#SOON!!! I AM HOLDING ON TO THAT ‘SOON’ LIKE A FUCKING LIFE PRESERVER

[sentientsky]

last one, i promise. i’ll be completely, unwaveringly Normal after this (i am lying thru my fucking teeth)

#SOON!!! I AM HOLDING ON TO THAT ‘SOON’ LIKE A FUCKING LIFE PRESERVER #good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens 2 #aziracrow #aziraphale #go2 #ineffable lovers #ineffable wives #good omens season 2 #good omens season 3 #Neil gaiman #David tennant #good omens 3 #go3 #Michael sheen

[cosmicjoke]

Eh, well, that was disappointing. Or at least, it would be if I actually thought Gojo was magically back to life, which I never really did. I guess it's appropriate and supposed to be a reinforcement of the bleakness of JJK's underlying message, or whatever, that Gojo's body, even in death, is still being used as a weapon. It's just such a bore, is the problem. This whole manga has become a hideous bore with the way it's all been executed.

But I swear to god, if this doesn't kill Sukana and the stupid fight continues on with Yuta dying for nothing, and Gojo's body being desecrated for nothing, I'll call this the worst fucking trash I've ever read and it won't even be an exaggeration. It's already practically there with the god awful pacing and dropped plot points and foreshadowing that seemingly went nowhere. But we'll see.

I'm just done. I've been done for a while.

I mean, it is sad that Gojo's entire legacy is just one of being seen and used as a weapon, even by his own students, whom he cared for so much and wanted to preserve the youth of. That's definitely a tragedy. It's just... the whole build up to this moment, the execution, the horrible pacing and fake-out cliffhangers (including this last one, which anyone with any familiarity with this manga and the way Gege writes should have seen coming)... it's too exhausting and too cynical to feel like any of it matters or to want to become invested. It's honestly awful. Maybe I'm too hard on this story. Maybe I'm too dumb and my inability to enjoy all the complexity of the CT's and what it all means made it impossible for me to enjoy the story the way someone smarter might be able to. I really loved it at first, and anyone who knows me knows I'm never opposed to tragic endings. And it seems inevitably that JJK will have a tragic ending. I'm not opposed to cynicism or tragedy, if it's done well. Even if they beat Sukana, the way it seems they're having to go about it, assuming this actually works (which, again, I'm not holding my breath), it will be a tragedy.

It's just, between the convoluted, unending explanations of cursed techniques, the boring, meaningless, dragged out fights that went nowhere and meant nothing, the foreshadowing for certain confrontations and revelations and characters that have yet to be resolved or touched upon, even... I don't know. It's just not doing it for me, anymore.

I am sad about Gojo. What a shit deal he got. Maybe Gege really hates him, or maybe he just feels sorry for him. Either way, it's pretty heartbreaking. Well, hopefully the story will end soon, because I honestly don't see where else it can go from here.

#jjk #jjk 261 spoilers #jjk spoilers #Gojo Satoru

[midnight-pluto]

First time trying out an event

Fandom: PJO/HOO

Trope: Comfort/Hurt, Angst

AU: Riordanverse

Style: One-shot

How about a Percy Jackson x mortal gn!reader who can see through the mist where Percy hears about a prophecy of how he must lose (death or just leave him) his s/o for a quest, and in trying to find ways on how to stop it, ends up not giving reader any attention or care that they break up and possibly die or just leave.

(sorry if it's too confusing, you can change parts of it to your writing style)

NO ESCAPE — percy j.

TROPES: fluff, angst, comfort/hurt

UNIVERSE: canon-ish

PAIRING(S): percy jackson x gn!reader

WARNING(S): set place after pjo and before hoo, talks of trauma and PTSD and death

A/N: it’s been a while since I’ve written for the pjo fandom so I hope I did ur idea justice

“NO,” PERCY DEADPANS, looking Rachel. “I refuse to believe that this prophecy is about me and Y/N. Absolutely not, the gods have fucked up my life enough - I am not allowing it to happen, again.”

“Percy my prophecy’s haven’t failed to be true,” Rachel replies, feeling remorse for the boy in front of her.

“No, see, remember? Remember the prophecy where you thought it was me who was the hero but it was actually,” Percy swallowed hard to mention his former friend, “Luke.

“Maybe it’ll happen but it still doesn’t mean it applies to me and Y/N.”

“Percy the fates are inescapable. You can’t cheat them, you can’t trick them, you can’t escape them,” Rachel sternly tell before speaking a tired and small, “Sorry.”

“No, it’s well- not okay, but it’s not your fault,” he sighed, burying his head in his hands. “I better find Y/N soon,” he muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking out of the cave.

It was supposed to be just a fun, small, 3-day trip to camp due to it being spring break for him. But that turned out to be just another time where he was forced into serving the gods with zero thanks.

By the time Percy was informed of his fate, he didn’t have enough time to cope during his trip and was picked up by his mom, Paul, and you later that day.

“Percy! How was camp?” you smiled at the boy walking towards the three of you, running up to him and giving him a hug.

“It was alright,” he said blankly, continuing his walk to the car.

That made you pause - and not just because of the blank remark.

But because he didn’t hug you back.

You shot a worried look towards his parents automatically knowing something was off.

Paul was driving while Sally was sat in front so it was just you and Percy sitting in the back together. Normally, the car would be full of chatter with Percy rambling about whatever happened at camp while he was there while holding your hand.

This time though, there was no chatter, and there was no holding hands.

“So did anything exciting happen at camp?” Paul tried to break the stiffening silence, “Want to get to ice cream?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry,” Percy replied, eyes fixated out the window seemingly lost in thought.

To you it seemed that while you weren’t sharing loving touches with each other, you both still seemed to be sharing troubled thoughts and minds plagued with worry.

He wasn’t possessed - you’d know - and he was still himself; but not. What could’ve happened in the past three days that could’ve caused him to act like this?

You knew his dreams were ridden with trauma and flashbacks and sometimes a horrid future awaiting but he’d normally speak to you about such things. You could only hope if it were such a case he’d talk to you about it soon.

IT SEEMED THAT soon couldn’t come soon enough. Spring break had already passed, and it’s been a near month and Percy has barely spoken to you throughout it at all.

Percy on the other hand felt at his absolute worst.

Well, that was of course an exaggeration but knowing the fate of the relationship you have is still really terrible.

It wasn’t his intention to distance himself from you, it’s just something he did subconsciously - a desperate attempt to preserve what was already made.

“Percy?” his mother knocked on his door, “I brought you cookies.”

“Thanks, uh, can I talk to you about something?” Percy asked, taking the plate of cookies and placing them on his bedside.

“Yes of course you can,” Sally smiled, and shut the door to sit on the edge of his bed.

“When- when I was at camp I of course had the fortune of being part of a prophecy… again,” Percy inhaled a sharp breath, “And it was about me and Y/N and- Rachel said that I was gonna lose them and I just- I don’t want that.”

“Oh Percy,” she frowned pulling her son into a hug, rubbing his back softly as his tears spilled onto her shirt.

“And I don’t want them to die- they don’t deserve that, not because of me,“ he muttered.

“Percy, listen to me,” Sally gently pushed him away to look at him in his eyes, using her sleeves to wipe away his tears, “What matters isn’t in the future, but now. Regardless if you’re going to lose Y/N, make the best memories to look back on when they’re gone. That’s the meaning of life - to cherish it, and the limited time you have here with everyone you’ve ever met.”

Percy nodded at his mother words, smiling to himself at the thought of spending more time with you. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” she softly tussled his hair, “Now I’m going to set something up between the two of you to go hang out tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” he smiles, wiping away his own tears.

“Make sure to eat those cookies,” Sally reminded before shutting his door with a soft click.

YOU TOOK IN a deep inhale before angering the small café Sally had arranged you and Percy to meet. Prepared to face him with a look of defeat on his face you open the doors, and see him sitting in the back with a cup of hot chocolate warming his hands.

