#OK SO this is gonna be the start of my 30 day draw. but i work until late on the weekends. so its a test of my ability to draw post work.

[hyolks]

al's the kinda guy to wear sweater vests and oxfords <3

#fma #fullmetal alchemist #alphonse elric #fma al #fmab #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #OK SO this is gonna be the start of my 30 day draw. but i work until late on the weekends. so its a test of my ability to draw post work. #also I'm inherently lazy #er. if i dont post . please know i tried my hardest #also throw back! i used to draw ppl holding bouquets all the time. i forgot my trade.....

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 31: Warmth

You cope with the aftermath of patrol. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-30 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Fall out from canon-typical violence. Plot points from TLOU2. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 8k

A/N: Hi y'all. This does have a continuation of the spoilers from TLOU2. Again, I'm so sorry for not warning about these further in advance. If you have any questions, feel free to shoot me a DM (or you can always yell in the comments or in my asks. I don't delete things if they're not the kindest so I'll leave whatever you want to send my way up, I totally get it.) Thanks for being here ❤️

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It shouldn’t be this hard to stay conscious when the world is ending. 

You’d had the thought before, in the early days of the outbreak. When you were trying to find someplace safe and had no idea where to start, when you were just riding and riding and hoping you’d be alive to see the next morning. 

But now was different. It wasn’t your life, it was Joel’s. His was so much more important than your own and the fear of losing him was keeping you awake. You’d nod off for a second - you thought, anyway - only to jerk back awake when your grip on his wrist slipped and his pulse wasn’t a constant - if weak - drumbeat below your fingers. 

You weren’t quite sure how long you’d been on the floor with him. Things were fuzzy. You’d lost a lot of blood, you were familiar with that sensation now, you could identify it even as your mind was foggy. You still weren’t entirely sure what had happened. You remembered Joel screaming - you didn’t think you’d ever forget that horrific sound - and running to find him. You remembered watching as that girl swung the golf club down on his body. It wasn’t until you were already in the room, fighting for control of your gun with someone who looked like he was about Ellie’s age that you realized this was probably a mistake. You’d charged in without a plan to get backup, you were hugely outnumbered, no one knew where the fuck you were. You should have at least gone back for your horse, you were pretty sure she could have fit down here and you could have used sheer size and weight to clear the room. 

But they were killing him. That’s all that could force that sound from someone, life and death, and you couldn’t risk it. If there was a chance, even a tiny one, that you could save him, you were going to take it. Even if it killed you, you were going to take it. 

The threat was gone now - or you hoped it was, at least. Gatling was still on guard. You could feel how tense she was behind you, her body engaged and ready to strike. If they came back armed to the teeth before help arrived, though, you’d be finished. 

Joel’s wrist, the one you’d been holding, relaxed some and you forced yourself to sit up. 

“Joel?” You managed, adjusting your hold on him. His whole arm was limp now. Your heart beat faster. You released his wrist and pressed your fingers into his neck, where you liked to kiss him and feel the vital thrum of his pulse through his skin. It was faint but it was there. You adjusted yourself, propping yourself up on your elbow as your cut side screamed in pain, and you ran your fingers through his hair. You took comfort in the fact that you still could do that. While the rest of his body had been brutalized, Joel’s head was intact outside of where it looked like someone had landed a punch on his cheek near his eye, a bruise blossoming on his skin but no blood shed. It was like the girl had been saving his head for last, like she was trying to draw it out, make sure he was alive and awake while she hurt him. It turned your stomach. 

“You’re OK Joel,” you held face gently in your hand. “Gonna get you out of here, get you back to Ellie. You’re OK.” 

You stayed propped up like that for a while, just talking to him and running your fingers gently through his hair and feeling his breath on your skin until you were too weak to hold yourself up anymore. You collapsed alongside him then, trying to shield his body with yours as much as you could in case the people came back. 

Just a little sleep. That’s all. That’s what you needed, just enough rest to be able to think straight. Then you could figure out how to get Tommy and Joel back to Jackson. 

“Gatling,” you managed before you passed out. “Guard.” 

You woke up to snarling. 

Your head was swimming and you could feel the strength of the dog at your side, her body pressed back against you as she growled and barked. You tried to get your bearings as quickly as you could, fumbling for the rifles you’d brought to Joel’s side. 

“Bambi!” You recognized Ellie’s voice. “Bambi, call off Gatling, she won’t listen to me, we can’t get close enough…” 

“Gatling,” you gritted your teeth, your cut side burning and pulling as you tried to sit up. “Down.” 

You felt her relax and she gave a little whine before curling up against you and giving you a lick. You managed to prop yourself up on your uninjured side, eyes fighting to focus as Ellie, Jesse, Julie and Gene came in. Ellie ran for Joel, Gatling giving a little whine as she tracked her with her eyes.

“Jesus Christ,” Gene said as he got a good look at Joel. 

“He’s alive,” Ellie said, her voice cracking. “I thought…” 

“I know,” you adjusted so you could see him, check on his bandages. Your side protested, damaged skin pulling painfully. “But we have to get him to the doctor, we have to move him now…” 

“I don’t know that we can,” Gene knelt next to Ellie, looking Joel up and down. 

You frowned. 

“The fuck do you mean you don’t know.” 

“I mean,” he said gently. “We need to move quick, already been here too long, and we only have so many hands. I don’t know that he can make it back to Jackson and we should focus on…” 

“Fuck you,” your teeth were clenched, sweat starting at your temples from the strain of sitting upright. “We are not just gonna leave him out here…” 

“If we can save you and Tommy?” Gene said. “Then that’s what we should do. That’s what he’d want.” 

“Fuck you!” Ellie looked murderous. “Bambi’s right…” 

“C’mon,” Julie’s hands gently enveloped your shoulders. “Let’s try to get you up…” 

“I’m not going!” You wrenched yourself out of her grip and cried out in pain, a gush of blood coming from the wound at your side. “I’m not going without him, I’m not leaving him here!” 

Julie’s hands were on you again but you pulled yourself free, forcing yourself to your knees. 

“You’re gonna get yourself hurt,” Gene warned, moving for you, too, but you ignored him. 

“Gatling!” You managed through clenched teeth. Her head sprang up. “Guard!” 

She jumped to her feet and jumped between you and Gene. 

“Bambi,” he said cautiously, hands up, as your dog snapped her jaws and snarled at him. 

“I’m not going anywhere without him,” you were panting for breath. “You can’t make me, not with her like this. She’ll kill you and I’ll fuckin’ let her. Take him. Now.” 

Gene looked back at Jesse, who was helping Tommy sit up. He just shrugged. Gene looked back to you. 

“Fine,” he said. “But you gotta give us some space to work, can’t move him with her like this…” 

You struggled to your feet, using Julie’s shoulder as leverage, and you limped to the wall, all but collapsing against it. Gatling stayed on you, staring Gene down, seeming to trust Julie as you leaned against her. 

“She’s guardin’ me,” you said. “Won’t bother you over there. Move him. Do it.” 

You watched as Gene, Jesse and Ellie got Joel off the floor and out of the room. There was a perverse spot on the ground where his body had been, his blood pooled there. There was so much of it, so much it didn’t seem like there would be any left inside of him. You remembered, suddenly, Justin on the night of the outbreak. How you’d tried to put his blood back inside of him in the hopes that it would save him. How could you save the man you loved if all his blood was on the floor? 

“He’s alive?” Tommy asked from his place propped against the wall. There was a streak of blood down his face. 

“He’s alive,” you said. He closed his eyes and nodded, leaning his head against the wall. 

“Thank you,” he said, quietly enough that you could barely hear him. “I can’t…” 

“It’s OK,” you said. “We’ll get him back. He’ll be OK. He will.” 

You weren’t sure you believed it.

Jesse came back down and helped Tommy up before stopping near the door, keeping a safe distance from you and Gatling. 

“We got him on a horse,” he said. “We gotta move.” 

You gave him a nod and watched him get Tommy started on the stairs before you looked down at Gatling, her body drawn tight, ready to spring into action. 

“Gatling. Heel.” 

She looked up at you, muscle relaxing, and licked her lips. 

“You’re a good girl,” you said, trying to imbue as much praise into your voice as you could manage. “You did real good.” 

She wagged a little uncertainly and watched, waiting to follow you. Julie looped your arm around her shoulders while hers slipped around your waist and she helped you toward the stairs, taking it slow. You had to stop and rest once, not able to breathe, the warm gush of your blood when you pulled the air down low in your lungs making your head spin. 

“Think you can make it?” Julie asked, concerned. 

You nodded, wincing. 

“I’ll make it,” you said. “I know, we have to move.” 

She held you a little tighter and the cold air burned your lungs when you made it outside. Joel was draped over Ares, Gene mounted up behind him. Tommy was on his own horse, blood still on his face as he stared blankly at Joel’s limp body. 

“You can ride with me,” Julie said but you shook your head. You weren’t about to not be in control of a horse, not in this situation. You needed to have the power if something went wrong. You couldn’t trust anyone else to make Joel a priority if there were infected or raiders or, worst of all, the people who had attacked him to begin with. You needed to be able to move to protect him. 

“I’m fine,” you said through gritted teeth, even though you knew getting on Renaissance was going to hurt something fierce. “Don’t need to be slowin’ us down any more by putting two of us on a horse.” 

She went to protest but you pulled away from her and swallowed the sounds of your pain as you went to Renaissance and pulled yourself onto her. You called Gatling onto your saddle, too, and she settled there, still on high alert. You guided the horse to be alongside Gene and Joel and stared Gene down, almost daring him to fight you on it. 

“I want to get everyone back,” he said gently. “But if it’s not everyone, I want as many as I can get.” 

“Then let’s go,” you bit out. 

The ride back to Jackson felt long, longer than it really was, you were sure. Every step Renaissance made was painful. It was hard to stay conscious when you’d lost so much blood and the pain was blinding. You were terrified that something was going to happen, that someone was going to pick now to attack people from Jackson and that you wouldn’t be strong enough to save Joel. The thought was constant and overbearing, hollowing out your chest and making your stomach clench. 

By the time the walls of the city were in view, you were barely able to stay on your horse. Dina had ridden ahead to tell the doctors and the council what was happening and you were thankful for it as your head spun and vision grew spotty as you neared the gates. You were too out of it to notice that someone was there to catch you as your strength started to give out.

“Woah there!” You vaguely recognized Ryan, a guard you regularly saw when he went out on patrol, stomach turning as he lowered you to the snow. “Hey Doc! Got one here!” 

“No,” you shook your head, words starting to slur. The blood on your clothes was cold against your skin. “M’fine… Joel, need to help Joel…” 

“They’re getting him,” he said, looking down at you. He had a nice face, you thought. Pleasant and calming. “You got him back here, it’s OK. We’ll get you taken care of, it’s alright…” 

“Joel,” you closed your eyes. At least things were warmer here. It hurt less. “Need… Joel…” 

“We’ve got him,” Ryan said. His voice sounded so far away. “It’s alright, we’ve got him.” 

You barely remembered nodding before you passed out. 

You were warmer when you woke up. 

Sound came first. It took a moment before you could open your eyes but you could hear the muffled sounds of bickering not far away. For half a moment, you thought you were in Joel’s bed. That he and Ellie were in a tiff just outside his bedroom door, going back and forth about some harebrained scheme that one of them had latched onto. You thought about pressing your face into the pillow and trying to go back to sleep, hoping that Joel would come in once one of them wore the other down. He did that sometimes when he woke up before you, bringing you a cup of tea and setting it on the nightstand before wrapping around you, pulling you into his broad chest and burying his face in your hair or your neck, kissing you and breathing you in until you stirred in his arms. 

And then you remembered. Waking up next to Joel. Going on Patrol. The storm. The blood. 

You tried to sit up before your eyes were open, side pulling and head spinning. 

“Hey guys, she’s waking up!” 

Your eyes had never been heavier but you forced them open anyway, already reaching and groping to figure out where you’d ended up. 

The room was bright, the bed soft. It was the third time you’d managed to dodge death and awoken, confused and lightheaded, in Jackson’s clinic. The other bed was empty.  

“Joel,” you started trying to get up but two small hands held you in bed and you frowned, ready to fight whoever was holding you back, but it was Savvy, her eyebrows drawn tightly together, curls springing in every direction. 

“Mom, you have to be calm, you’ll rip your stitches…” 

She was here. She was with you, willing to talk to you, touch you. The sound of her voice, all gentle concern, made your chest tighten. You just looked at her for a moment, seeking out the minute changes in her since you’d gotten a chance to see her - really see her - last. You thought she might be having her last growth spurt. She looked a little longer, her face a little thinner. There was a scratch on her cheek that you wanted to kiss like you did when she was little. There were tears in her eyes. 

“Savvy…” 

“I was so scared,” her voice cracked. “I thought you might be dead, I thought…” 

“Oh honey,” you pulled her against you and held her to your chest, one arm looping around her waist, the other hand cradling her head to you, the wet of her tears on your neck. You kissed her temple and tried to keep the tears that were starting to cling to your eyelashes from falling. “It’s OK, you’re alright, I’ve got you. Don’t have to be scared, you’re OK.” 

“I’ve never seen you like that,” she sniffed from her place against your skin. “You’re always so strong, you’re never hurt, not like that…” 

“I know,” you said softly, rocking her gently. “I’m sorry, Honey, I wish you hadn’t seen that. I promise, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you never see it again and we can talk all about it but baby, I need to know where Joel is. Is he here? Is he OK? Is he alive?” 

She sniffed and started to pull back from you as the door opened, Ellie, Tommy, Maria and Dr. Livingston coming in. They moved slowly, cautiously. Like they were worried you would startle if they behaved normally. Tommy looked washed out, Ellie exhausted, both with grim looks on their faces. Your arms went limp and Savvy sat back from you, looking between you and them. 

“No,” you shook your head, a lump growing in your throat. “No, no, you’re wrong, he’s not…” 

“He’s alive,” Dr. Livingston said gently. “Barely. But you got him here just in time, it was very very close while we worked on him…” 

“Where is he,” you tried to get up again but Savvy held you down. “I need to see him, just for a second, please…” 

“He’s still unconscious,” Dr. Livingston continued. 

You frowned, looking between everyone. 

“That’s bad,” you said, reading their expressions. “Why… How long has it been?”

“We’ve been back about two and a half days,” Tommy said, his arms crossed over his chest. 

You nodded slowly. That made sense to you.

“He was hurt bad,” you said, looking between them again. “He lost a lot of blood…” 

“He did,” Dr. Livingston said. “But… well, we’d normally expect to see more from him by now. He’s breathing on his own - we don’t have the facilities to keep him alive if he can’t - but that’s the best we can really say for him. He’s… he’s unresponsive.” 

