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romanarose · 24 days

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Oscar Issac/Pedro Pascal Fan Art and Fiction Pride Event 2024

Hello friends!

Let's try this again and I'll try to be more clear to not invoke discourse. That being said, it is *my* event and if you'd like to run one a certain way, go nuts. However, this is how I'm doing it.

I had a lot of fun doing Dead Dove December and the Triple Frontier Anniversary Event so I decided I wanted to do an event for pride this year! I know it seems far away right now, especially given how many of us in north America are still cold af, but I wanna give everyone time!

Each week of pride will have a theme to write or draw for (you don't have to do all of them! Think of it like kinktober.) at the end, I will put out a masterlist (or multiple depending how many)so we can all share each other's work.

Why?

Oscar Isaac and Pedro Pascal are both allies to LGBT people, Pedro having played multiple queer rolls and having likened his sexuality to that of Prince Oberyn. Despite none of the characters being canon queer, Triple Frontier specifically lends itself to queer stories. Recently, theres been a rise in stories of Oscar characters in relationships or Pedro characters in relationships which I love.

What I'd really like to do is encourage people to think past x fem!reader or canon presentation of characters. I want to encourage gay, lesbian, bisexual relationships, trans readers, trans interpretations of characters etc. More content guidelines will be in the what section.

Where?

Primarily tumblr.com, our very own shithole hellsight. However, especially given tumblr's censorship vs. twitter, I am encouraging posting on twitter or wherever you'd like. If you post something elsewhere, send me a link or send me a post you made about it on tumblr and I'll promote the link.

Additionally if you only write on ao3, I'd love for you to participate too! Once again, just send the link!

When?

in order to do the week by week themes and hold all of June, there will be 6 weeks from May 26th-July 6th

Each week will have themes. I won't be policing the weeks and these so if you do the 1st week on july 3rd, that's fine. The themes are keeping in mind both artists and writers. I only got one artist for DDD, a great piece and I've love to see more! Ideas are just for spit balling, do your own take!

May 26th-June 1st: Coming out. Ideas: Coming out to family, lover, friend. Finding gender affirming clothes/hair, first pride

June 2nd-8th: Transitioning Ideas: Surgary, surgery scars, starting T or E, binding (safely!!!)

June 9th-15th: Sex/kissing First time together, first time with certain biology or the same sex, sweet kisses, smut showing scars,

June 16th-22nd: Food, fashion, fun

All things queer culture and culture of different religions, racial or country backgrounds, queer fashion, gender affirming clothes, Keshet (קשת), listening to Lady Gaga or Bruce Springsteen, watching a queer movie

June 23rd-29th: Struggles Rejection, reconciling faith and identity, missing family that rejected one, comfort, candlelight vigil, day of remembrance.

June 30th- July 6th:Strength Asserting ones or a partner/friend/family's pronouns, standing up against hate, being loudly and proudly yourself, pride events

Who?

Writers and artists in any form are welcome. I also want to encourage working with each other, writers and artists together!

For characters: Any Oscar Isaac or Pedro Pascal character has to at least be in the relationship. Other characters in universes can be done, such as FishBen.

Reader can be anyone, just properly tag! If you want to come out to Marc Spector as bisexual, do it!!! If you want Joel to take care of you after top surgery, do it!

YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE QUEER TO PARTICIPATE!

However! Please do your research if writing or drawing an identity not yours. There are trans, nonbinary, gay, lebian etc bloggers all over tumblr who write about their experience, please divert to first person testimonies rather than assumptions.

What?

A few rules

MUST contain more than male character x fem!reader. Male character x fem!reader x male character does not count unless the two male characters are romantically or sexually involved or one or the reader is trans. Any Q's, dm me!

This is not a dark event. I'm not going to be policing the content matter but I really want to primarily focus on the pride. However, as a bisexual, gender non-conforming person I know a lot of pain can still be involved. What we are not doing is suicide, death, self-harm, or non consensual activity. If you have questions or would like to make a case for something, just dm me!

This is not inherently NSFW, but there is absolutely NSFW allowed. Always tag everything properly.

The usual no's like bestiality, incest, underage nsfw etc

As far as minor characters, SFW MINOR CHARACTERS IS ALLOWED. You can write or draw lgbt themes because being LGBT is not inherently sexual. For example, teenage Santi coming out as trans to Frankie or your own version of Ellie and Joel's talk about Ellie and Dina kiss. That being said, I'd prefer to reserve this to teens. Again, any questions or ideas that don' quite fit into parameters, just ask!

As always, I am allowed to use my discretion. If I do not want to include something, I won't. However, I know that there are rifts in the fandom. I won't be excluding you out of personal bias. As long as I don't have you blocked and you haven't plagerized or done something really bad to people, you'll be included. I'm not letting petty beefs get in the way. Harmful actions will, however. I need to protect my peace and keep

NO REAL PERSON FANFICTION. Do not write about Oscar Isaac or Pedro pascal being gay or trans and do not make any assumptions about their sexuality or gender identity. Oscar is happily married to a woman and Pedro has expressed his sexuality is like that of Oberyn Martell but has not elaborated much further, nor should he have to. Just leave ‘em be. You can speculate elsewhere but that’s not what this event is for.

How?

Simply tag me, @romanarose and use the #OscarPedroPrideEvent2024 please please please use BOTH so it's easier for me to find!!!

When the event is over, much like DDD I will compiled them into a masterlist and posted. This is a chance for every blog, big and small, to get a moment in the sun and to share each others works! Remember, reblogging, comments, and interacting is what makes this a community! I want to create an environment that is welcoming and we all help each other.

Please feel free to reach out to me for any questions or clarification!

However, if you go issues with me writing men kissing, chracters being trans, queer readers etc, I'm not really open to debate.

~A nonbinary bisexual <3

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fossilknits · 2 months

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A story about a crane.

When I was a little kid, I got really into origami. My elementary school library had a wall of art books and every week I'd check out one about origami and take it home to practice. I got good at turning printer paper into squares, and I'd sit at the dining room table trying to figure out all the different folds. I mastered the square base and the kite base and even the bird base, and I made lots of little animals! I'm sure I still have zebra-printed origami paper somewhere, a gift from a relative I think.

Despite my best efforts, I never could figure out how to fold a crane as a kid. My little fingers couldn't handle all the thick inverted folds, and I'd inevitably get frustrated and go back to making something more fun (my favorite projects were modular ones; I also folded a million of those jumping frogs). I eventually moved onto another art form (I think I was into mosaics after that) and have hardly touched origami in the 10+ years since.

---

This past weekend, I took the train into the next town over to visit a few shops there. I've been wanting to try out origami again, and I kept an eye out for origami paper at the bookstore and art supply store I visited, but no luck (the stores were lovely though! I bought a couple books I don't need and some stamping supplies that I do need).

I stopped to get a bagel and a coffee and entirely missed the hourly train back home. Chagrined, I ducked into a nearby gift shop to get out of the cold and kill some time before the next train. The shop was this lovely little Japanese-owned place, packed with greeting cards, and jigsaw puzzles, and earrings made by local artists, and a back wall with the most beautiful ceramics and carved chopsticks. And origami paper!!! I hadn't known this shop was here until then, how lucky, right?

I picked out this really pretty pack:

When I brought it up to pay (along with a cat greeting card for my mom), the nice lady working the checkout counter was excited to tell me that the designs on the paper are based on traditional kimono patterns, and she showed me how to fold a little origami pouch! She also gave me a bag because she could tell I was struggling to carry all my purchases (I'm not used to New Jersey yet and I always forget to bring a reusable bag with me), and slipped a couple chocolates in there when I wasn't looking, and she sent me on my way.

Today I sat down, looked up a tutorial, and finally fumbled my way through...

...my first paper crane.

---

#the crane is a little wet now but i think it otherwise looks pretty good!#stories #my projects #my stories #origami #origami cranes #paper crane #long post

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artsyunderstudy · 9 months

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Six Sentence Sunday

Hey friends. Happy Sunday! So obviously, I posted the last chapter of Someone Wicked this Thursday. And it's bittersweet because writing this one and sharing it with you all has been like, the calm spot in the middle of the storm that was the past few months. I love hearing from some people that the story was comforting and healing because that's how it felt writing it.

Anyway, I'm being self-indulgent today and posting an excerpt from the final chapter. There are no huge spoilers for those who haven't got to read it yet, but this is a smaller moment that meant a lot to me.

When you have a disability, whether it be physical or psychological, it can be such a huge thing to admit that you need help. Or to admit to yourself that while you are indeed surviving, maybe you could be doing more than that. Maybe it doesn't have to be a daily struggle. But figuring out the line for yourself, where you feel comfortable reaching out to a friend, or getting on medication, or finally getting a mobility aid, whatever it is. It's really hard. And I just wanted to explore that with Baz in this fic. Because I've maintained that while this is very much a love story, it's also just as importantly about self-love. And so bringing this around, getting him to a place where he is consciously deciding to take better care of himself, was really monumental. A lot of his decisions in the last chapter were. I'm very proud of him.

This isn't the last mention of this in the fic, but it's one of my faves.

My gaze slowly slips toward the cane propped up in the corner of my room. I bought it a few weeks ago, polished dark wood with a brass Fritz handle catching my eye in a corner shop. I told myself it was just in case of hard days. Just in case I needed it. I haven’t touched it since.

Perhaps there hasn’t been a hard enough day. I don’t know how to tell. I’ve been living like this for years, putting up with it, working around it. I can survive.

But isn’t that just it? Haven’t I been trying to do more than just survive?

I look at it, the embossed handle gleaming in the low light. It’s a reminder, and not a bad one. (Though, it’s funny how easily hurt can turn lovely memories sour.) It reminds me that Simon didn’t want me to be in pain when there was a way around it.

Thank you again so much to everyone who was reading along, or who is just now picking it up, or simply enjoying the excerpts or the art shared to Tumblr. It's been a good experience. As someone who personally really struggles with knowing how and when to reach out for help, it's been particularly good.

Tags under the cut ♡♡

@imagineacoolusername @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @martsonmars @valeffelees @cutestkilla @bazzybelle @ileadacharmedlife @aristocratic-otter @urban-sith @basiltonbutliketheherb @letraspal @palimpsessed @whatevertheweather @nightimedreamersworld @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @raenestee @erzbethluna @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @yeonjunenby @shrekgogurt @thewholelemon @whogaveyoupermission @creepyspice @onepintobean @ebbpettier @orange-peony @theearlgreymage @ic3-que3n @captain-aralias @fatalfangirl @prettygoododds @stitchyqueer @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @ivelovedhimthroughworse @mysterioussheep @rimeswithpurple @c0nsumemy5oul @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus @blackberrysummerblog @larkral @j-nipper-95 @alexalexinii @iamamythologicalcreature @supercutedinosaurs

#artsyfic #six sentence sunday #someone wicked #snowbaz fic

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iraprince · 1 year

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hi idk if this is a weird question but like. how do u Make Art with adhd? you mentioned in your comic that you struggled w various other creative hobbies, but like drawing feels to me always like the Big Bad Thing I Cannot Ever do. even tho i want to make it my career LOL

how'd you get past that?

not a weird question at all! this is actually a question i ask myself pretty much every day, bc generally my answer to "how do i make art with adhd" has always been: With Great Difficulty, lmfao.

it's hard! i am not always good at it! i made art my job bc i realistically couldn't imagine being truly happy with anything else; if that wasn't the case, i'm not sure i would be doing this. like, that ends up being a big divide between the hobbies mentioned in that comic vs art, which is something that it seems (according to viewing my online activity) i do "Consistently;" it is my career, so there's a level of like, urgency and necessity there that my hobbies don't have. which, like, obviously my advice is not "make it your job so that you HAVE to OR ELSE :)" because it doesn't work like that. i am spending an amount of time OR-ELSE-ing that i think might surprise ppl, and i am frankly very lucky that my wife is the primary provider for our family, because it gives me a safety net for when my brain makes a loud grinding noise and then belches a big cloud of smoke and i have to spend a week hitting it with a wrench.

