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captainseaweedbrains · 3 years

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The Hunger Games: Ch. 5

I am finally getting around to writing up thoughts. Life am I right? So I’m not only behind, but starting a bit later on my chapter thoughts.

Here are my rambling thoughts and emotions on chapter 5:

"Good news, though. This is the last one. Ready?" I get a grip on the edges of the table I'm seated on and nod. The final swathe of my leg hair is uprooted in a painful jerk.// Girl, I feel you. We’ve all been there. #Noshaveforever

This has included scrubbing down my body with a gritty loam that has removed not only dirt but at least three layers of skin// It’s called exfoliating, Katniss, and I promise, it is good for your skin. If they can do one thing for you, it is this.

Okay. Like Katniss, I have a soft spot for her prep team. I can’t help it. They feel like they mean well and I’m a sucker for it. Even if they are prepping her for death. 💀

He gives his orange corkscrew locks a shake and applies a fresh coat of purple lipstick to his mouth.// I wonder if SC thought of the most gaudiest looks and just rolled with it. Probably. But some of these outfit choices just seem so out there that I have such a hard time picturing it. Am I alone on this? My fashion sense is that of a bygone era. So maybe that’s why. What is high fashion? Not me. That’s what.

Octavia, a plump woman whose entire body has been dyed a pale shade of pea green // Why would you want to look like a Sim? Why is that in style here?

"Excellent! You almost look like a human being now!" says Flavius, and they all laugh.

I force my lips up into a smile to show how grateful I am. "Thank you," I say sweetly. "We don't have much cause to look nice in District Twelve."

This wins them over completely. // Katniss!! I love you. Never change. I do love how other worldly each party sees the other. Maybe it’s a comment on colonialism in that sense shut up Terri Your English degree is showing BUT how Katniss views them as strange birds rightly so because one legit probably looks like a Sim and them viewing her as NOT HUMAN even though she definitely looks the more normal in the room and I stand by that Where was I going with this? It just feels a bit Two Worlds colliding. Okay. Moving on.

Just how filthy was Katniss? Like she definitely bathed before coming. Twice in one day. So what is their standard here? I don’t want it because it’s probably too much effort. #lazy

It's hard to hate my prep team. They're such total idiots.// My thoughts exactly.

I cannot stress how much I love how blunt SC makes Katniss’ thoughts. It feels so human to me and I don’t always see that in writing. It’s nice.

Am I alone on wondering if Cinna has that eyeliner tattooed on? I don’t know why that’s always my first thought with the second being “ouch.”

I do love how Katniss is always thrown when her pre-perceptions of the Capitol are challenged by *the few* people like Cinna.

I saw someone point out how Katniss remembers a lot of details like the stylists and past years winners and their strategies and I’m wondering if it’s more like how I know stuff on like the Kardashians that I don’t really want to know or care about knowing. Just facts living in her head rent free. But she remembers a lot of details on the Games.

He presses a button on the side of the table. The top splits and from below rises a second tabletop that holds our lunch.// The future 1950s ads promised and Disney Channel’s Smart House made those in my generation fear. That or a super fancy automat.

Unpopular opinion, but I absolutely hate when Katniss goes on about the food and how to make dishes. I think it’s so boring to read. Even one sentence about what everyone is eating dulls me.

What must it be like, I wonder, to live in a world where food appears at the press of a button?//Okay, I know we kind of already have this luxury to an extent, but I too want to press a button and my food is magically there, in my home, already made. #queenlazy

My heart saddens when Katniss wonders what people do in their free time. She is a CHILD. *cries*

Okay. So I know Katniss has boasted about concealing her thoughts, but is she REALLY good at it? She gets called out a lot by practical strangers. I will cling to my headcanon that she is truly an open book and just believes she’s sneaky like that and Peeta pretends she’s succeeding at later in life. Is this canon? Maybe? Don’t @ me

SC’s commentary of sexualizing young teens and kiddos is amazing and yes, please keep coming at us like this, Suzanne.

Also those poor, naked children. Not only were they going to their deaths, but they literally were paraded around on national television buck naked.

I'll be naked for sure, I think...Naked and covered in black dust, I think.//An example of why I just love her narration. I crack up every time at the clear doom in her “voice”

He sees my expression and grins.//A true madman because I can only assume her face is that of horror.

I am still mad at the scaly-looking outfits the movie gave us and how they made her hair look

It crosses my mind that Cinna's calm and normal demeanor masks a complete madman.//He is a madman. We accept it and move on from here

*Peeta enters* *Cue my glee*

*He is my favorite and that favoritism will show*

*Listen I am here for the messages on war and our consumer culture SC is providing*

*But I will not hide why I’m really here rereading these books*

*WEEPS* SHE IS RELIEVED TO SEE PEETA

"What do you think?" I whisper to Peeta. "About the fire?"

"I'll rip off your cape if you'll rip off mine," he says through gritted teeth.//Don’t touch me. The teamwork they already share.

Haha I just imagine Peeta has that big smile on his face all “Haha I want to die right now”

THEY’RE LAUGHING. Precious beans.

I guess we're both so nervous about the Games and more pressingly, petrified of being turned into human torches, we're not acting sensibly.// That or you both are talking to your crushes and are feeling giddy about it. Don’t deny it Katniss. We see you

Lmao Katniss’ enthusiasm for D1 cracks me up

Cinna over here just lighting people on fire and relieved it worked properly. This man, I swear

She calls him dazzling. Be still my heart.

Also I still don’t understand the true purpose of Cinna presenting them as united. Maybe I’ll get a refresher later on. Is it just to make them stand out more because they’re united? I don’t understand this angle at all. So #SameKatnissSame

Lmao or maybe Peeta’s the one who is all “Idk, but *sings* I wanna hold your hand...”

Or not. But you bet Peeta is pumped. He’s not naked on national television and he’s holding his crush’s hand. Peak day for Peeta Bram Mellark, with all things given.

I do hope they are waving correctly.

I'm glad now I have Peeta to clutch for balance, he is so steady, solid as a rock.//I’m FINE. Totally FINE that this will be how she views him for the rest of the series. FINE.

Narrator: She was not fine.

How absolutely sad that she mentions how the Capitolites took the effort to look in the program for their names. How they waste CHILDREN’S LIVES.

But I shall focus on her gaining confidence and Katniss Everdeen legit getting caught up in the moment where she is blowing kisses at them. The power of a great outfit, amirite?

Someone throws me a red rose. I catch it, give it a delicate sniff, and blow a kiss back in the general direction of the giver. A hundred hands reach up to catch my kiss, as if it were a real and tangible thing.//Oh my god. So Extra

Everyone wants my kisses.//Peeta wants those kisses

"No, don't let go of me," he says. The firelight flickers off his blue eyes. "Please.// I am crying as I think about their interaction in the same square in Mockingjay, when she tries to take the nightlock pill and he stops her. “I’ll never let go, Jack”

SC can describe Snow however she wants, I will forever see Donald Sutherland and only that. Even when Snow is a teenager I picture Donald. The power of Donald Sutherland.

I love that she doesn’t realize she’s still holding his hand. If Portia had enough time to spray them down, she’s been holding on for awhile. Katniss, explanation? 👀 👀 👀 👀 👀

"I'm sure they didn't notice anything but you. You should wear flames more often," he says. "They suit you." And then he gives me a smile that seems so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness that unexpected warmth rushes through me. // AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE FEELS WARMTH RUSH THROUGH HER

THE SHY FLIRTING

PEETA, YOU SHY SLY BEAN OF A FOX

The more likable he is, the more deadly he is.//Yeah, for catching a dangerous thing called FEELINGS.

Katniss, how does *kissing* him help matters here? You clearly caught wind he was flirting and your first thought was *le kiss* ???????

These two, I swear

And Katniss is just so smol having to stand on her *tiptoes* to kiss his cheek. #teamsmol

Onward to the next chapter!

#The Hunger Games #thgagain #My thoughts #Terri reads The Hunger Games #Books

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hikarikaishi-blog · 3 years

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Why Caleb did what he did in ep127 – my theory.

This is my theory it can be super wrong, maybe I am right at some points, I just want to put it out there, maybe some of you will like it. Here we go:

Caleb is my fav character the whole campaign so far and what he did in that episode shocked me, it was so not like him. We did see him when cornered he would go rampage but was he cornered here? So I was shocked.

I was shocked he didnt discuss the problem that might come from this with the M9, they didnt talk about it might be a trap they just went for it. They didnt think twice and that was alarming for me and the second they interacted with the guards it all went south and Caleb ignored Astrids tip of being stealthy to avoid Trent. And in the end he did appear and I was like „that is what you get when you just go full rage and dont think a second about it and Caleb you were the thinker in this campaign why did you do all of that?! Next episode I want an explanation for this or I am out!“

Caleb knew what he was doing all the time, he knew if he would do all of this Trent would show up.

There is no way he did forget that because Astrid told him super clear that Trent isnt there so they should be STEALTHY. But he didnt. He ignored the warnings and put Astrid in danger with that as well, a soon as Trent sees the maps he knows who helped and Astrid will be punished. He said he cares for her and puts her in this danger! It was all a lie? Astrid deserves so much better than this! Boo Caleb for treating a girl that was obviusly in pain so she cried because of you like that! I was at least a bit happy that Matt clearly said Trent did appear because of the rucus, not because of Astrid. She didnt sent Trent. She didnt do it.

Caleb ignoring Astrid and her advice and destroying the bit of Trust that was building up between them – shatterd. „Caleb thats so stupid why are you that stupid.“

I was all that. I was so disappointed.

I woke up next morning and was still disappointed and a bit angry that Caleb went this route with all the murder. He knew Trent will maybe show up and catch them while stealing his stuff and he did it anyway. It was like Caleb wanted Trent to show up. To show him how much he hates him and to show him what he is capable off. Because Trent knows that now because he sees the display of raw power he might want to get Caleb back under his thumb and make him work for him again. There is no way out of this situation for them, than to bargain with Trent and he imo will let them got when they will do him a favor later. Caleb must have known that and still did this.

He is just playing into Trents hand where everyone wanted him to escape from. Because Trent is so bad.

And I was: Wait a minute.

Let that sink in for a secong.

He is playing …

playing Trents game. Do you get where I am going with this?

What if all of this, the killing and blood everywhere, is an act made up by Caleb? What if he is playing Trents mind game back at him?

He is giving Trent a view on him like Trents want to think of Caleb: Powerful, full of hate against the Volstruker and Trents experiments, full on revenge and wants to kill him, Trent, but also is no match for him with getting so easily caught in the middle of his home. He has power but he isnt clever enough. What if Caleb wanted to get caught by Trent? Pretend he is not clever so Trent thinks he isnt clever and can be a puppet for him again?

While pretendign being a puppet again, Caleb can get closer to him/the Assembly to learn more about him and his connections in the Assembly. To learn how to root out all the corruption in the assembly wich is his main goal this whole campaign! He wanted to learn about all that from Ves, we know that, but that didnt work out so he has to do it another way and now he doing it on his own.

He knows, he can not fight the Assembly heads up. He knows he has to get inside first and root out evil from within. He has to earn some trust to get the info he wants to have. He cannot trust anyone so he goes on his own and wants to plays Trents game and maybe be better this time and beat Trent. What better way to beat someone than in his own game right?

And do you remember who talked about beating someone at their own game? Do you? It was Astrid during the dance scene. She said „...either we walk into their trap or beat them in their own game.“

In that scene i thougt she was talking about the TT because she touched his spots with the red eyes a second before and it bothered me that she said „we“. Was she planning on going with them to Eiselcross? That wont happen anyway (she would need trents permission/it would be to obvious and Trent would not let them go so they can come up with a plan to kill him) this is stupid. So now I get she was talking about „we either beat Trent and whomever we are fighting here or we walk into their trap.“

So what I proclaim is: Astrid and Caleb in general know they are dancing the „can-i-trust-you-tango“ but they know they have one common enemy: Trent.

So they were discussing during the dance without saying it, if they want to work together in bringing him down. Caleb wasnt sure if he wants/can work on the „Trent-problem“. He has more importand stuff to do right now and he doesnt want to face all that stuff from the past that will come up during this working against Trent.

He cares for Astrid as he said. He isnt against helping her but maybe not right now.

What made him change his mind was Astrid crying in a spot where nobody would have seen her crying all on her own. He knows her, he know how much is to interpret in her crying. I think she is rarely crying. She has doen the same training as Caleb did, she is used to be cruel and to murder and be a bad human. But she wont cry because of that. She said so herself in their first meeting. Her crying is super special and Caleb gets that. And because he cares so much for her, maybe you can relate when you know a person you care for is crying in the mud. You want to help so they dont cry anymore. That is why he decides he wants to help her,/wants to start working on the problem now and not later. He knows she is using him, but he is using her as well. He doesnt care. He wants to help, to help her, help his country. He made this decision over night and Astrid gave him the time to think about it, but she needed a signal from Caleb. Ans anwer to her question if he wants to do this now or not. She said „I will see what I can do for you“ aka says „i want to work on this now, how about you?“

He sent a red firey bloody signal back. A signal as bright as the fire Warning beacons of Gondor

in „The return of the kings“ when Gondor sent signal to Rohan asking for help. The fun part is nobody gets it beside Matt and that is exactly the kidn of pranks the people on the table like to play. Remember Sam/Scanlan? I do. it was stuff he planned for weeks and nobody was expecting it and it was a big suprise for everyone.)

