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clairecrive · 4 years

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“Chaos”- Bane x OC [Requested]

After a long therapeutic writing session, I’m back with some Bane goodies as promised! this was requested a long time ago by a girl on wattpad but idk why I never had enough ideas/inspiration to finish it until a couple of days ago. And so here it is. It’s been a while since I’ve written so I’m hoping this isn’t that shitty lol. Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Tag list: @mollybegger-blog, @br0ck-eddie, @of-love-and-of-the-sea, @evelynshelby, @shadow-of-wonder, @deaflikehawkeye, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @fandom--0verdose, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)

Blending in the shadows had always been the accomplishment Ace was the proudest of. Throughout the years, she had mastered it to the point of perfection, so much so that even the man who claimed to own the shadows hadn't been able to spot her. She wasn't there to spy on them so she'd eventually come forward and make her presence known. Only when the time was right though. For now, she had to listen and observe.

When she heard the mercenary give the last instructions to his men and was about to dismiss them, Ace decided it was time to come forward.

"That's an excellent plan indeed, except that it will fail." Emerging from the shadows she walked into the room with confident strides. As soon as they saw her, the men pointed their guns at her. However, she didn't pay them any mind. Ace's eyes and focus were solely on the burly muscular man standing at the centre of the room. He was in control, that much she knew, alas the men wouldn't move a muscle without his permission.

"I didn't ask for your opinion, did I?" Straightening his posture, his hands landing on the straps of his vest, Bane quickly shut the intruder up.

"Nevertheless, I gave it to you. Now, you should be wise and take it because I'm right." Standing in front of him, Ace held her head high for better holding his gaze. From this position, she could see how he was able to instil fear in everyone. However, Ace acted as if the difference in height was nothing more than a fact. Like he was a man and her a woman.

"And why would you know anything about strategies and plans?"

"Does this mean that you don't recognize me then?" Pouting, Ace twirled a strand of her hair between her fingers. To be fair, Ace was pretty known in the underworld. Being the right hand of a mass murderer and a sociopath will do that to you.

"Should I?" Ace knew it was his way of minimizing and mocking her but she only mirrored his smirk. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"Well, no matter. You should know though that I'm pretty good at this stuff. Me and my partner were quite famous."

"I don't entertain myself with gossip." Was his simple answer almost as if he was explaining to a little girl that no, he didn't play with dolls.

"Anyhow, I don't need my reputation to speak for me. Hear me out, let me be a part of your plan and then you'll see why he called me Ace." She proposed feigning confidence. To be fair, she knew that putting herself in the mercenary's dent could be extremely dangerous. Bane had the power to end in her life with just a snap of his fingers. However, Ace was sure of her abilities and she knew that Bane was a good strategist so he'd be able to see that.

"Ace up my sleeve?" He arched his brow at the not so subtle wordplay. What could you expect from a clown, Bane smugly concluded.

"You get the point then, great. I'll admit that I hated the name at the beginning. I'm more than a plan B, even my partner knew that. It was just for show. The only difference between men and women is cultural, after all." This was a fight Ace would always advocate for. Hell, her whole existence and the role she played were a testament to that. Of course, since the very first moment she started, Ace knew that in a predominantly male business she'd have to deal with a lot of sexism and belittling. But she was ready, she'd endured it all and now she'd mastered the art of shutting them up exposing their ignorance.

"Plato." He noted. Would you look at that. The notorious Bane, infamous mercenary and revolutionary, was familiar with the classics to the extent that he could recognize whose quotation it was. Remarkable.

"I'm surprised you know." She had to give him that. One had to give credit where credit is due.

"I know plenty of things." Well, now he was just being cocky. He could afford that, sure, but that didn't make it less annoying.

"Of course you do," she replied with a smug smile, "So what about that plan you were talking about?"

"You realize what you're getting into, don't you?"

"And you'll realize who you're dealing with because apparently, you don't yet."

"Very well." Nodding, he mutedly allowed her to join him. Returning to the map he was previously looking at, he moved so that there was enough space for her to stand next to him.

"Let's hear your idea then," he prompted her and she could feel the challenge in his tone. One she gladly took.

Once she offered him her plan, a better plan, that highlighted the weakness of the previous one, Bane valued his options and at the end, without any reservation, admitted that hers was indeed the most practical and efficient one. They were now all shackled in a van, armed to their necks, ready for the mission. She was sat in the backseat behind Bane who was sat in the passager seat, arm in her hands. They weren't the only one in the car, there were at least other five of Bane's soldiers but the only sound you could hear was the ones coming from the streets. Maybe it was because she was used to working with someone who couldn't shut up to save his life, but the silence was growing to be deafening.

"So, are sitting in front of us because you're big as a mountain or because you're the boss?" Her voice cut through the quiet vehicle. The men around and behind her didn't move a single muscle to show that they had heard her. However, Bane turned around slightly, now the sound of his mask hissing was louder and clearer. If looks could kill, Ace would at least have been cut by his.

"You should stay focused. This mission is extremely important. I won't tolerate any incompetence." He admonished her like a father would a little girl. And while Ace wouldn't mind that comparison in another context, wink wink, she also wouldn't mind if he was a bit looser.

"Please," rolling her eyes she leaned against the back of his seat, her mouth next to his ears since his face was still turned to her, "you really don't know anything about me, do you?" Feigning offence, her dark red painted lips pouted, Ace quickly wondered if he was just messing with her or if he was really clueless. Bane struck her as a quite thorough person, he'd have certainly done a background check on her by now. No matter, she decided, he's going to know soon either way.

"I'll just have to show you how I got my nickname, then," The pout had now shifted to a smirk and she leaned back to her seat. Her attention back out of the window while Bane's eyes lingered on her face a little longer before he turned back, imperceptibly shaking his head. This woman could either turned out to be a blessing or a curse. Now it wasn't the moment for such thoughts though, he had a mission to accomplish.

Since traffic hadn't been that bad, they had gotten to their destination quicker than expected. The van they were in pulled right outside the building they were going to sack, Gotham's bank, while the other vehicles and consequently Bane's men, parked on a secluded street right where the back exit of the building was. Those people were literally never going to see them coming. Before climbing out of the car, they assessed the situation, controlling that the information they got, on which they were basing the success of their plan, was still correct. Ace could only wait 'till Bane had finished his check-ups since she was sitting behind him and it was one of those cars where people in the back had to climb out through the reclined seat in front of them. The men were busy with their tools and electronic devices to notice that a slight change in plans was going to be needed.

Ace watched as a black limo neared the building and eventually stopped in front of it on the other side of the street. Whoever was in the car had to be someone important, not only because of his expensive choice of cars but also because he wasn't travelling alone. When a suited man stepped out of the car, he was immediately followed by a group of bodyguards as he made his way inside. Ace hadn't recognized the man, she hadn't even had the chance to look at his face but she knew that he wasn't supposed to be there. Her and one of Bane's hacker had studied the schedule for every single employee working that day and also the manager's one too. He wasn't scheduled. That also confirmed her theory of him being someone somewhat important along with wealthy since everybody knew that there was at least a one-month waiting list to be received by the bank's manager. And here he was instead, this mystery man who had put a glitch in their operation, that calmly strolled over the security checks like he owned the very ground he was walking on. Ace hated men like that. Here was another thing she had in common with Bane.

"He shouldn't be here." Bane's voice met her ears. Without turning to him, her eyes still in front of her trying to assess the number of the armed men, Ace simply nodded to let him know that she'd heard him.

"We'll have to use a different approach." She pointed out as the layout of a new plan was slowly forming in her mind.

"We should wait for other of my men to join us. We're not prepared to face such a number." Bane huffed, annoyed for the delay that this hitch was going to cause.

"Nonsense," Ace disagreed facing him, "I have an idea." A smug smirk formed on her face as she explained what her plan entailed. She was just going to need two men with her while Bane and every other man were to enter from the back. This was they were going to sneak up on those snob men up there and get what they came here for.

"Have you failed to see the van parked right there, which holds at least ten fully armed men? How are you going to hold them off with just two men? I was not aware you were suicidal." The patronizing tone in his voice was evident but Ace tried to ignore it. He doesn't know what you're capable of, she told herself. Not yet, she concluded.

"That's because I'm not. This is the second time you underestimate me, Bane. However, I won't take it personally since you've yet to see me in action. I assure you I'm more than capable of what I'm telling you." Her face now void of any smugness, her eyes solemn as she spoke, Bane wondered if she was too full of herself.

"What is the other name others call you?" He asked, knowing it had everything to do with her choice now that he saw her infamous smirk making a comeback.

"I'm the Lady of Chaos, oh great Bane. Whenever I go, that's what I bring and that's what I leave as a trail," sure of herself, Ace elaborated and in front of her confident façade, Bane could do nothing other than believing her.

"For your sake, I hope you deserve that title," he observed before he signalled to his men that it was time to move. While they silently climb out to make it to the back entrance unseen, Ace and the two men Bane chose, walked to the bank's entrance. To avoid drawing unwanted attention to them, she tried to make small talk with them. Attempted to tell a lame joke either, just to sell the idea that they were a group of friends and not some mercenaries on a mission. Despite the sketchiness of their clothes, they somehow managed to walk in without catching the eye of the mystery man's security.

As soon as they stepped in, the two security officers gestured for them to walk through the metal detector. That won't sit well with the two gun Ace was wearing but that won't be a problem. Not a second after the loud alarm of the detector was heard, Ace drew the gun shooting some warning bullets in the air before pointing to the officers that had stepped near her. Just like the two men behind her did. Understanding that they were greatly outnumbered, the officers hold their hands up letting their arms go.

