#I'm just very lonely and want to talk about myself without being like looked at weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

4ngel-inc · 3 months

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｡･:*:･ﾟᰔ 𝓑𝓤𝓝𝓖𝓞 𝓢𝓣𝓡𝓐𝓨 𝓓𝓞𝓖𝓢 — WHEN THEY HURT YOUR FEELINGS

notes — i wrote this for myself & my fellow sensitive bbs :'))

warnings — kinda insecure reader in some, pretty suggestive, a little angst but all with happy endings !!

DAZAI — it hurts your feelings when one of dazai's ex-flings walks up to your table one night when you two are having dinner at your favorite restaurant, "ah- funny seeing you here, osamu. who's the lucky lady?" you glance up when you hear her call him by his first name, and the blood instantly drains from your face—she's absolutely gorgeous. it's clear dazai is only being polite as he offers a bit of small talk before his ex leaves, but she wasn't exactly friendly towards you, and that makes you a little nervous. you ask him about her on the way home, but he doesn't offer much information—"it was just a casual thing, nothing serious, i'm sure she understands." he wraps his arm around your waist tighter, protecting you from the chilly air with his coat wrapped around you, and you start to wonder, what makes you so special that he kept you around? will he grow tired of you as well? you voice your concerns that night before bed, speaking lowly as you're fluffing the pillows, "osamu, what is it you like about me?" he looks offended at that, "darling! what do you mean? i love everything about my sweet angel," he circles the bed, but you step back a little. "stop it, 'samu, i'm not special, why did you pick me?" he looks hurt, but smiles after a moment, pulling you in so he can cradle your face, "i wasn't as awful as you might think, love, i've been a true gentleman to everyone i've dated. and anyways, i didn't choose you, my heart did—i've been yours since the moment we met, i don't know how else to explain it, darling."

CHUUYA — chuuya is always very careful not to hurt your feelings, he's a gentleman in all things, putting your happiness before his own and making sure you feel safe and wanted. truthfully, he's the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, and most times, you're just downright spoiled. however, his work does take up a lot of his time, and though you've assured him you understand, sometimes, you do feel a little lonely. there are a few nights in a row he comes home without kissing you as he walks in, and he simply goes to bed while you're still on the couch watching tv without so much as an "i love you" first. you're really hurt, but you don't want to come off as needy—chuuya already has a lot to deal with at work, so you simply brush it aside. however, after a few more nights of the same thing, you crack. "chuuya?" you whisper as you peek your head into the bedroom. "mmh- yeah?" his voice is sleepy, and you feel a little bad for waking him, but you need to talk this through. "can we talk?" he sits up at that, turning on the beside lamp, "something wrong, princess?" you run your fingers through his hair before speaking, "chu," you sigh, "it really hurts my feelings when you go to bed without so much as a 'goodnight' or even a kiss, am i getting on your nerves lately or something?" his eyes widen, and he pulls you in, crushing you to him as he kisses your hair, "no- no, no, no, no. of course not. i've just been busy, angel, i'm so sorry. i'll call off work tomorrow, we'll spend the whole day together, yeah?" you smile and climb on top of him, "hmm, well, i think we should stay up all night tonight, then, what do you think?"

SIGMA — sigma absolutely hates the idea of hurting your feelings, it's almost like a foreign concept to him. he can't imagine doing anything to hurt you when his greatest goal in life is to simply keep you around for as long as possible, to love you and make you smile every single day—he's still searching for himself, and he wants to do it with you by his side. you just make him feel so warm and happy, he never wants to lose that. however, when you walk up to him one night on the casino floor, he's talking and laughing with a very beautiful woman, and it stings a little—you eye her hand as she slides it down his arm, clearly aiming to grab at his hand before his eyes dart over to you and he pulls away. "babe! what a surprise, i'm so happy to see you!" you don't answer, only eyeing the woman before she scoffs and walks away. "sigma, love, who was that?" you're trying not to let jealousy get the best of you—it's such an ugly feeling, after all. "huh? oh, just a customer. it's her first time here, she just wanted to tell me how much she likes the casino!" sigma really has no idea how beautiful he is, but his humble nature is just one thing you adore about him. he frowns when you don't answer, only watching the woman as she walks away. "babe? something wrong?" he panics a little, but the taste of your lips soothes him when you pull him in for a kiss that's probably much too passionate for others to be seeing. you hum as you pull away, "nothing at all, you just look gorgeous today, i needed a kiss."

FUKUZAWA — fukuzawa actually hurts your feelings a lot, sadly, but he's got the kindest heart in the world, so you never hold it against him for long. he's simply very blunt, so it's easy for you to feel a little dismissed sometimes. in particular, you bring him lunch at work one day, after spending literally hours on a tiny bento containing all of his favorites fashioned in an intricate design. you're so proud of your work, admiring the little details and garnishes that made it entirely worth all of the sweat (and a few tears), you even made his favorite hōjicha tea to bring with it! however, when you reach the floor of his agency and peek your head into his private office, you realize he has company, and whatever meeting he's having looks quite important. "ah, i'm sorry, y/n, you'll have to come back later." he attempts to close the door on you, but your words stop him, "oh! no, that's fine- i just wanted to bring y-" he cuts you off, "whatever it is, we can talk later, y/n. i'm busy right now." he shuts the door before you can respond, and you've never felt more embarrassed. you wander into the ada's main room before setting the lunch on dazai's desk, "dazai-san, could you eat this? i worked really hard on it, i just want someone to enjoy it," your voice breaks as you walk away. when fukuzawa arrives home later that night, he has the empty bentos in his hand, placing them on the table before approaching you on the couch, but you put a hand out to stop him, "just- don't, yukichi." he ignores your words, dropping to his knees and resting his head in your lap, "my angel, please forgive me, i was meeting with the council. let me make you dinner? lunch was excellent, truly, and it was the best tea i've ever tasted."

AKUTAGAWA — ok, akutagawa is a little clueless, so you give him a lot of leeway, but there are just some things he says and does that can't be erased, and that's especially true when he snaps at you one night, "i just want to be alone for a few minutes! is that too much to ask?" you'd followed him into the bedroom when he got home from work, making grabby hands at him, "ryuuuu," you whined, "where are my kisses?" you simply wanted to spend time with him, but now that he's yelled at you, all you want is to be as far away from him as possible. you sleep on the couch that night, even after he's begged you to come to bed, and eventually, you wake up to him sleeping on the floor next to you, not even covered in a blanket, but simply resting his head in the crook of his arm. he doesn't look comfortable at all, and your heart aches a little when he stirs, "babe? you're awake already?" "ryu, how long've you been there?" "i don't know, maybe a few hours? i couldn't sleep without you," he states nonchalantly, not even a hint of shame in his voice. you sigh, tugging on his arm, "come here, do you remember what you said to me?" he frowns, "yes, and i'm deeply sorry, i had a long day at work. i never want to hurt you, i'm just. . ." he looks down at his hands, "i'm still learning. but trust me when i say this, taking space from you is the last thing i want. coming home to you is the best part of my day."

#— love notes: [bsd] ୧ ‧₊#bsd x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #fukuzawa x reader #sigma x reader #bsd fluff #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #osamu dazai x reader

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harrystylesfan2686 · 5 months

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Pieces Part 3

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: the aftermath of the break up has different effects on both, Azriel and Reader.

A/N: yall I'm sick🥲 the updates might be late but I'll try to post as much as possible. Hope you like this one!

Pieces Masterlist

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It's been one month.

One month of Healing.

When azriel left, I told myself that I will not contact him until I'm ready. Doesn't matter how much I'm missing him or wanting him. I will not talk to him until I know I won't take him back the second I see him again.

I gave myself two days. Two days to sulk all I wanted. I spent the whole time crying and feeling miserable about myself. Before Az left at least, I wasn't by myself. At least I saw him once a day.

Now? Nothing.

I am totally alone. His absence hit me Hard. Everything I saw, almost brought me to my knees.

The kitchen where we would make dinner together, laughing and joking with each other that many times ended with us covered in flour and syrup.

The couch where we would sit cuddling and talking until we fell asleep, always waking up with strained muscles.

His office where he would sit on his chair in front of his desk, writing out reports and whatnot while I sit in his armchair reading my book. Just enjoying each others company and occasionally taking breaks to make out on the very deck, and then some.

After those dreadful days though, I called Feyre and Mor and had a very much needed girls night. We took out a wine bottle and I spilled everything to them. My mind was too drunk to think my feelings about Elain might offend Feyre but she genuinely felt sad for me and embarrassed about her sister. The poor girl even apologised to my about Elain's behavior to which I immediately told her it wasn't her fault.

When I told them how lonely it got being alone in a big house like this, they suggested maybe I should get a job or something to keep my mind distracted and promised that they'll visit me often. So I did juat that.

I found a part time job at a local library. I have to admit, I'm really enjoying it. I'm the second assistant to the sweetest lady, Hilda, who owns the shop. I don't do much, just help her in small things like adjusting books on self or helping in shipping books out or in. Layla, the first assistant, handles most of the work around the shop. My job is basically doing what she asks of me. The salary isn't much but I don't care because it's never been about money.

The first week was very hard. Everyday after I came home, the silence felt like a slap on the face, reminding me of everything I lost.

But, slowly, I became comfortable with it. Now it's doesn't hurt me as it did before.

There were many times when I think of Azriel, tears filled my eyes, but I never let them free. I sucked them in and did anything else that didn't made me cry, like taking baths, baking my favorite chocolate brownies, reading in front of the fire place while drinking hot coco or calling my friends to take me shopping.

And as time went. I started to heal. I started to feel good, happier with myself. And without even realizing it, I started to love myself.

-☆-

Azriel

It's been one month.

One month of regretting everything I did to my mate.

I've spent my whole month sulking in this room, crying and regretting everytime I chose Elain over my wife. I haven't slept at all since I came here, just enough to keep me functioning. My appetite is gone. I don't eat unless Rhys come and force feeds me like I'm some baby.

I told Rhysand and Cassian everything the first morning i stayed here. Which earned me a flick to head by Cassian and a very disappointed look from Rhys. Even though they didn't give me any scolding(which I very much deserved), the flick and expression said enough.

Rhys has refrained me of any work, handling it himself or having someone else do it. While I have been sitting around here and hating myself. It seems like even my mind has declared itself an enemy, showing me memories of everytime I dismissed Y/N and hurt her in any way at most random times, cutting a deeper cut in my heart everytime.

"Hey Az, I was thinking if we could go out for dinner tonight? There is this new amazing restaurant I saw while walking near Sidra. I really want to try it." She told me as I put on my coat, ready to go.

"I can't, I have a mission for today. Rhys told me it's important so I can't skip. We'll go some other time. Okay?"

"Ok."

I could hear the excitement in her voice when she asked me and the hurt when I rejected her and promised to go another time. The time never came. She never asked again. And I never noticed.

"Az, are you awake?" She whispers in the dead of night. Both of us sleeping on the bed. My back to her, hoping to fall asleep quickly because I have early training tomorrow.

Cassian is spending time with Nesta more, so Rhys has told me to go to an illyrian camp to check how things are going. I have to wake and go there early to catch them off guard to see what's truly going on.

I can't do that if Y/N doesn't let me sleep.

I didn't answer her that night, hoping if i dont respond, she'll think im asleep and doesnt call me again. She really didnt call me again. I prioritized my sleep over her. Her voice sounded so small. She needed me. And I didn't care.

