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vavandeveresfan · 3 months

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"I Was Told to Approve All Teen Gender Transitions. I Refused."

Via The Free Press:

Perhaps you read the long investigation about detransitioners published in this weekend’s New York Times. It is comprehensive and sober and we highly recommend it.

It’s also a piece we are confident would never have made it into the paper were it not for independent publications like ours taking the journalistic and reputational risk over the past few years to pursue the subject of “gender-affirming” care and the subsequent harms inflicted on vulnerable young people. In this, we are proud to stand alongside Hannah Barnes, Lisa Selin Davis, Hadley Freeman, Helen Joyce, Leor Sapir, Abigail Shrier, Jesse Singal, Kathleen Stock, Quillette and others, who took the arrows so that the mainstream press could finally start reporting on what’s really happening.

What is immensely clear is that individual testimonies—whistleblower accounts like those we’ve published by Jamie Reed and Dr. Riittakerttu Kaltiala—have made the change we are now beginning to see.

And that change is now impossible to deny: witness the arrival of lawsuits from young people who say they have suffered the consequences of these life-altering treatments.

Today, therapist Tamara Pietzke adds her voice to those of our other whistleblowers, and tells how she could no longer go along with the pressure to transition her patients.

By Tamara Pietzke

February 5, 2024

For six years I worked at a hospital that said all teenagers with gender dysphoria must be affirmed. I quit my job to blow the whistle.

I know from firsthand experience what hard times are. Though I had a happy childhood, raised as the middle child by working-class parents in Washington State, my mom died of ovarian cancer when I was 22.

After that, my family fell apart. I felt lost and alone.

I decided to become a therapist because I didn’t want anyone to go through what I had, feeling like no one on this planet cares about them. At least they can say their therapist does.

I earned my master’s in social work from the University of Washington in 2012, and I have worked as a therapist for over a decade in the Puget Sound area. Most recently, I was employed by MultiCare, one of the largest hospital systems in the state.

For the six years I was there, I worked with hundreds of clients. But in mid-January, I left my job because of what I will go on to describe.

The therapeutic relationship is a special one. We are the original “safe space,” where people are able to explore their darker feelings and painful experiences. The job of the therapist is to guide a patient to self-understanding and sound mental health. This is a process that requires careful assessment and time, not snap judgments and confirmation of a patient’s worldview.

But in the past year I noticed a concerning new trend in my field. I was getting the message from my supervisors that when a young person I was seeing expressed discomfort with their gender—the diagnostic term is gender dysphoria—I should throw out all my training. No matter the patient’s history or other mental health conditions that could be complicating the situation, I was simply to affirm that the patient was transgender, and even approve the start of a medical transition.

I believe this rise of “affirmative care” for young people with gender dysphoria challenges the very fundamentals of what therapy is supposed to provide.

I am a 36-year-old single mother of three young kids all under the age of six. I am terrified of speaking out, but that fear pales in comparison to my strong belief that we can no longer medicalize youth and cause them potentially irreversible harm. The three patients I describe below explain why I am taking the risk of coming forward.

Last spring, I started seeing a new client, who at 13 years old had one of the most extreme and heartbreaking life stories I’ve ever heard. (For the sake of clarity, I am referring to all patients by their biological sex.)

My patient’s mother has bipolar disorder and was so abusive to my patient that the mother was given a restraining order. My patient was sexually assaulted by an older cousin, by one of her mother’s boyfriends, and also once at school by a classmate. Her diagnoses include depression, PTSD, anxiety, intermittent explosive disorder, and autism. She is being raised by her mother’s ex-boyfriend (not the one who assaulted her).

The year before I started seeing her, when she was 11, she was hospitalized for talking about committing suicide. Later that year, a pediatrician diagnosed her with gender dysphoria after she started to question her gender. The pediatrician referred her to Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic, whose clinicians recommended she take medicine to suppress her periods and that she think about starting testosterone.

Mary Bridge, MultiCare’s pediatric hospital, runs the gender clinic for minors and employs nurses, social workers, dietitians, and endocrinologists, who provide gender-affirming care, which includes prescribing hormones to young patients who question their gender. In order to get that prescription, patients first need a recommendation letter from a therapist. Because Mary Bridge is a part of MultiCare, their patients were often referred to therapists like me who were in their system.

In an April 2022 blog post, a Mary Bridge social worker wrote that the gender clinic’s referrals increased from less than five a month in 2019 to more than 35 a month in 2022. In May 2022, the clinic received a $100,000 donation from Patient-Centered Outcomes Research Institute “to study health care disparities” in transgender youth.

The clinic operates in Washington, one of the states with some of the most lenient legislation on gender transition for youth. In May 2023, the state legislature passed a law guaranteeing that youth seeking a medical gender transition can stay at Washington shelters—and the shelters are not required to notify their parents.

Because of my patient’s autism, it was difficult for us to engage in introspective conversations. During our first visit, she came over to my desk to show me extremely sadistic and graphic pornographic videos on her phone. She stood next to me, hunched over, hyper-fixated on the videos as she rocked back and forth. She told me during one session that she watched horror and porn movies growing up because they were the only ones available in her house.

She showed up to our therapy sessions in disheveled, loose-fitting clothes, her hair greasy, her eyes staring down at the ground, her face covered by a Covid mask almost like a protective layer. She went by a boy’s name, but she never raised gender dysphoria with me directly—though one time she told me she would get mad at the sound of her own voice because “it sounds too girly.” When I asked her how she felt about an upcoming appointment at the gender clinic, she told me she didn’t know she had one.

In between scrolling through videos on her phone, she told me how she cried every night in bed and felt “insane.” She described a time when she was eight years old and her mother nearly killed her sister. She remembered her mother being taken away. At times, she would “age-regress,” she told me, by watching Teletubbies and sucking on pacifiers.

When she started seeing me, she had recently threatened to “blow up the school,” which resulted in her expulsion.

I knew I couldn’t solve all of her problems, or make her feel better in just a few therapy sessions. My initial goal was to make her feel comfortable opening up to me, to make the therapy room a place where she was heard and felt safe. I also wanted to try to protect her from falling prey to outside influences from social media, her peers, or even the adults in her life.

With a patient like this, with so many intersecting and overwhelming problems, and with such a tragic history of abuse, it took our first three sessions to get her feeling more comfortable to even talk to me, and to understand the dimensions of her problems. But when I called her guardian last fall to schedule a fourth appointment, he asked me to write her a letter of recommendation for cross-sex hormone treatment. That is, at age 13, she was to start taking testosterone. Such a letter from me begins the process of medical transition for a patient.

In Washington State, that’s all it takes—a few visits with a therapist and a letter, often written using a template provided by one’s superiors—for minors to undergo the irreversible treatments that patients must take for a lifetime.

I was scared for this patient. She had so many overlapping problems that needed addressing it seemed like malpractice to abruptly begin her on a medical gender transition that could quickly produce permanent changes.

The MultiCare recommendation letter Tamara was given for approving the medical treatment of minors with gender dysphoria. I emailed a program manager in my department at MultiCare and outlined my concerns. She wrote back that my client’s trauma history has no bearing on whether or not she should receive hormone treatment.

