#I’ve never watched a Joel video lol

[frozenjokes]

Annoying, Smelly, Stupid, Loud Wolves, Of Which Joel Is Not Even A Little Bit Fond Of

Now, Joel didn’t really know what the fuck was going on, but all in all, he wasn’t too fussed. He had a nice little house, a nice view; a perfectly good place to be in the middle of a death game.

He didn’t have many allies or anything, but no enemies either- you could say he was a bit of a lone wolf, like a really cool mysterious loner type lone wolf, not a stupid loser wolf with no friends, an awesome, kickass type with big teeth or whatever- A cool guy. Cooler than you at least, though, it’s not harder to be cooler than you, especially when you’re Joel and you’re a lone wolf.

Speaking of wolves. They were loud.

Yesterday he had seen quite a few of them out and about, wandering, growling, pissing on things; dog stuff, you understand. But it only really hit how many of them there suddenly were at night when Joel was alone in bed in his house where no one else lived (perfectly secure, mind you), and they were just barking and yipping and howling and making a right mess of his backyard with their scratching and digging and, as established, pissing everywhere- it was a complete pain, and rolling out of bed to yell and wave his hands and throw a fit did nothing to deter them. Which. Probably fair. But a sleepless Joel was not a happy Joel, and you could hardly blame him. (You couldn’t blame him at all actually, like you would fare much better, okay, because you wouldn’t.)

Joel wasn’t quite sure what he meant to accomplish when he set out the next day, but his stride held some amount of purpose, and hopefully that’d be enough to show these wolves who’s boss. He could bark too, did you know? He could bite! He wouldn’t though, not a dog, that’s some freak shit, and also he didn’t want to die, but he could. If he wanted to. Which he didn’t.

And then, a distant whine.

Joel didn’t have a specific location in mind; he was just walking, and he hadn’t intended to follow the noise, persistent as it was, but he was closing the distance, perhaps his own curiosity being too much for his own good. And Joel wasn’t surprised it was coming from a wolf; of course it was, they were everywhere all of a sudden.

But he was surprised where the wolf had gotten itself stuck.

“For goodness’s sake.” A third ravine. This had to be a third one. Joel was just about sure a giant crack in the ground was not here before, solidly dividing his and Scott’s and Jimmy’s side of the flower biome- what the hell? He checked his communicator; didn’t seem like anyone had died from fall damage recently, so clearly this hole hadn’t opened up under someone’s feet like the desert ravine and the Crastle ravine. Now, Joel hadn’t seen the ravine in the desert (He did want to check in on Grian, but right now he wasn’t touching Scar with an eight foot pole), but he had seen the Crastle ravine, and this one looked just as deep and dark and ominously bottomless. Another whine cut through Joel’s thoughts. Oh no.

Cautiously, extremely cautiously, Joel poked his head over the edge, and sure enough, there was a wolf stuck on a small rocky outcrop, pawing uselessly at the steep edge and crying pitifully. It was pretty far down- blooming hell, how did it get down there. Goodness, the poor thing. It looked up, large, black eyes round and pitiful and-

“Alright, alright, I’m coming, you just sit tight. Sit.” The wolf did not sit, nor did Joel expect it to, but it did seem to understand something was happening when Joel started a careful bridge downwards. He didn’t have that many blocks; one by one stairs would have to be enough if he didn’t want to leave the pup hanging, but he managed, the wolf growing more restless as Joel inched closer and closer.

Eventually, he got close enough to touch the poor thing. There was no way Joel was going to let it walk up his precarious bridge on its own, but luckily, the wolf must have been so relieved to be helped, it didn’t even whine as Joel scooped it up, only wiggling gently in his arms. Fine. That was fine. Everything was fine actually, Joel taking his time to carefully turn around before he heard another whine, and then a bark, and hey- was that growling? He looked down. What could have been a hundred more pairs of eyes stared back up at him.

“Oh, for goodness’s sake!”

…

Joel didn’t even know how many dogs he rescued from the ravine before he fell. It was almost inevitable really, falling, especially building precarious bridges all over the damn place to carry out stupid ass wolves who were apparently breeding like rabbits at the bottom of a ravine with zero food. Why the hell were they even spawning down there in the first place? They just have fallen, right? Nevertheless. Despite being resigned to the fact that he was most certainly going to fall and die while rescuing idiot dogs from starving or whatever, Joel was quite miffed about how he fell.

He hadn’t even been bridging or not looking where he was going- he hadn’t even been carrying a dog, and thank goodness for that. He had been standing on a perfectly stable platform, a wide platform, a natural outcrop he’d walked over a thousand times before it just- collapsed. Just like that. And he was about 90% sure it wasn’t made of gravel or sand or anything either, but he had a lot of time to doubt himself as he fell. Why was he falling for so long anyway? And why was it so cold?

And then he was suffocating. Oh.

Smallishbeans fell out of the world.

Joel jolted bolt upright in bed as he gasped for air, clutching at his chest. It had been a while since his last void death and they were never pleasant- always leaving that lingering feeling of cold and terror for hours afterward unlike most any other death in the game.

Hey, wait, how had he managed to fall out of the world..? Jimmy had done it once as well, hadn’t he? Ugh, this stupid server was so broken!

(Hopefully Grian would be in the state to fix it soon, but Joel wasn’t too keen on thinking too much about what was looking like this server literally collapsing in on itself.)

Joel had died once before this and was red now, but felt no different, and honestly didn’t really care all that much; his dogs were still at the ravine, they were waiting for him, and surely they’d seen him fall? He wouldn’t have that.

But as he left the front door of his home, Joel was quite literally nose to nose with Ren and Martyn, who looked just as shocked as he must have, Ren’s fist raised to knock.

“Greetings, scum!” Ren greeted brightly, and Martyn crossed his arms behind him, sort of stoic looking, or at least that’s what Joel was pretty sure he was going for.

“Uh, hey guys, I’m actually kind of busy right now, could you come back la-“

“Silence in the presence of your king, The Red King Of Dogwarts!” Martyn bellowed, then looked to Ren, almost shyly, “Was that good?”

“Perfect, my dude! Yes, yes, we are here today to request kindly your loyalty to The Red King!” Ren put all sorts of unnecessary flourish on his words, rolling his ‘r’s whenever he got the chance. Honestly, kind of a lot to face after suffocating in the void.

“Okay.” Joel sighed, hoping if he played along this would wrap up quickly, “You have my loyalty. There you go.”

“Oh!” Ren looked so genuinely delighted, even the accent dropped, and Joel had to roll his eyes with an exaggerated scowl to keep himself from smiling, “That’s great! We do need tribute, though.”

“What tribute?”

“Oh, like how when people living in a kingdom pay tribute to the castle in return for its protection! Like-“

“I know what it means, Ren, what do you want?” Joel had to cut him off; Ren’s excitement (presumably at how well this was going) was getting to the point of being too much to bear.

“Well, fine sir- my, I must say, you are looking quite handsome today! Very handsome, very strong.”

“I am handsome and strong, yes, continue please.”

“Well, Dogwarts requires you hang upon your lovely home the red banner that signifies your loyalty to the crown! Placed where the whole serrrver can see it!” Ren puffed out his chest to the point of ridiculousness, producing a banner from his inventory to present to Joel, though his valiant attempt at being intimidating(?) was bogged down a tad by his shining eyes. “And also that you come to fight by our side when we call upon the banner, for it signifies our mutual commitment to the land of Dogwarts! We, of course, will be ready to jump to your defense, should you so require.”

Joel took the banner from Ren’s hands, only giving it a moment’s glance before hanging it above his front door. “There. That good?”

“Brrrilliant!” Ren whooped, hopping on his toes, “What do you think, Martyn?”

“It’s perfect, mi’lord!”

“Perfect! Yes, I agree. Welcome to the family, Joel of Smallish Beans! Trust me that you will not regret this decision!” Ren beamed, and before Joel could even ask if they were finished, the two of them turned around, galloping off on fake horses without so much as a goodbye. Well. Guess that would do. Joel gathered his things, and made his way back toward the ravine.

He couldn’t go down there again, that was for sure; he wasn’t about to get knocked out of the game for a few more dumb dogs, but at this point, Joel was pretty sure he had left behind enough scaffolding that any more unfortunate wolves could finagle their way back to the surface if they were determined enough. That would have to be fine. He definitely wouldn’t be thinking about it after this. Not at all.

Joel was pleasantly surprised to see how many wolves were still lingering where he had left them, and then a little annoyed- seriously, standing so close to the ravine must have been how they all fell down there in the first place! Though, that feeling dissipated when the wolves spotted him, their tails wagging gently in a gesture that was quite adorable when multiplied by so many dogs.

“Yeah, yeah, I’d be happy to see me too, just came to let you all know I wasn’t dead or anything. I was a little bit dead. But I’m back. So. Good talk.”

The wolves definitely weren’t tame; most of them kept their distance, and the few that trotted forward took great care in not getting too close. A great improvement from being growled at in the woods though, seriously, Joel was starting to feel like one wrong move would end with him getting torn apart. Hopefully these ravine wolves would tell the surface wolves he wasn’t a bad guy.

Joel stopped, pausing for the first time to really look at the gathered dogs. There were.. a lot of them. It looked almost ridiculous to see dozens and dozens of them gathered together like this; Joel was sure he’d hadn’t rescued this many, but he couldn’t exactly be sure, either. Goodness. He had really been doing this for a while.

Well! A day well spent. Now that the wolves knew he hadn’t died tragically saving their sorry lives, he could turn right around and head home with a clear conscience, and maybe even do something productive. And that he did, starting his journey home with a few long strides on his very long legs before- thump thump thump. A soft sound, almost like an echo of his own footsteps in the grass, only multiplied by about a hundred times.

Joel turned around. The wolves stared back, unmoving. “Oi,” he said. A couple of them cocked their heads. Whatever. He kept going.

Thump thump thump thump thump.

“Oi!” Joel whirled around, and most of the dogs had to stumble over their paws to stop in his stride, yipping and growling as they stepped on each others’ toes and tails. “This is not happening. I do not have room for all of you. More importantly, you'll be in my way. I’ll have dog shit on my shoes for the rest of my life. No.”

The dogs stared back.

(This was, in fact, happening. Joel wouldn’t let them in the house, though.)

It was safe to say Joel wasn’t in a fantastic mood as he neared his home. He hadn’t gotten anything productive done, he died being stupid, he had about a hundred new dogs he did not want- listen, he could be praised as a hero among hounds if they insisted on worshiping him. Joel wouldn’t fight such a title! But he was not in the position to be responsible for anyone right now, including but not limited to a shit load of dogs. And Joel was tired too; hauling good boys out from big ravines and then dying in the void would wipe anyone out! Which is exactly why his heart sank as he heard voices arguing outside his house.

