#I've been eating it every Thursday all my life

[starsoftheeye]

TMagP 17 Reaction

Pre-Episode

I've discovered that acting disinterested literally makes the episodes show up earlier on my youtube account, so I've gotta play mindgames on this app every thursday to get to see the episodes less than half an hour after they release lol

Pre-Statement

Ah Celia is back on her bullshit

Wait did she just nearly get ran over???

I feel bad for laughing at her but her only reaction being "Oh for gods sake" is super funny to me how long has she been doing this

oh hi sam

oh god she missed their date :[

something tells me a habit is going to be made of this, especially considering she literally cannot help it

"it really wasn't" yeah no wonder you nearly became roadkill

theyre so cute i love them

ooh shes mad

Statement

"catalyst" huh, have we heard that before or is this the first time

pfft not the interviewer getting read to shreds

wild theory before i keep going, based on the title "saved copy" and the "identity crisis", "existential horror", "temporal distortion" and "captivity" tags, im going to assume that this person going to therapys having the details of their life copied somewhere for something to replicate and replace them, and the doctors gonna attempt to get rid of them but obviously it didnt work. either that or the guy outside the office does something

as someone whos never done meditation before this is not encouraging me to start

ah office spaces, the worst of cosmic horror

wait did they get teleported or something

tbf if my taxi driver started driving completely the wrong way i'd assume the worst and start "exchanging words" too

oh my god was i right

wait is this copy based on their therapy, a version of themselves with no problems whatsoever? and is this gonna be a "there can only be one" type scenario?

oh wait no i forgot siblings exist

wait nvm them having the same name is weird

"dates and times" so this is where the temporal distortion comes in ig

yup

i'm sticking with the "rich-darrien is a copy trying to assimilate into og-darriens life" theory for now

yeah because thats not normal darrien, even if youre related no-one looks completely identical apart from glasses, teeth colour and a lack of a beer-gut

do they both think the other is the copy, or does sharron just not know?

oh god what is he hiding

does he beat up a real person every time hes upset

of course it was his father that makes sense

oh my god the sound design

oh my god he's the one who assimilated thats so cool

good for sharron i hope shes doing okay

off-topic but i love the way the voices get more real as the statement goes on then go back to their more robotic tone at the end

Post-Statement

as a celia fan i am eating well this week jeez

celia my dear what do you mean by that "not exactly the same though, it is?" girlie what have you done what are you hidinggg

alice!

who was playing the music in the background there?

as someones whos computing department in school consists of keyboard with never-before-discovered types of bacteria wedged between the keys thats valid

alice dyer i love you so much

ah the dyhard is dyharding

ah yes the mutual "i'm traumatised and i know you are too but i don't like you enough to give details on mine or ask about yours so we'll just sit and suffer in silence til the ice somehow breaks" dynamic

also colin mention woohoo i love the scottish man

the computer start up noise and power down noise at the beginning and end of every episode kind of makes me think that someone is watching all of this (maybe us, or more likely someone in-universe)

anyway that was fun, i'm doing this late but this was a nice way to spend my first proper off-day since finishing all my exams

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp reaction #celia ripley #samama khalid #alice dyer #gwendolyn bouchard #colin becher

[foreverdolly]

One thing that helped me with the aftermath of dealing with family members passing was people who brought meals. We obviously cannot bring you any but do you have a Venmo account we can send you $$$ so you can order food or something?🤍

i live two hours from home, so i've been eating out every night to be honest hahaha.

this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever sent to me. i'm so sorry for your loss as well, especially if it was a grandparent or parent. a lot has happened to be in my life and i've always been naive enough to think "this can't get worse. no pain can be worse than this", and it truly does get worse. someone messaged me on here and said "it hurts so bad because you loved him so much" and it's making me feel a lot better. my dad was always my favorite parent, despite his addiction. i hope that you've found peace with your loss as well, and one thought that is calming me is knowing that he isn't truly gone. i fully intend on making him proud, and i know that you're doing the same with your loved one.

please do not feel pressured to send me anything at all. i know money is tight for everyone right now because of the shitty economy, but my venmo is "Sunny-Doll". anything would be truly appreciated since i had to call out of work thursday and friday ;;-;;

#thinking about dad #sweet nonnie #thank you eternally

[puddles2456]

last night was the best night of my life.

i don't know why, but Mistress went out for a few days and she left Thursday. Friday night Nothing changes, I sucked Master off 9 times after he came home from work, and then I was out away for the night. Saturday I woke Master up sucking him off and loved how I was able to just take my time and enjoy it. When Master orgasmed he pulled me up and held me for a long time. He hasn't held me like that since we first met. Master told me he is taking me out and that he will dress me as soon soon as we were done bathing. As normal I washed Masters body and sucked him off twice more in the shower. When we finished I dried Master off and then knelt in the corner as I was instruct and my hands cuffed behind my back, then a blindfold. I listened as Master got dressed, and then I grabbed my hair and helped me stand. He then dressed me. When he removed the blindfold he dressed me in a high school cheerleader uniform, the skirt being to short so my ass hung out the back, and the bottom of the chastity that securely kept my pussy covered was visible. He then placed a pair of glasses on me, and did my hair into pony tails. Then he did white socks and white heels that made more of my ass visible. He then bent me over and pushed a plug into my ass. This plug was split so it opened inside of me, Master would have to pull it out as it wouldn't be slipping out, then he showed me a little device that he put in his pocket. This remote can send shocks to your ass, and he presses a button, I was in my knees with my eyes clenched shut. A thing layer of sweat appeared on my skin. He explained my rules, 1) I'm not allowed to to talk to anyone he doesn't allow me to. 2) I will remain in his right side at all times, 3) I'm to bend over at my hips not my knees any time I need to reach lower. My heart was racing and I was turned on like crazy. Part of me wanted the plug to turn back on, but the normal part of me wanted it out. Master then led me to the garage and sat me in the passenger seat and buckled me in. As he started to stand he kissed me, like a real kiss, not a friend a kiss. It immediately made me soak the inside of the chastity and I felt my pussy juice on the car seat. Master got in and we left. First we went to a restaurant a little diner. We ordered and Master asked for an empty bowl. I was about to die, Master doesn't need an empty bowl unless he plans on making me eat on my knees just like at home. When out meals were dropped off at the table I was frozen staring at Master not knowing what to do. He sat there staring at me for several moments and then spoke, 'good girl, if you would have jumped into eating you'd be under the table eating from the bowl. But you may eat normal. Today is going to be fun and you need to have your energy.' I ate, trying to figure out what Master has planned. For months I've been kept in chains and chastity, only cleaning and orally pleasing Mistress and Master. I've never seen Master being so normal before, I was slightly terrified. When we finished Master paid the bill, and we left. We then went to the mall. I wanted to die. I don't have friends here so I wasn't worried about being recognized, but I have never been seen dressed like this ever by anyone except Master, and I was starting to have a panic attack. Masters hand was suddenly caressing my skin around the chastity on either side of my pussy. I melted. My world was only Masters touch and the never ending frustration building from being locked for several months without being touched ever. Master then stopped and got out of the car. My mind was mush, I wasn't thinking, only Masters rules were echoing in my head, as my pussy screamed in agony for a touch of anything it was never getting. Master led me to every store, I swear he looked at every item for sale. Occasionally I'd get a shock because I stepped to far away from Master. I didn't realize after a day of this I was silently being trained to always be close to Master or fear being shocked. We got a certain store I'm calling it violets secrets. Part 2 com

[theearlgreymage]

It's still Wednesday in some places, so, we can still call this a WIP Wednesday. And if you disagree, consider this a Thirsty Thursday post since I only know how to write explicit content apparently.

Most of my projects have been revealed since my last posting - both COBB projects are officially up and in progress. And I've uploaded both of my gift fics!!

So now it's onto keeping up with updates and planning for COTTA.

Any who - shout out and thank you to the folks that keep on tagging me even when I fall off the face of the planet!! @ic3-que3n @ivelovedhimthroughworse @artsyunderstudy @shrekgogurt @fatalfangirl @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @nausikaaa @wellbelesbian @confused-bi-queer @you-remind-me-of-the-babe and @blackberrysummerblog

Now, without further ado, enjoy some snippets from some of my current WIPs (there are more, but we need to keep some things a surprise, right?)

Aster & Narcissus

(COBB Project with @ivelovedhimthroughworse that you can start reading here)

I’m used to being alone and having my life decided for me.  But I still never thought that my mother would go this far. To arrange a union behind my back and bind me to another. Effectively snuffing out any potential freedom I dreamed of in the dark of night.  No.  I won’t let them decide my fate anymore.  Running down the temple steps, I call upon years of brutal lessons. Calling to the grass beneath my bare feet to hide my footprints as I race across my mothers land. Heading towards the only individual that might hear my pleas for help and actually listen to them.  Ebb.  She’s a dear friend to my mother. I’d be a fool to overlook that, but she’s also the only one who isn’t afraid to chastise my mother in her treatment of me.  After I learned that the Nymphs under my mothers direction would never be my real friends, my mother left me with Ebb for a time. Entrusting the kindhearted Goddess of the Hearth to make me feel at peace. And she did. Ebb let me cry about how I only wanted to understand who I was and master the power I wielded without telling my mother my every word. Instead she stood up for me, trying to convince my mother to tell me the truth.  It didn’t work. But hearing Ebb take my side let me know that I would always have a second home with her if I ever needed it.  Right now I need it. Need her.

Eirlys

(COBB Project with @shrekgogurt and @artsyunderstudy that you can start reading here)

24 December 2020 It’s been five years since the world as we know it changed forever.  Five years since I lost Simon at the top of the White Chapel. Five years since I lost Vera, Daphne, Sophie, and Petra. The girls would have turned eight this year. The same age that Mordelia was when this all started.  After the incident with Gareth, I stopped going out on runs. Even if I wanted to, the whole lot of us were barred from leaving the QZ for nearly six full months. I didn’t protest. Enough damage had been done without my insistence to go back out into the wilderness of England.