But he didn’t look sad like all the other times you tried to talk to him, he didn’t look dismissive, he looked like himself. He looked like Percy.

Seeing the face you had come to love the past year return didn’t make your heart flutter as it used to however. One of the only reminders of your true intentions behind accepting the invitation.

Walking over to the table, you take the seat across him and give him a small smile that you could muster.

“You’re not gonna order anything?” Percy asked, head tilted towards the chalkboard’s beautifully written on displaying the menu.

“No, I don’t feel like it,” you shook your head, “Um, Percy I just wanted to talk to you and I’m sorry.”

Percy could feel his heart drop the moment you said those words. His head kept on making up words and phrases of what you were going to say next - anything but what he knew you were going to say.

“I just don’t think we’re going to work out,” you spoke in a soft and gentle tone, “I don’t regret the time spent with you, but it would be better if we no longer saw each other. Romantically, at least.”

It took every once ounce of Percy’s body to spill out tears from the corners of his eyes but he managed to choke out, “I understand.”

“Thank you, for everything Percy,” you hung your head low, beating yourself up for hurting the boy in front of you who had already been through so much, “I hope to see you around.”

And just like that, you exit the café as Percy’s eyes trail your figure from the window until you disappeared around the block. It doesn’t take long for the nearest fire hydrant to burst open, water spewing out when his eyes couldn’t.

A/N: did I manage to make you guys feel something? also, my 200 follower event is currently ongoing so please feel free to request!!

#rin’s 200 follower event [🧸] #rin’s shots 🤎 #pjo asker anon #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #pjo x you #pjo x reader #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you #percy jackson x gn reader #angst #pjo angst #comfort/hurt

[codecicle]

i am still going so insane over the Guys man AUGH

Hi soup!! :) Random question but:

Do you ever think about how deeply they cared about each other? Wilbur knew everyone else there exclusively while he was infected, and yet he put nothing but trust in them during a life or death scenario. During his final moments, Charlie showed him unwavering kindness by listening to his rant and sparing him the pain of transformation by snapping his neck. Had Wilbur ever experienced something that genuinely caring and sweet before? If the apocalypse forced pure violence to become the greatest show of love you could give to someone, how do you think Wilbur felt when these abnormal strangers his life had happened to cross paths with went out of their way to search for him when he was lost, to kill for him when he was in danger, and ultimately to sacrifice their own safety and stability to preserve his? Do you think he felt guilt despite it all? He was infected after all, nothing but a liability, constantly endangering the team because he couldn't admit to himself that it was over; that he was a danger instead of something (something. not someone. at that point he could at least admit to himself that he wasn't human, whether that be because he was infected or because no human in any definition of the word would be as selfish and cruel as he was from not telling them) that could help. Do you think he was smiling as he faked his death? Do you think he honestly thought the zombies would kill him and he would finally do something useful for them? Or do you think he knew deep down he would survive the zombie encounter and he was only hoping the zombies would fuck him up bad enough that when the time came he inevitably killed his friends, they didn't recognize the face taking all their hopes and dreams out from underneath them because of one "tiny little scratch" and their misplaced trust.

Do you ever think about Tommy? Do you think about how he had seemingly finally found a family, and how he looked away from his older brother figure for half a second to try and be useful by keeping morale up, only to walk back into the room with the man he trusted the most holding Wilburs dead body and grieving? Do you think he resented Charlie in that moment? Or did he just hate himself? None of this would have happened if he had just been there a couple seconds sooner after all, maybe he could have done something. Do you think about him having to walk up to what he thought was Wilburs corpse and not have the time to say his goodbyes? The zombies were coming, and all he could hear outside of Charlie's shaky disassociated voice was the deafening sound of zombies slowly getting louder. Do you think about him holding Wilbur as gently as he could, knowing carrying his body to be devoured would be the last moments he could get to grieve him before being forced to run again, abandoning the man he loved like a brother for what felt like the millionth time since knowing him. Do you think about the way his jokes got scarcer since Wilbur was gone? How he stopped being as funny for the rest of the time they were in that base? Do you think it was because he couldn't bring himself to find humor in such a dark scenario, or do you think it was because he knew deep down he didn't have a real reason to try and keep himself and the group alive anymore. His reason to keep going was devoured by the zombies and time stopped, why should he care anymore? Do you think he froze when Wilbur hopped out of the trunk? Do you think he mirrored the same smile his brother died with when he was devoured? Was it because the torment was finally over? Or was it because deep down all he wanted was to be with him again, even in death?

What about Phil? He looked at Wilbur the way the proudest and most fearful dad would look at his extraordinary son. But unlike the others, Phil grieved Wilbur long before he was ever even gone. As soon as he saw the bite and the way Wilburs life was slowly leaving his eyes he knew that it was over. Phil ran gauntlets, running inbetween zombies in camouflage to open door after door, opportunity after opportunity, just to keep his family alive. All he wanted the whole time was to keep everyone else alive, and set them up to thrive after he was gone. Do you think Phil knew he was going to die the whole time? He was the slowest of the group, he was the weakest, he didn't have any special gifts or abilities, and he couldn't fend for himself as well as he could fend for others. Do you think he was so serious the whole time because he wanted to spend the last moments with his son, and because he knew he wouldn't have another chance to be of use? He wasn't surviving for himself, he was surviving to keep everyone else alive. Do you think if they ever actually succeeded in escaping, that he would be the one to take night watch every time? That he would be the one to give up his food rations so others wouldn't go hungry? That he would sacrifice every part of himself before he stole the chance at life from someone that he thought deserved it better? Do you think when he finally got the chance to keep everyone else alive through fighting off the hoard by himself, he went down through tears? Or do you think he matched the other members of his family and fought them head on with nothing but a spiked golf club, his pride, and a smile to match his two sons?

What about Ranboo? Do you ever think about them? Do you think about the way they seemed to be the only person truly in reality the whole time? They were the only one refusing to do the bits, to tag along with the jokes, yet they were also the only person to kill the zombies, or hold any weapons. Do you ever think about how he had the most sincerely human reaction to all of this? Maybe the reason he refused to kill the zombies was because they so closely resembled himself, and they couldn't bring themself to kill something that looked so much like a real person. He knew they weren't alive, he knew he was constantly in danger, yet they looked into the zombies eyes and saw the blank void staring back at him and chose pity and kindness above all. Do you think when they said everyone around them was insane they really meant it? He seemed strangely grounded in reality at all times, while everyone else disassociated to get themselves through the killing, and the way blood splattered on everyone's clothes dragging the physical remains of their deepest regrets along with them to their deaths. Do you think they put the gun down, finally feeling safe in that Uber knowing no zombie would be able to catch them? Do you think he was glad he never had to actually use it? Were they happy they could keep their humanity as they escaped? Do you think he hoped for a better life after it all? Do you think he looked into Wilburs eyes as he was devoring Tommy, his brother that Wilbur cared for so so much, and they still couldn't bring themselves to pull the trigger? Do you think in their attempt to keep their humanity, he indirectly robbed everyone he cared about of theirs?

