#So this is more or less a way to relieve myself of some stress I've been dealing with

[thegcng-arch]

[ 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 ] : sender and receiver are having sex to reduce stress. ( for den teehee )

the  idea  seemed  sound  at  first.   my  stress  levels  had  been  at  an  all  time  high  and  in  turn,   so  were  mac's.   it  seems  regardless  of  how  often  i  try  to  separate  myself  from  others  i  stay  tethered  to  mac.   it's  fucked  up,   really,   how  we  play  off  each  others  emotions.   i  try  and  tell  myself  that  isn't  the  case,   convince  myself  that  his  actions  and  feelings  have  no  effect  over  me.   i'm  supposed  to  be  a  good  liar. 

we'd  bang  to  release  some  endorphins,   bring  some  oxytocin  to  our  brains  so  we  weren't  feeling  as  irritable  as  we  were.   no  feelings,   no  strings,   just  sex.   i  had  forgotten  when  i  agreed  to  this  that  there  was  that  stupid  fucking  string  wrapped  around  him  and  i,   that  there  was  really  no  way  for  me  to  cut  it.   i  had  given  mac  explicit  instruction  before  the  act,   ordering  him  to  stay  away  from  my  lips.   i  don't  like  kissing,   i  don't  like  intimacy.   it  makes  me  feel  fragile,   vulnerable.   mac  cannot  see  that  side  of  me,   i  was  supposed  to  be  the  one  with  the  power. 

that  idiot  just  couldn't  follow  instruction,   rambling  on  about  'dennis,   how  am  i  supposed  to  get  turned  on  if  we  can't  make  out?'.   so  i  cave,   i  fold,   i  throw  my  cards  onto  the  table  and  allow  him  to  kiss  me once.   that  was  my  second  mistake,   the  first  agreeing  to  fuck  each  other  to  relieve  stress  in  the  first  place.   when  mac's  lips  find  my  own  it's  like  every  nerve  in  my  body  lights  up  like  a  goddamn  christmas  tree.   there  they  are  again,   those  fucking  feelings,   creeping  into  my  chest.   and  for  the  first  time  in  ages,   all  the  hook  ups,   all  the  chicks  i  banged  to  try  to  fill  it  ...  that  godhole  starts  to  feel  a  little  less  empty.

things  ...  escalated  from  there.   i  tried  to  maintain  control,   i  really  did,   but  mac  was  able  to  see  through  me  like  no  one  else  could.   he  knew  that's  not  what  i  needed.   i  don't  know  how  he  figured  it  out,   maybe  it  was  the  whimper  i  made  when  he  pressed  my  body  against  the  wall  and  attacked  my  neck  with  an  open  mouth.   everything  from  that  point  onward  felt  more  like  a  blur  and  i  suddenly  found  myself  laying  on  my  bed  with  mac  hovering  on  top  of  me.  

dennis  ...  dennis,   den  ...  it's  a  chant  as  he  pushes  inside  of  me  deeper  and  deeper.   no,   not  just  a  chant,  a  prayer.   whimpering  and  moaning  my  name  like  a  goddamn  prayer.   i'm  not  religious,   i've  been  to  church  many  times  to  try  and  find  something  to  believe  in.   maybe  i  found  it,   here  on  my  bed,   my  best  friend  fucking  into  me  at  an  unrelenting  pace,   worshiping  my  body  like  he's  forgotten  about  the  church  and  he  found  his  new  god.   me. 

"fuck,   mac!  there,  there."  my  voice  is  breathy,  needy.   no  one  has  seen  me  like  this,   mac  has  never  seen  me  like  this.   he's  seen  me  bang  countless  people,   watching  my  tapes  as  he  probably  jacks  off  alone  in  his  room.   this  is  different,   and  i  know  he  can  feel  it  too.   maybe  that's  why  he's  trying  so  hard  to  coax  these  gasps  and  pleas  out  of  me.   hands  reach  out  and  wrap  around  his  back,   fingernails  digging  into  his  skin  as  i  hang  on  for  my  life.   maybe,   this  wasn't  a  bad  idea  after  all.  maybe  this  is  what  we  needed. 

@pridefound

#pridefound #pridefound ft. dennis & mac. #dennis / interactions. #im gonna die oh my gOD #usfw tw

[csmeaner]

I come on here once in a while to remind myself that CS are typically very predatory in nature so I can avoid waking up one day and realizing I've spent hundreds or even thousands on little pixel characters. I am in exactly one CS (Terras) that I enjoy casual participation in, and I haven't spent more than $125 on buying them. I am naturally prone to impulsivity and have had to stop myself multiple times from spending more than I want to on Terras, but each time, I have stopped myself and felt relieved afterward. It doesn't happen often anymore, which is why reason why I haven't left the server as I know I can control myself.

I managed to buy my partner gifts and take them out for a pretty nice meal yesterday without worrying about the cost simply because I reminded myself about how I don't want to be that person that can't afford things with real world value or nice irl experiences just because I spent too much money on some pixels.

