#I say that Jaskier blog and it put this really stupid idea in my head | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

myidlehand · 3 years

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Oooooh, prompts? Don't mind if I do. I know you love Eskel (and so do I). So I was thinking some G/E/J where they get up to some sort of shenanigans, preferably when two team up on one. But your real challenge is to incorporate the word monsterbutt into it. Thank you so much for doing this ♥️♥️♥️ I really like your writing, as you know.

Alright, for those who don’t know I asked to be sent prompts because I’m very closed to hit 1000 followers on this blog and I wanted to celebrate.

This is gonna be the first answered prompt of my “Road to 1000 followers celebration prompt 1/7!” Every time I get one new follower I will post a prompt until I reach 1000.

Now to the prompt!

I didn’t quite get the two team up on one, forgive me, but(t) the idea cracked me up too much and I kinda took the monsterbutt idea and just WENT WITH IT. My apologies 😂

The Butt Of The Joke

“A monsterbutt?”

“A monster’s butt,” Jaskier says nodding again very seriously.

“A… monster’s… butt…” Eskel repeats slowly.

“For the fifth time, yes, the BUTT OF A MONSTER.” Jaskier answers, exasperated.

“Why a monster’s butt?”

“I don’t know Eskel, I'm not in Yennefer’s head!”

“Hum…”

Jaskier pushes off the table he was resting against and starts pacing in the room. On the bed, Eskel scratches at his scars, perplexed, his shoulder brushing lightly against Geralt's arm when he moves to sit more comfortably at the edge of the bed.

“Do you-” Geralt catches his hand to stop him from scratching “-know if she needs a specific kind of butt?” Eskel doesn’t recall ever asking something this ridiculous.

“I…” Jaskier stops pacing and turns towards them. “Well, she just screamed a lot of things at me, so maybe? I don’t know, I was mainly trying to avoid the stuff she was throwing at me. All I heard really was ’I need monster butt’ while I was running away.

“Maybe you could go back and ask, so we get the right one?” Geralt proposes hopefully, letting go of Eskel’s hand and getting up to find a clean shirt to put on.

“I have another proposition. Since you and your big… Well everything, were the reason Yennefer’s dresses got all stretched AGAIN last night, YOU go ask her how to redeem yourself while I go back to bed and Eskel makes it up to me for making me go see how mad she was this morning all by myself.”

“Sounds good,” Eskel says, catching Jaskier by the hand and making him fall forward, catching Jaskier gently before quickly rolling them both on the bed, pinning Jaskier under him.

“Oh hello there,” Jaskier says quietly with a playful smile, looking up at two beautiful amber eyes. His hand immediately go under Eskel’s shirt, to stroke his flanks gently.

“Sorry for asking you, that was cruel,” Eskel says, before lowering himself to put a kiss on the side of his nose, then finding Jaskier’s throat to give him gentle kisses that send a shiver of pleasure all along the bard’s spine.

“It was very cruel. Indeed I’m going to need lots of those kisses to feel better.”

Eskel chuckles but obliges.

The spell breaks when a pillow comes to hit them both in the face. Eskel let his arms go and flop against Jaskier's side, burying his face in his neck, his arm possessively around Jaskier’s side.

“Focus!” Geralt growls, not very mad but getting a little distracted himself by the sight of Eskel and Jaskier together on their bed. “We need to figure this out,” he says, putting his shirt on.

“Oh, WE do, do we? Why do I get included in this when I wasn’t even there in the first place?” Jaskier says incredulously.

“It’s not our fault you passed out before we decided to try that again.”

Eskel mumbles something against Jaskier’s throat.

“What’s that love?”

“I said,” Eskel raises his head just enough to speak “You would have looked damn good in a dress.”

“I look good in everything, but I appreciate the compliment,” he answers, planting a kiss on top of Eskel’s hair. His fingers come up automatically to start stroking his head and Eskel answers with an appreciative little sound that makes Geralt wonder why he’s up and wearing clothes anyway?

“Why do Lambert get to be excluded from this ridiculous conversation again? Seems unfair, mainly to me”, Jaskier says dramatically.

“We’ll get him once we decide what to do, get dressed Eskel.” Geralt answers, shoving at Eskel’s legs a little to make him move away from Jaskier, which he does reluctantly.

“We should go before Yen gets really mad.”

“But what are we going to hunt exactly?”

“I don’t know! I heard Vesemir say there’s a couple of young forktails up in the mountains.”

“Lambert’ll never trek the mountain for half a day by this temperature just to bring back a dead forktail for Yennefer to dissect or whatever she’ll do with it”, Eskel answers, with a snort while putting on his clothes.

“Do you need an entire forktail? I mean maybe just the… er… rear area would be enough?” Jaskier asks, sitting up.

“You know I might be mountain folk, but I don’t fancy going up the mountain by this weather either.”

“We could go to the mines?” Suggest Geralt.

