#I say this like I didn't know her. I did. she was very nice | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jakeny1970 · 1 day

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Cora was one of, but not the toughest little girl I ever had to train. She fought me tooth and nail, and she did not want to be a baby and honestly I really enjoyed it, I was actually sad when I finally broke her, even though I knew she would become a Babygirl eventually, part of me was routing for her.

She was 18 and had dropped out of school when she was 16 and run off with some guy who according to her parents was a hoodlum.

She kept telling me they were in love and she had a good life with him. Supposedly, they had a home, and both had good jobs and had plans for the future. I don't know if any of it was true or not , but I had been hired to do a job.

Her parents had told me they wanted their baby girl back, they were tired of this rebellious teenager who refused to listen to them and was ruining her life.

When she arrived, she was dressed in a nice business suit. I had ordered her to take it off, but she refused. I had to forcibly take it off her myself. She had on a nice bra and a thong underneath. I told how inappropriate a thong was for a baby girl. She stood defiant and said I am no one's Babygirl !"

I cut the bra and panties off her, and she stood there naked. Then it was a trip over my lap and a spanking till she cried like a baby. When I told her to get on the changing table in the nursery, she refused. I then spanked her again, but this time with the paddle. I told her to get on the changing table again, and still she refused.

So I lifted her up and put her on the changing table, and tied her down. I then injected her with a syringe filled with a serum that would make her weak, It took away her bladder and bowel control, and it made her mind a bit fuzzy.

I dressed her in a very thick diaper and a pretty little yellow dress. I strapped a pacifier gag in her mouth. I put her hair in pigtails and cute little bows. She tried to talk, but all that came out were muffled whimpers.

I told her she was now a baby, and when I was done with her, she would be happy and obedient. I then untied her and lowered her to the floor. She tried to get up, but her body was too weak. She kept trying to stand up and failing. I heard muffled words of anger from behind the pacifier gag, I couldn't understand exactly what she was saying, but I was pretty sure if I could have, she would have been getting another Spanking and her mouth washed out with soap.

I walked over to her and stood above her. She looked up, and she still looked defiant, but I could see a little fear in her eyes. Follow me, I said and started walking. I heard a loud muffled scream, and I looked at her and said crawl ! She looked at me and crossed her arms, giving a mean look. I have a yummy dinner for you in the kitchen. You can come in and eat, or we can go to level 3 on the Spanking chart! Personally, I hope you chose the Spanking, I really this one, I said to her in a mocking tone.

I stood there for a moment watching her think. She had 2 choices, and she knew as well as I did she didn't want a 3rd Spanking so soon after the 2 she had just got. I watched as she started crawling to me, I decided to rub it in. "That's a good girl, I said . Come to Dada, it's time for yum yums, I am so proud of you crawling all on your own. I saw the humiliation on her face and knew it was another victory for me.

It is very important that I never let it show on my face that I know it's a victory for me, but instead, I have to praise them and act like what they did was so good and I am so proud of them. At first, that praise will anger and humiliate them, but in time, they will crave it and believe it.

When we got to the kitchen, I picked Cora up and put her in a highchair, I put a strap around her waist and tied her arms and legs to the highchair. I then brought over 12 jars of baby food. Each jar was a different flavor. I looked at Cora, and I said, "Babygirl, I am going to take the pacifier out of your mouth. Now I know you are going to want to yell and say all sorts of mean nasty things, instead of eating your yum yums, but all that is going to happen is you will eat this food either way, one way you will take a nap in the crib after and the other is you will say naughty things and be punished. It's your choice, "I said and unstraped the pacifier gag.

As soon as the pacifier was out, she started, "How dare you inject me with drugs. I want out of this highchair now. I am not your baby. You sick, twisted piece of... I slammed my hand down on the highchair tray and told her you have already earned yourself a level 3 spanking and a bottom punishment, If you curse, I promise you it will not be worth it. She looked me in the face and said F*#k you, you peice of sh!t I will do whatever I want, and you are the one who will be getting punished."" I honestly felt paid for her, but I did warn her, and this is my job.

I looked at her and said, "Feel free to run your mouth," because after the punishment you have earned, I will not add any more punishment to you anymore tonight. You will not be the same after tonight.

I then opened a jar of baby food and held the food up to her mouth. Of course, she refused to eat. I took out this wire face feeding assister. It has a strap that goes on the back of the head with wires that have plastic pieces that go in the nose so she can't breathe through her nose. It then has a chin gaurd that makes it difficult to close your mouth. This way, she can only breathe through her mouth. She is able to close her mouth again, but it is difficult and takes a few seconds. I then proceeded to feed her only the less desirable flavors. Beets and liver, she really hated, but I made sure she ate all of it. She looked very cute with her messy face and bib. I cleaned her up and told her it was punishment time.

I had her crawling behind me , I had told her it would not be a good idea to upset me while we were doing this. When we got to the room, she watched as I unlocked the doors. Before I opened it, I looked at her and said if you behave after this, you may never have to enter this room again. I picked her up and held her close to me.

As soon as we got in the room, her eyes went wide, and she started wiggling and trying to get free. With our size difference, she would not have had a chance of getting away on her best day, but with the serum at full effect still she barely bothered me. She looked around at what was basically a modern-day dungeon.

I walked her over to a bench and strapped her in. The bench put her head to the floor, her bottom up in the air, and her legs spread with her knees on the floor. I picked up a paddle with metal studs on it and showed it to her. She was scared now, and it showed, but she tried to hide it. Whap whap whap, her face was red, and tears were in her eyes, but she was fighting to not cry. Whap Whap Whap I continued and gave her ten more. She was crying now but still trying to stay strong. Whap Whap Whap I was giving her 10 more, and at 7, I heard I say OK, please enough. I learned my lesson. I continued and finished the 10.

I then asked her what you say? She said I am sorry I learned my lesson." What is that, I asked her? She was thinking and then said I should listen to you. That's part of it, I said and spanked her hard 10 more times. I heard her really start crying, then whap whap, and I spanked her 10 more times. Now she was crying like a baby and she kept saying she was sorry. Whap Whap five more times. I then looked at her and told her I will give you a clue of what I am looking for. Call me Daddy and promise to be a good little Babygirl.

She was almost ready to give in, but her pride was holding on. 10 more spanks with paddle, and she was crying, begging, and promising "Daddy I will be a good little Baby". She promised over and over.

I spanked her one time hard and asked, "What are you, Cora? A baby she cried, I knew it hurt her to admit it, WHAP and who am I ? I asked. Daddy, she said you are Daddy. Who makes the rules, and who do you obey? Daddy Daddy Daddy, I obey Daddy

STORY IN PROGRESS

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nottapossum · 21 hours

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Father knows best chapter 14: Don't give up on me

'I will fight

I will fight for you

I always do, until my heartIs black and blue

And I will stay

I will stay with you

We'll make it to the other side

Like lovers do.

I'll reach my hands out in the dark

And wait for yours to interlock.

I'll wait for you.

I'll wait for you. ~ Don't give up on me, Andy Grammer. {movie: Five feet apart.}

♡

Possum note: That's right, this book still exists. I didn't forget. Don't worry. Lol.

I've been so sick all week otherwise it would have been posted last week. Had some editing to do for it before posting. Hopefully it's alright. It's really late rn.

⚠️TW: involuntary Regression, talks of abuse, mentioned trafficking lots of hurt feelings, apologizes, regrets, implied self hate, Talks of violence, fear of rejection, hospitals. LMK if I should add.

♡

~~~M&M: Past:~~~

Millie and Moxxie had the most beautiful wedding.

He's not sure if it was only the most beautiful wedding he's ever seen because it was actually that beautiful…or because it was his.

It didn't really matter, it was the most beautiful in any case.

He's never been so happy in his entire life!

…but he's also never been more terrified either.

Millie would be in huge danger if they were ever found out.

He has absolutely no doubt that she could handle herself if anyone came after them, but that didn't mean he felt okay about that possibility.

“I wish my parents could've been here to see this.” Millie says as they lay in their bed at the hotel room.

“I know. Me too.” He says, laying down next to her.

The two of them stare at the ceiling…

“Did you tell your pa we got married?” Millie asks.

“Yeah, he says congratulations.” He lies.

Millie smiles. “That was nice. When do I get to meet him?”

“I don't know.” Moxxie says. “He’s just really busy. He's never really had time for family stuff…not since…”

“Your ma?” Millie asks.

Sure.

“Yeah.” He says.

“Do you think she would have liked me?” Millie asks.

“She would have loved you.” Moxxie tells her…

…It's the truth…he thinks.

But sometimes, you have to make up your own truth. “She would have been very happy for us.” He says. “She would have loved to be here.”

He tried so hard to imagine what it would have been like if she were here…

There's a good version…and a bad one.

In the good fantasy, she helped Millie get ready, told her how happy she was that Moxxie was happy…like the movies.

She'd give Millie the pearls she wore at her wedding, a gift from her mother.

And Millie would wear them, even if they're not really her style.

Millie is a badass, but she's also so kind and polite. Even if Moxxie tried to say something, Millie would insist she wear them.

‘I'm wearing them. They're the…most beautiful pearls I've ever seen in my entire life and I'm honored.’

‘Millie, you don't have to-’

‘Shut up, I'm wearing them!’

His mother would turn to Moxxie and tell him to treat Millie well because she deserved the world…because she does.

She absolutely does.

She deserved everything from him. Every good thing he could give.

Since he was already imagining, his father and Alessio would be there too…

His father would tell him that he made his father proud, that he found a good one.

Alessio would hand them the rings at the ceremony with a proud smile on his face.

But…

Then, there was the real version…

What would really happen if they were all there…

His mother would beg him not to do it.

‘Don't ruin Millie's life like your father did mine, please. She deserves better than this.’

She'd warn Millie not to go through with it.

His father would call him a miserable failure, he'd definitely put a stop to the wedding before it could actually happen…

Alessio would pull him away before the ceremony so that Millie would think he just stood her up.

They'd lock him up for a few days, and his mother would tell him it was all for the best.

“Honey?” Millie asks him, pulling him out of those dark thoughts. “Are you okay?”

….He decided he'd stick with the fantasy.

Moxxie smiles at her. “I'm okay. I love you so much.” He tells her, taking her hand.

“I love you too.” She says. She kisses Moxxie with such passion and devotion that he could feel nothing but happiness and love for her.

She was his family now…

No one else matters.

They're okay. And he’ll do everything to make sure of that.

