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#I’m barkin
glitterxfemme · 2 months
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puppy boy butches ?
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devilfic · 3 months
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I’m watching batman: the long halloween (2021) and SOFIA FALCONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME ONE CHANCE
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squidthusiast · 3 months
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It’s not my birthday but it heckin’ feels like it with OTH dropping in at the Deep Cut concert man!!!! We manifested it fellas WE DID IT WE WON, I’M SO UNWELL/pos
If I get the chance to draw Pearl in that oversized jacket I’m doin’ it-
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claymorexpunisher · 9 months
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cowboybutchboots · 1 month
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dotsartspot · 7 months
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silvio ricci the man that you are…
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kiir0c0re · 11 months
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…u guys know that headcanon where octolings curl their tentacles whenever they’re happy?
where did that even come from? all the info i could find on actual octopi curling their tentacles is how that happens when they’re cooked
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I got high while watching ✨The Sandman✨ and now I can’t unsee this and imma be honest…. I’d run into the woods and bring all my money to meet this man by a tree…. Like I’m sold
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bibleofficial · 1 year
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what is w drs & calling me ‘small’ like 😭😭 im a particularly average sized individual ?
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somekindofpoet · 1 year
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FilthX
Summary: X AU where Pearl isn't a homicidal maniac and R is the star everyone wants, including Lorraine
Word Count: 4.1K
Warnings: 18+ NSFW! Language, smut, strap-on sex
A/N: I think I've combined a least three asks/requests into this little guy, so its for all of you who asked for Lorraine. The pacing is absolutely out of control and self serving, and that just is what it is
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This was art. Primal and undomesticated, animalistic artistry. People turned their noses up at it in public, but in private, everyone knows just how fast their own pants can come unzipped.  Everyone watches porn or has at some point in their lives, and anyone who says they haven’t, well, they’re just outright lying to you. 
It’s not like it was your dream to get naked and fuck on camera, but it paid the bills. And it was fun, that much was true. You were 21 when Wayne, Bobby, and Maxine found you, working as a wrangler for rodeos on the west side of Texas. They took one look at you, with your broad shoulders and tapered waist, and knew you’d be an instant success. They propositioned you, promising you wouldn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to and that Bobby would rock your world. You went with them that night and never went back to the rodeo. 
Now, Wayne has this great idea to film at some guesthouse in the country, and he’s hired a pretentious film student called RJ to record what he’s promising will be a universal success. A tasteful, dramatically shot film of the picturesque countryside and cunts. But the thing that’s really caught your attention is who tags along beside RJ. You can’t tell if she’s his girlfriend or not, but you don’t really care because the girl is absolutely stunning. 
When she climbs into the van behind RJ, you don’t even hide the fact that you can’t stop staring. She tucks herself into the corner, quiet and shy, her eyes wide behind the dark curtain of hair falling around her face. You can feel Bobby watching you, a knowing smirk on her face. Jackson slaps your knee, grinning ear to ear. 
“Don’t you go barkin' up the wrong tree now y/n, some girls are too good for you.” He says, making Bobby giggle.
“Oh, I don’t know, Jackson, I think she could convince just about any girl to set aside her halo,” Bobby says, eyeing the girl behind RJ. 
RJ frowns over his glasses, pushing them up the bridge of his nose with his knuckle, and glances back at the girl. “Lorraine here volunteered to help me with the film, that’s all.” 
Maxine turns around in the front seat, eyeing Lorraine, “Oh, I’m sure she did. Tell us, mouse, you ever done somethin like this before?”
Lorraine’s lips turn down in apparent distaste, and she shakes her head no. Maxine’s eyes light up, and a condescending smirk stretches across her lips. You brace yourself, knowing she’s going to eat this poor girl alive.
“You don’t like pornography, mouse? You tellin' me you ain’t never seen two beautiful bodies, ruttin together and just felt all hot and bothered? Enough to slip those pretty little fingers in-“
“Enough Maxine,” you interrupt, noticing pink creeping up Lorraine’s neck, turning the tips of her ears red.
Maxine gives you an exasperated look and sighs, “You know mouse, if you are gonna give it a spin, y/n is the ride of a lifetime.”
You roll your eyes, and Jackson playfully slaps the side of Maxine’s chair, “Maxine, you told me I was the ride of a lifetime just yesterday!” He exclaims, sticking his bottom lip out in staged hurt.
You bark out a laugh and kick him, “No way Jackson, you slept with my girl?”
“Your girl?” He cries, “These ladies are all mine!”
“Please, both of you belong to us, if anything.” Bobby retorts, smacking on her bubblegum and twirling her blonde hair between her fingers.
The three of them continue to bicker, but you carefully remove yourself from the conversation to shoot Lorraine a soft smile. She gives you the smallest of nods and looks down at the equipment in her hands. RJ narrows his eyes at you but quickly averts them when you smile at him, flexing your arm discreetly. 
The van turns down a long dirt road, marking your arrival to the promised countryside. Wayne parks aside the farmhouse, and you all clamber out, gathering your luggage and helping with the film equipment. Wayne sorts out your arrangements with the old man sitting on the porch, and you all make your way to the small guest house. On the walk over, you can hear RJ nagging Lorraine about carrying her weight and wince when you hear him call her a prude. You consider standing up for her but decide against it, you hardly even know them, and you don’t want to stick your nose in someone else’s shit. 
Bobby, on the other hand, is more than happy to stick her nose in. She hooks her arm through RJs, her hands unsurprisingly empty of any luggage or equipment. She strokes his arm and giggles at him, wrapping him around her finger. She pulls him ahead of the group, batting her eyelashes and picking at his shirt, leaving you and Lorraine to bring up the rear. You smile down at her, and she glances up at you, quickly looking down at her feet.
“Don’t listen to Maxine,” you tell her, dragging your feet to slow your pace down to hers, “she gets territorial.”
Lorraine readjusts her grip on the box she’s carrying and shrugs, “It’s okay. And I never said I thought what y’all are doin is wrong.”
You tilt your head at her, “Your face kinda said it for ya, gorgeous.” 
The box in her arms slips, and she stumbles, trying not to drop it. She’s blushing again, you see it creeping up her neck when she tosses her hair to the side over her shoulder. 
“It’s not that,” she clarifies, “she called me mouse.”
“Ah,” you say, your eyebrows raising in realization, “yeah, I guess that wasn’t the nicest nickname to slap on ya, was it? Hey, you need help with that?” 
You stop and tuck the two suitcases in your hands under your arm, offering your empty hand out to help her. She fumbles with the box again, trying to get a better grip, and gives up, nodding her head. You scoop it from her hands easily, wrapping one arm around it and continuing to walk. She falters for a moment, watching you carry everything. 
