#I want my old life back

[thattheater-kid]

You know what’s wild about being a fictive? Missing your old life even though it was shitty because it’s a shittiness you were used to. The life you’re living now is a new kind of shitty that feels unpleasant in a different way.

#maybe it’s stupid to miss the life I had #it sucked #so much #I hated it actually #I prayed every night that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning and cried when I did #I’m still doing that tbh #this is a different kind of suck though #I want my old life back #those people were shitty but they were MY shitty people #maybe I just got used to the horrible conditions I was living in #and now I miss it even though it was horrible #just because it’s familiar to me #maybe it’s the difference between the physical discomfort I felt in my old life #vs the emotional discomfort I feel now #maybe I should talk to my therapist #or go to bed #did system #plural #plurality #actually plural #actually did #plural system #system things #dissociative system #fictive #fictives #fictive culture #system culture #plural culture

[quasieli]

Depression fucking sucks. I just want to feel okay. I feel like I'm wasting my life. I'm not living. I barely feel like I exist. I'm just stuck.

#ask to tag #i hate my life rn #and i feel like i cant do anything to change it #im just stuck here #i want my old life back #but i cant have it #and im so tired #i just want to give up #i know i cant #i dont want to hurt other people #but where does that leave me #i feel like im only holding on for the sake of others #my life isnt my own

[mx-bequiet]

closer to the lung

so I can, so I can

shove her over railing

#emo #alternative #nu metal #deftones #personal #sadgirl #i want to cry #i want the old me back #i want my old life back #oh well #whatever #nevermind

[lordgirlfriend]

damn i’m . really tired of feeling like this.

#i feel myself choking and wanting to d*e as i type this but #i want my old life back #i want to be like the old me #and i wouldn’t say i want to keep living #but i want to be at peace #please

[queennnyyyjaneen]

I fucking hate everything

#im over it #I wish I weren’t here #fuck this shit #fuck you #i want to be happy #personal #I want my old life back #I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs

[ruporas]

… and it all came flowing to his brain, three years of his youth. (ID in alt)

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #kenjaku #geto suguru #ruporas art #happy boxing day :partyexplosion: this is technically a redraw of an old piece i did!! #one of the top tier scenes of jjk - the tragedy was truly crazy i remember seeing this back then and had my whole life sucked into stsg #for a bit wraghhhgds it came back when s2 started airing but not for long... i knew i wanted to do a piece in celebration of the boxing tho #after this........i wonder if ill have the strength to do more jjk art... after that new chapter *puts my hands behind my back* #*staring longingly into the distance* but it was fun revisiting these scenes. im also queueing this before the ep airs #so im excited to see how devastating the effect will be in mappa's animation!!!

[bread-that-draws]

Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you

#‘Flowey would listen to i bet on losing dogs by Mitski and cry until he throws up and Chara calls him cringe from beyond the grave’ #-me to my friend when I ranted about this last night #he has me so fucked up like oh my god #how is the best character a fucking talking flower #I love undertale’s writing so much like it’s mastered minimal evidence giving away the biggest parts of characters #i can analyze him i can study him under a microscope #i can put him in a terrarium with a sticky note that says gay baby jail you know #he has me SO fucked up #flowey #flowey the flower #asriel #asriel dreemurr #I’m talking about flowey btw not asriel i know they’re the same person but not to me #like how i consider little baby me and fucked up 13 year old me different people #asriel sits on the playground and cries when nobody wants to play warrior cats with him #and flowey sits in the back of classrooms and answers ‘life is MEANINGLESS’ to every question #not speaking from experience ofc (im lying) #love my edgy flower *puts a magnifying glass up to him and notes how fucked up he is* #i think more characters need to be fucked up beyond repair #undertale #utdr #character analysis

[hollytree33]

Okay okay now that I’m done with these I wanted to post them all together so you can see how the bottom two sort of mirror the top two! I’ve been so excited to finish these so I could show y’all the full picture.

If you’re seeing these for the first time they are The Hanged Man, The Chariot, The High Priestess, and Judgement!

For anyone interested, the original sketches are under the cut!

The sketch for the first one is not included because I did that before I started planning anything.

As you can see they changed quite a bit as I worked on them! The high priestess was originally the two of swords and judgement had a bunch of people that I ended up abandoning.

