#THE GOD OF FUCKING THIEVES

[viva-la-bohemia]

Jodie: Hermes Foster-Likely-Actually! What the hell happened to your face????

Hermie: sorry excuse me what the actual fuck did you just call me

#HERMES #THE GOD OF FUCKING THIEVES #AND PRANKS #I literally have not liked Hermie until about this episode but I needed to share this #hermie unworthy #dndads s2 #dndads

[words-writ-in-starlight]

listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN

I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.

I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.

#honor among thieves #dnd #dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves #holga kilgore #she is a BARBARIAN whose name is KILL GORE like who among us has not been in a party with this exact character #some new player who picked whatever they were told was the easiest class and gave them a name that is 98% a joke #and just piggybacked their backstory onto the most experienced player's as like rp training wheels #and then smash cut 60 sessions later and we're all getting choked up over john dingus or whatever #do you motherfuckers know how rarely i cry????? about ANYTHING????? #god it was so good #i am going to watch this an unhealthy amount #i want a separate movie for every red wizard and also one about xenk's backstory #his name is X E N K with an X these writers have played some fucking DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS #do i have to buy dead in thay now?????? i think i have to buy dead in thay now #i literally ran dnd on friday and this movie put me in WITHDRAWAL i want to play some dnd Now

[legaltrashgoblin]

"He did not want to get hit.

It was a strange realisation. It wasn't that Adam had ever gotten used to being struck. Pain was a wondrous thing that way; it always worked. But back when he'd lived at home, he'd gotten so used to the idea of that sort of intimate violence. Now, though, enough days had passed that he had stopped expecting it, which made the sudden possibility of it somehow more intolerable.

He did not want to get hit.

He would do what he needed to do to not get hit."

- page 259, Blue Lily, Lily Blue by Maggie Stiefvater.

#brb im sad as hell right now over Adam Parrish. god help me #the raven cycle #maggie stiefvater #trc #the raven boys #adam parrish #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #fuck

[clotpolesonly]

the fact that Declan has a motorcycle helmet in his dorm room but we never get to see him actually own or ride a motorcycle is a criminal offense

#i don't know HOW i managed to overlook that detail in the 3 or 4 times i've read Dream Thieves #fucking motorcycle helmet i mean my GOD is it his? is it a hookup's?? #does he have a secret motorcycle or does he have a secret biker boyfriend??? #those are the only options #either way i'm compelled #Declan Lynch #TRC #tags by me

[spearxwind]

hey is youtube working like absolute dogshit lately for anyone else? im talking things like... suddenly unloading everything that's already buffered, skipping a few seconds ahead in the video out of the blue so it feels like you blacked out for a few seconds and its really jarring, choosing a quality for the video to load in instead of automatic and it just not loading at all in the quality you select (in my case 480p) and just all around working badly

I do have really bad internet where I live sure, but I've been living with it for months now and it genuinely has not been THIS bad, I used to be able to watch vids in 720 pretty consistently and now thats damn near impossible and even in vastly lower qualities like in 480p or god forbid 240p the video still stutters massively

#i also dont know if its a firefox issue or something... because I am able to play videogames online with people with this internet #i play sea of thieves with my buddies with no issues #but god fucking forbid i load a video in 480p without having to reload the tab 5 times and scrolling the video back every 4 seconds #because it stutters and i miss whole phrases of people talking #thunderclap

[superholypatrol]

so i started playing Skyrim recently and of course i love the evil guy that's old enough to be my own father

#mercer frey #skyrim #tes #fanart #digital art #the elder scrolls #thieves guild #my god i am so rusty i wonder why #drawing #tes v #do you guys know how fucking difficult the armor was to draw. i hate him just for that idec that he's fucked up i hate him for having #armor that's difficult for me personally to draw #yknow what. skill issue on my part really BUT let me be a hater

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

#fucking loser #Im honestly surprised the GOP/GQP did kick him out #no honor amongst thieves I guess #Youtube #I honest to god thought he was going to pull a Budd Dwyer yesterday

[difeisheng]

ok where's the fanart of holga wearing a shirt that says "i'm not the stepmom i'm just the mom that stepped up"

#this movie was a fucking delight ohhhhhh my god #i do not even play dnd #i watched this on impulse #honor among thieves #holga kilgore #ashton originals

[parttimeprophet]

I got tagged by the lovely @bitchdafuqyousay ! Thank you, Vee <33

last song I listened to: Putting the Dog to Sleep by The Antlers

currently watching: Chainsaw Man (😭), Jujutsu Kaisen (😭😭), and bestie talked me into watching Helluva Boss

spicy/savory/sweet: i fucking love sugar

relationship status: single

current obsession: Tell them of Battles, Kings and Elephants by Mathias Énard (first chapter will forever haunt me), my friends' ocs, Chainsaw Man (akiangel my babies), Jujutsu Kaisen (will never fucking get over them </3), amber scents and messy makeup, the self-titled RKS album (will never fucking get over this either)

Np tags: @kastlequill @vide0-nasties @smoggyfogbottom @dotcie @snail-eggs (if y'all haven't done this already) and anyone else who'd like to ^^

#tag game #god i will never shut up about mathias enard he's my favourite writer #street of thieves is so fucking good too 😩

[vampireonastick]

Declan, the oldest of the Lynch brothers, once asked, “And what happened when I was born?”

