#I personally enjoy doing it so I guess I just dont get the opposite perspective | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bilbao-song · 3 years

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heres an ask because i too am desperate to engage with people. i know u dont care about roxy music but you did say you would accept something as incoherent as a keysmash so here is an equivalent: admittedly i find the dynamics between ANY band and their fans very interesting, but roxy music in particular. there is a peculiar divide between those who are staunch bryan ferry fans (these people typically dont give half of a shit about anyone else in the band), those who are fans of the group as a whole and dont particularly care about individual members at all, and those who are most interested in phil manzanera and andy mackay and sometimes the other guys, who generally quite dislike bryan (i being the latter)- and often there is resentment between the groups. i think its so interesting that a group of people can be presented with the same exact material, love it and enjoy it for years, and yet latch onto different parts of it and make it such a part of their identity that should you confuse one with the other they become insulted, or if nothing else will tell you "no no, i like roxy music but i REALLY like bryan, i think hes the best", or "no no, i love roxy music and im a fan of andy and phil in particular but i dont care for byran much at all, dont get it twisted", etc. are there bands you're more familiar with who have this sort of divide amongst the fanbase? do tell me about them, if you like :>

first of all i absolutely love that u sent this ksdhgkshg this is like. exactly the kind of thing i wanted

sorry for taking 39485949 years to post this lmao. i wrote like FIVE entire paragraphs and then had to edit it but it was getting super late and anyway it’s still absurdly long (as in, i can say whatever i want in the below text bc no one is going to want to read it) and definitely devolved into a huge general rant about the annoying and creepy behaviors of some people within band fanbases (specifically ELO-related bc of course) as well as vagueing about my own controversial opinions but......nonetheless.

anyway!!! i find this kind of thing really interesting too!! and i know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. there are just sooo many facets to this, and i guess it’s different for every band. on the one hand i do think it’s kind of an interesting phenomenon bc if you think about it, they’re basically enjoying the same thing but taking wildly different/opposing stances on it. as a whole i would find it a lot more interesting/amusing and less frustrating if people could like...manage these kinds of differences without turning it into some kind of overly vitriolic/super hostile opposition that you would think is about politics or something and not a band we r supposed to be listening to for entertainment purposes. i mean, i 100% get that things don’t have to be Extremely Important to be worth discussing, but it just seems wild the way some people get SO intensely angry about these things, sometimes to the point of being kind of inappropriate. i have a lot of issues with the way some people within band fanbases tend to behave lol

.......anyway the Full Rant is below here (idk why i wrote this bc it’s long enough to be turned in for a grade and it’s only partially relevant. read at ur own risk):

so!! thankfully with most bands i enjoy i just kind of watch the fanbase from the sidelines and don't get too involved in or even aware of all the drama. like...i know about the band and enjoy the music but just manage to not get involved in whatever the community happens to be collectively freaking out about at any given moment. i feel like the kind of divide you mentioned is actually pretty common within band fanbases (i think there are things like this with like...styx and three dog night? among others? but i don't know all the details 👀) but like, FORTUNATELY with most of them i just would not know. that's very nice because i unfortunately do not always have that kind of luxury with the ELO fanbase...idk i have a lot of very strong ELO-related opinions that i usually don't like to discuss in great detail bc i get disproportionately frustrated but yeah basically what you described does kind of happen among ELO fans, although thankfully i'd say it's to a somewhat lesser extent? people are commonly at each other's throats about a variety of topics including (but not limited to) who they support or don't support, but there are still plenty of people who (thankfully) are not so aggressive lmao. there is sort of a divide within the fanbase but i feel like it's probably not so 50/50 as what you're talking about...maybe more like 85/15

THAT SAID, i have frequently commented on the fact that the ELO fanbase is largely a dumpster fire and there is a whole entire sector of the fanbase that is comprised of people who i absolutely cannot stand, and most of them do fight a lot lmao. this is only partially related to the subject at hand, but a good portion of the bickering is relevant to The Divide. like, i'm 100% okay with having a different opinion than someone else as long as they aren't acting like a complete freak about it, but idk, aside from the fact that most of these people are like?? needlessly aggressive?? there are certain opinions held by certain members of the Greater ELO Community that just give me that vibe of like...hmmmm this is a person i probably would not want to associate with at all, even in matters completely unrelated to this. Unsavory Person Vibes. i mean like, “opinions” that just boil down to "i am very very entitled and also incapable of seeing anyone else's perspective on literally anything ever BUT that isn't going to stop me from openly whining about this absolutely whenever possible." like!! it's one thing to have some kind of legitimate, reasonable criticism of an individual or band but some, if not most, of the things i've seen people losing their minds over within this fanbase have been so hilariously trivial that i just CANNOT understand how these people actually managed to get to be (presumably) functional adults who are probably like 50+ years old. i mean like, full-blown tantrums and calling someone all sorts of nasty things over something that shouldn't even be an issue because without exaggerating i cannot fathom how anyone could even be majorly upset about it in the first place. to give an example: someone once had a whole entire little strongly-worded, excessively presumptuous freakout because a guitar was no longer on loan to the rock and roll hall of fame. like...it was there for quite awhile and two out of four inductees loaned absolutely nothing but you're whining because one who DID loan something eventually took it back? do we not know what the word "loan" means? anyway the best part is that basically every time something like this happens, if someone tries to point out that the person is overreacting or perhaps just needs to look at a situation another way, they will then go off on that person bc god forbid we try to be level-headed about things. everything has to be Very Horrible All The Time or we’re doing something wrong or being stupid or something. idk i'm convinced that some people just want to be angry

also just...some of these people do some really shady things that i personally feel are morally questionable but there's nothing i can do about it so i try to just kind of avoid dwelling on it lmfao. like, it's not okay to violate people's privacy just because they're famous and you're overly entitled/nosy/desperate for clout/blatantly trying to profit off of them? i know in the Sane World that's a completely non-controversial idea but band fanbases apparently often aren't based on sanity skhglkshgks idk i could probably write a small novel on this and make a specific list of all the things they do that are just like...bafflingly tone deaf and kind of appalling but i digress. idk the worst part to me is the way they'll be like, saying/doing something that's just awful or like, maybe even totally factually wrong while acting like they're in the right. absolutely wild

to at least somewhat bring this back to what we were ATTEMPTING to talk about!!! personally i've reached a point where i pretty much no longer care about like 90% of anyone who has ever been in ELO (jeffrey/richard/roy/mike de albuquerque supremacy) but i'm not like, actively a Hater of the others lmao. i appreciate that they were there and enjoy the nostalgia(? i wasn’t alive) of it and i’m glad they’re out there existing but i just...don’t really care about anything they do at this point?? a good portion of it is a result of me taking issue with certain things some of them have done, which has impacted the way i feel about them, but MOST of it is really not that deep and it’s just that some of them just don't particularly interest me on that kind of level/i don't feel the need to get that invested in like 927509257 different people (fun fact: during the 1970s every third person in existence on earth was, at least briefly, a member of ELO). there's really only one ELO-adjacent person who i actually very strongly dislike and a) luckily i feel like they barely even count as a member b) the reasoning is kind of its own Thing and has very very very little to do with anything related to the band so it's kind of another subject entirely. anyway that’s as close as i’ll ever get to actually getting involved with any of the Drama sgsdgsdgfhdh. my primary beef is with the fanbase anyway because, as previously mentioned, there are too many insane people. i guess what i’m getting at here is that yeah there’s a divide and it does affect me BUT i also don’t really get why people allow this to make them act in a way that goes beyond just having a difference in opinion and is so overly hostile towards each other as well as the people they’re discussing. like...if anyone involved is a serial killer or something even remotely similar then yeah, being outraged on an extreme level and absolutely hating them even as an outsider makes sense. otherwise? calm down!!!!!

anyway. to wrap up this mostly incoherent rant that i hope no one read: i have always suspected that band fandoms kind of attract certain kinds of very distressingly weird people and i just think it's funny how there's always like, a little cluster of people within the fanbase who basically seem like they actually hate the band (those are almost always the Weird Ones bc i can’t tell you how many times i’ve witnessed a person who is like, into a band to a CREEPY extent and then one day they just flip and become a hater). at that point i'm just like, okay? so why are you still here lmfao. i guess that's the Main Idea of all of this lol. i just don't get why these people stick around when 98% of all they ever do is complain and act overly judgy? i just feel like if my so-called favorite band was making me that miserable i would try to find another band to like instead of becoming a menace to society. that’s just me tho

to bring all of this together i guess i just assume that some kind of phenomenon like this occurs within basically every band fanbase. idk it just seems pretty universal for some reason. certain kinds of people just love drama i guess and will turn any difference of opinion into some kind of shitshow

tl;dr: yes

#every time i talk about this sort of thing i think about how my mom joined some of the elo facebook groups #and after a few weeks she was like omg!!! you were right!!! they're crazy!!! they're FIGHTING with each other!!!#sadly the facebook ppl are actually pretty tame compared to what can be found lurking in other corners of the internet #anyway this mostly just turned into me vagueing about my beef with the elo fanbase again but it's hard not to go there sdhglkhsdgl #also i feel like with a lot of things that cause Controversy within band fandoms it's just like #people getting so angry over things that don't affect them and that the actual people involved aren't even that concerned about anymore #AND ppl assuming they have the whole story on a particular issue when oftentimes it's likely that they don't #whether it's bc the information just isn't out there or because certain sources are obviously going to slant things in their favor #which is not inherently a problem bc of course people have different perspectives but you just can't forget that that's a thing #idk i have.....so many very strong opinions but the idea of being specific about it in a conversation gives me hives #metaphorical hives #anyway thank you for sending this bc i am literally always waiting to rant about weird ppl within band fandoms #eddie-riff

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wolf-with-a-pen · 3 years

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Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door Part 1

TW: Death, Unreality, Swearing, Main Character Death, Angst?

Masterpost, Next

Tell me if I have missed a trigger warning, ask if you would like me to tag this with anything, and I hope you enjoy.

If you don't like any of the triggers above, this is sort of a prequel so you can skip to Part 2, unless you don't like angst, then it is even worse.(Edit:Looking at part 2 its worse, and you don't lose many of the above so just dont read it I guess.)

Word Count: 3962

FOR EDWARD it was a normal day. Well as normal and as close to a day as you could get in heaven. Everything merged into one- nobody knew how long they had been there, and nobody could know unless they saw the passing of the days in the simulation they called "Earth". There were few who remembered, and even less you could approach or talk to without putting yourself in danger. Edward was not one of these. They were unable to see Earth- or even anything other than the blank canvas created for the angels to roam, a few small civilisations created by the guardians for those who were more homesick the only solid thing on the landscape. Nobody knew why it was that way. Nobody dared ask. Everyone ignored it, hoping that it would not hurt them. It didn't for the most part. But then you could say the same about the Guardian Angels.

Cruel and soulless were the most common words used to describe the Guardians, and they were right on one count- they had no soul. Most people didn't remember the personalities of the people before due to most of the Guardians being the originals. The few that weren't were the first few to arrive from the simulation, to what they deemed to be "heaven". And so, the simulation continued. Even after death. The few that did remember the Guardian's original selves were so withdrawn you could not find them if you tried. They were the only ones that knew what happened to turn all of the people like that. But they refused to answer, they knew something that was so dangerous, if they told someone they would die. So, they didn't. Everyone wondered. Nobody realised that they would find out. Nobody could have predicted it.

It was the 4th of May. For once Edward knew that. But then, every now and then they paid a visit to one of the old ones. Just to visit, check in on them. Most knew one or two and how to find them. Some became friends. Some of those searching disappeared. It was the way it was. No, the day was definitely the 4th. He remembered that vividly - who could forget with what happened that day. It started as per usual- with Ansel being an idiot as usual. After being abruptly woken up, they managed to shout a few swearwords to get him out of their room, and laid back down. Well, as well as you can when you and your bed is soaked. “Again?” they thought clambering out of bed and heading into the bathroom. “I guess it’s one of the downsides of siblings.” For Ansel was his younger brother- not by much mind you, but he still enjoyed pranking and annoying his sibling at any chance he got. Edward didn’t really mind. Not that much. Sure, he was a pain, but they loved him more than they would admit. Once they managed to dry themself off (for the third time that week) they got dressed, and ready. One of the downsides of heaven is every surface is blank and almost certainly not reflective- nobody knew what they looked like except from other’s perspectives or how they remember what they looked like on Earth. Edward died long enough ago they forgot what they looked like. They didn’t mind though. It doesn’t really matter when you’re trapped in a void.

“Idiot,” Edward reprimanded jokingly, ruffling Ansel’s short wavy hair.” If you weren’t my brother you would be dead by now.”

“Is that a threat?”

“So what if it is?”

"You know you won't win Mx Long Neck. "

"Don't be so sure Mr Witch Hazel. "

"Now you have done it!" Ansel smirked, running head first into Edward, knocking him to the ground with his force. Within minutes they were both laid on the floor in a pile on top of each other, exhausted and looking rather dishevelled - no serious wounds beyond some of Edward's pride (as predicted, he lost). It would heal pretty quickly. It always did. Well, usually.

"You win this time, but I will win eventually. That is a warning." Edward threatened, smiling.

"Maybe, but not any time soon."

"Don't be so sure." Edward replied." You ready to go? "

"Yeah, just need to put the gifts in the basket."

"OK, I'll help. "

They stood up, Ansel springing to his feet, Edward taking more time.

"Hurry up, the quicker we leave the quicker we can see Jojo"

"Excited are we?" Edward teased.

"Of course I am, we only see him once in a while."

"Come on then, we've got a Jojo to meet."

It was an hour later they arrived, gifts and food in tow. It always took too long in Ansel's opinion, but that was the way Joseph liked it- to live on the outskirts of society. His house was out of the way, and cosy looking, almost like a cottage. It was short and thatched - similar looking to a Victorian house but in cottage form. Outside there were plentiful flowers, almost always in bloom. Having no seasons did have its benefits. Gardening was always easy and possible. Plants always looked healthy. Jojo (as his friends called him) took this to his advantage. A quaint little chimney was always spilling out smoke, even when the fire was off. Edward always felt at home and loved the little place. It always reminded them of their childhood home. Joseph himself, was an older man- he had managed to live until his body gave up of old age. It showed on his face- it was slightly more weathered and worn than some of the others and he looked like he had seen a lot. Despite all this, when he entered heaven he was reverted back to closer to how he looked when he was most happy, therefore he had the appearance of a teenager, twinged with some of the feature of an older man. He wore a wide brimmed hat on his mop of dark brown hair, which framed his emerald eyes. Always, he would wear on a short sleeved shirt with long trouser shorts.