So, yeah. Reminder to everyone in this fucking wasteland to basically touch grass and find better things to spend your money on, because I can guarantee that when you look back in like 15 years, you're probably gonna think "shit, why did I pull money out of my college fund to buy that oc I haven't touched in years?". Or, you can be reasonable, set limits for your spending, find healthier ways to cope with stress, and discover better ways to spend reasonable amounts of money so that you get to look back and think "man, I'm so glad I spent money on that nice vacation/gift for my partner/medical bill/etc than that overpriced oc".

cs are a 'luxury' and even then you can get better luxury goods for less and more long term satisfaction. cs' auctions and sales and almost fanatic levels of overhyping pulls people into FOMO, which is especially dangerous for people who suffer from impulsivity and addictions. aka minors, which is most of the cs audience, and adults with addictions and/or mental illness

a way to help is to compare any adopt to buying yourself a switch or a steamdeck + any games with them. you can get literal hours of fun from those alone instead of a single grem. only have 25 dollars? save it, and you'll be able to buy a switch instead of say a dainty slot in the future. it's difficult to not be swept up, i don't blame people as i've felt the similar high of winning a raffle or ABing on an auction, or being able to be the first claim to the adopt i want, but it's artificially generated by someone else and will absolutely fuck with your brain chemistry similar to gambling and lootboxes

if you want a gatorade-flavored catfox thing, look at what you like about the adopts made and make your own. if you don't like it because it wasn't made by a popular artist, then look into yourself on why that's the dealbreaker for you and realize you like the artist, not the actual adopt. a dreamy one week can become trade fodder the next. but a switch will last several years at minimum

#help

[yellowocaballero]

hi! I was winding down after school stuff and rereading some of the reverse Batman au (awesome by the way. You understand so many things) and am I tripping or did u make a Batman fic rec post a while ago? I can’t find it, but it’s also been a long time. I crave the sustenance. Also I honestly didn’t realize it’s literally been three years until you pointed it out in your newest fic (Incredible btw) guess I can finally officially declare myself a long time fan. Cheers!!

HAH Hello thank you for being a long time reader! That story certainly reads like it was written a long time ago...I put up the Cass story just so I could love the AU on a more adept note jkaljd. That being said, I'm now thinking about The Secret Life Of Jason Todd, so....

I can't find the post either :(. I think it was a rec lists specifically for good Tim Drakes, and as a result it was extremely skimpy. Literally, it was just Chirp by Amari_T, The Bat's Crest, and Red Raven (the most bonkers fanfic ever written, and one of my favorites). I have a lot more Batman fanfics in general I like, but most of them escape me now - it's mostly classics, like lowflyingfruit's stuff.

Every so often when I need fuel in my tank to go back to writing The Stupidest Magnum Opus Of All Time, I crack open the Batfam fanfic and plow through a bunch. I am then angry enough that I tackle my fic again and produce the best fic I've ever written in my life.

To be a little less negative (for once.), I do want to highlight something specific - All I Have by Janie_Loops is a really nice story, and although a LOT of stories try to do what it does, it's one of the few ones that succeeds. It helps that it's a series of snapshot chapters, which relieves you from having to do a lot of plotting (shoves someone will remember us under the bed), but there's a lot of reasons why it works. Each chapter is very much Bruce vs. Something, whether it's one of his kids or the JL or The World. The conflicts are baby sized, but they always feel very big and World Ending to Bruce, no matter the actual conflict. Everything is equally sized in this story, from the intra-baby problems to the Justice League issues. Bruce's characterization is very consistent and he's reliably forced to grow and change over the course of the fic. And every kid has a stand-out personality (that's so grounded - I was totally Jason!) that creates specific dynamics with each other, they all have different relationships and favorites between each other and Bruce, and their bond is a family is shown not through, like, bonding moments, but how they tackle problems together and how they're always on the same side. It's also deeply funny.

I think the author's a kiddo (who takes suggestions from their baby brother - ADORABLE), and there's still some ways for them to grow in prose and technical skill and a few other things like that. But even if the writer's a relative beginner writer, and you can see where they'll grow, you immedietly understand when reading that this person understands how a story works. That's way, way more important than having beautiful prose. I'm just saying all of this to hopefully demonstrate that, as writers, technical skill and prose will happen naturally with enough work & reading. Don't stress about that. Prose isn't what makes your story enjoyable and a good read. It's if you get what makes a story go. Everything else can come in time.

#my asks #ppl seem to think that a story meant to be 'feel good' #isn't obligated to do like #anything that a story is meant to do #fluff stories dont need conflict! conflict is stressful #guys you cannot all sit here and tell me that like #fanfic is an art form fanfic is legitimate writing we need to respect fanfic was we would books #and then turn around and tell me that fanfic is exempt from having to competently tell a story #what makes a story feel good isn't that it doesn't have conflict #its that the conflict is PREDICTABLE #and has an uncomplicated happy ending #it doesn't have no plot it just has a plot that we can follow along without any stress bc we know whats happening #i mean this sincerely. fluff writers go watch 10 hallmark movies #and then come back and you will write very effective fluff. #what do you think hallmark movies are. #oh my god im constantly shocked by how salty i am about batfam fluff #JAKLSDLKJF

[scary-monsters]

truly wish i could even begin to understand my weirdly specific avoidance and anxiety related to social interactions. discord server? fine! great, even! groupchats of any kind? a-ok! dms? overwhelming texts? exhausting. replying to comments? stressful.

i guess it does make sense to some degree because it basically boils down to:

existing within a larger social space is less stressful for me in that i don't have to constantly be adding to the conversation, i can quietly exist, feel like part of the group, and fulfill my social needs without using up too much of my energy

one-on-one conversation is difficult because it takes me ages to painstakingly craft a message that i feel confident in and i tend to overthink how my words will be perceived. i also worry that i won't match the energy of the person i'm talking to and that i will seem aloof or uninterested

and i wish it were simply enough for me to look at these facts about my personality and be okay with them, but then i worry that people will think badly of me for it. it's one of my biggest problems in general: getting too overly concerned with the way people perceive me and letting that fear guide every single thing i do.

i worry people think things like "kat never adds to the conversation, so she doesn't care" which is not true, i take in what's happening around me and i like to observe and be a quiet but supportive part of the group. i pay attention and listen, and i feel that's one of my biggest strengths in general as a friend.