ANYWAY. this is going to get long bc i have a lot of thoughts abt it. there's really no one answer to getting past it, and i am not "past it," i don't know if i think anyone ever can be! we can just try really hard to keep going in ways that won't burn us out. if i had to pull out the absolute #1 most important thing i've learned over the past few years, it is -- and i know this sounds like dumb corny bullshit but you really have to stay with me here -- being kind and patient with yourself.

i'm being so dead serious. if beating yourself up and freaking out and constantly agonizing over how much more you Could be drawing worked, you would be drawing right now. if beating ourselves up over our output worked, EVERYONE would be drawing ALL the time. it doesn't fucking work! it does not! do literally anything other than yelling at yourself. it's bullshit. it's fuckery. it does not work.

on the other hand, cultivating as much kindness and patience and compassion as i can muster -- saying, "well, it looks like i just don't have it today. that's okay, let's try again tomorrow," even if i'm saying it through clenched teeth and i don't really believe it -- THAT works, because it chips away at the idea of drawing being life or death. it's probably a very similar feeling to you describing art as The Big Bad Thing. of course if you hang all your self worth on it and let it become immense and dominating, it's going to be hard to interact with it! it's scary! it becomes easier to avoid it than to try to tackle it and then feel disappointed in yourself in a more active way (vs. just disappointed in yet another day where u didn't try). but every time i sigh and say "okay" when my brain is screaming and crying bc art just is not working, and i decide to rest and try again tomorrow, 1. it is easier to do a little bit of work the next day when i'm rested than it is to do ANY work when i chain myself to my desk for 9 hours and demand results, and 2. i learn that it is not the end of the world. it just isn't. and so art gets smaller, and less frightening, and it can just be my job (something i have to wrangle my adhd around just like anything else, like grocery shopping and keeping the house clean and keeping up with my friends) instead of some huge destructive boss battle with my identity hanging in the balance.

sometimes you have to talk to yourself like a little kid. if a little kid came to you upset and was like "i wanna draw but i just can't. i don't know why." you would (hopefully) not be like, "whatever, i guess you're just not cut out for it then!" or whatever other mean shit we say to ourselves when we can't draw. you would be like, "well, okay. do you want me to sit with you? how do we start? where's some stuff we can draw with? hm, i can't really think of what to draw either. did you see anything pretty or cool today? let's just draw some shapes." etc etc. and if the kid got frustrated and it still wasn't working you'd be like, you know what, that was a good try. let's have some lunch and try again later. and you deserve that same level of patience, and that level of CURIOUS problem-solving ("what can we try? what might be easier?") instead of, like, adversarial/blame-assigning problem solving ("what the fuck is the matter with you? why can't you just do it?")

also, shaking things up!! one of the most frustrating things abt adhd for me is i'll find a new strategy that Works, but it only works for like, two weeks or whatever, and then it stops working and i have to do something else. i have had a way better time just accepting that that's how things work vs thinking of these cycles as "failures."

if i start dreading working at my desk, i throw a block of printer paper onto a clip board and work on the couch for a few weeks. when that stops working, i get back on drawpile and do all my warmup sketches on an interactive canvas, with strangers around me (virtual coffeeshop lol?). when i get tired of that, then maybe i'm ready to be alone with clip studio again. nope, still not working? okay, let's stream while i'm working for a while then. let's start drawing differently. let's change the background color i draw on. just, like, i keep shaking things up to see if maybe i can trick my brain into feeling like we're doing something totally new for a while, and a lot of the times it works, and when it does not work i am not an asshole to myself, which is, as i keep reiterating, super vital.

when i make the most art is when i get super excited about something and i let myself go apeshit. (there's a reason my guild wars 2 stuff is corralled on a sideblog lmao.) when commissions start grinding to a halt for me, a lot of times it's bc i've let them become Tasks on a to-do list instead of remembering that each piece is a DRAWING; it can help for me to sit down and go through each piece in my queue and really look at it, and remind myself that these are DRAWINGS and i LOVE drawing, and to point out to myself stuff in the wip that i like, and stuff i'm excited to draw the next time i work on it. it's very easy to flatten stuff into just An Obligation if you stress too much about it, but it's very helpful to slow down and step back and remind yourself WHY you care that much. it's not just bc you have to.

i don't really want this to get much longer than it already is, especially when i don't really have concrete tips so much as rambling opinions and examples of stuff that Kind Of works for me Sometimes. i think the tldr is: relax, be nice, keep it fresh. i hope at least some of this is helpful!

#ira answers

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aladaylessecondblog · 3 months

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3:47:37 (raphael x tav pt. 5)

Author's Note: struggling a bit with the Bane-possessed Gortash but I got some raphael/tav for you.

Warning: noncon, orgasm control & delay, incubus spit/venom etc.

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Sometimes, Tav thought, she thought Cald must prefer his dire raven form to his regular one. She would go to call him in for dinner and find that he'd made his own dinner out of a frog and a few fish. Or tell him it was bath day, and later find him flapping about in the water, cleaning his feathers as a bird would.

He could go whole days in that form, and she jokingly thought that he had more druid in him than he perhaps thought.

"Cald, I was wondering," she said, "I'm not pressing, only curious. Why do you enjoy being a raven so much?"

He looked up at her with his dark eyes. Gortash's eyes.

"I can fly," he said quietly, "I get to go a lot farther than...just here. I can feel the storms when they come. And after flying for a while, I don't know...I start feeling...more like a raven, I guess. I don't know. I don't have to be...here anymore...I'm sorry, mama."

Tav gave a slight smile. "You want to leave, I know. You don't have to apologize for that. I don't want to stay here either, but...it's the safest place we can be at the moment. And inside of a year we'll be able to leave."

"Then can we meet all those people you told me about? And go to the Underdark? And Baldur's Gate?!"

"Of course, Cald. Of COURSE we can." she smiled.

"And...and will you show me...who my father is?"

A clench in her chest. Tav tried to keep her face calm but from the way Cald reacted it was obvious she'd failed.

"If--if that's okay. I mean. I mean, I...I know he won't know me. Or you. Or remember anything. I just want to know who he is. I want to SEE him."

"I understand," Tav replied quietly, "Cald, when the time comes, I will find a way for you to see your father. I promise."

She hugged him, tightly, and held in a sob. The poor boy deserved better than what he was getting--but if Gortash did not remember, there was nothing for it.

Thou, or thy son. Should you choose your son, your other self will no longer remember him.

But if I choose myself...then my son will cease to be. I choose him. I choose my son.

Thou art certain?

I have never been more certain of anything.

"Mama? You're holding me too tight."

Tav blinked, and let go of Cald.

"I'm sorry...I was just...remembering your father, was all. He loved you. He loved you so much, he..." She tried to smile for it, but it was a shaky one. "He didn't have a good father, but he was the best one I've ever known."

It warmed her heart to see the smile on his face then, and the rest of the day passed tranquilly away...with the exception of his falling asleep at his little workbench, building a little bird out of some scrap metal.

Tav carried him to bed, covered him up, and smiled at him once again.

Then she walked back past the fireplace--

--and stopped cold.

Raphael was seated at the tea table, pouring himself a cup as though he had been there all night when she hadn't seen him in weeks.

"You might start giving me some warning when you're going to come," she said, taking the seat across from him. "Suppose Cald had been here?"

"I keep too close an eye on you to make that particular mistake," he smirked. "I want as much as you do to avoid his finding out about our...trysts."

Tav took a slow sip from her own cup and kept her eyes down. "Tell me," she said, "What happens when I have...worked off...the debt?"

"Why? Are you eager to add more time? Look at me, Tav."

Her head snapped up automatically, and met Raphael's smirking gaze.

"It will mean you're relieved of my company. And as much as I know you will regret it..."

"The only thing I will regret is that it can't happen sooner." Tav couldn't help letting the barb slip out. She couldn't stand the sight of him but his command had left her unable to tear her eyes away from him.

"Now, now, my pet, I am sure you don't mean that." There was a pause. "I know you want me."

"I don't," she replied, straining against the command in her mind. "I couldn't possibly want you less."

She was exhausted, frankly--mentally, physically--and the earlier conversation with Cald about Gortash had rubbed her nerves raw. Raphael's teasing was as a spark to tinder.

He didn't react at first. He sipped at the tea and stared at her over the rim of the teacup.

"You seem, Tav," he replied in a soft tone, "To have forgotten who you're speaking to."

"A devil."

"Mmm, of course. That part you remember."

How could I FORGET?

There was a chuckle as the empty cup was sat back down on the table. Raphael studied his right hand for a moment, and then flicked his eyes back up at her.

"Stand up."

Tav obeyed.

"Sit back down. Get on your knees. Get back up."

Each time he spoke her body attempted to obey, until he finally issued the last order and she was left standing in place. In the meantime Raphael sat quietly, not moving an inch, his face impassive and unreadable.

"You seem to have forgotten something very, very important, my dear Tav," and he stood as he went on, reaching a hand up. "Can you tell me what that fact is?"

"I--"

Raphael gestured, and suddenly--Tav was choking. She reached her hands up and began to shake from the effort of trying and failing to breathe.

"So long as you still have TIME left on your debt," he said, speaking slowly as she continued to struggle, "I. Own. You. If you died this moment you would appear in my House of Hope and you would never see Faerun or that noisy brat of yours again."

The grey tunnel was rising, panic along with it. She was sure she was dead--

And then, suddenly, Raphael let go. Tav fell to the floor, and gasped for breath.

"Do you think I enjoy hurting you like that? I didn't wish to do so, you know, but you made it necessary. And let me just add--if you harbor any delusional hopes of killing me, the same goes there. I won't stay dead, my defiant little mouse. I'll simply reappear in Avernus...and right next to me you'll be. For the rest of eternity."

Tav stayed on her knees, hardly daring to move, scolding herself for getting so mouthy. Now--she wasn't sure what to do. He wouldn't strike her, she thought--but then again, she'd never have thought he'd choke her either...

Her heart was racing with fear as she stood on his command.

"But it is, I suppose, a fair charge for you to lay at my feet. That you do not want me." Raphael lifted his chin and looked down his nose at her. After a moment's pause, as he took in the sight of her standing there trembling before him, "So perhaps...we should fix that."

One moment Tav was standing beside her tea table--the next, she was in the boudoir.

"Oh, the master returns!" Haarlep's voice sounded off from the direction of the bed. "And you brought your little plaything with you, how delightful!"

Raphael moved behind her and raised his hands to her shoulders. "You've served quite well of late, Haarlep, and I thought I would make a gift of her time to you...with a few conditions."

"Everything from you comes with a cost. Before I say yes, what are these...conditions?"

Tav stiffened as she heard Raphael's chuckle sounded off in her ear.

"My pet's been behaving badly, so I need her taught a lesson...a very simple one. You can't have her soul. But I'm giving you forty-five minutes to please yourself with her body. I want her to enjoy herself, but...she isn't to finish. Can you manage that?"

Haarlep's expression shifted into gleeful maliciousness.

"Unless," Raphael added, "She tells you she wants me."

In a harsh whisper his voice then tickled Tav's ear.

"Obey, my pet, in everything asked of you. But whether you yield to the conditions is up to you."

"I'll have it done inside of ten minutes," Haarlep smirked more deeply, "Unless you'd prefer me to take my time."

Raphael moved away to take a seat beneath one of his portraits before he answered.

"By all means, be slow about it."

Oh, you smug son of a bitch...I'll beat you. I'll beat you EASY. Tav took a deep breath and steeled herself. 45 minutes with an incubus, she could handle that. If he'd thought she couldn't handle being edged, he was wrong.

Deep breath.

The longer I hold out the more time I get cut off the debt. I HAVE to last the whole 45 minutes...

"Come along, my dear," Haarlep said, tugging Tav toward the bed, "It's not often I get a visitor, and even more rare one that...our master allows to be shared."

She followed, and undressed when prompted to do so. Haarlep pushed her onto her back and for a few moments indulged themselves in a deep kiss. Just the touch of that saliva was enough to make Tav tingle, but it was when she made the mistake of gulping that she began to feel even warmer.

Kisses were trailed down her neck, over her collarbone. Their lips teased and then bit softly at the peak of her nipple. Tav groaned softly as a damp trail was swirled over and around it, until the bud beneath their tongue had hardened.

There was no need to shift their form, not like this.

Tav took a breath, blinked, and suddenly Haarlep's mouth was moving even lower.

"Bring your knees up, my dear," they said, "Open yourself to me, and let me feast upon you."

Her body obeyed automatically, as it did when Raphael gave an order. She breathed deep, then tried and failed to stifle a moan as Haarlep's tongue swept over her clit.

Tav stared up, up at the ceiling, trying to find something, anything else to focus on.

A stroke, a press, a caress. The spread of that cursed saliva THERE had her burning. She was already throbbing, but she refused to fall at the first temptation to do so. No. It hadn't even been two minutes, she wouldn't, couldn't, let herself be beaten that easily.

"Such a sweet thing you are," came Haarlep's teasing voice, "Would you not like the master to join us?"

"No--" Tav forced out.

"Of course not. You and I can have fun all on our own."

She could almost hear Raphael's sudden change of posture in the corner. There was suddenly an aura of displeasure.

But it passed when her moans grew suddenly louder and more guttural. Her hand moved to the back of Haarlep's head, gripping tightly at their hair.

