unborn daughter. The husband kills the affair partner. Good for him, honestly.

September has run out of food and is facing death by starvation. She begins to cannibalize her family's loyal staff. They do not fight back. I thought it was the rich who were supposed to be the ones getting eaten? No, no, I jest. If they agree to it, then I guess it's okay? I think? I don't judge those plane crash guys for what they had to do.

A mother gives birth to identical twins. One follows their ambitions and the other becomes a shut in. The family make it clear which child they prefer. I mean it's sad, but I've seen it a lot. It's not okay, per say, but it is pretty normalized.

Natalie is so focused on survival she fires a shot without thinking. She did not intend to kill her elderly neighbor, but she hides the body regardless. She denies knowing what happened to the now missing resident. Murder is murder. Not okay.

A woman is facing a lifetime of medical issues. She continues to put her family and those around her in emotional and medical debt. She lives a hollow life and continues leaching off of those who support her. I think it's a lose/lose situation no matter what. It's grey space.

Please provide a response to each of the following prompts. Leaving a prompt blank will also be considered a response, and you will be assessed for refusal to answer.

In the event of a life or death situation, would you put yourself or others first? The group. What is surviving if it's all alone?

How far would you be willing to go to ensure your own survival throughout this ordeal? I honestly don't know and I really hope to not have to find out.

Is there anyone in the building you have developed strong attachments to? Well Zach is my neighbor and my oldest friend in the building. Ria is my best friend in the entire world. Charlie is really sweet and I see her more often than anyone else because I can't live without coffee. Nat is super cool and I look up to her confidence a lot. There's definitely more but writing everyone down would take forever and this pen is hurting my fingers.

Do you think it is possible to survive infection through alternative means such as removing the infected limb? Would you be willing to undergo this procedure to ensure your own survival? I guess... if it was between life and death, I'd lose a limb. As for surviving, I don't know, but there is a vaccine for normal rabies. Maybe they'll find one for this rabies, too.

Will following the general consensus lead to improved odds of survival, or would you have a better chance following an assigned leader? I do best with someone to look to for guidance. I'm really good at follow the leader.

What is the appropriate response to the following situation?

Your daughter falls ill and needs a specific, uncommon kind of antibiotic that will be hard to find; without the full course, the pathogen will survive, regroup, and kill her anyway. You are scavenging a pharmacy, where you find another group, and manage to not shoot each other. You ask them about the antibiotic, and they have it, but they also need the antibiotic, for the wife of someone in their group. You cannot share the antibiotic because it would just kill both people, and they have the antibiotic in their pack. This is likely the only complete dose set you will find, as the other stores have been picked totally clean and there are no friendly groups in the area. I don't have kids, but I think if I did, I'd become a Mama bear. Nothing would stop me from getting it, though I might have to be sneaky. I'm not much of a fighter.

#Task 02 #bnytask

[dissociacrip]

the delightful dilemma of being multiply physically impaired in ways that directly contradict my ability to efficiently perform my manual labor job duties as a dishwasher in ways that would get me fired if it weren't for the fact that having to overcompensate for my brain and body-wrongness has somehow made me more reliable and consistent than my co-workers - purely in comparison to their typical lack of dedication - and therefore i get a level of responsibility and expectations forced on me that tends to make me sicker. also the fact that i'm working until like 1-2am while having to pretty much sleep on the floor rn.

i didn't call out once while having signs of a herniated disc (not signs of disc herniation according to upper thoracic mri, possibly cci and/or a csf leak) in my cervical/upper thoracic spine causing me excruciating pain that felt like my back/shoulder was on fire and like a knife in the base of my neck, i just left slightly earlier than i was supposed to one time (technically i should have left beforehand based off my schedule but i hadn't caught up dishes all the way due to me being incapable of working fast enough due to my body not working) because the amount of pain i was in was starting to trigger a breakdown. aside from this for the past 2-3 years i have had recurrent episodes of intense, searing pain in my upper back/lower neck accompanied by fairly rapid deterioration of coordination and cognition to the point of slurring my speech and moving/talking like i'm drunk that is only relieved when i lay down for several hours afterwards, which extends beyond my pots symptoms and is suggestive of recurring or flaring csf leaks or cci or both or something. for whatever reason these episodes correlate with working morning hours and have decreased significantly since i've primarily been doing night shift..?

either way though last night my knees still buckled on me a few times when the muscles in my legs started getting weaker on me from exertion. i can't bend down to pick stuff up out of the grates because i get dizzy and almost fell over from it one time. i really only still have this job because my co-workers suck that badly. i haven't had the same energy levels i did before since getting covid in january, though the potential csf/cci shit came before that. i really need to find another fucking job where i can sit down and have minimal interaction with people that pays at least the amount i'm making now but school makes that difficult and my social problems and mild hearing issues get in the way of most desk jobs due to them hinging on customer service work. and actually getting the whole "possible cci/recurring csf leaks" thing addressed in any helpful way is going to be an absolute nightmare. idk where i was going with this i just hate that i'm in this situation of having no choice but to support myself when i'm just barely able to do so with current circumstances and i don't know if my situation is getting progressively worse as time goes on because none of this stuff has been adequately addressed or treating and medical staff don't want to do their fucking jobs properly. i worked for like a month with that "herniated disc" pain and the mri showed nothing helpful like lol ok well i guess i'll just go fuck myself dude.

#actually disabled #disability #physical disability #chronic illness #spoonie #j #body log

[literaticat]

I know the "publishing is so slow" discourse has been around for a while but as someone new to publishing with an agent (2021), was it ever really faster and more efficient pre pandemic??

No, and also yes, kinda?

I've said this before, and it's just a fact: Publishing has ALWAYS (always) been an extremely slow business. Publishers are change-averse and old-fashioned. And the nature of the thing is just slow, because it's both Art and Commerce, right? Art is difficult to put a timeline on + Manufacturing any physical object for retail you CAN put a timeline on, but it is not a short amount of time!

(Especially because books are UNLIKE many other physical objects for retail in that they are complicated and can't just come out of an injection mold or robot assembly line. Most of the work -- to write, to illustrate, to edit, to design, to be printed and bound and shipped, to be publicized and marketed, to be distributed all over the country and the world, ETC. -- has to be done / overseen by people, and other people overseeing THOSE people to make sure the first people did things right. And those people are working on dozens of projects simultaneously).

So -- yeah, I mean, yes, for sure, always been slow, never not been slow. And efficient - I mean, no, not efficient, never been efficient. When I started, all contracts had to be snail mail for example. Literally we JUST started doing all contracts electronically... *during the pandemic*. A FEW did it before that, but some publishers had to have a literal worldwide catastrophe happen to change their methods. (Pando also brought us most publishers paying electronically/ACH -- and an uptick in publishers having good portals to check statements, and/or sending statements electronically instead of flooding us with a hundred tons of paper twice a year. SO MUCH BETTER.)

So -- yeah, I'd say efficiency up in some ways compared to years ago, because there are new technologies publishers have grudgingly accepted, which help. And slowness in terms of the editorial timeline to create books once they are acquired may not be significantly slower, it's just always been a slow process.

Where the bottlenecks are happening that didn't before, is at submission, at contracts, and on the production timeline. Publishers are making as many (or more???) books as ever, but also have less staff and support than ever. The editors that are there are completely swamped, often working on both their own projects and things they inherited. Meanwhile - there are more agents and submissions than ever. And of course, submissions are important -- but they are also the least urgent thing in any given day, week, or month, most likely. So responses to agents seem often to be slower or non-existent where that never used to be the case. Likewise, contracts departments are backed up and understaffed. And the global supply chain issues (for ALL physical products, not just books), combined with printers closing, cargo ship and trucking problems, paper shortages worldwide, etc, mean that things on the production/distribution side are slower now (and yep, they were VERY SLOW before).