You processed what she said for a moment.

“You’re sure?” 

She nodded, her mouth a thin line. 

“Are you…” You had to close your eyes and focus for a second. None of this came easy or naturally. It was utterly unnatural, thinking of Joel in that way. He was so strong, so vital. He couldn’t just stop being like that. He couldn’t just fade away into nothing like that. “Are you saying he might not wake up?” 

“The longer he’s like this, the more likely it becomes,” Dr. Livingston said. 

“But he’s still alive,” you said, looking back toward Ellie and Tommy again, looking for that reassurance that you weren’t crazy. They knew him, they knew that he wouldn’t just disappear from his body like that. “He’s still breathing.” 

“He’s alive,” she said. “But he might be brain dead, we have no way of knowing right now, no way of scanning for brain function like we did before… I’m so sorry, but you have to consider the possibility that…” 

“Take me to see him,” you cut her off. She looked at Maria, worry in her eyes, like she thought you might be unstable. “Please.” 

Dr. Livingston sighed. 

“You’ve got a fair few fresh stitches and you’re still down plenty of blood yourself. We’ll have to take it slow.” 

Ellie and Savvy helped you stand up and you could feel the wounds on your leg and stomach protesting the movement. For a moment, you thought you might be able to count the number of stitches in your skin because the way it pulled and strained. You hissed and clutched the girls’ hands, squeezing their fingers so hard that you could only hope it didn’t hurt them. 

They helped you across a short hallway to a room that was almost identical to the one you’d been in, just with one fewer bed, giving people more room to work. Joel was there, flat on his back, his arms down straight at his sides over the top of the blanket. But he looked strange, unnatural. 

It took you a moment to recognized the part of it that was wrong. His chest rose and fell, the worst of his injuries hidden by the quilt. He looked like he was sleeping. But it was off. He never slept like that, straight as a board with his arms at his sides in that way. It wasn’t like him, it wasn’t the way his body arranged itself when he was relaxed. Even when he wasn’t curled around you, he slept on his side or, if he was on his back, his hands were folded and resting where his chest met his stomach. He napped on the couch that way sometimes, when he was sleeping lightly, waiting for you. You could come in and press a kiss to his forehead and he would open one eye and cock a smile at you, just big enough that his cheek would dimple. 

But if your lips touched him now, you knew he’d be still. He wouldn’t look at you like you made him happy just by existing. His cheek wouldn’t dimple. 

You made your way to a chair near the head of the bed and lowered yourself into it slowly. His skin was pale, his face totally lax in a way that wasn’t peaceful and was, instead, like an echo. 

“Oh God,” you breathed, one hand going to your lips. 

“We’re doing everything we can,” Dr. Livingston said gently. “We have ways to get him fluids and nutrients but… it’s nothing long term. We’ll just have to hope he makes a turn for the better.”

You nodded, not able to stop looking at him. His body was so empty, so unlike him. 

“Can I stay with him?” You asked quietly. You weren’t sure when you’d started crying but you were. 

“Sure,” she said. “For now. But you need rest…” 

You just nodded. You’d fight that battle when the time came. 

The doctor left you with the girls, Tommy and Maria. Joel’s family and yours. All the people you had in the world in this one, small room. 

“I was going to go home and get changed, take a nap…” Ellie said quietly. “Can I bring you something?” 

“One of his shirts?” You asked. 

“Sure,” she said. You heard the door open and she paused. “You did everything you could, Bambi. We all did.” 

You nodded, not willing to argue with her. 

“I think Tommy and I will get out of here for a bit, too,” Maria said. “Give you some time. We’ll be back in a few hours unless I can actually get my husband to get some real sleep…” 

“He wouldn’t be sleepin’ if it were me,” Tommy said, voice sharper than you were used to hearing. 

Maria sighed. 

“Come on, honey,” she said. “You need rest, too.” 

The room was quiet for a moment, so quiet you could hear the sound of Joel’s shallow breaths. You wanted to put your head on his chest and listen to the life inside him, reassure yourself that he was still in there somewhere, but you didn’t want to hurt him. You’d already done enough. 

“Mom?” Savvy’s voice was soft. “Is it… can I stay? For a bit?” 

You managed to pull your eyes away from Joel to find her, standing to the side, her arms tight over her chest. 

“Of course baby,” you said, looking for another chair. She found one first, moving it to be beside yours. She settled in there, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a heavy sigh. She was looking at Joel, her face drawn. “How have you been?” 

She shrugged noncommittally. 

“Alright, I guess,” she said. “School is OK. Math is stupid.” 

You laughed lightly once. 

“Math’s not stupid but… I know what you mean. Wasn’t ever my strong suit. I liked history best. And music, of course.” 

“Course,” she smiled a little. “I like Ellie and… I like staying where I have been but… I missed you. Missed home.” 

You swallowed the growing lump in your throat. 

“I missed you, too,” you said, voice wet. “So much. More than anything.” 

She nodded slowly, not looking at you. 

“I heard the doctors and some other people talking,” she said hesitantly. “What they were saying… It’s not the first time they’ve seen you hurt like this.” 

You waited for a moment, to make sure she was done. 

“It’s not,” you said. 

She nodded again. 

“How did you end up here?” She asked quietly. 

“I…” You sighed and tried to find the best way to phrase it. “I’d wound up with some bad people. I got hurt. Joel found me when I was in real bad shape. He brought me here. He saved me.” 

“When was that?” 

“About two years ago,” you said. 

“So you weren’t just here the whole time,” she said, more like a statement than a question. 

“No,” you said softly. “I wasn’t.” 

She nodded again. You could see her processing the information, her eyes slightly squinting as she did, so like her father used to do. It still tugged at your heart, bits and pieces of a man you’d loved still alive in his child. 

“I’m still not sure how I feel,” she said, gnawing on her lower lip. “But… I don’t want to keep being mad at you. I miss you. I’d… I’d like to find a way to see you. At least some. For now.” 

“I’d like that,” you said, sniffing a little. “I’d like that a lot. As much time as you want, honey, I’m here.” 

“OK,” she smiled a tight lipped smile at you before looking to Joel. “Do you really think he’ll wake up?” 

You sighed, looking at him, too. 

“I don’t really know anything about medicine,” you said. “But… I do know Joel. And I don’t knot that there’s anything that can keep him from taking care of the people he loves. And I know he knows Ellie needs him, you need him. And I…” your voice cracked. “I need him. He’s strong. He can pull through.” 

She nodded and slowly, gently, rested her head on your shoulder. You froze for a moment, not wanting to disturb her. But, eventually, you had to take a breath and she stayed there beside you, keeping vigil over the man who had become her guardian. 

Savvy ended up staying until after dark. Ellie came back only about an hour and a half after she left, bringing some clothes for you. You immediately put on the shirt, pressing your nose to the collar and breathing in Joel’s scent. She told you then that Savvy hadn’t left the clinic since you’d come in, always at your bedside, nearly ripping off the doctors’ heads when they dared suggest that she go home and get some rest. 

Ellie got her to go home that evening, though, after she gave you a delicate hug that, you thought, might be one of the best ones you’d ever gotten. Dr. Livingston wanted to keep you there for another few days, not something you were going to argue with since you weren’t about to leave while Joel was still there, anyway. She did make you move back to the other room and you gave up the fight quickly, waiting until you heard her leave for the night before going back across the hall, anyway. It was tricky, walking on your own when you were still healing, but you made it without any more blood leaking from you. You pulled your chair close to Joel and looked him over, tracing one finger over the soft skin of his cheek. He still looked so unnatural in this position, so unlike himself. You ran your fingers through his hair, arranging it just so, before you gently took his hands and put them at the base of his chest, one on top of the other. Not quite right, but better. It felt like his body was more his that way. 

“I’m here, Joel,” you said quietly, wanting more than anything to be able to curl up in his lap. “I’m here.” 

You sat on the floor next to the bed - not able to get comfortable enough in the chair to doze off - and rested your head on the mattress near his hip. This wasn’t exactly ideal, either, your stitches itching and pulling as you settled in, but you didn’t care. You had to be close to Joel. Some pain was worth that. 

The next day, you were shaken awake by a frustrated Dr. Palmer who was taking over so Dr. Livingston could get some rest. 

“You are bound and determined to be your own worst enemy,” she muttered, forcing you back to your own bed. She checked you over, reluctantly told you that you were healing well with no sign of infection. The second her back was turned, you were back in Joel’s room. 

Ellie, Tommy and Maria came by again, all of you sitting in near silence, watching Joel, waiting for him to do something - anything - to indicate that he was still in there. 

The next day was less quiet. You were in your usual position in the seat by the head of Joel’s bed when Tommy and Ellie started getting into it. It didn’t sound like a new argument and, you realized, the bickering you’d been only vaguely aware of as you regained consciousness was probably them. 

“I’m not going to sit around here and fucking wait forever,” Ellie snapped. “I’m going out there, I’m going to find them and I’m going to kill every last fucking one of them.” 

“We need to wait,” Tommy said, voice strained. Ellie didn’t seem to care. 

“Wait for them to get further and further away?” She snapped. “Wait for them to come back with more people? No, it’s too big of a fucking risk. I’m going out there.” 

“Need to wait until I can go with you,” Tommy snapped. “Need to wait until we know…” 

Tommy’s voice trailed off. 

“Until we know what?” Ellie demanded. “Until we know whether or not they successfully murdered him? No, fuck that, I’m going to beat the shit out of her with a goddamn golf club, make her fucking feel it…” 

“No, you won’t,” you cut her off. 

“I won’t?” She asked, brows raised, almost daring you to argue with her. “You’re not my fucking mom, Bambi, you don’t get to tell me what the fuck I do or don’t get to do.” 

“You ever killed anyone, kid?” You asked, chin resting on your fist as you watched her. She just blinked at you for a moment. “And I mean people. Real people, not infected.” 

“Yeah,” she said, though her voice was less sharp. “Yeah, I have. Two.” 

“Alright,” you replied. “You torture them? You like killing them?” 

She was silent and just looked at her feet.

“That’s what I thought,” you looked back to Joel. “You’re not going after shit, kid…”

“I’m not a fucking kid!” 

“You’re his kid,” you shot her a glare before looking back at Joel. “And he wouldn’t want you murdering and torturing people for him.”

“But…” 

“No,” you said. “If… If he… If someone needs to handle it, it will be me and Tommy. We can take them and we can make it hurt. You’ll stay here. Not gonna just let you turn into a killer for him, he’d never forgive me. He’d never forgive either of us. One of the last things he said to me was to look out for you and you better goddamn well believe that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. You’re not going any damn place.” 

She stormed out but Savvy came that evening. She brought a deck of cards and the two of you played Go Fish like you used to when she was little. She told you Ellie was cooling off but she thought she’d be OK. 

“I don’t blame her,” she said, arranging some cards in her hand. “If someone did that to you, I’d want to kill them, too.” 

You looked at her for a moment. 

“I wouldn’t want you to,” you said gently. She looked at you over the cards, skeptical. “I mean it. You hear that something bad happened to me, you take it and move on. Don’t hurt yourself thinking that will fix it. It would only make it worse.” 

The day after that, Ellie brought you your guitar. It made Dr. Palmer look nervous but you promised to take it easy and that music was how you relaxed. 

“Just don’t get all worked up and play Freebird,” she muttered, leaving you alone with Joel and your instrument. 

“Why is everyone so obsessed with Freebird?” You asked a silent Joel as you delicately arranged the guitar on your lap, dodging the stitches in your stomach and leg as you did. “There’s better shit out there…” 

You played for him whatever came to mind. The song you’d written for him kept cropping up. So did the songs you’d played with him, slower and gentler things that you tried to pull from memory, even Take on Me because it got stuck in your head. 

“Do you think he can hear me?” You asked Dr. Palmer that afternoon. 

She stepped back from him and sighed for a moment, looking at you as though she were going to gauge her answer around your demeanor. 

“No one knows for sure,” she said eventually. “But… if he could hear anybody, I think it would be you.”

By the end of the second day with your guitar, your whole body was sore and tired but you didn’t move to go back to your own room. Both doctors had given up on forcing you. You nearly ripped their heads off when they suggested you go to your house for a day or two, try to get some real rest. It was bad enough that they’d surrendered to your stubborn need to be where you could see Joel at all times, no longer willing to fight over what they thought was better for you. 

It was quiet, dark. You weren’t entirely sure what time it was but you thought everyone in town besides those on watch were at home. You were as close to home as you got now, home could only be where Joel was. You weren’t sure how to find home without him now. 

You played the song you’d written for him one more time, soft and slow, before propping the guitar against the wall and sitting delicately on the edge of the bed, careful to not disturb him. You adjusted his arms a bit, putting them where you knew he would rest them if he could move them on his own. You gently brushed his hair back. His patchy beard was getting long in spots and you wondered if Ellie could bring scissors and a razor the next time she came so you could trim it for him, keep it how he liked. You drew the shirt of his you wore tighter to yourself and just looked at him for a moment. He was so beautiful, even like this. You needed him so badly, needed him to be OK. You needed to be able to wake up next to him again, kiss him on your way out the door again, make love to him again. He couldn’t be gone, not now. Not like this.

“Joel,” you said softly, barely even a whisper. “I know… I know I should probably tell you that if you need to go, it’s OK, that we’ll be OK but… I don’t think I can. I don’t know how to do this without you, I don’t want to do this without you. I need you, I’m not sure I can be a real person without you. If you’re already gone then… then knowing you was one of the best things that ever happened to me and I’m thankful for every goddamn second of it. But if you’re still there, if you can hear me… I need you to come back to me, Joel. Just… please. Don’t leave me, don’t leave the girls, I just… I will do whatever you want, just stay. Just come back to me. Please.” 

He was still below your touch but you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, anyway, his skin soft and warm. A tear slipped from your eyelash and fell to his cheek but you didn’t move to wipe it away. You had the odd thought that maybe he would absorb it, that his skin would soak up your salt and your sadness and then, even if he didn’t come back, at least he’d have part of you in him when you put him in the ground. You wondered if you’d be able to join him. You slid off the bed and tucked your legs up against yourself, crossing your arms atop the mattress and resting your head there, drifting off to the sound of his breathing. 

***

All Joel really knew was that he was somewhere warm and soft. Warm and soft and kinder than where he’d been before, though the memory of just before was fuzzy. He remembered you, waking up with you, being inside of you, kissing you goodbye. He remembered watching Ellie ride off with her friend for their patrol. He remembered laughing with his brother about something but didn’t remember what. Everything after that was a haze of blood and pain. 

