#I was growing very uncomfortable but my natural stress response is freeze so I was stuck face blank which he must have taken for approval

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Gang of Secrets

Well... I'll give this episode one thing. It's better than what we got from both “Truth” and “Lies”, and it did do one of the things I hoped the writers would tackle this season. That's not saying much, but I'll take what I can get.

Let's get into the fourth (chronologically the third) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Gang of Secrets

We start off right after an Akuma battle, and while Cat Noir is eager for their victory fist bump, Ladybug seems to be on edge, insisting that they go on patrol. Cat Noir thinks of a place that they can relax at without talking... and he chooses to take Ladybug to see a romantic comedy.

We're not even a minute in, people, and it already looks like Ladybug is considering using her authority as Guardian to take away Cat Noir's Miraculous.

Ladybug goes on a brief tangent summarizing what happened with Luka (which conveniently happens to reflect the events of the movie), and naturally isn't happy with the movie. Gee, it's almost like Cat Noir's plan was a bad idea. He seriously tries the whole “pretend to yawn as an excuse to put his arm around Ladybug” trick, so you can't tell me he didn't have romantic intentions here.

Why Kagami couldn't accept Adrien's “true self” is beyond me.

After storming out of the movie theater, Cat Noir tries to emphasize with Ladybug (key word being “tries”) by going on about how “he knows what a broken heart is like”. At least he didn't ask if she was single now. Ladybug decides to go for a swim, but we cut back to Marinette's house, with Ladybug in her aqua form, implying she went to the pool while still transformed. And here's a big problem with the episode. In theory, I like the idea of Marinette stressing over her new responsibilities, as it could lead to some interesting plotlines. The problem is that when we get something like that in this episode, it's played entirely for laughs. At one point, Alya mentions hearing Marinette crying in the bathroom because of the stress she's been going through. And instead of being a dramatic scene, she just runs out in some Groucho Marx glasses for some reason, because according to the writers, we're supposed to laugh at Marinette suffering from a potential mental breakdown.

This just raises several questions about the way we're supposed to treat Marinette's behavior in this episode. Are we supposed to take this seriously? Not completely, because of how a lot of the “jokes” in the first act of the episode revolve around Marinette's anxiety being driven up to eleven. Are we supposed to see all of this as a joke? Not completely, because the end of the episode is when the writers decide to take Marinette's inner demons seriously. It leads to a very conflicting picture the episode is trying to paint with the way Marintte's conflict is portrayed.

We then cut to what seems to be the only thing the writers like to do with this character now, Alya acting like has control over Marinette's love life.

Of course those are the only pictures Alya got of Marinette.

Uh... Alya? Honey? Have you even considered the fact that maybe Marinette didn't tell you about Luka because that's none of your damn business??? What gives you the right to know every single detail about your friend's life? I understand that you're a hardcore Adrienette shipper (and an unintentional metaphor for how obsessed the writers are with the Love Square), but why would Marinette be obligated to tell you about Luka?

I know that I asked Marinette if she told Alya about Luka in my “Truth” review, but that was because she continued to force the belief that Marinette still liked Adrien onto her. Yeah, I'm still confused as to why Marinette didn't tell Alya, but the difference is that I was more confused at her not explaining it, and felt it would have made the conflict in the New York special a lot easier. I don't think Marinette has to tell Alya, I just think it would make some things easier between them with how much Alya wants Adrienette to be canon. Marinette has no obligation to tell Alya anything about who she's dating. What goes on in someone's love life is a private matter, and we'll see that Alya has no regards for privacy.

Alya, along with Juleka, Rose, Mylene, and Alix, devises a plan to give Marinette a friendship bracelet to show their support for her. And as usual, Alix has the simple idea to talk to Marinette about what's going on with her, and of course, she's ignored. Sorry, Alix, but this is an Alya episode, where smart choices don't fly here.

We cut back to Marinette's room where we get a pretty good scene where Marinette confides to Tikki about how she knows she has no chance of having a love life. She points out how she had to end things with Luka because of her secrets, and knows that even if she worked up the courage to talk to Adrien, she couldn't do anything because of the same secrets. She can't tell her parents or friends about her secrets and is forced to lie to everyone all the time. The voice actress gives a good performance, and the animators did a good job rendering the red eyes Marinette gets from crying.

And then we get back to the stupid stuff, where Marinette decides to transform into Ladybug and demands Hawkmoth (even though he's Shadowmoth at this point) show himself. This is really just an excuse for the Girl Squad to barge into Marinette's room, where Rose sees the dollhouse Marinette uses to hide the Miracle Ball. Marinette quickly runs back in and tries to hide the the Miracle Ball from her friends, who confront her about her “problem”.

No, real friends respect boundaries and don't demand to know every single detail about someone's life. They understand that there are secrets they don't have the right to know about. If Alya found out that Alix still needs to sleep with a nightlight and told everyone, would you really be surprised if she got mad at Alya for exposing this secret of hers? Right now, Marinette is clearly uncomfortable about telling her friends about a secret she has, and rather than understand she doesn't want to, they just keep pressing on, and don't care how unhappy she looks.

Unsurprisingly, Marinette tells them all to get out, saying she doesn't want them as friends anymore. Okay, so we're in every salt fic ever written now. Again, we get a good scene where Marinette feels remorseful for what she said (as understandable as it was), while the girls leave with their heads down.

Shadowmoth sends out an Akuma for the friendship bracelet, and because the object had personal meaning to all of them, Alya, Juleka, Rose, Mylene, and Alix all get akumatized into their previous Akuma forms, Lady Wifi, Reflekta (yet again), Princess Fragrance, Horrificator, and Timebreaker respectively. Shadowmoth calls them the “Gang of Secrets”. But they were akumatized because of secrets. Wouldn't a more accurate name be something like “The Honesty Brigate” or “Truth Troop?”

When I reviewed “Felix”, I had talked about how the motivations for the three Punishers weren't didn't reflect their Akuma forms, which were twisted versions of what they were feeling like at the time. While the same thing applies here (as well as “Heroes' Day”, now that I think about it, though I always thought it was like a drawback to Scarletmoth's powers), the titular Gang of Secrets is actually a pretty good lineup.

I think my main problem in “Felix” is that we didn't get to see the three Akumas working together much because the writers were trying to prioritize Felix as the primary threat of the episode and failed miserably. Here, we get to see a lot of interesting combos and strategies I never really thought about. Lady Wifi uses her powers to freeze some civilians while Timebreaker skates by and absorbs their energy for her skates. Reflekta zaps some other civilians while Princess Fragrance sprays them with her perfume to brainwash them into looking for Marinette, even if it’s the only time this episode that we get to hear “At your service, Princess Fragrance~!”. Horrificator intentionally goes around scaring people while growing in size, acting as the muscle (even though she doesn't do anything in this episode). They all work surprisingly well together, acting like Ladybug and Cat Noir's own Sinister Six.

After making a new safe to hide the Miracle Ball, Lady Wifi breaks into Marinette's room again, so Trixx, the Fox Kwami, uses his power to create a mirage to distract her. But like when Plagg used his Cataclysm in “Style Queen”, it has a little drawback.

The funny thing is that this doesn't even crack the top 5 in terms of weirdest things to happen to the Eiffel Tower in this show.

We cut to Adrien's room so the show can remind the audience he exists before he transforms into Cat Noir. The two don't meet up in person, but Ladybug tells Cat Noir to keep Timebreaker busy so she doesn't travel back in time while Ladybug goes after Lady Wifi. Of course, she doesn't have the friendship bracelet, but that wasn't Ladybug's plan in the first place.

Her actual plan is talking to Lady Wifi in an attempt to get Alya to break free of Shadowmoth's control. It's short, but it's a nice scene, with Ladybug explaining to Alya that even though they can't know everything about each other, they're still friends. So against all odds, Alya manages to reject the bond with Shadowmoth.

Oh yeah, it's not like we saw Chloe reject an Akuma in “Miraculer”, right? And Chrismaster giving up his akumatized object for Ladybug to purify? That didn't count either. Alya is clearly the first person to ever do this, and this is why you should immediately accept what happens later on.

Alya tells Ladybug where the Akuma is, and in response, Ladybug gives Alya the Fox Miraculous, which she uses to transform into Rena Rouge... even though she was already benched in “Feast” for endangering herself by uploading a video about the history of the Guardians to the internet, just like how Queen Bee and Ryuko were benched earlier for similar reasons, and the latter only appeared again because Ladybug wanted to get Kagami away from Adrien. Because I guess we're just going to ignore one of the biggest plotpoints of “Miracle Queen” now.

The other Akumas have Cat Noir at their mercy, so Rena Rouge uses her Mirage to create an illusion of Marinette to distract them. Timebreaker goes off to chase the illusion, and while Horrificator, Princess Fragrance, and Reflekta are about to take Ladybug's Miraculous, Rena Rouge and Cat Noir are the ones to break the object. Overall, a really clever climax to the episode.

So after Alya returns her Miraculous to Ladybug, we cut back to Marinette apologizing to her friends, who never apologize for invading her privacy. And while she mentions Luka, Marinette suddenly talks about how hard is to confess her feelings for Adrien, something that was never mentioned in this episode, because the writers are desperately trying to encourage the audience to ship the Love Square again brutally shooting down Lukanette and Adrigami. And after all this, Alya goes back up after everyone else leaves because she can just tell Marinette has another secret. How does she know this?

Okay, fine, Alya can be supportive of Marinette, and even her worst moments like the New York special were motivated by what she thought would make Marinette happy. A little misguided, and yeah, her teasing can be annoying at times, but she's ultimately there to help push Marinette to be honest with her feelings. “Reporter” is stretching it a little. No matter what the show likes to say, Alya isn't a good reporter. She barely verifies her sources and just posts things online. I'm sorry, but the Ladyblog is basically the superhero equivalent to TMZ. Alya probably doesn't even know who Joseph Pulitzer or Edward R. Murrow are, because rather than reporting the news to the public, she just wants to find things that will get her clicks on her website. Alya's biggest flaw as a character is that she is incredibly impulsive, but like everything else in the show, this flaw is never acknowledged, and is basically rewarded. Why do I say that? Well...

I have a lot of mixed feelings about this scene. On the one hand, it's very well acted, and the interaction genuinely highlights Marinette and Alya's friendship. Before she tells Alya, Marinette is just opening her heart out to her friend, and the grievances are played completely seriously. Even the reaction Alya gives when she finds out is very subdued, simply showing her shocked face before she gives Marinette a hug, with no dialogue. It's a very profound moment, and it's arguably one of the best in the entire series. Even the ending card doesn't show an action scene, but rather, it continues to focus on the hug while the Kwamis watch.

And thankfully, the episode doesn't end with the standard upbeat “Duh dun dun dun dunnnn, DA DA DA DA~!” track that almost every episode, no matter how depressing, usually ends with. It's just a really great moment, and a good way to end the episode... on its own.

When you think about previous episodes, like what I've mentioned with Alya, it's just strange that despite all the times she has shown herself to be bad at keeping secrets (like the aforementioned scene in “Feast”, posting a picture of her and Cat Noir kissing on the Ladyblog without her consent, and invading her privacy in this very episode, demanding to know her secrets), Marinette suddenly decides to give Alya a chance. Even worse, she had just said that she wasn't going to force her to tell her anything, which seemed like a strong character moment for her, but then the writers go back on the lesson and have Marinette do what Alya was trying to do the whole episode and tell her she's Ladybug.

Sure, Ladybug told Alya she was the Guardian and to keep it a secret earlier, but this lesson in keeping secrets should have stuck when she first became Rena Rouge in Season 2. I don't have a problem with Alya being Marinette's confidant (lord knows she needs one at this point), but I just don't think Alya is ready for this. It's the same thing with what happened with Adrien in “Syren”, by saying him immaturely threatening to quit being Cat Noir because of Ladybug's secrets was meant to show how he was ready to meet Master Fu even though it showed how selfish he was and was anything but ready. How is an episode where Alya tries to force Marinette into telling her everything she's keeping a secret meant to show she's ready to learn Ladybug's identity. Maybe if this episode kickstarted a character arc for Alya where she learned about why people keep secrets and that getting the truth isn't the right thing to do, culminating in a later episode where Alya learns Ladybug's identity, I'd be fine with that. As it is, this just had some poor timing and was the result of the writers not really thinking this through.

I guess I'm still interested to see where this goes, and how Marinette and Alya's friendship will change as a result of this. Maybe Alya can help Marinette get away to transform, or worry about her safety after an Akuma fight. Although the worst case scenario is that if Cat Noir finds out about this, he'll use it as an excuse to bitch and moan about how Ladybug is still keeping secrets from him and of course, she'll be blamed for whatever happens as a result of that.

Though I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting to mention something. Wasn't there someone else who wanted to know the truth about Marinette?

OH YEAH, I FORGOT ABOUT HIM JUST LIKE THE WRITERS DID.