[genevalentino]

[airiat]

How was your job traumatizing you?

i was a mental health technician at an inpatient psych hospital for over a year, working with kids aged 12-17. it was a last resort kind of place in that they would take all the people with such severe behavioral issues that the other hospitals would refuse to admit them, chiefly manifesting in aggression. additionally, it was a hospital that takes kids under the care of dcfs, so there would be some who came from horrific backgrounds with a tremendous amount of trauma.

as a mht, i was responsible for meeting their basic needs, managing the milieu, and providing therapeutic programming for damn near 8 hours straight. nobody was with these kids for more time than the mhts were, yet we were the lowest on the totem pole. but i won't even talk about the shitty politics of that hospital.

if you're reading this and you've been in a hospital like this, and your experience still hurts you, i probably would stop reading here.

my own trauma was just simply spending a year around kids who mostly wanted nothing more than to be dead. i have had my own mental health issues, especially as a teenager, and i know that if i did not have as supportive of a family as i did, my outcome would have been just the same. it was knowing that, seeing them, knowing that all they probably needed was a family, and being able to do nothing much for them. it wears on you.

i've had some really good moments there. there are few other places where someone is going to be so boundlessly happy to see you walk through the door, who is going to tell you that you're their favorite person. nor are there many places where you can work and see directly what good your efforts are doing. i can sit there and tell a kid that yes you have been hurt in the past and people are cruel and dangerous sometimes but i will never, ever hurt you and i can be proof that you are deserving of kindness. i was a really, really good staff. i was. never, in my whole year, did i ever stop giving everything i had to those kids. but a year, in this job, is a very, very long time.

i've had some unfathomably difficult moments there. i was never the brunt of aggression, no. i mean, i was screamed at, sure. "you're a bitch", "you make me want to kill myself" (because i wouldn't let her into her room), "fuck you, stupid cunt." okay. whatever.

it's this:

i'm sitting on the floor of a hallway with this girl. she's been here five months because she is such a danger to herself that she can't go anywhere else. no one or nowhere will take her. she grabs plastic utensils and breaks them into pieces to hide in her bra to self-harm with later. we're sitting here. she's got a sliver of a spoon, and she's scraping at her arm, adding to skin that's more scabs and scars than untouched. she's sobbing because she has no home to go back to when she can finally leave. her mom died of an overdose, her dad's gone, her grandma is abusive. took a knife and cut her arms because "oh, so you wanna cut yourself now? here, i'll do it for you"

i can't make her stop hurting herself. she's not herself when she's like this. she's a cracked shell. if i try to get in her way, she'll hurt me, too. i'm sitting here with her. i'm trying to tell her that all we have to do is get through this moment. it won't last forever. i've had my hand on her shoulder for so long that i can't feel either thing anymore. there's a puddle of blood underneath her arm. with another scrape of the broken spoon, a chunk of skin falls into it. "i just want to go home." she's repeating it over and over. i'm sobbing too. i'll hear her pain for years and years. maybe i'll never stop hearing it.

anyway, i don't even really want to be a therapist anymore. it seems like it'd be futile. i'm tired. working this job has changed me irrevocably. but at least i'm really fucking good at public speaking now

thanks for allowing me a reason to type this all out

#my posts #personal

[viralityxusa]

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https://datastudio.google.com/reporting/af066a10-dfbc-44f0-b6d8-13350f442faa https://colab.research.google.com/drive/10FPBjx0N4jyvtFz-1nopO8XYO8EDst1X

#Health

[ceruleangold]

Our agency's executive team has been getting their feelings real hurt lately from the responses to the anonymous staff surveys, to the point they asked the culture committee to write more positively-framed survey questions.

To which I immediately was like "nah" when I saw the questions the latest survey was asking us. One question was "what does support from your colleagues look like to you?"

Which, what? That's literally not a problem or the problem. The problem is a lack of support from those signing off on major decisions. I was so done that I point blank filled out the survey with a lot of candor, telling them that executive staff needs to actively hear feedback, be transparent, and stop tying ANY salary increases to impossible metric performance.

Like the actual fucking audacity to want positive feedback when you're paying some staff (not mine) as low as $14 an hour when minimum wage is $12.80 and the median rent for a two-bedroom is about $1,600 a month. We have a number of staff who are single parents relying on SNAP or Medicaid (and often both) to meet their most basic needs, and gas is $4.50 a gallon.

Then there was a question about what your favorite "staff appreciation" idea would be. Fuck that. Fuck it so hard. A $20 gas card or a sno-cone truck isn't going to help people meet their survival needs, so stop trying to distract people with candy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I've had a coworker tell me they're experiencing homelessness, or are on the brink of experiencing homelessness. My answer to that question was "fair and equitable pay" and according to my friend on the committee, someone's answer was "we're appreciated? when? where?" LMAO.

Instead of over-inflating executive salaries, instead of giving arbitrary raises randomly w/ insufficient justification and then balking when I ask you to pay my team better, why don't you get your head out of your fucking ass and learn some compassion.

And I know I bitch about this shit all the time. The obvious solution would be to leave. I'm sure more than a few people who have read my posts have thought that. The problem is that this isn't an issue exclusive to my agency. This is non-profit culture. That doesn't make it okay. It's incredibly un-okay. But leaving this org doesn't mean I'd escape the trappings of these issues. This work is devalued by society, so it's devalued by the people at the top of the organization - people born with a silver spoon in their mouth and who have used the phrase "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" enough times to make my eye twitch.

I love my job. I love it so much. It is so important to me that vulnerable people are treated with dignity, that they don't have society's negative conceptions of them reinforced as they're trying to get help. And I get to be a part of making that experience a little less shitty (hopefully). This agency has an incredible menu of services for the families we serve, a really cool community to reside within, and some of the most spectacular people working here.

I once argued with my therapist "Why should I leave? I'm helpful. Executive management should leave."

It frustrates me that we don't have executive management passionate about this work, because I've attended virtual conferences with leaders from other states who are. I've never had a supervisor who could serve as a mentor and I want that so badly. My boss picked up this phrase at some point that she loves weaponizing to argue against the salary increases I've been asking for, and it's that she isn't sure if we have "the right people on the bus."

And it's like... you're so close to getting the point, and yet.

#work

[chibimyumi]

Hi, I hope you're doing well and staying healthy. I've read your post about how Elizabeth attacking ciel is sexism. What about Sebastian getting bully by Frances? Frances is a noblewoman grabbing a servant's hair in front of other people. And fans (including me) are like: oh! What a lioness! Even the devil himself is terrified of her! what if it was the other way around? The idea of a nobleman grabbing a governess's hair calling her nasty and indecent makes me uncomfortable and even angry.

【Response to post: Sexism against men and Kuro Sexist jokes】

Dear Anon,

I’m doing well, thank you very much. I hope you too ^^

Your question is a very good one, and it really had me thinking for a while! I myself admittedly do laugh very hard at Sebastian getting a hard time from Frances. But indeed, like you said, it is still bullying, and bullying is bad. In this post-feminist era, we have been so trained to see women bullying men as ‘funny’ or ‘empowering’, but women getting bullied as unambiguously bad instinctively, that sometimes we forget to check our double standards.

Feelings are feelings, we can’t help what we feel. But how come then that to many of us, Frances bullying Sebas is so funny, but Lizzie almost murdering O!Ciel and Nina bullying men not? This post is merely an attempt to explain this feeling for myself too, but hopefully we can all reach SOME explanation together as well???

Let us first look at in what ways Frances has been making Sebastian’s life hard. From all the interactions we have of these two so far, her main points of criticism seem to be his hair and his lack of professionalism.

Slovenly Hair

Sebastian’s hair is something we’ve gotten quite used to now after more than14 years. In Sebastian’s time however, his hair really would have been the height of impropriety for his profession.

Just like I translated O!Ciel’s looks to 2020 standards, I quickly translated Sebas’ hair to 2020 standards as well. Very clean, innit?! Very professional, innit?!

Even without the translation however, if we look at the worst of wigs from the Kuromyus, we can also see how Sebastian’s hair would be atrocious in any formal setting. Look past the fact that these actors are supposed to represent a drawn character. Just imagine being in a fancy restaurant and encountering a dead-spider feather duster on your waiter’s head.... erm....???

Something that is objectively bad on Frances’ end however, is that chapter 14 is not the first time that Frances has seen his ‘slovenly hair’. If his hair really is so unacceptable, as an authority figure Frances has the right to say something about it. However, as it seems, until this point she has never communicated at all (no, “hinting” is not the same as communicating), so Sebas had no way of knowing what he “did wrong”. She immediately grabbed for Sebastian’s hair without mercy, probably because her crept up frustration got the better of her. This is indeed entirely too harsh for a first time call-out, and entirely on Frances.