But he was warm now, somewhere that was familiar but he was having a hard time placing it. Grass and trees and a park bench that was more comfortable than it had any right to be, the sound of birds and cicadas on the air. But there were no other people. None that he could see, anyway. 

He heard voices now and then. There were some he knew were familiar but he couldn’t quite place. Others he’d have known anywhere. You, Ellie, Savvy, Tommy, Maria. It was a haze, he could make out the tones and the melodies of your speech but not the words. But that was OK. He knew all of you were close and that was enough. 

There was music, too. He would have recognized your playing from anywhere but it still seemed so obvious from wherever he was. But your music sounded sad, some kind of longing in it that wasn’t there when you usually played for him. He wanted to fix it, wanted to come from wherever he was and make it better. He just wasn’t sure that he could. But he kept hearing the song you made for him. That song was clearer than any other, so present he almost thought it was the version of it you’d recorded for him. But it wasn’t followed by the words he’d come to know so well in the months without you, the ones you’d added to the end of the tape that he listened to every night since you left. Every night until the one you came back to him. 

Come back to me, Joel. 

“Dad?” 

Joel looked around for a moment, heart pounding. He knew that voice, had heard it inside his head so many times through the years. But never like this, never this close. And then Sarah was in front of him, her curls a halo around her head, skin almost glowing in the golden sun. 

“Baby girl.” 

He realized where he knew this place from. It was a park in Austin that he took her to all the time when she was a little girl. The skyline was at his back if he could turn to face it, a playground down the hill to the right. She’d loved the open field, though. She loved being able to just run and run and run with nothing to hold her back. He tried to make himself get to his feet but he couldn’t. She just smiled. It was warm, gentle but more knowing than he’d remembered it being. But then, maybe he’d forgotten. Because otherwise, she looked exactly the same as the last time Joel had seen her, down to the clothes. Except her purple shirt wasn’t bloodstained now, her ankle wasn’t hurt. She was whole, healthy, the way she always should have been.

“Long time no see,” she sat beside him on the bench and he was able to reach her then. He reached for her slowly, cautiously, but he didn’t need to worry. She reached back, putting her arms around his neck. He held her, close and tight. She was warm and soft but the heat wasn’t coming from her. Instead it was like she was part of the place where he was, warm like the sun. She pulled back from him before too long but left a delicate hand on his knee. He tried to memorize her, make sure he knew the precise constellations of her freckles and the way her lashes framed her eyes. She looked him over and smiled that beautiful smile of hers. “You’re getting old, old man.” 

“Yeah,” he laughed a little, still not sure what to say to her. “Yeah, I know, baby girl. I know.” 

“I’ve missed you,” she was still smiling but it was sadder now. “A lot.” 

“I’ve missed you too,” he said, his voice wet. “So, so much. You have no idea how much…” 

“I know,” she said. “I’ve seen. You’ve been through a lot, Dad. So much. I wish I could have been there, I wish I could have helped you.” 

“That’s not your job…” 

“I know,” she said again. “But I still wanted to.” 

“How are you?” He asked. “I want to know everything, everything…” 

“I’ve been good,” she smiled. “I met your friend Tess. I like her. I liked her before, too, but even more now. She’s a lot like you, I’m glad you had her.” 

“How…” 

“Dad, I would love to tell you everything,” she cut him off. “But we don’t have time.” 

He frowned. 

“No,” he shook his head. “No, we didn’t get enough time before, but we should now, we…” 

“We will,” she reached out and took his hands. “Eventually. But not yet. You’ve gotten old, old man, but not old enough. You’re not supposed to be here yet. You still have a lot to do. You have people who need you, people who love you. They really, really love you, Dad. You need to go back for them. You’ve been here long enough.” 

Don’t leave me.

He looked up, looking for where your voice was coming from. Sarah just smiled. 

“She needs you,” she said. “And you need her.” 

She was right. He could feel that in every inch of him. He wanted to be next to you, wanted the life that he could have with you that had been so close when he’d left Jackson that morning. Just you and him and your girls. He wanted it so much it hurt. But how could he leave his daughter? His baby girl, the first baby girl he’d held, the first one he’d failed. How could he leave her again?

“Baby girl, I love them, too but I can’t just leave you here alone…” 

She smiled gently. 

“I’m not alone, Dad. And it’s OK if I’m not your whole world anymore,” she gave his leg a squeeze. “It’s OK if you have another purpose. I want you to be happy. Her, Ellie, Savvy… they make you happy. They’re your purpose now. You deserve that. Go be happy. I’ll be here when you’re done. We’ll have time then, too. I promise.” 

Just stay. 

“Go be with them, Dad,” she said. “Go be happy. We’ll be together when it’s time.” 

Just come back to me.

“I love you so much, Sarah,” he said, reaching out and holding her face in his hand. “So, so much.” 

Please. 

“I know,” she smiled. “And I love you too.” 

There was a wet spot on his cheek but he wasn’t crying. He frowned, touching his skin there, a tear clinging to his finger when he pulled it away. The place he was glowed brighter. Sarah’s face was somehow further away though neither of them had moved. He could feel himself fading from here, going back to where he was before. Part of him hurt with that, clinging to Sarah so hard that it seemed as though he was going to leave that part of him behind. But the rest of him was bringing him back, desperate to get to you, be beside you. That’s where he was supposed to be. He knew that now. He was always supposed to live. He was always supposed to flinch. He was always supposed to find you. 

“I’ll see you around,” she said. “Take care of yourself. Take care of them. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

He didn’t have a chance to say goodbye.

Everything hurt. 

It was sudden and sharp, the place where he was abruptly dark and cold. He wasn’t sure he could move much, every part of him impossibly heavy. But he forced his eyes open, at least. He was flat on his back and in a bed. It took him a moment to realize where, but the fact that there was medical equipment near his head narrowed it down. He heard a soft, sleepy sound and forced himself to lift his head enough to look for it. It didn’t take him long to find you there, head resting near his waist. He smiled to himself. Part of him was just relieved that he hadn’t dreamed you coming back to him, relieved that you’d want anything to do with him at all now. 

He forced his arm to move, the limb unnaturally clunky, every motion pulling and tugging on damaged skin but he didn’t really care. He rested a hand on your head, smoothing your hair down, thumb brushing against your forehead. You startled and jerked awake, sitting up quickly and blinking sleep from your eyes. His hand fell to your arm when you did and looked around for a moment before your eyes fell on him, the glow of the moon on the snow illuminating your face in the dark. You frowned for a moment, your brows knitting together. 

“Hey sweetheart,” Joel managed, his voice dry and cracking. 

“Joel!” You scrambled to your feet, taking his hand and clinging to it as you did. “You’re here, you’re alive, you’re…” 

“I’m alright, baby,” he said gently. You sank slowly onto the bed at his waist, clutching onto his hand. “You OK?” 

“I’m OK,” you nodded quickly, your voice wet. “Tommy’s OK, Ellie’s OK, we’re all OK. I was so afraid, Joel. I was so afraid. I thought you were gone, I thought I lost you…” 

“I know,” he winced as he reached the hand you weren’t latched onto over to cup your face. “I’m so sorry, baby. Wasn’t tryin’ to go anywhere…” 

You lifted his hand to your lips and kissed his knuckles before holding his arm to your chest, clinging to it like a child does to a security blanket. 

“How are you feeling?” You asked, looking him up an down. “I can go wake up a doctor and…” 

“M’fine sweetheart,” he said, brushing a thumb over the arch of your cheekbone. “Don’t… don’t go anywhere, need you close. Just…” He did his best to shift himself so he wasn’t in the middle of the bed, wincing as he did. “Just be here. Let me hold you, OK?” 

“I don’t want to hurt you…” 

“You won’t,” he said gently. “Need to feel you. Just stay with me, baby. Please.” 

You sniffed but nodded before you moved gingerly to slip into bed beside him. You lay your head gently on his chest and he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, giving you a squeeze. It took a moment but he felt you relax against him, body molding to his own. He turned his head enough to brush his lips against your forehead. 

“I can’t lose you, Joel,” you said softly. “I can’t, I need you to stay.” 

“I’m here, baby,” he whispered, holding you as close as he could, everywhere your body met his a welcome distraction from the pain. “Not going anywhere.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: Yeah, sorry, I can't bring myself to kill Joel lol I love him too much, I need to let him have all the beautiful things he deserves to have.

Thank you so so much for being so patient with this chapter. I promise, I didn't intend to leave you hanging for weeks on end and I feel so bad that I did. Thank you for still reading and for being here. I feel like I've messed up a lot on how I've handled this fic lately - between not understanding how many folks didn't know the TLOU2 stuff and not giving proper warning and then posting that last chapter and not having this one lined up and ready to go - so thank you for not ditching me and this fic. It really does mean so much that you spend your time here with these characters.

Thank you again ❤️ Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #tlou2 spoilers

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A Beginner’s Guide to Tokusatsu

Hey, I know some of you are probably wondering about all these hero shows I’m constantly posting about. Maybe you want to try watching them too, but don’t know where to start? Well, look no further. I’m here to go over some accessible, and legal, means of checking out some of my favorite things!

for the OTHER means, you’ll have to DM me or send me an ask. I’m not getting my favorite sites shut down. You know the drill.

This guide will mainly focus on the big 3 Toku franchises, Toei’s Kamen Rider and Super Sentai as well as Tsuburaya’s Ultraman.

What Is Tokusatsu?

Tokusatsu is a genre of Japanese shows and movies that literally translates to “Special Effects”. Usually using a combination of monster or hero suits, practical effects like explosions, and light CGI.

That’s a REALLY wide net, so we’re just gonna focus on 3 shows today.

Super Sentai, Kamen Rider, and Ultraman. Thanks to @urotandersentai​ for drawing this neat little guide to the Visual Design of each of these 3 shows.

With that out of the way, let’s look at some individual seasons of these shows. Each one has a link to where you can watch it!

Please remember that at the end of the day, the best way to pick a show to watch is “Whatever looks coolest to you”. As such, I’ve included pictures!!!

Super Sentai

You might be saying, “This looks like Power Rangers!” And you’d be right!

Super Sentai, created by Shotaro Ishinomori and produced by Toei Productions, is kinda like Power Rangers’ Dad. PR has been using suits and even fight footage from Super Sentai to tell its own stories for 30 years. All this time, though, Sentai has been creating lovable and memorable casts of colorful heroes.

Generally, Super Sentai is about a team of heroes in colorful costumes that fight monsters every week to protect people.

There’s tons of shows in this series that are available FOR FREE.

CHOUJIN SENTAI JETMAN (1991)

The Earth is under siege from the Dimensional War Party Vyram. A special squadron is selected for an experiment to turn them into Super Humans with the powers of Birds, the Birdman Squadron Jetman. Vyram interferes with the experiment and kills all but one of the Jetman recruits. Instead, civilians are transformed and tasked with defending the Earth. The surviving recruit, Ryu Tendo, must convince 4 normal people with drastically different backgrounds to fight with him.

Jetman has the typical monster of the week format for Super Sentai, but when the team isn’t battling monsters, there’s some serious drama going on. The five of them are all drastically different individuals. It can make it hard to work as a team. Especially when it comes Black Condor. Dude’s a loose canon and an absolute bastard of a man.

KYORYU SENTAI ZYURANGER (1992)

“From hundreds of millions of years ago, in the age of the dinosaurs, five warriors revive in the present time!”

When the Evil Witch Bandora awakens from her slumber, intent on terrorizing the Children of Earth, Five warriors from Dinosaur Times are unsealed to undo her schemes!

This one is where the suits for Mighty Morphin Power Rangers came from, which might tempt you to watch it first. I kinda recommend against that, though. It’s a fine show but I personally found it a bit boring. The characterization of the main cast didn’t stick out as much compared to other Sentai.

GOSEI SENTAI DAIRANGER (1993)

I haven’t seen this one, but it’s focused on martial arts and one of their mechs is a cool dragon? so uhhh? Check them out? Their theme song fucks

NINJA SENTAI KAKURANGER (1994)

Ok listen I didn’t watch this one either. HOWEVER, I know that it’s about the descendants of 5 legendary ninja who have been fighting yokai for 400 years.

CHOURIKI SENTAI OHRANGER (1995)

This is the last sentai in the “I didn’t watch it” category. uhhh, watch it if the suits look cool. Sorry.

GEKISOU SENTAI CARRANGER (1996)

Five Mechanics use the power of Car Magic to protect the earth from the Universal Reckless Driving Tribe and teach children about Traffic Safety. This one’s a tad bit goofier compared to some of the others, but it’s a good time.

Also There’s a Yoda.

DENJI SENTAI MEGARANGER (1997)

Five High School Students are friends and pals! Together they investigate the mysterious goings on of a technologically advanced evil empire. They literally surf the net in order to bring peace to their city and the world!

SEIJUU SENTAI GINGAMAN (1998)

The warriors of Ginga Forest, the Gingamen, have protected nature for 132 Generations. This series follows the 133rd Generation of Gingamen, who battle alongside Starbeasts to stop the resurrection of the Demon Beast Ditanix!

KYUKYU SENTAI GOGOFIVE (1999)

This time, the rangers are an experienced team of rescue workers given super human power! They fight back Literal Demons From Hell that endanger the public. There’s a lot of focus specifically on rescuing civilians in this one, so if you’re an especially big fan of watching heroes... SAVE people, this is a great choice.

MIRAI SENTAI TIMERANGER (2000)

In the 30th Century, a gang of super criminals escapes to the year 2000. They are tracked down by the Future Sentai Timeranger, agents of the Time Defense Force. There, they encounter the Great(s) Grandfather of their departed leader and must convince him to fight alongside them for the sake of humanity.

HYAKUJU SENTAI GAORANGER (2001)

Veterinarian Kakeru Shishi can hear the hearts of every animal! He swiftly becomes enraptured in the adventures of the Gaorangers, who battle living embodiment of pollution. Also they live on a flying turtle! How cool is that?

NINPUU SENTAI HURRICANNEGER (2002)

What if there was a polycule of ninjas SO BAD at being Ninjas, they showed up to Ninja Class Late and were the only survivors of an attack on their school? These guys are the silliest little slackers, but they’ve got hearts of gold. Check them out? For me? :)

KAMEN RIDER

If Super Sentai is Power Rangers’ Dad, Kamen Rider is Power Rangers’ Uncle.

Kamen Rider was ALSO created by Shotaro Ishinomori.

Usually focused in on a smaller cast of heroes. A common theme in Rider is that the heroes are created by their villains and choose to rebel against them for the greater good, or will use the villain’s own powers against them.

Most Riders have a signature attack where they leap into the air and do a flying kick. These get INCREDIBLY flashy over the years.

