#It's so bad I've even toyed with the idea of not buying anything off of them in the future | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lynnielovestlou · 1 month

Note

I haven’t seen or read any sleeping with Ellie or Abby headcons and you’re such a lovely writer!!! I wanted to ask if you can write something like that maybe?

i'm gonna give you both because i'm in a good mood today!!! also thank you for the compliment i love you

masterlist nsfw!!

having sex with abby!!!

ꕤ₊˚ i've said this in sooo many of my fanfics, but abby is the most gentle person ever. in contrast to her large build and huge muscles (and ability to manhandle you however she pleases) she's such a softie. she's such a soft!dom and nobody can change my mind on this. she's never rough with you unless you blatantly ask her to be, but she much rather prefers slow and gentle sex and just taking her time with you.

ꕤ₊˚ abby is also big on toys!!! there, i said it. she buys/finds all these weird things to use on you in bed because it's such a turn on for her. yes, she does like seeing you get off on her fingers or her mouth or anything else, but she much rather prefers to use a strap or a dildo or a vibrator or something because she thinks you're just so damn pretty like that.

ꕤ₊˚ abby is definitely a whimperer. like, this girl is quiet because she much rather would like to hear you instead of herself. so she'll muffle her pretty moans s just so she can hear yours.

ꕤ₊˚ abby is big on kissing during sex (unlike ellie, but i'll get to that in a second) she likes kissing your lips, your cheek, your forehead, your hairline, your neck, behind your ear, your collarbone, your titties (and when you choose doggy, she'd kiss your bum cheeks every once in a while)

ꕤ₊˚ that's another thing. abby is an ass girl! even when you're not having sex, her hand will be in your back pocket. she'll pinch your booty as you walk by her sometimes, and she can't resist spanking you when she sees you bent over getting clothes out of the dryer or taking food out of the oven.

ꕤ₊˚ abby likes to put you in a ton of crazy positions. she likes doggy, when you're bouncing on her lap, literally anything but basic ol' missonary

having sex with ellie!!!

ꕤ₊˚ unlike abby, ellie prefers skin-on-skin. it's way more intimate to her, and she can feel you better when you're coming on her hand, her mouth, or even her thigh. that's why she loves taking baths or showers with you, so she can feel every curve and every inch of your body. she'll use her strap SOMETIMES but she prefers to be able to feel you on herself and not on some plastic dick. she loves tribbing with you, for this exact reason.

ꕤ₊˚ even though she likes the intimacy of being skin-on-skin with you, she likes to pound tf out of you. she'd never hurt you intentionally, obviously, but she loves hearing your moans grow loud. plus, ellie has a thing for making you squirt. she was slam into you until the sheets are soaked or you pass out. she's not aggressive, but she definitely likes it rough at least a little bit.

ꕤ₊˚ unlike abby, ellie likes to use names on you during sex. like "whore" or "slut", but she'll apologize once it's all over to tell you she doesn't really mean it. when you ask her to go more gentle, she'll call you things like "honey" "baby" or "beautiful." depending on the way that y'all are fucking, she'll use different names.

ꕤ₊˚ ellie doesn't like kissing you during sex!!! it's not that she's opposed to it, per se, but she would much rather take eye contact with you over kissing you. she likes the idea of watching your face as she fucks you so good, knowing that nobody compares to her. she'll cradle your head, her elbows propped up on the bed on both sides of your ears. your legs are wrapped around her hips as her pelvis snaps into yours, and she's just holding your face, pressing and occasional kiss to your hairline. ugh, i need her so bad.

ꕤ₊˚ tbh i dont think ellie has that many kinks, but she definitely likes to get high before a nice fuck. the two of you will spend half and hour or so just rolling joints and smoking, etc. until eventually she beckons you to sit on her lap and you'll grind on her thigh n everything. until eventually you both just give in and she'll fuck the life out of you.

ꕤ₊˚ ellie is the queen of aftercare. even though abby is also very good at it, ellie takes it very seriously. she'll clean you up and shower you with kisses. and then she'll put some of your clothes in the dryer to warm them up a little bit before dressing you herself. she's so sweet :').

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slasher-male-wife · 8 months

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Horror characters with an s/o who's love language is biting

So I'm sorry for barely posting anything in forever I've just been in a bit of a funk for awhile. Anyway @k1nn1e-0n-ma1n was super insistent I write this so shout out to him and his Bo Sinclair brain rot. This also was slightly inspired by @osirisisv RZ Michael Myers drawing.

Includes: Bo Sinclair, RZ Michael Myers, Otis Driftwood, and Doomhead

Warnings: Violence kind of, Bo and Otis being a perverts kind of

Bo Sinclair

Lester was a biter as a child and Bo has a very high pain tolerance so you biting him doesn't hurt it just surprises him. He honestly didn't know what you did until he looked over and saw you biting his hand.

"The fuck are ya doin'?" He'll ask verbatim. He's not mad, he's just confused as to why at 5:47 on a Tuesday during him watching reruns of some 80's show you decided to bite him.

When you say it's a love language he immediately thinks it's a sex thing. You will quickly shut that down and he'll get a little less excited.

"I still don't understand why ya did that darlin." He'll say before pulling you either on top of him or underneath him and just holding you so you can't bite him again.

On occasion he'll let you bite him again, but if you do it when he doesn't want you too he'll storm off to wherever and ignore you until you make it up to him.

RZ Michael Myers

He has a very high pain tolerance but when he feels you biting him he'll immediately push you off of him or put you in a headlock. He won't let you out either unless you beg him.

He is very confused as to why you bit him, because to his understanding you're not supposed to hurt the people you love.

He's going to probably disappear for a few days to think this over, and because he doesn't want you to bite him again for a little bit. But he'll come back more understanding.

You can bite him, but only when he's prepared and you're willing to 'play fight' because let's be honest, play fighting with Michael is basically him thinking he's playing and you fighting for you life. Could put you in head lock again.

He honestly might just roll up his sleeve and indirectly ask you to bite him. But this will happen after a lot of talking about how biting him means you're not trying to hurt him you just love him.

Otis Driftwood

"Did you just fucking bite me?" He asks you. And honestly no matter where you bite him it's a bad idea because he would taste like cigarettes, blood, and dirt.

Will be mad until you explain you do it because you love him and he'll laugh. Will also think it's a sex thing but you quickly shut that down. He's a little disappointed but doesn't mind too awfully much.

He doesn't mind as long as you give him a proper warning before you do it. If you catch him off guard he'll honestly pull his arm or whatever part of him you bit and leave you alone for a few hours at the least

Because he's a little freak he'll ask you to try and bite him harder than you normally do it to see how much pain he can handle. You can probably draw blood before he tells you to stop.

Overtime he learns to love it and honestly doesn't mind too much anymore. If a victim tries to or actually bites him he'll laugh and tell you about it later. "Don't worry honey, they weren't as good as you."

Doomhead

He’s not exactly lucid all the time so he might not realize you’re biting him at first. When he does realize it he pulls his hand away and laughs about it. "Do I taste good to you or something sweetheart?"

Will tease you about it non-stop. Brings it up all the time even if there's nothing to do with it currently. He'll have a hard time understanding that you're doing it "out of love".

He might honestly buy you a dog chew toy as a joke if you bite him often enough. Or like one of those baby teething toys. He will laugh so hard about it, especially if you get embarrassed about it.

That's not to say he doesn't like when you bite him. He can find the repetitive feeling calming and it honestly might make him feel more lucid at times. But he'd never ask you to do it. He might gives you hints though

#bo sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x y/n #michael myers x reader #michael myers x you #rz michael myers #otis driftwood x reader #otis driftwood #doomhead x reader #doomhead #slasher x y/n #slasher x reader #slasher fanfiction

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sissylittlefeather · 3 months

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How the Web Was Woven: Chapter 10

A/N: Thank you for your patience as I got wrapped up writing everything but this. I knew this chapter would be a tough one, so I kept putting it off. But I hope you all enjoy it. If you haven't been paying attention, this is the soulmate/time travel AU between Elvis and a fem!reader. It's still 2016/1966.

Need to catch up? Here is my Masterlist

Warnings: 18+ minors DNI, kissing, cussing, fingering, oral sex (m receiving) masturbation, use of sex toys, overstimulation, squirting, dirty talk, and angst.

Word count: ~3.5k

"Yes."

******

You've taken a short leave of absence from work because of everything you've been going through, so you get to spend the next few weeks just having fun with Elvis.

And that's exactly what you do. It drives him crazy that all his money is back in 1966 and he can't buy you a ring, but otherwise you're very happy together. Luckily, your job pays well, so you don't have to worry about that much. You offer to buy your own ring, but he refuses to let that happen. Instead, he gives you his watch to wear and insists he's going to get a job.

"I think I'd like to apply for the police academy." He says shyly over dinner one night.

"That sounds like a great idea! We need to find a way to get you a social security card, though. We can't use anything that says you were born in 1935."

"I didn't even think about that."

"It's okay. I have a former client that might be able to help us."

And sure enough, knowing criminals pays off. You manage to get a birth certificate that says he was born in '85 and use that to get him the rest of his credentials. Everything is going well when you go back to work. He gets a short-term job at Guitar Center just for something to do before he applies for the academy. Secretly, he loves it. He learns a lot from the kids he works with and before too long he's an expert in everything in the store. It's strange to admit it, but he's enjoying just being "John" and not having to be Elvis Presley.

One day, he looks in the mirror and almost has a heart attack. You come up behind him and wrap your arms around his waist.

"What is it, babe?"

"My hair. It's growing out. And turning light again." You can tell this bothers him. And that he refuses to acknowledge the grays that are mixed in.

"Well, get it cut. We do still have barber shops in 2016."

"I will. But the color..."

"I'll dye it." He looks at you curiously.

"You can do that?"

"Of course. I've done my own before. Black is easy." You shrug and he smiles.

Next thing you know, he's sitting on a chair in the bathroom with a towel around his neck and you're wearing gloves and squirting black hair dye onto his head. Keeping him still is damn near impossible and you wonder how he managed this in the '60s. When you reach the point where he's just waiting, you have to read to him to keep him from flipping hair dye all around the bathroom. He sits still when you produce a philosophy book that was written in the last fifteen years. When the timer goes off, he wants you to keep reading, but you'll have to come back to it later. You rinse his hair and put him in the shower and he makes you get in too. It doesn't take long for him to enter you from behind and fuck you silly in the shower. You ignore yet another portal and dry his hair with the blow dryer. He looks in the mirror to inspect your work.

"Not bad, honey. Thanks."

"You're welcome." You reach up and tussle his hair since it doesn't have anything in it yet. He grabs you and throws you over his shoulder, carrying you to your bedroom.

This is what it's like when you're together. Everything is foreplay and you live for the moments you spend with each other. Now, you have your fair share of little arguments, but it's never something that you can't overcome and talk your way through. In fact, you talk a lot, all the time, and that's what keeps you together. There are no secrets and everything is a conversation. This is out of character for both of you, but something about your relationship brings out the best in both of you and you thrive as a couple. Even the boring days are happy for you.

******

"Babe, can you grab my phone charger? It's on my nightstand." You ask Elvis as he's coming back from the bathroom to the couch one afternoon.

"Sure, hon. What does it look like?" He calls from the bedroom. You stifle a laugh. Of course he wouldn't know. Sometimes you forget he's out of place here in 2016.

"It's like a long cord with a little box on the end that plugs into the wall." After a few minutes you start to think he's having trouble finding it, so you decide to help. You get up and walk into the bedroom. He's standing there in front of your nightstand with the top drawer open.