Niall Lynch looked at him and said, “I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t here.”

I’m rereading The Dream Thieves right now and holy fuck I started crying when I read this line again. The fact that Greywaren adds so much context to this line in particular is absolutely mind boggling to me.

#poor fucking Declan- no wonder he thought his father didn’t give a fuck about him #god this is insane to me- imagine foreshadowing THIS WELL #like this line doesn’t get context until 5 BOOKS LATER OML #THIS is why I love this series #I swear to god no piece of media has made me feel this many emotions #the dreamer trilogy #the raven cycle #the dream thieves #declan lynch #niall lynch #the lynch brothers #the lynch family

[uselessgaywhovian]

how to bring up to your dungeon master that your character might be better if she got railed

#when you're also the person in the group who's usually least interested in doing a sex scene #listen i'm not saying sex will fix everything #but my formerly-oath-of-devotion paladin who has lived in a constant miasma of anxiety and is a highly pressurized bottle of emotions #is finally letting herself make (frankly bad) choices and letting her rage out and went oathbreaker and is trying to enter her bad bitch er #this is the ariadne who fucks and she should get to fuck one time 😂 #i keep thinking about this guy back in the city where her order's main temple is #who took over the thieves' guild because the temple wasn't helping the city and he was taking matters into his own hands #and god he's been stuck in her craw because like #you're saying the thing i've devoted my life to is shit #and i'm not sure you're wrong but i can't say that #and i hate that #and i hate you #and you're doing more for the city than my entire order is #and i hate that too and i hate you so much and why do i want to make out with you a little bit #god if we run into him again later in the game now that ariadne's not quite as tied up in her order shit might get weird #also: my notes from the session where we met him read “idk who this dude is but i'm gonna fuckin kill him”

[fluffypotatey]

Okay, but like...what if in "Queen of Hearts," Arthur followed through on his threat before Morgana did her sorcery frame-up, and he and Gwen just dipped (with Merlin, obviously)? Like, he leaves an Official Statement of Resignation on his desk with his signet ring, renouncing his claim to the throne and all that? The three of them are halfway to Essetir before anyone notices they're gone.

And on the way, they just happen to chance across some smugglers? Logic dictates that Tristan and Isolde started their hustle during Uther's reign for them to be as good as they are in S4 when Arthur had only been king a few months tops. They're still initially suspicious, ofc, but they warm up a lot faster considering the situation, and they're always down with someone who says "fuck the king" with their whole chest. The trio takes up with them bc they're always on the move and make a living on not being found, which is exactly what they need rn because Uther will be looking for them.

But if they want to stay, they gotta contribute. House rules.

Now, insofar, Tristan and Isolde are strictly transport. They're more or less fences. They don't do the actual theft part. But the trio can. Arthur can blend right in with the rich people they rip off, and he's bougie enough to pick out the Good Shit and pass on the knockoffs. Merlin and Gwen can blend right in with the servants to case the joint and swipe the goods, not to mention Gwen's knowledge of metalworking means being able to dismantle jewelry pieces without damaging them and making them untraceable, and Merlin can cover their tracks with magic (he'd have told them after they left) and create distractions as needed.

Arthur does have a small crisis when he realises he makes a better grifter than a prince, but then it's just really funny. He is now the Once and Future King of Thieves. Tristan and Isolde are the envy of the black market scene bc of their "secret weapons."

Bonus points if this is how they meet the rest of the squad bc legit the only knight that isn't a confirmed criminal is Percival, but he's also besties with Lancelot, so it's implied he might be.

Knights of the Criminal Enterprise.

you could have just kissed me on the spot you know

#god i'm in love with this concept #never thought i'd find a canon divergent merwenthur au where they're the top dogs of Albion's criminal empire #s5 is them realizing that camelot is in deep shit bc morgana took up the throne after they left and arthur still loves his kingdom #he's conflicted about going back bc 1) that's his home and it deserves better 2) he likes his life rn 3) he's in denial about morgana's #corruption arc no matter how many times he hears about ('that's not gana merlin those people don't know her like i do' and merlin doesn't #have the heart to tell arthur about her plots to kill both him and uther and gwen) it's not until leon arrives that arthur has to accept it #also elyan introduces merwenthur to tristan & isolde bc obvi he left with the gang (he promised her that he'd always be there and he intend #to keep that promise!) #lancelot when he meets the gang during a heist and he's their target's bodyguard ('...fancy meeting you here' 'literally what the fuck') #the tristan adoption process happens faster in this au bc tristan isn't aware that arthur (affectionately called wart) is the prince #gwen putting her smithing skills to good use and having them be acknowledged????? well mark me down as a swooning damsel #her and elyan being a dynamic duo when it comes to smelting or forging a quarter master's keys #bbc merlin #merwenthur #once and future king of thieves #or Albion's Oceans 11 #arthur pendragon #gwen #merlin emrys #tristan and isolde #headcanons