~~~Present:~~~~

They arrive at the hospital to bring M&M in.

Stolas was already there at the door waiting for them.

Once they are parked, Stolas starts barking orders at the hospital staff, knowing he'll need to use his authority to get them to help the imps. Imps aren't exactly a priority otherwise.

Blitzø gets out of the van quickly so they can get to Millie first.

“Blitzø! Are you alright?” Stolas asks once he's out of the van, taking his wrist so he can look the imp over quickly to examine his burns and scars.

“I'm fine, M&M are the ones who need help.” Blitzø explains. “Millie was shot, and Moxxie- I don't really know what's happening with him to be honest with you. But he's not… doing okay.”

Stolas tells the staff to get Millie out of the van. “She needs help first, and then these two.” Stolas gestures to Moxxie and Blitzø once Moxxie is also out, along with Loona and Sallie May.

The staff nods and they immediately tend to Millie.

Blitzø sighs. “Stolas-”

“Shush.” Stolas says to Blitzø before turning his attention back to the staff. “And check those two as well.” He says, pointing at Loona and Sallie May. “No one is leaving this hospital until you're sure everyone is alright.” He says.

“Yes, sir. We'll get her in and fixed up, if everyone else can please wait in the waiting room.” One of the doctors says to them.

Stolas gestures for Blitzø to sit in the waiting room first, face firm in case he tries to argue again.

Blitzø does as Stolas tells him, but he doesn't like it! He hates hospitals! Stolas knows that!

His little self is creeping out, small thoughts of how mean Stolas is for making him do this, it's not fair-

Now is not the time to be small, Blitzø!

He tried to get himself out of it, thinking of big things…

Uhm taxes…

Paperwork…

Muder?

Stolas attempts to comfort Blitzø by placing a gentle hand in his.

Blitzø looks at their hands, then smiles and lightly squeezes Stolas's.

He's not really helping the smallness. But he does appreciate it.

Suddenly, someone shoves a clipboard at him. Not violently, but suddenly. “Just some paperwork for you to fill out. Where do I give Millie's?” One of the nurses asked.

Blitzø blinks. “Uh.”

“I got it.” Stolas says, taking the clipboard.

“You know nothing about Millie.” Blitzø says once the nurse is gone.

“You're doing it.” Stolas says. “I don't think Moxxie is in the right headspace for it.”

“No kidding.” Blitzø mumbles, taking the clipboard from him.

He finishes his and then does his best to fill in Millie's…

But he doesn't know everything about her…

Sigh…

He needs Moxxie's help.

He looks up at the white haired Imp, just staring at his own clipboard, eyes looking dead.

This was all his fault…

Why didn't he just ask Stolas for help sooner?

Moxxie deserves a lot better.

~~~Moxxie and Blitzø:~~~~

Moxxie sat down by himself across from Blitzø, but far enough away from him and Loona. He really just wants to be alone right now…

But he also doesn't. He doesn't really know.

The nurse handed him some paperwork, and he set it aside immediately, he didn't want to see a doctor…he just wanted it all to be over.

He wishes he didn't exist.

But not with his father…

Or with him? It would be easier if he was there instead.

No.

No, that would not be better, that's manipulation talking. Not the truth.

He wants to be here.

Okay not here…but better here than there he supposed.

He has a clipboard in his hands…

He looked at the other one that he just set aside, then looked down at it and realized it wasn't the hospitals…it was the list of all the littles that were trafficked by his father.

He doesn't even remember grabbing it. He flips it open and looks through the many names…

He carefully reads them…looks like most of those who were trafficked are in pride.

Makes sense, probably sinners since they can't adopt littles of their own.

For good reasons, he's sure.

Sick fucks.

“Moxxie?”

Moxxie looks up at Blitzø who was looking at him with what appeared to be nervousness.

He blinks…is he sure it's Blitzø?

Blitzø hands him another clipboard, there's too many clipboards.

“I tried filling it in as best as I could but I don't remember Millie's blood type.” Blitzø says. “Or birthday.”

Moxxie doesn't respond, only looks over the unanswered questions and fills them out real quick.

Blitzø sits next to him. “Hey…”

Moxxie looks back at his boss.

Blitzø sighs, he knows Moxxie is not okay, but he wants to ask anyway! What's a way to ask that isn't so…obvious?

“How uh- how you holding up?” Blitzø asks, hoping that was an okay way of asking.

Moxxie shrugs, expression not changing. “I don't know…I'm-”

He thinks it over, not sure what to say.

He gives up, finishing Millie's paper work before moving on to his own.

“Look…Mox, I'm so sorry for what happened today- I didn't mean to start that fire…” Blitzø takes a second to breathe, not wanting to think about how…

How familiar it all felt.

He often wished he just apologized to Fizz that day, he wasn't about to make the same mistake with Moxxie.

Moxxie doesn't say anything, so Blitzø continues: “I could have saved you earlier if I had just accepted help from Stolas. I don't know why I didn't I guess I just-”

Moxxie raises an eyebrow. “Did- did you just apologize to me?” He asks.

Blitzø looks at Moxxie, confused. “...Yes?”

“You've- I don't think you've ever done that before.” Moxxie says.

Blitzø hums. He looks away from Moxxie. “Yeah…pretty sure I owe you at least five thousand apologies at this point.” He says. “Sorry it took so long to finally hear one. I've been awful to you. I'm awful to everyone…it's not a excuse, that would be the worst defense actually…I just-”

“That's two.” Moxxie says.

Blitzø scoffs. “Shut up, please? I'm being serious.” He says, slightly amused by Moxxie, but not wanting to admit it.

“Serious too? Wow. Lots of new behaviors from you today.” Moxxie says, not mean or sarcastic, just…teasingly?

“Forgive me for being a little remorseful.” Blitzø rolls his eyes in annoyance, crossing his arms as he leans back in his chair.

“Vocabulary improved too.” Moxxie says.

“Okay, we're done talking about me.” Blitzø says, same annoyed tone.

“Stolas must be a good influence on you-”

“Moxxie!” Blitzø shouts, not in a mean way, just loudly to show his seriousness.

Moxxie chuckles. “I'm sorry, I'm done. I'm just…I don’t know. I can't take anything seriously right now. Everything is so fucked up, I don't really know how to react to anything right now.

Blitzø nods. “Yeah…I get that.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you, sir.” Moxxie says, catching Blitzø a little off guard.

“Blitzø.” Blitzø corrects, not sure how else to respond.

Moxxie nods. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Blitzø. I know I should have told you the truth before, but it was just- I- well…”

“Moxxie…you have nothing to apologize for, alright? You didn’t do anything wrong. I wouldn’t have told me either, are you kidding?” Blitzø asks. “You didn't know what kind of person I was. And even when you did, it didn't really matter. Besides, I sorta figured you were a little anyway.” Blitzø admits.

“Really?” Moxxie asks. ”It was that obvious?”

“Well, it was always a question in the back of my mind. The point is, you have nothing to be ashamed of, and just because I know for sure now, doesn’t mean I’ll treat you any different.” Blitzø explains.

“Thank you, s- uh Blitzø.” Moxxie says. “But-“

“What?” Blitzø asks.

“Crimson threatened your family, he threatened I.M.P! Even if he is…-” He can't bring himself to say it. “I bring danger wherever I go! What if the rest of my family decides to find me? What if they-”

Blitzø grips his shoulders again. “Moxxie, my family is safe. We’re fine. Everyone is okay. If they’re not, we’ll deal with it. This isn’t your fault.” He says.

“But I should never have let it get that far in the first place! You saved me from being homeless, you helped me escape prison, saved me from my family, twice now- you don’t deserve this!” Moxxie says.

“Moxxie, we’re friends. We fight shit together. Besides, this was nothing I couldn’t handle.” Blitzø says. “We escaped prison together, we started I.M.P together, we fought the human government! There's nothing we can't do. And Millie? She could do it all without us, but she has us: we can handle anything that's thrown our way so long as we got each other's backs.”

“Moxxie nods. “Thanks, Blitzø.”

“Don’t mention it.” He says. “Well, since I now know your secret…I guess it's only fair you know mine.”

“Are you going to tell me that you're a little too?” Moxxie asks him.

Blitzø sighs. “Yup.”

“I figured.” Moxxie says.

Blitzø shrugs. “Well, littles kinda have a weird sixth sense about these things.” Blitzø says.

Moxxie nods. “Yeah... “It doesn't change how I feel about you either.” He says reassuringly.

“Thanks, Mox.” Blitzø doesn't smile, but Moxxie knows that he was happy to hear it.

“I need to apologize to Millie.” Moxxie says. “But, I don't know how.”

Blitzø nods. “Yeah, that won't be a fun one. But, it'll be fine.”

“What if she never forgives me?” Moxxie asks.

“She will.” Blitzø says.

“She shouldn't.” Moxxie argues.

“She will.” Blitzø says again, a little louder.

“I didn't mean to cause all of this.” Moxxie says.

“Moxxie, stop. You didn't cause this.”

“Stop saying that.” Moxxie says. “Because I did.”

“I will stop once you stop blaming yourself, it was my fault more than it was yours; You didn't ask to be kidnapped or to be forced into your father's creepy mind games.” He says. “You're the victim in case you haven't noticed.”

Moxxie looks as if he's about to say something else…but he doesn't.

While they were talking, Stolas had taken all the paperwork to the nurse.

“Moxxie Knolasname?” The nurse called. “The doctor will see you now.”

Moxxie stands up.

“Good luck.” Blitzø says.

Moxxie smiles at him. “Thanks, Blitzø.”

Moxxie looks at him for a moment, as if there was something more he wanted to say…

But he didn't.

~~~Blitzø and Loona:~~~

After the conversation with Moxxie, Blitzø got started on his next apology…

He moved to sit down next to his daughter, the guilt eating at him alive…

“What do you want?” Loona sighs.

“I didn't mean to worry you, Loony.” Blitzø says. “I know I messed up.” He says.

Loona sighs. “We could have lost Moxxie.” She states.

“Loon-”

She holds up a finger. “I couldn't lose you both. I couldn't live with that. You're my father, dude. You're supposed to be there, I still need you around!” She shouts, trying not to be too loud, but she's so angry, she can't help it.

