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chilling-seavey · 4 years

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Amoureux (c.s./d.s.) - Chapter Twenty-Five

A/N A decision has been made...

Christian woke early the next morning to make sure everything was going according to plan with the last-minute date change of the wedding. He slipped back into his red and gold suit and was polished up by his own personal butler to be ceremony ready before heading down to the ballroom. As expected, it was almost finished, the workers looking half exhausted, but it didn’t phase him in the slightest, offering a half-honest thanks for their accommodation to the room before leaving again.

Corbyn had stayed up all night to prepare the wedding fest and he was over his feet and frustrated to no end with the sudden change, but he pulled his best smile to the future King when he came into the kitchen, assuring him everything was progressing smoothly.

Mary came into the kitchen while Christian was in there in order to bring Louisa her breakfast; it being bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other the day of their wedding, so breakfast wasn’t held in the dining room. Mary shared her excitement with a smiling Christian before being handed the tray from Corbyn and made her way upstairs. She knocked on the door of Louisa’s room before letting herself in.

Mary stopped in her tracks when she found the room empty; the window open to the cold autumn air, wedding dress gone from the hanger, and the bride-to-be no where to be found.

Louisa’s hands hurt from holding up the front of her dress and her ankles were aching from walking in her heels for hours as she rushed into the city of London, the hem caked in mud and her hair drenched in sweat, breathlessly navigating the streets as the sun rose behind her. They would be looking for her soon.

Once Anna left her bedroom the night before, she left Louisa questioning a lot, especially weighing the Royal requirements of marriage with what she truly wanted. For her whole life, she had been blinded by the crazy expectations and the tight leash she was on, forced to focus on what she was told was right rather than what she knew to be true.

She dressed herself up in her wedding dress, staring at herself in the mirror in the light of the moon and a single candle, and all she could think about was Daniel. If she loved Christian then why was she wishing it was Daniel she was going to be walking down the aisle to the next morning? It was wrong of her, so wrong, and Louisa knew it.

If she was caught disregarding the Royal rules again, there was no doubt she would be punished either by Christian himself or the Crown…her own parents even. The existence of France and the reign of her family depended on this marriage and if Louisa broke that promise, her family would be taken down and her country would be turned to the British.

But all that seemed so mundane compared to how important it was to find Daniel before he was gone for good.

Maybe it was her naivety speaking, at only sixteen you couldn’t expect much, but Louisa was sick of feeling like she was walking on eggshells, sick of crying over her feelings, and sick of not doing anything to change it.

The police station was set on the corner of one of London’s main streets and Louisa’s legs were nearly ready to give out by the time she got there, heaving her heavy dress up as she took a step inside the building. The three policemen stationed inside looked at her with shock as the future Queen on England stood in their doorway in her wedding dress, drenched in sweat and stained in mud.

“Where would you take someone who is to be removed from the country?” Louisa asked breathlessly, her body trembling with exhaustion after running nearly all night.

“Princess, are you alright?” the captain asked, walking over to her and set his hand on her arm. “Are you in danger?”

“No. I am fine. I just need to know where you take banished p-prisoners.” Louisa said, looking between the group.

“We will send word to the palace right away. They must be worried sick.” the captain waved to one of his men to set off for the palace. Louisa rushed outside after him and grabbed his arm to stop him from getting on his horse that was tied up on the street.

“No!” she said sternly, looking between the two men. “I need to know. This is of utmost importance.”

“Princess, with all due respect, you really need to return to the palace. You are getting married today and should not be walking these streets alone.” the captain said with the fakest kind smile Louisa had ever seen.

She yanked her wrist from his grasp, stumbling over her dress a little, “I have been walking all night to get here and I will not let you stop me! Now tell me at once!”

“There is no need to go to the port. There is nothing there for you.” the captain said.

Louisa could have screamed, shoving him back before turning to the second in command who had untied the horse but was kept still by her hand on his uniform collar.

“Tell me! Tell me at once or I will have you beheaded.” She didn’t want to use that card but her power within the country was higher than most, even the police constables.

“Are you threatening us, Princess?” the captain questioned, grabbing her arm to try and restrain her.

The other man looked between them with wide eyes, hesitating on Louisa’s demanding expression, the usually so clean cut princess looking half a mess in front of him. Desperate.

“Are you sure we can’t take her to Southampton?” he spoke slowly, lifting his eyes to his captain casually.

Louisa whipped around to look at the man too, now given the name of her destination, nearly begging him with her eyes.

“Not without permission from the Crown. Now let’s go. I will have to keep you in the cell while we wait for the Royal Guards to retrieve you.” the captain turned to pull her back into the building but Louisa ripped her arm from his grip and hoisted herself onto the horse’s back. The two men shouted at her and tried to grab her but she kicked her heel against the horse’s side and clicked her tongue and the horse took off down the street, ripping the reins from the constable’s hand.

She had always been hesitant around horses during her dates to the stables with Christian, keeping her comfort zone to a light trot, but the adrenaline was coursing through her from her sneaking out of the castle on only a meal of truffles and pastries and she was taking the police horse down the dirt road out of London at its top speed, dirt kicking up behind them in their wake. The stained wedding dress was rippling in the wind, her hair pushed back from her face as she leaned forward and snapped the reins again.

By carriage from Kensington, it would take about a day and a half to get to the southern coast with time for the horses to rest overnight. Louisa didn’t know how long she had left – if she had any time at all even – but she wasn’t willing to sacrifice one spare minute. It was a straight shot to Southampton from London and at the speed she was travelling; Louisa made it in an hour, her body trembling with adrenaline and she struggled to hold the reins as she slowed the horse down to a trot as they entered the town. She kept her head down the best she could as she navigated the streets towards the ocean in the distance although it was hard not to notice the future Queen riding at breakneck speed into a small town on a police horse in her wedding dress.