This is what really kills the episode for me, just how it goes back on everything established in “Truth”. The whole reason Marinette broke up with Luka in the first place (which motivated the conflict of this episode) was because she realized keeping secrets from him wouldn't lead to a healthy relationship. As much as it pained her, it was a necessary evil Marinette had to do in order to protect her identity.

But now you're telling me that it's okay for Marinette to tell Alya her secret? WHY? How is this any different from what happened with Luka? Like Alya, Luka also wanted to known the truth, but the only difference was the way he confronted Marinette. He calmly asked her about what she was hiding, and even though she couldn't tell him, he respected her boundaries, and they both managed to end things on good terms.

Alya, who has a history of exposing secrets to the public, who barged into Marinette's room and demanded she tell her all of her secrets, is more trustworthy than Luka? This is why I don't buy the writers making Alya Marinette's confidant. I get that they want to give her some more story presence after how she had mostly faded into the background in Season 3, but this just isn't the way to do it.

Barring that, what did I think of the episode?

Yeah, it's just... it's just okay at best, mediocre at worst. There were a handful of decent moments in the episode, and some creative action scenes. Even stuff like Cat Noir's forced movie date and Alya violating Marinette's privacy isn't anything new, and unlike other episodes, the latter actually seems to apologize for that. The problem, as I already stated, was the ending. I think maybe the ending could have worked if Alya had found out Marinette's identity, but decided to keep it a secret. That way, it would make for an interesting dynamic, with Alya learning to be more responsible while secretly helping come up with ways for Marinette to get away to transform.

But as it stands, the episode is alright, but mostly forgettable if not for the ridiculous ending.

#immaturity of thomas astruc #iota #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug salt #miraculous season 4 #miraculous season 4 spoilers #marinette dupain cheng #ladybug #adrien agreste #cat noir #chat noir #gabriel agreste #hawkmoth #hawk moth #shadow moth #alya cesaire #rena rouge #lady wifi #rose lavillant #princess fragrance #juleka couffaine #reflekta #alix kubdel #timebreaker #mylene haprele #horrificator #tikki #plagg #trixx #luka couffaine

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #330

“and i don't want ya  /  and i don't need ya  /  don't bother to resist, or i'll beat ya  /  it's not your fault that you're always wrong  /  the weak ones are there to justify the strong”

If you have a job, do you like it? I'm unemployed. Do you like any kinds of fruit? Well of course. Are you waiting for something right now? Covid and this headache to fuck off, May for my tattoo, to be paid to take some pictures again... What is your favorite kind of animal? Kind, not the actual animal itself? In that case, social species, usually mammals. What kind of Dippin' Dots do you like? Holy shit, I haven't had that in like a damn decade or something. I don't know, I barely remember the taste. Who is the most badass woman that you can think of? My mom. My mother is a fucking warrior. Do you have a Pinterest account? Yeah. I get a lot of photography ideas from there, as well as base pictures to make Mark icons, haha. If you were to write a book, what would it be about? The stories I and my friends have weaved in RP. Have you ever seen the television show The Munsters? AHHHHH YES!!!!! Mom loves that show, so I used to watch it with her growing up. Have you ever written one of those 'Roses are red...' valentines? I don't think so. Would you/have you spent more than $200 on any one person for a holiday? I haven't, but I would for certain people. Do you have a favorite Robin Williams movie? Probably Night at the Museum. Thoughts on Slender Man? Have you even heard of him? I think it's a cool creepypasta; he does look pretty unnerving with his height and especially lack of a face. The movie was good too, btw. Do you know what the Tardis is? I think almost everyone does in this generation, haha. Doctor Who ain't no joke to a whole lot of people. Are there any children's shows that you'd watch today if they were on? Sure, like Pokemon or Avatar: The Last Airbender, among others. I wouldn't at all be opposed to watching The Lion Guard, either. I actually want to, with my whole TLK love. I'm not embarrassed to watch "kids" shows or movies at all. What would you call yourself the King or Queen of? Having not an ounce of knowledge on how to love things in moderation/avoid total obsession with things, haha. If I paid for you to take karate lessons, would you? No, especially not now with my legs. Do you read more fiction or non-fiction? Almost solely fiction. What modern technology are you especially grateful for? Laptops, ig. Do you have a favorite science topic? Genetics. Very fascinating stuff. Have you ever read any Sherlock Holmes stories? No. What is the saddest movie that you've ever seen? Either Johnny Got His Gun or Boy in the Striped Pajamas. What's your most popular post? On what? If Facebook, I don't really know. Possibly my "coming out" one or a lovey-dovey essay when Sara and I were together. On Tumblr, it's definitely the gif I made of Mark and Chica (his dog) with I think over 10k notes. Manga or anime? Anime. I don't read manga, though I've been tempted with Deadman Wonderland since the show only had one season and ends on a ginormous cliffhanger, but there's more story to be had. A card game that you're good at? None, really. A popular book you haven't read yet? To Kill a Mockingbird. I feel like every school student has read it at some point. Favorite Mean Girls quote? I don't know any. It's a fine movie, but I've never understood the hype. Name your top 3 albums from your favorite band/artist. Black Rain, Ozzmosis, and... then I can't choose. I love so, so many very dearly. Name your top 5 music videos. I don't really watch music videos, so I definitely can't name five. My #1 favorite is probably "Wrong Side of Heaven" by Five Finger Death Punch; I absolutely cannot watch it without crying. What are you most passionate about? How did this passion develop? Animals. I was born simply adoring animals and have always wanted to protect them and their environment. Do you like monkeys? Do you believe in evolution? Yes and yes. We've literally watched it in action. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Discussing RP if you're not involved in it. I'm terrified of people thinking I'm weird. Have you considered running for president? Absolutely not. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with? I'd say Mark, but I'd be way too interested in dating him instead of being just friends, haha... So with that said, maybe Bindi Irwin? Would you ever go skinny dipping with the last person who commented you? Lyndsey would be that person, so no. She's a great friend of mine, but realistically I'd probably only ever - if ever - do that with the company of my s/o. Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust? No. How long did your last relationship last? Around two years. Have you ever been banned from anywhere? Online, yes, as a little kid on the Animal Planet forum, haha... Has anyone kissed you when you weren't expecting it? Yeah, Juan. Did you like it? It was a sweet moment, but I didn't want it. Does your dad smoke? Like a chimney. Is your mom over 50? Yeah. Are you currently listening to anything? Yeah, kinda hooked on "The Horrible People" by Manson. I've found a lot of great music lately. Would you ever consider getting breast implants? No, but once (if...) I lose all the weight I want, it's going to be a moderate priority to get a breast lift. I've hated my body way too fucking long and am dying to be satisfied with it again, and with how much weight I need to lose, I would essentially have grandma tits. :x Do you know anyone who is bisexual? Me, haha. Among some friends. Who would you tell, or who did you tell when you lost your virginity? That's not something I'd just go to tell someone afterwards for no reason... I'd only ever mention having lost my virginity if I was actually asked or if it was relevant to a conversation. Is there something you have been trying to learn lately? I'm really trying to practice opposite action and behavioral activation, among other things I've learned in group therapy. When you think about your future career, do you envision yourself becoming the head honcho or CEO? If not, why not? Well, I want to be my own boss as a freelance photographer. In any other job, I definitely wouldn't want that. Too much responsibility and leadership skills. Can you think of a time when you seriously misjudged a music artist based on their name? I don't think so? Have you ever kissed someone that you didn’t really want to kiss (not assault, just indifference)? Why did you go along with it and how did you feel after? Yes, Tyler. I felt like I was "supposed to." I felt really uncomfortable afterwards. If you have to wake up early for something, what time is just TOO early for you to be there and be presentable and sentient? Have you ever had to be somewhere that early? Probably like, 5:00. No. Have the majority of your romantic relationships started with a physical attraction or a deeper connection? Always an emotional connection. Did you ever write a fan letter to a celebrity? How about submit something to a magazine? No to both. What hair color is the most attractive on the opposite sex? Of natural colors, black, but I like unnaturally dyed hair most. Where do you like to go to when you are stressed? On a carride, so long as I'm controlling the music nice and loud and not talking. Where do you go to get your hair cut/dyed? To a family friend's little salon/small business. Why do you want the career that you want? Because I adore art and think it's pretty darn magical that you can freeze a moment forever to not just remember in your head, but actually see. Have you ever watched iCarly? Yeah, I enjoyed it when I was younger. What was your favorite class during your sophomore year of high school? Art. Do you wear bandanas in your hair? No. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not interested. How many living grandparents do you still have? None. Have you ever worked in an office? No. Who does the grocery shopping in your house? Mom. Have you ever stayed in a hotel without your parents or older relatives? No. Did you have an Easy-Bake oven when you were little? Sure did. Have you ever seen a donkey? Yeah. Have you ever made out in a hot tub? Pretty sure no. Do you always flush the toilet after you use it? Yes. What were the last words you said to your dad? Probably "bye, love you." Have you cuddled with someone you weren’t dating? Nah. Who has the ability to hurt you the most emotionally? JASON. Are you a really understanding person? Yeah, very. Are you the type of person that enjoys getting hugs? Yes. When’s the last time you wore a wig? For a witch costume many years ago. Why were you last hospitalized? Suicide attempt. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without food? At least 12 hours, but I think I almost went a day once back when recovery started and my appetite was non-existent. What was the last name of your third grade teacher? Mrs. Britt. How was the last chicken you ate cooked? They were chicken tenders. What is your favorite kind of chip? Hot crunchy Cheetos. What grade did you have your first boyfriend? 7th. Have you ever been told that you’ve lost weight? Yeah, back when I actually WAS losing loads of weight. >> Do you have the same political views as your parents? Some things, but definitely not all. Does anyone call you babe/baby? No. Have you ever made a significant other cry? Sadly. If you could make your lips bigger, would you? Maybe just a teeeeny bit. Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Yep. Fuck them prices. Are you prone to illness? Definitely not. What races do you usually date? History says Caucasian, but I have no actual preference. I'll date any race. What’s your cup size? C. Ever flirted with a teacher? Yikes, no thanks. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister made the most stuff. Have you ever been dumped really harshly? Well, considering it literally traumatized me... Do you have any ex’s you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer, definitely. When was the last time you made a sandwich? What did you put on it? Yesterday for lunch. Ham, American cheese, and mustard. Have you ever made friends with someone that you didn’t expect to get along with? Yeah. Do you own any accessories with your name on? No. What brand of eyeliner do you use? I pay no attention to this. Have you ever been sexually harassed? No. Have you ever sent a naughty text message? Suggestive ones, yes. How long have you had your pets? Roman, around two years. Venus, around three or four years. Who was the last person to tell you that they love you, other than family? Sara. Has one of your friends ever tried to hook you up with someone? Colleen tried obnoxiously hard to push Girt and me together. We all went out to eat pizza once just as friends hanging out, and this bitch prefaced an uncomfortable and nosy question to him with an even more uncomfortable "because I'm trying to get you in her pants...", and that, my friends, was the closest occasion I've ever come to slapping someone right across the face. I looked at her in absolute disgust, and Girt was clearly thinking "what the actual fuck" as well. I do not miss her feral mouth. Are you good at staring contests? No. Eye contact is very difficult for me to maintain. Do you like peanut butter? I love peanut butter. When was the last time you had to present something to your class? In this mandatory but entirely pointless entry class at my last college, we all had to do like this PowerPoint introducing ourselves. I hated it. Who was the last person that told you they missed you? I think my friend Chelsea. What store is your favorite shirt from? It's not a real store, but rather an online brand: Cloak. Mark is one of the owners/creators so I obviously support them intensely. Have you ever fell off your bed while you were sleeping? No, thankfully. Do you have something you’re supposed to tell someone, but you haven’t yet? No. What type of food do you never really eat? Vegetables, oops. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Do you like going to weddings? Not really, if I'm being honest. I'm only interested in photographing weddings for the only the couple pictures and pay, really. I'm not big on formal events. What’s your favorite flavor squash? I don’t like squash. Do you or anyone in your house have a severe allergy? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? Our landlord/family friend, just to hang out for a little bit and chat with Mom. What fad were you actually into? Hm. What was the last spontaneous thing you did? I'm not a very spontaneous person, so I really don't know.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''the beautiful people'' by marilyn manson

[whentherewerebicycles]

I’ve been wanting to create some resources on how to read and write academic articles for the undergraduates I work with, esp those who are preparing to enter masters or doctoral programs. today I was doing some research on existing resources and then was thinking oh, maybe i could structure part of it as a list of things I wish I had known in the first years of my Ph.D. program. i meant to just create a fairly straightforward document (something I will eventually go back and do!), but because I am myself, it turned into a long 3000+ word meditation on MY USUAL THEMES (writing, selfhood, shame, panic, academic institutions, blah blah blah, feelings). i’m just gonna put some small pieces of this writing behind the cut, because I want to put it somewhere and i can’t send this to my students aha it would confuse and alarm them.