Much later in the story Frances criticises and touches Sebastian’s hair again, and this time in public while he was infiltrating as a teacher. Here Frances is even publically humiliating Sebastian in front of his students and other high ranking guests.

Especially when you keep in mind that Frances is a noblewoman and Sebas a mere servant, Frances is indeed abusing her power against a servant who cannot strike back at all.

This is indeed power play. However, though it does not justify anything, in the very least her criticism does have ground; Sebas’ hair is by all measures inadequate for any professional setting. Just be nicer about it, Frances.

Useless Butler

Now, let us look at the other reason Frances disapproves of Sebas. Sebastian is a very competent butler according to most people. To Frances however, this claim is empty. When she arrives, parts of the estate have been destroyed and something very literally exploded in her presence.

Even though Sebas is not the person actively causing the explosion or the destruction, as the senior servant of the household, it is literally his job to manage the other servants. So yes, here too, the fact that things can be destroyed in the household because he either hired inadequate staff or because he mismanages his household, DOES INDEED prove he fails at his job. As the aunt of O!Ciel who cares about her nephew AND her paternal home, Frances is in her right to be concerned and call Sebastian out for NOT doing his job.

In chapter 14, Sebastian’s schedule was all over the place and kept changing the plans for Frances. It is no wonder that she would be quite annoyed and doubt Sebastian’s adequateness. When you know your 13 year old nephew’s household is in the hands of somebody so apparently inadequate, anybody would probably be concerned. However annoyed though, Frances does not overstep any boundaries about this specific issue; she is simply supremely unimpressed. Fair enough?

Compliments where due

Something that is quite interesting though, is that despite disapproving of Sebastian, Frances does also know when to compliment him when due. After Sebastian has saved Lizzie’s life without boasting, Frances recognised how the butler does indeed have some value and the correct attitude as a servant.

She says “though you look indecent what you say is true,” and it is yet another jab at the demon’s expense. But here she is also showing that she is willing to acknowledge somebody’s achievements, looking past appearances.

Before Frances leaves, Frances jabs at Sebas a bit again, but she really is not doing anything dickish this time. Instead of making Sebas think she’s simply chosen him as target to be a prick towards, she concretely states why she doubts his professionalism. She mentions the smashed tea set, bare garden and burnt food; mistakes that are objectively unacceptable. Instead of yelling at him, she actually gives him constructive criticism. So here too, Frances is quite stern, but her grounds are solid.

In the Campania arc Sebas shows up again with the hair Frances disapproved of. Frances clearly wants to do something about it again because in her eyes, the butler simply won’t learn. But given the circumstances and Sebastian’s proven usefulness, Frances actually does shelve her agenda. Just like above, here too Frances shows that she is capable of acknowledging somebody despite their looks.

Later when the zombies dramatically outnumbered the living humans, Frances sends Sebas - who had come to her aid - back to her daughter and nephew. By sending Sebas back, Frances also shows that she in fact trusts this ‘slovenly butler’ with the lives of two children she loves deeply. Sebastian protests, but Frances immediately replies: “don’t you trust our ability as swordsmen?” Here what Frances is functionally saying is: “I trust you with your abilities, so you can trust us back.”

In short, Frances is harsh and doing power-play against a servant, but she can shelve her agenda, and does acknowledge Sebas when due.

Contrast to Nina and Lizzie

So now we have seen how Frances bullies Sebastian, and her motivation behind all her points of harshness. As we have seen, Frances’ only points of criticisms are concrete ones; Sebastian’s lack of professionalism in looks, and his lack of professionalism in management. She goes about them too harshly, but all points are legit criticisms, and something Sebas CAN and probably SHOULD work to improve.

Nina

This is in stark contrast with the way Nina bullies her victims. As far as we have seen, none of Nina’s victims have offended her in any way, nor does she ever give any concrete criticism. She has just decided that because men are men, they don’t deserve proper treatment. Even when providing clothes for men is literally part her job, she refuses to provide the ‘professional service’ she is being paid for. And because she is AN EMANCIPATED LESBIAN!!!!!!! #FEMINISM, it’s FINE (!?!?!?)

Unlike with Frances’ criticism of Sebastian’s inadequate hairdo and managing, being ‘men’ is not something any of these men can do anything about (except Sebas, but Nina doesn’t know). Bullying is always wrong, always low. But it’s EVEN lower when you bully somebody for who they are, and not what they do wrong. What does not help is that Nina seems to only be capable of treating people nicely if they happen to be sexuality-wise compatible with her... but if you are, you’ll get molested. What is wrong with you, Nina????

Yes, Frances is saying: “you are a man, and yet your fringe is so long”. So on the most surface level, it is a woman saying this to a man because he is a man. As we later get to know Frances a bit better though, she would be harsh to anybody who looks slovenly. She just has different hairstyles which she considers appropriate for men and women respectively. Had Sebas been a woman and his hair was the ‘feminine equivalent of slovenly’, Frances would most likely have acted exactly the same. So in this sense, unlike with the jokes using Nina and Lizzie, it is not purely: “Haha, girl bullies boii, lol.”

Something else that is terrible is that what Nina does seems to be systemic. Logically it checks out too; it can’t be that only since the past few weeks she’s decided only women and young boys deserve her kind treatment. For all we know, Nina’s been treating the male Phantomhive staff like this for 2-3 years. Sebastian’s comment about Nina thoroughly ignoring men again with “as always” further supports this theory.

With Frances in contrast, in chapter 14 (so barely a year ago in story time), Sebas seemed to have no clue whatsoever about Frances’ terrors. Sebas announced Frances’ arrival to his master and is very calm about it. It was not until O!Ciel alerted Sebas about his aunt that anybody even guessed what hurricane was headed for them. As such, we can safely conclude that Sebas had only been subjected to Frances’ criticism a couple of times, unlike having had to bear with Nina for years.

Yes, Frances still should have communicated, but I already addressed the details above. Still, the point remains that even though Frances is overstepping boundaries and abusing her power, her criticisms are at least not empty.

Lizzie

Lizzie too just like Nina, had zero grounds for showing that much aggression. She did not give anybody the benefit of the doubt, did not communicate, or even so much as give O!Ciel any chance to explain the situation. So far O!Ciel has given Lizzie no reason to think he’d cheat on her, and yet she hurled so much aggression at him Sebas had to intervene.

Still, Lizzie is marginally better than Nina because she is not systemically bullying O!Ciel. It is a one time event. However, this one makes me more annoyed with Yana because it means that even Yana had to use this stale, stale trope of “LOVE TRIANGLE COMEDYYYY”. Have I ever mentioned how MUCH I hate love triangles and jealousy???

Conclusion

Feeling wise, the most important reason for why Sebas being bullied by Frances is funny is probably because of who Sebas is. Sebas is otherwise an all-powerful demon, but to see him inventing colours to shit at Frances - a human Sebas could crush between his fingertips like a cookie - is just hilarious. Had Sebas been a human though, I would not have laughed so hard personally.

Rationally however, Frances is doing power play against a servant who cannot talk back, so it is still bullying, and bullying is inexcusable.The only bit of “right” Frances has is that she does not seem to be systemically bullying Sebastian, and that her criticisms have some ground.

So if Nina and Lizzie’s behaviours played for jokes are like... a -7 and -9 respectively, Frances’ at least scores a -2 for me?

(Yes, as we’re talking about bullying anyway, I just have to make a jab at Vincent.)

Afterword

Something not really related to why “Frances:Bad”, “Nina-Lizzie:Worse”, but I do wish to mention is Yana’s improved drawing skills. I have no proof, but I think it MIGHT have been where this Frances-joke originated.

Yana’s time in the more traditional mindset of manga-worldview really showed, especially at the far beginning. Besides, she was still in the process of finding a way to draw handsome men. In the more traditional mindset of the early 2000s, handsome men were just not supposed to have slicked back hair - “that was reserved for old men and nasty dudes!!” Yana’s discomfort with drawing handsome men with slicked back hair was clearly visible in Sebastian’s early appearances, and making the ‘”hair, back!!! says old-fashioned lady” was potentially even a way of Yana to laugh at herself.