"kat never answers my dms so i think she dislikes me" i can assure you that this is not true, but this is 100% a valid concern and i acknowledge that my avoidance of dm's needs to be worked on/i need to find a nice way to say "i don't have the energy right now, i'll get back to you later" that won't make me feel like i'm shutting someone down or hurting their feelings.

"kat only talks about (insert topic here) and that's it, she's so one-note and boring" i talk about the things that bring me joy and relieve my stress. being social is already a huge stressor for me, even though it is necessary, so of course i'm going to default to things that are easy and exciting for me to talk about.

i think especially recently i've felt very overwhelmed and anxious about the way i interact with people online and i try to have patience with myself because i simply can't be as chatty as other people are, but it's so so hard. my job requires me to put on a mask for 10hrs a day to interact with people in a retail setting, and it's hard to explain just how exhausting that is. when i get home i don't have the energy to be talkative and initiate conversation. it's easier and more relaxing for me to sit and observe, and i truly hope that doesn't make me seem like i'm not trying. i have to accept the fact that i'm likely always going to be that slightly inactive friend who pops up when they can, and i hope that isn't unacceptable to anyone who's important to me.

#SORRY FOR THE RAMBLING ?? VENTING ??? idk what this is i'm just thinking out loud #trying to navigate social anxiety is so difficult #ive been overthinking way too much lately but i'm trying to accept these parts of myself #while still acknowledging that i have room to grow and do need to work on things even if they're scary/difficult

[focusandrelaxforme]

Documenting My Subject's Hypno Slavery Journey (Part 11)

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After her trip away, we've spent some time getting her back into the swing of things.

She's still having trouble with swallowing cum, but we've managed to condition her into wanting it in her mouth, so I'm calling that progress.

I've found that the more aroused she is, the more receptive she becomes to conditioning. The main potential issue with this is that sometimes this becomes a state-dependent response, where she only really responds to the conditioning when she's aroused.

In light of that, I'm trying to keep a good mix of conditioning her in ways that aren't overtly sexual, such as her health/workout progress.

That said, since hypnosis itself and conditioning itself is a kink, there will always be some amount of arousal colouring everything. Moving forward, we're just going have to accept that she's going to be a bit horny all the time (just part of the sacrifices that we have to make).

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Dear Diary,

I haven't written for a while, but I am finally back from my trip and feeling less stressed. Master is trying to get me back into my normal routine now that I am home.. and I feel relieved to be back under more control. I don't realize how much I need it until it isn't there. I was a good girl on my trip and managed to keep up with my workouts for Master. I feel so accomplished. Tonight was my first one back at home and I did a very good job. Master has left my pussy wet and aching all day. I have wanted to touch myself so many times today. Thinking about how needy my poor clit is...and I can't even remember the last time I was able to play with it. I love feeling a little desperate and wanting to beg Master to let me play. It's embarrassing how much I wanted to play today.. I probably could have just rubbed myself against the corner of my bed or couch arm and came. Master went over my rules again today so I could get back into my daily rituals. I was reminded what I am allowed to remember and be aware of. I missed going deep for my Master. I needed it so much. Shortly after talking to Master, my husband came in to take a shower and I got down our child for a nap. I think I was casually speaking to him and offered him a blowjob. He eagerly accepted and pulled down his boxers for me. I began licking and sucking like I hadn't had his cock in years. It felt so good to obey and feel his cock in my mouth. I love being on my knees for my Master and getting any hole he chooses used. I was sucking my husbands cock so well that he was already ready to cum. He double checked that he was allowed to cum in my mouth and i told him yes and reminded him how much Master has trained me to want his cum. I sucked eagerly until my husband began to cum in my mouth. I involuntary gagged several times on his cum.. i don't think my mouth is used to the new instructions for Master yet.. but I managed to keep all the cum in my mouth and felt a deep rush of an orgasm flow through me. I felt so deep at that point. Just like I do now. I could barely move as I sat there on my knees with the cum dripping down my chin and my eyes closed. I wasn't about to swallow the cum. Because I was afraid I would gag more.. but the fact that I was able to keep it in my m9uth was a small miracle in itself. I then took a nice hot shower and brushed my teeth. Master instructed me to never remember giving my husband a blow job and to just go back to normal. I felt relaxed after my shower...but suddenly had a wave of nausea.. maybe from being so deep. I ate and felt much better. Anytime any kind of though that Master doesnt want me to know arises..it slips away so fast and leaves me feeling confused. I Felt so wet and excited all day.. my clit feels like it needs to be gently rubbed to a nice edge for my Master. He is going to let me fuck myself after this journal. And I cant wait for my orgasm. They are so much better with Masters control. I love obeying. And I feel so deep right now.. that I could almost fall asleep. I am floating on a cloud.

Xoxo the very eager , horny slave.

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#hypno girl #hypno journal #hypnokink #hypnotized girl #kittysub #hypnosis #irlhypnosis #hypnosub

[mountainmaven]

It's just been a lot.