"So, I saw a really cute baby in garden today and..." I drone out her babbling and try to quickly I can get out of here, I promised Elain to help in her garden today. She'll be disappointed if I show up late.

"Az? You're listening to me right?" She suddenly questions, I clear my throat and answer a small, of course, she nods and takes a deep breath, not saying anything anymore. I sign in relief of the silence.

I put my head in my hands and tug hard on my hair, wanting to feel hurt, hurt the kind that she clearly felt and I didn't care.

I hate myself more and more as memories flash through my mind. I can't even cry at this point. I wished she'd hit me when we fought. Slaped and paunched some sense into me. I don't blame her at all for not talking to me. Gods, I wouldn't even blame her if she left me. I deserve it.

How do I fix this?

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Taglist: @cleverzonkwombatsludge @crazylokonugget @going-through-shit @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @cat-or-kitten

#acotar fandom #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel x reader #pieces

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stars1997 · 1 month

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left alone

Paring(s): Jack Hughes x Fem!Reader (Trevor Zegras's sister) Warnings: NSFW!!! Smut, making out, p in v, unprotected sex, oral (F receiving), getting caught, swearing, very vocal jack, desperate jack, Use of y/n, nicknames (baby, good girl), not edited.(let me know if i missed any) Summary: y/n gets invited to the Hughes's lake house this summer with her brother. She and Jack end up having the house to themselves. Jack then finds out that she has had a crush on him.

word count: 1.9k

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All the boys were supposed to be out getting food for this big barbeque they wanted to have tonight. I was lying in bed, trying to find something to watch on Netflix, just happy to have the house to myself even if it’s only for a short time.

This summer has been crazy. The lake house has been filled with a bunch of rowdy hockey players, and being the only girl in the house, it can sometimes get overwhelming.

After what felt like ages of trying to figure out the TV and then pick something to watch, I finally decided to watch Mamma Mia.

This was my first time coming to the lake house. Normally, it’s just Trevor who gets invited.

Ellen thought it was a good idea for the boys to invite me. I have been cooped up in my dorm room all school year, so I needed a good vacation.

I also think she told them to invite me because she knew that you have had a crush on Jack for a while now.

As I was pulling the comforter over my legs there was a knock at the door. But before I could answer, they just let themselves in.

Jack walks into the room and tosses himself onto the bed. “Hey.” He says his voice monotone as he puts his hands under his head before his head hits the pillow, his eyes focused on the TV mounted on the wall in front of the bed.

He gives the TV a weird look and reaches for the TV remote. He was already changing the channel before I could even register what was going on. Jack and I have never really hung out alone. So, him choosing to hang out with me caught me off guard.

“Hey, I was watching that!” I say, reaching over to try and take it out of his hand.

“Mama Mia sucks. I’m putting on Jaws,” he says, still no emotion in his voice as he speaks.

“Don’t you have a TV in your room? Why did you have to come into mine to watch it?” he scoffs at me like I’m supposed to know why he’s in my room.

“Jaws is scary. I was also lonely because the guys left without me to go get the food,” he says, turning the volume up on the TV. I let out a huff and rested my back against the headboard.

Jack made himself comfortable as I picked up my phone to text my friend about what was happening.

y/n:

Jack is in my room right now. He just walked in and changed the movie that I was watching. I don’t know why he couldn’t just watch it in his room. He told me that he was lonely.

y/f/n:

Omg! He totally likes you! You should tell him that you like him.

y/n:

No, I'm not doing that. Are you crazy? He’s just going to laugh in my face and then it’s just going to be awkward between us.

y/f/n:

I mean why else would he be in your room right now if he didn’t like you? I say go for it! I love you and all but I'm tired of hearing you talk about how hot he looks when he has just woken up and that you wish he would just rip your clothes off you.

y/n:

Whoa! I have never said that!

y/f/n:

You didn’t have to I always know what you are thinking about. That’s why we’re best friends. Now go and get your man.

You know that nothing could ever happen between you two. Trevor would not be happy to find out that his best friend is getting with his sister.

I place my phone down and get up to go grab a snack. When I come back to the room I see Jack looking through my phone.

“Why the hell are you going through my phone? How the fuck did you even get into my phone? It was locked when I left.” Putting the bowl of popcorn down, I run over to where he’s now sitting on the side of the bed and snatch my phone out of his hands.

“It kept dinging, and I see you type in your code all the time,” he said a smirk now on his face. “So… you have a crush on me?” The smirk never left his face.

“No. What would make you think that,” I say trying to play it off. Trying to act like he wasn’t just looking through your messages with your friend. “Well, first you’re a horrible liar. Second, you are texting your friend about how you think I'm so hot when I have just woken up and that you wish I would rip the clothes off you.” I’m now painfully aware of how close we are to each other. I’m standing so my legs are in between his.

“Now what if I told you that I have liked you for years? And it’s been hell not being able to tell you.” He looks up at me as I cross my arms at what he’s saying. “You're just messing with me because you now know that I like you. So, qui-” He cuts me off by standing up and kissing me.

“Is this ok?” His voice is almost a whisper, almost too quiet for me to hear over the movie that’s still playing. like he was scared to ask.

I shake my head yes. His lips find mine again. The kiss is hard and fast like he was scared I might pull away. “I have been wanting to kiss you for so long,” He says, bringing one of his hands up to cup the back of my neck. His other hand finds its way to my lower back, right above my ass, as he kisses me again.

His hands now travel to the back of my thighs picking me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He sits back down on the edge of the bed. My hips rocking against him, trying to relieve the tension that has grown between my thighs.

He lets out a grunt, moving both his hands up to my waist so he can help me grind against him. “Fuck. If you keep going, I'm going to cum soon,” he says, still grinding me against the bulge in his pants. “Jack. Please, I need you,” I say, my voice all breathy and whiny.

That’s all he needs to hear before he picks me up and tosses me on the bed. I pull my shirt over my head throwing it to the side. He climbs over me, taking the waistband of my sleep shorts in his hands, and pulling them off me. I’m now in nothing but my underwear. His eyes rake over my body before he kisses me again.

His lips travel down my body to right above my underwear. He hooks his finger in my underwear and pulls it down, placing a few kisses on my thighs as the cold air hits my wet folds.

“Fuck, you're beautiful. If I had known that you liked me as well, I would have asked you out a long time ago,” he says before he hooks his arms around my legs, his hands holding me down at my hips. Kissing me one last time on my thigh before he licked up my folds, sucking my clit into his mouth.

I let out a gasp that turned into a loud moan. His tongue flicks over my clit as he sucks. I try to buck my hips up, his hands keep me in place. His beard scruff rubbing my thighs, creating a burning feeling, and adding to the pleasure. My hands make their way to his hair, tugging hard. He lets out a few grunts as he switches from sucking my clit to lapping at my entrance, making me moan.

“Jack! Fuck, I'm getting close. Don’t stop!” My hands still tugging at his hair. His hands grip my thighs as he pulls me closer to his face. Letting out more grunts he moves back to sucking and licking at my clit.

A loud moan leaves my mouth and my back arches off the bed. “Jack! Oh god. Yes. I’m-.” My sentence gets cut off with another loud moan as my orgasm hits me hard.

“Fuck y/n. you taste so fucking good," he says, kissing his way back up my body, stopping to suck on my nipples.

When his lips make it to mine, I can taste myself on his lips. He pulled away to take his shirt off, now only in his gray sweatpants. A wet spot where the tip of his cock sits pressing against the fabric.

“Lay down I want to ride you,” I say making my way to straddle him.

I reach my hands out and touch his chest. Running them down so they rest on the waistband of his sweats. Only pulling them down enough to pull his cock out.

My thumb slides over the tip and he lets out a hiss. “Come on baby don’t tease me.” His lips form into a little pout.

I adjust myself so I’m now hovering over his cock. I run his tip through my folds, and he lets out little whines. I slowly slide him in, and he tries his best to hold back a moan. “Fuck! Baby, you're so tight. You feel so good around me. Move baby. Need to you move please.” His voice is desperate.

His hips bucking up into me. I start bouncing, and my head tips back from the pleasure. I feel his hand slide from my hips up to my breasts. I let out a loud moan as he rolled my nipples between his fingers.

“Shit. You're doing good. Such a good girl for me.” He thrust to meet my movements. “Jacky! Yes!” My nails run down his chest. With every thrust, he lets out a little whine and mumbles curse words under his breath.

We were too focused on each other to hear the front door close downstairs or the footsteps up the stairs.

“y/n! Jack! Come help us bring in the food,” Quinn yells as he makes his way up the stairs. Shocked expressions make their way onto our faces as we scramble to move away from each other. I grab the closest thing to cover me, it so happens to be Jack's shirt pulling it over me. Jack pulls up his sweatpants and I'm sliding on my underwear right when the door opens.

“y/n have you seen-” Quinn’s mouth drops open and looks between the two of us. Then he lets out a laugh. “Oh boy. Trevor is not going to be happy about this,” Quinn laughs. “Trevor! You owe me twenty dollars!” Quinn rushes out of the room and back down the stairs. I look at Jack wondering if he knew what Quinn was talking about. He looks at me just as confused. We make our way down the stairs following Quinn into the kitchen.

“You owe me twenty dollars,” Quinn says with a big smile on his face. “No! I told you I was not making a bet on when your brother and my sister were going to hook up. That’s gross bro. Jack, I’ll beat your ass later but right now we have a barbeque to host!” Trevor makes his way back outside. Me and jack just look at each other in shock.

“you guys knew?” I ask, now very confused. “Yeah! Your crush on him was so obvious to everyone, well except to him,” Trevor yelled into the house. Everyone let out a small laugh as they went out to help Trevor outside.

#jack hughes #new jersey devils #luke hughes #nj devils #jack hughes x reader #jack hughes x y/n #jack hughes smut #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes blurb #quinn hughes #trevor zegras #smut

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mcflymemes · 5 months

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PROMPTS FROM A COURT OF THORNS AND ROSES * assorted dialogue from the novel, adjust as necessary

don't feel bad for one moment about doing what brings you joy.

be glad of your human heart.

has anyone ever taken care of you?

i heard you scream.

i figured that would get you to stop crying.

stop? don't pretend you care, human.

what is that bruise?

before you start yelling...

do you lie awake at night to come up with all your witty replies for the following day?

i'm tired and lonely, and you're the only person i can talk to without putting myself at risk.

you can leave if you're just going to insult me.

i would have been gentle with you, though.

pity those who don't feel anything at all.

when i kill, i do it slow.

killing is easier in pants.

i didn't want to consider what the punishment might have been.

we're too powerful, too bored with immortality, to be checked by anything else.

i wanted you everywhere. i was drowning in that need.

i don't particularly enjoy losing, so i took it upon myself to become good at them.

what's it doing?

why are you telling me this?

i don't think it's absurd at all.

remember the last time you ignored my warning?

fear no evil.

would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here?

i might die of surprise. you made a joke, [name].

your hair is... clean.

when the legends get written, i don't want to be remembered for standing on the sidelines.

look how you're trying not to cry out in terror.

i didn't want you to fight alone. or die alone.

you don't hold on to power by being everyone's friend.

each of us has a beast roaming beneath our skin, roaring to get out.

against slavery, against tyranny, i would gladly go to my death, no matter whose freedom i was defending.

i love you. thorns and all.

for someone with a heart of stone, yours is certainly soft these days.

we need hope, or else we cannot endure.

i threw myself into that fire, threw myself into it, into him, and let myself burn.

you look... better than before.

it's a rare day indeed when someone thanks you for bringing them to their death.

if i offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss too?

you humans are truly grateful creatures, aren't you.

well... goodbye for now.

you didn't ask.

the answer to the riddle is love.

you don't look half as bad now.

everything i love has always had a tendency to be taken from me.

i wouldn't want to die alone.

you didn't need to bargain with me.

how am i to blame?

the tunic isn't as pretty as a dress.

what have you done to me?

do you ever stop being so serious and dull?

make it go away.

i'd prefer not to wear that dress.

do you ever stop being such a prick?

i would have taken a very, very long time.

i'd want someone to hold my hand until the end, and awhile after that.

you didn't tell me this would happen.

your human joy fascinates me - the way you experience things in your life span, so wildly and deeply and all at once is... entrancing.

i'm drawn to it, even though i shouldn't be, even when i try not to be.

there was nothing that could slow me down.

i don't know why i feel so tremendously ashamed of myself for leaving them.

all those years... what i did for them... and they didn't try to stop you from taking me.

you might have gotten away with it.

i came to claim the one i love.

i hadn't thought of it as a weakness until now.