“Do Kikimores even have butts?”

“I don’t know I’m not a butt monster specialist Eskel, you’re the one who likes to study anatomy!” Geralt answers, getting more and more frustrated.

“Alright, alright! Don’t be grumpy!” Eskel answers, putting a light leather chest plate on top of a heavy chemise. “Tell you what, we’ll go to the stream down south. I’m sure we can find a couple of drowners there. It’ll be easy. They have human-shaped bottoms and they aren’t too heavy to carry.”

“Hate hunting drowners,” Geralt mumbles irritably, putting on his armour.

“I know,” Eskel says, giving Geralt just a small peck on the lips, amused

“Haven’t even got breakfast yet”, Geral grumble.

“Come on, we’ll eat on the way,” Eskel says, grabbing both their swords and tugging at Geralt’s sleeve with his other hand. Geralt goes unwillingly.

Jaskier smiles at his Witchers and decides to just go back to sleep. The bed is still a little warm from the night before and smells like all three of them, it’s lovely.

Two hours later he’s startled awake when frigid water comes splashing down on him, dripping from a very soaked, very grumpy Geralt, looking at him from above and smelling strongly of rotten fish.

“Monster bile Jaskier. She needed monster bile!”

***

I’m sorry it was so stupid but I found it funny? I hope you did too

#geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier #eskel #the witcher #the witcher fic #crack #Tumblr fucked the formating sorry #its on ao3 too if you'd rather read there #geraskiel #tumblr prompt celebration

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wordsablaze · 3 years

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To Be Held

Emotions can be great but too much of them can also be the exact opposite. Luckily, that doesn't matter if you have someone willing to be there for you the same way Eskel is willing to be there for Jaskier...

A/N: this is definitely not a 2am ventfic, i have no idea what you mean- oh and it’s modern au where eskel works at a bakery :)

Eskel knows something is wrong when Jaskier doesn't reply to his selfie.

He knows because Jaskier always, always gushes about how cute or how handsome or how sexy he looks when he gives in and decides to indulge in willingly taking as well as sending a picture of himself.

There is a short moment where he thinks this is the one, this is the stupid selfie that convinces Jaskier he's actually not that nice to look at and he's not worth staying with but no, Jaskier would never leave him for something so trivial after all they’ve been through and all they’ve done together, he just wouldn't.

So Eskel doesn't question it at first, assuming that Jaskier had seen it, put his phone down to do something, and promptly forgotten to reply because he'd gotten distracted. But when he checks his phone again later, just after unloading the oven, and there's no reply, he knows something else is the matter.

"Geralt, can you close up and all?" Eskel calls over his shoulder even as he starts pulling on his coat and shoes, concern flooding through his veins.

"Is Jaskier okay?" Geralt asks, his face appearing in the doorframe.

Incredibly glad he'd been blessed with at least one semi-intuitive brother, Eskel shrugs. "I hope so. I'll text you if it's really bad, I promise."

Nodding, Geralt waves him off, catching the keys Eskel throws at him before disappearing to tidy and close up the bakery. Lambert will probably moan at him about having had more work at the end of the day tomorrow but Eskel couldn’t really care less about that in the grand scheme of things - things being making sure Jaskier is okay.

He tries dialling Jaskier's number as he fumbles with the door of his car, swearing softly when he only reaches voicemail and focusing his attention back on driving as fast as possible without getting arrested for being worried about the man he loves. Yes it’d be funny and Jaskier would probably write a song or two about it but it’d still be useless all the same.

He's once again immensely grateful that they'd chosen a flat close to the bakery because every second that passes has him more and more on edge and he’s not sure what he’d have done if the commute was any longer. It doesn't take long to get to their front door once he parks the car, though it does take half a dozen more curses before he actually gets inside.

"Jaskier?" he calls, peering into the living room, the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom. When he comes up empty, he frowns. Backtracks. Looks in each room again, pausing in the doorframe to their bedroom when he spots the duvet on the floor just next to the bed.

"Jaskier?" Eskel calls again, a little louder this time.

It's not just the duvet on the floor.

He very briefly chides himself for not realising before and wasting time in checking the rest of their home but then kneels down beside the human-shaped duvet heap, slowly pulling up one corner just enough to see under it.

Jaskier flinches.

"Oh, Jas," Eskel breathes softly.

He's curled up around himself, his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around his shins, his head pressed firmly into his knees. He looks so painfully small that Eskel immediately has the urge to hug him. Which he does.

He doesn't say anything else, slipping under the duvet too and placing his arms around Jaskier's shoulders, propping himself up against the bed, waiting not quite patiently but not impatiently either. It takes a little while for Jaskier to even acknowledge his presence, which he does by leaning into him, letting some of his weight rest on Eskel's chest.

"I'm here now," Eskel murmurs, adjusting his position so they don't overbalance.