She jogs a few steps to catch up, and looks up at you, “You been with them long?”
“Few years, why?”
“You seem…different. From them.” 
You snort, “What, like, not depraved?”
She shrugs, her arms swinging out wide as she tries to keep pace with you, “Yeah, I guess. Quieter.”
“Oh don’t you worry, I can be as debauched as the rest of them. I usually just save that for when there’s far less clothing.” You wink at her with a grin, making her blush again.
“So what they were sayin…” she hesitates, “about you…”
You stay silent, quietly choosing to force her into speaking the question you already know she’s asking. Forcing her out of her comfort zone. 
She chews at the inside of her lip, “Do you film with Jackson at all?” She asks, beating around what she really wants to ask.
You chuckle, “Oh no, honey, he couldn’t handle me on his best day. Besides, Bobby and Maxine are much prettier’n he is.”
“So…how-“ she cuts herself off, her brow furrowed.
You stop in front of the door, turning to face her, “I have my ways. Why? You curious, Lorraine?” You drawl her name out, pressing your tongue hard against your teeth, your eyebrow raised. 
She takes a sharp breath in, her mouth opening and closing as she sorts through her justification for asking. She’s saved by Wayne, who throws the screen door open from the inside.
“Y/n, let’s go! I wanna get this first scene done before the sun sets.”
You nod at him and turn back to Lorraine, winking at her again, “Duty calls.”
——
The bedroom is set up with a camera sitting on a tripod at the foot of the bed. RJ is standing behind it, tapping his foot nervously. Lorraine hovers in the corner, the boom mic resting on her shoulder. The scene Wayne wants to film is between you and Bobby, with heavy involvement from a particularly large dildo strapped to your waist. The scene plays out, you know the acting is horrific, but that’s not the point of the movie. 
The point is quickly made when your pants are dropped around your ankles and the dildo springs out. You go through the motions, stripping Bobby down and railing her, stopping when you’re told so they can change the camera angle, and then starting back up on Wayne’s command. Bobby is more enthusiastic than usual, and not for any lack of effort on your part. But you think it has something to do with proving Maxine’s point to Lorraine, who is trying her very best not to tremble under the boom. 
You catch yourself glancing over at her, listening to Bobby moan, and you begin to really put on a show. She’s bent over the bed, one of your hands on her waist and the other pressing between her shoulder blades. 
“CUT CUT CUT!” Wayne’s voice brings you to a screeching halt making Bobby whine into the mattress. 
You look over your shoulder at him, releasing her hips, “What the fuck man, she’s almost there!” 
“Yeah what’s the deal Wayne, y/n is giving the fucking performance of a lifetime,” Bobby says, breathless.
“You keep looking away from her, it’s taking away from the scene,” RJ grumbles.
Maxine laughs from the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest “I think the church mouse has her distracted.”
Wayne looks at you and runs his hand over his chin, “You gonna focus any time soon y/n, or do we need to switch you out with Jackson?”
“No fuckin way!” You reply, gripping Bobby’s hips again, “Roll your god damned camera and let me finish my job.”
Wayne rests his hands on his hip, nodding, “That’s what I thought. Now let’s wrap this up. Bobby, you know what to do.”
———
The group has settled into the living room, clothes returned, and cameras off. You finished the scene without another glance in Lorraine’s direction, and Bobby did her job in the way only she could. You knew the scene was going to be amazing, and you were feeling proud of yourself. Cheap whiskey is poured into small paper cups, and everyone is in good spirits. 
The conversation gradually turns to the morals of making pornography and the lesson you’ve all learned about taking your youth for granted. The talk seems to spark something in Lorraine, she takes a sip of her whiskey and leans forward, eyes bright.
“I want to do a scene in the movie.”
The room goes quiet, all eyes are turned to her. You fight every urge in you not to smile like a schoolboy who’d found a puppy on his doorstep. Bobby grins at you, and Maxine pushes your leg with her foot from the end of the couch. A shadow passes over RJs face, his feelings clear on the matter.
“You can’t be in the movie Lorraine.”
“Why not?” She asks, cocking her head in challenge.
Maxine pipes up, “Yeah, RJ, why not?”
“She just can’t.” He says, gritting his teeth.
Bobby frowns, “You told me she ain’t your girlfriend no more, RJ. And even if she was, you don’t get to tell her what to do.”
RJ’s jaw drops open, unable to form words. Lorraine looks smug and flashes a grateful smile at Bobby. You’re full-on smiling now, giddy at the thought of seeing this play out.
Wayne lightly slaps Maxine’s leg with a smile, “You wanna take Jackson for a ride then, church mouse?”
Jackson laughs, “Oh no sir, she don’t want me.”
You wink at Jackson, thankful for his deflection. Wayne nods solemnly and looks over at you.
“What you think y/n, you wanna take that big boy between your legs for another spin?”
You throw back the rest of the whiskey, wincing at the taste, “I think I can find it in me.”
RJ stands, “We can’t film it tonight, the lighting is bad.”
“Hm,” Wayne hums, squinting out the dark window, “he ain’t wrong. How’s about we plan for tomorrow, that work for you, church mouse?”
Lorraine swallows the last of her drink and shrugs, nodding, “Guess it’ll have to.”
——
When you drop into your bed for the night, you fall asleep almost instantly. Work always did that to you, siphoned off any gas you had in the tank, and left you dead tired. The whiskey made you feel pleasantly heavy, and you sank into a sweet, dream-filled sleep. 
You weren’t sure how long you had been out, but you woke slowly. It took you a moment to figure out where you were, the silver moonlight washing into the window and the thin cotton blanket scratching at your chin. You blink a few times, trying to figure out what woke you up, but a weight shifting on the bed behind you told you what you needed to know. You roll onto your back, half expecting to see RJ there with a steak knife to your throat. 
You rub your eyes with your knuckles to ensure you were seeing what you thought you were seeing. Lorraine was crawling into your bed, wearing nothing but a yellow bra and panties. Something cold lands on your stomach, and you look down to see your strap-on rising and falling on your belly with your breathing.
“Lorraine?” You say, your voice raspy with sleep.
“Put it on.” Is all she replies, sitting back on her heels next to your elbow.
“What?” Your sleep-muddled brain is struggling to catch up.
“Put the thing on,” she gestures to your strap-on, her eyes wide and her lips parted.
Your brows knit together in confusion, “We ain’t filmin til the mornin'.”
She sighs, “If you don’t want to, I can go back to my room.”