Unfortunately, there’s a lot less Kamen Rider legally available than there are of the other two shows here. Don’t fret, it’s Easy Enough To Find Anyway.

As for the shows I can link you to, there’s

KAMEN RIDER (1971)

This is the original series.

Takeshi Hongo is an augmented human being created by the evil organization Shocker. Escaping before his brainwashing can be completed, battles for humanity’s freedom as Kamen Rider.

Being such an old show, the effects can be dated and cheesy. It’s a bit of an acquired taste, but if you stick with it, I’m sure you’ll love it. You can watch most of the show in almost any order. The only really confusing part is that eventually, Hongo tags out with fellow escaped cyborg Ichimonji Hayato as Kamen Rider. (This was due to a real world injury to Hongo’s actor during filming. Don’t worry, he’s still kicking and he comes back later in the show!)

It’s also the longest Kamen Rider show, so I don’t fault you if you decide not to watch ALL of it. Even I haven’t yet.

If reading is more your thing, it’s based on a manga that you can find a DELIGHTFULLY well crafted omnibus of here

KAMEN RIDER KUUGA (2000)

Kuuga was the first season of Rider after about a 5 year break on TV. It’s something of a return to form.

It follows Yusuke Godai, a world traveler with 2000 skills, visiting his home town for the first time in years. He finds himself in the middle of an ancient civilization’s ritualistic murder game. Donning the mantle of Kuuga, Godai fights to protect the smiles of the city. He has a wonderful supporting cast around him including Detective Ichijou, who he goes on to share a rather homoerotic bond with.

Kuuga was my first Rider Series and to this day, it represents the Bread and Butter of Kamen Rider to me. This one’s a bit of a slow-paced Drama, but its focus is on what it means to help others. Every episode, I felt like I was actively being encouraged to be a better person. Godai’s got this infectious positivity that can’t help but make you grin.

KAMEN RIDER RYUKI (2002)

Ryuki takes a rather different direction from the other shows on this list. Instead of being about a single hero battling monsters, it’s about Plucky Young Journalist Shinji Kido being wrapped up in an all-out war between Kamen Riders. Donning the mask of Ryuki, he seeks to put an end to the bloodshed. The other Kamen Riders aren’t nearly as cooperative, though.

Don’t think that this plot means these characters don’t get tons of humanizing moments though. They’re all delightful to watch in action and you’ll end up truly questioning who will win? Is it possible to end the Riders’ battle? Will Shinji have to take a life after all?

I cannot recommend Ryuki enough. A lot of the Rider series from the early 2000s are Dramas that feature super heroes and Ryuki takes that drama up to a 10. (Plus, if you wanna ask where to find it, there’s plentiful side content for this show.)

KAMEN RIDER ZERO-ONE (2019)

In the far-flung year of 2019, Hiden Intelligence has revolutionized AI technology. The company manufactures Robot Assistants called Humagears. People in all walks of life and profession benefit from their aid. Unfortunately, something is causing Humagears to go berserk and attack humans.

With the death of Hiden Intelligence’s president, Failed Comedian Aruto Hiden inherits the company. He’s given the Zero-One Driver, which allows him to fight the corrupted Humagears as Kamen Rider Zero-One. With this new power in hand, Aruto seeks a way forward where Humankind and AI can exist in harmony.

Come to think of it, this one’s kinda topical. “AI” is a subject we really aren’t gonna be getting rid of any time soon. This show is one of the more recent rider productions you can find legally and it SHOWS. Every suit is sleek and clean, the visuals are striking and flashy. If nothing else, Zero-One LOOKS incredible.

KAMEN RIDER GEATS (2022)

Kamen Riders compete in a game called the Desire Grand Prix. By fighting monsters and saving people for points, the winner can have their greatest desire granted. Ukiyo Ace, the titular Kamen Rider Geats, looks to unravel the mysteries behind the Grand Prix and reunite with his long-lost mother.

Things get a bit more complicated than that, but I think you should see it for yourself. I can’t recommend Geats enough. its visual style is a direct evolution of Zero One’s sleekness and flashiness. It’s main 4 characters are some of my favorites in recent years.

SHIN KAMEN RIDER (2023) (Paid)

Takeshi Hongo is an augmented human being created by the evil organization Shocker. Escaping before his brainwashing can be completed, battles for humanity’s freedom as Kamen Rider. 

Wait, that sounds really familiar. That’s because this is the latest in a series of Tokusatsu Reimaginings by Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi. This is a new take on the story of Kamen Rider 1971, modernized complete with sleeker suits and stunning music all wrapped up in a 2-hour movie. It also has plenty of Easter Eggs for those of us who are fans of the 1971 series or the Manga it’s based on!

Be warned, this one’s gorier than the other stuff on the list. It’s mostly exaggerated blood splatters, though. I hate that kind of stuff and I’m able to rewatch this movie.

KAMEN RIDER AMAZONS (2016) (Paid)

Amazons is another adult reimagining of a classic Kamen Rider show, but it’s so far removed you don’t really need to know much about the original to enjoy it.

Amazons follows a group of exterminators who have been tasked with eradicating escaped cannibalistic experiments called, well, Amazons. The catch is that they work together with 2 Amazons, Momoru the Mole Amazon, and Haruka, the titular Kamen Rider Amazons. Both of them are tasked with asking themselves ethical questions. Is it so wrong for Amazons to exist? Is it possible to avoid eating people? If it isn’t, then is it WRONG to eat people to survive?

ULTRAMAN

Ok, look, I’m gonna have to make a separate post covering all the free Ultraman stuff there is. Theres SO MUCH OF IT available that I don’t know where to start. We’re about to hit the image limit. If that post is done, it will be linked HERE.

But for a basic idea, there’s tons of stuff on Tubi and the official Ultraman Youtube Channel posts new episodes of the currently airing show.

#Tokusatsu #Kamen Rider #Super Sentai #Beginners Guide #Feel Free To Reblog This #I'm gonna pin it and updating it over time

[deadsnothere]

Fallin' For Ya!

Synopsis - confessing to Cynthia through song?

Based off the song: Fallin for Ya! - Teen beach movie

The longer version this is based off of more

Masterlist

WARNINGS! - gay people

Request - No!

Word Count - 5k (with part two not sure who long this part is)

Speak Ali! - I spent three days on this 😍🫶🏼 there will be a part 2 and maybe 3 but most likely just a 2

Riding away from a man in a car on Cynthia’s Motorcycle, is not how I thought tonight would go-

You may be asking “How the fuck do you end up running away from a man in a car after you explored an abandoned car shop to makeout with your kind-of girlfriend." It's a long story, but since you're on this tag on tumblr..i'm assuming you have the time.

The T-Birds, and The Pink lady's, all sat at two tables in the Frosty Palace. We were just laughing and talking about the campaign until I had to go on stage. Shy Guy had his arm resting on the back of my chair. Until Cynthia moved his arm and replaced it with her own, she gave me a wink and continued talking with the boys, while the ladies were drawing little posters. She was helping but got a bit distracted by the T-birds. Now I was in her place finishing her cute little drawings- and giggling at the stupid jokes she wrote on it.

Shy Guy was looking a bit sad, probably from Cynthia flirting with me. I feel bad but at the same time, I can't help that she doesn't have feelings for my brother. I wish she had feelings for me but no matter how gay she looks I'm not sure she's is. All of her flirting has always been a joke, she had to tell the entire gang that.

My thoughts were interrupted. “Hey Alias, are you ok?” Jane looked worried. “Oh yeah of course- why?” She furrowed her brows and tilted her head, responding carefully. “You're crying?” I HAVE TO BLINK- I FORGOT ABOUT BLINKING- My hand touched the one small tear that dropped out of my eye and I blinked a few times to bring the moisture back. “No no! Oh my- I'm fine I was just zoned out.” Jane nodded and smiled, Less worried now she went back to her poster.

When I turned back to the poster in front of me Cynthia was drawing again. We were practically face to face. She grinned when she noticed I was looking at her. “What? Think I'm gonna let you out do me on my own poster-” She was teasing, so I poked her cheek.

Looking at the clock on the wall, I stood up. “Hey, where are you going?-” Cynthia grabbed my hand and placed it on the poster board. “I have to go up to sing Cyn- it's 7:30 isn't it?” She opened and closed her mouth looking a bit like a fish, before finally answering. “Oh- yeah it is, you can go ahead-” She let go of my hand and continued staring at me as I walked up the stairs of the stage.

Originally it was me and five other girls- now it's just three. I smoothed down my polka dot dress and waited patiently, while the other three got to their mics and gave me a thumbs up. “Hello Frosty Palace! It is me, your Thursday night entertainment, Alias Foreman!” I gave the crowd a second to die down on clapping, hearing the T-Birds and Pink Ladies yell my name, Cynthia's voice sticking out the most as she whistled. “Tonight, me and my girls, Maria, Kt and Lain! Will be singing a song I wrote for a very special somebody.” The crowd roared up in "oooh"s, I looked over to the group, a few of the T-birds were tapping Cynthia's shoulder in a congratulate manor, she was confused but smiled at me anyways making eye contact. Behind her Shy Guy was looking back and forth from me to Cynthia and staring with a sorrowful smile. I smiled back at him with as much sympathy as I could muster on stage. “This is “Fallin’ for ya".” The band in the back started playing the music sheets I'd given them when I arrived at the shop a few hours earlier to practice.

“The day started ordinary, boys walking by.” l turned my head from left to right slowly like I was following the “boys”. There were people dancing with partners or friends and some alone but either way they all looked to be having a good time. “Ooh Ooh” - “It was the same old story, too fresh or too shy.” I kneeled down, booping Buddy on the nose and smiling sarcastically sweet. “I’m not the kind to fall for a guy who flashes a smile.” I looked down at Buddy one more time, waving him away from the stage. “It goes on for miles.” The girls and their angelic voices sang from beside me.

“Unusually swoon, but i'm over the moon!” I dramatically laid a hand on my forehead. “Cuz he was just too cool for school!” - “and now I’m fallin’ for ya!” We had a little dance on stage, we’d snap with the left hand by our head and with the right by our hip and keep changing them along with the beat.

“Fallin for ya! I know I shouldn't but I-“ I sang it with much more passion than i’d normally put into a song. my eyes were closed and as Cynthia said “I was practically making out with the mic” but it still didn't feel just right. Something is off, but I can't tell what.“-I Just can't stop myself from falling for ya! Fallin for ya!” The girls were looking at me surprised, I haven't sung like this in so long, most of it was a song someone requested or something I felt like doing that day- and even if this doesn't feel right, it feels good.

Looking out at the crowd there were people smiling with their lovers and friends. But the only smile I cared about was the bright one Cyn had on her face right now and it only got brighter when I looked at her. “Can't hold on any longer and now I'm falling for you.”

Again dancing to the music in the background, spinning one of the girls, giggling and going back to our respective mics. “Now we're going steady, he's the cat's meow” I hated having to replace the pronouns, it sort of felt like betrayal. “Meow Meow” I tore my headband off and shook my hair a bit to stop the headache that started to grow. “He says I'm a Betty and we paint the town.” Cyn always called me Betty jokingly ‘cause someone at a coffee shop didn't hear my name and called me Betty instead. I think that made her catch on to who the song is about, because once she fully processed the line, she went bright red. “ooh ooh” The girls were watching me, well more like me and Cynthia. They weren't making it obvious but I knew they were watching us.

“I'm not the kind to fall for a guy just cause he says hi,” My eyes wandered around the crowd, mostly kids from Rydell Highschool but also parents or older customers who come to watch me sing. “when he's cruising by” Maria, Kt, And Lain were the only people I trusted enough to tell I was a lesbian. We all ended up finding out we like girls, and jokingly (and secretly) called ourselves the first gay high school singers. The only other person who knows is Shy Guy. “He's ready to race and I'm catching his gaze” I winked at Jane and Olivia and waved to them. Cyn makes a little frowny face. “They’ll go on like this for days!” They all knew I liked Cynthia, but only the girls teased me about it. Shy Guy tried his best to be supportive but I think he would’ve liked it if it were another girl I had my eye on.

“And now I'm- Falling for ya, falling for ya” All four of us sang in harmony, the more me and Cynthia stared at each other the more right it felt to sing this song. “I know I shouldn't but I-” I felt like I was confessing to her on this stage, and that's exactly how I wanted it. I wanted her to know how I felt but also have plausible deniability if it doesn't work out well. “I just can't stop myself from- Falling for ya, falling for ya!” I loved her and wanted to scream it across rooftops in New york, but “My kind of people” aren't accepted in this world. At least that's what Ma says. “Can't hold on any longer and now I'm falling for you.”

The girls have this word they made up that goes well with the song “Shoop”, they repeat it four times each lyric and I love it so much because if it were used in real life it would be so stupid. “It feels like I tumbled from another world” I placed my hands on my shoulders and dramatically shook them. “Into your arms and it's so secure!” Cyn still held eye contact with me, Practically hypnotized as I sang. “Maybe I'll stumble but I know for sure, head over heels I'm gonna be your girl.”

The music continued for a short break. We had about a minute to run down the stairs, drag some people onto the dance floor and get back up to the stage. All four of us quickly ran down the stairs, I went to Shy Guy and Cynthia pulled them both up and dragged them down. Cyn grabbed onto me as I tried to leave, twirling me around, I smiled and pulled Shy Guy into her, giving him a wink and running back to the stage. It hurt a bit, but I wanted him to at least make a move with her if I couldn't.

Once I got back onto the stage we still had a few seconds to spare, so me and Maria were twirling together on different sides of the stage, laughing and giggling at the stupidity and ecstasy we were feeling…until it went sour and my foot was a little too close to the edge of the stage, I fell off, landing in someone's arms. Jonathan, Maria’s brother.

Fuck how do I cover this- how do I cover this?? Cynthia was running over to me as fast as my brother would drop his arms away from her. he had a defeated look on his face. “And now I'm falling for ya, falling for ya I know I shouldn't but I-” I hate to say it but the entire time I was staring at Cyn while I was being held in another man's arms. She was looking over me while John was holding me bridal style, but of course she was trying to wrangle me out of his arms at the same time. “I just can't stop myself from falling for ya,” When John set me back on my feet and Cyn went back to dancing with my brother, which she didn't look too interested in, kept looking back at me. I kept my grasp around John to make it look like I was looking at him but really she was the one who I couldn't look away from. “falling for ya, Can't hold on any longer and now I'm falling for you.” As the music died out, and the crowd started cheering, I was still looking at her, punching my brother's arm in a “you're a bro!” kind of way while they danced, I hated it.