“There is not valid, evidenced-based, peer-reviewed research that would indicate that gender dysphoria arises from anything other than gender (including trauma, autism, other mental health conditions, etc.),” she wrote.

She also warned that “there is the potential in causing harm to a client’s mental health when restricting access to gender-affirming care” and suggested I “examine [my] personal beliefs and biases about trans kids.”

When Tamara outlined her concerns about giving a patient testosterone to her manager at MultiCare, she was told to “examine your personal beliefs and biases about trans kids.” She then reported me to MultiCare’s risk management team, who removed my client from my care and placed her with a new therapist.

I shouldn’t have been surprised by this. Just a few months earlier, in September of last year, I was one of over 100 therapists and behavioral specialists at the MultiCare hospital system required to attend mandatory training on “gender-affirming care.”

As hard as it is to believe given my work, I hadn’t heard about gender-affirming care before that moment. I needed to know more. So each night in the week leading up to the training, I searched online for information about gender-affirming care. After putting my kids to bed, I sat glued to my computer screen, losing sleep, horrified at what I found.

I discovered that neither puberty blockers nor cross-sex hormones (testosterone or estrogen) were approved by the Food and Drug Administration as a treatment for gender dysphoria. In fact, prescribing these treatments to kids can have drastic side effects, including infertility, loss of sexual function, increased risk of heart attack, stroke, cardiovascular disease, cancer, bone density problems, blood clots, liver toxicity, cataracts, brain swelling, and even death.

While gender clinicians claim hormonal treatment improved their patients’ psychological health, the studies on this are few and highly disputed.

I found that those experiencing gender dysphoria are up to six times more likely to also be autistic, and they are also more likely to suffer from schizophrenia, trauma, and abuse.

A risk manager’s job is to minimize the hospital’s liability, but in my case, they deemed that my concerns posed a greater risk to my client than giving her a life-altering procedure with no proven long-term benefit.

While gender clinicians claim hormonal treatment improved their patients’ psychological health, the studies on this are few and highly disputed.

I found that those experiencing gender dysphoria are up to six times more likely to also be autistic, and they are also more likely to suffer from schizophrenia, trauma, and abuse.

The research also implies that the dramatic rise in these diagnoses across the West likely have a strong element of social contagion. In children ages 6 to 17, there was a 70 percent increase in diagnoses of gender dysphoria in the U.S. from 2020 to 2021. In Sweden there was a 1,500 percent increase in these diagnoses among girls 13–17 from 2008 to 2018.

Yet, countries that were once the pioneers of gender transition medicine are now starting to backtrack. In 2022, England announced it will close its only gender clinic after an investigation uncovered subpar medical care, including findings that some patients were rushed toward gender transitions. Sweden and Finland undertook comprehensive analyses of the state of gender medicine and recommended restrictions on transition of minors.

I decided—though it was potentially dangerous to my career and to me—to ask questions about the findings I discovered.

The training I attended laid out an affirming model of gender care—from pronouns and “social transition” to hormone treatments and surgical intervention. In order for children to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria, the training stated, patients must meet six of eight characteristics, ranging from “a strong desire/insistence of being another gender” to “strong preference for cross-gender toys and games.”

Tamara and her MultiCare colleagues were trained to diagnose gender dysphoria among their young patients when they met six of the eight above characteristics. It was made abundantly clear to all in attendance that these recommendations were “best practice” at MultiCare, and that the hospital would not tolerate anything less.

When the leader of the training brought up hormone treatments, I shakily tapped the unmute button on Zoom and asked why 70 to 80 percent of female adolescents diagnosed with gender dysphoria have prior mental health diagnoses.

She flashed a look of disgust as she warned me against spreading “misinformation on trans kids.” Soon the chat box started blowing up with comments directed at me. One colleague stated it was not “appropriate to bring politics into this” and another wrote that I was “demonstrating a hostility toward trans folks which is [a] direct violation of the Hippocratic Oath,” and recommended I “seek additional support and information so as not to harm trans clients.”

In the training, gender-affirming treatment is presented as “suicide prevention.” As soon as I closed my laptop, I burst into tears. I care so deeply about my clients that even thinking about this now makes me cry. I couldn’t understand how my colleagues, who are supposed to be my teammates, could be so quick to villainize me. I also wondered if maybe my colleagues were right, and if I had gone insane.

Later, my boss reached out to me and told me it was “inappropriate” of me to raise these questions, telling me that a training session was not the proper forum. When I tried to present the evidence that caused me concern—the lack of long-term studies, the devastating side effects—she told me she didn’t have time to read it.

“I am speaking out because nothing will change unless people like me blow the whistle,” Tamara writes. “I am desperate to help my patients.” In retrospect, this ideology had been growing in power for a long time.

I remember in 2019 seeing signs of how gender dysphoria arose among many of my most vulnerable female clients, all of whom struggled with previous psychological problems.

In 2019, I started seeing a 16-year-old client after her pediatrician referred her to me for anxiety, depression, and ADHD. When I first met her, she had long blonde hair covering her eyes, to the point you could barely see her face. It was like she was going through the world trying to be invisible.

In 2020, during the pandemic, she told me she had started reading online a lot about gender, and said she started feeling like she wasn’t a girl anymore.

Around this time, her anxiety became so debilitating she couldn’t leave her house—not even to go to school. After taking a year off school during the pandemic, she enrolled in an alternative school for kids struggling with mental health. I was relieved that she was making friends for the first time, and seemed to be feeling a lot better.

Then she started using they/he pronouns, identified as pansexual, and replaced the skirts and fishnet stockings she often wore with disheveled and baggy clothes. Her long hair became shorter and shorter. She started wearing a binder to flatten her breasts. She tried out a few different names before settling on one that’s gender neutral.

The official diagnosis I gave her was “adjustment disorder”—an umbrella term often applied to young people who are having a hard time coping with difficult and stressful circumstances. It’s the type of diagnosis that doesn’t follow a child forever—it implies that mental distress among kids is often transient.

She came out as transgender to her family in 2021. Her mother was supportive, but her dad wasn’t. Regardless, she went to her pediatrician seeking a referral to a gender clinic.

In 2022, she went to Mary Bridge Children’s Gender Health Clinic for the first time, where the clinicians informed her and her parents that if she didn’t receive hormone replacement therapy, she could be “at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and worsening of mental health/psychological trauma,” according to her patient records. Her dad refused to start his daughter on testosterone, and so all the clinic could do was prescribe birth control to stop her period due to her “menstrual dysphoria,” or distress over getting her period. Which is something I thought all teenage girls experienced.

Five months later, she swallowed a bottle of pills and her mother had to rush her to the emergency room.

By early 2023, my client logged on to our weekly session, which we started doing by Zoom, and she told me she identified as a “wounded male dog.” She explained to me that this was her “xenogender,” a concept she had discovered online, which references gender identities that go “beyond the human understanding of gender.” She said she felt she didn’t have all of the right appendages, and that she wanted to start wearing ears and a tail to truly feel like herself.

I was stunned. All I could do was silently nod along.