"Now now gentlemen, would one of you be so kind as to show me your office?" Taking the piss out for men was Ace's favourite thing. She nodded the men to walk in front of her while the two mercenaries guarded the entry door.

She didn't have to walk long since their office was near the security check. Both men walked in and waited for Ace to instruct them what to do. She saw them glance at each other causing her to roll her eyes, she knew what was going through their heads.

"What a big of a fool do I have to be to have wondered away alone with two strong me like yourself, you must be wondering. Am I right?" She waited a bit before speaking again. Not that she was waiting for them to answer, merely for the theatrical effect. "But of course, because after all women are not that strong, are they?" Lowering her guns, she walked in front of them.

"I have taken upon me to prove everyone who would think that wrong," she foretold hinting at what she was going to do. But of course, they were too idiot to take the hint and so the same ease one would steal candy from a baby, Ace knocked them out with her guns. With the right amount of strength, one hit was all it took.

Chuckling while admiring her work, she felt oddly reworded. Men, she thought shaking her head. Taking her eyes away from their bodies, she looked around the room to look for what she needed.

"Ah," reaching for it she pushed the button that would ensure their plan could be carried out with any more surprises. The front doors of the bank automatically locked while a bulletproof gate quickly lowered, keeping out the inconvenience that was those armed men. Hearing the noise, Bane knew it was his signal to proceed. And so he did, swiftly and quickly making his way inside the building and the floor where he knew his target was.

In the meantime Ace that was soon joined by Bane's men, was making sure that all the people on the floor understood perfectly what they had to do and what will happen to them if they didn't obey. Once she was certain the situation was under control, she strolled to the floor where Bane was. He had been there for almost 15 minutes now, he should be about to finish by now. The two men that she had left behind knew that they had to join them in about five minutes so that they could leave unnoticed through the back entrance.

She reached the highest floor and was pleased to see that bane's men had subdued the guards and the bodyguards of the mystery man who had got caught in this. Smirking she saluted him as if to say "well done". It wasn't hard to spot the room where Bane was. Yes, it was the only room on the floor, right at the end of the hallway. But the screams coming out of it were a dead giveaway too. The mystery man was putting up a fight and causing problems, hence the screams.

Stepping in the room and assessing the situation, Ace could see that Bane was having no problem at all in dealing with the manager. The smug look he sent her way, confirmed that thought letting her know that he was almost done. So she turned to cause of such ruckus and noise.

"What's got your panties in a twist dear?" Using a patronizing tone, she crunched to be at his eye level.

"Of course he has a whore at a hand. What is your problem, lady? Don't you see he's a fucking beast?" Struggling in the mercenaries' grip, the man barked outraged. Ace couldn't stop herself from laughing in his face. Men.

"Haven't you heard? Behind a beast, there's a prince." Roughly patting his face, Ace readied to deliver the last blow. She had nothing against this young man. Well, apart from the fact that she hated everything he stood for and the city herself. Now, however, things had gotten personal. She hated misogynistic men, and even more misogynistic slurs.

She smiled sweetly at him, the gestured in sharp contrast of the movement of her hand. But that's what she wanted. Messing with his head so that he wouldn't be able to see her blow coming. And, as a matter of fact, he didn't. And that alone gave Ace immense satisfaction. Even more than seeing the red print of her hand on his cheek.

"Oh, and another thing," she feigned to have just remembered something, "don't ever refer to women you don't like as whores, okay? For future references." She added smiling with her lips in a thin line. "Good boy," stretching her legs she lifted from her position and moved aside knowing that now it was Bane's turn to deal with him.

Since he wasn't supposed to be here, Ace didn't know if he had been one of Bane's targets or if he had just become one. No matter, she knew that Bane would either let him leave to tell the tale and warn others or if he'd just kill him to avoid any further inconvenience. As the masked man walked toward them with long calculated strides, Ace knew. The man wasn't going to get the chance to put her advice into practice. And it seemed that the man understood that too and showed that he hadn't understood his lesson since he started begging her, thinking her as the weak one.

"Don't you have a heart?" The man pleaded to try to appeal to her humanity but it only made her laugh.

"Isn't it funny that people always assume that you're heartless?" She pondered out loud looking at Bane, "instead of facing the fact that maybe it's this wicked world we live in that made us who we are." Finishing her thought, she bent down so that her mouth was close to the man's ear.

"I wasn't born without a heart nor with all these scars, neither of us were." She whispered like it was a secret but really, was it so hard to understand? Quickly glancing around her shoulder, she made sure that Bane knew her next move. He slightly nodded. She had his approval.

"We are a product of the circumstances of our lives, Bane." Finishing the man off, she stood up rubbing the dirt off her hands and turned to the masked man. "We're not so different, you and I."

"While I'm not sure about the accuracy of that statement, I wouldn't mind having an ace up my sleeves." The wrinkles around his eyes became more evident as he recalled the wordplay she had used during their first meeting. But that wasn't his style. "Or you could be my Lady of Chaos, my Persephone." He added displaying once again his knowledge of the classics, unaware that it was the perfect way to appeal to her. After that and after seeing the way he worked, the way he had treated her, with respect, like they were equals, she didn't need any further convincing. She was sold. Taking the hand he was offering her, she sealed the deal. He could be the Hades to her Persephone. Both roles unexpectedly fitted them perfectly. Content for the successful outcome of the mission and the allegiance that had just been sealed, they both walked out without rush knowing that they were in control. Useless were the police sirens that were approaching. They didn't stand a chance against them. And while they didn't know it yet, as Bane and Ace glanced at each other once they were sat in the car, she knew that everyone was going to know it pretty soon. Very soon.

A/N: for anyone who doesn't know the name Persephone means "the one who brings chaos", so I thought it was extremely fitting Ace.

#bane #bane dcu #bane imagine #bane x oc #bane fic #bane one shot #the dark knight rises #TDKR #tom hardy bane #tom hardy imagines #bane fanfiction #i missed writing for him

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years

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Who are your favorite reddie bloggers and fic writers?

writers

Leigh @s-s-georgie

Leigh is one of my favourite writers in the fandom, hands down. She has such a wide variety of fics, from soulmates to fluff, to horror. Her writing is so diverse and I can completely confirm that you will all love her fics! She also has an interactive fic which touches all corners of ships! She is also the queen of bottom Richie, so if you ever want to fill a bottom Richie need, she literally has a series called “Bottom Richie Extravaganza” so just head on over there and your needs will be fulfilled! She also doesn’t just write Reddie fics, she has got a whole series for Rarepairs which include; Stozier, Steddie, Hanzier, Stanlon, Bichie, Benverly, Stenbroughzier, Stenbrough and Streddie.

AO3 - leighwrites

Favourite Fic - Liberté

El @tozier-boy

El is my best friend and my first real friend in the fandom. She is such an amazing fic writer but an even more amazing artist. If you reach out to her, she will be open to commissions so if you’d like her to draw you something then just drop her a message! Her art is so unique and beautiful, and her interpretation of Richie is just…damn. In regards to her writing, she has written a few amazing Reddie fics and has even collabed with me on the Titanic Fic and Anastasia fic. I highly suggest you check out her stuff, she is a genius both with words and with art.

AO3: Enj0ltaiRe

Favourite Fic: This is where I leave you (sitting in a palace, covered in gold inside my head)

Art Tag | Ko-Fi

Monse @jem-carstairs-is-perfection

Oh my god, if you ever want to read nothing but reddie fluff, Monse is the person you want to go to. She is so talented with her interpretation of reddie and how beautiful their love is. Smut? Amazing. Fluff? Gorgeous. Angst? On point. She also has an amazing Harry Potter Au that was co-written with Amelia, that you definitely have to check out! She also doesn’t only write for Reddie but for; Bichie & Stanlon that you definitely have to check it out, you won’t regret it.

AO3: Mseg_21

Favourite Fic: one caramel macchiato, on me

Allie @tozierking

Allie, the Queen of Smut, one of my favourite long time writers! She has written so many amazing fics for the reddie fandom that you absolutely just have to go and check them out. She has a fic called “to all the dicks that worked before” which is a friends with benefits fic that you all need to read. As I mentioned before, Allie’s smut is literally the best thing you’ll ever read so please, please go check out her blog and her writing!

AO3: morganlights

Favourite Fic: relationship status: dumbass

Ashley @richietoizer

Ugh, Ashley. Ashbot. Another one of my all time favourite writers in this fandom because most of her fics feel really realistic. They have the perfect balance between romance, smut and angst that it is just…perfect. Her sitcom style fic is just, ugh, the best thing I have ever read in my life. It’s called Semi Charmed Life and it’s…yeah. It’s a definite must read. She is also the writer of the runaway reddie fic series…which is one of my all time favourite AUs, just saying!

AO3: ashleygail

Favourite Fic: No You Can’t Fence Time, And You Can’t Stop Love

Amelia @tinyarmedtrex

Amelia is an author who has literally written almost every type of AU out there, and all of them are amazing. From Reddie to Stanlon (and even some non IT Fandom pairings) she is exceptionally talented. Some of her fics that you definitely need to check out include; Cruise Control, Rattle the Stars and The App. She also writes for Stanlon (her favourite couple let’s be honest), Stenbrough, Stozier and Benverly. Also, her favourite trope is fake relationship so if that is your trope then you’ve come to the right place!