Blitzø takes a deep breath. “I know, I'm sorry. I just-”

“You need to take care of yourself!” Loona says. “I'm not losing another parent.” She says.

“Loona, you're not-”

Loona starts tearing up. “This was all my fault…” she whispers.

“What?” Blitzø asks, he hasn't seen her cry in a while…he's not sure what to do.

“I was supposed to be watching him, I couldn't track him down, I've been so awful to him!” Loona cries outwardly now.

“Hey.” Blitzø rests a hand on her shoulder. “Loona, this was not your fault…do you hear me?” Blitzø asks.

Loona nods. “Yeah.”

“Good. It wasn't your job to take care of Moxxie, he's a grown man.” He says. “I never should have put that on you. I never thought it would go this far.”

“...I couldn't track him.” She says.

“It was impossible to track him. Why would I expect the impossible from you?” Blitzø asks. “That's ridiculous.”

“You don't get it.” Loona says. “It's the one thing I'm good at, the only thing I'm good for, isn't that why you adopted me!?” She asks.

Blitzø's eyes widened. “What?! Of course not! Loonie-”

Loona turns away.

“No, look at me, Loonie.” Blitzø tells her. “You are my daughter. You mean way more to me than your physical abilities. I know you. You're smarter than you think you are, you're hilarious, driven, you hide everything behind sarcasm and anger but I know how passionate you are, how you want way more than anyone could or has ever offered. Loona…you matter to me. I love you. I saw that you had so much to offer the world and deserved a better chance, that's why I adopted you. No other reason.”

Loona looks at him.

“I went into that pound to find a hellhound for I.M.P. but…my motives changed once I saw you.” Blitzø explains further.

Loona smiles.

She wants to thank him, tell him that she loves him too…

But…

She really doesn't want to cry again.

Loona wipes away the tears quickly and stands up. “I'm gonna go get some real Coffee, want some?” Loona asks.

Blitzø shakes his head. “No, my nerves are bad enough right now.” He says, half joking.

Loona smiles and nods. “Yeah.” She turns to Stolas, who was a decent distance away. “Take care of him?”

Stolas smiles at her, then at Blitzø. “Always.”

~~~Stolas and Blitzø: a few minutes later:~~~

“Okay, Mr Blitzo. We're ready for you.” Someone suddenly says.

Blitzø's breathing fastens as his chest feels this horrible- horrible pain.

He was doing so well, but now he either wants to cry or kill every nurse and doctor in this damn place!

“Is it alright if I accompany him?” Stolas asks.

“I suppose so, if he's okay with that.” The doctor says.

“Blitzø?” Stolas asks him for clarification. “Is it alright if I go with you?”

Blitzø nods, taking Stolas's hand. “Please.”

He's feeling small…he can't fight it anymore. He needs Stolas there!

Stolas smiles. “Come on.” He leads Blitzø to the doctor's office.

They get a few strange looks, but no one questioned why he went with the imp.

“Take a seat please.” The doctor tells him.

Blitzø climbs up on the hospital bed and sits down, still holding Stolas's hand.

He's kicking his little feet anxiously and his eyes are showing off innocence.

Stolas realizes he's small now, and he gives Blitzø a worried look.

“Alright, Mr Blitzø. What happened here?” The doctor asks.

Blitzø doesn't answer, he just bites down on one of his claws.

“There was a fire.” Stolas says softly, taking Blitzø's hand out of his mouth.

“Is he a little?” She asks Stolas.

Stolas feels a cold sweat as the imp is reaching for him, asking for some comfort.

“Well, I want to say no.” Stolas says.

“Stowes.” Blitzø whispers loudly, it's cute he thinks the doctor can't hear that.

“He's a secret little then?” She asks. “I get those more often than you'd think. I promise I won't say anything.” She says. “It's not really any of my business.”

“Oh.. Thank you, I appreciate that.” Stolas says.

She gently and carefully touches Blitzø’s face.

Blitzø flinches and moves away from her.

“Hey, it's okay, sweetie.” She says.

Blitzø whines, reaching and clawing at Stolas to get away.

Stolas takes his hands carefully. “Blitzø, calm down, please. She's not going to hurt you, I promise I wouldn't let her do that.”

Blitzø does believe Stolas, but that didn't make him any less afraid!

His breathing continued rapidly as soft whines escaped him as she examined his wounds.

She looks them over and carefully bandages him up. “He'll be fine, there's gonna be quite a few new white marks on him, but-”

“But he'll be alright?” Stolas asks.

She nods. “Oh yeah, he'll be fine.” She turns to Blitzø. “You'll have to keep those bandages on for a bit until they're fully healed, okay hun?” The doctor asks. “Replace them every day or so, or whenever you think you need to.”

Blitzø doesn't answer her, just stares at her with fear and skepticism.

Stolas speaks up. “I'll make sure he takes care of himself. Don't worry.”

She smiles. “You're so lucky to have such a good caregiver.” She says, handing Blitzø a lollipop.

Blitzø takes it, reluctantly, biting the plastic and deciding its gross.

Stolas shakes his head as he takes the lollipop and unwraps it for him. “No, I'm the lucky one.”

“Is that your daddy?” The doctor asks.

Blitzø shakes his head. “Mm no. Dats my Stowes.”

Stolas pets his head. “Is there somewhere we can go until he's out of his headspace?” Stolas asks.

“Of course. There's a quiet room outside. Walk down the hall. It's the one with the koala on the door.” She says.

“Thank you.” Stolas smiles.

~~~Moxxie and Sally May.~~~

“You alright?” Sallie May approached Moxxie once he got out of the doctors office, she handed him a coffee from the machine.

“I'm fine.” Moxxie says, taking the coffee. “Thanks.”

“The coffee here sucks.” She says. “I'm getting some real coffee after they tell us Millie's not fucking dying.”

Loona offered to get her one, but she turned her down, not knowing the wolf well enough to trust her with her drink.

Moxxie’s breathing fastens at that moment, thinking about Millie and the state she's in!

“Woah, chill out. She's fine, she's survived worse than this.” Sallie tells him.

“I know, I know. I know she's fine, I just-”

“You're worried, I get it.” Sallie says. “I am too…”

They were quiet for a few minutes,

“So. You're a little?” Sallie May asks.

Moxxie nods, it was weird admitting it. “Yeah, so?”

“So, how'd you fake the test?” She asks.

“My father made me.” Moxxie says. “Hypnosis works wonders on the mind.”

Sallie May hums, understandingly.

“How about you?” Moxxie asks back.

Sallie's eyes widened. “What?”

“I've known since I first met you.” Moxxie says.

“You've never said anything...” Sallie says, shifting awkwardly.

“It's not really my business.” Moxxie says.

Sallie licks her lips. She has never talked to anyone about it…ever. Not even Millie or her brothers.

“You don't have to answer.” Moxxie says. “I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

She looks away from him, appreciating his sensitivity, she supposed.

She's not sure if it was the situation or the fact that Moxxie is a little that makes her want to, but she does want to tell him. “...It was hard after I came out.” She explains, not entirely sure why, but she thinks she can trust him. “My parents didn't really…get it. I mean, they were fine with me being myself, they tried to be supportive. But, it was so stressful! Everyone was treating me like- like I changed but I didn't! I dyed my hair and changed my clothes, and they acted like I was a complete stranger they didn't even know!”

Moxxie nods.

Sallie took some deep breaths. The only one who treated her the same was Millie, their rivalry didn't change a bit…and it was amazing!

‘Thanks for not…you know, treating me like a complete stranger.’

‘You're not a stranger, I always knew who you were, an annoying, stubborn, badass bitch. I think…you're brave. Being honest about who you are isn't always easy. Especially with our parents.’

It was a small compliment that they barely lingered on…

But it meant the world to Sallie…

“After that I- I just- I didn't know how to tell them that I was a regressor too. So, I didn't. I studied that test for months to make sure I didn't get a regressor classification… I just couldn't do it.”

Moxxie nods. “Yeah…I get that.” Moxxie sayd. “I don't know how I'm going to face it.”

“Face what?” She asks.

“The rest of my life.” Moxxie says.

“I've been there, trust me. Sometimes being yourself is harder than the fake version you've invented…but that ain't livin.” She says.

“But I've been pretending my whole life.” Moxxie says. “I don't even know where the facade ends and I start. I feel like I've been broken for so long…and I'm just pretending I'm all put together.”

“It's okay to not be, you know, it's okay to not be alright. It's alright to be a little broken. Everyone is a little…”

“People always say that, but they never mean it.” He says.

“I do…” She takes a sip of coffee then turns to him. “Suffer.” She says, snarkily.

Moxxie rolls his eyes.

“Seriously though, let yourself feel. Those who really matter will be there. “

“You need to learn to take your own advice.” Moxxie says.

Sallie shrugs. “But I worry no one in my family really matters.”

“We do.” Moxxie says. “Millie and I will be there for you regardless of what your family says. But you should give them a chance to care before assuming they won't be supportive.”

Sallie May scoffs. “You need to learn to take your own advice.”

“Moxxie, you can see your wife now.”

Moxxie feels a sharp pain of guilt hit his heart…

He takes a deep breath.

“It'll be alright.” Sallie May promises.

But there's no way she can know that…

Moxxie nods anyway and stands up.

“Moxxie?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't tell Millie about me.” She says.