Infinity In Your Chest Pocket

(To be updated soon. Feel free to start reading it here)

I’m going to strangle her.  Of all the things she could have chosen to say, she just had to remember the singular time that I told her what Snow looks like.  Speaking of Snow, his cheeks are flush with embarrassment at Delia’s comment. If I could blush, I would be - one of the few perks of vampirism. It unintentionally ups my poker face. The sight of a flustered Snow is one I am thoroughly enjoying now that I’m properly looking at him.  The extra color brings out his freckles even more, and makes the blue of his eyes stand out. It makes me want to swoon and fall into his arms so I can look at them even closer.  Instead, I try to give us both an out before Delia can continue to harass either one of us. “Come on, we can eat in my room.”  At this, Delia immediately pouts. “No fair! Why do you get to eat wherever you want, but I have to eat at the table?”  I just roll my eyes at her petulance. “Because I’m older.”  The fact that I’m older has nothing to do with it. My parents only allow me to excuse myself from family meals because of my fangs - they pop when I eat and it’s noticeable. So, they don’t mind if I take my meal with me to my room from time to time. 

Surrender to Your Lead

(Not a WIP or SnowBaz - but I just uploaded it this week. Based on art by @ic3-que3n So, enjoy a little snippet of it. Feel free to read it here)

My response only serves to rile him up further as he grabs my chin between calloused fingers and forces my eyes to meet his. "If you can't follow basic commands, maybe I need to put you on a tighter leash." At that, I let my eyes drop down to the leather that is in Erwin’s other hand. We’ve never done this before. It makes my mouth water. “Eyes forward, Captain.” Erwin orders. His breath is hot against my cheeks as I snap my eyes back up to his. With my focus back on him, Erwin leans down while pulling on my chin. Forcing me onto my toes as his lips find the shell of my ear. “Now you had better listen, and listen well,” his voice drops to something low and sultry. It makes me want to dig my fingers into his shoulders and drag my nails down his chest. “I am going to give you very explicit instructions tonight, and you are going to follow every single one of them.” The end of the sentence is punctuated with a teasing lick to the curve of my ear. Followed by a light bite to the skin just beneath the lobe. It’s taunting - I know he can bite far harder when he wants. “Is that clear?” Words seem impossible at the moment. So I simply nod my head as Erwin draws his own head back up without releasing the hold on my jaw. “I need an answer, Levi.” Licking my lips to buy myself a fraction of a second, I force my mouth to work. “Yes.” Wrong answer. I think to myself as Erwin frowns. His eyes darkening as he tightens his grip. Fingers sliding down and digging into my throat. A threat, a promise, of what’s to come. “Yes, who?” Erwin prompts again. The patience in his voice is wearing thin. “Yes, Commander.” I reply instantly.

Tags and Hello's to everyone I secretly admire below the cut ❤

@aristocratic-otter @bazzybellee @bookish-bogwitch @captain-aralias @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @cutestkilla @ebbpettier @erzbethluna @facewithoutheart @foolofabookwyrm-activated @gekkoinapeartree @henreyettah @hushed-chorus @ileadacharmedlife @ionlydrinkhotwater @j-nipper-95 @johnwgrey @krisrix @larkral @letraspal @martsonmars @moodandmist @mostlymaudlin @onepintobean @orange-peony @palimpsessed @prettylightsbigcity @skeedelvee @stardustasincocaine @stitchyqueer @tea-brigade @theimpossibledemon @thewholelemon @whogaveyoupermission @yellobb

#WIP #wip wednesday #thirsty thursday #All I do is write #So many ideas #Not Enough Time #What I would give to write for a living #There's actually like 15 active WIPs #I'm just trying to keep this short #95% of them are SnowBaz #Carry On #Simon Snow Series #Simon Snow Trilogy #Simon Snow #Baz #Baz Pitch #Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch #SnowBaz #aster and narcssis #eirlys #IIYCP #AOT #Attack on Titan #Eruri #COBB #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Gift Fics

[lantur]

updates,

I was pretty stressed last Saturday because I was feeling mentally burned out and exhausted and had to work for part of the day, representing my organization at an event and making a presentation :/ It ended up going well, I met some nice people, and got an interesting idea for my next work project. The rest of the day was wonderful - Derek and I played board games and went out for dinner at our favorite neighborhood Chinese restaurant. ❤️ We've been eating out a lot less over the last six months or so, just like once a month, so it was a special treat.

Sunday was a great day. I had a fun morning workout and went to a horror play at Theater Mu. I love them - they're the largest Asian American theater company in the Midwest and their shows are always so well written and acted. I'm really happy to have been able to attend more plays over the last six months or so. Living in a place with so many local theater companies is my favorite part of living in the Twin Cities.

I also made a new recipe for dinner that night that turned out super well - hot honey crispy baked salmon bowls with broccoli. :)

I have been limping and crawling through this work week. Work has been overwhelming for almost a month straight. I'm grateful to have a leadership role, but it's challenging and exhausting to not just work on my own solo projects and to-do list items, but to lead and support others every time they have a problem or need something, which is often.

This week also became challenging because my mom reached out to me on Tuesday night (a day after my last post on here where I said that I was sure I hadn't heard the last from her yet, ironically) and told me she was planning on moving to India later this year. I had to handle that conversation in a more polite way than "don't let the door hit you on your way out." Talking to her, as always, brought up a lot of negative feelings. She said she wants to see me before she leaves, but I held off on committing to that - partly because of the reason below.

On a more positive note, I had my long awaited appointment with my new OB-GYN yesterday :) I really like her. She's experienced, she's from the same culture as I am, and she left me feeling with a sense of knowledge and optimism about this whole pre-conception and conception process. I'm going to go off the pill when my current pill pack is over at the end of March and then start tracking my cycle to see what it is like, if/when I ovulate, etc. I have PCOS, so the question of whether I ovulate naturally is yet to be determined. I've been on the pill for my entire adult life and during my teenage years to treat PCOS, so I'm curious and a bit nervous to see what happens when I'm off it. I'm curious and excited to see if/when I could conceive this year.

I'm writing this while I wait at the airport for my flight to Tokyo. This trip snuck up on me after I booked it. As recently as last week, I thought that my trip was 3 weeks away - even though I theoretically knew it started on March 7. Then I realized March 7 was next Thursday and not 3 weeks away. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm really excited to have this time for myself. I push myself really hard at work, at home, and with personal development goals. I enjoy what I do. I like grocery shopping and cooking, I like working out, I like studying Spanish every day. I even like my job, most of the time. But sometimes it just feels exhausting to juggle it all, and it's so nice to take time where I'm not doing anything for anyone else but myself. :) It feels especially timely because I hope to start my master's in social work program in September, and I hope to possibly be growing the family by then too!

#lanturing

[claireofluxembourg]

We have radio show in a little less than 20 minutes but in the meantime, I want to come clean to what's been happening with my personal and work life that caused me to have the worst Anxiety Attack I've had in YEARS last night. If it wasn't for my dog, that is sitting in my feet as I write this, I would probably not be alive today.

I don't want to get too much into detail with what's going on because I'm pretty certain all my social media is being stalked (Twitter, Facebook and even my LinkedIn) by my boss. Long story short, she managed to bully out of the job not only my roomate and another friend but she's close to bully one of the receptionists out too (refusing for him to get medical attention related to a chronic illness) and myself.

I confronted her boyfriend (and principal of the school) two nights ago because another teacher (and cousin or nephew or God knows what) told him that I was talking shit with another student about them (which I wasn't, he hadn't seen me in days and they even gave me food) and I told him via text I wanted to be left alone because I was just doing my job and was quite literally out of the picture. They don't want me at the institute so they schedule me online hours. Since me confronting him (which cause the first burst of Anxiety) on thursday, I haven't received any hours scheduled (I work per hour and get payed per hour). He's basicaly threatening my livelihood and he knows it because I talked to him about it. Several times. I told him I needed at least 7k every 15 days to cover up my rent and my other expenses. They haven't covered that in the last month.

And all of this because my roomate was best friends with the owner and they're not anymore because they got into a one sided fight. And what I mean with One Sided is because she got mad my roomate and I didn't invite her to our birthday party (which we had to cancel to not "hurt" the company and her feelings I guess). Since then and because I'm still friends with my roomate, I have been witch hunted and belittled.

I am currently seeking for another job that allows me to cover up my expenses for the next two months. I need to make at least 780 dollars a month to be able to pay my rent and just live here. I am TERRIFIED because they have me under contract and they're in their right to not schedule me hours because my contract says so. I cannot sleep and I cannot eat and I cannot stop crying. I genuinely don't know what to do but to try to express my feelings of absolute hopelessness here.

This is my safe space and probably the only place she doesn't know but even then, I have kept this under wraps from pretty much everyone but my closest family and literally a handful of friends because I feel like a failure. I'm sorry that this has also kept me from blogging here but as you can tell, I'm fighting for my life here. Pray for me because literally I was so close to give up.

Please don't let me give up.

#personal

[delusional-cannibal]

Help me get my baby cremated

Sorry all it's a spange/ vent post

he/him btw

Tw medical mistreatment, pregnancy, abortion/miscarrige?

TLDR: hospital messed up, had to lose my baby, have to figure out creamation

Hey so I'm not really sure on how to do this so I'l start when I got sick

I got sick around september last year. (constant vomiting lasting over a week happening 20 hours a day, unable to eat or drink) with many trips to after hours and the ED constant tests and being put on IV drips they said it was some type of hyperemesis and to food diary ect

From then I'm on new meds and am coping better with an attack every few weeks lasting a week (sometimes lining up with menstration sometimes not) Still in hospital at least once but up to 4 times a month ( usually in the same week)

So march I come in very sick they do bloods and pee tests and check everything, they say I'm probably either too stressed or I have bulimia. (Ive had mental health issues in the past but I know when I'm getting bad with my eating and I had been doing a lot better)

April I come in 3 times and again lots of bloods taken and other samples given ect. I must be stressed or disordered

May I come in twice and again tests and again "theres nothing wrong with you, youre stressing yourself out

June I come in and they tell me I am 3 month pregnant. There are blood test results from early April saying I was pregnant but because the pee stick tests were all negative,no one,,,,, checked,, my bloods,, for 3 months.

I find that out on sunday the 11th. They show me ultrasounds, they refer to it as a baby and a child multiple times. They then tell me I wont be able to have him. I'm no where near well enough to make it to term and I would most likely not be able to carry him without high risk of still birth. On monday I get a rough phone call saying they can see me for surgery on thursday. I was 13 week and 4 days so 3 more days and I would have had to wait until it got worse and probably have to stillbirth/false labour. So i had the surgery and now I am left here feeling hollow and wrong with a jar in my freezer that would have been my son.

I dont know if I would have kept him or adopted him but this is not what i wanted, epecially not being this far along.