After the session, I emailed my colleagues looking for advice. “I want to be accepting and inclusive and all of that,” I wrote, but “I guess I just don’t understand at what point, if ever, a person’s gender identity is indicative of a bigger issue.”

I asked them: “Is there ever a time where acceptance of a person’s identity isn’t freely given?”

The consensus from my colleagues was that it wasn’t a big deal.

“It sounds like this isn’t something that’s ‘broken,’ ” one colleague wrote me back, “so let’s not try to ‘fix’ it.”

“If someone told me they use a litterbox instead of a toilet and they were happy with it and it’s part of their life that brings them fulfillment, then great!” she continued. “I might think it’s weird, but then again, not my life.”

After learning that one of Tamara’s patients identified as “a wounded male dog,” a colleague replied: “If someone told me they use a litterbox instead of a toilet and they were happy with it and it’s part of their life that brings them fulfillment, then great!” I was baffled and alarmed by her unquestioning affirmation. At what point does a change in identity represent a mental health concern, and not something to be celebrated and affirmed? Fortunately, my client never brought up her “xenogender” again. She also isn’t on testosterone due to her father’s disapproval. So I kept these thoughts to myself, and ultimately, in order to keep my job, I let it go.

Another female patient, who transitioned as a teen, serves as a warning of what happens when we passively accept the idea that gender transition will entirely resolve a patient’s mental health issues.

This client, who I started seeing in 2022, is now 23 and rarely leaves the house, spends most of the day in bed playing video games, and envisions no path to working or functioning in the outside world due to a variety of mental health problems. In 2016, this patient was diagnosed with autism, anxiety, and gender dysphoria. Later the diagnoses grew to include depression, Tourette syndrome, and a conversion disorder. In 2018, at age 17, the Mary Bridge Gender Health Clinic prescribed testosterone, despite the fact that this patient is diabetic and one of the hormone’s side effects is that it might increase insulin resistance. The patient’s mother, who has another transgender child, strongly encouraged it.

This patient now has a wispy mustache and a deepened voice, but does not pass as male. It turns out that testosterone, which will be prescribed for life, did not relieve the patient’s other mental illnesses.

My biggest fear about the gender-affirming practices my industry has blindly adopted is that they are causing irreversible damage to our clients. Especially as they are vulnerable people who come to us at their lowest moments in life, and who entrust us with their health and safety. And yet, instead of treating them as we would patients with any other mental health condition, we have been instructed—and even bullied—to abandon our professional judgment and training in favor of unquestioning affirmation.

I am speaking out because nothing will change unless people like me—who know the risks of medicalizing troubled young people—blow the whistle. I am desperate to help my patients.

And I believe, if I don’t speak out, I will have betrayed them.

(note: previously posted this with a lot of repetition because of copy/pasting. This is the fixed version. But if you see any repetition or mistakes please let me know!)

#trans #whistle blower #sex not gender #gender critical #lgb #speaking out #long post #long article #gender affirming madness #trans madness #trans and autism

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ashpkat · 2 months

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the men (alex) start wars (killing aaron stewart) yet troy (a small percentage of this minuscule fandom) hates helen (tamara, hating herself for not pushing aaron out of the way and blaming herself for his death even though it was never her fault that alex made that choice)

#i’m grasping for straws here help #magisterium #the magisterium #alex strike #tamara rajavi #also why does everyone misspell her last name

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saiyukiitaliaandinternational · 8 months

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Month of Saiyuki (day 8)

If dubbers gave the boys ‘English’ names, what would they be?

Genjo Sanzo ➡️ Andrew

Son Goku ➡️ Jack

Sha Gojyo ➡️ Johnson

Cho Hakkai ➡️ Philip

Hakuryuu ➡️ Jeep (take that copyrighted name XD)

Kougaiji ➡️ Dylan

Dokugakuji ➡️ Benjamin

Yaone ➡️ Grace

Lirin ➡️ Ellie

Hwang ➡️ Megan

Gyokumen Koushu ➡️ Morgan

Old man Wang ➡️ Sean

Nii Jianyi/Ukoku Sanzo ➡️ Raven

Koumyou Sanzo ➡️ Matthew

Sharak Sanzo ➡️ Helen

Taruchie ➡️ Tamara

#saiyuki #minekura kazuya #kazuya minekura #month of saiyuki

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bowtothewitch · 7 months

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youtube

"But you would like her to be your queen tonight Even if two queens are not very accepted."

#Le Rempart des Béguines #Tamara & Helene #Anicée Alvina #Nicole Courcel #Lesbian #Fanvid #Edit #Canal #Youtube #WLW #Sapphic

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neoruby-loves-ut-aus · 2 months

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My Studioverse's Actors and Actresses pt 3

This is Sonya Jackson:

She is a German-American actress. She is widely known for playing the role of Dreamlevel Star Sofia. She is a humble person and loves simply but buys limited amount of expensive dresses. She never boasts about money and along with her twin Tamara, she helps her parents in their cafe business. She is also the girlfriend of Jerry Richardson, the actor who plays as Dreamlevel James.

This is Tamara Jackson:

She is a German-American actress. She is widely known for playing the role of Dreamlevel Twyla Sofia. She is a humble person and loves simply but buys local store dresses and her favourite are Japanese kimonos. She never boasts about money and along with her twin Sonya, she helps her parents in their cafe business. She is also the girlfriend of Aaron Richardson, the actor who plays as Dreamlevel Alexander or Nightmare Jr.

This is Aaron Richardson:

He is a kind-hearted young actor and is very protective towards his family. He loves signing autographs and taking selfies with his fans. He is also very patient when reporters ask him several questions. His cousins are Jerry, Helen, Chloe and Denver Richardson. His sisters are Merlina and Tanya Richardson. He is well known for playing the role of Dreamlevel Alexander or Nightmare Jr. He is also the boyfriend of Tamara Jackson.

This is Merlina Richardson:

She is a young famous singer and an actress. Being a Richardson, she too is a humble soul and loves her fans. She is well known when a young child suffering from cancer who desperately wanted her to sing his favourite song and she sang that, making him happy. She is well known for playing the role of Dreamlevel Midnight.

This is Tanya Richardson:

She is a famous model and an actress. She also has a Boba tea store to make people content snd she also gives free food to the helpless people. She is a bit serious about her career and her finance but she is a humble person. She hates people who disrespect their fellow people and boasting about their money and career. She is well known for playing the role of Dreamlevel Twilight.

Part 2 -> Part 3

To see the other actors and actresses, click on this link

Dreamlevel belongs to me and @sofiathehooman

@sofiathehooman @shaylacousintale @deepestredloves @analexthatexists @broomiepen @naebulla @zu-is-here @jann-the-bean @help-im-a-gay-fish

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karmirage · 3 months

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incomplete list of niche characters i restrained myself from submitting to the niche comic character tournament

Ryoko Sabuki/Radiance: 7 appearances. Granddaughter of Gwen Lou Sabuki, whom I did submit. Biggest sensation since Dazzler, which would mean more if Marvel remembered Ryoko existed. Light generation and manipulation, just like her grandma.