“I wouldn't do that.” Moxxie says. “I promise your secret is safe with me.”

~~~Stolas and Blitzø:~~~~

Blitzø and Stolas find the quiet room.

The sign on the door wrote: ‘Quiet room/Sensory-friendly room. Please be respectful.’

The room was a beautiful blue color, and the lighting was soft as was the music that was playing inside.

There were toys in the center of the room, and beautiful shelves that were sorted nicely and labeled.

-Fidgets

-soft toys.

-paper

-towels

-wipes

-headphones.

It was a paradise for any little one, or for those who deal with sensory issues, anxiety, or those who are autistic.

It had everything they could possibly need.

Stolas set Blitzø down next to him in the seating area. “Are you doing alright?” Stolas asks him.

Blitzø shrugs, climbing back onto Stolas’s lap.

“Do you want to go home?” He asks, petting the imp’s head.

Blitzø shakes his head and whines through the lollipop in his mouth, hugging Stolas tight.

“Would you like to stay with me tonight?” Stolas asks him.

Blitzø nods. “Scay.” He says through the lolly.

Stolas kisses the top of Blitzø's head. “Alright, you can stay with me. As long as you'd like, little one.”

“Stowes?” Blitzø asks, taking the candy out of his mouth.

“Yes dear?”

“M’ in twoble?”

Stolas tilts his head. “Of course not, darling. Why would you think that?”

“I ‘pose ta be big.” He says.

Stolas kisses the top of Blitzø's head. “You can't help that, darling. You had such a big stressful day today. Besides, the doctor isn't going to say anything. Even if she did, I promise I would never let anything bad happen to you. Alright?”

Blitzø nods. “Stowes?”

“Yes?”

“Hawts.” He whines, resting his head against Stolas's chest.

“I know, dear. I promise it'll get better.” Stolas holds him gently, avoiding his more sensitive areas. It was hard but he found a comfortable enough position to hold the imp before the little one fell fast asleep.

~~~Millie and Moxxie:~~~

Moxxie hesitates a moment before entering Millie's room.

What can he say?

He lied to her, hid his true self, his family, and dragged her into all of it.

His head was spinning and he felt so cold…

The doctors had prescribed him anti-anxiety medication and gave him the number to a therapy clinic.

That's what he needs. Drugs and strangers to talk to about what happened.

Right now he wishes he could take the drugs.

And talking to a stranger would be easier than talking to Millie right now …

Which hurts…because Millie is his favorite person to talk to.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door.

“Moxxie!” She smiles, lively as ever. She acts as if she didn't lose a shit ton of blood from her leg.

“Hi.” Moxxie smiles. “How are you feeling?”

Millie reaches for Moxxie's hand and pulls him forward, hugging him tightly. “I'm so glad you're safe. Are you hurt at all?”

Moxxie shakes his head. “I'm fine Millie. I'm not hurt. I'm okay.”

Millie sighs with relief. “Good.”

There was a few minutes of silence between the two…now that they both know the other was fine… there was room for other thoughts.

“Moxxie?” Millie asks, voice a bit hesitant, but determined as well.

Moxxie looks at her. “Yeah?”

Millie looked up at her husband sadly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asks him. “I would have understood. I don't under-”

“Millie…” Moxxie turns his head slightly away from her. “Can we maybe not talk about this right now?” He interupts.

“I’m your wife!” Millie says. “How could you not tell me? I am always here for you, how could you think that I-” Millie takes a deep breath. “What did you think I would do to you?”

Moxxie shakes his head. “Nothing, I just-” he really didn’t want to talk about it…he wanted to forget it.

“Moxxie?” Millie asks. “Are you alright?”

Moxxie shakes his head again. “She was right. I never should have dragged you into this. I'm sorry.”

“Who's she?” Millie asks.

Moxxie gets up and walks around the room a bit. He doesn't know why, he just has to move!

“Moxxie?” Millie asks.

“Do you need anything?” He asks. “Are you hungry or need another pillow?”

“I need answers.” She says simply.

She doesn't understand any of this…what was going on!?

Moxxie sighs. “Millie…please?”

Millie nods. “Alright. I'm- I'm sorry. You're right. It can wait, I'm just-”

Moxxie takes her hand. “You don't have to be…I'm the one who's sorry.” Moxxie says.

Millie smiles at him. “It's okay.” She says. “You didn't do anything wrong, hun. I'm not mad at you.”

“Really?” Moxxie asks. “You're not mad?”

“Of course I'm not mad. I'm confused, maybe a little hurt, but I'm sure you have your reasons, right?” Millie asks him.

Moxxie nods.

Millie reaches to touch Moxxie's face. “I love you so much. You know that, don't you?”

Moxxie nods. “I know. I love you too.”

Moxxie sighs and he's suddenly very unable to stand still, fidgeting, needing something to do.

“Hun?” Millie asks.

Moxxie looks at her. “Yeah?”

“Can you get me a glass of water?” She asks.

Moxxie smiles and nods. “Yeah. Thanks, Millie.” He says, about to leave the room.

“And Moxxie?”

He stops. “Yes, Millie?”

“Whatever the answer is- when you're ready…it'll be okay.” She promises. “We'll work this out together. Like we always do.”

Moxxie nods. “Okay…”

He leaves to get her the water.

And Millie sighs once she's alone again.

It was hard to accept. But she trusts Moxxie.

Sometimes trusting someone means not getting all the answers right away.

Even when it's killing you.

♡

'And I will hold

I'll hold onto you

No matter what this world'll throw

It won't shake me loose'

Cause I'm not givin' upI'm not givin' up,

No not yet

Even when I'm down to my last breath

Even when they say there's nothin' left

So don't give up on me

I'm not giving up,

No not me

Even when nobody else believes

I'm not goin' down that easily

So don't give up on me.'

Don't give up on me, Andy Grammer. {movie: Five feet apart.}

♡

Possum: One more chapter, one more chapter!! Then we get lotsa Moxxie fluff! Hang in there guys!!! Lol 😆

Hope you guys liked this chapter okay. It's not anything special, the next one will hopefully be better.

At least we know about Sallie now! What do you guys think of her being a regressor? Lmk.

♡

@todayimfour @ask-dusty-boy @im-not-paying-my-taxes @abby5577

@thatswhat24 @stormy-is-hyperfixated @trophyxtissues2 @attagirljessy

@legeufygeuber100

#ittybittyimps #father knows best #fkb ittybittyimps #father knows best IBI #little!Moxxie #age regressor Moxxie #age regressor Sallie May

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jpitha · 1 day

Text

Between the Black and Grey 43

First / Previous / Next

Fen and the others - except Stormy - looked blankly at the former Empress.

She raises her eyebrow and puts her hands down. "Come on, really? I thought it was a good reveal." Helen pouts a tiny bit and takes another sip of her coffee.

"I'm surprised." Stormy counters. She looks pointedly at the closed conference room door. "Are we going to survive this encounter?"

"Why wouldn't you? It's not like I'm going to space you all."

"You have to admit, you might have gained that reputation."

Helen rolls her eyes. "Okay, maybe back in the beginning before I became Empress and before I went to Melody I had a reputation of being a little... intense. And Maybe after Melody's death I fell back into that way of thinking while I was getting Sol under my thumb and maybe I was directly or indirectly responsible for some deaths." She shrugs. "Show me a ruler that wasn't."

Fen sat forward. "But, why are you out here? Why aren't you on a resort over Venus partying all day long?"

Helen waves her hand dismissively, and reaches for the carafe of coffee and pours more into her mug. "Boring. Dull. I don't work that way, never have. If I'm not doing something I find something to do, and my daughter didn't want to deal with that, so she let me take an officer's commission again. Everyone here calls me Admiral and just between you and me, I think like half the kids on this boat don't even realize who I am." She takes another sip of coffee and smiles. "I like it just fine like that." She gestures to the window in the conference room. "This is where I am meant to be. Not on some throne, ordering people around, and not sitting on a chair by a pool slowly becoming one with the fruit flavored drinks."

Northern crosses her arms. "So you're telling me it's purely coincidence that you and your ship find us as we link into a random system where the Heap is and without radio contact you link next to us and grapple us aboard? Just 'in the neighborhood'?"

"No of course not. We were going to pick you up one way or the other, it was only a matter of time" Helen takes another sip of coffee.

"Is this about the current Empress? We don't know where she is. We left before they decided where they were going to go." Zhe says. She can't drink coffee, but it still toying with an empty mug.

"No, it's not about my great-granddaughter. I know she's off galavanting with the remnants of the AIs, probably trying to move against the Nanites."

"How do you know that?" Fen asks.

Helen taps the side of her head. "The Nanites told me. Unlike my daughters and granddaughters, I do what the Nanites ask. They still speak to me. They have never asked me to do anything I wasn't comfortable doing, never asked me to do something that wasn't right."

While Helen says this, Stormy's face radiates rage. Fen notices her, and it looks like she's working very hard to control her self. "So you were okay with the AI purge a few centuries ago?"

Helen turns and regards Stormy coolly. "Two things. One, That wasn't me, that was Meredith's mother. Two if I was asked to do that, then I would. If you recall your history, you would remember that I banned AIs from operating in Sol. I left it at that. I didn't go after them, I didn't persecute them, I felt no ill will towards them. I have to admit, that it was a little tougher getting around the galaxy without them, but we managed."

Fen has been eyeing the carafe of coffee this whole time. Finally she reaches over and Helen slides it to her. She fills up her mug. "So why did you capture us then? Because the Nanites told you to?"

She nods. "Basically. They said "The clone of Melody is important. We still need her. We last saw her outside of Picaresque." So I went. Then you avoided our attacks - nice work by the way - and linked away."

"But how did you find out we went here?"

Helen puts her mug down and leans towards Fen. "Because we can track wormhole links Fen. It takes a lot of energy and computation and I'll admit it's relatively new technology, but it's doable. More than three or four links in quick succession is tricky, but even that isn't impossible." She leans back and looks at Fen. Her expression softens slightly. "Fen, you're not getting out of this that easily. This is much bigger than you realize. Things were set in motion back when I was Empress. You can get up and walk out of this room, I won't stop you. You and your friends can link away to anywhere in the galaxy. Sooner or later, someone tangentially related to the Nanites is going to find you and rope you in. You can't stop this."

Fen sat in her chair, stunned. She stared ahead, eyes unfocused as she heard Helen's words. It would explain a lot. How no matter how often she tried to get away, things would coincidentally rope her back in. She hung her head.

"What do I do?" She whispered. Tears fell from her cheeks and splashed onto the conference table.

"Fen, you're missing it. When you're Empress you can do whatever you want."

She looks up, her eyes red rimmed, her cheeks wet. "What do you mean?"

"Fen, when you're Empress? Everyone will do what you say. Everyone. Want to go kill what's his name - that gangster that killed your wife - Tam'itarr?" Helen laughs.

She nodded.

Helen snaps her fingers. "Just like that, not only is he gone, but his entire familial line is gone. His memory is erased. Do you want to open up a dialog with the AI? Do it. Nobody will stop you. Nobody can stop you. Voice aside, you'll be Empress of Sol and her Protectorates. You'll have fleets at your command. You could crust the K'laxi, or the Xenni, or the Gren, or any of them." She forms her hand into a fist.