I am absolutely pro abortion/prochoice and if i had only been a month or so or if i hadnt seen him that then would have been the choice for me. But being over a third of the way and being told "Hey you're a third there! but you cant do it even if you want it bad enough" was just gut wrenching.

A friend will be helping me complain but thats the last thing on my mind. Like just a week ago i was worried about watering the plants i had been neglecting for a speel and this week I am trying to figure out how to organize and pay for my babys cremation.

How does life even do these thing man?

Like I've had a rough time as it is with CSA and being homeless for periods, but the csa court case was mostly over, and i had found a nice person, and am living in the first house where i haven't been mistreated and I'm making a home and tmi but i had sex for the first times since i was assulted last year and it had only been a few times with condoms each time and they day after pill when one broke? And then this, like I was just getting my life back and now i get to watch it fall apart again.

Sorry for the rant, thanks everyone

my paypal is [email protected] I'm from nz so we dont have the venmos/cashapps

and

https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/help-me-get-my-sweet-boy-cremated

#spange #give a little #hannibal #vent #helpp pls #not hannibal #abortion #miscarriage #pregnancy

[arlecchno]

mission accomplished [ scaramouche x reader ]

five | sunshine & city lights

prev masterlist next

you and scaramouche have been avoiding each other for the past few days, until you’ve had enough and confronted him about it. things drastically changed when scaramouche finally opens up and lets you in more into his life, giving you more perspective on how he truly feels after the incident. will things change between the two of you too?

warnings: swearing, mentions of death (no worries no one’s dead), hurt and comfort i think

a/n: and chap 5 is here! i'm finally done with midterms, which means that i am gonna start updating regularly!!! i came up with the title while i was listening to sunshine & city lights by greyson chance on repeat (give it a listen pls), and i think this song fits scaramouche's and y/n's relationship perfectly. this chapter goes in more depth to scaramouche’s mental health, so happy reading!

grammatical errors may occur so please let me know if i've made any mistakes!

for the next following days, you never discussed about scaramouche’s recent behaviour. you never even bothered to ask him on his whereabouts after that.

things became slightly awkward between the two of you because of it. you and scaramouche barely talked, only on the occasions where either of you ask about leads on viktor’s case. scaramouche seems to be unbothered by all of this.

but you? you weren’t having any of it.

you barged in scaramouche’s room. “i’ve had enough of this. we need to talk.”

scaramouche was sitting cross-legged on his bed, laptop on his lap and files scattered on the bed. looks like he's working on the case.

scaramouche looked up to your form at his door. “you could’ve knocked, dumbass. ever heard of privacy?” he jabbed.

“i honestly don’t give a single fuck about that. we need to talk, now. whether you like it or not is not up to your choice. we’re gonna do this now or everything is going to get worse.” you seethed, closing the door and marching up to the end of scaramouche’s bed frame, crossing your arms.

scaramouche scoffed, taking off his glasses and placing it on his nightstand. “what is it that you want? stop wasting my time and get to it.”

you sighed, taking a seat at the edge of his bed. “you’ve clearly been avoiding me for the past few days now. i want to know why.”

“...avoid you?” scaramouche questioned. “y/n, do you hear yourself? scaramouche let out a half-heartedly chuckle. you raised a brow, confused.

“you’re the one that’s been avoiding me. hell, you never even ate the food i’ve made these days nor do you even bat an eye at me whenever we went pass each other in campus. you should be the one asking that to yourself.” he said, looking at you.

you looked back at him, even more confused.

“huh…?” you were stunned, thinking that if you’re the one that’s been avoiding him.

tuesday

“why didn’t you eat the food i’ve made for you? i thought i texted you about it.” scaramouche asked, looking at the untouched food in the fridge.

“'m not hungry.” you mumbled from the couch.

wednesday

“are you really not gonna eat first before your class?”

“ah, no. i’ve already eaten at the campus cafe, and i'm already late for class.” you said to scaramouche, leaving the dorm.

today, thursday

“what the hell do you think you’re doing?” scaramouche asked, slightly annoyed at how you’ve been avoiding from him these past few days.

you were eating takeout food on the couch while finishing up your work.

he's already cooked something for dinner.

“…takeout? i just haven’t had them in a while and i was craving for one.” you muttered, looking back to your laptop screen and continuing your work.

guess you were the one that was avoiding him all along.

as silence hits the room, scaramouche sighs.

“look, it is true that i've been kind of avoiding you lately, but you were too. i did try my best to fix this by cooking up food for you, but every time i offer them to you, you refuse.” scaramouche said.

“ah... guess i have been kind of a bitch to you these days, huh?” you murmured, fiddling with your hands.

“you have.”

you slouched your form on the bed and darted your eyes to the floor. “i— i'm sorry, i didn't realise i was being an ass these days. it was just... you shut me out last time. i thought you needed some time to yourself so i tried my best to leave you alone. i wasn't aware that it led to me completely avoiding you.”

scaramouche was silent. he probably doesn't know what to say about his behaviour from last time, you thought.

“scara, it's okay if you don't want to tell me what you were doing outside of campus. it isn't any of my business and you don't owe me any explanation. i just hoped you'd at least be a bit... nice about it. you didn't have to snap and slam the door on me.” you said, looking back up at him.

he had his eyes on his lap, not even trying to meet yours.

“i know. it's still hard for me to control my emotions around people, but i have been trying. i know i was being a dick and... i'm sorry.” he mumbled, finally looking at you.

you smiled. “it's fine, i understand that it's not easy for you to sort out your feelings. i've known you for all of the years i've been in the precint, and i never say this but...” you trailed off, standing up and making your way to the door to give him space.

“i'm glad that i'm one of the only few people that you've allowed to be in your life, even if we treat each other like shit." you finished.

you turned the doorknob, about to leave his room before hearing the ravenette mutter something.

“...rapy.” he mumbled lowly, only enough for you to hear.

you turned back to look at his form on the bed. “huh?”

“therapy. that's where i've been going to these days.” scaramouche opened up, his indigo eyes still plastered on his lap.

“therapy...? scara, what do you need therapy for? i don't think you—” you stopped yourself, realising the actual reason why he's been going on one.

“it's still not easy for me to forget what happened, so i thought seeking therapy is gonna at least help me a bit with coping.”

“does it?”

scaramouche lets out a faint laugh. “surprisingly, it does. i wouldn't be able to even be on this case if it weren't for the appointments i've been going to. it helps me a lot.”

you made your way to his bed again and changed your position on the bed from last time, sitting beside scaramouche instead. you brought your knees to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, making sure you were comfortable enough on his bed to continue the conversation.

“you know, we've never really talked about the incident.” you said.

“yeah.”

“do you want to talk about it?” you asked, resting your head on your arms and looking at scaramouche.

“i'm not sure. it's still hard for me to talk about it so i don't know if this is gonna overwhelm me.” scaramouche said, avoiding your eyes.

“it's completely fine, i'll just ask you one question though. it's okay if you don't want to answer.”

“fine. shoot.”

“are you doing okay?” you asked softly.

scaramouche quickly turned his head over to you with widened eyes, slightly shocked with your sudden question. he took a few moments to find the words, moving his gaze to his bed sheet and scattered files instead of your face.

“honestly, i'm trying my best, but i'm not doing okay.” scaramouche finally looked up and turned his head to your direction, his voice slightly strained.

you frowned, darting your eyes to his empty hands that are visibly shaking, he’s definitely not, you thought, contemplating on your next move.

“you know... i still don't see the reason why the incident impacted you so much. i was the one who was hurt, dummy.” you said, changing your sitting position into a cross-legged.

ah, fuck it.

you took one of his hands from his lap, bringing it over to you. scaramouche was frozen for a few seconds, but didn't bother to pry his hand off yours.

you played with it to ease off his nerves, tracing your fingers over his palm.

his hand is surprisingly soft, with a few tinges of caloused fingers and scarred knuckles, probably from the police work he does on the daily.

“you got shot on the shoulder, you broke your leg, oh and most importantly—you almost died, y/n, just for some undercover case. how are you still asking me such a stupid question?” scaramouche scoffed.

he doesn't know why you're so unaffected by everything that's happened a year and a half ago.

you flashed a smile at him. “for someone who shits on me on a daily basis, you sure do act like a mom, caring and all. i assure you, i am fine. i've been going to physical therapy for almost a year, scara. i’m basically good and healthy now. you don't need worry about me.” you said, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb.

“it's my job to ensure that snezhnaya is safe. i knew what i was getting into the moment i stepped foot in the police academy. i knew that my life would be on the line the moment i got my gun and badge, and i know every single thing i'm doing here has it's consequences, whether it's done right or not.” you tugged his hand, making him look at you.

his eyes were glossy, he looked like he was on the verge of tears.

“i'm fine, really. i've been on this job for half a decade now. i'm basically used to these kind of stuff while working, you know. it's only a matter of time until i get more scars from my job. it's a normal thing for the both of us, and you know that yourself. so you shouldn't worry about me, okay?” you reassured him, just like you once did back at the grocery store a while ago.

scaramouche was at lost for words. he looked down to his lap, unknowingly shedding a tear or two, letting his tears fall before him.

he tried to hide them from you, but you were faster than lightning.

upon seeing him crying, your hand quickly left his. you brought his head back up to you and wiped his tears away with your sleeve. his indigo eyes were staring at you, and you tried to stifle your laugh. he looks exactly like a baby.

you giggled, one hand still on his cheek. “don't be such a crybaby dude, i'm genuinely fine. there's nothing to worry about me, seriously. stop carrying this burden all by yourself, we're both involved in the same incident, at least let me carry it with you.”

now, it was scaramouche's turn to laugh at your words. “you're such a sap, it's crazy.” he rasped, giving you a small smile.

he never gives you one.

sure, he's given you the smirks and snickers whenever he teases and makes fun of you but other than that he's never really genuinely smiled at you, until now.

he has a sweet smile, you thought.

“you should smile more often. it's a good look on you.” you mumbled, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb.

“really?”

“yeah, really.”

at this point scaramouche was grinning up at you.

only for you.

because of last night, you both were late to your criminology class, resulting in the two of you walking into the class hall with your heads down to hide the embarrassment.

you didn't do much in class except for listening to a lecture about criminal law theory, in which you've already learned years ago.

it was one of the easiest topics for you back when you were an undergrad, so it won't really give you a hard time now, you hoped.

the campus cafe was filled to the brim with students getting their meals and drinks. you and scaramouche decided to get a couple of snacks and head down to the campus park instead to avoid the big crowd.