Come on, I know you don't want to stop, disobey him just for ONCE.

She hardly realized how she was moving against that tongue until its movement stopped.

"Let go."

Her hand obeyed, and Haarlep moved up, looking with delighted glee at Tav. "So needy, my pet. But I must obey the master of the house...and the master has deigned not to allow you release."

Tav almost gave in. Almost immediately she bit her tongue. No. No, she wouldn't fall at that little. No matter how much she burned. No matter how much that throbbing between her legs urged her to do otherwise.

"Please--" She yielded that much, just to give her straining will a slight release of its own.

"Ah, ah, ah, those aren't the words our master needs to hear, and you know it." Haarlep's tone softened, growing more persuasive. "Just give him the words, and I will do all you could possibly desire."

Tav shook her head.

"Stubborn thing. But I suppose you want to draw it out...which I won't deny is also appealing..."

She was ordered to turn over, as Haarlep took a spot at the head of the bed.

"Your turn," they replied, gesturing. "He says you've got a talented tongue, so let me see you use it."

Tav took a deep breath and raised herself enough to take their hard cock into her mouth. She sucked at it eagerly, hoping perhaps if she got them off, it might be enough to end this early. However that worked...maybe the refractory period for an incubus was practically nothing...

Haarlep's spit was enough to make her throb...and the taste of their pre was that--but amplified. Her tongue worked quickly, lapping eagerly at every drop, and Tav groaned at the surge of desire it sent through her body.

A hand on the back of her head, then a squeeze that quickly followed.

"That's right, just like that..."

Tav moved her head down to take more, and when Haarlep began to buck beneath her she yielded to the movement.

Why does this taste so GOOD?

She kept her head bobbing, and snuck a hand down beneath her. A lash of Haarlep's tail against her ass soon followed.

"Naughty thing, aren't you? No. No touching yourself."

She clenched at the sheet beneath her as her tongue teased at the underside of the cock's head, drawing out more of the pre she was already craving. She'd only just tasted it and all she could think was more.

But every drop her tongue swept up only fueled the fire in her belly, and she was wetter than she'd ever been.

"Oh, do you like that?"

Yes, she thought, Gods, yes...

Suddenly there was pain in her skull, and her head was being pulled back. She found herself trying to move back down to get more, but Haarlep wouldn't let her.

"It seems it's me she craves, master." There was a laugh. "But we've only passed ten minutes..."

Only ten minutes? It feels like so much longer.

Tav's eyes were watering, and she was beginning to sweat.

"Please, Haarlep, just a little more."

"No. No more of my cock for your mouth. You won't learn anything if I just give you what you want."

Heat. Heat, everywhere.

"Spill inside her," Raphael's voice sounded off then, "It's not as though we must worry about your seeds taking root."

Tav's next breath was shaky. She didn't move an inch, as Haarlep maneuvered around and brought her ass up a little further. Just the tease of their cock against her soaked cunt was enough to have her keening for more.

"Say the words, my pet," Haarlep purred.

Tav lowered her head and bit into her fist to keep herself quiet.

They thrust forward, filling her in one smooth stroke. She couldn't stifle the wanton sound that the motion forced from her throat, nor the ones that followed as Haarlep started thrusting.

"Oh, you DO like this, don't you?"

"Yes," Tav groaned, "Yes, I..."

Words wouldn't come comprehensibly in sentences; she could only manage one or two words. Pleasure was all she could think and feel. Justifications sounded off in her mind--she had been bad, if she only said the words he would have what he wanted and he'd allow her to finish. One little apology, that was all it would take.

It rose higher and higher, the knot coiled tight--and after what felt like an endless climb, Haarlep's body jerked and she felt their fruitless spend.

"Oh, gods..." She gave off a high moan. It was almost enough. She was close to coming, so achingly close, and yet it wasn't enough merely to have his seed inside her. Again she tried to reached down, and again she was told to stop.

"No more of that, or I won't touch you at all," Haarlep promised darkly. "Would you like that? To lay here and watch me serve our master, with my delectable venom coursing through your veins?"

"No--no--" Tav reached back up. Her face was wet, and she couldn't remember any tears falling but they must have been because why else would they be there? "Please, let me finish."

Silence.

The desperation only deepened when Haarlep withdrew from her. To be empty with this throbbing desire was oceans beyond discomfort, it was absolute torture.

"All you need do is say the words, my pet. But you're still being stubborn. Don't you WANT to finish?"

She was pulled up, and her head turned so a kiss could be planted on her lips. One hand stroked briefly between her legs, and once more--almost! But the feeling fell away as the hand was brought to her lips.

"Take a taste, my dear. If you thought my spit got you going..."

No, I can't TAKE any more of this

But she obeyed. She obeyed because she had no other choice but to do it. She opened her mouth to lick at the sticky seed on Haarlep's fingers, only to have them jammed into her mouth. The other hand was groping at one of her breasts.

Tav couldn't bite her tongue or fist to bring herself back to reality, and her hips rolled uselessly, begging for something to move against.

The burn intensified in a way she would never have dreamed of. The most sensual lovemaking, the most eager tongue-work, could not have prepared her for the swell of ecstasy that the taste of Haarlep's semen would send through her body.

The haze was too much. She blinked, and found herself on her knees again, her tongue moving over Haarlep's cock once more.

When...?

Another blink and she was looking down as Haarlep encouraged her to move. At least, she thought that was what was being told her, she couldn't think. Only feel.

Time and time again she was brought to the point of climax, and every single one she was denied. She opened her eyes again and found herself on her back and looking up at--Raphael?

"Have you had enough yet, little mouse? Will you let yourself yield? Will you say the words?"

When had he come over? When had he shed his clothes? She couldn't remember...

"Poor delirious thing..."

There was the press of his cock against her cunt, and it was almost enough to make her climax on the spot.

(Where had Haarlep gone?)

Raphael began to grind his cock over her clit...but agonizingly slowly. It was too much and not enough all at once.

"Please--"

"That's not what I need to hear, and you KNOW it."

She took in a sharp breath as he thrust a couple inches inside her, and then pulled back.

Too much, not enough. To be filled even a little, and then to be empty again! She needed more, or she'd lose her mind.

"Please--"

"The words, Tav. And remember what you are. Remember who I am."

"I--" she gulped softly, and brought her hips up. "Please--master--"

Shaky breathing. Yielding had never been so painful and pleasing at once as it was now.

"I want you."

The next thrust was overwhelming and sent a thrill through her body. She found herself raising her hands to Raphael's sides, squeezing tightly, no longer even caring how smug he looked or how pleased he was with himself. She was finally, FINALLY going to--

Without warning, Tav was finally struck by climax.

It was all-consuming, earth-shattering, devastating, all at once. The ecstasy which had been left to boil in inaction suddenly burst and overflowed, soaking her to the bone in pure pleasure and forcing a moan from her throat that would have put even the best whores to shame. Five, six, seven, eight glorious, wonderful seconds she shuddered, so wracked with ecstasy that she didn't even notice Raphael's own end.

And then, suddenly, the heady heat passed on, and she was brought to reality.

Haarlep was gone, and she was curled up against Raphael.

"I do hope," came his satisfied voice, "That you have learned your lesson."

She was too tired to say very much. The high had passed, the warm afterglow was threatening to do so too, and Tav wanted nothing more than to sleep. But she knew she couldn't let herself fall asleep HERE of all places.

Defeat rushed in. He'd won. He always did.

"Of course," Tav said quietly. "I...I was...I didn't mean to go so far, I was only..."

"If I want defiance I will ask for it. I expect no more back talk from you for the rest of your time. And speaking of which..."

She looked up eagerly.

"Three hours, one minute, and fifteen seconds. I'm almost impressed that you last the entire forty-five minutes. You are quite a resilient thing, aren't you?"

After a few minutes more in his arms she was allowed to sit up and redress. She was told to do the same for Raphael, and the moment he was decent the boudoir faded.

They were back again.

"If you ever backtalk me again," he said, "Next time, I won't give you an option to yield. Next time, I'll burn two hours if I have to, in order to get the point across. You, everything you are, you are MINE, until that time has been run out. Your highs, your lows, your pleasure, all of it is under my control. And don't forget it."

Then he was gone. Tav stumbled off, not to bed, but towards the bathing area.

Not, she thought, That any scent could get the stink of his cherry-coated hellfire off my skin.

#tav is overstimulated and underfinished iykwim #tav #raphael bg3 #bg3 raphael #raphael x tav #bg3 tav #haarlep x tav #haarlep #baldurs gate 3 raphael #baldurs gate tav #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate #fanfiction #bg3 fanfic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 #female tav #f!tav

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pteroducktyll · 9 months

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FtM Hysto Recovery + Tips (Plus general tips for dealing with low/no spoons or recovering from any surgery)

I haven't been on Tumblr for years, but recently re-joined to check out art, as I start to work on getting my idea for a graphic novel off the ground (as well as getting serious about improving my art again). However, I'm hoping these first few posts get found by an entirely different audience. This is being written in 2023.

I'm going in for a laparoscopic hysterectomy on Thursday (today is Monday) and want to share my experience, as much as spoons will allow, so that other people can hopefully benefit in the future. I, personally, have struggled to find things online that fit my situation as a trans man with a history of pre-cancerous pap smears, abnormal bleeding, PID and ovarian cysts (but not PCOS). Although hysterectomies for "GRS" or gender affirming surgery purposes are easy to get where I live, mine in particular is primarily being done to avoid cancer and to stop the abnormal bleeding and random debilitating pain that comes out of nowhere every few years and upends my life for weeks/months. So if you're someone facing the prospect of a laparoscopic hysterectomy, regardless of your gender identity, and have a history of medical issues (but not PCOS or endometriosis) in your reproductive region, this blog may help you! Or, alternatively, if you're a trans man looking to get a laparoscopic hysterectomy, whether or not you've had issues in that region, this might help you, too!

It should be noted that this is written from the perspective of someone in their 30s with a complicated medical history, including Type 2 Diabetes and a very rare kidney disease (which has an average life expectancy of 29 years for men, but we aren't sure how it affects trans men), so the pre-surgery process I've been through is not the typical one. I also have chronic pain and know from my past experiences with very severe pain that a) I have a low tolerance for any pain beyond what I deal with day-to-day and b) I have a high tolerance for opiate pain medication, which means it takes a higher dose for me to address the level of pain that a lower dose would address in someone else. These both affect the length of time that I'll likely need to be on painkillers, and how functional I'll be while I'm on them. This, in turn, affects how quickly I'll be able to do things like return to work and driving.

I should also note that although it's common in some places for this surgery to be completed as day surgery, my jurisdiction almost always keeps people in overnight; this is because it takes almost 24 hours for the anesthetic to work its way out of your system, and until it does they won't have a true indication of your pain levels and, therefore, won't be able to make sure it's adequately controlled before sending you home. It's much easier (in my experience, and according to the doctors!) to stop you from having pain in the first place than to get it under control once you do.

Also, I live with my partner and a roommate, and my retired parents are about 90 minutes away and have a guest room. My support network isn't huge, but it's high quality. My partner managed to get 3 days off work for my surgery and the 2 days following, and after that is on a light workload for about a week in case she needs to take care of me. She also has a lot of flexibility with her job, and her boss really likes me, so if there are complications or she needs to spend more time at home to look after me, I don't think it's completely out of the question. All of this is to say that I'm going into this surgery from a very privileged place, in terms of not having to do much to look after myself in the aftermath. My surgeon did advise me, however, to take 1 week (for sure) off work if I could, and that I may need a second week. My work consists of two research jobs that draw heavily on my brain power, but don't require me to move around at all, especially as I work from home, so the issue is the painkillers, rather than actual healing time. Other jobs will require different amounts of time off work.

Because I'm neurodivergent and like to have as many details as possible about ... literally everything, I'm going to make this as detailed as I can. Essentially, I'm hoping to share everything I know and experience without leaving anything out. If it's too much detail for you, I'm going to be doing my best to include useful headers.

Notification of Surgery & Lead-up

I received notice about my surgery just over a month before my surgery date; it was around June 26th that I was emailed and told my surgery would be on August 3rd. I had previously met my surgeon in January, and was told it would be a 6-8 month wait until surgery. Between that appointment and being given my surgery date, I'd had bloodwork done, as well as an internal ultrasound. I've had several internal ultrasounds before and while they are far from pleasant, they are not as dysphoria-inducing for me as they are for other trans men, I'm sure. I am more physically uncomfortable during them than mentally/spiritually uncomfortable.