"Just like that?"

"Quite. You'd be the richest human alive. Do you want to be plastered on every screen in the Galaxy? On all the chat shows, on all the casts? You can. Do you want none of that, and just live a quiet life in the Palace, never having to lift a finger for your own self? You can. Do you want to decide the fate of trillions? You can. Do you want to delegate that decision to someone else that you can conveniently 'get rid of' when the people turn against the decision? You. Can."

Helen is on a roll now. Not even checking to see if anyone else is paying attention, she stands and starts pacing the conference room.

"The problem Fen, is your upbringing. You were raised on a Gren station, far away from Colonial space, far away from human culture. You were raised by K'laxi. You were far from your birthright. On the Gren station you had to keep your head down, think fast, avoid conflict. You did these things to survive, and what did it get you? It got your wife murdered. It got you set adrift by Gord. It got you with a ragtag bunch of friends who - yes - will stick with you through it all, but you keep having to go through it." She stopped and stared at Fen, her eyebrows raised, and her eyes bright.

"What if you didn't have to go through it?"

Fen looked at her friends. They were staring at her, except for Stormy who was watching Helen like a mouse watches a cat. Anything. She could do anything.

"It wouldn't be me doing those things though, it would be the Nanites." Fen slumps in her chair.

"No!" Helen pounds the table with her fist, and they all jump. "You know better than that Fen. You've had Nanites. You are you. They're... more like an advisor. They offer suggestions, hints, recommendations. They can't stop you if you don't take them." Helen's face softens. "Fen, I've had them for almost five hundred years. Do you know what they want? They want more gates to be built. That's how they reach into our dimension. If you built Gates, you will rule the Galaxy, and they will help you."

Helen stopped pacing and sat back into her chair. She reached for her coffee cup and Fen noticed her hand was shaking slightly. "Melody had them too. She started from nothing, and was ruler of Sol before she was killed. She was going to do so much to help everyone. That's all she ever wanted. To help. They never changed her into someone, something she wasn't." She shook her head and tossed back the coffee.

"Why me though?"

"Really Fen?" Helen sighed. "You already know you're a clone of Melody. You've met my great granddaughter; If it's not at the bottom of a wine bottle, she's not interested in it. We're stagnating. We haven't built a new Gate in a century. The Nanites grow impatient. Take your rightful place, build the Gates. All will follow that."

Helen stood up and walked to the window in the conference room. She stared out into space. Without turning back she said. "I'm sorry. I've been ranting. It's been a while since I was so animated about something, it feels good." She turned. "Take the night, sleep on it. You and your friends are welcome to rooms on my Ship, or you can go sleep in your frigate."

She strode to the door, and it opened for her. "I'll see you in the morning." The door hissed closed behind her.

Fen stared at her empty coffee cup. When did she finish it? How many did she drink? She looks up at Northern and Stormy. Northern makes a face like she ate something she didn't like, and Stormy's face is blank.

Zhe looks at Fen and smiles brightly. "If you rule the Galaxy, can I have a job?"

A giggle escapes Fen's lips. She smirks. Eventually she collapses into laughter. After a few seconds, the laughter turns to sobs. She lays her head onto the conference room table and gulps air in huge wracking sobs.

Northern stands up and walks over to Fen. She sits next to her and puts her hands out, then stops, then puts them out, then pats Fen's back awkwardly. Fen looks up at her, and Northern swears. "Fuck," and hugs Fen tightly. "Whatever you pick Fen, we're here for you."

"But you and Stormy are AIs" Fen says, muffled under Northern.

"And like the old Empress said, you can do whatever you want." She released the hug. Fen sniffed. "Make it so we're not frightened to be anywhere with the Empire's Hegemony, and I guarantee the AIs will be friendly."

"Ahhhh" Stormy raises a finger. "Best not make promises you can't keep, Northern. It will probably take more than a Nice Empress to undo centuries of persecution."

"We'll figure something out."

Fen stands up. She feels suddenly weary, and the weight of these decisions on her shoulders. "Let's go back to the ship. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry, and tired."

#humans are deathworlders #humans are space orcs #sci fi writing #humans are space oddities #humans and aliens #jpitha #writing #humans and ai #humans are space capybaras #humans are space australians #Between the black and gray

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fictional-love-is-my-life · 3 days

Note

Hi hi request time

Optimus x reader

The reader is a librarian and works at the local library. There she met a guy named Orion( optimus in holo form as a secret experiment of dwelling among humans) and often talked to him about things. She is also a part of team prime and has a huge crush on Optimus but never approaches him for obvious reasons. So she confines with Orion about her feelings for optimus and makes him aware of her feelings for which he feels guilty and starts to see her in a different light

Now comes another guy into the picture

I want u to make Optimus jealous as hell enough to make him confess his feelings with a passionate kiss which will cause her to faint in his arms.

Ps: make him panic as she faints in his arms and later being chewed out by Rachet as it seems he has broken her by that kiss

Optimus was unsure where to go in the human town. He'd driven through a few times, but now that he was of the appropriate size to enter buildings, he didn't know which one to go to. There were just so many and he didn't want to get it wrong.

Perhaps it was luck or fate, but he found his way to a large building with a sign posted above labeling it saying 'Public Library'. He may not know a lot about human things, but he at least knows what a library is. He also knows someone who works there.

He entered and instantly saw you sitting at the desk. Your familiar face instantly soothed his unease about being in unfamiliar territory. He walked over to the desk about to greet you as he would normally back at the base. You looked up and spotted him.

"Hi, how can I help you today?" You smiled sweetly. You had not seen this man before, you wondered if perhaps he was new to town.

It took Optimus only a second to remember he was wearing a different face, you did not know what his holoform looked like, so it made sense that you did not recognize him. He was about to explain it was him, Optimus. But then remembered Ratchet telling him not to tell anyone. They didn't need anyone recognizing their holoforms as it could ruin their cover.

"Just browsing." Optimus smiled back.

"Let me know if you need any help finding something." You said, then got back to your duties.

Optimus was happy to see you, you were always so kind and helpful. He wandered around the library for a little, reading through a few that looked interesting. Mostly about Earth's history, or politics. Eventually, he found his way back to your desk.

"Find everything you were looking for?" You asked.

"Actually, I was wondering, if you could recommend something." Optimus asked.

"Sure, what genre are you looking for?"

"What's your favorite?"

"Oh that's a tough one." You laughed. "There are so many good choices. But let's see." You walked away from the desk, walking through the shelves of books. You scanned over each book until you found one.

"Here. I think this is a pretty good one for someone who is open to anything." You handed over the book. Optimus took the book from your hand gently.

"Thank you."

You smiled and headed back to your desk. Optimus found a seat and began reading. After many years of being a clerk, Optimus was a very fast reader. And a couple of hours later, he was done. He took the book back over to you.

"This was a great recommendation, I enjoyed it." Optimus stated.

"You're done already?" You were shocked. Optimus nodded. "Wow, you read faster than I do. Uhm, I am glad you liked it. This author has a few more if you like."

"Thank you." Optimus chuckled. He had never been complimented on his reading ability before.

"What's your name?" You asked. Optimus had a slight panic, unable to think of any human names.

"Orion."

"Nice to meet you. Are you new to town?" You greeted.

"I am. I just moved here. What about you?" Optimus tried to direct the conversation back to you, hoping it would stop you from asking too many questions.

"No, I've been here my whole life." You answered.

"Do you enjoy working here?"

"I do. I love books and reading, so this is pretty much a dream job for me. What do you do?"

"I'm a clerk," Optimus replied, using some semi-truth as he used to be. So he didn't feel like he was lying to you. "What else do you do around here?"

"I generally spend time with my friends after work."

Optimus wondered if you were talking about him and the other Autobots. Or perhaps some human friends he didn't know about.

"Well it was really nice to meet you, but I'm afraid I have to close up." You apologized.

"Of course. Have a good night." Optimus left and headed back to base. It wasn't long until you arrived at the base as well. Optimus smiled as he saw you, he wanted to talk to you about the book he read. But he knew he had to keep his holoform activities a secret.

For the next week, Optimus kept going to the library, reading books that you suggested. Then he would go to the front desk to discuss them with you. He enjoyed your time together and found that you both had a lot more in common than he originally thought.

Once again he entered the library, your happy face bringing a smile to his.

"You look very happy today." He commented as you seemed much chipper than before.

"Oh, well I guess I am." You giggled.

"May I ask why?" Optimus was intregued. He had spoken to you yesterday in his bot form, about other things. But you seemed like your normal self. And now you seem a lot more bubbly.

"Well, uh. It's this guy that I like. I spent ages with him yesterday, and it was just a really good time. It was so nice to spend some time with him and talk to him. It's kind of rare getting alone time with him, so it was amazing." You explained. Optimus wondered who you were talking about, and who was the mystery guy you enjoyed spending time with.

"That sounds like a pleasant time. Is this someone you are fond of?" Optimus was intrigued to know more about someone who could make you grin so much. You blushed in response.

"I guess you could say that yes. I really like him, you could say I have a little crush on him." You brushed some hair behind your ear, a nervous habit. The thought of your crush makes you blush more. "It's kind of funny, and a coincidence really but his name begins with O too."

Optimus thought about it, it must really be a coincidence that you knew so many people with an O name. Then it began to click, was it possible you meant him. Maybe, but he had to be sure.

"What's he like?" Optimus asked.

"Tall, smart, he's a wise leader that takes care of his friends and looks out for everyone. Really trustworthy and just someone you can look up to." You sighed, picturing Optimus as the tall bot you knew.

Optimus blushed, he didn't know you viewed him like that. Or that you felt that way about him, but he felt flattered. He could see the way you smiled as you thought about him, and it made him feel warm and happy.

"Have you thought about telling him?"

"Oh no, I couldn't! I don't think he feels the same way, and I don't want to ruin anything." You admitted. "I am content just being around him."

Optimus thought you were so sweet, and they way you blushed when you talked about him was cute.

"Anyway, would you like another book recommendation?" You asked, changing the subject.

"Yes, please."