"You okay?" You ask tentatively.

"Yeah, I just. Honey, what are these?" He gestures to the things inside the drawer and you blush.

"Oh, um, those are... toys... but not for kids..." You walk up next to him and look at your collection of vibrators and dildos in the drawer.

"Toys?" He looks at you with an intrigued look on his face.

"Yeah. For... well, for sex." His eyes go wide and he looks back at the contents of the drawer. Then, he looks back at you with a look somewhere between sheepish and mischievous.

"How do they work?"

"Well..." You take them out and lay all four of them in a line on the bed. "This one is just a vibrator. It vibrates and you put it on the clit. This one is too, but it also goes inside." You continue down the line describing each toy and he nods along like a good little student. When you get to the rabbit, his eyes go even wider.

"What is that?"

"This is called a rabbit." You turn it on so he can see how it moves.

"Whoa."

"Yeah. The bunny ears go on your clit and vibrate and this part-" You point to the dildo part.

"I think I know where that part goes." He chuckles and you laugh a little too. You turn the rabbit off and put it back on the bed, waiting for him to say something.

"Why do you have so many?"

"Babe, I'm a woman in the 21st century. I have needs."

"Oh!" He laughs and blushes slightly.

"And honestly, this is a pretty modest collec-"

"Can we try one?" He interrupts you and you look up at him to find his eyes sparkling with curiosity and something else entirely.

"You want to try one?" He bites his bottom lip and looks at the toys and then back at you.

"Yeah. Can we?"

"We can do whatever you want, babe."

"Then actually I wanna try two." You suppress a smile. He's so excited and it's cute when he's like this.

"Which two?" He grabs the first vibrator and then hesitates.

"Fuck it. I'm curious." He grabs the rabbit and you put the other two back in the drawer. You lay down on the bed and he undresses you carefully. When you go to take his shirt off, though, he stops you.

"Oh no, honey, I just wanna play with you."

"Ohhhh." You lay back on the bed and he finishes taking the rest of your clothes off. Once he's got you completely naked, he runs his hand from the middle of your chest down to your center.

"Are you excited for this baby? You're already wet for me."

"I am." You answer breathily as he slides a finger inside you. He hands you the vibrator.

"Show me how you use this one." You click it on to the speed that you like and then place it gently on your sensitive bud. Immediately, you throw your head back and moan.

"Wow." He says quietly under his breath.

"Mmmm." You can't make words with the intensity of the pleasure that's rushing through you. He continues to push his one finger in and out of you as you move the vibrator around on your clit and he watches in awe. When you come, hard, he looks up at you, surprised.

"Already?!" You feel yourself pulse around his finger as the orgasm washes over you, bathing you in exquisite pleasure. When you come back down, you pull the vibrator away and look down at him.

"Yeah. It happens fast."

"Can you do it again?"

"I can do it over and over as much as I want, really."

"Okay, this is my favorite thing from 2016." He grabs the vibrator and looks at it. Then, he turns it on and puts it back on you. After 3 more orgasms, you have to beg him to stop because you're so sensitive.

"I need a break, baby." You put your hand in his hair and try to gently pull him up to lay next to you on the bed, but he resists.

"I haven't even tried this one yet." He holds up the rabbit and you whimper. "You can do it, honey, show me how this one works for you."

You take the rabbit and slowly push it inside you. Then, you arrange the ears to be just where they need to be on your clit. You whimper again and he pushes the button to turn it on.

"Oh FUCK." You say it loudly and slam your hand on the bed and he laughs. "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"

He laughs again and starts to slowly move the rabbit in and out of you, mimicking what he would do with his cock. You come again, harder than you ever have, and try to pull back away from him and off of the rabbit, but he follows you and keeps pushing it in and out of you. By this point your whole body is shaking and covered in sweat. You know what's coming and you have to stop him before it happens.

"No no no! FUCK." You scream and pull the rabbit out as you come again, but this time when you pull the dildo out, you also squirt everywhere. And because of his position between your legs, his whole chest gets soaked. This is what you were trying to avoid. "OH MY GOD."

This might be the most embarrassed you've ever been, so you try to back away from him and curl into a ball, but Elvis just busts out laughing. He does the biggest laugh he's done since you've been together and rolls over on his back unable to catch his breath.

"I'm sorry." You cover your face with your hands and wish you could just disappear.

"You told me to stop and I didn't! I got what I deserved!" He continues laughing his big-joy laugh and then sits up, pulling his shirt up and over his head. Thats when he notices you trying to sink into the pillows. "Aw, honey, come here. You don't need to be embarrassed. C'mere."

He crawls over to you and wraps you in his arms, pressing his bare skin against yours.

"You knew that was going to happen, didn't you?" You nod.

"Yeah, that's not the first time I've done it."

"You know, I've heard about it but I kinda always thought it was just an urban legend. I've never seen it myself until now. Looks like I was wrong!" He laughs again and you can't help but start to laugh with him. You relax in his arms and both of you lay there laughing together.

After a few minutes, he rolls into you and presses his erection into your thigh.

"Oh, no, you wore me out. You're gonna have to take care of that yourself." He whimpers and pouts, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Will ya just talk to me at least? And stay naked so I can look at ya."

"That I can do." He rolls onto his back and pulls his pants off so that he's naked too. He wraps his left hand around his cock and starts to stroke himself, gently moving his foreskin back and forth.

"Mmm. Talk to me baby." You roll over on your side and he looks down at your body as he pumps his dick.

"Imagine that I'm sucking your cock. I'm doing that thing you love where I pull the whole thing in my mouth and you hit the back of my throat."

"Mmm yes, baby, that's so good."

"And now I'm holding you back and licking a slow circle around the tip." When you say this, he rubs his thumb over the head of his cock and groans.

"What else, baby?"

"Now I'm gonna climb on top of you and fuck you with my tight little pussy."

"Goddamn, baby, you know I love your pussy." He closes his eyes and continues stroking his cock, picking up speed.

"I'm sliding up and down on top of you, taking you so deep, bouncing on you just like you like."

"Yes, fuck baby, mmmm."

"You like it when I lean against your chest and let you fuck me so hard from underneath?"

"God, yes, baby, I fuckin' love that. I'm gonna come." At the last second, you crawl between his legs and pull his cock into your mouth. "OH FUCK YES BABY!"

He comes hard into your throat and you suck it down, swallowing every last drop. You keep bouncing your mouth on him as he softens and he laughs and grabs your hair.

"Stop, baby, it's too sensitive!" You keep sucking him and he does a little scream. Finally, you pull off and look up at him.

"Oh, is it too much? You want me to stop?"

"Yes! Yes! Okay, you made your point!" He grabs you and pulls you into his arms and then rolls over, pinning you on the bed as you both laugh again. He starts peppering your face with kisses as you giggle.

"I love you, y/n." He stops and looks into your eyes, moving so that you're no longer pinned.

"I love you too, Elvis." He caresses the side of your face and then runs his thumb across your lips.

"I'm so glad I'm here."

"Me too." He pulls you to his chest and you lay there together, naked and wrapped in each other, both of you content to stay this way for the rest of your lives.

******

In May, Elvis has saved enough to buy you a perfectly respectable engagement ring. He assures you that you'd have at least 10 carats in 1966, but you love your 1/2 carat solitaire because you know how hard he worked for it.

By June, you're both tired of not being married, so you decide to load up and head to Vegas. At the airport, Elvis is totally perplexed by all the safety procedures to get on the plane. You sigh deeply and explain 9/11 to him. He's almost in tears by the end of your explanation and he's quiet for the first hour of the flight. Eventually, he comes to terms with the reality of what happened and he kisses you on the cheek and takes your hand.

"I'm excited to be your husband." He smiles and rubs small circles on the back of your hand. It reminds you of the time you went to breakfast in 2007 and the whole history of your relationship hits you like a ton of bricks. You haven't been together consistently, but you've been a part of each others' lives for almost ten years. And now you'll be together until the end. You sniffle and a single tear slides down your cheek.

"Honey, what's wrong?" He kisses the back of your hand.

"Nothing. I'm just so happy. I love you so much."

"I love you too, hon." The plane starts its descent and your heart flip flops with excitement that you'll be married to Elvis soon.

******

Your wedding is exactly what you'd expect from a Vegas chapel, but you're so in love that you don't care. All you see is each other.

That night, you get the honeymoon suite at a casino hotel and drink champagne and make love as many times as you can before you pass out in each other's arms. Overall, the whole experience will live forever in both of your memories as one of the best nights of your life.

The next day, you're laying on the couch in your suite enjoying room service and watching tv. You go to the bathroom and he flips the station to an entertainment news show. When you come back, he's absolutely enthralled and you look at the tv to see what it is.

It's Lisa Marie.

She's recently announced that she's getting a divorce, so she popped up in entertainment media again. You grab the remote and turn the tv off as fast as you can. Luckily, you catch it before they say too much.

"Who was that?"

"Who?"

"That woman. You know what I'm talking about. Her name is Presley. Who is she, y/n?"

"She's... she's your daughter." You know what her existence means for you. Your heart shatters into a thousand pieces and you wish more than anything that he hadn't seen her on tv.

"My daughter? How?"

"Elvis, you know how." He looks down at the floor and takes a deep breath. You slide onto the floor in front of him and put your hands on his knees. He looks into your eyes and you both start to cry.

"I have to leave."

"Please don't! God, Elvis, please don't leave me here without you." He closes his eyes and shakes his head.

"I have to. I'm her father. I have to be her father."

"No! Elvis, please!" You know you're begging now as the tears run down your cheeks.

"I have to go now."

"Now?! Why now?"

"If I don't go now, I won't go." You grab his hand and put it on your cheek.

"Then don't." He stands up and walks away from you.

"Damnit, y/n, please don't make this harder than it already is!" He picks up the tv remote and throws it against the wall as hard as he can. "Goddamnit!"

You sit on the carpet weeping and rocking back and forth. He looks at you on the floor, his tortured heart evident on his face. He walks over to you and scoops you into his arms, carrying you to the bed and holds you as you cry for an indeterminate amount of time.

When you finally calm down, he kisses your face down to your mouth. You pull away from him.

"You just want to make a portal."

He grabs your chin and makes you look into his eyes.

"Yes, I need a portal. But more than that, I want to make love to my wife. Because that's who you are. And I don't care who I marry that's that girl's mother. You are my wife and you always will be. In my heart, I am yours. Forever, honey. Forever." He kisses you again and you submit to him fully, letting him undress you as lovingly as possible. You hold him close to your body and kiss as much of his skin as you can reach. He pushes into you slowly and gently makes love to you with his head on your shoulder. By the end of it, you're both crying. He tries to push off his orgasm as long as possible, but eventually he has to give in. Both of your shoulders shake with sobs and you hold each other as close as you can for what you're pretty sure are your last moments together. The portal appears like it always does and he drags himself away from you to get dressed. Once he has all his clothes on, he grabs you and holds you so tightly it almost hurts. He whispers in your ear.

"Never forget that I belong to you, always. Know that for the rest of my life, I will love you and I will miss you." He presses his forehead to yours and kisses your lips one last time. "You are and always will be the love of my life. Goodbye, honey. I love you."

He walks away from you towards the portal, not letting go of your hand until the last possible second. He looks back at you one last time and then goes through the portal. You fall to the floor and sob out loud. When the portal disappears, you scream, "No!"

He's really gone. And now that he knows about Lisa, he's never coming back.