In the notification email, my surgeon sent additional attachments; about 200 pages of information from a) their office specifically and b) the health authority [one document about hysterectomies, one document about recovering from surgery in general]. These documents answered most of my questions, and also had instructions about fasting, pre-surgery instructions (there's a special sponge I have to buy and use the night before surgery and the morning of surgery) and recovery information. The documents were very generic, and because they came from different sources, the information was sometimes contradictory. I, personally, took the information on board in this order of trustworthiness:

Things my surgeon had said in-person during my consultation appointment in January

Things included in the information from my surgeon's office directly

Things included in the documents from the health authority

If there were contradictions that seemed extremely important (e.g. one document said to wash everything my face with the special sponges, while another said, in all caps, to absolutely NOT wash my head or face with the sponges), I followed-up with the surgeon's office or the most appropriate person (e.g. pharmacist).

Pre-surgery Appointments

Because of my medical history (diabetes and Alport's Syndrome), I had an extra step in here. My surgeon required me to have a consultation with my internal medicine doctor's clinic (but not with my specialist) to get the all-clear and make sure my risk level wasn't too high. This doctor made some assumptions about the medications I'm taking, which led him to think I had both diabetes and a heart condition, which would have put me in a much higher risk category. Because of that, he ordered extra bloodwork, and an ECG, and booked a follow-up with me for a few days later. That initial appointment with him ended on the assumption that the surgery likely would be postponed. However, the bloodwork and ECG all came back fine, and at the follow-up he gave me the all-clear and said my risk wasn't very high at all.

I had a few other pre-surgery appointments.

One was with the surgeon. In my case, the doctor actually doing my surgery is a resident colleague of the surgeon I initially consulted with. Now that I had a specific date for the surgery, and my life situation had changed a bit since the consultation (e.g. work), I asked to meet with the surgeon to ask questions that had come up since the initial consultation, and so that I could meet the person who would be cutting into me and make sure I was comfortable with her. She answered all my questions really well, and it turned out I was more comfortable with her than the original surgeon. This was a quick 5-10 minute talk, but I highly recommend asking for it, even if your surgeon hasn't changed. You'll have another chance to talk to your surgery just before being wheeled into the OR, but you'll be nervous and may be medicated by then, and it's just nice to have this conversation ahead of time and in an environment where you can look at a list of questions you've written down, and actually pay attention to the answers.

The hospital required another two appointments before surgery:

The pharmacist

About a week before my surgery, the pharmacist called for 5-10 minutes to discuss my current medications, supplements, vitamins and holistic medicines (if I were taking any) and to find out what time of day I take them at. Easy peasy.

2. The anesthetist

Exactly a week before my surgery, the anesthetist called to discuss the operation itself and the anesthetic. I'm not sure if the doctor I talked to will be the anesthetist who is actually in the room with me, or if it was just her job that particular day to call and get the information that will get passed onto the one who will be in the room. She was very nice, and explained the method of anesthesia, as well as how I'll likely feel when I wake up, etc. She also saw on my chart that I have a history of chronic pain, and zeroed in on my back and shoulder. She asked if there are any positions that make me more comfortable, and then explained the position I'd be in for my surgery -- tipped back toward my head -- and that this sometimes gives people back and shoulder pain even if they don't have any to begin with. She said my arms would be alongside my body, fairly tight to it, and I said that would be fine. I practiced laying them beside my body later that day and promptly discovered that's actually pretty painful for one arm, but I'll mention that when I get there and hope for the best! If I was having the conversation again, I'd answer by saying I wasn't sure how that would feel but that I'd practice it before the surgery day to see, and then ask who I could talk to if it turned out there's a better position or if that one wouldn't work. Ultimately though, the surgery should be 1.5 hours to 4 hours at most, so I'm not overly concerned. What you should take away from this if you're having this surgery and don't already have back/shoulder pain is that you might wake up with some, but that it should go away in a day or maybe a little less. This type of surgery also requires the surgeon to inflate your belly with gas in order to make room for the scopes and so that they can see what they're doing. That gas can stick around for a day, sometimes two, according to the anesthetist and can be a little bit painful or uncomfortable. I can't remember anything else that came out of this conversation.

In terms of pre-surgery appointments, that was it.

Tips and Tricks for Being Prepared

The next little bit is information I acquired through talking to my therapist (who's had several laparoscopic surgeries!) and many hours of research online, as well as living as a person who often has few spoons.

Get your first 1-2 weeks of meals planned and ready in advance. For me, this means I've picked up a large number of cans of Alphaghetti-type foods, and I'll be buying as many frozen meals as I can but have VERY little freezer room because my partner and I share with our tenant. Other options include things like HelloFresh, identifying nights when it will be easier for your partner if you order food in (if you can afford to), making big batches of food leading up to surgery while you're well and then freezing them, creating a list of meals you'd appreciate friends bringing over [remind them to bring them in disposable containers, so you don't have to feel guilty when it takes you weeks to get the containers back to them!], etc

Buy some Depends/adult diapers. I bought store brand (Life brand, specifically, which is Canadian) ones. The only ones I could get were maximum absorbency unless I wanted to pay twice the price for name brand ones, but I suspect I could do with a minimum absorbency one. I bought the underwear-style ones. In the store brand, they don't look very underwear-like at all, but if you have more money to spend, some of the name brand ones look convincingly like underwear! I also bought 'Unisex' ones, but would have bought womens if the unisex ones weren't an option; I suspect the mens' might have a built-in bulge area that would be awkward for me. The point of the adult diapers is that their 'waistband' is not a traditional waistband -- it's about 8" tall, very thin, and crinkle-cut so that it doesn't put pressure on your skin. This will stop you from having clothing pushing on your incision sites. BONUS is that they ARE absorbent, so you won't have to also wear pads to deal with discharge (which can, apparently, last for 6 weeks). Try the Depends on for a day a few days before surgery. Yes, it will be awkward and you'll feel silly. I am literally sitting in bed, with nothing wrong with me, wearing nothing but an adult diaper and a tee shirt while my partner's at work. But this has 2 purposes: 1) chances are you haven't worn these before, and you want to make sure you've got the most comfortable ones you can in terms of fit and style; 2) if you've worn them once already, it'll be familiar when you go to put it on when you're ready to leave the hospital; you'll know which side is the back and which side is the front, and the 'weirdness' of wearing them will be less unsettling. You're going to have other weird stuff going on, this doesn't have to be yet another weird thing happening!

If you live alone or your partner doesn't (or can't) change the sheets, layer sheets on the bed. That's right, layer your mattress with bottom sheets. That way, you can peel the top one off and have a cleaner sheet beneath it. It won't be the same as being able to sleep on a fresh, clean sheet straight out of the cupboard or dryer, but it's going to be better than the one you've slept, sweat or, universe forbid, bled on.

Get a LEAKPROOF (truly) travel mug with a handle. After surgery you'll have maybe one comfortable position to lay in. You're not going to want to get out of that position to retrieve your water, but you're also going to need to be drinking a lot of water (it helps you recover, and also helps get your bowels moving again). Being able to lose your water in the bed is a luxury, but a necessary one. I got mine at Winners for pretty cheap.

Get a nightie or onesie. I usually sleep naked. I don't really own pyjamas -- when I need to cover up to sleep (like when I visit friends or travel), I throw on a pair of joggers, or boxer briefs. But those both have waistbands and, remember, we're trying to avoid waistbands. I ordered a sleep shirt from Oodie, which was on sale, but still expensive (I paid around $60, including 1-2 business day shipping because I didn't think of it until the last minute), as well as a halloween one-sie from Old Navy that's apparently leftover from last year's halloween stock. I'm expecting the onesie to be way too hot, but I need something I can wear out in public in case I have to get groceries, or pick something up at the pharmacy, or stand outside because the building's burning, without exposing myself. I also borrowed a robe to go over the sleep shirt when I leave the hospital.

Have whoever's picking you up bring 2 pillows. One goes between your abdomen and the seatbelt, and you sit on the other one.

Have whoever's picking you up bring fast food. When you leave the hospital you're going to either be ravenously hungry or feel like you never want to eat again. Either way, fast food is going to be the one thing you didn't realize you needed so badly in your life until that moment. Your body's going to be craving carbs and fat, and fat is also what's going to help your pain pills kick in.

Have ice cream, chips or other junk food on hand. This is mostly so that you have something to eat when you take your pain pills. Fatty foods help opiates work faster; as someone who takes them several times a month for chronic pain, I've sometimes noticed a difference of -hours- between taking them with fatty foods and taking them on their own.

Get a walking aid. We use our abdomens for everything. If you don't already have something like a cane, pick one up. Keep the receipt though; if you don't end up using it, you can usually take them back. With that said, my therapist said it's at about the 2 week mark when you feel like you actually need one. If you don't have a cane but you have walking/hiking sticks, dig them out and keep them handy.

Grab some baby wipes. You can get laparoscopic incisions wet, but that doesn't mean you're going to feel like you have the energy or endurance to shower right away. You're still going to want to keep your pits and bits clean.

If you take daily medications, organize them in a pill organizer. Things can get confusing when you're on painkillers, or when a partner is dishing out your meds. You know exactly how many you take, and how often, so the best way to approach this is to get a pill organizer and get all your doses for a week ready before your surgery. Monday AM, Monday PM, Tuesday AM, Tuesday PM, that kind of thing. There's nothing worse than being on painkillers and trying to remember if you've already taken That Very Important Medication You Can't Miss or not. Or, worse, not even realizing you've missed something that can give you withdrawal symptoms, and suddenly waking up a few days after surgery feeling worse than you've ever felt in your life and wondering if you need to go to the ER, only to have it turn out that you missed your meds.

Buy something for yourself that you can look forward to. I bought a video game that I've wanted for a couple of years that was finally on sale. I haven't touched it, and won't until sometime after surgery when I feel up to it. Giving yourself a little reward when you're going through something hard is always nice.

If you're diabetic...take a minute before your surgery to remind your partner/anyone you live with/anyone who's going to be looking after you about how and when to check your blood sugars, what numbers are abnormal for you, and what to do about them. Being ill or recovering from a surgery can really throw your diabetes out of whack, even if it's well-controlled beforehand, and recovering from surgery might make you feel a lot of the same symptoms you'd feel from a hypo/hyper or DKA, so make sure you (or someone else) test your sugars regularly and have things on hand to deal with abnormal or worrying results.

Take your phone everywhere. Painkillers (and pain) can make us unsteady. As someone who's taken a fall and had to wait hours for my partner to wake up and find me and help me back to my feet (and then bed), I don't recommend it.

These are the things I know about pre-surgery, but I'll try to update...eventually if I learn anything new post-surgery.

#transmasc #trans guy #trans man #transmasculine #ftm trans #surgery #medical stuff #hysto #hysterectomy #disability

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 26 days

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hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

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kenjakusbrainstem · 2 years

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Introductory Training (Geto Suguru x Reader)

Contains: biting to draw blood, slapping, light impact play, wall sex, piv sex, power imbalance (physical and roles), pet names (baby, good girl), manipulative Geto, cult leader Geto, reader can use jujutsu but is just learning about it.

Hello! I've been stuck writing this on and off all week as the idea has been in my head since I watched jjk0 the second time. There's a fair amount more plot than I normally add, just because of how into this idea I got. Hopefully it all reads well and makes sense without being too ooc! I struggled a bit with a technique for reader, but I just went with something simple. Please reblog or comment if you enjoy it! It makes me very happy to see people enjoying the things I've written.

The energy at the temple was similar to most others. There weren't a lot of worshipers around though, though you supposed it was the middle of the work day.

You were here at your mothers insistence. She'd always written off the things you saw as an overactive imagination. Even as you grew into adulthood and began living on your own, she still implied that you were a bit crazy. The horrific things you occasionally saw were often reflected in your art, which is perhaps why she assumed it was just a dark creativity.

A friend of hers had a daughter that had been plagued by night terrors. They recently had found the help of a strange monk. After a simple visit and a few words exchanged, he miraculously healed her. Her relief was immediate, she didn't even need to sleep again to be sure whatever he had done had worked.

You were fairly sure it was all bullshit. Especially since your mother refused to accompany you, the things you insisted you saw had always made her uncomfortable. Part of you wasn't even sure why you'd come here. You had a small portfolio of sketches tucked under your arm as an example of what you'd seen.

It would be nice though. The thought of someone fixing you or somehow explaining what was going on. They didn't scare you like when you were young, but the alienating feeling of seeing things others didn't unsettled you still.

The hall you were supposed to meet the monk in was empty. You'd been let in here by some random worshiper and told that he would be with you shortly. The room smelled of incense and disinfectant, a strange combination for a temple setting. Everything around you seemed surprisingly legitimate, however. The building a lot larger than you'd expected.

You shifted on your feet, looking down at your watch only to jump a little. A small purple creature hovered around your feet. At least you had an example when the monk finally showed himself. Assuming he could actually help you. The creature lazily floated in circles around your ankles.