He could have been stealthy and just get the stuff he wanted during the heist. It would have send the signal to Astrid „thanks for the help, I cant work on this now. Maybe later. See you“.

But Caleb did not do that. He send a signal like: „I am full in, I want to play this game, starting it right now and either we win this game or loose and run into his trap. Lets do it.“

Its amazing how they comunicate without saying a single word about it.

The three different papers you ask? For me its the answer to his „for the love that we three shared I need to ask a favor“. She answeres with the box „Here is what i can do for you and yeah we three are in this together“ the paper are symbols for the three of them. The three people from Blumenthal. Its brialliant.

Why she is thankful in the message: Because he comes back and contacts her. He is her only hope.

Why she is sorry the day after: Because she thinks she is guilty to drag him into this. She knows this will be hard for him and will cause a lot of pain. That is why she says she is sorry.

(Is she for real? We dont know. They are still dancing the „can-i-trust-you-tango“)

They are playing Trents game of saying the truth and show whats obvious. Matt and Liam are playing this game so good they fool the other players and me and other fans. Its brilliant.

To let everyone think its a Trap set up by Astrid? - Its fine because people will focus on her (and its legit because she is shady and in this game as well) while Caleb is the one whom they should be worried about.

Let everyone think he does all the stuff he did here because of the Drama, Trauma and the pain etc – Yes it is exactly that to a percentage and that is the truth he is showing here, but underneath that is the other truth that he just wants to get closer to Trent. Caleb knows how he has to behave to get what he wants. He does it all the time because he learnid it from Trent! (remember the scene he wanted to work Essek as he needed him to work in that moment on the ship, because Caleb wanted the peace talk to happen? Because Caleb didnt want Essek to run away but to stay and get done what he Caleb wants?) He does not like those methods but he has to use them to get what he wants.

This is a brilliant plan from Caleb and Astrid and you know, they worked together before. They know each other so well when it comes to work (and probably more). They were a team for a long time and its like: watching a movie where old action heroes that worked together for a time suddenly have to work again. They just work together like they always did. Its like one comes visit the other one after 10 years of both of them living their lives, and they just look at each other and the person stands up goes to a shelf, gets his old gun out that was hidden there all the time and only asks: how is the weather? And the other says „its clear blue sky“ and they dotn talk anymore and just to their thing like in old times and know exactly what to do. Caleb and Astrid are Assassins in this but you know the dynamic is there.

Another way to put it:

With the dinner invitation trent put up a chess board. And invited Caleb to play. Caleb doesnt answer. Astrid asks him at the door in private: „you said you want to play this game last time you visited me. Do you still want to play? „He says „yes“ and she answers „race you to the top“ wich was clever. It seemed like she wanted to play the game herself, and that is again one half of the truth here: she wants to play this game, but not on her own because she knows she cannot win this alone. She needs help and playful/tricky invites Caleb to play this together against Trent. Like she would say: „I want to play the game and I would want to know who is more clever/better here, you or me“. This is the dynamic I think they had as teens: always challenge each other who is more clever and gets the solution to a riddle first etc. but always playful never hating and i think that is how they connected in the beginning and fell in love at some point. We will see that maybe in the comic in summer.

During the dance she said: „You have to decide soon if you want to play this chessgame because Trent is a bit distracted anyway right now. Also time is of the essence. You have eyes on your back?“ this mental chessgame wont be a game that will finish soon, or in 2-5 episodes. It might go on for half a year because its a chess game where you have to think a lot and think a lot up in front. With the „i will help you with the necklaces“ she holds out the first pawn to Caleb, and with his rampage he takes it and sets it on the board and the game is on.

And its all covered up in half truth and some scheming but never blunt lies because that would be to easy to find out and could be the end of the game.

So Astrid and Caleb are workign together against Trent while behaving like nothing happend. She does her stuff, he does his.

They will meet sometimes because they both have the working connetction to Trent and who knows how this will end? Trent I think is aware that the game is on and I think he will play (move his figures in the next episode. With the maybe task they have to do for him so he lets them go.)

He set the board on the table in the first place.

Tldr:

Caleb wanted to face Trent. He was aware of what he did, he knew their actions did lead to Trent appearing. He wanted to seem to be the scholar that breaks into his old teachers house to get stuff so he can get closer to Trent again, to gather information from inside the assembly so he can take the system down from inside. Astrid might have gibt him the idea, and maybe there is some planing going on between Astrid and Caleb that we can’t see.

#Cr2e127 #critical role #critical role spoilers #critical role speculation #caleb widowgast #astrid beck #critical role caleb #critical role astrid #c2e127 #mytheorie #Cr Astrid #cr caleb #my theory

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loslotharios · 3 years

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Favorite Reddington moment?

For the most part, it’s all the scenes where Liz lands in danger from someone else and Red goes feral, especially the time in S3 when Solomon and his men hurt Liz in the airplane hangar. Another scene I really liked is the one where Red threatens Ian Garvey.

Another scene I really love is when Red gives Ressler a blood transfusion. That’s legit one of the best scenes in the entire show. The way Red was so open and vulnerable with Ressler and he way Ressler actually cried at Red’s speech was so amazing.

A close second would be when Red and Dembe recite Surah Al-Ikhlas together because it really touched my heart that Red would care about Dembe so much that he’d actually take the time to learn a verse from the Quran for him. I love that scene because I’m a Muslim.

But anyways. I really like discussing TBL with you lol.

Aww thank you!! I like talking about tbl with u too <3

I agree with all these moments. Protective Red just hits different.

And that moment between Dembe and Red is so beautiful. Definitely one of my favorites. It was a really nice way of showing the depth of their relationship very early on in the show. It also shows the respect Red has for Dembe and his beliefs.

****

I personally really like the teaparty scene in "Kings of the Highway". I think it really shows how deranged Red is. Like here he is face to face with a person who is dangerously unstable and he's just casually conversing. Not scared in the slightest.

WHEN SHE ASKS FOR HIS NAME AND HES LIKE "Kenneth. 😐" TWICE OH MYYYYY

The look in his eyes in that scene is dead. And I love it. This is my all time favorite episode too so I analyzed tf out of it. When he asks if there are cucumber sandwiches and even Jilly looks taken aback. She's just like "and they call me insane?"

DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON "Now look what you've done, you spilled all the tea dear." WHILE SHES HOLDING THE KNIFE TO HIS NECK.

Also in that episode where he's squatting in the church there's a brief second where he's playing the organ. And honestly? I was just like OF COURSE HE CAN PLAY THE ORGAN . ITS SO ON BRAND FOR HIM.

OH ONE MORE! When he and Elizabeth are on the run and they break into that random lady's house. When she comes home and we see Raymond work his magic and win her over with his charm. It's easy to watch the show and be like "Ha! if I was in the show, I wouldn't fall for his tricks. I'm built different". But like seeing it happen. Seeing how effortless and smooth he is in his delivery like... I get it. U know?

#thank u sm for this ask!!!! i have so many really specific thoughts about the show but they are so disorganized lmao #the blacklist #notwrestling #asks

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ravenforce · 4 years

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Manhattan 8

Word Count: 4557

A/N: Hi! I’m alive. I’m so sorry it took so long for me to write again but here I am. Anyway, I hope you guys are still practicing social distancing and still following the safety protocols wherever you are. Stay safe and healthy, y’all. Let me know what you think of this. I only proofread this once, so have mercy on me. xx

Summary: Definitely not what you asked for. :)

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 9

***

“Lou?”

The Heist crew looked at each other across the board room while Lou just continues to stare blankly out the tall window, unable to hear anyone around her. It’s the time of the year again. The anniversary of the day Lou lost you.

“Lou?” Debbie tried to get her attention by standing directly at her line of sight.

Lou blinked twice before looking up at Debbie. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath and sat up straighter. “Sorry, I was elsewhere.”

“We were just asking if you’re ready with the marketing of this joint exhibit with Selene Quaid?”

“Yes but we’re still waiting for Quaid and her team’s feedback about the graphics,” Lou assured her best friend with a smile.

Debbie stared at her for a couple of seconds before nodding and turning back to the whole team. Lou didn’t dare look back to her friends in fear to see them pitying her for being unable to move on after two years now. Yes, it’s been two years since she thought walking away would be easy but it was far from it. It was agonizing and physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. Especially when she thought seeing you, even from afar, would ease the pain but didn’t.

For the first few months after you left, Lou made secret trips every weekend to visit Tate and hopefully catch a glimpse of you. At first, she was elated to see you thriving; the museum is indeed your natural habitat but as time goes by, it hurts even more because she misses you tremendously. She misses sharing life with you, that’s why it pains her to see you living one that she can’t be a part of. She owns the pain, she knows she brought it upon herself. So, she sucked it up.

Until she got an intervention.

“You thought we didn’t know? You’re always away on the weekends. You’re not on Ithaca, and you’re not with your brothers,” Debbie says gently as they sit Lou on their board room. Her brothers were in attendance too.

“Rats,” she hissed while looking at Thor and Loki who was leaning against the far wall.

Her friends chuckled. “They didn’t snitch on you. Nine found your trail.”

She whipped her head back to her friends, eyes wide in surprise. “What?”

“You didn’t give us any choice,” Tammy said while playing at the ends of her blonde hair. A telltale sign that she’s nervous. “You won’t talk to us.”

“That didn’t give you the right to hack my email though.”

Lou crossed her arms across her chest. Daphne chuckled at the childish pout on their friend’s face.

“This can’t go on forever, Lou,” Daphne said. “When’s the last time you spent time with us?” Daphne gestured to everyone in the room. “With your brothers?”

Lou caught her brother’s eyes and suddenly she felt a wave of guilt. “We need you here too,” Thor says sincerely. “We all do.”

Loki nodded. “We know you love her. We know that she loves you too. She wouldn’t want this for you.” Loki admonished. “You said you did what you did because you didn’t want Y/N to spread herself thin for you. Well, guess what, as her friend, we know she wouldn’t want this for you too.”

She admits it. Flying back and forth every week was taking a toll on her. So, she relented to visiting Tate at least two times a month. Until it became once a month, then just whenever she’s free or whenever missing you get so intense.

She knew she couldn’t put her life on hold forever.

She knew she can’t just sit around and mope, and wait for you to come home.

***

With the joint exhibit happening in five days, everyone was legit on their toes with everything that needs to be done. The whole office was buzzing with activity the moment Lou walked in at 8 in the morning. Agatha just put the box of breakfast pastries down the one table where everyone likes to work even though they all have designated desks when she walked in.

“Good morning Lou,” Agatha greeted with a smile before handing her, her favourite coffee.

“Morning.” She smiled back before glancing towards Debbie who’s pacing back and forth inside her glass office. “What’s wrong?”

“Debbie’s frustrated that Quaid still hasn’t approved Daphne’s marketing collateral.”

“Has anyone spoken with Quaid?” She asked pensively.

“Yes. Quaid’s secretary said someone will be coming over to represent her,” Tammy answered, rolling her chair away from her computer. Before she can respond though, Charlie entered the room at the same time Debbie exited her office.

“What is it, Charlie?” Debbie asked, immediately picking up on Charlie’s excited demeanour.

“Quaid’s representative is outside,” he responded with a broad smile.

Everyone raised their eyebrow at him. “Well, what are you waiting for? Let them in,” Daphne sassed.

“She picked up a call but will be with us right about -” Charlie paused. The door to the office opened. “Now.”

And to everyone’s surprise, you walked in.

***

A collective gasped was heard across the room before silence swept through it. You looked at Charlie who has already recovered from his shock at seeing you again after two long years. You turned back to everyone before smiling.

“Hey.” You greeted. Lou’s heart skipped a beat and ached at the same time. Your voice shook everyone out of their reverie, making everyone simultaneously yell your name in excitement and gather around you.

Nine was the first to reach you and almost tackle you down in a tight hug. “Y/N!” she yelled as she wraps her arms around you tightly. “Oh! My! God! I can’t believe you’re here!”

Daphne, Debbie, and Rose, who weren’t much of a hugger just sidled next to you. “You look all grown up, Y/L/N.” Debbie noticed. Of course, she’ll still be too cool to give direct compliments. You smiled your thanks.

“You were cute before in your graphic tees and distressed jeans. Now, you definitely look -” Daphne stopped to consider her next words.

Nine pulled away from you to look at you a once over. “Hot! Definitely fucking hot, if you asked me” she finished for Daphne making the brunette roll her eyes at Nine’s choice of language.

“Good thing no one asked you,” Constance teased before coming over to give you a short hug, and a whispered ‘I missed you.’

You laughed at their antics but it was shortly interrupted by Rose’s hand touching the sleeve of your suit.