Ameiko Sabuki/Goldfire: 9 appearances. The dead sister of Ryoko. I don't think she ever even showed her face in her non-powered form.

Leyu Yoshida/Sunpyre: 9 appearances. The dead little sister of Shiro Yoshida/Sunfire.

Marnie/The Rumor: 9 appearances. Spider-Man side character. Badass old lady. Figured out Peter Parker = Spiderman in like two issues.

Takeshi Matsuya/Wiz Kid: 29 appearances. He's literally so funny to me. I think he should be allowed to say fuck.

Nuwa: 2 appearances, once in an X-Force annual and once in a Tabitha Smith oneshot story. Her personality shifts wildly between those two and they never elaborate on why.

Tamara Kurtz/Dragoness: 28 appearances. Evil and loving it. Has wings, but they're technological, not part of her mutation.

Rina Patel/Timeslip: 19 appearances. No hate to whoever submitted Robbie, but she is definitely the more niche New Warrior.

Georgia Dakei/DK: 13 appearances. I like it when teenagers sass tf out of adult characters I think it is so fucking funny.

Sybil Dvorak/Skein: 44 appearances. her original villain name was a slur and i am SO glad they changed it. canon sensory issues queen. Also evil and loving it. Canonically bisexual (for evil).

Larry Bodine: 1 appearance. This is the guy from New Mutants vol. 1 who killed himself after his classmates joked about outing him. Yes this is the issue of NM with Kitty's infamous slur speech.

Rebecca Littlehale/Lighttrakker: 3 appearances. Kid from Power Pack who could teleport to light sources she could see.

Helen Takahama/Jolt: 74 appearances, which makes her the least niche character here. I need to reread Thunderbolts. In MC2 (Mayday Parker's universe), she was an Avenger.

Charlie Burlingame/Charcoal: 41 appearances. Created by a reader via a Wizard magazine contest. Legal problems means that he was never brought back when he was killed off.

#what does niche mean? anything you want it to mean. i have more but these are the major ones under 100 appearances.#babygirl i have niche faves you cannot even comprehend. etc #river rambles #anyways i think everyone should have a villain fave who doesn't want/need redemption but you just think they're so neat anyways.#spices things up.#marvel #i am NOT tagging any of these guys. just know that i would write essays and comics about them if i had the time and money (which i don't)#cw suicide mention #THESE GUYS AREN'T EVEN THE MOST NICHE GUYS ON MY SPREADSHEET. seiji honda and his 'kind of autistic' 1 appearance swag <3 #1999 enigma.....forever in my heart. haven't even read that one issue yet but i will someday.#edit she (1999 enigma) actually in THREE issues.....💕💕💕

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docrotten · 5 months

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BLOOD FROM THE MUMMY’S TOMB (1971) – Episode 203 – Decades Of Horror 1970s

“She who is buried here shall henceforth have no name, shall cease to exist in the minds of man as she has ceased to exist in life.” Well, she has a name and she is remembered. Not much of a curse, ay? Join your faithful Grue Crew – Doc Rotten, Chad Hunt, Bill Mulligan, Jeff Mohr – as they take in the last, but not least, of the four Hammer mummy films, Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971), sadly sans Peter Cushing or Christopher Lee.

Decades of Horror 1970s Episode 203 – Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971)

Join the Crew on the Gruesome Magazine YouTube channel! Subscribe today! And click the alert to get notified of new content! https://youtube.com/gruesomemagazine

Decades of Horror 1970s is partnering with the WICKED HORROR TV CHANNEL (https://wickedhorrortv.com/) which now includes video episodes of the podcast and is available on Roku, AppleTV, Amazon FireTV, AndroidTV, and its online website across all OTT platforms, as well as mobile, tablet, and desktop.

An archaeological expedition brings back to London the coffin of an Egyptian queen known for her magical powers. Her spirit returns in the form of a young woman and strange things start to happen.

Director: Seth Holt, Michael Carreras (uncredited)

Writing Credits: Christopher Wicking (screenplay); Bram Stoker (from the novel by; The Jewel of Seven Stars, 1903)

Selected Cast:

Andrew Keir as Fuchs

Valerie Leon as Margaret / Tera

James Villiers as Corbeck

Hugh Burden as Dandridge

George Coulouris as Berigan

Mark Edwards as Tod Browning

Rosalie Crutchley as Helen Dickerson

Aubrey Morris as Doctor Putnum

David Markham as Doctor Burgess

Joan Young as Mrs. Caporal

James Cossins as Older Male Nurse

David Jackson as Young Male Nurse

Jonathan Burn as Saturnine Young Man

Graham James as Youth In Museum

Tamara Ustinov as Veronica

Penelope Holt as Nurse

Sunbronze Danny Boy as Tod’s Cat

Once again, it is time to revisit a Hammer Horror entry from their 1970s features. This time, the Grue-Crew follow dismembered hands and devious archeologists as they confront the resurrection of the evil Egyptian Queen with no name. By the way, her name is Tera. Shhhh… don’t tell. Andrew Kier does an admirable job stepping in for Peter Cushing (after only a day’s shooting) to lead the heroic defense alongside the beautiful Valerie Leon against the Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971).

At the time of this writing, Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb is available to stream from Wicked Horror TV and various PPV sources. The film is available on physical media as a Blu-ray from Shout! Factory.

Gruesome Magazine’s Decades of Horror 1970s is part of the Decades of Horror two-week rotation with The Classic Era and the 1980s. In two weeks, the next episode, chosen by Jeff, will be Killdozer (1974), based on the 1944 Theodore Sturgeon novella and starring Clint Walker, Carl Betz, Robert Urich, and Neville Brand. You asked for it! Really. You did.

We want to hear from you – the coolest, grooviest fans: comment on the site or email the Decades of Horror 1970s podcast hosts at [email protected].

Check out this episode!

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littledidiknow · 1 year

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Books Read in 2022

Faggots by Larry Kramer (1978)

Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead by Olga Tokarczuk (2009)

Never Be Alone Again: How Bloghouse United the Internet and the Dancefloor by Lisa Abascal (2020)

The Buried Giant by Kazuo Ishiguro (2015)

Arriving Today by Christopher Mims (2021)

But What If We’re Wrong? by Chuck Klosterman (2016)

Fuccboi by Sean Thor Conroe (2022)

Red Notice by Bill Browder (2015)

How Should A Person Be? By Sheila Heti (2010)

Astragal by Albertine Sarrazin (1965)

Human Wishes Enemy Combatant by Edmund Caldwell (2011)

Night Boat to Tangier by Kevin Barry (2019)

This is How They Tell Me the World Ends by Nicole Perlroth (2021)

Air Guitar: Essays on Art and Democracy by Dave Hickey (1997)

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami (2009)

Gentleman Overboard by Herbert Clyde Lewis (1937)

A Wreath for the Enemy by Pamela Frankau (1954)

Lightning Rods by Helen DeWitt (2011)

Fleishman is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner (2019) (reread)

LaserWriter II by Tamara Shopsin (2021)

By Night in Chile by Roberto Bolano (2000)

Hot Milk by Deborah Levy (2016)

The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt (2000)

Milkman by Anna Burns (2018)

The Golden Spur by Dawn Powell (1962)

They by Kay Dick (1977)

Bliss Montage: Stories by Ling Ma (2022)

Status and Culture by W. David Marx (2022)

This was a big year for me both for quantity (nearly twice as many books as i read last year) but also for quality. So many standouts! And I'm learning I'm very here for experimental literature, please send me your weirdo recos.