“viktor's party is tomorrow, right?” scaramouche asked, taking a seat on a small picnic table under a tree.

you took a bite of your bagel. “yup, 'shtarts at 'leven.” you muffly said, food still full in your mouth.

a disgusted look is framed on scaramouche's face. “ew, gross. finish the food in your mouth before talking, idiot.”

you glared at him, but obliged anyway. after taking a moment to finish up the food in your mouth, you continued.

“starts at eleven, but it'll probably start getting full by 10:50, so we might need to come early. we need to take note of the surroundings before it gets packed with students partying their asses off.”

scaramouche hummed, drinking his tea. “sure, just give me the location later. i'll drive.”

“let's just hope you don't crash into something and leave me to die.” you bashfully said, looking at the campus park filled with students taking a rest.

scaramouche brought a finger to his chin, acting out like he's thinking about it. “that's not exactly a bad idea, i'll keep that in mind.” he smirked, looking over to your slouching form.

“of course you would. ugh, you really are the worst.”

“and i couldn't be more proud of myself.”

friday went by quickly, and before you know it, you're in scaramouche's car, heading to viktor's frat party.

scaramouche turned to a corner, one arm to the steering wheel, the other resting by the closed window with his head in hand.

“is it still far away from here?” he asked, glancing at you from his car seat.

you checked the map on your phone. “nope, we'll be there in about 5 minutes. it's not that far from campus.”

the car was silent after that. none of you bothered to cut off the silence, instead enjoying the calm music from the radio of scaramouche's car.

after what happened last night, you and scaramouche barely had any childish banters and stupid arguments today.

well, there were some bashful words thrown around here and there, but never to the point that ends up with the both of you being frustrated and pissed with each other.

after awhile, scaramouche pulled up to a big house.

“we're here.” he said. you moved your attention away from your phone and to the house on your right instead.

the house is painted light gray, with a touch of dark gray and white on some parts of the exterior. the porch lights were on as it was getting into midnight, and several indoor lights were on too, probably for the party that's about to start in a few.

10:45 pm, the time says on your phone. there were some people that have arrived, but still pretty empty for it to be called a party.

you thought there'd be a lot of people by the time it was 10:45 pm, but it looks like you were proven wrong.

well, nothing wrong with being early, you guessed.

scaramouche took off his seatbelt and leaned back to his seat, letting out a sigh. he takes a moment before speaking up, “i've never been to a frat party.” he admitted.

“me neither.” you added, staring off at the frat house that's starting to fill with students.

scaramouche chuckled. “huh, i guess we were boring students back in the day. my nose was only buried in studies when people were out partying left and right.”

“me too. i was too busy with wanting to graduate fast than enjoying my campus life back then. i missed out on a lot of fun stuff.”

scaramouche looked at you. you were donning a white turtleneck and a plaid skirt, pairing with black tights. you probably don't look like you're going to a party, but the autumn weather hits you like a brick, so you wouldn't want to die from the chilly weather.

scaramouche was wearing a simple outfit, a windbreaker with a plain white t-shirt and a pair of pants.

“you okay?” he asked you out of the blue. you moved your gaze to him, raising a brow at his question.

“yeah, why? are you not?”

“i’m just... a bit nervous, i guess. i don't really know what will happen in there.” he paused. “but also please refrain yourself from getting insanely drunk. i really don't want to drag your intoxicated ass back to the dorms.”

you frowned. “hey, i told you that was a one time thing! i know i'm a lightweight and all, but i'm pretty capable of holding my liquor, especially when i'm supposedly undercover, thank you very much.” you fought.

scaramouche turned off the engine of his car. “sure you can.”

he suddenly leaned over to you to get some stuff in the glove compartment, his face just inches away from yours.

the smell of his cologne made your breath hitch. he smells so good, what kind of overly expensive cologne does he even use for it to smell this good and strong?

it only takes a few seconds before he moved back to his seat, opening up his door to get to the party.

“you ready?” scaramouche turned over to you.

“yeah.” you confirmed.

“then let's get this stupid party over with.”

when i end this series with angst then what

taglist; @beriiov @cloudsandrenoswife @thenightsflower @bleedingwhiteroses222 @yuuki4646 @hopesandlegacy @lisiastak021

dm, comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist!

#scaramouche x reader #scaramouche #genshin scaramouche #genshin #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact #slow burn #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche fanfic #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact reader insert #genshin x reader #h✧˖—mission accomplished #scaramouche fluff

[lucky-clover-gazette]

Ohh I've always wanted to start mealprepping but I get so demotivated finding what I want to eat for a whole week, do you maybe have any tips on how to get into it?

you, my friend, have just opened pandora's fridge

soooo i started meal prepping in march of this year at the same time as switching to an office job from retail and starting to go the gym. these decisions were for weight loss reasons (and have been very successful! i look and feel so good!) but i am immediately going to emphasize that there are a lot of benefits to meal prepping besides intentional weight loss. so much of what i've been doing would be the same if you were not trying to lose weight, you just wouldn't be thinking about like calorie deficits when choosing recipes (and if you're interested in weight loss, calories in calories out is your friend. set a reasonable number per day and pay attention to your body. if you're hungry, you're lowballing it. slow progress that sticks is better than fast progress that doesn't).

meal prepping can be really advantageous financially (and could be done less expensively than i do it tbh, i'm a sucker for the farmer's market), and as someone with adhd who lives alone it's incredible for my mental health. the way i meal prep is very structured around 1) my 8-4 weekday job and 2) the gym, so you'll need to figure out how to tailor that based on your schedule and interests.

all that aside, i'm super passionate about this and i've been learning so much these past months! i'm no expert and i was awful at cooking before (only ate frozen meals, snacks, and takeout honestly) but i feel like my relationship with food is the best it's even been in my life. food is GOOD. food that you've made with your own hands, that you've invested your time and effort in, is sosososo special. and if it sucks, at least you're learning what NOT to do! i have like a 85% success rate, and maybe 50-60% recipes are good enough to repeat.

i really treasure this entire ritual, even though it may seem overwhelming to do every single week. in terms of weight loss, i was never going to be someone who got healthy from heavy restriction or prescribed diets that are meant to distance a person from food. and it's funny because like, i would binge, but also HATE food so much for the hold it had over my body and mind. if you have a shitty relationship with food this might really help. i feel obligated to say that i do see a nutritionist, but she's not doing the cooking or recipe hunting or working out for me.

so my weekly meal prep calendar looks like this:

sunday - cooking day. like, for hours. i don't have a dishwasher so i'm doing a full sink of dishes at least three times. i sometimes have plans and can work around them, but i prefer to keep the day free. i imagine this would be trickier if you live with people, but then again i manage in a studio apartment with a kitchen the size of a grocery store checkout line, soooo

tuesday-thursday - research and making the shopping list! can be done on any or all of these days. i use justtherecipe and recommend it highly. it saves recipes from websites while cutting out ads and, like, blogging. you can also edit the recipes and add notes--i always add the calories and maybe nutrition information. if those are not provided and you care, you can use a nutrition calculator to figure it out. if you get nervous about calories i ENCOURAGE you to try this. a lot of recipes that you might shy away from can totally be goal-supportive. pasta can be your friend, i promise.

so what i do during the week is find recipes i want to cook or repeat (using pinterest or websites of previously enjoyed recipes) and add them to justtherecipe. every week i choose a breakfast, a lunch to eat at work, a pre-gym snack, and dinner. if you don't have a lot of physical activity you don't need the same kind of protein-heavy snack, but you could always prep something so you don't snack mindlessly. some weeks i also just cook something sweet for fun, especially if the calories for the whole day are a little low. this could be half-homemade apple cider, baked goods, purchased popsicles, etc. this is most often where i'll just buy something and pre-portion it, rather than prepare it myself. no shame in that at all, in fact, sometimes it would be stupid not to go with the easier/cheaper solution.

so yeah. i figure out what i'm cooking for each "meal," add the recipes to the cookbook in justtherecipe, and then scale the recipes as needed. i usually make 6 servings for a week, which is convenient because most recipes are written in multiples of 2. this is a great recipe converter you can use to resize recipes. justtherecipe devs are also planning to add a feature that does this on the site eventually.

last thing i do during the week is take the recipes, resized as needed, and make a shopping list. if there are things i know already have i leave them out, and if i'm unsure i put a question mark and check my kitchen whenever i'm home. i will say while this sounds kindaaaaaaa expensive at first, the more you repeat this weekly process the more nonperishable things you'll already have stocked, especially if you tend to cook with similar spices and types of oil/flour/etc. at this point, sixish months in, i rarely need to buy nonperishable stuff, unless i've literally run out. and you can find affordable ways to buy perishables, and if you compare what you're spending to frozen meals, snacks, and takeout, i think it's likely it would be at the worst equal, if that makes sense. i know this is a sweeping generalization and i'm sorry. this might not work for some people but i can only share what i'm fortunate enough to be able to do.

friday - this is the day i go shopping, after work! with my list that i already made! i know the layout of the supermarket super well at this point so i order the items accordingly. it goes pretty fast and people have asked me several times if i was doing instacart which i took as a huge compliment.

so that's my schedule, but you can switch it around based on what your work week looks like. i would definitely say that you should try to shop no more than 3 days before cooking, and maybe freeze certain ingredients in the meantime. freezing is HUGE in meal prep.

speaking of storage, storage!

depending on the kinds of meals, you have to be smart about storage if you want them to last 5-6 days. pay attention to what the recipe says about fridge vs. freezer life (justtherecipe does NOT save this, so make sure you check the website). for most meals, i freeze some or all on sunday and defrost in the fridge a day ahead as the week goes by. obviously you might need to split up more complex things (for a salad freeze the chicken but not the greens, for a soup freeze the broth and noodles but not the veggies, etc.). the highest-maintenance thing i've done so far is an udon soup with frozen broth and chicken but fresh prepped ingredients, which i needed to actually combine and boil on the stove every night (also did an egg drop because i think it's funny. like that egg really did just drop). still, pretty easy and low maintenance! the soup in question (oh god i hope my food isn't ugly and i'm actually delusional) will be pictured at the bottom of this post!!

plastic meal prep containers are less expensive, but glass are far superior especially if you're really into chilis, soups, and very garlicky-oniony foods. and especially ESPECIALLY if you're like me and you don't have a dishwasher. plastic tends to not do great with hot liquids and it holds onto strong smells.