You looked around the room impatiently, rocking back and forth on your heels as you waited.

The sound of the door opening behind you pulled you out of your thoughts. You turned to see a tall man with beautiful long hair in monks robes enter the room.

"Good afternoon, I seem to have kept you waiting," he walked past you and up to the small arm rest that he used to seat himself before you. You didn't miss the fact that he hadn't apologized, or that he sat in an undignified manor. One leg bent to prop up his arm, while the other held up his head in an almost bored posture.

"You mentioned- seeing things, and I'm assuming you aren't medicated?" The monk asked, his tone one would use when speaking to a child or of lesser intelligence. While the words weren't callous, his sweet tone didn't match his body language.

You nodded, swallowing to prepare your typical explanation once again. You looked down at the creature still circling your legs, following it with your eyes briefly before raising your head to meet his gaze.

Surprisingly, his face had changed a bit as he observed you. A look of confusion spread across his face, but after a moment the serene mask was back in place.

"My mother contacted the temple. She worries over me too much and says someone needs to fix me. The things I see don't scare me anymore, as they haven't tried to hurt me since I was a child," you explained the same way you did to all the therapists she'd made you see before. "I brought this, it has examples of the things I've seen. I draw them sometimes."

The monk's hand left his knee and stroked his chin, clearly deep in thought. Probably about whether to kick you out or not.

"Are you and I alone in this room?" His question surprised you a bit. The intense look in his eyes burning a hole in yours, determined to see if you were speaking truth.

Your eyes dropped to the creature that had settled onto the floor next to you.

"No," you said, looking back up at him. A small smile settled on his face at your reply, it seemed more genuine than the mask he wore before.

Instead of replying he extended a hand toward the creature. You watched as it was pulled toward him by an invisible force. The creature was the only thing caught in the pull. You were transfixed as it warped and turned into a small black orb in his hand.

The monk stood to his full height, once again towering over your slight frame as he approached. Clasping your hand that wasn't holding your portfolio in between his two large hands, he beamed a seemingly genuine smile down at you.

"My name is Suguru Geto, and we have a lot to speak about. How about you follow me somewhere more private so we can discuss this. I want to know everything about you."

---

Your mind was swimming at everything Geto had told you.

On one hand, it was very validating to know that you weren't hallucinating and to learn why the creatures, curses, existed in the first place. It made sense, the explanation he gave you, most of your sightings even from a young age aligned with negative life events. Which also explained why your mother automatically assumed you just couldn't process trauma correctly.

Geto seemed much more genuine as you showed him your sketches. Explaining your past and the therapy you were forced into from a young age because of your mother. He kept glossing over your family, choosing to only regard her as ignorant of your potential and worth.

From your sketches, he recognized a few of the curses you'd previously seen. While not fully explaining his own abilities, he was even able to summon one he had somehow 'acquired' to show you how similar it was to the small one you'd seen earlier.

He had left you, for the time being. You sat on a small couch with now cooled tea for two in front of you. His was all gone, while you were still anxiously sipping yours.

Before he left you he'd asked you about your own potential abilities. You didn't immediately think of anything you could do, yet an offhanded comment caught his attention. You had mentioned something offhandedly about being able to recover quickly from injuries quickly if you focused on it. The one time you had mentioned it to your mother, she simply said you were just making it up and had never been injured, so you hadn't put much stock in it.

Geto seemed excited at the prospect of your ability, or cursed technique as he called it. He also seemed a bit frustrated, he obviously wasn't happy with your history. You appreciated his concern, but you weren't a child anymore.

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, you appreciated all of the knowledge and validation he gave you, but you had spent more time here than you had expected.

As you were wondering when exactly you should leave, Geto returned.

"Apologies for making you wait, I had to see to an issue. Now where were we?" Geto sat back down across from you. He moved with a grace that you weren't sure was natural. There was just an ethereal quality about him. It was easy to see how he had amassed such a following.

"I believe you were asking me about my occupation?" You hadn't forgotten, you just weren't sure where the conversation was going.

He clapped his hands together softly, as if an idea had just struck him. The look on his face made you both reassured and uneasy at the same time.

"Ahh yes. You're going to need to quit that for me. It'll make things much easier," the smile on his face as he said it told you that you were right to be unsettled.

"What are you talking about?" you asked, somehow more confused than upset.

He rose and moved to sit next to you. You could feel his warmth through his thick robes, an arm coming up to wrap around the backrest behind you without touching you. Unaccustomed to contact from strangers, you froze up a little before you relaxed. He seemed strong, but a non-threatening aura around him made you feel safer.

Lifting his other hand to your jaw, he turned your face so your eyes looked into his. He left his finger lingering for a moment on your chin before returning it to his lap.

"Your innate technique is, unique. Very promising. I was hoping that you'd be willing to allow me to train you. I feel like you could be a great asset to our cause," Geto almost whispered to you. His voice noticeably lower and softer than the tone he was just using.

It was hard to think again. Something about what was happening felt so strange.

"I wouldn't mind you training me. Why would you need me to quit my job though? It's not like I can afford my apartment without it. Having an ability like this doesn't absolve me of the need for money," you protested.

You were of course open to learning more about the world you'd only been living on the edge of. Eager even. You still had real world responsibilities though.

A chuckle left Geto's throat. The sound made your face heat up for some reason, he was having a strange effect on you.

"Oh I'm sorry again for not making it clear. You'd be living here, no cost to you of course! You simply need to train, become educated on our world, and assist me whenever I need you," his offer seemed genuine. You couldn't shake the feeling that he saw you as a lost puppy.

Everything was happening so quickly and part of you felt foolish even considering saying no. No matter how fantastical things seemed, you yourself were proof of the things he'd told you.

"All of this is happening so fast, I'm not sure," your voice trailed off, looking up at his face, you'd hoped to find some kind of answer.

He still had that same smile on his face, though his eyes were a bit wider. Geto's hand once again moved up to your face, his fingertips resting gently next to your eyes as his palm cupped your cheek.

"Its always been happening, you've only just begun to learn. You've been told there was something wrong with you, when in reality you're very, very special," Geto's honeyed words sunk like claws into your head.

He was right. Whether it felt right or not, you knew what he said was true. It sounded like he was buttering you up slightly, but if he wanted you, for the cause of course, weren't you better off here than elsewhere?

"Honestly Geto, I feel like I should think this over more," you started, leaning your face into his large palm, "but if I can be special to you- er, your cause, then I think I'd like to help."

In the back of your mind you knew you'd have said yes eventually, a perpetual people pleaser with a yearning to belong; its like you were made for a role like this.

"Perfect. I know you'll be good for the cause," Geto's voice still an almost whisper, "I know you'll be so good for me too, won't you?"

Your breath caught in your throat. Eyes flying up to meet his, sure that you must have misunderstood his words. Or at least mixed up the implications. But his thumb stroking your red cheek and his half-closed eyes told you that you'd understood perfectly.

"I-," you stuttered, fumbling over your thoughts and words under the heat in his gaze.

"Curse got your tongue? Why not let me have it instead?" the smirk on his face made you blush almost as much as the words.

Geto's hand slowly urged your face close to his, stopping only when there was an inch of space between your lips. His nose brushing up against yours, like he was daring you to make the next move.

Leaning forward you pressed your lips to his soft ones. The kiss soft at first, a gentle caress of lips. His tongue sliding slowly out of his mouth and tracing your bottom lip gently. You parted your lips slightly for him. His hand slid into your hair, tangling his fingers in the strands.

The peaceful kiss suddenly turned intense when Geto's tongue surged into your mouth. You tried to keep up but his hand holding your head in place and the frantic way he kissed you was overwhelming. His tongue swirled around yours and you felt yourself melt.

The urge to be a more active participant overcame you. Pressing yourself closer to him you sucked at his tongue in your mouth. The hand in your hair tightened to the point of pain before he pulled your mouth off of his.

Both of your faces flush, he gave your lips another small peck before sitting back to an upright, proper posture.

"There will be more of that once you improve yourself," Geto whispered, winking at you.

Maybe you had gotten yourself into more than you'd bargained for.

---

It had been a week since you'd been introduced to this world. Master Geto, which is what he preferred to be called by his followers, had introduced you to a few of the other curse users that lived at the temple. They all seemed to welcome you with open arms, their kindness surprising you.

You hadn't seen much of Master Geto though, only seeing him whole he was teaching you about using your innate technique. He apparently used to know someone with a similar ability. There had been a few other people teaching you about strength training and meditation for accessing your cursed energy.

It was draining, but you were getting the hang of it. You could heal small wounds on others now, only if they had been inflicted recently.

Master Geto had speculated that you'd be able to heal larger wounds on yourself, but you hadn't taken any serious injuries since arriving at the temple. You were supposed to test it as you got injured while fighting, but since you had no previous experience you'd only been working on endurance.

You'd never been much of an athletic person.

It was a bit hard to focus on training at times. That was more Master Geto's fault, technically. Since your kiss upon deciding to live at the temple, the two of you hadn't had much time together, let alone time alone.

He acted kind, patient with your lack of martial prowess, and was helpful with meditation when he was around. It was just that he was a very busy man. Being the figurehead for a 'religious' group was apparently time consuming.

Today though he had set aside time to practice basic combat with you. You were also supposed to be pushing the limit of your technique. The idea was intimidating, mostly because it meant someone had to be injured.

You walked into the training area, a gym-like room, to find the strength training equipment you'd been using pushed to the side. This room was off of the living quarters toward the back of the temple area. You'd only seen a few of the people living at the temple in this room, but you hadn't entered alone before.

Surprisingly, you could count on one hand the times you had been alone here and not sleeping. It made sense in your mind at least, as kind as they were, you were still like a stranger in their home. Bonding ocer being curse users was easy for them, but so was an anxiety over new people.

A large mat stretched across the floor, reminding you of floors you had seen used during gymnastic practice at school. While you waited for Master Geto to arrive, you stepped onto the mat to begin warming up. You pulled the black sweater you'd been given over your head, leaving you in black leggings and a tank top.

Lowering yourself to the ground, you sat and spread your legs as wide as you could, stretching to touch your toes. Alternating sides when you could feel the stretch in each limb.

"Good to see you taking this seriously," the voice from behind you startled you. You hadn't heard anyone enter, but you knew who the voice belonged to.

Turning your head and looking up you saw Master Geto in his typical monks robes. You wondered if he was going to train you in those. He was obviously strong, you could see in the way he carried himself, but you couldn't help but feel insulted somehow.

"Of course I'm taking it seriously," you hopped back to your feet.

"Everyone that has worked with you said so too. I'm glad you're taking to this so well. Not everyone is willing to sacrifice their boring lives for one like ours," Geto smiled at you as he spoke. The facade he wore when you first met gone, replaced by a genuine look of appreciation.

His hands slid into his long black hair, untying the half bun. Raking his fingers through the inky strands, he pulled all of it up into a high ponytail on top of his head. You watched, entranced momentarily by how beautiful he looked.

"Are you taking training me seriously?" you asked, peeved that he was planning on wearing something so formal during training. It shouldn't have bothered you so much, but you also had to admit you wanted to see what he was hiding under the thick robes.

He scoffed, the smile on his face faltering briefly as he finished tying his hair.

"I take you very seriously. You could potentially be a very important for us, for me. Even if your technique isn't combat based, you still need to be able to defend yourself," he said, sounding more serious than any other time he'd spoken with you.

You felt heat rising to your face, unaccustomed to being taken seriously because of the things you'd always seen.

"I- uh- I just meant you fighting in your robes. They look, heavy and restrictive," you tried to explain what you meant, trying to steer away from serious topics.

He chuckled to himself, smirking at you, his hand reaching to the knot in the front of his robes.

You suddenly regretted saying anything.

"Are you sure you don't just want to see me undress? You wouldn't be the first try fight me as a veiled attempt to touch me," he winked at you before turning away from you. He laid the parts of his clothes on a weight bench as he removed them.

You coughed, not knowing what to say. Simply choosing to observe him instead of replying. When the thick material was fully removed you admit you were a bit disappointed to see the black shirt he wore. Unlike his baggy pants however, it was skin tight.

"Do you always watch people undress this closely or am I as important to you as you are to me?" Geto asked teasingly, peering over his shoulder at you.

Before you could respond he peeled the tight shirt from his body. Revealing his strong back, the splashes of ink covering it a surprise. A large, intricate black dragon was tattooed across the skin, stretched taut on the rippling muscle.

You wondered why, if he looked this good, did he go through so much effort to cover up. Perhaps he wanted to seem non threatening. His bare body like this was quite intimidating even without the tattoo. Part of you regretted asking him to change clothes.