And Charlie. Ohhhh Charlie. Do you ever think about how hard he fought? He knew how to create makeshift weapons, he knew parkour, he knew how to fight and shoot and fend for himself, and yet he didn't survive despite all of it. Do you ever think about how he trusted and loved Wilbur so deeply, yet he was forced to lay down with his arms around him as he started spouting nonsense? Do you think Charlie could think straight as Wilbur slid down and indirectly begged him for mercy? Maybe Charlie wasn't as kind as he once thought, because as he held Wilbur in his arms he slowly realized the only real way out of this nightmare would be without him. Do you ever think about how much Charlie loved him? How he stared at him the whole time, looking with widened and obviously trusting eyes, how he grabbed Wilburs arm and looked at the bite as soon as he noticed something was wrong? Do you ever think about how deeply he must have loved both him and everyone else in the group, and how he had to swallow down his humanity for a moment to gift Wilbur the last of his? Do you think about how he hesitated? He had his head in his arms, Wilbur was very obviously letting it happen, and yet he couldn't bring himself to do it. Maybe from his selfishness, and how he couldn't bring himself to kill his closest friend. Or maybe from his selflessness, and him digesting the fact that after this he would be a villain to the rest of the group. None of them knew how far Wilbur was gone, only Charlie noticed, maybe they would walk in on his grief and see nothing but a murderer? Do you think about how despite everything Charlie spared Wilbur from his pain and killed him anyway, helping him the only way he knew how during Wilbur's greatest time of need. Do you think Charlie stayed behind that gate willingly, knowing he wouldn't be able to live with himself after they escaped? Do you think Charlie died thinking he was useful, or he wasn't useful enough. Do you think he truly believed the others would resent him, or do you think he just resented himself with every life he stole. Do you ever think about how Charlie died thinking he saved their lives, not knowing his grief personified would be waiting for the rest of them to undo everything Charlie tried to do during his life? Do you think Charlie died with a smile not because he was happy that his last moments were spent truly believing because of his sacrifice his friends would live, but because he knew he wouldn't have to live with any of the guilt anymore?

idk though :)

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #sorry boys #we have mail :] #can you tell zombie!oxeyeduo are my favorites? also sbi is real and true you can pry that from my cold dead hands #SORRY FOR THE RANT LMAO IM ALSO THINKING ABOUT THEM CONSTANTLY!! #im not sure any of this even makes sense but if it does yippie ^_^ #nobody understands them like i do. except you but that doesnt count #fuck wait i forgor to call you a petname this post uh uh #hey babygrill. zombie! 👍 #yeah there we go :D

[yamatossideboob]

One Piece 1116 spoilers!

My spottings this week:

Yamato's taking his time getting ready for his field trip but whatever as long as he's on page. ily Yamtoe!!!!! hi Otsuru!!!

Struggling to remember here, were the Ancient Weapons known at all to the greater public? even as myths or historical fact? either way they are now lmfao

There's something so unsettling about seeing Imu looking up at that portrait, and I can't articulate why... it's weirdly human coming from someone/thing who's previously been so removed from humanity.

aww Ingram, Karoo, its okay lads, shes on board a sky ship fleeing political retaliation with an albatross man and Monsieur Mangetot

i do hope we get a moment with Vivi seeing her own missing persons poster. or! or! her own wanted poster??

okay I'm really glad we now know this stolen Mother Flame business, AND finally get confirmation that the weapon used to destroy Lulusia IS an Ancient Weapon, and Uranus to boot! This is immense!!! Aside from the confirmations, this also potentially puts a cap on any AW use since their fuel source is clearly limited, which stops them from like. breaking the OP endgame bc why else wouldn't the WG just spam it constantly lol. Althoughhhhhh since York is still likely to make it off Egghead, and she surely knows how to recreate it, I could well be wrong...

also wow York is even worse than we thought

One Punch King????? howrya mate!

srsly though, the knowledge of what really happened to Lulusia reaching the public is gonna be the fucking cherry on the Fuck The WG sundae coming very soon

This is such a packed chapter and yet *this* is the moment I've been waiting for.

I've said before on here how I wished the link between Vegapunk and the extermination of Lulusia was emphasised more. The parallels between Vegapunk's innovations and real life scientists having their work used for evil purposes is too great, and while OP isn't quite the series to explore a subject like that as it deserves, I'd been holding out hope that this manga would at least lampshade it, if not have Vegapunk address this. I can be satisfied with this. I am glad Vegapunk understands what his work lead to, even if he never meant for it to. Such is the price of capital and the state dictating scientific development babes.

also damn I hope that little panel of Momo and Kinemon means they won't be completely caught unawares by the Blackbeard gang showing up to pilfer Pluton a.a ;;;

ah yes hi Mr Oral Fixation, good to see you as always sexy

aaaaaaaaaand hi Shirohoshi. I forget if you know *you're* an Ancient Weapon too lmao

actually yeah Joyboy why DID you preserve the Ancient Weapons whats that about hmmm

Sengoku trying to off himself by onigiri choking to avoid questions about wtf he knows about the Elders and Void Century

Akainu maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

FUCKING YES CROCUS!!!!

I still hate how cute you are York. stop being horrible.

Man I can't wait to see how the hell Stella pulled this off lmao

Also YES THE GIANT ROBO HAD A PURPOSE THE WHOLE TIME LMFAOOOOOO

(I'd heard the theory wrt the transponder and the robo but I didn't believe it fsr 💀)

So this will take the heat off the giants and Strawhats long enough for them to gtfo, I guess the Ancient Robo will meet its end here by Elder claws? I hope at least we find out what its connection to Joyboy is before it gets scrapped

Rayleigh soused as a student during Rag Week, I hope he shows up again in a more long-term way sooooooooooooooon

AND another chapter next week!! this absurd ridiculous gargantuan lore drop keeps on chugging!!! What will we learn next? What cameos shall we have? Will the Ancient Robo actually do something beyond one (1) panel?

Tune in next time nakama! Til next time! 💪✖️

#op spoilers #live from ohara

[thessalian]

Thess vs Spectres

So I finally got through that whole little chunk of main quest. And the only real reason I'm stopping now is a) hungry and b) frustrated and stuck.

Well, before I do anything, there's a rebel camp over there. Might as well clear it out.

DAMN I'm good. No one so much as saw me ONCE.

Okay okay okay, I know I know I know, Fate Of The World, etc etc. I'm going already.

I figure I can skip that cutscene; I have already seen it.

Well, at least I'm not doing all of the searching when I have companions. Just ... most of it.

Nora go down the hoooooooole...

Seriously, Zenith are assholes.

And code aaaaaaaand ... Beta. Cryogenically preserved Beta?

Wait. Wait did she have that thing in her skull? That thing is way too big to be an implant. What the fuck?

Good for you, Beta! Good for us, too!

ofuck.

Traps. Traps. What's this thing weak to? Acid. I'll try acid.

I AM TRYING TO SCAN IT, ALOY; IT JUST WON'T STAY STILL-- Theeeeeere we go.

And it didn't matter anyway because advanced acid traps are awesome, thanks.

Oshit Erend; hold on! ...Wait, why are you not scanning for weak spots and--? Oh, right, because you refuse to use a ranged weapons and your only combat strategy is "get out there and twat it one with warhammer".

Oh. Also because forcefield. Which is only in the front. Good thing you've got a sneaky bitch on side, Erend!

Okay, that's done. And now we can look at that weapon-- Fuck.

Right. Back to base. And everyone's freaking out about Beta. But at least they ask me how I'm holding up. ...Or assuming I'm fine. THANKS, EREND. I know you think I can do anything, but...

Oh, and Beta's not coping either. Okay. Vat-made humans, unite!

Yeah. Yeah, I knew they were still the original Far Zenith assholes. I just wasn't sure whether it was cloned bodies and data uploads a la Altered Carbon or ... well, this.

Look, you bought us time, Beta; we'll go after them as soon as we can. CHILL, already! But then again, you know how equipped they are and we don't, but still, never underestimate the ingenuity of someone who isn't an entitled asshole who never knew real hurt a day in their lives.

Right. Get this thing to GAIA to see if it can help us at all-- SYLENS YOU SHITBAG!

Fine. Okay. GAIA's working on it, Erend and Varl are going to help Beta cope ... oh. Hi Zo. Wait. You have a way to fix your land-gods? COUNT ME THE FUCK IN!

Hunting tiiiiiiiiiime! Whee!

Okay, that'll take some fixing. Lemme just go to Hidden Ember, as they're calling it now, and see what-- Oh. Hi Delah. Ah, Boomer gone missing. Okay, we'll go search.

