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mediacircuspod · 9 months

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Obsessed with this scene and will be forever; A very long meta.

Your ‘exactly’ and my ‘exactly’ are different ‘exactly’s’

The Scene.

Crowley’s exactly means “We need to be safe and together and away from danger. Let me keep you safe.”

Aziraphale’s exactly means “We need to help because it’s the right thing to do, and we fix things when we’re together.”

Note though, that this is the only time they clarify with each other, and they don’t actually say what they mean, they say what they want to do.

“Let’s drop him off and leave him.” Vs. “Let’s take him in and help him.”

The dissection of this also poses the question, Why does Aziraphale think helping Gabriel is the right thing to do?

And the answer is; Crowley gives him the courage to do what Aziraphale thinks is the right thing and not what heaven decrees is good.

And we can come to this conclusion because Aziraphale for the first time ever, immediately and without hesitation, goes against heaven’s will, without having to be convinced or going through a cycle of indecision or guilt. This is… A. Big. Deal.

Season One.

Heaven’s good requires Armageddon to be complete, and under-way. And what does Aziraphale first say about it? “It’s all going to be rather lovely.” “I am not interested[in stopping Armageddon with you].”

Aziraphale loves the earth in this scene. He loves the people on it. He loves all the creatures great and small. He loves Crowley, too. And he still refuses. He needs Crowley to convince him, and even then he still thinks heaven will see sense once he fixes everything. He still believes that right, and good, and holy are the same thing. Even if sometimes he doesn’t agree with it.

Now, let’s go through some history. Between the two of them, for sure, but mainly Aziraphale’s.

An act of defiance; The giving away of a flaming sword. The guilt and worry Aziraphale feels after giving Adam and Eve a chance at survival is not something he gets over quickly. He worries that it was the wrong thing even though it felt right. And the problem isn’t the system that would make doing a good deed the wrong thing, the problem is him. The problem is Aziraphale.

Compliance; The flood. The crucifixion. “God’s a bit tetchy” he says before Mesopotamia is decimated. Aziraphale is clearly uncomfortable with the will of heaven here, but he does not disobey. He does what he is told because the will of God is good and right and correct. He does this same thing with the same reasoning during the Crucifixion of Jesus in 33 AD. Crowley gives us context with a few lines, “Your lot put him up there.” “I showed him all the Kingdoms of the world.” We see a demon who still doesn’t understand why good is so cruel, and knowledge is so evil. And we see an angel that refuses to be conflicted despite his own inherent morality. Because Aziraphale understands why Crowley has questions, he has them too by now. However, Aziraphale has something Crowley didn’t; he has the knowledge of what good intentions and well-meaning questions get an angel.

Doing bad in order to do good. Let’s talk about the Job mini-sode, because let’s be completely real; I’ll never be done talking about the Job mini-sode.

Aziraphale starts this episode thwarting evil. Something he is not conflicted about. You have to thwart evil when you’re good. That’s the whole dance at this point. Crowley stops the dance though, he presents a permit. A permit from a higher authority. Meaning that Crowley, the demon, is performing the will of not only Hell, but also of Heaven. A theme that IS THE WHOLE POINT OF SEASON 1. For all their want of a war, heaven and hell want the exact same thing.

Crowley even states, “The real ‘Big One’ will be between ‘all of them’ and ‘all of us’”. At the end of Season 1 Episode 6.

Aziraphale is horrified by this “permit”. And he goes to check on the validity in heaven, and well. He finds out that it’s real. He doesn’t go higher after that, because he knows you don’t question. He knows he can’t ask why? So he goes to Crowley. If Crowley doesn’t do the evil thing, then Aziraphale doesn’t have to break the rules to thwart it. And well, even though Crowley is a demon, Aziraphale doesn’t actually see him do demonic things all that much. Aziraphale still thinks that Crowley acts like an angel. He’s even starting to think that Crowley is on the side of good. Good being heaven. Crowley denies this, but Aziraphale doesn’t listen. Crowley says, “Kill the blameless Children of Blameless Job” and Aziraphale isn’t going to stop him. The demon has a permit after all. But then something miraculous happens.

A crow, bleats.

Aziraphale looks at a demon defying heaven, defying hell, and doing good. He doesn’t know it yet, but this is his first glimpse of their side. At this point, Aziraphale still thinks Crowley is a little bit on heavens side, because the demon is a little bit good. But then Crowley keeps saving the Children. Crowley stands before angels and he lies to save the children. He does something bad to do something good. And then.

So does Aziraphale.

An angel lies to save children. And then that angel thinks that decision is his undoing. He readies himself for a fall that never comes. Because Crowley is going to keep his secret. This is where Aziraphale once again starts acting with his own moral code. It’s important to remember something important though. Aziraphale still thinks he’s the one who’s wrong. Not heaven. The birth of “their side” coincides with the saving of Job’s children. But there’s a problem.