“Are these custom-made, darling?” She asked before she can help herself.

“Missed you too, Rose.” You teased. Rose looked at you wide-eyed and with a soft blush tainting her cheeks.

“Oh, no. I didn’t mean to seem more interested in your clothes -” she stuttered out. “-I missed you too, darling.”

“I’m joking, Rose.” You laughed. “And to answer your question, yes, the suit is custom made. I can’t really work in the museum wearing graphic tees, tattered jeans and converse. At least, not all the time.”

Tammy nearly cried before she could have a turn in wrapping you in her arms again. She still feels the warmest, her golden hair are still soft, and she still smell like fresh waffles in the morning. “Oh, are you still my baby?” Tammy wailed, cupping your cheeks and looking at you intently.

You can’t help but get teary-eyed too. You chuckled before nodding at Tammy’s question. “I am,” you said before you launched yourself at her. Aside from Nine and Lou, you’re closest with Tammy too. “I missed you so much, Tams.”

“I missed you so much, too, baby.” Tammy held you a little tighter. Amita who was behind Tammy took a closer look at you from the blonde’s shoulder.

“You look so different, Y/N,” Amita said before raising her hand for a fist bump. You were just about to raise your hand and tap Amita’s fist with yours when Lou’s voice cut through everything that’s been happening around you.

“I don’t think so. I think she looks the same.” Lou’s not looking at you but on her boots. “She’s still breathtaking though.”

Tammy let go of you so you can look at the blonde properly. Everyone held their breath in anticipation. This is, after all, the first time you’re seeing each other after all the mess that went down years prior.

You walked up to your ex-girlfriend. “Say it to my face, if you mean it.” Lou looked up at you in surprise.

“I-” She chewed her bottom lip. “-didn’t mean to say it out loud.” She looked uncharacteristically nervous. “But I do mean it. You look as beautiful as the day I met you.”

You didn’t say anything for a minute, making Lou’s heart almost jumped out of her ribcage. After a long pause, you smiled genuinely at her and opened your arms for a hug. To say that Lou was surprised was an understatement. She thought you would hate her for what she did but there you were opening your arms again for her.

She didn’t have to be asked twice, she stepped towards you and hugged your body close to her. She had to bite the inside of her cheeks to keep herself from sobbing. It’s been so long since she felt home.

***

Lou rolled out of her bed an hour before her alarm clock hits. She smiled at the ceiling before rolling out of bed and making her way to her open kitchen. She went directly to her coffee maker. She was humming softly while measuring coffee grinds for her morning rations when someone spoke from her couch.

“Isn’t it a little too early to be this chirpy?” Nine groaned before burying her head on the pillow Lou lent her.

Lou nearly spilt the grounds over the counter in her surprise. She literally forgot that Nine and Tammy slept over to help finish some preparations for the meeting with you. Tammy stood up and stretched before walking up to Lou with a smile.

“Don’t take it personally. She’s never a morning person.”

“Coffee?” Lou asked with a soft smile and a light blush adorning her cheek.

“Yes, please.” Tammy sat on the stool by the counter and watched Lou’s back. “Are we having breakfast here or shall we have the kids (Agatha and Charlie) pick up some before heading to the office?”

Lou bit her bottom lip as she thinks about her options. She opened her fridge and studied the contents of it. “Well, I have enough ingredients for your packed breakfasts, if you want to cook.”

Tammy immediately perked up at that. “Yes, please. I’ll make Y/N’s favourites.”

Lou smiled and nodded, just in time for the coffee maker to finish brewing. She got a mug of black coffee before turning towards Tammy who was already opening her cupboards for everything that she’ll need.

“Alright. I’ll get out of your hair then.” Lou knows better to stay away from the kitchen when Tammy’s cooking. The woman prefers cooking alone as she knows that their crew tends to leave a bigger mess when they’re trying to help.

Tammy just smiled and shooed her away. Nine walked in the open kitchen right when Lou seated at the balcony of her apartment. They both watched Lou with her eyes closed, face turned towards the early morning sun, and a soft smile on her face.

“It’s been too long since I’ve seen her this -” Tammy paused, searching for the right word.

“Happy?” Nine tried to guess. Tammy shook her head lightly, watching Lou for another minute before she found the perfect word.

“Alive.”

***

Nine drove the three of them to work using Lou’s car. A testament of how good Lou must be feeling to let the tech girl drive her precious car. Lou just happily sat on the passenger seat, looking out of the window like she hasn’t lived in the city most of her adult life.

“Nine-” Lou said without looking at the brunette. She just continued to survey the yellow taxi idle next to their car.

“Yeah?”

“Do you know if Y/N’s dating anyone?”

Nine chuckled, Lou has been asking the same question at least every quarter of the year. Since Lou’s not on any social media platform, she didn’t have any means to watch over you. She told herself that making an Instagram account would be a violation of her efforts to move forward. She told herself it will also be futile since she’s sure you won’t let her follow you, as all your accounts are private.

“You’ve asked this before and the answer is still the same.” Nine teased lightly before handing Lou her unlocked mobile phone. “Check for yourself. The girl still flies under the radar.”

She scrolled through the endless apps installed in Nine’s phone before she found Instagram. She opened it and searched your handle through Nine’s following tab. True to her word, there’s really no sign that you’re romantically involved with someone.

Your feed is all travel photos, food crawls in your travel destinations, museums you’ve visited through London and other parts of Europe. There were also photos of your cosy apartment, and your pet cat but that’s it. One might say, there’s nothing juicy about it. You don’t even post selfies. Lou took one last quick scroll through your feed before she closed the app and handed Nine her phone back.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” Nine grinned, eyes still trained out front. “So, what’s the plan?”

Lou scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion before turning her body slightly to address her friend. “What plan?”

Nine’s smile just got more mischievous. “The plan,” she said like Lou’s supposed to get it already. When Lou just kept giving her the confused look, she sighed. “What’s the plan to get Y/N back?”

“Oh.” A quick look of worry and sadness passed through Lou’s face before she turned back to the city. “I don’t know, N. I feel like I don’t deserve her. Even more so now.”

Nine frowned at that before she can speak though, Tammy kicked the back of Lou’s seat making her yelp. “What the hell, Tammy?” Lou yelled.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Tammy asked exasperated.

“Exactly that. I mean, I don’t know.” Lou crossed her arms over her chest.

“How about apologizing and telling her the truth that you never cheated on her?” Tammy mirrored Lou’s position: arms crossed and frowning deeply.

“What does it matter now? It’s been long overdue.”

“Better late than never, L.” Nine glanced at her while waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

“It won’t erase what you did but if you want her back, I think coming clean is the first step,” Tammy whispered.

***

Lou resolved to take her friends advice and apologize even though she thinks its overdue. It turns out apologizing wasn’t going to be the problem, it’s actually getting you alone for more than two minutes is. The moment they stepped into the gallery, it seems like everyone gravitate towards you. Besides that, you were also laser focus on everything that needs to be done for opening night that she finds it hard to approach you in fear of disturbing you.

Days passed in a blur of meetings, site inspections, and generally making sure that everything is on point for the event that Lou barely noticed that she still hasn’t had any alone time with you until it was opening night. You arrived at the same time everyone from the Heist was supposed to check in even though you’re technically not their employee anymore. You walked in wearing an elegant black dress with matching black heels.

“Everything is going as planned outside. Security is already in their positions, and I just saw a few VIP cars parking upfront,” you said in place of a greeting while tapping away at your phone. “Deb you might need to get your pretty ass upfront and welcome the guests.”

When only silence follows, you looked up to find every single one of your friends is gaping at you.

”I’m sorry is there something in -”

“You look beautiful,” Lou whispered loud enough for everyone to hear. You looked straight at the blonde’s blue eyes and smirked at her. “I mean -”

“Thanks, Lou.” You cut her off. “You look great too.”

A soft blush tinted Lou’s cheeks. Constance cleared her throat. “Ugh. I hate to interrupt this flirt fest but the guests are coming,” she said before nodding towards the door.

True to Constance words, invited guests started pouring in prompting everyone into action to receive them.

***

The rented space for the event was significantly bigger than the gallery but it’s still packed with art enthusiasts from all walks of life. Selene Quaid’s name plastered in every printed and digital marketing collateral does bring in the people. She’s like the sun, and everyone’s Icarus who doesn’t care if they burn just to be near her. About an hour into the event and there’s still no sign of the woman, which Lou knows because she’s been at the bar surveying the crowd all night.

She just downed her first glass of champagne when you plopped down on the stool next to her and ordered yourself a drink.

“Tequila? This early?” Lou asked after you downed your first shot.

“Yeah.” You downed another shot.

Lou crinkled her eyebrows together. “What’s wrong?”

You downed your last shot before turning towards your ex-girlfriend. “Selene’s late. Again. You know how tardiness makes me anxious.”

Lou nodded because she does remember the two of your discussing the issue before that’s why she made it a point never to be late in any of your dates in the past. “I’m sure she’s on the way.”

You just hummed in acknowledgement before swivelling the rest of your stool to face the buzzing crowd. Lou can’t help but study the side profile of your face.

“Lou, you’re staring.”

“I can’t help it.” She whispered loud enough for only you to hear. “I just can’t believe you’re here and talking to me.”

You glanced at her and smiled. “It’s been too long, hasn’t it?” You said before turning back to watch the door.

“Yes, and it may be overdue but I’m sorry for what I did.” Lou’s voice cracked as she tries to reign in her emotions.

You fully turn your attention to her then. “Lou, I’ve for-”

“No before you say that. I need you to know that truth,” she cut you off.

You nodded to prompt her to continue. “I never cheated on you,” she muttered with conviction. You searched her face for a hint of a lie but you can’t find any. “I did lie to you though.”

“Explain,” you said after flagging the waiter for another round of shots. You feel like you might need it with how serious Lou is.

Lou looked so guilty and sad when you faced her again. “I didn’t think you would ever take the job at Tate if you were with me. So I asked Therese to pretend that we were fooling around behind your back.”

You gripped the edge of the counter, as you digest that new information. Lou can see the unshed tears starting to gather in your eyes and she wanted nothing more but to reach out and pull you to her but you were gritting your teeth and she knew your habits very well.

“I’m sorry,” Lou repeated.

You downed 1 out of your 3 tequila shots. “That wasn’t your call,” you whispered angrily at her. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I had to do, not quitting the program to go back and beg you to choose me was the next.”

“I’m sorry.” Lou apologizing again is just making you angrier by the minute. You throw back your second shot.

“We could have made it work. I could have flown to you every Friday night. It’s just a 7-hour flight.” You downed your last tequila shot, ignoring the burn in your throat and almost slamming the glass down on the bar had you not remembered you two are supposed to be working.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” Lou tried to reach for your hand but you yanked it away from her.

“You never gave me a chance,” you spat. Lou shook her head.

“You never gave us a chance.

***

Lou wanted to defend her decision but she was cut off when the rest of the Heist crew bounded happily to the bar.

“There you are!” Nine declared enthusiastically. You made a subtle attempt to dab the tears in your eyes before turning to your friends.

“What’s up?” You answered over-enthusiastically.

“Someone’s been looking for you,” Amita quipped.

Before you can ask who, Selene Quaid reached the bar with Rose. When she looked up and saw you, she immediately halted her conversation with the fashion designer and excused herself to come to you.

“Hey.” Selene greeted, scratching at the back of her neck. “You look fantastic.”

“You’re late,” you ignored the compliment and admonished the brunette, which surprised everyone. No one gets to tell Selene Quiad what to do. She goes places and does things in her own pace and time.

“I’m sorry.” Selene cupped your right cheek with her right hand. She looked genuinely remorseful. “I’ll make it up to you.”

You smiled softly, leaning into Selene’s touch as it temporarily soothes the ache from your previous conversation with Lou. “You better,” you said smiling.

Selene took it as a sign that she’s forgiven. Smiling broadly before stepping closer and pulling you into a soft, brief kiss that took Lou’s breath away. Just like that, Lou’s dream of getting you back was shuttered in a million tiny pieces right in front of her eyes.

It’s too late.

She’s too late.