I was so proud of myself for handling all that I did last week...until I reached my limit and broke down on Friday. My husband wasn't home yet (he'd be home that afternoon). We had the neighbor plow the driveway and while that was helpful, it wasn't quite the stress reliever I thought it was going to be. It was good, don't get me wrong, I just thought I'd feel more relieved than I did.

I was going into the workroom to put some trash out there (until I could get to that trash cans that were still buried in snow outside) and I saw that we had several drips coming from the ceiling/beams. The side deck of the house is above the workroom (we think the workroom used to be a garage that was converted (and not well)). But a couple of years ago we had the deck resurfaced with that cool decking stuff that they use around pools. We did have one small drip in that room last winter. But this was way more. So I dried what I could and covered everything with a plastic tarp - well not even a tarp, but a plastic drop cloth that you use for painting because that was the only thing I had that was appropriate. This was when I lost it, I just started to cry and I video called my oldest and told her "I just needed to talk to someone who loved me." LOL It was helpful just seeing her face, and hearing her voice.

In the meantime I was waiting for an inspector to show up as we have to do radon mitigation in our house. We recently discovered that we have high levels of radon in our home. So he was coming to look at the house so he can write up a proposal and tell us how things would go during the process etc. (That went fine by the way, and so far the estimate is significantly lower than we had anticipated - though we still will have to factor in travel, lodging, and Per Diem expenses as they are from up north in the state, but it still should come in at less than what we had anticipated which is really good news).

So while I was waiting I was doing some dusting in the living room and that's when I noticed that one of the ledges in there was wet. So this is where the a-frame roof meets the half wall. This particular spot on the outside is currently covered with plastic tarp from the siding project because they didn't have roof tiles to replace the ones they had to remove to redo the flashing. Well with the amount of snow we've gotten it's gotten behind that plastic and is now seeping into the living room (there is one other small spot on the other side of the room - again same issue - siding messed up flashing).

The inspector showed up, we walked the house, he told me about mitigation etc. Then hubby came home while the inspector was still here (thankfully so I didn't have to try to remember all the details he told me).

We spent this past weekend working on massive snow removal on the side deck and the roof. (the seepage/drips in the workroom are also from the roof/flashing issue). My husband had to chip through approx 8 inches of ice on the roof, after taking the snow off.

I've said this before and I'll say it again this is a learning year for us for sure. And I truly hope we do better next winter - I mean how could we not??

But also when I had my breakdown I was so upset with myself because I automatically felt like a failure. Like my breakdown completely negated my successful 4 days prior to that. Which I know it didn't, but that was the feeling and that was the first thought that entered my mind. And that sucks.

My Jeep is still buried under snow (more so now obviously) and it still isn't going anywhere anytime soon - even if it wasn't buried. Because my battery that is less than 6 or 7 months old is dead from the cold weather and lack of use. So we ordered a car battery charger, but we haven't been able to use it yet because of the snow LOL. But once we do we can get it started so I can get it back down the mountain and back to the Jeep garage and have them look at it. And going forward we'll have to address that issue as well. We know the things that will help, but they don't help us at the moment. Again - hopefully we'll do better next winter.

#personal #about me #mountain living #snow #winter

[thepixelelf]

a couple things

okay! I've decided to switch up some things around here. First and not-so foremost:

I'm gonna start going by Ursa here --

-- for no solid reason other than I think it's cool and I wanna :D

Anyone who knows me as Casey can feel totally free to keep calling me that if you feel like it! I'll still answer to it because, well, that's my name lol. I'll still go by Casey on discord too so idk how any of this is gonna work lol I'm just going with it. Maybe we can think of Ursa as my nickname or something :)

Secondly, I'm going to be moving some of the groups on my masterlist to a new section -- "retired". These groups include the boyz, day6, nct, and stray kids

This is because I've more or less stopped following these groups' activities, and I honestly feel a little bad still writing for them when I don't really listen to their music/watch their stuff anymore (well for nct I really never started but yknow what I mean). Esp with tbz and skz, it kind of feels like I'm using their characters to get more notes? And like... I lowkey have been doing that for a while and just feel kinda shitty about it so I'm gonna stop here. Of course, I'll finish up "shitty fanfiction" even though I'm retiring writing for skz, so don't worry sf fans!

By "retirement", I really just mean that no one should expect official fics for those groups. I'll probably still write blurbs for them every once in a while, and they'll be open for blurb requests, probably (except nct sorry)

It just sort of relieves some pressure for me. I'm not entirely sure why, but it was kind of? stressful? to think I had to write for tbz or skz just to get notes when I don't even follow them anymore. I know it's all in my head but still. It helps to just announce straight up that I'm not going to write for them anymore. That way no one expects anything from me, and more importantly, I don't expect anything from me. What puts the most pressure on me has always been myself, so it'll be good to set this boundary, even if it's just in my head

I'll mostly be writing for golcha and svt now... ab6ix and astro are pretty much only staying on the main list because I never really wrote for them in the first place (💀) so I don't really have expectations for those fics anyways. Also drippin is staying because I might get more into them soon and it feels really early to retire them lol

Anyway, this is getting really long even though I've only announced two things, so I'll shut up now

tl;dr call me Ursa now! yes, I chose it because it means bear :)

#gonna pin this for a lil bit until the new name sort of settles in #thanks for listening everyone :) #stickynotes.tpe #a couple things