It doesn’t mean the same thing to each of them. To Crowley it means and end to his loneliness. To Aziraphale it means the beginning of his millennia long struggle of reckoning good with right. Their “exactly’s” don’t match, and they don’t clarify with one another.

The Book and the Bandstand; Aziraphale doesn’t tell Crowley. He doesn’t say, “Let’s go save the world, I found the anti-christ” He says, “Why would I know his shoe-size?” And Crowley doesn’t suspect a thing. Ouch. They disagree on how to continue. Crowley wants to cut their losses and run away. He wants to do this because he thinks they’ve already lost. And Aziraphale doesn’t give him a reason to hold on because despite everything, Aziraphale wants to be good in the heavenly way. He wants to give heaven a chance to do good, too. A higher authority will surely agree with him. And now, he has the courage to ask. Only after he is turned down by heaven does he make his own decision. He steps into ‘their side’ safely, because Crowley had built it that way.

And he saves the world. With Crowley, and the Anti-Christ, and a series of human beings.

Aziraphale retreats to the safety that Crowley has built for them and that he himself has built as well, despite constantly looking over this shoulder. And he finds comfort there. It is the entire reason he finds himself comfortable making his own choices in Season 2, regarding what is good. It’s why he helps Gabriel, and it’s how he gets Crowley to do it too.

You might even say that Aziraphale embraces ‘their side’ more than ever in Season 2. He includes Crowley in all of his plans, excitedly tells him information he finds, calls the bookshop, the Bentley, and their existence, ours. Oppose this directly with Crowley who, in the name of keeping Aziraphale safe, actually just keeps him in the dark(The threat of extreme sanctions, Gabriel’s trial, etc.)

Exactly vs Exactly; AND STILL THE ENDING MAKES SENSE. I have a whole meta HERE about the reason Aziraphale made the decision he did, but I want to talk about it a little bit more. Because it’s the same problem. Their “exactly’s” are different, and neither of them asks the other to explain why.

In this particular case of the ending scene of Season 2, in place of the phrase “exactly” they use the word “together”.

Aziraphale wants Crowley with him in heaven, because they fix things when they’re together. And Aziraphale has faith they they can fix heaven. “We can be together” is how he presents it to Crowley. Crowley rightly sees this as naive, and he’s upset that Aziraphale thinks he wants to be something he’s not anymore.

He finds it hurtful that Aziraphale wants him to change.

“We can go off together” Is what Crowley counters. He says all of this is awful, please let us go off somewhere the danger isn’t. Let me keep you safe. Aziraphale doesn’t want to run away. He wants to save the world again. He wants to save it with Crowley. He wants them both to be good, too.

IT’S THE SAME ARGUMENT.

Only Crowley doesn’t let Aziraphale win this time. Aziraphale isn’t right this time. And Crowley isn’t wrong. (I mean I don't think he's right either, they need to find a compromise that isn't the toxicity of heaven and isn't the loneliness of running away.) This time he says, “It’s finally too much, you’re finally asking me to do too much.” Crowley for the first time ever, when asked to make the decision between the two of them, chooses himself. Neither of them explain themselves, and neither of them asks the other to do it either. Because asking questions has always been dangerous for both of them. Anyway, this season makes my brain buzz and I love the ending so much.

#its the “Let me fix it for you” but hearing “Let me fix you for it” dilemma that I said in my Job post #good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #go2 spoilers #okay? okay.#but instead its exactly? exactly.#and instead of sweet its actually heartwrenching #I won't stop talking about this EVER

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scrambledlikeeggs · 8 months

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everyone has super cool headcanons for evil X's name because calling him Evil X/EX is not only Boring but also confusing what is the diffrence in pronunciation of X and Ex aren't both kinda just 'kkkkks' deflating sounds?

And people get so creative with it! Doing fancy word play, one of my favorites being a play on the word noise as xisuma's is the word music the creativity is endless and I have the uttermost respect to these guys

But my head cannon, my head cannon? Excel.

Like the Microsoft program I have a love/hate relationship with.

Like the graph/table/spreadsheet maker

I have yet to try and make anything cool with this head cannon but I want people to know it exists.

(also I think the fact that it means to do well would be some sort of twisted irony and I really really want to write something with them as siblings because people always don't get it how I like it and as an oldest sibling I just-) *gets grabbed by hook and dragged of stage as my nonsensical but passionate rant fades into the background and I claw at the floor boards as curtain close)

#scrambled rambles #hermitcraft #hermitblr #xisumavoid #evil xisuma #xisuma #Does anyone else have cool Ex name head cannons???#And if you do want to hear the sibling relations rant just let me know and then I won't ever stop talking about it.

