#I want to start over | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anhedoniashoujo · 5 months

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i need an 18 month coma that robs me of all muscle and fat and everyone forgets about me

#i want to start over #i want to be held #i dont just need consistency. i need to physically be close to someone.#i need to burrow into your flesh. i need to be able to curl up in your lap on the couch whenever i want.#i need a nesting partner #i am surrounded by people who love me and i feel alone #it's so fucked #i just want to crawl into bed and sleep #i miss my space heater #i want to go home #but home would be a person

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vntey · 3 days

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would you follow me if i moved accounts TT

#i’ve just been gone from here for so long #i want to start over #y’know

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jannasophia · 1 year

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I’m getting annoyed by my own writing

Is it good?

Is it bad?

WHO KNOWS

#i want to start over #but if i do that my wonderful long suffering pre-alpha reader will actually murder me #phia talks #hymns #writing

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h82eat2much · 2 years

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i think the dude im talking to is going to ask me to be official with him but I don't know if I can say yes to him. how in earth will he love me if I cant even manage to love this fat lard that I call myself? my mind wont stop telling me that he hates how I look I mean, I cant even manage to even look at myself in the mirror. i feel so ugly when next to him- he's skinny and tall with a perfect body while I'm stubby and ugly next to him. maybe I'm an ego booster for him? there has to be something else bc I'm certainly not a looker.

#cant believe i'll have to reject the first boy to love me all bc I cant manage to love myself #god i hate myself #i want to start over #but i cant do that to him #i cant ruin him bc of my selfishness #i refuse to do that to a sweet man like him #he doesnt know how bad and rotten my mind is #motivation for myself #i will be thin

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wolfprincess1229 · 2 years

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Sometimes you just need it

#barcode #barcode tumblr #sh #kill me #I want to #so bad #I miss it #it doesn’t go away #28 months #and I’m still not okay #I want to start over #who cares anyways

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cozymodeonpoint · 3 months

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senshi fans: learning how to make nutritious meals for themselves

laios fans: down bad

marcille fans: lesbianism

chilchuck fans: putting that man in situations

#this is what I've observed over the past few weeks #it's great #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #senshi #laois touden #marcille donato #chilchuck #2000+ notes later and I'm starting to think i read y'all to filth #with exception to senshi fans also being down for him #update at 9000 notes: you can like laois for autism reasons and still be down bad #some of y'all in the tags and fics are down bad for laois in mental way #like you want him to be real so you can do brain crazy with him do you understand

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pineapple-frenzy · 28 days

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Book 2 au with Zuko and Katara Lee and Huamei

Katara is separated from her friends, and so she's left to travel the earth kingdom on her own. She stumbles across Zuko, who is similarly travelling on his own. They decide that pairing up and travelling together would be best

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #my art #book 2 au #book 2 aus have been done before but i wanted to try my own take with tropes i personally enjoy akdjslkdks #also had the urge to draw zutara arguing and just not getting along in general qldjkakslsk #i recently finished natla and also just rewatched book 1 so zutara book 1 dynamic where they're quite hostile with each other is on my mind #they decide to travel together but obviously they don't get along at all at the start #they find each other annoying but that annoyance slowly turns into affection #also alsooo #short hair zuko enjoyers hello #i have switched over to the side of short hair zuko ajrskakdlksjd #also thinking about how to put short hair katara into this akdjaljdlskf #i just think short hair zutara neat :>>

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s-aprua · 5 months

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furina's travel album

(hc: furina travels and always comes home to tell neuvi about it 🥺)

#genshin impact #genshin #furina #neuvillette #my art #doodle #i wanted to doodle neuvi but then furina took over oops #and then i started rendering and gave up halfway through

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cannibalcharon · 9 months

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can you just. yeah. no. a little to the left. a little more. higher. higher. perfect ok. now drive the blade in. yes I know that. yes this will kill me im aware just. just go ahead. that’s it.

#I’m! so!#I’m in a constant state of grief and #struggling a lot with finding happiness in the now #everything feels so #tainted #overshadowed by misery and sad nostalgia #I want to start over #I want to be just #not me #not what I am

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floccinaucinihilipilificationa · 9 months

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#selfie bee #good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself #I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose #I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years #thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint #he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it #my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago #as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds #he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where #I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo #it was heath ledgers face as the joker #at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years #a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets #can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet #he might have special abilities #I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week #miss you!! ♥♥♥

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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captainkirkk · 1 year

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I want to see characters being taken care of in an explicit and worshipful way. Home-cooked meals. Hair brushed and braided by gentle hands. Little gifts just because.

I want to read about characters who are not used to kindness being bombarded by acts of service. This trope works romantically and platonically. Give me found family and acts of service - all the ways a character is wrapped up in wordless, explicit care after years of cruelty and having no idea how to handle. I need it.

#fanfiction #this is the 'comfort' part of hurt/comfort #but i want to take it to the extreme honestly #not just comfort immediately after a traumatic event #but consonant daily comfort!#being taken care of because you are loved always and unconditionally #this is the real reason why i sometimes read sugar daddy AUs even though i don't like them #i want to read about characters being SPOILED #this is also why i love the mdzs love interests so much #luo binghe is the ultimate worshipful house husband and i love that #my posts #you can tell i'm irrationally tired when i start getting tear-eyed over someone being cooked a meal

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closetgamer2014-blog · 1 year

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Listening to a video series about how to completely disappear and start fresh/recreate your identity. (Not for hiding from legal or financial repercussions, but simply for the thrill of starting fresh)

#I'm not a criminal #i'm just curious #why am i this way #i want to start over

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theoldkyokodied · 7 months

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