Louisa could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she scanned the bustling harbour for any sign of the Royal Guards and carriage. The horse carried her gently down the stone steps and through the crowd, avoiding people and their belongings and carts that lined the shore, all ready to board one of the four massive sailing ships that were docked in the water. She scanned every single face she passed, a few giving her concerned glances in return or a whisper to their neighbour, but she pushed on, clicking her tongue to get the horse to walk a bit faster.

She finally spotted a glimpse of red and then the tall hat of the Royal Guards and she snapped the reins to push the horse through the crowd. It was hard to navigate through the crowd at a faster pace but Louisa kept her eyes on the smudge of red as she tried to make it in time. She could see them unpacking the trunks from the carriage and loading them onto the last ship in the lineup.

A few people gathered to watch the Prince of England being taken from the carriage in chains, his head bowed tiredly, shamefully, with a guard on each side of him holding his cuffed arms tightly.

“Daniel!” Louisa called out at the sight of him, making a few people look up and move out of her way as she got closer.

He didn’t hear her and neither did the guards as they took the first step onto the gangplank.

“Daniel!” Louisa screamed, her voice wavering with emotion.

He looked up from the ground, blue eyes wide as he scanned the crowd as if her voice was a figment of his imagination, but he spotted her on horseback, towering over the rest of the crowd in her ruined wedding dress and mangled hair. His eyes shone with excitement as they locked on hers.

#daniel seavey #christian seavey #why dont we #wdw #why dont we music #royal!wdw #jonah marais #jack avery #zach herron #corbyn besson #daniel seavey fanfic #daniel seavey imagines #wdw fanfic #wdw imagines #why dont we fanfic #why dont we imagines #historical fiction #👑#limelight

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bannedfromcelebitchy · 4 years

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Anon comment

Looking back over posts here, was the royal family really unwelcoming to Meghan? Remember Charles walking her down the aisle? Now this is calculating not "warm," but I think they did realize her worth as an "asset," to make them less archaic. But somewhere it fell apart, and I'm not sure how much of the blame is hers. I wouldn't be surprised if more of it is Harry's decision than people think, but of course they blame the wife.

Also Meg being American, she may not have the same understanding... of the monarchy as a British person would. We tended to grow up with more of a People magazine/Princess Di kind of soap opera celeb worship of the royals than a historical and traditional perspective (hence the obsession over at cb). Kate was also a "commoner" (like the rest of us), but maybe being British gave her a leg up on what was expected of her, plus her long apprenticeship as William's friend and girlfriend (the Waity period).

I'm sort of surprised that Sophie is getting so much press after 20 years in the fold, but I suppose she has proven that she knows how to behave the way they want her to, plus she distracts from the drama of both second sons Andrew and Harry. She made only small headlines when she married Edward, mostly based on a superficial resemblance to Diana ("Di-Dentical!"), and also it was thought Edward was homosexual. I think there was a gay club in London called The Queen's Youngest. In any case, to my knowledge, Sophie has never made waves.

Kate has settled into her role very well with nothing worse than a few youthful wardrobe malfunctions long behind her. She clearly loves being a mother, and I think her mother-in-law would be proud of how she is raising her kids with lots of love and "normalcy." Meghan is an intelligent and charismatic young woman who will be fine in or out of the royal fold. I only hope any rift will mend because it is sad when any family falls out. She'd be an asset if they should come to terms.

--------------------------------------------

There was always going to be culture shock on both sides. I fully expected that, in addition to all their other differences.

Sophie is the most reliable person of them all after the Queen. I would hire her in a heartbeat.

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bucky-is-a-hero-fightme · 6 years

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Royals (1/8) Bucky’s PoV

ROYALS MASTERLIST HERE

Okay, so...because I try to force myself to write something new in everything I start (In Your Heartbeat was my first dab at long-term reader inserts, graphic torture scenes and a bunch of other stuff), in this series I’m gonna post a parallel chapter in Bucky’s PoV to every chapter with the Reader’s PoV. I don’t know if you guys will like it, but...yeah.

Pairing: Bucky/Reader, Steve/Peggy, Implied or presumed Brock/Reader because Bucky is a dumb-dumb.

Universe: Mobsters!1940′s!AU

Timeline: Early 1940′s, but I’m gonna gloss over the war, I’m sorry, I just can’t see a Steve that wouldn’t want to join the fight, so…I’m glossing over it.

Word Count: 2600 approx.

Summary: News of the Princess of Brooklyn’s return spread like wildfire, and while Peggy holds on to the certainty that the girl she used to calla best friend would never turn on her people, Bucky has been burnt too badly to believe anything but that the girl’s return means the end of what he has built.

Warnings: I mean, general violence and pigheadedness, but that’s basically the summary of this whole fic so...

A/N: Please let me know your thoughts!! This is my first time writing Bucky’s PoV, and I want to know how to improve or anything, really. Your feedback gives me life.

Taglist (always open): @amandamartinez3568 @champagnejoker @lovemarvel101 @itsbuckysworld

Peggy drops a folder on the desk, making herself at home on one of the chairs in the office, eyes set on Bucky as she tries reading him. Still, the Game was never her thing, out of the two of you, she was the one with the strong presence, the rough words, you were the one playing with people’s heads hiding behind whispers and promises.

He lets his travel over the title on the document, the bold letters of the family that got you to turn your back to Brooklyn staring back at him, taunting him with what he would like to forget. What he should have forgotten, long ago.

“Is there anythin’ you want, Carter?”

“Did you now about that?” She accuses, deft chin pointing at the file on his desk. He carefully opens it, stealing a glance to the British before focusing on the words in it. “Official report from Manhattan.”

The Rumlow Family is saddened to see go one of the most loyal and able Captains that has fought at their side. We wish our former Spy and Counselor the best in her new endeavors.

Bucky looks up just as Sam enters the room, and faces Peggy’s hard gaze, brown eyes cold in their anger.

“Whose family got Romanoff to switch sides?” He asks, setting down the file and greeting Wilson with a nod as the Bratov finds himself a place in the office as well.