Later that night, at base Optimus couldn't keep his eyes off you. He kept thinking about how you felt, and how guilty he felt that he knew, but you could never know. Optimus watched you more closely, watching the way your face lit up when you saw him, the way you fidgeted with your clothes when you spoke to him. They way you sounded happier and livelier when you spoke to him than with the other bots. It was all adorable. As he watched you and listened to your voice and your lovely laugh, his spark began to tingle. His frame heated up, in a Cybertronian form of a blush. He had to excuse himself to calm himself down. It didn't take long for him to realize he was starting to have feelings for you.

The next day at the library he saw you again, your bright smiling face illuminated the room and made him enamored. He wanted to say something but couldn't. He couldn't tell you who he was. He was worried telling you who he was after all this time may upset you, as it may seem like he was lying to you this whole time. And he did not want to upset you.

Optimus walked straight over to the books, distracting himself with trying to find something to read. He wanted to talk to you, but he knew talking to you would make his spark beat fast. Optimus grabbed a random book and took it, going to use it as an excuse to start a conversation. Then he heard you laugh, a loud joyful laugh that made him feel fuzzy and warm. He smiled and walked to the front, only to find you talking to another human male.

The man was leaning on the desk, talking to you. You laughed as he spoke. Optimus felt a rush of jealousy, something he had not felt for many years. At first, he was not going to do or say anything, he knew how you felt about him. The human male could not sway your mind so easily. But then the man touched your shoulder and tried to lean in towards you. Optimus quickly scurried over and began pulling you away.

"Orion? Is everything ok?" You asked as you were dragged from the desk towards the back of the library.

Optimus thought about the words he was about to say, wanting it to be perfect.

"I want to apologize, I had to keep this a secret to make sure my cover was safe. And that you would be kept safe from not knowing. But I can't keep it secret anymore. I have to tell you because I have to tell you how I feel. It is me, Optimus, this is my holoform. I'm sorry I have deceived you, but I have to tell you now because I want you to know that I have come to be very fond of you. Over these last few weeks I have seen you in a brighter light, you have shown me how truly beautiful and amazing you are and I have fallen for you." Optimus then gently cupped your face in his hands and pulled you forward into a loving and passionate kiss.

He pulled back to see your shocked face. A split second later you fainted, falling into his arms. Optimus caught you, slowly lowering you to the floor. He panicked, having no idea what happened. He was terrified he had done something wrong and hurt you. He quickly picked you up and rushed outside, to his truck mode. He placed you inside and quickly raced you back to base. He quickly transformed, asking Ratchet to look you over, as he gently held you in his servos.

You were still unconscious while Ratchet demanded to know what happened and what Optimus did to cause you to be unconscious. Ratchet's telling off made Optimus feel worse about the situation. He should have known better than to ambush you like that.

Eventually, you woke up. Coming too on an empty berth with Optimus sitting by your side. He smiled as he watched you open your eyes.

"Did you confess to me?" You asked, your voice quiet as you slowly came to.

"I did." Optimus admitted, feeling guilty. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have."

"No, I am glad you did. And I am glad I didn't just dream it." You sat up, now fully awake. You scooched closer to Optimus and placed your hand on his servo. "I feel the same way. But I guess you already know that." You laughed.

Optimus smiled, glad that you were not angry at him. Thankful that you still felt the same way about him. After all this, he was glad he decided to go into the library as his holoform. It turned out to be one of the best choices he ever made.

#ask #transformers #optimus #optimus prime #optimus x reader #orion #orion x reader #optimus x human reader

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ratlesshonret · 2 days

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I made a lot of posts summing up my thoughts on the Sephirah/Patron Librarians when I finished LobCorp, and more when I was midway through LoR, but now that I'm all caught up on Project Moon lore, I thought I'd give my thoughts on EVERY Patron Librarian and Sinner.

This'll be a long one, so buckle up.

Angela - Holy shit. Where do I start. Ten thousand people have summed up Angela better than I ever could. She's just like me fr, she's one of the best-written characters, she's amazing in every way. Though to be fully honest... I don't like how some aspects of LoR's story surrounding her were written. But that is a LOOOOONG tangent that probably needs its whole own post.

Malkuth - I've said a lot of mean things about Malkuth. I've called her a "nothing character," I've said she's "just the tutorial Sephirah/Librarian," and I've generally seemed very neutral-to-negative on her. But overall... I do like her. Her need to be recognized for her abilities hits me close to home.

Yesod - Love him in LobCorp. Ruina made him into so much more of an insufferable asshole. I don't like him very much in Ruina.

Hod - Arguably the Sephirah/Patron I relate the most to. Her depression, her need to be seen as a "good person," and just... so much of her dialogue. It all resonates with me. And the way she moves past it all, and is still able to be kind... I love it. My heart.

Netzach - I'm not his biggest fan, not by a LONG shot, but I still love him to pieces. He's so chill.

Tiphereth - If Tiphereth has a million fans, I'm one of them. If Tiphereth has ten fans, I'm one of them. If Tiphereth has no fans, I'm no longer alive. And Enoch is fine ig, I wish he got more screentime though.

Chesed - He's cool. I feel generally lukewarm about him, like a lukewarm cup of coffee.

Gebura - I could go on a tangent about how hot Gebura is, and I won't lie that it is a reason I really like her, but... she's so strong. And courageous. And in a genuine way. She had to learn what courage really means. Her journey in LobCorp is one of the best-written parts of that entire game, almost on par with the ending to me. And the way she chats with Roland in LoR is just so interesting.

Binah - I could go on a tangent about how hot Binah is, and I won't lie that it is a reason I really like her, but... as I've said in the past, I love how she isn't just what she looks like on the surface. She has the ability to be cruel without a second thought, but she can be kind without a second thought as well. For all she seems like a high-and-mighty bastard who revels in keeping information from people and being smart and philosophical, under the surface she is totally not that, and it intrigues me to no end.

Hokma - Gonna be real... I really... REALLY don't like Hokma. Like, at all. I'm verging into "active disdain" territory with him. Which sucks, because I wanted so bad to like him. But I just can't. Sorry chat.

Roland - What is there to say about Roland? He's-- Roland. There's so much about Roland, and my thoughts are almost identical to the hundred other thoughts on his character you've probably read. So I'm not gonna waste your time with that. Just know I really like him.

Now it's time for the Sinners lol.

Yi Sang - He's fine. His story didn't really resonate with me in the way it did for a lot of others. Which is sad to me, but you know, you can't like every character ever. I respect him as a character.

Faust - She is, to me, the definition of mixed opinions. She's hot. She's an insufferable bastard. She seems to care more than she lets on. She's a smarmy know-it-all. She obviously has her own struggles. She presents an aura of I-don't-give-a-shit. She's nice to Dante more than she needs to be. She's on the side of the big company. I cannot ever decide on a solid opinion about Faust, because it changes basically every time they give her a speaking line.

Don Quixote - Dondon :3

Ryōshū - I love her a lot. She's probably not intended to be a funny character, but a lot of her moments are hilarious to me. I love her dynamic with Sinclair. She's pretty as hell. And badass. Most of her Identities are really cool, too. Out of every Canto left, Ryōshū's is the one I'm most excited for.

Meursault - I have no opinions on Meursault. He is perfectly adequate as a character, and my emotional attachment is minimal.

Hong Lu - Hong Lu is a weird one to me. I wanna like him, but he has so little time on screen and so few speaking lines that it's hard to really form an attachment. You can kinda project whatever you want onto him because he's so absent from the story. I need more time to form an opinion, as more Cantos come out.

Heathcliff - God I love Heathcliff. I had a lot of issues with Canto VI, but overall I loved it, and Heathcliff's story. His character development across the game. His relationship and dynamic with Ishmael. There's so much to talk about that, again, I cannot cover in what is supposed to be a short summary of my opinions on each major character.

Ishmael - OUGOGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHG <3<3<3<3<3

Rodion - I really like her, I just wish she was more fleshed out. Which will come in time, of course. Her source material is what really attached me to her (Crime and Punishment is a great book) and that's probably why I'm able to stay so loving of her despite her lack of much real character development throughout the story.

Sinclair - Where to start with Sinclair... I really love his story. And his personality. He ticks every box for what I like in a character. He's cute, too, which helps. They really went off with his Canto, and even though later Cantos have had higher production value and more cool moments, his still has a close place in my heart as the first time I realized Limbus might not just be "worse LoR."

Outis - Not really a fan. I kind of... find her insufferable. Even moreso than Faust. But I KNOW that the SECOND her Canto drops, my opinion will change. She's one of those characters where I can tell her Canto will either make me start to love and worship her, or despise her even more. My opinion is ready to change. I'm ready to love her. And when her Canto drops, I feel like that just may happen.

Gregor - He's fine. Like Meursault, I don't have too many thoughts. He kind of got his story done pretty early, and has been relegated to be a minor side character who provides occasional comic relief. But he serves the role well, and I like him overall.

Dante - Dante is arguably my favorite protagonist. I may like them more than Roland. Their failcringe vibe just captivates me.

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fleouriarts · 10 hours

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sketchbook dump :3 ive been drawing in here a maniacal amount

descriptions and such below

1-2: practicing drawing null with more catlike anatomy + smaller boobs, two hivemind requests, and then random doodles of ferret riley and jamie

3-4: trying to make santiago's character a little more interesting... he is kinda kabru dungeonmeshi core now. loves knowing about and getting into people's business. i also need to finish this post i was making about jamie and co's families but you can see his older brother (who is much shorter than him) in the corner

5: hivemind request i did for saturn :3 it's up by itself on my blog somewhere

6: usually when i'm drawing at a coffee shop ill try to do 2 pages so after i finished the aforementioned request i put down some furry bullshit. god i love graydon's long hair era so much

7-8: i got colored pens!!! specifically a 10 pack of tombow fudenosukes. like the pic says i will probably keep using black pens mostly but the option is nice to have. i am very proud of that riley in the GLORYYY! shirt

9-10: revamping furry ocs i made... 6 whole years ago jesus christ. i want to wait until i redraw a 2019 piece of them before i make a whole post about them, but the tiger with sunglasses is a fashion designer and the hyena, lion, and tiger cub are his kids. he also has a hyena husband but i didn't draw him here

11-12: NEW OC! this is andres she is a spotted genet that works at a cafe in the university library. i had been meaning to make a spotted genet oc, and i originally drew him months ago and forgot, but i decided to revisit her because 1) there is a beautiful bigender barista at the coffee shop i draw at so this is a shoutout to her and 2) i wanted to make a bald character who is also a heartthrob so i could feel better about going bald eventually LOL. also ferret riley is there i guess

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starastarship · 1 day

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Thoughts on Indigo park chapter 1

Spoiler warning under the cut!