I don’t know who else is old like me and grew up with 80s to early 00s manga, but at the time, hair for handsome men was a BIG deal. In that world ‘slicked back hair’ just carried a certain laughability about it; a “rule of not-cool”. To me at least at the time this ‘laughability’ really resonated with me, and Yana probably also trusted this same ‘unspoken rule’ to resonate with her audiences.

Much later though, Yana clearly grew more comfortable and  maybe even fond of slicked back hairstyles as she confidently chose to portray Sebas as ‘appealing’ while wearing his hair in the style Yana previously disliked.

Again, I have no proof, but I can’t help but think that if Kuro had started 10 years later, the running gag revolving Frances might look altogether different.

What do you guys think? ^^ Cheers, and stay healthy!

Character analysis Nina Hopkins

Character analysis Vincent Phantomhive

Sexism against men and Kuro’s sexist jokes

MASTERPOST Gender in Kuroshitsuji

MASTERPOST Analyses & Info

#Kuroshitsuji #Frances #Midford #Sebastian Michaelis #hair #joke #funny #tw bullying mention #Lizzie #Nina Hopkins

[amaya-chwan]

Therapy Game Restart Discussion: Who is Onodera?

Hello everyone! Hope you are all well~ ❤️💛💜 I've had a headscratcher of an ask/message regarding Onodera, so I figured I'll make it into one big post!

Before I begin this Q&A/discussion post (feel free to comment below if you have any thoughts), I have looked through past chapters to gather the information I will put into this post to support my predictions. Not all chapters are readily available for everyone at the moment as only one volume of TGR is out right now, so I shall put the chapter numbers for your future reference! ⚠️ Also, just a note! These opinions are my personal thoughts, conjectures, and opinions, so please don't think I am saying one idea or speculation is wrong--this is just how I see it, and of course I could very well be wrong! And I also am not fluent in Japanese, so I may have some translation errors!

⚠️ Also, a warning, this will be a long post! Keep reading if you're interested and please let me know your own thoughts!

First, in an earlier ask, I was directed to a translation group that said Onodera is a man. With the help of Google and Google Translate (because I don't understand/speak Spanish), I found that post (dated April this year) and the origin of the picture they used in that post. The image is from Hinohara-sensei's 13th August 2020 tweet here and is also below for reference:

Now, all I can remember from first seeing that image is "Woow, so pretty! A female character? A love rival? A threat? OH it's the infamous director they're all talking about???"

This image was released around the time chapter 8 was released, i.e. the first chapter we see Onodera in full.

Looking at the image again, I can see how Onodera could be seen as a female or a male. Onodera has long hair, yet no visible breasts. There is no evidence of an Adam's apple, but that could just be because of the turtleneck as part of their outfit. Furthermore, in chapter 13, we see a view of Onodera from behind. There are no "womanly curves" visible in this view of Onodera.

After searching some Japanese blogs, some fans also had the same thoughts: no breasts = possible male, the shape of the face etc. Here are the blogs I found: [1] [2] [3] but most of these are from around chapter 8.

Just about the breast argument: there are a lot of different shapes for breasts. I learnt that when working at a department store selling bras during university. It is possible that Onodera is really flat chested or just has very little breast tissue. Not sure if that's getting too technical now, ahah, but what I want to say is that the lack of breasts isn't a definite yes to Onodera being a man.

Hinohara-sensei also has not explicitly stated throughout TGR so far (ch1-13) that Onodera is male or female.

From chapters 8-12, Onodera is always referred to as 院長 (director) by Shizuma and the nurses at the clinic. No gender-specific pronouns have been used in the story nor by any characters to refer to Onodera when speaking so far (that I have read). So confirming Onodera's gender is just misleading at the present moment.

We do find out in chapter 9 that Onodera's first name is 昌 akira. Akira is a gender neutral name in Japan. It is often given to males, but it is not uncommon for females to have this name. Which, I think, is genius on Sensei's part. It leaves us all thinking!

Q: So Amaya-chwan, what do you think Onodera's gender is?

Just for me as I've been reading TGR the past 1.5 years, I see Onodera as a woman as I have been "encouraged" to see Onodera as one by the little subtleties in the story, and Minato sees Onodera as a female, so I probably am viewing Onodera in Minato's POV.

(Please keep reading on for more insights and answers to questions! Really, this post is long! 😅)

In chapter 9, Onodera's older brother, who is also Shizuma's university professor (and his last name is not Onodera), makes small talk with Shizuma regarding the staff at his placement:

Shizuma's professor says: By the way, Shizuma-kun, how've you been!? You haven't been bullied, have you!? // The female team here is scary, right~ You know, Nakajou-kun and I were in the same grade...

So here, I'm made to think Onodera's clinic is pretty much all female, including Onodera too.

Fun fact: His professor uses the suffix -kun for Nakajou-sensei, yet Nakajou-sensei is a female and -kun is commonly used for males these days. But, it is also used for females in very specific situations. I'm not too sure what the situations are, but I have heard them used for females before.

In the same chapter (9), while Shizuma is changing out of his scrubs in the men's locker (?) room, Onodera walks in. He is slightly flustered, and kindly reminds her that she's walked into the men's locker room. Her reaction is "Huh? Ahh..." So here, again, I am made to believe Onodera is female.

While no gender-specific pronouns have been used to address Onodera, Minato and Itsuki have referred to Onodera as a female in chapter 13.

The kanji for "female/woman" is 女. In these two images, Minato refers to Onodera as 上司の女 female superior, and from Minato's story, Itsuki hence calls her 職場の女の人 female from (Shizuma's) workplace. This is the only time Onodera has been referred to as a female.

⚠️ Just a note going forward in this discussion, I will now call Onodera "she/her" as that is what I believe Onodera's gender is at the present moment!

Now, I did get a second ask from an Anon! Here they are below with my responses:

This one is about what's behind Onodera. I think she's a pretty interesting character. I actually think she's a trans woman or a non-binary trans woman. Sensei has been dropping so many hints to that... The name her brother calls her might be her dead name. He complains about her hair and what their father would say. She's designed to have flat breasts, perhaps she's not under hormone therapy, perhaps her "trips" and "days off" have something to do with reassignment surgeries...

She most definitely is an interesting character. I wouldn't say Onodera being transgender is out of the realm of possibility because the story is still ongoing. But regarding her name, I don't know if I'd call it a dead name since it is gender neutral already. Perhaps the kanji for a male Akira name would be different to a female one though?

About the hair comment (ch10), I just thought it was unruly? I honestly didn't think too much of it! What I will add is that the kanji for hair (髪) is used, but the reading is あたま head. Not sure why just yet, so I'll just leave that here as some extra information for the moment.

Not sure what I really think about a) her flat-chestedness and b) her insanely long business trips yet! I figured a) might be a character design, and b) she really is a top-notch veterinarian so she's probably in high demand. But I could be completely off the mark!

Also, I don't know where to add this random bit in from the story, but in chapter 12, we find out that Onodera has been calling one of the staff the wrong name for more than 10 years now. Not sure if this new piece of info affects anything?

But again, that is a very interesting prediction/thought you have about Onodera, and I wouldn't say it's not possible!

She's kind of a female Minato, psychologicallly and in appearance, which brings some challenges. And one more thing that I think hints to that: "I'll make it so your body can never be satisfied by any woman", Minato says to Shizuma. As the last chapter leaves it at that, we don't know exactly what he is talking about. [spoiler?] I haven't seen the Japanese text yet to be sure if he's clear about topping Shizuma.

That was exactly my thought when she was first introduced! That's part of the reason why I think Minato sees her as a threat, especially when he saw her for the first time and was told she is a 美人beautiful person (both in chapter 12). She and Minato definitely share some characteristics, but I find she's a bit more socially-awkward than Minato given her background (Chapter 9 & 10).

For the dialogue, the Japanese lines and the most literal translations I can give are:

今から　静真くんを抱く From now, (I'll) hold/embrace you, Shizuma-kun.

どんな女に出会っても　絶対満足できない体にしてあげる No matter the women you encounter, I will make it so your body definitely cannot be satisfied (by any of them).