Taglist: @kaytoopio @marvelfansince08love @marvelb00kwolf @shycucumbersandwich @subject7creed @theprassebox @confessionsofawritingdork @gaytrashgoblin @cup-of-stars

#avengers cross #avengers x oceans 8 #avengers x reader #oceans 8 x reader #avengers imagine #oceans 8 imagine #lou miller imagine #cate blanchett imagine #lou miller x reader #cate blanchett x reader #lou miller #cate blanchett

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bucksbisexual · 4 years

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so....... i watched ep6 since apparently i like pain now and oh my fucking GOD

first of all, INKORN!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

but also, INKORN TTTTTTT_TTTTTTT

TEARS PEOPLE. T EA R S

okay let me start from the beginning because what an episode yall

so . we start with a flashback and it was cute ! if only the last one was too HAHAHAHAHimcrying

team being like “hm...... manaow and del are really close lately......... Are They........” after i literally said it out loud was the biggest shared braincell moment i’ve ever had in my life and mind u i have a big sister who i’m very close with lmaO

(also, women are gay too pharm smh)

win being a little bitch with his I’m An Adult Bitch You Can’t Tell Me Shit to team god i love him sjfhksjf

DEAN HOLDING PHARM’S HAND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

pharm just going into cardiac arrest after dean interlocks their fingers is the biggest mood ever

also manaow baby that’s- that’s not how you check if someone is sick JKSHFSJHS

“don’t forget to eat your lunch” “don’t forget to swallow it too” “beware of choking” THEY REALLY- FHSKGFSLJJFKS

yes i went back to the episode to write that i have no memory whatsoever

i was so scared when dean had his flashback while driving like i was praying to every god in existence for him to not crash,,,, the flashback was cute though

that tear though........ that shit Hurt

but korn saying “like” !!!!!!! half of my brain was like “HE!!!!! LIKES!!!!!! HIM!!!!!!!!” and the other half was just “omg like ram” lmao

pharm calling manaow beautiful ;; yes she is she’s the most beautiful girl ever i love her with my whole heart

that mf guy who doesn’t know the meaning of no can CHOKE (also i heard the actor’s problematic or sumn???? so fuck him too bYe)

thankfully pharm is That bitch and shut him up not once not twice but a shit ton of times in like,,,, less 2 minutes

that’s my mans man hell yeah

apparently everyone in dean’s faculty knows pharm?????? lmaoooooo but when those 2 (and later 3) tried to flirt with him i was like???????? get tf out?????????? out here abusing of pharm’s niceness smh

thankfully dean came to the rescue jsfhsk

bro when pharm picked a thread and it led to dean i was like....... oh my God they actually did that

the FORESHADOWING bro

also that kiss scene......................... perfect i loved it even though i hate their outfits so much but i can get over it if it gives us this amazing scene

dean just ;; being patient with pharm and asking if he’s okay and just asking him until he gives oral (is it vocal? girl idk) answers to the questions he makes just to be sure ;;

god why can’t men be like dean why do u have to be Assholes smh

AND THE RED THREAD!!!!! BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

dean making pharm wear his jacket sjfhksj u couldn’t be more territorial bro literally (and apparently) everyone knows you’re into each other theres truly no need jfshkf

“if it doesn’t invade our privacy too much, i think it’s okay. also, i think it’s a good way to let that person know that he shouldn’t mess with someone who isn’t single”

first of all, DEAN U ABSOLUTE SWEETHEART

second of all, the shadeeeeeeeeee lmao yes bitch drag his ass

and last, SKJLFHGLJKHSLKHKSJG

thank u for listening to my tedtalk

i will repeat myself, why can’t all men be like dean

also, a bonus: i of course went to the episode to get the dialogue and i saw the name lemon lemon and i was like “wait..... is that manaow???” so i google translated her name and it does mean lemon omg thats SO cute i love her even more rn

okay i don’t know if it’s only me but the girls from the cooking club? the best girls ever me thinks

okay we’re approaching the last part of the episode yall i felt so many emotions in like 13 minutes

we start with the worst, a Flashback.

i literally saw the outfit and started crying. like. no joke.

the mother??? sister?????? aunt?????? being hella worried and in being like “it’s okay i’ll be back in like . 2 seconds”

THIS BTICH NEVER CAME BACK

the little girl please i’m legit going to cry again thinking about her and imagining her waiting for in to come back home and just.... not really understanding whats happening when her mother (im guessing here) starts sobbing when she picks up the phone

OH MY GODDDDDDDD

also according to like,,, timeline and shit inkorn were from the 60s or 80s right???? which means she’s still alive if nothing has happened to her..................

HAHA so much fun in this blog! just joy laughter and happiness!

also it was in’s birthday.............. oh my goodness

okay moving on to something that hurts less! team being the dunk boy on the booth omg win this is not how u flirt

also i realised that the open house thing happens like... mid first semester so it hasn’t been that long since deanpharm know of each other/have been talking damn bro

win teasing pharm is like,, one of my favourite things lmao i might do a gifset of these moments when i finish the drama if i’m not too lazy

deanpharm holding hands in public tho ;;;;;;; ok bitch call me single and ugly a little less louder

win though SJFKHS *looks at team’s hand* team: no. go away

oh god oh god oh godddddddd here comes the thread talk

the moment team said suicide i stopped the episode because i thought Something would happen to pharm but oh GOD I WAS NOT EXPECTING WHAT HAPPENED

THE STARES!!!!!!!! THE REALISATION!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE “PROMISE” AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT THE FUCKUGISFUIKGJHSLGWJ

i will literally never recover

also i paused that scene so much just to scream into my comfort stuffed toy and i’m so sorry for her

i also couldn’t help but think of how the others at the table were like because if that was me idk what i’d do

i might cry or be like “wow u guys are such great actors” but inside my head because i’m an introvert

but god that was,,,,,,, yeah

and when they of course showed The flashback scene and i saw in’s outfit i cried because he truly never went back home

okay i think that’s it i literally took almost an hour to write this because i tried following the episode while having a thousand thoughts in my head + make lots of typos lmao

i hope these aren’t too bothersome to u guys ;; i post these because i need to share my thoughts somewhere but if someone doesn’t want to see them u can mute the tags i use in these posts or something hhhhh

i might use an specific one for these tho because if i gotta make 17 of these at least let’s make them be organised some way,,,,,

alrighty that’s all byebyeeeee

#until we meet again #uwma #uwma ep6 #tw suicide #i mention it and it's only once but better be safe than sorry!!!

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editorialsonlife · 4 years

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hello tumblr world its been a while since there’s been a proper update here so prepare for a dump and a half my friends because the last few weeks have been a fun trip (and that’s not even including the bloody US elections OMG)

we went to hawkes bay, so that was a good time. NOT. we turned up late because we slept in which was a great time. and also very fortuante because we arrived and no one came out to say hello which is terrible weird. So we start unloading the car and walking to the door and paul eventually emerged and was like, oh your mother’s just taking a nap we’re a bit tired. we only got home from the hospital an hour ago’. alaring for several reasons.

the last couple of times this has happened, dave’s grandma died, his grandfather died, paul was in hospital for a suspected heart attack, paul had a heart attack & was flown to wellington for emergency surgery. let alone all the other family dramas in the intervening times.

so it turns out that she threw her back out badly, fell over, and ended up in hospital when they couldn’t get on top of the pain with their sizable drug haul (pharmacist families man). didn’t think to text or call or give us a heads up in any way. when I asked why they wouldn’t text the response was, and I quote “Well she wasn’t dying so we didn’t think it was important’. like, fucking wow bitches.

She couldn’t move without crying and groaning like she was in labour, she couldn’t move without a walker, she was on morphine, coedine, steroids and antiinflammatories, and still fucking miserable.

poor dave was so stressed out. it was actually just a fucking horrible weekend. a) seeing another human in that much pain who utterly refused to do anything about it and still is

b) not being told the full story about whats going on, although I did read her medical discharge notes when they were both asleep

c) seeing poor fucking dave stressed to shit because who the fuck knows whats going on and that’s his mum hes watching in so much pain.

it was fucking horrible. never again. and walking into it with no warning was just the shittest thing of all.

I was so fucking angry when we got home. like, ridiculous. I’m still raging tbh. guess who’s place we’re not going to for christmas??

So that was our five days of leave, and our holiday, once again shat all over (at least it wasn’t covid this time?!?)

got home on monday evening and went to send an email to work to be like hey homies not showing up tomorrow, need a day to recover to find out I had a client meeting at 830 the next morning I had to attend which was so hard to get through. here, let’s pitch for 80k of work which isn’t going to solve any of your problems? why not. it makes me so mad. SO MAD.

rolled through that and our team meeting and a colleague was like how are you doing? just about burst into tears so I peaced out of there. turned up to counselling on thursday, didnt even make it into the room and anne was like, you seem angry? I was like, mmmmm no, don’t think angry quite covers it mate. so that was great.

got to last weekend, was meant to be meeting friends for brunch but there was a massive crash on the motorway so we ended up driving somewhere else which was an hour each way so that basically ruined the day but it was a lovely brunch anyway, had a great time. best smashed avo and lots of cuddles with little miss izz who is not so little anymore but so gorgeous!! Had a great day on sunday, finished off a bunch of work (yes, work is insanely busy right now, such fun, will be working again this weeked), got heaps of planting done, mowed the lawns, hung my artwork, finally felt like I was back on a happy even keel (fuck life is nice not having permanent anxiety) only to be sitting in a meeting on monday afternoon to find out homegrown is on the same day as our wedding. the second wedding since the first one was cancelled.

I pretty much just lost my shit. honestly. why is it so fucking hard to just organise something to celebrate being married. legit feel like the universe is just fucking with us at the moment and like, did we even make the right decision doing all of this? because every time we try and do something it gets fucked over and its v stressful. and yes i know we’re lucky to be covid free and be able to plan these safely and everything else but like, honestly. I’m so over it. every holiday this year has been fucked over, the wedding was done, the family reaction was so shit, like, its just ridiculous. the worst part was I came home in rage mode and dave came home in problem solving mode and was like, we can fix this and like, yeah, i know we can, but like, I’m fucking sick of making do. It’s meant to be one of the best days of our lives, and we’re already onto plan fucking c for it, and just like, I’m done with it? I’m just done. I cannot be assed. I don’t want to email everyone, I don’t want to reschedule all this shit, I don’t want to reorganise all my hair appointments, I don’t want to have to worry about the weather and rebooking it all and dealing with all this fucking shit. I’m so done. I’ve done it twice already I don’t want to do it again. RAGE. anyway. survived monday night, the week did not get any better, work got worse, and the PMS hit fucking hard yesterday. cried before work, cried at the stupid 8am meeting, cried turning up to anne and was like, I have an hour to get this all out of my system before client meetings in the afternoon.

and hot damn, god bless best friends, because bish messaged me and was like, lets do lunch homie, so we went to the botanic gardens and sat there and had the most insane conveersation ranking the best flavours of shapes, then biscuits, then crackers. and honestly, it was the pointless, best, most lighthearted discussion and everything I needed and I love her so much.

all I can say now is thank fucking god it’s friday, and its the weekend, and we have zero plans beyond going to mitre 10. I’m gunna order all my christmas presents online this weekend adn get that out of the way. need to do a couple of laods of washing, hopefully only like 6 hours of work, but like, it’s gunna be chill. and I’m v relieved.

she’s been a bit of a nightmare.

HOWEVER

despite all this complaining, looking back on where I was a year ago, like fuck me i am in so much of a better place mentally and life is just so much better. I’m so relieved. and period binge aside, physically I’m getting better too so I’m gunna take it all as a massive win. week in adn week out its been a grind, and it’s been uncomfortable and hard and horrible at times but man, coming out the other side is such a relief. having capacity to do things like supporting a friend through her current nightmare and managing dave and dealing with all the work stress makes such a fucking difference honestly. it’s also nice to feel like I can manage myself better so I can look after everyone else better too.

Feeling v grateful for this little life of mine, and the people in it, and for being in this little corner of the world. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I am so so so so so grateful for it.

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fatgirlwritesscenarios · 4 years

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You’re My Home

((A/N: I’m running out of stuff to say in here...I’m very sleepy, but I do this to myself. This one is old! Like OLD! Like before The8 became as cool as he is now kind of old! When he was adorable before he became suave, you know?))

Pairing: The8xReader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 2,131

Summary: Minghao has been feeling underappreciated, forgotten, even looked-over as if he weren’t important. All it takes is one night with you to be reminded that he is, in fact, loved. More than he thought anyone could love him.

*~*~*~*~*~*

It all got to be too much sometimes, especially as of late. The promoting, the performing, the fan signs and TV appearances; the high demands to be better, fancier, more good looking and accommodating to the fans. Every member felt the pressure with each comeback, never wanting to disappoint those that supported them, but at times…Minghao felt it the most out of everyone.

No matter how hard he tried, he was never good enough. He was always overshadowed by the others and their multiple talents they were allowed to showcase. He didn’t doubt his own talents, of course, but…sometimes he wondered if it even mattered if he were there or not. He read on the internet once or twice about how little people saw of him, of how he barely had even one reliable fansite dedicated to him, and how they easily forgot he existed.

It wasn’t their fault. They weren’t trying to be mean. It was just fact! It was true that he was barely the center of attention and that most fans were quick to stan everyone else before him, thus more pictures of them completely overtaking any pictures there may be of him. He accepted those facts a long time ago, but that didn’t mean the reality didn’t hurt every now and then. Sometimes…he felt underappreciated, unloved even and sometimes…he just wanted to run away.

Regardless of that, there was one place that he returned to where the love was endless. There, everything he did was appreciated and the most important pair of eyes was always solely on him at all times. He didn’t have to fight anyone for attention and he was made to feel like the most talented man in the world.

That place was wherever you were. A place he happily called home.