[horrorknife]

playing persona 5 is really just playing 80 hours you hate and 20 where youre having fun. and im not even the dude playing

#also god the music is overwhelmingly mid in this fucjing game #like 10 Really Good songs and then the rest are annoying or forgettable #ah yes. persona 5. game i love to hate and hate to love. #i dont even love this game. i dont even like it. i like a handful ofthe characters and thats it #i also hate almost half of the phantom thieves djchchjsdk theyre so fucking horribly written. #jonah.txt

[mig15faggot]

i got the best and worst booster box ever i pulled three blue eyes. but this was pokemon and it was the fucking duck. quaxlys evolution. i got a bunch of everything cause its a booster box but i pulled three quaquavals. i did it like an advent calendar with my friend. we opened maybe five packs the day we bought it and restrained ourselves for a month and had a pack a day it was so fun pulling these!

the third quaquaval was the rare one but not the gold one and i was so mad lmao it was the second last pack. forreal! and my pulls other than the full art wooper (lets fucking gooo) were shit i wanted a clodsire! i pulled one buying three packs a few days later no big deal lmao but i was so mad at this box.

the last pack had the rare tinkaton. i also got a full art boss's orders too im so happy it was such a funny fucking box in the end i pulled three fucking blue eyes i swear if i saw a fourth quaquaval too early i mightve actually ripped it in half. my problem is I LOST THEM ON THE FUCKING BUS AND LIKE MY WALLET ITS FATE IS WITH THE HUMANS OF OTTAWA AND THE FUCKERS AT OC TRANSPO THAT I TRUST SO MUCH FUCK MY LIFE

#either way people are finding cool shit no wonder they wont give me my shit back youre all thieves and im a dipshit i left my wallet behind #and my three fucking blue eyes #sorry new york joey wheeler wake the fuck up #dont come to my town with your red eyes black dragon early GRIMA. AMERICA. CALIFORNIA. IM TALKING TO NY HERE #mitski lady lamb st vincent anyone #torres is already too involved lmao go check out HUG FROM A DINOSAUR #sound of the summer of 2022 #go talk to torres shes almost done touring in texas i think #ramadan is almost over #i dont wanna check back in at the fucking psych ward to hang out with the actual king of canada lol #he keeps saluting everyone theyll never let him out and he wont drop the king shit for a whole year if he needs to #hes so doomed this king of afghanistan and canada. this afghan guy stuck in ottawa and he knew he was a prince for a while lmao #I DONT NEED TO GO FIST BUMP HIM MORE AT THE PSYCH WARD LMAO I KNOW I NEED TO SHOW HIM SUBTLETY WITH THE DRS BUT HOLY SHIT LMAO #montfort let my people goo. one day more?? les mis crowd??? someone give alison a fucking nightmare already #im friends with someone who played lead on american idiot for a uottawa production idk if you went to see that but that was buddy lol #hes in toronto now all the actors and serious people move to mtl and toronto whats our problem with the crown anyway?? mary simon?? #put a ring on it?? #im the exhalt and i have a nice big freckle where the ring goes i swear to god

[invinciblerodent]

oh god Astarion really is literally the lockpicking lawyer in the most authentic way

#squirrel plays bg3 #I've been watching one of the lockpicking guys on youtube because why not #and ive already said this but #cybersecurity and lockpicking/locksmithing are a lot alike #in that my only experience with it is watching someone really good at it do their thing #and that most definitely makes me feel very very unsafe #like. certain locks can be opened by literally whacking them together #so many can just be opened with a technique called “shove it in there and jiggle it around” #oh god i can see the obvious joke in here but I'm not gonna say it #yeah i can believe that you only need one set of thieves' tools until you fail #there are many locks for which you need. a pick. thassit. #or they're spring-loaded for some reason and you just need to whack 'em. bare handed even. #so fucked #save me thesaurus. assist me. help. #(fixed a word repetition)

[paeinovis]

IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL COX INTERNET

#ARE YOU KIDDING ME #I GOT SO MUCH DONE IN SEA OF THIEVES #I HAD LIKE TEN TREASURES AND LITERALLY JUST GOT ON MY BOAT TO TURN THEM IN #OH MY GODDDDDDDD #THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE #i had literally . just brought everything aboard #i bucketed out a single bucket of water from the deck and then my ship was sinking #im pre-sleep high so frankly that scared the shit out me #like I was like wtf does this just insta sink you?? #did it glitch?? #no my internet died. so my ship sank. #w all my traysure. #god I'm so mad #it was only an hour and a half so not rly that much but fuckkkkkkk #i got sm done :((((( #in that period of time #literally going to assassinate someone at cox fucking wireless #text #paersonal