“So we can’t talk to anyone now? Is that it? Anyone with your rOyAl rEd bAnnErs is off limits? I bet Joel doesn’t even like your banner, it’s ugly and it smells. Is that a stain?” That was Scar’s voice, which honestly, was a massive surprise. Joel could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen him over the course of the game- would Grian be here too?

“Do not speak ill of the Dogwarts banner, scum!” Martyn bellowed- were they still doing that accent, seriously? “They are not ugly, nor do they smell! Weaved by my very hands just this morning they were!”

“Oh so that’s why they stink.”

Pause.

“Guess I walked into that one,” Martyn mumbled, decidedly out of character.

“Silence, heathen!” and there was Ren, just as loud as his partner in crime, “You shalt not crosseth these lands, for they are protected under the Red King! Me! If you do not want your head to be SLICED from your shoulders, I suggest unkindly that you leave this place AT ONCE.”

“You see, I just don’t believe that you’re..” Scar trailed off as Joel entered the clearing, his mouth hanging slightly at the army of dogs at Joel’s heels. “Wolves here too, huh?”

Grian was right beside him, uncharacteristically silent as he always was lately; maybe he was dizzy or had a headache or any other number of symptoms from his supposed ‘concussion.’ He wasn’t smiling either, when anyone that remotely knew him would know he should be, especially in the middle of the dramatic sequence like this. Or maybe he wouldn’t be smiling, but trying to pull Scar away instead, insisting they avoid this confrontation while making everything worse with not-so-subtle jabs. He would be doing something. He would be feeling something.

“Don’t talk to me about wolves,” Joel grumbled, turning around so that they all froze in place, then turning again to keep walking, followed by the thumping of clumsy paws.

“Joel!” Ren cut in, sounding quite pleased with himself, “You should know that your alliance to the Red Crown is already paying off! We were just about to chase these scoundrels off your land, though, with a battalion like that, I don’t expect them to bother you anymore.”

“We were not bothering anyone! Joel, I only wanted to know which hole you fell into. You didn’t say in the chat or anything, and you weren’t answering your messages..” Scar looked almost guilty, but that was probably just because he was the king of ignoring messages on this server, maybe only second behind Grian. (But Grian was sick.. It wasn’t his fault.)

“New hole. Between mine and Jimmy and Scott’s bases.”

Ren and Martyn exchanged a shocked glance, though Scar didn’t look very surprised at all; a little concerned, maybe, but not surprised, and any trace of worry vanished when Scar threw Martyn a sly glance, Martyn fuming in return. Well, Joel didn’t really care what was going on between them, so he didn’t interrupt their silent argument, going instead to Grian.

Joel had to get frighteningly close before Grian even looked up, not even acknowledging him with anything other than a glance.

“Hey, Grian. You okay? How’re you holding up?”

“I’m alright.”

Joel paused, waiting for him to continue. He didn’t. “Well, I’d let you pet my new wolves if they’d let me touch them. We’re working on it. You’d think after hauling them out of the ravine one by one they wouldn’t be so fussed, but they don’t seem to like it when I get too close. That’s how I fell in, actually, funny story. It was a very heroic thing I’ll tell you, a piece of falling rubble frightened one of the dogs in my arms when we were so close to the top. I lost my balance, but in my last moments I threw the wolf as hard as I could the rest of the way to the top, and it almost didn’t make it, scrabbling with its little paws against the dirt, but the last thing I saw before I died was the same dog, having turned around to give me a salute before I hit the gr- well, before I died.”

Grian stared, clearly listening, but taking a while to process, and Joel couldn’t remember the last time he’d anticipated someone speaking so much. “I don’t want to pet the wolves.”

“Well! That’s all I came by to ask, so we’ll be leaving now, just like you two,” Scar gestured vaguely to Ren and Martyn, his grin unwavering, “wanted so badly! Congratulations on chasing us heathens off your land! Goodbyyyyye!” Scar waved as he turned, and Grian copied the gesture like nothing was wrong with him at all, speaking without turning around.

“Bye, Joel.”

Joel gaped. Ren and Martyn didn’t look nearly as surprised, instead a more tired expression painted across their faces, and Joel started to wonder just how much they’d had to deal with. Maybe he had picked the right side, even if this was just a game. Even if they were all just.. playing around.

“Well, we must be going as well,” Ren sighed, only a hint of his frankenstein accent remaining, “Many places to see before dark. Much to do.”

“Yes!” Martyn was clearly making an effort to lighten the mood, nudging Ren softly, “We must paint this land red. First with literal paint- our banners, you know, AND THEN WITH BLOOD!”

“Aye!” Ren cheered.

“Aye aye!” Martyn cheered right back, leading the way down the slope in the opposite direction Scar and Grian were headed, chin held high. Ren trotted after him with a smile, both of them completely forgetting to say goodbye. Well. That was fine. All Joel wanted to do right now was lay down. The wolves were still keeping their distance, but Joel made sure to slide carefully through the front door anyway, just in case anyone decided they wanted to force their way inside. Fine. This was fine. The dogs were fine, Grian was fine, and the server was most definitely fine; nothing to worry about.

…

Joel had no reason to think the wolves would be quieter tonight. There was no reason they would be, though Joel had held the small hope they would do him a favor and shut their snouts in return for his saving their lives.

Would you believe that was not the case? Joel would. Joel would believe it, laying in bed, wide awake and very irritated about it. But it wasn’t just the howling and yipping and biting and scuffling and running around like freaks; tonight they were scratching at his door. It was an awful noise, hardest to ignore, especially when a wolf would occasionally decide running face first into the door was a solid plan. The first time Joel had gotten up, he saw at least five just waiting out there, staring at him, but he had closed the door in their faces when they had tried to come in. No way! No. way.

The second time he got up, he let the gathered wolves in. There were less this time, only three, and if that was going to stop the scratching then letting them in was a sacrifice Joel was willing to make.

It did not stop the scratching.

It felt like Joel had gotten up at least ten times before there were thirty wolves in his home, sniffing and grumbling and being complete nuisances, but after that, after his house was packed to the brim with smelly dogs, the scratching finally stopped.

And then a wolf climbed into his bed. No. No. Joel kicked it off, probably with the added flourish of several expletives, but the dog growled back, something low and unhappy. A reminder that it was a wolf, huge, and could absolutely eat his face if it wanted.

Okay.

One dog.

…

Two dogs.

…

At three dogs, Joel could not fit in his own bed anymore. Fine. So he got up and made a bed. Two beds actually! You could say his foresight was impeccable. (It was not enough beds.)

By the time Joel had made five beds, he tried separating them from his own, but, predictably, this ended up with ten wolves attempting to pile into his bed at once and more than one future bruise via sharp elbows and uncoordinated paws, so finally Joel just gave in, pushing all five beds plus his own together so he could just be done.

…

Did you know dogs snore? Some dogs snore. Some bark in their sleep. Some kick. Some punch you in the face for no reason. Did you know? Joel knew.

Well. This was his life now. Guess that life would no longer have sleep in it.

Though, he certainly wasn’t alone anymore.

Maybe.. maybe this was alright.

…

Another night of zero sleep, and Joel would like to formally amend his previous statement. IT WAS NOT ALRIGHT. ARGRHAGGRGGAGHGAH

***

this is a one shot that is part of an ongoing series, most of which isn’t posted on tumblr. If you would like to know what the hell is going on with… everyone (+ the server), you can find it here!

#I’ve never watched a Joel video lol #did I do it #trafficfic #joel smallishbeans #smallishbeans #life series fic #life series smp #trafficblr #third life #rendog #renthedog #inthelittlewood #martyn inthelittlewood #gtws #goodtimeswithscar #grian

[sugarcoated-lame]

get to know me tag 🌻

@emeraldmoth 🧡 thank you so much for the tag (on my main acc @its-dee-lovely I just did it over here hehe) 🥰🧡

1. were you named after anyone?

yes! so kricket is just a nickname (gasp 😱 i know) but my mom chose my real name after an actor in a soap opera that she really loved

2. when was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago re-watching Me Before You, that movie makes me sob every time 🥺

3. do you have kids?

no kids, but i do have a fur baby 🥹

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

does dance count as a sport?? i took ballet and tap for a few years in elementary school lol, but aside from that no sports

5. do you use sarcasm?

me??? sarcastic? never 👀 (yes, i think sarcasm is hard-wired into all capricorns’ brains lmao)

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

eyes and smiles 🥹

7. what’s your eye color?

brown with little bits of hazel

8. scary movies or happy endings?

both? but i guess if i had to choose, happy endings bc i’m such a sap 🥹

9. any talents?

i can sing, but like the previous person said i also will not prove it lol 🙈, not sure if this counts as a talent, but i’ve been told i’m really good at giving advice — I’m the therapist of my friend group haha. and baking — I’ve been vegan for the past 7 years, so I’ve been doing all vegan baking since then and i think i could probably veganize any recipe at this point and make it delicious!

10. where were you born?

NYC 🗽 !!

11. what are your hobbies?

writing fics, songwriting, poetry, reading, watching movies, singing, baking, thrifting, playing video games (currently playing the last of us), drawing although it’s been a while

12. do you have any pets?

yes!! i have a calico kitty named patches (the most unoriginal name for a calico i know, i didn’t name her lol)

AND i temporarily have my sister’s cat, Chai, living with me for the next few months!

13. how tall are you?

5’5 and a half-ish ?

14. favorite subject in school?

people always think i’m insane for this, but my favorite subject was math.. also really loved forensics and psychology!!

15. dream job?

probably a singer or an actor… or both? as a kid i really wanted to be on broadway 🥺 would also love to be an author or a photographer!

no pressure tags: @sebsxphia @sunlightmurdock @hangmanssunnies @just-in-case-iloveyou @joelsgreys @joels-shitty-puns @pascalpvnk @ryebecca @floydsmuse @gracieheartspedro @itsthevelvetline @fairyheart @sio-ina-bottle @vee-bees-blog I’m a little late to this so sorry if you’ve already done it 🧡

#tag game #get to know me

[hatosaur]

FINALE THOUGHTS.........AAAUAUGHKGHSLFJSLJFSLJFSLFJSLFJ

i’m fuckin floored.

i’ve been feeling this way since the first episode, but it really and truly feels like i finally got to experience the last of us the way people did in 2013. i was so late to the series. i’d watched the cutscene movie before, but i only really played the first game AFTER i played the second.

i acknowledge the things they got wrong about story, the pacing issues, the misunderstanding of ellie’s character in ep 8, but this show is so, so special to me. to see these characters in a whole new light, re-examined for the new medium, was everything i could’ve ever wanted from anything in the franchise.

when i got hyperfixated to tlou in 2020, i didn’t really know exactly why. i thought, “maybe it’s because i’m a pandemic and so are they, ellie’s a lesbian who has a complex relationship with her father, and so am i.” but now i know that it’s because it’s a dark game about a dark world where dark things happen BUT it’s not about the “darkness of humanity” like everyone says; it’s about love. that’s all it’s ever been about. that’s the beauty of the series.