(oh, and as always: every good idea I’ve ever had has probably been articulated first and more beautifully by audre lorde, bell hooks, sara ahmed, or eve sedgwick... if i ever write for an audience larger than this tumblr, i will go back and do some more serious work around citation.)

MY FREEWRITING PROMPT:

what would I tell my younger self about reading and writing scholarship? what do I wish I had known?

Each discipline has its own cultural norms (and quirks) when it comes to writing academic journal articles. You will gradually learn these norms over time, simply through the process of reading more and more published articles in your field. Trust the process, and know that it really does take years and years. Deep learning -- as opposed to the surface level learning we obtain through ‘skimming’ or ‘cramming’ -- cannot be rushed. There are no tricks, no lifehacks, no shortcuts. 

As you continue to learn how to read and write scholarship, it will often feel as if you are simply fumbling along blindly in the dark. This is because you are working at the very edges of your intellectual comfort zone. Grad school is not about learning how to ‘master’ or ‘overcome’ these uncomfortable feelings. It is much more about learning to acknowledge and accept them as a natural part of the learning process, and more generally, a natural part of being human. In time, as you repeatedly live through such moments, you will gradually come to trust yourself and your ability to navigate these situations more. You may not magically become comfortable doing so, but you will grow to trust your mind, your purpose, and the critical tools you have learned to use. [something something] 

To sustain this work in the long term, without becoming embittered or burning out, we must learn to be gentle with ourselves and to trust the process. It is important to recognize that reading, writing, and learning are deeply emotional processes that, for scholars especially, touch deeply on our sense of who we are and what we are ‘worth.’ It is completely normal -- and very, very human -- to feel vulnerable, overwhelmed, or full of self-doubt when we are learning new skills or grappling with complex new ideas. 

On some level, we all know how stressful it can be to try something new / to risk failure. I knew that going into college and grad school. But when I think about what I wish I had known: I wish I had known that when you are truly working at the outer limits of your intellectual or emotional comfort zone -- the extreme outer edges of what you know or know how to do -- the stress can be so intense that you experience it not just as an “oh, this is hard” observation, but as a panic response so intense it can literally shut down the system. 

(For me, the symptoms are: my vision blurs; my concentration begins to fragment; my head throbs; my chest feels tight and constricted; my joints begin to hurt, not in the sense of normal soreness but in an insistent, red alert! kind way. I may burst into tears, or freeze up in a panic response, totally numb, oddly detached. When I ignore the growing pressure of these small signs from my body, pushing through in spite of those red flags, I too often end up pushing myself into moments of total meltdown. I go into freeze, fight, or flight mode: I may go completely numb and blank, dissociated from the moment; I may lash out at the people around me over seemingly inconsequential things, or fight myself by engaging in painful, self-lacerating tirades about how lazy and irresponsible I am; or I push away what’s happening, fleeing emotionally by denying, repressing, disavowing what’s happening in my mind/body. After one of these meltdown moments, the panic I felt in the moment is supplanted by a sense of deep shame, a whole-body feeling that floods my senses.)

These moments can be terrifying. Worse, because they are so personal and so negative, even acknowledging them can fill us with that deep sense of shame. We may be afraid to talk about them openly with our peers, in case someone else look at us and say, “Well, I’ve never felt like that,” or think, “Yeah, she’s right -- she really doesn’t belong here.” It can be difficult to share these feelings with trusted friends or family members who are not part of the academic world -- even if they love and want to support us, they may not have been in these situations before or understand why we are struggling, which can make us feel even more isolated. Depending on who we are and how we tend to process intense emotions, we may internalize these feelings -- the meltdown itself or the shame it evokes in us -- in different ways. For instance, if we are already prone to doubting ourselves or questioning our ‘right’ to be where we are, we might interpret these moments as cold, hard evidence that we don’t belong. Or we might try to repress those feelings, or [something something]. 

When you find yourself on the verge of meltdown or in the aftermath, try not to leap too fast to judging yourself or repressing those intense feelings, no matter how scary they feel. Take five slow, deep breaths -- deep breathing is a powerful tool for calming your central nervous system. Remind yourself gently that no one’s worth as a human being is tied to their ability to read or produce scholarship. If you have experienced a moment of emotional meltdown or shutdown, it can sometimes help to write down or speak aloud what you are feeling, giving voice to the fears and frustrations you are experiencing. 

Other times, though, it may be best to simply acknowledge what’s happening in your mind/body and to accept that right now, the best way to move forward with your work is to take a break from it. Set aside what you are reading or writing to take a walk or spend quality time with the people and pets who love you. Spend the time taking care of yourself, whether it is preparing food, listening to music you love, taking a relaxing bath, or engaging in some activity that brings you joy. 

Our culture tends to trivialize and devalue the things that bring us joy as ‘escapism.’ It may be difficult, at least at first, to not see the act of setting aside your work as an admission of defeat or incapability. But to immerse yourself a world beyond academia, beyond scholarship, beyond work, is not running away from those overwhelming fears. It is a practice of gently placing those feelings back where they belong: not at the center of your vision, but in the context of your full, rich, human life.

////

[something something - this next part is from a separate section of the document]

Look for writers and theorists whose work exhilarates you. In hir novel Stone Butch Blues, the writer, activist, and labor organizer Leslie Feinberg describes hir protagonist Jess’s first encounter with feminist theory: “I felt as though I was rushing into a burning building to discover the ideas I needed for my own life.” Theory can save your life. It can completely transform the way you understand yourself, your experiences, or your historical moment. In its best, most generative forms, critical theory should feel the way good teaching, good learning feels. It should enrich, expand, and transform our sense of possibilities, opening doors instead of slamming them shut.

But scholarship is not inherently liberatory [is this hooks? there’s a quote I can cite here]. Make a conscious effort to not just learn your discipline’s genres and forms, but to also learn the history of those forms. Many of those institutional forms are deeply conservative, entrenched in long histories of cultural gatekeeping [and...imperialism, racism, classism, patriarchy, heterosexism, all those terrible, violent isms!].

Read widely in your field’s major journals, but also make a conscious, concerted effort to seek out theorists and writers whose work deliberately questions, jettisons, or creatively reworks traditional academic forms. Learn, also, to listen to and trust your gut. The more you read, the easier it will become to recognize when someone is wielding expertise as a weapon or using it as a gatekeeping mechanism. You can still learn from those scholars -- your own work may be enriched by the research they’ve done, or you might simply learn the extraordinarily valuable lesson that I do not want to be like this, write like this, think like this, and here is why. [but in reading them - be careful not to let their way of seeing the world seep into or distort your sense of self -- do not let their values begin to feel like the only values or ways of valuing]

This, too, takes time and practice. It may not feel like it now, but as you gradually become more confident in your identity and sense of purpose as a scholar, the less vulnerable you will be to this kind of assault on the self

A brief list, just off the top of my head, of scholarly works that consciously examine and/or refigure traditional academic forms:

Ahmed, Sara. “White Men” and Living a Feminist Life.

Anzaldúa, Gloria. Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, “Speaking in Tongues: Letter to Third World Women Writers,” “To(o) Queer the Writer—Loca, escritora y chicana,” and other essays. 

Gordon, Avery. Ghostly Matters: Haunting and the Sociological Imagination.

Hartman, Saidiya. Lose Your Mother: A Journey Along the Atlantic Slave Route and Wayward Lives, Beautiful Experiments: Intimate Histories of Social Upheaval. 

hooks, bell. Teaching to Transgress: Education as the Practice of Freedom and Teaching for Community: A Pedagogy of Hope.

Lorde, Audre. All of it, but especially “The Master’s Tools,” “Eye to Eye,” and “Uses of the Erotic.”

Russ, Joanna. How to Suppress Women’s Writing. 

Sedgwick, Eve Kosofsky. Touching Feeling: Affect, Pedagogy, Performativity (see especially: “Paranoid Reading and Reparative Reading: or, You’re So Paranoid, You Probably Think This Essay is About You.”)  

Steedman, Carolyn. Landscape for a Good Woman. 

Williams, Raymond. The City and the Country and other essays, works.

Woolf, Virginia. A Room of One’s Own and Three Guineas. 

#writing #academia #mw #just writing writing writing writing

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Kidge Parent HC Part 2.4

Holy crow I was hoping to get this done a lot sooner than I did but it’s here now! The next part will probably take even longer since it’s going to be going over the family dynamic as a whole, how the kids bounce off of one another, their interests and personalities, etc., as well as me wanting to get some more fics out before then so I hope you’ll all stick around for it!

Also, I’ll hopefully be uploading a newer, better schedule for my stories/ projects later today, so there’s that. :3

Kidge Married Pre-Babies: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.1: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.2: [here]

Kidge w/ Babies Part 2.3: [here] *There’s a little angst in this one, FYI

Also, note taken from the start of Part 2.1, but:  Forewarning that there will be some mentions of Allurance in all these parts, but I’m not tagging it because they aren’t given any real focus. Additionally, since I know some of this stuff can squick some people out, warning that there will be somewhat-detailed talk about pregnancy, birth, and what exactly comes in the early stages with a newborn so please be wary if such things make you uncomfortable.

Small Notes I Forgot to Mention Last Time:

Oliver’s full name is Oliver Maxwell Kogane. His middle name is actually a suggestion from Colleen; Maxwell was the name Colleen and Samuel had settled on when they were expecting Pidge if she had been born a boy. I originally planned for his middle name to be Samuel, after Pidge’s dad and I think I referred to him as such once in a fic?? but I changed my mind on that.

Also, the onesie they brought him home in was gray with a tiny robot on it that read “I like pushing buttons”.

The Fourth Baby

So, Keith and Pidge had agreed that Oliver was going to be their last, but that isn’t exactly how it plays out. Oliver had just turned a year old a few weeks prior, Kaden’s third birthday was right around the corner, and Amber would be turning seven in October. Pidge realizes that her period is late and has a sinking suspicion as to why, but also doesn’t want to jump the gun. After two weeks pass, she picks up a few tests and they all come back positive.

She’s not surprised and is pretty happy, but she’s also really worried how Keith and the kids will take the news. Oliver – obviously – doesn’t remember all the trouble from his own birth and Kaden was too little to really remember, but Amber and Keith certainly do.

Amber actually went for about two weeks where she had nightmares about losing her Mommy and ended up joining Keith and Pidge in their bed. They had considered getting her into therapy, but after they started seriously talking about it the nightmares tapered off so they decided to hold off, not really sure of what would be the best option for her. It’s been over a year since the last time she did that, but Pidge worries that this will kick it all up for her and send her anxieties back up to max.

Pidge decides to breach the subject when they’re cleaning up after dinner that night. Surprisingly, all three kids take the news extremely well. She’s especially pleased with how happy Amber is at the idea of having another little sibling to look after, helping to curb some of Pidge’s anxiety. Keith, however, does not take it well. He turns and straight-up leaves the house for the night, heading off in the Black Lion for parts unknown.

Amber and Kaden are a bit worried about Keith’s reaction, while Oliver is blissfully unaware of what’s going on.

*Kaden, standing on tip-toes to put his cup in the sink.* “Mommy, is Daddy angry?”

“Daddy’s a little upset but it’ll be okay.” *Said with a small sigh, picking up a plate and scrubbing it clean.*

“Is he upset about the new baby?” *Amber, taking the cleaned plate and putting it in the dishwasher.*

“It’s… complicated, sweetheart.”

“Does Daddy not love the new baby?”

*Pidge, freezing and looking down at Amber in alarm at the question. Amber meets her gaze, refusing to shy away despite how uncomfortable she is with the thought.* “… No, Amber, that’s not it. Daddy is just… very scared. And sometimes when Daddy gets scared he goes away for a little bit to think things through.”

The kids stop asking question after that. They finish cleaning up from dinner, Pidge gets them all settled into bed, and goes to lie down herself. She doesn’t fall asleep, just kinda lays there and lets her mind reel through all the different responses she could get from Keith. She lays there for about two hours before she hears footsteps on the stairs.

She doesn’t say anything when he opens the door and slips inside, heading to the bathroom and getting ready for bed as quietly as he can. He slips in beside her and pulls her flush against him. She twists in his arms so that she’s facing him, settling one hand on his shoulder and the other on the side of his face. He closes his eyes and leans into her touch.

“Do you feel a little better now? Had a chance to cool down?”

“I’m… Yeah. I wasn’t angry, you know.”

“I know that, but the kids didn’t, and it was hard explaining to them. Especially Amber… She asked a really difficult question.”

*He shifts to lean his forehead against hers and sighs.* “I swear, she’s too sharp… What did she ask?”

“She asked if you weren’t going to love this baby like you love them.”

*Keith’s eyes snap open and he looks absolutely mortified, which Pidge had been kind of expecting.* “Jesus, I… I may not be exactly thrilled right now, but I would never-! I… I’m worried and scared about what could happen, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love the baby… Did I really make that much of a scene when I left?”

