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#I’m so emotional it’s not even FUNNY
puppyeared · 6 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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there’s something to be said about the fact that janus is the most professional out of all the sides. i genuinely think that he’s the only side playing his part because it’s his job, and not because he has any personal feelings attached.
virgil showed signs of genuinely wanting to be accepted and loved by thomas and the other sides. logan definitely values thomas’s validation a lot and becomes sad when he doesn’t get that validation. remus.. might actually be the second most professional side. but since he seems to work under janus (janus sending him over to thomas and telling him what to do), i guess a lot of that professionalism comes from janus himself. remus isn’t as stupid as he seems obviously, but he doesn’t have a clear-cut agenda like janus does.
i just think it’s interesting to see a side who is only concerned with thomas’s well-being because it’s their job and they want to do a good job. even janus’s frustration at thomas not taking his advice and later his excitement about thomas acknowledging his points came off to me as someone dealing with their kinda shitty boss (no offense to c!thomas, i just imagine that’s how janus views him lol). of course, janus has some fun at his job but i mean, i would too if no one ever listened to me and i’m automatically labelled as the bad guy.
all of this is slowly beginning to change since janus seems to be getting closer to patton but i guess we’ll have to wait and see if they actually become friends or if they’re more like coworkers on friendly terms.
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starlooove · 2 months
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Ppl will say fanon v canon doesn’t matter and it’s all jokes and I’m sooooo close to going sure sometimes and then I remember y’all removed a major role of one of the if not THEE most prominent black character in Bruce’s story who was created a whole decade before tim and gave it to tim based off a run where he literally handed the role back! Like IN THE COMIC Tim was CEO in name only and handed it back to Lucius relieved when he didn’t need to front anymore like.
#also if I said y’all took a lot of what tam does and her character traits and handed them off to tim….#like from that run#it’s crazy bc I always say that’s like the only comic tim stans read#but if that’s true the racism isn’t even covert anymore el oh el#tim Drake#it’s actually about him this time#I’m not gonna clog Lucius or tam tags any further tho#oh and on the tam note#her quick thing and sheer insanity was seen as naivety from tim even tho it saved his ass quite a few times#mainly that Vicki vale shit#which is hung up on LUCIUS’ wall#bc it’s HIS office#bc HE is the CEO.#I think it’s so funny how Bruce quest was like unreliable narrator knows their unreliable and thinks that knowledge means that everything t#they say is true bc they acknowledge that maybe they’re not thinking healthily#which is so fucking fun#but y’all go ‘yesss this is Tim!’#like no! it’s not! and tim knows that! and he’s too high strung to be pissed or scared about it!#AND THAT IS WHAT SHOULDVE HAPPENED NEXT#IK cómics don’t like to acknowledge that kinda trauma and shit#but something going deep into Tim’s mental state at the time and how he was impacted in daily and personal life#(bc instead of black characters being written out and ignored I’m choosing to believe tam distanced herself bc he was such a Dick)#Like that would’ve been craaaazy#like even tims lack luster reaction at seeing Kon in Paris after he was DEAD#And then later having the emotional reaction like he really kept that shit on the backburner#but noooo he’s so badass and a killer 🥺#anyways justice for the fox family#at least for Lucius like he and cyborg are in the same boat for me#where they’ve been around for so long and have been so important (cyborg on a waaaay wider scale)#that the fact that they don’t get their flowers in favor of making shit up for tim is SICK
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itspileofgoodthings · 4 months
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ended up telling my mom “she’s a billionaire pop star … she’s also a songwriter I’ve loved for a long time. both of those things are true.”