i started out with plastic for the first few months, but asked for glass for my birthday. now i have 10 glass containers, 5 for lunch and 5 for dinner, and supplement with plastic during weeks where i make 6 servings. i think these are the glass ones i use, or at least made by the same company, and for plastic you can't beat target's price for what it includes. most supermarkets and big stores tend to sell both glass and plastic, if you don't want to commit to glass financially, plastic is still great. you'll definitely find a use for them if you upgrade eventually!

for the breakfast and pre-gym snacks, i use disposable stuff like baggies or the tinier plastic containers that often come in sets. i'm sorry, planet :( there's just a point where i know i can't create too many dishes, especially with no dishwasher. the whole point of this entire ritual is to create a process i have no problem repeating indefinitely, so sometimes i have accept that i'm not going to be able to do it perfectly.

in terms of breakfasts, i personally don't like savory flavors early in the morning. i'm a big fan of the frozen smoothie bag and baked goods like muffins and bread.

there is a kitchen in my office with a toaster oven and microwave, so i have some flexibility with what i can bring in and eat. lots of soups and salads!

pre-gym snacks are always about protein. protein muffins, hummus and veggies, peanut butter.

dinner can be a lot of things, but for me personally the focus is on making it hearty so i am FULL when i go to sleep. the overall rule of thumb with all of this is to make food you're EXCITED to eat, so you don't feel like you're unsatisfied or missing out. especially when starting out, i benefitted from learning how to prepare meat in appealing ways. i hate handling raw meat and there are some shortcuts you can take to avoid it, like making patties or meatballs with ground chicken or turkey. personally i only eat chicken and sometimes turkey, every once in a while turkey bacon. so no steak recipes here i'm afraid :( i'm a big fan of my grill pan but also have to be very careful with stovetop pan-cooking because my postage stamp of an apartment has no kitchen fan and i don't keep windows open. if you're in a similar situation and hate the idea of straight up baked chicken, you can bake it in the oven and then pan-fry or grill for a few minutes just to get that exterior texture without worrying about undercooking. oh yeah, also get a meat thermometer. a great part of acquiring recipes like pokemon is that you'll start adding kitchen items to your collection as needed just like your spices.

other misc. meal prep tips include: ALWAYS buy more broth than the recipe requires (like, twice as much); try to buy exact portions of perishable ingredients because unfortunately food waste can be a problem when you're alone; and cooking for several hours is a really good time to listen to audiobooks or video essays.

also i do want to point out that i occasionally eat food i didn't prepare. i just typically plan ahead and get SUPER excited to do so. i'm never eating takeout or restaurant food or frozen meals because i don't have it in me to make something; it's because i like the special food or i'm somewhere cool with people i care about. it's a treat, but so is all the food i make.

okay, last thing, here are some recipes i've repeated and really enjoy! notice that they're not all like spinach salads, i love when recipes find clever ways to emulate "unhealthy" food while having nutritious ingredients. the website skinnytaste is my favorite for stuff like that and she has a massive backlog of free recipes with nutrition info. also i very obviously favor certain ingredients (feta cheese my love), these are just things i like, there is so much out there for you to find for yourself! even if the recipe isn't your thing, these blogs and websites are great places to start!

breakfast:

- https://kristineskitchenblog.com/healthy-apple-muffins/

- a smoothie with 1/2 frozen banana, ~10 frozen strawberries, handful frozen spinach, 3/4 tbsp peanut butter (you can get a little scooper to make this easier), 3/4 tbsp strawberry preserves, and as much soy milk as it takes to smoothify it (around 1.25 cups)

- lunch and/or dinner:

- https://www.mealswithmaggie.com/chicken-corn-chowder/

- https://easychickenrecipes.com/chicken-tortellini-soup-recipe/

- https://www.mamagourmand.com/braised-butternut-squash-bacon-penne-bake/

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/baked-chicken-parmesan/

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/coconut-chicken-salad-with-warm-honey/

- https://www.lecremedelacrumb.com/farmers-market-veggie-pasta/

- https://healthylittlepeach.com/feta-and-spinach-chicken-patties/

- https://www.lecremedelacrumb.com/grilled-bruschetta-chicken/

- https://pinchofyum.com/honey-chicken-salad-with-grapes-and-feta

- https://www.skinnytaste.com/turkey-pumpkin-chili/

- pre-gym:

- https://thehonoursystem.com/maple-vanilla-protein-fudge/

- various protein muffins. they're not as fluffy as normal ones but can still be good!

- other:

- https://ifoodreal.com/healthy-key-lime-pie-bars/

- https://www.asweetpeachef.com/hot-apple-cider/

aaaaaand i'll close with food photos. because i'm proud. even if they don't look gorgeous, each is special to me, and i just think that's neat

#asks #cooking #txt #food #meal prep

[seiya-starsniper]

Get to know me (and you)

Super late doing this but thank you for the tag @bazzybelle! 💖💖💖 Three ships I really like right now: Dreamling - This ship has overtaken my life lol. It is the main fandom I write for, where all my fandom friends I've met in the last year are, and it's honestly just such a fun ship to write for. This ship single-handedly re-awoke my creative drive and I think it'll always hold a special place in my heart.

Jack Alston/Alan Ross from the novel A Power Unboound (Book 3 of The Last Binding Trilogy) - I've been obsessed with The Last Binding series ever since A Marvellous Light came out. It's a queer romance trilogy that takes place during the Edwardian period, and also, there's magic! I've gone feral over every couple featured in each book of the trilogy but I am especially feral for Jack and Alan in this last book.

Lokius - This one I tend to like more from afar lol. It's a fun ship with some great art and I've read some pretty good fic on it but most of my involvement with it stops there because getting involved in any MCU shipping fandom is a mistake lmaoooooo (not to shit on anyone I know who still is, you have more mettle than me and I salute you)

First ever ship: Pretty sure it was Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask ahahahaha. First ship I ever went fully insane for though? NaruSasu LOL.

Last song: Snow on the Beach - Vitamin String Quartet (yes I know I love tswift to the point of instrumental covers leave me along LMAO)

Last movie: Oh hell, I don't even know I don't really watch movies nowadays. I think it was Renfield when my brother was up for NYCC...a month ago ahahahaha.

Currently reading: The Final Empire by Brandon Sanderson. It is....a long book, I'm gonna be here a while LMAO.

Currently watching: Well it was Loki, but the season final was on Thursday! So my slot for watching is now open if someone's got any suggestions!

Currently eating: Spaghetti with homemade alfredo sauce 😋

Currently craving: Damnit Belle, now I'm craving cereal. Time to make myself a bowl lmao

Tagging with no pressure: @historyandqueershenanigans @eobardthawneallen @tryan-a-bex @melodiousramblings @orionsangel86

#seiya gets tagged #every time I complete one tag game I spawn 3 more #it's a beautiful problem to have lmao

[smrsxx]

Can i have an angst imagine with number 72 marco bezzecchi? <3 luv your writting.

Stay Safe For Me | Marco Bezzecchi x Female Reader

7 2 . ' ' Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do . ' '

Summary : He thought he knew everything about her , until she disappeared without telling him .

Trigger Warnings : mentions of past verbal , emotional and physical abuse , alcoholism and drug use , self - harm , a lot of tears and angsty feelings , but do not worry because there is going to be fluff in the end .

! ! ! Please read this Imagine if you are only 18 + and with your own permission , because it contains some things that a lot of people find disturbing . If you struggle with anything of the above , please feel free to send me a message , because I know how it is . I am here for you all and I want you to know that I support you . ! ! !

English is not my first language , so if you spot a mistake , please just bare with me .

P . S . I am so thankful for this request , because it gave me the opportunity to express the feelings that I have been holding back for so many years now . Also , it gave me the chance to write something about Marco , because I personally believe that there are not enough Imagines about him out there or any at all .

I poured my entire heart on this - 13.278 words : (

I hope you enjoy < 3

______________________________________________________________

Thursday , 12 November 2015

Today is Marko's 17 birthday . He decided against the idea of a " Sweet 17 Birthday Party " although his mother always reminded him from a very young age and since he was a little boy the same thing .

" You turn 17 only once in your entire lifetime . "

In which he always responded to her with the same answer every year.

" It's okay mom . Besides that , I don't want a birthday party . I just want to spend the day with the people I love . "

The people he loves . . . His parents and his close friends . . . Her . . .

Y/N was something else .

She was his best friend since they were both toddlers . They grew up together . They did everything together . They went to the same elementary , middle school and now high school . They were always together . Marko and Y/N , Y/N and Marko . Even if they fought a lot of times , in the end of the day they would always apologize to each other and go for a nice walk while eating ice cream . He would always have her back in everything and she would always support him in every stupid decision that he took even if it was dangerous for the both of them . They were in this life together . Every Friday after school they would always go in his house for dinner and then , they would watch all the Jackass movies all over again . Sometimes when she feel asleep over at his house , they would wake up early in the morning to watch SpongeBob SquarePants and the spend their Saturday going in rides with his bike , eating , playing , talking and laughing non stop . They knew everything about each other . They were inseparable and they completed each other .

He jumped out of his thoughts when he heard the familiar notification tone coming from his phone .

He was sure it was her . It had to be her . Besides , who else could it be on a Thursday morning ?

" Happy Birthday to the best friend ever . I want you to know that I'm so proud of you and I love you so freaking much that I would die for you . I wish you the most Happy Birthday and now I want you to come down because I have a present for you . " Y/N had just sended to him .

He open his bedroom door and streamed downstairs to his front door, just to open it and see her standing outside - with her glasses that he made fan of because he loved them so much on her - with a big gift bag on her hands .

' ' I see that you've got my text . Happy - ' ' She didn't get to finish her sentence , when his arms wrapped around her in a tight and warm hug .

' ' Thank you so much Y/N , you didn't have too . ' ' He said to her while hugging her .

' ' Marco what are you even doing outside in the cold with just your pyjamas . If you catch a cold I swear to God I - Oh Hello Y/N come inside honey . ' ' Marco's mother said from the doorway .

Both of them went inside for Marko to get ready and then to open his gift .

' ' What did you got me ? I'm kinda of anxious . ' ' He said to her .

' ' Open and find out . ' ' She answered to him while smiling .

He started to unwrap his gift and when he finally understood what she got him he stopped and pulled her in the most tight hug ever .

' ' I can't believe that you got me a Valentino Rossi helmet . Thank you so much . ' ' He said to her with the biggest smile on his face .

' ' You are welcome . I love you . ' ' She said to him and with that his heart started beating faster and his head felt heavy .

' ' I can't wait for your birthday in December . ' ' He said to her and with that they made their way to school .