“It’s less making a scene and more that the kids aren’t really used to that side of you, I think. They’re more used to their happy, goofy Daddy and the occasionally stern Daddy. A Daddy that’s really upset and needs to walk away, though? Not really something you’ve had to do much in front of them. They don’t know what an impulsive little shit you used to be.” *Pidge is gentle as she speaks, moving to wrap her arms around him and give him a few quick pecks between words to help soothe him, and grows a bit more playful at her last statement.*

“Keith chuckles quietly.* “You know, I seem to remember somebody else who used to be pretty impulsive when they were younger… Name stared with a ‘P’ and ended with an ‘Idge’, I believe.”

“I’m afraid that I, Katie, have never met this person.”

“…”

“…”

“Oh, you are such a little sneak!” *Keith says, but he’s laughing, so she considers it progress.*

They have a long talk about the whole thing and agree that they have every intention of seeing this through. Keith does, however, insist that if Pidge feels like anything about the pregnancy feels weird or drastically different that she make sure to tell him. He literally doesn’t care about the medical expenses they might accrue; he’ll rush her to the ER over anything this time around if it prevents an incident like they had with Oliver.

The next morning they wake up to Amber and Kaden both flopped over on top of Keith. They were worried that their Daddy was sad so they came in to cuddle the happy back into him. Keith sits and talks with them and explains things as best he can while Pidge goes and gets Oliver out of his crib in his own room.

The Altea Clan finds out about the pregnancy first, due to Pidge and Keith inquiring as to whether Allura can keep the Castle on Earth for an extended period of time. Due to Allura’s diplomacy training from her youth, Lance’s natural charisma, and Coran’s wealth of knowledge, the three of them have been travelling the galaxy helping to maintain the coalition and spread peace even further; it’s also a good way, in Allura’s opinion, to teach their children how to be proper diplomats too. Allura is immediately tickled at them having another child and explains they’d been planning to take a little break to spend more time with Lance’s family on Earth, seeing as the kids have been wanting to spend more time with their extended family, so having the Castle Ship at a moment’s notice won’t be an issue. This is a huge relief to Keith, as his biggest concern is making sure that Pidge and the baby are safe.

Hunk and Shiro find out shortly after them. Hunk echoes a lot of the same concerns that Keith had – complications and risks for Pidge and the baby – but also assures that he’ll be as supportive as ever. Shiro agrees that so long as they’re both okay with it than he’s happy for them. They’re both further settled by the fact that Allura and the Castle Ship will also be nearby, just in case.

After that they tell Krolia and the Holts. Krolia and Colleen are both thrilled at the idea of another little grandbaby to dote on, Samuel seems a bit concerned but is also extremely supportive, while Matt voices that he thinks it’s a bad idea, even with the Castle Ship around just in case, but agrees to support them. This irritates Pidge a bit but she opts against making a scene at the time, simply because she doesn’t need the stress.

So, what does Pidge get in the way of symptoms this time around? She gets really, really mild nausea – like, to the point where it only seems that certain foods trigger it – as well as less severe moods swings. Other than that, the only thing that’s really different, is that her sex drive is a little more kicked up this pregnancy. But even that is fixed by sleepovers with their grandparents. ;3c

Other little tidbit; because they are serious about this being their last baby, Keith gets a vasectomy pretty shortly after they find out Pidge is pregnant. Vasectomies are significantly less invasive procedures than having the Fallopian tubes tied off, has a faster turn-around rate from surgery to full recovery, and they can nip any potential other pregnancies in the bud before they’re even possible. Another reason they take care of it as soon as they do is because Keith does need to have a good few days of taking it easy since he’ll be tender down there, and Pidge needs to still be well enough to look after the kids and help him as best he can.

Colleen and Sam help out by taking the kids for an overnight visit the first night after the procedure, which helps Pidge out in regards to prioritizing where her attention should be, since their kids are extremely energetic little stinkers and would make it way harder in the immediate.

So, back to the situation with the new baby!

Pidge’s due date this time around is in early-to-mid December. Keith points out this means they’ll have a baby for all seasons, which makes Pidge laugh.

This baby is a bit different from their siblings in regards to settling down. When this one starts kicking and shifting around, they only seem to calm down when someone starts humming/ singing at them. Pidge usually just hums, because it’s a bit easier, but Keith will actually lean close to Pidge’s belly and gently serenade the new baby. And when Pidge is at home with the older kids, Amber and Kaden will put on little concerts to try and help soothe their baby sibling. It never works, since it’s more a cacophony of noise with them, but Pidge still finds it ridiculously sweet so she never tells them the truth.

They are informed that they’ll be having a little girl this time around! Amber is wildly excited about this while Kaden is a little disappointed. Pidge is pleased because she’s been of the opinion that they needed a little less testosterone in the house.

They have another family meeting to determine how to proceed with things involving the new baby, specifically to discuss room theme. Pidge is taking a nap at the time since she had to have blood drawn at her doctor’s appointment that day and the nurse that did it was new and had trouble finding a vein, so she’s feeling a little worn out.

*Amber, clearing her throat and calling the meeting to order.* “Today, we must decide what Baby Sister’s room is going to look like! This is a very important matter, right, Daddy?”

“Oh, absolutely.” *Keith, chuckling a bit as he settles in between the boys, Oliver fiddling with the junk mail on the table.*

“I think we should do something about when she’s gonna be here! Playing in the snow is really fun, and I’m sure that playing with Bbay Sister is gonna be really fun, so we have to do something for both!”

“I got an idea! Her room should be about Christmas!” *Kaden, all big eyes and excitement, flailing one hand in the air wildly.*

*Amber, flashing him a bland look.* “She’s not gonna be born on Christmas, though.”

*Kaden, pouting and crossing his arms.* “But she’s gonna be born near Christmas!”

“Not close enough!”

“Yeah huh!”

“Nuh uh!”

*Oliver suddenly shrieks and slams his hand down on a magazine that came in the mail, silencing the argument and Keith’s preparation to chime in.* “Twee!”

*Keith chuckles and leans over to look at the magazine.* “You’re getting so good with words, buddy! That is… a… tree…”

The picture that Oliver had been talking about was of a scenic, snowy ski resort. Pidge and Keith went one year for their anniversary – before the kids – and been automatically enrolled in their subscription. They normally just tossed them out, but Keith had wanted to see if they’d received the notice on when Amber’s next dentist appointment was from her dentist and hadn’t purged the junk yet. And he is suddenly given an excellent idea that will appease both kids.

They agree on a “Winter Wonder” theme for the new baby’s room, giving it the winter theme that Amber had wanted, with the agreement that during December they can hang some tinsel and little ornaments so that they can still have a Christmas-y feel like Kaden wanted. And it’s painted to look like a snowy forest, because of Oliver’s input, too.

Painting the room and putting everything together is done by Keith, Shiro, Hunk, Matt, Amber and Kaden. Oliver waddles around in his little walker and just kinda shouts random words he remembers at everyone as he works. Hunk claims this is his way of offering moral support. Pidge thinks the whole thing is a ridiculously adorable spectacle.

The onesie they pick out for Baby Girl is white with a yellow trim and a pastel pink unicorn on the front. It also has the text “I’m Secretly a Unicorn” on it.

Pidge’s water breaks and she starts getting contractions in the afternoon on December 7th. The Holts had been over visiting so they agree to stay in the lobby with the kids while Keith and Pidge are in Labor and Delivery. Pidge is actually only in labor for four hours, with everything goes extremely quick and complication free. Officially at 4:44 P.M., Aria Emma Kogane gets to join the family!

They pick the name Aria because it means “Solo Melody” and she’s had a clear passion for music since she was in the womb. They pick the name Emma as her middle name because it means “Universal” and they see her as the final little planet to make the universe of their family complete.

In regards to appearance, Aria is a little bit of an oddball compared to her siblings. Unlike the older three, who all inherited Keith’s black hair, Aria ends up with the same sandy blonde as Pidge. She ends up having bright green eyes, however. Green eyes are typically caused by a mutation in the genes, and are among the rarest natural eye colors. Then again, since this is a fictional world with radical eye colors, the likelihood is probably just a bit higher, I think. Other than that, she gets a lot of Pidge’s facial features – button nose and eye shape and heart-shaped face - but Keith’s complexion.

Everyone gets to come in and meet her at once this time, due to that Paladin Privilege and the fact that the delivery was complication free. Since Amber’s big enough, she actually gets to hold Aria herself and let’s out the most excited muffled squeal in the world. Keith helps Kaden take his turn with holding her, and Oliver just kinda lightly pokes Aria’s cheek as his sign of acceptance. Everyone in the family gets a turn to hold her, and Colleen brought her a gray-purple baby blanket to be bundled up in, though Matt ends up kinda hogging her. Pidge gives him the biggest, stinkiest “And YOU Thought She Was a Bad Idea, You Fucking Twit” look that history has ever and will ever know.

Only one day is spent in the hospital before Pidge and Aria are allowed to go home. Since everything was smooth sailing this time around, the whole move goes a lot smoother than it did when Pidge had Oliver.

So what exactly do they get with their latest bundle of joy?

Aria is an anomaly in the Kogane lineage in more ways than just her physical appearance. She’s a pretty typical baby, though a bit less fussy than most. She’s a really mellow little baby, a lot like Kaden, but she loves to make cooing noises almost all the time. Like, if she needs something, she’s much more likely to make these little warbling cooing noises to alert Keith and Pidge that she wants/ needs something than to cry, which is desperately different from Oliver who seemed to scream just for the sport of it.

Despite being born in the winter, she hates snow. Like, Keith and Pidge take the kids for a little walk in late-January/ early-February, just to get out of the house for a bit and let them burn off some energy, and everything’s going fine until Keith tugs back the little canopy of Aria’s stroller so that she can see better. A snowflake ends up landing on her nose while she’s looking around and Aria. Fucking. Loses it. Pidge and Keith are scrambling to cheer her back up, to quell the tears and get her back to her usual happy baby self, but nope. She is Done. She has drawn a line in the sand and it has been crossed and no one shall have peace now.

Which leads into another aspect of Aria; she’s actually much more sensitive than her parents or siblings. Or, rather, I guess it’d be better to say that she’s a bit more open about her hurt once she’s upset and doesn’t typically use anger or outrage as a mask. She’s very easy to scare, very quick to tears, and takes a lot of time to calm back down.

This wouldn’t be a problem if not for the fact that Oliver is the Universe’s Most Ludicrous Lil’ Shit.

Because of how their birthdays fall, Oliver is about 21 months older than Aria. So when his second birthday rolls around, she’s just barely over three months. Pidge and Keith hadn’t considered that this age gap would be an issue, since it’s very similar to the one between Kaden and Oliver and those two never really kicked up a fuss. The problem they encounter is that Oliver tends to gravitate towards Pidge a bit more and doesn’t like that a majority of her attention is given to Aria instead.

For a few weeks, Oliver just makes life miserable in the house. He is constantly finding ways to antagonize Aria when she’s just plopped around somewhere doing baby things. Finally, Keith decides to put a stop to this nonsense himself and takes Oliver with him on his walks and it actually goes really well, though I’ll elaborate on that a little more in the next part.

Much like when she was in the womb, singing or humming can help calm Aria back down once she’s startled, but it still takes a decent amount of time.

So, her first genuine smile goes to Pidge but Keith gets to her first word. Her first laugh, though? The honor of this actually goes to neither of her parents this time, but to Shiro! He had agreed to come over to help Keith with trimming the tree in the backyard, because some of the branches are too big for the kids to help him remove, and he offered to hold Aria for Keith because Oliver just ran by cackling like mad, wrapped up in toilet paper covered in bright orange glitter paint, and Pidge is adamant that it’s his turn to corral the feral child.

*Shiro, cradling Aria in his good arm, being careful because she’s a little squirmy and whiny.* “Never a dull moment around here, huh? And soon enough you’re going to add to some of that chaos, huh?”

*Aria just stares up, opening her mouth to let out a little coo in answer, her squirming stopping just a little bit.*

“Oh, you’re just such a sweet little girl. I’m sure you’re going to have a lot of people interested in you someday. Going to make Daddy work to keep them away from you, huh, little girl?” *Shiro’s teasing then lightly pokes her little nose with one of the fingers from his prosthetic hand.*

*Aria reaches up, grabs onto his prosthetic and pulls it herself with a big grin.*

*Shiro laughs and lightly pinches the pudge under her chin.* “Oh, do you want to play? Is that why you were all fussy a minute ago?”

