paper heart (1/3) Portgas D. Ace/Oc - Memos AU
im finally working my way back through the ko-fi requests again, i promise i didn't forget about a single one, ill die before i let any of them not get written
the request was for really sad ace/hoku angst, so i took some liberties and ran with an idea i've had for awhile. the inspo for this one was a question i was asked once about whether Hoku could make a human from her drawings and the Black Mirror episode "Be Right Back"
i hope this works for you! thank you for reading and hope you enjoy!
Note: This an AU to the Memos Timeline, taking place sometime after the time-skip, in the midst of maybe post Punk Hazard.
-------
Hoku leaned back against the cushioned bench, tracing her fingers over the lip of the bottle beside her.
The crow’s nest was empty tonight since she was taking the first watch. Zoro’s absurd weights were piled in the corner, boxes of everyone’s different training gear or stretching mats pressed against the wall. Hoku kept one of the windows cracked open, letting the salty breeze filter through.
The dimmed lamp on the small table cast little shadows against the wood paneled walls. A bit of moonlight shone still through the windows, the entire sky clear as a mirror tonight. Hoku could see stars scattered as far as she was willing to look. Down below, the lulling, sweet sound of Brook’s strings made its way up to her ears. She could hear Nami and Robin chatting something soft by the tangerine grove.
She couldn’t hear Luffy, which meant he was either lounged across the top of the Sunny’s mast or busied in some way below deck. In a little bit everyone would start to trickle back inside and head to bed. Hoku wouldn’t have to expect anyone till morning.
It was the perfect kind of night to mourn.
Hoku quietly pressed her head against the cool pane of glass. One of her sketchbooks laid spread out across her lap, loose papers crinkling at the corners. The occasional breeze ruffled the pages, revealing the previous sketches beneath.
A curling smirk revealed itself for a breath. Inked black hair and scattered freckles. Another image of a bright, boyish laugh. A sketch of a broad back, one hand waving lazily in the air. The drawing of a young man over the crest of a hill, holding his hat so it wouldn’t be snatched by the wind.
The pages fluttered back into place as Hoku smoothed her palm over the top, hiding them between the folds of each other. She stared down at her fresh page, expression void of emotion while she brought her bottle to her lips with her free hand. The familiar, sweet sigh of kiionohi berries slid with a smooth burn down her throat.
“You’re such a lightweight! Don’t ever go drinking alone, you got that?”
“Who’re you to tell me what to do, brat?”
“I’m older than you!”
It was good that she was a lightweight. It meant it wouldn’t take long to forget.
Hoku had found it easier to do this pitiful ritual days away from the true date. Any closer and the crew would notice in a glance. They never spoke of it aloud, they never pressed, but they all knew. If she were to go sneaking off to the crow’s nest on a day like that, someone would come following after her—they’d never let any of them be alone. Sanji would pile Luffy’s plate extra high. Zoro would train a little harder. Brook would play something beautiful while Usopp and Chopper took turns trying not to work each other up into a fit. Franky would tinker a little more. Nami would speak a bit softer. Robin would sit a little closer.
Hoku loved them for it.
For Luffy, a day like that was passed as a day like any other, only a soft brush of wind against his hair, pulling the light curl of his hat, and a single glance out against the sea as the sun bore down on the x-shaped scar across his chest. A day like that was only completed with Hoku finding him in the dark, quietly curling against his side and shutting her eyes as she laid her head over his chest, listening to the rhythmic drum of his heartbeat—her fingers splayed across his chest.
For Hoku, a day like that needed to be mourned days earlier. A single night to herself. A bottle of alcohol she’d never finish by the end of the night. Scattered drawings she could either burn to the wind or tuck somewhere far away.
Hoku took another long sip, swallowing mouthfuls as she set her bottle down. A bit of it trailed down the side of her mouth and she wiped it away, already feeling a hot flush down her neck. It spread thickly across her cheeks and Hoku took up her pencil again, pressing it to a fresh page.
“Can’t you draw me doing something cool for once? You always like drawing me like this!”
Hoku’s stomach lurched, threatening to be nauseous. She shut her eyes, shaking her head. Don’t think about it. Just draw. Just draw. You don’t need to think.