#a court of thorns and roses #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask memes #ask meme #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #mcflymemes #for kim because she requested it!!! xoxo love u best friend

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doberbutts · 5 months

Note

Yeah people acting like trans people are just automatically seen as our gender pre everything is very... dismissive of transphobia. There was that one article a while back of a southern black trans man who was a real estate agent who after a long time of being stealth was outed and went from being loved to hated at work if I recall treatment so bad he had to quit plus loss of clientele. I've also heard more casual transphobia after passing/going stealth, since people think they can be bigoted around me. If they think doesn't weigh on our minds how people hate us but don't know it... I'm very cautious with new friendships cause it's like will this person later on admit they dislike me without even being aware of it? Being post everything I understand the whole not being alone but being lonely.

Well like I said I think it all goes back to the fact that a lot of people have a very specific image in their mind of a trans man and that image often doesn't align with reality. For the record I think that happens with all transgender journeys- people have very specific images about what trans people look like and are mad when faced with someone who doesn't match that at all.

And, well. People are weirder about gender than they want to admit. Like my coworker who deliberately calls people she knows are men by feminine terms (girls, ladies, women, etc) and was so confused and needed it explained to her when the two queer men she was doing it to (myself, and our gay boss) said "hey that's uhhhhhh not a great thing to be doing......."

Or all the people who think men and women are inherently, biologically, completely distinct and practically seperate species. They get real mad if there's any or any overlap and that can range from the way bigots talk about their own homophobia to the way leftist praxis has gotten entirely out of hand with the way they treat transgender individuals.

I'm unfortunately used to having to be cautious with new friendships due to being mixed race- a lot of people feel emboldened to say some nasty shit to my face like I'm going to sympathize or agree with them, including a roommate's sibling sitting in my room looking me dead in the eyes saying she doesn't like black people and doesn't think that makes her racist like she thinks I'm going to agree and poor-baby her. I don't really have much advice outside of sticking to your boundaries and not tolerating bullshit once you find it.

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dancingundermoonlight101 · 2 months

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-Orion Pax's Diary-

Is there a right way to love? Or is love subjective to the one experiencing it? It is not often me and Megaronus speak on the subject. He thinks it is something only those privileged enough to not worry about death are allowed to feel and pursue. But that doesn't mean we haven't talked about it.

I have heard, whether he knows it or not, the exact way he'd love. He'd not be shy on compliments. Megaronus would admire the one he loves from head to pede and say out loud how beautiful they'd be. Gorgeous. He'd admire their frame silently, too. His optics full of worship.

It has me thinking about the way I love him. I feel like I'm lacking. I know subjectively that Megatronus is a very attractive mech, yet that's not what I think about when I'm with him. I think on the way he makes me feel, how his presence draws me in, and how his words always capture my attention. He is a melody I'd never tire of hearing. A flawed painting that I'd never tire of seeing. But even so, do I truly love him if I can't even compliment his looks? It feels like a no-brainer in my processor. Megatronus is undeniably attractive. But I feel like since it's such an obvious thing that it would be alright to not mention it. Primus, why am I even thinking about this? Megatronus doesn't love me. But.. if we were to be together. Would this be the cause of some problems? Would he want to receive compliments but find none with me? I don't want that. I want Megatronus to always know how much I love him! But do I really love him? Well, the answer is yes. But what if it's just deep admiration? Sure, my spark aches to think him betrothed to another, and I might already be planning a lonely future for myself where he's already conjuxed, and I can't let go of these feelings. But what if they're just that? Daydreams? Could I be in love with how unattainable he is?

My reason for thinking this is how often dreams I'm having include me and Megaronus possibly being together. Megatronus confessed to me in one of them, yet I felt conflicted. I wanted to emediatly say yes, but another part of me felt speechless. I didn't want to accept, but I didn't want to deny either. Neither I nor him are ready for commitment. He himself has told me that. I wouldn't want to selfishly jump into a relationship that won't last. I want me and Megaronus to be together for a long, long time. But these dreams keep reminding me how I'm likely not going to want a relationship with him without that trust that I'm not just a spur of the moment choice.

It's foolish and an insult to Megatronus to think him so shallow. He would definitely put a lot of thought into his decision. But the anxiety in my spark can't help but think that I'm not going to be worthy of such thought. That if he were to confess to me, I would just be the easy option because of how much I want to be with him. It hurts. I have never felt such conflicting feelings inside me. Would others judge me? "Why love a mech you can't trust?" Or "If you don't want to be something with him right now, why still pursue him?"

I love him, and I do trust him. I just don't trust myself. Who would love and cherish the thoughts and ideas of a boring librarian like me? I'm not even that attractive, nor am I strong. He would definitely want to be with someone as strong as him. His equal. Megatronus has a mind like no other. I hope that, if I try hard enough, I can stand together with him. At least in that regard.

He challenges my thinking, my way of life. I love how he inspires change in me like no other. Perhaps I have tunnel vision, but I see no other future I'd rather have than one where me and him are together. There would never be a day I wouldn't thank Primus for letting me be lucky enough to be with him. Where I wouldn't try my best to let him know how much he is loved. How he is worthy of every achievement. I would comfort him, too, to the best of my abilities when something is wrong.

I just.. want to experience all the good and bad that life has to offer with him. Forever. It's just.. not the right time.

Will there ever be a right time?

#megop #transformers #angst #megatronus #orion pax #optimus prime #megatron #megatron x optimus prime #i love writing #I'm sleepy #had inspiration #I just love talking about love #it's a drug #my drug #Orion loves Megatronus a lot #he just worries. a lot.#feels like he's not enough #or just not Megatronus's type #transformers prime

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doukeshi-kun · 10 months

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𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙠 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛✗𝙘𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙚, 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙡 𝙬𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙚

featuring ⨳ stalker!nikolai gogol x fem!reader

synopsis ⨳ “I flirt with my woman by chasing her with a knife, dearest. And she likes it. She loves it. She loves it so much that she can't stop thinking about it. She thinks of her chaser so much that her pretty brain can't hold all the thoughts she had about him that she has to put it all down into her little journal.” Nikolai presses his knife a bit harder, “She likes it.”

contents ⨳ stalker au, 18+ content, dark content, harsh languages, very dubious consent, predator/prey dynamics, threats, manipulation, rough semi-public unprotected s*x, horror descriptions, repetitions are intentional, masochism, violence, impact play, oral (both receiving), knife play, hints of ‘exhibitionist’, light mindbreak, very toxic relationship, obsessive and possessive behaviour, dead dove do not eat

notes ⨳ stupid ass labels ruin my hardwork. thanks a lot. now i have a reason to post this draft. fyi this is a part 2 of my stalker nikolai au

❝ Day 6 of him not being outside my house.

One more night and it will be officially a week since he last came here. Truthfully, dear diary, I know I should feel relieved and happy that one threat to my life is gone, even if it's temporary.

But I think he fucked me so hard that he fucked my head too.

I can't stop thinking about him. Not in a bad way. I just can't get him out of my head. Every fucking time, I find myself looking at my phone at work because I hope he texted me creepy messages. I purposely wear short clothes when I'm out in the living room because I want to tease him. I don't even lock my doors, hell, I even leave my wardrobe slightly open.

Why why why why am I acting like this? I'm losing my logical sense! I should not do those stuff! I should not rile a fucking murderer! No normal human would think of walking around their house topless, nipples out, perked and shit, just for their fucking stalker to see!

I blame my fucking hormones.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm a whore this whole time.

I am ashamed of myself.

I am also ashamed that I actually wait for him to barge in my house again. I want to experience that first night when he first talked to me as Kolya. I want him to wat no no what the fuck am I writing

Anyway, dear diary, I'm quite excited about this weekend. I will go out to have a drink— actually we'll get fucking drunk so fuck yea

I wouldn't call myself a lonely person, but I do... have very few friends. Maybe it's because of my weird hobby. Maybe it's just my social skills. But, putting that aside, I am quite happy that I am actually invited to go.

Because nobody invites me that often. pathetic bitch

And very rarely do people take my invitation to go on some horror adventures with me. I could count on one hand how many people have come with me to enjoy those scary things.

Maybe I should put myself out there. I can't stay this aloof and alone without a companion, or a genuine genuine friendship. Romance is one thing, but to be honest, having a deep friendship is beautiful too.

I hope I can have a best friend. Maybe one day. If I don't fuck myself up in my life so badly, that is. ❞

— ˚ ១。read more? ☄.

— ˚ ១。read more? ☄. [AO3]

#bsd nikolai x reader #yandere nikolai gogol #bsd nikolai gogol #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai smut #nikolai gogol smut #bsd x reader #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere x reader #yandere nikolai x reader #yandere bsd #dead dove do not eat

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ellalalala · 6 months

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Zandik, Sohreh and the Rishboland Tigers

Hello! Last night I began to think about Dottore just before falling asleep and now I'm back to write about something that's been bugging me for ages. This shouldn't be too long, but knowing myself I'll take it way too far so...!

Anyhow, every Dottore enjoyer knows of the Zandik's Legacy notes, and I'm sure everyone has their own theory on what happened between him, Sohreh and the investigation team he was with on Devantaka Mountain (if I remember correctly). Most people argue that he killed Sohreh just for the sake of it and lied about her being attacked by a pack of Rishboland Tigers, but I'd like to argue otherwise - she was attacked by the tigers first, and Zandik put Sohreh out of her misery as an act of mercy.

First and foremost, it's important to mention that Zandik and Sohreh, despite not having much in common (different Darshans, differences in their personalities etc) seemed to get along decently well. As written in Sohreh's Note,

"...Zandik and I discussed the traits of local plants and animals. We also exchanged views on their evolution models. We had a great time and decided to go on a picnic tonight..."

Despite their differences, Zandik made the effort to have a conversation with her and for him to agree to a picnic (hey, he could have offered first, you never know) means only that he was genuinely interested in Sohreh; if you have read my previous analysis about Dottore, then you might remember what I said about him and his loneliness and longing for companionship. If not, I will explain briefly: Zandik was rejected by his peers in the Akademiya. A monster, a madman, they deemed him, and it's easy to guess that he was very, very lonely. People were prejudiced against him, but here comes Sohreh - a Dastur who not only ignores the rumors about him, but is kind enough to talk to him, to want to see him more often. That must have been incredibly foreign to Zandik, who up until then had only known rejection and solitude.