Quickly, they walked up to the front door, eager to see one of their few friends- most people couldn't handle their personalities. Knocking, they heard Danny, Jojo's grandfather's childhood best friend and Great Dane begin to bark: clearly he was as excited to see them as they were to see him. Before Joseph could even get to the door, Danny had managed to open the door- one of his many talents- and jumped up at the pair, resting his paws on their shoulders and giving them a thorough 'hello'. "Hello boy," Edward murmured, in the way all people do when talking to animals and children. "I've missed you too.

"Danny! Let our guests come in! I'm sure they don't want to stand in the doorway all day." A familiar voice rang out, Danny instantly obeying, running back inside and sitting by the sofa. "It’s good to see you again, although the gap was a little bit longer than last time. Anyway, come on in, we have a lot of time on our hands, and a lot to catch up on."

"Thank you Joseph, " Edward replied, always polite as possible.

"Thanks Jojo," replied Ansel who was not.

Both entered the house, bringing the gifts and placing them in the hallway, before entering the living room and sitting down. It was how they remembered it. The sofa was opposite a brick looking fireplace and against the wall of the old wooden stairs, which lead to the front door. In front of them was a rug, square and red on the wood floor, with an armchair at each end. To the left was door, leading directly to the dining room, and to the right was a window, with an immediate view of the garden and the void around them. The rest of the house was a mystery to them- they didn't need to go in there so they didn't. Ansel secretly wanted to but he was sensible enough to not try to sneak around and see what Jojo was hiding.

It was a few hours later when he had asked. “What day is it Jojo?” Ansel inquired, “I assume you know.”

“Of course I know,” Jojo replied, unfazed by his straight to the point nature,” but do you want to come and see for yourself this time?”

“Would I!”

“If you wouldn’t mind it Jojo, I think we would both like that,” Edward inputted

“Sure, I don’t mind. Come on let’s go, heel Danny.” Jojo commanded, standing up and heading for the door. Danny sprung up and followed, looking expectantly at the pair of brothers, both of whom were excited, once he had caught up to his master. He knew he wasn’t his original master, but knew he was as close as he would get, and adopted him as his own, obeying every command. Edward and Ansel followed close behind as they set out on their trip. Once they left the house, Jojo warned them not to touch anything over the other side and not to get too close or it would alert the Guardians to their presence. They both agreed not to. Only one would remember. Carrying just a small picnic they set off, covering large amounts of blank flat ground in just a short time- they went through areas they had never seen before, met some people in the other civilisations before finally arriving at the final outpost, an intimidating tower and wall separating heaven, hell and earth. It was one of the only textured buildings in the entire place and was a distinctive shade of mauve that instantly drew the eye. At the front it had a window not dissimilar to that of a drive-through.

“Brought your apprentices this time Joseph?” questioned the guard, an intimidating but polite woman from within the window. Behind her was a smaller person, attempting to hide behind its short bob length hair, wearing clothes most of the angels wouldn’t dare wear (although they are allowed to wear anything, most avoid black and darker colours due to guardians not liking them). It was wearing a black shirt with a lilac ascot and black jeans. Edward hadn’t seen anything like it around the area, and for some unknown to them reason, found that comforting. They ignored that thought.

“Yes, I have,” Jojo replied, turning to Edward and Ansel. “Edward, Ansel, meet Biff and behind her is Isi, the recordkeeper for all of the people who cross the border. Isi, Biff, meet Edward Longneck Smith and Ansel Caitlyn-Rose Smith."

"Pleasure to meet you," Edward stated.

"Hi!" Ansel exclaimed, "You look cool!"

"Thank you," Biff replied, "it's a pleasure to meet you too."

"Hi," Isi timidly replied. "It’s nice to meet you. We don't usually see new faces around here. I have marked you all down, you can go through now if you're ready."

Joseph thanked them, before moving to the door and turning around. "Come on you two."

Edward and Ansel followed quietly.

Across the border was nothing like they were expecting or had ever seen. A spherical plain room, bright white on one side (the side they came through) and black on the other opposite them. In between those two sides, were the realms the demons and angels watched over, one that was instantly recognisable to them as earth, and about 3 visible other realms that none of them could name. Ansel was left speechless by the wonders he saw- a rare occurrence- and both could barely believe what they saw in some of the other realms. But most of all they saw themselves. For the first time in what seemed to them forever, they could see their reflection in the sphere.

Both studied themselves, memorising their appearance, knowing they might not get this chance again. Edward had a medium brown mop of hair, slightly curly and quite long, especially in comparison to Ansel, whose hair was shorter and a light copper brown, though it was still wavy. Both had brown eyes – Edwards a startling bronze-amber colour, Ansel’s a more chocolate brown, but still had an amber undertone that couldn’t be ignored. One thing Edward had remembered is why they got their nickname- Longneck. Both had normal necks, but Edward’s was slightly (honestly, quite a bit) longer, and to them it was noticeable. Ansel’s face was rounded, but Edward noticed theirs was slightly more defined. Looking down, they saw their clothing: white jeans and a grey button up shirt, with a pair of fairly plain dark grey trainers, that looked pretty worn.

At this point, they looked back to where their brother’s reflection was, only to be met by the abyss. “Look Longboi, it’s Ash!” They heard from behind them. “And she’s visiting our graves!”

“Wait, really?” Edward blurted out, shocked that it would show them someone they knew, and that they actually remembered them. Quickly, they turned on their heels and sprinted over to where Ansel was now stood, staring intently through the sphere. “Wow, it really is her.”

“I know, didn’t she hate us at one point?

“Yeah, but once I died I watched her and they appeared to regret what she did.”

“That’s good, she finally understands her actions have consequences, and not everything is about them.”

“Yeah. Shame she didn’t learn it earlier, I wouldn’t have objected to being friends with them, her personality was nice when she wasn’t being an asshole.”

“I noticed that too.”

Down below Ash was crouched down, placing flowers on the two graves next to each other. Their eyes were a similar shade of brown to Ansel, but her hair was a much darker brown and straight, cut at shoulder length except for a centre parted fringe. Black was all they were wearing, I mean it is typical of people to wear black when in mourning or to pay respects, but it was a change – most people hadn’t seen her in anything other than bright colours, and the two had never seen her in anything so not revealing as what they were. Instead of her old show-all-the-skin-possible outfit, she was wearing a dress, still short but more concealing, and it was simpler than the outfits they remembered. “I am sorry. I hurt you, and why? Just because I was jealous. I apologise for all I did to you, and I promise in the two years you have been gone, I have changed.” Ash stated.

“Only two years?!” They exclaimed, surprised at the lack of time they had spent there.

“Yes, only two years.” Jojo answered.

“Wow.” Ansel murmured.

“I forgive you,” Edward stated, towards Ash despite knowing that she wouldn’t hear. They turned around and begun to study the other realms. “Can you tell me a bit more about these realms I haven’t seen Jojo?”

“Of course Edward, which do you want to start with?”

Ansel had zoned out at this point, drawn towards the portal to Earth. “It wouldn’t hurt if I go through it. Just for a second to tell Ash we forgive her, and then come back. They wouldn’t notice, I mean they are distracted.” Ansel thought. He made sure that nobody was watching, before tentatively stepping through the portal. Quickly he said “I forgive you” and left before Ash could notice he was there. When he got back, he saw Ash looking around her, before quickly leaving, spooked by his voice. He saw Edward looking and knew he was in trouble, but not how deep he was from that one small action. I mean, it was harmless, wasn’t it? He re-joined the group and acted as if he had been there the whole time.

When Edward has a chance to confront their brother, it was an hour or two later- Jojo had walked them through everything he knew about the 4 realms, or as much as he was able to in the time they had, and as such left them no time to talk to him. It was on the way home that the had a chance- Jojo led them to a park before heading home to get a picnic for them, as a reward for accompanying him. “Why did you disobey him? He said not to touch anything or go into the other realms.”

“I don’t know why, I just felt drawn to it in a weird way.”

“I believe you, you wouldn’t lie about something like this, but just be glad that nobody else saw, if you were found out, you would be in massive trouble, not just with Jojo, but with the border guards and also possibly the Guardians. Be more careful. I don’t want to lose you.” Edward lectured, but that sort of lecture you know is for your protection- the kind that you know is sensible and are likely to follow.

“I promise now, nothing like this will ever happen again.”

“Thank you.”

The rest of the “day” was pretty peaceful and happy- they ate the picnic, played a bit in the park, and traipsed home, dropping Jojo and Danny at their home, before starting back themselves, taking their time for once. That was one of the good things. And one of the few things Edward would remember. However, to Edward that walk felt like agony. They had a feeling that something very, very bad would happen. The kind that can’t be averted, only postponed.

Once they got home, they could already tell something was wrong- for one, the door to the house was unlocked and open despite being locked when they left. Second the note taped across the entire doorway was kind of a bad omen. Only one group of people communicated that way. If you received one, you were unlikely to return. Ever. Edward signalled for Ansel to stay where he was, before carefully walking towards the house, stopping just about where they could read the note. “Ansel Caitlyn-Rose Smith must come to the Guardian’s temple as soon as possible.” Edward instantly felt fear flood through his body, adrenaline joining it shortly after. “Ansel, they know!”

“Wait, what?!”

“They! Know! Ansel! They have summoned you!”

“No, they can’t. They can’t can they. So that means..?”

“I’m scared that the answer to that is yes.”

“No, I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t want to become like them.”

“I don’t want you to become like them. Not now, not ever. But if you don’t go it may be worse for you. You may end up gone with no hope of recovery. It is better you go and face the current consequences than disobey further and get punished worse. I am sorry, there is no way out- they can track you through all of the realms. I can’t promise you you’ll be safe, but I can promise I will find a way to fix this place, and save you, even if it kills me.”

“Alright. It makes sense. I still don’t like it. But it makes sense. Can we spend some time together before I go?”

“Yes, Ansel, want to go inside and watch some TV before you go?”

“Please.”

It was at this point they both trudged indoors, attempting to keep how fearful and emotional they were from each other, because both of them knew that Ansel would be lucky to make it out alive. That was the guardian’s way. Both knew this. The tension was thick enough you could cut it with a knife. If Ansel wasn’t so worried, he probably would have tried. But he didn’t.

“I am going with you,” Edward insisted.

“You sure?” Ansel tentatively asked.

“Nothing could dissuade me.”

“Thank you Longneck.”

“You’re welcome Witch Hazel.”

They set off, through the village. All of the people had seen, all of them knew one or both of them had been summoned. Most looked with pity. Or anger. Or disappointment. Or all of them. Or none of them. But they were all there. Watching as they traipsed into the distance. Wondering if anyone would come back. Wondering if they did come back – would they still be the same people.

It took a long time to reach the Guardian’s court. For the siblings, not long enough. Anything to drag out the experience, the walk up to the place they may not return from. It was a towering Parthenon-style building, built in glowing white and much larger than it needed to be. At the entrance stood 2 statues of what they presumed to be some of the different interpretations from the different realms they ruled of what an “angel” looked like. As they got closer they realised they were not statues as such; they moved and talked as if they were alive. Once they got to the door, they tried to enter the building, but failed. The angels stopped them. Pointing to Ansel, they boomed “Only he may pass.”

“I guess this is where we part.”

“I guess it is.”

“See you on the other side.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Ansel murmured, before crossing the blockade created.

“Ansel, I’ll miss you,” Edward spoke out loud, as they watched him disappear from view.

Normally, Edward would have stopped there and waited, but today they felt braver than usual. Probably because they knew their brother was at risk, but they decided to return the favour of doing something stupid and reckless. Guessing from the way the angels were made, they were unable to move, and so as long as they stayed out of range of them, they could sneak in through the side of the building. Making sure the angels believed they were walking off, back where they came from, they circled around to the side of the building, gaining a view of inside the building. All of the guardians were in a circle around Ansel, who was looking rather like a deer in the headlights. Most of the people Edward didn’t recognise, but one they recognised from visits and checks on the village. The one thing the guardians had in common- their eyes were pure white, no pupil or iris. Apart from that, they were anyone. All different ethnicities, ages and genders. All different. All to be feared. Edward watched on as they all linked hands, creating a barrier around all of them, one that they could see, but not touch or get anywhere close to. Glowing white tendrils surrounded all of them, snaking threateningly inwards- towards Ansel. Eventually they all linked together forming a bubble around him that gradually shrank around him, disappearing from view, before bursting back out again. Only this time, the bubble was filled with a glowing ball of light, that blinded anyone who could see it. It disappeared into the sky, leaving Ansel laying on the floor.

Intimidatingly, a creepy voice boomed “Now you have lost your soul, rise Guardian Ansel and join us.” The body on the floor, snapped open it’s eyes, revealing a lack of pupil and iris, with a chilling look, before calmly standing up and facing the voice, which Edward could not see the face of. Floating, the new Guardian made its way into the crowd, joining it in standing to attention. “Now then, go find more suitable candidates, we need to expand the army if we want to destroy earth and hell. Soon, all of the realms shall be ours, and nobody will be left to fight back.”

“Yes master,” replied all of the Guardians in union, instantly setting off to perform their wishes.

Edward couldn’t look anymore, and they knew if the guardians found them they’d be in trouble, so they turned and left. Alone and hurt. No family left.

#Knockin' On Heaven's Door #tw death #tw main character death #tw swearing mention #tw unreality #tw angst #original content

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connordavidscamera · 4 years

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Falling in Love | Connor Brashier

A/n: this is a repost from my Shawn account!! This is my piece and is not stolen.

Summary: you just can’t believe how in love you are with your fiancé.

Warnings: fluff

Word count: 1.8k

***

Staring at my fiancé from across the room, I still can’t help but think I’m dreaming. Never in a million years did I think I would be able to keep this man interested long enough for him to even want to marry me. But here we are a month into our engagement, at our party with all our friends and family, and I still think I should wake up any second now.

I knew I was a goner the first time he kissed me - when the whole world stopped existing until we pulled away for the much needed oxygen to find its way back to our lungs. It was almost too perfect, the way his lips curved against mine, the way his hands cradled my face like that was its rightful place - since that day, it has been. I’d never understood what people meant when they said sparks flew when they kissed someone. But I understood that day.