Turning to face you the surprises didn't stop. His broad chest wasn't too shocking, but the large X-shaped scar across his chest was alarming. It was obviously old, but still the scar tissue contrasting with his skin was unexpected.

"Your chest-," you started, going into the obvious question.

"We won't be talking about that," the flirtatious air in the conversation was gone. By tone alone you knew better than to press for answers.

Geto stepped onto the floor mat, closing the distance between you two but you stepped back. His intimidating appearance and the tone shift making you nervous. You stepped a bit too quickly though and stumbled but before you could hit the ground you felt a large hand on your back steadying you.

He pulled you upright as if you were a rag doll for him to move how he pleased. The idea made a fire start in your gut that his hands weren't helping with.

"Uh oh now, be careful. Just because we're going to work on more violent things today, it isn't an excuse to get injured so soon. We don't want you using too much cursed energy before I've even made you bleed," the playful tone had returned. Combined with the proximity you could feel your heart beating faster.

"Sorry Master Geto, you startled me," you apologized. You stayed where he put you, his hand resting on your lower back. You looked up at him, waiting for him to step back.

"I'm going to do much more than startle you today. Now lets get started. First we're going to work on you landing blows on me while dodging my attacks. I expect you to heal yourself with every injury you take."

---

It felt like the two of you had been at it all day, when in reality it had only been a couple hours. Master Geto was much faster than you had anticipated. Dodging wasn't hard at first, but the longer you two practiced, the faster he moved.

Every blow he landed stung, even if you could tell he was pulling punches. Healing constantly while dodging made it more difficult as well. It also didn't motivate you to see him shrug off every one of your punches.

"If that's as hard as you can hit, I think we need to focus more on strength training," Geto said, catching your left fist that was headed to his ribs.

Annoyed with his words, you put all of your strength into a fist headed straight for his face. His face was the only thing he hadn't let you hit yet, but he didn't stop this one.

The feeling of his nose crunching beneath your first was strange, the sound stranger. You followed through with the blow, pushing his face completely to the side. You felt his grip on your other wrist tighten as he forced you close to him. Your body pressed up against his as blood trickled from his nose and onto your shoulder.

"Oh so you just need a bit of edging to get serious? Why'd you wait until now to hit me like you mean it?" His hand not gripping your arm had a bruising grip on your hip.

You tried to squirm away but his strength was too much, Geto manhandled you into the air, turning you around and placing you into a full nelson. You'd gotten out of a hold earlier but you could tell he was using more strength. Kicking at his legs he lifted your body fully into the air before dropping you on your ass.

Sitting, dazed on the ground for a moment until you heard a crack and low moan from behind you.

"Stand up and come here," Geto commanded. You quickly moved to steady yourself and stand in front of him. Legs a bit wobbly from being slammed onto the ground. Taking your hands in his, he pressed your palms to his cheeks.

"I've set the bone, if you could just heal the tissue," he said. He hadn't cleaned the blood from his face and some still trickled out. You cringed at the hot liquid. Pressing your fingertips into the sides of his nose, directing the flow of your energy into his face.

A small light emitted from your fingers as you healed the damaged flesh. Despite being a small wound you were already tired, so it took a lot out of you. The glow the light cast into your eyes made him look more otherworldly, like a holy figure he portrayed himself as.

You didn't miss the look of desire in his eyes as you started to pull your hands away. His hands tightened around your wrists, keeping them by his face. Pulling your fingers down to his mouth, he stuck out his tongue and licked his own blood from your skin.

The feeling of his tongue on your skin reminded you of his overwhelming kiss and you felt your face grow redder. As he got the last bit of blood off your hands he let go of your wrists. Your left hand fell to your side while the right hand stayed.

Emboldened by his suggestive gesture you wiped your fingers across the blood staining his chin before pressing your them to his lips. His eyebrows lifted but he opened his mouth and let you guide your fingers in.

Sucking at the appendages, he swirled his tongue around it causing you to shiver. One of his hands came up to hold your chin.

When Geto opened his mouth, you removed your fingers coated in his saliva and put them in your mouth. You sucked it clean before resting your hand on the forearm of the hand on your face.

"If you wanted my spit in your mouth that badly, you could have just asked for a kiss. I know you haven't forgotten it," Geto whispered, his grip on your chin tightening, "I just wanted to see how worthy of my time you'd be before I decided to fuck you."

His words turned you on almost as much as his tongue on your fingers had. Something about how he knew that you'd let him ravish you. His confidence was so sexy, it didn't stop you from wanting to be a little defiant though.

"You just assume I'd let you?" You asked, staring up at him. Of course you would, but you still wanted to have a little fun first.

He chuckled darkly, the look in his eyes was hungry. It seemed that he liked when you sassed him. Geto manipulated your head to the side, exposing your neck. He ran his nose up from your collar bone to your ear, lips brushing the sensitive skin before he spoke.

"You haven't proven yourself yet, baby. I still need you to heal yourself more. I want to see you exhausted of cursed energy and too fucked out to think," Geto whispered, his words making the heat in your guts flare more.

You let out a soft moan at the gentle press of his lips on your neck. Geto pressed open mouthed kisses down your neck and onto your collarbone. He nudged the strap of your tank top over and sucked a bruise onto your skin.

Grabbing your hand, he pressed it against the red skin.

"Heal," he commanded, kissing the back of your hand. It was so hard to focus but you channeled your energy into the superficial wound. He sighed, "such a good girl."

You brought your other hand up to grip at his muscular back.

Sliding his lips off of your hand and into the crook of your neck. You felt him smile against your skin before biting down. At first the sensation made you moan, but he kept applying pressure. You felt the hot pain of his teeth cutting into the sensitive skin.

You tried to jerk away, and surprisingly he let you, but the skin on your neck tore forcing a choked scream from your lips.

Scrambling to stop the pain you covered the wound with both hands, energy already flowing through your fingers. As the flesh stitched itself together, the sharp pain became a dull ache.

"I didn't even have to tell you that time, good girl. I told you I was going to make you bleed. Do you think you have any more energy left, baby?" Geto asked as he messed up your sweaty hair. You slapped at hus hand but his fingers had already twisted into the strands.

Before you could answer he struck your face with an open palm. The slap stung more because he held your head in place. You looked up into Geto's eyes and you could see your own desire mirrored in them.

No matter how painful everything was, you still wanted more of him.

"You love this don't you?" He asked as he pulled you back in close, again moving your body as if you were weightless. Pressing his nose into your neck, he kissed at the newly healed flesh.

You gasped, nervous that he'd tear the flesh again but his gentle sucking took your breath away. Wrapping your arms around his neck you braced yourself before jumping up, wrapping your legs around his waist tightly.

His hands flew to catch you, gripping your ass tightly and holding you against him. Despite the surprise he supported your weight well.

"Please fuck me Master Geto, I'll get stronger, I'll do anything," you begged. It surprised you how much his violence turned you on, but you knew he was the only thing you'd wanted.

One of his hands slipped up from your ass and under your shirt, pressing you against his body. Your position, now sitting on his hips put your face level with his. Taking advantage of the angle you kissed him. It had been a week since the kiss you shared before but this one was just as passionate.

As you expected he pushed his tongue into your mouth in an overwhelming kiss. Again you sucked on his tongue, making him moan into your mouth. When he pulled away to catch his breath, you nipped softly at his lips.

Geto moved back into kiss you but you took his bottom lip between your teeth and bit down. You were glad you kept your eyes open because the sight of his eyes rolling back at the mix of pleasure and pain was worth any injury you'd gotten.

The grip on your ass turned bruising, you were sure it'd leave a mark. The blunt nails dug into the skin of your back. You both moaned into each others mouths.

One of your hands came from around his back to shove your fingers in his mouth. He desperately sucked at them as you healed his bloodied lip.

Sliding your fingers from his lips you brought them up to his hair, pulling his hair out of the ponytail and running your fingers through the long strands.

Your lips met again, kissing just as intensely as before. You felt Geto walking but were too focused on his lips and body against yours to care where you were going. Only when you felt the wall against your back did you realize what he was doing.

Holding you up with his hips pinning you to the wall, both hands again fell to your ass, squeezing the supple flesh. One hand moved between your bodies and down to cup the soaked fabric between your legs.

You moaned loudly into his mouth, trying to grind into his hand.

"You're so desperate, why don't I fuck you here then?" Geto half moaned against your lips. To you it seemed like you both were desperate.

The grip on your ass lessened only for him to dig his fingers into the fabric of your leggings and rip them, tearing a large hole in them. The cool air against your hot skin was surprising as you kissed his neck, trying to hide how desperate you were.

Geto's long fingers against your soaked pussy made you bite into the skin of his throat, not hard enough to break skin though. The tips of his fingers rubbing your clit roughly. A shiver went through your whole body at the pleasure he so easily brought you.

Geto lifted your body up further, pressing you into the wall with his chest, taking the chance to kiss your throat again. His hands moved to push his baggy pants down enough to free his aching cock.

You slid back down the wall as his hand settled on your ass again, now you could feel his thick cock rubbing against your wet pussy. Shallow thrusts spreading your pussy juices all over his cock.

"Next time, I'll take my time with you. I just need your pussy right now, baby," Geto's voice sounded breathless as he rubbed the tip of his cock against your clit.

Your gasps and moans all he needed as a response. One of your hands pulled his hair, wrenching his lips from your neck and back onto your own lips in a more gentle kiss. Not overwhelming but just as passionate.

Feeling the head of his thick cock at your entrance had you grinding down to help him enter at this angle. When it started to slip in, the stretch made an arm tighten around his beck and your other hand dig into his bicep.

Geto groaned in your mouth at the tight heat engulfing his cock as he pushed further into you. The feeling of being split open was overwhelming but it felt mind numbingly good.

You hadn't seen how large he was before but with how stuffed full you felt and him still not all the way inside of you was surprising. Your back arched as far as it could wedged between the wall and Geto's strong body.

Geto pulled out, leaving just the tip of his cock inside. His grip on your hips tightened as he forced himself all the way inside you. You moaned loudly at him filling your pussy completely and stretching you.

His hands guided you as he pressed your shoulder blades into the wall. He began fucking into you at a brutal pace. The crys and moans spilling from your lips constant at the speed of his thrusts.

The feeling of his cock dragging against your walls made the heat in your guts more intensely. You'd never been so stretched open from a cock before, you almost couldn't believe how good he felt.

You felt the muscles in his back straining with how hard he was fucking you. His strength was astounding to you, feeling yourself gushing around him with every thrust.

Geto snapped his hips up, burying his cock fully inside of you as he repositioned your body. Bracing your legs up over his shoulders, forcing you to spread even wider for him. Your arms both holding your self up, wrapped around his neck. It was hard to focus on anything other than wanting him to start moving again.

"Hold on now, I'm not stopping until I fill you with my cum," Geto's vulgar words had you nodding dumbly at him, unable to speak properly.

When Geto resumed fucking into you, you swore you could never feel this good again.

The new angle opened you up to be able to take him in deeper somehow and every thrust made your mind blank with how much pleasure he was giving you.

You felt yourself close to orgasm and kissed at the side of his face. Trying to distract yourself and last a little longer. You'd never cum from just a cock before, always needing more stimulation, but this was too much.

Geto felt your pussy clench around him as you came all over his cock. He moaned at the sensation of you trying to milk his orgasm from him.

Fucking you through your orgasm, he made you see stars. Geto was determined to fill you with his cum as he put all of his energy into his deep thrusts.

Turning his head he kissed you sloppily, open mouth and all tongue just like your first kiss. He buried his cock inside and you felt him coat your insides with his hot cum. Shallowly thrusting against your messy pussy as he rode out his orgasm.

Geto stood against you for a moment still inside you before slowly pulling out and lowering the two of you to the floor.

You used what was left of your strength to crawl on top of him, collapsing on top of him as you kissed at his cheeks. The angle causing your dripping pussy to rub against his spent cock. He sucked in a sharp breath at the sensation before kissing you softly.

"After we both rest, I'm going to make you cum so many times you won't remember anything but how to worship me," Geto sighed against your lips before lazily kissing you again.

#geto suguru #geto suguru x reader #geto smut #jjk smut #jjk #jjk x reader #cult leader geto suguru

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snoodls · 4 months

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2023 art retrospective! ✨

I can't believe I'm writing one of these again already; where did this year go??

Looking back on this past year, wow! I can see and feel my confidence with my art growing tremendously. Finally it feels like I'm comfortable with tools and the process. I'm not totally lost when I open a canvas; there's a sense of reassurance that I can do it, and if I can't, I will figure it out along the way.

Overall, finding time, space, and energy for art proves to be both exceedingly difficult and yet the only thing that I want to do when I get home. I know logically this is mostly because of my job--new office, new boss, new responsibilities, new position--and a few huge life transitions, but when you're someone who makes things who is not making things, it can be rough seas in the brain soup.