I wanted to be the one dancing with her. John pushed me away from him, smiling at me awkwardly. “Thanks for catching me-..bro?” We both started laughing at how stupid I sounded. "Platonic?" I nodded, thanking whatever god for listening to my prayer. "Platonic." We did a short little hand shake, high five and walked away from each other. I went back to the stage, Lain handed me my jacket and gave me a pat on the back. “See you at home Ali?” I nodded, and gave her a hug, the other two had quick plans they needed to make it to, so they had already left.

“Tell mom and dad Cyn is bringing me home on her bike.” She rolled her eyes and laughed at me. “You know how much they hate that motorbike.” I smiled and pinched her cheek. “But they love the girl who drives it.” She swatted my hand away. “They aren't the only ones-” I pushed her away from me. “Shut up-” Both of us finally walked away. (I gave her the bird and she stomped away.)

“Alias!” I heard a voice calling me, her voice calling me. “Cyn! How’d you like my song?” She smiled brightly, Shy Guy depressingly making his way back to his seat. “I loved it! Who was it about!?” She was wide eyed and staring at me, eager to. “Well who do you think it was about?” Cynthia looked around and pulled me down to whisper in my ear. “Was it about me?-” I pulled back, looked her in the eye and with as much confidence as I could muster, nodded a silent yes. To my surprise, she was ecstatic. Bright red and practically jumping for joy. “Do you want to ditch these losers and get out of here- I heard there's an abandoned car shop somewhere outside of town.” This time I nodded rapidly, still trying to get my thoughts together. “Yes- yes!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the table. “Hey! Alias has to be home soon so- me and her are going to get going.”

She let go of my hand. We kept looking at each other, smiling. Olivia was the first to speak up. “Did you two finally figure it out?” ..What? “What?-” Jane next. “Figure out that you like each other,” Cyn gasped, slapping Jane's shoulder. Jane looked offended, the bird brains and Olivia started laughing, and Nancy was rolling her eyes at the pinning. “I didn't tell her yet!-” Jane was smiling, hiding behind Olivia. “I'm sorry! I thought she knew because of how you were acting-”

Olivia rolled her eyes smiling at them both. “Go have fun you two- We’ll see you at school tomorrow?” Cynthia grabbed my hand dragging me off the platform. “Yeah yeah! Expect us both with a few new accessories!” She was walking backwards pointing at her neck and winking to the table, getting some whistles back from the T-Birds and a- “Hey that's still my sister!- I’ll kill you Cynthia-” -from Shy Guy. I hit Cyn in the head, Obviously flustered by her comment.

We got outside quickly, Throwing our Pink Lady jackets and our helmets on, climbing on the back of her bike. I clung to her waist and made sure my skirt wouldn't fly up. “You good back there pretty girl?” Her voice was a bit weary, like she was afraid to use the name. “I'm good, Hit the road!” I pulled the goggles to my helmet down, grabbing onto the sides of the backseat as my handles and letting the wind hit my body, just enjoying the feeling.

PT.2! Fallin' for ya

#cynthia zdunowski #cynthia #grease rise of the pink ladies #grease #rise of the pink ladies #rotpl #Cynthia Zdunowski x Reader #cynthia zdunowski x alias foreman #Cynthia Zdunowski × #Cynthia Zdunowski × Oc #self instert #Cynthia Zdunowski × Self #CRIES IN NO ROTPL LESBIAN!CYNTHIA X READER CONTENT 😭😭 #Seth writes bullshit!! #rise of the pink ladies x reader #pink ladies #t birds #jane facciano #nancy nakagawa #olivia valdovinos #grease rise of the pink ladies fics #shy guy #the chronicles of alias forman

[siarven]

QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

It's been ages since I got tagged in sth like this?? Thank you very much @zbdragons :DD (Also I want to see your dragon arts??) (also sorry I forgot this in my drafts for a hot second dklldk)

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

I don't think so? My parents chose my birth name bc they liked the sound. My chosen name chose me lmao. I want to keep the masc version of my birth name around as second name, but I think it's less bc it's related to my old name and more bc I like the sound of it, and it makes Mama happy :>

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Not sure! It was probably at a fictional story? ive managed to fix my mental health enough to no longer have regular crises :') <3

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

nope, don't ever want any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

started out with gymnastics when i was ~6 (probably bc baby me started climbing street lights bc our trees were too smol xD), then switched to tennis due to external circumstances and stuck with it until I moved for uni. Here the distances are all much bigger so going everywhere by bike was enough daily sports (30-40km/day), but then the pandemic happened. Now i have dumbbells and a yoga mat in my room and do stretches and (body)weight things most days bc all my 'things why i need to leave the house' are 25+km away. i am ok with going 20km one way but not more than that xD

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

sometimes! depends on the people. i did it sooo much around my brother when i still lived at home, but these days i think it's gotten pretty rare

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

vibes, i think? Are You Potentially Friend Shaped? :333

WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

hazel/somewhere between green and brown depending on the light

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

happy endings... i like scary things, but i dislike most horror films. they have the wrong horror vibes xD

ANY TALENTS?

i am good at learning music by ear + play flute and piccolo very well (this is prob bc Mama taught me how to learn music at a young age). It's so nice to have One Thing I am not self conscious about, esp bc it isn't tied to money or anything. These days it comes fairly effortless and I love playing and learning new pieces, and bc my orchestra appreciates me I get to play piccolo + solo parts too. I also used to be very good at singing but i am on hrt now and idk how that's gonna develop xD

I also write stuff and draw things and I do the drawing thing professionally/plan on doing so, at least (rn it's just small things on the side and wouldn't pay the bills). But neither feels like a talent bc everyone I started out with was better at it than me when we were kids. They just stopped doing it. Idk. Success through persistence and spite... both my art and writing feel extremely average (derogatory) most of the time, but I guess we will see if i manage to succeed anyway dklldkd

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

Hannover (Germany); moved away for uni

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

flute/piccolo in my orchestra; going for walks with my camera; wildlife photography; hiking; learning about nature and the names of animals and plants + trivia; writing/reading fantasy books; watercolour painting; reading and watching good stories of any genre tbh; reading/watching nonfiction things on nature/history/paleontology/humanity. Wanna learn ALL

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

no :( but my flatmate has a snake! his name is momo and i love him!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

173cm

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL?

history (bc of the teacher); english (the years my teacher was good); art (surpriseee /j)

DREAM JOB?

concept artist for stories with heavy (fantasy) worldbuilding; illustrator (I do that already as a freelancer but it would not pay the bills). Also I would love love love to be a published author but in my head the art and writing side of things are kinda deeply related, so both pls

tagging @ettawritesnstudies @corishadowfang @lady-redshield-writes @raiswanson @kittensartswriting @monika-in-wonderland @tundra-tiger @unfocused-overwriter @big-urchin-energy @antignocchiphase @mando-ah-damn if any of you want to (no pressure), and also anyone else who wants to, I don't remember anymore who is doing tag games xD

#tag game #tagging game #about me #i guess

[onlyjaeyun]

thinking about the sb!universe so here are some scenes/headcannons i have:

• one day jay’s dad shows up to the office with shiah’s dad and shiah herself. jay’s dad drops that he believes it’s time to start the marriage process. shiah slips jay the ring she’s always wanted and tells her to make the proposal big and grand, and that they’ll act like it was all a surprise for the media. yn overhears and is devastated. my poor girly :( . that meeting is like 3,000 steps backward for jay and yn.

• yn showing up to flowers on her desk from the one guy she starts seeing from another dept. jay has someone send out a notice reminder that sending gifts with intent and dating amongst coworkers, even those in other departments is not recommended. he even asks giselle to investigate it as she works in HR, and she’s like uhmmm, ok?? giselle doesn’t take it seriously and snitches to yn. she’s like “GIRL UR MAN IS JEALOUSSSSS” 🤭🤭 when jay asks for a follow up a few days later giselle is like uhmmm…no response yet from my manager haha, we’re like super busy rn.

• the other boys of the seoul 4 and nayeon finding out yn is casually dating again and throwing random options at her in front of jay who can’t show jealous he is to prove a point.

ok enough of the jealousy, some cute stuff:

• yn and jay taking a weekend vacation when they get together and just being glued to each other all weekend. yn is so cuddly, especially after sex, which is new to jay. usually he keeps his distance in bed after his 3 rounds with miyeon or she leaves right away. he’s ready to go crazy when yn leaves the bathroom and comes back to the bed after being cleaned up and she just closes the distance between them (pee after sex so you don’t get a UTI girlies). his breath hitches in his throat and he knows he can stay like this forever.

• IK IK IK it’s too early in the smau to think about sb!yn and jay getting married and having children but i had to 😭 jay’s like in a serious emergency meeting after something goes wrong and his face is just stoic and he looks like he’s gonna kill someone in a few minutes. but then his 2 little children burst through the door after yn took her eyes off them for literally 30 seconds. they were supposed to wait outside of the meeting room to surprise him but their 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son don’t care. jay’s mood instantly changes when his children are suddenly jumping into his lap and gripping his arm with their little hands. he hasn’t seen them all week because of all the time he’s been spending in the office so he lets them stay. he gives him his pen and notebook to play with as they sit on his lap. yn opens the door a crack and makes silent eye contact with jay to say sorry, but he just silently assures her it’s fine and laughs at how one of the kids started drawing on his suit sleeve. when the meeting finishes he kisses their cheeks and thanks them for being so good during the meeting.

• yn and jay taking their first trip together and deciding to go shopping. jay buys everything for her and she’s like no no i didn’t even want it that much. he’s like baby u tried it on and stared at yourself in the mirror for 15 minutes smiling before u put it back. whenever yn needs something he just puts his black card in front of her and assures her that he has more than enough money for himself and that his princess deserves to be spoiled. and then yn fights him at the boba shop, insisting she’ll pay for this one thing 😭😭

a little nsfw hc for u too heehee

• sb!jay is probably obsessed with creampies, he loves to come in yn and watch it just drip out ooooh. if yn’s on bc, he’d go crazy 😭😭 when yn’s like yk i still have the chance of getting pregnant, jay’s just like well baby we’ll be parents then, i don’t mind. we love a man who accepts that pleasurable actions have their consequences.

this one for shits and giggles:

• jay learning about yn’s family and deciding enough is enough. he hires a hitman to get them 😍😍😍

i literally love all of these so so so much and am just super grateful to know you guys enjoy this as luch as i do. i'll absolutely use a few of ghese ideas as inspo and genuinely can't wait to indulge in most of them. ESPECIALL THE CREAMPIE ONE BC THATS SO HIM 👀👀👀 and pls involving the boys and nayeon when she does start dating again will make things so much better so you bet your ass i'll use that one 🤭🤭 thank you so much baby, your brain is so sexy i hope you have the best day ever and know i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍💖🧸

#; mailbox 📬 #; strictly business

[elliespuns]

I was wondering, would you mind introducing yourself a bit? Your age, hobbies (except for blogging of coure), music taste, your favorite movies, etc? I love the content you post and i love you and I don't even know you. I wanna know my favorite blogger.. lol. Only if you're okay with it

First of all, thank you for such a lovely compliment. I love you too and I don't even see your blog, mate!

To answer you; I was answering something similar once. This anon sent me questions and I filled them in, so if you allow me to just copy and paste those so I wouldn't have to type it all again (nothing has changed since then, honestly) then I'll be happy to oblige.

How old are you? I'm 30

Tall or short? Very short, I'm only 5'1 ft, 1,56 m

Sexuality? Eh, I don't like labeling myself but if I HAD TO, it'd say bisexual/demisexual.

Describe yourself briefly I'm an introverted dork that doesn't vibe with most people. I dig music, art, and I love a lot. I either love too much or not at all. I've been vegan for over 10 years now and I love funny people. Other than that, I'm just a very poetic soul that also loves to play video games from time to time and I write. I write a lot.

Something you like about yourself? I'd say it's my knowledge in English. I've been self 'learning' it for 9 years now (never been abroad) and I was able to learn the language to the point where it became a huge part of my life. Like I literally use it more than my mother language. That's a thing I'd say I like about myself.

Favorite hobbies outside your blog? I write; creative writing, poetry. Both fulfil my mind. Then I love reading (ofc). I also draw, play video games, work with graphic programs and I love taking pictures.

Something no one would guess about you I have a very high sex drive, lmao 🫣😂 and people would never say so about me, because I literally look like I have a ribbon buckled to my vagina.

Weird quirks you have Oh, god, I can't stand hand cuts. Like you can literally show me a video of someone having their throat slit and I'll be fine, but then you show me a vid of someone having their palm sliced, or simply just someone cutting their finger and I'll go all asdfghjklsdfghjk.

One talent you wished you had Damn, I wish I could draw from imagination. I can draw but I can't seem to draw anything just by trying to see it in my head. That's so fucking frustrating. And weird. Anyone else having this problem?

A word your friends would use to describe you Idk about one word, but my best friend says I'm the funniest person she has ever met, so does that count? Lol, Idk why she says this. I'm literally a potato.

Craziest thing that's ever happened to you Omg, trauma alert… when my boss (a 70 year old male) caressed the top of my head telling me I'm pretty.

Have you ever been in love? Yes, for over 10 years now (no, it's not a fictional character, lol).

What is your biggest fear? Fuck, it's hurricanes and tornados. I actually have a phobia, it's called 'ancraophobia' and it's a fear of strong wind. (I swear I don't fear normal wind tho, I'm not that weird, actually, ok?).

Why did you start this blog? When I came here one day I realized that there were only a few blogs that were dedicated to the game stuff. So I said why the hell not? I didn't expect to have an actual fanbase here, it's crazy. Love you guys.

Your favorite food? Lentils, that's the shit.

Least favorite food? I'd say meat.

Favorite TV shows? Okay, not gonna mention TLOU cause it's obvious, but the very first show that pops into my mind every time is Breaking Bad. I love this show to bits. Then I also love TWD, OITNB, Better Call Saul, Wentworth, This Is Us, Lost, The Killing.

Favorite movie of all time? My most favorite movie of all time will forever be Ginger Snaps (2000). I've loved this movie ever since I was 11. It's been 19 years ever since and I still love it to pieces. Aaaaah!

Favorite musicians? I love a lot of music, but my most favorite is Damien Rice. I love that guy and what he does. Right behind him are Cigarettes After Sex and Mazzy Star (just pure love). Then it would be Joshua Radin, The Hope Arsenal, Yaeow, The Paper Kites, The Smiths, R.E.M., Blur, BoDeans...

Do you have any pets? My chonky boi guinea pig.