******

Three weeks later, you're back home. You sit in your bathroom and laugh hysterically. It's all you can do to keep from breaking down completely. You look down at it in your hand again.

It's positive.

You don't know how, but it is.

Somehow, you're pregnant with the child of Elvis Presley.

******

Come back for Chapter 11 soon!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@ccab @elvisfatass @elvisalltheway101 @aliypop @18lkpeters @dkayfixates @rosepresley68 @your-nanas-house @deniseinmn @joshuntildawn13 @lookingforrainbows @60svintage @littlehoneyposts @epthedream69 @that-hotdog @eddiesgirlforever @helen06dreamer @returntopresley @rjmartin11

#elvis presley fanfiction #elvis presley #elvis fanfic #elvis smut #elvis presley fic #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader #elvis presley x y/n #elvis #elvis fic #elvis fanfiction #elvis presley x you #elvis presley fanfic #elvis x you #elvis x y/n #elvis presley smut #how the web was woven

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hearth-and-veil · 1 year

Text

Things I wish someone had told me about menstruation:

Menstrual blood isn't more dirty than any other type of blood.

But it's still blood so...protocols.

Salt water is the best thing to presoak anything bloody in.

Designate a set of underwear for periods. It makes life so much easier to have a set of comfy underwear that you don't care about potentially staining.

Bad cramps are normal, but that doesn't make them healthy. All normal means is that it's a common problem. Don't let your doctor blow you off.

Your uterus is actually a very important organ with many functions and getting it removed for non-medical reasons is not a good idea. Your doctor wasn't refusing just to be a natalist asshole.

A tubal ligation will absolutely impact your hormones and period, no matter what the doctors tell you.

Depo provera is the fucking devil.

The average length of a period is 3-5 days. Which means half of all women have a period longer than that. Learn math, genius.

The average length of a menstrual cycle is 27-28 days. Again, yours can be longer or shorter than that. Averages suck.

Do not buy bras the week before or the week of your period unless you're buying them to wear during that time. (I go up a full cup size the week before my period.)

If a man has a problem with your period and claims it's just a problem with blood, then doesn't have an issue with blood from violent shit, don't fucking be with him.

Conversely, some men do just genuinely have an issue with blood. Having the same issue with your period blood does not make him a misogynist.

It's not terribly uncommon to get super horny on your period instead of during ovulation. But you can still get pregnant during your period so be smart.*

Taking iron and magnesium supplements regularly can make your period better. But they're hard on your stomach, so take them right after a meal, trust me.

Masturbation eases menstrual cramps better than any meds I've ever tried. Just make sure to put a towel down and thoroughly clean your toys.

Masturbation can also provoke your period when it's 'stuck' and just won't start.

Consult a medical professional first but a free testosterone boosting supplement (not a testosterone pill!!) can also unstick your period. BUT it may also make cramps worse and it will make hormonal acne worse.

Taking an emmenagogue to unstick or speed up your period will make cramps worse. Their entire role is to contract the uterus, and that's what a menstrual cramp is. Also pennyroyal is the least delicious mint.

It's ok to rest and relax. Men are not the shining gold standard of the world which women need to emulate. Equity, not equality.

*The only time you can't get pregnant is during the follicular phase. If there's an egg anywhere near sperm, you can still get pregnant. The egg can drop the first day of ovulation and not be expelled until the last day of menstruation. And my paranoid ass wouldn't even rely on being in the follicular phase. Protected Sex Gang for Life.

#menstration #menstrual cycle #period #womens health #life advice #advice to myself

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gotchi-blog · 9 months

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Tamagotchi Friends review!

I was fighting with myself since I'm really not happy with this model, but I haven't seen much content with it, so here it is. My in-depth review of probably the worst Tama model ever produced.

General score: 3/10

Design and quality

Starting off with a big cannon - the quality of the toy is bad. I take into consideration the fact, that my particular one is a second-hand, however it was nearly unused, so nothing explains the quality of the plastic. Even though it was almost never exposed to light, the plastic went yellow like crazy. The front blue part changed too. I've heard that some Japanese models released around that time had a similar problem with sun damage, so probably it's just Bandai buying rubbish plastic to make everything cheaper. The result is awful.

The Dalmatian prints wore off, even though I rarely played with this Tama at all and handled it very carefully. My Connection V4.5 were in better state after 15 years of intense usage than this.

Generally, the shell designs were pretty ugly and unoriginal. I have the European Dalmatian version because it was the most interesting one. The American shells were already better, although Friends in general look bad. Bandai really didn't seem to care about anything in this model. They went with more "girly" aesthetics but not actually pretty ones. Want to see it done right? Look at Meets/On.

When it comes to the buttons, I like that they are made of hard plastic. It was a big change for me after the Connection's rubbery ones, but the decision was right. The problem is how absolutely insensitive they are. I have to press on each very hard for it to be registered (and sometimes it still doesn't happen.) It makes it difficult to play the games, especially the ones that demand quick reflexes, and the toy is laggy. I have very small hands (short dude curse) - if you're any taller than me, so basically of normal human size, you will suffer even more.

The sounds are rusty, the quality of the speakers is very bad. I haven't encountered another model with such bad sound. I often keep it off even when I'm alone because I can't stand the squeaking of an old Fiat Tipo's windows rolling down.

Finally, the screen quality is AWFUL. The American edition fixed the contrast, but it still wasn't good. The European one, on the other hand... I barely see my pet. Friends uses a similar idea to TamaTwon TamaGo, with black pixels in 4 different shades to create backgrounds. In theory - cool. Practice? Visibility = 0. There isn't a "good" setting of the contrast, there is only one that hurts less.

The screen is very deep-set, meaning constant shadow in the corners. Taking a good photos is almost impossible. The only thing that improves the visibility is tilting the toy towards light sources. Forget about playing in not very well-lit spaces.

Once again, a disappointment. Probably the most shocking element of Friends is lack of items. Yes, you can't buy and play with any items. Instead, you can collect ridiculously expensive pieces of jewellery that you can't interact with. Nothing. You can just look at them, displayed in your treasure chest. There are 60 in general. Obtaining 30 unlocks an additional game. There's a problem though - the games are so boring and difficult to win due to unresponsive buttons that it's hard to collect enough money for that (even though winning a game gives you an astonishing 1000 Gotchi Points.)

2. Unique mechanics

Something Friends used hard in its advertising is the unique connection feature. Instead of using infrared, like Lord intended, Friends uses a sensor located at the back of the toy. It's activated by bumping against another toy. Ah yes, what a great idea. Give children an electronics toy that literally encourages rough handling. What could go wrong. I like this idea in theory, but practice is simply too dangerous for the toy. I've never got to test this feature, as I have only one Friends and never met anyone with one (I wonder why), so I can't tell if the interactions themselves are fun or not. The thing is, Friends is yet another model where a decent amount of features is unlocked through connecting. There is a whole icon dedicated to SMSs you can exchange through bumps (also, the character growth is linked to that. I will elaborate later.)

The last unique feature worth mentioning is the BFF meter, seen under the scales icon. It's filled up through connecting with other Friends. Once it's halfway full, it unlocks another game. So if you don't have any other Friends nearby, forget about seeing that game.

3. Characters and growth cycle

The characters available are... meh. Here comes my problem with the Friends era of Tamagotchi - the characters are very humanoid. To me, the charm of the franchise has always been the strange, abstract characters that usually didn't remind of any real beings. But the characters available here all look like slightly weird humans. I get that Bandai wanted to advertise their product towards teen girls, so the pets were supposed to be a bit more cute than the older versions, but in my opinion Friends slightly crossed the line. I don't buy Tamagotchi to have weird humans in it. I want them to be weird, original, to have funny shapes (like Mimitchi. Or Tenpatchi from V4.5.) Here all characters, except for the two classics - Kuchipatchi and Memetchi, have the same big head + small human-like body structure. I can excuse Mametchi, he's an OG of this build. But the rest? Booooorrrringgggggg

The evolution is based on the care mistakes and the three special groups. The care mistakes work like in every other model, except for the fact that it's incredibly difficult to provide any care that's lower than excellent. Those bastards are so resistant to hunger and illnesses that I don't even know if it's possible to kill them. If so, then you'd probably need to leave the toy without care since the baby stage. The life cycle is simply too short to give too many care mistakes, especially considering that the teen stage is not demanding at all. Both Hunger and Happiness meters have 5 hearts, and they go down slowly. If you're able to neglect your pet in Tamagotchi Friends, congratulations. I was fighting for my life while trying to get something other than the best characters.

The second evolution mechanism are the 3 special groups - Social, Active and Gourmet. The methods of obtaining them are always the same for each teen:

Social - send 10 SMS

Active - play 10 games

Gourmet - feed your Tama 15 meals (probably works with the default bread, but to make sure, use the meals you can get in the store)

Considering that collecting jewellery is an important feature, and to do that you need money, you can see a problem here - it's very easy to end up with the Active group every time.

If you don't fulfil any of the three special group requirements, the character is selected randomly from the care tier that you've achieved.

Generally, the better care teen you had, the harder it is to obtain a low care adult, as the care "stacks." I had a Cosmotchi, so it was hard for me to get even the excellent care tier.

4. Games

Tamagotchi Friends offers 5 mini-games. The first 3 are available at the beginning. Another one is unlocked through the BFF meter, as mentioned before. Then there's the jewellery one.

I have the European edition, which means that all the games are recycled from older models. I'm not sure if that's the case with the American one, as the 3 standard games are different there. In mine, you can play Drop-Catch, Select-get and Mimic. Old, boring games from other Tamas. Bandai didn't even feel like coming up with something new for this one. Also, the games are pretty frustrating as two of them demand quick reflexes - that's not really possible with the horrible buttons, leading to many loses.

The games that can be unlocked are the same on both release versions. They are the Cake Catch and Flower Count. The first one is also recycled. I'm not sure about the Flower count, though it might be the case as well. I've never had a chance to unlock it anyway.

5. Conclusion

I think the whole review is quite self-explanatory. I absolutely dislike this model and wouldn't recommend it to anyone, unless you're a die-hard collector. Absolutely the worst way to introduce someone to the franchise - Tamagotchi Friends offers the worst of the whole brand. I ran it just to write this review and to check if my opinion has changed. It didn't. This buddy is going back to the box - it's more fun as a decoration on the shelf than as an actual virtual pet.

#tamagotchi review #tamagotchi friends #tamagotchi #my collection #virtual pet #toys #tamablr #tmgc

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mouseratz · 3 months

Note

No one is a fat “phobe”. I was fat as a kid too and only up until a couple years ago I wasn’t. I’m skinny but not instagram skinny like normal skinny and after I eat I look like I gained even more weight till I wake up again, like normal. I was fat too the difference is I don’t complain about it online and make it the base of my identity. And you take everything in the worst way, nobody is mad your autistic or fat, but when u do the above things like complain it just is sad. There’s other things to talk and think about. I’m sure it’s not fun thinking about it for you.

Y'know I'll feed a troll a little bit now just because i'm bored. Are you, like, not familiar with the concept of bloating? (Of course your stomach looks bigger when you eat. That's kind of how those work- they stretch to contain your meal while it digests. that's what a stomach does.)

And I'll be pretty obvious for you, get really personal- there was a period in my life where I didn't eat much at all. I did starve myself, though not with the express purpose of being skinny (my anxiety made me feel sick way too often), and I did lose some weight, I'll give you. I ate a meal or less daily, skipping entirely some days, and my stomach hurt all the time, for around two years. The weight loss was noticeable enough that people would comment how good I looked and must've been feeling, even though my mental illnesses were at their peak and I was very close to committing suicide (and would've said as much if they asked. but most people didn't. because I was losing weight, I must've been taking care of myself, right?)