(sure hope i’m not sounding like craig when i talk about it like that lol)

i don’t really know why i doubted whether or not they could pull off the last stretch in 44 min, but they did; in fact, they knocked it outta the fuckin park. obviously, it felt much longer in the game because of gameplay segments. the episode itself felt like it ran for just as long as it needed to.

we got the good ellie and joel bonding bits! these really showcased what we can’t really see in the game. what’s artful about the game is that during the parts where ellie is spacing out because of what happened in colorado, the story relies on us observing how different she is from before and feeling that sadness that what had happened changed her, with joel and in his stead; in the show, however, it’s all joel. we get to see his sadness over seeing how different she is and that’s the strength of the show. the fact that joel’s emotions and feelings are emphasized and used as the narrative driving force for what he does in the final act. i think i’ll be defending these changes in character for the rest of my fuckin life.

side tangent: i love the subtle differences between game-ellie and show-ellie. i talked a LOT about the differences between the joel’s, but never really the ellie’s. in the scene where joel and ellie look at the giraffes, game-ellie is so optimistic about her “purpose” to the point of brushing off the potential consequences joel brings up. show-ellie is quietly hopeful, more reserved. both reacts fit their versions; game-ellie focused a lot on the bright side, whereas show-ellie’s trauma is entirely different because of the different and admittedly minor circumstances presented by the show. with that, we’re able to see how different the outcomes where and i think it’s fascinating.

it’s strange to think about, since ellie’s whole thing is being a brash kid, but overall, game-ellie was more apologetic, squeamish in a flighty kinda way, and anxious. show-ellie is meaner, more ferocious, more foolhardy; it’s like they jacked her characteristics up a few points. i like this new vision of her a whollllle lot. there’s really no beating her being played by an actual kid too. major plus.

back to the episode. the star of the show was obviously the big scene in the hospital. i LOVE this scene. you’re not in joel’s shoes this time. you have to watch him kill every. single. person. that he encounters in the hospital. it’s different to play the video game and do this yourself because you’re meant to be joel; now you have to watch what you probably did (if you played the game), free of control of the situation, and witness the weight of this decision. it’s shot to gruesome and horrifying that this one guy is killing an entire building of people.

and it’s only further shown how monstrous the act is when joel enters the surgery room and speaks in monotone, like he’s a machine on autopilot.

from there, the episode plays out pretty much the same way it does in the game (EXCEPT for joel’s lie. which i found interesting. like what is this change going to do later on?) and it ends just as beautiful. no extra scenes. just the cut to the credits. what a show.

this post is already long but i find it funny how in the bts, bella’s like, “ellie knows he’s lying,” probably because that was what neil intended from the getgo and he informed them of this, but it’s so crazy because people spent years debating what it meant (which, again, i missed out on and will never know the complexity of because i played part first 😋✌). def one of the those moments where i envy the people going in blind because i’d lose my mind.

ANYWAY. really great show. i loved it soooo much. i give it a 9. generous i know but it’s tlou, cmon. cannot waitttttt for season 2 and for people to shit themselves all over again in anger.

#tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #talkies #thinkies #it's over :((((( #i got choked up writing this >:U

[nerdyenby]

Blue time :D I’m watching Joel

Pregame

I watched the first 20 minutes on Saturday without writing anything lol

TUNA ON PIZZA??!?!!!?!???! I like tuna as much as the next guy (probably more if we’re honest) but that is a solid no, tuna is meant to be eaten cold

“‘Who’s your favorite YouTuber?’ LDshadowlady of course, she’s great” They’re so cute I could perish

Joel saying he couldn’t choose between Jimmy and Grian because “they’re both my bad boys” The bad boys being the most wholesome group in the series is everything to me, actually

I’ve only just started to watch Joel more regularly but I’m glad he’s maximizing his bi wife energy :))

“I’m playing full screen now because I’m not a nerd- I’m not a noob anymore” and H is so proud

Joel is SMASHING that parkour!!!

Simultaneous quick changes but instead of outfits it’s accents

Slowly accumulating all the empires peeps :)))

The kazoo driving them all insane

“I don’t wanna play anymore” so true Scott

Bingo but Fast

How many pics have I watched that just never noticed the old lady hat???

Ok yeah this is their domain, I don’t know who else would’ve looked at that bingo card and instantly made a composter lol

The overly loud ace race music instantly flooding Joel’s (and my) veins with adrenaline

Guys I think it might be scuffed

They had such good comms and organization

Them all taking a solid fifteen seconds to figure out what order Joel and Scott’s usernames are in alphabetically

Battle Box

Y’all I think Scott watched the update video /j

The carrot mechanics get more scuffed the more people try to understand them lol

Okay so I’ve never actually watched fWhip and I thought his name was Jim for a second there but Scott was just saying “Gem” slightly more Scottish than usual

“Guys it’s okay, at the end of the day, we won bingo and that’s all that really matters” so true Scott

“Keep away from Bakyamon and Punz” “And Oli, ‘cause he smells” Joel 😂

Scott saying they aren’t even communicating well, they are, just not effortfully lol

“It’s the Empires synergy” so true

Joel best bingo player on the planet, real and true

Hole in the Wall

They’re so fixated on the veggies lol

“I love hole in the wall… sometimes… when I have good ping” conditional love smh

Joel just laughing midgame “This is so stupid” it is /pos

The way they were more intensely focused doing calls for Scott than when actually playing lol

“How did they make hole in the wall more stressful???” “ The eating” I love you Gem (I know she continued talking but that’s what I heard and it’s funnier this way)

Survival Games

Joel and Scott losing their minds over the map lol

The more perspectives I watch the more convinced I am that there is not a good spawn in this map

They’re all just vibing, they’re so calm lol

A skybase above a skybase? What is this, Limited Life??? (I’m so funny)

This sg feeling like a mashup of skybattle and tgttos is so quirky of it

Joel and fWhip running for their lives while Gem and Scott are doing a let’s play 😭

“Oh you’re a top? Wow” SCOTT!!!

Joel almost saying that was the weirdest skybattle lmao

He’s so proud of Oli ;-;

“Blummin’ stupid Elon Musk” based

Joel talking about how nice it is that there’s not as much pressure for this MCC, about to get first individual

The joined the halftime show at the perfect time to get exactly zero context and no instrumental lol

TGTTOSAWAF

Joel’s such a hater lol

“I always follow the girlies, the girlies got me” so true Gem

The way Joel said “my wife!! 😩”

First time I’ve actually seen someone complete breakdown lol

Noxcrew proving Gem wrong instantly

“We expected more from MCC organizer but like, it’s fine Scott, it’s okay” fWhip 😂

They’re all so proud of Oli :((

“My favorite chicken <3” “I’m the best chicken!!” Scott and Gem my beloveds

Sands of Time

“Get that wooden arrow” “Wooden arrow?” “Wooden key arrow” “… Rusty” “Rusty, yeah” fWhip is going through it

“What is scuffed about this?” “Joel don’t complain, just take the blessing and run” so true Scott

Noooo you were right the first time Joel

That felt so much louder and longer than usual, I knew it was coming but the dread just made it worse lol

The way Joel evades mobs is somehow both satisfying and vaguely uncomfortable to watch

They did so good :D

Joel checking to see how Lizzie’s team did <333

FWhip pointing out the Pac-Man looking mouths on pink’s skins, I thought the same thing!!

Big Sales at Build Mart

Everyone freaking out at the Oreo logo is my favorite thing

“I’m really loving the rainbow flag representation” so true Scott

Don’t beat yourself up Gem, it happens to everyone at some point

Joel is such a good runner 😭😭😭

I knew this was their game but watching them demolish it is something else entirely

Scott is so surprised that Oli’s still in 2nd, it’s understandable but it’s so funny

“I’m in 3rd overall??? Okay, okay, that’s crazy. Catching up with my boy, catching up with Oli” Joel :)))

“No matter what, somebody from Empires is gonna bring it home” fWhip :((( /pos

“I will also say, no matter what, everyone guessed us at like 5th and we have been popping off this event” “They should’ve known were more scuffed than that” so true Gem

Skyblockle

They’re so upset lol

Gem asking “What’s skyblockle?” And Scott instantly crowning her igl is so iconic (especially knowing how it ends lol)

The close quarters resulting in accidental hot potato with diamonds 😭

This is how skyblockle was meant to be played, I’ve never watched a skyblockle where everyone was comfortable and felt like they knew what they were doing before lol

They cleared cyan so cleanly but I know that’s gonna be painful from their pov lol

FWhip saying it’s safe and instantly almost falling off the edge 😂

I have no idea what’s happening but it seems to be working out for them lol

JOEL’S INSANE!!! HOLY CRAP!!!!!

THATS AN ENTIRE MASSACRE!!!!

They’re all so proud of each other!!!

“Empires repping!!” SO TRUE SCOTT

Dodgebolt

Sam and Scott’s banter :))

Joel jokingly saying Punz is easy and Sam being actually toxic “they also have Phil so they have a few good people” sir 😭

Sam hyping everyone up :)))

JOEL’S POPPING OFF!!!

Rip Gem jinxed it /j

He might not’ve not 1v4’d but he went 3/3 when he was the last man standing which is still crazy epic of him

Joel turning to ask if anyone hasn’t got to shoot yet :(( /pos

Joel jinxing Gem right back lol

The temptation to make angst out of the urgency Sam told Scott to shoot him despite them having never(?) been on a lore server together

Oli and Joel’s trade <333

Why do I feel like Skeppy hasn’t spoken at all?? Is his mic broken or am I just not paying attention???

“Gem said it’s not women’s history month I can kill another woman” stop reading her mind Scott, those were inside thoughts

FWhip getting the winning shot :))

Sam profusely apologizing to the frog 😭

Oli and Joel enthusiastically congratulating each other :D

Joel did so good!!!! They all did!!!!!