And indeed he waited until the 23st of December Y/N's 15th birthday. He knew he couldn't go to her house . Her father was kinda weird because Marco was 2 years older than her . Although Y/N's and Marco's mom decided to throw a small birthday party in the near cafeteria that the teenagers loved to hang out with their close friends.

But little did they know that after that everything gonna go downfall .

_____

Saturday , 23 December 2017 ( 2 years later )

After finishing high school , Marco focused on his career as a Moto 3 Junior World Championship . At first he didn'y really noticed that him and Y/N throughout these 2 years had slowly separated from each other . He thought that because of his tight schedule and her being in her senior of high school, they just couldn't see each other very often.

Even if Marco wished her a ' ' Sweet 17 Happy Birthday ' ' the situation remained the same until Easter Break .

' ' So how's racing ? ' ' Y/N asked him while they were walking .

' ' It's going so good . It's great actually . I think I might have chances to move to Moto 2 . ' ' He said to her with a smile .

' ' You did it . Your dream came true . I am so proud and happy for you. I wish I could change things to see you more but with the school and the studying for the final exams it's really hard . ' ' She said to him with sad eyes .

He instantly felt bad and he hugged her hoping that it would make her feel better .

~Don't change for me

I like you just the way that you are now

Don't pray for me

I did this on my own and I got this far now~

_____

June 2018 ( 5 month's later )

They didn't spoke to each other for over 4 months . Everyone thought that they had a huge fight and that they stopped being friends , some other wanted desperately to ask and some other who knew better acted like they didn't care . They kept their mouths shut .

Marco was able to go up to Moto 2 and join the Red Bull KTM Tech 3 team while Y/N had managed to get accepted to her dream university in Rome .

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

September 2018 ( 4 months later )

Marco was able to go back to Rimini to see his family and his friends . Mostly he wanted to go back home becuase he owns an apology to Y/N . After his last race he made it to the 3rd place in the championship standings and he wanted to inform Y/N that he will be back for one week to celebrate .

But when he opened up his phone and checked his messages , he saw that Y/N and him had last exchanged messages almost 3 months ago .

What made him thought to think of the worst possible things was the last message to him 2 months ago .

"Hey I know that you are busy with all this racing stuff but I just wanted you to know that I'll move to Rome in late September . Remember that everything you can imagine is real . I love you Marko."

~Stay safe for me

I see the inner you and it hurts to let go

Don't wait for me ( don't wait for me )

I'm getting on a plane and I won't be back soon~

_____

He responded late to her last message demanding an explanation.

"Please just answer me when you're gonna come back home. I'm scared for you right now. " He texted her and with that he immediately left to go to the airport.

_____

"Mom just please answer to my questions. " He shouted. The whole house turns cold. His mother is holding back her tears while looking down .

"I swear if you don't answer me if she's okay I'm gonna go over to her house. "

When his mother didn't responded to him for onse more he scoffed and went to leave the kitchen.

Before he could make it to the front door his mother had stopped him right on his tracks with only one sentence.

"Her mother sent her away after she found out that she was self-harming. She was abused by her father. An alcoholic. "

And for a couple of seconds all he could hear was a white noise...

All he could see was a dark rook with her crying quietly in it...

It's all making sense .

_____

He was laying in his bed with his eyes closed but he wasn't sleeping.

He was wide awake.

All kinds off thoughts turned around in his head making him feel dizzy.

He went back to all their memories together.

That's why he never went in her house.

That's why she never went on calls with him when she was at her house.

That's why she never sented him voice messages or videos.

That's why she was against alcohol and drugs.

That why she wanted to leave her home.

He wanted to scream until his throat hurt.

Why didn't he recognized the signs?

Why didn't he connect the dots?

Why didn't she asked for help?

What didn't he confessed his love for her?

He always promised her that he would be by her side forever.

Why?

When he asked his mother if he should go now or in a couple of days to find her , his mom said that he shouldn't go at all.

"Don't go. She wouldn't want you to lose an important race. Let's leave her alone for some time. She needs to fell free and safe. "

With that Marco murmured something under his breath and went to bed to sleep.

He was proud of her for leaving but he knew that she was alone and needed someone.

Marco cried that night.

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

January 2019 ( present )

Marko was standing outside of her door in her complex apartment in Rome.

Besides him there was sitting quietly a grey female Pittbull waiting for him to do something.

The dog let out a small bark letting her owner know that she was bored and that he needed to make a move.

Marco looked at his dog and he petted her in the head before he took out the spare key that Y/N's mother gave to him.

Things have gotten pretty bad these last 4 months. Y/N was struggling emotionally and Marco was missing her more than anything.

He didn't have any more patience and he decided to take the matter in his own hands by communicating with her mother.

Right now he was standing in the middle of her small but cozy apartment and he could tell by the scattered books everywhere in the place that she lived in here.

He knew that she wouldn't mind him being here.

He took of his shoes and he searched for her.

She wasn't in the kitchen. She was certainly not in leaving room. She must be in her bedroom sleeping. He thought to himself walking to the only room in the house except of the bathroom.

And there she was.

Asleep.

He felt like he was invading her privacy so he went back to her leaving room to sit on the couch.

Pass the time by reading some of her books.

_____

She woke up feeling something really close to her face.

Something weird sniffing her.

She reached her right hand to grab her glasses by the nightstand.

A grey happy Pittbull was on top of her bed looking at her and waging her tail.

She immediately knew that Marco was here.

_____

Tears started forming their way in her eyes while she petted the sweet dog on the head.

She got up walking quietly towards her leaving room , when she came across him sitting on her couch reading on of her books.

He was faster than her. Always. He looked up from the book and locked gazes with her.

The tears finally escaped her eyes and before she knew it , he trapped her in his hug.

That tight and warm hug of his that she couldn't get enough of .

' ' Jump . ' ' Marco said quietly to her and when she did it he went back to the couch with her.

She was crying softly on his solder while he was holding her like he would never see her again.

Like this was their last time.

He took some deep breaths trying to remember her scent that he had forgotten.

"Can I convince you to stay?" She asked him still hugging him.

"Letting you go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. "

"I'm not leaving you ever again. " He said to her.

Marco grabbed Y/N's face with his palms and he looked at her closely.

God how much he loved her. He loved everything about her. Her glasses. Her eyes , her nose ... her lips ... her lips ...

And then he kissed her softly. Finally feeling alive again.

She kissed him back and after so many years of hidden pain and suffering , she felt like she could breathe again.

~And I'll get higher with it

My thoughts are lighter with it

Just to let you know I did it

Just to let you know I live it~

_____

Tags : @unimportantbabymilksharkte

#moto gp fanfiction #moto gp imagines #moto gp x reader #moto gp x you #marco bezzecchi fanfiction #marco bezzecchi imagines #marco bezzecchi x reader #marco bezzecchi x you

[colonelshepparrrrd]

Getting to Know You Meme

Thanks for the tag @spurious !! 💜

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship? Hahaha Lol... no

02) What was your dream growing up? I have no idea, ADHD hyperfixations so they changed all the time.

03) What talent do you wish you had? Normal Executive Function

04) If someone bought you a drink what would it be? Double vodka cran or a marg

05) Favorite vegetable? What's taters precious?

06) What was the last book you read? Uhhhhhhh... I think I read two pages out of Theories of International Politics and Zombies before I got distracted

07) What zodiac sign are you? Scorpio

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? 3 tattoos, half sleeve on my left arm, back piece, one across my hips

09) Worst Habit? Scratching at the dry skin or pimples on my face.

10) What is your favorite sport? Snow and skateboarding

11) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude? Whatever plan for the worst hope for the best falls under.

12) Tell me one weird fact about you. If I can, I will always want to permanently destroy things I've created (art or writing) or possessions if I don't want to exist anymore. Either by fire, or if it's online, try and delete every trace of it. And it's bothers the fuck out of me when I can't, but I've learned to live with it.

13) Do you have any pets? Two cattos

14) Do you think clowns are cute or scary? Neither, I think they're fucking annoying and have no sense of personal space.

15) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? Not needing to wear glasses/contacts anymore.

16) What color eyes do you have? Green

17) Ever been arrested? No

18) Bottle or can soda? Can I guess, I don't drink soda though.

19) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it? Pay off a bunch of debt, buy a bed.

20) What's your favorite place to hang out at? Outside on my patio in the sun or at night (stargazing)

21) Do you believe in ghosts? I want to believe.

22) Favorite thing to do in your spare time? I'd like to draw more in my spare time, but what I really do is doom scroll the same 5 apps

23) Do you swear a lot? Fuck yes

24) Biggest pet peeve? People with extremely annoying unmovable confirmation bias about things they want to see/believe, and cherry pick information to suit said bias.

25) In one word, how would you describe yourself? Socially-awkward

26) Do you believe/appreciate romance? I guess?

27) Favourite and least favourite food? Fav: Anything I can eat with hot sauce and/or cookies or ice cream. Least fav: anything that's really salty, dark meat/meat with a lot of fatty pieces (seriously fuck marbling in steak, sorry not sorry)

28) Do you believe in God? No.

29) What makes you happy: A thing I did last Thursday, my cats, and my internet friends (love you guys!)

30) Currently listening/the last thing you listened to: The ambient noises of my apartment (dehumidifier, laptop fans)

31) Favourite place to spend time: By my lake on a warm pitch black night stargazing

32) Favourite lyric: (One of them)

"Self doubt breaks down my resolve It cripples a part of my soul And masterfully I'll hide my pain (smell the decay) Dead eyes and a hollow smile Pitch black, my vision is gone And masterfully I'll hide my pain"

33) Recommend a film: Ferocious Planet

34) Recommend a book: Metro 2033

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album: Atreyu - The Beautiful Dark of Life - (i)

36) Recommend a TV show: Stargate Atlantis

37) Where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived? British Coloumbia, no. A bunch of places in Ontario

38) Do you have any pets or animals in your life? How did you find/get them? Two cats, one was adopted from the humane society, the other was a rescue.

39) What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten? Shark when I was a kid (I hate that I ate it though)

40) How did you 'find' fandom? In the most awkward and painstaking way you can imagine.

41) Make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up. Laptop, bigger monitor, two John Sheppard action figures (one is in a control chair), Puddle Jumper model.

42) How do you style your hair? I have a death hawk hairstyle, sides are usually around a 3 or 4, the long part of my hair goes to the middle of my back, I have side bangs that stick out sometimes (cowlick), if I wear it in a ponytail or bun it goes lopsided (another cowlick). Natural colour (medium - dark brown, some grey).