I still, at my absolute skinniest, would be, by BMI, be categorized at the borderline of overweight and obese. Fatness is often genetically determined, there's only a certain range your body will tolerate, simply. We are told otherwise because it sells- it sells weight loss products and extreme diets, and while exercise isn't innately bad, it absolutely pressures people into more extreme routines there, too, and buying more of that shit. It financially benefits a lot of people to say fatness is a disease in of itself to sell cures that really do not do shit. All of the studies we have show that sustained weight loss is INCREDIBLY difficult to achieve past a certain level (no, I'm not linking, because I'm lazy, ill give you that, too), and big fluctuations in weight repeatedly (up and down, often called "yo-yo"-ing or "yoyo dieting") are NOT good for the body (yet, people are still encouraged for the effort, and blamed on being "gluttonous" or "lazy" or "undisciplined" for being unable to keep weight off).

And, past all of that, even if fatness was something that made you sick- how would that justify treating fat people like this? the harassment, the disbelief, the entitlement, for just having people aware of your body? where is the kindness, if you really think we're so suffering? why is it all holier-than-thou condescension?

anon, you seem like you are very new to the idea of fatphobia, which is why I've taken my time to explain anything at all. I would recommend looking into this topic more, but also try to understand how other people feel instead of taking the time out of your day to send rude messages to someone you've never met.

plus, if you scroll through my blog, you'll see a lot more shit posts and discussions about anything else. I like to draw, I make art. I collect toys, and post about that. Have you looked at anything in my profile but the post that got 20k notes & my responses? I am a whole person, I'm just not going to shut up about my fatness or my mental illnesses because they're part of it. This is a picture you've painted wholly for yourself to justify your disgust of something I said.

#cw fatphobia #cw disordered eating #cw sui mention

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dingertdongert · 1 year

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Chapter 2

Donna called over her shoulder as she walked by 'You're helping in the stockroom tonight'. By helping, she actually meant that you and Steven would be hauling the boxes back and forth, organising and unpacking everything, and she would leave early. Not that you knew that yet.

Steven audibly groaned and plonked his head on the cold, white countertop. 'Hey! I'll have to clean your forehead print off there later' you scolded, gently swatting his shoulder.

'You'll learn, soon you'll be like me'

'It can't be that bad', you rolled your eyes at his dramatics.

He turned his head to look at you, cheek now pressed firmly against the plastic surface. 'Oh, it's awful, it's soooo awful, words can't describe the mind-numbing awfulness'

'Mhm' you replied, fiddling with the sweet display, barely paying attention. 'Have you ever done stock or anything like that before?' he asked, appalled by your lack of dread

'I mean kinda, I used to work in a cafe, we'd have to bring the ingredients and stuff in off the delivery truck, put it away. I don't remember it really being that bad. I quite enjoyed it, everyone would joke around as you'd go past each other and it seemed to go quickly'.

'Huh' was his response, he'd managed to lift his head up, and was now resting it in his hand, propped up by his arm. ‘What kind of cafe was it?'

'A small one. I liked it, it was really homey. Independent as well, not a chain'.

'That does sound nice, what did you do?'

'Oh, I was just a barista... But we served fresh food, and the cooks were teaching me some of the recipes and their techniques. That was definitely the best part, I really like cooking now'.

'Yeah well, I've only ever been here'.

You laughed softly, 'I still don't know how you've put up with Donna and J.B. for so long'.

'To be fair, J.B. is a new addition to the enemy'.

Ah yes, the enemy. You and Steven had agreed rather quickly that there seemed to be a "You vs. us" system in place. That being everyone from customers, tour guides, security, management, you name it, viewed the gift shop staff as the lowest of the low in the museum hierarchy.

You preferred it that way anyway, a lot of the female staff seemed to be very catty towards you, especially the tour guides. Every now and then you'd see them giving you dirty looks whenever you and Steven would chat and laugh together. You had no idea why, you'd never done anything or even had to interact with them in any way yet, but their dislike of you seemed to be firmly set in stone.

The time slowly drifted by, with the occasional child wanting to buy a stuffed toy or a packet of sweets providing your main output of customer service. You knew the museum was closed when a tower of white boxes were thumped in front of you. 'Looks like it's stockroom time now folks, off you pop' you heard Donna chirp from the other side. Steven sighed, as he walked out from behind the counter, and picked the boxes up. You couldn't help but gawk a little bit, those boxes looked very heavy. Donna still had a flush on her face after exerting herself carrying them over. He made it look easy.

'Um... can someone get the door please?'

#moon knight #fanfic #steven grant #steven grant x reader #steven grant x y/n

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glittergutts · 1 year

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I've been having a stressful morning. And I need to process my thoughts about preparing for treatment.

First we couldn't figure out the money to get all the stuff I need to take to treatment and I had a cry about feeling like I shouldn't even go. I didn't know all my vitamins and supplements had to be unopened until the other day and it cost a lot to buy all at once.

Figured it out with the last of our available credit and my supplements and stuff should be here tomorrow and Sunday just in time for me to leave Monday morning.

Loki is extra whiney today. Like he won't chill out and I want to yell because I do not understand what he wants. I wish he would lay down and let me rub him when I'm sad. He refuses to be comforting.

My anxiety started getting really bad when I was on the phone with my mom and she was slamming me with question after question. She's always like that but today I couldn't handle it. She's asking things I can't answer and reminding me how out of control even my best plan is.

So after awhile I took the anxiety pill and convinced myself to get out of bed. I found some pretzels that looked pretty plain and a Gatorade and even though I barely had any of either I feel uncomfortably full. I think all the days of skipping food has started to really hurt my body.

I got the okay to bring ensure drinks to treatment but I'm not even sure if I like them I just have to have the calories in a drink (because i cant fucking eat 360 calories at once) so I can take my latuda and I normally drink a Chai protein thing at home. I'm going to ask Chris to bring home a few flavors I can try so I can figure out which type to buy.

The food at treatment is close to nothing. They do cook dinners but it's always meat or something I don't eat so I have to fend for myself the whole stay. Once I lived off orange cups and plain Oatmeal for 12 days. I was so happy to eat again when I discharged.

I hope it's better this time I wish I was allowed to just bring my own food but I understand why they don't allow that.

I need to wash all my laundry today so I can figure out what clothes I'm bringing and get my bag ready. I'm waiting on a night gown from Amazon. I don't want to sleep in a big tee shirt there like I do at home because it doesn't feel safe and private to be pantsless. I bought a nice pair of sleep shorts when I went a few years ago and I'm going to bring those again and I think having 2 sleep outfits should be fine as long a I don't have sweat nightmares. They have laundry there if I do need to wash anything.

Also because of covid the rooms aren't shared anymore so I have the privacy to use the bathroom or change or sleep in my room whenever I want to. Hell I can take a shower at 3 am and nobody would stop me. Although I'll be trying to sleep and behave like the functional person I want to be. It's just a relieving idea to have some space and freedom.

I'm desperately hoping having the time to focus on my needs and health will let me leave a little better of a person or at be able to take better care of myself and family. I'm tired of letting myself down.

I found some nice skincare things in mini containers I can bring with that will make shower time a little more enjoyable. I have some fidget toys in a bag and some art supplies with a folder that has paper and coloring sheets inside. I'm going to bring my comfort pillow and my favorite squishmallow plushies. I just need to take a few pictures of my family and I feel like I tried my best to bring comfort with me. I got to order aromatherapy balm sticks because I can't have essential oils and I don't see why I couldn't have these so I feel good about my supply of comfort things.

I used to take so much klonapins and do normal stuff like safely drive my car but I feel heavily medicated this time like I need to lay down. At least I'm not having a panic attack and I had some food.

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frankhightower · 3 months

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If I became a billionaire (at each stage of my life)

Today's journal is a bit different, and arguably not art related. It's just something that's been bugging me and I need to get off my chest.

I've written before what I would do if I suddenly became a billionaire right now, and what I would’ve done if that had happened when I became of age (you don’t need to read those to understand this, just know they exist). Today I want to explore what I would’ve done if I’d become a billionaire at different stages in my life, because the answer is always the same:

There’s this problem I’m noticing… how is nobody working on it?!

age 6: The missing words problem

I noticed quite early on that I had a lot I wanted to say, I just didn’t have the words to say, and there was no way to help me find those words. Here I did learn the reason: adults tend to assume that kids’ thoughts are just simpler.

If I’d become a billionaire at this age (after, let’s be honest, buying a few toys) I would’ve put my resources towards this problem. There would’ve been an avalanche of books with things like “So you’re not happy but you’re not sad but you don’t like it? That’s called ‘unhappy’. Oh, you’re disappointed by how stupid that word is and now feel a little angry too? Welcome to ‘upset’!” and with things like “Does it feel like there’s a song that forces you to think about it again and again and you can’t stop? That’s called ‘getting it stuck in your head’.”

age 8: The licensing problem

Another thing I noticed early on is that companies are terrible with licensing. I first noticed it with Talespin where Don Karnáge’s popularity (recurring villain) was glaringly obvious if you ever saw a kid watch the show (he was the only one kids would imitate in the playground!) But Disney never capitalized on this. There was never a Don Karnáge movie or series or even toys while the series was running (okay, fine, there was 1 action figure, but the stores always stocked less of him than the others and he was stupid expensive, while Molly which honestly no one cared about got 3 action figures in 3 price ranges and a McDonald’s Happy meal toy!)

Then I noticed it with The Magic School Bus, which started pointing me to the cause of the problem: every decision had to be funneled through just the 2 authors!

But what finally made me realize this was a major problem was The Disney Store. Probably the most obvious idea for a global store chain ever, but no one could do anything with the idea except stare at Disney very intently and hope that would will them into doing it themselves (you have no idea how hard it was to get Disney merch in the early 90s! Virtually no stores carried it, and even with access to the internet and paper catalogues there was no way!) I would be in college before a Disney Store made it to me because simply contacting Disney was a hopeless mess! And I looked back and every IP holder ever was just that bad at being contacted. Surely someone could step in and fill the niche?

…And then there was Pokémon. I’ve mentioned you simply couldn’t get a Pokémon hat during the height of pokémania, it was not one of the “approved” products. This is when I realized: fans could do it (but it would take about a decade before they did). All they needed was a way for the company to give them the OK and, if they were successful, they would eventually be able to mass-produce it. Wouldn’t we live in a much better world if companies operated like this instead of decrying trademark and copyright violations left right and center?

And sure, some things would still get shut down. If you’re basically porting Pokemon Red to play in the browser (which was probably the most searched for thing at the time) the parent company is probably going to say no, the whole point is to play it on a Gameboy. But wouldn’t it be worth it for all the stuff they could now say yes to?

age 10: The housing problem

I noticed there was a global housing problem at this age and no one was talking about it (we’re talking late 90s/early 2000s here). I also realized the problem was not that there wasn’t enough square miles of city space dedicated to housing, it was just bad housing! I was already playing SimCity by this point, so I knew the solution was a) to densify and b) to put jobs and shops closer to the housing. But I didn’t want to turn every city on Earth into Lower Manhattan; I saw in the shrinking malls, a huge potential. Here was a single structure with well defined spaces where everything was in walking distance, was centrally located, and was car-accessible (sometimes with customer loading bays on the higher floors!) A lot of them also have dedicated office spaces. How hard would it be to turn at least some of those offices into apartments (which also had the advantage of requiring less parking and therefore freeing up even more space)? The small town/friendly neighborhood feel people kept saying they missed was all-but guaranteed!