You blink hard again and finally realize that she’s really there and she’s really asking what she’s asking. She moves to get off the bed, but you reach out and grab her by the elbow. You push yourself up the bed, sitting against the headboard, the strap-on sliding off to your side. Her eyes flit down to your exposed chest, and you smirk, proud to show her your body again. She reaches out timidly, her hands shaking with the slightest tremble. You watch her face as she runs her fingers down your stomach, tracing over the hard-set lines between the muscle there. She licks her lips and looks back into your eyes, catching you with a smirk on your lips. 
You pull her into you gently, your hand on the back of her neck, and kiss her. She’s stiff, unsure at first. You pull back and look into her eyes, searching for a signal not to continue. She leans forward further and kisses you again, her lips softer and her hands wandering. Through cracked eyelids, you see hers close, and you pull her in closer. She swings one leg over you, sitting in your lap, her hands running over your shoulders. 
You run your fingers down her spine, sending goosebumps across her skin. Your hands find purchase on her hips as you pull her closer, encouraging her to grind into your lap. She whimpers into your lips, and your heart begins to pound. You’re a little taken aback at your own excitement. You had sex for a living, and you enjoyed it, but this felt different. This wasn’t for everyone else to enjoy, this was for the two of you only. You hardly knew this girl, and yet, you found yourself being impossibly gentle with her. 
She breaks your lips apart and leans back, reaching for the dildo at your side. She bites her lip, evaluating it, and looks back at you.
“You don’t have to, you know.” You say softly, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. 
“I want to,” she says and hands over the harness. 
You take it from her, your lips curling up in a devious smirk. You push her to the side and flip her onto her back, your knees between her legs. Her breath leaves her in a huff when her back hits the mattress. You work at sliding the harness on, tightening the buckles, and ensuring it won’t move. When your eyes return to her face, she looks positively delicious. Edible even. Her eyes are heavy lidded, her full lips parted and pouty, her skin bright in the moonlight. She waits for you, her arms above her head, completely surrendered to you. 
Your tongue wets your lips as you take her in, allowing the tension to build between you. You lean forward on your hands and press a kiss into her stomach just below her bra, your tongue lazily tasting her skin. She gasps and winds her fingers into your hair, your tongue making its journey over the plane of her stomach. Her breathing quickens when you reach her hip bones, her stomach twitching under your mouth. You glance up to meet her dark eyes and pull her panties down her legs. She whines when you kiss the inside of her thigh, pushing her legs open further. Her fingers tighten in your hair, pulling at your scalp.
You kiss up her leg, drawing small sounds of excitement out of her above you, encouraging you. The sweet, musky smell of her arousal fills your senses, sharpening your mind to a razor point. You run your palms up the tops of her thighs and press down on her hips, driving her into the mattress as you run your tongue through her. A quiet, throaty moan leaves her lips, your touch surprising her. You work into her entrance, savoring every centimeter of her on your tongue. You pull out and drag it flat across her clit, the pressure soft and exploratory. Her hand leaves your hair and retreats to the pillow, where she grips the cotton until her knuckles are white.
You lick a stripe from her entrance over her clit again, working her up. You don’t want her to cum from this, you just want to get her going. You wrap your lips around the swollen bundle of nerves and suck on it, loving the way her back arches off the bed when you do it. She’s dripping down onto the mattress, and you decide it’s enough, to begin with, so you lift your head and kiss the inside of her thigh. Your crawl up her body and her hands are reaching for you, pulling your face down into a feverish kiss. She groans at her own taste on your tongue, her fingers right around the back of your neck. The dildo drags up her thigh, making her whimper into your mouth, one of her hands racing down your back to grip at your ass. 
Just when you thought you knew what she wanted, she’s pushing you over, flipping you on your back. You help her and swing around, pulling her to sit on your stomach as you fall back. She’s hot and wet on your belly, rutting against the ridges of your abs. Before she can get much further, you sit up and wrap your hands behind her back, kissing her chest and unhooking her bra in one fell swoop. She lets it fall to the side and pushes you onto your back, leaning over you, her hair falling into your face. She kisses you quickly and then pulls back, lifting her hips and gripping the base of the dildo in her hand beneath her. Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, watching her rub the tip around her entrance, coating it in her slick.
She sits slowly on it, letting it sink into her inch by inch, one hand pressing on your chest, the other holding the dildo in place. When her hips settle into yours, the whole toy inside of her, she sighs. It makes you feel like an explosion, fragments of what you thought you knew ripping out and embedding themselves into the walls of the room. Your mouth drops open when she runs her fingers down your body and then up her own. She rolls her hips forward, rocking them up on the backstroke. You’d always found strap-on sex extremely satisfying, but for the first time, you’re wishing you could feel everything. You’d give your left arm to feel the toy being gripped inside of her. The thought nearly takes your breath away. 
She begins to move in earnest, the muscles in her legs flexing as she rocks over your hips. When she runs her hand into her own hair, her fingers combing it out of her face, you feel the itch to have her closer. You reach out and settle for holding her hips, pushing and pulling her as you begin to roll your own, keeping the timing and rhythm perfectly on her pace. You slide one hand from her hip over her stomach, up to her nipple, and roll your fingertip over it, her hips moving faster. The lewd sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room, only broken up by your occasional grunting and her soft moaning. 
She shudders and drops down on her hands over your body, panting, a bead of sweat rolling from her neck to the hollow of her throat. You watch it puddle there, rocking side to side with the movement of your bodies. You bend your knees and plant your feet into the bed, giving yourself support to properly fuck her from underneath, rocking her forward with every thrust. A low groan tears out of her throat, too loud for a quiet, sleeping house. You pull her down into a kiss to silence her, forcing her whining down to a more appropriate timbre. 
Your arms wrap around her back, and you hold her weight as you sit up with her in your lap, still riding you. She rests her arms over your shoulders, her fingers pressing into the muscles in your back. Her fingertips soon turn into nails, the stinging making you gasp. She drops her head on your shoulder, holding you tight. Her hips jerk off her cadence, her breathing uneven and shallow. Her teeth dig into the skin of your shoulder, making you groan in her ear. She releases you and throws her head back, using the back of your neck to anchor herself. 
Her body freezes up, her hips moving in choppy strokes. You can feel her dripping around the toy inside of her, running down your legs. It’s enough to send a perfectly sane person off the edge, and you’re suddenly aware of why people were able to be seduced into cults. Her body was an altar, and you were drinking her in like holy water, content to die of thirst if she so wished it. She collapses against your chest, and you fall back into the pillows. You give her time to recover, letting her catch her breath and cool off as she put the puzzle of her mind back together. Eventually, she lifts herself off the dildo and rolls to your side, her head resting on your chest. 
As much as you want to continue touching her, you want the harness off your hips more. It was squeezing you in an unpleasant pinch, and the hours you’d spent in it meant chafing had begun. You carefully unbuckle it without moving her from your chest and push it down to your knees. You use your feet to wriggle out of it and kick it off the end of the bed, sighing in relief. 