“Not Natasha,” Peggy answers easily, and Bucky’s core caves under a new weight at the realization, “Y/N apparently parted ways with Brock.”

He narrows his eyes at the woman, but Bucky is well aware she sees through the façade, sees how much the news throw him off.

“Why do I find that hard to believe?”

Sam scoffs from his place on the leather sofa, where he is going through the newspaper, “Because you are bitter and jealous.”

Peggy pushes on though, ignoring them both.

“Word in the street is she is coming back to Brooklyn.”

With the intensity of the tough girl that landed a few solid punches on his teenage face when he made you cry, Peggy stares back at him, trying to gauge his reaction. But Bucky keeps his cards close to his chest, fully aware that giving nothing away is more than telling, you taught him that, but with no alternative when the brunette knows him so well already.

She was the one holding Brooklyn together after its Princess ran off, not him. Hell, Peggy was the one holding him together for too long after everything went south.

Bucky has tried offering her a place as a Captain, to run alongside Stevie and not as an independent agent, but he knows Carter would join no other family than yours, not even Steve’s. Even after almost eight years, she still claims you are undermining Brock’s family, pulling the strings to take back Manhattan.

Bucky calls her innocent, gullible. Peggy insists on calling him a bitter fool. They manage.

He nods once, turning his gaze to Sam, “Stevie’s lookin’ into it?”

But the man shakes his head, leaning forward and taking in the seriousness of the Bratov that would soon rise to Captain, the teasing edge forgotten for the sake of the family.

“No, he’s supervising tonight’s hit. Apparently the Triad was tipped off, security was increased.”

Bucky lets go of the file, tossing it somewhere in the mahogany desk and crossing his arms over his chest. He tries to ignore the way Peggy follows his moves with a twisted eyebrow, lips furrowed and knowing eyes.

“No need. I’m joinin’ the team. Who’s the leadin’ Bratov?” He asks, silently daring Sam to voice the questions he can so clearly see in the other man’s face.

But Wilson remains quiet, and quickly explains the names involved, only to nod in understanding and leave the office to change the schedule when Bucky promises to be the one leading the heist.

He remains quiet as the other man closes the door behind him, and takes the few seconds before Carter undoubtedly opens her mouth to look over his information on tonight’s heist, ignoring the way the folder with that name on the front seems to call for his attention, gleaming in the dull light of the office.

“She could be on our side, James,” Peggy tries, walking to him but stopping short of reaching him when his steely grey eyes rise to meet her own. With an exasperated sigh, the British woman tries again, “If we play this right, we can…”

“If we play this right, we survive. If we don’t, she stabs us in the back. Again,” He interrupts, noticing how his hands clenched into fists, and suppressing a scoff at his own stupidity, he forced himself to relax tightly coiled muscles. “Give her time and she’ll be givin’ our city to Brock in a silver plate.”

“Let go of your pride, Barnes,” Peggy growls, rolling her eyes at the man Stevie calls his brother. “Y/N was never with the Rumlow’s, she was…it was the only way.”

But Bucky is already standing up, walking out of the office.

“Of course it was, Pegs. Keep tellin’ yourself that if you want, but don’t come after me when you end up with a knife on your back.”

______

Bucky is readying his rifle and getting ready for the car to stop when Steve approaches him, blue eyes narrowed and stealing a quick glance to Bucky’s left hand. He clenches it into a fist, hiding the object from his friend’s view.

______

A quick shout of his name ahs Bucky turning around, eyes searching for his girl. Your radiant smile is the first thing he sees as you approach hastily, your heels wobbling a bit before he catches you in his arms, holding you tight and making sure that you stand on solid legs.

“I missed you so much!” You squeal, blinking back a few tears as you take his face in your hands, looking him over before pressing your red, red lips on his cheek, jaw, nose.

Bucky huffs a laugh, and takes your hands in his, prompting you to stop your assault. Despite the smile and the bubbling happiness within him at the prospect of having you back in his arms, his eyes scan the crowd, looking for anyone lingering too long on the two of you, watching too curiously your embrace.

“I snuck out, Buck. No one knows.” Your voice soothes, and he turns his gaze back down to the girl in his arms.

With a smile tugging at his lips, Bucky gives in to the lure of those red lips of yours, pulling you in for a long-overdue kiss.

He feels your soft, almost silent whimper against his lips, his chest tightening at the small sound, though he would deny to his very own grave the way you have him wrapped around your finger.

When your teeth scrap lightly over his bottom lip, pulling a groan from his chest, Bucky’s hands travel to your hips, pressing you even closer against his body as he begs silently for you to part your lips.

The deliberate sound of someone clearing their throat near you has you both jumping, his hold around you tightening before he realizes it was merely a bitter woman walking past you in the street.

You shake with laughter, hiding your face against his chest and making him forget for a second the threat of danger, of accusing fingers, and reproaching stares.

“Whaddya say we head to your place, doll?” He asks, leaning in for one last, albeit quick, taste of your lips before straightening and taking your hand.

“Charming, Barnes, truly charming,” You tease, but your face quickly loses the mocking edge as you gasp. “Oh, I almost forgot! I got you a present!”

Something within him falls at the thought that you probably bought him something he would never, not even rising as a Captain and working for the rest of his life, would be able to afford. Something like you: thoughtful and lovely but oh, so out of his reach it was sometimes painful.

But while he was distracted, trying to think up a way to get you to return whatever it is you got him, you pulled out a small box from your purse and hold up a ring his way.

It is a simple band, dark silver and in what looks like a handmade, very rustic design. There’s a faint engraving on the inside, that when he tries to get closer to read, you cover with your own fingers.

Tuning his eyes to your own, he encounters your smile, returning it before he can even think twice about it.

“I saw a man in Vienna make these on the streets, it was so amazing, Buck, I wish you had been there. He let me write something in it! It’s not perfect but…”

Your voice dies down as he takes the hand holding the ring and presses it gently to his lips, eyes still on yours. Delighted in the way your cheeks seem to darken, he keeps your hand to his mouth as he whispers,

“I love it, princess.”

