#I’m programmed that way

[itspileofgoodthings]

also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.

#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh #and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past: #you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it #anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly. #like it was just like. Oh. You did it again #you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—- #until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality #while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem #but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing #I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts #and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis #I’m programmed that way #so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away. #and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today #these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me #anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!! #in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind #but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context #and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated #my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works #and wants me to be able to use it!! #so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward #ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES

[skyenish]

The way that Kalim genuinely loves Jamil and holds on to him no matter what, even after book 4.

#twisted wonderland #twst #jamil viper #kalim al asim #fanart #art #noahsart #my art #animatic #disney twisted wonderland #ディズニー ツイステッドワンダーランド #ジャミル・バイパー #jamil viper angst #twst angst #scarabia #book 4 #twst jamil #animation #twst art #twisted wonderland art #twisted wonderland animatic #twisted wonderland animation #the way that Kalim clings on to Jamil #their dynamic makes me sob #their relationship is doomed but everyday I still hope things will improve between them #sorry that the text isn’t in the middle #my editing program decided to have a stroke and it’s 2 am and I’m too lazy to fix it #also I drew hands #be proud of me

[shima-draws]

Rewatching a playthrough of FNAF Security Breach and yeah. Glamrock Freddy really IS the Dad Ever

#It really doesn’t help when Sean literally calls him dad from the get go either. LMAOOO #HE IS SO DAD!!!!!!! #Freddy finds a tiny human hiding inside his chest and decides yes. My kid now. #Freddy: Way to go superstar!! 😊 #Me: I love you #They really gave us the ‘AI breaking its programming to become more human than the humans around it’ trope huh #NO!! I’M WEAK TO THAT TROPE!! STOP MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT #Robots: *Gain sentience and protect the things they care about* #Me: BFNSJFJDJ. NDKSKFKKF. AAAAAAAAAA I LOVE YOUUUUUU 😭😭😭 #FNAF #Shima speaks #FNAF Security Breach #FNAF SB #Five Nights at Freddy’s

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

i do find it doubtful when people purport to believe in affirmative action but then cannot understand why women may be invested in continuing to develop, for example, to be topical, women’s chess leagues and women’s video game tournaments, and to prioritize women in these leagues, for reasons that have nothing to do with insinuating women are dumber than men. because when you are arguing women’s chess leagues should not exist at all and then claiming - on your own! nobody once said that but you - that their existence is because of a belief in women’s intellectual inferiority, you either don’t understand the point of affirmative action or you’re one hell of a hypocrite.

#i keep seeing this stupid fucking post about this video game tournament #and i’m not interested in debating the specifics #but this repeated assertion that women’s leagues are purely because of biology is something these people have just made up…. #absolutely nobody at all said a women’s only video game tournament was because female brains are inferior to male brains. you said that! #that’s exactly the same argument that was being made about women’s chess! #way to tell on yourself! #i said this in my post about female athletic programs being built for female athletes #but i kept it in the tags and so. this is the non tags version #also run on sentence alert

[neonsheepe]

Another Tron OC! Just did a little sketch page of Cyanide. She is a Virus Removal Program who goes in to remove threats once they’re detected. I think she’s really neat. She also hates Tron and most other Security programs (actually, she hates most people lbr agsjdkaj). Somehow Memphis (an unhinged scientist program) managed to get on her good side? Some things are just mysteries.

After the Reset, she becomes Melli’s friend and hangs out in a deserted Purgos.

#Tron #Tron: Reset #sheepe art #cyanide is actually an old OC back when I was super into zombie stuff #I just thought it would be neat if I made her a program #also Melli needs more friends other than the Tron boys #Cyanide occasionally grabs Melli’s face and tells her to dump Clu #because girl how cannot you not see all those red flags??? #Melli you can’t fix him #And then to Cyanide’s internal horror Melli says #I know! I’m not trying to fix him I like the way he is #MELLI NO #Tron OC #tronblr

[theonelittlebastard]

Me and my friends kept making jokes about how Wally has homophobic eyes and just . . . looks homophobic in general, so I drew this:

#welcome home #welcome home wally #Welcome home arg #he knows what you are #I actually had to go into a whole different drawing program for the text and then imported into my main drawing program #Procreate #welcome home meme #I took way too much time out of my day to draw this #I’m proud of it still #I despise Wally #wally darling #Wally does not look darling

[straberryfields]

happy holidays!!💖🎉✨

#bugs art #i’m so mad the drawing would have been better but half way through my drawing program CRASHED #so i had to re do it again and i rushed it since it’s almost 2am #anyways #the beatles #the beatles fanart #the beatles art #the beatles fandom

[starbuck]

if anyone was wondering, i’m currently reading published RPF about F. Scott Fitzgerald for *checks notes* my job, so that’s how my life is going.