Where the hell has Helen Dewitt been all my life? How are so few of her books published?! (she claims to have a dozen ready to go and i need all of them).

Chuck Klosterman has really grown up since I last paid attention to him like 15 years ago. But What if We're Wrong? changed the way I look at the world. He looks at the present day from 1000 years in the future and comtemplates what we could be completely wrong about based on what we've been wrong about in the past. Some of the interviews I've listened to of his this year have really opened my mind to new ways of thinking. Will be doubling back on what I've missed from him in years past in 2023.

Fuccboi was a blast and all the literture snobs that hated it are just completely fucking wrong.

I found Human Wishes Enemy Combatant through a newsletter or something. How lucky we are that this was released again! Read if you want to experience someone completely destroying the structure of a novel.

Milkman is gorgeous. Read immediately.

Gentleman Overboard is another that was nearly lost to time and recently published again. A beautiful and haunting little story.

Read Faggots for a very fun and raunchy romp through the gay sex scene of the late 70s moments before the AIDs crisis. You won't be able to keep track of all the characters, but it doesn't really matter.

How Red Notice hasn't been made into a movie by Adam McKay is beyond me. Maybe it's coming. A great window into Russia's transition after the Soviet Union and also the mindset of modern Russians. Also lots of fascinating stock, money stuff.

Read Arriving Today and This is How they Tell Me the World Ends (about the supply chain and hacking/internet security respectively.) for a peak into our modern lives told by very good story tellers in ways that are far from boring.

I could go on and on about Fleishman is in Trouble (and have in person to so many). The story of two women trojan horsed through the tale of one very mid man. The series on Hulu is also good and an incredibly accurate representation of the book.

Status and Culture! I'm still reeling from this book. Marx is so direct when looking at how and why we like the things we like it almost makes you uncomfortable. i don't think i have ever underlined, astricked, exclamation pointed so much in the margins of a book.

The Golden Spur, They, Bliss Montage, Astragal, How Should A Person Be?, Laserwriter ii, Night Boat to Tangier, Drive Your Plow Over the Bones of the Dead are all well worth reading also. Honestly, I was blown away by almost everything i read this year minus two big exceptions.

I hated The Buried Giant. Read it for a book club. I'm not a fantasy girl. I get what he was trying to do with the language, but i couldn't get into it, it felt like a bad translation. Which is really saying something for a book written in English. If he called her Princess one more time, I can't.

1Q84 I really wanted to love, (my first Murakami, somehow.). I really liked the first section, but it just didn't add up for me in the end and there were so many loose ends for such a long book.

I have found so many of the books that i loved this year on the podcast Backlisted. Two British guys have on two guests to discuss an old, out of print, or a newer book that isn't as popular. They are charming, it's very nerdy. But they have incredible taste and i put at least 5 books into my Thriftbooks cart during every episode. n+1 also did a fundraiser quiz that gives you 10 book recos. i was very excited about all of them and most of them i'd never heard of. Haven't read any yet, but many are sitting in the same shopping cart. Just checked and they aren't doing it anymore, but look for it next year!

#books #book review #end of year book list #backlisted #books i read #books 2022 #chuck klosterman #w. david marx #helen dewitt #sheila heti #murakami #taffy brodesser akner