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tj-crochets · 5 days

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I'm not iron deficient anymore!!! :D I just got the blood test results back and for once I had a fixable problem and it is fixed*!!!! *well okay my total iron saturation % is still a little low but the rest of my numbers are in the normal range! Even ferritin!! My ferritin levels have almost quadrupled and are now in the normal range!!! :D

#the person behind the yarn #medical mention #blood mention #my ferritin levels were 3 and now they are 11 :D #I am not at stop taking supplements stage but I think I won't need an iron infusion anymore!#I was really not looking forward to finding out if I was allergic to that #like. very grateful for the opportunity to get an iron infusion if I need one #but given all the other stuff I'm allergic to...I was concerned lol #also this doc was the first doctor to bring up testing me for the Significantly Worse version of a thing I have #like. I knew the worse version existed but no doctor had ever mentioned it to me #I do not have the Significantly Worse version. It's not the kind of thing you have for a decade.#and once I told her when my symptoms started she stopped talking about doing the test #but it was nice that she knew enough about it to bring it up and that she was willing to. you know?

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izzycoel · 7 months

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history class BORING af right now!stop teaching me about Gorbachev I wanna learn about Goncharov

#goncharov posting #yes I won't stop talking about him ever #goncharov #history

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 4 months

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This. This. This entire conversation with Morrigan actually makes me want to sob. She and my Tabris always becomes close friends over the course of DAO; that, paired with the fact that my Tabris always romances Alistair, makes everything about this hurt so much more when you take DAO's ending into account.

Her confusion over why my Tabris didn't send her away. Why she didn't abandon her after they learned of Flemeth's plans. Why Tabris went out of her way to slay Flemeth and bring her the true grimoire. She asks Tabris why, and is baffled when the answer is, "I did it because I'm your friend," as if it's that simple.

The way Morrigan looks at the warden, the way her voice cracks when she says, "I want you to know that while I may not always prove... worthy... of your friendship, I will always value it."

She knows how this will end; Flemeth sent her with the wardens with the end goal of stopping the blight and obtaining the old god soul through the dark ritual. Morrigan knows that Alistair and Tabris are the only Grey Wardens here, and assuming they don't find more, one of them will have to die defeating the archdemon unless they agree to do the dark ritual.

With that context, her asking Alistair, "And what if a Grey Warden has forced to choose between the Warden he loved and ending the Blight? What should his choice be?" suddenly has so much subtext weaved through the words that I'm gonna start foaming at the mouth. She's practically telling Alistair that a warden has to die. She's scrutinizing his reaction to find any hint that suggests he would agree to the dark ritual in order to save himself and the woman he loves. And when he doesn't choose, she has her answer.

Morrigan made comments to Tabris about him, almost hopeful that their relationship was just a physical thing between them and not actually riddled with feelings... and then gives disapproval when Tabris says she loves him.

She doesn't want the warden to die; hell, she doesn't want Alistair to die, either; whether because she does actually care about him or because she knows it'll break her friend's heart if she loses him, or both!

Things would be so much easier if the only two Grey Wardens left to defeat the blight didn't fall in love, wouldn't they, Morrigan?

She knows that in the end, no matter the outcome, she will lose the woman she called sister and it's devastating.

Morrigan, who has never known true friendship. Who grew up isolated in the woods with an abusive mother and terrible implications for her future. Who discovered said mother planned to take over her body just as she did with her other daughters. Who doesn't understand kindness as it was rarely given to her without a catch. Who isolates herself from the others in camp. Who finally has a companion she cares about... and in the end, if her plan works and the dark ritual is completed, she'll end up pregnant and alone and wearing Tabris' resentment like a tender wound on her heart.

Or Tabris will reject the ritual, and will die to the archdemon.

Or her lover will.

I just- the dynamic between the warden, romanced Alistair, and Morrigan is so good and painful and rich that I'm gnawing on furniture as we speak.