Of course, the people who move in here would leave “bad housing” behind. Those you could turn into Lower Manhattan, since then you’ll have “missing middle mixed use” housing spread out at de-facto random!

age 12: The media bubble problem

I also noticed early that people were retreating into their own little bubbles with their own little opinions, worlds, and facts (harmless ones at this time like whether it was best to brush your teeth 2 vs 3 times a day but still worrying). This was still the age of cable, so what you were getting was “the Nickelodeon tribe”, “the Cartoon Network tribe” and *shudder* “the HBO tribe” and I could see this wouldn’t stop. Bubbles would get smaller and smaller until everybody was, essentially, alone, validated only by someone they could find on the other side of the world that happened to consume the same content. What would I have done with my riches to combat this? It’s quite simple: bring back the TV guide. The first step to stepping out of your bubble is knowing what exists outside of it.

I was “poor” (I couldn’t afford cable) so I wasn’t a member of any tribe. But because I overheard the names of the shows and channels, I could search the internet for them and still, well, have friends. But I could see this mechanism was unsustainable and that many people were already being isolated for not having caught on to this new way of doing things. Someone had to make it explicit! …No one ever did.

age 14: The digital divide

This was a problem that was talked about a lot in the early 2000s but no one did anything about (not in any serious way anyway). The problem was that, like Literacy vs. Functional Literacy, it’s not enough that you can sit at a computer and know that the mouse controls it, you need to know how to use the computer. What does Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V do? Which programs can I draw in? What do and don’t I need a Wacom-style tablet for? There was a lot of questions people had about technology that, honestly, made their lives difficult and no one was seriously tackling.

Unfortunately, there was no easy solution to this except hire a lot of people to tutor every one of them, personally, as some sort of pseudo-government program. Today, sure, you could probably define some software that detects when you don’t know how to use Ctrl+C and just tells you, but back then that was a little underdeveloped (*cough* Clippy *cough*). You would need to hire and train a lot of people to tutor everyone who needed to be brought in, and that would cost a lot of money. Maybe a billion dollars.

This problem was eventually considered to solve itself when smartphones became compulsory for things like …oh… taking the plane or paying for utilities… but we could’ve solved it so much earlier, so much better.

age 16: Literature's "missing middle"

Here’s a problem I don’t think is seriously being tackled yet: there’s Children’s books (picture books), there’s Young Adult books (Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, etc), and there’s Adult books (self-help, classical literature, etc). There’s “chapter books” for children to transition into young adult books …But there is no large genre to pick from for Young Adults to transition into Adult books. Surely there’s writers out there who are capable of such a feat, but are just lacking the resources?

And further, “Chapter books” are a uniquely English-speaking phenomenon and only exist because, wait for it, a lot of resources were poured into it in the past. Surely the genre can be, dare I say, kickstarted in other languages in a similar way?

age 18: Youth credit

So I start college and get a scholarship and a bank account it can be deposited into. Surely that means I now have access to credit? Psyche! Of course not! I was made to wait until the end of my Junior year before any bank would give me any form of credit. I have a lot of opportunities I missed because I was, like, $10 short which I’m sure I could’ve put on credit if I’d had one!

At this time, Muhammad Yunus was making headlines for pioneering “microcredit”. He realized NINJAs didn’t need houses, they needed small bits of aid for small investments that would slowly lift them out of poverty (as a personal example, I own a bicycle, but for years I couldn’t use it because I didn’t have a bike lock to tie it up with when I got anywhere. As soon as I was able to afford one, I was able to bike to the store of my choice, buy my own food, and therefore eat healthier, and therefore feel better, and therefore be more productive, and, yes, make more money!)

It didn’t take a genius to put the two together and realize young people needed such “microcredits” too. Such a thing had the potential to move the economy enough to get us out of the global financial crisis! (Could they just blow it all on video games? Sure, but remember the bubbles, that gives them access to a “tribe” which also has the potential of making them “feel better and therefore more productive”!)

…apparently, though, it did take a genius, because no one did it, no matter how much I “stared at them intently hoping that would will them into doing it.”

age 20: Adult friend-making

I noticed very quickly that, as an adult, it’s very hard to make friends. Still a student, I was able to find some clubs that I was interested, but I never became friends with the people there. (For one, they all seemed to assume I must have a car, which… look at the last one. For another, they wanted “drinking buddies”…I wanted someone to have a sober conversation with, and not just because my body can’t handle alcohol well!)

Even if I had, I could see there was no such clubs available once I graduated. What was I going to do, found “the anime club” for adults? Build a school playground for grownups? That would take like a billion dollars!

age 22: Student secretaries

Students need help. No not like that; again, it’s always the little things. Sometimes it’s someone you can ask to Google something for you while your hands are occupied. Sometimes it’s just… someone you can reliably tell “remind me to [blank]”. Friends, family… they never remember. They aren’t paid to.

The service does exist, it’s called a remote assistant, but it’s intended for, well, older people, which makes it expensive.

I realized this thing used to exist. “Upperclassmen” would be assigned a “Freshman” that would help them with little tasks like “return this library book for me”, while the “upperclassman” would explain, well, all the things people take for granted you “know” in that campus, such as where to get a friggin’ drink of water! I can’t tell you how much I suffered as a newbie just trying to get water!

Okay, tangent over. The point is the relationship is temporary because the upperclassman is supposed to graduate, so even if it does cease to be mutually-beneficial, it’s short-lived.

Reintroducing such a program (especially in multiple campuses) would need some kind of backing… some kind of sponsorship… some kind of… billion dollars.

age 24: Art tagging

As I began my first incursion (though not my first attempt) into the online art world, I realized just how terrible the art sites were. Surely by now there would be some kind of “just drop in” service for your art that automatically does part of the work for you? Sure, it can’t write your thoughts on your art, but surely image recognition was at the point where the art could be tagged automatically for things like setting, species, or colors?

No, of course not. Now that it’s been about a decade, we know no one was serious about this, they just wanted AI art.

age 26: Legal directory

Accepted for a masters scholarship, suddenly I had a lot of questions: How do I apply for one of those big credits? What international treaties affect me? What even is notarization and why does my grade report need it?

The problem is, simply, that I had no one to ask. I still don’t. (I mean, someone who actually knows, not just throw it out on the internet or hope my parents coincidentally had the same problems). Surely there’s a business opportunity just… answering people’s basic legal-adjacent questions and telling them “these are the people in your area that can help you”? Why isn’t this a normal thing yet?

age 28: The things you should "know"

New town, new university… and I realized there was a lot of things people expect you to just “know”. My biggest gripe was: my big-city DMV requires you to make an appointment, while college-town DMV was walk-in only. It took me six months—six months—to get a straight answer out of anyone on this regard and I’m still upset about that!

But I was, overall, doing fine. It was still a city, I know cities. Some even-smaller-town people were having a bit of trouble adapting to the “city” but, eventually they got it.

It really hit me how bad it was when winter came and the exchange students from the tropics started panicking. No one had told them about thermal underwear. Or hot drinks. Or wind chill. Or hats. They were spending all their money on Hollywood-movie-style coats and at a loss why they “weren’t working”. They were expected to just “know”.

So if one billion dollars were to fall in my lap at that point? I’d come up with a guidebook. There was a lot of guides that had been very helpful when coming to this new college, but none about these specific things. I’d also probably do an extra year, but the guidebook would’ve been first.

age 30: Infrastructure resilience

No one was talking about the “crumbling infrastructure” (at least not yet), but I could see it and saw it was a global problem and I was worried. At this point, I knew I needed to worry for myself first, so I focused on getting APCs to survive blackouts, storing water to survive water cuts, and learning to use WiFi Tethering to survive internet outages (and a good thing I did!) But I knew a lot of people didn’t know about these things. They didn’t even know APCs existed. But what could I do? I was barely able to afford the 2 APCs I did get (though, by my math, we needed at least 5). Some kind of massive battery backup program would require like a billion dollars!

Riches really are wasted on the rich.

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realhankmccoy · 5 months

Text

If you kids don't know who Olmsted is, look up Central Park and Prospect Park in NYC, among other things. Just learn it all. I LIKE ADULT CONVERSATION, to put it in Trump's term for Trump's cucks.

Also, I will not be manipulated into being a toy manufacturer again or into writing anything literary.

One of Elon's -- quite literal, up-close-and-personal boys -- has been trying to manipulate me into value-add technologies and ideas, too. Sigh. I've half deprogrammed this one over the course of years but it was a reminder about my values.

Kids, you probably aren't aware about how artists felt after World War II, but there was a sort of sense about, you know, how and why are we supposed to 'create great works' after a failure of Western Culture that epic? The idea was that 'it would be absurd' to do so.

That's exactly how I feel about being a toy manufacturer or literature writer lately, especially on here. I don't think I've ever really written anything all that good anyway. Certainly I don't want to ever look at anything I've written, and the few times I do, the experience is usually disappointing and kinda painful.

Writing is not on the to-do list. Well, it is, but of big to-do goals, it is ranked at ... let's see... #8 right now! And what is slated to be written, if or when I ever get to it, is somewhat different from the usual.

Now, I might write an erotic thing for a friend who lives just north of Philadelphia, and if it's any good I'll put it here when it's all done in a year or whatever... not that anyone at all is awaiting, since I would think I've alienated all those people by this point at least. That's even on the near-term list.

The point is that I WANT TO LIVE and I have adult concerns and agendas -- there will not be a McPlayplace out of me or my disappointing efforts at literature underneath the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy's thumb -- the product is not the point, the way I see it. I don't want to leave behind a series of impressive fossils like that Kurt Cobain guy did. That was his idea of heroism, and it's many peoples' -- but hasn't been mine since my mid-20s.

If some cuck wants LITTY RAT TURDS out of me or my LITERALTURE they can buy me a big fat steak at Bowdie's and all the cocktails I can drink. Otherwise, it obviously doesn't mean a rat's ass to them, so no, the answer is no. No no no no no no no no no. Capiamo?

I don't feel like it and if Trump's cuck is gonna make me the problem in the world and demand little rat turds out of me, it ain't gonna happen. I would much prefer to throw a rusty spanner or even -- bourgeois as it gets -- a cup of Starbucks coffee in the works for a while to make the point that LITERATURE AND TECHNOLOGY WILL NOT BE PRODUCED BY ME ON DEMAND IN A WORLD FULL OF BUGS BUNNIES LOOKING TO HARM OTHERS.

I mean, can you imagine having some small power, however small, to intervene in Nazi Germany and instead choosing to stay at home and write some picaresque or fairy tales? Isn't there something kind of gross about that when it's getting that bad outside?

Seems pretty bad outside in the USA these days, tho Urban-Champaign actually does seem like a thrivingly youthful bubble outside of that thus far.

KIds, I'm letting all the youthful energy of this area rub off on me for 9 months if I get to sign a lease.

As for Trump's cuck, it can take me to any one of the 29 Conde Nast restaurants in Chicago if it wants me to devote my life to LIDL RAH TOUR. If that's not even worth $30 to it, then fuck it. The whole problem is dehumanisation for the sake of production. I will not comply. I have bourgeois interests lately and will not be producing any LITTLE RAD CHURN.

When I've been to at least 20 Conde Nast restaurants in Chicago and to all the places I want to eat at in Milwaukee, I will maybe have more space for writings if I'm even still interested at all in writing or still, of course, alive because nobody lives forever, do they kids?