After a particularly bad day where Minghao was getting a little too deep into his feelings, he decided to stay with you at your apartment instead of at the dorms. He hadn’t seen you in too long anyway, it felt like, and he hated when his schedule took him away from you for long periods of time. It made him feel like he was neglecting you. So, after stopping at a street florist and picking up the prettiest, brightest bouquet they had, he trekked to your apartment that evening, ready to enjoy the few days off that he had with you alone.

“Baobei, I’m home!” he called through the apartment as he entered, taking off his shoes and setting his bag down.

There was a smell that hit him immediately and gave him pause, his nose lifting to the air to inhale deeply. He knew that smell, so familiar and welcoming. It made his heart stutter and caused a powerful emotion to roll through him as memories of his childhood flashed before his mind’s eye.

“Y/N!” he called again, moving quickly towards the kitchen where he heard shuffling.

Your head popped around the corner, bright eyes shining and smile as warm as hot tea on a cold evening; “Minghao!” you cried, disappearing for only a second to adjust the fire on the stove before sprinting towards your boyfriend, “You’re home!”

“I am. I’m home,” he agreed, opening his arms wide to embrace you as you threw yourself at him, hugging him as if he just came back from war, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too!” you gushed, cupping his face in your hands and rubbing your nose against his excitedly, “Oh, look at you! I’m so glad to see you. I’ve been so lonely without you here.”

“Me too.” He smiled and accepted the kiss you pressed to his lips, chuckling before taking your hand and twirling you around. He reveled in your giggles before pulling your back against his front and presenting you with the bouquet, “I got these for you.”

His heart leaped with joy when you gasped in delight, “Oh, these are beautiful! Minghao, you’re the best.”

You took the flowers and pressed a kiss to his cheek, his smile practically tearing his face in half. “This bouquet is huge! I don’t even think I have a vase big enough to fit it. Oh! Just kidding! There it is!”

You pulled a large vase from underneath the counter and ran water inside of it, going about clipping the ends of the flowers and placing them inside. While you were busy doing this, Minghao wandered through the kitchen as the smell hit him again, peering into the boiling pots and pans you had going.

“Y/N, babe, what are you making? It smells so good,” he asked, peering back at you, “It smells like home. Like China.”

You looked at him and then hummed in realization, a grin bigger than your face, he could swear it, appearing a second later; “Oh, yeah! So guess what,” you started, running the vase into the living room and placing it on the side table by the balcony doors before scurrying back to the kitchen with Minghao, “I was out walking around town today and took a couple of suspicious left turns because, you know, I suck at directions and got myself lost.”

Minghao chuckled, leaning his back against the counter as he watched you bustle around. “And while I was trying to find my way back to the main road, right there, on the right side and tucked between an insurance place and some random video game store, I think, I don’t even know, was this little grocery store. And when I saw little, I mean little. Like, this place was barely bigger than my apartment, it was crazy. Anyway, I got to talking to the lady that owns it because she was outside sweeping and come to find out…it’s a Chinese grocery store!”

Your eyes grew so comically wide that Minghao just had to laugh, his own surprise at the news melting away, “No way! You’re kidding me!”

“I would never! She took me on a tour of the store, which only took about two minutes that’s how small it was, and it was legit a Chinese grocery store just like the ones back home when you and I went to visit your parents! So I’m looking at this lady like, ‘Where you been all my life? I have a Chinese boyfriend and I need to make him food to remind him of home’. And she’s like, ‘I got you, fam’. Long story short, I’m cooking your favorite dish with all the proper ingredients for once! I also called your mom and had her walk me through it for the first twenty minutes to make sure I don’t mess it up.”

Minghao was moved, that emotional wave from before now cresting as he stood there watching you, that beautiful smile of yours lighting up his entire world and forcing away any dark shadow of doubt from his mind. How could he still feel unloved when you were right there? Cooking his favorite meal and even calling his mom to make sure you were doing it right? How could he feel unwanted when you go through all this trouble and are always so excited to see him whenever he came home? He covered his mouth with a shaky hand, his eyes tearing up.

You were quick to notice it and your brows furrowed in worry. “Oh…Oh, Minghao…Babe…What’s wrong?” you asked, rushing towards him, “What happened? Did something happen? Why are you crying?”

He shook his head, trying to blink away the tears, but your concern only made the emotions stronger until his tears zipped down his cheeks.

“Baby, talk to me. What’s wrong?” you encouraged him, squeaking when he suddenly engulfed you in a bone-crushing hug.

“I just love you so much,” he sniffed, cradling the back of your head with his large hand, “You make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. You went through all that trouble for me just to make my favorite meal, to bring China to me for a little bit.”

You giggled and rubbed his back, “It was no trouble, Minghao. I do things like this for you because I love you, too!” You pulled away and wiped his tears gently with your thumbs while his hands remained on your waist. “I always want to make you happy and see you smile. You work so hard and you put so much effort into everything you do to make everyone else around you proud. I want to give that back to you even if it’s something as small as making you dinner. You deserve at the very least that much.”

“Thank you, Baobei,” he whispered, smiling softly and leaning his forehead against yours, his eyes closing.

“You’re welcome,” you replied, leaning up to give him a chaste kiss, “Now why don’t you go take a shower and get comfortable? Dinner will be ready by the time you’re done.”

He nodded, but was reluctant to leave you; after going as long as he did without seeing you while they were promoting, the last thing he wanted to do was let you out of his sight. You made him go, though, telling him that the sooner he bathed, the sooner you two could be reunited for the rest of the night. That did the trick, Minghao running into the bedroom to grab some pajamas before heading into the bathroom.

It didn’t take him long at all to shower or to get dressed, but true to your word, when he came back, dinner was ready and set out on the table. Not only that, but his dirty clothes that were in the bag he dropped by the door were already running through the washer. You both enjoyed a home-cooked, Chinese meal as you conversed with one another, Minghao talking about all the crazy adventures he and the boys went through while promoting. You tried to keep him talking about everything he did, wanting to hear about it, but he refused to tell you anymore until you told him how you were doing. He felt so removed from your life and wanted to be integrated back in. He was attentive and hung on to every word you said, loving the way you talked and how animated you got.

With dinner over, the dishes washed and the hour growing late, you decided it was time for the both of you to head to bed. Besides, Minghao was having a hard time staying awake for the show you were watching and you figured it was because all his hard work was finally catching up to him. You got ready for bed, brushing your teeth in the bathroom together and making faces at one another. Finally, after turning out the lights, you both lay cuddled up to one another, Minghao’s head tucked underneath your chin as he rested on your chest. Usually, he was the one to hold as you drifted off to sleep, but tonight, you knew he needed you to hold him and you were more than happy to oblige.

He listened to the cute little fluttering of your heart, so warm and welcoming, slowly lulling him to sleep. Your fingers carded through his hair gently, smiling when his arm draped around your waist and tugged you even closer.

“Thank you.”

“For what? Dinner? It was no problem.”

“No, Baobei…for everything.” Minghao lifted himself up to look at you, those big, intelligent eyes of his boring into your soul. They made you blush, making you feel as if he were undressing you, laying you bare before him so that there was nothing you could hide. “Thank you for putting up with me and the crazy schedules that keeps us apart. I know it’s just as hard for you as it is for me to be separated. Thank you for doing all that you do for me, for making my favorite food for me and for reminding me that even when things get hard, I always have someone in my corner, cheering me on and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being my home.”

“Minghao…” Now it was your turn to get teary, your boyfriend chuckling and kissing the corners of your eyes before laying one on your lips, “I love you. So much.”

“I know, Baobei. I love you, too,” he whispered, laying his head back down on your chest and yawning afterwards, “Good night. Promise you’ll be here when I wake up?”

“I promise,” you giggled.

“Good because as soon as I do wake up, I’m going to spoil you. You deserve at the very least that much.” He took your free hand and kissed your fingers, holding them securely against his heart before drifting off into a peaceful, happy slumber with the sound of gentle heartbeat guiding his journey.

#seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #the8 #the8 imagines #the8 scenarios

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years

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OC Playlist Meme - Ni’kasi

I was tagged by @resol-nare this time! Thank you, this meme is super fun! :D so, have the other Pureblood twin this time, because we all know they're my favourites 😄😄

I can't remember who I tagged last time since it's been a while so feel free to ignore if I've tagged you twice or you don't feel like it but: @mercurypilgrim , @sleepswithvillains , @thehighground , and anybody else that wants to, consider this a tag! :D

♦️ Their intro theme: Animal - MISSIO

“Tell me what you want from me...you don’t even know my name...”

♦️ Their own favorite song: Blackheart - Two Steps From Hell

“there are no lyrics to this one (Kas prefers songs without lyrics when she listens to music! ;)) so just have a link :’D”

♦️ Their boss battle theme: Save Rock ‘n’ Roll - Fall Out Boy

“I’ve cried tears you’ll never see. So fuck you, you can go cry me an ocean and leave me be! You are what you love, not who loves you. In a world full of the word “yes” I’m here to scream: “NO! NO!” Wherever I go, trouble seems to follow. I only plugged in to save rock’n’roll.”

♦️ Their love song: (one for each of her main ships, again :3)

For Zephyrverse/Jask: Say Love - James TW

“And there was something in those eyes that she was hiding, she said “I don’t want this to hurt.” Just don’t say love, say love, say love, say love, no. I’ve heard that word misused a thousand times before. I know that we don’t have to dive in, cause we’ve got all of the time in the world to say love, say love, say love, say love, oh.”

For Subterfugeverse/Andronikos: the fall - half•alive

“I jump off and into your arms, but I can’t trust the fall. Take my voice, I’m giving it though I don’t feel safe at all. I can’t trust the fall...it’s like sharing a dream with someone, once you say it out loud it can’t be undone.”

♦️ Their sad times song: So Cold - Breaking Benjamin

“If you find your family, don’t you cry. In this land of make-believe, dead and dry...you’re so cold but you feel alive. Lay your hand on me, one last time: show me how it ends, it’s alright; show me how defenseless you really are...”

♦️ A song that fits their aesthetic: Broken Bones - KALEO

“You got no place to call a home (The devil’s gonna make me a free man), only chains and broken bones (the devil’s gonna set me free), You got no place to call a home (the devil’s gonna make me a free man), so come on lord whatchu waitin’ for (the devil’s gonna set me free)! ”

♦️ A song that reminds them of a better time: High Hopes - Panic! At The Disco

“ Mama said: Fulfill the prophecy. Be something greater, go make a legacy...Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise and never come down, oh.”

♦️ A song that calms them down: 10,000 Enemies - Emeli Sandé

(same as Saarai’s because again, I headcanon this is the song mom used to sing to them when they were babies so it’s the one that sticks with both the twins :)) )

“I hear the sweetest sound, blowing from the North. It says ‘don’t panic now, what’s mine is yours...’ I hope 10,000 times you tell me the truth. Cause now there’s much to do. I trust in you. I shall be free...I shall be free. We shall be free.”

♦️ A song that gets them hyped up: Wait For It - Leslie Odom Jr.

“Death doesn’t discriminate, between the sinners and the saints. It takes, and it takes, and it takes, and we keep living anyway. We rise and we fall, and we break and we make our mistakes, and if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died. Then I’m willing to wait for it.”

I’m assuming this section is meant to mean a song the character would associate with each season? So I hope I’ve interpreted that correctly, I wasn’t really sure what else it was referring to. So that’s what I’m doing LOL

♦️ Spring: Hey Brother - Avicii

(slight alteration because she doesn’t have a brother, only her sister. But spring always has Kas wondering where it is Saarai managed to take Ty and hoping they’re safe and happy. It makes everything she went through to give them that chance worth it.)

“What if I’m far from home? Oh brother Don’t worry I will hear you call. What if I lose it all? Oh sister I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do...”

♦️ Summer: Judith - A Perfect Circle

(Most of her memories of summer are the blistering heat stuck in the slave pens...she might not have actually committed the murder that ultimately ended her up there, but she needed the other Sith to think she had :K)

“It’s not like you killed someone, it’s not like you drove a hateful spear into his side.”

♦️ Autumn: Arsonist’s Lullaby - Hozier

“All you have is your fire, and the place you need to reach...don’t you ever tame your demons, but always keep ‘em on a leash.”

♦️ Winter: Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada

“What would it take, for things to be quiet? Quiet like the snow...Are we meant to be empty-handed? I know I could, I could be better!”

♦️ The song that plays while they’re lying on the ground bleeding out in a Walmart: Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Lorde

“There’s a room where the light won’t find you, holding hands as the world comes tumbling down.”

♦️ The song that would play each morning if they’re stuck in a time loop: you should see me in a crown - Billie Eilish

(gotta motivate yourself to keep on going even when tasks get tedious as they’re bound to in a time loop! :P)

“You should see me in a crown, I’m gonna run this nothing town! Watch me make em bow one by, one by, one.”

♦️ The song they’d listen to while robbing a Wendy’s: I Will Not Bow - Breaking Benjamin

“I will not bow, I will not break, I will shut the world away.”

♦️ The song they’d accidentally introduce to people in medieval times if they were a time traveller: Two Steps From Hell - Heart of Courage

(Ni’kasi’s far more serious and she wouldn’t deliberately play an annoying or punny sort of song, so..just something she’d regularly listen to, I guess, if it existed in the SWTOR Verse?)