Our relationship was never rushed. We took everything slow and steady (even though people had their opinions about how long it took us to go public on his insta, or how long it took for us to say I love you. Except, hi, that’s no one’s goddamn business, but go off, I guess.) And I’ll admit, it did take longer than expected for either of us to say those three words to each other - eight months, actually. But you could feel the love in the relationship even without them. It was in the way he always picked up the phone when I called, no matter the timezone. It showed when he would come back from tour and he’d come to my apartment just to fall asleep on my chest because my heart beat lulled him to sleep. And how his hands always found their way to lock with mine whether we’re walking to the car, or dancing in a crowded club, or eating dinner and we’re sitting on opposite ends of the table, so he reaches over and it’s like that cutesy couple thing you see in all the movies. We didn’t need the words to feel them.

And just looking at him and his nonchalant attitude, no one would think that he had a romantic side. And they definitely wouldn’t guess that for our first six dates, before he finally asked me to be his girlfriend, he sent me flowers the next day. And then when we started actually dating, little love notes would just pop up everywhere. Like when he slept over and would wake up before me, I’d find a sticky note on my bathroom mirror that would say something like “Your smile is the best part of my day.” And there have been a few instances where I wasn’t feeling my greatest and he just showed up hours later - seeing as these moments only seemed to happen when he was off on tour - and he’d cuddle me on the couch while we watched shitty rom-coms until I felt better. And it may not be a big deal to anyone else, but when he talks to me, or listens to me talk, his eyes are always trained on me, and I think it’s kinda cute.

And he’s the most caring person. Not just with me, either. He looks after his own. His brother got in a fight one time and Connor was there instantly to patch up his wounds and give him a place to stay so he wouldn’t have to face their mom. Another time Alessia fell coming off the stage and he sprinted to get her ice for her swollen ankle. He made sure to check on her every thirty minutes or so, even though he was working and couldn’t do much for her then. And he is always, always there when I’m sick to my stomach, or sick of life. He’s there drawing hearts and smiley faces over the problem area with his finger, whether it be my stomach, or back, or my mind. He takes care of his own and that to me says everything about our future.

And this boy, Jesus Christ, he is so creative. I’ve never known anyone whose mind works like his. He can see a plain brick wall and immediately his brain clicks and it’s suddenly turned into an aesthetic Shawn’s next shoot. And he doesn’t just focus on faces, he goes and he gets the beads of sweat on Shawn’s hairline, and the rings on his fingers. And he edits his videos in such a way that you can’t possibly watch it only once and feel like you’ve seen everything. It’s fast paced and beautiful and I could watch him edit for hours on end and never get bored. The way he layers photos on top of videos and how he knows just the right time to make the music swell in a scene. He’s talented and I hope he knows I think so.

He’s so random too. I never know what to expect with him. We can lay in bed while he’s stroking my hair, pulling me to sleep when he asks, “What if cows screamed when you milked them?” Or, “You know, Popeye ate a lot of spinach, but I don’t think that’s the real reason he was so strong. He had to be taking steroids.” One time he came into the room at 3 in the morning, woke me up and asked, “When you were a kid, did you have those suction cup ball things that you would throw at a wall or a window and they’d just stay there?”

“Connor, I’m trying to sleep.”

“I know, but this is important.”

“Why?”

“Because I just bought a dozen of those and a dozen of those sticky slappy hand things.”

And he’s spontaneous (not just in the things he buys off Amazon at 3 AM). There have been many occasions where he has called me up and told me to pack an overnight bag because he wanted to go to the beach or Disney or because he found this bookshop in Nevada that he thinks I’ll enjoy. And then of course there are the more “extravagant” trips he likes to take at random points in the year. We spent last Christmas in the Bahamas because he wanted to wear shorts on Christmas day and he couldn’t do that if we were going to a family Christmas party apparently. Another time we flew to New York because I said I was craving something from this one restaurant we went to last time we were there. He doesn’t wait a second. If I mention wanting something, we’re gone in hours, or it’s already ordered and on it’s way. There is no way to fully know what his next move is gonna be and that keeps the relationship exciting.

And he sees things so vividly, remembering them in soft light, sometimes though in overexposure. He tells stories- AMAZING stories - through the lens of his camera. He puts everything into perspective in such a way that you can’t picture it any other way. You can’t see Shawn on stage and not immediately think of the thousands of girls and women crying because they’re in the same room as him and he’s there and he’s beautiful. And you can’t see him running to hug his fans without seeing the pure elation from the ones he touches. Connor gives you the pieces to make one whole and leaves nothing out, not even once. He never strays from the real story he’s telling, although he might go into a few others while doing so,he always finds his way back.

And despite his resting scowl, he’s not a fighter. He puts off this “I dont give a fuck” type of vibe, but he’s a softy. Until someone says something they shouldn’t. It’s only happened twice. When we were out with friends and I was getting us a couple waters from the bar. This man, who was way too close to me, tried to buy me a drink, his hand playing with the straps of my dress. I was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t find Connor in the crowded space and I had nowhere to escape to when he started getting even more touchy. And then I heard it, the unmistakable sound of skin hitting skin. “Come on, we’re going home.” He said roughly into my ear and he pulled me away, out of the club. Only for him to be Connor again, my Connor. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you? God, I oughta kill him. Can I get you something?” I just shook my head and wrapped my arms around him. He let me. Of course he did.

The other time was early on in the relationship. We were hanging out with his brother and some of his friends from school. I don’t really know what happened, but one of Dylan’s friends said something about me. Connor told me later it had to do with him having me in his bed while he did awfully dirty things to me. Con went off on the younger boy, his face red with anger. He looked like he would blow steam out of his ears at any second. Dylan and I had to pull him out of the room, and let’s just say, he and I don’t go anywhere near that guy anymore.

“You’ve been staring at me for a while now, sweetheart.” Connor said, suddenly at my side, his voice low in my ear. “You’re giving me bedroom eyes. Can’t take care of you with all these people here.”

I hum, finding his fingers to lace mine through. “Hmm… that’s never stopped you before.”

“No,” he presses a gentle kiss to the side of my neck. “But we are kind of hosting this party. So it would be rude to just disappear for 20 minutes.”

“Who said it would take that long?” I giggle, connecting our lips in a quick peck.

He hums into my skin, “Later, kid. When I have you all to myself and we can be as loud as we need to be.”

I nod, biting my lip. “We could always kick them out early.”

“Patience, y/n. Want me to take care of you?”

I nod desperately. “Please.”

“Then you gotta be good for me. Because the guys are staring at us right now and neither of us will hear the end of it if I take you right now.”

I whine. “Okay… but I want everyone out in an hour.”

He kisses my lips one more time before pulling away from me. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I love you,” I say just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you, sweetheart.” He throws me a wink before disappearing in the sea of people that fill our home.

***

I hope you enjoyed (again)! Please like, reblog, and leave feedback!!

#connor brashier #connor brashier x reader #connor brashier x y/n #connor brashier imagines #connor brashier imagine #connor brashier fanfiction #connor brashier blurb #repost from old blog

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sights-on-the-scifi · 4 years

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THE COMPLETE SIGHTS OF SCIFI STAR WARS REVIEW PART 1.

In this first part of my series ill be covering the select prequel entertainment to the original STAR WARS trilogy, this is not just a review of the prequel film trilogy directed by George Lucas. It is also a review of the media that takes place chronologically between the events of REVENGE OF THE SITH and the 1977 classic STAR WARS otherwise known as a A NEW HOPE. I must again stress that this is not a review of every TV show or book available, also some of this media I will include in my review is no longer officially recognised as franchise canon anymore.

What this review represents is a personal preference based inferred chronology of games and movies. Unfortunately I cant cover THE CLONE WARS animated show, at least not yet as there is just too much of that stuff to cover consistently.

THE STAR WARS PREQUELS.

I must admit that i’m not the biggest fan of the prequel trilogy, this is also the case for a lot of die hard original trilogy fans out there. But in light of the fact JEDI FALLEN ORDER takes place directly after them, I saw it fit to return to these movies with a fresh perspective and to refresh my memory... See what works and what does not, perhaps see if they are as bad as I recall.

THE PHANTOM MENACE 1999.

youtube

What really stood out to me immediately upon returning to this first movie is its bold and colourful production design, to this day it is still quite incredible to behold... To see just how much art has gone into this new vision of Lucas’s universe. The aim it seems was to craft a more complex galaxy in terms of architectural design and contrasting cultural aesthetics, turning back the clock to a time of diverse fashions and cleaner technologies. While it is not always fully consistent especially given the fact it stands in direct contrast with the original trilogy universe we all come to expect, today I can understand the logic of this creative direction.

We are seeing the galaxy in a time that is for the most part unfamiliar with any recent large scale galactic conflicts... A time of relative peace for this republic though we do get a lot of hints throughout nothing is all quite perfect. Based on the fact that the Trade federation does not compose an army of its own civilian subjects, it is also safe to assume that most of the fighting in this galaxy is carried out by automated infantry units whenever a show of force is required to settle disputes.

It is very interesting visual world building.

Unfortunately the movie outside of this beautiful art direction is still, even years later... A complete and total mess in terms of tone, story and some technical aspects. There are fascinating ideas and politics at play here dont get me wrong, but the way in which the story that surrounds this stuff was executed still leaves much to be desired.

The acting is very monotone, the characters very bland (Sometimes incredibly annoying) and the stakes virtually non existent as we are mostly told, not shown the apparently dire events of this plot. What little plot there seems to be anyway as for the most part it can be boiled down to this [COUGH], the dark lord of the sith is scheming in the shadows... Creating an elaborate proxy conflict that’s escalating problems will facilitate his rise to power within the political ranks of the republic’s democracy. This manufactured crisis involves many different parties both human and alien who dont really get developed that much, and for the most part they all have no idea what is actually happening, which is the point I guess “The phantom menace”... But its just not an interesting enough mystery as it should be at first.

We get introduced to a young Anakin who gets some decent character development as he should. Discovering his compassionate side and knack for piloting in the exciting pod race sequence, but after this he pretty much fades into the background... Same with other franchise essential individuals like Obi Wan Kenobi who spends the majority of his time following orders and waiting on a fancy ship complaining that nothing is happening.

Who can blame him... Overall the first movie in this prequel trilogy while fascinating is still ultimately a boring experience. Thankfully the Attack of the clones will prove to be a lot more interesting!

ATTACK OF THE CLONES 2002.

Taking place just a few years after the events of the PHANTOM MENACE we find ourselves discovering the more fascinating intricacies of the sith lord’s plot to take control of the galaxy and build the empire. All the while Anakin gets tangled in complications relating to his relationship with a major senator that will eventually result in him falling to the dark side, seeing his inner darkness finally become externalised. Like with the first movie, this film also unfortunately suffers a lot of those same issues related to structure, stakes and pacing. Production design has also seen a few regressions as most if not all of this movie is rendered in a computer with exception to the live actors of course... But overall Attack of the clones is a lot more focused and competent when it comes to exploring its political subject matter and scifi concepts.

As the film progresses we discover the secret plot of the sith lord, as separatist factions rise up in opposition to the republic and a ethically questionable clone army is ordered in secret to combat this proxy threat they pose. This peaceful, democratic republic is thrust into an all out conflict as the Jedi order is eluded to the true implications of these strange political and military developments, becoming willing pawns in this meaningless war which will serve to be their undoing.

The clone soldiers in this movie are a very interesting scifi concept that I heard are explored more in animated TV show, but what I see here is still fascinating regardless. This is essentially an army of obedient, docile and expendable human beings who like the battle droids serve only one purpose, which is to fight for a cause they may not even be fully aware of. The willing usage of this army by the republic is a clear sign that the values that hold their society together are being corrupted in the name of ensuring security, you could even consider these clones indoctrinated slaves. Charging into battle and dying by the thousands at the command of the Jedi warriors, they are an entire army born to fight and eventually die doing so... It is quite terrifying once you really start to think about it.

I enjoyed ATTACK OF THE CLONES for the most part, its interesting to see how this peaceful republic gradually starts to turn into the fascist empire we are all familiar with in the original trilogy.

As always it could of been executed better, but that just was not to be case... So we make do with what we have here even if its imperfect.

REVENGE OF THE SITH 2005.

The final movie in the prequel trilogy, REVENGE OF THE SITH takes all of the gradual political developments of the first two movies and shows us their ultimate consequences. The Jedi order loses its way and is then destroyed by the clone army through order 66 while the survivors go into hiding, the separatist leaders are wiped out, Anakin falls to the dark side becoming Darth vader, and the sith lord rises to become emperor of the newly established galactic empire.

As the title of the movie states, the sith have their revenge.

Its a very dark movie and for the most part it is well executed in that department. There is not much else to say about it other than it being the expected conclusion of this storyline... Great music, some interesting concepts and scenes same with the rest of them. Seeing the tragedy unfold is very intriguing, even if there is a lot of missing context between Clones and this movie that water down its overall emotional impact somewhat, unfortunately most of that is in the animated TV show I have yet to watch.

To be honest upon re-watching all of these movies I would say I have grown to develop a small but noticeable new appreciation for em. They are still pretty bad in a lot of ways that will always be a annoyance, but i will admire the novel effort.

In the next part of my review series ill be covering the next four pieces of media that serve to fill the narrative gap between REVENGE OF THE SITH and STAR WARS 1977.

So stay tuned for BRIDGES TO A NEW HOPE.

#star wars #review #star wars prequels

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midnight-circus · 5 years

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otp meme

copied and pasted bc i wanna do this for the Vicious Old Queens and also lukhan and roderick, just for the fuck of it

Who is the most affectionate?

Physically, Elrick and Lukhan. Both my boys are r e t i c e n t.

Big spoon/Little spoon?

Elrick and Logan trade in and out, except when they’re actually asleep when their bodies repel away like opposite magnets and don’t touch for the rest of the night. As for Lukhan and Roderick, like ... Lukhan is almost 7ft and Roderick maxes out at 5′5, hair included. take a fuckin guess who’s little spoon

Most common argument?

Elrick and Logan bicker like a pair of children, but it is very rarely anything serious or worth mentioning. Roderick is quite the little sniper, but Lukhan is generally too easy-going to fight back; when they do argue, it’s likely about Roderick’s treatment of other people.

Who is most likely to carry the other?

Elrick has definitely carried Logan multiple times in their youth when the latter has been too drunk to walk. Lukhan could quite literally pick up Roderick one-handed.