Lorraine places her hands on top of one another over your chest and rests her chin on them, looking up at you, “I imagined it was gonna be good,” she says, a sleepy drawl in her voice, “but I had no idea it’d be like that.”
You yawn and take a lock of hair between your fingers, twirling it around them and rubbing it with your thumb, “You should give yourself credit where credit is due, you rocked that like it was your business.”
She smiles, her eyes crinkling, “Tomorrow it’ll be my business, tonight was just because I wanted to.”
Your eyes are sliding shut in spite of yourself, the whiskey and exertion settling into your bones again. Lorraine presses a kiss on your ribs and pushes herself up. You crack your eyes open and shake your head, your hand resting on her back.
“Stay.” You tell her, closing your eyes again. 
She takes a moment to consider, then pulls the blankets back and crawls under them, covering you with the other end. Just before you fall into the abyss of sleep, you feel her press her nose into your neck, drape her arm and a leg over your body, and you’re out like a light.
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henneseyhoe · 1 year
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Erik takes readers virginity
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Killmonger X BLACK!FEM!reader
WARNINGS: SMUT, heavy daddy kink, oral, unprotected sex, mentions of virginity, Bestfriend!Erik, slapping.
SUMMARY: reader gets tired of being a virgin and asks her bestfriend; Erik to be the one to do it.
Ps. Don’t let !!anyone!! pressure you into giving away your virginity. It should be YOUR choice on when and how you wanna do it and who you wanna do it with. don’t let anyone shame you for being a virgin no matter your age, there is NOTHING wrong with being a virgin or saving yourself or whatever the case may be. This is fiction and strictly for fantasy, it does not depict how losing your virginity actually is, simply because it’s different for everyone…and also because this is fiction lmao. Okay, enjoy<3
——
“And you sure you wanna do this? Cause once I get goin’, ain’t no turning back” Erik asked . He had a slight smirk on his face as his tall frame towered over me, making me look up at him and nod. “Yes. I just wanna get it over with” I responded timidly, fiddling with my hands behind my back.
Me and Erik had always been friends since the third grade. He was sort of a bully, but he also protected me all throughout our school years, so I always stood by him. It wasn’t a secret that I had a small crush on him either, and he always made it known that he knew by poking fun at me getting shy any time he’d compliment me, or when he’d hug me as a greeting and sneakily snake his hands down to my lower back just to make me tense up and push him away.
Because of my shyness, this is also what landed me being a virgin at age 20. Since me and Erik were best friends, I told him everything, so he knew that I was still a virgin and made fun of that anytime we’d talk about anything sexual, no matter if it was a joke I giggled at or just a simple conversation in general. Saying things like “why you talkin’? You don’t know nothing ‘bout this” or “virgin Mary over here laughing but I doubt she get the joke”.
It wasn’t like I lacked simple sexual education or anything, I just never did anything. I tried porn, but it got boring fast. I tried masterbation, but I could barely rub my own clit for more than 8 minutes without feeling an odd sensation that made me stop. I understood that it was most likely an orgasm, but the feeling felt like l was ascending to god himself, my entire body becoming too sensitive to ever finish.
When I told Erik about that, he bursted into laughter, almost shedding tears as I explained to him how I didn’t understand how to finger myself correctly either. I probably shouldn’t have told him anything, but in my defense he asked if I ever “stuck a finger up there”, so I just came clean, which was a mistake. And let’s not forget the on going joke he made up with our entire friend group with how he would be the one to take my virginity.
Everyone laughed, including me at one point, thinking it was a joke. Difference was, when he laughed, he was dead serious. Secretly he’d been plotting since senior year when back to school started and I suddenly came back with a little weight that went straight to my ass and thighs, switched my bifocals out for contacts and learned how to lay my edges correctly.
Not only that, but even with all the changes in my appearance, I never switched up. I never decided to fuck with some popular niggas cause they was all barkin’ at me, I never went off an pretended like I didn’t know nobody after the slight boost I got in socials after my ass got fatter, and that just made it better for Erik.
It eliminated all of the niggas that could have potentially broken me off and made me a freak before Erik could get his hands on me, but he knew it’d take some time for me to get on his level.
“So…is this the part where I get naked?” I asked awkwardly, rocking on the heels of my feet. Erik chuckled and shook his head “look, I’m not just gon’ fuck you like that and you don’t get nothin’ out of it. I wanna teach you a lil sumn while we at it” he admitted, crossing his arms, making his muscles press against his fitted black shirt.
“Are you-..are you flexing?” I raised an eyebrow as my eyes trailed to his biceps, the man taking his finger and lifting my chin so I was looking back up at him. “You off topic. Get on your knees”
A shiver ran up and down my spine as he spoke and touched me, a second heartbeat appearing between my legs.
-
If you told yesterday me that I would be on my knees in front of my bestfriend of ten years, with his dick down my throat and his hands on the back of my head to hold me down till my I was begging for air, I would have laughed in your face and walked away. Maybe even would have called you delusional.
“Move your hands and use your mouth” Erik grunted while thrusting his hips into my mouth shallowly, my hands being wrapped around the rest of his shaft, prohibiting him from going any further.
“What did I just say? Move your damn hands”
His gruff voice boomed to show he was serious, making me clench my thighs together tightly. He spoke with a new tone, a tone that had authority and control. An authority and control that I’ve never heard in this instance before. It turned me on.
He tugged at my box braids, making me wince and hesitantly remove my hands, slowly placing them in my lap.
“Good girl. Now open that pretty mouth up for daddy. Just a little wider”
I moaned at his self given nickname and tried to follow his instructions, opening my mouth wider while he slid deeper down my throat. I gagged strongly as he touched the back of my throat, my shoulders shrugging and drool dripping from my mouth whilst he retracted himself a little before easing back in, repeating those motions.
“Breathe through your nose and relax that throat, baby”
he removed one of his hands from my hair and placed it under my chin, helping me gain control of my gag reflexes that decided to be completely against me at the time. I let out a sigh through my nose, finally figuring out how to regulate my breathing as he touched the back of my throat once again, this time pulling back out quicker than what he did before.
“Oh shit”
he gasped quietly, lifting up his shirt and leaning back against the wall behind him as I allowed him to throat fuck me, my spit now dripping into the valley of my titties that were semi covered by a cropped spaghetti strap shirt.
“Just like that, ma. Get this dick wet”
He grunted. I opened my mouth wide enough so my teeth wouldn’t scrape against him again, the man laying a small, painless smack on my cheek any time he’d feel them rubbing against him.
“fuuuck, you finna make me nut all in that throat, baby” He moaned and gripped my hair tighter, his thrusts getting rougher by the second.