AO3: tinyarmedtrex

Favourite Fic: Operation: Hawaii Honeymoon

Diana @thundercatseddie

Diana is a new writer to the fandom, but don’t let that detter you as she has written so many amazing fluffy reddie prompts that will rot your teeth! She is a great writer that will make you smile and cry at the same time. She has also written a bottom Richie fic, which is so damn hot so please check it out! I was also one of the first people to follow her and send her a prompt that resulted in the cute fic “Coffee Shop Angel” so go read that!

AO3: dianawritesfic

Favourite Fic: Make It Up To You

Meg @that-weird-girls-blog

Meg (previously @mrs-vh) is such a talented writer and you should all go and follow her new blog that she made! ^^. Not only does she write some beautiful reddie fics, but she has also written a lot of Stanlon that you definitely need to check out if you like those soft boys. Her mermaid Eddie fic is beautiful and you should all give it a read, as well as her fake boyfriend Stanlon fic!

AO3: mrs_vh

Favourite Fic: The One Where He Is A Dog Walker

Ruve @eduardoandale

Ruve! My cute beautiful amazing Australian love! She is such a cute, lovely amazing person who deserves so much love from everyone so please go follow her, you won’t regret it! She hasn’t written a lot of fics, but the ones that she has as cute and sweet and just…damn yeah. So adorable. She is also such an amazing friend so yeah, she is just so funny and cute.

AO3: Ruve

Favourite Fic: Resolution

Emily @reddie-for-anything

Emily was one of the first writers that I discovered in the fandom, and since then her fics have only just gotten better! Her use of description in the fic is just, wow, so amazing and it really puts you in the scene. She is also a writer who writes for other pairs other than Reddie. Stozier, Stanlon, Kaspbrough, Benverly. You have loads to choose from! Her Baseball Eddie fic is amazing as well as her fic “Sex sent me to the ER”. Go check out her fics!

AO3: the_lazy_eye

Favourite Fic: Pastel Sprinkles

McKenna @oldguybones

Okay, where to start with McKenna? She is so amazing and her works never fail to disappoint me. If you like cute fluffy fics, as well as fics with a sprinkle of angst? McKenna is your woman. I can’t say that I have read a fic by her that I haven’t loved with my whole soul, so you certainly won’t be disappointed with what you find when you check out her blog and her fics. She is also a writer who writes for Benverly, Stozier and Stanlon, which is always a bonus in my eyes!

AO3: Oldguybones

Favourite Fic: On The Air

Xander @xandertheundead

One of the first ever fics I read from Xander was her little drabbles about Richie being an artist and falling in love with the mysterious EFK. That fic is so intriguing you must definitely have to check it out. She has a perfect mix of fluff and angst, which is an almost equal balance. She also has a damn amazing Superhero AU called “Unconditional” that you absolutely must check out!

AO3: Xander_The_Undead

Favourite Fic: Color You Mine

Sorch @queen-sock

Sorch has written some beautiful, sweet fics that would just melt my heart. The 14:23 from FL to ME? Gorgeous! She also has written some amazing smut fics, so you should definitely check out that fic also. There is a whole treasure trove of fics there that you all need to check out!

AO3: thefutureisbright

Favourite Fic: Sugar, Honey, Honey

Sara @richietoaster

Sara, once again one of the first writers I came across in the fandom when I joined two years ago. All of her fics just make me smile, as they are all so fluffy and happy. Her smut is also on point, but it is also like…romantic at the same time? Just, please go read her stuff, she is amazing. Her ‘Best of Me’ fic? Gorgeous. I love her a whole lot so yeah, go check her out!

AO3: richietoaster

Favourite Fic: Steady Feet, Don’t Fail Me Now

artists

Gwen @caliceal

Oh my god, this art is just, some of my all time favourite art that I have ever seen in my entire existence. Each update brings a smile to my face and it is even better than the last. She deserves so much recognition for their work so please, go follow them and like and reblog their work because it is really, really just perfect! Not sure if she has a Ko-fi or does commissions but if you ask I’m sure you’ll get a reply.

Madi @madi-artist

Madi! A new friend I have made in the recent months and her art is stunning! I can’t really describe my feelings when I see the art by Madi as it always just, makes me smile like a crazy person. If you don’t follow her, please go and follow her now and search through her art tag! It’ll make you smile, I promise! She also does accept commissions, but unsure of the completion timeline. Just pop her a message if you’re interested!

Holly @violetreddie

Holly is also another new friend I have made recently and she is so kind and sweet, I love her so much. She is an artist and her work is just beautiful. The style and the detail that goes into each one of her drawings just amazes me. So please, go give her the recognition she deserves! Not sure if she has a Ko-fi or does commissions but if you ask I’m sure you’ll get a reply.

Lili @liliemm

Lili! Damn, Lili is such a talented and sweet human being. She is so helpful and sweet and her art? Damn her art is well…a work of art! Her version of Eddie is just so cute and beautiful, so much detail is put in and she even filled a commission for me for one of my fics, so you should definitely go follow her for her amazing work! You won’t regret it!

Ko-Fi

@slashpalooza

To be honest, Slash is one of the best artists for fanart I have ever seen in my life, and this is before I even get to the brilliance that is the reddie-fancomic. If you haven’t read it, please go check it out, as it is so brilliantly done. I won’t give away any spoilers, so please just go and check it out. If you guys also want to see uncensored chapters to the fancomic, sign up to be a patreon for her! I’ll link it below!

Patreon || Ko-Fi

Michelle @ayyyymichele

Ahh, Michele’s work is like, the cutest damn thing you’ll ever see! She is also the runner of the ask-eddiekasp blog, which is literally a blog filled with amazing art by this lovely human being, done in the form of an ask blog. Seriously, go and check it out, it is just so damn cute and ugh, I am just smiling writing all of this. Not sure if she has a Ko-fi or does commissions but if you ask I’m sure you’ll get a reply.

A/N: This fandom is just full to the brim with so many amazing writers, artists, moodboard makers, playlist creators, you name it the fandom has it. Sometimes we need to just take a step back and appreciate the content that these amazing people create for us. Please take the time to go and follow everyone on this rec list, as they really do provide us with the content we love and treasure and help keep the fandom alive. That’s all I really have to say, this was pretty long winded so I’ll cap it off here. Thank you for listening to my rambling :D

#reddie #fic rec #fanart

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theonyxpath · 5 years

Link

With the Creature Collection for Scarred Lands 5e Kickstarter funded and scuttling along, and the Deviant: The Renegades Kickstarter starting this Thursday, we will actually have two KSs running at once for most of their duration.

To be fair, the Creature Collection KS is being run by our friends at Handiworks Games (who also created this gorgeous book of monsters), but it is on our new KS site. Deviant will be run on our long-time KS site with my name on it, and ably run by our own Kickstarter Concierge, James Bell.

As to the whys and wherefores, well, for a while we’ve struggled with a limitation that we can’t run more than one campaign at a time on a single KS site. There’ve been times that we had two very different sorts of projects that we didn’t think would overlap much audience-wise, but one had to wait for the other. So I started looking for options.

Aeon Aexpansion art by Grzegorz Pedrycz

One direction – that we’re still looking at – is to go with a different crowd-funding site. The biggest drawback? They aren’t Kickstarter, so our established audience would need to jump to the new platform. Additionally, we too would have to adapt and adopt a new platform’s processes and quirks.

So we keep looking.

(Another option is to move to pre-orders, which we as a company have not dabbled in, but which I am all too aware of since the many years of White Wolf pre-orders and other traditional sales methods. They work, but I sure feel like we’d be losing a lot of the fun that a KS brings to our interactions with our community. Might give one a try, though).

Meanwhile, I set up a new KS account specifically designed as Onyx Path‘s account, not mine. I gotta tell you, with all the internet harassment out there, I’ve gotten a fair bit just by having my name and picture and bio on that site. Plus, with our delightful KS Concierge James Bell running them now, it can get a tad confusing as to who folks are talking to.

We’re still expecting that it’ll be a longer road to get folks used to the Rich Thomas KS account over to the Onyx Path one – but I think it’s a shorter road than trying to get folks to jump to another whole platform. Plus, the original Scarred Lands Players Guides KS wasn’t run by us anyway, it was run by the late Stewart Wieck as his company and Onyx Path co-owned Scarred Lands at that time.

My thinking was that we were going to have to ask that earlier group of backers to find a new site anyway, why not have them go to our new one and give it a try?

Dark Eras2 art by Brian LeBlanc

Like I mentioned above, we’re also looking at two very different projects. Creature Collection is a great monster book overall, but very much geared to the fantasy genre, Scarred Lands, and 5e with all the twenty-sided rolls to hit and all.

Deviant: The Renegades is the very latest Chronicles of Darkness game line, a gritty world where you seek revenge on those who made you into something… else. It uses the 10-sided dice pool system all of the Chronicles of Darkness lines do, and is a complete game unto itself.

Of course, we’d love it if our audience would completely overlap both these and pledge for them both – that’d be great! But our expectation is that there won’t be much of a mix and one part of our Many Worlds, One Path community will back one KS, and another will back the other.

Creature Collection is also set up to have a different KS experience, with the biggest chunk of the book already finished – I mean laid out and everything – but one of the fun parts of the KS is to have backers pledge for rewards that allow them to add monsters, and for monsters to be added after Stretch Goals are achieved. So more pledges, bigger book!

Deviant is set up as most of our recent KSs have been, and backers can expect to have the full text released to them as the weeks go by. Art and layout are still mostly in the future, but everyone can see exactly what this new game is all about by the end of the KS. Stretch Goals will be mostly for new projects to add to the fun of playing Deviant!

So c’mon and check them out – in their own ways, each is a really excellent book, with a fun KS to get it started!