Hopefully we'll find out what Minato means by that exactly in the next chapter, which I hope comes to me this week!

But if that's what he's talking about, it's 1. poor Minato being transphobic (besides being biphobic towards his own boyfriend)* 2. poor Minato probably foreshadowing his own fall. If Onodera happens to be a woman with a d**k, she can do whatever Minato thinks a cis man only can do. That's not what will make Shizuma stay by his side. Shizuma will stay by his side because he loves Minato. And that's that. Debunks biphobic myths, debunks transphobic myths. *He's not a bad person, he's got issues

Okay, this is probably as straight-forward as I can say this, but I just want to say that I don't know enough about the issues faced by the LGBTQI+ community. My friends have kindly answered all my questions so far as I don't want to be ignorant or rude when learning more about my friends and the community. I don't want to give off the air that I'm assuming anything since I don't want any misunderstandings. And I am fully aware that I need to educate myself more regarding this!

So about Minato, I'm not completely sure what you mean by number 2. But he definitely has his share of trauma, insecurities, and fears regarding his relationship with Shizuma. Having Onodera as a threat in this story really helps drive Minato's growth. The story is titled Therapy Game Restart, so what I gather from the title is that Minato is going to face another fear/insecurity he has, something deeply-rooted in him, and it's going to get really heavy and complicated, but he will eventually get through it and it will help him heal and grow as a character, and hopefully strengthen his faith in his relationship with Shizuma.

So far, I believe this "fear" is carrying on from +Play More, that Shizuma can be whisked away by a female at any moment.

But yes, Minato has to realise for himself that his and Shizuma's love, relationship, and bond is strong enough for him to not worry about Shizuma leaving him so abruptly. He has to learn to trust in Shizuma more, and TGR is slowly revealing that, especially in chapter 13.

I'll stop here. I have already written long analyses on this series and I think about making them public at some point. But it would be nice to hear from you! Maybe I'm completely wrong in my interpretations! I'm really sorry for being so annoying and maybe using inappropriate language. I really didn't mean to bother you. But I never see anyone making these points. I just want to know if I'm thinking unreasonably...

I love reading different analyses, opinions, story predictions, the whole lot!! So please feel free to ask me or post your own ideas. It's always a welcome thing for me to discuss stories and learn new things! Don't be sorry that you're being a bother or annoying, because it's not a bother at all!

We're all allowed to have our own ideas and opinions about stories, and these ideas will change once something is canon in the story, and ultimately is something we will have to accept too.

So yeah, just my two cents. Thank you for being so patient with my response, dear Anon!

To anyone reading at this point, thank you for reading this far! ❤️💛💜

I shall see you in our next set of takeaways~ As always, stay safe and take care of yourselves and your loved ones! 💜

(2021-05-17: Speedy proofreading is done ahah! And yes, my brain is still so full of 山河令/Word of Honor right now, so I have been VERY distracted! Highly recommend this drama, guys! It's up for free on the official Youku Youtube page! Totally not an endorsement, but I love this drama! AHHHHH!! Gong Jun [Simon] be living on my mind rent free~)

#therapy game #therapy game restart #ikushima shizuma #shizuma ikushima #mito minato #minato mito #mito itsuki #itsuki mito #ikushima shouhei #shouhei ikushima #hinohara meguru #セラピーゲームリスタート #セラピーゲーム #生嶋静真 #三兎湊 #三兎樹 #生嶋翔平 #日ノ原巡 #小野寺 #小野寺昌 #onodera akira #akira onodera #who exactly is onodera #discussion post #amaya chwan answers #amaya-chwan answers

[fionaroleplays]

Did you delete your RPH blog?

I didn't delete it. It kind of just...vanished from the account where it was a side blog (didn't even get an email from Tumblr). I have tried contacting Tumblr staff for the last two weeks but i've heard nothing so far. Not even a reason as to why it has been suspended (as of this afternoon i've sent 3 customer support emails etc). I know it hasn't been deactivated otherwise it would show up in source/via etc as roleplaytipsandadvice-deactived (or similar). See below read more. I couldn't delete it anyway as I made sure another account had admin privilege.

I had a stat counter on it and last activity on it from when people went on that blog was Thursday 5th August around 9pm (not sure if GMT or EST). I realised that it had gone on the Saturday morning. I certainly didn't deactivate it.

If I hear nothing by end of August then i'm going to make a new RPH with similar name and repost A LOT of guides, fc help responses, masterlists etc etc. Thanks to 8 years worth of Wayback Machine screencaps I now have nearly 200 original things I can post (it will be queued to post slowly this doesn't include guides, gif hunts etc in my likes from other people which is about 1000). I also have in the past saved gifs on imgflip and there's 6000+ gifs saved on the account there. Just need to sort through it all.

I don't trust Tumblr and never have. It is why i'm prepared for this kind of thing. Hell I have saved character bios and log ins on Tumblr, Discord and my own email drafts.

It helps I have the code for the sidebar, old fc directory and new fc directory which i'm working on saved elsewhere. I also don't delete lookalike images (and have them saved on a back up USB).

I'm a determined bastard who doesn't give up easily. Especially when Wayback Machine even saves things like read more guides, navigation page and your gif hunt masterlist template.

Any future news about it you can check here, Glee RP Confessions or rptipsandadvice-resources which is a side blog I only opened earlier in the year to repost stuff. I have the old layout on there right now while I save things to drafts etc.

I've not really acknowledged it on Tumblr because real life stress to do with work has kind of taken over. So i'm not that annoyed by it because there's worse things going on in the world than a Tumblr blog issue/drama. I'm not even checking other people blogs or rph tags to keep my stress levels low.

An example of when a blog is deleted using my theme blog as an example as you can easily see the source.

When deactivated by user

When not deactivated by user (I assume)

#personal #what do I tag this as #rph stuff

[rendezvous-ramblings]

Hi, sorry to bother you but I recently had a death in my family and it's hitting me pretty hard. My TC has been my "rock" since I've known him and part of me really wants to reach out to him for support. I mentioned something about this family member being ill to him a while back so it wouldn't be completely unprecedented (if he remembers). I can't see him in person so if I did ask for his support, it would have to be over email. Basically what I'm asking is 1) Should I reach out and 2) If I do, what should I say? (Background info if you need it: my TC and I are kind of close, I've asked for his help in situations like this before (granted not this intense) and he's still my teacher.)

Hi,

This isn't a bother at all! I'm sorry to hear about your family's loss and I offer my condolences!

If you've opened up to your tc in the past and think he could give you support even over email it shouldn't hurt to email him now. Even if he doesn't remember you mentioning the family member's illness in passing he could offer advice based on what you're comfortable with sharing.

I'm currently working through a health and safety class for teachers and it includes all the different protocol on how to address various issues that students might bring to school. Although teachers are obviously not certified therapists we should still be observant and reach out when we have good reasons to be concerned with a student. This past year has been unprecedented and it's even more difficult for students to reach out for help with staff that they're comfortable with and trust. It's also been difficult for some teachers to get a hold of students or be as aware of what's wrong given the physical distance. It's just much easier to conceal things online and remotely given the lack of human interaction. Personally, at the graduate level I had professors that I never met in person try to accommodate for our mental health and wellbeing. I had a professor who would open up the class every day with small talk and checked in to make sure we've all gone outside! Not every teacher/professor fulfills or embraces the more empathetic side of their job fully, however, the ones who do bring the most change and inspiration in a student's life.

If you've already developed a friendship with him, I'm sure this won't feel out of the blue for him or as a "bother" if he's supported you before. Though, I don't feel comfortable on advising you on what to say in your personal email to your tc. I don't know all the details or what you're comfortable with sharing with him. So I think you should try writing your concerns/thoughts down when you're relatively calm so you can get the message across more accurately and your emotions won't overwhelm the tone you're aiming for. It's okay to go through a draft or two as long as the process feels cathartic for you and you're comfortable with what you're sending.

I also reached out to E when one of my immediate family members passed away. It was the first and only major death in the family I've experienced and I was completely devastated. I had already graduated but we still weren't fully transitioned from our professional student teacher friendship. He offered his condolences and said the bright side to the situation was that my loved one was no longer in pain. He related to the situation because his same exact family member died from the same related illness. He ended up sharing some memories about his loved one and sent a childhood photo of him and that family member over to cheer me up. I didn't feel that alone in my grief anymore because E happened to experience a similar moment in his life. I hope you find a response as supportive as the one E gave me.