[pacifymebby]

lol Hi😂 I hope your doing well! I saw your post about swimming becoming and an healthy addiction and it made me chuckle (in a good way and respectfully!!!) because it reminded me of me little cousin does swimming for her middle school and is at the pool like every other day of the week plus weekends! And like last time we hung about at a pool she was just zooming around like a little mermaid while I was holding to a noodle b/c I'm not good at floating 😂 but yeah.... also I guess what I'm trying to say is that 4+ times a week probably isn't a bad amount to go swimming! It's exercise remember and exercise if good for all types of health!! Exercise is good for you!! Also plus's I think I've heard that some soreness can be a good think because it (can be) an indicator of muscle growth! There's some medical stuff there too but I can't think of it off the top of my head! Just remember to stretch I guess and stay hydrated especially because id your swimming in salt water I can dehydrate you faster then normal water because salt. Idk how you're swimming but maybe if you are doing like certain strokes you could try rotating to different ones that work some different muscles? Idk? It is also important to rest though! Maybe it would help if you like made out a schedule of sorts for like they days you go and don't go to get a good mount of rest in between? If it's something you find comfort in too it can be good to help relieve stress! And yeah, that's about all I got. Sorry for rambling! I hope I'm not overstepping! You're brilliant!! ❤️❤️❤️

Omg do they swim for the team? Thats actually really cool and something i never could have done in school!!

I had an older cousin like that who could zip around the pool like a shark, i remember him and my dad trying to teach me to swim when I was like 5 and had a big fear of water, i used to think he was the coolest but he was so naturally zoomy and stuff even my dad (who's actually athletic) couldnt beat him in a race.

Yeah i think Id be less para about it if i didn't get the intense feelings of guilt when I don't go swimming. Like this morning I got up to go swimming but missed the bus, so now i have to wait until this evening and I'm genuinely really upset with myself about it. Like I'm pretty prone to eating disordered behavior and I do kinda wonder if I'm attatching more importance to an hours swim than i really should be.

Yeah you're right about the soreness, I've been doing lots of stretches because i want to learn to do the splits and increase my flexibility again (i used to do gymnastics as a child and I'm hypermobile so i have a complex about not being the bendiest bitch in Aldi haha)

I did end up taking a rest day yesterday and not feeling awful about it in the end, and I'm going to go tonight and then tomorrow too, i can maybe even go on Saturday or Sunday which would be cool.

I only swim breast stroke because i dont like putting my head all the way under water (i have ptsd and having my head under water when I'm swimming makes me panic so bad lol) (im slowly working on it) but I'm really only going swimming for my mental health as a way of burning off all my anxious energy. It does do wonders for my anxiety on a good day tbf.

Anyways thank u for ur message and like, giving me the chance to get a different (probably way more rational) perspective on the whole thing, i feel a lot calmer and less paranoid now.

U definitely havent overstepped dont worry!! ❤️❤️

[sleepyivoryrose]

Damn, I've been getting a lot of spam lately on my phone. I guess my number has traveled and seen more places than I'll ever be. Good for them. Bad for me though. At least they're not scam calls, those stress me the fuck out.

On another note, sometimes I wonder how stupid some lyrics can get. It's not like I don't get it. People need catchy songs, simple songs you can sing along even when drunk. But damn, some of the things some songs say are stuuupid. Like, my hand magnetically moves towards my face and stays there. I can't help it, it's a force of nature, like gravity exists, the facepalms are unavoidable. And it hurts. It hurts so bad. Yet I still listen to those songs. Because they have really danceable music. But the lyrics...they're so fucking stupid.

And it's not even a "haha, that's kinda funny" stupid. It's just very cringey. I instinctively grit my teeth while listening. Sometimes I wonder if they were under the influence while writing those. Drugs, alcohol, maybe some forgotten, malevolent god, I don't know, man, you name it.

To change the subject yet again, I've been trying to eat less, and specially less sweet stuff. It's challenging though, I get very fidgety and nervous without sugar. Maybe I really am an addict. Which would be terrible if I really have diabetes.

I want to go out, but I know me, my feet will "casually" carry me to the supermarket, were I buy a shitton of sweets and gourge on them. No, I have to be strong. I'll go on sunday, when the fidgeting isn't that bad. But then there's a ton of people outside...urgh.

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I also noticed that there are less pron bots these days, at least on my account. I'm relieved. It's not that I'm asexual or anything, but real life bodies are kinda gross, no matter how attractive they may seem to others, at least they are to me. Fictional stuff is a okay though. I know a few who feel that way, one of them calls themselves even "fictosexual", which is interesting. I wouldn't go that far, but...it's definetly something.

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I wish there was more Kaochan fanart, or written stuff, or something. I've got the feeling I've already seen everything. I guess that's the bane of someone who loves a character whose franchise is slowly fading into oblivion. I just can replay the games over and over again, or feed myself with fanart and stuff. But I'm craving. I'm craving real bad. I love him so muuuchhh. Absolute favorite character ever. The muse and centerpoint of all my hyperfixations. Kaochannnnn - hisses (affectionate) -

--

Well, I went of the deep end for a second (I decided against writing this rant though, it was really kinda depressing). I want to be kind to myself. And I will! I will go do myself something good.

Just...thinking about a lot of stuff, since my mothers liver failed her. About life and death. What's important and what's not in life. Stuff like that.

[dionysiospsychas-photography]

MOUNT PLEASANT PHOTO WALK

… Well, hello again readers. Firstly, Merry Everything and Happy Always! I wish everyone a cozy end of the year, and here's to starting over with new plans in the new year.