#i guess i'll have to get used to sharing 'myself' with you guys sometimes #get to know your blogger i guess #the last of us #tlou #tlou blogger #the last of us game #elliespuns answers

[ghooostbaby]

Rules: tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better!

ooh thank you for tagging me @baiwu-jinji :) :) that edge of the sea book sounds really interesting!

Last song: I put on a playlist of Grouper songs because it started raining hard and I needed something soft & dark to go with the ambience haha. apparently the song being played right now is called “She Loves Me That Way”

Currently Watching: Till the End of the Moon officially but it’s so emotionally intense I take frequent breaks with other things, today I was rewatching No Doubt In Us because it’s so sweet and easy

Currently reading: hmmm actually actually read, or books that I really absolutely definitely have decided I want to start reading Very Soon and have strategically placed it in a pile in a high traffic area of my home, or theory/philosophy books I read a few pages of every few months for the last few years, or (probably danmei) novels that I read a chunk of several months ago and will read more but I just haven’t felt like it yet? because there are dozens of those :P ... actively finishing The Drawing Book by Tania Kovats, various mxtx novel fan fictions or akiangel chainsaw man fan fictions. constantly reading he xuan fan fic ! i just finished vol 2 of the manga Blissful Land, 18th century tibet-based slice of life, (a french translation I got to practice french). I have also been reading in abrupt starts and stops It Was Vulgar and It Was Beautiful, a book about ACT UP and how they used art in their activism in the AIDS crisis.

Current obsession: does this just mean an enthusiastic interest in a topic or something that is consuming you body and soul that you can't escape as much as you would like to while your proverbial wife and children cry themselves to sleep alone at night? tv and movies and music generally is the obsession that devours me, but oddly enough i have been somehow pretty balanced and chill about things lately ... i'm not even gripped with a fervour for he xuan meta as much. i AM often thinking/fantasizing about abandoning living in a city and for a life in the mythical countryside. reading/watching a lot of things about neurodivergence, adhd, trauma, climate change, social activism movements. past obsessions that don't feel as intense i still hold close to my heart: he xuan, the ocean, neanderthals, ancient cave paintings. uhh, coffee. i started taking a ceramics class and it's been really cool, I remember when i was deeply obsessed with the lascaux cave paintings how excited i was by how the drawings seemed so dynamic by how they sat on the three-dimensional and inconsistent surface of the cave in the lumps and hollows of the rock and I couldn't think of anything in the modern world in art in galleries where that was possible and felt this intense nostalgia for 30 000 years ago, but the other day i was like adfjladsjfadlskjf CLAY IS IT! and was getting excited about making a piece like the interior of a cave and drawing on it ... maybe it's a spark of a new obsession

-

ok now is the hard part. i am talkative but SHY!! there is a very small handful of mutuals who say things to me and feels very intense to tag any of the majority of my mutuals who appear in my notes often silently reblogging/liking my posts (as i do the same). i'm going to scroll my dash and when i see an avatar i have good associations with gonna tag you... sorry in advance for perceiving you. please ignore me if you want!

@unfotp​ @muigiel​ @trainstationsparrow @redheadedsidhe @yeyayeya @pretty-dianxia @twinkfvcker @lolitalarva @sparklemotioneer

[10itemsorwes]

No one is gonna see this BUT

I wanna talk about my OCs. Just OCs, not fandom specific. My own world, my own characters, ye. And what better place to do it than Tumblr!!

Ok so. This is absolutely going to have inaccurate assumptions about Christianity (bc I haven't been Christian since I was like 12-) and also my own idea of Angels and Demons and God. Especially God.

So this is like. A really fast entire telling of my OCs Judas Rosé, Terrisian (Tarrish) and Fermisiel (Fern). Let's go!

So, let's talk about Judas.

Judas is the only human. He has undiagnosed Autism and his special interest is the bible. He grew up in a really really small town in Kansas called Amadan (not a real place-) which is a Christian-centric town. He doesn't know it, but when God first started humanity, she decided that humans were interesting and wanted to talk to people without their eyes burning out of their faces and their heads exploding, so she made a few humans with the ability to hear/talk to her without death. She planned out every human since the first one and called them high priests (so creative, I know). Unfortunately, a few thousand years later, she decided she wanted to be left alone for a while, so she took her top angels and disappeared into her own little pocket dimension where she could watch from afar and stopped talking to humans. And she forgot to undo the fact that every high priest gets assigned a guardian angel at 20-30. More on that later.

Judas studied to become a priest and applied to Amadan Baptist Church. He, of course, got the job. He had been volunteering there since he was 14 and attending since he was born, basically. Unfortunately, because he was 25 and every other priest or reverend was mid 60s to 80s, they didn't really take him seriously. They gave him the title of priest, but he was basically a glorified altar boy. He didn't mind, though. When he was about 32, he was being treated the same way. One day, while he was doing his usual job, someone he didn't recognize asked to speak with him privately. Judas walked with them to his a back hall and they revealed themself as an Angel. Fermisiel, a guardian angel.

Let's talk about Fermisiel.

(This is a bad photo but it works)

Fern has always been a little awkward. He was supposed to be a guardian angel, but he wasn't a very good one. His first assignment, he only lasted a week. Why? Well, because he killed the one he was supposed to protect. Woopsies. When he got back to heaven afterwards, the Powers (higher ranked angels who took control after God disappeared) lined up a very harsh punishment. To take out his eyes on his vessel. Not super bad, he could still see. But now he has zero depth perception and grace (basically his lifeforce. Yes I stole that from supernatural) just constantly fell down his face like he was crying. He wasn't given another assignment after that until Judas, who wasn't that important anymore but still required a guardian angel. Judas freaked the fuck out and was in heavy denial for a moment. He was fine after the first few days. But on the first day of Fern being just... in his house, he decided he hated that Fern was trying to watch him sleep, so he told him to wait on the couch or go on a walk or something. And Fern decided to go on a walk. It had been a while since he had seen the earth, after all. On his walk, though, he ran into a demon. An Incubus.

Let's talk about Terrisian.

(Ignore that I can't draw hands)

Terrisian is an incubus. He was sent to Amadan to sleep around, fill a quota, the works! When he ran into Fern, he didn't realize he was an angel at first because Fern was in a more human looking form. He tried to flirt and stuff, but Fern was like "um absolutely fucking not" and threatened his life and fully almost killed him.

Until he realized that Tarrish was just. Not scared. At all.

In fact, Tarrish was flirting with him even more. Fern, being confused, just kind of paused and questioned him. Tarrish had a conversation with him about it. They ended up talking until the morning. And Tarrish promised to find and talk to him again.

Fern made a friend.

Let's talk about sexuality.

Judas was heavily in denial that he was Bisexual. He didn't have anything against the LGBTQ, he was just. Not about that for himself.

Tarrish was pansexual. Emphasis on the sexual. He had a body count that included James Madison and George Bush. And he was very proud. Very.

Fern had never had romantic or sexual feelings. That wasn't part of his job, he didn't care.

When Tarrish met Fern, he wanted to have sex with him. He was very up front about it. That's what he wanted. After all, what demon had ever slept with an angel before? So he was willing to play the long game. Get the angel nice and comfy and slowly coax him into having sex. Easy enough! In the meantime, he had other people to fuck, too.

Why not start at the local church?

He found interest in Judas pretty quickly. So Tarrish approached him after church one day and managed to convince Judas to let him suck him off. Easy enough!

Unfortunately, Fern found out.

Fern was, of course, pissed the fuck off. So he berated Tarrish and told him to never do it again. Tarrish saw an opportunity and, in the midst of Fern's anger, talked him out of his clothes and they... did a lot more than talking.

Fern got back to Judas' house late that morning, avoiding eye contact.

And, of course, Tarrish did not stop visiting Judas at work. Or having midnight "discussions" with Fern.

And then, at some point, Fern asked Tarrish why he kept coming back to him. After the first time, he just assumed he would disappear and not care about Fern anymore.

Tarrish realized, in fact, that he felt a lot closer to Fern than others he had slept with. All those late night conversations, the sneaking around, the stupid jokes. Oh, god, they added up. Tarrish realized he kept coming back because he loved Fern. And when he said it, Fern said it back.

Tarrish stopped visiting Judas at work. Instead, he started showing up to his house. Like, out of nowhere. He'd just pop up, chatting or heavily making out with Fern. So Judas asked what the fuck that was about. They told him they loved eachother and bla bla bla. Judas didn't really mind, but he asked if they knew that love was more than just... sex. Because they were having a lot of sex.

Let's talk about romance.

Tarrish didn't, in fact, know that. Fern did, but he couldn't name any more detail than that. Judas decided to help them out. He didn't mind. He helped them introduce love language, healthy discussion, and much more into their relationship. Tarrish didn't get it much, but he liked the fun little activities. Fern thought it was nice to do something more personal than sex now.

Judas watched them grow and love each other more and more.

And he was slowly more and more aware of how single he himself was.

He watched Tarrish snuggle up to Fern and playfully insult him. He watched Fern kiss Tarrish's cheek and tell him to shut his mouth. He watched Fern bring Tarrish bird feathers as gifts. He watched Tarrish bring Fern cool pebbles.

I made that, he would think to himself. And he felt so good about it, that he was able to help their relationship progress. And he felt bad that he wasn't apart of it. He hated that he felt like it, but he did. And he felt awful. Awful, awful, awful.

Tarrish and Fern, meanwhile, had talked a bit a few months into the relationship. They talked about how nice Judas was to help them. They talked about how much they loved his advice and help.

They talked about how they loved him.

They realized that's what they were talking about.

Oh.

Interesting.

The next day, Fern asked Judas why he was so willing to help them with that. Judas said he didn't want to say. It was embarrassing, it was stupid, every excuse in the book. Fern pried it out of him. Judas said he didn't realize it at first, but he liked Fern. He made him feel safe and warm. Then when he saw Terrisian again, when he watched him become capable of connection more emotional than sex, he started liking him, too.

Let's talk about God.

God doesn't have a plan. She has entertainment. She doesn't intervene unless she wants to make it more interesting. At this point, Fern was supposed to get upset. Act like he was alright, but go and accidentally exaggerate to Tarrish that Judas was trying to break them up because he liked both of them. Tarrish was supposed to get upset at this and kill Judas for it. Fern, then, was supposed to do his job and kill Tarrish for killing Judas.

This didn't happen.

That's when God took notice and started paying closer attention.

Fern, instead, went to Tarrish and told him how it was. He said Judas was feeling bad because he liked the both of them. Tarrish thought about it and they decided together to bring Judas into the relationship. To make a polycule together. They loved eachother, all three of them. Why not just welcome Judas in, too? They did love him, after all.

Let's talk about miscommunication.

Tarrish and Fern decided to form a polycule between the three of them. Judas noticed Fern and Tarrish suddenly talking to him a lot more. Fern started leaving feathers on his bedside table. Tarrish started to offer to sleep with him again.

Fern and Tarrish didn't tell Judas they were both dating him now.

Judas was very confused at the sudden affection.

Judas let it go on for about a week, very confused but not questioning it. He assumed it was a very abstract thank you. Whatever, he could tell them to stop later.

It wasn't until Judas woke up between Fern and Tarrish snuggling him that he questioned it. He asked them later that day, very confused. They were just as confused. They asked him why they couldn't show him affection? They showed each other affection. That's how you treat someone you love.

Judas was very confused.

"Let's talk about this." Judas offered, leading them both to his living room. They all sat together, just a moment of silence.

"Why are you both being so... different? You're acting as if you're both suddenly dating me, too."

"Well, we are dating." Tarrish piped up, grinning at him. Fern nodded in agreement.

"What? Since when?" Judas asked, straightening up a bit.

"Last monday. About 11:48 pm." Fern responded calmly, tilting his head. "Why are you confused?"

"Wha- you didn't tell me! Also, who says I would agree to be in a relationship with both of you?!" Judas asks, looking between them. Tarrish's tail flicked impatiently.

"Why wouldn't you? You love both of us, don't you? That's what you told Fern." Tarrish points out. Judas turns red and averts his eyss.

"Well, I didn't know he would tell you." Judas murmurs, squirming uncomfortably in his seat.

"Judas, I'm sorry we didn't tell you. We forgot to. If you really aren't comfortable with it, we completely understand." Fern states, leaning forward slightly. Judas shakes his head.

"I don't know how that would work. What, we change who's in the relationship every week? Besides, I don't know how my church would react to that..."

"What? That makes no sense. Haven't you heard of polyamory? We don't need to switch out. And you don't have to tell people," Tarrish grins, crossing his legs, "if Fern told heaven? He would be cast out forever or be killed. If I told hell? I'd get my ass kicked for having emotional attachments. We can keep a secret if you want us to."

There was a silence after that.

After a bit more discussion, they came to an agreement and an understanding. They started slow again, but they made it official. This was their relationship. They were going to make it work, all three of them.

They were going to make it work.

...

God wasn't very happy about that, though.

(To be continued!! Yayy!!!)

#my ocs #oc lore #miscommunication #gay #polyamory #woo I love polyamorous representation!! :D #Judas Rosé #Terrisian #Fermisiel #angels and demons and priests oh my #yes I did write this all in one sitting on a school night until 11pm. #no I don't regret it. #This is probably sacrilegious. #is this sacreligious #oh well god is now my OC #/hj but also not

[technofinch]

hiiiiii could i see multiples of 3 for mulligan? that guy is Intriguing 2 me :)

ok there are a Lot of questions here so i'm gonna do my best to keep them short & sweet!

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory?

his childhood kinda sucked! grew up quite poor on a shitty planet, his mom always wanted more kids but never got them, his dad was kind of a hardass and worked in a mine like 17 hours a day. he started drinking in his early teens to cope with... all that, so he doesn't have a ton of memories either way lmao.

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

he did surprisingly well in school, especially in the more technical classes/math/history. not well enough to get actual scholarships or anything, so he ended up enlisting in the marines to get a higher education, which is where he learned that the marines Fucking Suck!