With that said, why would he kill a girl?

Before I continue, I would like to note that we do not yet have a definitive timeline of these events. I am merely speculating based on what I know, so keep that in mind! I could very well be wrong when Dottore is released as a playable character and his Character Stories tell the true version of these events... anywho.

From reading the Ragged Attendance Record, we can understand that Zandik stubbornly acted by himself without caring to ask for permission:

"...Trainee Dastur Zandik has acted without authorization for the third time... It brings unpredictable risks to the investigation team... Punishment is advised..."

We know that Zandik meant to keep his research into these Ruin Machines secret; after all, investigating anything related to the fallen nation of Dahri was considered taboo back then.

The record continues,

"...Dastur Sohreh of Amurta has been critically injured under the attack of Rishboland Tigers. In need of first aid..."

Just what happened? It's unclear how she got injured. Can we assume that these records were written hours apart, perhaps? If so, assuming that Zandik had nothing to do with her injuries, how would he react to Sohreh getting hurt?

Moving on to the Sumeru Investigation Team's Note - this was very likely written after the Ragged Attendance Record, considering what we learn in it. It says:

"...Thank goodness, Zandik reacted quickly. Otherwise, the whole team would be in serious trouble...

...The terrifying killing machine has stopped. Zandik insisted on bringing it back to the Akademiya to be disassembled and reverse-engineered. That was absolutely ridiculous! Sage Sharnama reprimanded him and removed him from the author list.

...We buried Dastur Sohreh and sent the wounded back. Looks like this field research has come to an end..."

If we go over it line after line, we learn the following:

Zandik likely deactivated the Ruin Machine that attacked the Investigation Team. He must have gathered enough knowledge at that time to know how to deal with them himself; he also exposed that secret knowledge to the rest of the group, which only helped in strengthening the prejudice people had against him. Considering he acted so quickly, it must have been an instinct for him to solve the problem by himself/save the others.

The fact that he insisted on bringing the machine back could have played a role in the very reason why he got expelled from the Akademiya. This entire event could also be why studying mechanical life forms is now banned in Spantamad, which I believe to have been Zandik's Darshan.

Sohreh was already dead at that point, or she died shortly after the Ruin Machine attacked the group. Funny that they just buried her in the wilderness and left...

This begs one question: when would one even have the time to kill Sohreh? She was first attacked by a pack of Rishboland Tigers. Then, a Ruin Machine accidentally got activated, which Zandik quickly stopped, and there were even more people wounded - likely due to the aforementioned machine (oh, and if so, this might imply that Zandik hesitated to act). Of course, it could have been anyone else that choked Sohreh to death. It could be that someone just put the blame on Zandik because he was so hated. But if we are to assume that he and Sohreh shared some sort of bond, then perhaps he did it himself.

Indeed, for she was already terribly wounded. This is what the Dissection Records say about Sohreh:

"...The deceased...Dastur Sohreh... Multiple trauma wounds... Lacerations... contusions on internal organs... hemorrhage... ...But the fatal injury is the wound on the throat... fractured hyoid bone... Mechanical asphyxia... unable to ascertain the cause of death..."

So all makes sense - I don't even need to spell it out. What I should say is another thing; ignoring the messy timeline and half-assed guess I made about the chaotic events that took place that day, I should return to Sohreh and Zandik.

Zandik - rather, Dottore - is not an actor. He does not pretend to be someone he is not, and Escher doesn't count because that was for a mission. Aside from being a bit polite with Nahida, Dottore never, not once, pretended to be nicer than he really was nor shaped his identity a certain way to make it easier to digest for others. Think of webttore - an openly short-tempered and brash man with a complete disregard for how others perceive him. That's Dottore, and by extension, Zandik. Sohreh wrote that he was rigid - would that not be a trait one would hide if they wanted to put up a front? Moreover, Zandik would have no reason to fake being nice with Sohreh. There was nothing she could realistically give him that he actually wanted - nothing if not acceptance and friendship. Knowing Dottore and his buried want for companionship, Zandik must have been entranced by Sohreh's kindness and curiosity. That must have been rare for him to receive, having already been chased out of his hometown and openly rejected and shunned in the Akademiya.

Say they went on that picnic and found more things to bond over - would it not make sense that he would be the one to show her mercy? Sure, strangling someone is not painless; he could have lacked other options. Perhaps she asked him to do it, or he felt as if he had to - she was bleeding out and helpless in the wilderness, without access to medical aid. Zandik could have thought that she wouldn't make it and took pity on her. Or... well, who knows.

I don't know. With such little information, it's difficult to make out a clear picture of what could have gone down. What I do know is that killing her just for the sake of it makes little to no sense. Dottore is resourceful and only does things that benefit him and his research. How would killing a Dastur of a Darshan that he did not belong to help him in any way? People already despised him and he wouldn't so openly risk getting expelled and losing any means of conducting research. It just doesn't feel right to me, y'know?

Anyway, that's yet another convoluted Dottore theory from me. Remember: I myself am not very confident in it. I had only my own audacity and 4 tiny notes to write this, so! Anything could have happened with Sohreh - this is just my take on it. It's the one I prefer, anyway. I'll humanize anyone looool

Thanks for reading!

#dottore #il dottore #zandik #yet another weird theory!#by none other than me #genshin impact #just one big crazy take #sumeru #lore speculation

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immortalthunderstorm · 5 days

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The Alicent-Larys Conondrum

I'm back with some thoughts™️ on the HOTD fandom's hot topics. This time - something I've seen discussed quite a lot and what seems to be a controversial topic - the dynamic between Larys and Alicent, and mostly how a lot of the blame gets shifted onto her. There's a general tendency of overt victim blaming when it comes to Alicent herself, and often situations in which she is subjected to trauma get twisted into her own shortcomings rather than those of her perpetrators. The marriage to Viserys is one example, but the same arguments are used for her scenes with Larys.

I thought I'd try and analyse it a bit more from Alicent's perspective, though I don't disagree that the show has left this incredibly dubious at times and I really think that e.g. the foot scene was unnecessary.

Obviously Matthew Needham already provided a pretty great take on Larys as a character and his perspective on the dynamic, so I won't get into that myself here, but recommend having a listen to what he has to say.

1. Alicent should have dismissed or reported Larys after she learned of his Harrenhal stunt

I actually think it makes perfect sense that Alicent doesn't dismiss Larys despite being horrified by his actions.

The earlier episodes of the season make a point of how Alicent is isolated and lonely in the Red Keep. She says herself, she has no friends, no real allies, her former companion lied to and 'betrayed' her, got her father fired and therefore left her without her last constant family member by her side. She is heavily traumatised, forced into a marriage she doesn't want, forced to birth child after child and mostly ignored or dismissed by her ailing husband. She is queen in all but name, her job is to look appropriate, make sure the courtiers are entertained, and most of all give the king children.

Before even Criston joins her, the only person who approaches her is Larys. He seems empathetic, talks to her openly (or so she thinks), pretends to care about her as a person. This is where she is probably most vulnerable, most alone. Of course she falls for it, I don't think anyone can realistically blame her for that, she's a lonely teen forced to be a mother in what is essentially a toxic environment. Plus it is Larys who tells her of Rhaenyra's 'betrayal', which turns out to be true, so in a way he 'proves' his loyalty to her by disproving Rhaenyra's.

Later on he is the one who supports her when she vents about Rhaenyra and her bastards, they have dinners together, an honest friend and sympathetic ear in a metaphorical snakepit. And then, he goes as far as killing his own family, something that Alicent is horrified by, but it shows just how far his capabilities stretch. He has a spy network, he can get her information no one else can, information that can give her shreds of power and influence. He can make things happen without anyone ever suspecting that he, and by implication her, was involved. Larys makes himself invaluable to her and is not easily replaced.

I do disagree that she has some great power over him as a lot of people like to claim. Larys would not confide in her if that would bring him in any great danger. Realistically, accusing him would be such a wild theory, plus the absolute no go of double kinslaying, plus he's a very high ranking Lord, I'm not actually sure people would believe her - she doesn't have proof either. Viserys has absolutely not had her back ever, he has the spine of a wet slice of bread, I doubt that he'd simply put him on trial and kill him (each High Lord is an asset to the crown and if he starts "randomly" beheading people that could cause problems, like Ned Stark, like Rickard Karstark (let's put Vaemond aside here because there should have been consequences)) because Alicent said so? All that on top of Viserys' general strategy of ignoring everything that could be a "political headache" to him, my confidence in him is quite low.

And again, why would Alicent rat Larys out? He benefits her and is her main ally at court. She is shocked at how far he went, but in the end it did get rid of both Harwin and Lyonel, which caused Rhaenyra to leave and Otto to resume his position as Hand. Alicent did not condone the murders and would not have sanctioned them had he asked - but to her he is loyal beyond doubt and most importantly only to her (in her head) - later when he offers to give her Lucerys' eye she openly refuses, BUT she acknowledges how far he is willing to go for her. She'd be stupid to rat him out that would only disadvantage her.

2. The Foot Scene

Now in episode 9, Alicent is in a highly stressful situation. Aegon is to be crowned after she spent the entire day fretting he was missing or dead in a ditch somewhere, she had to fight her father and essentially most of the council not to send assassins after Rhaenyra, she had to find Aegon first to be the voice of reason to him, she is clearly distraught over Viserys death and scared for her children.

This is not the time and place for mistakes, every move has to count and nothing can slip through the cracks. Larys knows this, and he knows that he and his spies are going to be very important in the coup to come, and he knows he is the only one who can provide this. So does Alicent. She may be queen, but in actuality she wields very little power in this instance. The green council scene showed that they plotted behind her back, her father most of all, and clearly don't take her very seriously.

Essentially in episode 9, she's trying to outrace Otto and establish herself as more than a pawn. In a time where war is all but inevitable and she has enemies both outside and within the Red Keep's walls, and her children's lives are at stake - how could she refuse Larys who can provide her with valuable intelligence? By giving in to his "demands" she learns that her handmaiden is a spy which is a very important revelation.

It's hard to try and make sense of how their power dynamic switched to such extremes, we don't know whether it's happened before, in which capacity and for what. Clearly she is aware of what he wants, but how did that come up? How did this develop? We can't know so I refrain from making assumptions for any other times.

Her symbolically selling her body again for all this is a price she is willing to pay, but it doesn't make it any less of a SA (and yes, I've seen a lot of people dismissing this as consensual since she willingly took off her shoes for this. It's giving 'she asked for it'). Alicent is deeply disgusted, she can't look at him, she probably already has a very twisted view on herself and her body as something that belongs to others and he abuses that. But she indulges him because she realistically doesn't really have any other choice. He has made himself irreplaceable.

This doesn't mean it's consensual. Consent would mean that Alicent did this because she wants to, finds some enjoyment in it, and hasn't been pressured into it. But that's far from the truth. She does it because she feels like there's no other way for her to get this valuable intelligence, so she endures it despite clearly being uncomfortable and disgusted. I am so tired of everything being blamed on her just because people don't like or understand her character.