Jaskier doesn't move again for another few minutes in which Eskel listens to the clock tick on and tries not to feel too guilty that it took him so long to arrive, but then Jaskier lets out a shaky sigh and uncurls his arms from around his legs, turning to instead curl them around Eskel's chest.

"I've got you," Eskel soothes as Jaskier rests his head on his shoulder, both of them now wrapped in each other.

Still mostly silent, Jaskier sniffles and curls his hands into fists around Eskel's shirt, the latter trying very hard not to curse when he realises the sudden dampness he can feel is being caused by tears. He hates it when Jaskier cries, he hates it with every fibre of his being, but there’s not a lot he can do to stop someone from sometimes feeling too much emotion.

"It's all okay," Eskel whispers, lifting one of his hands to gently run it through Jaskier's hair.

He can physically feel the way Jaskier shivers at his touch but he doesn't stop, knowing it's something that helps him return to the present, letting his fingers move across his scalp and occasionally curling little locks of hair into small curls. Eventually, Jaskier stops holding himself so stiffly and relaxes into him with a barely audible "I'm sorry."

It takes only half a second of surprise for Eskel to tighten his arm around Jaskier's shoulders and shake his head even if Jaskier can’t see it. "Please don't be."

“You looked so good in that photo," Jaskier replies instead, but Eskel doesn't particularly want to focus on the compliment when he can hear the strain in Jaskier's tone. Although he does smile at the thought of himself being considered a priority despite everything else.

He hums his agreement because he knows how important it is for Jaskier to feel like he’s gotten his point across. "Thank you. How do you feel?"

Jaskier shrugs and buries his face in Eskel's shirt again. "My phone ran out of battery."

That’s definitely not all there is to it but it’s enough of an explanation as to why he didn’t pick up the call, which is just about enough to lessen the panic in Eskel’s heart. "That's okay, it happens all the time," he says, then adds, "It wasn’t your fault."

"I'm sorry," Jaskier whispers again, and Eskel's heart breaks at the way his shoulders shake with a silenced sob that he clearly wants to hide.

He lets his fingers run through Jaskier's hair again, waiting until the other man exhales softly before leaning down and planting a soft kiss on his forehead. "You don't ever need to apologise, especially not for something like this."

When Jaskier doesn't reply, Eskel shifts the two of them so they're more upright, gently squeezing Jaskier's shoulder with the hand curled around him. "Hey, I love you."

Jaskier's breath hitches.

Just like it does every time Eskel says those words, as if he still somehow hasn’t accepted that they're true and will never stop being true.

"I love you and you don't have to apologise," Eskel repeats, trying to keep his voice as soft as possible instead of letting it fill with the rage of wishing Jaskier could accept his love. He doesn’t blame Jaskier, of course he doesn’t, but it hurts and he's angry all the same.

He's not surprised when silence settles around them again but he is surprised when Jaskier finally breaks it only to quietly say, "You smell like raspberries."

Eskel chuckles. "We were making raspberry-flavoured muffins. It was a bit of a mess to be honest, we should have stuck with our usual blueberry."

"Why did you go with raspberry then?" Jaskier asks, leaning into Eskel's touch as he continues to play with his hair.

"We flipped a coin and figured it couldn't be that bad," Eskel explains, glad that Jaskier feels like talking again even if it's not about what happened. Anything is better than their flat being silent, literally anything.

"Did I interrupt your work?" Jaskier's voice is small again so Eskel wastes no time in shaking his head.

"Of course not!" He replies as he pulls Jaskier closer, kissing his forehead once again. "I left the others to lock up and everything but I finished baking my batch before getting here as fast as I could."

A pause, then: "I love you."

Eskel grins at the sincerity in Jaskier's voice, meeting his eyes as they both pull back just enough to properly look at each other. "I love you too," Eskel assures him.

Jaskier's eyes are red and puffy and it's clear as day that he'd been crying long before Eskel had arrived but they're also bright and shining and the same ones he’d fallen in love with so Eskel cherishes the sight of them anyway.

"Thank you," Jaskier mumbles, melting into Eskel’s arms again, his grip softer this time, less desperate and more comfortable as he settles.

Eskel hums again. "Don't mention it."

He will mention it, obviously. They've done this before and they'll do it again so Eskel knows that Jaskier will inevitably fall asleep soon but then he'll wake up and adorably ramble about how grateful and sorry and lucky he is until Eskel cuts him off with another hug or a kiss because he's not always as good with words but he'll want to show that he's always going to be there for Jaskier no matter what.

But that's all in the future and for the moment, Eskel just pulls Jaskier impossibly closer and holds him tight; sometimes, it's enough just to be held.

so yeah,, apologies for the ooc mess and all but i'm tired and i'd like cuddles and this wrote itself so here we are...

the masterlist for this au if you’re interested :)

thanks for reading! masterlist | witcher blog: @itsjaskier

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