______

And although Bucky’s glare may have intimidated any lesser man to stay quiet and lower their eyes, that was never the case with Stevie, still the kind kid too dumb to run from a fight.

And the blonde starts, clearing his throat carefully,

“Are you sure about this, Buck?”

Bucky’s answer is automatic, calculated.

“C’mon, punk, we used to do this with our eyes closed. Don’t tell me you’re scared.”

“Bucky…”

“I’m fine, Stevie.” He interrupts, voice a little more honest but still reticent to let Steve start the conversation he has managed to avoid -while sober- for eight years.

The other man just sighs in response, before turning his focus back to the upcoming battle.

“Just don’t do anything stupid.”

The blond jumps out of the car, and Bucky still yells after him, “Hey, that’s my line, punk!”

______

Motioning for the Bratov Sam offered for the mission to move forward, Bucky lingers in the door, scanning for any threat in the nearby area before following his men in.

The Triad was not supposed to know about their plans to take over their shipment, and Bucky couldn’t help having something in the back of his mind telling him that it had to have something to do with the issues rising with Manhattan.

Especially considering Brock’s treasure was apparently coming back to Brooklyn.

What were you trying to play at? Coming back like nothing had happened, like eight years hadn’t gone by, like you hadn’t…

“Hey, jerk, you okay?” Steve’s voice brings him out of his reverie, prompting Bucky to nod a curt affirmative response, furious at himself for being so carelessly distracted, so much that Steve takes note of it.

The pair watch over their men taking inventory of the Triad’s goods, and so far only a slightly reinforced shipment, no signs of the big movement of soldiers Wilson warned them about.

A mayhem of screams and warnings has Bucky running towards the cargo, only to be thrown back with the force of the blast once the bomb goes off.

There’s a splintering pain in his head, blood coming from his nose or his mouth…he doesn’t even care to know. Reaching for the gun on the inside of his jacket, Bucky stands up, eyes squinted past the smoke and tries finding his team and his brother.

“Buck?” Steve coughs out, hand clasping on the brunet’s shoulder in a mix of relief and affection. They set to move for the tall flames, side by side.

“Fuckin’ convenient that the shipment with the guns to rival Manhattan’s is lost and the Triad tipped off, Stevie. Still agree with your dame that none of this is tied together?” He growls as they enter the house. Three men were lost, the rest were lucky enough to get out with only minor wounds and the few that got hurt out of commission for a while were compensated greatly.

Bucky feels the weight of his whole body in tenfold, can already feel the bruises forming in his back and ribs from the force of the blast and his body hitting the ground. His face and neck is covered in sweat, soot, and blood.

A wise man would leave him be, let him work his anger and frustration alone. Not Steve, though, who sighs behind him, but still fires back,

“Yes, I think it is a coincidence, Buck.”

“Really? Because-…” Their conversation is interrupted by a hurricane in the shape of a 5’7 woman storming down the stairs.

“I told you I should’ve gone with you, you thick-headed fool!” Carter yelled, finger raised accusingly at her fiancé and eyes narrowed.

Still, when her body finally was done stomping down the stairs, she had thrown her arms around Steve, ignoring his grunt of pain and holding on tight to his shoulders, face in his chest and mumbled words Bucky did not care to pick up on.

______

At the sharp sting, Bucky winces, and sardonically states, “You don’t hafta be so gentle, princess.”

You scoff where you stand between his legs, right hand holding his head as you turn it to the side and left hand dabbing not-so-kindly at the cut over his cheekbone.

“Shut up. You don’t get to complain when you go ahead and do stupid shit like this.”

“You know, I love you and all, doll, but I don’t think is gonna look good that I let my girl’s title save me from initiation rites.” He mumbles, leaning back on the old couch in his apartment and hiding a grimace of pain at the pressure over his tender ribs.

He can’t see you properly, but he is pretty sure you are rolling your eyes at him.

“If you weren’t so stubborn you could’ve affiliated with one of my father’s trusted Captains, and not a brute that thinks beating someone to death qualifies as ‘initiation’.” You grumble, and Bucky can’t hold in the stupid smile that curves his lips upwards, busting open the barely-scabbed cut on his lip.

“Well, how else would I get ya to play nurse, huh?”

He feels the alcohol-ridden cotton ball press against his left eyebrow where another well-placed punch -or kick, he honestly can’t remember at this point- had broke the skin. The sting is expected but not any less painful when you apply pressure, and judging by the playful and soft swat at his shoulder you give him, it was definitely intentional.

Still, he holds on to the smile, and closes his smile as you continue to fawn over him, grumbled curses and complaints about his lack of self-preservation only a side-effect of having his girl with him.

______

Casting his eyes to the side and shifting his weight, Bucky waits for Peggy and his friend to break apart, and smiles in thanks at Peggy when she asks him if he is okay, her worried brown eyes looking over him.

“I’ve had worse, Pegs,” He says, fully aware of how much she still hates the nickname. “I’m gonna hit the sack. See you tomorrow?”

Before he can continue on his path to his room though, Steve’s voice stops him.

“Buck, I think y-...we need a breather. Whaddya say we head countryside for a few days? Sleep off the fight?”

The brunet narrows his grey eyes, facing his brother for a few seconds before asking,

“Y/N is in the city, isn’t she?”

“Subtle, Steven.” Peggy grumbles.

________

Knights never linger on one side. They jump from white to black, from black to white. From Royals to Subjects, they are one of the strongest pieces of the whole board.

And Random thought: I always wanted to see more interaction between Peggy and Bucky without him blatantly hitting on her, so...here it is. Also, suffer with Bucky at the idea of being a third wheel to Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers’ relationship for eight years...ugh.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #mobster!bucky #mobster au #mobster!bucky x reader

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gwydionmisha · 6 years

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So you'll notice I haven't commented on the Royal Wedding to this point. my background in Medieval history might lead a person to assume this is up my alley, but it really isn't. I've never been a fan of the house of Hanover/Windsor, and I'm not even a little bit a monarchist. That said, I do have some thoughts on this wedding, which I'll get to in a bit.

