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danny-chase · 3 years

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The Batfam as Tech Majors

AU where Alfred got tired of watching Bruce slap duct tape on the Batmobile and call it good, so he forced the children into college. He makes each of them complete an internship with Lucius in R and D so they have better knowledge of how the devices that their lives depend on work. Majors/minors/tropes under cut.

Dick:

Mechanical Engineering Major

He was in undeclared engineering for as long as possible

He settled on mechanical because it seemed the most broad

Plus he joined a car club, loved it, and there were a ton of MechE’s there

He ends up taking credit overloads most semesters because he always finds 1-3 random classes that he wants to take

Despite taking everything from advanced computer science classes (he somehow convinces even the most intense professors to let him into their classes) to hyper specific phycology classes, he doesn’t have any minors to show for it

He just gets bored with the subject after a couple classes

This gives him a bunch of random knowledge

When he talks to his younger siblings about classes, somehow he’s always managed to take at least one that they’re in, and offers advice.

He has the best RA stories. He most certainly did not need to be an RA. But the school was hurting for them and he thought it would be fun.

His residents loved him, but that didn’t stop them from playing beer pong in the common spaces at 3am.

He founds a circus arts club after his residents pull up information about his past and get overly excited about it

Specifically, he finds out they know about his past, because one of them decided it was a good idea to try and juggle knives, and because he’d prefer there not to be any additional bloodstains on the carpet he decides to start the club

He nearly graduated late because he forgot he needed to take specific classes for his major

Barbara:

Computer Science/Math duel Major

She’s a TA for Comp Sci 1, all the students fight to get her help because she’s amazing at spotting bugs and is super patient

Somehow she’s the president of 3 clubs and is on student senate

She’s the curve breaker

She gets homework assignments meant to take a week done the day they’re assigned

She and Dick went to a single party together, stayed for five minutes, decided it was too loud, and went to get ice cream

Along with her club, she’s in professional organizations, and is part of a women in STEM mentoring program

She started a petition to get more wheel chair ramps installed. Half the buildings are protected under some “historical grounds” bs that’s an excuse for not being accommodating

The petition didn’t go anywhere at first, but it was widely shared on social media and made the school look horrible, so they implemented some of her proposals

Jason:

Philosophy/Cognitive Science duel Major

He gets asked “There’s a philosophy major?” every time he has to do one of those stupid what’s your name and major icebreakers

Jason lives in the library

He’s fallen asleep in there at 3am after it gets locked up

He quotes philosophers at his siblings when they’re being annoying, and it effectively shuts them up, because he only quotes the most nonsensical arguments

He gets involved with the college’s community outreach program

He volunteers for a local robotics team

When people find out his majors, they’re genuinely confused, because he understands robotics really well

He lies his ass off about being really interested in it as a child

Dick convinced him to be an RA for a semester, and he almost had a heart attack

Someone choked in front of him on the first day

Despite seeming like a tough RA, he genuinely cared about his residents and had to quit because he was so stressed out that one of them would do something stupid and die

Cass:

Innovation/Design Major

She’s really observant, so she’s great at spotting flaws in infrastructure and coming up with ways to fix them

Spending time with Barbara made her realize the lack of systems designed with wheelchair users in mind

Her experience being illiterate and not knowing English has imprinted on her the need for signage that can be understood by anyone

She focuses on taking project based classes, where she can draw out her designs and build them, rather than figuring out the math behind them

She has patents for the inventions she created at WE

She was exempted from the “Alfred’s mandatory college degree program” but decided to go as a part time student for herself

It took her twice as long to graduate, and a lot of tutoring from her siblings, but she made it!

The family threw her an extra special party when she graduated - everyone else had minor celebratory dinners, but they went all out for Cass

There was not a dry eye at her graduation ceremony

Cass works part time with WE on and off as a designer after her first internship

She comes up with ideas during patrols, draws them and sends them to Lucius

Tim:

Computer Science Major with a minor in game design

He makes it to approximately 20% of his lectures

He nearly didn’t graduate on time because he put off his humanity courses for so long

He missed the actual ceremony, even though the family showed up

He starts all his assignments the day before they’re due

If at all possible he avoids groupwork and offers to do assignments by himself because he gives his teammates heart attacks when he starts his part the project at 3pm the day before it’s due

This leads to extremely frequent all-nighters

He always finds himself rewriting everyone else’s code to make it work more efficiently

This can, of course, cause some people to feel a little upset

Other students specifically seek him out as a teammate so they can half ass their parts

He participates in game jams when he has time, and got super into the hacking club

Against all odds, he joined a fraternity

Dick literally fell off a building when he found out

He makes up stories about partying for the heck of it, when in reality he and the guys just play Smash Bros together until 3am

He hasn’t seen anyone drink more than two beers, and he hasn’t tried alcohol there either