#mcc #mcyt #mc championship #mcc scuffed #joel smallishbeans #geminitay #scott smajor #fwhip

[verdantglow]

that makes so much sense actually. i also am making some aus (unrelated) and am wanting to seperate them into little ficlets/art pieces/comics of the pieces that motivate me before even touching on an overarching story but also god is it difficult for me. if thats what works for you as well id definitely say treat it like that (also i would LOVE to see any animatics you do for this)

i personally am mostly watching the hermits doing their hermit crafting (currently watching 18 hermits simultaneously the hyperfixation is b a d) and a couple SOS members, though i plan to watch more of the creators. I've really only seen up to double life (all through grians pov), and i havent even finished that. in my defence, the "its for your secret soulmate" line utterly and completely destroyed me and i have NOT recovered since (i stopped watching his hermitcraft videos after that too until the start of s10).

i have made the resolution to go watch other povs but i need to finish his first rip.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE AU

How often do you think the vflarp games effect their out of game relationships? like obviously it led to them becoming friends and desert duo becoming "moirails" but like. Did double life cause a rift between grian and scar? has rendog being absent from the games had any significance on anything? (i havent watched further so i cant really give too many other examples). Do the winners get anything other than the satisfaction that they alone won?

absolute behemoth of an ask my bad

Yeah! There’s just something so appealing about being able to just jump around & do mini projects that go together rather than one huge one. I’m hoping it’ll hold off the burn out I inevitably get for my AUs. **stares off into the distance thinking about all my mega fics that only ever got three chapters** I get it being hard to break it down though! I hope you’re able to land at a place where you can create as easily & painlessly as possible. ^^

I feel you on the hyperfixation lol. I was doing that hermitblr survey that’s going around & realized that I watch every episode of a third of the server, & some to most episodes of another third. & there’s a handful in the final third that I’ve been meaning to watch, but haven’t gotten to because I’m so busy watching everyone else & thinking about fanworks. This season is just slamming all the good brain chemical buttons!

Tbf, “it’s for your secret soulmate” hit so fucking hard, I do not blame you an ounce for wanting to take a break after that! When you’re ready, I highly recommend Martyn’s 3rd life, it’s so good! I never quite got the Renchanting/Treebark hubbub as someone who’d only seen Grian’s perspective of that season, but after watching Martyn’s… The drama is just. So. Good. Martyn + Ren is just a combo of theatre kid lore nerds & it honestly slaps. Gem’s Secret Life is damn good as well, just ‘cause she got to be a chaos gremlin & we love to see it.

Oh yes, their VLARPing affects IRL relationships all the time! A lot of early relationships developed due to playing 3rd Life & those relationships continued on to influence who went on which ship once they reached adulthood! Obviously, we’ve got Scar & Griann, but also there’s Scohtt & Jimmie who became auspitices, & Wrehnn & Martyn who stick together & eventually become matesprits. Jimmie & Tangoh hit it off after playing Double Life as soulmates & eventually enter a [matespritship? Moiraillegance? Haven’t decided] as well. & of course, my beloved Boat Boys developed their weird whatevership around the same time. (Joel swears they’re pitch. Eethos never comments on it. The truth is somewhere around them being hate friends who are flushed for each other??? But fuck if you’ll ever get either of them to admit it.)

Things were pretty rocky for Scar & Griann after DL; the whole secret soulmate thing was a case of Griann being mildly annoyed with Scar & thinking he could get back at Scar/make Scar jealous. This blew up in his face ~*~spectacularly~*~ & it took quite a bit for things to heal between them. (Mummbo spent a lot of that time being very confused why the vibes on Scar’s ship were so fucking rancid until he managed to get Griann to fess up.)

There definitely is a plot related reason Wrehnn hasn’t been playing, but I’m holding back on finalizing anything until I get more of the out of game plot mapped out. But yes, that definitely affects/is an effect of things in game!

I think, much like in real life, winning is just for the prestige of it. Like, in this AU, the Life series is just a bunch of games they’re playing for the heck of it. Though this does make me think that I need to decide where these games come from, whether it’s a mass market thing or something Griann threw together or if maybe it came from some other outside influence. Hm…

#trafficstuck #verdant answers #verdant rambles #trafficblr #also I have to say your asks as absolutely delightful & I always look forward to them! #like seriously. bright points of my days. #thank you for sending them! #^^

[codgod-moved]

more doodles. i accidentally made it look like cleo is threatening mumbo lol

#last life #last life smp #last life spoilers #.png #can’t be bothered tagging the characters #that’s reserved for when i do a proper drawing #i’ve never drawn joel before and i have watched precisely One video of his so. hopefully this is acceptable lol #idk i get anxious drawing ppl for the first time #from that one video i am immediately enamoured with him he’s so fun #also sorry if the wheelchair looks funky this whole page is from memory (except joel)

[lonelyvomit]

Can I ask where you learned Samy’s half Egyptian? I couldn’t find anything googling (but I am American so I assume Finnish-language info is left out lol). Just curious cause Google says his surname is Arabic as is his sister’s name and I’m just nosy and curious lmao. (I watched videos of Samy and Amira yesterday and while it was VERY FRICKIN CUTE cause they love each other SO MUCH it made me sad cause I’ve never had a good relationship with my siblings and I’m jealous ;-;) oh also one more question: are giant age gaps common in siblings in Finland? Cause iirc somewhere on her IG page Amira says she’s in her late 30s and Samy’s… 28 or 29? and there’s a big ol gap between Joel and his youngest brother too 😅

oh yeah it's literally the first thing mentioned on his finnish Wikipedia page LMAO. he's born in Finland but his dad is egyptian.

I don't think there's any kind of nation specific trend about sibling age gaps cus most people I know who have siblings have at least one within 3 years of themselves, but there is the thing with having like a one more child after a bigger time gap (which. quick googling told me the english slang for it is a caboose baby ??? and while that's hilarious I think the finnish term "evening star" is a lot cuter). so like to me I think age gaps between siblings are more tied to the parents and their personal relationship and life plans rather than any regional cultural thing u know.

#asks

[alwaysupatnight]

Top 5 Books or Video Games you would like to see onscreen AND Top 5 Character Wardrobes you want to raid for your own closet and Top 5 coolest toys from your childhood!💖💖💖

Top 5 Video Games I wanna see onscreen:

NONE. EVERY LIVE ADAPTATION OF A THING I HAVE LOVED HAS BEEN TERRIBLE. AND WOULD THE RESIDENT EVIL MOVIES JUST DIE ALREADY?! 😩 They already ruined the new CGI netflix thing by casting the same voice actors as in the RE2 remake. 🙄 Just... I absolutely NEVER wanna see my fave games made into live action things okay. NEVER.

(With the exception of TLOU because that’s happening whether I want it to or not, and while I love Pedro and think he’ll be amazing as Joel, I still don’t believe TLOU ever needed a live action adaptation when it was already perfect.)

That said, I would LOVE to see an ANIME version of Legend of Zelda. lmfao That’s probably why I actually really loved Breath of the Wild. I know there was an animated series back in the 80s but yeah NOT LIKE THAT. XD I tolerate the CGI Resident Evil movies when I’m missing Leon, but they’re... not good. 🤣

Top 5 Books I wanna see onscreen:

After witnessing what a complete disgrace the Vampire Academy movie actually was, I never want to see any of my faves onscreen ever again. But if it was done RIGHT, they could’ve made a couple of great VA movies ngl. It would’ve been so amazing. Forever disappointed. 😤

I also always thought the Black Dagger Brotherhood series would make a good tv series. I mean... as long as it was on HBO or something because of all the sex. lmfao That would be interesting. It probably wouldn’t be GOOD. But yeah. sexy vampire bros. lmfao I’d be there for it.

And the Murderbot Diaries might be fun as movies or a tv series... maybe. lol I’ve been listening to the audiobooks and I’m not sure I would’ve gotten the same enjoyment out of them if I’d read them instead. The guy from the audiobook was too good. XD

Top 5 Character Wardrobes to raid for my closet:

okay so this isn’t exactly wardrobes but more like specific items I liked from their costumes? lol idk I never watched those gossip girl and 90210 shows okay and idgaf about friends or sex in the city XD None of the characters I love have really extensive wardrobes... some hardly had any costume changes at all...

Kate Fuller’s American Eagle denim hoodie lmfao. Emily Kinney actually used to wear one just like it but it was gray, not black and I have always wanted one 🤣

Beth Greene’s Dan Post Vintage Arrow cowgirl boots (if I ever thought I could actually pull off cowboy boots that is XD)

Danielle’s “just breathe” dress and wings from Ever After

AMARU’S RED BOOTS. WHERE DO I FIND THEM?!

and not a fictional character, but Madie’s black and white striped shirt with the wide v-neck [1, 2, 3] She wore it several times a few years back and ugh I WOULD ABSOLUTELY WEAR THAT. IT LOOKED SO GOOD ON HER THOUGH

Okay I lied. I just realized I would absolutely raid Alexis Rose’s closet XD Top 5 coolest toys from my childhood:

oh man this is gonna age me so bad 😅

Those Fairy Winkles toys. They were like Polly Pocket but with FAIRIES. Sadly I lost all but one of my fairies 😔

Ghostbusters firehouse before we broke it 🤣 and the cruiser

Bratz dolls. I think I had all the original ones XD

Jurassic Park the lost world t-rex that swallowed things and roared. It wasn’t actually mine, but it was badass. I actually still have the Tim and Ellie figurines too from the first movie lol

Nintendo SNES/64

ASK ME MY “TOP 5/TOP 10” ANYTHING!

#replies

[lesbeet]

I *love* yt essays that trash TV, movies, or influencer shills. Pls link to your favorites?

ok so the thing is i actually usually don’t watch those kinds of video essays unless it’s a piece of media that i already dislike, bc they usually end up ruining shit for me lol

like i’ll absolutely watch nuanced vids about a work as a whole, or about specific aspects that didn’t work, but i’ve found a lot of the time that the “[X PIECE OF MEDIA] SUCKS!” type of vids tend to exaggerate the problems for the sake of an INSANE TAKE DOWN! where they’re either incredibly stupid or they intentionally misunderstand things cinema sins-style just to have more things to feel superior about

that being said i do have a couple favorites - i’m not gonna link them bc i’m lazy but i’ll list them here (they shouldn’t be too difficult to find):

-i’ve already said i like big joel so i’m gonna recommend his hour-long takedown of adam sandler’s click if you have a ridiculous amount of free time on your hands bc it’s actually really funny and the movie is so much worse than i remembered from my Youth(TM)

-lindsey (lindsay? idk) ellis completely ruined rent for me, and it used to be one of my favorite musicals/movies, but her points are all legit and it actually is so bad both in how it was created and in the story

-jack saint is fantastic, i like a lot of his videos but the two i think fit what you’re looking for the best (of the ones i’ve seen anyway) are one about tim burton’s alice in wonderland, and one about how sky high is actually about eugenics (it sounds silly but he makes a good case for it tbh)

-deangelo wallace has some super long videos about big youtuber drama; i haven’t heard of most of them but the ones he did about like shane dawson and tati westbrook (i think that’s her name?) and jeffree star are well-researched and actually fairly nuanced

-there are a few good ones out there about how much black mirror season 5 sucks 

but yeah honestly i much prefer to watch like analysis/study videos that approach the work from a perspective of like “this is what they tried to do, this is what was successful about it, this is what wasn’t so successful” or honestly i really like ones that celebrate certain aspects of works i really enjoy bc it helps me parse out what specifically it is about them that i like so much, and how i can learn from them in a productive way in my own writing, for example

like i watched a great video i think last week about how amazing the editing in big little lies season 1 is, and it actually inspired me to go back and watch the show again for like. idk maybe the 5th time now? but i looked at it completely differently bc i was watching through a critical/analytical lens, noticing all the match cuts and other sorts of editing tricks and whatnot that i’d never noticed before

idk if this actually answered your question lksdfjlksjd but i hope it helps!