VtR2 Spilled Blood art by Michele Giorgi

In the Monday Meeting today, we also talked about a new project that is being offered for free on DTRPG. No, it’s not one of ours, it’s Consent in Gaming from Monte Cook Games, written by Shanna Germain and Sean K. Reynolds. https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/288535 Basically, it’s a book of advice on how to make sure that scary, disturbing, or freaky events during TTRPG sessions don’t actually mess up the players.

That’s it.

Part of the advice is a handy worksheet that has lists of possible things that might cause issues with the players that each player can go through and check off, with blank spaces to fill in things that you might have a hard time dealing with personally that aren’t on the pre-printed lists. The sheets are tools to be used, like several others like the X-Card that are now available for groups to use for their sessions if they choose to use them.

Judging by the commentary where this product is being discussed, Monte Cook is going to personally come to your group’s gaming session and put a gun the the heads of your gaming friends, and force everyone to fill out these forms. Nope. That’s obviously not going to happen, nor is anyone being forced to implement this tool, or any of the others, around their group’s table.

At the end of the day, these sorts of tools are designed to help players have better gaming experiences, and can be really helpful in assisting players who have previously had bad experiences to come back and give our hobby another chance. We want more people enjoying our hobby, contributing to it, and from my perspective, buying more books and games and stuff so that our creators can make more books and games and stuff.

Let’s not protest things designed to bring more people to our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

Kickstarter!

Our Creature Collection Kickstarter for Scarred Lands 5e went live last week, funded, and is advancing on creepy-crawly legs towards the first Stretch Goal to add more monsters – that the backers vote on – to the book! This book was designed with amazing art by our friends at Handiwork Games, and they’ll be running the Kickstarter for us on our brand-new Onyx Path Kickstarter page!

And, of course, our next Kickstarter is:

The Deviant: The Renegades Kickstarter launches this Thursday the 19th at 12 noon US Eastern time!

Onyx Path Media!

This Friday’s Onyx Pathcast features a recording of our What’s Up With Onyx Path Community Content panel from Gen Con, as well as the usual banter and tomfoolery with the Trio! Go to https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/ or to your favorite podcast venue!

The Onyx Path News had another live broadcast today, where Matthew spoke about the Creature Collection, Deviant: The Renegades, Canis Minor, the Slarecian Vault, the Storypath Nexus, You are not Alone, V5 Cults of the Blood Gods, and more, right here: https://youtu.be/98UQKnD_lSY

Please follow our Twitch channel if you haven’t already done so! Our schedule is filled with games including Vampire, Scarred Lands, TC: Aberrant, Pugmire, Scion, Mage: The Awakening, and Hunter: The Vigil! Visit www.twitch.tv/theonyxpath and give us a follow, and if you have an Amazon Prime membership and haven’t already subscribed to a Twitch channel for free using it, just type Amazon Prime Twitch into Google and please use it on our channel!

Remember, if you miss any content on our Twitch channel, some of it finds its way to our YouTube channel here: www.youtube.com/user/theonyxpath Don’t forget though, that some of that content is Twitch exclusive or belongs to the Storytellers running their games, so don’t miss out and remember to follow us!

The Botch Pit continue their actual play of Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2E, with their chronicle “Twice Shy” listenable right here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQfcGvYILEV1vznP5__bOWg

Occultists Anonymous appears on our Twitch channel with their Mage: The Awakening 2E chronicle, but if you’re after a breakdown of episodes, here’s 43 and 44: Episode 43: At the Round Table With Lynnewood Hall scoped out, the cabal rallies with their allies. Seers in Philadelphia must be confronted and the question of … booty is broached.https://youtu.be/r7OdSvwQvE4

Episode 44: Scooby-Doo Routine The cabal infiltrates the lair of the Seers, Lynnewood Hall, and come up against various magical and mundane defenses in search of their stolen Grimoire.https://youtu.be/RqBYdJzZTjQ

The Story Told Podcast have made an episode devoted to how they go about preparing for and running Exalted right here: http://thestorytold.libsyn.com/fall-of-jiara-episode-14-planning-a-campaign-with-terry-robinson

Plus, the ENnie award winning Red Moon Roleplaying continue their actual play of The Sacrifice, from V5 Chicago by Night, with Klara Herbol as the Storyteller and Matthew Dawkins as a player! Please check them out on www.redmoonroleplaying.com

Drop Matthew a message via the contact button on matthewdawkins.com if you have actual plays, reviews, or game overviews you want us to profile on the blog!

Please check any of these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scarred Lands (Pathfinder) books are also on sale at Studio2, and they have the 5e version, supplements, and dice as well!: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/scarred-lands

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And NOW Scion Origin and Scion Hero are available to order!

As always, you can find most of Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, we’re offering Pugmire character journals and stickers on our RedBubble store!

Conventions!

Save Against Fear: October 12th – 14th GameHoleCon: October 31st – November 3rd PAX Unplugged: December 6th – 8th 2020: Midwinter: January 9th – 12th

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Creating in the Realms of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Redlines

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Second Draft

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum Core)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Wraith20 Fiction Anthology (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad (Scarred Lands)

Vigil Watch (Scarred Lands)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

Development

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Creatures of the World Bestiary (Scion 2nd Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

TC: Aeon Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Titanomachy (Scion 2nd Edition)

Manuscript Approval

Creatures of the World Bestiary (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Post-Approval Development

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

V5 Chicago Screen (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Scion LARP Rules (Scion)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Editing

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

Let the Streets Run Red (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

Geist 2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Oak, Ash, and Thorn: Changeling: The Lost 2nd Companion (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Post-Editing Development

Chicago Folio/Dossier (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

TC: Aeon Ready-Made Characters (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

W20 Art Book (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

Indexing

Geist 2e (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution core (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

ART DIRECTION FROM MIKE CHANEY!

In Art Direction

Contagion Chronicle

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e – Sam on the fulls.

Ex3 Lunars – Contracted. More sketches coming in.

TCfBtS!: Heroic Land Dwellers – LeBlanc on this.

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Trinity RMCs – Contracted.

Cults of the Blood God (KS) – Contracted.

Chicago Folio – Getting some art notes out.

Mummy 2 (KS) – Characters being worked on, fulls next.

Memento Mori – Contracted.

City of the Towered Tombs – Contracted.

In Layout

They Came from Beneath the Sea!

Dark Eras 2 – Files with Aileen

Trinity Continuum Aeon: Distant Worlds

VtR Spilled Blood – In progress.

DR:E Threat Guide – Helnau’s Guide to Wasteland Beasties

Proofing

C20 Cup of Dreams

Signs of Sorcery – Prepping PoD files.

M20 Book of the Fallen – Josh inputting first round of corrections.

DR:E Jumpstart – Sent to Eschaton for approval.

CoM – Witch Queen of the Shadowed Citadel – With Rose for final approval.

At Press

Trinity Core Screen – At Studio2.

TC Aeon Screen – At Studio2.

Trinity: In Media Res – PoD proofs coming.

Trinity Core – Printing. PoD proofs ordered.

Trinity Aeon – Printing. PoD proofs ordered.

V5: Chicago – Files sent to printer.

Aeon Aexpansion – Backer PDFs out, errata.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Eight years ago today, Vampire 20th Anniversary Edition was released at the Grand Masquerade in New Orleans! Wow, a lot of stuff has happened since then with Vampire! Not to mention the rest of the White Wolf game lines, as well as this little not-so-old company of ours. Why it seems simultaneously both yesterday and a million years ago since I sat in the auditorium signing copies of V20 as the line stretched around the room and out of the door.

#Onyx Path Publishing

2 notes · View notes

scriptura-adrepticius · 6 years

Text

It’s OK - Cai Xukun

Hello, can I request something angsty with happy ending with our cutie Xukun?

My first request has now been finished :) I hope you enjoy it, anon!

Pairing: Cai Xukun x OC/reader

Genre: angst, fluff, college!au

Triggers: OC has depression (though not that severe), suicidal thoughts

Word Count: 8.4k

Life has thrown a lot of shit at you and sometimes you really want to give up. However, the appearance of a certain boy in your life makes you dare to hope that things could get better.

Masterlist

if you don’t appreciate cai xukun get the fuck off my blog

When you were born, Apollo graced you with the gift of music.

At three, when you first began piano, everyone was astonished. “This little girl practices two hours a day?” your parents’ friends would say, shocked. “That’s too much, isn’t it?”

No, it wasn’t. You loved music to the moon and back. And when Beethoven sonatas began flowing from your fingertips, they shut up.

As you grew, your skill did as well. A more suitable piano teacher was found for you, and you traveled the country, participating in regional, nationwide, and even international competitions. With each prize you won, with each check you received, your success grew.

To the point that it consumed your mother.

It was she who bought the piano, who found the teacher, who taught you the art of hard work so that you would succeed. It was she who took you to your lessons, who bought you the piano books, who recorded you at competitions and recitals.

It was she who bragged about you to other parents, who began sneaking your money into her bank account until your father stopped her, who slapped your hands when you played a note wrong. It was she who scribbled notes furiously at lessons, berated you for not listening to the teacher properly, who would tell you that you were a disgrace to the household, that if you were blessed with such talent, why couldn’t you play the piece properly?

Then there was the divorce. The whirlwind of papers, of court hearings, of arguments, of screaming and shouting and absolute pain. There was the choice you had to make, her or him.

You chose him.

That was when you lost the piano, you lost the money, and you lost your mother.

Your father’s words were that he didn’t care whether or not you were rich or poor, as long as he had you, he was content. And you were content too. You understood there was not enough money to pay for your music. Your teacher gave you free lessons, but there was no way for you to travel. No way for you to record professional performances and send in recordings. No way for you to continue, unless you paid your own way through.