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals?

im gonna be real with you homeboy has seen like 2 animals in his life and one of them is a dog that is his mortal enemy (Mr Cuddles) and one is a mostly-cat that he rarely sees so. i'd say he's Pretty Bad With Animals

12. What is their favorite food?

will never admit it but it's children's breakfast cereals. the ones that are like 90% sugar

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

he's good at a very specific type of cooking, which is to say, making meals out of the kind of ingredients you have for a long-term deep space voyage. he loves it, but wouldn't know what to do with an Actual Kitchen and exotic things like Fresh Vegetables. the others aren't particularly impressed by it, but they indulge him - it's an important ritual for him and it makes him feel useful :3

18. What’s their favorite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

hmmm... mulligan doesn't experience a lot of Media, when he does it's usually just catching up on sports to have something to talk about with the other Guys™ at the loading docks. iirc he has canonically played team fortress 2 tho

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

he very much has a temper, i would never describe him as "patient" but his anger can be overridden by fear, especially in confrontations with his superiors. he mostly just yells at people and gets it out of his system, if it's something big he'll carry a grudge and continue to make snippy comments until someone calls him on it

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

his sleeping pattern is "not unless absolutely necessary," excluding cryosleep he gets about half the sleep a regular human needs :/ preferred sleeping situation is a hammock, but he's most familiar with thin awful mattresses

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

mulligan is way more likely to be angry/resigned/scared than Sad, and i don't think he's cried in a long time. in that situation he would probably flee and hole up like a wounded animal waiting to die until he could successfully bottle the emotion back up

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

he pretty much has to be forced to keep up with his mandatory exercises, luckily the ship's doctor is (was :( ) very good at her job and kept him on track despite his bitching. he does get notably happier post-workout, but if you point this out to him he'll say it's bc it's over lmao

question 33 intentionally omitted <3

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

he's good at drawing, especially still lifes, but he doesn't do it much or think of it as a hobby. he also plays harmonica, which he is bad at, and does consider a hobby. he can sing, but the only songs he really knows are ones he learned from his mother, so he doesn't

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging?

call the man. he wants to hear your voice. hand-written letters are basically non-existent in the setting, but he rarely checks his email/texts. just call him. leave a voicemail if you must.

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

number one goal is to Survive Another Day, subgoal Don't Kill Anyone. he's not a very ambitious person, like, at all. he would however sacrifice anything to keep his crew safe. he feels a Lot of responsibility towards them, even though he knows most of them are more competent than he is lmao. his secret ambition is to overthrow capitalism and start a commune, however, he also thinks this is stupid.

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves?

in my mind, other people see mulligan as kind of an uncomfortably intelligent dog. just smart enough to get into trouble but will pretty much do what you ask him to do. deficiency of critical thinking and ambition. multiple npcs offered to help him fake his death and quit his job and he did not understand Why they all wanted him to do that.

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organize the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

in the academy he enjoyed parties for the booze, mostly showing up to one he wasn't invited to, but after he stopped drinking he pretty much stopped going to parties, and after graduating he really stopped being in groups of more than, like, 10 people who all live together anyway. he does occasionally organize the mandatory crew bonding nights, where he gets everyone together to play dumb party games like never-have-i-ever and watch their vhs cops of home alone 2: lost in new york

#whoo! thank you for the questions! hopefully this sheds some light on my mysterious man 😅 #mulligan

[canirove]

Red & Blue | Chapter 22

Author's note: I just want to say... I'm sorry. You'll understand why when you finish this chapter 😅

And if it isn't asking too much, from now on when you send me an ask discussing the chapter, could you write "Red & Blue spolier" at the begining of the message? That way people who haven't ready it yet and who follow me, will scroll past that it and not read anything that may spoil it for them ☺️

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"Sorry for ruining our last game together" Leah says, resting her head on my shoulder. We are on the bus on our way back home, the worst season we've had since I'm on the first team finally over.

"You didn't ruin anything. And it wasn't our last game together."

"If I had scored that goal, we would have won and you would be leaving with a last win, not with a draw. Because you are leaving. And I get it. The World Cup is around the corner, and we are getting old. You need to make the most of it."

"We are not old, Leah."

"In football years, we are. We’ll be 30 and 29 next year! That's the beginning of the end."

"You are so dramatic" I laugh.

"Promise you won't forget about me."

"I won't forget about you, Leah. It doesn't matter if I'm here in England, in Germany or in Spain. You are my best friend, and that will never change."

"I love you" she says, hugging me.

"I love you too, Leah" I say, hugging her back.

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"What if I stay? Maybe next year will be our year? We must see the light at one point" I say, pacing around our room.

"It's impossible to know that. And the deal is almost closed" Mason says, laying on the bed.

"But I can still say no. It won't look very professional, but it's possible. And what about us, uh? Can we survive a long distance relationship?"

"We can, we've already talked about it."

"I know, I know. It'll be like when we have away games, but a bit longer. And we will see each other during international break, and there always is the possibility of catching a plane for a quick trip during a free day."

"Exactly."

"But what about the fans? They will hate me for leaving, I've been at Arsenal since I was a kid!"

"They'll be disappointed at first, but those who can use their brains will understand your decision."

"But..."

"But nothing" Mason says, getting up from the bed. "We are gonna go to that meeting with Rob and the others, discuss the final touches, and close the deal."

"Why are you so calm?"

"Because one of us has to if we want this to work out."

"Because this will work out" I say, taking a deep breath.

"It will. Trust me" Mason says, kissing my forehead.

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"Everything is ready."

"Thank you" I say.

"You'll be ok. And if you cry, you cry" Mason says next to me. "You've been here for almost 20 years."

I just nod, my throat already starting to hurt as tears threaten to come out.

When I leave the room where Mason and I were waiting, I'm almost blinded by the cameras' flashes. As I sit down, my manager next to me, I can see Leah and my teammates front row, my family and Aaron next to them.

"Thank you very much for coming" I say, my voice sounding very weird in my ears. "Some people may not believe this, but today it's the worst day of my football career so far. I've gone through many tough moments, really hard defeats... But nothing compares to having to say good bye to the club that's been my home since I was 10. The club where I got to meet my best friend and one of the most important people in my life. The club that has taught me everything I know about football, and the one that has helped me become the person I am today. These past years have been the best years of my life as a football player, and it's all thanks to this club. Thanks to this team" I say, nodding towards my teammates. "And thanks to the fans. I know you'll be disappointed with me right now. Angry. And I understand it. But I hope that one day, you will understand why I'm making this decision. That one day, you'll think of me and remember all the good moments we've shared together. Even the hard ones. Because we fought through them together. I won't be part of the team this season, but I know these girls over here and the people who work every day with them, and I know that, with your help, the fans help... Arsenal will be back where it deserves to be. Even if I'm now going to wear a different shirt, different colors... I will still support Arsenal. I'll be another fan, cheering for my girls and giving them the strength they may need, just as you all will be doing from the stadium and your homes" I say while crying and trying to control my sobs. "I know I'm probably forgetting half of the things I wanted to say, but... But know that this isn't a goodbye. It's a see you soon. Come on you gunners!"

With that, I let myself properly cry, my manager giving me a hug. A hug that ends up being a team hug, the girls moving to where I am, Leah the first. My girls.

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"It's gonna be so weird."

"What is?"

"Seeing you, Dec and everyone else with the national team while I stay at home, bored to death."

"These end of the season games are the worst, you are the lucky one. And now you'll have plenty of time to play videogames without anyone complaining about it" I say.

"I'm gonna miss that, you'll see. And the bed will feel so weird without you..."

"We weren't going to sleep together at St. George’s either."

"I know. But at least I knew that you were just a few rooms away, not kilometres."

"You'll survive, Mason. And it'll be a way to get used to what's going to happen next season."

"Yeah..."

"We'll be fine. You said it yourself, remember?" I say, sitting on the bed next to him.

"We will, yes" he says with a sad smile.

"I can always hide you on my suitcase, tho. It may not be the best for your injury, but if we put you in the right position..."

"I'm not that small" he says, finally giving me a smile.

"Well..." I say, teasing him.

"It's not fair to compare me to guys like Tyrone or... Eric."

"Not again, Mason. I thought we had closed that chapter."

"We have" he says. "But he's back with the national team. You are gonna see him."

"And? I'm not gonna sneak into his room at night or anything like that. I'm with you, Mason. You are my boyfriend, my fake husband, and the man I love. You" I say, hitting him on the chest with my finger.

"Ouch" he says. "That hurt."

"Good. Now you know how serious I am. So," I say, getting up "do you want to check if you can fit on my suitcase?"

"You are crazy" he chuckles.

"Crazy for you, yes."

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"When you said I'll see you later, I thought you meant for lunch, not for dinner."

"I'm sorry" Mason says. "I lost track of time."

"With Nathan?"

"Yes."

"Doing what?"

"Since when do I have to tell you everything I do?"

"Since you started to act weird, for example?"

"I'm not acting weird."

"Yes, you are. You barely texted me or called me after the first international game, and it feels like you've been avoiding me since I got back."

"I just... Urgh" he says, letting himself fall on the sofa, hiding his face behind his hands.

"Mason, what is going on? You are worrying me" I say, moving to be next to him.

"I think I need some time."

"Some time?"

"Yes. Alone. To think. I... I don't like the things I've been feeling and thinking while you were away. I need some time alone to think about them and try to understand them."

"Mason... Are you... Are you breaking up with me?" I say, my throat already hurting as I try not to cry.

"No, no" he says, sitting up and holding my hands. "I'm not breaking up with you. I love you. But because I do, I need to fix all these insecurities and the jealousy I've been feeling."

"Because of Eric."

"Yes."

"Even if you know I want nothing with him. That I love you. You."

"Yes. I know. But I just… I don’t want to fight again because of it. I don’t want to risk ruining this, us, because another argument. So before it gets out of hand, I want to take some time and try to fix it. To work on myself."

"Ok… So what are we gonna do now?" I ask, not being able to stop myself from crying.

"For now, we’ll do as we had planned" he says, gently wiping away my tears. "I go on holidays for a few days with the boys, and you with your friends. But I'm gonna need you to give me some space, so don't text me or call me."

"I'll try... But what about our holidays? What if you still haven't figured out all this?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens" he shrugs.

"Ok" I say between sobs. "But promise you won't do anything stupid. Like getting drunk or cutting your hair."

"I promise" he smiles, making me cry even harder.

Things have to work out. He has to figure out everything he's going through. Because I don't think my heart can survive breaking up with him. Not when I'm about to move to another country, alone, and risking the future of my career.

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#mason mount #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine #mason mount fanfic #football imagine #football fanfic

[lynaferns]

Ok, I didn't want to put it in the tags of the last reblog because I felt it would ruin the the good vibes on the notes (everyone having good therapists who suports the idea of fanfiction) but it bringed bad memories and now I can't stop thinking about it and need to rant it to someone and I'm already loged in so.

TW: gore mention, sex mention (<-just in case, nothing happened to me, this is related to some drawings)

Correct me if the TWs are wrong

My therapist would constantly search for sexual meanings in my drawings.

What makes it worst it's the fact that most of my OCs back then were childs, like kids around the age of 10 and I was also trying to draw gore stuff because a friend in school told me to give it a try (I didn't like drawing guts so it would be just cuts in the skin, blood and bones, empty bodies) so my reaction when my then therapist described my drawings as two kids having sexual relationships I was like '???????', that with the first time showing her the "gore" drawing.

The fourth time she did the same with a drawing that had nothing to do with gore or sex I stopped showing her my sketchbook, this made her think that I stopped drawing and in every sesion she was like 'but never stop drawing because you are very talented and it's great having a way to expres yourself...' and me explaining her that I never stopped it's just that 'the bag with the sketchbooks was to heavy and carrying it all the way to not have enough time at the end of the sesion to show her was tiresome' (funny because I know I was her last patient of the day, but I guess she wanted to go home early, my sesions started as 45 mins long once a month, sudenly they where 30 mins long btw)

She never shut up about not stoping drawing untile I bringhed back the sketchbook and she finally took the hint. It went like this

Her: this is for me to shut up, right?

Me: yes.

And I'm gonna stop here.

Sorry for the rant.

Sorry for any misspelling.

#there is more but I don't want to rant that much so if the topic comes up again I may talk about it #idk how to tag this #tw gore mention #tw sex mention #therapy story #? #my experience with therapy #lyna rambles

[skxllbxnny]

If you have any ocs and you’re comfortable sharing I’d like to hear about them! No pressure!

[tumblr] stop trying to eat my inbox challenge impossible

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS IN MY HEAD U DONT EVEN GET IT ok maybe u do because i, unfortunately, havent been fixated on my ocs but instead fully on BATIM so oops

anyways ramble under the cut

OK OK SO FIRST OF ALL I LOVE YOU SECOND I HAVE A WORLD IN MY HEAD THAT I STARTED TO LIKE WRITE ABOUT IN MY SKETCHBOOK LMAO

ok so sanaa, a fennsang- a hybrid between a banded linsang(sort of like a weasel, theyre really cool) and a fennec fox- is like the protag of this world. she was my brainrot for a year but uh i kind of maybe lost that spark

(i cant find any art of her but itd be like really old<///3)

i also had cody, an african wild dog!

i do not like my old art style but i love my little trans man ghjdbfjejfbr . anyways i also designed Maou/Mawu, an african moon goddess, and tried my best to do research on animals associated with her, as well as the blood moon festival. ofc, i was young and probably missed so many details, so please forgive my ignorance as i know i cant do it justice

i wrote, " in central africa, at the festival of the blood moon. Taking place every 30 years it is celebrated to welcome the Moon goddess, Mawu(Maou), from her 30-year slumber. It lasts the whole night, from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. food and drinks are sold at stalls for a certain amount of bugs. Some bugs are more valuable than others." the bug part is my universe thing, obviously, theyre like a type of currency for most critters- another type is kelp or mushrooms, sort of like trading- but ofc its not exactly like real-life currency. another passage on a different page is " the moon parade, also called Mawoo, is a parade/festival celebrated all throughout Central africa, mainly in nigeria, where the canines gathered together to howl to awaken her(Mawu)" obv i put like worldbuilding there but i sort of feel like it isnt,, idk. i dont think i should have based it that closely on a real-life thing idk idk heres an old drawing

i was so proud at the time but i wanna redraw these goobers fjejbfje. actually brb gonna do tht

hi im back like an hour later with sketches tweehee

much better i think :)

anywayswhere was i,,,, uh. ok anyways moving on ig? sanaa's parents met at this festival and they were like yea we vibe together. jakob(linsang dad) and feechi(fennec mom) ((can u tell im not good at names fjejfn)) and they settled down in south africa to have a kid and raise it properly kind of thing. sanaa grows up alright, the kind of kid that like,,, wanders around her neighborhood, picking up sticks and rocks, throwing them at the ground from the top of a tree she climbed because you stopped looking at her for 2 seconds

so lne day she meets cody, because she accidentally threw a stick at him she wasnt looking. so they were like. yeah we r friends now :)

they grow up together, get an apartment and are ROOMIE BUDDIES when they turn like 20 cos its fun. insert angst insert angst and suddenly the town is in hysteria and THATS WHERE I STOPPED WRITING NOOOO :(

