#I'm kinda wishing i am wrong

[oldmisfortune]

Spoilers ahead for the latest chapter of ANE

I didn't play the chapter yet but from what I'm seeing from spoilers, it's not looking too good. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong but-

Don't you think it's interesting how Huang Hua (a woman of color) was killed so that Huang Chu (a white passing girl) can take her place as a phoenix/spiritual leader?

It gets me thinking tbh about beemoov as a company and their writers, even more so that in TO they killed off the only LI of color (Valkyon)...

Honetly I hope I'm wrong but at this point, idk I just want to point it out :/

#eldarya spoilers #will delete later probably #i don't want people to get this wrong yk? #maybe I'm completely wrong #I'm kinda wishing i am wrong #i just wanted to mention it :(( #I'm open to be corrected and talk about it

[mikunology]

the au may or may not be undergoing some restructuring soon...

#text #i'm trying really hard to actually work on the worldbuilding and such and figure out the true 'villain' #i know technically vocal android can never really become a 'story'...not really... #but i kinda want to make it more focused toward something. you know what i mean. try to give the characters a real enemy #that complements the themes #i DID have a villain in mind before but now i don't know if it'll work out...so i'm trying to figure out something else #it's really difficult... #i wish i knew someone actually good at writing to tell me if i'm just barking up the wrong tree at this point #am i taking this too seriously?? #idk. but heads up for future content and such i suppose

[incorrectdeceptionquotes]

holy sh¡t a Deception fan in the year of our lord 2023?? how does it feel being in a fandom with 4 people in it bestie

Do not cite the deep magic to me, child... I was there when it was written!

#jokes aside #I remember when the fandom had a somewhat active 200+ fans that made fan content for the show #I was 18 when I started this blog #I'm 23 now and... wow #I made jokes about how it'll be five years and I won't be over this show... apparently I was not wrong lol #though now it's more of a fond nostalgia #I have fics I never finished #though I kinda wanna make little summary posts to just explain how those fics would've ended #in the summer of 2018 I wrote SO MUCH fanfic content because I didn't take summer courses my first year #tbh sometimes I wish I never even heard of the show but then I think of the good things it brought me #like the cool online friends I found #to discovering that I love to write and pulling me out of my first year depression #wow this got kinda sentimental #point is... #I am still kinda a fan #I make incorrect quotes now and then when I find something I think would work #I would love to see some sort of closure to the story #and tbh I still get excited by new fics #especially the Kaymeron ones #but I would love to talk more about it #if people were interested #deception

[sunshinefurby]

hm. i've been quiet abt it bc i don't really like being negative on here but honestly the new furby design is. disappointing idk. absolutely nothing against people who like it ofc, and there are def some cute aspects. but it sucks to see that the design is so far removed from original furbies and just doesn't have the same charm idk. the connect was already straying pretty far but honestly i kinda like connects bc the shapes are cute but. idk the 2023 furbs just seem like they're trying to hard to be cutesy and it just feels sort of forced?? if it appeals to kids and young people get to enjoy it that's awesome and honestly that's kind of the point. but i do get why people are unhappy with it. like in regards certain aspects like the eyes the fixed beak & the way it's like. super difficult to take apart bc of the clips and stuff. i can totally see why a lot of customizers especially aren't happy with it. i'm sure lots of people have said the exact same stuff but yeah overall i feel like. relatively neutral to the whole thing idk it's nice to see furbies being produced and sold again and yeah it is cute but i get why people aren't loving it. that said ofc there are people who do love it and that's totally okay. regardless if you love it or hate it what's not okay is people within the community being rude to each other based on whether they like it or not cmon. it's not for everyone but if people do like it that's their business and there's no need to be rude!!! but on the other hand if people have complaints about it they should be allowed to voice that as long as they're not being mean yknow. letting it cause a rift in the community is silly. but anyways