I hummed a ‘no’ with violent chokes slipping out of my mouth as he made me go down all the way, my mind racing steadily as I imagined what it’d be like to have him do anything of the sort.
“I didn’t give you a choice” he choked out while his stomach tightened, his abs suddenly becoming more detailed and prominent.
Tears trailed down my cheeks, my brown foundation being mixed in with the salty liquid. He continued his assault on my poor throat, only to stop abruptly and force my head down until my nose touched his stomach. Suddenly I felt a warm sensation trail down my throat, a taste of bitter sweetness lingering on my tongue as he pulled out with strings of my spit mixed with his cum dripping from the tip of his dick.
He used his hand and tilted my head up, forcing me to look up at him again. “Swallow”
he demanded, my head shaking rapidly as I held the remanding bit of him under my tongue.
“This is your first time, so don’t make me say it again and make this night more eventful than it already is, Y/N. I hate going back on my word, but I hate being disrespected more than that”
he threatened, my eyes widening with wonder as to why he said that and what he’d do if I had spit.
Taking no chances, I decided to save my curiosity for another day, building up the courage to finally swallow, licking my lips after. He tilted his head at me and squeezed at my jaw, opening my mouth. Humming in satisfaction, he slid his thumb into my mouth, my lips immediately closing around it and beginning to suck while looking at the man, my watering eyes gleaming in the apartments bright lights as if glitter was placed under my lids beforehand.
“Damn..”
he murmured and slowly pulled his thumb out, replacing it with his tongue as he bent down and laid a soft kiss on my lips. I melted into his touch, my pussy beginning to throb once again with him simply just wrapping his hands around my throat and arm, pulling me up from the floor.
My legs felt weird from being on my knees for so long, my throat feeling weirder from the constant pressure it just endured. He then picked me up bridal style and began walking us down the hall and into my room.
softly laying me onto my bed, he started to pull all of my clothes off one by one, leaving me naked.
I subconsciously covered myself up, and stared at him, most of my focus being on how he was gonna fit inside. He noticed my staring and chuckled while taking his clothes off. “You’ll be fine. I’ll make it fit” he spoke as if he read my mind. “I don’t think it will…” I began closing my legs, the man only gripping my thighs and prying them back open.
“I promise if it hurts I’ll stop”
“Promise?”
“Promise” he reiterated and bent down, kissing up my thighs. Shivers went up my spine as he got closer and closer to my pussy, his breath and mustache tickling my skin. He took his middle and ring finger and spread my lips apart, my juices already starting to leak out from the prolonged playing.
“Look…She already so damn wet for me”
He looked up at me and licked a long stripe up from my entrance to my clit, a moan leaving my lips.
“She sweet as hell too” he smirked before going in, his tongue making love to my pussy as he swirled and flicked it over my clit with a quickness, his middle finger now spreading my juices around my entrance before he slowly eased and slipped it inside of me, making me let out a louder moan.
He began humming and shaking his head from side to side as he closed his lips around my clit, adding suction while attempting to slip a second finger inside of me. I winced and bucked my hips up, my walls clenching and unclenching around his fingers involuntarily.
“I can’t!”
His eyes traveled up my torso until they met mine, a blank look on his face as he disconnected his lips from my clit.
“How do you expect me to fuck you good if this pussy can’t even take two fingers? Don’t tell me you backing out now”
He taunted and licked his fingers clean, a grin growing on his face.
“I’m not! I just…I wasn’t ready right then”
I lied, being scared of him literally ripping me in half in reality.
“You sure?”
He asked teasingly and kneeled onto the bed, gripping his shaft with one hand and rubbing his tip up against my entrance, the tight muscles clenching just from the light touch. I nodded, looking down to watch his actions. He began rubbing his dick through my folds, my juices making every inch and vein he had shine underneath the mood lights in the room.
“You see that shit? That pussy just beggin’ for me, baby” he let out a grunt as he attempted to push into me again, my hand immediately flying to his stomach to stop him. “Wait!…promise it won’t hurt?” His head tilted, his face reading a ‘seriously?’ Look.
“I can’t promise you that. But I promise if you want me to stop, I will”
I stared at him for a while, thinking about my decision. I couldn’t really come up with a reason not to continue other than fear, but I knew he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me.
I slowly moved my hands and Erik took that as a sign to continue, attempting for the third time to push into me, only this time the tip of his dick successfully makes it in, a sigh erupting from my throat.
He watched my face contort as he continued to slide inside of me until our hips were touching.
“Fuck…” I mumbled, taking a deep breath. a moan seemingly interrupted everything else I did after that point, every move of my hips making my clit jump and throb, the pain that was once there before now withering away. He soon began to rock his hips into me, his hands slithering up my body and holding my bouncing titties in place. The stretching felt unbearable for a few minutes, my juices seemingly making it both better and worse.
Better by making the thrusts go smoother, but worse because he was getting deeper by the second, so deep that it felt like a bulge had appeared in my stomach, stopping right under my belly button when he thrusted in completely. I know that it was impossible for him to literally be in my stomach but that’s how it felt. And it started to feel good. Really good.
My mouth was stuck open, letting out pathetic whimpers.
“I’m hittin’ that spot, huh?” Erik spoke suddenly, caressing my jaw softly while looking deep into my eyes. I nodded slowly, my hands reaching up to grip the plush headboard above us.
“Unt, Unt. Talk to me, baby. Tell me how that big dick feel”
he groaned, giving me long strokes that had me feeling delusional.
“Yesss, it feels good, daddy—oh my god!”
My words slurred as he suddenly switched his pace, the clapping noise becoming more obvious. He leaned in on my body and wrapped his hand around my throat, adding light pressure while giving me life rendering strokes, my body shaking under him just that quickly.
“I feel it, princess. That pussy squeezing daddy so tight. Tight ass pussy”
he laid a harsh smack on my thigh and I yelped, my hands flying to his arms and my French tips scratching down his brown skin. I don’t know how he knew, but it felt like I was about to explode, my legs clamping around his hips before he let go of me and spread them back open, using them for leverage to thrust into me deeper, if that was even possible with how he was doing me now.
“FUCK!”
I shouted, my back arching and falling against the bed. He watched as my pussy creamed around him, leaving a white coat of it around his dick, just how he liked it.
“There you go, baby. Get that nut”
He smiled and began rubbing my clit. It felt like electricity was running up and down my body, my eyes rolling far back into my head as I moaned louder.
“Nah, look at me, I don’t want you thinkin’ of anything else but this good dick”
He used his other hand and put it behind my neck, pulling me up a little so that I was slightly folded, forcing me to keep my eyes on him.
looking at him felt different than looking away, as if the feeling intensified. It was like he was stealing my soul with just the glare of his eyes on me.