I bet the Far Zenith assholes want to strip all life on earth because the people who designed Zero Dawn weren't eugenics-y assholes. I like that we still got people on the autism spectrum when humanity was reborn. I mean, I gather it's at least partly genetic. And it's a nice statement about how, no, vaccines don't cause that shit because none of these people know what a vaccine is.

Anyway. What is this thing you're now getting me to use? ...Oh. Okay, I will try this thing.

OKAY I HAVE TRIED THIS THING AND I DON'T LIKE IT CAN I HAVE MY BOW BACK PLEASE?!?

Right. I have used the shredder gauntlet whatever thing. I will never ever use it again. But thanks. That's sweet of you two.

Back to Hidden Ember, and ... okay, where the fuck is Stemmur?

Ah, there he is. And you want another 'gizmo'. I went with 'doohickey' myself, but you do you.

Down into the ruins I go-- Oh, come on, how did the machines come back?!? Well, at least it wasn't the Tideripper. Just Snapmaws, a Burrower ... and two Spinesnouts I didn't see shit shit shit.

And apparently I just accidentally tripped over the hardest vista in the game to find. Now, where's good?

There. There's good. That'll stop bugging me. Onward to the doohickey.

...Okay, I am clearly supposed to get to the grapple point and then jump onto that bit to the left but it is not letting me jump.

Lemme see if Google has any ideas-- And apparently not. Fuck.

Maybe I'll shut down for now and see if a restart actually lets me do what I need to do here. I need food anyway.

Also my mother will be turning up any time now with some treats she brought me back from Canada. Yay! And later I will try again, but how the fuck do I jump when the damn thing won't let me go in that direction because there is no climbing point there? Maybe I need to do a left-control press pointed in a different direction? Maybe? I dunno; this is a pain in the arse but apparently I can't give my stupid doohickeys to Stemmur if I don't get this one! Why can I not just tell him, "I have a sack full of the fucking things; I can get you that one later"?!?

#Thess plays video games #Thess liveblogs Horizon Forbidden West

[sweepseven]

Hi Love anon here. I am sad to hear about the closing of the show. Good news is have managed to move my trip up to June for my birthday to see it one last time. It's the show that introduced me to CdS and the one I have seen the most. It pains me to say goodbye to it. :(

But now I'm hearing rumors about KA closing??? How valid are they? I was planning on seeing O or Mystere on the same trip but now I may just switch it to KA D:

Aw, I'm glad to hear it. I hope it's your best performance yet. Give it a good send-off for me!!

As of now Ka's contract is indeed "not renewed." I don't know whether that means "not yet renewed" or "decidedly not renewed, closing date tbd." But this happens to it practically every year 🙄 People just loooove to say "Ka's on the chopping block" more than any other show, it seems.

I do think we're witnessing its final years, though. I adore that show with my entire heart but something in me feels sure it won't be around come 2026. And weirdly I'm at peace with it! It's had a fantastic run and sad as it will be when the day comes, at least we know it won't be for some kind of stupid external reason like collateral damage in a property deal. However! I don't think it'll close in 2024 for several reasons:

Cirque is losing one entire show on the Strip with no hope of a replacement at that location, and as far as we know there are zero plans for a new resident show anytime soon. They'll need to recoup that revenue loss however they can. Would-be LOVE audiences are going to be looking for other CdS options, and Ka is right there. Keep in mind too that MGM is similarly incentivized - they own both LOVE and Ka. Neither party will want to double their losses in the same year.

There is one rumor (emphasis on RUMOR!! Like literally I heard this just today from someone who refuses to verify his source) that MGM might one day replace it with an Avatar-themed show, to which I ask: who the fuck is that for. I don't know that we can assume Cirque would even be involved - they had Toruk, but that was before Disney bought the rights to Avatar. That would bring CdS down to just four Strip shows, only 75% of which belong to MGM. MGM is far and away their most valuable partner and I imagine they'd do whatever they can to hold onto it, either by shoehorning their way into an Avatar project (leaning on Toruk and the Disney partnership in Drawn To Life, which is coincidentally performing terribly), or by preserving Ka. Ideally the latter.

Closing two Strip staples in the same year would look catastrophic for the brand. They're saying LOVE's closure isn't their fault, and it isn't. But the average person isn't going to know the nuance. All audiences will see is a company that used to dominate the Strip beginning to fail.

Legacy counts for something. Without LOVE there will be three classic Cirque shows on the strip, plus one weird MJ one that no one but Las Vegas taxi drivers talk about, and another weird one that people say is good but "not very Cirque." Their brand identity is already all over the place, and losing Ka muddies it further.

So I'm giving it at least another year in my head! Have I been wrong before? Obviously and tragically yes. But I just think it would be an insane business decision to ditch it now. Cirque makes a ton of bad or weird decisions, but rarely are they flat out insane.

(See Ka this trip though. O and Mystère will actually always be there.)

#replies #anonymous #cirque du soleil #beatles love #ka

[slifers-executive-writer]

I am well aware I have not been personally present on both this blog and the precious fanfictions it is dedicated in sharing with the world. But from the news of this morning, I feel I have an obligation to address it, particularly while I still have the motivation to do so. So here it is, and I will also be reblogging my older posts that relate to this topic later today.

I was gonna start off by saying this man shaped my childhood, but... I feel I'd be like lying to myself in an effort to making it sound cliche and poetic.

No no. This man (let's say his name everyone, Kazuki Takahashi) literally molded and morphed my whole fucking life. And I'm not exaggerating either. It's no mystery to those that know me in acknowledging I didn't exactly have it easy growing up. But in spite of the bullying and numerous other hardships, I always had Yu-Gi-Oh. Like I nearly ditched Pokemon and Digimon so fast because of this. As a kid this show and its card game had become a bit of an obsession and I don't think any other form of media resonated with quite like Yu-Gi-Oh did.

Like I wanted to be THAT guy. Someone who was strong and confident, who knew what they were doing and didn't spend every other waking minute in fear of what would come next. I think we all put on a sort of alter ego when going out into the world, especially when we are just trying to figure out who we are. But in that journey of putting on a different face for others to be impressed by I find eventually we look within and slowly become comfortable with our true selves. I know it took me a long fucking time to do so. And who knows maybe deep down I'm still that scared little kid not knowing what their next move will be. But I definitely owe my personal growth to the world and characters of Takahashi's imagination.

If it wasn't for the card game, I wouldn't have met a good number of the people that walked in and out of my life. If it wasn't for the show, I wouldn't have my love for mythology and the ancient world. If it wasn't for the manga, I wouldn't have become the writer that I am today. I've drawn more Yu-Gi-Oh related art probably more than any source material. My walls and shelves are filled with countless memorabilia of the very franchise that I love so dearly. It even pains me to know that I will no longer see updates to this man's social media or any new artwork. And now with a very, oh so heavy heart I address a day I didn't think would come so soon. Rest in peace Kazuki Takahashi and Thank You for the being such a phenomenal part of my life and character.

P.S. To those that own any of his Alternative Arts in card form, hold them close to your heart and preserve them, for unless Konami decides to reprint and /or release unused artwork, we may never see the likes of his masterpieces again.

#kazuki takahashi #yu-gi-oh #yugioh #yugioh fanfiction #Kazuki Takahashi #RIP #we lost a legend today #writing this with the most tired and sad eyes #back to my chamber i go #pharaoh atem #yugi mutou #yami yugi #children's card game #slifer the sky dragon #manga #mangaka #yugioh dm #duel monsters

[andnatiabrosca]

dropping this off - got tagged by @layalu two weeks ago for wip wednesday and just became real enough to complete it lol. this is from the 2nd chapter of my longfic [love knows life] that is on temporary hold while I figure out the actual timeline & outline the fic

this is just prior to the coronation - these first several chapters are a lot of Nat and Alistair fighting

--

“What am I supposed to do with an Arling?” Nat asks.