You rented a piano and paid for it yourself, working two part time jobs. It took two years to own it.

You stayed up late with your teacher’s camera, moving things around the living room of your dingy house to make things look as professional as you could. You borrowed dresses from your teacher’s daughter. You applied for scholarships, for aid, for waivers, and received them all. Your career continued.

Then came college.

The best music school in the country accepted you with full tuition paid. Housing was found, a small apartment in a shabby quarter of the city but not too far from university. The piano was brought over and situated in your small home. You bid goodbye to your father, promising to visit when possible, if possible, and left him waving in the doorway of the small home as the taxi driver drove you away.

You never thought that would be your last time together, but it was. He died a year later from a previously undetected lung disease. All the money had gone to the hospital bills, and you couldn’t go home to see him.

Your last family, your greatest supporter, your father, gone.

You had no one left.

You stare listlessly at your aching hands before closing your eyes, exhaustion rolling over your body in crashing waves. It’s midnight, and the sky outside is pitch black.

Wouldn’t it be better to just give up?

That accursed voice in your head. You know you should ignore it, but that’s such an insurmountable feat to you. And with every little thing it says, the further it pushes you to the edge.

You open your eyes slowly, taking in the dark little room, the only sources of light being two small lamps. One rests on the piano, the other in front of you.

The piano. Your pride and joy. A tiny smile graces your features. A secondhand Yamaha upright sold to you by a kind gentleman whose daughter had switched to violin instead. It’s by no means gorgeous, but it’s not shabby either.

The piano gives you a little source of strength, that you’ve come this far and your father would never have wanted you to abandon yourself like this.

Day in, day out, this is your daily routine. Go to school. Do homework on the bus. Work one or both of your jobs. Come home. Practice. Sleep, maybe. The voice in your head never leaves, nagging you softly but insistently, some days louder than others, but never ceasing. Only the memories of your father and the sturdy, shiny piano in your living room give you hope.

~~~

Cai Xukun was blessed when he was born. By whom, no one is quite sure, because is there any one deity in charge of beauty, kindness, and music? No, Cai Xukun must have been blessed by them all, because how could a normal human be so talented?

He was rich, meaning he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. But he never let that get to him. Xukun was kind, ever so helpful to his peers. Everyone loved him, and if they didn’t, it was because they were jealous.

Music came naturally to him. He was a born dancer, and when he discovered hip hop, he was unstoppable. Cai Xukun’s name became known not just because of his parents, but because of his hard work and his talent.

He had a broadened perspective of the world, having gone to school abroad and experienced the mixing of cultures. He spoke good English, and even halfway across the globe, people loved him. It was impossible not to. Handsome, sweet, smart. A difficult combination to find in this warped society of today.

Not everything in his life was all good, though. He came back from America and signed with a company to become an idol. He debuted under SWIN, broke his back working hard for the company, and ultimately left for another company following a massive lawsuit that after much grueling work, he won.

The new company was kinder, no longer forcing him to pay out of his own pocket for promotional activities that were their own responsibility. He was accepted to the most prestigious art university in the country and went there with his friends.

Xukun laughs at something Ziyi said, dribbling the basketball to give his hands something to do. Dancing is great and all, but sometimes he craves something different, and that’s when he goes with the rest of the group to play basketball. The court is located kind of far from where they all live, a mostly-abandoned old park in a kind of shady part of the city, but he likes it there. It’s removed from the bustling hubbub of the inner city, and he can shout and enjoy himself without worrying about destroying his image.

His image. It’s something he’s cultivated over years. It’s the perfect Xukun that everyone sees, the sweet, handsome, clever boy that everyone falls in love with. In truth, Xukun isn’t just sweet, he isn’t just sexy, he isn’t just the picture-perfect boy at university. He’s so much more, and he wishes people could see that.

His friends know what he’s talking about. Most of them grew up in rich families, exposed to people since they were small. They know how to hide their true feelings behind a pretty smile, how to please people, how to be the perfect godsends they were meant to be. That’s why they’re so close.

Xukun’s routine is one he doesn’t mind. Go to university, do homework, train, maybe attend a dinner or dance or something like that if his parents want, train, and sleep. Some days he doesn’t sleep, but he doesn’t mind. He’s living his dream. Only one thing is missing, and that’s someone who he can lean on and spill all of his worries to. He has his friends, of course, but every one of them is preoccupied with their own things, and they’re busy most of the time.

He can’t just unload all of his worries and troubles on someone, anyway.

. . . . .

Exhaustion is just another part of your life now. It’s gotten to the point that you don’t even notice the dark circles under your eyes anymore. It doesn’t matter to you. No one except the professors ever want to talk to you, because they prefer to just whisper behind your back about your massive musical talent but apparent lack of social skills.

No matter. They’re not important to you. You’re just trying to make it through the day.

Just end it all, the vicious voice in your head whispers. No one will miss you, and your misery will be over.

It’s hard to not listen, but you make an effort anyway. Things are a little better when you land a gig as the background pianist at one of the Cai family’s famous parties. No one really pays attention to you, but the handsome son of the house is kind enough to talk with you a little on your break. His friends are pleasant as well, and you leave the hotel that night contented.

His name runs through your head. Cai Xukun. He has it all, you think. Looks, money, and a wonderful personality. You’ve heard he debuted in an idol group too.

It’s surprising when you see him across campus one day as you drag yourself to the café. You stop, shocked, before hastily turning away.

Just because he talked to you once doesn’t mean he will again, you think miserably. Anyway, you’re pretty much a peasant next to him. For his sake, he should probably stay away from you.

Too late, though.

“Liyun?!”

You swallow hard, turning around slowly to see Xukun in the same café you’re in. You brave a smile and wave a little. “Hi, Xukun.”

“I didn’t know you went here,” he says, intense gaze trained on you and making you blush. His gaze makes you feel like an open book, and that he’s reading every page.

“I could say the same for you.” You take your order, a small cup of hot chocolate, and take a sip, allowing the creamy sweetness to spread throughout your body. You turn away, ready to leave.

“Why are you in such a rush?” Xukun asks, placing a hand on your shoulder.

Maybe because I’m just an antisocial piece of trash and royalty like you shouldn’t be speaking to me.

“Uh…”

“Come on, sit with me,” he says, grinning. Trapped, you look at the door and then at the chair. Grudgingly, you sit down with him.

“What are you studying?” Xukun asks, taking a sip of his drink.

“Uh, I’m here for piano.”

“Should’ve guessed,” Xukun says, rolling his eyes a little. “You played really well at the party.”

At the word ‘party,’ a few people around you perk up, turning to look at you. You nervously smile at him, fingers gripping your cup like your life depends on it. “Thank you,” you say cautiously.

You can already hear the whispers.

Why’s she sitting with Cai Xukun?

What’s that I hear about her going to one of his parties?

Why would trash like her be going to a party anyway?

Jesus, I didn’t see it before, but those eyebags make her look just like a panda. Disgusting.

“I’ve… gotta go now,” you say quickly, your face becoming hot and uncomfortable from the looks you’re receiving. “I… have to get to work.”

“Aww.” Xukun pouts adorably, standing up as well. “I’ll see you around then, Liyun.” He flashes you a charming smile before leaving.

You walk out the door quickly, the cold air hitting you and providing a pleasant contrast to the heat of your face. “Oh my god,” you mumble.

~~~

Xukun is intrigued by you. You’re soft-spoken, not talkative, and humble, but you carry yourself with a certain grace that just catches his eye. You’re so talented and it’s obvious you work so hard, and he can’t help admiring you even though you’ve barely spoken to him.

It surprises him, but also not really, when he sees you in the campus café. He hasn’t seen you around campus, but with your skill it’s no surprise that you’re studying here. He’s eager to learn more about you so he’s pleased when you sit down with him, but it’s a shame you had to leave so early.

The anxious look on your face made it seem almost like you didn’t want to talk to him.

“Why the long face, Kunkun?” Zhengting asks, tossing him the ball.

“No reason,” Xukun answers, swishing the ball neatly through the hoop. Ziyi catches it easily, dribbling it on his way over. “You sure about that?”

Xukun rolls his eyes. After all, you’re just another person- interesting, but Xukun isn’t a stalker. It doesn’t make sense to mope about you, since you’ve only spoken to him what, three times? “Yes, I’m sure,” he replies, stealing the ball away.

Ziyi yells, chasing Xukun across the court as Zhengting laughs from the sidelines. They’re all laughing and yelling and running, and Xukun’s having so much fun that he almost doesn’t see the shadowy wisp of a girl walking down the street.

Xukun freezes, looking over his shoulder at you, his eyes narrowing slightly. For a moment, he’s not sure he’s seeing correctly, because why would you live in this kind of place? But then you pass under the glow of a streetlamp, and he catches a glimpse of your features.

You look absolutely exhausted.

“Ha! Gotcha!” Ziyi yells, snatching the ball out of Xukun’s hands. “What’re you looking at?”

“Nothing,” Xukun replies quickly. “I just thought I saw someone I knew, but there’s no way it’s them.”

He’s pretty sure his eyes didn’t lie, though.

. . . . .

Cai Xukun.

For some stupid, stupid reason, you can’t stop thinking about him.

The whole time you’re wiping down tables, washing dishes, and taking orders, he’s in the back of your mind. Maybe it’s his dashing looks, his kind smile, his innate comfortableness with almost everyone he speaks to.

Maybe it’s because that time he spoke to you at the party was the first time in years that someone had spoken to you as a friend.