I felt weak and powerless, my last orgasm taking all of my energy. I couldn’t lie and say I didn’t like it either.
Knocking me out of my thoughts, I felt Erik’s hips snap into me, this time it was harder, one stroke taking all of the air out of my lungs as I gasped, holding my breath in my throat.
“Right there—“
I managed to choke out, my eyes trailing down to where we connected, watching him work his magic.
“What was that?” He asked cockily, thrusting into me all the way and swirling his hips. My eyes shut tightly, taking all of him in.
“R- right-..FUCK!”
I tried to speak, but only curses seemed to do me any good. My pussy was filled to the brim with him, my walls gripping him tightly. He rolled his hips with such skill, the shaft of his dick rubbing up against my gspot with the tip of him reaching the back of my pussy.
Him having a slight curve upwards only added to the pleasure, the curve helping him reach places that only he now knew existed.
He smiled at my response, thinking that he would ‘deal’ with my incomplete sentences later.
“I want you to tell daddy how good this big dick is. Explain to me how this dick make you feel again, princess”
He cooed, his tone becoming sweet which completely contradicted his strokes, his hips speeding back up.
I could barely talk, drool pooling into the sides of my mouth with tears leaving my eyes again.
“I- I-“
“Come on. Say it”
He taunted.
He knew I couldn’t, pressure in my stomach beginning to rise again. If he asked me what my name was in that moment I probably would have had to genuinely think before answering.
“This dick got you dumb, huh? My dumb little slut”
He mumbled, his words sending me over the edge completely. My body thrashed around as I squirted all over his dick, some of it getting on his stomach and chest. The force was so strong that it pushed him out, his heavy dick sliding right on top of my clit.
“Gahdamn, baby” he watched the rest of my juices drip onto the sheets, his dick now jumping from sensitivity.
“I-I’m done”
I breathed heavily and closed my legs, the two limbs shaking as if I had been freezing for hours.
“Nah, you getting the full experience, ma. Turn that ass around”
He grabbed my hips and flipped my limp body onto my stomach, earning a cry from me. He sat on top of my thighs and squeezed my ass with his hands, spreading my cheeks apart before spitting down onto my second hole, taking his thumb and spreading it around before slowly easing it inside of my ass.
I choked out another cry, the strange new found sensation making my eyes roll back painfully, my pussy clenching around absolutely nothing.
After a few seconds passed, he was back to his original pace, pounding into my pussy from the back while slowly thrusting his thumb into my ass, the feeling giving me goosebumps and sending a shock to my clit as he smacked on my ass with his other hand before shoving my head down into the pillows under me, muffling my screams.
He leaned down, getting closer to my ear while somehow keeping up his pace, his dick now twitching inside of me more frequently, showing he was close to cumming if the constant dirty talk didn’t already do that, saying things like
“Imma be the best nigga and the only nigga to ever beat this pussy up like this”
“This good pussy all mine? Yeah? Imma lucky ass nigga”
“She so wet for me, baby. She practically droolin”
“Keep grippin’ like that, you gon’ make daddy nut”
he grunted, smacking my ass harder as he dug into me deeply, my toes curling painfully. My pussy was now drenched, my juices spreading around my inner thigh and lips, more of my cream spilling out onto his dick. I was so wet that I couldn’t even feel him rubbing up against my walls anymore, now only feeling when he hit the limit of my pussy, the ‘wall’ not allowing him to go any further.
“Daddy, please”
I begged, the pillow making it come out in a hushed tone. My pussy felt so filled and overwhelmed, my clit getting so sensitive with the sheets rubbing up against it as I laid flat on the bed, letting Erik do his worst, or what I thought was his worst.
“Fuck—…That’s it, baby, lemme use this lil pussy” we both moaned in sync, the man letting my head come up from the pillow for air.
“SHIT!- I’m about to nut!”
He shouted, his thrusts becoming more sloppy and reckless, wet slapping sounds filling the room, accompanying the sounds of the headboard banging against the wall the faster he got, one of the picture frames on the wall falling down along the line. He pulls his thumb out of me and grips my ass harshly, softly biting the top of my ear.
“Keep squeezing, baby. Just like that”
He hums, kissing my cheek softly and pausing his thrusts, grinding his hips into me.
“Erik-“
my bottom lip quivers and he smacks my ass, making me whimper and drop my head into the pillows, shaking my head.
“Now try again” he adjusts himself on his knees again, scratching his neatly trimmed and glossed nails up the sides of my thighs, swollen red stripes following after.
“Daddy—“ I cried out as I felt him ram his entire length into me once more before filling me up with a harsh sigh and a jerk of his hips.
“Fuck…”
he groans and leans up. Slowly pulling his dick out, he watched as some of his cum follows after him, spilling out of me and sliding down to my sensitive clit, my pussy clenching.
—-
“Damn…is that how sex is for everybody?” I asked. It was about an hour later and I was laying there limp as Erik chuckled, grabbing a baby wipe out of my drawer and wiping me off, my hips bucking once he swiped over my clit with the baby wipe. “Nope. But if you stick wimme, I promise it’ll be like that” he kisses my back “every” another kiss. “single” another. “Time” he smacked my ass, causing me to pull my ass up into the air and whimper, my hand reaching back to rub the spot.
————
Hopefully the person that requested this likes it, I didn’t know if they were down with the kinky shit but most of my other work looks like this so fuck it lmao.
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angeljinxx22 · 10 months
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Things Sam has said to Darlin’ but they’re things I’ve said to my dogs (feat. my southern roots)
If you even think about- *southern accent getting thicker* YOU GET YER ASS BACK HERE
We gonna play nice now? You all done? Okay good *kisses the top of their head*
Oh so now that I’m gettin’ up it’s cuddle time? I see how it is
I love you so much but you can’t have any, this is mine
Hon, if you don’t stop barkin’ in the next five seconds I’m gonna lose it… thank you darlin’
Why are y’all fighting? Cut that out before I separate y’all.
Stop bein’ so AGGRESSIVE
You’re so cute when you’re not rowdy and breakin’ things
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1427 · 2 months
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When the Levee Breaks (pt. 1)
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Daryl Dixon x OFC
The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her. Right?
Chapt. Setting: Atlanta camp
Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, season 1 Daryl, he’s not nice in this, probably won’t be for a while. 