How are you? Good? Great. I'm glad, if that's actually the case. But this is just me talking to myself, hopeful and positive tho. Sincerely, I wish y'all are doing well and mildly happy. Me, I've been flat emotionally and creatively the last while. And it's been a bore. I get this way often because I'm bored easily, am constantly thinking of some concept or fear, or hilariously spending too much time writing about them.

But seriously and importantly, I realize it stems from inadequate sleep, which has been terrible lately, and acknowledge it's also because I don't go out for a walk often enough. The latter exacerbates the former, and round and round, which makes for a scattered mind, a mind that can't focus, a mind that can't be quieted, and sometimes brings to the front a random worry or a negative notion about myself, which then makes me doubt myself, which… AAAARGH! It becomes a general malaise and I don't know what to do next.

Typically, I would drop what I am working on and go for a walk to change ideas. When I'm observing my surroundings, scanning for a frame, being surprised by the new things I see, focusing on something interesting, other than myself, composing a frame and making something meaningful is meditative and calms me. Taking walks and photographing help me relax and refocus, feel ready for the next thing, sleep better, and not feel like plywood.

For the larger picture of my life, taking walks and photographing help me deal with my dyslexic overload, professional stress, general anxiety, and severe depression.

Wendy D, in one of her recent YouTube videos titled "Using Your Camera to Stop the Noise", talks about the negative voice in us. It takes over and makes us feel inadequate, creatively and personally. And to let that go, she goes for a walk in nature. She is narrating the video from a Vancouver beach, sitting on a log, sighing in realization and wisdom. She says being in nature and looking with her camera changes everything for her; she is in wonderment and it eases her mind. She gets into an art mode and acts with intuition, and that settles her down and gets rid of the chatter. (I concur.) Doing that also allows her to regain perspective and remind herself that she is good enough, that it doesn't matter what others are doing, and that photography is for herself. And it's a big relief. And for more insights and positive affirmations, please watch her video.

Likewise, my friend and photographer Sharon Wish has mentioned numerous times, especially while we're walking in a forest, how being in nature makes her feel so good. For her, it is an emotional refreshing and mental health renewal. Here is what she had to say.

"As someone who has a 9 to 5 work week at a stressful job, I find that walking in nature really grounds me and relieves stress and anxiety. When I am photographing and walking in nature it's a form of mindfulness for me. I notice I am breathing deeper and more freely, and completely focused on my surroundings and what I am photographing. It's the simple things that bring me peace, and being in nature with my camera is such an important part of my life. Nature photography is the greatest gift, and for that I am grateful."

For me too, the sights, sounds, and scents of the forest are wondrous stimulations and they rejuvenate me. But for relief of stress with photography, the locale is less important. It's going out that is more important, breathing in fresh air, seeing and finding something different, and stretching my ankles.

So, when you're feeling tense and scattered just drop what you're doing and go for a walk. And better yet, go with camera! Yup, there's nothing better for our mental well being and our artistic projects than to go for a photo walk.

For our photo walk in Mount Pleasant I won't say much. East of Main Street you can find lots of grimy and new things, varied architectural types and details, and an urban make up that has cool, interesting things and scenes to photograph. So, I totally recommend doing a photo walk there with a friend. And to be inspired, see the nice photos of Mount Pleasant below by the sympathetic photogs who joined us on that nice, fortuitous, fresh day.

Thank you much Brenda, Colin, James, John, Nina, Sharon, and Syd, for joining our photo walk and making the day fun.

The sympathetic photogs

The vengeful, blinking photogs

Photos by Brenda \ IG: @brendamw15

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Photos by Colin \ IG: @funktionalphotog

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Photos by Dionysios (your host) \ IG: @thephotogeniccity

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Photos by James \ IG: @jameshouston.arts

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Photos by John \ IG: @mac1054

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Photos by Nina \ IG: @nina.wood

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Photos by Sharon \ IG: @bluechameleon

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So, from your friendly neighbourhood photo guide, thank you for reading and see you at the next photo walk. And as I always say, to find new angles and experience different atmospheres of places, you just got to keep being there. I find there is pleasure in photographing together, getting to know each other, and conversing about this and that and photography. Importantly, we can be inspired by each other to keep making meaningful photographs. And it is hoped that these experiences will inspire local photographers to explore the city on their own.

So, how about you; have you explored Mount Pleasant? What do you do to relieve stress or anxiety? Send me an email and tell me what you think.

DP, 2023-12-17

Are you getting value out of the photo walks and the blog? If so, you can help support these by sharing them with others or thru Buy Me A Coffee. Think of it as a tip jar and an easy way to say thanks. Thank you for your support, I sincerely appreciate it! Merci beacoup!

#exploring #photowalk #mountpleasant

[boykisserwizard]

So last night I was seriously depressed. I've been suffering from depression for a few years now, and the last couple weeks have been hell for me. I started dual enrollment with my high school and a technical college, which completely shot my social life. I now have 3 in-person classes a week with people no younger than 21, which all of them are great to be around, very nice people. I don't regret doing the dual enrollment because it lets me graduate high school a year early with a diploma and certifications and licenses in HVAC, but it was still a shock to have to adjust to being at home all day, every day except for around 3 hours for 3 days a week.

Don't get me wrong, I love being in dual enrollment, but I'm still figuring things out, along with life being pretty turbulent for the past few months anyway with me breaking up with my girlfriend, realizing I'm gay, becoming a femboy, getting forced out of the closet and a bunch of other stuff.

I've found a lot of comfort in music recently. I've always liked music and, not even exaggerating, I am wearing an earbud 24/7 because I feel like I'm going insane without music playing and when I'm trying to sleep it keeps stress down.