#i’m not getting PAID to do it unfortunately #but i am getting an absolutely insane emotional experience #and i’m only three chapters in so i’m sure there’s plenty more excitement to come! #the author CANNOT write dialogue for shit… he cannot emulate how real people speak and puts exposition dumps IN the dialogue #and his descriptions are clunky and could have used some more polishing #he’s not great at showing instead of telling #or like. he IS - but he’ll show and then IMMEDIATELY tell #which is just SO disrespectful to the audience imo #and/or the sign of a lack of confidence in the writer #so bad either way #and literally the reason i was annoyed about that one movie earlier #so like. 🤷🤷 #at least the movie had better dialogue #but i think that’s mainly because [redacted] just says whatever the fuck he wants #i know this because i do programs the same way - i can spot a fellow vibes-based speaker easily #it’s good but also MASSIVELY distracting because it reminds me of myself so i get self-conscious 😂😂

[apotelesmaa]

“Rui is the scary one in wxs” wrong it’s Emu. Putting aside her looney toons power scaling she’s followed around by the theme park mafia who will not hesitate to fucking get you.

#project sekai #rui steps in when it’s necessary (in a polite way). the pxl mafia will whack u for looking at emu wrong. #i do think rui is on several government watchlists but that’s for doing shit like trying to build a nuclear reactor #& ordering uranium on the deep web. #like u know that one kid who made a nuclear power source at like 15. rui would do that. #i think arguably nene would be scarier than rui just bc robo nene is a lethal fucking weapon who is programmed to protect her #I’m glad we all agree that tsukasa is not scary though.

[tabithatwo]

I need…I just need…ALL I need…is for everyone to agree that 2021 is indeed after 1996…and that everything that happens in 1996…did indeed happen BEFORE 2021…as in no matter what they do in this show…if it is before the present timeline…the adults had experienced it BEFORE the very first frame we see of them…that’s my one request of the universe…my one prayer for order in this chaos…cause it’s starting to make me feel SO insane

#yellowjackets blogging? more like yellowjackets praying as I lay my weary gemini ass to bed during this taurus season and merc retrograde #I will go back to regularly scheduled programming soon I’m sure but today really took a toll on me. my brain. my spirit. all that #I don’t expect anyone to agree with me on anything. it’s just. I can’t. I fear I can’t keep explaining how the calendar works without #I don’t know. retreating to a cabin in the woods. I live in the pnw I could do it. too on the nose? maybe. but I might find peace. #if anyone knows a better way to explain linear time to the masses. hmu !!

[lesbianfakir]

If anyone has art requests for any of the anime I post about on here (tutu, utena, fma, madoka, etc), ESPECIALLY requests for something more painterly please let me know!! I can’t promise I’ll do them for sure, mental illness is absolutely sucking the creativity out of me rn, but I’d love to make something that would make someone happy, you know? Please don’t be shy!!

#if you’re feeling extra generous commissions for Palestine are open rn #though I get that people don’t have the money or are already contributing in other ways #hell when my next paycheck comes in I’m gonna get some esims #but yeah honestly I’m in a place rn where if someone is like wow I’d really love to see x #like I’d love to paint that art exists to make people happy you know?? #I’m trying out a new art program that mimics traditional oil painting and I need practice so I’m especially looking for requests #that lean into the painterly aspect #lea talks #oh you can reblog this if you wanna so more people see it idc

[firein-thesky]

i’m sorry i haven’t answered asks or been very present!! i’m gonna try to answer some tomorrow and sunday!!

#and then i think i’m gonna take a lil tentative hiatus #not bc of anything on here #my life is just very busy right now in both positive and negative ways! #i’m gonna be applying for creative writing and acting mfa programs #and i just need to focus there right now!! #i miss being more active and writing fun fic 💔 #but my career and life has gotta come first you know!! #if anyone has any advice for applying to mfas i’d gladly take it lol #cielo rambles!