#dragon age origins #dao #alistair theirin #dao alistair #dao morrigan #dao tabris #warden tabris #i'm replaying dao right now in case my recent written posts haven't made that obvious #the relationship dynamics the warden has with each of the companions is so so soooo good like there isn't a companion i dislike #i play into the slow burn with alistair's romance but it's not even just the romance aspect it's also their friendship too #playing dao and not romancing alistair would feel wrong at this point for me it's so crucial to the entire story and its development #and i love morrigan's friendship with the warden and how gutted tabris is when she comes clean about everything and offers the ritual #and then bails once everything is over and tabris is torn between hating her and feeling hurt and not wanting morrigan to be alone again #i talked more in depth about morrigan and the ritual in a previous post but it's a lot... especially when it comes to the witch hunt dlc #oh and then there's the friendship between tabris and zevran like don't even get me started on that sksksks i won't be able to stop #even a character like oghren who is the last person you'd think tabris would ever become friends with since he's y'know *oghren*#but i'll go on the record and say there's more to oghren that gets overlooked and overshadowed by his glaring flaws #and i don't wanna talk about leliana... she makes me too sad like ever since my last playthrough where i accidentally triggered her romance #while i was deep in alistair's romance i have a really hard time not reading into the things she says to tabris #in my last playthrough i dunno what i did but she confessed to tabris even though she was fully aware that tabris and alistair were togethe #and it was a *mess* okay like it really felt like we killed marjolaine and leliana was in a vulnerable position yet was hardened enough #to be like 'i know she and alistair are together but i'll take my shot anyway and attempt to break them up' like.... noooooo leliana D:#and the rest of the game it felt like she was bitter and still in love with tabris and i felt *horrible*#i just said i don't wanna talk about it but hhhnnngggg i'm taking extra precautions to not have a repeat of that this time #excuse my tag ramblings i'm just very passionate about dao and the companions okay #also want to note that this is my interpretation of morrigan's motivations based on how i play the game and my warden #so others might view this reaction and the warden/romanced alistair/morrigan dynamic differently and in that case #i would be interested to hear that different interpretations because those are always fun to read

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i-am-but-a-beta-fish · 1 year

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is this about the hok or myself? the answer is yes.

#banging my head on the wall about the gap between legacy and identity #the way npcs talk about him post main quest is just. there's all this gratitude for his sacrifice.#all this reverence for his memory #''we're saved!'' ''must have been a privilege to know him''#but at the same time nearly nobody mourns him #martin septim has become an idea. a symbol. the distant kind of savior so easy to honor #martin septim— brother martin— martin the man—the person with thoughts and feelings and joys and regrets is slowly being forgotten #who will keep hold of that as the future comes rattling in? who's left to keep the human from being consumed by the ideal of him??#did he ever even get a funeral???#like how am i NOT meant to go a little bonkers in the face of that??#just. fuck man.#martin septim #one day i will stop talking about oblivion probably #it could happen. i mean it won't but it could.#tes #oblivion #i seek a place to ramble merely

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trashlie · 10 months

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Continued dumb things that rattle around in my noggin at like, all times.

This is nothing new, of course; we have talked to DEATH how significant that moment of surprise is in the context of quimchee revealing that Nol likes a nice smile. But the additional context I enjoy is that we know by this stage the friendships Nol meant to be pretend were so real. We already can glean that Nol was very drawn to Shinae in a genuine way - both as a person he wanted to help but also as a friend he earnestly wanted to be friends with.

But, correct me if I'm wrong, this is the first time he sees her smile like that - at a time when she's clearly uncomfortable and miserable on the spot in front of so many people, without her comfort jacket, at an event he knows she's being forced to attend. And it's because of him.

Nol's whole thing is helping people, putting good back into the universe, trying to improve situations for other people. He's surely made Dieter and Soushi smile and laugh.

But here it feels SO loaded and significant. Shinae with her tall, dense walls. Shinae who has been so difficult to reach. Shinae whose friendship he genuinely wants, genuinely enjoys, despite how she tried to stay safe in her shell, in this uncomfortable moment laughing and smiling in such a bright radiant way.

He's a sucker for a good smile.

And he brought her that comfort.

I don't think it's necessarily an attraction thing as much as it's one of those very important bricks laid in their foundation. Nol doesn't in that moment consciously realize he likes Shinae. I think something just strikes him in that moment. That smile, that radiant joy, makes him feel something he can't identify.

THINK ABOUT IT. He's just come back from meeting Alyssa who immediately took off after Meg even though they haven't met in so long. Standing here watching Shinae endure an awkward, uncomfortable dance in front of strangers, everyone recognizes Kousuke - but not Nol. He's a stranger to his family's world, even to his girlfriend. He's just another guy in the crowd.

But there's Shinae, who sees him. The same Shinae who has taken notice of his scuffed knuckles. The same Shinae who, after the dance, immediately goes to him and asks about him.

It's no wonder he says this.

I think seeing Shinae at the formal, clearly against her will, is the moment Nol remembers what happens to people he cares about. He got invested, he sought her friendship, and even though he doesn't know why she's there, he's certain it's her proximity to him. Even before Sangchul, before the pool, Nol remembered the danger.

It's after this he gives Kousuke his word that he'll avoid Shinae, and I think that's why. He already had the intention of distancing himself. It was supposed to be fake and he knew it wasn't and that he doesn't deserve her friendship he put her in danger by showing interest. She had drawn boundaries, she didn't even really want his friendship it'd be fine.

But then he made her laugh. But then she spotted him when no one else did. Then she burst into that bright, radiant laughter because of him and he probably knew: it was too late. He screwed up and yet....

Nothing is okay everything is messed up but he puts on that mask anyway. For friendship. Because he needs to. For her comfort. So he can convince himself he can actually pull away. So he can convince himself it doesn't mean anything else.