He joined on accident, he had just pulled an all-nighter and stumbled into a recruiting fair, he heard someone shouting about Mario Kart Double Dash, and bada bing bada boom, he agreed to rush because it involved being stuck in a room playing video games all weekend

Steph:

Civil Engineering Major with minors in Sustainability and STSS (Science, Technology, and Social Science)

She gets constantly shit on for being a civie

Every time she introduces herself someone mumbles “fake mechie” in the background

She and Jason complain about the disrespect together

She was genuinely shocked when Bruce offered to pay for her college tuition

She’d been planning on going and cutting costs any way possible

But Bruce took her aside when she was applying and offered to pay it all

She refused at first, but then money just appeared in her bank account, and what was she supposed to do, give it back?

She also participates in professional groups and is a member of SWE (Society of Women Engineers), and she mentors younger students

She ends up as class president by running a very successful social media meme campaign

She got and email saying she’d won and panicked because she had no idea what she was doing and was just having fun making memes

She ended up staying class president the entire time, and ended up getting really into it, and ended up with a pretty solid approval rating

She joined a sorority and had a blast

They worked with the local animal shelter, and she started bringing Damian along as well

Her sisters think he’s adorable and he secretly enjoys the attention

She gets her revenge on all the civil engineering haters by landing her dream job redesigning the poorer areas of Gotham to include more green spaces, increase affordable housing, and upgrading access to utilities

Duke:

Biochemisty Major with a minor in Neuroscience

Harper, Tim, Steph, and him are all in the same year

Tim convinces him to join the fraternity with him

He joins a variety of professional groups as well

He mentors other BIPOC, and joins NSBE (National Society of Black Engineers) and runs helps run professional development programs

But he’s also in like million other clubs that he does not put on his resume

He’s runs the college’s meme page club, is part of the Pokémon Go club, is on the competitive Overwatch team, consistently attends the anime club’s Dragon Ball Z watch parties, joins the Dance Dance Revolution club, and the list goes on and on

When Tim is awake, and Harper isn’t busy, they go with him, but both of them have too much inconsistencies in their schedule to join

He ends up meeting like half the campus

He unintentionally has become a god of networking

Unlike his siblings, he goes all the way for a doctorate

He researches Joker venom, determined to figure out a cure for his parents (in my HC, he eventually does)

He wins like every award imaginable for his groundbreaking research into venoms as he comes up with vaccines that save countless lives

He still works on the meme page, even after he graduates

Harper:

She somehow defies all odds and triple majors in Physics, Mechanical Engineering, and Electrical Engineering

She takes credit overload every semester, and gets credit for her internships at WE

She and Steph were roommates freshman year, and Steph swears that Harper never sleeps

She is the most wanted partner for every engineering project

She thrives in college, and lives off of coffee

She’s in the front row in every lecture

She doesn’t leave the lecture halls, she’s gotten locked in more than once after falling asleep

She had a heart attack the first time she saw students using the machine shop

Half the students weren’t wearing safety glasses, she counted three people wearing slides, the machines were rusted over, the soldering irons were all broken, and she nearly watched someone break their wrist using a power drill

She refuses to work there

Her secret to success is prioritizing - she absorbs the material like a sponge so if homework is only worth 5%, it isn’t getting done, and she’ll just cram before the exam

She almost joined Tim and Duke’s frat (it’s co-ed), but she didn’t have the time

They let her in without rushing senior year because Tim ended up as the boss, and he said so

Cullen:

I don’t know a ton about Cullen, but I feel like he would be a comp sci major

He comes in when Harper, Tim, Duke, and Steph are upperclassmen, and he joins all of Duke’s clubs

They have a million inside jokes

To the other siblings, it seems like the two have their own language

He also joins a club that mentors LGTBQ+ students at the local high school, and encourages them to pursue STEM careers if they’re interested

Jason recruits him as a mentor for the robotics team (he’s the lead mentor at this point) after some of the kids in his mentoring program mention him at a meeting and Jason is like O.O

He avoids parties at all costs, and ends up joining the frat as well

It’s all Duke’s fault he’s in a frat

He does however, meet some lovely boys in the frat

Damian:

Aerospace Engineering/Environmental Engineering dual Major with minors in sustainability and biology

He nearly riots when he’s presented with the college’s idea of a vegetarian/vegan meal

He manages to get out of the meal plan after that, and begins rallying students to push for better options that contain actual protein

He joins a community service club that works with the local animal shelter, and secretly joins the circus arts club (that’s thriving even without Dick there)

He learns how to sew blankets out of old clothes for the animals

He and Barbara are the only siblings to graduate with a 4.0, simply because they were the only one that took the time to actually do all the homework, and remembered to turn things in on time

He refuses to live in the dorms, and instead lives in one of their apartments nearby (once again somehow managing to complain to the college enough to get his housing waived)