#not a conversation I can have for a long time as it’s too uncomfortable#but it was good to push through and say it#it’s interesting. I will always have a deep emotional connection to Taylor and also always love her as a person and an artist#and she IS a billionaire pop star with all of the attendant choices that go with that#and as i’ve gotten older there’s just been way more distance#in terms of my need to defend her choices or agree with them or even understand them#I have grown less defensive of her (in a good way)#and I think am more able to just See What Is To Be Seen#without. again. feeling the need to take it all on as something I have to defend on behalf of someone I am Holding Up as an Example#I’m not holding her up? like.#idk if this makes sense#But I remember reaching this point where I was just like ‘gosh I hope she never writes a song that contradicts any of the songs’#‘upon which I have built this artistic vision’#‘of her and what she stands for’#and it was so funny because it was this TERRIFIED desire on my part to freeze time#and freeze Taylor#so that my reading would be true forever#just wanted to put her in a cottage on the top of a hill and keep her safe there forever#metaphorically but also literally!#and then I’ve just had to let that go#best believe she’s still bejeweled lol#that was for me TOO#and anyway her sheer prolificness made it clear I was never going to be able to keep this watchful eye on it all#it was just going to have to pour in and I was going to have to let it#and also on some level emotionally personally I was going to have to step back#and be less invested in a certain way#in a very real daily life kind of way#anyway after the eras tour was so funny because i had this strong sense that we were being SWEPT out of the stadium#with Taylor’s trademark Efficiency. and it was hilarious. Like yes yes the love and connection and talent is real#and Billionaire Pop Star has places to be and a crowd of peasants to manage!!! (I say this with love and a sense of humor) anyway
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kallypsos · 1 year
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made a post about this a while ago but don’t like the wording of it anymore so just know that gortash and zeke have a very strange thing (y’know besides all the other strange things in their relationship) about nakedness. no reactions like embarrassment or shame. occasionally get dressed in the same room together in their days as ‘business partners’ when it’s more convenient. freaks
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thedandelionthief · 6 months
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Current mood is just failing at life in general
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seventh-district · 3 months
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#it is 5 hrs past my bedtime and i am awake listening to Two Hearts by Dermot Kennedy on loop and crying over Rotating Shifts. again.#i couldn’t resist the urge to read the latest chapter any longer but i knew when i did i’d get like this#so Why did i wait for my period to roll around. i have made. a silly decision lmaooo#i’ve complained abt it before but i’m conflicted about how much more sensitive it makes me#my nightmares usually don’t make me cry but oh i was a Wreck this morning#so why i picked tonight to read the fic that always makes me cry is beyond me#i have never met a fic before that had me in such an intense emotional grip#and it’s fucking hilarious bc it’s not that intense of a story!! like yeah there’s been devastating parts but i’m out here having to-#-take a break every single chapter bc i’ll read one line that hits my inner child like a truck and i have to take a minute to recover#but the whiplash this fic gives me is so fucking funny and the range in the storytelling from comedy to tragedy is just.. *scream-cries*#it has my favorite characterization of Sun and Moon that i have ever seen#this chapter wasn’t even that sad i’m just Making myself sad about it#but on another level it also makes me sad in the sense that i don’t think i’ll ever be able to write something that good..#all that i want out of my writing endeavors is to make one (1) person feel as strongly and as much as RS makes me feel#and i don’t know if i can do that. i don’t know if my writing has what it takes bc i can’t even describe exactly what it is#i don’t think it’s a science that can be replicated. things either connect with someone or they don’t#the way Sun goes from worryingly innocent ‘wdym we can’t invite strangers to live with us?’ ‘wdym we can’t adopt an adult that needs help?’#to fucking. tearing an animatronic in half in a fit of protective rage and blocking access to all dating apps to prevent you from-#-finding anyone else bc he’s your Special Friend and he can’t have his Daydream falling for anyone else!! no no!!#it’s not a new concept but i eat it tf up when Sun is actually the one you should fear the most#like no i don’t think he’d hurt Reader but i dread to think of the things he would do For them#the back and forth between childlike innocence and terrifying intelligence possessiveness and physical capability is just mmmmm 100/10#and don’t even get me started on Moon. or i Will start crying again#he’s ​like yeah dumbass of course i’m gonna save you every time some POS man tries to **** you. of course i will you fucking crater-head#but i will complain at you about it the Entire way home and then i will steal your fucking toilet paper and pack you a raw egg for lunch#because i hate you 🖤 but Sun loves you and we would both kill for you 🖤 also i drank all of your chocolate milk 🖤 also i hate you :)#anyways i am paraphrasing obviously and dear god i hope no one who actually reads RS sees this bc i do not want my 2am ramblings taken as-#-any kind of Official Thoughtful Analysis of the story ok pls pls pls let me be insane abt my favorite fic without having to be articulate#i just have so many fucking FEELINGS about them. i am unwell.#i’m not even tagging this i’m just hitting post and going to sleep goodnight
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stergeon · 2 months
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for the writer ask
💭🚦💛 💌
💭 What inspires you and your writing?
this is a real marketing major-ass answer (from your local marketing major), but i love sharing knowledge and telling stories. writing’s one of those things that’s a bit of a compulsion for me—i’m always writing something. i took a five-year break from fiction writing before i stumbled ass-first into fanfic last year, but even in those years when i was focusing on my career, i was writing guides and trainings and a ton of other stuff—just not anything fun, lol.