#sorry for the super long post #but yeah these are just some thoughts abt it. idk personally i don't love it it's not for me #but i can acknowledge that other people and kids especially are enjoying it and that's good!!! #i hate being negative on here so i wasn't even gonna voice my opinion on it. but like #i personally do not really like booms n 2012s to be honest. the like digital eye thing and everything idk it's not for me #connects too they're just. not my fave. but honestly they're aesthetically very nice i think?? just not the bluetooth aspect and fart jokes #but idk it does feel like with each new model it gets further and further from the originals and ik ik that's what a redesign IS but #i do kinda wish they went back in the other direction a little idk. there's a reason why 1998s and 2005s are the most popular models #and i truly don't think it's bc they're considered retro or whatever i think it's bc they're a little out there and very unlike other toys #and the whole cutesy rainbow thing is. i totally get why some people love it!!! but you can't rlly deny that it's not really unique #but. idk. i do get both sides of the argument. personally i would have loved smth a little more adjacent to 1998s #that said. a lot of ppl do find 98s creepy and weird so from a sales perspective i get why they might not be. marketable #bc i guess a lot of kids might find them offputting #also correct me if i'm wrong but i think the 2023s have painted on eyes?? which. Don't Like. #didn't love the digital eyes either bc i keep the batteries out so they're just blank for me which is kinda boring #and i don't love the digitization of everything like 😭 idk. so i'm kinda glad they moved away from that #but if they're painted/printed idkkkk. i'm an eyechip girly i think they're great honestly #they're just nice to work with for customizing especially. also keep in mind w my opinions i primarily am a customizer so #i do kinda view it from that perspective #ANYWAY feel free to rb or comment or whatever and lmk ur thoughts. i genuinely do not want to get on here and be negative #or say anything that would upset anyone bc i imagine some anti 2023 furb ppl have probably been pretty nasty #honestly i haven't been online much at all so idk but i can imagine 😭 i ain't wanna come on here and be like BOOOO I HATE IT #i don't hate it tbh i just don't love it yk. but i'm not gonna shit on people who do love it

[gothiethefairy]

i picked a weird time to really get into geraskier again

maybe it's spite lol

#into the life of gothie #gothie's opinions #look i just lowkey dont trust the whole ravodid/jaskier thing #they're hyping it up too much. it's just a lil sus to me. giving me 'didney's first gay' vibes ya know? #i mean i could be wrong idk #but i just can't get on board with it?? just kinda wish they made jaskier queer without the need to put him in a relationship?? #idk if that makes sense??? i am rambling in the tags lol #i doubt the relationship will last anyway lol they picked the most randomest character to pair up with jaskier #i'm just lowkey being a hater lol if it gets too annoying i'll just block any mention of the pairing #like i do with the yenn/jaskier pairing looool

[born-to-lose]

Missing people and regretting shit o'clock

#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it #i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn #why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up #i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him #i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up #just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended #guess i just can't be happy. i never could #i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together #not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future #which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility #or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically #while i seem to be the only one with that goal #idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now #and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess #disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change #deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim #mel talks #depressed bitch posting #i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation #it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before

[unofficialoracle]

me to myself, full of joy and self love: there is something wrong with me. lol

#I like her I do!!! but I also like her and him and them #and I want to take a tour of the world and sleep with all my long distance friends who are into me #and at the same time I'm not talking to anyone like that except her #and she's good!! she's attractive and chill and down to earth and has a job and it's good right now #but what if I meet the man of my dreams in Chicago this summer? #what if I go with my brother to the gym and meet that guy I follow on insta and we instantly click? #what if I'm out skating and a hot nb person on their skateboard falls down bc they're watching me skate and super into it? #what if what if WHAT IF!!!? #there is something wrong with me #and I am not saying that with malice or disgust or even minor negativity just #its just true #it's kinda fun that it is true. it's okay #I wish she could be my friend again #I wish she knew I loved her #I wish you know how much I love you dear reader

[femslashspuffy]

I feel like I got into mcr the wrong way not that there's any wrong way but I think that if I'd been introduced with the album stories and the music videos I would have been going crazy all along

We all know the music is good the music fucking slaps but it's only been since I had mcr mutuals talking about danger days that I've actually started researching the stories and watching all the music videos and getting my hands on whatever I can. This shit fucking slaps I can't blame the other 12 year old in my class who told me to start listening to them for not showing this to me but now I finally know

#rehks rants #mcr #I was kinda ashamed for the last few months too #because I've been listening to them for so long the 'wrong way' #but now that I'm finally learning the story of three cheers (my favorite album) I'm just fucking shaking #thank you genius lyrics thank you YouTube thank you dedicated mcr fan pages #I am kissing you all on the mouth #I wish I could've been there with you the first time around but it looks like I'll be there for whatever they crank out next

[kilometeor]

just got woken up at 7:30 am on my day off (really needed sleep. long day yesterday) by an unknown caller, which i ignored and tried to keep sleeping. but then they called me AGAIN so i picked up and a child's voice says "dad...?" like he wants something from me. i didn't really expect this, not sure if he's serious or it's a prank call (at this time in the morning though?) so my half awake brain intuitively mutters "i'm nobody's dad" but he keeps going. "it's me, oscar!". so i say "buddy, i think you dialed the wrong number". i hear an adult in the background saying "wrong number?!" in way too shocked of a voice (do i really sound that much like a dad?) and the kid goes "oh, i'm so sorry!" and before i can reassure him it's fine he hangs up. so yeah, now i can't fall asleep again.