So he can convince himself someone cares about him, that maybe something is real even if real means danger.

(But he can't and we know it and we watch it over and over. It's too late and he just can't stay away.)

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #CAN'T STOP WON'T STOP #it's feral Thursday #bhvonufojifuhyfuh7h8 #thinking about how significant this scene is makes me feel SO insane #thinking about how much this moment means what it makes him feel what it sparks inside #I feel kind of confident about the timeline of feelings at this point but I'm curious if that will ever be confirmed or denied #obviously they've been developing slowly quietly from the very very beginning #but i love how this moment gives us something concrete #honestly this entire arc and the hospital episides are just gihydz7F7YDTUX7TV8UG9IB8UFU9GH #yknow?#but i really like what we get to glean about how their relationship shifted and got altered #the role reversal and Nol's slow mental decline becoming more and more miserable and distant #and how despite it he still indulges of small pockets of comfort from Shinae #GOD SCREAMS I JUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHEWS THROUGH A PILLOW AND WHIPS IT AROUND #talking with the gang and thinking about all the doubts Nol has that anyone ever cares #that he does any good #the world would be better off without him he thinks #but in that exact moment Shinae is better off because he does #HOWLS

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flowercrowngods · 6 months

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i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not?#how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe.#why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it?#just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay.#maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning.#on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

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ryllen · 2 years

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we were seeing [x], and my friend said [x] ...

#tumblr still won't track my tag and has not answered my inquiry #i guess i will tag these to the void #twisted wonderland #jade leech #trey clover #twst fanart #treyjade #twst jade #twst trey #fanart #anyway i love treyjade #when i get to think of them i can't stop talking on my twitter rt spam account #about how adorable they are #about how their dynamic compliments each other #worse scenario i will be disappear from the radar forever #... are you who ghost reblog this also in the same situation as i am #or are u hiding urself deliberately #anyway trey senpai has the most senpai energy from all senpais character i have ever seen #naturally u just want to depend on him #he is so short when he is standing between the twins #but he has a strong built look and incredible charisma that seem to make him equal with them #anyhow this sentence can not depic them any better #i love them so much #i love jade who can act spoiled around trey #and i like trey who can put jade in place and see his bullshit when he starts being manipulative fhsdh #while also be loving and caring towards him #hhhh.........#they are perf

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corfisers · 5 months

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i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag

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yuriyuruandyuraart · 5 months

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Are you aware that I'm-a-gay-fish and Zu ship dr//m/are ?/genq

okay so it took me a while to answer this but i finally found the words to so here goes; yeah i do know, and i totally understand if you don't ship it, neither do i, but there's nothing i can do about it?

they're allowed, so long as they don't harm people, to do whatever they want on their own platforms. and before you ask me if i support *ncest, would you actually ask someone if they support toxic relationships and murder whenever they ship two unhealthy killers with mental problems? because that's funnily enough what most people do around here! you can say it's not the same, and that they're romanticizing it, but i can personally detach myself from fiction enough to realize that while this concept depicted in their art shouldn't be recreated in real life, that doesn't mean they actually engage or support people that do that irl- they asked zu the same question so many times, and frog doesn't either and i've known gayfish for three years! you're well within your right to stop associating with them or distance yourself from their content but i myself won't.

i know fiction affects reality to a degree, don't twist my words please, but if you're too young to consume that kind of content with a nuanced perspective or is triggered/affected by it then as long as they tag their content properly then you can unfollow, block and move on. i have a habit of following and reblogging people's works before looking at their bios and before i know it find myself having to choose between two sides i don't belong to and i frankly don't want to! anti this or proship that- in this online era you have to adapt by keeping your cool and curating your own online experience and viewing people in black and whites is stressful, painful and dangerous for everyone involved. i don't even reblog the content you probably have a problem with, and i'm honestly still scared of the response i'll get-

i will not blame or hate whoever unfollows or blocks me for this, it's to be expected, but please don't think about it like some bad vs good guys dilemma? sometimes thought provoking morally grey ambiguous stories with messed up characters spark more positive discussion and healing than people looking into it because they suffer from the same delusions and want a justification-

like realistically, in my blog, most ppl here are basically shipping two literal skeletons with magic in their bones who are sometimes almost the exact copy of one another, and who theoretically have a very similar dna, and sometimes they make shipkids, which, if you know anything about *ncest, is one of the main reasons why you shouldn't bang your siblings - mostly from a moral standpoint because that's so gross i can't even think of it, but also because any offspring would suffer greatly from physical and mental diseases hidden in their genetic code- like. you could argue it's not the same but it's sancest for a reason. and even when they're widely different sanses, you wouldn't think fell x sans is wrong (at least in this specific community) but really we've all just gotten numb to how weird that sounds. trust me, there's a reason we don't talk about our ships to outsiders HHH

TL,DR: so while i greatly encourage you to block people and content you don't want to see/associate with, including me! i hope i made it clear why i, personally, don't care about dreammare and whoever ships it.