He literally walked in once when visiting Duke, and immediately walked out, and resolved never to step near one again

He makes a total of three friends while at the school, both are in the animal shelter club

They exchange vegetarian/vegan recipes, and get together to cook

He decides to move off campus with them his junior year when they needed another roommate, and he won’t admit it to his siblings, but he had a ton of fun

He and his friend group may have joined an animal rights hacktivist group and may have helped orchestrate some major hacks

Poisson Ivy finds out and feeds him targets and information when they’re supposed to be fighting (she just walks back to Arkham if the others aren’t watching, and slips him a list at the end)

Bonus Bruce:

He cries at every graduation

He’s asked to make a speech at every graduation

He never does - it’s about his kids, not him

He single handedly is keeping the school from bankruptcy - not that any of his kids (other than probably Barbara) know

He sobbed for days after Cass graduated

He genuinely didn’t expect Dick or Tim to graduate

After Dick graduated, he wouldn’t let Bruce touch any of the equipment, and the rest of his kids followed suit

He isn’t actually bad at engineering, his education was just super informal, and hey duct tape works 95% of the time in his experience

The real reason Alfred was annoyed was because he refused to take the time to properly fix something if someone was in danger, and then he’d forget that he’d just used duct tape to patch something

But now since no one lets him touch anything, he’s genuinely lost a lot of the knowledge

But in a pinch, he can fix stuff

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myassbrokethefall · 7 years

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X-Files Orientation Programming: Season 11

August, 2017

Welcome back to Vancouver, everyone! It feels like we just did this two years ago. Haha! Listen, I know this feels a little more old hat this time, but we still want to get you back into the swing of things, so we’ve planned a comprehensive two-day program that we hope you will all find interesting, informative -- and fun! The truth is out there, everybody!

Please enjoy your official orientation tote bag with David Duchovny's 5th-grade school picture on it and no other information, which includes:

Dog costumes of varying sizes for all your dog costuming needs

Unmarked baggie of (probably) granola

Single flip-flop once worn by Gillian Anderson (signed)

Copy of that book WBD wrote where he complains about everybody

Piece of gum that was in someone's mouth but is still perfectly good

Anonymous note reading "Are you good at resolving cliffhangers? Can you write really fast? Meet behind the dumpster at dawn"

Stunt bee that will lurk in the bag until you open it and then sting you and then receive a hefty union salary because it has a great agent

DVD of The Crown

Coupon for one (1) personal acoustic concert by David Duchovny ($30,000 value)

Brownie

DAY 1

Breakfast: The old crepe truck

Morning Warm-Up! Presenter: Mitch Pileggi Hey, everyone!!! Welcome back to set! I don't know about you, but I am PUMPED to be here doing another season of X-Files! Too bad Skinner can't get promoted, haha! You can blame Mulder and Scully for that one. This program will get your heart pumping and your toes tapping with excitement for getting the season underway! Expect lots of icebreaker games. Do you see several cartons of pipe cleaners? Evil chuckle! Get psyched!

I'm Not Touching This Presenter: Frank Spotnitz Sorry, guys. I'm not touching this. Sorry. I just wanted to let you know. I brought a movie we can watch though. It's The Karate Kid! Let's all watch it together.

Mid-morning snack: Apple that was thrown into someone’s boob

Is This A Meme? Presenter: David Duchovny "Zeitgeist Icon" David "Jazz Panda" Duchovny, star of Fox Television's monster hit "THE X-FILES," plays the brilliant and sullen FBI agent Fox Mulder, hero to millions and millions of self-proclaimed "X-Philes," who still spend their Sunday nights wide-eyed in anticipation just in case. He will look at things and tell you whether it is a meme. It probably is. Bonus content: If there's time at the end, he will tell you whether something is a podcast.

Workshop: Remedial Driving Topics covered in this lightly mandatory “refresher" course will include parallel parking, reaching the trunk hatch when it's very high, and how to recognize obvious, huge poles when they are literally right in front of your face. Neck braces recommended for all participants.

Lunch: Hot dogs (Not so fast, Michael Bublé)

I HAVE SO MANY GREAT IDEAS OMG I HAVE SO MANY Presenter: Bryan Fuller The presentation will cover whatever Bryan Fuller is extremely enthusiastic about at that moment, he just loves life, okay

Please Don't Call Me A Hero, I Just Wanted To Eat The Peanut Butter, Anyone Would Have Done The Same Presenter: Brick Duchovny, noted philanthropist

Mid-afternoon snack: Lozenges. Take as many as you need.

Jesus, We Tried Presenters: The people who made the Season 10 Scully wig That thing took a lot of work. Just saying.

