#Poor Social Skills

[risingfire17-the-weeb-trash]

40 Day Anime Challenge Day 40- Anime that changed you the most: Fruits Basket (2001)

See Day 28 for synopsis.

Long personal story rant incoming!

TL;DR: I learned how to people by watching Fruits Basket and it didn't go well.

So, I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, and the time I finally started socializing with peers coincided with the time I got really heavy into anime and manga, which was my junior and senior years of high school. A side effect of this combination was that I learned a lot about friendships (and relationships but that's a whole other problem for a different post) from the medium.

Fruits Basket was one of my first and favorite manga series, so it had a huge role on my social development. I got it in my head that it was only the "selfless" doormat codependent girls who have true friendship and love, so I basically spent ages 16-25 trying to be Tohru Honda. I also thought that it was normal in friendships to have like no boundaries, be obsessively protective, and spy on your friends' dates and stuff like that. *God I'm cringing so hard as I type this I was so young and dumb omg* So, as you can expect, that didn't lead to me having any healthy relationships in my life. I put off good people without understanding why (now I know they were disturbed by my lack of boundaries) and I attracted the most selfish, narcissistic, dysfunctional, toxic, and abusive people, the people who love to take advantage of people like Tohru, into my life. And I didn't have any angsty, delinquent with a heart of gold like Kyo or super strong or superpowered, overprotective friends like Uotani and Hanajima to scare them off.

It took half a decade of therapy, a 12 step program, and a religious phase (emphasis on phase) for me to unlearn all the toxic behaviors I learned trying to be Tohru, and to learn appropriate alternatives. And in the beginning, it was so hard like I had a full on identity crisis like if I'm not the "selfless" person than who am I??? I even put off grad school for 5 years (I was finishing my BA in psych at the time) because I wasn't sure if being a therapist was what I really wanted or if that was just be trying to be "selfless" again. And after 5 years of soul-searching (and tons of therapy) I'm filling out my grad school applications for next year!!! I think after the childhood I had on top of almost a decade of social skills learned from anime, I needed to take some time off for a recovery arc and I think my journey will make me a better therapist, so I have no regrets!

Now, spewing my whole life story is NOT in any way a criticism of Fruits Basket. I'm basically a case study of what happens when you have negligent parents, no close relationships, and you need to learn how to people by watching TV. Because healthy relationships don't sell in any medium, people want the angst and the drama, but I didn't have parents that talked to me about the differences between fiction and reality, nor healthy friendships to compare with what I was learning on TV. There are plenty of healthy, well-adjusted people who watch Fruits Basket and love it and remain healthy and well-adjusted. My horrible life choices are totally on me; I would have picked up some problematic social behavior from some TV show, and Fruits Basket just happened to be the one.

That being said, I still LOVE Fruits Basket!!!! (especially after the 2019 reboot OMG it was so good!!!!!) It's my wish fulfillment fantasy where everyone is inherently good underneath their rough exterior, and kindness is rewarded with love every time. But, now I have real, healthy, not all-consuming relationships with real people, and I wouldn't trade them for any fantasy angsty relationship ever!

#anime #40 day anime challenge #fruits basket #furuba #tohru honda #life story #personal rant #poor social skills #apparently fiction is different than reality #wannabe empath #cringe #much needed therapy

[foldingfittedsheets]

I think something a lot of other people can relate to is the way that you get so conditioned to discomfort that you stop registering it.

I remember sitting at the table with my family, eating dinner as a child. I’d try to eat, because of course I was hungry. But sometimes the flavor or texture was so repugnant that it moved into a category of Not Food.

“Two more bites before you can leave the table.”

“I can’t,” I’d say, trying to explain the impossibility.

But because I was a child they heard, “I won’t,” and made me sit at the table. I’d sit in dull agonized silence, bored and hungry for hours until bedtime when they’d give up. I’d hate myself for not eating and my parents for forcing me to sit there. The few forcefeeding moments ended in vomit.

They’d say, “If you don’t eat this you can’t eat a snack later,” and I moved past trying to communicate my discomfort into accepting that I’d just be hungry.

That state of affairs didn’t last, because my parents realized nothing could force me to eat so they catered to my palate, worrying they’d starve me. But the message stuck. If you can’t do anything about a situation, just accept the suffering.

A few years later my mother called me off the playground to ask, “Are you limping?”

I shrugged. My feet had hurt for a long time, but that was just the way things were now. My mom pulled my socks and shoes off and gasped. The soles of my feet were covered in huge painful planters warts.

“Why didn’t you say anything?!” She demanded but I could only shrug at her. I’d learned a long time ago that saying things about my discomfort didn’t matter, so now I had no words. Sometimes things hurt and sometimes they don’t. I simply accepted and did my best.

Now as an adult trying to learn to improve my own conditions can be hard. If I make food that I can’t eat I’ll force myself to sit at the counter still, full of guilt and self loathing, trying to will myself to eat it.