“No lyrics again, so have a link !”

♦️ The song they’d play in the middle of the night when their neighbors are being too loud: N/A

I couldn't find one for this one for Kas, because to be honest she would be that person that doesn't get passive-aggressive and play music she would legit go over there and bang on their door screaming "SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!" XD

♦️ The song that plays at their funeral: Dead Hearts - Stars

“Did you touch them, did you hold them, did they follow you to town? They make me feel I’m falling down, they make me feel I’m falling down. Was there one you saw too clearly, did they seem too real to you? They were kids that I once knew, they were kids that I once knew...”

♦️ The song that plays when it’s revealed that they faked their death: Burning Pile - Mother Mother

“All my troubles on the burning pile, all lit up and I start to smile. If I catch fire then I’ll change my aim, throw my troubles at the world again!”

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #tagged meme #oc meme #oc playlist meme #swtor oc: ni'kasi ahaszaai

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diamondseaside · 5 years

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My Session Story :)

I’ve been putting this off for a week because I have so many emotions. The past week been the wildest craziest experience of my life and I’m so thankful that I have the best memories to look back on.

Not to get too sappy but Taylor’s been in my life for a while now and has always been a source of comfort and positivity for me. Her words, her lyrics, and her presence has been there for me all throughout middle school, high school, and my first two years of college. She just means so much me and I don’t have words to express how it feels to get invited to something like this.

I got the DM on July 29th, 2:10 PM and had a panic attack at my internship dfjdjhjkfh. Taylor Nation called me twice while I was on the way home and I had to pull over on the freeway- literally the most stressful experience of my life. I cried when my sister agreed to come with me to Nashville and my dad booked our flights and hotel. None of it felt real. That entire week I was stressing/hyperventilating/in a state of constant disbelief. I flew into Nashville Saturday night and met up with the loveliest souls @friendlyneighborhoodpegacorn @tshifty. The next morning I roamed around Nashville with my sister with 328429 emotions running through me. After getting ready and going down to the meet up area seeing people I knew from Tumblr was a surreal experience. I legit freaked out when I saw @wouldfallfromgracie and @nowimhaunted. Hana @ruuthlessgame came up to me and started talking and told me her url and I CRIED we immediately became best friends it was meant to be.

Every moment from hanging out with everyone to screaming/singing on the bus ride there to walking up to Taylor’s house was the craziest thing. we were milling around her pool and eating and I saw the wine sign in person!! when they were seating everyone I managed to get a spot 5 feet away from where taylor was supposed to sit I almost puked. the moment she came out I had to hold on to Hana’s hand to keep myself from fainting fjdksf. I just remember having the biggest smile on my face and screaming/crying internally and questioning if it was real or not. she was literally a dream!!! everything about her!!! when she got into the album it quickly felt so normal?? here she was talking to us and telling us personal things and doing the cutest dance moves during the songs. and the album is AMAZING. the lyrics!! her vocals!! the production I was obsessed with every aspect of it. I remember DYING at some of the lyrics and everyone swaying during one song :’) she was just so natural with us and I felt like she made eye contact with me a few times and I was like sjfdkfjsldfjlf. one of the best parts was interacting with everyone and meeting new people (in the long ass line for the bathroom lol) I’ll never forget chilling by her pool and talking to my favorite people till 2 in the morning :’)

soo when it was time for me to meet taylor and they called my name I had to ground myself skdfljf. I was so nervous and jittery I had to breathe to calm myself down. when the door opened and I walked in the room taylor eyes lit up and she said “HI are you tina??”. I ran in her arms and we both said “it’s so nice to finally meet you” at the same time. when I pulled away her necklace got caught on my dress and she apologized for her necklace being really long sfsljflk she was so cute. then she told how she was looking at me during the session and thought “oh my god she’s beautiful!!!” and I was like whaaat??. she started talking about my eyes and my skin and used all these hand gestures and I was so shook all I could say was “stop that’s you!!” she looked so perfect and different in person I couldn’t stop staring at her. then I told her how much I loved the album and the concepts and how a lot of it hit home for me and she was so appreciative and happy :’) I also told her some personal stuff and how much it meant to me to have her and thanked her for giving me the happiest moments of my life she was like “Aw buddy!!!” and pulled me in for the tightest hug. HER HUGS FEEL LIKE CLOUDS BTW. she gave the sweetest response and thanked me for turning to her music and I was like “of course your music is legendary” lfjlkfjlksd. then she asked if I wanted a picture and let me choose anywhere in the room so I chose the couch and that’s when I found the nerve to ask her about Benjamin fjdhfjs. I was like “oh I have a question” as we were figuring out our pose so a few seconds later she was like “you had a question?” in the sweetest voice and then I asked her if Benjamin was there and she gave the iconic line “NOO he’s with his dad”. then she turned to me and was like “I've seen your posts about him you’re so cute!!!” and I DIED. she put her arm around me and we took the picture and I asked her for another one and she was so sweet about it. after we were done I thanked her for inviting me and she ran back to me to give me another hug. we pulled away and she squeezed my hand for a few seconds and said “I’ll check up on you online!!”. as I was walking out of the room she was like “SEE YA!” and I was like “bye!!!” it was the cutest thing I’ll cherish it forever :’)

there are some parts of our conversation I don’t remember but that was the gist of it. thank you to whoever took the time to read this I don’t know if I captured everything accurately because my emotions are a mess but yeah :) this is my story and also shoutout to Hana for being the best session buddy <3

#sorry this is so LONG #lover secret session #8.5 #best day of my life

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cozykhaos · 4 years

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A New Sun: Part 9

I awoke next morning in a tangle of blankets and my head pounding. Maybe I had drank more of the fruit punch than I thought..

Ash was staring at me from the foot of the bed, his head cocked to the side. I licked my lips before asking. “Do you want breakfast?” His response was a fiercely wagging tail. I dropped the food in his bowl then changed into my work clothes. Outside I planted the flowers for the festival, the next day I was thankful for that decision, since Haley stopped by. The whole time she was there she kept a hanker-chief over her mouth and nose. She ended up coming by twice more that week to check on the progress, she admitted a squeal of excitement at the first bud that popped out of the soil.

By the time the Flower Festival came around I had a field of flowers and the farm smelled of spring. Ash would run through the beds of flowers, every once in awhile his head would pop up as he bounced. The sun had just started to rise, budding up over distant pines. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, breathing in the morning. I was filling wicker baskets with my flowers, I had promised to deliver them this morning. An hour later my baskets were full and my fields empty except for a few parsnips. Most of them were a gift for George, the others would be the last of my crops for this season.

Next month I would be busy with so many crops available and I had already promised Mayor Lewis hot peppers and fresh veggies for the luau.

“Farmer!” Haley’s sing song voice rang out across the fields.

“Morning Haley!” I waved at her. She paused to wrap a sunflower print scarf around her nose and mouth.

“I just don’t know how you deal with this.. smell,” she said as she approached.

“I really don’t smell anything,” I shrugged and picked up a basket, shoving it in her direction.

“Oh you know the smell,” Haley motioned to the ground before taking the basket.

“Soil?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Dirt, nature, dog.”

I looked down at Ash who had his nose in the dirt, he inhaled deeply then let out a loud sneeze.

“Smells like victory,” I smiled to myself.

Haley took me to a part of the Valley that I’d never been to, it was a clearing on top of a cliff. I sat down the baskets and went to cliff edge. The blue of the ocean seemed to stretch on forever, before disappearing into the sky’s horizon. Behind me Asher yipped, I turned to look at him. He was standing several feet back from the edge, tail tucked between his legs. “Its okay buddy,” I soothed him, stepping back from the edge.

Alex stepped into the clearing, thermal mug in each hand. He gave me a small nod and approached Haley, handing her one of the mugs. “What is it?”

“Try it,” there was a small smile on his lips. She looked between him and the mug before taking a hesitant sip. “Oh, chia tea, this is good babe!” She took another drink. “Did you make this or grandma?”

Alex’s smile grew. “Grandma gave me some pointers, but I did!”

“You did a good job!” Haley took his hand in hers, giving it a squeeze. Alex brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

I shifted were I stood and dug the toe of my boot into the ground. This was awkward. My few interactions with Haley had always been short. Not only in time together, but her answers to me. Not only that, but everything I had heard about Haley were always less than nice. She was rude and selfish, seeing this side to her was.. strange.

Next to Asher let out a loud sigh that grabbed the attention to the other two.

“Farmer, come here, I need help making flower crowns. Alex, please start setting up the tables.”

At least one of us got a please.

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed making the flower crowns. I had even made one for Ash, getting a smile out of Haley as he paraded around his new accessory.

“Thanks for this Haley,” I spoke before I could stop my brain. She paused in her flower arrangement, looking up over the petals at me. “For what?” She asked.

“Having me help,” I shrugged. “I haven’t done anything like this in a long time. It’s… it’s nice.”

“Yeah, of course,” Haley smiled. “Thank you for helping, I know the others hate this tradition, but,” she paused, taking a long deep breath she closed her eyes. “There is something romantic about it. Something warm. I love the dancing, the smell of the flowers, the sound of the ocean below us.” Opening her eyes, she smiled at me.

“I can see that, I’m glad I get to be here to witness it.”

An hour later we were set up, Emily had delivered the outfits, Gus had arrived with Lewis and set up the buffet. Alex had finished the picnic tables, now the other villagers were coming in. I watched as Abbie ran across the clearing, throwing herself into Sam’s arms, laughing. Sebastian was leaning against a fence post, cigarette between his lips. He says something that I can’t make out, but he received a playful punch from Abbie. I felt a frown tug on my lips, a similar tug was felt in my chest. I swallowed the lump that was forming.

“Sebastian, huh?” Haley said from next to me. We were putting the bouquets she had made onto the tables. After this I would be free.

“What about him?” I sniffed, suddenly focusing on the flower arrangement.

“You like him,” she crossed her arms across her chest, her bright blue eyes were hard. I shrugged.

“Kit!” My eyes snapped to Haley as she said my name. “Do you like him?” She asked again.

“Does it matter?” I turned away with a huff. I could feel her watching me still, but I ignored her and kept my focus on the arrangement in front of me.

“Abbie dear!” Haley’s voice sang across the field. “Could you come here please?”

I stared at Haley, mouth open as she smirked at me.

“What’s up?” Abbie was breathless as she approached us.

“Does our little Miss Farmer here have a crush on Sebby?” Haley was blunt with her question, but her voice was sickly sweet.

“Uhhh,” Abbie shot a glance over at me. I groaned, digging the palms of my hands into my eyes. I giggled erupted from Haley as she clapped her hands together. “Oh this is just perfect, yes!” Haley spun in a circle, her blue skirt flaring out around her legs.

“What?” I looked between Abbie and Haley.

“YOU and HIM, it is SO perfect, how could I not see it BEFORE!?” Haley’s voice was becoming more shrill as she spoke. “Haley, what’s going on?” Emily asked coming up to us.

“Farmer likes Sebastian!” Haley clapped her hands in excitement. I slapped my hand over her mouth. “Shut up, before he hears you!”

There was a muffled reply from Haley.

“Haley, don’t interfere. Kit obviously doesn’t want him to know.” Emily frowned.

Haley pushed my hand away and shook her head. “But he is just so… awkward and totally oblivious to everything.”

“That’s what I said!” Abbie nodded. “And it’s true. You have to grab him by the face and be like ‘Sebastian, I like you. I have since we were kids, that’s why I shoved you off the dock that one time. Then that other time we were in the mines and I kicked a rock, it bounced off the wall and hit you in the head and thought I killed you-’”

I groaned. “I thought we were never going to mention that again.”

“I cried, a lot.”

“I legit thought he was dead!”

“Then you take him by his dumb face and kiss him!” Abbie batted her big blue eyes at me.

“Yeah, or something like that!” Haley nodded. Emily shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, Kitten-”

“Kit.”

“Kitten,” Haley purred. “Sebastian has only had like two girlfriends his whole life. The longest one was with that girl Yuki and that was hella toxic!”

“Hella,” Abbie agreed.

“And he is totally oblivious when someone likes him, because he just doesn’t think someone can like him!” Haley flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. “So go and work your charms on him girl!”

“I have zero charm,” I mumbled.

“Zero,” Abbie echoed. I glared at her.

Haley looked between the two of us, a scheme forming behind her eyes. “Abbie, congrats girl, you are out of the dance this year. Kit, you are taking Abbie’s spot!”

“Oh, that’s dirty,” Emily winced.

“I like that,” Abbie cackled.

“So what?” I asked. “I have to do your dumb cult dance, woo-hoo!” I twirled my finger.

“You have to do the dance with Sebby,” Haley winked at me.

“Well fuck.”

I started towards the fields entrance, Abbie, Emily and Haley grabbed me and dragged me backwards. I stumbled over my boots and fell hard onto the ground. I groaned and leaned back into the grass. I’m beauty, I’m grace, I’ll fall on my face.