What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

Only from the perspective of my boys - either E’s eyes or his lopsided smile. As for Lukhan, Roderick’s weak for his whole fuckin business

What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Very little changed for E & L, mainly because Logan was still fiercely closeted and would be for a couple more years (until being outed and kicked out). Actually, the first thing that changed for Logan was an intense crisis of faith, the entirety of which was conducted beneath a veneer of indifference. It’s one thing to suspect you might find men attractive in an aesthetic way; it’s entirely another to actually kiss one and enjoy it so fucking much. It took him a long time to quantify his attraction to Elrick with the after-effects of strict childhood Catholicism, even though he had long since considered himself atheist.

As for Roderick, the first time he spotted Lukhan he fell off the running machine and then had to go and have three espresso shots one after the other so you tell me. Realistically, though, his subsequent feelings for Lukhan are the first real stirrings of attraction he’s ever felt. An entirely new scope of emotion suddenly pings open in front of him and it’s like ... a lot to deal with at 2pm on a Wednesday, to be honest.

Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

Elrick and Lukhan both know better >:[

Who worries the most?

god. my boys arent having a great success rate right now

Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

Elrick and Roderick; Elrick because he’s food-orientated, Roderick because he just picks the direct opposite of what he himself would eat and it’s generally correct.

Who tops?

look. its not my fault that all my boys are bottom bitches. i dont tell them how to conduct their sex-lives, that shits up to them

also, please picture a 5′5 man topping one that’s 6′8. i beg of you. it’s like a chihuahua on a great dane.

Who initiates kisses?

Pretty equal for E & L these days, although Elrick probably wins by a small margin. Lukhan has to initiate kisses because Roderick can’t reach.

Who reaches for the other’s hand first?

E & L aren’t really the hand-holdy type, to be quite honest - if they’re going to touch, it’s more arm-around-the-shoulders/waist. Roderick would be receptive to hand-holding (even though he’d complain about it, to keep up appearances, you understand), but would never initiate himself.

Who kisses the hardest?

Logan’s got a lot of Repressed Sexuality to catch up on, cut him some slack. Roderick would love to, if you could kindly get him a step-ladder.

Who says I love you first?

probably Elrick, definitely Lukhan.

Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?

Elrick, because his family is decent and wouldn’t disown their son for being a Gay. Although actually, strictly speaking Kat knows about their relationship before anyone else does, so I guess it’d be Logan. Roderick’s parents are dead and he doesn’t have any friends, so Lukhan wins by default.

What do their family/friends think of their relationship?

Logan’s family pretend it doesn’t exist. In time, his mother will come to display a sort of grudging acceptance, but she will never cease to impart microaggressions; his father will never be anything but explicitly, venomously homophobic, and doesn’t even acknowledge Elrick’s existence. Kat, on the other hand, soon gets over her dislike of Elrick and accepts him as a surrogate brother, which obviously gives her the right to punch him in the head with wild abandon.

Again, Roderick is literally a one-man-band in this world, so this is one problem he doesn’t have to concern himself with.

Who cooks more/who is better at cooking?

Elrick and Roderick, except Roderick only cooks healthy superfoods and therefore it’s gross by default. Logan literally cannot function without a microwave and im pretty sure Lukhan eats his food raw off the floor.

Who comes up with cheesy pick up lines?

Literally the only one of the four who might even vaguely consider doing this is Lukhan, and the annoying thing is he kind of makes them work. Roderick hates it and professes to wish he was dead, whilst at the same time secretly feeling a little faint

Who needs more assurance?

Logan only requires it when his family are involved because they’re a literal nightmare. Roderick, oddly enough, needs more assurance than one would think - it’s partially why he falls for Lukhan against his better judgement. Having lost his parents quite young and then subsequently entering into a very cut-throat business world, he never really received much reassurance and had to learn to get by without it. Coming from Lukhan, it quite wrong-foots him at first.

One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heart

Logan will never live to a particularly old age. That’s always been a factor of his life, headcanon-wise. Probably 60, maybe 70 at a push, but certainly not far beyond that. Elrick’s inevitably going to be left behind.

Roderick is liable to lose Lukhan to his own reticence and selfishness - it takes him a very long time to appreciate what he has, and it’s probably longer than a lot of people are willing to wait. If Lukhan decides he’s had enough, he has quite literally nobody to blame but himself.

One headcanon about this OTP that mends it

ok honestly the entirety of E & L as a whole mends my fuckin heart. they are my boys. theyve been through Hell and back in quite literally more incarnations than i can actually recall, and they always manage to pull it together one way or another. my dumbass fags.

As for Roderick, he sorts himself out in time. He starts off his character arc as thoroughly unpleasant, but Lukhan makes him a better, calmer, kinder person - and being able to apply the word ‘kind’ to Roderick Crowley in any capacity whatsoever is a dramatic achievement. It takes him almost three years to tell Lukhan he loves him, but it all finally begins to fall into place when he does.

#logan1 #roderick1

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lilietsblog · 6 years

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GHOST TRICK: THE BIG FINALE

so I finished the game yesterday all on my lonesome without internet

why yes I am perfectly fine and not emotionally compromised in the slightest

enjoy my screaming

IT'S GHOST TRICKING TIME which is to say it's ghost tricking time without internet so I'm doing this in wordpad tumblr really needs an 'import rtf' function >_>

SO from what I remember, when last we left off I was about to try to figure out how the fuck a knitted cap and a helmet are going to help me stop a bullet LET'S DIVE RIGHT BACK INTO THIS FOLKS

I still love how Sissel just ignores the dog's little 'WHATS A HOSTAGE O NO' instead of digging into explaining it

oh thank god the game DOES remember ive read this text before

...oh, I forgot how I did this the last time O WELL

all right, so I remember swiveling the lamp and dropping the hard hat, then when the knitted cap is over here I can swap it with the book and get it on the hook but how did I get the knitted cap over here

aha, he looked away for a moment, the helmet part is done what the fuck do i do now

AHA okay, so now i very quickly cart the ladder back and forth, I think I remember this

fuck, he noticed me, okay don't swivel the lamp while he's watching, swivel it while he's still looking away

I gotta note the 'I don't know why you're wearing my face' part HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

fuck, nope, I can't swivel the lamp back at that moment because he notices it clattering and turns right around FUCK OKAY LET'S TRY TO DO IT WITH THE LAMP THERE

ugh, if only I could do shit during the cutscene while he rolls away >_>

OK I SHOULD HAVE HAD MORE TRUST IN MISSILE HE IS GREAT AND A VERY GOOD DOG AND CAN AIM FOR SPLIT SECOND TIMING OF A BULLET BEING IN THE AIR OKAY

haha, and the knitted hat still hit Cabanela with enough velocity to knock him over I love this and I particularly love his dramatic leg up in the air he doesn't evne know what's happening he just aims to be the most dramatic possible at all times and it's really helping us out <3

'i love knitted hats... so warm, and most of all, so SOFT' <3 <3 <3

god Missile is so good this is pain IS THE DAWN DEADLINE A LIE MAYBE DID RAY JUST SAY THAT TO GET SISSEL'S BUTT MOVING I DON'T KNOW

oh yeah Cabanela's still got broken bones all over I kind of forgot about that

oh ok, looks less like broken and more like just really fucking bruised, becuase in that movement he's put pressure on all limb bones and nothing bent out of shape, so that's good

lmao and Cabanela's just like 'BUT IF I WAS KILLED IN THAT EXPLOSION THE SITUATION WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER' I I don't think it would necessarily work out that way, considering how much difficulty our protagonist was having saving just the professor :x

oh hey we've got our next source of information! should be quite a wellspring if Sissel remembers everything he should ask

yeeep Cabanela you FUCKED UP

oh, the gun :x

HON IM PRETTY SURE THE FIRST PART IS MORE IMPORTANT THE PART WHERE YOU TRIED TO SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF HIM CORNERED RATS BITE THIS IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY YOUR FAULT, ALL OF IT

aha, those cases, okay

and Cabanela was doing the thing because of Jowd that makes sense -_- kind of

yep, that one little snag kind of puts a question mark on the whole thing alright, that almost makes sense? kind of? makes Cabanela kind of a selfish butt doing this for his own obsession rather than for personally Jowd but makes sense

ok, the bringing him to justice minister to buy time thing actually does make a lot of sense it wasn't A LOT of time that he bought but it was just enough and that's what counts

oh hey, this guy used to have the job that the blue fake stole? (and yeah sounds like blue guys are just foreigners -_- bc they couldnt find spies that didnt stand out visually or anything)

hum not a scratch, huh regenerating dead body, okay

oh come ON Sissel don't be surprised now that part was obvious from the moment he said the corpse disappeared the meteorite's radiation, okay, quite interesting :D

"it was like a meteorite had struck me on the head" so, has that been a cause of death today yet, because if it hasn't, this looks like foreshadowing -_-

hum, so the gun would have been loaded because he controlled Kamila, which she then wouldn't have a clear memory of makes sense

HI LYNNE JUST IN TIME

arrest her to keep her safe, that actually makes perfect sense IF ONLY IT HAD WORKED LMAO no wonder pigeon guy roasted him for that in the deleted timeline XD

"while he was at it" <3 <3 <3

awwww pigeon guy was friends with him too <3

hee right on top of his striped jumpsuit honestly he looked less escaped-from-prison-ish in the paint-splattered robe thing XD

a present, huh?

awww see Sissel you don't feel lonely and that's what counts

ALRIGHT THEN :D LET'S FUCKING GO :D AND, UH, DO SOMETHING, I GUESS I love how out of proportion Sissel's powers are rewind time, talk to dead people... and move small objects a little

so, uh, Sissel, are you sure there's answers for YOU over there or did you just get into habit of telling this to yourself to feel better

okay well how the fuck did Jowd infiltrate a fucking SUBMARINE like, I just want to know the physics of how this happened?

omfg the bullet had a radio transmitter well, I have a newfound respect for Cabanela, I gotta admit like I already respected him but I just figured he shot the guy out of a desperate 'can't do anything else might as well try this' urge to do SOMETHING but nope he had a plan (which would have worked even with him dead)

wow, and he actually gave the thing to Jowd beforehand n i c e

wow, okay, that's stealthy

aha, and he can totally leave his body and wander around freely I think that was already confirmed but it's nice to know for even surer

wow, okay, what the fuck re: that thing reaching up from below that definitely looked like... something else for a moment there 0.0

aand okay the meteorite is possible to extract from his body I wonder if evil!Sissel actually knew that... or if that actually did anything to him :D

okay, what the FUCK and how many more people are dead now

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MISSILE IS HERE TOOOOOOOO

the phone is ringing, how convenient :D

ooohkay this is tricky

so, why the fuck were there baseball and basketball balls hanging in nets under the ceiling on a submarine ... ... you know what I don't want to know

wait, Kamila can't hear him? oh, right, over the phone ghosts communicate by close range telepathy

aaand this makes the FIFTH time Lynne's dead tonight! or is it sixth? did i lose track somewhere?

AWWWW THIS SCENE IS LIKE AN OVERDOSE OF CUTE

'i wonder what happened THIS TIME' yep lmao

no actually 'i dont remember what happened after that' sounds like evil!Sissel to me, personally

but do you know what this wheel does Sissel are you sure turning it is a good idea

"I just sort of blacked out, the next thing I knew, I was dead" <3 <3 <3

"now it's all making even less sense than before" AND THAT'S SAYING *SOMETHING*

but actually okay yea this does kind of sound like an explosion that killed Lynne and knocked Kamila out

aaand nope I was absolutely correct )=

can this guy only puppet one body at a time? couldn't he have just possessed Lynne and had her slit her own throat or shoot herself or hang herself or something? that sounds a lot more productive than having a little girl fight her I mean, even if he only can puppet one body at a time, puppetting Lynne would have been a lot more productive overall, is there a reason he can't?...

or does he just love to do things in the most convoluted and roundabout manner typical to villains everywhere -_-

"nobody ever calls the dead" ARGUABLE a number of phone calls has been made this night specifically for the purpose of putting our!Sissel on the line

aand okay :D looks like the blue assholes saved Lynne just in time, sort of ...for a certain definition of 'saved'

so anyway this guy said something like 'you cannot possibly comprehend my suffering' so it would be funny if he was just a random dumbass that a bad thing hapened to one (1) time, which granted also killed him, but all the misery since then has been of his own making and he's put every single person involved in the events through worse just over the course of tonight, and simply has no sense of scale, perspective or proportion I think that would be great if the story went there XD EDITOR'S NOTE IN RETROSPECT: the story didn't go there and that was not fucking okay (it's dead women in the fridge again!)

and Sissel can't understand revenge as a concept SOUL TWINSIES WITH ME OR WHAT

lmao Lynne is starting to get touchy about how many times she's needed rescue lately XD

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHY CAN'T I REACH FOR ANYTHING YET also, interesting to note that in the 4 minutes ago past, neither Lynne nor Kamila have a core looks like Sissel's interaction with this realm is limited after all, and not only by phones there's v interesting existential fuckery going on here, of the exact sort I ABSOLUTELY LOVE

oh THERE we go 'nobody ever calls the dead' ARGUABLE again and I love Lynne's signature instant-snap-into-hands-over-head animation + pose Good Reflexes

ALRIGHT, FIDDLING WITH RANDOM SHIT WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT MIGHT DO TIME ...and that sure worked fast

hum, a random mechanic, alright

oh hon that's a, um, what's the opposite of exaggeration I know this word in Russian >_> over...littlification? that 'restless ghosts onboard' THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT THAT

lmao that was one odd fate change

alright, found the temsik fragment capsule, I see yay unexpectedly strong wastebucket lids (seriously, that's a whole freaking basketball, there's a reason the nets worked like that lmao)

alright, just watching the cutscene for now, that's fair this guy sure looks like he's going to abandon his entire crew and blow up the sub or something

"farewell, sir" WELL THAT DID NOT SOUND QUITE RIGHT

alright, and we're left in the capsule rather than the fragment which apparently did not have a core of its own for some reason

OMFG THERE'S A LITTLE RAT IN THE TORPEDO ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE INVOLVING A SMALL RODENT AGAIN BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND BUT ALSO THIS IS NOT HOW TORPEDOS WORK BUT ALSO HI RAT!!!