#anonymous #answered

[flamediel]

hiii✨ ok ok so i’ve been debating whether or not i should send you a message because idk i never really use social media to communicate... so here i am being a tad bit of an extrovert ☺️🥴😬

i don’t really listen to cnco but i love watching they’re interviews and all that...i noticed that on premios lo nuestro rich and joel were sitting on the same table but they never really hugged each other to celebrate...do you understand what i’m saying??... the only contact that they had was when they got on stage to accept the award that rich put his arm around joel :/ ....that being said i don’t think they’re fighting anymore or at least the situation has calmed down...i saw a vid where joel was sorta smiling/laughing at rich being a little goofy and i just feel like if he was mad with them he wouldn’t have cracked a smile.... but idk i obviously don’t know them personally, i don’t really have other social media and i don’t know what goes on in their minds or behind closed doors. i literally started watching their videos by the end of last year so y’all know more than me lol...i obviously don’t want them to break up cuz i literally just got here wth hahaha. i don’t think they’re gonna break up...🤞🏼🤞🏼i’ve grown to love the guys in the small time that i’ve been watching their vids..

i think joel internalizes a lot and explodes (low key me tbh) he might listen to what other people say and thinks they’re right and i guess starts pushing people away and sadly it’s the people that care for him and look out for him (the good people) that he pushes. if all of this is because that girl than tbh he just needs to think is it worth it?? like he prob has 2-3 people mad at him for what?? a girl?? pfffttt byeeee!!!

tbh if i was chris i would feel uncomfortable cuz dude....did you have a crush sam s while chris was dating her?!?

i keep remembering that vid where they asked the boys “who’s most likely to steal someone’s girl” they all chose chris and joel was like “this is easy!!! and i have proof!!” 💀💀💀💀

i think maybe rich looks out for them and joel just be like back off dude....idk like a daddy yankee/nicky jam situation where he’s just warning and advising joel but joel just wants to do what he wants to do..... who knows maybe joel wants to be like rich and he actually low key admires him. i’m not putting him as an angel, no one is perfect but idk those are my 2 cents on this whole situation :)

sorry that this is extremely long!!! i don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things and like i said i don’t consider myself a full time cncowner (hopefully some day) so yeah i’ve been debating about this in my head hahahaaa ✨💛

also do u mind telling me why people left the fandom?? :)

omg I’m sorry it took me so long the length intimidated me I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you decided to message me! Its so good to meet you love.

I get starting w their videos, I did the exact same thing! some of their interviews are so fun and sweet and they really draw you in with their energy and jokes. Like the first song association video? it was SO FUN and it makes me smile whenever I see it. 

I do agree the drama doesn’t seem to be a huge deal after PLN, but there’s def Something going on. idk if it’s between them or a richard thing that just bothered joel or a tiny fight, but I agree I really hope they sort it out bc I need a new original album from them. 

I agree sm w that Joel opinion!! tbh it may be partly related to sam, but there is soooooo much more drama there too. like his fight w rich and zab about them re-recording some of his parts in their songs and his friendship w Johann who hates Chris. it’s all fucked up, but it def comes from needing constant external validation and relying on the wrong people for it. I hope he grows out of it tbh.

nah if he did have a crush on sam s... that’s such a mess bc he was dating her friend at the time and sam was dating HIS friend? so just. a giant mess. though personally I’m suspicious joemi was pr for more than half of their relationship, so I might not even be THAT surprised if it was true, but still fucked up regardless. 

and that’s a really interesting opinion on the situation w richard. I def see that richard has a bit of a paternal side, which can def come off as patronizing for someone as hot-tempered as joel. it makes sense a bit, but idk if it’s why they’re fighting. all theories ofc. 

and don’t worry about the length!! I really love talking to people here and hearing everyone’s opinions, so never hesitate to come by if you wanna chat. lots of love, and maybe one day you’ll be here full time lol. 

#asks #cnco #Anonymous

[quesselfships]

It's been a weird 24 hours.

It started earlier this week when a Big Joel video was recommended to me about why A. I. didn't work or some shit. I never saw the movie when it came out and I mostly just remember everyone hating it.

What I didn't know was Jude Law was in this movie and I've got a thing for like Gattaca-to-Sky Captain era Jude Law. So I'm like. Fuck let's watch it. Let's have a snark fest. Let's have fun. And for the record I had a great time so fuck the haters.

Monday I watched Sky Captain and I remembered how gay I was for Franky and also how much I love Dieselpunk.

Tuesday I watched Gattaca and every time I watch that movie I sob. Jerome deserved better and Vincent is an on fire garbage can of a human being.

Wednesday I watched AI. And it's pretty much exactly what I thought. It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was Pinocchio but with Robots. And while I didn't really pay attention to Sky Captain because Franky and Jerome is a project and I think he's gay... I was unbelievably entranced by Gigilo Joe.

Two and a half hour long movie, didn't get any stitching done, read all the fanfic that's available, of which there was really only one worth reading.

Here's my comment on the fic, verbatim: "So here I am. 20 years late to this party. I have work tomorrow and I'll likely be routed around construction and I can't focus on that at 7am on a good day. And here I am at 11:15 pm having read all of this and having my heart strings pulled and feeling so many feels. This is beautiful. This is incredible. I have loved every second of reading this. I want to go back to the beginning and start over. I texted my friends reactions to me reading it. I just. *insert this is beautiful meme*"

I felt pretty smitten if I'm being honest. Over night though, the ethical quandaries I had starting boiling and bubbling.

@ellesselfships, who has been my rock through this process, got the text this morning: "I don't think Joe would be a good idea. Like. He's beautiful and I'd love to give him whatever freedom I could offer but... I don't know if he would have the capacity for feelings. How much of what he does would be pre programming? How much space is there for his neurons to form new connections?"

Her counter point was essentially ya but what if😏.

Which, I mean, valid.

I just had ethical questions. I've never bonded to an android before. The programs from the Matrix who hung around when I was younger were essentially viruses broken free from their original code, and Icheb is a cyborg which is different.

Luckily. One of my best friends is completing his masters in philosophy, and enjoys ethics.

After my rambling to him, and of course making an I Heart Huckabees joke because Jude Law, he summarized: "If I follow, the worry is that if you rescue, you wouldn't know if affection towards you is genuine, or the result of programming which forces him to act how he thinks would make you most happy?"

He thinks, should I go through with this, explaining things as what I want is for him to be happy. I would grant him whatever freedoms, rights, and protections I could. I know people who know Data the android from Star Trek because my fucking headspace is massive. And should he and I not work out, I'm not going to take these things away from him, his rights as a person are not contingent on how he feels about me, if he can even feel about me. A good example of this is Yondu. We don't click romantically but we're great friends and he has a great, stable trade route he does. He spends time with the littles, he has a home here that I won't take away just because he's not attracted to me.

I can only assume, without looking at it, his programming is, well, programmed to make his clients, in this case me, happy. But my happiness is his happiness, so he would have to make choices and decisions for himself. And I'd probably ask Reg if he could convince La Forge and Data to spare a few days for this.

It still feels strange because what are emotions if not a series of codes in your brain? How can I ever know his feelings are feelings and not an extension of preprogrammed scenarios, given his line of work. But how do I know that about Kylo, for example. Sitting beside me, being extremely gentle with me because of how my period triggers me. I have to trust him. In that what he is saying is correct.

If I don't extend that to an android, is that not just... Bigotry? Is it a lie if it's preprogrammed? I guess that's the determinism argument too. Is anything free will?

I've read enough android fucker fic (Detroit Become Human is really, and I mean really, popular in the watersports tag in Ao3 for reasons I can't explain) to know that a lot of people don't see a difference between biological neurochemicals and programmed ones.

I don't want to hurt him. A lot of humans have. The end of the movie doesn't really tie up his story but I can assume it's not pretty. AI dealt with a lot of heavy themes people forget about and I don't think I'm wrong to compare it most plainly not with Pinocchio, but with the Matrix short film The Second Renaissance which to this day haunts me. I'll never forget the robot screaming "I'm real."

(turns out I can't find a good gif for this scene because like. It's pretty fucking violent and I don't know how to do cuts on mobile sorry)

The worst part of headspace stuff is for things like this, where I feel like if I just decide to reach out all this is just bullshit. Like more than it already is lol. I just don't want to do wrong by my people. Because these experiences are more than me being lonely or a fangirl, or desperate. I know it's hard for people who don't do this to understand but just like that robot screaming I'm real, so are they, in their own way.

#self shipping #long post

[whatelsecanwedonow]

“Radical empathy”. I like it—I think. If I’m understanding what you mean by just those two words lol... I’m just over/about half way in (though I do know some details of what happens in the back half). Im very curious of your thoughts. Maybe you could answer in broad strokes before the cut then free for all spoilers... and pls tag so that I can come back to it!) I gotta finish, but rn I’m building up to facing the “rat king” or w/e bc I am a massive baby and am v scared lol.

Thank you for asking!! I’ll tag this for you and put it all under a cut, just in case:

Good luck with the rat king, lmao. Nasty ass motherfucker. But the game itself, my thoughts are that it’s built game ever. Every mechanic, every movement, every control interface feels so smooth. It’s all fluid and instinctual. You can feel the detail to creation in everything. My favorite thing may be the sound design, though... the score, the ambient sounds, the sound of gore, the way that different environments feel so naturally different... everything is so real. It’s mastery. I’m already thinking about what this game is going to look like on the PS5 remaster.

As for story, yes, radical empathy!! Not my original idea but it absolutely is what this is all about. This is the darkest, most emotionally distressing... media/art experience? Ever? Surely for me and perhaps objectively, for most people. This game is unrelentingly harsh. It’s physically taxing. It’s extraordinary deep and the detail at every single level is absurd. It feels so natural in the way you inhabit it and live within the world as these people that the line between observing and participating in something is so blurred... obviously that’s the trick of a video game of this caliber, but you feel truly as if you’re an active participant with agency to make decisions in TLOU2, instead of being limited to observing what is to come. The first game did this well, but this game takes it to levels that, again, blur that line so much... I think that’s storytelling taken to a new and profound level.

And there’s all that depth and darkness meant to take you on a journey that in the end, I think. is meant to communicate not just the futility of violence, the sickening reality of the cycle of violence and how it can consume anyone. It’s saying that the best thing we can do, the bravest thing we can do, is care enough to forgive those who have wronged us most. At least, see them as people, see them as people who are equal to you. In every person is a universe, and all people have their own motivations, their own pain, their own trauma. And if you acknowledge that and overcome violent impulses that’s a radical act of empathy that can save so many people. Not the least of whom is the person who may have right to vengeance.