“Maker preserve me, I have no clue.  Rule, I’d guess.”

She sighs. "I'll figure it out."

To an eavesdropper, this might sound like a friendly conversation.  Neither of them are so deluded.   “What did you really want?”

“That was it.  Figured you’d have more questions,” he hedges.

Nat shakes her head. “No, it’s not.  You’re joking, but not laughing.  Why do we need to talk?”

Al bites his tongue and folds the memo back up.  He’s careful not to meet her eyes – careful not to even look at her.

“Is it the pregnancy? Do you want to talk about the pregnancy?” Her voice is flatter than she meant.  She tries to pitch it conversationally.  Instead, it falls angry, hard.  “I’m not going to ask you to claim it or anything.  We’ll be out of your hair soon as the healers clear me to travel.”

If she’d prepared a speech she could have kept going.  He’s still and hard, a sure sign he’s trying to think before he does.  It’s an opportunity, for his opponents.

She waits.

“I don’t want that,” he finally says.  “Fuck. I don’t want two little Theirin bastards running around Maker knows where.”

#birch speaks #oc: nat brosca #love knows life #wip wednesday #thanks for the tag laya! #I went to grab this and. well. everything I have written in this wip right now is either a fight' rica pretending stuff's fine ' or birthin

[hidden-dreamland]

Content & warnings: Buried alive, mentions of maggots, implied character death, undead whumpee, fourth wall breaking

DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES

Chapter 1 - Meet the corpse.

This chapter can also be called “the one where you meet the author and learn a bit about his deceit” but that doesn’t make for a snappy title now, does it? I don’t think so.

Oh well. Snappy titles aside, I should begin now.

I'll start off with an apology. Now you, reader, may be asking yourself just why in the world is that needed? Well. For my deceit.

Reader, I apologize for lying.

Oh wait. You don’t know what im lying about, do you?

You don’t. I haven’t told you. I haven’t told anyone. Not yet at least.

I mean I don’t have many people to tell this to right now…

I'll stop rambling.

Well dear reader, I guess it’s time I come clean. This story’s title is nothing more than a bold-faced lie. One that I did believe in life, sure, but a lie nonetheless. You see dear Reader, I'm dead. BUT WAIT, HOLD YOUR HORSES AND THE QUESTIONING AND THE COMMENTS CALLING ME CRAZY. I see those fingers of yours running to the reblog button to bombard me with curious intent and indignant questions and snarky comments and innocent thoughts of “oh what a fun writing style!”- save it. I’m not kidding. This isn’t a gimmick, Reader. I, the author, am very much dead. In fact, I'm six feet under as I write this.

Maybe less than six feet, given the bit of signal I managed to get...

Ah well.

By the time you read this, I may or may not be… attempting to dig myself out of here. It’s difficult. But I can try. I will try

I have to try.

I'm going fucking insane down here.

That is also why I'm writing. Just a little bit of creative work to keep the demons at bay.

Heaven knows I need it.

Ever been stuck in a coffin, reader? Or rather, ever been stuck in your own coffin?

I hope you haven't. I really hope you haven't.

As far as I'm aware, I don't exactly need to breathe, but that doesn't make the stuffy air around me any less unpleasant. You see, reader, I'm a corpse. I reek of fucking rot.

One could expect the scent of formaldehyde, of preserving agents, but it seems I've been buried in natura. Tacky, in my opinion. Way too last century. I'd much rather have the chemical smell than this damp disgusting stench of decomposing flesh.

Sigh. Did I even have a proper burial?

Maybe not.

I don't remember how I died, but i don't think it was an easy death given the bruising and the cuts and the sheer amount of wrong I feel inside me.

There's even something moving.

Wait

Why is there something moving

Wait whfgnlsz##√¢

dAtatta√^5@

WHAT THE FUCJ

Ok. Alright. Yeah. Dear reader, while I don't have to, I definitely can breatge

I can fucking hyperventilwee

And I have the lungs and the throat to scream it seems

i guess im in a much better state than previously thought. oh by the gods

TGEYRE STILL HERE

Fuck, ok, yeah, reader, I'll have to leave for now

my 'get the fuck out of thid goddamn box' plan has been moved from merely Important to ABSOLUTELY URGENT

I'll explain later, once I'm not oOCCUPIED FIGHTINF OFF THESE GODDSMN MAGGOTS

the Corpse shall be coming back soon :33

Void here- i hope you guys enjoyed this little thingy that came to my brain in the middle of the night the other day. I plant to make it into a series because oh the ideas are flowing

if you'd like to be tagged or removed from the taglist, please say so!

taglist: @whumpshaped, @meowsikbox, @wormwriting

#writing #whump writing #insects #maggots #main character death #fourth wall breaking #buried alive #i mean he’s… undead. so buried undead maybe? lol #also yes this will become whump i can’t wait to put this boy through a metaphorical (maybe a literal) meatgrinder #voidy writes

[tallulademetriou]

now that i’ve watched a complete ass playthrough of FF16, some (jumbled) thoughts under the cut, though mostly about the story:

full spoilers ahead as well!!!!!!!!!!!

i didn’t have high hopes for the story since i played through heavensward and that was... an Expansion for sure, and i expected to have the same nitpicks about FF16 as i did with HW. it still surprised me though lol

maehiro cannot write complex women to save his life. period.

but strangely enough this isn’t even maehiro at his best so i wonder what actually got cut during development.

the world-building is immaculate as always and for once i actually want a dlc to explore more of it.

also this game’s cutscenes oozes with fucking money cbu3 is insane. what was your budget yoshi-p!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the way benedikta was easily one of the most interesting eikons in this line-up and yet she was done dirty by being killed off so early in the game.

even jill felt shallow at times and while the romance was pretty cute i will not lie, she just sort of fell flat for me at the end parts. maehiro i am in your walls.

i did love her mini-arc though and i wish there were more moments like that.

there’s a point near the end of the game where the gang encounters barnabas and i kept hoping jill would be playable but no... she was not.

cid is really well done though. like i LOVE him.

joshua/jill/clive could have been my all-time trio but they didn’t have the time to marinate well.

clive grew on me as well, thanks to ben’s performance (partly) but i was not expecting how lovely he is a protag... 

something about him being raised in a lonely castle by an abusive mother then growing up into a shy, traumatized shell of a man who just wants to atone for his sins and protect what he couldn’t protect, but realizing soon that there’s more to his life than sorrow. i love you clivefinalfantasy.

the side characters are also fucking great it’s so unexpected.

i also enjoyed dion and barnabas for what they were worth. everyone expected dion to be a traitor or evil and for barnabas to be a complex and tortured king but it turned out to be the complete opposite.

barnabas you are fucking crazy. i can respect that.

political intrigue as the pretty backdrop to an evil alien overlord/creator is nothing new but it’s just so fucking funny they went that way. the most classic of all FF move.

ultima as an end boss does nothing for me personally but i always love a good punch your god in the face so it actually did end up as a +1 on the scoreboard for me.

the pacing could be jarring at times with some strange choices story-wise. really wish they’d done less awkward sex scenes that didn’t really give us anything and gave us more time to explore the eikons and their dynamic with their respective dominants.

the jill/clive naked moment can stay tho that was precious. 

though now that i think about it, i do wonder if they were going for the shb route but ultimately changed it so it wouldn’t be too similar. the fallen is just Too similar to what we get for the Ancients, with ultima trying to save his planet from the blight this time around, except he was a selfish god at the end trying to preserve legacy and not life.

and yep i fucking cried at the end LMAO. i cried so hard my eyes were fucking swollen the next day it was actually unbelievable?????

clive holding joshua’s dead body while he has flashbacks of joshua holding hands with clive as children, then the moment when his brother bestowed the phoenix’s blessing, to joshua as a baby had me fucking bawling lmao fuck this game actually.