At first I needed my betrothed to gently take it away to present me with something I could eat. Now on my own I can usually admit that it’s not happening before too long and get something else, but I still feel guilty.

Laying in bed at night waiting for my betrothed to finish getting ready I let out a huge sigh of relief when they turned the lights off.

“Why didn’t you turn them off if they bothered you?” they asked the first time it happened.

“I didn’t even know it was bothering me until it was gone.”

Assessing my physical state now to see if I can improve it is something I’m still relearning but I’m relieved to finally have the space and support to do it.

#ramblies #autism #as an afab kid I didn’t get diagnosed but given my poor social skills and general vibes it’s astonishing I wasn’t #I didn’t learn to implement social masking until way later #also those warts too months to get rid of cause they were too big to burn off #they had to be scraped down slowly after baths

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[toaspireintodarkness]

You know what's frustrating?

When you can text forever online but when it comes to calls or face to face interactions, it's like my brain yeets out my social skills.

#social anxiety #social issues #social skills #poor social skills #relationship #frustrated #why #why am i like this #stupid brain #i like this girl but due to this i cant talk to her #fuck

[blueskittlesart]

literally obsessed with kanji. finally a good character for me to latch onto

#hes 15 years old. he regularly intimidates people multiple years older than him. his favorite hobby is sewing. #he chased an entire motorcycle gang out of town with nothing but his regular ass bicycle. he has debilitating social anxiety. hes gay #perfect character. incredible job guys #personal #i am a simple person. i see a character with incredibly poor social skills and i decide they are my favorite with no further questions

[coleslawr02]

there is a doug 🐕 in your Bib cage 💀

#reverse 1999 #horropedia #horrorpedia #he’s not even my favorite of the green lake cast #i just am cursed to draw men with glasses and poor social skills #my art

[moderndaypandora]

Hob is going to come home one day two months into Dream's retirement (and seven weeks into their marriage) and Dream's going to be full Victorian maiden on the chaise lounge, arm covering his eyes.

Hob, who is not a fool: Want to talk about it, or want to be consumed by the agonies for a little while longer while I prepare dinner? You got groceries, right?

Dream: [horrible groaning dirge of assent]

Hob: I'm starting to get a little concerned, dearest

Dream: I went out to. Obtain groceries. And the woman at the till said 'enjoy your food'.

Hob: And you said?
 Dream: "My thanks. you as well."

Hob: My poor love. Have a kiss to ease the sting.

Dream: [accepting the forehead kiss as his due] I can't go back to that grocery store in this lifetime.

Hob: Understandable.

Dream: Can we fake our deaths tomorrow?

Hob: Give me two weeks to wrap everything up, then we can.

Dream: <3

#dreamling #you can take the dream out of Dream but you can't take the dramatics #he's going to be horrified to realize that sometimes humans just replay their worst/embarrassing moments in their heads on loop at 3am #instead of sleeping #dream didn't suddenly gain social skills when he became an immortal human #he just lost the ability to will himself away in a cloud of sand #poor dream just wants humanity to be petting cats and fucking his husband #and instead it's Failing To Small Talk Correctly #and everybody everywhere immediately sensing he has No Chill Except On Rare Occasions #even getting drunk off his mind to forget that just results in hangovers the next day #but the bit where Hob is constantly demanding them to take lovey dovey selfies for his phone backgrounds is nice #and Hob will mention my husband in all conversations just because he's so pleased they're married #Hob. Marjorie knows we're married already. It is unnecessary to introduce me as your husband still. #Hob: idk she was looking like she'd forgotten that fact since last time

[creature-wizard]

Did a post upset you? Thinking about writing a response? Hold up!

Are you sure you read it correctly?

Are you sure you didn't skip over any words or sentences or even whole paragraphs?

Are you sure you didn't read malicious intentions into it that just weren't there?

Before writing your angry retort, get up, get a drink, walk around a bit, and then read the post again, slowly and carefully.

You will either determine that:

1: The post didn't actually say what you thought it said, and you can leave an innocent person on Tumblr unbothered.

2: The post really did say that - and now you're in a better place to decide whether it's really worth your time to write a reply or not. And if you decide to write a reply, you'll be in a better place to articulate why it's bad.

It's a win/win strategy.