In fact, I'm going to make a list of Milwaukee restaurant goals right now.

#milwaukee #frederick law olmsted #mommie dearest #litterature

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cupidssorbett · 7 months

Text

Thigh riding.

Characters: Price, Ghost, Gaz, Valeria, (Slowly building up the list, ignore that soap isn't here because his part deleted and I'm tired xoxo!)

Includes: Praise, Slight degrading, Edging, Thigh riding, Nicknames(love, darlin’, etc.), No use of Name/YN, AFAB but no specific pronouns or anything. NOT PROOFED!!

PS: Apologies for not posting this yesterday! I forgot with all the stuff I've had to do! 10 will be posted with 11 tomorrow!

John Price:

You'd heard of thigh-riding through a conversation, not completely sure how it got to that but it had you intrigued. You just weren't sure how you could bring it up to Price, he was fairly open minded but it's not something that just comes up in a conversation.

So you were sat in bed toying with your big tee that you snagged from him as he finished his night routine joining you in bed, you thought you hid your nerves and your need to discuss and maybe go through with it but Price wasn't a man who could miss even the smallest thing and he could notice you and whatever was eating at you.

"Alright, what's gettin' at ya hm?" He asked with a raised brow as he dried his hair, "Ah, it's nothing darling, honest." You stated simply trying to wave it off but he wasn't buying it. Taking a seat beside you on the bed and taking one of your hands into his he looked at you, "Your a bad liar love, come on, what is it?" He asked again this time softly rubbing your knuckles with his thumb putting you at ease.

Price was a good man, he was tough when it needed but a big teddy bear with you, with an inhale and an exhale you braved yourself up to get it out. "Thigh-riding." You blurted out, your cheeks becoming red, as he blinked looking at you before he chuckled then laughed a bit. "Come on! Don't laugh that makes it worse!" You said playfully hitting his arm eliciting more chuckles and laughter.

"And why is it bad to begin with hm?" He questioned with what that stupid smile that quirked up his beard, "Well..I didn't know how you would ya know feel about doing it." your voice became quieter as you said it, when you finished he raised a brow slightly, "You want to try it out hm?" Price rubbed a hand over his beard as if contemplating it to which you nodded with an exhale. Until your head quickly perked up when he shrugged, "I don't see why not darlin', if your hearts in it, then I'd love to give you a new type of pleasure." You blinked as if trying to gauge and make sure he meant it and was alright with it earning another chuckle as he tucked a finger under your chin.

Bringing your lips to his with a little hum before pulling away, "Don't doubt for a second I wouldn't want to give you anything but what you want, plus your little idea has me interest love." Carefully moving from you sitting back and patting his thighs, "C'mon, let's do this." He said with a small wink earning a relaxed laugh from you as you carefully hurried over unsure for a moment, to which he took your hand kissing the back before leading you to sit steadily on one of his thighs and the groan he elicited noticing you had no underwear on and just his shirt had you fluttering around nothing.

Settling his hands on your ass gently he began to help you find a pace, the friction that his pants clad thigh gave your cunt had your hands settling onto his chest gripping the shirt lightly. "There ya go darlin'..You've got it." He murmured softly watching the way your hips grounded softly against his thighs, giving your ass a softly squeeze eliciting little noises that he adored to hear.

You huffed and found a pace you enjoyed, his name leaving your lips in gentle pants and mewls as his hands moved up to your hips settling there letting you move how to pleased. "John.." You murmured out as you began to move faster a little more desperate earning a soft chuckle as he rubbed soft circles in your skin.

The sounds of his praise and your breathing, mewls, keens whatever noises left your lips filled the room as you began to chase that high, "Come on come on.." he murmured softly as Price's lips met yours that coil tightening muffling the moan that escaped when you reached that high, your cunt fluttering around nothing as you gripped his shirt. Carefully leaning against his chest as he kissed your head, "So, Was it all you thought it was?" he questioned as you nodded.

"Don't be afraid to ask then next time darlin'."

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

His hands gripped your waist in an almost bruising way, those greenish hazely eyes dead set focused on the way your grinded and moved on his thigh. He'd come home late, he wasn't staying long, he'd just happen to leave something home but instead he found you in a compromising way, his name leaving your lips in soft honeyed sighs and he just couldn't leave you that way.

"Come on..I know ya need this darlin'." He murmured that thick deep voice sending shivers down your spin, his gloved hands loosening their grip just barely to trace circles with his thumbs on your skin. Bouncing his leg ever so slightly to gauge your reaction, and when he got the one he wanted of you gripping onto him and your words becoming jumbled he couldn't resist.

He help you set the most mind melting pace that gave you the delicious friction you wanted so bad against your clit, him bouncing his leg only added to it, your eyes rolling back slightly as he murmured all kinds of words into your ear. "I know ya can do it..C'mon."

"Simon, Simon s'too much." You managed out in your panting shallowed breathed state, "Nah c'mon..You can do it." his eyes and his grip on you and the fact he was so dead set on your pleasure had you reeling that coil forming in your stomach had you setting your pace it far more than before.

Biting down on your lip softly to keep noises in was a fail, keens and mewls escaping as he kept his hands steady on your hips. "M'gonna-!" you were cut off by coil snapping and your body convulsing slightly against his. Panting and catching your breath from your high. Simon chuckled lightly looking down at the mess on his thigh and the now ache in his pants.

"Looks like I'll be here a bit longer love."

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

Gaz's face found purchase in your neck, nipping the skin and placing open mouthed kisses watching as you rode his thigh so desperately. He couldn't help but chuckle.

You'd brought it up to him just as a joke but when he seemed dead serious on trying it out with you, you could not ignore the butterflies it gave you, or the way right now it had you leaning against him for support.

"Yep..Just like that, do it at your own pace sweetheart." Gaz hummed against your skin as his hands traced soft patterns on the skin of your waist/hips, watching as your movements became more desperate and your breathing shallower.

Your eyelids sat half lidded, downcasted to where you were rubbing your bare cunt against his thigh, the need to cum had you placing your hands on his chest, brows knitted softly, a small pout on your lips. "Relax..Relax, don't push it." he tilted your head back up to look at him. "Go at a pace you want."

With a soft shaky sigh you began to grind your hips at a pace that you found enjoyable, that had your thighs clamping around his, your face coming to hide in his neck as you dragged your sopping wet cunt back and fourth on his jean clad thigh.

A few more calculated movements later and that feeling forms in your lower stomach and you can't help but chase it not giving yourself enough time to tell Gaz as your nails dig into his back, soft gasps and pants leaving your lips as you steadied yourself.

"Woahh..Lookit this mess you made, think we'll have to find a way to..clean it up yeah?"

Valeria Garza:

To say you’d been teasing her all day would be an understatement, you knew she was going to be busy with business relations and that you weren't going to see her much. But you'd make sure she still saw you.

You decided to clean out your closet some rather showy pieces caught your mind, a cheeky smile made its way to your lips and then the idea planted itself into your brain, deciding that trying them on and sending your girlfriend some pictures would be a good idea, because you needed some "advice."

So in the middle of talking to some others, Valeria's phone dinged a few times, she didn't see a need to step away, so she just let the people before her continue talking as she opened it, clenching it in her hands upon seeing the risky images you'd sent her. One of them noticed and she just brushed it off but she knew damn well what she was doing once she got back to you.

For the rest of the time you laid on your bed scrolling through social media or getting up to get whatever you had done. Then, Valeria arrived home, you could hear her calling for you downstairs.

"Upstairs my love!" you called sitting up on the bed still in one of her favorites, you heard her boots coming up the stairs, and in one swift moment she came into the room and had your chin in her hands, not bruising or any kind of pain just in a way that had your eyes on her.

Valeria slowly leaned her head down to just barely brush her lips on yours, “You’ve been really desperate huh querida?”(darling) she whispered her lips so close to yours just barely brushing, you managed out a soft whimper, “No no..none of that, not now at least, come on all of those images, while I was around others?” Valeria sneered slightly as she leaned in even more.

With a soft exhale you nodded your head, “Yes..Yes okay I was,” you admitted desperate for her attention, gasping softly as her hand slowly slid down the front of your torso closer to your panties. “Mhm mhm..Sending me all those things while I was busy.” She added a click of her tongue behind her teeth before pulling away from your lips and bringing her hand away from you so desperately needed her eliciting a whine from your lips.

“You’re going to work for it, especially after the way you’ve been today cariño.”(sweetheart) Valeria motioned for you to get up off the bed, carefully you did as she kept your hands in hers, she took your spot on the bed before spreading her legs slightly and patting one of her thighs. “Come on,” she hummed and you obliged.

Her hands quickly found purchase on your hips/waist, “Go on, use my thigh.” She purred as she set her lips to your neck, planting all kinds of kisses and marks as you softly began grinding your panty covered cunt against her thigh. Starting slow and gentle until she began to bounce her leg which earned more mewls from you as you steadied your hands on her chest trying to keep your self steady.

“You’re going so good, mhm..look at you so flirty you’re getting off on my thigh like it’s second nature.” Valeria whispered against your skin not stopping the bouncing of her leg in the slightest, your mind felt fuzzed slightly by this point, soft mewls and keens coming from your parted lips becoming muffled as soon as she attatched hers to yours.

Passionate yet rough as she allowed you to grind and rub desperately against her thigh. “Mmph..Wanna..” you managed out to which she sped up her leg bouncing with a wicked smile at the way gasps flew from your mouth digging your nails into her shirt.

“Come on..I wanna see that pretty face when you cum, and only over my thigh how pathetic hmm?” Valeria planted one more kiss to your neck as that coil in your belly snapped as you stilled your movements. She held you in place carefully stilling you on her thighs as she rubbed your back, “Did so good cariño.” (sweetheart) she murmured praise as you can down from your high.

“However for what you did, we are far from done.”

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callgespenst · 1 year

Text

Finished Media, October 2022

I've gotten a lot out of posting about whatever I've read/watched/played most recently, so I'm going to try doing it as a month to month thing on here. Here's what I was doing this past month!

Tiger and Bunny 2: The rare long-awaited sequel that didn't let down ten years worth of expectations. Getting stuck in Netflix jail really killed the hype, but what can you do? I think I liked the first cour better than the second, not that the second was bad, but it felt more like a movie plot stretched out into a season. Sure hope that the third season (if that's feasible, no idea what the numbers look like on this one) doesn't take as long to drop.

Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, and the Witch's Ghost, and the Alien Invaders: apparently these were direct to video so I refer to them as OVAs, which is only reinforced by the solidly Japanese staff in the credits. All good fun. Alien Invaders was my favorite story, but Witch's Ghost had Tim Curry knocking it out of the park.

Powered Armor Dorvack: a 1984 robot cartoon that I never, ever thought I'd be able to watch with English subtitles. Two of the main mecha from the series got turned into Transformers (Whirl and Roadbuster), and that was all I knew about this going in. Lots of strong character episodes and a very unique last third. Wouldn't recommend it to anyone as their very first robot anime or anything, but if you're full up on the classics it's worth a look.

Fuuto PI: Fun enough on its own, but mostly I just want to rewatch Double now. If I hadn't sworn off the roleplay toys I would absolutely buy the Double Driver again.

Shawshank Redemption: putting this in the middle of the list really makes it stand out. I got married at the cabin shown in the opening scenes of the film where the guy's wife gets murdered, that's the main reason I wanted to see this. Sure wish America still consistently made movies like this.

Castlevania Symphony of the Night: The wonky voice acting is honestly extremely charming. Gameplay is still fun and nuanced several console generations later. Definitely want to play more from the series, but I think I'll save it for next spooky season.