I’ll get more specific here: I think a lot of people are upset that Joel was killed so early on. I think they’re upset that we played so much of the game as Abby (Who I don’t love by the end, but I understand, and care about and like well enough). And it also seems they’re upset that Ellie didn’t bash Abby’s head in, or choke her out in the ocean. Well if you can’t get over that Ellie didn’t murder Abby I don’t think you get ANYTHING this game is trying to do. Killing Abby would destroy Ellie, probably forever. Murdering all of Abby’s friends already took her to the fucking brink. I think Ellie’s villainous actions in Seattle are very much akin to what we never saw Joel do, in the 20 years between Sarah’s death and Boston. She’s been broken. She was broken before going after Abby in Santa Barbara. If she had killed Abby and left Lev to fend for himself and possibly die alone, do you think she’d ever again be able to look who she’d become? She would see herself as being just as evil as Abby was to her. As evil as Joel was before learning to love Ellie. And it’s the thought of Joel, the changed man, the man who changed for and because of her that compels her to take her heroic stand. To spare Abby and refuse to go down the same road and perpetuate the cycle of violent loss.

And I hope it doesn’t seem that I’m taking Joel’s death lightly with those thoughts, I loved Joel. Watching Abby brutalize him and literally beat his brains in was stomach-turning. I identified with him so much not just because he’s a dumbass but because he loves Ellie like I love Ellie as a character. He sees that Ellie is a spectacular, hilarious, wonderful person who has known almost nothing but pain and hurt in their awful world. All he wants is to give her a chance at a world of happiness. And in protecting her and caring for her, in trying to create the opportunity for that happiness to grow, he can find redemption that he thought would never come again after losing Sarah. "If somehow the Lord gave me a second chance at that moment...I would do it all over again." That fucking broke me to pieces. Even though I think Joel and Abby’s father are both guilty of taking Ellie’s agency as a person away from her - why did it never occur to either of them to ask the girl at the center of this procedure whether she thought she should die? She was 14, so it’s arguable that she would have understood the gravity of her decision, despite the guilt of what happened with Riley...  but Joel at least did what he did from a traumatized, if selfishly-born, place unconditional love. And the reveal that Ellie knew since two years prior to the main story, I think it proves that she was at least beginning to understand his motivation. As conflicted as she was, as much as it hurt that he lied, she loved him too.

I’ve read thoughts from a few people who have interpreted this the same way that I did, and this is just interpretation... clearly the game is completely ambiguous with the ending. Ellie is, literally, all alone in the world as she leaves the farm. She could be heading off to wander aimlessly as some sort of TLOU Mad Max/Road Warrior. But that would break my heart, lol, I don’t think I can accept that. She’s learned something profound in sparing Abby. I don’t think I can ever accept that she’s just going to drift as an empty shell of what she used to be forever. I think she wants to honor Joel by attempting to live the life both of them wanted to have: one of purpose and meaning, but also lasting happiness and love.

So I find hope in that the game begins and ends on that animation of the moths. At the start of the game it represents Ellie being draw into the fire, into the futile flames of vengeance and revenge. At the end the moths represent her being drawn towards the light - she’s been freed and has made peace with herself and Joel, and is leaving the farm to embrace the goodness inside her and honor the lessons she’s learned. The same growth Joel found by loving Ellie. The same growth Abby found in sparing Ellie and Dina, which is no small parallel to Ellie/Joel in the way that it was Lev that saved Abby from falling into a spiral of violence that she may never have broken free of again.

Ellie’s will always be traumatized, but she’s so much wiser. Two fingers lighter but so much wiser. And now she’s off to Jackson to hope that Dina can find the strength to forgive her. And Dina definitely went back there, by the way, she wasn’t about to try and survive on that farm by herself with JJ. Jesse’s family said she was always welcome, if you read Ellie’s journal you’ll see that was said. So I think, with time, they can work through the pain. It’ll take some unbelievable forgiveness on Dina’s part but Dina is emotionally strong and incredibly empathic. Did you notice the one thing Dina took from Ellie’s art room? She took the portrait that Ellie created of her. She didn’t let go, not entirely. And now I’m going to choose to believe that Ellie won’t ever again, either.

And she’s going to learn to play guitar pseudo-lefty with a pick and tear shit up again. 👌

#The Last of Us Part II #tlou spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #tlou 2 spoilers #i intended to control myself and then... i didn't #Anonymous

[username-echo-is-taken]

Roadtrip~CNCO Headcanon

OMG GUYS THERES 300 OF YOU FOLLOWING ME LIKE WTF IM SHOOK!!!! In celebration of that I decided to finally finish a request I received MONTHSSS ago! But I hope you guys enjoy! I LOVE YOU ALL 🥰❤️

Requested: “headcanon about the guys going on a long drive with them being the driver” by @cedanana 3 MONTHS AGO ASLKGSHFL I’M SOOOO SORRY!!! I started working on this forever ago and welp here we are now, and it’s not even good 🙃and it’s not even what you really asked for sorry bby 😔

Warnings: horrible writing skills LMAO

Author’s Note: this is wayyyyy too long to post as one so I’m posting one half today and the other half tomorrow when I finish it! So sorry for the inconvenience!

Zabdiel: Sightseeing as much of Puerto Rico!-several hours and stops

It’s your first time visiting Puerto Rico and Zabdi is sooo excited for his amor to explore his island with him

Neither of you slept much because y’all stayed up late going over your route plan for the 10th time

He wakes up earlier than you to make breakfast

Brings it to you in bed like the gentleman he is...but you’re two bites in when he starts rushing you out of pure excitement lol

You ask him to pick out your outfit bc 1.) he knows the weather and activities so he can dress you appropriately and 2.) you want him to enjoy EVERY little thing about your trip...he thinks this trip is about you but to you it’s all about him, seeing him so happy and excited makes your heart melt UWU BITCH 😭

Your first stop is to get snacks obvio

He takes you to all the cool spots close to his house to get them out of the way *insert small photo shoot*

The next destination is about an hour away so cue the carpool karaoke!!

Of course he’s singing like an angel on Earth and well let’s just say you were not that impressive YIKES

You got videos of both but only the ones of him are posted so you can keep some of your dignity lol

Zabdi being Zabdi, he randomly pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out of the car, picks a pretty flower, and gives it to you, “una belleza pa’ mi bellisima novia”

YOU LOVE THIS MAN™️

Little do you know that he has been taking secret pictures and videos of you to add to the album on his phone so whenever he has to go away on tour he can always have a piece of his amor

By the end of the trip you are completely IN LOVE with the island, appreciating all of its beauty with the love of your life

When you get back, after you’ve had a shower and are in bed you get a notification that Zabdiel De Jesus has uploaded a picture….you look over at him and he has a tiny smirk on his face and he lets out a giggle bc he uploaded the LEAST flattering picture of you from when you caught him taking a picture so you made an ugly face at him

Butttt don’t worry he also posted nice ones bc he’s nice like that

Joel: Disneyland!-Hesperia to Disneyland-under 2 hours depending on traffic

It’s Christmas time and it’s your first year spending it with Joel and his family (ok but who wouldn’t want to spend it with them?! It looks so fun!)

They all find out you’ve never been to Disney and it’s like a bullet to the chest to them LMAO

Soooo Joey has taken it upon himself to take your Disney virginity lol

He likes to be very organized so of course he made a list of which rides y’all are gonna go on and in what order

He makes sure you’re all asleep at a good time bc he knows how you get if you don’t get enough sleep lol

You two wake up a little earlier to help his mom make sandwiches and snacks for the journey

Since there are so many of y’all going you have to take two cars, his mom driving one and him driving the other

He asks everyone for songs to add to the playlist he created and y’all jam tf out

The music is so loud his mom has his little brother call you and tell y’all to TURN THAT SHIT DOWN cause they can hear it from their car OOPS

When you make it there, barely alive bc Joelito decided to get distracted by some freakin birds...yea...birds... you’re a little worried if his plan will work because it’s PACKED, I mean c’mon what did he expect around Christmas

He knows it too and he has a sad little pout on his cute face making you sad too because who wants to see this baby sad???

He just wants this to be the best first experience

What he doesn’t realize is that you could literally just sit in silence with him and you would be over the moon

You spend the day, holding hands, walking around, riding the rides, just having an amazing time

You’re having sooo much fun you don’t even think about getting some pictures together but don’t worry his brothers and cousins have it handled lmao

Your favorite is a video of you and Joel dancing when he twirls you around and pulls you back into his chest for a hug, and you definitely feel like a princess

During the drive back home, everyone in the back seats are asleep and you whisper to Joel how much fun you had and how much you love and appreciate him for everything

Homeboy wants to cry deadass lol

He holds your hand while he drives and every so often he brings it up to his mouth so he can give it a kiss

When you get home he makes you a hot chocolate and you stay up for a while just talking and enjoying each other’s company before snuggling up to go to sleep

Richard: Universal Resort!-Miami to Orlando-3 ½ hours

This papi wants to take his 2 girls out for a fun weekend, and where can you have fun all day without getting tired..? UNIVERSAL!! (not that I would actually know bc i’ve never actually been LMAO)

The 3 of you are beyond excited, although you might be a bit more excited than Aaliyah, but shhh no one has to know

The night before, you sit in Aaliyah’s room, asking her about certain outfits before putting them in her little ‘going-away-bag’, before tucking her into bed, not noticing that Richard has been watching with a smile on his face, until you hear him walking towards his baby girl to kiss her goodnight OOF

Soft Papi Richard makes you swoon™️

You guys then move to your room to pack your stuff

We all know he would take longer to pack his stuff because “this shirt matches these pants, but so does this one...i’ll take both...but what shoes tho?”

Since you’ve been so excited you already mentally planned your outfits lol and maybeee,just maybe, you bought 2 new swimsuits that you know he would drool over

You’re already in bed by the time Rich is finally done, you’re halfway asleep when he gets into bed so he just kisses your forehead and plays with your hair

In the morning, you get up a few minutes earlier than planned so you can make a few sandwiches and a few other snacks, but you already know they’re gonna be gone within the first hour so a pitstop for food is a must lol

CNCO is playing the entire ride because Aaliyah wants to hear Papa sing, but who are you kidding, you want to hear your angel sing too

When you finally get to Universal you quickly get to your room and leave just as fast as you got there lol

Y’all spend the entire first day going on rides and just walking around admiring all the beautiful things

You and Richard are both half asleep on the way back to the room, and Aaliyah is asleep in his arms

The next morning (almost lunch because y’all wore yourselves out lmao) you have brunch in bed and watch a movie for a while before getting ready to go to the pool!