*Aria’s mouth gets really wide and the most delicate, adorable little laugh ever erupts from her. Keith freezes in the doorway to the kitchen/living room, a struggling Oliver tucked under one arm, and Pidge freezes in cutting the sandwiches she made for the kids for lunch. Shiro, unaware that this is the first time she’s laughed, remains completely oblivious and keeps quietly chatting at her.*

“Uncle Shiro, you made her laugh! She’s never done that before!” *Kaden chiming in from his spot at the kitchen table.*

*Shiro, wide-eyed as he looks from Pidge to Keith back down to the still giggling infant in his arms.* “I… I made her laugh for the first time…” *Getting a little choked up because making a baby laugh? That is something to be proud of.*

During the winter season, Aria never goes with Keith on his morning walks because, as started before, she doesn’t do snow. But once it gets warmer out and there’s no snow, she actually really likes to go along. Normally, it’s Keith with Amber, Kaden and Aria out on the walks, but sometimes all four kids go with.

Aria is the most enthusiastic of all the kids about stuffed animals, and is normally dragging at least five of them around with her wherever she goes. Her favorite, though, is a green brontosaurus that she has named Muffin. Keith got a whole set for the kids shortly after Aria was born so that they’d all have a dinosaur toy and she just kinda… Became ridiculously attached.

Aria ends up with only a couple of nicknames, unlike Amber and Kaden who both see a pretty generous amount, but more than Oliver, who ends up with, like, two. Her most common nickname that basically everyone uses is “Ari”, which is pretty obvious. Keith and Pidge also call her “Song Bird” as she gets older and her passion for music becomes more and more prominent. The Holts call her “Sweet Pea” a lot, which Krolia later ends up picking up on, and Shiro playfully calls her “Favorite Niece whose name starts with an A and ends with a Ria.”

Okay, this part is done! Next time we get to the really fun stuff; Pidge and Keith with their full family and all the insanity that comes with it!

#crumbles grumbles #half baked headcanons #Official tag that I'll be adding to the previous entries/ future posts #Keidge #Kidge #Peith #Kidgemas

[caelystrae]

And It’s Hard to Love

im dying bc i scrapped my original fic i wrote today bc i didnt like it... wrote a whole new one... and still dont know if i like it... but the day is over so i gotta post what i have LMAO

anyway.  @letanafuck week day 3.  love/hate.  mostly love, from me

ao3

Pairing: Anamercy

Rating: M

Words: 3.5k

Maybe that is why Ana is afraid, when Angela says I love you, because once, she might have been falling in love with Angela, might even have begun to consider what that would mean for the both of them to talk about their relationship openly, despite the consequences, to refuse propositions not because there was someone else already meeting her needs adequately, and breaking in new lovers could be a hassle, but because she only wanted one person—and despite beginning to feel that way, things between them still soured, were victim to the outside stresses of Overwatch’s collapse, until rather than feeling comfortable, Ana felt trapped. It scares her, to think that she could have loved Angela, then, and still run, and terrifies her to think that it might happen again.

Or,

Angela accidentally says "I love you" during sex, and Ana is not at all prepared to deal with that.

In her life, Ana has known war, but she has rarely experienced peace, she has known freedom, but rarely seen justice, and she has known hate, but she does not know, not for certain, if she has ever felt love.  Of course, she loves her daughter, loves her friends, loves her duty, her country, her people—but that is not the same as feeling romantic love, not at all, and Ana is content with that, with what she has had, does not think that she needs to ever be in love with someone to be happy with the life she has led, the things she has accomplished.  Out of all of her regrets, never having been in love is not worth even mentioning.

Most of Ana’s relationships have been purely physical, because she alternately lacks the time, the desire, or the stability to search for love.  While she acknowledges that there have been a few exceptions, they have been relationships built on friendship, or admiration, not love.  Sam was such a one, and for a time she believed Angela was another—and now, she must face that that is not necessarily the case.

Coming back from the dead changed many things, but it was only the catalyst for a change that was a long time coming before her death, that continues even now that she is four months returned.

Perhaps it would be an overstatement to say that, in the years before her death, she and Angela admired each other; it was admiration that brought them to one another, yes, recognition of some kindred spirit, a mutual drive, a need to protect and a willingness to do so by whatever means they deemed necessary, but that did not last.  Towards the end of their time together, towards the end of Overwatch, towards the end of Ana, or the Ana who was never the Shrike, they fought more often than not, found that agreeing to do whatever was necessary only went so far, when the two of them disagreed on what, in fact, was a necessity, and Ana struggles when thinking of the things that they said to one another, that they must have thought about one another, to say that she felt admiration, or that Angela could have felt the same.

She never hated Angela, this much Ana knows, but sometimes, sometimes she was afraid that she might grow to.  

When they fought, they never held anything back—perhaps because of the admiration they felt for one another, in the early days, because they knew the other could take hearing what it was they were to say, or perhaps because their arguments were complicated by other feelings, ones they chose not to give voice to—and Ana winces, now, remembering the things the two of them said to one another.  It was a stressful time, Overwatch’s fall, for the both of them, made harder still that they both felt increasingly isolated and embattled in their respective positions, between the development of the Biotic Rifle and Jack and Gabe’s decision to slowly freeze Ana out of the chain of command, but that stress could not excuse the things they both allowed themselves to say, and it is not an easy time for Ana to remember.

(Ana feels similarly about the breakdown in her relationship with her daughter, but that was easy to make sense of, after the fact, and she knows, now, where the two of them stand, even if it is not always easy between them.  They had blood and a lifetime of love between them; the same cannot be said for how she feels about Angela.)

To say, therefore, that Angela’s response to her return was unexpected, then, would be an understatement.

What Ana expected, upon her return, was anger, was betrayal, was a condemnation.  Instead, she received none of those things—or, she did, eventually, in conversations about the rifle, about her leaving, but never were they such simple feelings from Angela, and never were the conversations themselves as fraught as the ones from seven years before.  It is impossible to judge for Ana, what it is that Angela is feeling, when she voices her betrayal at Ana for having had the audacity to die on her, only to come back as if nothing had happened, because Ana knows that Angela ought to be furious with her, would have said things meant to hurt, if this happened years ago, and instead she is also unmistakably relieved by Ana’s returning, and that relief tempers her anger.

This, in turn, ought to make Ana happy, she ought to be relieved at this turn of events, by the fact that, somehow, they have both of them changed, and grown, and returned to one another more able, or perhaps more willing, to disagree, and to set those disagreements aside, in order to be happy together, or as close to it as they can come.  What Ana feels, instead of relief, is worry. Nothing in her life has ever been so simple, and the lack of a clean resolution to their prior conflicts, the lack of confirmation that that is behind them, the unaddressed feelings and hurts, they haunt her.

Angela says she loves her.  

What to make of that?  It is the opposite reaction from what Ana expected, upon returning, and Ana is not sure that she would be able to believe it, even were that not the case.  How could Angela love her?  After she left, died, Angela’s greatest fear, after she betrayed her lover, taking the Biotic Rifle with her, despite knowing that it represented the greatest perversion of Angela’s life’s work, after what she said to Angela, how could Angela love her?

How could Angela love her, when she struggles to love herself?  Knowing what she has done in the name of duty—what of that she regrets, what of that was not truly necessary, and having seen the nastier parts of herself, knowing whom she truly is: a killer, and not a protector.  There is little enough of her left to love, anyway, after what happened, after her death and the Shrike.  How could anyone love her?

How could Angela love her, when seven years ago they could hardly speak to one another, were too often too angry to be civil, and were avoiding each other more often than not, lest they begin another argument, unable for the first time to set professional differences apart for the sake of their relationship—whatever one might have defined it as?  

(Perhaps, if she asked Angela, Angela might tell her that she felt love, even then, and that is why the perceived betrayal of the development of the Biotic Rifle hurt her so much.  Perhaps she might try to convince Ana that Ana, too, loved her, and that was why Ana was willing to argue about it at all, rather than simply dismissing her disagreement, wanting instead for Angela to come to approve or, at the least, not be angry with her any longer for what she had chosen to do. Perhaps she might claim that Ana’s death put the issue into perspective for her, and she realized that she had feelings all along.  Perhaps—it does not matter.)

Ana worries about what it would mean to love Angela, given that there is still so much between them unsaid, unresolved. One of the reasons why the idea of being in love has never appealed to Ana is that its seems terribly complicated, and her life is difficult enough already without such added concerns, and their situation has more unique challenges than most.

Yet, despite all of this, there are times when loving Angela seems like it could be so very easy to do.  

When she wakes in the morning to find Angela curled around her, and her lover kisses her temple in lieu of a greeting before slipping out of bed to prepare for the day, she wonders what it might be like to wake to this every morning, thinks it might be worth suffering Angela kicking the blankets off of both of them in her sleep.  Perhaps that is not love, but it is a desire for permanence, one she could not imagine herself feeling seven years ago when all she wanted was to run.

When Angela glances around the common room nervously to ensure they are alone before shifting closer to Ana on the couch, and wrapping their hands around one another, Ana considers for the first time whether or not it would be so terrible to allow others to see them like this, despite the uncomfortable questions it might invite about the nature of their relationship before Overwatch fell.  This, too, might not be love, but it is a growing comfort with casual intimacy that Ana might once have avoided, for fear of what it might mean.

When they find themselves where they are now, Angela straddling her thighs in a position that allows them both to, with a bit of awkward bumping into one another at first, reach down and touch each other simultaneously, all the while maintaining eye contact and kissing one another as they please, Ana wonders what lead them to this point.

Their relationship was never meant to last, was not—is not—a relationship, was meant to be a casual mutual pursuit of much needed stress relief, an exchange of power and of favors.  When one of them had a particularly rough day, they could meet one another by cover of darkness and—deal with the problem, in their own way, Angela allowing Ana to once again feel in control of her life and its circumstances, and Ana freeing Angela from that same burden; that is not the basis for love, or was never meant to be.  Over time, things shifted, grew more complicated, until even meeting with Angela felt stressful, and all Ana wanted was to get away from everyone, herself included, to be free of all of her obligations, even caring for her lover, and yet, here she is, one of Angela’s lips pressed to hers, and two of her fingers inside her erstwhile lover.  

(Maybe that is why Ana is afraid, when Angela says I love you, because once, she might have been falling in love with Angela, might even have begun to consider what that would mean for the both of them, to talk about their relationship openly, despite the consequences, to refuse propositions not because there was someone else already meeting her needs adequately, and breaking in new lovers could be a hassle, but because she only wanted one person—and despite beginning to feel that way, things between them still soured, were victim to the outside stresses of Overwatch’s collapse, until rather than feeling comfortable, Ana felt trapped.  It scares her, to think that she could have loved Angela, then, and still ran, and terrifies her to think that it might happen again.)

But this is not complicated, not really, not if she focuses on the details, the way that, when she presses her thumb down on Angela’s clit, Angela gasps against her mouth, and rolls her hips into the touch, or the scent of Angela’s shampoo—not sweet, or heady, just clean, a product selected for its ability to make the curls in her hair loosen to waves, and not for its scent—which surrounds her, as Angela’s bangs fall across both of their faces, hiding the world from Ana’s view as they cover her one good eye, or the way Angela is so in tune with what she needs, what she wants, all the ways in which Ana likes to be touched.

It feels good, to be like this, inside each other, surrounding each other, all wrapped up together.  How could this be a bad thing?  

(How could the gentle pressure of Angela’s free arm draped across her shoulder feel like it is trapping her?  Could this change, again, back from what they have now to the pain and difficulty of seven years previous?)

She is pulled from her thoughts when Angela moves her mouth next to Ana’s ear, panting into it as she whispers encouragements, praise, pleas, anything and everything that comes to her mind and which might convince Ana to let her come faster.  

Some of the things she says are gentle, Perfect, and So beautiful, and You’re so good to me, others are demanding, Harder, and Stay there, and More, please, more, and others are nonsense, little pleased noises of all sorts, and all of them are sufficient to drive any trepidation from Ana’s mind.

(This could not be the same voice that accused Ana of using her, of having slept with her only to ensure that she would stay with Overwatch long enough to let her guard down, and allow her technology to be exploited.)

Years ago, sex between them might have been carefully scripted, an exchange of power and little more, in which both of them kept carefully to their roles, so as not to disturb the delicate balance of their arrangement, to rip the thin veil of pretense that allowed them to carry on pretending that what they had was nothing more than the two of them fucking a few times a month—but now Angela gives as good as she gets, pulls back slightly from Ana’s fingers, shuddering, when she notices herself approaching climax just a tad too quickly, and focuses more on Ana’s pleasure for a minute or two, until she feels they are both equally aroused.  

Even though Ana knows she does not particularly like to do it—and therefore never demands it of her lover—Angela slides a finger inside Ana, and then another shortly thereafter, only because she knows it will help Ana to come faster, and make the inevitable orgasm more pleasurable when it does come.

(Once, Ana called her the most selfish person she had ever had the misfortune to encounter in her fifty-three years of living, because Angela placed her own morals over Ana’s, refused to allow her technology to be weaponized despite how useful it would be, in the right hands, how many lives would potentially be saved by killing the right people with it, because she would not take those losses on her conscience—Ana regrets saying that, now, regretted it immediately, in truth, and she wonders how the woman who is so generous a lover to her could ever have seemed so callous, where they went wrong that such a statement could even for a moment have felt true.)