The very first time I was allowed to stay up all night was for the wedding of Princess Anne, back when I was a toddler. I have vague memories of some images from the procession and her dress from the ceremony itself. Much sharper is the excitement of having an indoor picnic in the middle of the night with the rare treat that was take out Chinese food. (We were poor. Any sort of restaurant food was exciting, and I already had a precocious taste for spice and hot peppers). It was just ridiculously fun to be awake and having a special treat. My baby sister had jut grown her first too teeth, which randomly were both incisors, so we had this joke that she was a baby vampire. Too me some strangers getting married on the other side of the ocean meant nothing, but an adventure with my family, even if it was in our own living room was a joyous thing.

As a small child, every teenaged girl who baby sat us (except the one who'd tell me Poe stories as bedtime stories who was my favorite) wanted to marry one of the princes. I couldn't imagine wanting to live that life in the spot light and it all looked so boring. I remember all the Diana hoopla and half my class at school being crazy over it. Certainly, I saw highlights and stills, and like pretty much everyone, that dress really was a fairy tale princess thing, even if it looks dated now. I had even less interest in celebrity gossip than I do now, and I was old enough by then not to see the Point of modern monarchy. Yes, I understand now it generates a lot of tourism and some of them do charity things, but it strikes me as vestigial, and if you offered me a choice of meeting the royal family or a trip to the Tower of London or the British Museum or the like, I'd be at the museum in a heartbeat. It's nice when they do the charity stuff, but most celebrities are boring, and modern royals are generally a less interesting type of celebrity. Diana was so popular that one couldn't help catching glimpses of what was going on, even as busy as I was. (That particular thing prince Charles said to Camilla about the tampon haunts my dreams and I wish that I could unhear it, but it was everywhere.) We didn't know how bad things were for Diana, but even as isolated as I tried to make myself, one could get glimpses of how bad things must be. Everything I saw in the Diana and Fergie years made me think there was not enough money in the world to make me want to live that life.

When the photographers hounded her to death I wa in the gap between two Master's degrees, working the worst job in my life. (Much worse than the one that involved cleaning colostomy and dealing with other people's poop). Eight hours on one's feet, not allowed your legally mandated breaks except a short lunch, no bathroom breaks at all, random body searches, in an incredibly load factory warehouse with country music blasting over the growl and rumble of the machines, metal bars flying randomly at my head, everyone there more than a few days had repetitive stress injuries, all for minimum wage. I'd wake up at the crack of dawn for my shift, my entire body in terrible pain already, pain that would only get dramatically worse. I permanently damaged my feet working there amoung other things. I remember Skye explaining to me what happened, as I was pretty much either at work, asleep, or dazed from the pain the month I worked there and I basically only watched things we taped on the VCR, like Babylon 5 as I moved around in the pain and exhaustion stupor. It took awhile to sink in, even though I wasn't a royal watcher. It just seemed like she'd finally got free of a terrible situation that had been killing her and then this happens. I felt bad for her, but worse for the kids, even through my general indifference to modern royalty. It felt liked she'd been tricked into a terrible situation that ultimately killed her, and that these kids were imprisoned in a fundamentally toxic situation that was likely going to ruin their lives the way it had ruined the lives of their parents. I would legitimately have chosen my crappy subsistence lifestyle over it in a heartbeat.

It is good to see that some of the lessons from what happened did sink in, that they really made an effort to change things for the better for the Princes, that there was a lot more thought put into both realistic expectations of what people marrying into that are dealing with and actual effort put into integrating the newcomers into what is an extreme lifestyle. Kate Middleton really does seem to have been prepared and good at a job I can't imagine wanting to do. It's not an institution that makes sense to me, but I am against cruelty, and things seem all right these days.

I think Meghan Markle is an excellent choice, to be honest. She's had enough of the right sort of experience to consent knowing exactly what she's getting into. She seems to have the right skills, and am all for further airing out the royal gene pool. Judging from some of the incredibly racist commentary around the original announcement, it's pretty clearly good for England to get a Princess who isn't white and I can only hope that seeing a royal of African descent in the news on the regular will help cut down on racist assholery around things like the casting of Queen Margaret in the Hollow Crown and such like. If there is going to be a monarchy, then modernizing it is all to the best, I say.

So I wish them well, but I honestly didn't see the point of sitting around watching the wedding for me when I could reading or sleeping or cuddling cats or watching something more relevant to my interests, though I don't blame anyone who IS interested and did watch the whole thing. After all, my parents loved that stuff and watched all the royal weddings when they were alive. The highlights are turning up in the news anyway. Props to them for getting that...is he a Bishop or an archbishop? Anyway. I really liked his speech, which is the bit that I actually saw in the news. It's a lot more interesting than I was expecting out of a royal wedding.

#Royal Wedding

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jessicakehoe · 4 years

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These Celebs Are Destigmatizing Mental Illness

Many campaigns have worked to normalize the discussion around mental health (Bell Let’s Talk and CAMH’s One Brave Night among them). But one thing that really reaches the masses is when a celebrity speaks out about his or her struggle to spread the message that it’s okay to have a mental illness; it doesn’t make you weak.

Anyone who has ever suffered from depression or anxiety—whether temporary or chronic—knows the feeling of wanting to crawl into bed and stay there until things seem okay again. And somehow when these celebrities who seem to have it all come out and say that they actually don’t have their shit together, it is encouraging to us. By focusing on their health, it normalizes the conversation and gives us the courage to take care of ourselves (and be vocal about it).

Below, see the celebrities who are helping to fight the stigma against mental health by being open about their own struggles. Want to learn more about mental illness? Here are 5 myths about anxiety and depression, and information about different types of treatment.