It thrills you a little that Xukun wanted to talk to you today at the café. And you’d have loved to talk to him a little more, but there were too many people. Too many stares. And you’re not even worthy of being in his presence, you think with a cynical smile.

That’s right. You’re not good enough.

You scowl, scrubbing the plate just a little too hard. Stop it, you think. Stop.

The voice fades away and you sigh. It’s only a temporary relief, though. You know you’ll be feeling worthless again sometime soon.

You go back to thinking about Cai Xukun, because why the hell not, it provides a little respite from all the worries you shoulder every day.

When you go home and sit down at your piano, you browse through your stack of music books before alighting your eyes on a score you haven’t touched in a long time.

You haven’t played anything very… joyful in a while. Not since your father’s death. You’re not quite ready to start again, but you pick a piece that’s a little more lighthearted than the heavy, dense works you play every night.

Mendelssohn’s Rondo Capriccioso is a masterpiece. Like all other masterpieces, it tells a story within the pages of the score. Your fingers stumble a little as you try to recall the notes, but you close your eyes and let the music wash over you, trusting your subconscious to lead your hands where they’re supposed to go. By the end, a serene smile is on your lips, and you feel more content than you have in the past few weeks.

The next day, you feel a little happier as you step on the bus to uni. The faintly happy feeling stays with you until, not watching where you’re going, you stumble into someone whose name you can’t quite recall. Instead of accepting your hasty apology, the boy just gives you a look- you know that look- and walks away.

A bitter smile crosses your face as you continue to gaze in his direction.

It seems everyone’s abandoned you.

This time, you can’t help but agree with the voice a little. You don’t want to, but it’s not wrong.

The happy feeling is gone as you trudge to the music building. Just outside your professor’s office, you take a deep breath and fix a fake smile on your face.

Better fake than none at all, you think.

. . . . .

For a couple weeks, thing go well by your standards, which really aren’t that high. You continue to work, you hardly see Xukun, and you manage to scrape together enough money to pay another couple month’s rent in advance.

The second part could be taken in two ways, really. Xukun’s kind and you’d really like to see him again sometime, but the fear of rumors and unwanted attentions keeps you from actively seeking him out.

Sighing, you look into the dirty mirror, examining your haggard face with tired eyes.

“God,” you mumble, “my eye bags are horrible.”

You look like a fucking panda.

But what did I expect, anyway?

You huff, staring at your reflection. Your dull eyes stare back mockingly, reminding you again that you would be nothing save for your musical abilities. Reminding you that you are nothing, that you don’t have looks, you don’t have money, that you don’t have anything except your old piano.

You shake your head irritably. “Stop,” you tell yourself firmly. Bad thoughts will only bring bad luck.

That thought turns out to be true. Even though there’s probably no true correlation, you end up being fired from your waitressing job because the restaurant is failing.

It takes so much effort to get yourself out of bed the next day. You spend ten minutes just staring dully out of the still dark window, unable to find the motivation to stand.

Is the world really that against me?

To make matters worse, your professor proposes group performances for the upcoming showcase. It’s a huge event- some of the most famous musicians in the world come to watch, and even important members of the government have been known to attend.

It makes you sick to your stomach. You’ve been promised your solo, of course, but you’re not eager to work with anyone in your class. Half of them don’t know who you are, and the other half avoid you like the plague.

And oh god, oh god, why did you have to get paired with the one and only Fan Chengcheng?

The stares and whispers that accompany the announcement of your name nearly bring tears to your eyes, and when your professor dismisses class, you’re out of the door before he’s even done speaking.

The bus is nearly empty save for a few people here and there when you drag yourself on, sitting down in a seat in the back. The tears start flowing, and you stare out the window, hiding your face from everyone else out of sheer embarrassment.

Stop crying, you dumbass!

You wipe the tears silently, gulping to release the huge lump in your throat. The wetness continues to flow down your cheeks, however, and you angrily bring your arm across your eyes, harshly shoving the salty liquid away from your eyes.

Stop fucking crying! Why are you so weak? What the fuck, Liyun?

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

You whip around so quickly your neck nearly cracks, eyes widening at the sight of Cai Xukun.

Oh, no, please no…

You shake your head quickly, swallowing thickly. “Nothing,” you say unconvincingly. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit,” he says calmly, looking you directly in the eye. “You look exhausted.”

You can’t deny that. You must look absolutely horrible. “Sorry,” you mumble.

“Why are you apologizing?” he asks, gazing at you plainly. “You should really get some rest.”

“I’m fine,” you repeat. “I’ve survived for the past few years. I’m fine.”

“Survived?” Xukun raises an eyebrow at your choice of words.

The bus stops, and you look up to see you’ve reached your stop. “Well, would you look at that, it’s my stop.” You force a smile to Xukun, though your eyes are still red. “I guess I’ll see you around.” He opens his mouth as though to say something, but you’re gone before he does. You hurry off the bus as fast as you can.

Xukun looks out the window, scrutinizing you as you walk away. He watches you bring your arm against your eyes again, so harshly it looks like you’re trying to scrub the skin away from your face. He notes your clenched teeth and severe expression, a slight chill running down his spine.

He’s never seen anyone look so angry, yet so defeated.

~~~

You throw your backpack on the table, making it shake. There are no more tears, thank god, but your eyes are red and puffy and you’re so, so angry.

The world fucking hates you.

A disbelieving laugh bubbles in your throat, and you let it out, sinking to your knees. “Why,” you say hoarsely. “Why?!”

“Why did you give me this talent, if you were going to throw everything else you’ve got at me?”

“Why did you bless me, then leave me to drown?”

“Why?”

“Why?!”

“WHY?!”

You’re yelling, and you’ll probably get a noise complaint, but you’re too far gone to care. You just storm over to the piano, angrily tugging out the books containing the densest pieces you’ve ever played.

You can’t scream out your thoughts, so you convey them through the piano, hands sweeping across the keyboard in wide gestures, fingers digging into the keys with force. You play for hours, switching from one piece to the other, until it’s ten at night and your fingers are screaming and you’re exhausted.

Your hands are shaking, your body trembling, but there are no more tears to fall. You stare at the piano blankly, making no effort to move.

It hurts to breathe.

Your father is gone. Your mother is gone. Your childhood is gone. You are gone.

Only the piano in front of you remains constant, and you’re beginning to wonder if the sturdy instrument is even worth all this trouble of keeping yourself alive.

Your breathing is shallow, panting, harsh. Your eyes are hollow, and you feel numb. Numb to the world. Numb to the pain. Numb to everything.

You don’t feel hurt anymore.

You just don’t feel anything.

~~~

You’re in the back of Xukun’s thoughts for the next few days. He doesn’t see you around, but the expression you wore that day haunts him.

It was terrifying, to say the least.

Still, thoughts of you get pushed away in favor of social appearances, where he can’t let any worry show on his face. They come one after another- one of his parents’ parties, Zhengting’s birthday party, a dance, a corporate dinner.

It sickens him. The smile he wears becomes progressively faker and more exaggerated with every hand he shakes, with every kiss on the cheek he gives, with every polite conversation he has with some stupid official he cares nothing for.

And on top of all else, his parents are pushing him to bring a girl home. He remembers that conversation clear as day.

“Xukun, you know you need to carry on our line, right?”

He’d choked on his water. “What-”

“Your father is absolutely right,” his mother had interrupted, leaning towards her son. “You haven’t brought a single girl home so far, and I’m sure you have no shortage of admirers.”

Xukun had simply looked down sullenly, biting his lip hard.

Admirers don’t matter, Mom. They only see one side of me. What if I want to be with someone who actually knows me?

He just mumbled an “Okay.” Neither of his parents looked satisfied, but he was dismissed.

“Ge, do you know a girl named Liyun?” Chengcheng’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, and he nods quickly. “Yeah, why?”

“We got paired for a performance at the showcase,” Chengcheng explains. “I need to talk to her, but she ran out of class the day we were paired up and I don’t have her number. She wasn’t here today either.”

Xukun frowns. “I don’t have her number either. Sorry, Cheng.”

The younger boy shrugs. “I’ll catch up to her one way or another. Thanks, Kun.”

Liyun.

Xukun’s thoughts turn back to you, again wondering about just how bad your situation is for you to have looked so horrible at that moment.

. . . . .

You drag yourself to school after skipping a day to send out another twenty or so job applications. Once you enter the classroom, almost late, you see many heads turn in your direction. Instead of shrinking into yourself like you normally would, however, you sigh and just move to your regular seat.

“Whisper about me. Gossip. I don’t care,” you mutter.

The numbness has gone a little, but it’s an unwelcome change. You almost prefer the emotionless state you were in a few days ago to the more humanistic state you’re in now.

You’re just waiting for class to finish so you can go home and do nothing for another day. However, when class ends, your professor calls you back to stay for a minute longer.

Professor Dao is nice and kind. You don’t mind him.

He’s also very straightforward.

“Liyun, is something wrong?” he asks, looking at you with worried eyes.

Yes.

“No,” you reply, putting on your best ‘I’m okay’ face. “I’m fine, Professor.”

You can see he doesn’t believe you, but you say nothing else.

“I don’t believe you,” he finally says. “Look at yourself in the mirror. How much sleep do you get each night?”

Not enough.

“Uh… enough.” You shift from one foot to the other, lacing your fingers together.

“Liyun, if you don’t say anything, how is anyone supposed to help you?” Professor Dao takes off his glasses, looking at you plaintively. “You’re struggling. I can tell. Let someone help you, at least.”