yeah exactly thanks Sissel! how the FUCK did it get here also I love that the characters DO pay attention to the wellbeing of innocent rats in this game <3

well, you COULD just try to get it to blow up earlier, in the water you'd be stuck but you'd be heroes, or something well, Lynne would go back to her body, Sissel would be stuck :D oh, and the rat would die, that's the bad news

YEAH LET'S SAVE THE RATTIE FIRST if this time the rat is going to be in the way rather than helping, well, I REALLY DO RESPECT THAT LET'S SAVE THE RAT

alright, after some trial and error I DID manage to get both weights in the same position (mostly by luck) and throw off the rat NOW TO SAFETY

alright, this looks promising OKAY IT ALSO LOOKS LIKE KAMILA AND LYNNE MIGHT BE SAFE FROM EVIL!SISSEL NOW THAT'S GOOD NEWS

yusss caring about rats ftw <3

that's what missiles do, huh they're unstoppable i dont know who it is i hear there but Missile is great yes

well, whatever this is, our!Sissel just turned it on maybe it's pumps to remove water!... not that they'll do much against an unplugged breach but

aha, okay, won't move for long

this movement through a machine's gears feels like the purest expression of the game's premise since the junkyard tricks at the very beginning <3

the way Kamila's speech kinda fades in from white? that worries me

...eeeyup

god but I love this game's animation. this little one of Lynne hoisting Kamila up on her back? it feels, like, PERFECTLY balanced with their weights and Lynne's strength and everything <3 <3 <3

oh my god Lynne why couldn't you just... be able to swim not that it would help much with Kamila unconscious but

oh my god Lynne is literally right here why do I still have trouble moving around freely???

oh, found it!

wow, she's climbing one-handed while carrying Kamila, that's some serious upper body strength <3

W E L P

YEP THAT'S SOME SERIOUS STRENGTH THAT SHE DIDNT JUST FUCKING FALL NOR DROP KAMILA

yeeep okay WOW

ARE YOU BOTH GOING TO DIE NOW OR WHAT okay, no, just fall, and not even in the water that's good news

LYNNE THIS IS NOT A POSE YOU WANT TO BE IN RIGHT NOW unless you're actually holding yourself against that shit in the background with your left hand and I just can't see it I guess

...nope, she was holding her chin LYNNE NO

MISSILE HURRAY

okay, the fan thing makes sense

now to swap around a bunch of broken pipes so they don't get in lynne's way, got it

FOR FUCK'S SAKE I REALLY DON'T SEE A WINNING COMBO HERE

aand I fucking lost but at least I got Sissel in position -_-

alright, now with one pipe turned off it actually works out easily it just... took me really long to realize I'd need Sissel for this one -_-

Lynne honey but have you considered: you have no fucking clue what's behind that door although presumably submarine has only been breached in one place and it's this room?

holy shit with the hook Sissel managed to hoist the combined weight of Lynne and Kamila now THAT's a nifty trick

SISSEL FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHE CAN'T MUSTER LEVERAGE FOR THIS BECAUSE SHE HAS TO HOLD HERSELF AND KAMILA UP AND SHE'S TIRED SHE CAN ASK FOR HELP EXCLUSIVELY IN SWAHILI SWEARS AND IT'D STILL BE A WAY THAT YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH

aww, someone's saving us!!!

someone who commented on unstoppable missiles earlier, perhaps?

right, the truth... that's still relevant. while on a sinking submarine. yep

haha sinking submaries i have just been playing oxenfree haha

oh wow that's an improvised mechanism made out of garbage sticking in a close range telekinetic field nifty shit

oh oh okay that explains absolutely nothing evil!Sissel is not evil now, or what?

lmao this is getting more confusing, but like... in a very satisfying way <3

evil!Sissel still seems to have SOME amount of powers, at least, though possibly not the manipulating humans ones? but this amount of telekinesis is still incredible

so okay our Sissel's name possibly IS Sissel, but this dude's isn't I'm more confused than ever before I doubt there are three of them, so...

ahh, Lynne making Kamila more comfortable <3 <3 <3 and again, animation is fucking excellent. just, the timing of everything? it's better than 90% of all 3D animation I've ever seen in games

power and time, okay, got it so the dawn deadline IS real, just not for him wait, possibly not for Sissel and Missile, either?

I see he still fell in his signature ridiculous pose it's less funny now, overall

ah, okay, so the time effect is different too it seems to have been the same for Sissel and Missile though? is this a personality powers deal?

I love that Missile is perfectly comfortable with weird shit because as a dog, that's about the amount of understanding he has of his everyday surroundings, too <3

oh, hum so the moment this guy actually 'died' is the moment that blue guy took out the fragment?

wipe out everybody, huh

okay, so the shooting is as we knew, kind of

the first shot missed the mark, huh? quite curious, quite curious stray bullets are known to be deadly :D

alright, so that's a conversation that mostly confirmed what we already knew we have a new ally though, sort of

aand Lynne's empathy saves the day -_- like I said earlier, this guy's feelings aren't like... unique or anything, he just sucks at theory of mind

Kamila!!! so hey kiddo this guy in front of you is the guy who killed your mom

anyway, I'm still pretty sure Sissel hadn't yet introduced himself to you when you started calling him "Sissy" so there's that lead

and Kamila makes herself comfortable <3 I love this Little Lady so much <3

AWWWW THE RADIO THING <3 <3 <3

'and what about a torpedo' WHAT ABOUT A TORPEDO LYNNE THIS SOUNDS EXTREMELY UNSAFE

KAMILA ARE YOU KIDDING ME YOU'RE TOUGH AS FUCK

OMG IT'S A GRAPE SERVING MACHINE I LOVE THE LUXURIOUS FUCK THIS WAS MADE FOR

alright, torpedo room, that works

swap the switches to get them unstuck!!!

so I'm going to guess everyone there died, too, and Sissel's going to have to prevent that, too that makes perfect sense

that 'understand exactly how he feels' thing our!Sissel and evil!Sissel are really fucking different in this particular respect :D

awww and the girls convince the doggo <3 <3 <3

so, does Kamila know about the dawn deadline for all ghosts, or

oh thank god I didn't need to control that hop this game really has a policy of not having a permaloss option <3

Yomiel, huh so that's his name

alright, and 'Sissel' is an alias ...I'm just going to keep using it for the protag, just to make things slightly less confusing

ah, so this guy had access to national secrets, and that's how he did the singer thing

and he was proven innocent offscreen <3 <3 <3 stylish

stylish animation, nice

didn't help anybody? did you ever try? because our!Sissel sure figured that shit out quickly

welp, the blue guys are assholes but then, they were also kind of dealing with an asshole I can imagine why they didn't think he was reliable to deal with :x

awww, I like the leaflet guy so much <3 <3 <3

I love how Jowd's like 'well, I'm dead, are you happy now' and Sissel's like 'so anyway about that' FUCK death not tonight, not when Sissel's here <3 <3 <3

alright, and this guy's a robot that still doesn't quite he's pretty human-like >_> I am not a fan of the blue guy in charge is all I'm saying also lmao I nicknamed this one 'iron man dracula' i didn't mean it that way but

ah, remote-controlled, alright that 'farewell' was odd then

'your country's use of technology is just plain off' I LOVE THIS

could there have been two pieces of meteorite in this guy's body? okay, nope still!

OH WOW FOUR MINUTES BEFORE HIS DEATH THAT'S THAT'S ACTUALLY EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT THIS BODY BELONGED TO THE WRONG 'WHOM' THIS IS SOMEWHAT MORE AMBITIOUS THAN PLANNED BUT

...okay, no, his 'death' would actually be before the control room was launched, not all those years ago STILL THIS IS THE -EXACT- THING

alright anyway this is plenty of buildup WHO THE FUCK IS OUR PROTAGONIST it's funny how so far absolutely 0 of what we've seen has pointed to that I have plenty of odd thoughts in my mind ofc 'that guy from another point of time' being the prime one as a homestuck, the possibility of there being multiple ghosts of the same person doesn't faze me in the slightest in fact it seems like an intuitive conclusion BUT THEIR PERSONALITY SURE IS DIFFERENT

anyway, :D :D :D

Final Chapter

...aha! so it counted ten years ago after all! dang :D

aha, I see that mascot thing I see baby Lynne!!!

I note how for someone threatening to shoot the kid, Yomiel's gun sure is pointing in the wrong direction AND he's holding out the kid to the side, not between himself and Jowd SOMEONE sucks at hostage taking lmao

a kitty, huh

and then a meteorite, okay

I note the lamp

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Yomiel is thinking 'so maybe I'll die in another way and all this will have not happened, that's a better outcome anyway' isn't he god his faces are Sissel faces and look this game knows EXACTLY what it's doing with its visuals exactly one facial exression of Yomiel's has not matched Sissel's I doubt it's because of lazy artists

alright, so a good plan would be swapping the mascot and the lamp

but seriously, WOW Yomiel sucks at taking hostages this game's animation is always stellar and brilliant, there's NO fucking coincidence there he was absolutely not willing in any way to put baby Lynne in actual danger, even if he pretended he did and it worked on Jowd

anyway how the fuck do we get to the lamp

'we can talk about all this later' ARGUABLE TBH the entire, like, THING is going to change oh man is everyone going to go back to their bodies 10 years ago with their new memories because that's fucking hardcore was Kamila even BORN yet

augh I DONT KNOW I CANT REACH I THINK I CANT REACH ANYTHING WHAT DO I DO MISSILE IS IN THE SWEET POTATO ON THE FOUNTAIN SISSEL IS IN THE NOZZLE BUT NOT THE CENTRAL ONE AND CANT REACH THE CENTRAL ONE WHAT DO I DO

okay sounds like I missed my chance let's try that again

ghhhh okay I think I have figured this sequence out even though I have to rewind again 1) rock the basket 2) jump into nozzle to launch the potato 3) Sissel jumps into the potato and then from the potato to the central nozzle 4) Missile jumps into the potato 5) launch the potato x2

okay, Mino fell into the fountain, not that I know how this can help because AGAIN, Missile can't reach Mino from the lantern :x and Sissel can't do absolutely fucking anything

annd the finale is a cutscene alas

alright, let's try that again...

hum we didn't get a FATE CHANGE registered after dropping Mino might this mean we have to do something right in the process?

AW YEAH THAT DEFINITELY JUST HAPPENED LMAO

are we going to kill everyone by dropping Mino on them instead XD

trick time, huh Sissel still can't reach anywhere Missile can swap two identical lanterns, not that this does anything he can talk to Sissel, for what THAT's worth

aha, the lantern dropped, Missile can move around now, that's good

Sissel still can't do shit though

well, that's the detective's LEG, not... anything else or anything

oh man, yeah... YOUNG JOWD IS A DUMBASS man, even Yomiel isn't aiming at him anymore, he's like 'hey dude are you okay' so the theory that Sissel is alternate!Yomiel is really gaining steam in my head not that it wasn't the primary one all along but

AW FUCK YEAH MISSILE THE BULLET CATCHING BADASS DOGGO!!!

anyway sweet potato?

BOO YAH um or not

OR YES ACTUALLY THAT WORKS

OH MY FUCKING GOD YEP THE LAMPPOST FUCKING MINO

awwwwww and finally the trauma of remembering your death is brought up!!!! Sissel cares <3 <3 <3 (and Yomiel doesn't at the moment NOT THAT I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT IN CONTEXT) (then again I'd understand it if Sissel didn't either but he's the purest being in existence so)

awwww Yomiel is finally going to contribute!!!

omfg lmao "Make it spray as if your life depended on it!" "Uh, I'm dead though" Yomiel is winning ALL the sensitivity awards tonight <3 <3 <3

I I think that Yomiel hasn't done anything yet oh, okay, we're still winning time

holy FUCK Yomiel that was definitely a thing you just did

dear Young Jowd, Yomiel is the one who saved her. Not gods

awwww and he gave baby Lynne a detective's badge <3 <3 <3 he's so good with children <3

so, can Yomiel be alive please :x ALRIGHT, HE IS THAT WORKS

THE KITTY DID THE METEORITE KILL THE KITTY

wait wait wait is is Sissel the kitty is that why he has no idea how guns work or anything else like that that that is truly fucking incredible f y'all's i AND I GUESS IT FITS WITH HIM AND MISSILE JUST GOING AROUND SAVING PEOPLE TOGETHER LIKE A BADASS DUO AND IT FITS WITH HIM GETTING KILLED BY LYNNE'S FIRST SHOT ON ACCIDENT I HONESTLY CONSIDERED A RAT OPTION FOR LIKE A SPLIT SECOND THERE

OMG OMG OMG OMG YE S AND HIS NAME REALLY IS SISSEL

god jesus fucking christ this this fucking game i just im howling this this definitely is a thing that just happened it owned me so hard im so fucking owned right now

yep hes the cat he's Yomiel's cat

aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww there's a good reason he had identity confusion in all this they WERE confusable as one being for a while

'her' huh?

oh man wow THIS particular part of the story sucks

so Sissel was a girl's name all along? okay

but also, FUCK no wonder he went bonkers specifically about being unable to die

'his powers couldnt help anybody' more like they couldn't help ONE SPECIFIC PERSON

so that bag is a kitty carrier huh and Lynne's miss accidentally killed the kitty

LMAO THE PART WHERE WE ALL THOUGHT LYNNE HAD KILLED THE PROTAG WASN'T WRONG

I DAMN FUCKING REMEMBER THAT CAT JUST FOR YALLS I I ABSOLUTELY REMEMBERED THERE WAS A CAT THERE I JUST NEVER LINKED IT TO ANYTHING I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS A VERY PRETTY RANDOM STRAY

anyway Yomiel that's what you get for playing with guns they're deadly weapons and result in death you're fucking welcome

so anyway who the fuck is Ray

but anyway kitty Sissel saved everyone...

okay but hold on hold on hold on I didn't quite get the implications about the fiancee the first time around WHAT THE FUCK CAPCOM i was just recently thinking how fucked up it was that I remembered the last name of Polly Jenkins, just because of how much her brief story shook me

and uh I think is that also the implication here because that's not fucking okay

anyway so did Yomiel die as the result of that or nay bc that looked fucking deadly if not instantaneously so

god but this ffucking game

this fucking... game

oh Missile I'm pretty sure YOU are going to see HIM alright lmao wasn't Jowd taking him home

but also damn the original events of these ten years, as remembered by - a dog and a cat - Detective Jowd and Kamila (but not Alma, who never was brought back to life directly) - Lynne - Cabanela - the medical examiner - the minister of justice AND NO-ONE ELSE ...wait, no ALSO THE GUY FROM THE FUCKING PARK ...yep that's a thing we're doing

so another important thing is that the rock star kid is going to be okay and the curry guy, too nothing bad happened to them in this timeline, right?