Let’s just say that your man’s jaw drops real quick, and he most def can’t keep his hands off of you

You spend a few hours at the pool, enjoying the water and the sun before heading back to the room to take a nap before dinner

Y’all were going to a somewhat fancier restaurant so you spent a bit more time doing your hair and makeup before putting on a beautiful dress

You then get Aaliyah into her dress and you do her hair all cute and shit while Richard is finishing getting ready

After dinner comes desert obviously so back to the park you go to find some ice cream!

You quickly but thoroughly enjoy it before heading back to the room to change into comfy clothes for the drive back home

#cnco #cnco imagines #cnco imagine #zabdiel de jesus #zabdiel de jesus imagine #cnco fanfic #zabdiel de jesus fanfic #joel pimentel #joel pimentel imagine #joel pimentel fanfic #cnco headcanon #richard camacho #richard camacho imagine #richard camacho fanfic

[babyyatusabes]

Mutuals as the boys la banda songs just curious

ok I’ve actually never watched any la banda content until I got this ask so I’m just gonna use the performances that @yatusabess recommended because I didn’t wanna sort through a bunch of old videos lol sorry

christopher - contigo - @sunkissedvelez

erick - la temperatura - @cncopmhoe

zabdiel - que lloro - @virgatto

richard- propuesta indecente - @ctrlcnco

joel - treasure - @yatusabess

send me a “mutuals as…”

#lowkey joel's was my favourite? I remembered suddenly why I was attracted to this guy during reggaeton lento era #actually idk if I can watch la banda stuff lol #I feel lowkey like crying when I do #which I discovered just now watching these videos #anyways I love y'all #asked #cnco #erickcolonbrianfan92

[skeilig]

I’m gonna make a rec list of my favorite youtube video essays for absolutely no reason, just because I want to, on this fine saturday morning. hours and hours worth of content under the cut...

Philosophy Tube

He’s doing some really cool shit recently. Each of his videos is like a theatrical performance.

Steve Bannon: the end of this video gives me chills, and I’ve honestly watched this at least 5 times because.. the layers. the layers! the use of metaphor, the artistry, the acting. ugh.

Suicide and Mental Health: one of his most well-known videos, I believe, and it’s .. so good.

YouTube: Art or Reality?: very meta, and probably best watching after the Suicide video because it’s a commentary on that video specifically.

Jenny Nicholson

Her videos are great because they’re just about specific or obscure stuff that you may not know about but they’re presented in such a way that you can watch it for 2 hours and not even notice.

I hate the Greatest Showman more every minute: this was the first video of hers that I saw right after seeing this movie and god... yeah. I agree with everything.

The Worst Reality Show of All Time: this is just ... completely hilarious.

Well, I guess SOMEBODY had to read Trigger Warning: an hour and a half long video wherein she reads a book, makes some jokes, and there’s a stunning third act twist. A+

Folding Ideas

A Lukewarm Defense of 50 Shades of Grey (The Movie), part 1, part 2, and part 3. I’ve watched this series more times than I want to admit and it never gets old. it’s very funny, interesting, and contains one of the hottest takes I’ve ever seen.

Hbomberguy

Flat Earth: A Measured Response: ever want a deep dive into flat eartherism? what I love about this video is that it’s not particularly mean-spirited and does show some understanding, especially at the end, for why and how people fall into this kind of thing

Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why: this video went a bit viral when it came out, and started a trend of copycats, but (as a former sherlock fan...) it was very cathartic. also not mean-spirited toward the fans, which is nice.

ContraPoints

Decrypting the Alt-Right: How to Recognize a Fascist: this is an older one, but I still really like how it’s put together

Gender Critical: basically I just think I needed to see this video. as with all her videos, it’s well articulated and empathetic and never straw-mans the “other side” which is why she’s so successful at changing people’s minds

Shaun

Shaun holds a special place in my heart since he was the first lefty-tube person I watched, and I miss him.. hope he’s doing well. all his videos are A+ but here’s a sampling to get you started.

Outrage News: a look specifically at Breitbart news and how right-wing news frames stories

How PragerU lies to you: got a bit of comedy in this one, but it’s his usual standard of well-researched and well-articulated.

The Fate of the Frog Men: a bit more personal and an empathetic breakdown of the psychology of white, alt-right men. I honestly think this kind of conversation is what we need to be having to move the needle, as opposed to just ... refusing to understand each other. it doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does and that’s valuable.

Big Joel

God’s Not Dead: The Rhetoric of Christian Propaganda, plus part 2 and part 3. It’s sort of the classic “I’ll watch this so I don’t have to watch the movies” thing, but it's also a real look at what the arguments are and how they work. And the third “God’s Not Dead” movie is... maybe self-aware?

Bee Movie: The End of Trash: this is the last video of Big Joel’s series on Dreamworks movies and basically this video is just really funny.

Lindsay Ellis

The Case for Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame: a really interesting deepdive into the various incarnations of Notre Dame de Paris, taking into account the historical context of each, all leading to the Disney version.

That Time Disney Remade Beauty and the Beast: more of a mean one, but listen, I didn’t like the live action beauty and the beast either lol

Strucci Movies

Fake Friends: Parasocial Relationships, part 1 and part 2. this series is like 2.5 hours long but it’s really good while also.. hard to watch.  

#stuff no one asked for #but what is tumblr for?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #231