Word count: 1600 
A/N : (aka authors warning) this is written in Daryl’s POV soOo idk. Probably not everyone’s bag. Maybe it’s no one’s bag. These first three chapters are kinda rough and I’m sorry but I can only proofread my own stuff so many times before I either post it or delete it forever.
masterlist
17+ mdni for the whole story
After stringin’ a few squirrels for dinner I figure I should get back to camp. ‘m breakin’ through the tree line, and that’s when I see her.  Beatle. Beatle, for the first time in… shit, who knows? Definitely years, I’m not exactly sure how many. Beatle, just fuckin’ sittin’ at my fire. Like somehow she knew it was mine and showed up just to take it from me. Just sittin’. Smile on her face like she belongs there. She doesn’t. She doesn’t belong at this camp, with these people. Shit, Beatle doesn’t even belong alive if I’m bein’ honest. 
No one in this fuckin’ camp can hunt worth a damn.  They’re gonna expect me to feed ‘em, ain’t they? Eventually. Eventually the food’ll run out and it’ll just be me feedin’ fuckin’ everyone. M’not doin’ it. I’m not doin’ shit for ‘em anymore. Why should I? Left my brother on that roof to rot. Naw, I’ll hunt for my damn self. Don’t even know why I’m still fuckin’ here. Should be out findin’ Merle. Honestly, don’t even know why I’m not.
Even before the dead started walkin’. I figured her days were numbered since the first fuckin’ time I met ‘er. Drunk as hell, eyes glassy, loud annoying voice barkin’ like a damn dog. Just yap yap yappin at Merle and me, tits half hangin’ outta her bikini top. Ones cinched in the string like she’d just forgotten to take ‘em out from her last time around the bar. A dumb drunk bitch, Beatle. Stupid fuckin’ stripper name. Who’s dick gets hard over a stripper named Beatle? 
I watch her, just for a second, checkin’ to see if maybe it’s not really her. But it is. ‘Course it fuckin’ is. 
Shane’s the first person I see that’s not doin’ anything, going through some clothes in a duffel bag in the back of a van, figure he might know, “Where the fuck did she come from?” Pointing toward Beatle, her back to us, fifty yards away. Stupid purple hair blowing all over the damn place. 
Shane looks to see who I’m pointing at, but who the fuck else is new at camp? His eyes finally land on Beatle before looking back at me like he’s trying to fight the smile on his damn face, “Why? You interested?”
I’m tryin’ not to lose my shit that she’s even fuckin’ here. “Nah…” I shake my head, “I know ‘er.”
Shane looks up, surprised maybe, and then not. Looking from Beatle back to me again, eyeing us up. “Yeah, makes sense.” 
I squint back at ‘im, “S’that supposed ta mean?” 
He shrugs, making a face, before smiling again, folding another shirt into his pack, “Just that you look like you might know eachother.” He doesn’t say more but I know what he’s not sayin. “Is all.” He adds on the end just to reiterate. 
He means we’re both fuckin redneck trash to anyone who looks at us. I look back over at her, startin’ to get real mad at this jarhead dickhead. Not for her or nothin’. Even if he’s right, he don’t gotta say it. Or maybe it was the way he said it. Or the way he didn’t say it. Like a fuckin’ pussy. 
A part of me feels like standin’ up for myself. Hell, a part of me feels like stickin’ up for Beatle. But, shit, it’s not even worth it.
I cough up a lougie and spit it close to his foot. “So where’d she come from?” I’m fuckin’ repeating myself. I hate fuckin’ repeating myself. 
“Think she just wandered in. Must’ve been lost in the woods or something. Ask Rick. He seems to know everything.”
Can’t keep myself from crackin’ at his petty comment. Always so fuckin’ loud with his contempt, makin’ the situation obvious to anyone with eyes. Messy. 
I decide I’m gonna ask ‘er. She’s gonna see me eventually. Better I approach her first, right? Don’t need to get football tackled in the middle of doin’ somethin’ else when she sees me for the first time. So I pull out a cigarette and start walkin’ over.
She’s talkin’ to Andrea. She fuckin’ would. Both of them loud dumb bitches. Talking about all the dumb shit they miss since everything’s turned to shit. Not talkin’ about people or nothin’ important. Just bullshit like getting your damn nails done, and eating fuckin’ ice cream. 
“Where’d you fuckin’ come from?” Sayin it louder than I meant. More aggressive than I thought my voice would sound. Usually fuckin’ is, though.  The laughing between Andrea and Beatle stops and they look over at me, just standing there waitin’ for it to register. Waitin’ for Beatles reaction. Starin’ ‘er the fuck down like she doesn’t fuckin’ belong here. She doesn’t. 
Beatles eyes light up, getting up from her chair and runnin’ over to me like she’s never been more excited to see someone in her whole damn life. I try to brace myself, but she still rocks me backward as she jumps on me, “Daryl!” Should have stopped her, could have moved just right out of the way. But nah, I let her. 
I don’t hug her back though, just push her off and let her own feet catch her. Dumb bitch doesn’t know personal boundaries. Her voice so close to my ear, “Damn, don’t look so happy to see me.”
Happy to see her? I’m not. Didn’t think I could be so unhappy to see a familiar face in my whole fuckin’ life. But she wasn’t letting that stop her, never fuckin’ did. “I was lost, found this camp. They said I could stay.” She explains, her voice high and happy and annoying as it ever was. At least she’s not drunk. 
Everyone around the fire had gone back to what they were doing. Not watchin’ us anymore. They could probably see as well as Shane that it was obvious how we knew eachother. Well, maybe not exactly how. But they probably had a good idea. 
I dunno what to say to her explanation, so I don’t say nothin’. And she just stands next to me, too close, clearly not gettin’ the hint that I didn’t really wanna talk to her. Just wanted to know why she was here. Now I know. She wasn’t gettin’ that she could and should just go back to her conversation with Andrea about ice skating, or cocktails, or what the fuck ever. 
“What about you?” Her voice quieter for fuckin’ once. 
I shake my head, blowing smoke out, “Merle and me, met up with everyone...” I don’t feel like explaining it, so I don’t. 
Beatle’s lookin’ up at me, her big eyes all wide and excited like a dumbass deer too stupid to move out of traffic, “Merle’s here?” 
This coil of disgust, I feel it snaring it’s way through my abdomen. Yeah, that’s the feeling Beatle usually gives me. Back like it never fuckin’ left. “Nah, not anymore. Sorry to dry your cunt.” 
Beatle says “Ew” fast. Like she’s so disgusted by my vocabulary. Like she isn’t just as crude, the things I heard that little mouth of hers say. 
“He’s not…” she means dead.
“Nah, hes not dead.” Usually this is where I talk something nice about Merle, about how he’s a tough sunuvabitch or some other shit. But not to Beatle. Beatle already knows, and for some reason talking about Merle with her makes me.. fuck… whatever. 
Glancing over, it looks like Beatle’s finally got the hint that I don’t wanna talk to her. She probably really was excited to see me, and I almost feel bad for a second. Before she puts her grubby fuckin’ hand in my face and asks if she can have a cigarette. Needy fuckin’ bitch. 