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cada-atletismo · 11 months

Text

Cierre Listado de Participantes de los GPS

La CADA anuncia el listado de participantes de los GPS “Andres Calonge” y “Hugo Mario La Nasa” en Concepción del Uruguay para los días 9 y 11 de junio. 100 metros llanos mujeres GPS 11.45 de Jesus Azevedo BRA 11.52 De Bassi Anny BRA 11.64 +0.7 María Florencia Lamboglia FAM 11.67 Torrez Torrez Guadalupe BOL 11.68 +0.1 María Victoria Woodward COR 11.71 Martina Coronato URU 12.03 Gimenez Gustale Macarena PAR 12.04 0.8 Belén Fritzsche FAM 12.06 Hiebert Klassen Xenia PAR 12.06 0.6 Valentina Napolitano FAM 12.08 0.8 Sofía Tamara Casetta FAM TOTAL 16 12.17 1.0 Noelia Giselle Vera PAR 12.22 0.7 Leslie Tamara Lucero COR 12.47 1.1 Malena Arantza Gobbo SF 12.60 Baez Barrios Ruth Andrea PAR 12.52 Iara Milagros Aro SL 200 metros llanos mujeres GPS 23.69 de Jesus Azevedo BRA 23.69 De Bassi Anny BRA 23.87 -0.5 María Florencia Lamboglia FAM 24.23 -0.5 María Victoria Woodward COR 24.44 Torrez Torrez Guadalupe BOL 24.46 Hiebert Klassen Xenia PAR 24.55 -0.5 Camila Roffo FAM 24.77 1.3 Melanie Soledad Rosalez FAM 24.93 0.0 Sofía Tamara Casetta FAM 25.41 1.6 Noelia Anahí Martínez COR TOTAL 18 25.44 1.0 Sofía Ximena Ibarra FAM 25.45 1.0 Valentina Napolitano FAM 25.46 1.6 Leslie Tamara Lucero COR 25.47 1.3 Camila Molocznik FAM 25.53 -0.7 Iara Milagros Aro SL 25.59 1.0 Malena Arantza Gobbo SF 25.59 1.1 Paulina Knees FAM 25.66 Contrera Rivas Araceli PAR 400 metros llanos mujeres GPN 54.84 a Leidy Lorena Sinisterra COL 55.76 Camila Roffo FAM 55.81 Noelia Anahí Martínez COR 56.21 Martina Daniela Escudero RN 56.96 Camila Leonela Correa FAM 57.04 Sofía Ximena Ibarra FAM TOTAL 10 57.24 Paulina Knees FAM 57.66 María Emilia Batalla FAM 57.92 Celeste María Molina BA 57.99 Gisela Hernández ER 100 metros con vallas mujeres GPS 13.70 -0.1 Leticia de Lima Gaspar BRA 14.02 1.2 Helen Bernard Stilling FAM 14.55 -1.7 Valentina Polanco SL 14.81 -1.7 Candela Beláustegui FAM 14.87 -2.0 Violeta Antonella Aranda FAM 15.06 -0.6 Miranda Recalde FAM TOTAL 9 15.08 -0.6 Camila Luciana Zita FAM 15.69 1.3 Lucía Aylén Zurdo BA 15.77 1.7 Malena Bustamante BA 100 metros llanos varones GPS 10.14 Deliser Espinoza Arturo PAN 10.31 Almiron Escobar Cesar PAR 10.35 Zalazar Ayala Misael PAR 10.43 1.8 Franco Florio FAM 10.47 -2.1 Daniel Rodrigo Londero FAM 10.52 0.5 Tomás Pablo Mondino SF 10.56 0.5 Lucas Adrián Villegas SL 10.60 WolK Retmer Jonathan PAR 10.61 a 1.6 Gustavo Alejandro Mongelos PAR 10.63 Maidana Pedrozo Fredy PAR 10.63 Adrian NIcolari URU 10.69 0.5 Tomás Ariel Villegas SL 10.72 0.7 Pedro Rodríguez Merlo FAM TOTAL 22 10.76 Agustín Nahuel Pinti MZA 10.76 Matías Agustín Elizaincin FAM 10.80 Facundo Santos URU 10.82 0.7 Felipe Harte ARG 10.87 Tobías Pereyra FAM 10.89 Alejo Pafundi SF 10.90 Alvaro Piñeyro URU 10.93 Francisco Santinelli Ildarraz BA 11.06 1.5 Matías Agustín Castro LRI 200 metros llanos varones GPS 20.61 Zalazar Ayala Misael PAR 20.73 Almiron Escobar Cesar PAR 21.12 1.1 Bautista Diamante FAM 21.16 1.2 Tomás Pablo Mondino SF 21.19 Maidana Pedrozo Fredy PAR 21.25 1.1 Matías Falchetti FAM 21.26 Deliser Espinoza Arturo PAN 21.36 0.1 Juan Ignacio Ciampitti FAM 21.46 WolK Retmer Jonathan PAR 21.47 0.1 Agustín Nahuel Pinti MZA TOTAL 17 21.73 0.5 Tomás Ariel Villegas SL 21.78 1.5 Francisco Santinelli BA 21.90 1.6 Julián Pereyra FAM 21.99 1.0 Pedro Rodríguez Merlo FAM 22.09 -0.2 Lucas Adrián Villegas SL 22.17 Renzo Salvatore Cremaschi MZA 22.58 Alvaro Piñeyro URU 400 metros llanos varones GPS 45.53 Eliean gaspar Larregina BA 45.75 Padrino Villazana Kelvis VEN 45.98 Mendes Da Silva Douglas BRA 46.91 Alfredo Emilio Sepúlveda CHI 47.63 Rodriguez Osorno Jonathan COL 47.58 Matías Falchetti FAM 47.79 Pedro Emmert FAM 48.58 Matías Gónzalez URU 48.65 Julián Pereyra FAM TOTAL 12 48.86 Marcos Andrés Villagra CHU 49.28 Mateo Durán FAM 49.49 Oscar Santiago Castro FAM 110 metros con vallas varones GPN 14.21 -0.3 Renzo Salvatore Cremaschi MZA 14.78 -1.7 Julián Berca MZA 15.04 0.3 Santiago Ezequiel Riveira SL 15.20 -0.1 Joaquín Olmos FAM TOTAL 8 15.74 -0.3 Guillermo Quintero MZA 16.02 2.0 Matías Ledesma BA 16.06 0.3 Lorenzo Rossetto COR 16.39 1.5 Germán Rivero Fernández BA 400 m con vallas varones GPS 49.62 Sepulveda Alfredo CHI 51.18 Bruno Agustín De Genaro SL 52.09 Damián Gabriel Moretta FAM TOTAL 6 56.56 Andrés Mendoza SF 56.77 Rodrigo Joel Bordón FAM 51.50 Guillermo Ruggeri MZA 800 m Mujeres GPS 2:05.47 Calderon Maza Andrea ECU 2:08.19 Martina Daniela Escudero RN 2:09.06 Poma Mendoza Anita PER 2:09.24 a Leidy Lorena Sinisterra COL 2:10.09 Evangelina Luján Thomas CHU 2:11.35 Fabiana Salomé Gramajo FAM 2:12.26 Juana Zuberbuhler BA 2:13.33 Sandra Maia Gómez FAM 2:13.57 Karen Ailén Rocca BA 2:14.21 Nazarena Firpo URU 2:14.31 María Paz Romero CTS 2:14.87 Delfina Olivero FAM TOTAL 17 2:16.62 Victoria Olives SF 2:18.99 Joaquina Durá BA 2:19.33 Celeste Pampillón ER 2:19.54 Delfina Morena Molina BA 2:20.09 Camila González FAM 1500 m Mujeres GPS 4.20.16 Micaela Levaggi BA 4:20.80 Daiana Alejandra Ocampo FAM 4:25.29 Poma Mendoza Anita PER 4:28.24 Antonella Janet Guerrero FAM 4:32.14 Fabiana Salomé Gramajo FAM 4:37.48 Karen Ailén Rocca BA 4:38.80 Sandra Maia Gómez FAM 4:42.64 Noeli Vicintin BA 4:43.01 Juana Zuberbuhler BA TOTAL 15 4:44.26 Karen Marianela Cejas BA 4:45.72 Iara Becker FAM 4:47.15 Camila González FAM 4:47.29 Brisa Nicole Trecanao RN 4:47.60 María Paz Romero CTS 4:47.68 Renata Dolhare FAM 3000 m c/obstáculos Mujeres GPS 10:13.63 Carolina Lozano SF 10:15.03 Clara Macarena Baiocchi COR 11:23.31 Shalom Eunice Lescano BA 10:39.58 Stefany Paola López COL 11:58.58 Emilia Gigón SF TOTAL 8 12:16.11 Juliana Itatí Romero CTS 12:18.79 Greta Victoria Rodríguez ER 12:45.22 Luana Ayelé Britez MNS 5000 m Mujeres GPS 15:49.90 Micaela Levaggi BA 15:57.24 Daiana Alejandra Ocampo FAM 16:06.66 Carolina Lozano SF 16:47.02 Florencia Lorena Cuello MZA 17:08.78 Antonella Janet Guerrero FAM 17:12.32 Stefany Paola López COL 17:12.69 Nélida del Carmen Peñaflor SDE 17:30.70 Nair Gisele Dianes BA 17:35.15 Karen Marianela Cejas BA 17:53.60 Catalina García Paul FAM 17:59.56 Renata Dolhare FAM TOTAL 18 18:06.59 Constanza Garrido BA 18:20.78 Gisela Cristina Díaz SDE 18:38.41 Ainhoa Roldán BA 18:39.77 Ximena Anahí Simeone ER 18:48.05 Camila Farinelli FAM 18:50.27 Sofía Ailín Costa SL 18.51.05 Maria Belen Cordoba BA 800 m varones GPS 1:45.42 Abreu Paes Lutimar BRA 1:49.25 Julián Alberto Gaviola FAM 1:50.41 Gonzalo Gervasini URU 1:50.35 Montes de Oca Santamaria ECU 1:50.67 Jairo Moreira URU 1:50.70 Rodriguez Osorno Johnatan COL 1:51.56 Uriel Rodrigo Muñoz BA 1:51.69 Leandro Ismael Paris SL 1:51.69 Franco Gastón Peidón BA 1:52.32 Augusto Mariano Cochet FAM �� TOTAL 22 1:52.46 Diego Matías Leones SF 1:53.09 Estanislao Mendivil FAM 1:53.09 Pedro Emmert FAM 1:53.20 Leonardo Leonel Pérez-Lazarte BA 1:53.46 Edgar Emanuel Valdez CAT 1:53.66 Tomás Mirón FAM 1:54.07 Víctor Fabián Colazo FAM 1:54.09 Preciado Moreno David COL 1:54.82 Rodriguez Espinel Santiago COL 1:54.64 Vicente Gómez FAM 1:55-58 Matias González URU 1:55.85 Fabricio da Rosa URU 1500 m varones GPS 3:39.94 Abreu Paes Lutimar BRA 3:43.00 Matías Antonio Reynaga ARG 3:45.29 Leandro Leonel Pérez-Lazarte BA 3:45.78 José Zabala SF 3:46.40 Fabián Manrique FAM 3:48.96 Gonzalo Gervasini URU 3:49.18 Montes de Oca Santamaria ECU 3:50.56 Agustín Alejandro Contreras BA 3:50.92 Sebastián Agustín De Zan FAM 3:52.00 Pablo Agustín Toledo SDE TOTAL 19 3:52.00 Rodriguez Espinel Santiago COL 3:54.23 Uriel Rodrigo Muñoz BA 3:55.34 Manuel Rojas BA 3:55.90 Alexis Gabriel Corrías RN 3:56.56 Lautaro Ocampo SF 3:56.66 Franco Gastón Peidón BA 3.57.83 Juan Ignacio Dutari COR 3:58.00 Preciado Moreno David COL 3:59.81 Edgar Emanuel Valdez CAT 3000 m c/obstáculos varones GPS 8:41.91 Palomino Greta PER 8:55.24 Tomás Vega BA 8:55.89 Carlos Augusto Johnson SF 8:57.30 Fausto Alonso FAM 8:58.03 Germán Vega BA 8:58.63 Marcos Julián Molina SF 9:15.00 Bolivar Latorre Camilo COL 9:29.16 Jerónimo Pedro Peralta COR TOTAL 12 9:32.03 Jonathan Ezequiel García BA 9:37.71 Hipólito Pereiro FAM 9.49.09 Gabriel Corda BA CT Daniel Oscar Penta ARG 5000 m varones GPS 13:44.58 Matías Antonio Reynaga SAL 13:47.00 Marcos Julian Molina ER 13:57.82 Fabián Manrique FAM 14:14.49 José Zabala SF 14:15.97 Edgar Felipe Neri-Chávez SDE 14:21.80 Daniel Toroya BOL 14:28.04 Ninavia Mamani BOL 14:29.61 Alan Esteban Niestroj FAM 14:30.37 Ezequiel Chavarría TUC 14:31.97 Pablo Agustín Toledo SDE 14:34.82 Rodriguez Espinel Santiago COL 14:37.12 Tomás Vega BA 14:43.85 Agustín Alejandro Contreras BA 14:43.86 Gustavo Martín Villafañe SJ 14:44.71 Read the full article