Bonus: my unfinished procrastination drawing of Shiv with her hart and the golden halla

#my art #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #shivana lavellan #dai #lavellan #dragon age fanart #dai tarot #can y’all tell I’ve spent the last year of my life thinking of nothing but dragon age #my ye olde obsession is back with a vengeance #I’m so glad I didn’t abandon this it’s great to actually finish something like this for once #that being said I’m even more excited to be free to draw whatever I want to again

[daily-odile]

rendered dile

#I keep wanting to practice a new style and then accidentally going back to my old one woops #isat #in stars and time #isat odile #day 76 #16 left #hm. kind of think that nobody cares im missing days actually #Might drop the counter at some point and post at my own time. Wouldn't want this to take over too much of my life... #thank you all for coming round for the odiles as always. and being really nice in the inbox. I appreciate them very much

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This is the start of something new

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#Poorly Drawn MDZS #MDZS #wei wuxian #lan wangji #season 1 #*I never knew that it could happen till it happened to me* #Listen there were so many good scenes I wanted to draw and maybe one day I will but dang #sometimes when there are too many good moments to draw in a summary comic you have to abridge them into something that gets the vibes #The teen boy shenanigans that wwx drags lwj into are fine and good and *funny* #but they are also 15 and 15 year olds will say whatever comes to mind whether its well formulated or not #Less of a gay awakening and more of a moment of realizing that theres a door labeled 'homosexual thoughts' in the back of the house #and someone just threw a baseball into the window of it #poor lwj for he now spends the rest of his teen and young adult years haunted by this moment #only to cultivate it into a garden in which he will one day marry this man #Live your life in a way that would make teen you implode -> my daily advice column wisdom #Side note: this comic is vertical because I...ran out of space on my page. I have been meaning to experiment though #might continue like this? Maybe...

[an-established-butt-dent]

At home in the shadows. Forgotten dreams.

Solas: Dragon age

Ink on paper

#I just wanted to paint our favorite sad elf #Who doens't cry a bit when you hear Solas thoughts through Cole??? It broke by heart #He hurts #an old pain from before #when everything sang the same. You're real #and it means everyone could be real. It changes everything #but it can't. #ughhjejnfkjeewf #sad egg #look at this pretty ancient elvhen baby #yes he made some questionable life choices but who hasn't? ha ha #I like my favourite character to carry a load of angst and unprocessed trauma on their backs just like the rest of us <3 #dragon age inquisition #my fanart #dai #dragon age #again #dragon age: dreadwolf #dread wolf rises #solasmance #fen'harel #the dread wolf #original art #dragon age fanart #dragon age portraits #solavellan #solas #traditional illustration #traditional painting #illutration

[ra-vio]

I missed them 🚂 👻

#loz #legend of zelda #spirit tracks #toon link #toon zelda #princess zelda #zelink #i have a version of this from 2017. i wanted to redraw this for awhile. im sad about the colors #because csp mutiply and procreate multipy work differently #same with sai opacity and csp opacity. drives me nuts #my life is just me fighting with art programs WHY DONT YOU WORK LIKE THE OTHER ONE #i originally wanted them stargazing but couldn’t figure out how to show that. i just remembered that. #funny how looking at old art can take you back

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 44

PREV

The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.

The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.

No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.

"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.

"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."

"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.

"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.

"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.

"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.

"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.

"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.

"Matt!" Kevin squawks.

"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.

"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.

"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.

"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.

---

It was fine.

The only real delays they met were at security.

Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.

So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.

Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.

The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.

It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.

While it was on his back.

As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.

"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.

"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.

"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.

"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.

"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.

"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.

"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.

"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.

"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.

"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.

"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.

"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.

"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.

"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.

They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.

"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.

"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.

"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.

"Agreed." Nicky says.

Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.

They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt

In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.

"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.

"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.

"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.

"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.

"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.

"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.

"It's an important 3 inches."

"I bet it is."

"Nicky, are you serious?"

"What?!"

"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."

"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"

---

It's fine.

Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.

Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.

That is a nice comfort.

He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.

He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.

He has heard much about the 'girls'.

Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.

Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.

Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.

Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.

1 hour left until arriving at JFK.