You swallow. “I’m not struggling,” you finally say, wincing at how big of a lie that is.

Professor Dao sighs. “Well, at least see the school counselor,” he implores. “She’s not patronizing, I promise. She can help.”

You nod awkwardly. “Okay.”

“Good luck with your performance, then, Liyun. Remember to talk to Chengcheng.” Professor Dao smiles before dismissing you.

Dread fills you the minute you lock eyes with said boy outside the classroom. “Hey, Liyun,” he says, walking over to you. “Do you have some time to talk?”

“Uh… sure.” You follow him outside in awkward silence.

“What the hell is Yuan Liyun doing with Fan Chengcheng?!”

You stop in your tracks, lifting your head to stare at a tall boy who’s looking at you with absolute disgust.

Your throat closes up.

God fucking dammit, stupid emotions.

“I think we should talk later,” you mumble. “Or even better, you should find another partner.”

“Liyun-” Chengcheng starts.

“And fuck you,” you spit at the tall boy.

“Liyun, wait-”

Too late. You’re already hurrying away, moving with surprising speed so that by the time Chengcheng comes back to his senses, you’re already long gone.

There are no tears this time as you walk aimlessly around campus, trying to find a quiet place to just think. The only place that comes to mind are the practice rooms where there’s rarely anyone at this time of the day, so you find an empty room, shut the door, and situate yourself at the piano.

You start off with Chopin, switching to Schumann, then Beethoven, then Ravel, and back to Chopin, until you can’t feel or see your hands anymore through the tears blurring your vision.

Your fingers ache, your mind hurts, but you can’t stop. You can’t. Playing is the only thing that makes you feel alive. So you force your fingers to move, to continue pressing the keys, to spread across the keyboard and play the notes that you’ve learned for so long.

The final melodies taper away, leaving you staring at the keyboard with wet eyes. You’re panting slightly, and you’re empty and you’re hopeless and you’re tired.

So, so tired.

~~~

The music coming from the room is so beautiful that Xukun’s a little disappointed when it stops. No one else is in the hall, so he’s just standing outside, listening.

When no one comes out for a long time, however, he starts to feel a little concerned for whoever was just playing. He’s not really a shy boy, but he isn’t that outgoing either, so he hesitates a little before creaking the door open.

Xukun’s not surprised it was you there, but he is surprised to see you crying. You don’t even look up when he comes into the room, only sparing him a slight glance when he sits down next to you.

“You should go,” you mumble, head in your arms. “You don’t need to be seen with me.”

“What are you talking about?” Xukun asks, totally confused. “Why?”

You lift your head fully to look him straight in the eye, and he’s shocked at the hopelessness he sees within them. The slight laugh you let out chills his spine further. “I’ll just ruin your reputation.”

“Fuck my reputation,” Xukun says vehemently, startling you a little with the harshness of his tone. “Uh, sorry,” he mumbles, looking embarrassed.

You let out a shaky laugh. “Sounds like you’ve got a little experience with that,” you mumble, wiping your eyes.

“Too much,” Xukun mutters, looking at you. “Now, what’s happening with you? Why are you crying?”

You snort. “Oh, no reason. Just that everything’s going fucking wrong and the world is fucking against me and people don’t even try to hide that they hate me anymore and I kind of don’t want to live anymore but I’m too scared to end things.”

Xukun’s not quite sure what to say to that outburst, but he simply places an arm over your trembling shoulders. “Cry.”

“What?” You look at him quizzically.

“Cry,” he says again. “Holding things in makes it worse. Just cry. You’re not weak if you cry. It’s okay.”

Those words release the flood of tears that have been waiting to gush out since the moment that boy said what he did. Xukun’s arm stays around you the whole time you’re sobbing, a steady constant that makes you feel vulnerable but protected at the same time.

Xukun’s heart is breaking a little as he sits with you, watching you cry so hard. What could have happened to you, he wonders, to make you this upset?

“Sorry,” you finally mumble, your shuddering sobs weakening.

“Don’t apologize,” Xukun replies softly. “Everyone has the right to feel weak. No one has to stay strong for so long.”

“Be that as it may, you shouldn’t have to randomly listen to a stranger sob their eyes out on the floor of a music room,” you say.

“A stranger?”

“Well… we’re not exactly friends, are we?” You look at him, stumbling a little on the word ‘friends.’

God, I haven’t had a friend in so long.

It takes you a moment to realize you said that out loud, and you groan, placing your head in your hands. “Ignore that.”

A warm hand pushes your forehead up, making you look into his eyes. “I’ll be your friend, Liyun,” he says quietly. A small, beautiful smile spreads across his lips.

“Are you sure about that?” you ask. “I’m probably pretty high maintenance.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Yes.”

Xukun smiles. “Then I think I’m up for it. Promise me one thing, though.”

“What’s that?” you ask, wiping your eyes.

He looks at you seriously. “No matter what happens,” he says, enunciating each word carefully, “do not give up. Got it?”

You think for a long moment. Is he worth it? You can’t deny that you want so badly to have a friend to lean on, but you’ve been alone for so long. It’s scary to think about moving on from that life. And what if Xukun turns out to be insincere? Though you don’t want to think about that, it’s a possibility.

But you take a chance.

“Got it,” you whisper.

. . . . .

Weeks pass, then months, and Xukun keeps to his word. He introduces you to his friend group, hypes you up, and is just a good friend to you. You end up talking to Chengcheng and you work out your performance together.

The stares and whispers still get to you, to a point, but you become a little less self-conscious as time passes. Your sadness and anger dissipates a little, and you find yourself even singing a little when you walk home and such.

You’re happy to say that it seems like things are getting a little better. Most of Xukun’s friends are rather well off, but they’re all pretty down-to-earth and mature, and you get a lot more piano gigs through them, which more than make up for the job you lost. They’re kind and supportive, and you find yourself slowly clawing your way out of the depression that’s plagued you for the past few years.

And Xukun. Oh, Xukun.

Xukun is so, so kind. He makes you feel like there’s something you can live for. That there are actually people that care for you on this godforsaken planet.

One day, he runs over to you excitedly, pressing a flyer into your hands. You read the words, eyebrows rising, until the last sentence.

“This competition’s in Shanghai, Xukun,” you say, shoulders slumping in disappointment. “I don’t have the money to get there.”

“But I do,” he says, smiling sneakily.

“Xukun, you can’t pay for this for me,” you say, crossing your arms. “That’s too much!”

He steps forward, placing his hands on your shoulders. “Liyun, you’ve suffered long enough,” he says softly. “Let me do something to help.”

You don’t know how much you’ve helped thus far, Xukun.

The intense gaze in his eyes makes you melt, however, so those words stay locked in your throat. Instead, you just nod slightly. “You’re too kind, Kun,” you murmur, eyes shining.

Though you can’t see it, the glimmering happiness in your eyes makes Xukun’s stomach explode into butterflies. “You deserve to do what you love, Liyun,” he says staunchly. “Money doesn’t need to stop you.”

And it doesn’t. With your new friends’ help, you put together a suitable recording for the first round, and Xukun’s right there with you when you go to Shanghai for the second. When you win the second round, he’s in the audience, clapping and cheering for you so loudly as you walk up to receive your cash prize and medal.

It’s after that second round that he asks you out, and in your euphoria, you answer that question with a kiss.

He isn’t there when you win the third and final round in Vienna, Austria, but he is when you touch down back in China, exhausted but still riding the wave of success. He’s there to catch you in a huge hug, planting a kiss on your forehead when you relax against him, finally feeling that something’s okay in this world.

Maybe Dad is watching.

But that voice. That stupid voice.

It left you for a little bit, but it came back.

You don’t deserve any of this.

What did you do to deserve Xukun’s love? You don’t deserve him.

And try as you might not to listen, it gets harder and harder with every passing day.

. . . . .

Xukun’s parents are lovely people. You have no doubt that they’re the ones who raised the lovely boy who stands by you every day, loving you despite all your faults and shortcomings.

In fact, they love you so much that they invite you one of their social gatherings. You’re pretty sure part of the reason is that they want Xukun to show you off, but you’re agreeable to this idea. Most of Xukun’s friends are going to be there anyway, so you won’t be alone.

Still, there are other less-than-agreeable people that are going to the party because of their social standing. And when they catch wind that you’re going- with Xukun, no less- things get a lot worse.

“Gold digger.”

“You think she seduced him?”

“How could she, with that kind of a disgusting face?”

“But then how else would she have gotten together with him?”

Stares and whispers follow you down the hall, and the voice comes back stronger than ever. You have so much to be thankful for, but all of that gets pushed away because you’re just not good enough.

It comes to a breaking point when you walk out of class one day to see the same stupid tall boy from months ago that you told to fuck off. Only this time, there’s a sneering girl with him.

“So, Liyun,” she smirks, walking over to you. You look at her warily, eyes darting around in search of Xukun or Zhengting or Chengcheng or anybody.

“Who did you sleep with to get that high up the social ladder?”

“I thought we were talking about me, not you,” you say lowly, watching with dark satisfaction at the offended expression that plasters itself onto her face.

“Bitch,” she sneers. “Did you sleep with Cai Xukun, then? Must have been some amazing sex, because there’s no other way he would go out with someone like you.”

By now, a small crowd has formed around you two. You look around frantically, searching for a friendly face, but there are none. Chengcheng wasn’t in class today, and you have no idea where the others are.

“If you’re wondering if he would go out with you, I don’t think so, not with that bitch-ass personality of yours,” you say, not really thinking. Once the words are out of your mouth, however, you immediately regret everything.

Oh, why can’t you just keep your mouth shut? What’s wrong with you?

For a moment, it looks like she’s going to slap you, but she breathes out deeply, barely controlling her anger. “You don’t deserve him,” she spits.

That actually hurts.

The blank expression that falls over your face must startle her, because she steps back a little.

It’s true. You don’t deserve him. You never did.

You don’t say another word. Ignoring everyone around you, you shove her away before pushing your way out of the crowd, your footsteps sounding loudly on the hard floor.

Without a glance back, you push open the doors and step outside.