#social skills #skills #piss on the poor website

[kozachenko]

Feeling rather contrarian today :)

DISCLAIMER THE POSES ARE HEAVILY REFERENCED OFF THE ORIGINAL MEME WHICH IS UNDER THE KEEP READING LINK

#Ok but this shitpost took me far longer than it should've been #Zanmukeiki #Keikimu #Zankei ????? #meme #shipost #touhou project #if you have better ship name ideas please let me know #ok but like they have similar colour palettes #both of them don't like the animal yakuzas #Keiki handles the more direct side of fighting the animal yakuzas #Zanmu handles the behind the scenes work to make sure something like Reimu Marisa and Youmus involvement doesn't happen again #and they have contrasting personalities as well with Keiki being more open and friendly but at the same time not really the most social #and with Zanmu being more cold but with better social skills #I'm just saying these two would be amazing together #and then there's poor Hisami lmao #awkwardly third wheeling them as they take over the animal realm together #also both of them have been compared to AI by the fandom and ZUN #but I can also imagine some tension between these two just to add that of enemies to lovers SPICE in there you get what I'm saying? #since this is in the early days of Touhou 19 this is kind of a rarepair but could potentially gain more popularity #if these two were to ever interact with each other #also please forgive the sketchiness of the art lmaoooo #Also I had to use the liquify tool to move the original figures in the image out of sight #so some stuff may look wonky #oh god these tags could just be a description in and of itself #touhou 19 #unfinished dream of all living ghost #keiki haniyasushin #zanmu nippaku #hisami yomotsu

[beaft]

damn this romance novel shit is harder than i thought. i got two pages into jotting down notes before i realised what i was describing was just pride and prejudice but with elves

#as if it's MY fault that my favourite character type is 'overcompensates for poor social skills by being the world's biggest bitch'

[calliopeebles]

inspired by the fact that i was talking about berdly on discord the other day and i later realized i was using my headcanons for him to talk about growing up autistic

#deltarune #berdly #this bird is AUTISTIC and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT #...for real though #there's a lot about him that i can relate to #and i myself am on the spectrum and fairly open about it online #berdly is really really bad at reading people #and his social skills are comically poor #and i feel that y'know? #it feels like everyone else knows the rules to life and expects me to know them too but i just... don't. and they don't make sense #and i can never tell how people are feeling unless they come right out and say it #even if it's obvious #i too would probably fall for a lie told by someone who literally had the world LYING written on their face #...anways #i should write something more formal about an autistic reading of this character

[t00thpasteface]

as much as i want to give them some cool jackets... i have to remember they live in a hot, humid swamp :')

#the brawler is the moral compass... the backstabbing thief is the looks and social skills... #and the genius alchemist has all kinds of chronic metal poisoning. gods help these poor girls #art #orig #character design #monster girl #original fantasy

[alliswyattonthewesternfront]

watched Poor Things today, and all i can say is thank god. the autistic-coded protag is all well and good, but it's high time we had a homeschool-coded heroine. finally, it's my turn.

that movie is for the bitches that ate salt-dough maps of ancient Egypt and learned math using Cuisenaire blocks. the rest of you just will not get it.

#it's also about a regular day in the life of willem defoe #but mostly it's about being homeschooled your whole life and then leaving the nest #and having to navigate the world with nascent social skills and wildly unbalanced areas of knowledge #there are tens of us! tens! #poor things

[mxwhore]

iiiiiii dont wanna go to work todayyyyyyy

#the guy training me keeps saying really condescending things to me and me patience is running thin tbh #i dont know if he realizes cuz his social skills are piss poor and good god does that mean something coming from me #anyway. about to engage in goblin mode

[finniestoncrane]

It’s always so fun reading your fics and hcs, but I also really love how you let people talk to you about their fics and OCs and story ideas. You always let people get excited about stuff in your inbox and it’s just such a joy to see!

i love getting excited i love other people getting excited and i love sharing things people send me or want to brag or chat about ;-;

BUT ALSO selfishly, i hope if i reply to someone's amazing idea or headcanon that it might encourage them to write it long form and then tag me in that shit so i can read it and enjoy it in full lol

i LOVE the fandom echo chamber so much, every time someone sends a random thought i'm inspired, anytime someone sends a fic i'm like "oh i should get back to writing my thing" and any time someone shares their ocs an angel gets its wings u-u

but thank you ;-; i appreciate that you appreciate it, it's nice to be nice for no other reason than joy but it's also sweet to know other people notice it 💚💚💚

but yeah these are the vibes i'm hoping for in my inbox u-u

#a reminder that while my social skills are poor as fuck and i sometimes get overwhelmed #and i might be slow to reply #my inbox is always open for literally anything my beloveds #friends being friends #anon #finnie basks

[yioh]

GUYS look at my wha oc😎

#witch hat atelier #ok so like the lore #meena is an orphan and has kinda poor social skills so she has no friends and the teacher at her atelier is also .. not good and very cold #so she’s been alone all her life #until one day an unknowing stumbles across her casting magic and meena gets seen which is ofc illegal #but that girl was so happy and amazed by the casting of magic meena felt .. curious and intrigued? she’s never met someone so amazed by #magic #and the two slowly become friends #until one day they get discovered by the knights and the girl has all her memories of meena and magic erased #meena is once again alone #i’m also thinking maybe as punishment meena gets cursed somehow such that anyone who meets her will instantly forget her existence within a #few hours 🤔 #hence she is the forget-me-not witch #but i’m not sure how the curse would get written in because only a brimhat would be able to do that i assume and idk how they would get #involved #maybe they pretend to be the knights and curse meena hoping that she grows a hatred of legal magic ?