Post Malone

In an interview with GQ Style, the Grammy nominee opened up about dealing with an unshakeable sadness from a very young age. “Middle school, I would cry myself to sleep every f**kin’ day,” he reveals. “High school, the same thing. I tried to drink some beers to get rid of that shit but it just never goes away. And I don’t think that’s anybody’s fault; it has to do with something predisposed in you.” Music has become his way of coping with these struggles, and of processing what he’s going through. “I’m trying,” he says. “It’s difficult. Through my songs, I can talk about whatever I want. But sitting here, face to face, it’s difficult.”

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"Through my songs, I can talk about whatever I want. But sitting here, face-to-face, it's difficult.”–@PostMalone Photographs by @jason_nocito_studio. Styled by @mobolajidawodu. #gqstyle #postmalone

A post shared by GQ Style (@gqstyle) on Mar 2, 2020 at 8:16am PST

Prince Harry

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Day two of #SussexRoyalTour is underway, and The Duke and Duchess have joined young South Africans and @WavesForChange to focus on mental health and take part in ‘surf therapy’. • Hundreds of young people from Cape Town’s townships meet every week at Monwabisi beach to surf, but also share stories with mentors and talk through the daily challenges they face. Their Royal Highnesses were able to hear how the sessions are building trust, confidence, and belonging, and they also got to join in as children took part in ‘power hand’, which teaches them how to keep calm down reflect on strengths. While on the beach The Duke and Duchess met @TheLunchBoxFund – which was one of the charities they nominated to benefit from donations following the birth of their son, Archie. Almost 30,000 meals are provided by the charity every day across South Africa, including for three @WavesForChange projects. And before they left The Duke and Duchess joined the Commonwealth Litter Programme (CLiP) – which was teaching the surfers about the impact of plastic waste on the ocean. #RoyalVisitSouthAfrica • Photo ©️ photos EMPICS / PA images / SussexRoyal

A post shared by The Duke and Duchess of Sussex (@sussexroyal) on Sep 24, 2019 at 5:00am PDT

The Duke of Sussex has spoken out extensively about his own mental health journey, and the trauma he suffered as a result of losing his mother, Princess Diana, at a young age. In an interview with Bryony Gordon for her podcast about mental health, Mad World, the royal said, “I can safely say that losing my mum at the age of 12, and therefore shutting down all of my emotions for the last 20 years, has had a quite serious effect on not only my personal life but my work as well.”

“I have probably been very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions when all sorts of grief and sort of lies and misconceptions and everything are coming to you from every angle,” he added.

After seeking out counselling and learning to open up about his struggles with friends and family, the royal co-founded Heads Together, a mental health awareness campaign, with Prince William and Kate Middleton in 2016. While on a recent trip to South Africa with Meghan Markle, the royal couple met with Waves For Change, an organization promoting mental wellbeing through surf therapy, and spoke out about the need to counter the stigma against mental illness in our society.

“I think most of the stigma is around mental illness [and] we need to separate the two… mental health, which is every single one of us, and mental illness, which could be every single one of us,” he said. “I think they need to be separated; the mental health element touches on so much of what we’re exposed to, these experiences that these kids and every single one of us have been through. Everyone has experienced trauma or likely to experience trauma at some point during their lives. We need to try, not [to] eradicate it, but to learn from previous generations so there’s not a perpetual cycle.”

Ariana Grande

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A post shared by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on Mar 30, 2019 at 9:57am PDT

In British Vogue’s July 2018 issue, Ariana Grande opened up on her experience with PTSD after the 2017 Manchester Arena bombing. “It’s hard to talk about because so many people have suffered such severe tremendous loss. But, yeah, it’s a real thing,” she said. “I don’t think I’ll ever know how to talk about it and not cry.”

In November 2018, the singer/songwriter dropped a single titled “thank u, next,” dedicated to all of her exes, including the late-Mac Miller (who died this past September of a drug overdose) and ex-fiancé Pete Davidson, which resulted in fans wondering who her therapist is. “Therapy has saved my life so many times,” Grande tweeted in response. “If you’re afraid to ask for help, don’t be.”

photography via instagram/@arianagrande

In an Instagram story posted on April 11, Grande shared a side-by-side image of a healthy brain and a brain affected by PTSD. She also included an image of what is allegedly her brain, which appears to show incredibly high levels of PTSD. “Not a joke,” she captioned the story. In a follow-up story, Grande posted a selfie containing the captions “life is wild,” “she’s trying her muthafukin best,” and “my brain is tired.”

Selena Gomez

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I have a lot to be thankful for this year.. My year has been the hardest yet most rewarding one yet. I've finally fought the fight of not 'being enough'. I have only wanted to reflect the love you guys have given me for years and show how important it is to take care of YOU. By grace through faith. Kindness always wins. I love you guys. God bless

A post shared by Selena Gomez (@selenagomez) on Nov 24, 2016 at 6:21pm PST

In August 2016, Selena Gomez announced that she would be taking a break from her career to deal with anxiety, depression and panic attacks associated with lupus (an autoimmune condition from which she suffers). She made a return to the spotlight in November that year at the American Music Awards, where she delivered an emotional, heartfelt speech, briefly touching on her battle with mental health issues.

“I had to stop because I had everything and I was absolutely broken inside. I kept it all together enough to where I would never let you down but I kept it too much together to where I let myself down,” she said. “If you are broken, you do not have to stay broken.”

The songstress also opened up about her issues with mental health in the April 2017 issue of Vogue (which she covered). “Tours are a really lonely place for me,” she told the magazine. “My self-esteem was shot. I was depressed, anxious. I started to have panic attacks right before getting onstage, or right after leaving the stage. Basically I felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t capable. I felt I wasn’t giving my fans anything, and they could see it—which, I think, was a complete distortion.”

She revealed she spent 90 days in a mental health facility in Tennessee, surrendering her cell phone and taking part in various forms of therapy. And while Gomez is the second most-followed person on Instagram, she told Vogue she no longer had it on her phone, and an assistant had her password.