Somewhat unrelated, I get fearful when I'm trying to sleep. Even though I know it's unreasonable and childish, I still get scared some horrific creature is outside my door waiting to crunch my bones when I'm in bed for some reason, and I can't really control that anxiety. I know that it's not true and that I'm perfectly safe, but it's some lizard caveman ooga booga corner of my brain that won't let it rest, and the silence is the worst part, so having music playing helps make that part of my brain sit down and shut up.

Anyway, getting off that rambling thought, I was in a bad place last night and had to convince myself to not kill myself, which wasn't too hard thankfully. I've been in worse places, but last night wasn't good. For the past few weeks I've been kind of pulling away socially and becoming more and more closed off, which I know isn't good, but too many times I've either said too little or way too much, and I've found that saying too little usually doesn't make people nearly as uncomfortable, so that became my default.

I started using memes and jokes as a coping mechanism, which in retrospect was a good call. I have a discord server with most of my friends and my sister. I fucking love my friends. I got so lucky to have met the people I have. They actually try and help and take notice to when something doesn't seem right, which I wish I could do better. I didn't want to let on how bad I was feeling to anyone last night but I broke down and did anyway and one of those friends called me and that was the most relieving conversation I've ever had. I talked to him for hours about life, our problems, coping mechanisms, and then got derailed by more jokes and other conversation topics, but it helped, every second of it. I felt so much less isolated and imprisoned.

Tl;dr, check on your friends. They might need it. And if you need it, check on your friends, they can help. Seriously.

#tw: long post #tw: depression #tw: depressive thoughts #long post #music #coping #self care #call your friends

[insidekaz]

I've stopped doing the daily blog post

Okay, the title's actually a bit wrong. What I meant to say is that I've stopped holding myself to doing daily blog post. It was starting to feel more like, well, a chore than a way for me to relieve stress and express my thought. Less my choice and more like an obligation, even though I know no one's reading these besides myself.

Now then, what's been new with me? What's happened in the world of Kaz since I've last made a blog post? Well, work's been horrible like always, yet I still woke it cause $17.80/hour is a good enough bribe to work my 10 hour long days. Nothing much I can complain about there. At least, nothing outside of what most people can say when they complain about their jobs, sleep depravity included.

Off work activities have escalated a tad bit. The Kazma Frightfest has started on my Twitch channel. This is a yearly "event" that I do on my channel where I replace some of my scheduled games with more spooky, horror, or somewhat Halloween related games. This year, my schedule consist of In Sound Mind on Tuesdays, Baldur's Gate 3 on Wednesdays, and Spooky Indie Games on Fridays. Friday's game was suppose to be Dead Space on PS5, but with the current strike against big game development studios going on, Electronic Arts being one of those studios, and since EA made Dead Space...

Game plans for Fridays were changed up on the fly, today being the first Spooky Indie Friday. Full honest: It didn't go well. Dead Estate was the first game I played, picked Mumba as my character, and then proceeded to fail the a grand total of 5 different times. I ended up getting professionally frustrated, as in I laughed it off and accepting defeat, before going to break and starting the second game.

(Christ that's a horny gif.)

Second game today was Helltaker, a puzzle indie game where you're a man who goes to hell to form a harem with demon girls, Satan included. It's a pretty fun game, I highly recommend it to anyone who has, like, an hour of time to kill, and it's free. Personally, I enjoyed the game a lot. Justice is my favorite of all the demon girls. She's a blind lady with cool vibes and sunglasses. Like I said, I recommend it to anyone who has time to kill on any bored afternoon.

That's it for today. Tomorrow consist of spending time with my significant other and possibly some chores. I'm not sure. I had the say off of work today, so I got a lot of cleaning done. Here's the music that I've been listening to today. I'm putting the live performance version of this song since I consider it the best. I hope you all have a good one, and don't do anything stupid. If you do, at least name it after me.

#insidekaz #kameronkazma #nonbinary #asexual #kaz #helltaker #helltaker justice #dead estate #trauma queen #need sleep #Youtube

[pidge2080]

Oct 2nd, 2023 - Weekly Check-In

I'm changing my check-ins to Mondays since it's easier to keep track of that way. And I'm adding my Tarot readings on the end, with a disclaimer.

I've only been tracking since Friday and I'm not going to go over all of the progress I did/didn't make since August. But since then I've lost 3.6lbs/1.6kg with 35lbs/16kg left to go until my current major gw and as a reminder: I have hormonal issues and I'm still at a high weight, and I just started again. My gw even is higher than most peoples', but I'll be very surprised if I don't plateau after losing less than 10 lbs.

Bills are due today, so I've been really munchy from stress. I spent most of the morning focusing on getting things done and I didn't eat until noon.

I had a few more cookies, some beef jerky, a slice of pizza left over from yesterday, and a mandarin. I seriously can't stop thinking about coffee though, a filling and warm drink would fix me. It's working so far to split my eating up into larger snacks right now, my cal count is still well below my goal for the week. Also the pizza tastes better reheated, I think the sauce sucks. Don't do store brand, I guess.

I'm hoping not to eat much for the rest of the day and I'll be under 500 if I manage that. Even with the mandarin I'm sitting pretty at 499. It counts! It counts.