If you see this and want to do it consider yourself no pressure tagged! 💜💜💜🤙

#tag games

[someoneinjersey]

made it through the weekend and even was able to go get some things done before we went and picked Bizzy up from her babysitter. i got my oil changed and i wanted to throw a fit because it cost $68. Ten years ago I could go right down the road and get an oil change for less than $25. what the actual fuck. so goddamn aggravating. told my mom about it and how as usual i'm not even a week into the month and basically all my disability money is gone. all she said was "welcome to adulthood. sad." and i swear i wanted to reach through the phone and shake the shit outta her. last week or the week before, kate and i had a big not-fight and during our talk afterwards we discussed how since my mom is my single biggest trigger and/or the source of seemingly unrelated triggers, i need to go back and make more boundaries or reinforce the ones i tried to put in place a while ago. and i was like hm, okay, i'll have to think about how i can broach the subject of say, being in contact like once a week unless something comes up maybe. then the very next day mom hit me with "you know i think if you didn't come to see me in october i wouldn't have survived" and i just threw my fucking hands in the air and gave up. idk what to fucking do and i don't have a therapist anymore and i'm extra moody about it all right now because i started my period four days late.

in any case regarding money, i was able to not mooch off kate all weekend since we went away so early in the month, and so the only things i "treated" myself to (besides food which is 50/50 on whether or not it's a treat or making life easier or whatever) was a denim boiler suit from walmart, potting soil, four pots, and a grow lamp so i can repot and move the four plants that live on the kitchen windowsill. i've never kept plants alive this long so i don't intend on letting them die yet, so they're getting bigger pots and new soil and i'll likely move them into my bedroom. probably switch night stands and stick them on the one in the far corner with the grow lamp. i wish we had places to put them out in the house but A we get zero sun B the aloe plant and chrysanthemum aren't good for the cats and C i'm the only one that takes care of them anyway so they might as well just stay in my space. and it's also like, is it "treating" myself to something if it's keeping a living thing alive? idk. and the denim boilersuit looks so fucking cute i have no regrets spending $28 on it.

it's still incredibly weird drinking coffee every day but it has been helping my moods, surprisingly. i also make myself have a cup of tea (usually decaffeinated green tea) before bed. i'm still keeping up with my planner, though i'm letting myself slide when it comes to my little goal of reading every day. if i blow through too many stories too fast i burn out, so i'm taking my current book slowly and giving myself some grace to take days off. i've eaten like shit since thursday what with being away from home (and today being busy and too tired to cook) so i've noticed i feel not as good in that respect but i can get back on track maybe by tomorrow. maybe. still being exhausted and also being in my period doesn't really bode well for having the energy to make healthy meals or being able to deny my period mood cravings. i have a very unhealthy relationship with food. my feelings inside turn foul and evil if i can't have exactly what i want to eat when i want it if i have a craving. it might actually be psychotic.

i have some things i've been wanting to write, little fanfic ideas. or maybe not so little. but i can't activate that switch in my brain to actually do it. i have hang ups. a lot of them. bah

oh and i left my apple watch on the other side of the state like a fuckin champ. night yall

[erindrawsstuff]

Hello!

I wanted to ask if you had any comic recommendations! I’ve noticed that our tastes are very similar, haha

here’s one from me!

go check out My Superhero! by Jessie Paige Dawson

Oh I've been WAITING for this one--

A lot of the comics I read are less self-indulgent/wish-fulfillment/slice of life/romance and more "make me ponder about the thing I am reading on an obsessive level" and "I want this story to rewrite my life and make me question everything". However if I'm needing a mental break I will enjoy a good comfort comic!

WARNING BEFOREHAND: Some of the listed comics may include themes like slight body horror, suicide/self-harm, abuse, depression, etc. There are pre-existing warnings on most of these comics but like all media please proceed with caution and take care of yourselves!

On WEBTOON:

Space Boy by Stephen McCranie (currently on hiatus)

Do you love space? Do you enjoy colorful comics with intriguing casts of characters with a dash of existentialism and the complexities of life and what it means to be human? Then you'll definitely want to read this one. Also, it baffles me that Stephen has essentially improvised the majority of this story--it's incredibly cohesive and very well-written.

Nevermore by Kate Flynn and Kit Trace (updates regularly on Fridays)

This is the definition of disaster lesbians--toxic yuri, even, but that's why I love it! Very fun concept of limbo as a gothic academic setting where everyone is out to get everyone for a second chance at life. The main love interests have a recently-divorced vibe that is so messy and I eat it up every time they interact with each other. The supporting cast is also very fleshed-out and dynamic and play very well off of each other to make for interesting scenarios.

Suitor Armor by Purpah (updates on Fridays)

A comic that questions what it means to be human/have a soul and the complexities of life and the moral ambiguity! I feel like there's a pattern here... anyway, I really enjoy the world-building in this one and while I'm not usually a fan of plot-twists for shock value, Purpah does them VERY WELL and I was indeed very shocked and surprised several times.

Castle Swimmer by Wendy Lian Martin (currently on hiatus)

I do love my gay fish boys. Castle Swimmer is one of those comics I could picture as an animated series and if that happens I want to be on that animation team so bad (Wendy I'm on my hands and knees). The world building is immaculate and feels so vast that every time a new setting is discovered it feels like the world map is being filled out as you go. Main characters defy predestined-fates after falling in love with each other and I'm a sucker for that trope. Gender-fuckery and many representations of sexuality is also a normal occurrence so that's very refreshing. AND Wendy incorporates a lot of facts/biology/conservation awareness for marine life into the story and after episodes and I love that very much.

On Hiveworks:

Novae by KaiJu (Jen and Kate) (updates on Mondays and Thursdays)

Historical fiction with romance, more gender-fuckery, magic systems and astronomy (more space!! I love space!!). I eat up all the cultural references and have learned more from this comic than most of my history classes. Beautiful, beautiful art style and overall very well-written. Cant' wait to get my heart broken over the next few chapters (something just happened but you'll have to read it for yourself).

Tiger, Tiger by Petra Norlund (currently on hiatus)

My friend recommended this to me with the general pitch of "noblewoman cross-dresses as her twin brother to escape the responsibilities of high society and study sea sponges aboard the stolen ship of said-brother" and let me tell you I wish I read it sooner. I need to re-read it at some point but from what I can recall there's also a lot of queer pining and will-they-won't-they but also we can't worry about that right now because world-ending things are happening and one of the world-ending things is very hot and cool.

Barbarous by Ananth Hirsh and Yuko Ota (currently on hiatus)

I recently discovered this comic but I devoured it within hours; not only is the magic portrayed in such an interesting way (literally weaving magic/needing physical conduits to cast spells) despite being in a modern setting. Percy/Chiaki hits home being down on her luck and how her desperation to be perfect and powerful has made her do questionable things and I love that for her. All the characters are messy in their own way and it really breathes life into what could be considered a slice-of-life.

Namesake by Megan Lavey-Heaton and Isabelle Melançon (I'm actually unsure if there's a consistent update schedule?)

Man how do I even begin to explain Namesake?? I can't, that's why you should read it for yourself. Get ready to take notes because it is so dense with magical systems, character and setting history that I felt like I was studying but it's fun studying. This is also one I've followed for yeeearrrs and it's just gotten better with time.

Countdown to Countdown by Velinxi/Xiao Tong Kong (updates on Wednesdays)

This is actually a re-release of Xiao's previous comic by the same name; it had a similar format to Ava's Demon with painterly single panels (you can still read the original here), and now it's a paginated-format with a very fleshed-out story and world (and the art style slightly simplified but still gorgeous). I love the changes Xiao was able to make because it really helps the story and characters shine compared to the earlier version. I'm pretty sure that she had likened it to Tangled such as: generational trauma, escaping a tower, MC discovering the world while love interest grows to love their passion and joy despite struggling in said-world and they are both boys and they are kissing (I added that last bit it has been the slowest slow burn of my life).

Daughter of the Lilies by Meg Syv (currently on hiatus)

High fantasy/Dungeons and Dragons setting with incomprehensible beings and a girl without a face that just wants to be accepted by the family she has found within her adventuring party. I adore the character interactions and I don't want to say too much about the world because of very cool spoilers, but I really love this one.

STANDALONE COMICS:

Ava's Demon by Michelle Fus (updates fairly regularly now? but can have some hiatuses)

One of those OG webcomics I've been read since forever ago, but I still love it and am excited to see where the story goes. Sci-fi fantasy setting where most of the inhabited planets have been overruled by this one asshole who might be a god? Either way it follows Ava and a rag-tag group of friends/enemies/frenemies as they try to battle Titan's rule with demon pacts and untapped, unknown powers. I haven't re-read it in a very long time but I do remember enjoying the story and characters and the art style is absolutely gorgeous.

Lackadaisy by Tracy J. Butler

Oh my god please read this comic if you haven't already (or watch some of it as it's now an animated pilot on YouTube and has been recently funded for a full season!) I'm a complete sucker for 1920s/1930s prohibition stories and the underground businesses of rumrunners, not to mention the added bonus that they're all cats! The art style is gorgeous both in the earlier chapters and the later chapters, and the writing is so incredibly well-constructed and intricate that my baby brain could hardly keep up when I first started readying back in uhhhh 2010/2012?). It has a wackiness and charisma that Tracy has only honed since first starting and I can't recommend it enough.

The Meek and Mare Internum by Der-shing Helmer (The Meek is on indefinite hiatus, and Mare Internum is completed)

I honestly don't know if The Meek will ever be finished? Which is a bummer because I was hooked from the start. Granted I haven't revisited it in a long time so I can't recall a lot of details, but I remember it being wonderfully rich in world building and all of the characters were complex and shared interesting dynamics with each other. Fantasy setting with dangerous god-like beings playing sandbox with the politics and fates of the human world. There is also most definitely a green-haired girl in the story and she's really cool. Again, my memory is a tad fuzzy on this one so current opinion could be different from previous opinion.

Mare Internum is fully completed and is a sci-fi story that explored the dangers of an alien-inhabited Mars with a reluctant main lead. Proceed with caution as the very first page depicts an attempted hanging by the main character (there are warnings but it is the first page so it can take you a bit off-guard). I actually just realized as I was writing this that I never finished the story and that's very silly and goofy of me, but that just means we can experience it together haha.