writing is also so cathartic. sometimes i set out to tell a specific story, but at other times, a particular emotion gets me in a vice grip and i have to put it to words before it’ll go away. my stories tend to wind up as emotional dumping grounds as a result.
i don’t write things pulled directly from my own life, but there are bits and pieces of myself and things that have happened to me scattered throughout stuff i’ve written, and usually when i’m about 75% of the way through a piece, i’ll realize it’s absolutely related to something i’m currently going through. funny how art works that way, even when you don’t intend for it to.
and occasionally i just have a fire lit under my ass about an issue and i get so hot about it that i gotta compile my thoughts. looking at you, silver snow
🚦 What sort of endings do you prefer to write: ambiguous, bad, happily ever after, etc.?
look, i would love nothing more for them girls (pick whichever girls you please) to have a happy ending where they kiss and are stupid in love for the rest of forever. i love reading those kinds of stories. but in my heart of hearts, i love an ambiguous ending. i like when there are still questions after the story ends. i like thinking about where things could go or how the characters will go on after the events of the story. like, shared space could be read as having a happy ending, but i don’t really think it is. and with the victors; the vestiges, well. you’ll see :0)
come to think of it, i’m not sure i’ve ever written a happily-ever-after, but i don’t think i’ve ever written a 100% bad ending, either. i read too many bury-your-gays stories and watched too many sad european queer coming-of-age films in my youth to ever be happy putting that kinda thing out into the world. i want to write about love with all its ugliness, but not despair or hopelessness. i think what most appeals to me about an ambiguous ending is that lingering feeling of hope. it’s not the same as the kind you get from a happily-ever-after, and something about it speaks to me.
💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing?
honestly? how to take criticism. i took a creative writing class in high school where we had to read our work out loud and then receive feedback on it from the other writers in the class, and that did a lot for me. going into that class, i’d already been writing for forever and had won some little local writing contests and such, so i was a wee bit of a pretentious douche. but i’d never gotten real critique before beyond, essentially, spelling and grammar checks. it humbled me lol. it made me grow so much as a writer, and i could see where i needed to improve or where my head was wedged way too far up my own ass for others to follow. it also helped me recognize strengths i didn’t know i had, and that was huge. it’s easy to get into a self-doubt spiral when making creative work, and good, constructive criticism can do so much to help avoid that.
to this day i love critique. i like knowing what worked or didn’t work so that i can continue to improve as a writer and do better next time. did my themes land? did something really work, but another part fall flat? i’d love to know!! i try to treat everything i write as practice for the next thing, and frankly that’s helped take some of the pressure off so i don’t go into total Perfectionist Mode.
i know critique is kind of a sensitive topic in fan spaces, but i think that’s because a lot of people have gotten unsolicited criticism that is purely critical and isn’t constructive. but getting good, constructive criticism will do so much to help a person grow as a writer. it’s scary, and sometimes it hurts! writing is very personal for most people, and it stings when things aren’t received the way you think they will be. but i know i’ve grown more from having my failures pointed out (and, very importantly, having the good things about those efforts acknowledged) than anything else.
💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?
actually Just answered this in another ask!
#sterge.eml#foxyjeongin#thank you for playing my little game and letting me talk about stories (and about me lmao)#sorry this is kind of a long post#i talk too much#i think i sound pretentious in this ask whoops. sorry#unfortunately i kind of am. i’m working on it.#… ​i guess the short answer to that first question is ‘emotions and mental illness’ lol#if you follow me on twitter (not recommended as it’s just me complaining about the weather and not being able to ride my motorcycle)#you know that every time i bring up my writing in therapy my therapist rocks my shit by revealing the story is#in fact.#NOT about what i thought it was about#or more accurately ​it’s ALSO secretly about whatever’s going on with me in real life lmao#y’know what’s really fun? looking back at something you wrote in a manic or depressive episode and going ah. hm. interesting.#the signs were. in fact. there.#(this is in fact not fun and i don’t like it. but it always happens.)#everything i write is accidentally Also about being bipolar. no getting around that#i tend to have issues organizing my thoughts and feelings to even figure out how tf i’m feeling#(forget making any attempt at doing so verbally. i have chronic foot-in-mouth disorder and accidentally say shit i don’t mean all the time)#but writing stuff down has always helped me sort through whatever mess is going on in my noggin and i love it for that#learning how to take critique is my no. 1 piece of writing advice but no. 2 is to read#read the classics. find out why they’re classics. read weird shit. read shit you don’t like. find things you like about em anyway.#and importantly: figure out WHY you do or don’t like it#it’s funny to re-read a book i haven’t read in a long time and discover OH. that’s where i get that technique from.#or that’s where i got that idea. or that’s why i had X thing happen in this story.#or why i like this type of character or scenario#nothing’s truly new and original#we’re all an amalgamation of influences and that ruuuuules#celebrate it!!!