#thank you to anyone who made it this far and gave me a chance to voice my opinion :')#sorry this is long but i want to make it as precise and close as many holes as i can with my arguments before i receive an ask about it #it's fine if you do btw i wanna clear any doubts and i know for a fact a loot of you will either leave or be conflicted and trust me i know #it's the whole reason why i was avoiding this conversation! i kept on hoping everyone was on the same page but we're not and that's okay #truthfully i can only hope that the people who'll leave this blog after this take the opportunity to question the fics and media they like #-in the future. don't force yourself to enjoy something you don't but nothing is as cut to the point as 'this is gross stop talking'#for the record you won't see me reblog any dreammare or anything about it because i don't even like them like that so why would i HHH #also i'm sorry but zu is quite frankly the sweetest person i've ever met and frog has been supporting ME for as long as i can remember!!#they're such a big part of this blog and the reason for it's existence so i'll choose them and my principles over faking a view i don't hav #have an amazing day everyone and thanks again for passing by muah muah :'D <333

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nateriverswife · 8 months

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google how do you delete your tumblr account without actually deleting your tumblr account

#I just want to hide it from everyone #even my moots #but I don't want to lose my account #because I wrote some stuff that I want to mantain #and maybe I'll change my mind and get back to this fandom #because as of right now #I've seen so many takes that are so popular that I just cannot wrap my head around them #like do y'all actually believe that... did we see the same show?#some people should really stop try to compensate ohba's poor writing with the most absurd takes ever and pretend they are canon #I feel like I can't even talk about some things because the fandom sees them in black and white #you know there are other shades.......#I'm really getting back to my teenager self #she too felt drained by the fandom #this is not targeted to anyone specifically #it's just a general feeling #because I left my circle made of some moots that understand me #I'm sorry for whoever sent me asks (E.H. specifically) - don't know when I'll enthusiastically come back #also I seem whining about different opinions but it's not just that #there are other stuff about this fandom that I noticed that I just cannot stand lmao #won't get into it

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please-give-dd-bread · 7 months

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haii!! so um not sure what to post but like all i can think of right now is um the correlations between Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta and Elma so um here! have a list of the different ways Elma (the album) references the diary, letters and the album it responds to

(if i miss some let me know please)

and dearest mobile users i will spare you so have a cut

edit: so @just-nonsense-bungaku said some stuff in the replies (thank you so much!) and all the songs after 8/27 (or the Nautilus MV) were written by Elma when her anger lost steam and she started to process her grief. explaining why Ame to, Yuu, Kokoro and Amy sound so different from the style she used (or copied off of Amy) from pre-8/27

and another edit: @teamsavingmyles said some stuff in the rbs, thank you thank you thank you!!! i've been thinking about Yuunagi's references recently cuz i've been working on translating both albums but i never really got around to it so yeah thanks!

edit: i just changed the order of stuff because i forgot well. each song would be written on different days, so for example Koe wouldn't refer to Kokoro, more like Kokoro was inspired by Koe and Yuunagi's metaphor for a hole in the heart

1. 8/31 & 車窓 (Shasou/Train Window)

...they're instrumentals :P (seriously i find no connection)

2. 藍二乗 (Ai Nijou/Deep Indigo) & 憂一乗 (Yuu Ichijou/Only Sorrow)

the concept of i to the power of 2 (and however that relates to Amy's feelings about Elma)

also the first kanji of both titles sound like "i" and "you"

edit: so Ai's chorus' motif is about how blurred the world is, because of Amy's tears, while Yuu's chorus motif is how transparent the world feels to Elma, now that Amy's gone

edit: Yuu takes the phrase "I don't need anything" from Hachigatsu, but for a completely different reason. i think in Hachigatsu, Amy says he doesn't need anything to show his life will ends soon, so like what's the point of anything. in Yuu, Elma says she doesn't need anything besides Amy. she just wants to hear him sing, just one more time (or something)

i mean other than that there isn't much, they sound so different

(like seriously. Ai is like TADA. TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-- and then Yuu makes suis sound like she's about to cry. dakede *sobbing*)

3. 八月、某、月明かり (Hachigatsu, Bou, Tsukiakari/August, A Certain Place, Moonlight) & 夕凪、某、花惑い (Yuunagi, Bou, Hana Madoi/Evening Calm, A Certain Place, Fireworks)

so first of all both seem to stem from one memory of watching fireworks in the summer (according to a summary of Letters and Diary i read some time ago)

edit: re-reading Diary and it was Memory 17

Yuunagi was the first song Elma wrote, which is why it sounds so similar to Hachigatsu (INTENSE electric guitar, softer at the verses, picks up at the chorus, drops again)

also unrelated note but Hachigatsu is by far the angriest song i can think of. at least by Yorushika

edit: one of the last lines of Yuunagi may be what inspired Kokoro, "In my heart, a hole opens"