#alicent hightower #hotd #house of the dragon #larys strong #team green #pro team green #anti team black #pro alicent hightower

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whumpshaped · 7 months

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can i get enthralled for vampire bingo? O.O

this was the last bingo prompt in my inbox! im always open to more :) its some more mundane whump. just some idle time. i wrote so much enthrallment already, so i decided to just make it the topic of this one

masterlist bingo card

tw vampire whumper, dehumanisation, lots of talk about mind control

"You said you'd never taken a human without magic before."

"I did say that, yes."

Beck poked at his evening fill of macaroni with his fork, pretending he was more interested in that than the question he was about to ask. He was very casual about the question, obviously. It was just a little chat over dinner. "Why'd you do it this time?"

"Why..." Helle shifted on the other end of the sofa, putting down the rubik's cube they were fiddling with. Beck glanced at it briefly — one side of it was all blue, but the rest were mishmash. "Forgive me for saying this, but I doubt you would understand the situation I had been in before I made that decision. You know... like not being able to have a single meaningful conversation because everybody is affected by your magic to an unhealthy degree, essentially forcing them to change their entire personality and all their values to please you."

Beck nodded. "Yeah, no, that's... not very familiar."

"I had a hunch. But let us explore this fantasy for a moment. I assume you would immediately use those powers to do... whatever the hell you wanted. Because you can. Nobody is objecting. Nobody is saying no to you. In fact, everybody is very eager to do whatever it takes to make you interested in them."

"But it's wrong."

"Yes. It is. But I also left out the part where your only options are this, or severe malnourishment that actually leaves you unable to obtain even the lesser quality food you had been eating up until that point."

Beck stared at his macaroni. Would he have wanted to eat it if it was sentient? Would he have wanted to make it want to be eaten? Well, if the other option was to have it kick and scream... possibly, yes. Thankfully, his macaroni was wonderfully unfeeling.

Plus, this entire monologue was supposed to eventually lead to why Helle wanted their macaroni to scream. "Sorry," he muttered. "Go on."

"So you do that for centuries. You enthrall people, you feel like you are on the very top of the world. Nobody can touch you." They paused for a moment, and Beck looked up to see them smiling at him. "Now, does it not sound a bit lonely? Is it not natural to want to be touched?"

"I still can't touch you." He turned back to his dinner and took a bite, and he found he felt less worried about stating that than he probably should've. Maybe the constant fear had tired him out. Made him numb. "You're a vampire. You're faster, stronger..."

"Oh, but you can. You absolutely can. You choose not to." The concept almost made Helle giddy from the sound of it, like it was revolutionary. "You can sit here and tell me that I am wrong. You could throw that entire plate of pasta at me. You choose not to, because yes, maybe I would get out of the way, or maybe I would shove your face into a pot of boiling water and make some Beckaroni, but you could."

Great. As if his appetite had been amazing before. He really needed the image of Beckaroni in his head.

He put the plate on the coffee table and sat back. "Okay. Fine. I could. If you're so interested in me having a choice, why are you taking it away anyway? Why are you doing all this? You do nothing but intimidate me into going along with whatever you want. At this point you could just enthrall me."

"Oh, so I am only allowed to spend immortality without getting so bored that I want to stake myself if I then respect all the humans I choose not to enthrall."

"I mean– I mean, yes! Yes, that's actually what I'm saying. Otherwise it's fucking cruel."

Helle considered him for a moment, actually thinking about his words before they responded. "I suppose with the information you have been given, that is quite a reasonable conclusion to reach. I have left out another important detail." They looked Beck in the eye, their expression darkening in a way he couldn't even explain. It was like the air was being sucked out of his lungs as they stared him down, making him tremble and immediately wish for the easy atmosphere back. "I am cruel. I want you to have those choices specifically so I can take them away from you in a more thrilling way that is fun for me, and me only."

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight @there-will-always-be-blood @pigeonwhumps @echo-goes-mmm @whumpycries

#at my beck and call #whump #whump writing #helle #beckett #vampire whumper #dehumanisation #mind control

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legoiscrying · 11 months

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Since you guys liked my first k2 analysis so much, I've decided to make a second one and mainly focus on things that I mentioned in the last paragraph there: how I see their romantic relationship. This is probably going to be more headcanons than analysis but we'll see lol (it ended up not)

As I mentioned before, I don't really see k2 having some sort of special feelings for each other when they're young. Meanwhile it can kinda work with Kenny, it's probably won't work with Kyle: Kyle already has two strong sources of emotions. His bond with Stan and his sort of rivalry with Cartman clearly means more to him. And to get myself more clear: No, I do not erase everything I said in the previous post about their interactions, they're still very sweet and in my personal opinion important. But if we analyse Kyle's relationships with others and give everyone some sort of a status, Stan would be "best friend", Cartman would be "frienemy" (it's not so obvious when I say it like this but we all should agree that Kyle cares a lot about the shit Cartman says, not necessarily in a good way but it's still a huge source of emotions for him). And Kenny, as I believe, would be just "friend". Not much to add.

But if we're looking a little bit further...Time skip for a few years. Or not a few. High-school maybe?? Or adults?? Whatever you prefer more

From this part it'll be mostly headcanons because different people can see the future relationship of the main four differently. I'll talk about my personal point of view here (I think it's the most popular one in the fandom anyways)

So this is where Kyle's previous sources of strong emotions are kind of fading away. With Stan...I'm almost sure that no one is going to argue with me for this. Stan, as a depressed individual, would probably at some point of his adulthood change his relationships with people. He'd cut contact with some and just sort of change his attitude to other. And although I believe Stan and Kyle would still be friends (close friends??) when they grow up...There's not going to be the "bond" as strong as it was before. This is debatable, but even if you don't agree with my statement: One source of strong emotions is definitely not enough.

With Cartman my point of view is much easier to explain: they're not kids anymore. I believe their rivalry won't dissappear, but. They're not kids and not gonna fight 24/7. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this properly, but I think it's just not gonna take all their time. So yeah. It's not enough

AND THAT'S WHERE WE FINALLY GO BACK TO K2. THANK GOD.

Kyle feels a bit more lonely. So he hangs out with Kenny, who pretty much feels the same. They spend time together, talk a lot, remember some things...And realize how similar they are to each other (this part is also analysis btw, I didn't come up with it from nothing). They realize that back then they both were trying to act kind to people around them, but no one seemed to appreciate it as much as they wanted. They were doing it differently and was getting treated differently, but in the end both ended up being lonely without much people around. You. You can feel my thought here. right

They realize how similar they feel, so they decide to try to help each other. Just make some company. It won't hurt, right?

It didn't. I see them a bit fast burn... They start to appreciate each other's company more. And more. They hang out in a lot of different places. Anywhere you can get your old buddy: like seeing some cool movies with him, taking him to restaurants so you can make sure he eats well, sometimes going to his ol' house with him to help his sister...At some point Kenny starts calling it "dates", and Kyle is extremely flustered about this.

Kyle falls first, but Kenny confesses first: so their relationship-thing happens not so long after that.

And yep. This is what I wanted to share from now. I really hope someone reads all that xD

Love k2, appreciate k2, enjoy k2, share k2. They're very lovable little guys!

(If this gets 100 likes AGAIN I will write k2 headcanons. Go)

#south park #sp #kenny mccormick #kenny #kenneth mccormick #sp kenny #sp kenny mccormick #kyle brovlofski #sp kyle #sp kyle broflovski #k2 #kyle x kenny #kenny x kyle #sp k2 #sp kenny x kyle #sp kyle x kenny

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justmeinadaze · 1 year

Text

Saying Sorry (Steve X You)

A/N: My valentines gift to you. I've been thinking it's been awhile since I've created a series with just Steve and for some reason I'm crushing on season one King Steve so alas...I bare you this. I definitely have an idea of where I want this to go and I hope y'all like it so we can go through it together :)

The title and the idea came from a song I was listening to. Like I said I've been listening to my emo music more so lol

Warnings: Smut for sure. The reader does get assaulted but its very brief ( she is smacked) and Steve swoops in to save the day. These two are childhood friends who grow apart. The reader has rumors being spread about her (calling her a slut and cheap) .

Word Count: 4710

You and Steve had known each other since you were kids growing up in Hawkins. The first time you met him was in kindergarten on the playground. He was extremely shy, sitting by himself in a nook within the jungle gym.

“Why are you hiding?” He jumps at the sound of your voice.

“I’m not hiding! I just… I don’t know anyone yet.”

“Okaaaay. How are you going to meet anyone though if you don’t talk to people?”

“Well, I’m meeting you.”

When you smile at him, he returns it with a little one of his own as you sit down beside him.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Steve.”

He was incredibly sweet and kind. On valentine’s day he brought you a card that he had made with your favorite candy tapped inside. During nap time, he would lay beside you and the teacher would always end up separating you two because you couldn’t stop giggling. On your birthday, you invited him to your house for a sleep over. Your mom was surprised when he showed up alone without his parents.

“Steve, honey, where’s your mom or dad? I was hoping to meet them and introduce myself.”

“Um, my dad is at a meeting and…I don’t know where my mom is. She left before I did.”

Your mom looks at him with concern before she sighs.

That night you two created a little fort out of blankets in your room and curled up underneath it in sperate sleeping bags.

“Is it normal for you to be alone at home?”, you ask turning to lay on your side to face him.

“Yeah. Usually there’s a nanny or housekeeper that looks after me but after they leave sometimes my mom and dad leave to.”

“Is it lonely?” Steve doesn’t respond instead turning his eyes to the floor. “Well…you can come over here anytime you want!”

He grins at you and you can’t help but giggle.

“Kids, go to bed! It’s after midnight!” You both laugh as your dad shouts from down the hall.

As you two grew up, you started growing closer with him becoming your best friend and you his. In middle school, your bodies started changing and Steve seemed a bit more focused on his appearance.

“How’s my hair? Does it look good?”

“Steve! Calm down.”, you laugh at him. “Your hair looks perfect as always. Don’t be so nervous!”

“How can you be so relaxed? Aren’t you nervous?”

You and Steve were going on a double date with some of the other kids from school. He had a huge crush on a girl from his English class but was so scared of messing things up. You offered to go with him with one of the guys who had been flirting with you to ease his mind.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I don’t really like Travis all that much. I mean I like him but not like…you know?”

He softly smiles as he continues to run his fingers through his hair. “Not one bit.”

You gently reach for his hand and smooth the mess he made on top of his head. “Steve, you have no reason to be nervous. You are a great guy and if Jennifer doesn’t realize that well then fuck her.”

He cackles at your curse as he pulls you into a hug. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

After the date that night, you noticed a change in him. It was very small but noticeable to you especially when he called you up after your mom dropped him off back at his house.

“See? I told you there was nothing to worry about!”

“Yeah, it was weird though. I’ve never actually kissed a girl before.”

“Did you like it?”

“I did.” You heard his smile through the phone. “She said something before that didn’t make sense. She said that you and I shouldn’t be friends.”

“What?! Why?”

“She said you’re a bit of a…a dork.” He panicked at your silence. “Which is stupid because, obviously, you aren’t and even if you were you know I don’t care about that kind of thing. I love you and you’re my best friend.”

“What did you say when she said that?”

“I didn’t get a chance to say anything because she kissed me.”

“I should kick her ass.”

He laughs, breathing a sigh of relief at your sarcastic tone. “No! No ass beating. Like you said…fuck her, right?”

As soon as you became freshman, that’s when the drastic changes happened. He stopped coming over to your house and hanging out with you at school. You used to sit together at lunch but you found yourself eating alone while he sat on the opposite end of the cafeteria with the popular kids.