Directing Seminar/Fun Rap Session Presenter: Todd Johnson Todd Johnson is an accomplished television writer and director who exists and has a lot of convincingly documented experience writing and directing television, specifically television very much like The X-Files. He is definitely not Matthew Rhys in a wig and mustache who has been planted by the fandom to secretly film fanfiction after Chris Carter has been lured away by a spirit. He will discuss his non-frightening, normal ideas for directing an X-Files episode, in which he will not rock the boat or upset anyone or disturb the perfectly orchestrated clockwork masterpiece that is the show’s continuing plot. Come to be reassured that nothing will change; stay for Todd Johnson's cool, relatable, spontaneous stories about being a regular Joe that you will find all check out if you care to look into it at all for any reason.

Dinner: That place, what was the name of it again? You know! The place with that fish thing! That guy Roger worked there? With the tattoos? Oh, it closed in 2002? Oh well.

Evening Activity: Group Episode Commentary Everyone gets mic'd up and then sits together and watches the episode in silence. ...Is that a gold car?? HAHA! A gold car! Now I've seen everything.

PUBLIC PROGRAMMING

Offered concurrently on Day 1. Tickets: $600

Things That You Want From A New Season Of The X-Files (Surprise: It’s Not What You Think!) Presenters: 1013 staff

How To Lure Someone Into the Woods Using Your Mystical Powers In Order To Accomplish Your Elaborate, Nefarious Agenda Presenter: The Spirit Nimue

You Are All Awful, And They Can Never Know About Any Of This Presenters: David and Gillian's social media people

DAY 2

Breakfast: Edible arrangement sent by Vince Gilligan. Accompanying note: Hi, guys!!!!! I hope you have a terrific season! I wish so much I could be there with you all. Unfortunately I have an emergency months-long business conference in Guam. Bummer!!! But I know you will all do great and I hope you enjoy this fun, tasty, nutritious fruit bouquet. You all have a standing invitation to come visit the Better Call Saul set anytime! Love always, Vince

How To Make Millions When Your Celebrity Friend Expresses A Vague Wish To Maybe Do Something Presenter: Brad Davidson

Salary Negotiation: Tips and Tricks Presenter: Gillian Anderson Such as: how to wait until they offer your male co-star something non-insulting and then say you’ll have whatever they’re giving him. Because, like, they’re not going to make the show without you, are they? Honestly. It’s 2017, folks. If time and progress towards the frustratingly torpid but necessary reshaping of societal norms permit, there will also be a survey of the fuzziest, softest caterpillars of the Pacific Northwest and also inchworms. Caterpillar assistant: Nelson Anderson

Mid-morning snack: Chili chocolate

Abject Panicking: When You Have To Write Another Whole Episode And You Don't Have Any More Old Drafts Of Things, Shit Shit Shit Presenter: Darin Morgan

Workshop: Physical Performance For The Infirm Are you over 45? Injury-prone? Tend to overdo it on the sports? Not good at checking how deep the pool is before you jump into it? Come to this required (for some attendees) session that will cover the basics of not hurting yourself while going down stairs and tips for running through a forest with various limb injuries. Don't forget your glasses! (Seriously, if you do not complete this course, insurance will not let us film.)

Lunch: Juice

Multitasking: How To Write A Script While Directing A Different Script At The Same Time Presenter: Chris Carter Did you know that it's perfectly possible to write an episode script in 5 hours while simultaneously directing another episode? Even a complicated cliffhanger that serves as the capstone to the triumphant, hard-won and much-heralded return of your iconic sci-fi series upon which the hopes and expectations of every major critic, an entire network, and millions and millions of self-proclaimed "X-Philes" ride? Well, it is! In fact, it's the only way to do things. Really, it's the only way and you should never try doing it any other way because why would you? Presentation details TK

I Did Not Fuck Mrs. Butterworth: A Rebuttal Presenter: The guy that fucked Mrs. Butterworth Arcadia garbage monster

Mid-afternoon snack: Ham sandwiches, served by someone dressed as a ham sandwich. Hilarious!!! Don't forget to take a picture and post it on Tumblr!

PowerPoint Presentation That Consists Of Nothing But Slide After Slide Of The Closed-Eyes Emoji Presenter: Gennifer Hutchison

Dealing With Vancouver Moistness Presenters: Original X-Files hair designers An instructive seminar about blowdrying the frizz out of people's hair as efficiently as possible so other people on set don't emotionally freeze them out for 6 years.

Dinner: Whoever will deliver at 2:30 in the morning

Evening Activity: Sleep Enjoy it while you can!

Quick reminder: Brad is a WRITER now. Please don’t ask him to get you a coffee.

THANK YOU ALL AND LET’S HAVE A GREAT SEASON! 👽💋☂️

#long post #i almost didn't put it under a cut but then i had mercy on you all #vancouver block party #season 11 #hamcouver #todd johnson #this is very stupid #ps i had to google michael buble hot dog x files to fact-check

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