ALRIGHT HI RAY WHAT/WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

(right now my bet's on 'a rat')

oh, Sissel also killed two people tonight, that happened

lmao and in this version of evens Missile died in the presence of Temsik

omfg and Ray is alternate!Missile this is fucking amazing <3

lmao his ghost aged and lost its powers?

also the dawn deadline was a lie he just wanted to get Sissel's butt moving I FUCKING KNEW IT

I love how Sissel's just "I DID WHAT" even though he's been doing that all evening this time around too

yup doggie's a fucking liar the only real time limit is the lifetime they would have had if they were alive huh damn

but seriously I called that before I started this section of the liveblog even if I think I never actually made that post 'what are the odds Ray is a fucking liar' I don't think I ever wrote that I kept getting distracted but yep I fucking called this

THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART GOD I AM ;U; THIS DOGGO

anyway one participant of the events who definitely wasn't born yet 10 years ago is indeed Missile 0.0 how's that... gonna work...

but I do love that just... the justice minister, of all people, is also going to be in possession of those 10 years

OH MY FUCKING GOD LYNNE IS ABOUT TO HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK I KNOW THERE'S NO GUN BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

KAMILA WHAT THE FUCK DON'T FUCKING DO THAT THAT'S ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING

aawwwwwww IT WORKED THIS TIME AROUND

'nice to meet you' OH BOY OH BOY I GET HOW IT WORKS NOW I THINK ...uh, I'm not sure how Lynne knew to flee from the junkyard then, but either way it looks like they're only getting back their memories at the PRESENT and that's why Kamila didn't fUCKING KNOW AND REMEMBER WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH DOING THAT JUST NOW

LMAO SOMETHING'S GOING TO EXPLODE TONIGHT

oh, nevermind, it's not that yet :D but it really does sound like it's going to :D right... about... dawn? :D

aww Jowd actually carries toy badges with him everywhere <3 <3 <3 'child handling tools'

still a kitten, huh yeah, that whole Temsik thing :D

aww, and here's her, all alive and everything

SO BIG MEMORYSPLOSION PLEASE

(at dawn) (it's fucking coming that's my headcanon and you can't beat it) (a bunch of people are going to become really fucking traumatized tonight)

hey!!! Missile!!! Cabanela brought him, huh

so, what's up with Yomiel, anyway

COME ON SISSEL MAKE NICE WITH MISSILE HE CAN'T CLIMB UP THERE

that guy's imitating Cabanela lmao

Memry <3 <3 <3

very best customer, huh

AWWW ITS THIS GUY HI GUY YOU'RE OKAY NOW WITHOUT YOMIEL TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU'RE JUST FINE

hah, and these two

.............................................yup. they died

'the indescretions of a minister perhaps?' I LOVE THIS FUCKING LADY I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

ah, these two what deal is it this time

the little rock sinter guy!!! yeah!!!!

hi medical examiner guy <3 guess you're not doing medicine after all huh

HI LEAFLET PARK GUY YOU ARE STILL CUTE

HI BAILEY

oh man oh man Yomiel :D hey are talking about Yomiel :D

SHOW ME HIS FIANCEE YOU COWARDS

lmao he's the painter this time even the robe sits the same

SO SHOW ME

OH YEAH OH YEAH HE REMEMBERS THATS THE PICTURE OF THE FUCKING CAT AND NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT

YUP YUP THIS IS IT lmao that crane i sure do remember it well it murdered two people tonight <3 <3 <3 kitty <3 <3 <3

aw yeah! in that picture with Missile!!!

#douche mcpointyglasses #is she dead #(for quite a while there the answer was 'basically yes')#cute shoes #dance dance inspector #the mysterious him #alba dracula #iron man dracula #sexy lamp #ddoggo!!!#those are all the character tags i remember #liliet plays ghost trick #this has been A FUCKING TRIP #i love this game

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charliewritesstuff · 2 years

Text

Book Review: Only Mostly Devastated

in the words of dj khaled: another one

guess what it's another interracial mlm american high school couple told from the pov of the white kid: Only Mostly Devastated by Sophie Gonzles

rating: 3/5

the opening makes it seem like i hate it more than i do lmfao - i really liked this book actually! i was really surprised that it didn't go for ollie and will orbiting around each other for 250 pages route while very rarely interacting in public. i really liked the way the homophobia was handled and it's super realistic for a high school. homophobia isn't always as simple as "i dont understand why the gays keep pushing their agenda", sometimes it's unintentionally-bad-faith jokes abt two guys being close, or saying "oh so u like *opposite gender* now?". i also appreciate that ollie's new friendship group doesnt entirely consist of queer people - dont get me wrong i love heartstopper, and it executes the "entirely queer friend group" trope really well - but as someone who is part of like four friend groups, none of which consist entirely of queer folks, it's nice. the story is basic, but that doesn't need to be a bad thing. is this story objectively better than simon? probably not. but i had a lot of fun reading this one. simon was so basic it made me bored and the lack of meaningful conflict infuriated me. arguably, this is equally as basic (in terms of basic plot) but i had a good time. none of the characters feel entirely stereotyped and one of the reasons i so desperately wished simon was from blue's pov is bc then it could discuss things like locker room talk and The Boys and being queer in competitive sports. (omd only discusses this somewhat, but it still feels meaningful)

it has a couple of things against it though. the characters kinda start blending into each other, esp the basketball boys, and (with the exception of lara) i couldn't really summarise any of their personality traits. in its favour is the fact that all of these characters have interests that affect both them and their arcs. juliette wants to be a pro clarinettist, niamh wants to be a model and they both have arcs relating to this. so the characters thing kinda balances out. lara... took me a while to warm up to, but i understand that's the point so i really enjoyed reading her.

the other thing against it is what i brought up at the beginning: this is the third book ive read in a row with a poc+white interracial couple that is told from the pov of the white person in the relationship. either ive managed to pick up these (very popular!) books in a completely arbitrary order that happened to be this, or white people really don't like reading about interracial relationships from the pov of poc. probably bc if it was written from poc's perspective, racism and white privilege would definitely get brought up and white queer americans dont like admitting that they have privilege beyond going "yeah i have white privilege".

(that last bit isn't about this book specifically, just a thing i noticed.)

if the premise interests u and u would like some somewhat sad brain candy? go for it! it's a decent book but not a must read. nothing that massively sets it apart but not much holding it back either!

#charlie.reviews #only mostly devastated

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vafanapoliputtana · 6 years

Text

June 26 2017

Its almost 4am and there are so many things left unsaid that I wish you knew. So many "if", "what could've been" and "what should've been" But I've reached the point that I need to stop wishing and you need to start listening. So many times have I tried to pick on your mysterious mind, observing you from afar and watching your life pass on a daily basis. It grew from a simple admiration to obsessing and over analyzing ever word you utter, trying to find meaning to your every action. I watched you, observed and loved you from a distance like a little kid watching her favorite movie wishing that I was part of your world too. But like anything else, I need to stop wishing. The cycle of insecurities, threatening oppositions and false assumptions caused by my indecisive, dark mind has weathered us along with time. The distance has never felt more farther than its actual physicality. Our weary minds has taken toll on both the happiness that we once enjoyed, slowly losing hope on the possibility that we'll see each other again.

You never talked much; as much I tried to provoke you. Like the moon, you kept yourself distant; stern and aloof with one side of you hidden. I guess that's why I was so attracted to you; I saw an older shadow of myself. But like anything else, I eluded myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I took myself to take the risk of finally letting my guard down and stop denying what I felt for you, i'd get you to do the same too. But I didn't. It was a failed attempt that I shouldn't have taken. Now find myself caught in the illusions of my expectations: concealing the real nature of reality. I was never fond of words nor actions. (You should've noticed that whenever I'm aloof with you sometimes.) Beneath the flirtatious jokes was a part of me that wanted you. You believed that actions speak louder than words; but you have to understand that I won't believe your words nor your actions until both can work simultaneously because words can be misinterpreted and are be full of lies as well as actions can be faked. Blame it on my history if you can; it's the only explanation I can provide for this defense mechanism that has served as my second skin. In the long run, never have I heard the things that I wish I would hear you say. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for putting the blame on you for my expectations and the the fact that I don't trust my instincts. Nothing haunts me more at night than not knowing or believing if you love me; because a part of me feel like you do.

I don't blame you if you want to leave; but you need to understand that it's hurting me bad. Every wound feels fresh even though I said I've developed a thick skin to pain. If only you knew how much I try to look for reasons to come back; if only you know how much I'm beating myself EVERY.FUCKING.DAY for failing you. If only you knew how much I try to fight my thoughts of knowing this can never work. The only thing making me hold on is because I believe. I believe in us. But my pathetic self isn't worth the fight. I'm a nobody with nothing to offer you but a crazy little mind that causes havoc out of the blue and a pure heart. I never meant to do you wrong; or hurt you. I don't think I'm ever capable of doing so no matter how much It hurts. My intentions are genuine and far from what this bad world has caused you. I see myself in you; who thinks that with every healed wound comes a thicker skin and a reminder of what was once a source of pain. But in reality, a scar is a scar; a reminder and a mark from the past. In reality, it's very rare that we get bruised on the same spot twice. Point taken: don't be afraid of getting hurt. You cant wear an armor forever. The bruise may be the same but how you got it and from where is different. It always is.

I learned this from you. From the time we first knew each other, little did you know I admired you for this. You were my favorite peculiar thing to observe, carefully taking mental notes of your visions of reality. You added the reality to the dream I clouded myself in. You were my personal black hole as well as my moon. As much as I tried to let go, you always pulled me back with that little hope in me that you're different from the rest. That got me expecting; Expecting that one day you realize that you need me too and see you coming for me rather than waiting.

I know that this idea will never happen. I know that the only day I'll see you again will depend on me... But that's not even the case anymore.

That's the thing that hurts me the most; my very own kryptonite. I'm incapable of dependency. I hate the fact that I cant change this to make us any better; i hate the fact that you'll never go through the lengths of what I'm willing to do if I can. Compromise and sacrifices are not part of our little dictionary, but it's something we beed to accept and do to make things function.

Don't think I'm not putting enough effort. All my effort has been placed and right now I'm just waiting for the chips to fall where they may. Time is unforgiving and stern. Time has always been a unbending contradiction. I'm done trying to mend things, i'm done trying to shake things up. The chips are on your hands now.

I don't want you to expect as much as I'm expecting from you. As much as I'd love beat the crap out of you right now for being a bitch: i still don't want to hurt you as much and you're hurting me. Just to make you feel the pain of how it hurts to expect that someday maybe you'll turn out of the blue, uninvited. Do you know how much it hurts waking up to empty mornings wishing you were here? or spacing out of nowhere in the middle of daydreaming a bunch of "what ifs".. and How it hurts knowing that someone else wants you and once had you. Knowing that this person is out there to give you want I cant. I can never turn my back against you like the others did. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for you. As scary as it sounds, you've left your mark by shaping a part of me to see things from a different perspective of how i used to see the world. You calmed me down but at the same time caused a chaos to the things i try to keep in order: my mind and feelings.

there's an intangible string of what ifs, what could've been and should've been at this point and neither of us wanted to face the mess. What ifs, what should've beens and what could've been fuzzed by "why nots'" "what should be" and "what could be."

I still believe in that, but do you?

I'm sorry if I sound delusional at this point. I warned you I'm a bit mental with psychotic tendencies. It's about time you understand what I really feel. If only i can make you feel what I feel to make you understand. If only you can let me in as much as I let you in even though you're more of locked diary and I'm more of an open book. I want to make you understand that even your slightest actions affect me. Maybe I don't know what Im saying; nothing is crystal clear at this point but the fact that I'm hurting. It's all pain I see and feel at this point. No song or any other piece of craft can interpret this.

I dont want to be the one choking you

If you want to leave; just go.

I'm not going to stop you.

I cant keep being selfish.

If only we can go back to the place where we began; a fresh new start. Not as strangers but at the point when we were still happy.

I need to learn how to stop expecting and as always, i'm learning it from you.

But don't shut me out. Don't burn our bridge.

Thanks for everything.

You know I love you.

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the-space-case · 7 years

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Also!! (It's the Bill's jumper slut here) I recently got into digital art but I am,,, really bad. Can I get any advice for it? Like with colours and shininess and backgrounds because ugh background and stuff? Idk what exactly I want advice on but please help because I am,, really bad and you are definitely the opposite of that

Yo!!! Thats a lot. Digitial art? Just as hard as traditional; it has its own rules. I can give you some tips but the most important thing out there is ehhhh TWO things.

1.) USE REFERENCES, DRAW FROM REAL LIFE. I hate doing this because I feel like a cheap printer, but think of it this way if you do too; if you use references and draw inspiration from real life, you’re making a base for what you make later one. Practice drawing one thing often enough and you have it memorized so you never have to look at it again/can warp it to your own exaggerated devices. You can’t draw anatomy if you don’t understand it! You can’t draw perspective if you don’t observe it critically! You can’t walk until you crawl yadda yadda yadda do as i say not as i do lmfao

--this is helpful for basically everything, including backgrounds and colors and shininess

2.) LEARN FROM EXAMPLE. There’s tons of artists from around the world who put their portfolios online. There’s tons of youtube videos based on learning art! Check out art throughout history, even! Check out your favorite styles, be it traditional or cartoon, and observe what you like about them specifically. Test it loads of them yourself; after awhile of trying style after style your personal preferences will develop.

Aside from those two, here’s some of my personal tips. They might not work for you! I’m not a professional here, these are just some things I enjoy doing with my art.

COLORS:

-if you use a color once in a picture, use it again to balance it out.

-made a character and colored it in but having trouble deciding on the bg colors? Use the ones already on your canvas/in the character. unite that canvas under one palette. Even just an abstract shape in the bg of one color is better than a blank; make it the least used color in the character if thats the case, or at least one not near the edges.

-try analogous color schemes or monochrome schemes to get a feel for colors you dont normally use.

- try coloring without lineart too, thats a fun exercise.

-sometimes if you put yellow next to blue it looks green. either decrease the intensity of said blue or adjust the yellow; same with other odd pairings. your brain is weird just go around it.

-if two colors of the same intensity are right next to eachother your brain might blend the line between them; again depends on if you want it but it happens with painting so i mean have at it i guess.