It was easier to draw. Drawing was like pushing all the memories that threatened to flood her eyes with tears out into the pages. She could leave them there and let them go before it hurt a little too much, before she cried a little too hard.
She didn’t know why tonight was a little harder than most.
The pages against the side of her hand sliced sharply against her sliding palm. Hoku pulled away, dully looking down now at her bleeding palm. She dropped her pencil, using that hand to grab her bottle and take another long drink.
“Shooting Star.”
Hoku choked back a sob. She shut her eyes now, pressing her palm to her paper as she leaned forward, trying not to think.
But even her eyes betrayed her.
In her mind she saw the memory of that broad back. Of scuffed boots and sculpted calves, of ink black hair and curling wisps of flame at the corner of his boyish grin—
Hoku pressed the heel of her palm to her forehead, shaking her head. Stop. Her mind was already starting to feel thick and foggy as a result of too much alcohol too fast. Hoku let out a shaky breath, reaching out for the bottle again to try and finish the deed. Tonight was just too hard to draw. She could live with that. It was a different kind of night where she needed to shut her eyes and let the morning take it all away.
Hoku paused just before taking another drink, looking down at her paper.
She froze.
A perfect rendition of him was laid out beneath her palm, hidden beneath the cage of her fingers. Her blood continued to pulse across the page, swirling and curling as it took shape against her will. Her sluggish thoughts did nothing to hinder the perfect clarity of his image, his entire likeness the most lifelike she’d ever drawn it.
He laughed, his smile hidden beneath her index finger. Hoku hesitantly lifted it up.
The drawing peeled at her touch, pulling outwards with a soft pop!
Hoku instantly recoiled, curling her hand away as though she’d been burned. The now dimensional drawing laid over the top of Hoku’s paper, casting his own shadow. It laid there, unmoving, no bigger than the length of her hand. Almost like a sick, perfect rendition of his own doll.
Her head was starting to spin. Hoku continued to stare at the now dimensional drawing, unknowing when her hand had reached out once more for it. She wrapped her bloody fingers around it, cradling it softly as she laid down against the cushions, holding the drawing before her eyes.
He laughed back at her.
Tears began to spill from the corner of Hoku’s eyes. She choked another sob, laid sideways agains the cushioned bench while she brought the drawing to her chest with both hands. She cradled it gently against her heart, tears sliding sideways down her face in a steady stream. Hoku shut her eyes, head spinning with alcohol and tragedy.
I’m sorry.
Hoku squeezed her eyes shut, crying softly as she held the drawing to her.
I’m so sorry.
The drawing warmed beneath her fingertips and Hoku held it reverently between her palms, protecting it the way she had originally failed before.
Brook’s soft melody went silent. Hoku let her mind slip into the dense fog of alcohol, falling asleep to the world.
In the morning, her tears would be gone.
I’m just so sorry.
-- --- --- ---
In her dreams though, she couldn’t escape.
Hoku stared, almost confused against the long stretch of coastline. It was a sight she couldn’t quite understand, a dreamscape drafted up by some inexplicable imagination. Not Artopoki’s shores, which she’d become almost sadly fond of dreaming. Not any other island she’d known. Dozens of different flowers lapped overthemsleves like a thick canopy of leaves to her right while the water lapped at her left. Beneath her a long path of sand stretched onwards.
She froze at the sight that awaited her.
He stood just shy of the coastline. The wind tousled lovingly at his hair. He slowly turned, as if sensing her stare.
Hoku found she could not move. Her voice caught in her throat.
His smile tugged at his lips. That cocky little curve, an almost soft whisper of a laugh ready to leave him.
“You know,” Hoku froze at the sound of his voice. Her eyes flooded with fresh tears. “There was something I wish I told you.”
Hoku choked. He grinned.
“Shooting Star—”
-- --- --- ---
“Shooting Star?”
Hoku’s head hurt. She kept her eyes welded shut, refusing to open them as she curled in on herself. The slow steps to waking up were bringing with it all the consequences of her actions the night before. A steady throb pressed against the side of her temple. Her mouth felt dry, lingering with the faded sweet tang of her kiionohi brew.