I think a major theme for this year was getting back into creative habits. It's an annual tradition at this point to nosedive into an artist's block death spiral. February into March into April...were all lean months for my creativity. Intense job/interpersonal stuff plus news of two of my big art inspirations both suddenly dying...the world hit me hard in these months.

I owe a lot to Lynda Barry's Making Comics for giving me my spark back and for helping to heal a part of me that I didn't realize was so broken and bruised. I remember when I picked the book up around my birthday; the cashier said the book made her cry and I didn't understand. I asked why, and she said "It's just healing." I was skeptical, but now I get it. I've been observing more, giving more credence to my creativity, and being less afraid of making a "bad" drawing.

Now I've been focusing on creating portfolio pieces that I'm proud of and happy to display in my space, as well as finally getting around to my hoard of accumulated characters. I've been picking away at my personal site and uploading much more to toyhouse to keep track of them all.

The last month or so has been completely consumed by making gifts, meeting deadlines, finishing owed art, continuing special projects 👀...so I haven't had much of a presence here. I've been doing lots of traditional art--getting back into acrylic painting and hopefully back into oils soon. I started pine needle basket weaving and have made 2.25 baskets so far! it's a long, tedious, menial process, but it's so satisfying to have something physical (and functional) that you've worked on for hours. I've also been living in my sketchbook the past week--practicing with pens, markers, and practicing itself. I've been conditioned to have the sketchbook be a precious space, and I am trying my best to break out of that. If you want to see some of my traditional sketches and offline stuff, I made a little collage for this year's picks too. ↬ sketchbook 2023

I think for next year I'd like to continue finding better balances--in how I spend my time, how I can spend my time...and to continue pushing myself out of my comfort zone with experiments and messiness. I want to continue being creative in so many more mediums--more film photography and video, hopefully!

In my sketchbook I wrote this meandering paragraph that I want to share: this is a living document--of breath, of movement, not of polished stasis. I reject capitalistic notions of being "industrious" "beautiful" "marketable" "pristine" and on public display at all times. I am not a product to be consumed; neither is my work. I embrace the messy, the incomplete, and the ugly. I refuse to tailor myself to an unseen audience. We thirst for the drafts, the brushstrokes, the incomplete works of the famous. Is this because, in our minds, this makes them more human? Less untouchably great? Or do we see ourselves in the struggles and not in the finished pieces? How charitable is that reading? What I would give to see my inspirations' marker streaks, their 12yo sparkledogs. Framing these byproducts--there's that word again--as art reframes them, reframes myself. To be human is to mark-make, to scribble in the dirt. I hear they reconstruct civilizations from stuff like that.

All my best to you & yours, and happy new year!

#art summary #2023 #year in review #art improvement #artists on tumblr

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radley-writes · 1 year

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Hi there! I'm a fanfic writer who has been suffering with burnout for the past, um, three months and I was wondering if you had any advice. Thank you for the writing tips!

I dug back into the dark, mulchy recesses of my inbox to find this ask, because dang, if it ain't relevant at the moment. I'm sorry it took me so long to piece together some relevant advice!

Sweet nonagismus, if you're still stuck in burnout limbo, here's what I want you to do.

I want you to find a mirror.

I want you to look yourself in the eyes.

And I want you to say, 'I have poured my heart and soul into my creativity. I have given my breath, my energy, my life to my art. And I deserve to rest.'

Because we do. We really do.

Burnout is not something that can be cured with a few bulletpointed tricks on a Tumblr post and a flex of your self-discipline. Especially if you have any mental or physical disabilities, burn-out is your body and mind crying out for mercy. If you don't listen, all you're going to do is make it worse.

I burned out hard during university. Seriously, I didn't write a word of original fiction for years.

At the time I remember being so frustrated with myself. I didn't want to write; I couldn't write - I couldn't even bring myself to read. Still, I felt like I had to be creative. Everyone knew me as a writer, an artist, a wannabe-novelist. It felt as if creativity defined me as a person, and I was nothing without it - worthless and lost.

This led to me continuously trying to pressure/threaten/cajole myself into writing - which, in turn, made the overall problem worse. I never gave myself permission to lie back and absorb the world around me, rather than constantly translating it into art.

So, my advice is:

If you have a professional creative deadline coming up that you need to meet, it is worth forcing yourself through the burnout to make money, as we live in a capitalist hellscape and food is kinda important. But know that you are likely to crash hard after, and if you can, prepare. I'm talking lots of easy-watching films, snacks, warm blankets, etc., and minimal responsibilities.

In literally any other scenario, embrace the burn-out.

I finished Liesmyth last weekend. I have spent the last week reading very little and writing nothing at all.

Instead, I've been catching up with a few shows I've been meaning to watch. I've been tending to some household chores that were neglected while I was in creative hyperfocus-mode. I've been baking and experimenting with new dishes, going on long walks, putting in a few extra hours at work. I've been paying more attention to the world around me, embracing every experience, and letting myself be present in the moment rather than lost in a writer's dreamworld 24/7.

It's incredibly hard. I have not always been able to do this, and I am still learning how to let myself rest. But I have burnt out, poured gasoline over myself and set myself alight enough times to know that eventually, all that's left is ash.

If you have rested and regained your energy, but are struggling to figure out how to return to fanfic, I would reccommend returning to your source material and watching/reading/playing it again! Or, if you're an original writer, read a few old favourite novels. We're talking a gentle, familiar reinduction to the craft.

Take it slow. Take it gentle. And remember:

You are under no obligation to create. Don't let creativity become subconsciously associated with stress and misery. You owe yourself that much.

As the old saying goes, if you do not schedule system maintenance, the system will schedule maintenance for you.

#burn out #writing #writeblr #writing advice #fanfic #burnout #my advice #radley rambles

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feathered-serpents · 2 years

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So. I’m just gonna do some musings really quick about art

Earlier this year I posted a (now deleted) post about how I’d been gifted a fancy draw on the screen drawing tablet for Christmas and I couldn’t bring myself to touch it because my art was just so bad and using a tablet like that was so humiliating knowing that it was made for “good artists” and I had no business using a tool like that even knowing the tool itself is inanimate and doesn’t care.

Those were very real feelings at the time and I don’t want to shit on my past self too much for it. The sight of it made me feel guilty because I knew it was expensive but I couldn’t bring myself to draw on it because I legitimately just felt that I had not deserved it, and I’d be... I don’t know... bringing shame onto art if a lowly scribbler such as I tried to use such a tool

It’s a Huion btw. Not even a Cintiq. Really it’s a very dramatic response

BUT this year after I got on Adderall and Prozac I did eventually force myself to draw on it, which reminded me oh yeah! I love drawing! And eventually, lead to a change in how I view art

See, I realized that until now I'd been looking at art as this... unobtainable thing. I'd see beautiful drawings or paintings and think "I wish I could do that" and genuinely believe that I couldn't, which was true in the moment, but what I meant was I believed I was incapable of it. That art was some mystical skill I simply didn't have. Again, dramatic, but it's true, I really did believe that

I don't know what exactly flipped the switch, but one day I just sorta realized... art is a skill. There's nothing inherently special about it. It's a skill just like cooking or furniture building or I don't know plumbing. It's not special just because it's "art." It's a skill, which means it can be learned

The person who drew one of my favorite pieces of art didn't just do it, they learned it, there is a way to do what they do, and if there is a way, then I can learn it. I can learn how to color, I can learn how to draw faces from that angle, I can learn how to draw fucking hands even if I'm still struggling because hands just suck so much. There's still a way to do it, if other people can do it, so can I.

And I've grown a lot just in the past few weeks after I realized that, it's making me excited!

("Aren't these the same two character-" SHHHHHH they're fun to draw let me have my moment)

The minute I thought "Oh wait I can learn how to do this" I did, and I've made strides! It's nice to look at a pose or come up with an idea and instead of thinking "I wish I could draw that" think "I want to try and draw that" That's really all it took, a switch from "I wish I could" to "I want to try"

I'm not a great artist, I'm really REALLY unsure about calling myself an artist or any of the above art. But I'm glad I can finally allow myself to try and learn and grow. I'm glad I'm having fun. I'm just happy.

2022 has been the worst year of my life but I somehow managed to do this despite it all, I'm proud of that. I don't want to stop, and if I don't, I'm excited to see where I'll be art-wise this time next year

#personal #art #???#god this is cheesy but let me have my MOMENT

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nyctophobia-au · 9 months

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Where I've Been

Okay, so, 'sup babygrills. This is going to be a bit of a lengthy post, but I feel like I should update followers on here as to where I've been because I haven't been active for, like, months.

If you don't care to read all of the stuff under the cut, that's fine. Here's my TL;DR: I've been having issues with mental illness, trauma, motivation, gender dysphoria (?), and have been busy with college and YouTube/social media stuff. However, luckily my HK special interest has returned and I plan on posting more often hopefully. (Mild cw for mental health mentions ig.)

Okay, so, to begin, I've been gone a lot due to responsibilities outside of making Nyctophobia content. So, up until recently, I've been working on graduating from college. I've been finishing up my final class this Summer, but last quarter in the Spring was really difficult for me time-wise and mental health-wise. I've had a lot of issues with depression and anxiety throughout my life, and being at college was torturous and sapped all of my energy. It did not help that, last quarter, I had to be there at the college for six hours of my day five days a week. It was not easy to make art for myself and my channel, much less for this blog.

Outside of college, and I've mentioned this before in passing, but I also make YouTube videos and, at the moment, YT is my income (alongside comms as well). I've been pretty focused on keeping my my schedule at least a little bit consistent, and that alone has been draining and tiring. It also affects the kind of art that I can create, as I have to draw certain things for certain videos. I've been really weary when it comes to making content as of late, and I really need to take a small break so that I can work on stuff I actually want to work on rather than being stuck drawing certain things for the sake of videos I'm not inspired to make.

Pivoting more into specifics about my mental health, I have been needing to see a therapist for a long while, but I haven't had the motivation or the funds to pursue that option up until recently. Hopefully, I will be attending therapy soon. Last year in, uhm, September I had a particularly bad mental health episode and I've come to realise that some events that happened during that time have left me with trauma that I'm still currently working past and healing from. I've had issues with self-harm, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self-perception for a long time, but in the Spring they were stifling and impossible to ignore. Lately, they have been better, though. So, that's nice. There hasn't been just the usual stuff lately (oh no, that's be too easy), but I've gotten jumpscared with gender issues (hooray, my favourite /s) during this time, and am struggling with my self-perception regarding my gender up to current day. (Hi, I currently go by Rot or Sexy Fictional Bug Enthusiast and my pronouns are they/them, but they may very well be they/he soon). Also, I had a bad identity crisis a couple of months ago and had to do this whole rebrand thing that was a lot of work and it kinda sucked away a lot of energy and time.

On top of all of that, ya boy's special interest metre has been focused primarily on OC stuff and other things outside of HK. It's pretty well-known that I have autism and Hollow Knight is one of my special interests. I'm unsure how it works for most people, but my fixations tend to come in waves and fluctuate (though super special meaningful ones stick for a long time). So, like, I had this whole issue with my mind always being fixated more on things outside of HK. It's been my OCs for a few months, but alongside that, I also suddenly became enraptured by The Owl House and my Digimon special interest sleeper agent returned for a hot second there. As of recently, I've been interested in HK again, but have been afraid to start/work on projects related to my AU because of me having to work on OC content for my channel and also for my friends who are invested.

As of right now, I have some more time on my hands to make the content I want to make, and my HK fixation is back (thank fuck). I've generally been doing a bit better in the mental health arena, but I will also be taking some time off of YT and posting videos regularly in favour of focusing on making stuff I want to make. So, like, expect me to be more active here for some time. I might be finishing a fic in the next month (hopefully) as well, and I have some general comic and art ideas. I just want to draw Auric again, god dammit. My beloved. <3

Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. Just figured I'd make a post about this for people who thought I died or something (and for the people who were once interested in my projects on here and are starving for content, lmao).

#updates #vent kinda #absence explanation #rot rambles

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mayordoi · 5 months

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huzzah! 2023 art review!

it’s almost the end of the year, wowzers! i always do one of these art review thingies since i always like looking back at the art ive made :> last year i posted the review on my other account and left it at there, but this year i want to actually review each month and notable pieces i made… just for fun!

this post is very much just for me lol, but i hope someone out there enjoys it. month-by-month review + previous year in reviews will be under the cut! 🩷

(also, shoutout to tumblr for going rouge and posting this way way earlier than i had scheduled 😍 luckily tumblr post editor is weirdly based and kept all my embedded links when i pasted it from the old one? hell yeah)

Jan: started off the year with a painting of my beloved ocs after ending last year with one! (and i will be talking about my older year in reviews, rest assured). this was my obligatory cute shared scarf art, and i wanted to try attempting to render something more involved like two characters and draping cloth. i don't think the result was too shabby, though this was before i discovered my favorite rendering brush for procreate, so in hindsight, it looks kinda flat and boring now. where's all the crunch? ah but anyway, starting a whole year with your art in a mid place compared to what you made later on is par for the course.