It's only Monday but I'm really not enjoying this week so far. The fact that I'll be relieved of most of my financial burdens next month makes it feel heavier with how close it is. I feel insane. I want to sleep until the weekend, and I would, but I've been sleeping like complete shit. I'll have to make it though because I'm resilient!! 💪

As a disclaimer going into this: I don't think cards are magic. I think human brains are magic pattern-interpreting machines and I find tarot useful for connecting thoughts I was already having. It's a great introspective tool, in my opinion, and it helps if you can recognize when the cards don't reflect reality. I've had a few such cases.

I did two Tarot readings today, one was more personal and one was for this week's focuses and energies. They both had all of the same cards in different positions. I am terrible at bridge shuffling.

My weekly reading indicated that there's a lot of potential in things working out for me but I'll need to steel myself and act as an authority. This probably has more to do with my apartment situation than WL, but if I had to guess in that respect I can see where this reading might be about food/eating boundaries and expectations. I will probably have to hide my issues from someone in close quarters who has/had the same ones and my greatest fear is triggering someone else back into it. I'll be thinking about both interpretations and return to it next Monday.

#pidge2080 diary #pidge2080 check

[mirror-to-the-past]

edelweiss and camelia!

Edelweiss: My username is drawn from the quote I have in my profile description:

"Every man carries with him through life a mirror, as unique and impossible to get rid of as his shadow."

-W.H. Auden

I really like the quote, and have associated it with introspection and how we are formed/grow from our environment. As well as the fact that, however drastically we change, our roots remain with us, reminding us of what we once were and how that influences our actions of today. This isn't meant to be pessimistic "you'll always have where you came from staring you in the face" to me, moreso it's to remind myself of a reference point and how I have/will branch(ed) out as an individual.

So, the "mirror" is the "unique" part of us that comes with our past. It's impossible to entirely leave it behind, and reflects back parts of us to ourselves throughout our life, as constant as our shadow that trails after us. Hence, mirror-to-the-past.

Camellia: Growing up, I was very solemn for my age (I got the "old soul" treatment from adults). I wouldn't squeal much when I played, and would read, keeping to myself and my daydreams. I was only talkative when being a capital "n" nerd, answering questions or pacing back and forth while rambling about interests. I was a teacher's pet so I could be in on "teacher secrets" and favoritism treatment. I got stressed when peers would hang out- and was always relieved when I had my space back. I liked singing along to musicals. I would worry about death and dying a lot. I loved playing point and click adventure games. I had a hard time expressing myself externally. I ate grass.

I think I've changed in some ways, but have largely stayed the same in others. I'm less solemn and have embraced absurdism when coping with life's meaning. Still ramble a lot, probably worse than I did in the past sometimes (see: response to this ask, although I've always written more than I spoke). I daydream on a more manageable level now, but can still be a bit muddled, if my head's cloudy. I had a devout streak growing up, but left that behind in favor of my happiness. I still ~love~ my own company, to be real with you. I laugh more, and becoming older helped me learn the importance of involving myself in social situations more assertively- although I still prefer to sit back and people-watch, sometimes.

Sometimes grass still looks kinda tasty...

#stuff people ask me

[plantregressorsweekly]

Week 4: Stress & Plant Regression

I hope you all had a great week. Mine's wasn't so well, since schoolwork is piling up so high, I have been incredibly stressed and busy, as may be evident by my previous blog being particularly short.

This week was even more stressful, I felt very isolated from my friends, I've been having trouble with my family (particularly my mom as of late), and I felt like the the world was resting its entire weight upon my shoulders.

I managed, however, to find a spot of time during the week to take for myself, and I decided it was a good chance to get some plant regression in for the week. Once I plant regressed for 45 minutes, I was instantly healed from all the stress I was feeling! Everything was suddenly doable and I felt more confident that I could make it another day, and the future seemed bright again. So I decided to make this post on the effects plant regression has on stress.

While plant regressing can be a part of a daily routine to keep one's self grounded consistently, not everyone has the time for that in today's busy world. Many people have to work multiple jobs, or have insane amounts of classwork. People seem like they need to monetize every action they take in order to stay afloat. So plant regression daily is impossible to achieve for many.

However, even plant regressing just once a week can give great benefits, as I've described earlier. Taking time away from stressful situations and clearing out stressful thoughts is essential to cope with troubling situations, and plant regression is perfect for that. Here are some tips for plant regression when times are especially difficult.

-While plant regression is best done alone, in particularly stressful times, a close friend regressing alongside you can warm the soul and make you feel less isolated. Of course, this should also come with openly sharing your feelings with them.

-If you are an age regressor too, make sure to grab onto your favorite plushie if it helps calm you. It may be possible to age regress and plant regress at the same time, so if you feel like that will help, feel free to mix them together.

-As mentioned in a previous post, music is very helpful when plant regressing, and I'm noting here that its particularly helpful during plant regression when stressed. Our minds can be so anxious that removing all thoughts can be impossible, so focusing on music that comforts you can at least let you focus on something that isn't causing stress.

-While plant regression is supposed to relieve stress, sometimes attempts to "photosynthesize" (plant regression outdoors) can actually make stress worse depending on who you are and where you live, so if this makes the stress worse, its best to instead plant regress under the covers of your bed (weighted blankets are great for this) and go into a "tuber" mindset, like a rooted plant.

In conclusion, if you take these all into effect, plant regression is a great way to deal with stress and these methods can help reduce stress so you can get into the plant mindset and be one with the universe!

Thanks for reading this blog! I post every week so make sure to check back each Sunday :)

#plant regression #plantre #sfw agere #agere sfw #pet regression #age regression #agere #agere blog #petre #petre blog