#cw bug mention #not batim #slight angst cw #wallys warbles

[sneakyspades]

ok yknow what im just gonna straight up vent about work rn bc i ran out of tags on the other post

its become such a fucking shitshow down there jesus christ i cannot fucking stand it anymore. communication doesnt exist, i dont even remember the last time back of house had a fucking meeting. the owner pushed for us to stay open during a blizzard where it was a wind chill of -40. i mean holy fuck, the city said dont travel unless its an emergency

i had issues on sunday that i wasnt sure about, but our chef was out of town doing a show with his band, and our sous chef was sitting at the bar in the restaurant a good 5 or 6 beers deep by the time i ran into this problem. i asked the other supervisor (who agrees with me that this is a shitshow) and he wasnt sure either so we straight up guessed

i only make 15 an hour despite having been there for a whole fucking year, because i only get supervisor pay when im clocked in as supervisor. which is a measly 8 of my 40 hours. but god forbid i dont act like a supervisor for all 40 hours

insurance is unsustainably expensive there. my coworker who makes 13.50 an hour takes home *more than i do per paycheck* at this point. and he works 32 hours! i havent taken home more than 750 a pay check since getting insurance! i used to be grossing 1000! IM LITERALLY PAYING 175 DOLLARS EVERY PAY CHECK! AND THATS ABOUT TO GO UP TO ALMOST 180 WHEN I TURN 27! im not making any fucking money! im not getting any savings!

not to mention they fucked up my insurance not that long ago! i was told at the doctors office and the pharmacy that i had zero coverage! but they were still taking money from my fucking paycheck for it! like holy fuck i shouldve talked to goddamn lawyer about that instead of giving them the benefit of the doubt!

i was 110% fine with making 15 an hour and doing nothing but pizzas. because the trade off was that i could cut out early, i could trade shifts, if i got sick it wasnt fucking everyone else over. but now i cant do any of that. i have to close on saturdays, dont get home and in bed until 1:30 some nights, and then have to get up and go do a 10 hour shift every sunday. every weekend! every fucking weekend! and im the only one that does that anymore! im not the only one doing a double on sunday, but im the only one who has to close the night before. and because im just exhausted by the end of a sunday, my mondays are practically wasted because im catching up on sleep!

i like. cant fucking do this anymore. i cant think of any reason why im still there. i could go worl at fucking sams club in the bakery, start at the same wage (if not more), have *less* responsibilities, be doing something i want to do, and they close at 8 every day. i dont think theyre even open on sundays!

why am i still working there? its not sustainable for me anymore. my body is fucked. its falling apart ahead of schedule. i cant even open my door in the morning because of carpal tunnel. im 26 and when i crouch down i cant always get back up. the other night my ankle just started popping every time i turned around. what am i doing? what am i doing. i dont know.

i dont even have energy left over to draw. or make stained glass. or even do a discord call. the last time i had an actual date with my partner was, what, like 4 fucking months ago? i dont have any energy left over. im using it all for a place that i dont enjoy working at anymore, and i know i wont get better hours. our sous chef has been here since the place opened and he only has night shifts. the only day he doesnt is sunday. which is 8am to 3pm.

our new hire has sunday-monday off. why cant i have that? i want a weekend day off. its not gonna happen in this industry. its not gonna happen in this kitchen. i cant do this for the next however many years,

[suburbanweeb]

Therapy Confessions

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40427490#main

Marcy's visit was probably one of the best weeks of the past 10 years. Anne showed her and Sasha sound her new job (and may or may not have made them both cry a little at showing them her amphibians named after some old friends). They went out to lunch every day; Sasha told them about some interesting new client she was getting from the same town in Connecticut where Marcy now lived of all places; Marcy showed them some unreleased chapters of her webcomic; all felt right with the world.

And then Marcy had to leave.

Anne wasn’t too worried about seeing her off this time. Nothing could compare to the first time anyway. So, she, Marcy, and Sasha went their separate ways again; however, something just didn’t feel right. Anne couldn’t exactly tell what it was, but whatever it was caused her to sigh every time she looked at her newt Yunan or her toad Grime. But, being the ever optimist, she just assumed seeing her old friends and being reminded of her old life shook her up a bit.

She pushed down the unease in her stomach and decided not to worry about it too much.

~~~

Sasha was trying. Frog, was she trying. This paperwork in front of her had been starring her down for almost 30 minutes and yet was still just as blank as it ever had been. Sasha just didn’t care enough to process the words in front of her. How could she? Marcy had gone back to her house and Anne back to her life about a week ago now, so how come their smiles played in her mind every time she blinked? Why couldn’t she just think for two minutes without wondering how Anne would feel about coffee after work? Or if Marcy was open to Facetiming sometime later tonight? And why couldn’t she just do this damn paperwork?

“Hey,” her coworker opened her door slowly, “You doing ok? I’ve passed by a few times now and you haven’t moved in like 20 minutes or something.”

“I’m fine, Matt,” Sasha closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, “just, a little confused I guess.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Short of this paperwork for me? Not really,” Sasha laughed, “but.. Thanks. I think I’m just gonna head out early today.”

“Ok,” her coworker started to close the door, “you have my number if you need anything! I hope you feel better!” With that, Matt left.

Sasha put her head in her arms and laid on her desk for a moment before stretching, grabbing her things, and heading home.

~~~

Marcy was not ok.

She had read enough fanfiction in her life to know what was happening, but unlike fanfiction, Marcy wasn’t the nerdy but lovable girl next door. No. That would be too easy. No, Marcy was the nerdy but lovable girl on the other side of the country. Because life never gave Marcy Wu a break. From literally being possessed by a supercomputer to having a gay crisis in the middle of an aquarium last week, life just loved giving Marcy that sweet, sweet character development.

All she wanted to do was do some storyboarding for a new chapter, but no. No, she had to spend the next 5 hours hyperfixating on drawing her, Anne, and Sasha in their old Calamity Trio superpower outfits from memory. Because of course she did.

By the time she was done, the sun was way below the horizon and her stomach was growling. She begrudgingly left her desk to go make Ramen, left with only the thoughts of red and blue space girls.

~~~

Anne was going insane.

“No, mom, I’m telling you, I can’t stop thinking about them. I think I’m going crazy,” Anne was on the phone with her mother while on her way home from work 2 weeks after Marcy had left again.

“Well, sweetie,” her mother said, “have you reached out to either of them to, I don’t know, ask how they are?”

“What? No!” Anne gasped, “That would be weird! I haven’t talked to them in years… not really.” Anne looked sadly at her hands gripped tightly on her wheel.

“Anne, they planned a whole surprise party for you and found where you worked just to go see you. Marcy flew from the other side of the country for you, and Sasha was the one who organized that whole week for you guys, work schedules and all. I don’t think it’s an over-exaggeration to say that they still care about you,” Mrs. Boonchuay finished.

“I guess then…” Anne trailed off and suddenly felt terrible, “I guess then I haven’t been as good of a friend as I thought.”

It was silent for a minute before, “Anne, you had some growing to do, and so did they. I don’t think they hold anything against you for focusing on yourself for a while.” Her mother laughed a little, “I can hear you overthinking from over here.”

Anne chuckled, “Well- you’re right. You always are. I’ll think about it, I guess.”

“Or,” Mrs. Boonchuay offered, “you could go see a certain therapist to go work out your feelings.”

And that’s how Anne ended up outside an office building, a small paper with an address written on it held tightly in her sweaty hands.

~~~

“Hey, uh, Sasha,” Matt knocked nervously on Sasha’s opened door.

“What’s up, Matt?” Sasha looked up from her computer.

“There’s a nurse -or something- here to see you? She looks a little old to be a client of yours and a little too young to be a parent,” Matt finished, his voice filled with uncertainty.

Sasha’s heartbeat sped up. No, no, I can’t get my hopes up Sasha thought.

“Alright,” said standing up, “where is she?”

“I’ll just go get her!” And he sped out of the room.

Sasha sat down and tried not to think too hard about that interaction and more about who would just show up at her office without warning. A beat of silence passes before-

“Hey, Sash,” Anne said nervously, “How’s work?”

~~~

Marcy was losing it. She couldn’t even focus on anime without her heart deciding to plant another never-gonna-happen scenario into her brain.

This was the last straw.

She was gonna call Sasha.

It’s not that weird, she reasoned with herself, she planned that whole ‘Anne Birthday’ thing with me. This is just a friendly call to see how she’s doing and maybe see if Anne is doing well after that. That’s it. Marcy was trying to calm her racing heart as she pressed the FaceTime call button on a contact labeled Commander Sasha .

~~~

“Anne?! What are you doing here?”

Anne walked into her office slowly, her face a little red, “I just… thought this would be better than just some random text.”

“So you showed up at my place of work unannounced?” Sasha deadpanned.

“I just- I... I felt- I couldn’t just-” Anne sputtered.

“Hey, hey,” Sasha’s voice was gentle, a smile played on her lips, “Take a seat, let’s talk this out, but next time, I’m making you pay for your session. You don’t get special treatment because you saved a planet one time. Student loans are a bitch.”

Anne laughed. Like a lot. Probably more than she should have. She was just relieved. This was Sasha , there was never anything to be worried about.

“Ok, ok,” Anne responded, “I’ll just text you next time, but I guess I just thought that it would feel a little insincere.”

“And why is that?” Sasha was clearly in her element.

“I think I just…” Anne trailed off, not sure if she wanted to continue.

“This is a safe space, Anne,” Sasha said, “No judgment.”

Anne took a deep breath before rambling off, “I think I have a crush on you and Marcy but I feel bad because you two have been such good friends even after all this time apart and I never really bothered to reach out and then that whole thing with my birthday happened the other week and now I can’t stop thinking about it and we haven’t really talked a lot since middle school but wow did my gay panic only get worse and I don’t know how to deal with any of this so I came here because sending a text felt too cheap and like if I did that then I wasn’t actually trying and-”

“Woah, woah,” Sasha’s heart was definitely going at an unhealthy rate. She tried her best to stay as calm as she could. “Can you repeat that for me, but slower?” Sasha’s voice was smooth and gentle and Anne was not ok. The lesbian gods were being merciless.

“I just… really miss you and Marcy. And I don’t think I realized how much that was until Marcy left again and you just… went back to your life and I went back to mine,” Anne was looking down at her hands twisting in her lap.

Sasha reached out to touch Anne’s shoulder before-

{iPhone Piano Riff Ringtone}

“Hold on, sorry.” Sasha grabbed her phone out of her pocket, reading the contact Master Marcy .

Sasha’s face went beat red, she smirked, “You said you missed Marcy too, right?”

~~~

Sasha picked up after the first few rings, and to Marcy’s surprise, with Anne in her office. She felt like she just interrupted something.

“Uh- hey, Sash, Anna-banana,” she could feel her cheeks redden, “If this is a bad time, I can text you-”

“No, no,” Anne said quickly, leaning in towards the phone, “your timing couldn’t be better actually.” Anne had a soft smile on her face, she was on the big fluffy chair sasha had in her office. “I just-” she stopped, took a deep breath, and said, “I have something I need to tell you both.”

“Me too,” Sasha and Marcy said simultaneously.

They all looked at each other and laughed, their faces flushed.

“Okay, okay,” Sasha said, “Why doesn’t Anne go first?”

Anne sat up and leaned away from Sasha and Marcy for a second and closed her eyes, Change is scary, but it’s a part of life , Anne thought. She took another deep breath and opened her eyes, leaning towards Sasha and Marcy on her phone.

“Ok, I know I haven’t exactly been the most consistent friend in your guys’ lives, especially after middle school. But, last week, I guess it just made me realize how much I missed having you both in my life and-” Anne tried to slow her heart. She clutched the cushions underneath her and looked at her friends' faces, “I think I really like you guys. Like, a more-than-best-friends like.”

The room went silent. Anne began to feel herself shrinking into her seat.

Sasha giggled, tears starting to make their way down her face, “Is that what this was about, Boonchuay?”

“Yes? I don’t think this was exactly my plan, but… yeah,” Anne laughed with her, “Is that how you’re gonna say yes to asking me out?”

“I guess so,” Sasha was smiling so lovingly at Anne before she turned to her phone to see Marcy very clearly screaming while on mute.

“M- Marcy?” Sasha sputtered.

“AAAAH! Sorry, sorry. I just got really excited,” Marcy was out of breath, “And before you ask, yes, that is how I am saying yes to dating both of you.”

They fell into a conversation about cute date ideas shortly after that. Sasha suggested a streaming movie date, Anne suggested a video chat dinner, but Marcy was already a few steps ahead of them.

“I can just move back to LA!” she beamed.

“You- what?” Anne asked.

“Yeah,” Marcy responded back cheerily, “I mean, I’m 23, so it’s not like I need to live with my parents anymore. Plus, there’s a ton of jobs I can go into for art over there, and in-person networking is way easier than online.” Marcy looked proud of herself, but Anne and Sasha held looks of concern.

“Marcy, as much as we would love that,” Anne started, “I think it’s just a little more expensive here than it is in Connecticut.”

“Yeah, Mar-Mar,” Sasha added, “plus, do you really wanna fall into the U-Haul Lesbian trope that easily?”

“Well actually Sasha, that’s not what that means, but also,” Marcy continued, “I was planning on moving over there soon anyway, I’ve been saving up and applying to jobs over there. Connecticut was never my home, not really,” Marcy started playing with her fingers, “Anywhere without you two is kind of hard to call home.”

It was Anne’s turn to start crying. She got up and hugged Sasha and her phone. “Marcy!” she cried, “When you get here,” she sniffled, “I’m gonna give you so many hugs, you’re gonna pass out!”

“And maybe a little more than hugs,” Sasha said, kissing the top of Anne’s head.

Marcy grinned widely, “I’ll look forward to it, girlfriends!”

#amphiba #amphibia fanfic #sashannarcy #calamity trio #sashannarcy fanfic #also on ao3 #fanfiction #fanfic

[coffee-ouji]

Ok so i can't hold him back anymore. A few weeks ago i tried drawing digitally for the first time in MONTHS and started scribbling random shit in a blank square (just in case i wanted to post it) at 2 AM until i got this

THIS BEAUTY

and i'm so proud of myself for pulling that off at 2 AM when i should've been asleep and without references

the hair spikes goofed up a little , they make himm look like a Pinsir but uhhh he's cute! (i added the sparkles afterwards because i was so proud)

he's so cute, he's so nice and clean, he looks just like in the official arts; HE'S GREAT

Then, the next day, i go back to it, gonna draw in the puter again, see if I can get another success like last night's! and....

idk what have i done to you Klav- I'm- My most sincere condolences

(↑ that was made at 14:30 right after having lunch and looking at Klavier pics for part of the day- idk what happened)

#ace attorney #art #my art #aa #apollo justice #klavier gavin #fanart #ace attorney fanart #i'm really sorry