“It felt like I was seeing things I didn’t want to see, like it was putting things in my head that I didn’t want to care about,” she said. “I always end up feeling like shit when I look at Instagram. Which is why I’m kind of under the radar, ghosting it a bit.”

Camila Cabello

Former Fifth Harmony member Camila Cabello made headlines in September 2016 after she left the stage early during a performance under the guise of a wardrobe malfunction. She later revealed, on Snapchat, that the cause was excessive anxiety, even tweeting, “just wanna sleep for 3 days.”

Cabello had already been open about her struggles with anxiety prior to the incident, however, telling Billboard that 2015 was a “low” for her, personally.

“I was having terrible anxiety, nonstop. My heart would beat really fast the whole day. Two hours after I woke up, I’d need a nap because my body was so hyperactive,” she recalled. “I was scared of what would happen to me, of the things my brain might tell me. I realized the stuff I thought was important isn’t worth my health. Now I write in a diary every day, work out and meditate.”

In March 2017, the Cuban-born star revealed to Latina magazine that she also deals with obsessive compulsive disorder. “It was just totally out of control,” Cabello told the magazine of her OCD. “I would wake up with a super-accelerated heartbeat and really negative, intrusive, compulsive thoughts. I was so inside my head, and I didn’t know what was happening.”

She continued, “I totally understand now, being in it, why there shouldn’t be such a stigma on mental illness, because it’s a pretty common thing for people. But you can get help. If you’re dedicated to making it better, you can—because I’m in a much better place now. I started reading books about it and it really helped a lot when I understood [the illness], and that [the thoughts I was having] weren’t real. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to slow down and take care of yourself.”

Zayn Malik

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A post shared by Zayn Malik (@zayn) on Aug 14, 2018 at 10:01pm PDT

In June 2016, former One Direction member Zayn Malik cancelled a U.K. concert due to anxiety. He made the announcement on Instagram, writing, “Unfortunately, my anxiety that has haunted me throughout the last few months has gotten the better of me. With the magnitude of the live event, I have suffered the worst anxiety of my career.”

Later that year, Malik revealed in his memoir, Pillow Talk, that panic attacks have stopped him from performing on more than one occasion. “I just couldn’t go through with it,” he wrote. “Mentally, the anxiety had won. Physically, I knew I couldn’t function. I would have to pull out.”

And while a member of his team offered to say he was sick, Malik insisted on being open about his struggle. “I was done with putting out statements that masked what was really going on. I wanted to tell the truth. Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of; it affects millions of people every day,” he explained. “I don’t want to say I’m sick. I want to tell people what’s going on, and I’m not gonna be ashamed of what’s happening.”

Cara Delevingne

In 2016, Cara Delevingne took to Twitter to reveal she took a break from modelling due to depression. “I suffer from depression and was a model during a particularly rough patch of self hatred,” she explained. Later that year, she told Esquire she had been struggling with mental illness since she was a teen, more specifically, after she discovered her mother’s drug addiction.

“I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die,” she told the magazine, adding a six-month break from school and medication might have helped save her life at 16.

However, Cara stopped the meds at age 18, saying “I get depressed still but I would rather learn to figure it out myself rather then be dependant on meds, ever.”

Adele

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Auckland / Mt Smart Stadium / Mar 25

A post shared by Adele (@adele) on Mar 25, 2017 at 9:41pm PDT

Despite being a 15-time Grammy winner, Adele still experiences stage fright. In March 2017, she admitted to her New Zealand concertgoers that she may never tour again, due to the ongoing issue. “Touring isn’t something I’m good at–applause makes me feel a bit vulnerable. I don’t know if I will ever tour again,” she told the audience. “I get so nervous with live performances that I’m too frightened to try anything new. It’s actually getting worse. Or it’s just not getting better, so I feel like it’s getting worse, because it should’ve gotten better by now.”

Lady Gaga

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I felt like a princess in custom @tiffanyandco made just for me for the #GoldenGlobes 🤗 The Aurora necklace was named after the Aurora Borealis as an homage to #AStarIsBorn 🌟 #TiffanyAndCo

A post shared by Lady Gaga (@ladygaga) on Jan 8, 2019 at 10:29am PST

In 2016, Lady Gaga revealed she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after she was raped at age 19. “I suffer from PTSD, I’ve never told anyone that before,” she said on the Today show in December 2016. “But the kindness that’s been shown to me, by doctors as well as family and friends, has really saved my life.”

More recently, Gaga opened up about her mental health struggles in a conversation with Prince William, as part of the royal’s Heads Together #oktosay series, which aims to end the stigma with the help of celebrities.

“For me, waking up every day and feeling sad and going on stage is something that is very hard to describe. There’s a lot of shame attached to mental illness. You feel like something’s wrong with you,” she told the Duke of Cambridge via FaceTime. “In my life, I go, ‘Oh my goodness, look at all these beautiful, wonderful things that I have. I should be so happy,’ but you can’t help it if, in the morning when you wake up, you are so tired, you are so sad, you are so full of anxiety and the shakes that you can barely think.”

But despite her hardships, the A Star is Born actress told William “the best thing that could come out of my mental illness was to share it with other people.”

“I feel like we are not hiding anymore, we’re starting to talk, and that’s what we need to do really,” she said.

Demi Lovato

Demi Lovato is one of the most vocal mental health awareness advocates in the biz. The former Disney star, who has battled drug and alcohol addictions, bipolar disorder, self-harm and an eating disorder for years underwent rehab in 2010 and in 2013. Now, Lovato is much healthier and is committed to ending the stigma against mental illness. In 2015, she launched the Be Vocal campaign as a way to encourage individuals struggling with mental illness to talk about what they’re going through.