too lazy to even think of song lyrics to put, just have this

Do bridges make you nervous? Somewhat. Are there any movies that you find so dumb, you find funny? Aha, Napoleon Dynamite. Do you have any older siblings? Four + one I don't know. How often do you vacation? Pretty much never. Are you currently having any cellular problems? My phone is ACTUAL horse shit. Have you ever tried to meet up with someone from online? With Sara, multiple times now. :') It'd be fantastic if when I go to South Africa I can meet Shaylee when I visit to the KMP, and my other friend Alyssa knows how badly I wanna meet Mark, so she insists on me going with her one day if he ever goes back to PAX East. I'd love to meet Connie, too. If you could have any car right now, what would you want exactly? Eh, I don't know car types. Something medium/smallish (I don't want very small for safety reasons) that's either burnt orange or red and just pretty and sleek. Do you think it’s cruel to leave a live fish to die in an ice box? Um???????? YEAH????????????????? Have you ever done anything sexual with someone of the same sex? Yeah. Do you collect issues of a certain magazine? No. Have you ever pawned anything off at a pawn shop? Nah. Do you have stomach abs? Ha, I wish. Do you know anyone who is trying to physically impersonate a celebrity? No, but oh my god, so my friend Leon, right? He looks UNCANNILY like Leon Kennedy (WEIRD name coincidence????) from the Resident Evil series so much that he dressed as him one day. The resemblance is fucking unbelievable, especially when his hair was longer in the front. Do you have the Bakery Story app? Haven't heard of it. Do you watch Sister Wives? Haven't heard of that, either. How do you feel about polygamy? It's definitely not for me, but if it's KNOWINGLY between a consenting, happy group of people, you do you, man. Just hardcore practice safe sex. Have you ever seen a shuttle launch? No. What would your parents say is the worst thing you’ve ever done? I haven't got a clue. I'd assume Mom would probably say me texting her "fuck you" even though she deserved it. Dad, probably the letter I wrote him after the divorce. Are we having signs of the apocalypse? I don't even remember the Biblical signs besides like, swarms of locusts and humanity's focus shifting to materialism. I say rather we're having actually scientific signs of a mass extinction coming in the next few centuries, probably, or sooner. Historically, we're extremely overdue for one, anyway. Global warming, the ozone, overpopulation, pollution... you know, all that jazz. We're killing the earth. Would you rather see The Blue Man Group or Fear Factor live? Blue Man Group. Do you have any vintage clothing? Man, I wish. Are you glad to accept any certain person’s hand-me-downs? "As long as it fits and it’s like, clean, I guess?" <<<< This. Have you ever bought anything at Rue 21? Yeah, I like that store. The graphic tees section, at least. What color of colored contacts would you like to have? Like, purple or something. NO, cyan. Gimme a Manson feel. What’s on your bed? Me, Teddy, Roman, my laptop and mouse, my pillows, sheets, blanket, phone... Your floor besides furniture? My bookbag and purse. Wires. Shoes. Your dresser? My meerkat collection, along with some other plushies. The top shelf in your closet? I have no clue. Are there any dead stuffed animals in your house? Uh, you mean taxidermy? No. I am viciously against hunting "trophies." HOWEVER, I'm deeply into vulture culture and have mixed feelings about making art of NATURALLY deceased wildlife... A part of me says that's disrespectful, and then the other says it's very honoring and respectful, to immortalize an animal's beauty as art after experiencing a good life. It's something I semi-want to get into, but again, I'm torn on my thoughts about it. Do you know anyone who goes fishing, but doesn’t like fish? Do you mean like, eating fish? I'll fish with Dad if he invites me (I otherwise stopped as I don't support it if not necessary for food, but this has always been my and Dad's "thing"), but I hate fish as food. If you mean they don't enjoy fish as animals, I don't think so. What’s the best prize you’ve won on an amusement park/carnival game? I don't have a clue. Have you ever done anything sexual in a school? No, besides simple kisses. Have you ever been indoor skydiving? No. Would you have any interest in going on a cruise? No. Being out in the ocean scares me. Have you ever been to a Chinatown in any of the cities you’ve been to? No. How old was the oldest person you’ve dated? Maybe like, five years older. Do you know anyone who has their own podcast? No. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How many children do you want, and how did you decide on this number? None. I decided because 1.) I would be a terrible mother, 2.) I'm not putting anyone's well-being above my own ever again, 3.) I'm not dedicating the remainder of my life trying to raise someone who might end up not even caring about me, and 4.) they're fuckin expensive and I've been poor my whole life and will do almost anything to keep my bills and expenses in general as low as possible. Where did your last kiss take place? The airport. Did you often read for fun when you were a kid? Oh, definitely. I loved reading. ^ What were some of your favorite books? Little-little kid books included Stellaluna, What Makes a Rainbow?, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Rainbow Fish, 10 Minutes 'Til Bedtime... a lot. As like an elementary student, I was really into the Magic Tree House and Hank the Cowdog series. Then in middle school, Warriors dominated my bookshelf. Are you more of a visual learner or an auditory learner? Visual. Do you have any dietary restrictions? No. Do you prefer Google Maps, Apple Maps, Waze, or something else? I've never used any. What is your favorite coffee brand? N/A What is your favorite tea brand? N/A Have you ever worn false eyelashes? No. I probably only will for maybe my wedding. How old does someone have to be for you to see them as an adult? 21 I guess. Do you ever ‘manspread’ when you sit down? Uh. I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Which of your good habits has made the biggest positive difference in your life? Coming to understand I have to put myself first, probably. Or learning how to talk to myself gently. Have you ever dated someone who was very lazy? No. Have you ever turned down a job offer? No. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. I always quit too early for that, really. Do you overuse smileys? I don't think so. At least not anywhere near how I did as a pre-teen in the "LOL rANdoM!!!!!! XD" phase. Who is better; Madonna or Blondie? Idk. Who is better; Elton John or Billy Joel? BILLY!!!!!!! Name three website you visit every day: YouTube, Kalahari Manor, and deviantART. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? Tyler and I watched the first one. I don't remember what I thought about it, really. Have you ever worn black eyeliner? "Yeah. That’s the only kind I wear." <<<< This. Have you ever worn blue mascara? No. That'd look weird on me. Hm, or maybe not. Maybe it'd bring out my blue eyes. Ever spiked your hair? No. How long have you had a computer? I don't have a clue. Have you ever written something, and published it on the internet? Well yeah? When was the last time you played cards? (not on the computer) Hell, forever ago when I was at Colleen's with Girt and we played CAH. Can you play chess? Nope. When was the last time you read a book over 700 pages long? Shit man, no clue. I don't know if I ever have. Have you ever drank cherry Coke? GOOD STUFF Do you prefer using pens or pencils? Pencils, considering you can erase. I avoid using pens if I can. Have you ever skipped for a long distance? Maybe as a little kid? Are you excited for the holidays? Halloween was disappointing, as I did absolutely zip. I honestly don't care about Thanksgiving. We always just go have dinner with Ashley's bigot in-laws. I'm VERY hyped for Christmas 'cuz I'm probably gonna be with Sara!! Can you play any instruments? I played the flute for years, but I don't think I could remember how to now. Are you a Facebook addict? Nah. Are you afraid of stink bugs? YEAH. I hate beetle-like insects. Do you have a printer? Yeah. Does anyone own any embarrassing pictures of you? HAHAHAHA I HOPE SHE DOESN'T STILL HAVE IT, MY FRIEND ONCE TOOK A PICTURE OF ME IN THE MIDDLE OF EATING A HOT DOG AND I JUST REALLY HATE IT. Do you still live at home? Yeah. Are you currently enrolled in college? Yep. Do you care what others say about you? Way too much. Have you ever played Farmville? No. What is your favorite video game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. What song represents your life the best? "Get Up" by Mother Mother makes me think of myself A LOT. Are you into anime? Yeah. Name one movie that has made you cry more than once. The Notebook. Always. Do you watch the Disney Channel? Not anymore. Do you swear? Way too much. Do you overthink things? You wouldn't BELIEVE how much I do. What’s the largest animal you’ve ever had as a pet? A fuckin ginormous black lab until Ashley moved out. He wasn't even full-grown. Do you own any kind of helmet? No. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? As a kid, I was running on the gravel road and slipped and fell. I scraped my knees to the point of pus coming out. It took a loooong time to heal. I cried SO fucking loudly. Bad, bad memory made only worse because Dad got so annoyed by it that he yelled at me to shut up. Happy beyond words he changed so much after the divorce and stopped drinking. What is something you like to have conversations about? MARK and other YouTubers I love to an unreasonable height, meerkats, vidya games I enjoy, RP, bands I love... What all is in the trunk of your car? I don't have a clue. Do you ever put fruit on your cereal? EW no. I hate that shit. How do you usually celebrate your favorite holiday? By doing nothing, lately. I don't have anywhere to go, so no point in even dressing up. Plus I can't afford costumes. When was the last time you drove something other than a car or truck? Uh. I have zero clue. Have you ever eaten/drank something and then realized it was past the expiration date? Probably at some point. Do you own any jewelry containing your birthstone? I have an amethyst angel pin from my grandmother. When I was in high school and going through my most suicidal phases, I wore it on my shirt underneath my hoodies. What is something unusual that annoys you? Hm. Well, I think this resonates with a lot of people at least to a mild degree, but it really angers me when people don't put their shopping carts back and just sit them in/by a parking spot. Fucking lazy as hell. Does mind over matter work for you? Rarely. What was the last thing you were invited to? No clue. Well, besides the obvious things like my niece and nephew's b-day parties, I don't know. What item should never be shared? Stealing the last person's answer: your toothbrush. What do you usually order at Taco Bell? A cheese quesadilla and fiesta potatoes. Sometimes the cinnamon delight things instead of the potatoes. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind? No. Does drinking alcohol make you act more like your true self? I don't know if it's my "true" self, but I'm more extroverted and calmer. Have you ever googled a name and found somebody? Uhhhh so this is probably so incredibly creepy, but I jumped through hoops finding Jason's landline a few days before my suicide attempt because I was absolutely desperate to talk to him. It was in the dead of night and his sweetheart mom picked up and spoke with me for like two whole hours trying to calm me down. Jason was asleep, apparently. I miss that woman. She was so patient and gentle that night. Okay I'm honestly getting pretty emotional recalling that night so MOVING ON. What is your favorite possession? My iPod, really. I've had it since middle school and has 1k+ songs on it that I, like an idiot, am too lazy to back up... soooo when it dies, which it's WAY overdue to do, I will probably tear the world in two. What makes you feel like you are young again? Laughing hysterically. Especially when I do this little squeaking sound. Girt pointed it out all the time and since then I've actually paid attention to it and it's fuckin cute tbh. Are you picky? You. Don't. Even. KNOW. You have one wish, what would it be? World peace. How tall is the person you like? Shorter or taller? She's just like two inches shorter at 5'2''. How tall was the tallest person you’ve dated? Fucking hell, Girt was AT LEAST 6', I'm sure taller. I only reached his chest. How many foreign friends do you have? Oh boy, plenty. Well, I'd say most are acquaintances, but still. I've been on the Internet too long. In which countries do they live? European countries and Australia are the ones I know off the top of my head. What was your dream birthday party as a kid? Hmmm, probably going skating with my friends. What’s the most interesting story you’ve never told anybody? I don't know. What’s the most complicated meal you’ve cooked? Nothing. Have you ever come up with your own game? As kids, my sisters and I did a lot. What is something you value a lot in your life? Having a home, food to eat, a family that loves me... the basics that unfortunately many people don't have. Whose hand did you hold last? Sara's. What was the last thing you planted? Habanero peppers, I think. What or who was the last thing you gossiped about? *shrugs* When's the last time you helped a senior citizen somehow? Probably by holding doors open? What's the most selfless act you have done? Probably compromising my mental health to help others. I dunno. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? wtf no get out of mah swamp Are you clumsy? If so, how? I'm a newborn deer ffs. I bump into and trip over shit every day. How many Lidls are there in your town? None. I think. I think the closest is in the next town over. How do you like your favorite beverage? Cold and freshly opened 'cuz carbonation. Are you going to any concerts this summer? Ozzy Osbourne is very likely and I am NOT over it even though that was decided forever ago. Have you ever been to a concert? Once. What do you do when you can’t escape thoughts of your ex? I have PTSD from that relationship, getting away from those thoughts isn't a thing until my brain decides it's over it. Like I mainly just look for a distraction, but honestly, the only thing that seems to be truly effective is time or sleep. Do you watch any TV shows where the setting’s a hospital? I enjoy The Good Doctor, but I've talked about my disinterest in TV plenty. Did your first real significant other change you at all? HI HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE BREAKUP??????????????? Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Nah, not anymore. I broke that "promise" anyway through total cheat methods or whatever you want to call them, but I'm ultimately glad I thought I was obeying abstinence through that time considering honestly with how serious we were and how impulsive I was, I genuinely wonder if I would've wound up pregnant. Let's NOT IMAGINE THAT ROUTE. How many schools have you been to? Six. What’s your favorite color to wear? Black. Isn’t it lovely when your S/O smells good? I mean yeah, would anyone answer "no"???? Who’s your favorite actor? Mark is an official actor now don't even fuckin try me about this Who can make you laugh no matter what? *points up* + Sara and Game Grumps. Has a movie ever made you cry? Which one(s)? The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Titanic, Old Yeller, The Lion King, Coco, Finding Dory, Johnny Got His Gun... man, a lot. I'm a baby when it comes to movies. Do you keep a list of movies you want to watch so you don't forget? No. What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? It was one of Highly Suspect's new songs. I think it was called "Snow White." What do you prefer -- the original fairy tales, or the Disney versions? Disney. Would you like more film adaptations of traditional fairy tales? Yeah, I enjoy them. Are there any comic books you'd like to see made into a movie? I don't read 'em. Are there any comic book movies you wish had been better? ^ Have you watched the Good Omens series yet? Thoughts? No. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Yrel from World of Warcraft is a fucking badass that needs to come back, I love Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 with her being a realistic, relatable, and headstrong female protagonist that takes no shit, Bayonetta is my Mommy like have you seen that girl work (she served as some of my first evidence I wasn't straight, actually), I love Cynder from The Legend of Spyro saga with her personality overall and story... there's a lot I love. OH! Ellie from The Last of Us is impossible to not mention. It's beyond debate she's one of the toughest females in video game history, and it was interesting to watch her grow up in a post-apocalyptic world where horrors and tragedy were so normal. Something you didn't like that happened in one of your fave shows/books? GINGA DENSETSU WEED SPOILER: I will forever be livid Jerome died sobs I loved him more than I love myself. THE OUTSIDERS SPOILER: Dally's death devastated me. A character (in anything) you wish hadn't been killed off? Vol'jin's death in WoW was fucking stupid and entirely anticlimactic. Make the guy warchief & then Blizz doesn't know what to do with him and lets trash kill him, such shit writing, look guys I'm fuckin tilted about- What was the last video you saw that made you smile? Oh my god, I watched a clip of Shane Dawson at the Mall of America with Jeffree today, and he was physically in a state of shock, entirely speechless, and in tears. My lips were about to split my face in half smiling and almost crying. He deserves all he's getting right now beyond words. What's something exciting that's happened recently? A Heist With Markiplier was the best thing that ever happened to me ok. What about something upsetting? My grandma going downhill so fast. Cancer cells are now clearly visible in her blood. Do you have any calluses on your feet? So possibly TMI so look away, but I used to walk SO MUCH that my feet, especially my big toes, have the thickest calluses you could probably imagine. They bother me so much that I want to see whatever kind of doctor that can get rid of the damn things. Nothing I've ever done has helped get rid of them. I've CUT areas off in hopes of them going away, but it always heals BACK into a callus???? What was your last big purchase? Teddy's vet visit. Have you ever eaten grits? Grits are disgusting. What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat. Do you wear the same shirt and shorts multiple times before washing? It depends on how long I wore the shirt and if I sweat. You'd never see me in shorts. What color is your favorite lip gloss? I don't use gloss. How many different states have you lived in? Just one. Are you allergic to bees? No. What color is the rim around your bedroom mirror (if applicable)? Black. What is your favorite flavor of saltwater toffee? I don't know if I've ever tried that. Have you ever vacationed on an island? No. What does your favorite bikini look like? Remember how I said you wouldn't see me in shorts? That goes even more for bikinis. What flavor was the last slushee you had? Strawberry limeade.

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