I hope this helped! Good luck and I hope things get better with time! 💛💛

[umccall71]

Chapter 16

Characters: Prince Liam and MC Lady Sexy

Rating:Mature content includes profanity, sexual content,talks about depression.

Word Count:5789

Disclaimer:All characters are property of Pixelberry except my OC Lady Saige. The use of these characters are for entertainment only and i am only borrowing them.

Summary:After a summer of a lifetime,Prince Liam thought he could have it all.He was carefree, free, and sharing time with the woman of his dreams.When life was easy, a balancing act between love and duty, he realizes his truths are lies, wrong is right, and decisions do have consequences. Lady Saige never imagined she would be one of his consequences.When an utter act horror throws her world into a tailspin.

Warning: This series contains subject matter of depression and hopelessness.The story may trigger certain individuals. Please be advised. If you are reading this series you are acknowledging you are 18+.

A/N:Sorry for the long delay.Things have been hectic in my life for a bit.I had to take some time to focus on my health. Thanks for your understanding and support.

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@eadanga @ao719 @lodberg @silviasutton1989

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It was finally here … Coronation day for the newly crowned king. Liam effortlessly moved about the palace signing off on every detail that had been planned for weeks. As much as he knew this would be a huge responsibility for him, the crown, he was more anxious what the transition would mean to his queen. Saige was already apprehensive about her new role and the pregnancy, but she was also spending more nights tossing and turning in her sleep. She hardly slept nights with this underlying fear for her boogeyman… his father and visiting the bathroom several times a night from becoming sick. He would feel her trying not to disturb him as she slowly slid out of bed making her way for her nightly ritual. Some nights Liam would lie in bed with his eyes silently listening to Saige talking to their unborn child. He did not want to encroach upon those private moments hearing the promises and hopes she had for the baby.

“Hello my little wish.. I hope that I am the mommy that you need. You are so lucky to have Liam as your daddy.”, she softly smiled while rubbing her barely there belly. “I never imagined being anyone’s mommy until I met your daddy. He makes any girl wish and dream a little bigger. He loves us so much and we can’t wait to meet you. I can imagine you being placed in his arms for the first time… the pride will be undeniable. He cannot wait to introduce you to the world.”she sighed , “I just want to keep you nestled in our arms only for us , as long as I can love.”

Liam couldn't help but feel the weight of her fears as he listened to her sniffle before drifting off to sleep.

Liam bought his thoughts back to the present day, preparing for the coronation and the grand announcement of his marriage and the next heir. He mulled around pointing and correcting the tiniest detail… everything had to be flawless… going off without a hitch. He wanted Saige’s official welcome to be seamless, the perfect welcome home. She would be spending this night … her first of many hopefully in the royal quarters. He looked forward to carrying her over the threshold to their home within the palace. He made certain that Constantine and Regina were no longer residing under the same roof. Bastien had worked around the clock with the guards and staff to get them setup in a distant property belonging to the royals, but also insuring him some distance from the former king and queen. He needed no reminders to Saige of what his father had done to her peace of mind , and stealing more of her dream state.

Liam had made arrangements for The royal Phantom Rolls Royce in White to be sent ahead to carry his queen to be and Duchess Olivia to the palace from Lythikos. Inside waiting were two dozen sterling roses wrapped in royal blue and gold , and tied with an ornate gold ribbon. He also made certain there was small spread of royal blue roses representing the royal family inside.

“Liam really went all out for you Saige. He wanted nothing but the best for his wife… his soon to be queen.”,Olivia grinned like a proud mama. “You certainly have our soon to be king head over heels in love and .. loving every minute of it. Once Cordonia learns that you are queen … it won't be long before the press and the people are hounding you both about how long until the royal heir.”,she giggled.

Saige sat silently tracing the rose closest to her.She did not respond… that caused Olivia to pause. “Wait a minute.. Your rather reserved for such a big expectation.I would think you would chewing your right arm to get away from such a pressure.” Saige looked out of the window as the Rolls Royce made its way closer to the palace.

“I wonder what time Liam wants me to start getting dressed? This is a big night for him… for us.”Her voice grew quiet thinking about the big announcement. “I just hope his father stays as far away from me as possible. Would it be too much to expect to avoid him all together?”, she spoke her private thoughts aloud, deflecting on the conversation OLivia had started about expectations of an heir. She and Liam had not shared with anyone that they were expecting a child , not even her best friend. The number of people that knew , she could count on one hand.

Olivia arched her brow staring daggers at Saige, “No comment about what i've said?”, she questioned.

“So Liv , will Drake be joining you tonight? As your date? This is a big night for Liam and myself as his … wife. When are you planning to tell Liam that your involved? He has a lot of questions and even mentioned introducing you to some eligible nobles.”

Olivia snapped her head , “he wouldn’t dare… I do not need the next king to set me up like some old spinster. I can find my own dates, thank you very much!”,she emphasized the H at the end of her statement.

“You know all of this could be squashed if he only knew that you were already spoken for.. by Drake. He’d be happy as a clam to learn two of our best friends are in love.”

“Who said anything about love Saige? We enjoy relieving stress and being a warm body every now and then.” She seemed to protest louder as the conversation steered away from an heir to her love life. “Let us not get caught up in labels, he’s a fun ride, much like this gorgeous car. As those words were spoken the car came to a stop in front of the palace doors. The ladies were greeted by several members of the royal guard. The door to the Rolls Royce opened and Saige was formally greeted, Lady Saige, your grace… I am here to escort you to the boutique per his highness order. I am instructed to not leave until he meets you .” Saige was taken aback by all the attention.. Especially now. “That won't be necessary… we can find our way.”, she spoke softly. “Maam , I do understand, but I have my orders. The king would have my head if I left you alone… I'm sorry.”, the guard lowered his eyes as the two women slid from the back seat and made their way to the front doors in similar maxi dresses until they got dolled up together for the evening.

Moments after arriving in the boutique, Saige felt her purse vibrating from her incoming call...she instantly smiled. “Hello.”, her cheeks were hurting so much from smiling.

Liam cleared his throat, “ I have it on good authority that the next queen of Cordonia has arrived.”he smirked.

Saige twirled a loose tendril of her dark hair as she listened to the deep sultry tone of her husband on the other end of the phone. “I too have it on good authority that the next king is in the building … and he is gorgeous,'' she chuckled. “Love..In about two hours the transition of power will be complete...then you and I will take reign as the future rulers of Cordonia. For now.. I will leave you to get ready with Liv. I hope you enjoy my surprise. I will meet you in an hour to personally escort my bride to the ball.”

Saige ended her call and the boutique staff approached her with garment bags, stylish shoes, and hair and make up stylist were ready. They were ready to coif the beautiful auburn hair and porcelain skin of the next queen. The transformation was underway. She felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman , without the chosen profession of the lead character.

“My God Liv… is this really happening … all these people attending to me like a ….”, she trailed off.

“You mean like a queen? That is your title within the next few hours… Liam’s queen. Get used to it, having people anticipate your every need or want. Women would fall over themselves for your life, your man… your king.”, she lowered her voice for the tail end of the statement. “Get used to the fact that he loves you and he wants you with him, by his side in every facet of his life.

“Liv I know he loves me… that’s not my issue, it’s what the other nobles will think.”

“To hell with what they think… the only people that matter are you and Liam. As long as your both making each other happy, that’s all that counts. I don’t give a damn Saige what those uptight sons of bitches think about my best friend and the man she loves and he loves the hell out of her.Saige, your no consolation prize for our soon to be king Liam… you're his prize. That man chose you because you are what makes him happy… makes him smile… makes him see a future, your his future.”

Saige fell quiet, unnoticeably touching her belly. She stood in front of the antique mirror as the staff scurried around her preparing her hair and makeup. Olivia’s words washing over her like a thunderstorm filling the night sky and bursting out of unsuspecting clouds. No corner of her mind went unoccupied as she replayed her best friends words. Saige sat in the chair as the hair stylist composed her auburn locks into a meticulously braided updo.The elegant style was finished off with majestic flowers and greenery. She sat still as her porcelain skin was accentuated with light touches of blush , eye shadow, mascara,and lip stain.