[tiredwiredanduninspired]

It may be oakworthover but Dan and Phil games is back so it’s a win for the gays

#*ramblings #dndads #oakworthy #dan and phil #I am in a weird mood today #bc I was really ill this morning when I woke up #and my parents were like no way in hell are you going to school pool #and I was like please and they were like no #so I stayed home #and I’ve been trying to get my work done bc my project deadline tmrw #but my laptop is so shitty that it can barely run Adobe programs #so I’m going through hell #and to make things worse #I felt fine by lunch #so idk wtf was wrong with me #but I’m very fussed about it #I’m up on a shelf #and that shelf is so fucking high

[seventh-district]

so uh. that 2.2 Special Program, huh

#hsr #honkai star rail #hsr 2.2 #hsr spoilers #hsr leaks #the body of this post reads as far less enthusiastic than i really am #i just don’t know how to casually return from my latest 2 week hiatus only to gush abt a game i’ve hardly blogged abt before #but i’m not making a whole ass sideblog for it like i did for Genshin. nah y’all r gonna bear witness to my fixation with this one #so anyways don’t mind me. vibrating into another dimension with anticipation for the next 11 days #it’s insane man. a year ago i Never ever woulda thought i’d be so invested in this game. and it took Months for the game to really grab me #but i’m v glad i kept coming back even when i was struggling to really get into it. like i just had this feeling that if i stuck around and #gave the game a chance to really like. come into its stride. i just always felt like there was Something there and i just hadn’t found it #and holy shit i finally found it in Penacony. the devs really truly outdid themselves with this region and these characters and this story #not to discount everything that’s happened prior. like i was genuinely Liking it all before now but i wasn’t Loving it y’know #but that may be more a ‘me having to fight tooth n’ nail to force myself to consume new media’ thing than it is a matter of the actual game #anyways i came here to talk abt the program! bc since i’m not filming my HSR stuff i’m gonna be insufferable abt it on Tumblr instead ! :) #and i’m probably not filming any more Genshin stuff. or anything else at all for that matter but let’s not talk abt that dead dream #pun not intended lmao. Anyways let’s return to the subject at hand while there’s still room left in these tags shall we #i’m so fucking glad they had Aventurine on this program man. especially since he’s leaked to only have 18 lines in 2.2… it was nice to see- #-him here at least 🥹 i’ll take what i can get. his unenthusiastic little bird noises at the beginning.. him being reluctant to come out.. #the way one of the first things to come out of his mouth was ‘y’know DR RATIO once told me…’ like boy we get it ur in love with him 🙄 (/J!) #i love how they can’t go on these programs w/o talking abt each other it’s adorable. AND THE WAY HE WAS THE ONE TO EXPLAIN BOOTHILL’S KIT!? #they can’t just fuel my crackship like this… god and his whole ‘muddle-fudger.. son-of-a-nice-lady?’ thing had me wheezing #Aven mocking Boothill’s inability to curse was not on my special program bingo card but fuck i’m here for it #and Robin being all curious abt him was so cute.. ‘who /is/ he? … does he order milk at the bar?’ i’m crying she’s so sweet #also the trailer was fucking insane. which feels redundant as hell bc all of HoYo’s version trailers go hard but like. still. wow. #that millisecond long shot of Boothill surveying the skyline is so fucking good. also what the fuck is Jing Yuan doing here!! #not complaining at all tho. we’ve got JY & DH(IL?). Argenti(?). Boothill. Sunday. Aven. all my men r here and i am eating so fucking good #Seven.txt #viddy game stuff

[measlyscrapofseafood]

got trans tron on the mind again

#tron #tronblr #it’s not even a hc to me it’s Real #<- i am insane #it goes hand and hand w my trans man alan hc #but in a dif way #b/c i hc programs as being baseline genderless so the way they are trans and the way they experince it is intrinsically different #idk if i’m even making sense it’s midnight #i just think tronzlers very queer

[sh5]

ppl will complain for days on days about how the kids who’re posting their first fanfic to AO3 try to circumvent the “algorithm” (nonexistent) by changing post dates and such, treating it like a social media and vying for likes. and I want to look people in the eyes and be like: you know the answer is moderation, right? you know that literal children are never going to stop wanting attention because that’s the nature of being a child, right? you know the only way any social media/archive/anything online is enjoyable to you because it’s through a filter of moderators, right? you know an archive isn’t required to take in everything, right? if you want the site to be more usable to you, you cannot also advocate for it being the wild west when it comes to admins. can’t have your cake and eat it too.

the answer to almost every problem on AO3 is “hire more admins who are stricter” and yet. even the people who think you should be able to put anything you want on that site would benefit from an actual mod team. how curious.

#lee speaks #I’m sorry but you’re not going to get a generation of kids who were raised with YouTubers as their idols to stop wanting social media #attention. I think there’s a way to work against it but it’s literally programmed into their brains and they don’t even have full brains ye #people like to wax poetic about how back in their day you didn’t post fanfic for attention. talk about bullshit. the only reason people #share their art ever is to get a reaction. get off your high horse and let the kids write their fics. or make AO3 hire mods. your pick