Yuunagi also references Ai, in the line "this song has about ___ characters" and the phrase "drowning in flowers" is seen again in Ame to

4. 詩書とコーヒー (Shikaki to Koohii/Songwriting and Coffee) & 雨とカプチーノ (Ame to Kapuchiino/Rain and Cappucino)

...coffee

okay seriously though, both also sound somewhat similar to each other (but from here on out, Elma's developing her own style :DDD)

in both songs they do struggle to keep up with memories of each other, in Shikaki Amy states he forgets things like dreams, things like Elma's mouth and eyes and in Ame to Elma tries not to let anything, literally all of her memories of Amy fade away. (reminds me of the reason why Elma kept a diary for her trip to Sweden)

5. 7/13 & 湖の街 (Mizumi no Machi/Lakeside Town)

...they're also instrumentals

6. 躍ろうぜ (Odorouze/Let's Dance) & 神様のダンス (Kamisama no Dansu/Dance of the Gods)

um the titles have "dance" in them???

not sure really. in Odorouze, Amy pretends everything's fine when he's still struggling with his memories of Elma and depression and whatever and in Kamisama no Dansu Elma is PISSED OFF about the fact that she decided to follow Amy's footsteps considering his values. i mean i don't blame her i don't feel like being told i'd have about a year left to live and just LIVE AND GO DO STUFF and go to Sweden before realizing "dang. i screwed up. can't talk it back now--" *oofs self on some random dock*

oh also a discussion i had w/ nonsense-bungaku on Kamisama has changed my beliefs slightly; Elma is still mad at Amy (and herself) for following his path and beliefs but she's also kind of done trying to create music with "value" and "purpose", just creating music because it's fun, because the process of creating music is something one can derive joy from

edit: Kamisama does take a line, "名もない花が綺麗とか" ("Nameless flowers are beautiful") and a slightly altered version of the line "そんなのどうでもいいから" ("I couldn't care any less about that", being "どうでもいいことばっかだ" meaning the same thing) from Yoru Magai

Kamisama also references Yoru Magai in the lines "I keep my head down, like I'm scared" because in the verses of Yoru, in the fifth lines, Amy talks about keeping his head down, so he can't see how blue the sky is or so he doesn't understand everyone's feelings.

another unrelated note, Kamisama no Dansu is still freaking good. not that it wasn't good before but like there's something about it that i really like and would talk about until i fainted from loss of oxygen.

7. 六月和雨上がりの街を書く (Rokugatsu wa Ameagari no Machi wo Kaku/In June, I'll Write About the Town After the Rain) & 雨晴るる (Ame Haruru/After The Rain)

first of all, both of them are about rain (astute observation. round of applause.)

i do think it's really cool how Amy says he'd write about the rain in the town he stayed at but never stayed long enough to write about it, so Elma does it for him. also Elma's style has changed from where she was before, like say, Yuunagi or Koe

also Rokugatsu references Ai Nijou and may be what inspired the creation of Parade

edit: both Ame and Rokugatsu talk about this "ultramarine" which, at least to me, in Rokugatsu refers to the whole memories and the window and in Ame Ha it refers to tears

Ame Ha also references Gogatsu with the swaying curtains, and *potentially* references Hachigatsu in the line "my heartbeat rung out". potentially. if i'm looking too deep and they aren't related don't yell at me

8. 五月は花緑青の窓辺から (Gogatsu wa Hana Rokushou no Madobe Kara/In May, from the Emerald Green Window) & 歩く (Aruku/Walk)

again, not sure how these correlate. though i like how Aruku's chorus is a slowed down version of Gogatsu's chorus.

edit: ...how i didn't notice this i will never know. the frikking Emerald Green/tears metaphor.

Aruku also talks about feeling "asleep", where Elma (as she said in Ame Ha) plays dumb and pretends not to know Amy would die early cuz chronic illness and moveth to foreign country (though Amy did grow up there) and unhealthy mental state. this song and Koe also talk about Elma hating herself for doing so, but Elma and Nautilus think that her playing dumb was pretty endearing

both songs also have this feeling of being "trapped", where Amy feels trapped in this life, and the only way out is Emerald Green, while Elma got left behind and is now stuck looking for at least scraps of the person she loves through these streets

Aruku also potentially references Yoru Magai in the way Elma imitates Amy by keeping her head down, the same way as Kamisama