#i mean it's not the most absurd thing that a kid dials a number wrong but it sure was surreal to me #waking up to being called dad #i wish i had good storytelling skills bc it seemed really funny to me but i'm not sure i can convey that #like does he not recognize the voice of his own father? would he believe his father would say 'i'm nobody's dad' like that? #kinda sad actually if that's the case and he wasn't just confused like i am

[burger-goblin]

.

#oough yeah i wish i were invisible #i wish i never connected with anyone because like #being left out. being overlooked or outright ignored #it kinda really is starting to get to me. or maybe i'm just being a baby. idk #i was like 'i am making friends (:' but now they like. don't interact and i'm left wondering what exactly i did wrong #yeah idk i'm sorry about me

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

sexuality and stuff is so annoying. i can't figure it out myself 'cause it's all messy and shit but i can't ask someone because they don't know everything so how can they find the answer?

#stupid #ugh #okay so here i'll tell you #and if you think you know then you can tell me #so when i was eight i had a childish 'i wanna be a family like my mom and dad' phase #before i realised their marriage was utter bullshit #anyway so i had a massive crush on a classmate - write my name next tk theirs kinda obsession #cut to decades later - now i know i dont swing that way but i still dream of them sometimes and any reminder makes me feel weird #WHATS THAT MEAN? #like - do i like them? so then am i wrong about what i think i am - orientation wise? #or is it like an - i wish i were normal kind of thing? #i dont know! #how do i know? #i havent talked to them in decades - i knew a ten year old i got no idea who they are now #also i dont wanna talk to them - i'm still a work in progress i cant afford to be distracted

[mrfoox]

Hey not to be emotional at main but I think about my grandpa so much despite never meeting him. I've been told such lovely things about him and been told often I am similar to him.

His wife divorced him without giving him a reason but he still was so fond of her and have stated 'I'll meet her again one day, even if it's after death'

Never said a bad word about anyone, despite living through abuse from his father he never said anything bad about him or blamed him

He struggled with bipolar disorder almost his whole life along with an heart disorder which finally got the better of him.

Wish I could have met him. The fact he passed away almost exactly an year before I was born is something im sad about. I think he would have been the best grandpa if I did get to know him

#miranda talking shit #Family #He went through some absolute awful shit in his childhood . His mom had an type of blood disorder like... She bled easily and too much #And stopping any blood flow was harder? Anyway ... She died giving birth to his younger brother and the brother along with her #I think he was 6 himself ? After that his dad basically blamed him for what happened. So instead of embracing his only living son he #Distanced himself and even beat him for anything 'wrong' he did. He may have been even more abused but thats all he shared to my mom #But he NEVER said he hated his dad or that he was mean or anything of the sort. #And my grandma divorced him which now cant be known why... But me and mom guess it can have something with grandma's paranoia/schizophrenia #At the time they weren't in like a 'bad' marriage or such. Grandpa obviously still loved her very much and her wanting an divorce #Apperantly seemed to come kinda out of nowhere but grandpa didnt fight her on it or anything. Obviously still #Loved her and always spoke well of her and believed up to his death that 'I'll meet Gertrud again where I'm going' #Shit man im just emotional af... Being told by mom that i am similar to him just makes me proud idk. I never met him but all the kindness #He had just wow... He was also an sensetive soul and im like aa... Me too #I hope his vision of an afterlife is real so i actually can meet him too one day #I wish he was around me growing up . Id actually have some sort of male role model then yea

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped #I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway #you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety. #terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it. #that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze. #that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably. #why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful. #hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues. #I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does. #I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion #not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it #you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right. #like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it. #part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that). #I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway. #I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma. #but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain. #hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this. #Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt. #which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic #she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her #but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently. #anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again. #anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms #I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk #either way I'm suffering over here #not a sui risk but damn #I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months

[soupcrouton]

Mmm things suck a bit

#this entire week has been a psych ward DIY for me #sleep over at someone else's place so i'm not alone and unsafe #schedule time to do arts and crafts #work on getting meds #like i know this is self care but like fuck man it feels like such a chore #i kinda wish i would get institutionalized again. just so that i wouldnt have to do this on my own. #ok anyways rant over i am normal and nothings wrong with me😼 #vent post