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starrytalking · 10 months
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Recently I was at a meet-up-thing for a-spec people and one of the older ones who organise these meet-ups said in the course of a conversation “well I’m ace and whatever sort of attraction I might feel every time a full moon aligns with the bloom of a special flower won’t shake my understanding of myself, I’m secure enough in who I am to not let that shatter my picture of myself” (that was a very loose quote but I think u get what she meant). And I just found it so funny cause she said it like it was a ridiculous thought to herself, that something small like that could impact herself so much because she’s obviously very at piece and secure with and in her asexuality and while I’m also quite sure of myself in that regard nowadays, there was a long period of time where a random maybe-attraction could definitely make myself question my whole sexuality all over again so that ridiculous thought was and in parts still is a reality to me. And I think this really beautifully shows how self-discovery is a process that we’re all taking at our own pace but that can “end” at some point where we can still be open to new feelings and realisations but where we can have found a way to self-identify that makes us be secure in who we are and where the path of self-discovery is less a daily shattering of our perception of ourselves and more a stable ground we can be free to make new experiences on.
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brothfan1997 · 7 months
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the problem with adventure time is that i am so deadly serious about it and how good i think it is so it is difficult to have casual conversations about it without delving into my personal philosophies about the meaning of life and what we owe to each other and ourselves etc etc etc. cannot be normal
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ssreeder · 1 year
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Seeing you interact with Hella1975 or seeing her interact with you is very silly to me because in my head you both are like really popular humble niche internet celebrities for the same reason but also completely separated from each other so the idea of y’all knowing about each others existence is like the most insane crossover ever.
@hella1975 is an internet celebrity
I’m some random person with an iPad.
We are not the same… but i am honored to know her!! She is awesome & one of the nicest people I’ve interacted with so it’s really cool to have any kind of insane crossover with her!
*waves*
HI HELLA
YOU’RE AMAZING & I SWEAR IM GOING TO READ TAMS SOON AND ITS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE AHHHHH IM SCARED AND EXCITED!!!!! I’ll yell at you kindly the moment I do
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gotham--fc · 9 months
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My dentist: have you been stressed lately? You’ve been grinding your teeth
Me: no but I’m angry most of the time
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starlooove · 3 months
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Did u know that this is when he became my fave
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tariah23 · 3 months
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Omgggg I rly did work with sm beautiful girls….
#miss cece I miss Steff I miss jade ahhh all of the girls from the spa looked like models I’m just 🧍🏾‍♀️ but I appreciated them all omg#still need to hang out with cece one of these days#she looks like a model but she’s not stuck up about it and is a girls girl like to the truest form I should text her#when I get some money my sis and cece gotta hang out for sure steff needs to be there omg I’ll rly have to dress up then they both look#like models skjssjs#I used to like riding the train back home from work with steff especially since the redline is so unpredictable and dangerous#cece mentioned that she wanted my sis and I to meet her sister… I just found Cece’s insta and her sister is so cute awww#I remember her talking about her sister and where she came from and getting emotional because of her being Syrian and how her family had to#leave there to come to America… and she rec me a movie called ‘swimmers’ or something like that#I’m trying to remember but ah man#rambling#she was so sweet! I know that she’s planning on going to med school and that she has a millionaire bf (we met him at a work party and#played ping pong with his white ass) he was rly nice even tho I got told some… things about him from another coworker… it’s a lot omg…#cece is one of the nicest ppl that you’ll ever meet in rl tho like she’s extremely friendly and funny too#like she looks very sophisticated and like a millionaires model wife is the best way that I Can describe her lol#edit: the movie is called ‘the swimmers’#I still want to watch it
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wonillaa · 1 year
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BFFS ? thank you so much wtf, everything means so much to me thank you for loving enha with me . crying so hard rn </3 woke up so sad today but this makes me feel so much better and i know it’s kinda goofy but i genuinely appreciate the support you silly engenes in my phone make me very happy i hope you all have a very good day and year, kisses 💗💗💗💗 1k i’m going crazy WHAT i will be baking a cake to celebrate later trust
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