9. 夜紛い (Yoru Magai/False Night) & 心に穴が空いた (Kokoro ni Ana ga Aita/A Hole Opened Up in My Heart)

i think it's cool how Yoru's main and last line is "I want to open up a hole in you" and then Kokoro's is like "That's why a hole has opened up in my heart" like HOWWWWW HOW MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THAT

also Kokoro's third line references the song it responds to, as well as Letters 6/26, "a false night, like twilight, painted the town"

also another unrelated note KOKORO NI ANA GA AITA IS JUST SO SAD AND PAINFUL. LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LET ME CRY

edit: how none of you said this gets me. um the line "君だけが僕の音楽なんだよ"、エイミー ("You alone were my music", Amy) is literally from Ai Nijou (i mean i guess it was too obvious but whatever i'll put that in)

10. 5/6 & 森の教会 (Mori no Kyoukai/Church in the Forest)

more. instrumental.

11. パレード (Parade) & 声 (Koe/Voice)

both incorporate the concept of the God of Art which i think is cool

both are lyrically short

Koe references Yoru in the line "this heavy life is like a machine gun" and may have alluded to the metaphor from Yuunagi - in the line "what I want to draw/picture is the time that hollowed my heart" (and maybe a part of a line got re-used in Ame to Kapuchiino?? does the line "when I cry, it overflows” count???)

Koe also sounds like Parade, just in the key C#, not D

edit: in Letters 7/13, Amy said Parade was Koe

another edit: Parade is the song about the God of Art, right??? well i read @saikisser 's post on how FREAKING SAD PARADE IS AND LISTENING TO IT WITH CONTEXT MAKES IS EVEN SADDER and well Amy also thinks Elma is divine to him (because she's the one that sings the lyrics the God of Art managed to find in his fingers)

also another unrelated note but listen to Parade it's such a beautiful song i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeee ittttttttttttttttt

12. エルマ (Elma) & エイミー (Amy)

awwwwww the non-depressing songs!!! i love them sm

um they're messages directly to each other

both were the last songs each other wrote in the story

they both sound sweet and Kumo to Yuurei-esque, but slightly more upbeat (basically just similar to each other)

yeah i love those songs they're the only happy ones by Yorushika i can think of besides Haru Dorobou (which is just SPRING :DDD oooo flowers!!! they're pretty!!!)

anyways.

13. 4/10 & 海底、月明かり (Kaitei, Tsukiakari/Seabed, Moonlight)

another. instrumental. (dw this is the last instrumental)

aaaaaaaand the last one. the one we've been waiting for.

14. だから僕は音楽をやめた (Dakara Boku wa Ongaku wo Yameta/That's Why I Gave Up On Music) & ノーチラス (Nautilus)

so they were both featured at the end of their journeys. (Amy oofs himself on the dock, Elma finds his stuff a year later and cries before going home on a ship like a month later but in that month there's like no lore whatsoever so it's kind of an epilogue???)

Dakara Boku mainly is just. looking at whatever happened back then and how much Amy regrets whatever he did in Letters. he wishes he stayed with Elma cuz then he'd have a bit longer to live but well i guess he really isn't going to make it past the summer. also screaming. aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--

i will say Nautilus was also written by Amy, because at the literal end (just before he wrote Elma, i think. he doesn't write when he says goodbye in Letters and Diary obviously doesn't state when it was written because well Elma doesn't know) he was going about his day before realizing the day he runs out of ink draws nearer and nearer. and he hasn't even considered how Elma felt/would feel after he's gone so he wrote Nautilus as a way to say "it will be hard, but turn away from me and lift your head to the future" and that makes me cry even harder like NOOOO I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU HERE BUT ALSO I CAN'T TAKE YOU WITH ME CUZ YOU TOOK THE BUS TO THE OTHER WORLD CYA

and that's it for the albums! =w=

*pathetic bowing*

#yorushika #ヨルシカ #that's why i gave up on music #だから僕は音楽をやめた #elma #エルマ #oh also also also! not related to yorushika but a few months ago i discovered tuyu #from yappari ame wa furunda ne #now i sometimes type daKEDO YAPPARI AME WA FURUNDA NEEEE randomly cuz i can #but about the song Compared Child #it escalates. like really bad.#like it starts off #ah compared child. compared child. you don't have to tell me. i know i won't ever be as good as her. please don't and leave me alone.#<- mildly irritated. she knows. you can stop comparing her. *some time in the song later*#AH. COMPARED CHILD. COMPARED CHILD. YES I ALREADY KNOW. I WILL *NEVER* BE AS GOOD. I KNOW NO MATTER WHAT I DO I WON'T GET REWARDED.#DON'T EVEN BOTHER TALKING TO ME. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I WISH I KNEW HOW MUCH I WOULD HATE YOU.#<- VERY VERY PISSED. on the verge of a breakdown (if said breakdown hasn't yet occurred)#anyways have a nice existenceeeeee

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