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foreverandadaydarling · 2 years

Text

Camellia season.

You have a place in my heart no one else ever could have.

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

March 11, Hamburg, West Germany.

C'mon Jonesy... It's almost over, one night to go back home... Cheer up! Robert said while jumping past him. It was true, just one more night and he will be home.

Back home to Mo, the girls and his memories, back to that dark wooden box that lay on the table of his home studio. That mere view, even if he closed his eyes briefly, haunted him. Since he first moved with Mo, he had denied the existence of something important inside but obviously, he had lied. Mo had been suspicious but with time and the girl's care, she stopped her questions.

He remembered very well the first time he opened it...

It had been uncounscious, he had seen it from the corner of his eye, tired and overwhelmed he didn't want to fight the urge to look at it. He was married, for heaven's sake! But for a few weeks, he had been struggling so much with everything that he couldn't handle it, especially at that moment.

It wasn't his intention to open it, no, God knew he wanted to be a good husband and father but a memory stirred something in his head and one night before the birth of Jacinda, while Mo and Tamara slept, he took the risk.

Mo had been very upset during the last stages of pregnancy and Tamara was too anxious feeling that something was different with the waiting for the new baby, on the other hand, his work was starting to get on his nerves.

But he saw it. Laying on the top shelf of the library, was the wooden box that held all his memories of her. He didn't hesitate and climbing on a chair he extended his arms long enough to catch it.

A little dust had covered its lid, he opened it and found himself surrounded by the enchanting and sweet smell of white camellia that floated in the air. The soft yellow paper covering its contents shows the silhouette of a wilted flower. Inside loads and loads of letters were carefully tied with a silk ribbon, opposite to them were photographs and a handkerchief embroidered with his initials JB, a few tickets and...

What he had thought was her last letter, her last thoughts for him. A crumpled piece of paper with blurred words by what he thought had been her tears and at the very end, her final words:

I promise you, I will never be unfaithful

I will never listen to music again. Never.

But that wasn't the worst when he saw the last object his heart broke and tears started to run down his cheeks. He had promised himself that he had to forget her. He must.

And he was sure until that moment that he had succeeded but seeing the summary of their life together was too much. He loved her so much, so hard that it wasn't easy to just forget. It was true he had found another love, another kind, sweet and loving woman. It was true he had married her, bedded her and made her the mother of his children, their girls.

But how to forget your first love and the heartbreak that comes with its loss?

Blurred vision from alcohol made him see her in the dark corner of the empty room. White as a ghost, empty eyes and pale hands folded on her front. The blue of her coat dusted by the time, the black of her air dull and the grey of her eyes opaque. Her tears were like snowflakes.

She was standing looking at him with holes as eyes just like she did the last time he saw her.

His own ghost.

His own devil.

October, 1963.

I'm freezing, I am. I really am. He heard Helene say while they walking home after leaving a hot and crowded club he had taken her. In fact, he was cold too, autumn cooler than the last year invaded the streets and everything he could see were the leaves being blown by the wind on a dark London night.

You're overreacting, it's just a little bit cold but not much he said and turned saw his girlfriend fighting with her scarf, her lips more red than usual and the white of her skin in a way brighter matching the full moon.

John please, we're freezing and in the morning I'm sure mamam will scold me for catching a cold. I wish I wouldn't agree to come with you... She said and a mischievious smile was drawn on her lips when he turned to look, his heart beating so fast that he thought she could hear it. But why could it be best when we are now here and I could do this? Just a whisper was enough to take her in his arms and press her as close as he could to his body.

His left hand precisely and carefully slid under her coat while a small moan left her lips and her face was buried on his neck. He caressed her waist and unconsciously his hand rubbed her breast.

John... his name as a moan was enough to drive him mad with desire for her and that soft touch of hers on his face made him kiss her like a mad man.

He loves her so much, his beautiful girl with sweet and tender eyes. Even when everything was so true and firm between them it felt so new, so fresh and in moments like these, the dearest for him, he knew she was his alone without shame without fears of being discovered. Just he and she, his heart and hers.

I love you so much she whispered giving in to the overwhelming feeling of him and he knew that it was the signal, the small one she always gave him when she couldn't resist his caresses and she was at his mercy.

Time had taught him when or where she liked to be touched or kissed or how much or less she could handle his ministrations. The signal was always a subtle, a small moan, a whisper, a gentle touch of hers that asserted to him that she was there with him, body and soul, completely his.