I think this is my worst hangover yet. She felt as though she’d almost lost something. Like all her energy had been seeped out of her and then some, barely leaving her with enough vitality to complain. Her body ached, one hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose as she groaned. Outside she could hear the annoying cry of gulls, their chatter ringing back and forth.
“Stupid woman has done stupid thing!”
“World will be upset.”
When am I not doing something to upset the world? Hoku sighed defeatedly. She laid limply against the cushions, trying to figure out what time it was. It couldn’t have been too late in the day. On of the earlier risers would’ve slipped up here to wake her up and tease her for falling asleep on watch. Just before dawn then.
Sightly calloused fingers pushed a chunk of her sweat slicked hair out of her face. Hoku’s brows creased, mouth twisting a bit.
“Ugh… I didn’t even hear you come in…” Zoro? It was a weirdly tender gesture—he normally would’ve let her fall off the cushions—but Sanji wouldn’t go this long without saying something sweet.
It didn’t smell like Zoro either. It smelled only like her blood and kiionohi. Hoku rubbed at her puffy eyelids, trying to ignore the throb in her head. Maybe he saw… “Just give me… a second…”
“C’mon Shooting Star, what’d I say about drinking alone?”
Hoku stilled.
The cool, crisp breeze of dawn blew in from the window. Hoku could feel its chill against her skin. The pain in her head was real. The dull ache of her body. The familiar sound of someone below on deck waking up—a sweet whistle telling her it was Sanji, making his way to the base of the crow’s nest.
Hoku was awake.
“You gonna ignore me? Don’t pretend to be asleep! I need your help figuring out what the heck happened… I think I was visiting… did we party so hard I blacked out?”
Hoku slowly opened her eyes, pulling her hands away from her face.
Her heart began to pound. Something frantic started up inside of her.
He sat on his haunches only inches away from her face. Messy, thick black hair tousled freely around the sharp cut of his jaw. His tanned skin rose and fell with each breath of his chest. His broad shoulders blocked part of her view before her.
Freckles dusted his face, a little constellation across his cheeks.
He turned from rubbing his chin in thought to bring his bright black gaze to her.
No. Hoku thought brokenly. I’m still asleep.
It was a moment where her dreams still clung to her just waking mind.
Because a moment like this couldn’t exist otherwise.
Hoku hesitated, her heart loud against her chest, threatening to crack under the pressure of her ribcage. She reached out then with both her hands, past the soft tickle of his hair and cupped the warm touch of his cheeks on either side. He blinked, looking curious as he leaned into her touch to one side, lips twisting up into that easy grin.
The realest dreams only hurt the most, Hoku realized.
Tears streaked down Hoku’s face. She gazed quietly at him, unable to speak. She held that face in her hands, his expression going blurry as her eyes filled with tears.
“Aw, come on, what’s this?” his laugh was a little breathless, gaze teasing as he rose from his crouch and hovered now a bit over her. Hoku followed him, unable to pull her hands away. She could feel the warmth radiating off his skin. “You cryin’? Always crying in your sleep—Luffy won’t ever let you live it down. You want to be the new crybaby?”
Even now she still couldn’t find the words to speak. Hoku could only shake her head. He looked a bit surprised at her subdued display, blinking once before he coughed into his free hand, using the other to brace himself over her and the bench.
“Alright, fine,” he said, sighing as though it were troublesome to him. Hoku almost laughed, her heart twisting with pain. It was the kind of thing he would’ve said back on Dawn Island, amidst the cover of trees while Luffy cried. “Move over.”
Hoku pressed her back flush against the bench. His brows creased, examining what little space still remained. He rubbed the back of his neck, eyes darting once to the side before skittering back to her—it was a guilty sort of tell of his. “Well, since the space is tight…”
Hoku didn’t even have the heart to bully him then or shove him to the floor. He grinned a little, a bit impish, the top of his ears dusting red—they would’ve caught like an ember by now, she thought absently— “It’ll make more sense, you know. I’ll lay down first and you can lay down on top—”
His fingers lightly brushed against her hip, as though to reach around Hoku and lift her up. His lids lowered as he gazed down at her. It was a gaze Hoku had never looked at properly. She tried to understand it now, since there was no too late in her dreams.