“Get up,” Haley demanded. “People are staring, get up before I make a scene.”

“She’ll do it Kit, get up!” Emily urged. I scrambled to my feet, dusting myself off. Ash trotted over to me, his flower crown had fallen off playing with Pepper. “I don’t want to do this!” I crossed my arms over my chest, a scowl on my face. “Look at me, I’m a mess!” I motioned to my grass stained jeans and muddy boots. Even my tank top was dirty and pulled my plaid over shirt closed.

“That’s okay, you get an itchy dress to wear!” Abbie beamed.

“And I’m sure Emily can do something with your hair,” Haley picked a piece of my red curls between two fingers. She let it fall to my shoulder, before she flicked it back with the same two fingers.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” I whimpered before gathering my beloved curls over my shoulder and holding it close.

“It’s just.. messy,” Haley shrugged. She wasn’t lying, it was messy, I hadn’t been taking care of it since I moved onto the farm.

“Come on Kit,” Emily took my hand in hers. She pulled me along, I glanced back over my shoulder, Abbie had a wide smile on her face and she waved at me. Haley was smirking, she tossed her hair over her shoulder before she skipped off.

Within the hour Emily had me in the dress meant for Abbie to wear today. It was a good thing we were similar in size. She had braided my hair back, two curls framed my impish face. I had tanned since moving to the valley and she didn’t have any foundation that matched my new complexion, she was able to frame my big green eyes in black liner. Emily smiled as she looked me over.

“This dress is itchy,” I looked down at the monstrous dress. Even though it was the correct size, it still managed to swallow me. I found Maru across the changing tent, the small woman was nearly lost in a sea of tulle.

Emily laughed. “It is!

“How come you don’t have to do this?” I asked.

“I did up until.. oh I don’t know, four year ago?” Her nose scrunched up. “I danced with Shane. He is a surprisingly great dancer! I however am not. I tripped over my own feet and fell, knocking down Penny who was next to me. The whole line went down like dominoes. I was out after that.” Emily laughed. “Poor Shane though, I think he might of actually enjoyed it though.” Emily fidgeted with her hands.

“You should ask him to dance then,” I bumped her shoulder with mine.

“Oh no.. I couldn’t,” she shook her head.

“You just got me all dolled up to make me dance with Sebastian,” I started. “If you don’t think for a single second I will drag you across the field and shove you into Shane and hold up a radio for you guys to dance together, think again!”

“Haley would be mortified,” Emily spoke softly. I glanced around the tent for the queen bee, she was near a mirror, arranging a flower crown of blue jazz upon her golden waves of hair.

“Well then,” I huffed. “I will think of another way to have you dance.” I grabbed my own flower crown and jammed it on my head. Emily straightened my crown of purple tulips. Outside music started, I got into my place in line, behind Maru and walked out.

I was thankful that the dance was easy, the steps simple and the music terrible. I was also thankful for the five years of summer dance class that my mother shoved me into as a child. I was not a bad dancer and before being swallowed up into the Joja Corporation black hole I would frequent night clubs with my friends. Still, I felt nothing had prepared me for this and my heart hammered in my ears. I couldn’t hear the music any more over the roar of blood in my ears. On the edge of the crowd Abbie gave me a thumbs up and smile, I wanted nothing more than to flick her off and punch that smile clean off her face. I took a deep breath and looked at Sebastian who was standing across from me, clearly confused at his change in partner. I shrugged, then took in his outfit. Biting my lip I kept myself from laughing. It was a denim explosion and it was hilarious to see him out of his usual dark skinny jeans and black shirt.

‘Shut up,” he mouth at me. Suddenly the panic stopped and I smiled at him, the music came back and my heart calmed. A new song came over the speakers and the dance started. Sebastian kept his eyes on his feet as he moved towards me, his fingers tapped against the side of his legs. I flowed through the steps that Haley had taught me. His fingers intertwined through mine as we spun. He clenched my fingers tightly as we moved into our next steps. I looked down at our hands, then back up at him. He was biting his bottom lip, his eyes still on his feet.

“Bash,” I whispered. He glance up at me, just for a second, his dark eyes met mine. “Bash, breath.”

He let out a long breath of air, he squeezed my hand again, his eyes locked onto mine. The music faded out and the dance was over. We took our bow to the sound of applause.

“Kit you were so good!” Abbie bounced over to me.

“I think I might make you a permanent dancer,” Haley smiled at me, she was wrapped up in Alex’s arms who placed a kiss on her cheek. She wasn’t paying much attention to him, instead her eyes were glued to Sebastian hand, it was still clenching mine. I looked over at him, he was still staring at me, his head slightly cocked to the side.

“You okay Bash?” I asked, looking him over. His other hand was clenching and unclenching over and over. He was still on the verge of a panic attack.

“Fine!” He finally gasped out.

“Oh Sebby!” Robin slammed into Sebastian almost knocking him over and our hands finally came apart. “You did so good!” Kissing her son on the cheek she held him at arms length.

“Mom!” Sebastian tried wiping the kiss off with his shoulder. Asha and Asher came bounding over and bounced around my feet.

“I don’t know about everyone else, but I want out of these clothes and some food!” Sam came over and rubbed his stomach.

“Saaaame!” Alex groaned out.

“Food sounds amazing!” Maru said, Demetrius putting a wall of over protective dad between her and Harvey.

Just like that the moment was gone.

#A New Sun #Stardew Valley #Stardew Valley Fanfiction #Stardew Valley Video Game #Sebastian Stardew Valley #Stardew Valley Sebastian #Sebastian Fanfiction #Sebastian x Farmer #Farmer x Sebastian #Stardew Valley Farmer #Farmer Stardew Valley

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twrites1 · 4 years

Text

A Christmas Miracle, Part 2.

“So, you’re telling me that it’s not possible at all?”

The doctor looked at her sadly and shook her head, “I’m so sorry, Ms. Jones.”

Mercedes cleared her throat and nodded as she got up from the table, thanking her before walking out with tears in her eyes. She didn’t let them drop until she was outside. She couldn’t believe that she couldn’t have children. She began to wonder what she did wrong and why she was being punished. She couldn’t tell Sam, she just couldn’t. This would break him and not that she knew for sure, but he probably didn’t want to be with her anymore because of it. She needed to leave him before he got the chance to leave her.

Mercedes came out of her thoughts as she walked into her apartment building, leftover food from the Christmas dinner that her and her co-workers went to in her hand as she headed for the elevator, only to be stopped by the manger.

“Mrs. Evans, I need to speak with your for a second.”

“Sure.” She made her way to the counter, approaching the nervous looking man, “What’s up?”

“We didn’t want to bother or have you come home early from work. There was a leak on your floor. We moved all your things to an open apartment down here.” The manager said as he handed her the new key, “It won’t be until after Christmas that the problem will be resolve, but you can stay in your new place all you want. No charge for this month, and it would be the same price as your old apartment despite it being bigger. I’ll draw up paperwork if you want and have it to you in the morning.”

“Sounds good and thank you.” Mercedes gave him a small smile before looking at the number on the key. She sighed as she left the desk and walked around the corner and down the hallway. This has been a long, draining day as well and all she wanted to do was take a hot bath then get in the bed. Getting to the last room on the hall, she put the key in and opened the door, walking in. After closing it back, she smelt a hint of apples and cinnamon, figuring it was something that they sprayed. As she turned on the light, she didn’t move from her spot when she saw what she did.

Sam couldn’t and wouldn’t let his wife go. Nope. He was going to fight until he got her back. It didn’t take long for him to find out where she was staying with the help of his P.I. skills aka stalking and following her when she got off of work. He didn’t want to overwhelm her too much, so he decided to give her some time before he put his plans in motion. He convinced the reluctant apartment building manger to be in on it. Luckily, there was an actual leak and her things did had to be move, so he was the one who did it. Along with that, he decorated her whole apartment with decorations and put her a tree up with presents underneath. Even though he knew she wasn’t in the Christmas spirit, he hoped that this would at least be a start of bringing it back for her. Seeing her standing there now, knots began to form in his throat as he made his way to her.

“W-What are you doing here...but how did you even find me?” She asked all while she took in the apartment, looking at him just made water start to instantly form in her eyes, “Sam.”

“Just let me say my peace, please.” He started as he grabbed ahold of her hand, thankful that she didn’t pull away, “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I’m an asshole. I’m sorry at the fact that I would ever say something like that. You would make an amazing mother, there’s no question about that and I’m sorry if I ever raised a question in your head that you wouldn’t and that you would leave if things got hard. I was wrong and I honestly don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m asking for it.” He wiped the tears from her cheek, letting his hand rest there, “We can work on us, there’s no other option.”

Mercedes held onto his wrist as she shook her head, tears escaping her eyes, whispering, “You deserve more, just let me go.”

“You’re more that what I need and I’m never letting you go.” He said as he took her arms and wrapped them around him, causing him to hug her. He loved this girl unconditionally. Although the bad outweighed the good in the past couple of months, one thing that has never changed, no matter what she thought, was his love for her, “You’re my wife, I love you and I would never dishonor the vows we made to each other and in front of God.”

“I-I love you too.” She whispered as she sniffled, laying her head down on his chest, never letting go of him.

“I went back and forward on what I wanted to do here. I just wanted to move all your things out and back into the house but that would be selfish. As much as I want you home, I know you need space right now.” He held onto her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before laying his own head on top of hers, “I scheduled us counseling session, we go Monday afternoon. I don’t want to go on like this and I definitely don’t want to lose you over it.”

Mercedes just hugged him tightly and nodded, all the emotions from the past couple of months and the last few days coming in full force. She loved Sam with all of her heart and she hated the place that they’ve been in. In this moment, she was happy and grateful that he was here with her. She didn’t want that to ever change.

ONE YEAR LATER

The past year has been so much better for the married couple. Now that they had been in counseling at least twice a month, nothing was fixed right away, but just talking to someone and being open with each other made them love each other more. Also in the course of the year, Mercedes had moved back home. She did stay in her apartment for two more months before doing so, vowing to better herself before she went back.

“I really like this candle too.”

Mercedes giggled as she turned back to him, watching as he lit another one, “Baby, that’s number four. You don’t need to be burning every last one of them.”

“But they smell so good.” He commented with a chuckle as he looked at her, sitting down the torch, “This my favorite. Really brings out the Christmas in here.”

Mercedes shook her head with a snort, going over to where he was. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her lips against his.

“You taste like cinnamon.” He mumbled against her lips as he pulled her closer, his hands resting on her waist.

“Mhm.” She reluctantly pulled back when doorbell rung repeatedly, causing the man to let out a loud groan, “I’ll get it.” Mercedes smiled as she kissed him again before letting go fully, watching as he plopped down on the couch. She walked through the foyer before reaching the door and looking out the peephole. Her face twitched up when she noticed no one out there, prompting for her to open the door anyways to make sure. She looked around, eyes going down when she heard a noise, “Oh my God.” Her eyes went wide as she rushed outside and to the step, yelling for her husband, “SAM!”

Sam jumped up from the couch when he heard her yelling for him, running to the door, he came to a stop when he saw what she was holding, “What in the hell?” Now occupying her arms was a baby wrapped up tightly in a blanket, majority of the face covered. He moved to the side to let her get in before he went over and picked up the carseat that was left.

Mercedes quickly brought the baby in the warm house, pulling the blanket down from the face, recognizing the bright brown eyes staring back at her, “It’s Elena.”

Sam closed the door, the cold drift now blocked as he locked the door back. He saw a note, along with a folder in the seat and he picked up to read it.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Evans,

I didn’t want you to spend loads of money and time on other options when I’m right here and you know my hardships. You’re both good people, that’s all that matter. I know Elena will be in good care and grow up in a loving home with loving parents. Please just do me one favor. Let her know that I loved her, but I couldn’t give her what she needed. No need to call or text, my number is already changed and I’m moving back to Cali with my Dad. Thank you in advance for the wonderful job I know you will do and thank you for helping me when I needed it the most.

Love always,

Kendall H.

Kendall. Sweet Kendall. Mercedes had met the teen a few months ago at her job, when she just broke down, venting to her on how she couldn’t take being pregnant nor raise a baby. From there on forward, it was a bond that couldn’t be broken. Not once did Mercedes ever think about asking her for her baby, she just wanted the girl to know that she would be there for whatever she needed and didn’t have to do this on her own. She looked down at the baby in her arms, her cries now subsided as she brought her eyes back to her husband, “What does those say?”

“She’s ours.” He said as he looked up from scanning the letter and the documents, walking over to where she was, “She and the Dad signed over all of their rights. Baby, Elena’s legally our daughter. I mean, I’m pretty sure we’ll have to go sign stuff too but..these documents are pretty legit already.”

Mercedes couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her watery eyes going from her husband to the baby, who was still awake and staring at them.

Sam stared at the baby for a moment before something came over him, running to grab his coat from the closet and coming back out, “I need to go to the store. We need baby things.”