And oh boy, he could be dead before he said he didn't like it. At first, Helene had proven to be shy and reserved, too ashamed to demonstrate any kind of affection towards him even when he knew she liked him.

It always seemed that her hands, tender and delicate were insecure to reach for him and of the consequences, those actions could carry too admonished by her grandmother.

It had been a long way to be at peace with affectionate caresses and love gestures but everything was worth the wait when he saw how tender and soft his lover was. And now, after months of waiting for her, of craving her, she was his, body and soul.

I want you, a small whisper left his lips unconsciously and panicked he thought she would pull away but lifting her head off his shoulder, crimson cheeks and a soft smile on her lips, You can have me, all of me.

At the end of the night, moonlight lighting his room, tender and passionate caresses had come and gone, leaving him holding her close to his heart while looking at her sleeping form his heart raced and he was assured that the morning light will found them cleanly dressed, her hands placing a scarf in his neck while they spoke to the other about their jobs, and that gave him a feeling of pure happiness, of pure belonging.

He knew at that moment that he would never be able to love a woman as he loved her.

March 14, London.

Another night rehearsing with the boys and he was sure this time will be all night long. An upcoming tour again, this time in the States and everyone knew that it was very important for the band. Twenty minutes, relax! Jimmy spoke and he started to walk to his usual spot, the front door of the rehearsal studio, the same one he had run through before he met Helene again.

He had prayed to see her again but during the first night, he wasn't able to go out and missed the chance but now sweating hands giving away his nervousness told him what he was hoping for it that night.

Knowing her as much as he did, he was positive that she always took the same path to and from work, even when it was dark and a bit dangerous to walk alone at night for a young woman like her.

Helene wasn't a fool true to be told he thought of her as a very strong and independent woman. In fact, she always had been but now that she was alone in the world without her grandmother's admonishment he couldn't imagine the dangers she could get into. While appreciating and valuable her strong will was, he knew she had suffered so much to become what she was and sometimes that sense of only being her against the world could be more than she must handle.

Without a family or someone to look after her, he felt that she was on the path easy to burning herself out just to keep going. That thought plagued him and was everything he could think of after he saw her that night, her image coming to his restless mind giving away all the minuscule signs that confirm his suspicions.

What could he do to help her? God knew she will never accept something from him, that Irish feeling from her mother's family side on her of being too proud of herself was an obstacle that made her prefer to break her back before accepting something from anyone.

But he couldn't leave her struggling through life and of that he was sure. He was doing quite good with the band and would move heaven and hell to help her, even when she would turn her back on him and be angry.

On the moment his machinations started to take form he saw her coming on the street. Hidden by the dark he was eager to throw away his cigarette and call her but almost missed the chance too caught in the view of her ethereal beauty.

John... What are you doing here? She said after turning back and walking to him. Her olive green dress waved in the air and her soft and long legs were shown more with each step.

Nené, I saw you walking... Were the first words that left his mouth and she only smiled and nodded, her pale grey eyes shining with radiant kindness that wasn't covered with her obvious tiredness and his heart melted at seeing a sign that she was at least a little of her old self.

How do you do? What are you doing here so late? Her soft London accent reached his ears and he smiled full of happiness. I... He started when the voice of Bonzo stopped him abruptly. Jonesy we're starting, he shouted and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Helene standing with him. Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't know... He softly spoke with reddening cheeks, the typical Helene effect.

He had lost count of the men being overwhelmed by her presence, the early memory of a young bachelor with all his flattery towards her on one of their first dates had made him burn with rage and jealousy but never in his life he thinks that Bonzo could be one of them.

Bonzo was a faithful man, kind and good-hearted for all he knew, full of confidence for sure and very friendly but the crimson on his cheeks was undeniable even when he was happily married to Pat, a beautiful blonde, but... was he embarrassed about meeting Helene? And the main question was, what Helene could think of them?

Like old days a sting of jealousy creep through him, it was unstoppable to be afraid of where her kindness or sympathy would rest or that she will find dear Bonzo more handsome or special than him but only a look at her made his worries rest at seeing the look of pure curiosity on Helene's eyes he was sure he was exaggerating.

Turning a small giggle left his lips at the view of his flushed bandmate and keeping calm he tried to introduce them.

Bonzo, this is... How to introduce her? A friend, an old love, his only love? An uncomfortable silence was made until Helene broke it and extending her hand she introduced herself.

Helene Edevane, an old friend of John. She said with such confidence that he felt that he wasn't anything more than that. It's a pleasure to meet you...

John, he replied and seeing the confusion written on her face, smiling shook his head, you can call me Bonzo if you like... Helene seemed to contemplate this for a moment too reserved as always until she smiled a little smile and shaking his hand agreed.

You two must be very busy and I don't want to be trouble so... I must go John and... Bonzo.

Please don't go before you gave me your number, he almost begged her and she only nodded, her tired eyes giving away her lack of force to deny anything.

I'm going for a piece of paper and I'll be back in a minute... Were his words and he was as fast as he could to reach the first thing he saw under the strange looks of Jimmy and Robert just to run back and stop dead in his tracks when he heard the quiet conversation she was having with Bonzo.

So, do you play the drums? That's amazing, I never met a drummer... The smell of cigarette smoke filled the air while the sound of another cigarette being lit could be everything he heard. Do you like our music? Bonzo asked and inhalation of air could be the only thing breaking the uncomfortable silence. I don't know, I've never heard it or know about the band at all... But I'm sure it must be very good.

A confused Bonzo looking to Helene was what he found and the time was the best because even when they were working hard to make their way to the top it was strange that she hadn't heard a single song by them.

You have to come to one of our gigs even when you haven't listened to anything since... He stopped and looked between Helene and Bonzo realising his mistake. He couldn't explain their relationship without being overwhelmed or rambling so much that everyone would know what had been between the two, even more, when she had been so short of words in defining everything as just friends. And just one more thing, and maybe the most relevant of all: he didn't know what had been of her life or at least her private life. I know but I fear I wouldn't be able to understand it, she said fixing her hair behind her ear, I don't want to be a dumb thing... A small chuckle escaped her lips while her cheeks turned a dusted pink colour.

Let me give you my number so you two can go back, taking the paper she wrote a few delicate numbers and giving it back added, it's my neighbour but she will be kind enough to tell me if you called.

Sure, fine. I'll call you sometime next week. Smiling she nodded and shook hands with Bonzo only said she must leave because work had been hard on her giving him a small peek on his cheek and whispering an almost unhearable I'll be waiting John.

That night at home, while laying awake, sleep eluded him making him dream and making him wonder about her words, friends and nothing more, just a little more than a casual acquaintance but then...

I'll be waiting, she was waiting for him.

And he couldn't wait for her.

Tag List: @jonesyjonesyjonesy (If you would like to be added just tell me ❤️).

Previous Chapter: here.

Main Post: here.

Thanks for reading!

#jonesy #john paul jones #60s #led zeppelin #70s #robert plant #john bonham #jimmy page #john paul jones x fem #helene and jonesy #helene #camellia season

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