most of my complaints err on the narrative side of the game. the gameplay looks fun and from what i’ve played in the demo i always knew i was gonna love it, but gonna add any remarks here once i’m actually done with that.

it can be as easy as not cycling through multiple eikons but once you sit down a bit with it, it’s complexity shines with how well you can string together combos and maximizing each eikon’s moveset... it’s really fun and as a previous black mage main....... big numbers go boom.

the sidequests can be abysmal design-wise but as someone who has played ff14, it didn’t really faze me so it can be a YMMV thing. 

i need a fucking dlc because we didn’t see Leviathan... my fucking queen WHERE IS SHE

#i'll probably get the game sometime next week since i'm waiting for some performance improvements #tho the demo wasn't too bad frame-drop wise it could still be pretty jarring #esp in the big eikon fights #and the motion blur makes me fucking dizzy like nothing else so until that gets fixed.... #lou text #just so i don't lose this post lol

[worshipbeginsontheknees]

Another day passes into night and once more I am left with the invasive thoughts that come with it. That I will never be a creature of a supernatural nature, set to be youthful and eternal for as long as I wish it. To know this is the youngest I will ever be again, yet to feel markedly ancient.

It turns me back to the memory of a man I will never know, for he is not real. Sends thoughts to fantasy, of a time and place where he is mine. He too, suffers a fundamental loathing of age. If he were a reality, we would dwell in eternity together. I long to be ageless as he, to encapsulate my life in a singular portrait.

Would he look upon my own with quiet reverence? Would he sense in me, a kindred spirit, perhaps. Maybe, we would set our living tombs alongside each other and force them to witness the acts we commit.

Oh, how terrible they would be. To bring blade to flesh, flaying it and sending precious crimson vitae through the air. I want to know how his life would taste in my mouth, though I imagine he is exquisite. Like pigmentation and papyrus. Like anise and sugar cubes. To feel that warm, thick liquid spill over my tongue and to lap at it like a mewling, weak creature of need. Would he moan in that baritone I so fancy?

Then he turns such pointed instrument on me, allowing the sweet sting of such injury to find me for a time. Broken capillaries and popped vessels. A burn with no flame. Soft and yielding, his mouth stitches me back whole. I melt into his hips, forging a new casting with my own.

He fills me with eternity and we fuck like we are dying. I am empty as he and together we seek to fill ourselves with something other than distraction. So onward he climbs into me, carving a new path straight to the galaxy of my womb, desperate to be part of something bigger than himself. I have become the ebon vacuum that will consume him if he does not free himself now. I will destroy his artfully articulated image and reveal him for the imposter that he is.

He tells me that I cannot change the path of a star, that he admires me for trying though. But he has not accounted for a markedly potent lack of self-preservation. For I do not need to change the path of anything, only obliterate the path completely so it may not cross. As we writhe, coiled like snakes in shame and desire, the pressure builds and climbs within us. Soon, he grips down on my hips, burying his cock as far as it will go. Declaring his conquer of this territory, coaxing me to beg for his seed to spill.

Like all men, he believes the battle to be the war and it is only when I tighten those inner walls around him that he realizes the trap he rushed into so carelessly. My hands hold his face, eyes finding his as the final match is lit. The sands of time become slow moving, a near standstill as we are unable to discern where one ends and the other begins. He sees that we are one and the same in this sliver of endlessness. He is no longer alone.

It strikes him by surprise and suddenly all he can hear is our combined breaths, the sound of the war drums of our hearts. He longed for me to beg, but cannot hold back any longer and soon he grows tense, stiff. The tell-tale twitch of his length heralds the arrival of his undoing and in turn, my own. Together we implode, like dying stars in the heavens above. The sum of our parts nothing against the destruction in our wake. Our eyes close and we embrace the abyss we made for a time.

Yet, when mine open once more, I see his already had. He watches with a new appreciation, fixated. His expression echoes adoration. It is now he understands, the goal was never to change his path in the first place. It was to annihilate all else.

Suddenly, he knows what love is.

#smut #dorian gray #dorian gray penny dreadful #the portrait of dorian gray #fantasies #daydreaming #fanfics #starstuff #alone with my thoughts #aging #worship kink #worship #lust #sinners #desire #corruption kink #corruption

[motionless-friction]

Okay y'all I need to tell you a little story(?)... But first I need to explain some things to ya.

First and foremost, I work third shift, always have and probably always will.

But for the passed, almost three years now, I've worked as a third shift security officer.

I used to be stationed at a site in town, but since May I've be relocated to a site in the middle of nowhere.

Along with being a huge testing and research facility for a big company, this site is also a massive animal preserve.

There are 17 buildings I check each night, it takes roughly two hours to complete my rounds, and I end up walking about three miles each night.

There are deer, turkeys, opossums, foxes, raccoons, and loads more critters running all around here.

With all of that in mind, I need you to know that when I'm not doing my rounds, I am stationed inside a decently sized guardhouse. Which is probably a little bit smaller than a two car garage.

The four walls are all huge glass panes, and at night were supposed to keep the main lights off in the guardhouse, to deter people from driving up thinking the place is open, when it isn't.

So it's dark, I'm surrounded by windows looking out into the darkness for 8+ hours.

There are street lights, but I assure you, it's still pretty dark.

There are trees on either side of me, and just beyond them is open field, which is overtaken by shoulder high grass.

You still with me? Okay, good.

Bear in mind we also have a basement in the guardhouse, where all of our lockers are, plus the bathroom, fridge, microwave, and coffee pot.

Now diagonally from the left corner of the back of the guardhouse is a huge oak tree, and I mean it's huge.

It's nearly impossible to miss when you go to walk into the basement.

Something I just did, about five minutes ago.

Well when I did that I saw something...

No wait hold on! I forgot to mention something vital.

My whole life, I have been known to see shit that just isn't there.

I don't think they're technically hallucinations, compared to the way I've heard other people talk about hallucinations.

But it's something.

My mind plays dirty tricks on me, and typically I see some pretty freaky shit. Stuff that makes your spine go ridged with a primal sense of fear.

Regardless when I see stuff like that, which I see all throughout my rounds, I press on and do my job. Because while it still scares me at times, I'm not gonna let it stop me.

Okay now that you know all of that, you remember the oak tree?

Yeah? Good.

Because just a few minutes ago, I walked down to the basement, and I glanced at that great big tree, as I usually do.

Except this time I saw something rather...

Unusual...

Something...

Huge in fact...

I shit you not, it looked as if a massive version of the man pictured down below, was lurking behind that tree.

And as soon as I cast my gaze completely to the tree, he slipped behind it, and just vanished.

I don't know why that's what I saw, I don't know what my little sightings mean if anything, but that one was fucking wild.

So if you are unfamiliar the man in these pictures, that's Corey Taylor, the lead vocalist for the band's Slipknot, and Stone Sour. These pictures specifically are from Slipknot's latest The End, So Far era.

But yeah that's what I saw in the darkness, Corey like 10ft tall, with this era mask on, lurking being a huge oak tree. Why? I don't know. But I wanted to share this with y'all, because why not I guess.

Oh and like I'm okay y'all, no worries there. It tripped me out, but that one wasn't scary, or even concerning to me.

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

@l0vel3ss-l1nds3y

#corey taylor #slipknot #stone sour #pictures #story time #pinned post #a little about me

[lost-soul-in-time-archives]

𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙾𝚁.

April 21, 1939

As I’ve been recommended, this letter reads to no one but myself. Words I wouldn’t dare say, actions I can never bring myself to make. A piece of paper will hold my most private, inner thoughts, only to be thrown into the deepest part of my fireplace. Frankly, I hold no resentment to this form of self-preservation. It presents itself as charming, endearing even. Although, I see no use for it. Why would a person write down what they hold away from anyone else only to watch it go up in flames? It seems like a waste of emotional stability, and paper. I suppose I have nothing that I could lose if I were to give this gimmick a chance.