[bellflower-goat]

<:]

#Just scroll past if ya see this #Hm. I am realizing many things tonight #This might be vent-ish so beware! #I am more than a bit broken and I don't really know what to think about it #Many things that happened 1-5 years ago hurt me a lot and I never quite realized it #And if I did. I tried to minimize it. like if it wasnt enuff to count as a bad thing. I had it good! But #Then I realized that I didn't. maybe I did have it better than some people but it was still bad nonetheless. #n I'm only now comin to terms that it ok to say that it hurt me. it's ok to say I had it bad! #I still don't know if im really aut.istic or if im overanalizing stuff #It's hard to tell really. some people in my family are on the spectrum #And idk if it's really alright to say that I might be. iknow people say that it's alright to inform yrself and it helps but #Maybe I'm makin a mountain out of a molehill and it's not that deep. The copin mechani.sms help me wonders #And some stuff like what being over or understi.mulated ring some bells as to what happens to me #But I still don't know. And maybe if I look it up more I'll just fill myself w the wrong ideas and make a wrong assumption #It's weird. #Stuff's weid and idk if I should worry so mucha bout this. It's kinda pointless isnt it? #But its scary to not know what's happenin to my body. Freezing up and not being able to talk at all and hrmin mself just to feel #somthing. anything. It's very scary! Cause I'll have plans for when it happens but it didn't work last time and I felt so sick n i tre.w up #And I don't know what's happening or what I can do to help myself or anything. #I wish i was exagerating I really do. #but maybe I'll be alright. I hope I will #I discovered many stuff abt me but I still don't know so much #I am worrying too much and this won't help. Maybe I should take a bath. #I think ill go do that actually.

[ambreiiigns]

more whining i need to see my therapist sorry

#oh nay #i also just finished reading no longer human and i feel like that is kinda. giving me a kick to express shit. in a way #you know????? idk it feels like that unlocked something or gave me a push i didn't have #like why do i always always always feel at fault no matter what i do no matter where i am why do i always feel like i'm making everything #worse for everyone. i don't know if i've ever asked myself why this is #it's always like. it's just how it is #after enough therapy it did turn into. i feel like that and i'm wrong and it's insane to feel like that #like i can absolutely see how it's so unfair of me to see everything like that. and occasionally i can be like. no that is Wrong you're #doing nothing wrong it's alright or even. You Deserve Something‚ Actually #but idk i feel wuite helpless rn. i feel really bad i really do #i kinda just want my mom to hug me a lot right now i wish it wasn't only monday i wish it was the weekend so i could go back home and stay #w her some time. we didn't see each other much this weekend she was busy and she was sad abt it when i left #she was in the shower when i had to leave and she was sad couldn't say goodbye properly. said she was sad bc we didn't spend time together #and this is weird. she's not really sentimental like that. she's being a lot sweeter #wonder if it's because she misses me. bc i think i feel sweeter for her rn bc i miss her maybe it's the same for her #or maybe. more frightening. she's being sweeter bc of uni. bc i'm doing something that's making her happy and proud. so purposefully or not #she's kinda like. rewarding me w being sweet. and maybe she wouldn't do this/won't do it again if uni were out of the picture #she'll come here tomorrow. she has to bring my brother to guitar school. i don't know if we'll get to see each other actually #i told her i really hope we do meet up but now i don't know if i want her to? like i either lie abt the house. and don't bring it up. or?? #if i can talk to someone and have good news i'll tell her. if i get bad news idk. i probably tell her either way. i've hardly ever kept #secrets w her so. if i don't hear anything abt the situation i just don't bring it up until i know more i think #god what the fuck did they put in mother/daughter relationships #the point is. i wish i could forgive myself for being a person i think. i wish i could just accept that i exist #and that my mom made me exist so she gotta deal w me no matter what and if i wrong her it's on her as much as it is on me #but also it isn't. also it's just on me. but she has to deal w it anyway #i'm no good and even when i'm any good it's nothing special it's just the bare minimum and i shouldn't celebrate it #this is not like. an affirmation this is just. me putting into words something that i feel so i can perceive it. i'm not being edgy and #negative for the sake of it. + if anyone reads this and tries to comfort me by being like noo you're good you're great i might kill u #like thank you for the thought but it really does not make me feel any better so i appreciate it but fr do not say anything of the sort it #just makes me cry harder i mean it