One Piece Film Red: This was just a Macross movie. This is not a joke or an exaggeration. So I highly recommend it.

Dragon Ball (entire original manga): Rereading this all the way through as an adult was really eye-opening. Sure, you can really tell the points at which the editors told Toriyama "what the FUCK are you doing, buddy?" But it's still a great time, I got more than a little emotional at the climax of the final fight, even. I could probably write an essay about how Goku and Vegeta are the most mischaracterized dudes in the whole of western fandom, but not today.

That's everything! Here's what might be next:

Playing: Bayonetta 3

Watching: Witch from Mercury, Pop Team Epic, Do It Yourself!, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Reading: Happy Kanako's Killer Life. I might also (god help me) try and catch up on One Piece.

#gespenst media

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captains-simp · 3 years

Text

Carol Danvers ~ Impatient Acts: Part 1

Carol Danvers X fem!Reader Smut

Word count: 1,724

Includes: phone sex, degrading, captain kink and masturbation with fingers and strap on

[ masterlist ]

Buy me a coffee ☕

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"How much longer do you think you'll be away?" You ask with a pout as you role onto your back, staring up at the dull ceiling and imaging your girlfriend somewhere far above it.

"I don't know, baby. Could be a couple days, maybe more...a lot more." She spoke into the device. Even though you were disappointed you were still quick to realise her tired voice sounded a lot like her morning voice, something that always turned you on to no ends.

Right now Carol was getting ready to rest for the night, if that was even a thing in space, while you lay on your bed in the midday summer heat.

The blonde had been away for a few weeks now and you missed her so much. You missed everything about the captain and there seemed to be nothing you could do to fix that. It seemed cuddling her pillow was only enough for when your were falling asleep, and even then you wanted to feel her strong arms wrapped around you.

Not to mention her being away for so long was leaving you incredibly sexually frustrated. You had told Carol this countless times when she had been away, but she just laughed it off before reiterated her number one rule: no touching the captain's property.

Just thinking about her referring to you and your body in such a way made a fire ignite between your legs.

"I miss you." You spoke quietly into the mic on your phone, closing your eyes and trying to invision her right now. She practically always slept in sweatpants and a vest, even in the winter when she was able to heat up her body with her powers (which was like sleeping with a warm blanket wrapped around you). Although sometimes she might not have those sweatpants on...and maybe even nothing beneath. You bite your lip at the thought.

"I miss you too." She said in that morning voice that encouraged the need you felt.

You were only wearing a loose vest and panties. You had no plans of going out, you were home alone and the summer heat wouldn't have been bearable to you in anything else.

"So much." You whispered into the mic as your fingers trailed delicately across your bare thigh and you imagined the motion being from Carol.

Speaking of who, the blonde was quick to catch on to the nature of your speech, knowing all the signs of you being horny you didn't even know you showed.

You heard her move position in her bed and imagined her moving to straddle your waist to kiss down your neck, or making herself comfortable between your legs to slide her strap in easier.

Your eyes flickered open to eye up the closet that you knew Carol had left one of her straps in as she spoke.

"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously but knowing full damn well what you wanted to do.

"Nothing." You replied with a smile and your best innocent voice. You contemplated getting up and heading for the closet as you said that, but decided to just listen to Carol's voice instead...for now.

"You better be." She said with warning etched into her tone. You shivered at her words slightly as your fingers wandered over your clothed folds that were now drenched with your arousal.

"Or what?" You asked with a smirk and all the confidence you could gather; knowing full damn well you were going to pay for it later. But you were so god damn horny and Carol's voice was all the help you needed, the consequences would be another day's problem.

"Or you're going to regret it." She stated.

You scoffed at her words, not believing the punishment she was going to give could possibly not be worth the orgasm you were going to have tonight.

"It?" You questioned, wanting to hear her spell it out to you. Dirty talking would definetly get you off.

"If you touch that needy little pussy of yours without your captain's permission," she started - her voice getting lower and abandoning her tired tone now she was paying you full attention, "then when I get home I'll make your punishments so bad you'll beg for my forgiveness like the desperate whore you are while crying out for it to stop. You think I've punished you bad before? Things will get unimaginably worse for you if you disobey your captain, slut." She finished, bitterness engraved in her voice that made you bite you lip to stop yourself whimpering pathetically.

You knew you should stop. But the hormones were clouding your judgement and you could physically feel your arousal ruining your panties.

You didn't respond to Carol, you couldn't. You were completely unable to form any words as your fingertips finally dipped under your panties and stroked the wetness of your pussy.

"Well?" Carol asked expectantly. The moment of silence was filled with unbearable tension.

Your clit was throbbing, your pussy walls were clenching around nothing and a thin layer of sweat was forming along your body. You weren't going to wait any longer.

"No." You whispered. There was more silence as Carol didn't seem to believe you would defy such explicit orders, you always obeyed her.

"No?" She questioned, her voice stoic.

Your fingers stroked your folds more until you had collected enough of your juices. With ease, you slipped two fingers inside your touch deprived pussy and gave a long moan as they sunk deeper into you.

Carol growled lowly into the mic before speaking again. "Don't you fucking dare, y/n." She spat.

"I'm so wet, captain." You smiled as you started a slow pace with your fingers, not wanting to overwhelm your most sensitive part after weeks without contact.

"Stop." She said firmly but the anger in her voice only encouraged you. You could imagine her jaw clenched to enhance that prominent jawline. Her fists clenched and probably dieing to be choking you with them. And despite her objections, you bet she was wet.

You curled your fingers ever so slightly and shivered as they brushed against your most sensitive part. You sighed in bliss and moaned once your pace increased.

"Captain..." You whimpered, your thrusts becoming rougher as you clenched around your fingers occasionally.

"It's not worthit, y/n. Do not cum on those fucking fingers." She spat, prouncing all words to the t slowly and deliberately.

Her words planted an idea in your mind and you grinned mischeviously.

"Yes, captain." You replied and gradually pulled your fingers away, your pussy instantly clenching and protesting.

"Good. Now go to sleep." She ordered but you ignore her as you got off the bed and went over to the closet with one of Carol's straps. You bit your lip at the site of the perfect silicone and took it back to the bed.

You stripped off your panties and flung them across the room before laying down again and being thankful Carol hadn't hung up, probably dissatisfied by you not responding to her.

"I miss you fucking me with your cock, captain." You said truthfully into the mic. You didn't miss the uneven breath from Carol that she tried to fix.

"I'm glad you left my favourite behind." You smirked as your fingers stroked the toy.

"Don't even think about it." Carol warned but you disregarded her again as you placed the strap at your entrance, not even needing lube because of how wet you were and especially as you all but edged yourself just a minute prior. Granted, Carol rarely decided to use it either.

You made sure your head was tilted towards you phone that was close to you so your increasingly frustrated girlfriend could hear how your breathing was increasing in anticipation.

Her additional warnings fell on death ears as you only focused on those sound of her voice rather than the message. You were faintly aware of the threats and her telling you you were a disrespectful whore.

You moaned in response to her when the strap pressed itself further against your pussy lips as they eagerly spread themselves apart for the silicone.

You moaned even louder when the intruder was pushing it's way inside you, all the time imagining Carol above you while she whispered dirty truths to you like a secret.

"Captain." You whimpered as you pushed the strap on further, the result being your walls clamping down on it and your juices aiding it all.

You could hear Carol's breathing increase too, clearly turned on by hearing you fuck yourself with her strap and getting off to imaging her. But she would never admit that.

"It feels so good." You moaned as you pulled the strap out, only to have it return with force you hadn't realise you could conjour.

Her breathing hitches as she hears the wet sounds your pussy makes when you thrust the already soaking toy into your needy pussy. You do this continuously as you set a steady pace and lift your hips up slightly to give yourself better access.

Your pace doesn't falter and the strap continues the thrust into you, not nearly matching the pace Carol would give but knowing she'd up that when she gets back. The very thought of how rough she would be with you makes you gush with wetness and amplifies the sounds your pussy is making.

You moan louder into the mic as you mutter Carol's name over and over, as though doing so could make her appear.

"I'm gonna cum." You breathe out heavily and whimper as you approach you high.

"Don't." Carol orders and you can practically hear her teeth gritting between words.

With that command, you whole body tenses up and you back arches. You moan the loudest you had all night as you reach you first orgasm in weeks. "I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" You practically scream as you clench desperetly around the strap as you cum hard on the toy, shaking in pleasure as some of your white, sticky liquid escapes around the sides of the toy and spreads across your thigh as you clench them together after pulling the strap out.

You hadn't even regained your breath when Carol speaks her final words that night.

"You're going to regret that."

My Captain has ended the call.

Part two

#captain marvel smut #captain marvel #captain marvel imagines #captain marvel x reader #carol danvers smut #carol danvers #carol danvers imagines #brie larson #captain

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staysuki · 2 years

Text

ᴘᴇᴀᴄʜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ™️ | han jisung fic

pairing: bad boy ceo!han jisung x y/n

genre: (penis heart part.2), experimental fic, satire, boss x employee (secretary?? p.a.??), crack, fluff?????, one huge joke, 18+ but no smut. just dirty hokes.

warnings: currently writing this while very shitfaced. did not care to proofread or recheck. im currenlty writing this at 5am in one go. no docs or anything. just one whole tumble one-take. lez go. penis heart y/n is a different person to this y/n. they are not the same people. i've had like, a bittle of whiskey before writing this. this was posted after writing. zero quality checks. 18+ but no smut. just dirty jokes. mentions of sex toys but as a product, not used. v v bad jokes.

word count: somebody count it for me then comment it below. thanks. i ly

synopsis: happy new year

a/n: i thin ku have to read penis heart felix fic because context before this one or you can read it on its own. i dont tell you what to do. ur ur own boss. if somebody twlls me that drunk ash weites better than sober ash then i will delete rhis acount in snap 🤌. also ghis is too sjort. i wantsd it to be longer but i mentalle cant.

tags: @anyone who read penis heart. you're welcome.

you walk through the glass double doors of the peach company. what's the name of the company again? you forgot. or perhaps, the author simply couldn't think of one.

it's peach company. definitely that.

why? you ask? well, every since you were little, this company has had a huge impact on your life. peach stickers, pencils, washi tapes, peach everything.

it wasn't until you grew older and found your old collection did you realize the huge innuendo behind it all. your parents even told you how they didn't have the heart to deny your request of buying it even though they knew how dirty the context was.

🍑💦—that's the whole context.

nonetheless, you thought it was cute and subtle anyways so who cares? it's not like the products were super in-your-face like that darn penis heart products.

you hated pp heart with all your being.

dirty. crass. unclassy.

very much the opposite of the sophisticated aesthetic of the peach company. but the ceo, felix, was very hot. that's all there is to it

as you grew up, when you had the chance, you applied for peach company. they recently had a coronation of a new ceo—that's not what it's called but we'ee calling it that anyways.

with the birth of a new head (pun intended), things changed with the way the company handled things. although you weren't there to experience the glory days of peach company, you're now here to experience the rebirthing.

"y/n, we have to think of new and innovative ideas to beat the little twat." your boss, jisung, grumbled as he bit into the ends of his peach pen.

although you and your boss never got along on a personal level, you were professional enougjh to always stay by his side. it's not his fault that peach company is at an all time low. all the fresh ideas have already been made and jisung refused to make any new products that's remotely similar to penis heart.

it hurt his pride, you felt it. and as someone who used to be an avid collector of their peach products, it hurt you too.