When Ana moves her free hand to cup one of Angela’s breast, she can feel the hammering of her heart, and notes that it matches her own, and when she pants, Angela gasps in time, as if they were connected in more ways than the sweat sticking their skin together, or by the feeling of being inside one another.

Both of them are close now, Ana knows, can feel her own orgasm approaching as she struggles to keep her movements against Angela’s fingers steady, and knows that Angela will come soon from the quaking of her thighs on top of Ana’s own, and the way her speech has fallen to the wayside, replaced only by little noises and the occasional plea, Yes, Ana, please panted out one word at a time.

(It is hard to believe, now, how distant she felt they were from one another, back then, is harder still to recall a time when, before the arguing, they were ever so close as they are in this moment.  At least Angela’s begging is familiar, but even it has changed in tone, from desperation to some other emotion Ana cannot immediately name.)

It is Angela who comes first, in the end, set off by nothing in particular that Ana can identify, but her lover does not stop, throughout it all, moving against her, and so when she catches the I love you that tumbles from Angela’s mouth amongst so many other phrases, it coincides with the beginning of her own orgasm—and, to her surprise, does not negatively affect her enjoyment of the moment.

When she is finished, she allows herself to fall onto her back on the bed, but Angela does not follow suit, as she often does, stays sitting up, biting her lip nervously and looking down at Ana below.

Ana raises an eyebrow at her, before remembering that the effect is likely rather different now that she only has one good eye, and one full eyebrow—but Angela seems to understand.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Angela tells her, as if Ana had not heard her whisper the same over their call a few weeks prior, as if she had not murmured it in her native tongue before, as if Ana did not know how she felt.

“Did you not mean it?” Ana asks her, and Angela only looks more uncomfortable at the question.

“No,” says she, “Or, yes, or—or no, I did mean it?”  A pause. “I meant it, I just—didn’t mean to say it like that, or just now, or when we were—”

“Angela,” Ana cuts her off, propping herself up on her elbows, “Calm down.  It’s fine.”

“Is it?” Angela asks her, and Ana hesitates, then.

Hesitation is a fatal mistake; she learned that when she faced Widowmaker for the first time.  In the moment Ana takes to consider the question, Angela crumbles before her.

“I’m sorry,” says she, “I can go.”

“Don’t,” Ana tells her, and Angela, already halfway off of the bed, freezes, “I’m not angry—I just need time to think about this.”

(A lie, Ana has had plenty of time, has thought about this often in the months since her return, about what she would say when this moment comes—and still, she has not decided.  Time is not what she needs, but she could not say what it is that might be of more help to her.)

Angela does not say anything, but she does not move further away, either, stays awkwardly half on and half off of the bed.

“Sit down,” she says, and Angela does, but only at the very edge of the bed, carefully avoiding touching Ana, “You don’t have to go anywhere.”

“If you’re sure,” Angela is still cautious, still guarded.

“I am,” Ana says, and considers, for a moment, lying and saying that everything is fine, that she was just surprised, and telling Angela to come lie with her—but she knows it would do them no good.  Instead, she forces herself to be honest, “I’m not, however, sure about my feelings.  I don’t know,” she pauses again, thinks about how to phrase this, settles on, “I don’t know when I’ll be able to say the same, but you feeling that way isn’t a bad thing, Angela.”

(Very carefully, she avoids saying the word love entirely, not wanting to give any false hope.)

“You’re certain?” Angela asks her, “It doesn’t make you uncomfortable

“It didn’t in the moment,” Ana decides to be honest as possible, “Which was, of course, satisfying as ever,” she winks as she says that, as best as she can, and hopes that a bit of levity will ease the tension.

It does, because Angela gives a little laugh, half nervous but half amused, and relaxes her posture somewhat, saying, “Yes, well, I obviously enjoyed myself a little too much.”

“Hmm,” Ana gestures her over, “Better than not enough. Now come lie down, we’re too old to be so active after sex.”  That is mostly said in jest, given the lifestyle they lead, but Ana is tired, if not from physical exertion.

“Alright,” Angela acquiesces, and she is perhaps more hesitant than usual when curling herself around Ana, but she does so—and Ana remembers, suddenly, that neither of them had time to wipe their hands off before this conversation began, and she fights the urge to remark upon it when Angela’s decidedly sticky fingers come to rest on her hip.  A bit of discomfort is worth it, to be able to fall asleep in her lover’s arms, to know that despite all her shortcomings, and all that has happened in her life, she is cared for—even loved.

She fears, still, what it would mean to love Angela, fears that they might grow to hate one another, or that she might not be able to cope with being tied down, that their love would die, and she would be worse off for having allowed herself to be vulnerable, in the name of something that could not last.

(Hesitation is a fatal mistake; she learned that when Widowmaker shot her—but she lived nonetheless, and learned, then, that some things are too stubborn to kill.)

But it is all a worry for another day; for now, she is at peace.

#anamercy #ana amari #angela ziegler #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #at least i posted this to the right acct today

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exists any Kind Of Downtime?

recouping From Facelift surgical Procedure?

When Is Hifu Not suitable?

The Wellfield Skin clinic.

What To anticipate At Your Coolsculpting examination?

is There any Downtime?

The procedure is very accurate; the femiwand permits our professionals to have complete control over the ultrasound. This produces a smooth, relaxing result for the customer, maintaining the marginal treatment discomfort.

A training course of approximately 5 treatment sessions in suggested for FemiLift, spaced 2 to four weeks apart, specifically in the case of significant vaginal laxity. fat freezing Reading is utilized for vaginal tightening up to relieve stress urinary system incontinence, boost vaginal lubrication as well as to improve sexual feature and also sexual complete satisfaction. FemiLift ® is a fractional CARBON DIOXIDE or co2 laser that is marketed to accomplish genital tightening to ease anxiety urinary system incontinence.

Other Long-lasting results of the therapy include tightening up and renewal of vaginal cells. Genital tightening with FemiWand ® is a non-invasive, non-surgical therapy to restore as well as to restructure vaginal cells without making use of anaesthetic or numbing lotions. At Hifu we provide the ideal option for clients seeking skin firm, face and neck uplifts and also weight management treatments. The assessment is accomplished with the sight of accessing the area to ensure every little thing is alright for the therapy procedure to kick off. After that the medical professional sanitizes the FemiWand tool, the femiWand ultrasound, as well as the vagina itself. Femiwand utilizes ultrasound power to produce extensive thermal heating to the inner layers of the genital tissues.

I went to the clinic today for double chin decrease therapy with a voucher I bought from Wowcher. I had to complete a questionnaire as as quickly I got there which was expected. The radio was blowing up rave tunes so loudly I needed to turn it down ... not your typical calming atmosphere for a center.

i chose to try a brand-new therapy today the radio frequency face. I have actually had the Non surgical Non intrusive facelift making use of High Intensity Focused Ultrasound and also the therapy has actually functioned marvels. I'm actually delighted with the outcomes as well as need to claim its a really organised clinic.

Had 2 applicators of the fat freeze treatment on my belly area, was happy with the results after. had several therapy at vivo, all worked well for me. still have sessions of RF and ultrasound left but i enjoy with what i have seen so far. had the ultrasound cavitation 2 days back and my skin really feel a lot more tighter its as if my abdominals are appearing once again.

What causes moles on human skin?

Melanin is a natural pigment that gives your skin its color. It's produced in cells called melanocytes. Moles are caused when cells in the skin (melanocytes) grow in clusters or clumps. Melanocytes are distributed throughout your skin and produce melanin, the natural pigment that gives your skin its color.

The very best non medical center I've been to in a while the therapy are remarkable therefore is the personnel. i would certainly recommend the chin decrease to everyone, especially if your insecure about the area. I entered the facility in birmingham for a chin reduction therapy, i am very pleased with the results.

recuperating From Facelift surgical Treatment?

When Is Hifu Not suitable?

anybody having this treatment i would recommend choosing the full works as opposed to waiting like i did, i currently regret not obtaining the complete functions done. Hydro face is incredible my skin is perfect as well as a lot more glowing would absolutely recommend this treatment. Had the femiwand done in Liverpool a couple of days earlier, its prematurely to start seeing results however I honestly need to compliment the specialist Kate that did my treatment. I was so worried and a little embarrassed however she made me really feel so comfy, she spoke me via the treatment and made certain i was comfortable every action of method.

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I had the muscular genital firm and also hopefully desiring long lasting results. I had a few treatments as well as I more than happy with just how my experience went as the personnel are so lovely. I had a training course of superhigh frequency on my face as well as the enhancement are amazing, my skin looks a great deal tighter and also stronger.

What To expect At Your Coolsculpting examination?

Can I pop a cryotherapy blister?

If the blister is tense and uncomfortable, you can pop it with a sterile (heated under a flame or cleansed with alcohol) needle. If the blister does not bother you, no treatment is needed. However, do https://totalbodycontouring.com.au/2019/10/31/what-is-fat-freezing-and-what-are-the-benefits/#:~:text=It%20offers%20a%20better%20alternative,fat%20on%20the%20treated%20area. peel off the top of the blister roof.

i have definitely seen a difference in my dual chin after my first therapy and also will certainly be scheduling in for a couple of more sessions. it is amazing my skin has actually been raised and also looks more younger and radiant. i had cavitation treatment done 6 week back on my love takes care of, that was my secound therapy. I am really satisfied with the results i have actually seen as well as will absolutely be having actually even more sessions done. My makeover is occurring fantastic and I would definitely suggest vivo clinic. All clarified well to me and also they offered me an aftercare lotion in case I got any bruising.

I had actually a therapy done for the non medical face lift, at first i was unclear about the therapy but when i went as well as had my assessment i done she made me feel secure. i made a decision to proceed with the treatment as well as im grateful i did, i am so happy with the outcomes and also seem like its highlighted a brand-new me. My close friends as well as family member have discovered a distinction as well as i feel even more certain within myself.

Other much less usual results may include temporary bruising or tingling on small locations of skin.

As the procedure utilizes only an ultrasound cartridge applicator over your face rather than any kind of intrusive medical needles, there is alongside zero wounding, swelling, pain, and also downtime.

HIFU facelifts have an outstanding negative effects account and also most side effects are short-term if they do happen.

Some client's experience small swelling, prickling or inflammation to the touch, but these are temporary in nature.

The majority of clients only call for one treatment, thoughthis all depends on the person's skin laxity, feedback to the treatment, and the collagen-generation response.

As this layer loses collagen our skin begins to sag and also we start shedding meaning around our jawline, chin as well as neck.

Ultrasound is a tested innovation which has remained in usage for over half a century.

It is manufactured by Alma Lasers and distributed in the UK by ABC Lasers. What I would certainly recommend is that if you are having fat freeze opt for a couple of ultrasound inch loss therapies as well as this really starts to drop the inches quite promptly. I had 3 inch loss treatments as an adhere to up and also lost simply over 2 inches literally within 3 weeks. i embraced my treatment as well as the team were very respectful and inviting, everything was clarified to me on what i will certainly expect. my specialist made discussion with me throughout my time there.

The procedure is entirely exact as it enables the physician to be in overall control over the motion of ultrasound. This produces a soothing impact that makes sure immense comfort for each patient. This state-of-the-art modern technology is used to tighten collagen fibers in the vagina. The method uses using High Intensity Focused Ultrasound that has made its name in the genital restoration market. Additionally, this excellent medical application has been successfully used in aesthetic treatment, such as in skin laxity. Any kind of healthy female over the age of three decades can undergo genital tightening. The HIFU treatment should be clearly differentiated from Laser therapy.

With current success in treating bladder weaknesses and dryness in the vaginal canal, the procedure is risk-free for treating genital muscle laxity. The high strength concentrated ultrasound innovation has actually been made use of in various other medically sanctioned skin tightening up treatments, generating excellent results. Genital tightening up from Lipo Sculpt is still a discussion chatted in hash tones, especially as a clinical procedure, but many thanks to the FemiWand innovation, women are coming out gradually. The process is a non-surgical high intensity focused ultrasound which focuses thermal home heating around the vaginal canal tissue to tighten it. Vivo Clinic Bristol Ltd stated that the item was a CE significant tool. They said that with any type of non-invasive or aesthetic treatment, there was constantly contraindications however there was no proof to recommend the Femiwand procedure was harmful. They stated that there was qualified evidence from their individuals to show that their treatment improved vaginal as well as mental health.

What triggers seborrheic keratosis?

It's not clear what exactly causes seborrheic keratoses. They tend to run in families, so genes may be a cause. Normal skin aging plays a role because the growths are more common with age. Too much sun exposure may also play a role.

The service was definitely charming, all the ladies were fantastic as well as made me really feel very comfortable. i am really delighted to see the results from my treatments and wish to see the results i am seeking. i had 2 sessions as well as there is simply some loose skin on the location, which i might schedule in for RF to help with this. I had the ultrasound cavitation treatment and i am awaiting outcomes.