I laugh right in her face. At the gall of her. That at the end of it all, of everything; she was still trying to get some fuckin’ handout. “Naw.”
“Oh, come on, Daryl, please? I haven’t had one in days!” As if I give a shit what she has or hasn’t had. Hasn’t seen me in years and wants to ask for favors? 
I keep draggin’ on my cigarette, blowin’ the smoke out, and m’not smiling anymore, “I said naw. I don’t see your tits out, why would I give you anything?” Fuck repeating myself.
“You wanna see my tits?” She says it like it’s actually a question. Like she really fuckin’ believes that I’m askin’. 
“You’re a dumb bitch, Beatle, y’know tha’?” I shake my head at her, laughin’ at her again. She’s fuckin’ ridiculous.  Taking another drag I realize the cig is trash, and I almost throw the butt into the fire but decide to hand it to her instead. 
She takes it, with needy fingers like I knew she fuckin’ would. Trying to hide my smile at how fuckin’ pathetic she always seems to be.  Watching her take my trash like it’s fuckin’ gold. She drags it once, I can smell the filter burning and she throws it in the fire. “Next time maybe you’ll share one with me?” Her voice is so sweet it makes me sick. Like I didn’t just call her a dumb bitch to her face. 
Saccharine and fake, that’s how she’s always been. All her cute little movements and motions, all just tryin’ to work me up so I’ll share my smokes or listen to her dumbass whine about anything and everything. Annoying.
“Prolly not.” And I’m already walking away from the fire. From Beatle. Going back to my tent and praying to god, Jesus Christ, don’t let her follow. 
Chewin’ on what she said. Lost, huh? See? Didn’t even belong alive. 
pt 2
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I’m just going to put this out there but Poker Face is the best new show I’ve seen in years. Genuinely, wildly original. Natasha Lyonne is playing a woman named Charlie who can tell when people are lying. She’s fleeing dangerous people, so she ends up (accidentally) solving crimes on the run. She can’t help herself. Everything is surprising. The writing is flawless. Half the joy is in Charlie’s cash-only odd jobs. 
All the famous people are there, too: Nick Nolte, Chloe Sevigny, Ellen Barkin, Adrian Brody, Tim Meadows, Benjamin Bratt, S. Epatha Merkerson, Judith Light, Simon Helberg, John Ratzenberger, Cherry Jones, etc. I’ve still got one episode left (I’m hoarding it like the last chocolate in the house). You could tell me the Pope and Meryl Streep both show up in the finale, I would believe you, and the episode would be AMAZING. 
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Sanders Sides as things I’ve said/heard Part Three
part one
part two
As always, use these as inspo for anything, as long as you give credit. Speaking of credit, credit to my friends and students at [REDACTED FOR PRIVACY]. Y’all contribute a lot to this cause.
<<•>>
Janus: I didn’t lie, I just… willingly spread misinformation.
<<•>>
Virgil: Remus is a dirty thief!
Remus: Hey! I may be a thief but I am not dirty. I’m also a murderer, but we ignore that!
<<•>>
Logan: Remus, that is not “fucking around”, that is property damage.
<<•>>
Janus: Pure capitalism… just the way god intended.
<<•>>
[About Logan]
Janus: He’s just so hot when he’s covered in the blood of his enemies.
Remus: I KNOW!
<<•>>
Roman, trying to write: Ugh, what’s it called when someone shuffles from side to side?
Patton: …The cha-cha slide?
<<•>>
Virgil: Stop being queer, god.
Roman: *blows kiss*
<<•>>
Logan: You’re hypocrisy is astute.
Roman: EXCUSE YOU, I BELIEVE IN DEMOCRACY.
<<•>>
Janus: My name… is Janus.
Virgil: Okay?
Janus: Aren’t you going to make some remark and say “Janice? What are you, a middle school librarian”?
Virgil: Nah, you sound more like a stay at home mom.
Janus: Okay that is worse.
<<•>>
Logan, counting money: Four dollars…
Patton: Perry the four dollars?!
Logan: What.
Patton: I was making a Perry the platypus joke!
Logan: Okay,.. Five dollars.
Patton: Perry the five dollars?!
Logan: Stop! Six dollars…
Patton: PERRY THE SIX DOLLARS?!?!
Logan: STOP IT!
<<•>>
Virgil: Dad?
Patton: Yeah?
Virgil: If you were a skeleton, would you play your ribs like a xylophone?
Patton: Obviously!
[This one was a canon interaction between me and my mum)
<<•>>
[On Patton. Unfortunately this was what the original quote was about.]
Logan: His toes are poking out.
Remus: His dogs are BARKIN!
<<•>>
Roman: I’m alone :(
Virgil, creepily: You’re never alone…
Roman: WHAT?!
<<•>>
Logan is enjoying a cup of coffee.
Virgil: AUTISM JUICE
<<•>>
Logan: Oh, my coffee’s really hot right now.
Virgil: Just like you! Ayyy
Logan:
Virgil:
Logan: what?
<<•>>
Patton: Logan! Logan! Can I eat raw cookie dough?
Logan: Well, you can, but you run the risk of E. coli and salmonella—
Patton, running to enjoy the forbidden snack: I DON’T CARE ABOUT E. COLI!
Logan: What do you MEAN you don’t care about E. coli?!?!
<<•>>
Remus: Well piss my pants and fuck me backwards!
<<•>>
Janus, giving business advice (trust me it’s real): There’s two things you need to know about bananas.
1. There’s money in a banana stand.
2. There’s money in a banana ripening warehouse.
<<•>>
Roman: These boots are made for walking, not running!
Virgil: I’m made for walking, not running!
<<•>>
Logan: Alright, twelve nuggets.
Roman: *gasp* A baker’s dozen!
Logan: …You’re pretty.
Virgil: Roman is pretty!
Logan: I was calling him dumb.
Roman: Yeah I got that :(
<<•>>
Logan: Hm. I just killed two flies having sex.
Remus: *laughing* Imagine— imagine if- if god did that *laughing* to two humans *laughing fit that causes coughing*
Logan: Is this too much for you?
<<•>>
Roman: Backflip.
Janus: Evil roman be like. Front flip.
Roman: What?
Remus: FRONT FLIP!
<<•>>
Remus: You’re allowed to be any size, but if you’re tiny, you’re allowed to be discriminated against.
<<•>>
And that’s all for today! I have at least 12 more quote books worth of content, though, so let me know if you want more!
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rafescurtainbangz · 4 months
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buzz or curtain 🍑
It took me a second to figure this out 😂 also hiiiiii, 🍑
I’m assuming we’re talkin’ about Rafey and in that case a I’ll never choose.
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He’s got me barkin’ either way lmao
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