His fingers touched a bruise Hoku had gotten just the morning before from smacking into the corner of the table by Nami’s tangerines, earning a laugh from the navigator.
Hoku felt pain shoot up her spine like lightning.
She froze.
Pain.
That’s right… she felt… pain.
She’d been trying to ignore it, but not once had the throbbing in her head receded. The dull ache a distant thought in the back of her mind when sadness had been the forefront.
“Hoku Honey!” Sanji called sweetly. “Shall I get your breakfast ready?”
Hoku looked up at the man hovering above her, still grinning.
Cold washed over Hoku. It conflicted with the warmth of the body before her.
What?
Hoku’s throat went tight. Her mouth dry. Her pulse picked up in speed. The throbbing against the side of her head was almost murderous. She felt sick.
This isn’t right.
“C’mon,” he laughed, a bit coaxing. “Help me out—”
His touch seared against the bare skin of her back. The bruise throbbed.
Hoku’s palms shot out, shoving hard. His eyes widened, startled as he let out a squawk and fell back onto the floor. He looked up at her, affronted and a little betrayed, but Hoku wasn’t thinking about his expressions or his face—she was sitting up, scrambling onto her knees and bringing her shaking palms up to her face.
Dried blood lined the long cut along her palm.
Wait.
Hoku’s head started to spin. She felt sick. Ice cold water rushed down her spine, dousing over her head while her temple felt like someone was drilling a rusted nail into it. Her entire body was beginning to shake now, disbelief and fear and—
Hoku looked at him, eyes wide, frantic. His body. His face. His size.
He looked back at her, miffed betrayal becoming slow, curious confusion. Concern laced his features.
“Shooting Star?”
“Hoku Honey?” she heard Sanji call again. “Is there someone else up there? No, wait… there is? Hoku Honey—”
Hoku almost felt a whimper leave her lips. Confusion pounded against her head. Fear began to color her face. She shakily looked down at the bench and the floor, eyes darting from paper to scattered paper until she landed on one in particular.
An emptiness was left where she had pulled a drawing free.
No, this can’t be right.
(This isn’t possible.)
Paper. It had been paper—
(Paper made by your hair. Mixed with your blood. Your special blend.)
Hoku’s breaths began to come staggered, sharp and uneven. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. Her eyes filled with tears while her face twisted into one of insidious horror as she looked back down at the man before her.
(Something she had never thought was possible. Something she’d only thought in passing, when she’d been asked. A thought she was never supposed to entertain. A thought Hoku had never once had, because even she knew playing with such an idea was wrong. Wrong and forbidden. Wrong and—)
Hoku slowly looked back at her hands. She flexed her fingers, carefully until her nails bit into her palm. Blood dripped down the side of her hands. Pain pricked her mind.
She was awake.
This was real.
Oh, oh goddess. Oh, goddess, what have I done?
“Hey!” he looked shocked. “What are you doing—”
Hoku tore herself away from the bench, away from him. He looked at her with wide eyes, confused and a little hurt but Hoku didn’t care. She staggered back a few steps until her knees gave out on her and she collapsed, falling back onto her palms.
“Hoku?”
Ace reached a hesitant hand out for her.
Not a drawing, but flesh.
Hoku screamed.
-- --- --- ---
Hoku had done a lot of stupid things since she’d been brought into this world.
She was sure there would never be anything beyond this.
-- --- ---- ----
Portgas D. Ace was dead.
“Fire Fist” Ace had died on the battlefield in his beloved brother’s arms, with an eternal smile across his bloodied lips. A smile that belonged to a man who had died knowing he had lived a life where he was loved and was able to love in turn.
And Hoku had watched, bleeding blood that would stain the ice forever until it was melted away. And a part of her had died that day too.
Portgas D. Ace was dead.
He had been so for over two years now.
This was an indisputable, undeniable fact.
Hoku sat now in the far corner of the galley, unable to bring herself any closer as she held her throbbing head in her hands and glared across the room. Robin sat quietly beside her, a soothing hand splayed over her lower back, fingers occasionally rubbing soft circles, lightly against her side.
That thing sat at the table, looking only a bit miffed, widely curious, and perhaps rather excited.
It grinned and Hoku felt sick to her stomach.
-continued in (2/3)
104 notes
·
View notes