“I think the more people vocalize what they’re going through—their experience or just simply educating themselves so that they can learn more about what they’re talking about—that’s going to be the key to creating a conversation about mental illness and making it more understood,” she told HuffPost. “There’s a lack of compassion for people who have mental illnesses and there’s a lot of judgment. Once you make people realize that mental illness can happen to anybody—and it’s not anybody’s fault—then I think they’ll become more understanding of what mental illness really is.”

Jennifer Lawrence

Photography by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Jennifer Lawrence opened up about her struggle with anxiety in 2013, telling Madame Figaro that she began experiencing symptoms as a preteen. “When my mother told me about my childhood, she always told me that there was like a light in me, a spark that inspired me constantly,” Lawrence told the magazine. “When I started school, the light went out. It was never known what it was, a kind of social anxiety.”

She eventually went to seek help from a therapist and turned to acting as a form of self-therapy. She also revealed to the New York Times that she manages her anxiety with the use of prescription meds.

Emma Stone

Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage

Oscar winner Emma Stone told Rolling Stone in 2016 that she experienced bouts of anxiety and panic attacks as a child. “My anxiety was constant,” she said. “I would ask my mom a hundred times how the day was gonna lay out. What time was she gonna drop me off? Where was she gonna be? What would happen at lunch? Feeling nauseous. At a certain point, I couldn’t go to friends’ houses anymore–I could barely get out the door to school.”

She did reveal, however, that therapy and acting, specifically improv and sketch comedy, is what helped her work through it. “You have to be present in improv, and that’s the antithesis of anxiety,” she explained.

Chrissy Teigen

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My stoop buddy

A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Apr 29, 2017 at 6:47pm PDT

Chrissy Teigen is never one to hold back, but she shocked fans when she penned an essay for Glamour in 2017 on her struggle with postpartum depression. “I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom,'” she wrote, later adding “postpartum does not discriminate.”

Months later, Teigen finally saw her family doctor, where she got her diagnosis. She began taking antidepressants. “I’m speaking up now because I want people to know it can happen to anybody and I don’t want people who have it to feel embarrassed or to feel alone. I also don’t want to pretend like I know everything about postpartum depression, because it can be different for everybody. But one thing I do know is that—for me—just merely being open about it helps.”

Troian Bellisario

In November 2016, Pretty Little Liars star Troian Bellisario revealed via a voting PSA that she struggled with an eating disorder when she was younger. She said it was early detection and mental healthcare that saved her. “If I had just been shunned to the side as not having ‘real problems’, I don’t know that I would be living today,” she explained. “I just want to make sure that everybody has the same opportunity for treatment that I have, and I think that we have to make sure that our government invests in those programs.”

Troian shared her story on her struggles with anorexia in her film Feed, which she wrote and directed. “It was not easy; it was like engaging with an addiction,” she told Interview magazine of revisiting her story, adding that working on the film was “like poking a sleeping dragon.” “One of the things I really wanted the film to explore was that once you have this relationship, once you have this mental illness or this disease, it never really goes away.”

And just like many others who suffer from mental illness, Bellisario said she feels like no one truly understands what she went through. “Still to this day, I couldn’t get anyone—even the people who loved me the most, even my boyfriend or my mother or my father—to understand what that experience was truly like for me,” she said. “It was about my eating disorder, and I found there were so many people who thought that it was about losing weight or being skinny, and I couldn’t quite get them to understand that it was about control on a very, very literal level.”

Gina Rodriguez

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One year after the devastation of Hurricane Maria, there is still work to be done. Thank you @ricky_martin for giving us all an opportunity to continue to contribute to the reconstruction of our beautiful island of Puerto Rico. #allin4pr #miislabonita ❤️🙌🏽 link in bio 🇵🇷🇵🇷🇵🇷

A post shared by Gina Rodriguez-LoCicero (@hereisgina) on Oct 26, 2018 at 4:12pm PDT

Jane the Virgin star Gina Rodriguez got candid about her struggle with anxiety in a moving Instagram post. “I suffer from anxiety,” she captioned the video, which sees her makeup-free in a New York Yankees cap. “And watching this clip I could see how anxious I was but I empathize with myself. I wanted to protect her and tell her it’s ok to be anxious, there is nothing different or strange about having anxiety and I will prevail.”

Shawn Mendes

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Je t’aime France ! 🇫🇷 x

A post shared by Shawn Mendes (@shawnmendes) on Nov 10, 2018 at 2:31pm PST

It may be hard to believe that Canada’s very own heartthrob has had his fair share of anxious episodes, but he has. In April 2018, the singer-songwriter told The Sun in an interview that he had seen a therapist a few times. “I found I was closing myself off from everybody, thinking that would help me battle [my anxiety], then realizing the only way I was going to battle it was completely opening up and letting people in,” Mendes said.

Said anxiety was chronicled in his single “In My Blood” (Lyrics: Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in, sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough, someone help me.)

“All pain is temporary, and the thing is with anxiety, and why it’s such a hard thing for people who don’t have it to understand, is that it is very random and it hits you at moments you don’t expect it. Sometimes it lasts two hours, sometimes it lasts a day and sometimes it lasts five minutes,” he said.

Sarah Hyland

Back in December 2018, Sarah Hyland opened up about experiencing suicidal thoughts after her body rejected a kidney donated by her dad. The Modern Family star, who has had a slew of health problems her whole life, appeared on Ellen in early January 2019 and spoke about her depression.

“After 26, 27 years of just always being sick and being in chronic pain every single day—and [you] don’t know when you’re going to have the next good day—it’s really, really hard…” she said.

“I would write letters in my head to loved ones of why I did it, and my reasoning behind it, and how it wasn’t anybody’s fault,” the 28-year-old revealed, adding that she was “very, very, very close,” to taking her own life.

When asked how she overcame her suicidal thoughts and depression, Hyland said that she confided in a close friend (“I finally said it out loud to someone… just saying it out loud helped immensely, because I kept it to myself for months and months at a time.”) who urged her to see a therapist.

The post These Celebs Are Destigmatizing Mental Illness appeared first on FASHION Magazine.

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newstwitter-blog · 7 years

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