Mercedes didn’t even get a chance to get word out before he grabbed his keys and was out the door. She shook her head with a chuckle, moving her face to her shoulder so she wipe some of her tears before she headed to the living room in complete disbelief.

Mercedes sat on the couch, the Christmas music still playing lowly as the wood crackled in the fireplace. Seeing her husband come back in with two mugs that contained hot chocolate and overflowed with mini marshmallows, she laughed because that was so like him. He spent a good hour and a half gone and came back with the whole baby store. He brought a crib, mountains of clothes, bibs, socks, hats, bottles, formula, baby towels, soaps, a baby lounger, and anything else you could think of. And he did it with the rough crowds that Christmas Eve brought.

Sam handed her a cup then took a seat beside her, taking a sip before sitting it on the table. His eyes went to little girl that was in the lounger, that was her placed on the table, sleep in front of them. Mercedes had given her a bath then dressed her into a long sleeved Christmas onesie he brought, while cute reindeer blanket he got too cover her. His eyes went back to his wife with a smile, leaning over to kiss placing a long kiss on her lips before grabbing ahold of her her hand, tugging it bit for her to come closer to him.

Mercedes brought their conjoined hands to her lips and kissed them, smiling before cuddling underneath him, eyes going to the baby in front of them. They were complete and nothing made her happier in this moment than being back home with her husband and their new new addition. A Christmas Miracle.

A/N. Hope y’all enjoyed. Simple, short & sweet :)

#samcedes #samcedes fanfiction #twrites Christmas special

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orange-plum · 4 years

Text

I woke up confused seeing my inbox but then I looked back and saw the post lol Happy New Year and thanks for the questions!

What do you need to be happy?

I’m actually not sure. Good company, love, something fulfilling on a personal level, a stable relationship with religion, and financial stability, maybe?

What was the last concert you went to?

When I went to Cali to visit friends and family before Thanksgiving, I was in Sacramento to see Icon for Hire with my sister. She played upstairs in a bar so it was super lowkey and tiny. But she’s my favorite band and my sister and I try to go when she’s in the area. We’ve seen her twice now. It’s a good bonding experience.

Favourite app on your phone?

Mm the one’s I use most are tumblr, lehzin, and twitter.

Is a kiss considered cheating?

If you are exclusive, I think so. It just depends what the person(s) you’re dating think about it. But I think it is cheating.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Pause time. Thatd be so useful.

Tell us some funny drunk story.

The first one that comes to mind was right after Lemon’s dad died in 2016, we went out bar hopping a month later. And she got emotional and was like “I want to see my dad” because she hadn’t gotten to see him in the cemetery yet. So we got a cab and got dropped off at her church even tho it was like 11:30pm.

So the cemetery there has super high gates and we couldn’t climb them. I tried to boost her up over, but since I was drunk I wasn’t doing a good job. So I see a guy down the street riding his bike so I figured I’d ask him to help. I flagged him down and was like “Hey my friend wants to see her dad can you boost her in?”

Small fuckin’ world cuz this rando civilian was a priest and he was like “You guys shouldn’t be doing this, stop drinking, find God,” and proceeded to give me a lecture and pamphlets from his backpack and me and Lemon were like what are the fuckin’ odds of everyone out here that we find a priest. Long story short we still broke into the cemetery but damn. That was kinda funny lol

If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

Pick your battles. People seem to be a high level of anger over every little thing nowadays. It’s exhausting. Learn to let some things go. Not every issue is a hill to die on.

What was the last thing you cried for?

Last summer when I thought I legit might have ovarian cancer, so I went to the ER and they said I didn’t. But then they slapped me with an almost 7k bill, despite having no job. Fun stuff.

Name one thing that terrifies you.

Wind

Meaning behind your blog name?

I like the color orange, and oranges are also fruits so I just put another fruit with it. It’s really anticlimactic lol I made it when I was in high school and just kept it everywhere I go online.

What colour are the walls in your room?

3 of them are white, and the back wall is a dark navy blue.

Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

My mom is the most emotional person I know. You could look at her wrong and she’d cry, so I bet I have at some point. I think she cried after the 4/13 thing, but nothing specific comes to mind. I’ve never tried to make her cry.

Do you like horror movies?

I do lol Even tho I haaaaaaaate being alone after a good one for like a solid week after. I hate being scared out of the theatre/living room p much.

Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

A whole bunch of things. I wish I hadn’t become friends with certain people, hadn’t slept with certain people, wish I was more understanding and nonjudgmental when I was younger, wish I hadn’t let certain people walk all over me, wish I wasn’t as shy for as long as I was, etc. There’s a mountain of regrets for sure.

#asks #ask meme #personal

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years

Note

20-30!

Thank you so much for asking!!!!

20. Favorite character to write?

Already answered, but I don’t mind re-answering cuz I thought maybe I’d narrow my three way tie, but alas, no lol. Still a tie between Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Skwisgaar.

21. Least favorite character to write?

Ooh-tbh, Larry from NATM just because I feel like I always make him an asshole? Like, I haven’t published all my fic ideas for NATM because I keep making him really mean? And in some it works but in others I’m like ‘jesus chill Lee he’s just a Dude trying his best’ but also at the same time I feel the way Stiller played him and his character arc means he’s got some major ego to him as the films go on? Idk that isn’t a hot take or anything just me being frustrated with Ben Stiller lol

22. Favorite story you’ve ever written?

Hard choice, because I love all my kids, but I cried after writing this one lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

It hit some personal stuff for me, so to be able to have it work organically in a fic so I could also like, mini therapy session myself? Cool af. Also, ppl seemed to like this a lot too, and while that validation isn’t the only reason I write, it’s always cool when my writing makes ppl happy.

23. Least favorite story you’ve ever written?

I don’t really have a least favorite, but I do have some I’m more frustrated with, due to how long they took me to write, etc. Currently? The answer to this is my Mark the Date series because A. it is taking me a day and an age to finish it and B. I feel like it kinda flopped, so it’s hard to pull up any energy to finish it, but like...I may as well now lol. I’ll get it done eventually.

24. Favorite scene you’ve written?

Oh god tbh I have too many I love just cuz like

I can go back to how I felt writing them and yeah

But as of most recent fics, I really this bit:

-Snafu patted the blanket near his head, and waited for Eugene to put out his pipe and lay back beside him before snuggling close to him. “You could be right. Could be God. Could just be love.” “How’s that?” “I think love has its own way. Even before you meet someone, even before you know you’re fallin’ for ‘em. Love’s just…out there, like the air or somethin’. Finds you when the time is right, and finds who you click with. You gotta do the rest, the stayin’ in love part, but that bringing together, that first spark…that’s love just existing, and doin’ what it needs to so the world keeps spinnin’, so people make it through tough shit,” Snafu replied. “I like that,” Eugene said. “Think love did a good job with us. Makin’ sure we found each other.” Snafu pressed a kiss softly to the corner of Eugene’s mouth. “Sure did. Wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I don’t even know what that looks like, and I don’t want to.” “Same here,” Eugene’s mouth was warm as he kissed him back. “Here’s to love for making sure you found me.” -

from this fic: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186926226531/absolution-is-the-taste-of-your-lips

Because I’m sappy af more than I let on, and also this was a chance to like, write out my own feelings via Snafu. And that was a pretty cool and fulfilling thing for me, ya know?

25. Favorite line you’ve ever written?

oh god this is another hard one to narrow down but

I always come back to this line and go ‘oh shit did I really write that. Nah, someone better than me at this had to have. They briefly possessed me or something”:

-Music and talking and shouting and footsteps collide kaleidoscopic in his ears, but none bearing the one sound that he’d run to if he heard it.-

from this fic, mentioned twice now in this post lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

I really love alliteration, and for me this line just sums up how it feels to walk thru a city when you aren’t just wandering really, but are looking or waiting for someone, and have that awful yet sometimes good feeling of expecting to hear or see them but it feels like you’re waiting or searching forever and in the meantime the city just lives on around you, a stopped platelet stuck in a vein full of vitality. Like, idk if it hit any of my readers that way, but that’s what I was trying to get across lol, so the line always hits me hard in a good way when I scroll thru my writing tag and see it.

26. Story you’re most proud of?

Gosh

I gotta choose just one kid for this aldsfkja I’m bad at choosing I love my gaggle of ragtag goofballs. I have an original piece I’d choose for this, but I’ve never posted it on here, so I’m gonna choose out of my fanfic on here instead.

One I am really proud of is this one: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

and I know it’s the third time it’s been part of an answer on here but

I really love this one idk. Thinking back to how I felt while writing it, how it all flowed in a certain way. The whole experience was just something else, and I’m proud of this one in a certain way I find myself, funnily enough, unable to describe.

27. Best review you ever got?

Okay this sounds cheesy but like

I really do love and appreciate every review or review-like thing I’ve ever gotten so I can’t choose just one for this

Like, y’all gotta understand, I’ve deleted some of it and erased traces of it from my blog, but I’ve written for years on here, I have some stuff on my ao3, and for the longest time I got nothing back, or very nearly nothing. Maybe a few likes, but no comments and not much else. I always just rolled with it and assumed I just wasn’t writing anything good enough to inspire reviews. Idk if that’s true or not, but in any case it means I cherish every comment, like, reblog, and anything review-like in nature because I’m so grateful to have it now, and I know it could well be pure luck that I stumbled up on a really supportive bunch of fandoms with great readers.

In other words, thank y’all for every kind word and like and reblog and also I may be an immortal feeding off of validation of my art, but we’ll see on that last bit, because I haven’t tested it.

28. Worst review you ever got?

One from middle school. I’d just finished my very first novel, gave it to a friend to read, and he said it ‘smacked of being too fanciful and childish, something only kids and women would read’ (it was a YA fantasy novel so I mean... what exactly he expected, idk cuz he knew what it was before I gave it to him, like it’s supposed to have those elements as a lot of these sorts of novels/stories do, and that isn’t a bad thing about them at all, so like...what his damage was idek.)

Also this is the same dude who texts me randomly and is really weird abt his friendship with me and happens to be an English teacher now (RIP to his students.)

Anyway, after he said that I tossed a review right back, because well, middle school and also I was very upset with him because I’d not asked for anything other than a general ‘if you picked this up randomly and started it, would it suck you in enough to keep reading or would you put it down’ like that was literally all I needed him to answer for me. So I told him his latest novel (his second at that point) was essentially just him masturbating to his own opinions (because he’s an arguer, who loves to tell ppl they’re always wrong, and that’s by his own admission) for one hundred pages, and not in a way that anyone else would care to read. He was pissed, but so was I. We didn’t talk for a good week, and we had almost all our classes together lol.

Like, getting nothing back in review sucks too, but this one has stuck with me forever. Best part? I mentioned it to him a few years back, and he only vaguely remembered it, and followed it with “but I’ve said a lot of rough stuff about your work. I mean, it deserved it at the time, but you might be good at this someday!”

I didn’t smack him, but I really, really wanted to.

29. Favorite story/poem of another author

This doesn’t specify on Tumblr or not, so I’ve got two: one from outside tumblr, and one from on here.

A. When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be by John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,Before high-pilèd books, in charactery, Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;When I behold, upon the night’s starred face, Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,And think that I may never live to trace Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;And when I feel, fair creature of an hour, That I shall never look upon thee more,Never have relish in the faery power Of unreflecting love—then on the shoreOf the wide world I stand alone, and thinkTill love and fame to nothingness do sink.

B. Again, this Tumblr one could be a huge ass list because y’all on here are amazing, but one I’ve been rereading over and over again recently is @xmxisxforxmaybe ‘s Remnants series, which can be found here: https://xmxisxforxmaybe.tumblr.com/post/186702235396/remnants-complete-work

Like, Ahk as a character is captured so well, and I love the way the plot twines and also when the smut comes up? Very good A+ smut, something I value pretty highly on and off Tumblr because man, sometimes smut is just work to write, so I appreciate it when it’s really good. All around, this series has captured my heart and I legit have a link to it saved on multiple devices so if I need something to read, I can just pull it up right away.

30. Hardest part of writing?

Self-doubt. It’s the biggest hurdle for any artist, regardless of the art in question I think, but with writing it seems to double down a lot. Like, you have to really get out of your own head, even as you spend all your time there with your writing ideas. Shit gets weird and twisted, man.

For the longest time, I really let self-doubt defeat me too, and I regret the time I lost to that. I still get hit with it randomly, cause I don’t think it every really goes away for any writer, not even the big names like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman (who I’m half tempted to @ on here purely because I wanna know his feelings on this stuff because I respect and admire him as an artist and his thoughts very much, but also he’s a very busy man so I’m not gonna bug him by doing that lol.)

All there is to do is to work with it, push past it, and most importantly keep writing. I have days where that feels like the hardest thing, but each day I manage to get past it and get the words down? I let myself feel proud of that, and mark it as an achievement in my Big Book of Stuff I’ve Done in This Life.

#text post #ask box things #these answers got long and wordy but I doubt that surprises anyone lol #this helped to answer a bunch of these too #finally got me to a point where I feel ready to try and sleep even if I'm not tired #so thank you to everyone who asked me stuff!!!!#apineappleheart

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