Feb: probably the month where i had the least art to put here, i remember scraping a little to find one. this was a chrobin piece i made in my sketchbook! nothing too noteworthy... i think i tried doing a slightly different approach to coloring with markers (applying the color before the lineart) and incorporating paint, but i remember this one giving me trouble. first of all, the size i drew this in was really small (it was in a small sketchbook and i decided to mask the margins with comparatively wide masking tape), and second of all the paper was absolutely NOT built for gouache, so it ended up a kind of wrinkly and muddy mess. i mean i'm still not the best with gouache now but still, not my best.

March: a redraw of a robin piece i made back when i was still on amino. i probably won't share the old versions because they're crap, so just trust me on the redraw part. anyway, the last iteration of the concept was in 2019 i think? and while i was proud of it for a while, its luster finally faded and i decided to try doing it again in procreate. this was when i discovered my love for the soft chalk brush in the jingsketch basics brush pack. for a while i've been using the hard render brush in that pack to render, but this one's texture and chalkiness totally changed the game. i was in love!! also tried to be a little more crazy and vibrant with how i applied the base colors, using saturated colors across the board. this process didn't consistently stick, but i think it yielded some neat results here. another hit from this month was my piece of grandmaster robin, since i'm really proud of the detail here!.

Apr: guys, april was MY MONTH! i remember making so much art in just a few weeks, something just clicked in my brain i guess. i chose my drawings of hagane rin and len since this was when i truly began to get comfy in my lineart era (after the grandmaster drawing). this month was full of detailed line drawings at that, but this one was what made me both enjoy the process a lot and do more of it. hell yeah. other hits: vocaloids at mcdonald's (i drew a background omg!!!), alice in ny fanart (just the euphoria of finally nailing a composition for this piece after struggling with it in november was great), and the end-world normopathy fanart (it's a line drawing, and a traditional one at that. i was happy with incorporating gold accents into my typically monochromatic style when it comes to my line-focused drawings as well as getting tamari's mechanical details nailed).

May: hell yeah. evil power couple time. this one was another line-art heavy one since i thought it fit the vibe. the softer colors in the background i feel like could have been executed a little better, but i do like how this came out, especially the armor (good god fe armor is a pain to render, but i think i've gotten better at it this year! middle school me would be so jealous). not much else to say here. Other hit this month would be my alice of human sacrifice fanart, another line-heavy traditional drawing. i think it turned out nice, especially for a crammed composition lol.

Jun: another end-world normopathy-centered fanart. i mentioned it in my og post but i was trying out a slightly different painting style where i did a black-and-white base first and then added colors as an overlay (also in the initial upload of the post i was so fucking meek about posting fanart of mariyam's alternate design teased at the end of the mv?? 😭 sorry about that, i've edited it out but it's still in early reblogs. kind of cringe on my part). i didn't end up committing to this consistently cuz the beginning process was kind of tedious (plus i'm too inept to pay close attention to values anyway), but laying down all the colors after the long rendering process was rewarding! it's a nice alternative with i get bored with my other method to yield basically the same-looking result lol. this month featured some more pieces that tried using this process, like the one with my oc alice, lucina and dark pit hanging out, and f!robin's resplendent design from feh.

Jul: ah yes my typical flavor of "improvised oc art that i invent new symbolism for on the fly that i apply meaning to after i'm finished". kinda just wanted to paint something again because i've been doing a lot of line drawings lately and to go back to my old painting process again. honestly, i mainly picked this one because i wanted more oc art and non-lineart drawings to be in this chart lol. art i made this month that i'm real proud of is this family pic of some young cryptonloids (i really like how the colors came out on this one!) and my birthday drawing for miku's sweet 16, which was originally completed this month. i opted out of considering it for my july art to avoid confusion. also also, this very whack pathological facade fanart (plus some doodles i didn't post) opened my eyes to the beautiful world of NOISE and HALFTONES and just slapping crazy textures onto my art like nobody's business. hell yeah.

Aug: ok this one is kind of another piece i picked to represent this month that isn't quite my favorite but i chose anyway for the sake of variety (in this case, i wanted more traditional pieces and non-vocaloid stuff). for once, i used my bigger sketchbook to make a big n detailed piece for my boy's new brave alt in feh (that game has zero significance to me outside of cool alt costumes for my faves). my actual fave from this month was young miku/meiko/kaito chillin in their house; i'm real proud of the background and lighting! but i still like this robin too ofc, big fan of how the colors came out ;3

Sep: another traditional drawing! felt compelled to draw kandy again, specifically her evil miitopia great sage incarnation :> this one was pretty standard in terms of process, and not much was really done to experiment. just wanted to draw something cool of my girl for my sketchbook. other fave from this month is this sketchy miku i did, i like how loose it came out and how the colors pop.

Oct: pretty palutena!~ i think i went into this trying to do something a little different with my painting process (i think it was to try incorporating more colors in the shading like the blue in the dress or more saturated colors near the focal point, but i can't remember LOL) or try rendering a more detailed character w/ a background (even if the background was pretty vague). i like this one! especially the color cohesion, it's pretty swag imo. other faves from this month was fanart i made for the song "orbit" since i also like how the color cohesion came out for this one, and the maid dress/crossover drawing i made for cringetober. no other words needed to explain why.

Nov: another digital painting! it's yet another ghost song, this time "uncanny". i really loved the aesthetic of this song, especially its bold colors and simplistic shapes, so i wanted to try capturing it in my style. i really love how the colors turned out on this, though i've yet to truly recreate what i like about this particular painting again? regardless, it's one of my faves, deserving of one of my favorite ghost songs. few other highlights from this month would be my obligatory purple robin drawing for the month, my sketchbook drawing of my luka design, and my fanart of utsu-p's song "ga". i like how i was able to do a couple of my different "styles"/processes this month rather than just sticking to just one. they all have their own feel to them that i like to play around with depending on the idea.

Dec: and finally, we're at the end. like july, we have another heavily improvised oc drawing with symbolism i came up with on the spot. that's just how i do things. anyway, this turned out really good in my opinion! i tried to stick to a color palette i saved in procreate a long time ago, and damn is it a fine palette. it helped me get a little loose with the colors and solely focus on creating a strong composition with colors and contrast rather than get hung up on sticking to typical color palettes. i also really like how i did the background by essentially using the liquify tool to swish all the colors around and then polished it a little on top. made for a really cool effect. other notable work would be the companion piece i made with my other oc that had a similar style since i liked the process of this one. there will probably be more as of when i'm drafting this (at the beginning of december) but i just wanna be finished w this post already bro

all around, very satisfied with this year. there was kind of a lot of song fanarts (something that i am somewhat guilty about because it feels like i'm unoriginal or something, but i swear it's cuz i'm really passionate about vocaloid music and need to act on what my braincells do when i listen to certain tracks), but overall i'm happy i was able to maintain some slight variety in the art i made this year through my chosen mediums and "styles" or processes i use.

this was the first year where i really wanted to have a fully rendered piece i'm proud of to represent every month. now, i wouldn't recommend this since forcing yourself to make art is not a good mindset to be in (sometimes, with how early i pushed some pieces out in certain months to get the monthly quota over with makes it seem like i'm getting paid to have a pretty year-in-review LOL). i was pretty lucky to not really have much burnout i guess?

~~~

ok now that all that boring stuff is out of the way, here’s my previous years! this is the sixth year i have made an art review chart.

lightning round review time! (probably just gonna be more boring stuff)

2018: ok, so this was the year where my prime art hosting platform was… amino… specifically smash amino. as much as i could rant about how much i hate that place now, i cant deny that it got me creating a lot of stuff. also it was an actual date archive for my traditional art because i never got in the habit of dating my physical art 🙃 uh don’t mind the absolute horrid graphic design on this one. i grabbed a template which was probably saved from a bunch of other places from amino and… didn’t really know how the formatting was supposed to work. first of all, i edited this in picsart on my phone and the chart wasn’t transparent, and second of all i didn’t know you were supposed to crop only the main focus so it could fit and be a little more clear. hence why its such a visual eyesore. i've been meaning to remake it to make it a little less bad (once i get my hands on the traditional pieces again), but i guess its shoddiness adds to its charm, much like amino. but anyway, 2018 was a bit of a turning point year for me in the smash amino art biz. on amino, i mostly made copies of official artwork from smash (character renders and so forth), and this year i actually tried experimenting with my own original ideas and scenes (my copying roots were still around at this time tho, seen in the november drawing which is based on ssbu’s mural art. i mainly moved on to copying artwork from feh). this was also the year i got my ipad and finally got into making digital art. i didn’t have the knowledge of digital art that i have today obviously, so colors and lighting were usually on the plain side. i also hit my stride with making more ambitious traditional art that incorporated backgrounds and such, and they’re pieces i’m still really proud of!

2019: so, i actually made this chart some time in 2021 or 22 because i didnt make an actual chart in 2019 officially (i forgor). which bums me out because i deleted my amino account by then, so a lot of dates for traditional pieces were flushed down the toilet the one time i needed them. so, to compensate, i tried scraping any digital piece i could to fill in some spaces, which is why some are more underwhelming than others. but yeah since this isn’t fully accurate to my art progress that year, 2019 is a bit fuzzy. main thing of note that year is midway through i got really REEAALLY into fire emblem: three houses and drew a lot of art of the characters (not shown much on the chart because they were mostly sketches and whatnot). imo there’s not much improvement or stylistic changes from 2018 in this year to note. 2020 on the other hand…

2020: if it wasn’t clear, this was my jojo phase. i got into jojo at the end of 2019 and my downward spiral into jojo hell bled into 2020 :p as such, i made a lot of jojo art. and because i made a lot of jojo art, this was the year where my style shifted drastically. i feel like it’s a common phenomenon for artists getting a total stylistic makeover after getting into jojo. whether it’s to imitate araki’s style or just trying to accommodate the characters’… features, i ended up facing the same thing. gone were big round heads with tiny mouths and in were tree trunk necks and higher effort placed in learning anatomy, both for the full body and well as the face. it was around may of this year i got procreate and moved on from ibis paint for digital art. while i still have my personal hangups with procreate, im glad i ended up investing in it since it really just works for me!!

2021: around summer 2020 in peak pandemic mood, i decided to indulge in some nostalgia and listened to some old vocaloid tunes from my middle school days. and then i kept rediscovering more stuff, and then i ended up browsing producers' individual discographies, and uh yeah i am still suffering the consequences of my vocaloid renaissance to this day. while it wasn't prominent in the 2020 chart, it really started to leak its way into my art subjects in 2021. however, i still primarily stuck to my roots with fe/"smash"/jojo fanart. this year was mainly trying to find my style again i suppose? i had already learned the ropes of procreate, its limitations, and the options it has to aid with the art making process, so it was just a matter of flinging a bunch attempts at a ~style~ to see which one i liked the most. i did try finding a painting/rendering style a lot by way of copying (mainly guessing based on speedpaints) other artists' styles and process with digital painting which ended up growing into my own thing. i know they all sort of look the same, but march, april, and october of this year all had slightly different ways of doing all the shading n rendering for painting that i liked experimenting w/ in the future.

2022: by this point, i had fully gotten used to procreate and the methods i used to make art, and the vocaloid train had no signs of stopping. i think the main thing of note this year was that i was able to break out of the "5 million overlays of pink and purple color vomit" box my digital art was set it. while it used to amuse me when i first began abusing it in my art, i guess i just sort of grew out of it? it ended up making a lot of my art look homogeneous, and it took out the fun trial and error of picking the colors to match the atmosphere myself. i also tried to get more experimental with my compositions, mainly in trying to make them more dense with Stuff as well as finally get a little more comfortable with drawing backgrounds. besides those things however, i remember feeling my art progress was very stagnant this year, with not much noticeable change from january to december. perhaps i've gotten a bit comfortable with the state it's in. regardless, still a good year all around.

~~~

whew. THAT'S finally done with. if you made it to the end of this very me-centered ramble, congrats. i will probably make reblog additions in future years to continue this little saga. idk if i'll be as detailed as i was for the 2023 lineup, but we'll see.

#not art #year in review #year in review 2023 #art review #fanart #mayors ocs #traditional art #digital art #long post #art #artists on instagram

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