SHININESS:

-make sure you know the direction where light is coming from; that dictates where lightspots go

-putting lightspots against areas of intense color makes em pop

-try making them not just white, but also pastels or just intense color. It’s good to experiment!

-A hard lightspot gives an area a smoother, almost rubber like or wet texture. making it jagged makes it look a bit more leathered? Again, experiment as to what you like best. I enjoy putting a hard blot of white on a darker bg and then airbrushing around it to make a nice glow effect.

-if the lightsource is anything but white, make lightspots that color.

-BACKGROUNDS:

-I prefer to use references for backgrounds. rough out a few examples of various angles or object placements if you need to. I actually made a sort of room scheme for the parlor in Recovery, as seen below:

(its ok they can be shitty and still be useful)

-know that for bgs there’s the foreground, mid-ground and background, and it makes more sense to have all of them haha

-also good: make your characters interact with the bg/environment! Really brings the whole thing together.

-most digital art programs have grids available; use those for making buildings and such, much easier than dragging over a bent-out-of-shape ruler and hoping for the best.

MISC:

-if you know you’re bad at something in particular don’t shy away from it. Don’t avoid drawing hands bc you feel like you’re bad at drawing them! You gotta practice that shit, even if its hard/you dont like it.

-generally if you’re going to draw something hard just do it with enthusiasm; a sort of fuck-you to despair.

-if your wrist hurts stop until it doesn’t, Repetitive Strain Injuries are Bad and so is Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

-flipping the canvas after drawing one eye lets you draw the other one without making it crooked, but if you’re lazy like me you can just...copy-paste it and reverse the layer and also maybe transform it to fit LMFAO. Still though flip the canvas just in case.

-for some reason if you’re drawing a stack of objects start in the middle or do the contour first it helps with sizing.

-draw at least once a day unless in pain lmfao

-Praaactice makes Peeeeerfect

-tbh anything goes in art, i’ve seen cheese with hair stapled to it in a museum just do what you want just get the basics down first makes things easier haha

#art ref #tips and tricks #art tutorial #sort of #references #das all for today folks #Anonymous

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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March 18th-March 24th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from March 18th, 2019 to March 24th, 2019. The chat focused on My Hero! by Alli & Jim Perry.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on My Hero! by Alli & Jim Perry~! (http://www.myherocomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until March 24th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Do you believe that Lark and Hasera will eventually solve their differences and learn to work together? If so, what will it take to do it? Alternatively, what might be the last straw that drives them apart?

Natara (My Hero!)

Hi I'm Alli the artist for My Hero! I'm excited to see what people think :)

Evil_Chippy (My Hero!)

1: My favourite scene was where Hasera meets The Lark for the first time. I really liked this because everyone thought he was going to be some kind of creep ( he still is in his own way) and it turns out he's trying to steer her off a course that has killed so many others

2. I certainly hope so, but that would require both of them to change. In order for them to work together, they would have to let go if their preconceptions of each other. The last straw would probably have to be Lark doing something overtly bad, like throwing an old man down the stairs or something moustache twirling evil style(edited)

snuffysam

Oh man the introduction of The Lark was so good. He's a creep, but he's been through a lot, and his experience shows immediately. One thing I wonder... were the other guardians assigned to him by the council's decision, or because they too believed the stories?(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What do you think is the full story with Hasera’s ice powers (besides the shape)? Additionally, why does Lark seemingly get saved even when Hasera knows no healing like spells? Lastly, what might this have to do with her father Keenar?

Evil_Chippy (My Hero!)

I cannot answer #4. So much delicious spoilers contained within!

snuffysam

I think Lark getting saved is as simple as "the best defense is a good offense". Especially since Lark seems to be naturally way tougher than you'd expect.

My favorite character is probably Hasera. I just love how she tries so hard, only to get her hopes shattered over and over.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. How might Hasera’s journeys with Lark further disillusion her from all the things she believed in and was taught at the academy? How might this affect how she conducts herself as a guardian or her choice to be one in the first place?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably when we get to meet some of the other heros and guardians. That's a moment where i really felt Lark's attitude was vindicated since it wasnt really just him who was disillusioned with everything. all of them were. so it was a great piece of world building with just having the characters exist. i also like it in the retrospect contrast between when all the guardians get offed cause i also morbidly enjoy that their attitudes about things might have played a bit of a role in them getting killed. 2) I think eventually they'll work things out between them, but not in the near future. In the near future I expect something more along the lines of tolerance. Hasera tolerates Lark cause she has a job to do and maybe his experience does mean something. Meanwhile, Lark tolerates her cause shes persistent and if he doesn't, theyll just send him a new guardian to get killed in a never ending cycle of death.

3) Ok. I really can't pick between Hasera and Lark. I love how innocent and inexperienced Hasera is. It's an endearing trait, but one that also bits her in the butt sometimes. And I think it's a really good mix in how it's handled. But I also really love Lark. He really walks that fine line between being vulgar just cause and being vulgar cause he's seen some shit. And that to me makes him very interesting. I really want to know all of his life experiences becaause of how he portrays himself. 4) I have no evidence for this theory, but I'm just gonna go with this headcanon for now anyway. While Hasera's father has been mentioned, we never hear much about her mother. And we know there are different planes. So maybe Hasera's mother was from some other plane and not someone Keenar was supposed to get with. But Keenar was like "I do what I want" and thus a magic baby named Hasera was born.

RebelVampire

5) my fave illustration is probably this one http://www.myherocomic.com/comic/ch3-15 where Hasera summons the ice weapon. I love the shot choices for this, because it allows us to see all the little effect details that went into the summon. It truely captures that magical and mystical feel while also having a sort of bad ass gonna beat you over with the ice feels. 6) I actually think her journey with Lark will strengthen her desire to be a guardian in the long. At first, probably because stubborness and its what she worked towards for so long. But down the line, I think she'll just try to become the guardian she thinks the world needs when the system has degraded to such an extent. However, I definitely think she's going to play less by the book as time goes on. I really think she's going to mature and come into her own as she realizes that books and classrooms can't cover all the scenarios that are possible in life. At the very least, books and classrooms dont teach you how to deal with people, which seems essential for the job. I also think through Lark shes going to rethink how she views the current system and see its not the glitz and glamour she made it out to be. Also, she'll learn trash romance novels are called trash romance novels for a reason.

Natara (My Hero!)

This is one of my favorite scenes because it shows Hass letting her fangirling of Lark get the better of her.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. How and/or why is Lark cursed to live a dangerous life? Do you believe it really is a curse, or is Hasera right that he’s faking it? What might it have to do with Lark supposedly having died according to Sasskra?

RebelVampire

7) Lark and Hasera, which makes me feel predictable to say. Their just such opposites it leads to some really great banter. Equally so, though, I like seeing the world built up through them because they both have such different ideas on how the world functions in a way. and i like how they both challenge how each other lives. 8) I feel pretty confident the curse is real. There seems to be plenty of evidence for that. And I 100% feel like him having died had to do with it, though not necessarily in a direct sense. More like Lark died but someone was super pissed at him and made him a cursed zombie. Or more I guess I kind of feel like the world is trying to correct the mistake. Like it knows hes supposed to be dead so it keeps throwing danger his way trying ardently to rekill him and return balance. Thus why hes always in a poor spot as the world tries to correct this clerical death error. As for the why though, I'm a 50/50. Either he pissed someone off like a god or something, or someone powerful thought the world still needed him.

Evil_Chippy (My Hero!)

the real answer to number 7 is pretty close and it has to do with everything going on in the background of the comic.(edited)

There's actually a point in the future where 7 is addressed indirectly. A lot of My Hero!'s background lore is done through hints, asides or Delvers (specifically our favourite Delver couple, Morridan and Gurtie)

One of the biggest things for the background of the world are the short side comics that are going to be made. They are not integral to the plot of the main story, but they are super important at revealing what is going on in the world of Alteria(edited)

The titles are as follows: Hasera's garden Melinda x Magnus The Death of Lark Rise (the story of Sasskra) The tomb of Quel'Lan

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. How might the other guardians like Calen or Lu play into the story in the future? Do you believe their experiences are similar to Hasera? Is there some way they might help Hasera?

RebelVampire

9) I want to say I really love the accents on some of the characters. So few people are willing to risk accents but i think when done correctly they can add a lot of personality to the character. And I think the ones in the comic strike a good balance between being readable while having that flavor in their manner of speech. <3 10) I feel like if Hasera talks to Lu again she'll gain some new perspective on her situation with Lark. Like I could see Lu kind of opening the metaphorical door and pointing out ways Hasera could gain a new partner or something. which in turn will make Hasera stick to her guns and be like, "no i have a job to do gotta uphold the guardians." as for calen, idk what role but i hope he appears again. especially if in the practical application of the academy hes doing a lot worse than Hasera but has to try and maintain that pompous nah im great attitude.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. What do you think the Abyssals are up to given they’re going around killing champions and guardians? What do you think they did in the past that got them kicked out of the High Council? How are Lark and Hasera going to be affected?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. In what ways do you think the world will have changed for champions and guardians by the end of the story? How will the role and the methods of the Order of the Nine have changed as well?

RebelVampire

11) I think the comic's strength is having a great balance between stuff happening in the foreground and the background. Like there's definitely this deep world behind the scenes that you see presented to you into small, manageable sizes. However, it's never presented in a way that's distracting to the characters or immediate things going on in the foreground. Rather, it enhances it and leaves lots of little lingering questions that slowly build up and keep you hooked in. 12) I assume its something to do with the gods. Cause reading about the world theres a lot of shenanigans with the gods and the current state of the planes. and generally people always want more than they have so in the vacuum of power, now would be prime time to start setting up situations to get some of that more. alternatively, they could just also want to restore their plane more and damned be all the others. 13) right now im most looking forward to just seeing more of lark and hasera interact. cause it has now been the 2nd time lark has been saved despite hasera not helping and hasera's ice powers seem to be getting more in your face. plus a bunch of guardians just died so that has to have an affect on hasera to some extent. so im interested to see more of what they make of the situation and how they can get through it together.

14) I feel like things may go back a bit more to the old ways. In the sense that the world needs heros to actually fight monsters again. However, I think guardians will be desired for more than just healing abilities. as they always say, the best defense is a good offense.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about My Hero! this week! Please also give a special thank you to Alli & Jim Perry for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked My Hero!, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.myherocomic.com/

Alli & Jim Perry’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/alliperry

Alli Perry’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/alli_perry

Jim Perry’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/Jimininstrovich

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #my hero!#my hero #alli perry #jim perry #alli & jim perry

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years

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lilacflamesss · 7 years

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Hi. I don't like ayahina but i think the anon went to far in calling it triggering. but I dont think that ayahina is as healthy as you seem to put it either. I dont like the ship because I think hinami shouldnt be with ayato. he is not healthy for her. hinami is innocent and pure. she's caring and she has never killed or wished any harm on anybody. ayato is the complete opposite. i don't hate ayato. i really like him. but his development cannot change his past and the kind of person he is -c-

he kills and he enjoys it. he has hurt people (his own sister!!!) and kind people like banjou have suffered under him. it’s something that cannot change. i think for hinami, it’s important that she’s around people who are just like her and are pure and innocent. ayato is not healthy for her because he’s a bad person in general, no matter how kind and supportive he is. he’s a bad sort of influence in her life. aogiri was in general and to her, ayato is a connection to that past, i think. -c-

and when ishida made hinami go back to aogiri and to ayato for comfort it is him showing how damaging the situation is to hinami. so bad that she needs to turn to the bad part of her life for help. it’s because the ‘good’ part of hinami’s life is causing her pain now. and i think the moment she finds herself able to find comfort in people like kaneki and touka again, she will not need ayato anymore. because he stands for what she isn’t. does this make sense? -c-

it is like returning to unhealthy coping mechanisms just because we think it is good for us. something like that. basically my point is that ayato is an 'evil’ person because he has killed and he continues to kill and he shows no remorse for it. he’s really quick to rush in to fight people he considers enemies and he doesn’t show mercy. (his profile says he likes brawls i think that is important) and hinami is the complete opposite of this. her influence on him is good -c-

he became a better person, but he still kills and hurts people. but ayato’s influence on hinami isnt good. she takes part in fights now and she doesnt stop it, but in the past she stopped touka from killing mado. i am sorry this took so long. it is something i have wanted to say but im scared of getting hate from shippers. i dont want to hate or be mean. i hope you understand. i still love your fics because you write well. but you only write ayahina ;; thank you so much if you read this fully

Anon this is SO LONG. But I want to thank you because even ifyou don’t like Ayahina, I don’t mind your message at all because it is reallynice of you to remain calm. And it’s so much better than sendingbaseless hate because you actually explain yourself. So even though you’recriticizing Ayahina, thank you for providing me with an interesting perspective.But given that, I am sorry but I have to disagree with you on this.

Yes, Ayahina might not be a healthy ship in terms of how we mightdefine it in everyday terms. I mean I have had people saying to me that hestill kicked her before to protect her and that’s not a thing you should do. I’mnot going to argue with any of this because it’ll take too long but I’ll justsay that I think it’s important to realize that the TG universe provides adifferent kind of environment than what most of us are used to.

You talk a lot about how Hinami shouldn’tbe with Ayato because he is too wrong for her since he had killed before andall. And you say that he represents a bad part of her life while people likeTouka and Kaneki represents the good part of her life. But I just want to askyou, how exactly is Ayato any different from Touka and Kaneki? Touka has killedbefore and she still kills people now— ie. when she saved Tsukiyama and whenshe was in Cochlea. Kaneki continues to kill as well. Ayato feels no remorsetowards his victims, but neither does Kaneki. In fact, he showed more sympathyto ghouls back when he was Haise than he does now. Let’s not forget Kanekitortured Ayato when he broke his bones. I know it’s not as bad as what Kanekihad gone through but it was still torture and Ayato was still a child. He wasHinami’s age. Kaneki showed no remorse for this and instead went on to justifyhimself by saying that Touka has gone through more pain. You might find mebiased but, I don’t think that’s how you should really treat a child. Idk. Imean Ayato was pretty much already defeated and shaken up by the conversation.Anyway, I’m not here to discuss the 103 bones scene. Basically my point isthat, Hinami’s past is filled with violent ‘murderers’ and she grows up aroundthem in Anteiku, the 6th Ward, Aogiri and now Goats. This makesAyato no different from any of them. Sure, Ayato might have killed a lot ofpeople because he was in Aogiri and he might tend to derive a little enjoymentfrom it when he was younger, but so had others. Tsukiyama and Nishiki did. AndI’m guessing you count them as under the ‘good’ part of Hinami’s life as well, right?