How would one usually start this? Am I supposed to speak about my feelings? I’ve closed myself off from being too vulnerable, and I can’t begin to describe it, not even when I have the consolation of the knowledge no one will get their hands on this. Is this paranoia? I don’t trust myself to believe I’ll be able to hide this away from the prying eyes of my closest companions. My family would most likely give me sympathetic glares if they found this out. Mostly sympathy from my mother and glares from my father. That man, he’d have the ball to say he raised me to be honest. He barely raised me at all, and he’s no father. He simply existed for 18 years of my life in the same house as my mother and maid, barely batting an eye in my direction and only now does he want to reconnect. My mother chose unwisely, her poor soul. Maybe if she had chosen a man who respected her, I wouldn’t be this bitter, this hybrid of good and evil.

Clara is the one thing I live peacefully for. Although my mother has good intentions, I will not let her take a child back into an empty, loveless, lonely house; I do not say “home” because it never was. I am, once again, put into a role that was never mine to begin with. Catherine sees her as the child she can never have, as do I. I’d hand her the world on a silver platter if she asked me to, but she would never want any of those things. All she wants is to shoot slings (at me, specifically) and spend time with her friends. I catch myself fantasizing of a life where I could’ve grown with loving role models the way that she is now, and that I had not wasted my time attempting to satisfy men and women, who I know nothing of, with my useless knowledge. I cling to fantasies, and often times I find my day passing quicker than a bullet. Time seems to be my worst enemy, it seems.

When I’m not forcing myself to stop wallowing in self-pity, I’m brought back to him. For a moment, I believed he cared, maybe even loved me saw me as more than simply an escape. But as I’ve stated before, I am a bitter individual, and I find myself blaming an innocent woman who has nothing to do with past affairs. I fell for gazes that I thought were genuine, amorous touches, words of praise, and a devil in sheep’s clothing. A snake that hid himself in the tree of life. Still, as angry and devastated as I try to be, I’m reminded of how the facade of a star seemed to melt away behind closed doors. He was kind, caring, charismatic, and I fear I may have given my heart to another too soon to someone who didn’t know how to love it or me. I feel my throat clog when they’re happy, and I die when they exchange declarations of love.

I’m angry. ANGRY. Not only at myself, but at the world. I feel I was born in the wrong lifetime with the wrong people and the wrong status. Still, I suppose that will have to be my. life. I’ll be lost in the names of millions, but I am more than alright with that. I don’t want to be remembered, nor do I want to have to carry the sins of others with me to the depths of hell. I live for the few people I have managed to keep close to me, those I cherish more than anything. Fuck society and what they want to think of me. The Ahlborns are fighters, and I will fight not for what they want me to, but for what I want. What I want is peace. Tomorrow I leave for America, where I will finally put an end to years of tension after an unfathomable amount of begging from my mother.

Peace feels close enough to give me the hope I need. Once I have it in my reach, I will never let go.

— Oliver

#an untold story (lore) #((FEELING SAD AND SAPPY)) #((ALSO name drops :] ))

[tianazlater]

Geomagnetic Storm (Aurora Borealis)

So it’s hard to tell what you’re looking at unless taking a 3S-10S pic I guess.

AND being in a rural area…less lights the better.

Happening again tonight even tho I think more people know now.

Amazing. I wonder if it’s not like knock dead beautiful further north…

This location has a lot going for it…

Just needs to increase development of businesses and people…and roads. I’ll straight up say the people. I am ok if you’re bad off until you’re a psycho. Then it’s not at all ok w me. I have ran into too many not mentally well people and it’s really tiresome (most likely addicts, maybe gangs idk but I just know that most likely wouldn’t impact me so much because I’m not a threat to anyone in that world?, just straight up mentally ill…something…just short of homeless?). I would suggest working on schooling and again, business development…and cleaning out the legality of sex crap. It attracts the wrong kinds. Clean it out as soon as you can do better.

Really makes me appreciate home sometimes.

But anyways…nature…here…and all that’s close by…BEAUTIFUL.

And I totally believe we can develop as well as preserve what is deserving of such.

Anything having to do w development…I’m probably very much Republican leaning.

But when it comes to PEOPLE development instead of just business development…I get a little more Liberal. Because some people just can’t fucking make it through life…and not handling that may cause others (and other PLACES if they have too many homeless for example and then people don’t want to be there) to be dragged down…so as a whole…help those that can’t help themselves.

Like if I had been responsible for keeping my dad off the streets while he was terminal…I probably would have gone into a worse depression than I already had to pull myself out of.

Just VISITING him was heartbreaking. Having to use my own resources to keep him off the streets would have been devastating. I was already hardcore raging at the world even with help.

But stuff w like…Student Loans…Liberal. Whenever people have ambitions like that…nothing should stand in their way. I don’t see the reasoning around anything different.

Not HANDOUTS…but HELPING when it makes complete sense to.

Don’t let people drag other people down…and don’t hold people back.

And I really wish there were better proactive measures for handling mentally ill people. I don’t want cops having to fight them…and I don’t want to have to deal w them at work and pretend everything is ok. That’s inhumane for all involved, truly. Someone is not getting the care (or handling…if I want to let my anger get the best of me) they need, which then turns other people into their victims. And then the other people are blamed for it. Not the sickos.

I’m ready for the future. We have work to do.

It makes sense…given where I have came from, I’m Pro-Choice, too.

Life doesn’t have value unless it’s valued.

We should not create just to create.

All we have to look forward to is pain and premature death.

I said a while back…something like…a life that isn’t valued is…what did I say…something elegantly phrased that I can’t remember.

Just that in reality, forcing a creation of life into the world is asking for it to be forced out.

And the longer we allow that cycle to carry on, the more tragic we make the world.

You can’t just assess it with short-term mindset and just looking at the Pros of the situation. You need to look at the whole cycle.

Value the life created, or be kind enough to let it be free…not forced into a body that no one sees any different than dirt.

Regardless of how the situation came about. It’s about the END game…not the BEGINNING and ONLY the BEGINNING. The ENTIRETY. Even the parts we don’t want to look at. Proper logical assessment…even TRULY FEELING assessment…can’t be done any other way.

The irony or whatever of things is…

Putting Death, Destruction, Misery, Pain…

Out of your mind…

Doesn’t solve or prevent it from existing.

And we have the ability…the blessing even…to make good decisions to try to mitigate this. We can’t expect to COMPLETELY resolve it…but good decisions to mitigate it. PREVENTION. PROACTIVENESS.

There is both a beginning and end to life and I really think we are best off when we look at ALL of it…if not focus on the end solely.

The end is really what matters. The end is the future.

Even if you’re not the immortal star of the show.

And I think some people get confused and think I’m solely talking about or referring to them…but no human is important enough for me to just be addressing them w these deep discussions. Let me make that clear. Maybe INSPIRATION…but this is much bigger than one person fits into.

The end involves much more than 50 close-encounter living human beings.

It involves life, it involves afterlife, it involves objects, it involves the entirety of the universe and all it has to offer.

Not even mentally ill humans that have a God Complex fit into that and fill it anywhere to completion. If anything those types negate from the picture.

Black Holes.

But yeah…

Not talking about 1 person…really not caring to address any fucking specific dumbass…just discussing the BEHAVIOR, too. The dysfunctional MINDSET and SPIRIT.

Tonight. Even if in the middle of the US…you will see this. Esp if you work your camera right.

Hate me or love me…or indifferent…

Go escape if you haven’t already.

It’s good for the soul.

Ps-I talk about this a lot but will add in here just in case it got lost or forgotten…my dad died of alcoholism. Looong drawn out suicide…like watching someone on a train track for a large part of your life and not being able to do anything about it. Not sick sick…but mentally and spiritually unwell. Or maybe just entirely sensitive in a cruel world. Who knows? It’s a mystery I’ll never figure out. Anyways, I’m a VERY strong advocate for seeing this, mental and spiritual health, as important as physical health.