"what about skipping past the stationary and branching into sex toys? the market is big and we've never really dipped our toes into it." you commented.

jisung thought about that, his cheeks puffing up in that cute way that you always noticed.

"but penis heart—"

you cut him off, "i don't know what's with your obsession with that company. sure, you're both in the same market but you appeal towards completely different body parts. ours is definitely superior."

"what do you suggest then? peach fleshlights?"

you nodded with slight uncertainty, "something like that?"

"it's just not good enough." he shook his head, unsatisfied with your suggestion.

it's almost been a year and jisung hasn't released a new product since he stepped in as CEO. he's desperate, but not desperate enough to compromise his standards. he wants the very best.

"look, i don't know anymore, jisu— i mean, mr. ceo. you never feel satisfied with anyone's suggestions. the board is growing frustrated and your team is literally out of ideas—"

he slammed his hands on his desk, "i don't care! it's everyone's job to ensure that we always invent something new. we can't just keep going with this pink peach, slightly anal concept. our whole 'is it boobs or is it ass' promotional debate is over! someone on reddit literally wrote an entire theory on our company! it's ass! literally!" jisung ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

you would've felt bad but it's his fault you're in this situation in the first place.

"peach love—" he started, that's the name of the company, you remember, "—is all about innocence. it's an innuendo but kids can buy our products and nobody would be none the wiser. that's our aesthetic—to help those young, impressionable kids transition to their horny teen phase. we are the sexual awakening, y/n, this is the very heart of peach love. we can't just go for a mediocre product and run with it."

you fell silent. his office felt colder as you grew tired of the same situation every day.

a part of you wished that you should've just applied to work in penis heart™️ company. you heard that the ceo was hot af.

but perhaps, the small thought of yours was what sparked a new idea.

"mr. han, what about a collab?" you sparked

"a what?"

"a collab!" you restated, more enthusiastically this time. "you said tht our brand is about the transition between pre-pubescent and puberty. maybe we can strike a deal with penis heart™️ to make an informational guidebook abojt the rough up and downs of puberty!! y'know, sex ed, but capitalism style."

he seems to be thinking about it but the thought of working with his archeneemes didn't sit right with him.

"i don't know y/n... sounds.. dumb."

but this might've been your best idea as of yet so you didn't give up.

the next day, no one other than mr. penis heart, lee felix, himself is sitting in front of your boss, han jisung. your ceo seems to be in a very hostile mood, trying his best to establish his dominance by sitting up straigjt and stretching his shoulders.

primal instincts kicking in as he tried to remind felix that he's in "enemy territory" whatever it is that jisung wanted fo call it.

"i heard you wanted to collaborate! i would love to!" felix started, his voice octaves lower than you had imagined, making your knees feel weak.

his smile was as bright as it looked on the tabloids and you felt blessed to be witnessing his visuals in person.

but now that you see them side by side, you never really noticed how handsome your own ceo looked.

"yeah, it was my secretary's idea." jisung said, pointing towards you and you did a small bow.

if you can't beat the enemy, join them.

you didn't think that felix would agree to your proposal righr away byt he seemed to be a happy go kucky type of guy. very much unlike your boss.

"so you agree..?" jisung stated carefully and felix just nodded enthusiastically.

"i mean, yeah? we're in the same market, but there's really no need for us to compete y'know? i think we coild do better if we combine our powers and unite as one team and create better products than we're capable of making on our own. jusyt let me know what you need and we're sure to help you in any way we can."

"thank you sir!" you said merrily, shaking his hand.

"what a show off." jisung grumbled beside you in protest. if felix heard it, he definirely didn't comment on it.

felix took your hands and enclosed it into his warm ones, bringing up to his lips. "i like your brain, y/n, it's very sexy. i might want to steal you for my own company."

he sent you a wink, making you giggle. although he was very charming, you knew he was simply joking because you've heard of his infamous relationshop with his own personal assistant.

although it made you imagine of what it woild feel like to have jisung as your lover, you simply shook the thought away, realizing that josung is a very serious man who cares about the company and nothing else.

he wasn't carefree or charming as felix. he was strict, scary, too serious, and often gets angered easily.

but with that, the company meeting was easily adjourned. no need for extra presentations or debates, felix agreed and signed a contraft right a way.

when felix left your boss' office, you turned to jisung right away, jumping up and down in joy. but you composed right away when you saw jisung's sharp glare boring into you.

you cleared your throat, "isn't this great, sir? we have creative liberty on the product but we get full support including materials, workers, and credits! peach love has it's loyal fanbase but we didn't really have a good year this year so we need all the help we can get. this is definielty gonna turn the company sround—"

"do you like felix?" jisung asked, cutting you off.

"huh?" dumfoudned, you asked.

"you seemed pretty enamored with him and i can see you being giddy at the corner of my vision."

he was observing you? you blushed at the thought but tried to wave it away. though jisung thought you were blushing at felix.

"i admire him as a ceo, nothing else," you clarified. but jisung wasn't happy nor satisfied with that answer.

"so are you going to quit and join his company?" his voixe had a sharp edge to it. as if you're one word away from being fired.

"n-no? i like being here." you said, rtrying to clear the stutter from your voice. yoi've never really thoughr about quitting but the faxt that this is your first tome seeing your boss so annoyed mighr change your mind.

jisung had always been scary whenever he got mad.

and he's always mad.

always to thw point that you got used to it and didn't get affected by it anymore.

but this is different.

this was a kind of anger that you've never seen before.

he stood up and stalked towards your desk. crossing his arms as he glared at you, observing whether you were lying or not.

in a few seconds, his shoulders dropped, the tension he was feeling suddenly washed away. "you're right. we haven't had a good sale this year and it's getting to me. i've seen the articles, y/n, people think i'm a failure."

tyou immediately went closer to him, carwfully taking his hand to ease his worries, trting to comfort him. "you're not a failure jisung, you're a perfectionist and there's nothing wrong with that. you're not a sell out and you value the history of this company, you would much rather release a quality product once every five years than release a mediocre one every month and i think that's a very admirable thing for you to do. not everyone could keep their dignity intact in this industry but you do. it's tough to make the calls in youe position but yoi've always been able to do it as if it's the easiest thing in thw world. yoi're doing great, jisung."

he stared into yours eyes the whole time, a certain softness spreading warmth all throught your body. today, you see each othwr in a diffeeent light as jisung let vulnerabikity wash all over him as he dropped his head, forehead touching yoirs.

it made you feel shy at first and hella self-conscious but as he caressed your cheek with his hand, you relaxed into his hands, feeling like putty as he stared into your lips but held himself back. "you're too good for me, y/n..." he whispered. so soft it seemed like he didn't want you to hear it. but in such short proximity, it was impossible not to.

he ran his fingers on your lips, his eyes never leaving the plump flesh for a second, "you won't leave me, right?"

you inhaled, his delicious scent filling your nerves, "never."

he smirked, relishing your answer as he trapped you between his arms on your desk, "good. because you're mine and mine only."

#ashfaced #penis heart #ash's pp hair #han jisung fic #jisung fic #han fic #han jisung #han #skz fic #stray kids fic

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the-fiction-witch · 2 years

Text

Benny The Bunny sitter P3

TV SHOW THE QUEENS GAMBIT

COUPLE: BENNY X READER

RATING: SEXY

I woke up after a while to a clattering and banging I sighed getting up slipping my kimono on and going out to my he living room where bunsy had knocked everything in her little area over scattering food, hay, little rabbit poop all over the floor. "You are a little shit you know that?" I sighed "I am not y/n. I am not getting up at the crack of dawn to feed you, you won't starve between now and then" I complained "here to temperamental little rabbit" I sighed filling her bowl up, I went for a hot shower and got dressed doing myself s coffee letting her run around the house as I fixed the little area up any time I did that rabbit would just sit there looking at me, she had made a huge mess and I was sat cleaning it up. She has successfully made me her bitch. "I hate you. You know that. Y/n might love you and I might love her but that does not mean by any level of proxy I give a shit about you. The only reason I don't make rabbit stew is because y/n will never speak to me again if something happens to you" I finished up and got the little treat bag sitting by her bowl instantly she for excited and came over "look bunsy. I don't like you. I know for a fact that you don't like me. But... I don't know when y/n's gonna be home so whether we like it or not we have to co exist. Because if I do anything to you y/n will never speak to me again. And I really enjoy hitting that. Like... I'm sure you understand as a rabbit. But I really like her And I do not intend loosing the closest thing to a non toxic relationship I've ever had over a bunny. And if I tell y/n you're done anything to me she'll think you were a bad bunny and not give you the nice treats and toys and all the other special things you have. So... in the respect of that can we agree to a mutual truce? Hey... truce?" I offered getting a treat from the bag offering it she seemed suspicious at first but took it wiggling her nose as she ate it "alright then. But I'm still the boss of you" I warn letting her have a few more treats "what even are these things anyway?" The packet read pineapple, apple pillows they sort of looked like tiny health bars you can buy with the fuity jam centers kinda felt like them off "fuck it" I shurugged leaning on the wall as she ate her treats and I had the last one from my hand "ehh... not that bad I guess. Edible I suppose. How do you eat this all day? Along with that nugget crap... and leaves. How is that delicious to you fuzzball?"

Just then I heard the phone so I grabbed it from the side as it was actually with arms reach

"Hello?"

"Hello Benny. Your still alive then I take it?" Y/n smiled

"Still alive. Yeah are you alright?"

"Yep just getting settled. Hows my baby?"

"Bunsy is fine. Just sitting with her now just finished cleaning and feeding her."

"She's letting you sit there?"

"Yes. We have come to a mutual understanding with each other"

"Alright Benny but don't get cocky. Remember if you try and touch her eats she'll bite you." She reminds

"I know. So... where are you?"

"Benny. You know I can't tell you that."

"Any Idea when you might be home?"

"Hate it there already?"

"No. I just.... Wanna know if they told you"

"Nope not yet"

We talked for a good while, about the house, her hotel, bunsy, the weather, all sorts of things really

"Y/n..."

"Yeah Benny?"

"I... I miss you."

For a few seconds there was silence I could feel my heart beats hear my breaths

"I miss you too Benny. But I haven't really been gone all that long?"

"I know but I still miss you, I always miss you when you go away. For a day or... six months. Besides I wanted to talk with you about... stuff"

"I shouldn't be that long. And when I get home we'll talk I promise"

"You always say that."

"I promise Benny. We'll talk about it. I'll call when I can okay?"

"Okay, call when you can."

"Bye Benny"

"Bye. And .. be careful"

"You too. Tell bunsy I love her!" She cheered before the phone rang off

"... I love you too you know..... Fuck" I sighed throwing the Phone back "hey bunsy. Y/n loves you" I told her getting up out her little pen up as it was fairly late now, I went and did my dinner and shut her in her own for the night locking the house up and getting into bed, I stared at her circling ceiling for a while unable to sleep I couldn't stop hearing y/n's voice in my head from the phone. But I knew she'd get stuck on my head eventually I hoped out the bed and check the door was locked not that I was that concerned I mean... rabbits can't open doors. Right? I turned the light beside the bed on as low as it would go, I pulled my buffle bag out from under the bed still containing a few items I hadn't but away yet I slipped my hand into the back bag until it met the familiar feel of the magazine, I pulled it out instantly smirking at the sight feeling my blood start to race "hello darling" I smirked to my now fairly old copy of hustler seeing that girl on the front, full bodied, curvy, with hair just like y/n and I kicked off my boxers letting them pool at my ankles before I stepped out of them and climbed into bed.

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