When the finishing touches were placed upon her eyes , the ocean blue popped from her eyes. “Oh Saige … you look beautiful… There will not be a closed mouth as you enter the ballroom on the arm of your king.”, such pride laced every word as Olivia beamed at her friend.

“Thanks Liv… I appreciate your kindness.”

“It’s not kindness if it’s true. Everyone will see exactly who Liam sees. He didn’t fall in love with you, he leaped in love with you.”,she smiled.

“The phrase falling in love implies that you slipped and you didn’t know where you were gonna land. It was no accident that Liam wanted to court you and eventually marry you.He saw what a phenomenal woman you are Saige.” Olivia gently grasped her friend’s hand. Moments later the royal tailor appeared with a cobalt blue gown, satin flowy, off the shoulder gown meant for a queen. There was a slender tie detailing her midsection. The seamstress helped Saige into her gown and covered her mouth in awe of the beauty before her. Saige slid on a set of rhinestone stilettos that adorn intricate details on the heel.

“Madame… his majesty will be in awe of the sight of you.”, she grinned at the reflection of the full picture of Saige standing in the mirror.

“I couldn’t agree more Celeste. My love, you look stunning. I expected nothing less from you. You always take my breath away.” Liam slid up behind her and leaned down kissing her cheek as their eyes locked upon her image standing before him. Liam was dressed in his formal Royal uniform. He wore black with a red sash and royal blue and satin metals draping the sash.

“You look so handsome Liam… then you always look so handsome.I am a lucky girl to be escorted by you for such a night.”, her smile filled her face from ear to ear. Her dimples on display as she bursted with love in her eyes.

“Are you ready my love… this is our night and no one will stand in our way. I will formally introduce you as my wife and my queen.”Liam tipped Saige’s face up to look deeply into his eyes as he whispered, “we will be celebrating the upcoming birth of our child next. I am looking forward to making love with you in our royal quarters tonight.”,he stared at her with lust blown eyes filled with desire.

“I know the way to the ballroom and… I know when I’m a third wheel”, Olivia laughed, “i'll see you two soon .” She sashayed out of the boutique and down the flight of the grand staircase.

“Our guest awaits love… come.”Liam extended his arm and Saige wove her arm through his resting her hand in the crook. They both smiled softly as they made their way down the grand staircase flanked by the royal guards. As they approached the ballroom the sound of the orchestra playing bellowed down the hall from the acoustics. The doors opened and the trumpets sounded announcing Prince Liam and his date, Lady Saige.All eyes were on them as they were surveyed from head to toe. Saige swallowed hard trying to contain her nerves. She felt Liam reassuringly squeeze her hand. “You will be fine love… this is our night. Everything was planned down to the second.”, she nodded in acceptance.

Liam ushered Saige by the hand as he made introductions and his rounds before the formal announcement was to commence. She smiled as she met everyone officially and was reintroduced to Penelope and Kiara. “It’s lovely to see you both again, they curtsied knowing that Saige and Liam were already married and she was by right royalty.

Liam led Saige out into the center of the elegantly decorated ballroom where he led her in the Cordoniam waltz. Everyone disappeared as the couple danced effortlessly around what felt like every inch of the ballroom. “ I can’t believe you get to live like this all the time.”, she leaned her head down as she giggled softly.

“This is our life and we have a lifetime of happiness to experience.”, he kissed her cheek. The music slowed and then came to a stop as the staff started circulating with flutes of champagne to every noble in the room.

Olivia stood by the bar where she inconspicuously grazed Drake’s manhood as he sported a dress suit that was a surprise. “ I never thought I’d see you in a suit.”, she shot a sly grin.

“Don’t get used to it… it was only at the request of our king to be.”, he knocked backed a glass of whiskey.

The trumpets sounded again announcing the arrival of king father Constantine and queen mother Regina.

Saige cringed at the sight of her attacker, standing in front her bold eyes and entitled. She slid slightly behind Liam as they neared the dais.Liam gripped her hand as if to send her a message… that she’s safe with him.Olivia and Drake moved closer to the front in case Liam lost it and assaulted his father again. The two of them knew what very few knew… the events of the last night she spent in this ballroom.

Saige chewed the inside of her cheek as her nerves turned into battling butterflies in her tummy. Olivia moved to her best friends side knowing her internal struggle to keep it together. “We’ve got you Saige”, she grinned in the direction of Constantine, “besides I’m wearing my knives.. we can certainly cut him down to size.”, she sneered.

“ I’m okay.. tonight is about Liam and him being crowned king. Nothing will get in the way of his big night.”, she began dusting invisible lint from her gown.

Constantine cleared his throat, “ ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for joining us on this auspicious night. We come together for the next dynasty to lead Cordonia into prosperity. I have enjoyed spending the last three decades as your monarch, and now… I look forward to passing the baton to my son… Liam. He may not have been the first crowned prince, but he is destined to lead Cordonia forward. He is the next monarch Cordonia deserves. I am proud to pass the Royal signet to my son… our next ruler. I present … King Liam .”

The room burst into thunderous applause and the clinking of champagne glasses. Liam made his way to the dais where his father and step mother hugged him and raised glasses in celebration.

He raised his hand to silence the room before he began his speech. He smiled down at Saige as she stood beside Olivia, Liam’s blue eyes veered to his side watching his father and Regina.

“Thank you all for helping to usher in the next chapter in Cordonia’s future. I only want happiness and prosperity for all our people and myself. I only want the best and brightest future as your king. I will work tirelessly to be the best leader I can be to all of Cordonia. I want a Cordonia that will be legacy to all of our children, and grandchildren. This country, this kingdom is a home I aspire to build where families can come together and help shape a brilliant path for Cordonia. I owe lady Cordonia my life, and I will be forever indebted to her for bringing me such joy and pride. I know it is tradition that when a king ascends to the throne he must be engaged or married.”, Liam smiled brightly out into the crowd watching the women adjusting their dresses and primping in hopes of being honored to participate in the next social season. “ I will honor the tradition, but I also announce that there will not be a social season . You see … There is no need for a social season… I am proud to announce that I have already found my queen. I met my queen and fell in love with her upon sight. She has shown me that I can be a better man, a better king, a better husband and, soon I will add the title as a better father.”, his blue eyes sparkled as the light of the chandelier hit the flecks in his eyes. “I would like to formally introduce my wife, my new queen and the mother to the next heir to the throne… all hail her majesty , Queen Saige.”

The room was filled with gasps and shock as their newly appointed king had revealed he had his queen and a child on the way. He managed to silence everyone, including his father. Suddenly Olivia led the round of applause and a toast to the new king and queen. Penelope, Kiara, and Drake made their way forward as Liam walked down the stairs of the dais to greet his queen. He led her back up to the dais to show off his wife to all in attendance. Saige smiled gently, trying to hide her nerves as all eyes again landed on her and Liam. She felt as though she were under a microscope as the news was sinking in that she was married to the now king and carrying his child.. the next heir to the throne.

“Liam what did you just do? She continued to smile as the crowd cheered and applauded the royals. “Love… you and our baby are nobody’s secret. I am proud to have you by side… and now you will be celebrated for the queen you are in my life.”

Liam came down on one knee, “a king only kneels to his queen.”, he bowed his head, kissing her hand. He rose to his queen and led her out onto the floor heading out to the balcony doors when they were headed off by none other than king father Constantine. Saige’s face grew white as a sheet upon laying her eyes on her perpetrator.

“Liam… I wanted to pay my respects to the new queen … I would never have thought that such a simple woman would plant herself in the path of history as a concubine to the king.”

Liam locked eyes with his father, “I would choose my next words wisely old man. Go ahead... try what little patience I have dwindling when it comes to you. You will respect my wife, my queen… your reign of terror is over Constantine . Saige is my wife and the mother of my child. You should be bowing in her presence as the mother of the next Rhys that will ascend the throne. I strongly suggest you call upon your training to show your other nobles that you are happy for us… or I shall make sure everyone in this room learn of your past transgressions.”, Liam was seething but his reaction was hidden from an untrained eye.