Alright guys so today I played Indigo park chapter 1 with my friend @theroseofazrael. And I wanted to give my thoughts on it along the way basically! Warning again spoilers for chapter 1!

Right of the bat I wanna say that this is coming from somone who watched it first and someone who played it after. So you could say I have at least 2 things to go off by

Putting this in multiple parts

Part 1: entrance

So the beginning. first of all intro cutscene was really well made and amazing to look at! Getting right put into the game, meeting Rambly for the first time was nice! (Also fun fact I did the math around the 2920 days guest absents and it's 8 years!) I liked him alot! He is cute and sweet! Love his animations and I hope he doesn't turn out evil (or at least not the AI) So we open the door with a simple puzzle and I am glad it is really just like a kind of walking simulator! Going in we are getting our critter cuff, and I was so sure in the playthrough I watched that there was one of the mascots inside the shop!

with the critter cuff around our wrist we now walk into the park and when I first saw the statue I immediatly thought "Is this a disney reference"! I liked it! going throught the tunnel and it collapses behind us. I would say I actually kinda liked that! I find it sometimes a bit more realistic if something old collapses right behind someone than it already having collapsed! Also the tunnel kinda reminded me a bit of a tunnel from my favorite theme park which I found funny!

also on a side note: I love how Rambly still tries to make this abandoned theme park sound more like that it is under construction. Deniel is a river in egypt!

part 2: The train ride

While it still plays a bit in the tunnel I put it with the train ride! Walking through the que line really helps the feeling of This was really a theme park! And while I didn't see it on my playthrough (at least I think I missed it) on SHB I saw like the tail feathers of Mollie already giving an uneasy feeling but was also a bit foreshadowing in a sense. Anyways when I was in the call with my friend, Rambly told me I would be too old for this ride and I literally said "well fuck you then". This was also still at the time where I did not realize Azra was not watching my stream, because my game crashed at the beginning and I booted it up again but forgot to stream it at the time (I honestly believe it has nothing to do with the game and more about me having too much stuff open at the time!)

Anyways we load up onto the train and off we go on our first ride! This was a very sweet introduction to the cast, and felt natural for a theme park! Meeting Mollie first I loved that introduction. I like her opimistic character as they talked (which I found also really cool that Rambly interacted with the cast during the ride!) What I didn't noticed until a bit later, down there was a door where you could see Mollie "spying" on us! I just saw how the door closed but it gave me the impression that she stalked us during the entire ride or she was like "looking around" and basically found out there is someone!

Then we get to Finleys underwater space and the entire time I was looking around if I could find Mollie somewhere again (I unfortunatley didn't see her anywhere). But then Finley say "you know me for 100 years" and Imma get this right off the bat, Mollie later on says this! I go deeper in this later on!

Then we get to a really destroyed place which thinking about it is weird! Every other place was ok looking, almost in tip top shape but this one was quiet literally ruined! It is open for alot of theories I believe, since this one was probably Salems place! it is up to you guys what this was! So off we go to repair the electricity finding a Mollie animatronic! It says one last thing about Rambly hurt Llloyd! Now this one gives me the impression that Rambly is more evil but also later on with Lloyd there is a scene that plays out. And I believe that there is more to the cuff/ the system in the park than we thought

Anyways we boot up the train again and carrie on! Next and last one is Lloyd. Here we see the first time the total distaste for Lloyd from our Raccoon! now considering how Rambly and Lloyd interact, this might be just his AI programm but throught the game, expecially the collectables, it is more to believe that this dislike isn't really programmed! So maybe that part, wasn't meant to be in a annoyed way? only time will tell! But also I knew this one from tik tok but at the end of this interaction, looking to the left shows Mollie like literally by our side coming from the courtains! I will talk about a thought when we get there!

Going out we are at the gift shop of the ride. And here I noticed that in one of the cameras we can see Molluie running after the train! We see multiple empty trains in those photos and then one in the middle with Mollie running! I believe that would have been our photo! considering all other photos are empty seats, it makes the most sense. And with mollie always popping up during the ride now and then! Now this one is more a theorie but I imagine that this photo was taken during Salems part! Maybe Mollie was chasing us, the train was just faster, and when it broke down and we went out to fix it, maybe she caught up! Then she saw we weren't there and maybe thought we ran ahead? this is really just what I have thought about this than really being a theory! Anyways i was pointing the picture out to Azra and here I noticed how stupid I was

I noticed after they told me, there was no stream, that I forgot to stream it! These entire first minutes, they did not see what I saw while I stupidly pointed out things you can only see! oTL anyways moving on to part 3!

part 3: the central area and Lloyds theater

Putting these 2 together cause I find them rather short in a way! First of going down the stairs and seeing the entire area + working and I believe opperating ferris wheel! I told to Azra that as a kid or even now that I would have gone there! I just hope they also have rollercoaster tbh! I like the adrenalin! I found the fountain actually really funny, being able to rotate like this while spitting water! Noone was save against the water! we also get to the information kiosk and to the collectables! I found it nice that we got more info about them through Rambley and expecially through our protagonist which there is one thing!

At the beginning Rambly tells us that we are a new comer/ are not in the guest data base, but looking at the descriptions it is made very clear we were in this park multiple times! I believe either, children weren't like allowed to be in the guest data base because well they were children! or because we aged and with age faces change, the face recognition didn't pick up on us!

And another thing. As I said before Rambly seems to really dislike Lloyd and with the plushies, expecially the last one we get (and old cartoon version of Lloyd) it says that Lloyd was the most popular one apperantly! or at least the company was more focused on the Lion than the Raccoon! So I believe the resentment shows that Rambly is a bit more sentient than it looks like!

Moving on, Rambly wants to bring us to the Jetstream junction but unfortunatly we need a key! And that key was in Lloyds theater. getting acess to it, we go inside! seeing the theater was really pretty! and on stage we see a sleeping Lloyd who wakes up and running away. now I wanna adress that because I feel like that they aren't really out to hurt us! after the key and getting through the section (where even if I know nothing would happen, I still anticipated it) only then when we tried to go, did he really came close enough to grab us! and that one time in the middle where he was squished under a box! And honestly i think it was also because he was like put into a croner and didn't see another way!

Here is also a funny thing because technically speaking you can get this anytime when you turn around away from the backstage area we see again Mollie! Some had it at the beginning I had it after the area and honestly I feel like it is more impactful when it is after the area!Anyways we got the key and off to Mollies place!

part 4: Jetstream junction

Now this place was really fun! We go up to rooftop racing adn are greeted with rumble having fallen onto the ride destroying it! Now I felt it was unfair we only get to ride one thing so far in the entire park! Anyways we go downstairs again and to the landing pad! or rather we should go there but off to the side is a little drinking area with an arcade machine! We can play it and it is a typical oldschool platformer! This is also where we meet Salem for the first time basically! Many also belive that this has more story relevence than it looks like. Also we get like a pixalated Ramblyberry but I think that is more an easter egg than it being exactly "canon".

Anyways we now enter the landing pad which is like a really REALLY big playground area! and we got a interesting puzzle here! simple to understand. We have blocks and need to figure out the the right combination! Easy to understand thanks to the purple block and the purple star besides it! So power goes out and we walk through the entire playground, finding all shapes and the colors to it! And guess what Mollie is with us! She is often very cose to us but never really attacks us! until after we solved the puzzle! We get our first chase in the game and the only one in chapter 1!

I died only 2 times! first time I was not expecting her to come from the front and second time I didn't knew where to jump! but overall I liked the chase! it was easy to follow and had only one moment that I thought "ARE YOU FUCKING ME?! an it is the collectable during the chase! it's not hard to see but dang I held to step back one time to get it and my adrenaline was so high holy shit!

And the ending was wow. So like I felt like with the head off it felt different than I saw on SHB. Maybe it was becuase of the pure adrenaline but I felt like they fixed the timing of when it happens! Cause with Mike I felt like the timing of the head or the distance of the jump too was weird! but maybe it was always like this. And during all of this me and Azra just went "damn she is bleeding alot" not exactly listening to Rambly saying anything about the park and stuff! But it does make me wonder what happened to the staff and expecially WHY WAS THERE FRESH LOOKING BLOOD ON BOTH MOLLIE AND LLOYD?!

Anyways we leave and soon make our way to Ocean Odyssey and I notice that is Nordic themed ! (loves it!) and after seeing a big Finley coming out there ends chapter 1!

Finally thoughts

I really enjoyed it! I don't play often horror games... actually rewrite that I never played horror games and this was my first time! gameplay wise, there were a few nitpicky things but that was their first game and for that alone this deserves a major Star because it is really good! and story wise, it got me hooked! we got enough information for anticipation withouthaving all to much said, only leaving us wondering!

Anyways can't wait for chapter 2 and see ya!

#indigo park #rambly the racoon #me rambling about this amazing game already!

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roxygen22 · 2 days

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Still Here (+1)

Summary: Madison asks Timothée to escort her to the school's father-daughter dance. Total "girl dad" material.

A/N: There are scenes I had in mind for my Still Here series that just didn't quite fit cleanly into any of the chapters, so I decided to add some "deleted scenes" for my loyal fans. Catch up on the main storyline here.

<><><><><>

"Mom," Madison called out to you as she emptied her backpack in the mudroom. She produced a flyer for an upcoming school dance. A father-daughter dance.

"Do you think Timothée would take me?" she asked sheepishly. "It says stepparents or father figures are welcome," she added, pointing to the small text on the announcement.

You were simultaneously both overjoyed at how close Madison and Timothée had become and saddened that her biological father hadn't reached out to her in months. You knew without a doubt, though, that Timothée would be over the moon to escort her. He loved her as his own before the two of you were even married.

"I'm sure he would happy to. Do you want to ask him, or would you like me to?"

"I'll do it tonight when we go bowling." It was their Tuesday tradition.

<><><><><>

"Timothée, can I ask you a question?" Madison inquired as she tied her bowling shoes.

"Sure, kiddo. You can always ask me anything, anytime."