You called his house and either no one picked up or his mom said he wasn’t home.

“I’m sorry, Leslie. He isn’t here.”, his dad’s gruff tone hits your ears.

“It’s Y/N and do you know where he is?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. No, I don’t. I think he went out with some girl from the cheerleading squad. Look, I really have to go. Can I take a message?”

You hung up the phone in frustration.

Your final straw was when he didn’t show up for your birthday. You and Steve had spent every year together on that day. Your parents would get a cake, order food, and you guys would stay up watching movies till you fell asleep. It had been weeks since you heard from him but you thought at least he would be here for this.

You pound on his door with your fist for what feels like forever until he finally answers. His hair is disheveled and his lips are stained with a nice shade of red lipstick.

“Y/N. Hey. I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment—”

“Where were you?!”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Steve, do you know what today is?”

He steps forward, quietly closing the front door behind him. “Y/N, I really can’t do this right now. Can we talk about this later—”

“WHEN?! When can we talk about it? You’re never home and you don’t answer my calls. I never see you at school and we don’t hang out anymore. When should we talk?!”

“I’m not going to apologize for being busy with school and living my life. I’m sorry we don’t spend as much time together but I made some new friends. It’s not just me and you anymore.”

“You’re such a fucking asshole. You really think these ‘friends’ give a damn about you? All they care about is your money and good looks!”

“You’re just jealous because I’m hanging out with the popular group and you’re not! You’re just a fucking poor, pathetic dork who has no friends other than me!”

Steve watched through your eyes as your heart broke. “Wow. Thank you for showing me who Steve Harrington really is. Happy Birthday to me, I guess.”

His eyes closed as he came to the realization of what today was. “Y/N, shit, I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean…I—”

“No. Don’t worry about it, Harrington. It’s all good.”

###############

It had been two years since then and you were both juniors now. Steve had steadily rose to the king of Hawkins high, becoming a jock and making all the ladies swoon. You flew under the radar as best you could with a 4.0 GPA and a style that everyone compared to Joan Jett. You both had basically become night and day.

He heard rumors about you but did nothing to dispel them.

“Does she think she’s cool wearing those ratty, torn up clothes and boots? Please. Probably hiding the fact that her family can barely afford to keep their house let alone some new clothes.”

“I heard she fucks boys under the bleachers if they give her $20 bucks. She’s cheap!”

“Oh my god. That’s most likely why she has all those As!”

The rumors you heard about him were a bit more factual and kept you up to date on what was going on in his life.

“Steve is taking out Tammie tonight. Five bucks he takes her to lover’s lake!”

“I heard he’s failing physics but the teacher passes him anyway so he can play basketball. Lucky bastard.”

“Steve Harrington is throwing a party at his house. His dad just made a killer deal so he’s flying his mom to Hawaii to celebrate. Empty house with a ton of booze!”

You did everything you could to avoid interactions with him and with your different social circles that wasn’t hard but some days you were thrown a curve ball. This morning happened to be one of those days. As you walked to your locker, you heard a loud crash next to you as Tommy leaned against them.

“Hey Y/N. How are you this beautiful morning?”

“I was having a great morning until you opened you mouth.”, you threw him a fake smile as you slammed your locker closed.

“Well, that’s not very nice.” His girlfriend Carol blocked your path to keep you from leaving. “Someone not have their morning coffee? Probably time to find some new clients to fuck so you can afford that.”

“Oh, they’ve escalated to clients now. The rumor mill continues to be amusing. Now, get out of my way.”

“Ah ah. We just wanted to talk to you and see how you were. This is no way to treat your friends.”

“You are not and will never be my friends.”, you glare at them.

“What’s going on?” Steve sauntered slowly up to his friends, his face contorting slightly when he sees you. “Tommy. Carol. Come on. We’re going to be late for class.”

“Better run along and do what your king says.”, you sneer at them.

He stops, slowly turning around as he snickers. “You know what? Maybe we should stay. I heard you guys when I came up. She definitely needs to be nice to you. It’s not like she has any other friends.”

“Kind of like a kid I used to know back in elementary school.” They all laugh, making faces like you said the stupidest thing they had ever heard…but not Steve. His breathing staggered at the memory of you befriending him when he had no one. “Leave me alone.”

He sighed, gripping Tommy’s arm and pushing him down the hallway.

##############

“Hey. You okay? I heard Steve Harrington tried to put you in your place today.”

You did actually have friends; they were just invisible to the popular kids. Carrie had become one of your closest but you could never bring yourself to tell her about your past with the boy in question. Honestly, it just hurt too much.

“I swear to God I hate this school.”, you mumble. “Yes, I’m okay and no he didn’t. Like he even could.”

She chuckles as she throws herself in the chair next to yours at your lunch table. “He’s having a party tonight. We should crash it.”

“That…is the worst idea you have ever had.”, you smile at her.

“Oh, come on! We’ve never gone to one and it’s not like we’ll see him. He’ll be too busy grinding on some cheerleader.”

“See, I don’t understand how that’s common knowledge but I’m the whore!”

She grins as she pulls you to her shoulder and rests her head on yours. “You are not a whore. You are beautiful, perfect, and one of my closest friends. Also, I heard that Andrew will be there.”

You both giggle, sitting like that together until you give in and finally agree.

########

It had been so long since you had been in Steve’s house. Not a whole lot had changed except for a few more expensive items you didn’t remember being there before. The bass was beating through the entire home as everyone danced and drank.

“Carrie, I think we made a mistake!”

“It’s party, Y/N! Have a drink and dance! I’ll be right back!” With that, she was gone. A heavy exhale escaped your lips as you went outside to find some peace and quiet. You grinned when you noticed the pool in the backyard, remembering the summers you and Steve spent in there.

“Steve! I can’t swim. I’m scared.” Your little voice shook as you stood on the steps in the water.

He effortlessly glides towards you before standing up and taking both your hands in his. “You have no reason to be afraid, Y/N. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.” He chuckles as you wrap your arms around his waist.

“Hey! It’s ok. Do you trust me?”

You look up into his big brown eyes as his smile shines confidently down at you.

“Of course.”

“Hey, Y/N! Carrie said you were around here somewhere.” Andrew grins as he comes up beside you.

“Did she? Because I have completely lost her.”

He laughs at your sass. “She said you were funny.”

“Hey Andrew.” Steve’s voice comes up from behind you.

“Sup, Harrington. Pretty good party you got going on here.” The boy grins as he takes a sip from the cup in his hand.

“Thanks, hey, do you mind if I talk with Y/N really quick?”

You were startled by his question. Wasn’t he just an asshole to you this morning? Is he going to be snarky again because you showed up to his house unannounced? Andrew nodded and backed away so you two could talk.

“Look, I know you fucking hate me but—”

“I don’t hate you. I would have to care to do that.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he sighs. “Yeah, okay, whatever. You’re a badass. Good for you. Now, listen to me. You need to stay away from him.”

“From Andrew? Why?”

“He has a reputation for being…rough.”

“Oh, good. Well, I have a reputation for being a slut so we’ll get along nicely.”

His eyes narrow down at your snarky tone. “Whether you are or not, doesn’t fucking matter to me. I don’t know you anymore but I know him. Trust me.”

“You’re right. You don’t know me anymore and I definitely don’t fucking trust you. You have no right to pretend like you care about me or my well-being, your highness!”

“Fine! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

You scoff at him as you turn and grab Andrew’s arm, leading him inside the house.

###################

You and Andrew found a corner in the living room that was quiet enough for you two to talk. Honestly, after a few minutes, you found yourself bored and zoning out. All he wanted to talk about was the baseball team and their stats.

“Wow, Andrew, as fascinating as this is, I have to go find Carrie now and head home.”

“What? No.”, he whines and you cringe at the sight.

“Yes, unfortunately, it is late so…”

Abruptly, his hand wraps around your bicep as you start to stand and he pulls you back down towards the sofa you had been sitting on.

“Come on, Y/N. Let’s not play games here. You don’t have to go home yet. I think you just don’t care about this kind of foreplay.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You know, the whole get to know you thing. I can respect that.” His body starts to press against you, leaning you back against the cushions.

“Andrew, no.” You try to push him with your palm but he swats it away.

“You don’t have to pretend with me. I know what you’re into. I can even pay you double whatever you normally charge.” Andrew’s lips find their way to your neck and with all the strength you can muster, you lift your leg and kick him in the groin.

He howls in pain as you push him off of you. “You’re disgusting!”

As you start to run away from him, he chases after you, grabbing your arm again to turn you around and slap you hard across the face.

Suddenly forceful hands are pulling his off of you and pushing Andrew backwards.

“Get out of my house.” Steve’s voice bellows well over the music causing some heads to turn towards him.

“That bitch started it!”

“And I’m finishing it. Now if I have to say it again it won’t be nicely. Get. Out.”

Andrew grumbles something under his breath as he stomps out the front door. Steve grabs your hand, pulling you up the stairs, and into his closed off bedroom. As soon as the door shuts, his hands cup your cheeks as he looks over your face.

“Are you okay?” You were still in a state of shock as your eyes scanned around his room. “Focus, Y/N! Look at me. Are you okay?”

You broke as your head fell into his chest and you cried. He stumbled back at first, completely thrown off guard before his arms slowly wrapped around you, holding you to him. Steve closed his eyes and sighed when he felt your hands shaking against his back.

“Everything’s okay. He’s gone. You’re safe here.”, he whispers.

“Am I?” Something ignites inside of you as you push him away from you. “You don’t give a damn about me, Harrington and don’t pretend like you do just because you played hero!”

“Hey, I warned you he was an asshole! But no, still as fucking stubborn as ever. You’re lucky I was in the house!”

“Fuck you! I could have handled it!”

“I can’t believe this. You’re actually upset with me right now for helping you!”

“No, I’m upset because I’m in this fucking house talking to you!”

As he prepares to fire back, your chin falls to your chest. Your shoulders shake as you cry again.

Steve hates seeing you like this and it makes him feel even more protective.

“Do you…do you want me to find your friend so she can take you home?”

You wipe your eyes before meeting his. “No, I’ll just, um, walk. It’s not a big deal.”

“Y/N, please, at least let me drive you.”

“No, it’s okay. I don’t want you to leave your guests.” You fly past him to open the door. “Thank you for what you did. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”

##############

“Steve! Oh my god!” Your mom excitedly wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. “It’s been so long. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Thank you for asking.”, he grins. “Is Y/N here?”

“Yes, she is. Maybe you can help make her feel better. She been upstairs in her room all day. I’m about to go meet her dad at that little get together thing they are doing downtown. We invited her but”, she shrugs.

Steve holds the front door open for her as she leaves before heading up to your room. It’s only been two years but it still amazes him how your house looks the same. When he knocks on the door, your voice echoes through from the other side.

“Mom, I said I’m fine! Oh…” You pause when you see him in your doorway.

“Your mom let me in. I, um, came over to check on you after what happened.”

“Well, Harrington, thank you but like I said, I’m fine.”

“Please, Y/N. Don’t be so difficult. I’m trying here.”

You smile sarcastically as you turn towards him. “I’m sorry, sire. What’s difficult for you? The fact that you haven’t spoken to me in over two years or pretending like you care how I’m feeling?”

“First of all, YOU stopped speaking to ME.”