He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

#Fluent Freshman AU #Oh boy it feels nice to write this again #If I were to name this chapter something else it would be 'Smiths on a Plane' #MAN IT'S BEEN A MONTH #Moved #got my place painted #got new appliances because my old ones were older than me #Developed a life long hatred for whoever designed the barstools I bought from WayFair #It was not just what I needed #Anyway we're back #Smith's on a plane #About to meet the GIRLS #Kevin almost had to call Andreil to have them come back #There may have been some autographs given to the staff to be able to re-open the door for him. #He wanted mineral water and wanted to be selective on the minerals #I don't mean to write him like this but every time I write him he is like this #Matt is based on my sister in this regard with 'exact science' meanwhile I show up 4 hours early to a flight #Like no checked bag I'm TSA pre-checked #I have never missed a flight and I fear what i'd do if I did #Matt may be a bit of a Gomez for Dan but who can blame him #Next up Smith actually meets the girls #Fluent Freshman - 44 #AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG AU #Palmetto State Foxes #AFTG Fic

[kinokoshoujoart]

oops all rock (springtime edition)

i’ll be able to draw digitally again soon! ;w; in the meantime i’ve been scribbling a lot on paper…

could not wait for Soon, so i resorted to coloring it using the markup tool in default iphone photos app (don’t do that ever again)

#my art #sos awl #debating whether to just dump my sketches from my soujourn to hell or save them to be transferred and finished as digital stuff #or like both idk. i don’t know how ppl feel about WIPs #i’m happy to post art again ;w; thank you everyone who welcomed me back i’m slowly getting through everything i missed while i was y’know #and thank you for the sweet messages while i was gone i am bbghkjh i need to calm myself and respond !!!! love #rock tumbling (sos) #story of seasons a wonderful life #bokumono #story of seasons #harvest moon #hm awl #harvest moon a wonderful life #bunny sighting 😳 i still have THOSE wips too #there’s certain things i wanna prioritize once i can use my tablet again and those are one of them #but i will also probably post new stuff alongside finishing old unfinished stuff….. i hope that is OK…… #idk i’ll have to talk more later! right now i am nervous!!! i love you all!!!! #fanart #awl rock #bokujou monogatari #hm anwl #unfortunately this scum neet still has my entire heart so. most of the notebook is just him pulling goofy faces… sorry…….. #also a lot of lumina and nami…. and molly…. they r really cool… #ceci is also cool and i’ve drawn a collage of her that i just. never posted #mostly drawing HMDS related stuff about the descendant characters #OK I’LL STOP TAGBLOGGING #i am once again back in DS for girl hell. i want to make a series of posts about differences in the English vs the Japanese version #and also fun secret things related to DS #this is all in the future i gotta finish all my unfinished stuff…. uuuu…. #i love you all mmmmmwah (i cast sleepy time blanket and sleep forever)

[aashiyancha]

March of the Flowers Day 1: Daffodils (A new start!)

Featuring Bakarina and Maria!

#lm march of flowers #hamefura #my next life as a villianess all routes lead to doom #bakarina #aashi doodles #otome game no hametsu flag #march is the season of fresh starts so figured i would sprinkle in some of my old interests and give them some new flavor #i dont think i'll ever go back to watching this show but it was a lovely time and i wanted to see the girls once more☆ #maria campbell #katarina claes #girls love

[six-of-cringe]

So the "Jesper is Wylan's sugar baby" jokes don't bother me TOO badly, but they irk me slightly because they're pretty much based on the fact that no one knows what an allowance is beyond the context of "spending money a parent gives to their child". An allowance in business is an amount of money given to someone for a specific business-related expense, so the "allowance" mentioned at the end of CK is just the amount of money they budgeted to put into the stock market, which Jesper is in charge of. Because you know, he's smart and also Wylan's business partner, not his incompetent pet. Ok maybe the jokes bother me some

#like i get the wording is confusing considering the more widely known context of allowance but. #put some respect on his name damn #also not helpful that we know very little of jesper and wylan's business/life setup bc there was other shit to cover in the last chapter ig #sorry folks if u wanted to know what they get up to with that big old business u'll just have to come back when they're the main characters #i for one still believe they spend their time funding education and pissing off the merchant council by being decent and eccentric #at least their house is canonically a disaster of science and crafts and art. NEURODIVERGENT BLAST!!!! #anyway respect jesper's autonomy or die by my blade #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #six of crows #soc #tgt #soc fandom #soc meta #kinda? whatever #that's just my tag for when i'm not just dicking around