The therapy was executed on my abdominal areas due to loose skin because location. I have seen a substantial difference and although I'm fairly old my skin really feels a lot extra firmer considering that beginning the treatments. traveled down to birmingham for a week to visit my sibling so i assumed i would get some therapies done to treat myself.

Can fruit give you cellulite?

Eating fruit doesn't contribute to cellulite and could actually help skin look firmer, according to registered dietitian nutritionist Frances Largeman-Roth. Cellulite is also largely genetic and very common. Researchers estimate 80% to 90% of women have the skin condition.

The fat freeze treatment at vivo has actually helped me so much, I was going the health club for months however still couldnt seem to remove the stubburn fat around my midsection, really feeling so much more confident now. Recently had the femiwand treatment for the muscle tightening the results are great thus far i'm exceptionally pleased as well as would certainly recommend this treatment.

i received excellent solution from the phone call centre team, i spoke to a woman who discussed every little thing regarding the hifu treatment and also offered me all the rates for the areas. i was additionally clarified what it would feel like which i think works to prepare myself with. I lately had a training course of radiofrequency wherein I had 6 sessions.

#hifu treatment #facelift #fat freezing #femiwand #Cryo #Cryopen #cellulite #Femiwand treatment #skin tag removal #Bucks vaginal tightening #hifu facial #fat freezing service #cryolipolysis #Bodybuilding for Weight Loss #lose stomach weight #fat legs treatment #Anti aging hifu #Mens facelift treatment #Double chin removal #coolsculpting #wart removal #cellulite treatments #Non surgical facelift #body and face toning #Lipo freeze

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Content

exists any Kind Of Downtime?

recuperating From Facelift surgical Procedure?

When Is Hifu Not appropriate?

The Wellfield Skin facility.

What To expect At Your Coolsculpting consultation?

take Into Consideration giving Vivo The Heave Ho!

exists any Downtime?

The treatment is extremely accurate; the femiwand allows our professionals to have complete control over the ultrasound. This creates a smooth, calming result for the consumer, keeping the marginal therapy pain.

A course of up to 5 treatment sessions in suggested for FemiLift, spaced 2 to 4 weeks apart, specifically when it comes to considerable vaginal laxity. FemiLift is used for genital tightening to relieve stress and anxiety urinary incontinence, boost vaginal lubrication and also to enhance sex-related feature as well as sexual fulfillment. FemiLift ® is a fractional CARBON DIOXIDE or carbon dioxide laser that is marketed to achieve genital tightening to relieve stress urinary system incontinence.

Other Long-term results of the therapy include tightening up as well as renewal of genital cells. Vaginal tightening up with FemiWand ® is a non-invasive, non-surgical treatment to restore and to reorganize vaginal cells without the use of anaesthetic or numbing lotions. At Hifu we offer the ideal service for customers trying to find skin firm, face and also neck boosts and weight management treatments. The assessment is executed with the view of accessing the area to see to it everything is alright for the treatment procedure to start. After that the doctor decontaminates the FemiWand tool, the femiWand ultrasound, as well as the vaginal area itself. Femiwand uses ultrasound power to generate extensive thermal heating to the internal layers of the genital cells.

I saw the center today for dual chin reduction treatment with a coupon I purchased from Wowcher. I needed to complete a questionnaire as as quickly I got there which was anticipated. The radio was blasting go crazy tunes so loudly I had to turn it down ... not your regular soothing atmosphere for a center.

i determined to attempt a brand-new treatment today the radio frequency facial. I have actually had the Non medical Non invasive face lift making use of High Strength Focused Ultrasound and also the therapy has worked wonders. I'm really satisfied with the results and should state its a really organised facility.

How much does a CryoPen cost?

Cost of the CryoPen starts at $80. learn more about Cryolipolysis Poole of lesions or areas we are treating will determine the actual price. It's best to have a chat to one of our highly experienced practitioners to discuss your concerns and to determine the price of your cryotherapy treatment.

Had 2 applicators of the fat freeze therapy on my belly area, was happy with the outcomes after. had numerous therapy at vivo, all functioned well for me. still have sessions of RF as well as ultrasound left yet i enjoy with what i have actually seen up until now. had the ultrasound cavitation two days earlier and my skin feel far more tighter its as if my abdominal muscles are coming out once again.

What causes moles on human skin?

Melanin is a natural pigment that gives your skin its color. It's produced in cells called melanocytes. Moles are caused when cells in the skin (melanocytes) grow in clusters or clumps. Melanocytes are distributed throughout your skin and produce melanin, the natural pigment that gives your skin its color.

The very best non surgical center I have actually been to in a while the therapy are fantastic therefore is the personnel. i would suggest the chin decrease to everybody, especially if your troubled regarding the area. I entered the facility in birmingham for a chin decrease therapy, i am extremely delighted with the outcomes.

recuperating From Facelift surgical Treatment?

When Is Hifu Not appropriate?

anybody having this treatment i would certainly recommend going with the complete jobs rather than waiting like i did, i currently regret not obtaining the complete functions done. Hydro facial is fantastic my skin is flawless and also extra glowing would most definitely suggest this treatment. Had actually the femiwand done in Liverpool a few days earlier, its prematurely to start seeing results however I honestly have to commend the specialist Kate that did my therapy. I was so worried as well as a little self-conscious yet she made me feel so comfy, she spoke me via the procedure and made sure i fit every step of way.

The Wellfield Skin facility.

I had the muscular vaginal tightening up and also hopefully wanting long lasting results. I had a couple of treatments and also I more than happy with how my experience went as the staff are so lovely. I had a training course of superhigh frequency on my face and also the renovation are impressive, my skin looks and feels a great deal tighter and also firmer.

What To expect At Your Coolsculpting examination?

Can I pop a cryotherapy blister?

If body and face toning is tense and uncomfortable, you can pop it with a sterile (heated under a flame or cleansed with alcohol) needle. If the blister does not bother you, no treatment is needed. However, do NOT peel off the top of the blister roof.

i have definitely seen a distinction in my double chin after my first treatment and also will certainly be booking in for a few even more sessions. it is impressive my skin has been lifted and looks more vibrant as well as radiant. i had cavitation therapy done 6 week ago on my love manages, that was my secound therapy. I am very satisfied with the results i have actually seen as well as will absolutely be having more sessions done. My transformation is occurring great and also I would definitely suggest vivo center. All clarified well to me and also they provided me an aftercare cream in situation I got any type of bruising.

I had actually a treatment provided for the non surgical face lift, at first i was unsure regarding the treatment yet when i went and also had my consultation i done she made me really feel at ease. i determined to go ahead with the treatment and also im thankful i did, i am so happy with the outcomes as well as feel like its drawn out a new me. My buddies as well as relative have observed a difference as well as i feel even more positive within myself.

After your HIFU treatment you may see some initial result, but the best outcomes will take place over 2/3 months, as your body naturally regrows collagen.

As the treatment uses only an ultrasound cartridge applicator over your face as opposed to any kind of intrusive surgical needles, there is next to absolutely no bruising, swelling, pain, and downtime.

HIFU renovations have an exceptional negative effects profile and also most negative effects are short-lived if they do happen.

A lot of clients only require one therapy, thoughthis all depends upon the person's skin laxity, reaction to the therapy, and the collagen-generation response.

These consist of the deep dermis as well as the SMAS layer (likewise called the superficial muscular aponeurotic system-- the layer that gets tightened up in new looks).

As this layer loses collagen our skin starts to sag as well as we begin losing interpretation around our jawline, chin and neck.

Ultrasound is a tried and tested modern technology which has actually been in use for over half a century.

It is produced by Alma Lasers as well as distributed in the UK by ABC Lasers. What I would advise is that if you are having fat freeze opt for a few ultrasound inch loss therapies also as this really begins to lose the inches quite rapidly. I had 3 inch loss treatments as a comply with up and lost just over 2 inches literally within 3 weeks. i embraced my therapy as well as the staff were really respectful and welcoming, whatever was described to me on what i will expect. my professional made conversation with me throughout my time there.

The treatment is totally precise as it enables the doctor to be in complete control over the movement of ultrasound. This develops a relaxing impact that ensures immense convenience for each patient. This modern technology is made use of to tighten collagen fibers in the vagina. The technique employs using High Intensity Concentrated Ultrasound that has made its name in the vaginal rejuvenation industry. Additionally, this remarkable medical application has been effectively used in cosmetic therapy, such as in skin laxity. Any healthy and balanced female over the age of three decades can undertake vaginal tightening. The HIFU procedure need to be clearly separated from Laser treatment.

think About providing Vivo The Heave Ho!

With recent success in dealing with bladder weak points and also dryness in the vaginal canal, the process is secure for treating vaginal muscular tissue laxity. The high strength concentrated ultrasound innovation has actually been made use of in other medically approved skin tightening up treatments, creating superb results. Vaginal tightening up from Lipo Sculpt is still a discussion spoke in hash tones, especially as a medical treatment, yet many thanks to the FemiWand modern technology, females are coming out gradually. The procedure is a non-surgical high intensity concentrated ultrasound which concentrates thermal home heating around the vaginal canal cells to tighten it. Vivo Clinic Bristol Ltd claimed that the item was a CE marked gadget. They claimed that with any type of non-invasive or cosmetic procedure, there was constantly contraindications but there was no proof to recommend the Femiwand procedure was unsafe. They claimed that there was trustworthy proof from their individuals to reveal that their therapy boosted genital and mental wellness.

What triggers seborrheic keratosis?

https://la-lipo.uk/maidstone/ 's not clear what exactly causes seborrheic keratoses. They tend to run in families, so genes may be a cause. Normal skin aging plays a role because the growths are more common with age. Too much sun exposure may also play a role.

The service was absolutely beautiful, all the women were fantastic and also made me really feel really comfy. i am really thrilled to see the results from my therapies and want to see the results i am trying to find. i had 2 sessions and also there is simply some loosened skin on the area, which i might schedule in for RF to assist with this. I had the ultrasound cavitation therapy as well as i am awaiting results.

The treatment was performed on my abdominal areas as a result of loose skin in that area. I have seen a considerable distinction and also although I'm fairly old my skin feels so much more firmer given that beginning the therapies. took a trip to birmingham for a week to visit my sister so i believed i would get some therapies done to treat myself.

Can fruit give you cellulite?

Eating fruit doesn't contribute to cellulite and could actually help skin look firmer, according to registered dietitian nutritionist Frances Largeman-Roth. Cellulite is also largely genetic and very common. Researchers estimate 80% to 90% of women have the skin condition.

is There An Age limit For This type Of surgical Treatment?

The fat freeze treatment at vivo has actually assisted me so much, I was going the gym for months yet still couldnt seem to eliminate the stubburn fat around my midsection, really feeling so much extra positive now. Lately had the femiwand treatment for the muscular tightening the outcomes are fantastic so far i'm very pleased and would certainly recommend this treatment.

i obtained terrific service from the telephone call centre staff, i spoke to a woman who clarified every little thing regarding the hifu treatment and provided me all the prices for the areas. i was likewise discussed what it would certainly seem like which i believe serves to prepare myself with. I recently had a training course of radiofrequency wherein I had 6 sessions.

#hifu treatment #facelift #fat freezing #femiwand #Cryo #Cryopen #cellulite #Femiwand treatment #skin tag removal #Bucks vaginal tightening #hifu facial #fat freezing service #cryolipolysis #Bodybuilding for Weight Loss #lose stomach weight #fat legs treatment #Anti aging hifu #Mens facelift treatment #Double chin removal #coolsculpting #wart removal #cellulite treatments #Non surgical facelift #body and face toning #Lipo freeze

[gyromitra-esculenta]

A disclaimer: I find the idea of ‘second gender’ quite… interesting. On the other hand, the way it’s most commonly treated makes me quite uncomfortable because it takes the agency – the consent – away from the characters in a very underhanded way and tries to justify it with a biological nature, which is a big warning sign for me personally (and this is about me – this is just not my thing in general – and I’m not condemning anyone who likes it, there is no talking about sexual fantasies as wrong or right as long as they stay exactly that). While the consent/agency thing can be fun to explore, the setting makes it often a foregone notion. As I’m a fickle thing thrumming with a lot of ideas, this is me trying to get rid of this one, putting it on the shelf to maybe use somewhere else, some other time, to focus on other things I should be writing (like finishing the next funny chapter of red eyes, putting together the ending to the old soldiers crack or crack sidestory of how they got together which is just hcs). This all to say there’s some main idea here and some other things going in the background. Oh, and I write like shit in English. Also, I’m not really tagging it here since this is a controversial theme - abo and alluded to mpreg.

 Sands of Remembrance

 It was really ironic if he thought more about it. Here he was, twenty-eight years old, with almost thirty years of his life missing – just gone and nowhere to be found – living a life he was not ready for, chasing ghosts he did not recognize, looking for answers to the questions he was not able to formulate.