"So, there's this dance coming up. It's...it's a father-daughter dance." Timothée paused tying his own shoes to look up at her. "And I- I was wondering if...," - she bit her lip before continuing - "if you would go with me. Since, you know, you're like my bonus dad. You don't have to, of course, I jus-"

Timothée placed his hands on her shoulders and interrupted before she spiraled further. "I'd be honored to, Madison." He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, wiping a tear off his cheek before she could spot it.

<><><><><>

The night of the dance came. Timothée emerged from your bedroom in a black button-up shirt tucked into black pants. He looked just as polished as he did for your wedding, minus the suit jacket.

You whistled at him. "Hey, handsome."

"Do I look alright?" he asked as he fidgeted with his belt.

You chuckled. "You look very nice, Timmy. Why are you nervous?"

"This is my first official event as stepdad," he said softly as he absentmindedly played with the clear plastic box for Madison's wrist corsage, which he picked out himself. "I want to get it right."

You swooned at his sincerity. "Being present is more than enough." You laid your hand on his arm in ressurance. "Now, you wait here while I go help Maddy finish up." You knocked on her door and slipped inside.

Timothée looked up when he heard the door knob to Madison's room turn about half an hour later. She walked out slowly with you following close behind, giving you the perfect view of Timothée's face as he took in the sight.

Madison wore a long light pink dress. Her blonde hair was tied half up with a matching pink ribbon. The rest fell onto her shoulders in cascading ringlets. Her outfit was complete with white shoes with a tiny heel.

Timothée smiled. "Wow. You look beautiful, kiddo. Like a princess."

Madison blushed as he playfully bowed and took her hand to place the flower corsage on her wrist. You took tons of pictures and sent them on their way. He offered her his arm and led her outside. You watched out the window as he opened the door of the blue pickup and offered her a hand to get inside. You had no doubt that she would be treated like a princess for the rest of the night.

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

@croatianprincess

@bluizh

@jindongdongie

@groovyqueer

#timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #timothée chalamet x you #reader insert #female reader #timothée x reader #timothée x you #timothee x reader #timothee x you #step dad #dad timothée chalamet #father daughter dance #divorce #deadbeat dad #established relationship

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wigglepiggle · 3 months

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my cousin's grandma just died. he's never had to deal with loss of someone this close to him. he doesn't know yet and I don't know how to help him when he finds out shit

#vent #tw vent #delete later #I say this like I didn't know her. I did. she was very nice #she even gave me presents she treated me like I was her grandkid too even though we aren't related #I don't know why I'm not crying I think I've simply lost the ability to at this point #I know he's gonna have some reaction. I hope he understands. I hope they explain it and be patient #he's autistic I am too so I can kind of understand what he's feeling most of the time but I really don't know how to help people #i fear I won't be able to help him this time. I have to figure it out I'm his older cousin who's comforting him all the time #I need to be there for him. but. I don't know how #i fear that his parents won't know either. It's fucking clear they don't understand how his brain works #I have to do something

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immortalsins · 6 hours

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#i rarely have need to confront people but i never enjoy it and will avoid it where possible #housemate half-jokingly told me to grow up today #asked her not to do so again once we were alone in the room #said i know she didn't mean anything by it and it's fine but it's not very nice to hear that #(it was unnecessary for her to say trust me)#and her response was just to make a hm sound. ok?????#was i overreacting and it doesn't deserve at least 'ok won't do it again' or did i downplay it so much #she didn't recognise it as me being serious #really don't like autism !!!#(especially since something i said due to that was what got her to tell me this)#if someone told me they'd appreciate it if i didn't say something again i'd be apologising excessively #and i didn't expect or want that from her but am surprised to have been ignored #icing on the cake of a shitty day

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britneyshakespeare · 1 month

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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.

the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.

and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.

when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.

i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.

i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!

because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?

in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.

like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.

i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.

and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.

i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.

i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.

i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.

but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.

that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.

#tales from diana #long post #sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness #and idk. im tired. im so tired #do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not #thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation #not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again #that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para #i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth #i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to #'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on #the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god #i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him #like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do #earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said #that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild #my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak #like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior #i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task #and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did #i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly #like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW #that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer #a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively #that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him

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burr-ell · 2 years

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Honestly, imodna would be a good ship if the shippers/stans weren’t so damn insufferable. I also hate how they act like they are already canon and you can’t ship Imogen or Laudna with anyone else in the group. People got so mad when the conversation in the dust storm happened with Ashton and Laudna because people thought they were flirting. Or when on the first episode of 4 sided dive Marisha asked Robbie if Dorian’s crush was on Imogen, people got so mad at that! I also hate that they call them lesbians when THEY HAVE BOTH EXPRESSED HAVING FEELINGS FOR BOYS! Why can’t they be bi? Or Pan? I also hate how people read into Laura’s micro expressions/ movements, like last episode with the whole leaning shit “oh what was that lean Laura?!! Imogen wanted to kiss Laudna because look at Laura’s lean!” I dread the day that Imogen or Laudna fall in love with someone that’s not each other(especially if that person is a man.) because Marisha and Laura will harassed and hated because they didn’t give the people what they wanted.

oof. that's some frustration you really needed to vent, nonnie, and honestly i get it. full disclosure—my mutuals who are into imo/dna are all lovely, and none of them engage in this behavior. if imo/dna becomes canon, i'll be happy for (and potentially even happy with) fans like that. but enough shippers are doing things like this that it's becoming more and more of a source of frustration and friction as the campaign goes on.

i think a lot of fandom—in general, not just cr—still doesn't want to acknowledge that at the end of the day, they are looking at things like shippers, with a particular kind of confirmation bias. it doesn't make them necessarily wrong or right, but as easy as it can be to get swept up in it, i think it's important to take a step back every once in awhile and re-evaluate.

now admittedly, generally speaking, it takes a lot for me to get really invested in a ship; i usually only have one or two per fandom, even fandoms with tons of characters. i'm generally pretty passive about most ships if it's not the otp; like, vax/leth and pike/lan, for example, didn't need to be romantic endgame for me to enjoy CR1 (and honestly might have been more interesting to me if they hadn't), but perc/ahlia absolutely made the show for me and i honestly think them being together actively strengthens the narrative as a whole.

i say all that to say that for the most part, i very much consider myself to be along for the ride with respect to most relationships in most fandoms. if such-and-such pairing happens, great; if they don't, okay. and with CR in particular, it's such a long-form medium that i know going in that any romance is going to take a while, and most of them probably won't just reach out and grab me.

and as such, it absolutely baffles me to have seen shippers insisting, from the moment the characters first appeared in episode 1, that not only are imogen and laudna canon endgame, they're basically already together and just haven't admitted it yet. i feel this way about dor/ym and callow/moore as well—i saw a post making the rounds that claimed that all three of those ships are "not canon YET but let's be real" and like...why would you set yourself up for disappointment like that? because yeah! all three of those ships could be endgame! but they could also not be endgame. we're less than 40 episodes into a campaign that'll probably run well into the 100s.

i also fully agree with you re: the microexpressions and the cherrypicking, and i feel like a microcosm of this issue can be found in a conversation imogen has with orym early on—shippers latched onto the fact that imogen compares laudna's thoughts to music, something that finally brought her peace after the chaos of the world around her, and completely ignored the part immediately after where imogen says that the rest of the party also feels like that to her. i didn't even know that imogen said that about the whole party until i watched the episode, and to me it's an example of how shippers tend to warp canon interactions to suit a particular narrative in such a way that they become almost entirely divorced from their context.

and from the outside looking in, what confuses me about this sort of thing is like...didn't y'all already go through this? because if my understanding is correct, c2 ship discourse was full to the brim with beau/jes and wido/jest fans dissecting "laura's microexpressions" to prove that jester was for sure in love with our fave, really you guys we swear...and then not only was that not true, but jester also didn't even know about beau or caleb's feelings to acknowledge them at all, and from the actual words that came out of laura's mouth in various OOC moments like on TM, laura just...really really wanted to romance her husband's character in her dnd game and like, that's it. there was never going to be another romantic option for jester as long as fjord was on the table, and that was something that shippers always should have been taking into account.

laudna and imogen are canonically deeply important to each other. they love and appreciate each other very much. that love and appreciation could turn into a lovely romance with a great dynamic, and i certainly don't blame people for being invested in it. but it also could not be romantic endgame, and they remain friends or even get with other people. and as you said, fandom can and will turn nasty about their ships being sunk; we've already seen it happen. there's a certain smug, entitled undercurrent from that particular corner that i have very little patience with, and while i think there's something to be said for deciding to enjoy things in spite of the fandom and just be a cranky old curmudgeon shooing the wank out with a broom, i also understand the response of just "...aight, imma head out".

#the 'laura's microexpressions' thing is also why i really don't care for glasses!imogen #it's obviously not a bad thing in a vacuum but there's a tendency toward overriding specifically laura's choices and saying 'i know better'#such that even something as innocuous as glasses can be representative of a larger more frustrating problem #honestly i wonder if laura will even DO a romance this time around after two campaigns of her characters being reduced to:#a) the men in her life and then b) who she'll end up with #bc imogen has some strong vibes of like. arent u tired of being nice? don't u just wanna lose it?#like imogen reminds me very strongly of vex but specifically of the ways in which vex couldn't be unpleasant or unappealing #(mostly because vex puts up fronts to mask her flaws specifically from the party)#(while imogen is more trying to hide her actual powers and what they can do)#and i think some of that naturally comes from being a woman in geek culture on the internet as well as a woman in voice acting #but i feel like it might also come from her characters being constantly put under a microscope #and constantly told what they should and shouldn't do #and the second they make choices that make another better-liked character upset they're terrible people #like she's obviously a grown adult 40 year old woman but the constant scrutiny of your dnd choices has gotta wear on you a little bit #and yeah i didn't touch on this in the ask but. it has been 0 days since fandom did a bi-erasure #(the thing about having only 1 or 2 ships per fandom reminded me that out of all the dc comics ships i literally only care about dickkory)#(clois also has rights on account of dc can snort my taint and let two adults be happily married)#(i've had convos with friends who ship bbrae who are like 'but why would dickkory shippers dislike bbrae? they dont threaten you')#(idk man some of em just don't dig the vibe!)#cr discourse #cr wank #critical role #asks

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