“Oh please! I lost you even before freshman year. Your only concern was that everyone liked you and thought you were cool!”

“Apparently so was yours! Don’t give me that look. I hear what people say. About how you open your legs for any man at the right price!”

“You’re still such a fucking asshole!”

“If I’m such an asshole than why did I pull Andrew off of you? Why did I follow you around that fucking party making sure you were okay because your stubborn ass didn’t want to heed my warning!? Why am I here right now?!”

“You followed me around?”

“Yes.”, he sighed as he placed his hands on his hips. “I know we don’t talk anymore but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to happen to you.”

“Unless it’s your doing?” He looks at you completely confused. “Steve… you were the worst thing to ever happen to me. No one has ever hurt me the way you did. Even before that you were slowly slipping away and there was nothing I could do. I miss the kid I grew up with. I don’t know who the fuck you are now.”

“Y/N…I”, he pauses as he tries to gather his thoughts. “I’m not the same shy, weird kid you met in the jungle gym in kindergarten. I have a life and more friends, things like that. I changed. It happens.”

“Welp, thank you for that rousing speech.”

“I swear to fucking God!”, he growls as he walks over to you till his face is close to yours. “You’re so—”

“Fucking stubborn. I know! Now get out of my house and leave me alone!”

“Make me.” Steve’s tone was low, revibrating through his chest.

It had been so long since you had seen him especially this close to you. You took note of the light stubble that dusted along his jawline and above his lip. His lips themselves had plumped out a bit more since middle school and his eyes had aged in the way a mans would when they leave adolescence. Growing up, you two had been relatively the same height but right now he towered significantly above you. He was right; he definitely wasn’t the same kid you had met.

While you were studying him, he was also scanning over you. Your eyes were angry but he could still see the kindness within them that befriend him. You smelled like you had just recently took a shower as the strong floral scent filled his nostrils. Your lips were fuller even now as they pouted out. He would give anything to see you smile again.

Steve’s hand shot out, gripping the back of your neck to bring your mouth to his. It was light at first, both your lips just pressed together but as he started to pull away you quickly grabbed his face with your hands tugging him back to you.

Passion took over reason as he walked you towards your bed. As soon as the back of your knees hit the mattress, you pause to lift up his shirt before tugging away at your own. Steve’s lips trail down your cheek to your neck as he fumbles with his belt.

You rapidly remove your pants as his own fall to the floor with a loud clank. He picks you up, holding you by your thighs as he carefully places you down on the mattress.

After removing his boxers, he reaches for your panties, violently pulling them down your legs and tossing them to the floor.

“Steve, Steve. Hang on.”, you pant. He doesn’t acknowledge you, grinding his hips with yours. You moan when you feel his cock rub against your pussy lips.

“Steve. I just want…need you to know. Those rumors aren’t true. I’ve only been with one other person.”

His eyes lock with yours as he spits in his hand and rubs it into your cunt making you moan. He grips his length and watches your face as he guides it into your entrance. Steve doesn’t give you much time to adjust to him as he pushes deeper into you before pulling out and pressing into you again.

“Fuck. Oh my god.”, you whimpered at the feeling.

“Jesus fucking Christ”, he whispers as his head falls back into the nook of your neck. “You’re so fucking tight.”

He thrusts into you at a steady pace as you pressed him closer to you. You knew you missed him but feeling him against you like this fully reminded you how much. All the memories you two had shared came flooding back and it broke your heart all over again. You needed to push those memories as far away as you could. They hurt too much.

“Harder, Steve. Please.”

Again, there was no acknowledgement from him besides him doing as you asked. You fingers clung to his hair as he sucked on your neck. The sound of skin slapping together filled the room and you craned your neck to the side to find his lips.

Steve obliged and you mewled at the taste of him. When your hands reached up to hold his shoulders, he pulled away, staring down at you as he felt your pussy tighten around him. He thought to himself how beautiful you were underneath him like this. He really did miss you but… what would the other kids say? When his dad was being a dick he used to run to you but now with his status he had more friends and vices he can utilize to numb that pain.

In his house he was nothing but in school he was a king. People practically worshipped him. So what, he had to pretend to like things he didn’t or act like an asshole at times to get what he needed. They were his family now.

“Why are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding!”

“I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Steve pushed back memories of his own as his rhythm picked up, thrusting into you till you came moaning his name repeatedly. His cheek pressed against yours as he chased his own release. The sound of him grunting filled your ears until he hastily pulled out, pumping his cock over your stomach until ropes of his seed landed on your skin.

His forehead fell on yours as his arm came back up on his side to steady himself. You both panted into each other’s face, trying to catch your breath.

“Steve. Look at me.”, you whispered. His brown eyes found your own and he let out a pleasurable sigh when your hand caressed his cheek. “Don’t go. Not yet.”

He silently nodded, reaching towards your bedside table to grab a tissue before cleaning your tummy and tossing it into the wastebin. Steve rolled onto his back, staring up at your ceiling.

“Y/N?”, his small hands knock on your door as he pushes it open. “You weren’t in class today and Mrs. Link said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Your back was to him as you lay quietly in your bed. He shuffles around to the opposite side as you bury your face in your pillow.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?” Steve kicks off his sneakers and lays down beside you. As he pushes your shoulder back, he notices the tears that were streaming down your face.

“Tommy told all the sixth graders that I’m ugly trash.”

His nostrils flared in anger. “I’m going to kick his ass next time I see him!” He suddenly panics as you start to cry again. “Y/N, you aren’t trash and you’re not ugly. I think you’re…you’re one of the prettiest girls I have ever met.”

Steve breathes a sigh of relief when he sees you laugh. “Thank you. I appreciate you saying that.”

“I mean it! You’re pretty like the girl in that space movie we saw at the theater. With the…” He makes twisting motions on the side of his head near his hair.”

“Leia?”, you giggle.

“Yeah! Princess Leia.” He smiles as you start to brighten up.

“Thank you for coming over to check on me.”

“Of course. You’re my best friend.”

Steve turned his head to look at you and noticed your back was facing him. Your breathing was steady so he figured you had fallen asleep. As he picked up the covers to get out of bed and grab his clothes, something possessed him to change his mind. Instead of pulling them off, he tugged the sheets further over his waist as he slid his body closer to you. His arm wrapped around yours as he tenderly kissed your shoulder, falling asleep beside you.

#steve harrington #steve stranger things #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington smut #steve x y/n #joe keery #joe keery smut #joe keery fluff #joe keery fanfiction #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #fan fiction #friends to lovers #Spotify

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worriedvision · 1 year

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Cgkxulrztjdti I just read an albedo prompted of yours and I gave me an idea. Sadly I'm not a writer so I gib this idea to you only if you like it. It's the I didn't stand a chance prompt!!!!

So reader is sad because you know they didn't really have a chance but since it's windblume how about they get closer to cyno or Tighnari maybe even Kaeya. And it just makes Albedo feel jealous but he doesn't really understand the feeling. All he knows it's just a bitter taste and it feels like his heartrate is dropping and he can't explain it but it's definitely irrigating to witness reader with another but even when Albedo tries to approach reader they avoid him because they don't want to keep holding onto that false hope of maybe he'll like me back

So the initial post was this one! Gender neutral reader, Cynos the 'love interest' here.

Albedo couldn't help but feel relieved to see the traveler walking down the steps to sit with him while he waited for Klee to wake up, hoping to figure out the best way to act on his interpreted feelings. He felt so comforted by them, and it felt right.

The traveler looks at the paper that had the illustration on it, and Paimon looks over their shoulder to see.

"Oh, Klee must have a very...hmm..." The traveler hums out, unsure how they felt about the picture.

"Oh, Paimon thinks Klee thinks of you like a sibling!" Paimon cheers, Klee waking up at the voice.

"No, the travelers like my parent. Like big brother Albedo!" Klee cheers, a silence afterwards.

Albedo felt embarrassed because it implies the traveler was in a partnership with him, a thing he thought he very much hopes for. The traveler felt uncomfortable, because the picture implied Klee expected the traveler to be with Albedo, and they knew once the whole thing with their sibling got resolved it would only be a matter of time until they left Teyvat. Even if they stayed in Teyvat, being stuck to Mondstadt most of the time just didn't feel right.

"Paimons hungry! Let's eat!" Paimon fills the silence, everyone relieved for different reasons.

The next week was when the traveler knocked on your door, realising you hadn't been seen by anyone. Hoping to check on your welfare, they wait patiently.

When you open the door, the traveler shakes their head.

"Have you been keeping yourself in there all this time?" They tut.

"I'd rather not be reminded of..." You cut yourself off, knowing better than to ruin the mood by talking about your unrequited love and how you had been eating binge foods and crying as you tried to think up new TCG strategies.

"...Come with me." They state, not giving you an option. "You're obsessed with that card game, I have a friend that you may get along with."

"Ooooh, Cyno? Paimon totally agreed, Cynos good with the game but bad with his jokes!" Paimon states, you finally deciding to grab your latest creation before following the traveler.

To your surprise, you actually get on very well with Cyno. The first round you played was a round consisting of you slamming the cards down without realising it, and Cyno matching your energy.

"How is the Stormblume festival?" Cyno states, you looking up as you process the terrible joke. "Something unfortunate must have happened. You're playing like you're angry."

"Angry isn't the word I would use...I guess I'm just lonely." You shrug, deciding against ranting about your lovelife.

"Well, how about we play a couple more rounds? If we get on, I can tell you more about myself and you can return the favour." Cyno suggests, you nodding.

You land up talking casually to each other each round, growing more comfortable with each other. Before you knew it, you were walking with Cyno, feeling the same first impression you had with Albedo where you knew you were in love. Cyno must have felt the same way, as he asked you on a first date after being told you both had to leave since it was closing time for the Cat's Tail.

Tighnari was standing next to Albedo, focusing on the crafting bench before his ears pick up on something.

"...Did you just whimper?" Tighnari asks, caught off-guard by the sound Albedo let out.

"No I didn't." He protests a little too quickly, Tighnari raising his brow to express he didn't buy the lie. Tighnari looks over, seeing Cyno with you, and he tilts his head.

"Are you interested in Cyno?" Tighnari asks, Albedo shaking his head.

"I don't understand what I am feeling." Albedo simply states. "I thought I knew my feelings, but now? I'm not so sure."

"I'm sure you can dig in deep and find out what you're feeling." Tighnari brushes off, turning back to the crafting bench. "Just make sure you think before you act."

Albedo tried to approach you a few times in the times he spotted you. When you weren't working on a case, you were spotted with Cyno. He had no idea why he felt this strange feeling about you, the yearning.

When the first attempt doesn't work, he decides to approach the traveler to explain his feelings for them. They lightly reject him, explaining they couldn't keep a relationship up with their current circumstances regarding their sibling, and Albedo feels surprised. He expected to feel hurt by this rejection, but he didn't feel anything of the sort.

"Albedo, are you okay?" Paimon yells, Albedo nodding.

"I..Traveler, what does love feel like? Or Jealousy? Or Yearning?" He lists off, the traveler clearing their throat.

"That's not a question I expected." The traveler eases out. "Feelings are complex, Albedo. People experience them in different ways, and some people...don't."

"Oh, I see..." Albedo trails off, looking at you who was now holding hands with Cyno as you take a walk.

"Was that a whimper?" Paimon gasps, Albedo realising he let out that sound again. The traveler looks in the same direction as Albedo, and they realise you were the source.