I’m actually graduating…and the next weekend is his birthday. Which is sort of cool. He’s been gone since Dec 2019.

And it’s sort of strangely…morbidly…funny. I don’t public speak much…and I did so for the first time at work. So it was an important matter to me…and it was disrupted by construction noise.

My dad’s wake/funeral…which was just very small and cheap because we don’t have much funding…had the same issue to the point I almost tracked down and knocked someone off a ladder but decided to keep calm instead.

I briefly thought about it while I was interrupted public speaking. Perhaps it strangely gave me some sort of spiritual strength to keep going w it and stay calm. It wasn’t as important as the other situation and I stayed calm there.

Spiritual Health

ESCAPE from the Mundane (or that which is Man-made and con-trolled by man). Maybe even from “Reality.”

Go find what makes life worth living for.

Quality. Enjoyment for enjoyment’s sake.

Maybe even just rest and spiritual cleansing.

But TONIIIIIGHT…if not last night…

Foot note…

I also saw a Water Baby Friday night. And my friend tried to not act phased while we were there…and then afterwards was like WTF.

It looked like a human head poking out of the water. It stayed up for a while, then disappeared. And it was aligned with where we were. Maybe far enough out to keep a human body (if it were an adult body) hidden under water.

And I was like…note to self…next time something like this happens…just leave him behind and run.

We were debating going last night but he was like, There will be too many people there now. Word got out. And I’m like, ANNNNND??? ANNND?????

Very interesting, but overall still good, night. But I don’t think I’ll ever go ON or IN that water.

I believe in spirits and the afterlife, but I don’t believe they have the abilities to physically harm people unless they are able to enter a body…but I’m thinking more or less taboo thoughts about what may be going on that’s actually physical and living. Everything about it was a little too human-ish.

[finsterhund]

One week since I lost my baby girl.

I've managed to eat and get small amounts of sleep. Been having constant abdominal pain don’t know if it’s because I’ve been making myself eat or not.

I'm selectively mute, which I was anticipating, but it's better than I thought it was going to be. Maybe age, maybe my medicine, maybe actually getting to say goodbye to her. I don't know. I can't mask it well enough to interact with strangers but I'm able to express needs to my roommate.

Roommate wants to get his own dog. He was actually looking for another dog before what happened so it’s not 100% him just wanting to replace her. Maybe him saying that Cazza was "jealous" of his rabbit was him projecting being jealous of what me and Cazza had. I don't care.

I'm not ready yet but I'm not going to stop him especially if the dog needs a home. If a dog needs me then that’s my duty regardless of how I feel. But they're not going to be *my* dog. I don't know when I'll be ready to love again. It feels like I never will but I know I'd rather die than not have a dog so I either manage to get to that point or I just never recover at all. I don't think I'll be ready to self train my service dog when I'm finally ready either. Cazza was so special to me and the thought of forming that bond again hurts me way too much.

Cazza's last night she had a heartbeat toy with a heat pack that I saved for her. Saved for this. The very last photos of her she is holding that little thing. And when they took her from me it became mine. That little stuffed dog is the one thing keeping me together. I'm saving the last heat pack for as long as I can. You can both hear and feel the heartbeat.

My life is over. I am just waiting for them to send me her ashes. That's what's keeping me going. The days are agonizing. I just keep waiting for her ashes. I’m so aggressive about getting them back. I’m so scared that they’re going to get lost or they weren’t actually her ashes or that they didn’t take one of her canine teeth like I paid them to. I didn’t want her cremated I wanted her buried but they took her so soon I didn’t have time to contact the pet funeral services. I feel like shit. I did not want her burned. Her tooth will be the last thing that will survive. I will be able to hold it. I will be able to feel it. I’ve saved fur and nail clippings but those are delicate and fragile and my touch will ruin them. They reside in little glass vials. Sterile. Cold. The more I touch her blankets and toys the less they will smell like her. But a tooth is tangible. It is her. I have no experience with cremation. I do not know if the ashes will *be* her.

I keep thinking about how after we were allowed to stay with her and I wanted to never leave but eventually I had to leave and I just had to get up and leave her there. Close the door on her still in there. Go back home without her. Then they fucking burned her like trash. I try looking up early human cultures that engaged in cremation to try and help myself feel better. But that’s not me. That’s not what I believe. I want *myself* cremated because I want my body entirely eradicated. Who I am is what I’ve created and the body I inhabit is a prison. That wasn’t the same for Cazza. I did not want that for Cazza.

I have ice cream for her in the freezer that she never got to eat. Chicken thighs too. I don't have the heart to get rid of them. The vet sent me flowers. I have no clue what to do with flowers. I switch their water out every 12 hours. Do I press them in a book? Is that even a thing? I try not to think about them.

My friend Fishy literally mailed me treats for her the same day they put her to sleep. The universe is fucking cruel. He literally came back home from sending off the package to see that she was gone.

I've put everything save for a handful of comfort items into my closet because it hurts to look and see the remnants of her. I want to preserve them. I don’t want time to touch them. I don’t want to physically alter them.

The first week I kept imagining I was hearing her. Every time I entered my room I thought for a second I could see her in her bed. These have slowly started to pass. I don't know if that's better or worse.

I put my big blanket that she lay on and snuggled under in a double garbage bag to try and keep the smell. It's too hot for it anyways.

Roommate posted on facebook and someone came forward who had been in a relationship with Cazza’s abusive previous owner. And I get a shock that I think a part of me deep down knew all along but it still hit hard. Cazza’s past was Spot’s life. This lady’s little toddler-aged boy, same age I had been, had bonded with her through shared abuse. She protected him. She comforted him. There’s photos of the two embraced like how I held Spot. But this time things ended differently. The mother took that little boy away and Cazza was rescued.

And then against all odds she found me.

And maybe it’s the delusion of grief, but was this meant to be? Was Cazza entering my life Spot’s way of finding me again? 

I look back on how I had that instant connection when I first saw photos of Cazza. Of how I just knew we were meant for each other.

Cazza is officially spelled “Kaza” you know. And it means “arrow” in Carrier. I didn’t change her name like I had planned when I found that out. I didn’t make a big deal of it because I’m not Carrier and I’m too white to incorporate that into our lives I think. But the significance is obvious. I wanted to name her “Comet” because of the blaze on her forehead. The same blaze that had a little brown mark inside that everyone said was a heart but I knew looked like an arrowhead.  Just one more coincidence that leads me to believe that there’s some significance to how we found each other. That we were meant for each other. That Spot sent her somehow. I wanted so badly to have given Spot the life she deserved. I hope I was finally able to repay my debt to her and give Cazza that life instead.

Maybe I’ll think of a way to share the photos. Heavily censor the kid out for his privacy like how I edited the Spot photos to get rid of my blue lipped corpse skin that I had in them. But I don’t know. They’re not my Spot photos even though they’re my Cazza. Maybe I’ll keep them locked away for someone else to make the decision to share them.

I’m not suicidal after finding out about that little boy that Cazza was the Spot to. Both because it feels like some power out there cares about me and because I think someday when that boy is older, stronger, he is going to want to talk about the dog that kept him safe. I know this from personal experience after all. And I want to be around to let him know with confidence that she went on to be safe and loved by the end. She was a fellow abuse survivor’s very best friend.

Twenty years apart. Two dogs, two boys. And love in spite of abuse and pain connects them.

But grief is still eating me up inside. This has perhaps been the longest week of my life. I miss her so much. More than anything. I’d give anything just to meet her gaze again. To feel her warmth again. Even for a second.

I wish I had something more to say. Some comfort. I’m not going to be okay, but I think I’ll survive for now. For them.

#text post #long post #negative #cw: death #cw: cancer #cw: animal death