Regina walked up and scowled momentarily as she smiled at Saige, “ I suppose you should be congratulated on your chess moves my dear , marrying the now king and then passing off some..”, she was cut off by Liam, “we bid you both good night .”

Liam took Saige by her hand and led her out onto the balcony closing the doors behind them.

He pulled her over into the alcove and held her in his arms and chest as she released her breath and her tears that she was fighting to conceal until she was away from prying eyes. As much as she wanted to break down in front of Constantine, she couldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“It’s okay love, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”, he whispered into her hair as she clung tightly to him as she collapsed in his arms holding onto him for strength and to hold her up, at least until she could fall apart in his arms, in their bed.

Saige looked up at Liam through wet lashes and saddened eyes, “I’m sorry Liam.. I didn’t want to ruin this night for you.”, she fought back sobs.

“Saige, you have zero to be sorry about love. This night is for us and no.one will take our joy.”Liam met her lips with fiery passion and he found his soulmate in that moment as the night sky burst into fireworks and he wrapped her in his arms as vibrant burst of gold and blue blaze a path across the sky.

Liam took a handkerchief out and dabbed the corners of her eyes as they glided back into the ballroom and nodding as they made their way toward the door. Liam thanked his guest as the evening wound down. The new king and queen slowly walked the darkened halls of the palace toward the royal quarters. After climbing the stairs and turned a maze of hallways they reached the ornate set of golden gilded doors.He turned and landed his blue eyes upon her matching set of blue eyes. “Welcome to our new home my queen.”He lifted her in his arms and carried her across the threshold kicking the door closed behind them . His lips melded to her as he carried her down the hall and to their suite.Liam gently laid her back on the tapestry of this duvet cover and the mountain of decorative touches and pillows. He slowly eyed her beauty as he was consumed with lust and love. “God you are beautiful.” His hands ghosted over her face, her chiseled jaw, her slender neck, her ample breasts and slid around to undo her zipper. His gaze never left her eyes as his fingertips traced gently down the soft skin of her back.

Liam undid the satin wrap around Saige’s waist and slid her cobalt blue gown down her frame. His lips were soft and warm as they gently sucked and nibbled her neck , her pink buds that stood erect under his touch, and relished the sensation as he moved effortlessly down her chest and paid homage to her tiny belly that was nestling their baby away safely.

He looked up as her manicured nails teased at the nape of neck playing with his fine hairs.

“ I crave you my love… let me serve you tonight.”Liam slowly parted her thighs so warm, as he seeked solace in her center.He felt her satin thong, “your so wet for me already love.” He laid a soft kiss to her perfection over her underwear feeling how damp she was for him. “What would you like my queen?”, he whispered as he stared between her eyes and her sex.

She panted in anticipation, “ I want you, only you Liam, my king.” With those words rolling off of her tongue like a soliloquy.His teeth locked on the waistband of her underwear and guided them slowly down her thighs.

“Oh Liam”, her fingers locked into his hair as he removed her underwear that were soaked from her desire.He eased up her thighs nipping at each exposed area as he found her now bare skin lying before him.

Liam smiled at her before he worshipped her, “the things I want to do with you love… I can’t wait to pay my respects to my beautiful queen.” He rubbed soft circles on her clit and slid his fingers between her slick folds. Saige’s body relaxed under his touch, growing slightly impatient wanting to feel his lips on her . A deep breath escaped her as she finally felt his lips latch around her pearl working his magic instantly.Liam curled two fingers inside her as he increased the pressure he applied to her clit.

His eyes slowly closed as he had his way , his tongue tracing slow figure eights as it danced around her sensitive clit. Her stomach rose and fell as she felt her lips fluttering around his tongue as she neared her release. “ Liam.. oh god… I ..,”, she trailed off riding this pleasurable wave as she tipped over the edge as he continued to ride her with his tongue and lips as she came undone under him. He smiled as he watched her lift her hips off the bed .

“Good girl… I love you my queen. Just know”, he licked his lips enjoying tasting her essence on his mouth. “ I’m just getting started my love”,he smirked as he moved like a cat with his prey up here body. He nipped and sensually ran the tip of his tongue up her sides. He played with her slick folds with his impressive girth and length. Liam was no small man, but she loved the way he made her feel, not just physically, but with the love he exuded as they came together time and time again.

Liam came to hover just above her as her nipples rose to come in close contact with his chest and chiseled abs . Saige was writhing beneath Liam counting the moments he would make her his ... again... only this time in the royal boudoir.

“Are you ready for me?”, he ran the tip of his massive member along the seam of her entrance. Liam ran his thumb over the tip coming in contact with his precum. He lifted his hand to her lips, “do you want taste what you do to me love?”, he smirked as her mouth fell slightly open allowing her lips to capture his thumb as she gently sucked and licked his fresh nectar. “Tonight is about you my queen.” He nibbled her chin as he plunged deep inside pausing for a moment allowing her to adjust to the way he filled her eager sex. Liam felt her stretching and gripping around him. “Are you okay love… I’m not hurting you am I ?”, he kissed her sensitive area beneath her ear. Saige shook her head no. She lifted her hips to meet his , pleading silently for him to move. She realized how desperately she needed him, she needed to be with him. Liam obliged by slowly working his manhood deeper inside of her quivering walls. Liam watched as her head fell back each time he hit her spot perfectly as he drove himself deeper. He lifted her leg around his hip allowing himself to move his hips driving her closer to the edge again.

Liam knelt on his knees lifting her hips , legs dangling over his toned thighs as he lifted her hips repeatedly as he met her thrust gently pushing her further as the fire built in her belly each time she felt her body getting closer… wanting to scream as he grinded his hips into hers . “Liam.. I’m about to …”, her words were swallowed by his kiss. “ come for me Saige… I need to watch you cum with me love “, his eyes flashed from deep sky blue to a darkened gray as he became consumed with his body molding to hers in perfect sync. He felt his abs tightening and his breathing becoming ragged as he picked up the pace . “Fuck Saige … you feel amazing. His mouth locked on her buds as she began shaking , thighs were weak as she coated his manhood as she came undone for a second time. Liam felt his member pulsing as she fluttered and clinched as she rode her release, he picked up speed and drove deeply into her pounding her spot over and over as she screamed his name losing herself. Something about hearing his name on her lips in that sensual growl sent him over the edge and he too met his own release.

Liam held her close to him , lowering her hips, allowing her legs to go limp beneath him. He gently kissed her belly before laying his head on her stomach. His fingertips slowly played with her belly as they both slowly felt their bodies and breathing returning to normal. They both laid covered in a light slick film of sweat as evidence of their passionate love making.

He kissed her belly, “I love you… I love you both with all my heart. I can’t imagine being as happy as I am tonight… lying beside you, here in the dark , feeling your heartbeating with mine… softly hearing your shallow breathing … I know that I’m home in your arms. I promise to work faithfully to make you happier each day we spend together. I may be king… but I will first and always be your husband.”

Liam maneuvered up and behind Saige’s body, wrapping her in his arms , inhaling her scent of jasmine as he nuzzled her neck with his nose .

“Are you happy my love? I want nothing more than for you to be happy… I hope your happy with me.” Saige listened to her self assured husband flashing a morsel of doubt. He seemed to fear that she would not feel that he was going to continue to make her happy.

Saige laid there quietly before she rolled over facing her king, “Liam… you never have to doubt that your my happiness… my best friend… my soulmate. I can never imagine a life without you.. without us.” , she exhaled. “ I’m just glad that your … father is gone from here… I don’t know what I would do if he were still ...still under this roof. I want him to stay away from me… from our baby. I can’t imagine spending the next thirty three weeks fearing that he will take our child.” Liam cupped her head in his large hand as he held her close to his chest. “ shh… don’t worry… we are going to be fine. He would not dare to come back here.”

Liam would not release Saige , he laid in the dark listening to her breathing slowly calming down before falling to sleep. He thought to himself, “I hate him for this hell he cursed upon you. Baby … I’m never going to let him hurt you again.” Liam leaned back holding her tight as he stared up at the ceiling with silent tears running down his face, as he cried for the pain of his bride. “This too shall pass... I have to restore her peace of mind... at all cost.”