"...What happened with you two in the Library?" The traveler asks, Albedo thinking to himself.

"I told them about my feelings for you, and they didn't take it well." Albedo thinks out loud. "Now I'm not so sure my feelings are romantic. They may be only friendly."

The last day Cyno was in Mondstadt, you accompany him to the gates with his colleagues and Albedo.

"I'll write to you." You smile, Cyno nodding before he plants a kiss on your lips. You can't help but steal a second one, hearing a variety of noises.

An 'aww' from Collei, a groan from Tighnari, and a whimper from Albedo.

"Be sure to visit." Cyno states at the same time you do, both of you nodding before he finally takes his leave. After they disappear from your line of sight, you turn to return home only to feel Albedo grasp your wrist.

"May I have a moment?" Albedo asks. "I...wanted to ask you about your relationship with Cyno."

"Well, you saw." You state.

"I did, however...Are you both sure you can maintain this long distance?" Albedo asks, you narrowing your eyes at him.

"My relationship is none of your business." You begin, hand on your hip.

"Why are you trying to ask me about him? Did your confession to the traveler go wrong?" You ask, Albedo rubbing his neck as he decides to try something.

"It was rejected, but it clarified that I don't feel that way about them..." Albedo states, clearing his throat before looking directly at you. "I think I have these feelings for you instead."

"I've moved on, Albedo. If your feelings were true, you need to do the same." You tut, walking away from Albedo as he experiences the pain of unrequited love by himself.

#albedo #albedo x reader #albedo x gender neutral reader #cyno #cyno x gender neutral reader #cyno x reader

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luveline · 12 days

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I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.

Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx

that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention

So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!

so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.

I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.

There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.

I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.

sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!

I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#jade's asks #ily

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snickerdoodlles · 3 months

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finally posting some background notes for red line fic under the cut !! i meant to do this [checks wrist] an embarrassingly long time ago, except i get shy talking about my writing hjgfjhfj. so!! reading thru red line here and dumping out some thoughts as we go!! for @the-cookie-of-doom <333

red line started with this post. (me, every time i say i'm not going to write something: *grabs clown nose*) i wanted a fic where Chay watched Kim fight because 1) Chay deserves this, ep14 bar fight my BELOVED, but also 2) Kim's put a lot of effort into sectioning parts of his life off from each other, so it's SUPER FUN from a writing perspective to throw them all together and watch him flounder.

planning out red line, it was either going to be Kim pov if it was pre-mafia reveal, or Chay pov post-reveal. both of which are really fun!! but i wound up going for a pre-reveal scenario mostly because this was supposed to be sHORT and a Chay pov didn't feel right without a reconciliation or a lot of setup otherwise. so Kim pov it was! then it was a little bit of rolling ideas around for why goons would be present period. i landed on Arthee's fuck-ups causing problems before Chay's first kidnapping mostly because i didn't want too many guns involved (there was just. no way Kim could've easily protected Chay in that without sending him away for real, which defeats the purpose) but i wound up really loving that premise and committing for a few other reasons:

Kim never brought any of the mafia into Chay's life in canon. all of the mafia bullshit Chay gets dragged thru is related to his own family being involved in the mafia (none of which Chay knows about!), which is very crunchy to me.

loan sharks breaking down Chay's door was his normal. like. i feel like this goes largely ignored by a lot of fandom, but Chay's normal is gang thugs destroying his stuff and him needing to patch up his loved ones. the fucking things that does to a kid.

i just really like Arthee as a plot device. he kinda got left off to the side by canon (which!! fair!! they were juggling a lot of balls there and i'm glad they dropped him in favor of other characters/plots), but you can also see how much i loved the "Chay gets kidnapped because of Arthee's debts" kimchay premises from the early fic days in here XD

writing Kim and Chay in a Tutoring Session, No Really, It Looks Like A Date But This Is Tutoring Honest date was ridiculously fun. i love putting boys in situations. but i also just??? really like them being friends??? well, flirty friends here, but it's so important to me how much Kim and Chay just like spending time together. they're two very lonely boys and i'm very happy they found each other <333

also, Kim telling himself he's not flirting while flirting and encouraging Chay to flirt with him. disaster boy <33333

i spent probably a silly amount of time thinking about what weapons to give Kim (originally, i wasn't going to give him any). i didn't want it to be knives because while that's very hot of him, knife fights are…very, very rough. far more like that one mission impossible movie than elliot from leverage or literally any other movie knife fight, and while patching up knife fight wounds is excellent, i already have that for a different WIP. i also just don't see Kim carrying outright weapons in with his university gear? maybe his first year, but not at the end of it, too much risk for things to go badly. hence, mace and brass knuckles-- the mace is one of those little keychain mace things you can buy in a pack (Kim's was a gift from a friend nearly a year prior, he was very startled and very confused by the offering lol). he got brass knuckles because i think Kim is all for something that helps minimize how hard/often he has to punch someone, but mainly because when i was looking at the keychain mace, i remembered those stupid 3D-printed keychain brass knuckles things also existed and amused myself thinking about how much they'd offend Kim. thanks to that thought train, Kim got a proper set to better break a dude's nose <3

Chay and Kim trying to shove the other behind them as the loan shark's thugs break down Chay's door still makes me laugh. i'm easy to please like that, i love that meme y'all.

Kim's running commentary on how stupid Gold Jim is was SO MUCH FUN to write. i like that Kim's irritation making Gold Jim comical didn't take away from how threatening the situation was either? like, obviously, it was less intense, that was the point, but i'm still really happy with how serious Kim feels through all of this because there is danger in the fact the idiots are looking for a fight, even if they haven't realized how outclassed they are yet.

also, i just really like the level of Kim's violence in his head. i like that it's just a stream of conscious he's not putting a lot of thought into. i just don't see Kim's relationship with violence as being a dramatic thing-- it's just that Kim's first thought any time he sees someone is how to break them, just incase.

Kim naming the thugs One thru Five was 100% for my writing convenience, i am SO delighted people loved that for him XD

Chay hitting a thug with the frying pan for interrupting his date was the first thing i knew would happen in this fic. Chay deserved to hit at least one(1) person with a frying pan in canon, so he got to do it twice here. Kim is DESPERATELY trying not to swoon, he's going to be so horny about this after the shock of everything wears off.

man, i cried a lot thru writing the action for this scene, but i'm really satisfied with how it came out actually!! WORTH IT

i am still ridiculously tickled by this particular "Oh" / Oh moment. KimChay making hearteyes at each other while the goons feel superfluous my beloved <333

Kim making a hot grunt sound while manhandling a guy twice his size into position for Chay to whack with his pan is going to fuel conservatively 83% of Chay's spank bank fantasies from here on btws.

writing Kim tell Gold Jim who he is was so much fun.

in that line of thought, if Kinn ever learned Kim threatened some thug with his name, he'd beam like a puppy. doubly-so if he realized the specific wording Kim used. his metaphorical tail would be wagging up a hurricane if he ever realized how much Kim associates him with safety and protection.

also very fun to me was Kim accidentally calling Chay his boyfriend and immediately swallowing his tongue about it. i didn't plan that, it just fell out of my brain like it did Kim's mouth and i went "okay!! we'll roll with this!!!"

"is the safety on" was Chay holding himself back by the barest skin of his teeth. he is going to get his mouth on Kim asap but he is NOT going to let some stupid emergency room trip ruin their first kiss. meanwhile, Kim's about to enter an angst spiral, lmao. (in my head, there's a dent in the floorboards from where Chay threw his frying pan away. it's amazing it didn't shock them out of their kiss, but Chay is not to be deterred dammit!!)

u all know me and how much i love my kiss fic, but ending this one with Chay having an adrenaline crash was delightful to write, i'm gonna need to do this more often XD Chay's 100% of the mindset he's either going to be horny or cry, and he'd much prefer to be kissed, tyvm!! unfortunately for him, i prefer tears. also, Kim keeps trying to use his mouth for pesky things like words, it is very unproductive towards Chay's current goal >:T

speaking of Chay's wild emotions-- i very much do not see Chay liking violence for violence's sake. he's had enough of people throwing their weight around him for a lifetime. he does, however, have the biggest thing for a hot boy coming to protect him, esp if the boy is Wik shaped. don't tell me Wik was part of Chay's gay revelation and tell me he DIDN'T have so many fantasies of Wik protecting him from the shitty loan sharks.

that said tho! reality =/= fantasy. Chay was terrified Kim was going to get hurt because of him, half his adrenaline crash was just worry for Kim :(

i'm not sure what to say about this next bit transitioning to the ending of this fic except that it was definitely the trickiest and the longest to write. Chay's drilling Kim for answers because Porsche has been absent for months, but Chay's not upset with Kim. (Kim's the one here with him! he's the one answering Chay's questions!) i wrote myself into a corner a few times with dialogue that was too accusatory for what i wanted. but also, this was the part when i was like "oh!! i know what the summary should be!!" because six thugs have nothing on the intimidation factor of Chay Has Questions XD

Kim saying he can go and Chay going "why tho????" made me laugh out loud writing this. i love Chay's terrible priorities so much. you will never be able to convince me that Chay wasn't 100% ready to accept Kim as part of the mafia so long as Kim cared about him, this boy is so ride-or-die for his whole two(2) important people. Kim trying to convince mr. obstinate he doesn't want him is even more futile than Kim trying to deny himself what he wants. esp as Chay calls Kim out for all his flirting <3

on a more serious note tho, i really like how Chay comes across during this part of the story. it's kinda like Kim's violence thing-- i see the core of Chay being very, very lonely. he really only has his brother in the world, who's not able to be home too much due to circumstance, and now isn't home at all. and then here comes Kim, reaching out to Chay and asking all about him and just plain being a friend to him-- of course Chay latched on. of course he's going to cling if he thinks Kim likes him back. he's too lonely not to.

Kim's little whispered "stay" was my driving force every time i got stuck on this fic, i love when Kim tries to tell himself all the reasons he's not allowed to want something and then ask for it anyways. that's what we in the business call character growth XD

to wrap up this very messy fic ramble, some lines i really, really love in this fic:

Kim's never wished for a gun before. Kim doesn’t like guns. They’re too fast. Too clean.

hehehe

Gold Jim chuckles menacingly. It’s like he’s following a theatre script. Kim’s going to break every bone in his body before he sets him on fire and applauds.

i'm not sure if anyone noticed??? but the specific items of torture are based on theatre/performance idioms-- "break a leg" and "you're on fire"-- hence Kim applauding at the end.

Kim reminding himself not to scare Chay by killing the idiots, light maiming ONLY

cleaning up blood is so annoying, anyone with a period can concur 😭

Chay stands over Three, wielding a frying pan with two hands and looking just as surprised with himself as the rest of them.

i'm just. so, so fond for the image of Chay staring with complete surprise between his frying pan and a guy he just gave a concussion. he just did that! he just did that???

“How’s that going for you?” Chay asks, warm and soft where he’s still pressed up against Kim, “Felt a lot like tutoring to me.”

listen. LISTEN. Kim's investiagation excuses to hang out with a cute boy he likes are so cute. Chay agrees with me. we are both so correct for this. Chay's going to tease Kim so much about this but also encourage it past this point, he loves Kim being obsessed with him too <3

#fic: red line #i'd clean this up except im feeling v sick rn hgjfj #so!! messy thought rambles it is!!#hope u like friend <33333 #kinnporsche #kimchay

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