Off-White by Jessi Derenthal, Anna Podedworna and Katarzyna Redesiuk (unfortunately discontinued, but who know what will happen in the future?)

I have to recommend the comic that indulged my wolf-girl era, it's only fair. But it's also because it's a beautifully painted comic and the team is so talented. I haven't caught up with them recently but I hope they're all doing well wherever they are. The setting is heavily inspired by Norse mythos, and the main characters flip between humans and wolves struggling to survive the spiritual collapse of the world as humans wipe out each respective spirit for total power. I remember being absolutely entranced by this comic and would get so excited every time it updated so my friend and I could read it. It's currently available on the Internet Archives and Wayback Machine, as the site was too expensive for the creators to sustain.

WOW I guess I was holding onto that for a while. Thank you so much for the ask! I can't promise I'll have the same energy for future asks but I really hyper-focused on this one since comics are one of my Special Interests. I also just started reading My Superhero!, so thank you for the recommendation!

#asks #erin answers stuff #webcomics #comics #webtoon #comic recommendations #also take my recs with a grain of salt #knowing the reputation of the internet if there is something deemed problematic about any of these works please assume I just do not know #but I try to be receptive and open about it if someone or something is especially egregious #I don't spend a lot of time on the internet anymore because it's stressful and not healthy #but I enjoy moments like these where I can share media that people might enjoy :>

[ciaossu-imagines]

Hey did you get my pms? Hope you're well today

Hey there! So…I've been told by several of you lovely readers that you really appreciate how I'm always really kind to all of you and really understanding. And I try really hard to be kind, to make this a happy, peaceful, fun blog for you guys. And I'm really sorry for anyone I'm going to disappoint here because I'm not going to be as nice as I normally am.

I have received your direct messages. I was sleeping because it was late at night when they came in Thursday night. So I wasn't able to read them until Friday morning before work. I then worked a full shift, as I do have a job that takes up quite a bit of my time, so I wasn't able to answer right away and honestly, I needed to take some time and think about how I wanted to reply to them because of things I'll cover later on. This came into my account around the time I was eating an early-ish supper on Saturday, so the messages hadn't even been sitting unanswered for very long, to be honest. As said, I work a job, volunteer with Mental Health, have to sleep and eat, have regular therapy appointments, have friends in real life I try to see in person or reply to their texts with some regularity (even though sometimes it can take me days or even a week to even answer friends texts) so I don't have as much online time available and what time I have online is largely spent lately writing the actual requests and posts for the blog (mostly in advance, and then finding the time to proof and then post them), clearing my inbox and draft folders. I've been honest and upfront always on this blog that I'm very much trash on replying to private messages and that it does take me a while to find the extra time, and social battery as I am an introvert and sometimes just can't find it in me to want to talk to people directly, to want to message back. On top of that, I had five other people waiting for replies to their direct messages to me that I hadn't replied to either at that point, now four of them, and some of their messages have honestly been sitting there for over a week. I am working on answering people back, but please respect the fact that it can take time and, maybe because of my neurodivergence, but reminders that the direct messages are there and hey, answer them because someone is waiting make me feel really pressured and stressed and definitely not eager to reply or talk to a person.

Now, since you brought this into a publicly answerable space by coming into the inbox, and because honestly, I've been really struggling with how to respond to your messages, I'm going to respond publicly, because most of it I would like to share with everyone who reads this blog. I mean no active disrespect to you by doing so, and will apologize in advance if you take it that way. Below is the private messages sent to me.

First, I do want to say, I do see the compliments in the message. I really appreciate them, they're very kind words, I appreciate the time you took to write them and the fact that reading my posts inspires you to write as well. Thank you very much for every compliment written.

Now, we'll tackle the answers, and things I did want to say, not only to this person but to everyone, step by step. I'm really glad that this person, and many of the others who read my stuff, do see the amount of effort I put into each and every one of my posts. Especially with the AU's, for most of them I really do take at least a day or two, sometimes longer, to really think them out, build up the worlds, figure out how the characters would really translate to this newly built up world, how they'd interact with each other in it, how their relationships in canon can be translated over. For some AU's, I do go and do research to build the actual world…going to use the most recently posted AU here, the mall AU with Eyeshield 21. As mentioned in that post, I went and actually pulled up maps of a mall to consider all the potential stores and since Deimon was really the focus and I set them working at a Cabela's like store, I was like…I know I've been in a Cabela's but how are the stores laid out again, what are all the different sections in a Cabela's and not only did I go look on their website but I phoned a friend I'd been meaning to hang out with anyway and was like 'shopping date? Only thing I ask for stores is that we stop by a Cabela's and you don't make fun of the fact that I'm not going to buy anything, just want to walk the store haha'. With the AU's, the match-up's, the headcanon requests, I'll sometimes even get stuck on whether an idea in my head really matches up with the character and does truly feel right, so I either go watch clips of the character or research, see what trivia I can dig up to either double-check what I already know, or see if I missed anything. So you are right in that, yeah, there is a lot of effort put into my posts and my writing. And I am so, so, SO happy and not at all bothered by putting in that amount of effort. Writing these posts, coming up with the ideas, spinning everything out, it is fun for me, it is something I enjoy, so please don't think that I am complaining about that, just wanting to explain why I'm going to go the direction I am in this reply.

Plain out blanket rule on this blog - if you see something on here you love and you come up with story ideas, with additional headcanons, with something you want to write, draw, do anything creative with? Please, please feel free to do so and to share those things publicly if you are comfortable. I do ask that you give me or my post credit for inspiration, because that would be the polite thing to do and tagging me in it so I can see what you did and geek out and love up on it would make me very happy, but I will be able to shrug it off if you don't, with the only exception to this being The Ever Young, where I do demand credit at the very least because that is at least a year, if not more, of solid world building and character building on my side.

Honestly, even though the AU's and even some of the headcanon posts have given me serious story ideas and I would love to, and plan on, finding the time and creative energy to properly write them out, the fact of the matter is that as writers, based on that one idea, both me and someone else can write it as a story and our stories are honestly probably going to be drastically different, because we'll have different ideas, different views of characters and relationships, different styles and tones to our writing. And I get being inspired by others - I've never made it a secret that the delinquent!Shouhei fic I write and post on here is inspired by some absolutely brilliant and inspiring headcanons shoheiakagi (if you're a fan of K and not following them, please click the link and check them out because they are wonderful and I personally really love their blog and how they help keep the K fandom so alive and active) wrote on their blog and that without those, the fic wouldn't exist.

This particular person though? I'm not sure I love the idea of you taking my ideas and running with them for one very important reason, and maybe it's really mean and petty of me, but it's the reason text on that screengrab of the messages is highlighted. Please make no mistake - what I do on this blog, the headcanons, the AU's, the match-up…everything, really. This is all very, very VERY much writing, just as much so as writing fic. I've written, in my storied fandom career (which started on Quizilla, way back in 2002 guys, yes I am the cryptkeeper), short fic, long fic, roleplaying posts - both as an original character and as canon characters, comfort letters to people from their favourite characters, quizzes, choose your own adventure stories, and what you see posted on this blog and my former one polycanons. And I can absolutely guarantee you that they are all forms of writing, that they all can be extremely time-consuming and hard to write in their own ways, that they all take effort and creativity. To reduce what I do on this blog into 'not exactly writing'…to be honest, I struggled with whether to even answer the messages and how to do so because I do accept my neurodivergence means I might overreact to things at times and I wanted to give my brain time and space to really think on what you sent to see if I was potentially overreacting. But honestly, it's now Sunday, three days after the messages were sent and while I would have liked a little more time to process and think about this, this person seems to want a more immediate answer so… I might be overreacting and I might be being petty, but I am also stating my truth when I say that the way that was worded came off to me as so incredibly dismissive of my hard work on my posts and a little disrespectful of me as an actual writer, to the point where it really invalidated any compliments you did give.

Honestly, while I love each and every single one of you, my constant, lovely readers, and will terribly miss you (my heart will, honestly, ache a little over the loss and I will carry you lovelies in my heart and wish you well) I will ask, as I'm asking this person, that if you really honestly and truly hold the opinion that what I do here on the blog is 'not exactly writing', if you can't even give me that baseline of respect, then please unfollow me and please do not use the ideas that I, as a writer, come up with.

#admin talk #i might be being a bitch #i might be overreacting #but this is how i feel and honestly #those words really hurt both my feelings and my brain #so i am truly sorry for being mean #but I couldn't think of any other way to answer this #like genuinely i am almost crying posting this because i hate being this mean #but i don't know how else to answer because not answering and/or blocking seemed even more horrifically rude and a little undeserved

[theninjamouse]

Heeeeey hi everyone. I guess this is another sort of update? I have been unbelievably busy. I've talked a bit about it before but I got a job as a traveling photographer/video person for dance conventions and competitions so I'm not kidding when I say I fly to a different state nearly every weekend and that usually takes up my Thursday through Monday just with work and travel. In between that I've been doing a lot of real estate photography and I had a massive filming project that's been eating up any spare moment with edits and all that and now I've been entrusted to work dance recitals on my own which is both super flattering that my boss trusts me with that and extremely nerve wracking. I'm heading to Memphis tomorrow and my flight is a 5:30 in the morning and that extremely sucks because I have to drive an hour and a half to the airport so I'm probably just going to leave my place around 11 or so tonight so I'm not falling asleep at the wheel and just crash at the airport for a few hours.

I'm also shortly heading to New York to work as a lead media production member for the same camp I worked last year, so I'll be doing that for about seven weeks. Funny enough, I will actually have a smidge more time during camp because it is less travel than I've been doing the last few months.

The writing is still happening in the moments when I can. I try to write on the plane but being honest it's not exactly a prime creative environment and I honestly wind up falling asleep most of the time because I don't sleep much during work weekends. I know I have asks to answer, one shots and drabbles I've promised and I'm working on them in the spare moments when I can.

My goal is to get a massive chunk of both OoF, Tonal Range and a personal project done during camp time but I'll honestly just have to see how things go. I got almost no writing done last year because of mourning my grandma and just generally being at the lowest mental health of my life but things are much better now. Crazy busy! But better.

Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding! Be safe out there and happy pride month!

#mouse update #i have two real estate shoots today and i have to pack #bossman is sending me harddrives for the weekend so i have to be here to sign for them #i also have to find my diploma for another job thing #my mom is coming out to utah for a conference and i'm gonna be watching my seizure prone brother #but this time i get paid for it ah ha ha! #i'd do it for free but the money is nice #then new york june 14