Escaping. Always escaping from something, even if it weighed heavily on his conscience, but he was only twenty-eight years old, he was not prepared for the responsibilities of this kind – and he was not fucking prepared to fucking die right now, for fuck’s sake!

“Where the hell are you!?” Jack, cowering behind the broken down bus on the pier, growled into the receiver. “If you’re using me as bait I’m going to ventilate you a new one, you fucking…” There it was, the explosion, the otherworldly screech of the metal tearing, and a familiar roar of whatever the fuck those shotguns of his were. He sneered, counting down the shots and raising with his rifle hoisted up as the final one rung out silencing the last man screaming. The fucker in question was standing relaxed, with weapons dissolving in the wisps of black smoke, the burning barge behind him slowly sinking into the water covered with a rainbow slick of the oil spill.

The visor gave no indication of any other targets and Jack, slinging the rifle on his arm, cut through the blown out hole in the hull of the bus – what was a wrecked bus doing on a fucking pier was a mystery in the first place – and crossed the distance separating him from the mercenary while trying not to step too deep into the gore strewn around, because those fucking guns packed an unnatural punch.

“Do that again and I’ll make sure you’re going to breathe through a tube,” Jack growled, grabbing the bandolier in his fist to stress the point. “Unlike you, I have someone to come back to.”

Reaper chuckled, moving gray bangs out of his face with a claw, and, shit, Jack swore internally, he lost another rubber band and did not notice – which unnerved him even more considering how inconsequential it was in the whole situation. He was fucking royally pissed at the other mercenary. Their working relationship was tenuous – had its ups and downs – and there were some allowances he was willing to make, but this, this was too fucking much.

“Your copy of the mainframe,” Reaper put the data stick in the pocket of the varsity jacket Jack wore over the nano-padding, the other hand brushing the small of his back. “You make for a good distraction, Soldier.”

“This fucking shit ain’t funny!” Jack shoved him back with a snarl. “Angel, two hours to RV, pick me up.”

“Do you have it?” Reaper asked observing the retreating back of the vigilante.

“Only the new frequency, they’ve changed it.”

“Clever. Wouldn’t expect nothing less.”

“Gabe, why don’t you just fucking follow him,” Sombra murmured, “or just put a damn tracker on him?”

“That would spook him. How long till you crack it?”

“If I really get on it, two, three hours tops.”

“Get on it then.”

*

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to keep this up,” Angela started just as they were stepping off the small ship. “You’re very agitated, Jack.”

She was trying to sound reasonable, talk him down, and he knew it. It irritated him more, but not because of her – her intentions were good – but because of himself. Jack combed through his hair absentmindedly.

“No. That’s not it. The fucker’s hard to read. But it works, for now,” he glanced at the evening panorama of Oasis sprawling outside the private landing pad. “Angela, I have to… I need to do this thing.”

“I understand but it still doesn’t make me think it’s a good idea,” she put her hand on his shoulder. “They’re asleep, so change and rest. I’ll have the data looked at by friends.”

“You mean the AI.”

“Maybe.” Jack scoffed at that. Maybe. As far as he came to understand, it was the Oasis thing, to play with things that should be very well left alone, but on the other hand… Athena supposedly had worked with them for years, still did. Which did not make trusting former GOD-AI any easier. “I’m going to shower.”

Angela smiled and nodded gently, leaving him shortly as he stood still observing the lighting up city.

*

“Who the fuck are you?” Jack questioned his reflection – the little ritual of his – because the face that stared back at him was not his. He did not know that person, the lines on the forehead, the crow feet at corners of the eyes, the cut of the mouth, the gray hair, and the scars. This was a stranger he wanted to understand and failed, repeatedly, to do so.

His fingers slowly glided over the smooth now shoulder. It was one of the first things he asked of Angela, to remove it, to destroy the very presence of the scar that could have never belonged to him.

He remembered waking up on the operating table, not being able to even scream, not because of how his throat hurt but because he forgot how to scream, and merely whined and wheezed, with Angela cradling his head and trying to soothe his fear, pain, and confusion.

He remembered the months of rehabilitation and relearning how his body moved and worked, full of disappointments, anxiety, and breakdowns.

But the worst of it was learning that a half of his life just… stopped existing, wiped out, and he was left with Angela describing someone he didn’t understand, recognize nor know, someone she cared for – the person he certainly was not anymore in a world that was not his. This terrified him on a different level, the primal fear crawling along his spine and freezing the blood in his veins.

He had time to read. Too much time actually. Enough to learn that the thing he was was either considered an evolutionary dead end or the future evolution of human race – there was almost no middle ground.

Jack bit his lip and the person in the mirror made the same gesture. He had grown up with the notion that meeting one’s mate was that wonderful fairytale thing – all laughable in the face of the fact who that supposedly was for him – and even more importantly the reality everyone thought it was his own mate that did try to kill him.

Killed him in a sense.

“Stop thinking,” Jack barked at the reflection and slipped on the robe. He slicked back the wet hair – growing them out was a personal act of defiance towards ‘something’. And a way to help conceal his identity, even if Jack Morrison, Strike-Commander of Overwatch, was long dead and buried, and there would be no one looking for him.

He was only twenty-eight years old and felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Back in the room, he kneeled down by the bed, resting his head on the mattress, his hand reaching out towards the closer of the two shapes under the covers, but fingers staying just millimeters away. Jack stared at the only reason – two reasons – that kept him going, trying for anything at all, searching for answers to questions that did not make any sense at all.

“You shouldn’t stay like that, you will hurt in the morning,” Angela said from the doorway.

“No,” Jack smiled faintly, “this is okay, just like… this.”

“If you say so,” she huffed a bit. “Athena dealt with the encryption. We will look through it tomorrow.”

He closed his eyes. The answers could mean nothing to him, but his children deserved them.

“Thanks again.”

“Don’t mention it. Sleep well, Jack.”

#abo #mpreg #sometimes i write

[baw74fanfic]

Chapter 2 - First Contact

After several minutes staring at the phone, Weizhou had Li Hao text Jingyu's manager. He said he was in Jingyu's room and he was in the shower, and that he'd have him text Weizhou as soon as he was out. Weizhou took the opportunity to shower himself.

Once Jingyu was out of the shower and dressed, his manager handed him the new phone. He had brought breakfast up, and told Jingyu that the director said to not worry about coming to film for two days. There were scenes without Jingyu to be filmed and they needed to deal with this first. He sent a note for Jingyu:

Jing,

I wanted you to know that the cast, crew, and myself are here for you. We support you. In time, you may come to see this event as a turning point, or simply as a small speed bump in life. Either way, I know you will prevail. Fighting!

-Meng

P.S. - Stop thinking. You're not letting us down. Now go take care of ZZ.

Jingyu smiled. Meng and he had become close, something that is rare for Jingyu. Meng had become the big brother that Jingyu never had. A confidant. A mentor. So much, that Jingyu had opened up to him about his relationship with Weizhou. When he had told ZZ that, Weizhou surprised him by saying he was happy to hear that. ZZ said he had seen the stress of the circumstances weighing on him, and he hoped that by developing a close friendship with Meng it would alleviate those stresses. Jingyu asked ZZ if he had told anyone, at which point he turned the phone towards Li Hao, who smiled and waved. Jingyu was grateful for Li Hao.

Back to the issue at hand. Jingyu opened up the Contacts app on his phone, and the starkness of the emptiness reminded him just how alone he could feel at times. Only one record was listed - Xu Weizhou. His manager said he entered the new contact number for him, but he was on his own to transfer other contacts he wanted, knowing full well that is what Jingyu wanted, anyway. His manager said he'd be back later, and left.

He tapped the contact record, and tapped the phone icon. As soon as he had the phone to his ear, the call was answered.

"Are you alone?" Weizhou asked.

"Yes, and hi to you, too." After a few seconds of silence, "Hello? ZhouZhou?"

"I'm here..." croaked Weizhou.

"Babe, are you crying? Are you ok?" Jingyu was on full alert and honed in on ZZ's voice.

Weizhou was barely able to utter, "I'm fine, I think. How are you?"

"Babe, I'm hanging up and FaceTiming you."

"No! I'll be ok, I don't want you to see me like this."

"Nonsense. I need you to see my handsome face so you feel better." Jingyu resorted to a joke, in hopes that his ZZ feels better.

*Sniff* "Heh. Thank you, for that..." Weizhou replied. Then, "Babe, I'm so sorry. I don't know how it happened. I'm very careful about where my phone is. I have a security code set and even two-pass authentication enabled. I just don't know what happened. I've been trying to think where the failure was and I can't think of anything. I'm such a mess right now."

"Shhh. Shhh... It'll be ok. The authorities will figure all of that out. Don't worry about it."

"Ever since I learned about it this morning, all I could think about was how you were doing. I hate that we're so far apart. And then I'm wondering what this could mean about actually being able to see each other."

Jingyu thought back to the note from Meng, and he knew what he needed to say.

"Nothing is keeping me from you. No ban, no forced outing.... nothing. I'm done with the hiding, and keeping this a secret. You mean too much to me. In fact, I'm glad this happened. It means I can finally stand up and tell the world that I, Huang Jingyu, love Xu Weizhou with all my heart and being."

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Li Hao had taken a seat across the room, but within eyesight of ZZ. Weizhou had said he wanted him close.

They had grown close working together. At first, as his manager. Then a right-hand man. And then a confidant. Being trusted and needed were essential to feeling productive and successful in life for Li Hao. But when ZZ and Li Hao had realized how much of a friendship they have, and how much it meant to them - well, that was all the bonus Li Hao had needed in a career. And to know how good of a person Jingyu was for ZZ, and be a part of nurturing that, meant the world to Li Hao.

Li Hao was watching ZZ talk on the phone. Weizhou's response to this morning was typical Weizhou - adaptable to the news, strong in the face of it, showing courage. What was new to Li Hao was seeing ZZ as soon as he picked up the call from Jingyu. The tears welling up in Weizhou's eyes cause Li Hao to freeze for a moment. He then turned to grab some water and tissues, passing them over to ZZ. After taking a seat, he watched as the phone call continued.

Seeing Weizhou vulnerable like this was new, but didn't worry Li Hao as much as it would have a normal manager. What worried him was the pending storm and handling the fallout. Already he was fielding calls from close contacts in the entertainment news community, wanting that coveted first interview. Li Hao couldn't blame them, really, as it's their job. But what did concern him was how Weizhou was doing as a friend, not as a client. This is where the nature of their relationship would get dicey. He's going to have to evaluate each and every move from the best possible outcome for ZZ, and that could mean some uncomfortable conversations. But, it ultimately depended upon what these two wanted.

It sounded like the call is coming to an end, and ZZ was still curled up on the couch, red-eyed, and sniffling. He had heard ZZ talking about not knowing how the hack happened, and Jingyu probably replied with something consoling, because he knew that guy would be more concerned about ZZ's well-being.

But then he saw Weizhou's eyes grow big and his jaw drop as he sat up straight. Then he saw two huge pools of tears well up in ZZ's eyes and spill over. With his mouth still agape, but not making a sound, Weizhou became flushed and started sweating. Li Hao now became hyper-focused on the situation, and waited to hear what was happening.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

For the second time in a morning, Weizhou could only repeatedly think of a set of words over and over in his head...

I can finally stand up and tell the world that I, Huang Jingyu, love Xu Weizhou with all my heart and being.

I can finally stand up and tell the world that I, Huang Jingyu, love Xu Weizhou with all my heart and being.

I can finally stand up and tell the world that I, Huang Jingyu, love Xu Weizhou with all my heart and being.

He sat there, staring at the wall across the room. Mouth hanging open. Jingyu's voice jerks his attention back to the call.

"Are you there? Are you ok? ZZ? I mean it. I don't care what the world thinks anymore."

"I'm here, babe. I'm just still processing it all, I guess."

"I understand. I'm sorry if this added to your already upset state." Jingyu said worriedly.

"No, you're fine. And I love you, too. Truly. Do you know that?" Weizhou needed Jingyu's affirmation before continuing.

"I know, babe. I know. I wish I could hold you right now."

"Me too. But... I want us to be rational about this. I don't think we should be going and telling the world just yet. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Weizhou hesitantly asked.

Jingyu smiled. He expected this. One thing jiu jitsu taught was how to read a situation and formulate a response. The very fact that his ZZ was starting to think rationally again was proof that as bad as this turn of events had gotten, Weizhou could handle it, and was handling it.

"Don't worry, ZZ. I'm not the big fool Gu Hai. I won't run off and do anything rash. However, I wanted to let you know where I stand in this. I feel like I haven't communicated fully how I feel about you, and wanted to plant the stake in the ground here, at this moment, and let you know."

Weizhou let out a long sigh and leaned back on the couch. As bad as things were this morning, he could feel the smile on this face. He glanced at Li Hao, and gave a thumbs up that he's ok, in spite of how it looked. Li Hao's appreciation showed on his face.

And he couldn't let it escape, "You are a big fool, though, and I love it."