Ayato wasn’t a bad influence in herlife. In fact I think he was a good influence on her, just like she was withhim. Being in Aogiri and with Ayato hadn’t changed Hinami as a person. She’sstill the same nice, kind Hinami who puts others before her. But it has madeher a stronger person and it has given her the courage and confidence to fightto protect the people she loves. There’snothing wrong with this. Sure, she fights now but Hinami has only ever usedkagune to protect rather than to hurt. She wasn’t badly influenced at all.

I think you’re somewhatmisinterpreting Ayahina’s relationship. That’s how I see it at least. Ayato isn’ther connection to Aogiri when she was in Goats. He’s her connection to Toukaback when she was in Aogiri. Which is why the first thing she comments on whenthey met was that he reminds her of Touka and which we have her confirmingagain in the novel. She goes back to Aogiri because she wants to seek the strengthshe once sought when she joined— that is true. But the reason she brings Ayatois simply because she feels better with him. In the first place, in Re, Ayatowas associated less with Aogiri than he was in TG (in Aogiri arc he was the ‘face’of the organization for readers and I remember Ishida saying in Zakki that heended up redrawing the picture of them because he wanted Ayato to be moreprominent). His plot in Re was about breaking away from them, he doesn’t appearin any Aogiri ‘group pictures’ and as time went on, he appeared less and lessin omakes with them. It’s unlikely that he’d represent Aogiri to Hinami becausehow is that possible when he himself is no longer associated with it. When Aogiri was at it’s final stand, Ayato was with his sister, Yomo and Banjou trying to save Hinami after abandoning Aogiri.

Her going back to Aogiri doesindicate a flaw in Goat and that’s the fact that she was unable to find comfortin the adults of the series and the people who were involved in the Madoincident with her— you know, people who could relate to her over that specificissue. So she turns to Ayato because she knows she can find comfort. She’s notusing his as a substitute. It’s because of how close they are, she knows hewill be there to support her. And he did. He didn’t say anything about how hethinks she should act (Kaneki seems to think she should save Akira). Ayato justlets her all out and that’s a really good way of dealing with people.Sometimes, just being silent and letting someone voice everything out and maybeproviding a little physical comfort is better than imposing what you think onthe person in distress. And Ayato does this well. He just silently reaches tocomfort her.

Even if they’re not in a romanticrelationship, these two are REALLY GOOD FRIENDS. And I think that whether ornot she settles her issues with Kaneki and Touka wouldn’t change that. Wouldyou abandon a friend entirely just because you managed to settle problems withyour old friends? I mean, if you do then you’re scum and we know Hinami isn’t thiskind of person.

I think there are more similaritiesthan differences between them. Both Ayato and Hinami were broken, lonely kidswho were forced into a world they were too immature and naïve to deal with.Hinami was manipulated in joining Aogiri by Eto and she obviously didn’t reallylike it there. I personally always thought that Ayato was somewhat manipulated andbrainwashed as well. Because when he grows up it’s obvious he doesn’t see theworld the same way either.

It’s just that despite the sameissues they were dealing with (ie. losing their parents at a young age, beingforced into such a world alone, not being able to find comfort and guidance inthe adults around them) they just managed them in different ways. Ayato takeseverything out on the world and Hinami chooses to bottle everything in and bearwith it in silence. Both are damaging, especially when you’re as young and immatureas them. But it feels to me that together, they were probably able to ease eachother’s burden because even if they can’t resolve the other’s issues, theloneliness they felt was eased. They’re not alone anymore because there’ssomeone beside who’s going through the same thing.

Ayato is not an ‘evil’ person. Ithink that deep down, he’s actually a really good person. The Ayato we wereintroduced to was a shell, in a sense? It was something he put up as an act toappear strong and to ease his own fears and worries about being weak. He’s kindand he cares for people but to him, these are all signs of weaknesses becauseit’s stuff his father used to exhibit. It isn’t who he truly is. He has allalong been the same Ayato who would run back for his pet bird even when hislife was on the line. It was the same with Hinami. He tried to run back to hereven though it was dangerous because she’s important to him. And yes, he hasdone terrible things at the earlier stage in his life but it doesn’t make him a badguy because his heart is in the right place. He just chose a wrong path andbecause of that made terrible mistakes and for a short while kinda losthimself? But that’s not the case anymore.

You pointed out that Hinami hasn’t stoppeda fight anymore and that’s true. But this case is different because they’re atwar in a way. She cant just go to the middle and announce a ceasefire. Hinamiis supporting the Goats. But she still hasn’t killed for her own sake. Whichwas what the issue with Mado was about— she doesn’t want to kill for revenge.

And there’s this part I findinteresting and that’s the fact that among everyone involved in the Clown Raid-Lab mission Ayato is the only one who wasn’t involved in a fight and instead hedragged Kaneki away from one. Even Hinami was involved by commanding the fight andsupporting the White Suits. It’s just an important point to add on to his developmentthat no one seemed to have pointed out.

Also, his profile seems to imply helikes RABBITS (only rabbits iswritten like this, with the caps and bold in the official English translation)a lot more than brawls. And it’s just brawls. Come on, the kid likes to fight alittle. It’s not like it’s said he likes to kill. I seriously wonder if he doesn’thave any remorse, honestly. Because we’ve never actually had him sayinganything about it, especially recently. He seems to not want Hinami to dirtyher hands so we know that he sees it as something that is wrong. I feel like he’sprobably so used to it that he sees no longer thinks much about killing. Becausehe’s been immune to it after killing so much in the past. And because of how hewas, I don’t think this is entirely his fault.

The part about him doing all thedirty work for her shows how good he is for her. Because Ayato can easily justslowly get her to kill and teach her how to do it. But he doesn’t do that andhe takes on the task of doing it for her sake. He openly expresses how hethinks Aogiri is damaging for her and implies that she shouldn’t stay there.And I think these are all genuine bits to show how Ayato really is a goodperson to be around Hinami because he cares and wants what’s best for her. I feel like it’s because she had him, she was ableto make it through. And I’m sure Hinami feels that way as well, which was whyshe wanted to honestly express her gratitude to him in the novel (AND MAKE HIMHAPPY OMG).

I probably didn’t finish answeringall your points and I’m sorry. But I think that basically, just know that Ayatois not wrong for Hinami. He’s good enough for her because she’s not the perfectprincess and he’s not the worst scum. And even if you don’t ship them, it’sokay! But it’s important to note that as of right now, Ayato is Hinami’s strongestsupport and I think that says something!

Also, anon, you are really sweet!And I’m so thankful you’re so kind. You can read my writings. If you don’t wantto read Ayahina, you can just request whatever you want me to write! Once AyahinaWeek has ended I will get right to my other requests. I wrote Hidekane and Akiramon before as well and I wrote one fic focused on Urie. You could check them out. And I’m glad you managedto express your opinions on my blog. Don’t worry about getting hate from me. Ifyou’re nice and civil, I’ll be the same as well. Really, thank you so much!

#im so happy i got a nice anon #tg #answers

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brokenroots-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Turning Point

“Because, you see, to be detached from the world, in the sense Buddhists, Taoists, and Hindus will often talk about detachment, does not mean to be non participative. You can have a sexual life, very rich and very full, and yet all the time be detached. By that I dont mean that you just go through it mechanically and have your thoughts elsewhere. I mean a complete participation but still detached. And the difference of the two attitudes is this. On the one hand, there is a way of being so anxious about physical pleasure, so afraid that you won’t make it, that you grab it too hard. That you just have to have that thing! And if you do that, you destroy it completely. And therefore after ever attempt to get it, you feel disappointed, you feel empty, you feel something was lost. And therefore you want it again. And you have to keep repeating,repeating, repeating – because you never really got there and it is this that is the hang up. This is what is meant by attachment to the world, in an evil sense.

But on the other hand, Pleasure in its fullness, cannot be experienced when one is grasping it. I knew a little girl to whom someone gave a bunny rabbit. She was so delighted by the bunny rabbit, and so afraid of losing it, that taking it home in the car, she squeezed it to death with love. And lots of parents do that to their children. And lots of spouses do it to each other. They hold on too hard, and so take the life out of this transient, beautifully fragile thing that life is.

To have it, to have life, and to have its pleasure, you must at the same time let go of it. And then, you can feel perfectly free to have that pleasure in the most gutsy, earthy, frolicking, liplicking way. Ones whole being taken over by a kind of undulating, convulsive ripple, that is like the very pulse of life itself. This can only happen if you let go. If you are willing to be abandoned. It is funny that word, abandoned. We speak of people who are dissolute as abandoned, but we can also use abandon as the characteristic of a saint.”

“All sensations are very short lived - they can’t last forever. The moment you separate yourself and a particular sensation and tell yourself that you are happy, the demand to keep it going longer for its duration of life is inevitable. What you are doing to stretch that and keep that going on and on has turned it to the opposite of happiness - same as the state of pleasure. You want to be in that state of pleasure all the time, but it is just not possible. So, you are turning pleasure into pain. The demand for permanence in every area of our existence is the course of human misery. There is no such thing as permanence at all.”

Have reached a turning point in my life, a very frustrating one indeed, at a very timely moment.Realize that I’ve been living my life all this while wrong - trying to grasp so tightly, hold on to the moment, even though it’s long gone. An entire shift in perspective is needed... Else, I’ll live the rest of my life in a very self-destructive, frustrating and vicious loop.

Just came back from Melbourne barely a day ago, and am feeling a tsunami of emotions. The first two days were great, where I walked the city alone, enjoying the pleasure that is in travelling solo. I have to admit, the first few (probably much more) hours were definitely a very strange feeling... Realized that the only thing I was running away from for the past semester (or even the past year) was from myself.

Myself - who was so afraid of being alone that I latched on to anyone that came on. Looking back, as perfect as thing seemed on the surface with Shuet, I guess things were far from perfect. The chase (which lasted almost an entire year) was definitely I sought so desperately after things ended strangely with Michelle. But when I asked her to be my girlfriend, despite the glaring warning signs that week, everything seemed to take a turn for the better. Up till... Chinese New Year where she couldn’t take my tight grip and wanted to break up - but she decided to give me a chance to change. Further down the road, after many chances, I suppose I just... couldn’t do it. I guess I handled the breakup so fucking badly because it just felt it didn’t make sense at all. How could it be that someone who loved me and cared for me so much would simply leave like this? Without a fight? And I failed, terribly, trying to see things from her perspective - and I guess this is my biggest flaw.

She tried, she definitely did, over and over again, to want to love me and continue loving me. But I disappointed her, over and over again - especially that week where she came down, twice, to hall to find me but I pressured her to do physical stuff. Be a man, Yiwei, and take responsibility for your own mistakes.

And I did... at least I thought I did during the finals mugging period in Y1S1. And Sharmaine came along - everything seemed so effortless. All the times we went out, it felt so peaceful. Drinks at the bar, listening to music at Helipad, escaping the rain (driving about frantically around the North), lying down at Marina Barrage. And me, being me, wanted to latch on to this so fucking badly. And I pushed, put in a creepily amount of effort, which eventually scared her off. Somehow, I managed to shove this aside - deleting every vestige of her existence from my phone and unfollowing her on social media - till now....

But first, Sharon. I suppose time really does wonders. Now, almost an entire week without talking (rather proud of myself for being able to hold back), I’m gaining clarity every single day. How we rushed into the ecstasy of physical connection and tried to force things to the way they were. Spending Christmas Eve and New Year’s Even was probably a testament to this - how we were probably both just too... afraid to be alone that we spent so much time together, like she said, doing anything and everything. And when the semester started, priorities changed, tensions heightened and things just went downhill. At least I get to keep her as a friend...? Or do I want her back...? Really need to think this through the next few weeks.

But me, being me, needed an escape from all of this. Figured going to Melbourne to find Sharmaine will be a good idea, and I suppose things didn’t turn out as badly as I figured. When I saw her that night at the train station, she felt so... foreign and distant. But there’s just something - the ability to put me at ease and relaxed I suppose? The Saturday spent was amazing - “hiking” (somewhat) to places we both have never ventured to before and simply admiring the beauty of nature beside one another was simply breathtaking... The night was frustrating though - she spent a good hour and half on the phone with her friend planning her trip back to Singapore and I realized... What a fool I was, to think that I was that special. So what if she was willing to come to the city and spend a few nights to you? The way she spoke to her friend was the exact same tone in which she conversed. Worse still, she sounded even happier talking to him. But then again, who am I to set all these expectations? Before I knew it, I was on the flight home back to Singapore. And everything - those adventurous days, the nights spent stroking her hair and ear, the morning spent tracing the outline of her face - seemed like a dream.

And now, back to reality. Treat her like a friend. Nothing could ever and would ever happen with her. She mentioned explicitly about how she doesn’t want a long-distance relationship and spoke about how her ignoring of her friend’s confession was for him to get the hint. Anchor yourself, Yiwei, to these thoughts. That worrying and overthinking is praying to the Devil for a weary and tired mind.

Another thing weighing me down greatly - parents and home. Why does it feel so exhausting, suffocating and draining spending time with them? Every question asked, every statement made, every action executed seems to annoy me to the fullest extent. For instance, when Mum asked about Sharmaine’s photo frame, she clearly had no intentions at all. I’ve distilled it down to this - it’s not that I’m ascribing intention, but I’m channeling the negativity accumulated throughout the entire day (frustration, disappointment and anger) and father and mother, unnecessarily amalgamating the entire day into a ball of emotion.

Let’s try this, tomorrow onward. No matter how annoyed I get, I will pause. Separate the heart and mind. Don’t take things personally and respond aggressively. For instance, Dad was just trying to joke around when asking about the camera, but I allowed the frustration of everything to make me emotionally heightened and almost caused an argument. The same for Mum asking about Sharmaine’s photo frame - I let the memories of her asking about Sharon and Shuet flow to the present and reacted unnecessarily.

So, from now on, pause. You have the energy, abundant energy, if you stop defending yourself and your ego. Let go, let loose, love my family and my friends. Be better, Yiwei.

The past and memory of the past tells us where we have been and what we have experienced. Like a boat, the wake doesn’t drive the boat. Your past does not determine your present.

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