~~~

Xukun’s surprised and a little more than worried when he sees the unmoving crowd around your classroom. Everyone seems to be in a state of slight shock.

“What happened?” he asks, looking around confusedly. “Where’s Liyun?”

His gaze travels around the frozen crowd of students, growing more and more concerned by the minute. Then his eyes come to rest on her.

“Lihua,” he says softly, dangerously.

She looks to him, surprised and a little scared. Xukun’s eyes are intense and angry and nothing like his normal expression.

“What did you say to her?”

Lihua says nothing.

“What did you say to her?!” Xukun asks again, his eyes blazing.

When she still doesn’t reply, Xukun restrains himself with difficulty. “Where did she go?” he asks, frantic. A student silently points out the doors, and he runs off without a backward glance.

~~~

Tears blur your vision as you walk, wiping your eyes every so often and purposely ignoring everything and everyone around you.

Tears, tears, and more tears. When will they ever stop?

Your feet take you to the practice building, but you don’t walk inside any of the rooms. Instead, you go to the end of the hall, then take the stairs, climbing up, up, up, until you reach the door that’ll lead to the roof.

You take a deep breath, then climb out. From the roof, you can see everything- the buildings you’ve become accustomed to, the students milling around the fields, the little café where you talked to Xukun so long ago.

It takes seconds for you to walk to the edge of the roof. You look down, feeling a rush flow up your spine.

You could do it. You could end things right here. Right now. A slight wind blows, ruffling your clothes, nudging you forward.

And you swear you almost do it. You almost do. For one split second, you’re ready to fall, ready to embrace the wind, ready to leave the world. But Xukun’s words, those words he spoke to you that day in the practice room, run through your mind.

“No matter what happens, do not give up. Got it?”

“But wouldn’t it be better for him if I ended it now?” you murmur, looking down again. The building is tall. There’s little doubt that a jump would end you.

Xukun could live a life without you.

“But I promised,” you argue with yourself.

Promise.

Just like Xukun promised you he would help.

And didn’t he?

Your feet move, backing away from the edge bit by bit, until you’re five feet away from the dizzying drop.

Your tears have dried in tracks on your cheeks, but you don’t care. Instead, you sit, gazing at the sky, but not really seeing anything. You don’t feel numb, but you don’t feel much of anything either. You’re mostly just… sad. There’s no other word for it.

You don’t know how long you sit there. It could be minutes or it could be hours. All you know is that suddenly, the door is bursting open, and Xukun is there, breathing heavily and eyes frantic until he sees you staring at him.

“Oh my god,” he sighs, placing his arms around you as he collapses into sitting position. “I… I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t know what you might have done…”

Those words strike a chord in your heart, and suddenly you’re very, very glad you didn’t do it.

“I almost did it, Kun,” you say shakily. “I almost did it.”

And then you dissolve into tears.

There’s silence as Xukun rocks you back and forth, tears flowing out of yours and his eyes as you clutch his arms with the little strength you have left.

“I thought you were afraid of heights,” you remark finally, gazing idly over his shoulder.

“You’re bringing that up now, when Lihua obviously said something horrible to you?” he asks, pulling away to look at you. His gaze is even more intense than usual, his voice more broken than you’ve ever heard. It makes your heart want to break too. “What could she have said to make you...?”

He doesn’t complete the question, but it’s obvious what he wanted to say.

You’re unwilling to impart the hurtful words that still haven’t left you, but you take a deep breath.

“She said I didn’t deserve you.”

Xukun is silent, holding you close as you stare at him. His eyes are wide, but you can’t read the emotions within.

“And… she’s right,” you whisper. “When did I ever deserve you? You did so much for me and I’ve done nothing in return…”

It feels like you’re about to cry again, but you have no tears left. You duck your head, unable to look at him any longer.

“Liyun.”

You don’t dare to look up.

“Liyun, look at me.” A hand cups your chin, tilting your face up so that you’re gazing at his clear, dark eyes. “Listen to me.

“You are not underserving,” he says. You begin to shake your head, but he continues to speak, cutting you off. “I suddenly came into your life. You pushed me away at first, but then you let me in. I have friends and a great family, but you were refreshing. Quiet. Talented. So, so hardworking. And most importantly, you cared for me because of who I was. Not because I had money, or because I was cute, or sexy, or perfect. You saw my imperfections and loved me for them. You saw me and loved me for me. I have my friends and family, but you’re the only one I can speak to like this. They all have an innate understanding of me, but sometimes I have to let things out. You’re the only one who allows me to do so.”

You would say you’re moved to tears by this, but only one slips down your face. You’re all cried out, and a dull headache is beginning to spread from all of the tears.

“So in return,” he continues softly, “I listen to you. I help you. I support you. And I love you. You deserve everything I give you. So please, never let me hear you say you’re undeserving again.”

You sigh. “It’s hard,” you whisper. “I’m tired, Xukun. So tired.”

Xukun exhales, his breath ruffling your hair, and he drops a light kiss on your head. “I know, Liyun,” he whispers. “But I’ll be there for you. We’ll all be there for you.”

It’s this support that you always needed but never had. Your father had always tried to be there for you, but he was always busy as the main source of income for the two of you. When he died, you had no one.

But now you have Zhengting, you have Chengcheng, you have Ziyi, and most importantly, you have Xukun.

It makes you dare to hope that things will get better. And not temporarily.

Permanently.

. . . . .

The next couple of months is spent building yourself up. You’ve been battered down for so long that it’s hard to come back up, but with Xukun’s encouragement, you go to see the school counselor, Mrs. Liao, who’s actually very kind.

Things are going okay, up until Xukun shows you the guest list for the party you’ll be attending. You wrinkle your nose upon seeing Lihua’s name, but whatever.

You really get a shock when you see your mother’s name next to some other guy who you assume she married.

“Liyun?”

Xukun’s voice brings you back to your senses, and you point weakly to the name. “I think she’s my mother.”

A tensing of his face, a bite of his lips, a worried expression in his eyes, a slightly tighter grip on your arm. All of these show just how much he cares for you, and your heart melts.

How did I get so lucky?

“Are you… okay with this?”

You come back to reality to nod slightly. “I think I’m ready to get over her.”

Xukun gazes at you softly, a slight smile on his lips at how proud he is of you. “I’ll be there with you,” he says, making you smile.

~~~

The day of the social event finally comes, and you’re a nervous wreck. Xukun drives you to his house and sends you away to get ready with some of the other girls, namely the other boys’ girlfriends and sisters. All of them are super kind and sweet, and you’re pretty sure you’re falling in love with Zhengting’s girlfriend, Yu.

(Later that night, you inform him of this. He just laughs and says, “Well, who wouldn’t fall for her?” You can’t help but agree.)

You have on a dress that Xukun bought you, a gorgeous thing that makes you feel prettier than you’ve ever felt before. With Yu’s help, you manage the low heels she’s lending you and Liying, Chengcheng’s girlfriend, helps you with your hair.

“You look beautiful,” you say shyly to her. Liying’s an absolute knockout in her blue dress and silver heels, and she only looks prettier when she blushes and smiles. “Thanks, Liyun,” she giggles. “You’re beautiful too.”

“Am I not beautiful as well?” Xinyuan yells from across the room. You, Liying, and Yu roll your eyes in unison. “Of course you are!” you yell back to Xinchun’s sister.

The uncomfortable heels and hours of prep are worth it when you walk into the large ballroom where most of the boys are waiting impatiently. Xukun’s eyes round wide, so wide, and as you get closer, he can’t even speak.

“You’re beautiful,” he finally whispers, bringing up a hand to gently touch your cheek. You laugh a little, placing a kiss on his lips. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” you tease.

“Never seen Xukun look so whipped before,” Zeren quips from a little further away, making you blush.

The social gathering begins, and you mill around with Xukun, politely greeting new people who have varying degrees of interest in you. Some are very interested in your musical career, while others prefer to speak to Xukun about his parents’ business. Either way, you’re content, because you have free food, friends, and Xukun at your side.

It’s only after the dinner that you end up having to speak to her. You’re not terribly pleased, but when Xukun gives you a worried look, you just smile smoothly in response.

“Long time no see,” you say, unable to keep a slight bite out of your tone.

She stares at you for a moment, recognition flickering in her eyes, before a snide smile twists her lips. “Daughter.”

“I don’t think so,” you say lightly. “Biologically, yes. Otherwise, I think not.”

Xukun squeezes your hand. You squeeze back to tell him you’re okay.

“Just as insolent as I remembered,” she scoffs in a failed attempt to demean you. Only you don’t even care.

“Just as stuck-up as I remembered,” you retort, a slight smile on your lips.

“Stuck-up?! You are-”

“I am happier and more successful than you will ever be,” you interrupt. “I haven’t forgotten how you used me for your own personal gain, Mother. I haven’t forgotten how you left me and Father to fend for ourselves. I haven’t forgotten anything.” You look at her steadily, forcing her to look back at you.

“But don’t worry,” you continue. “I’m free from you. You have no hold over me anymore. And mark my words, Mother, when I’m at the top, you won’t be hearing from me.”

Perhaps it’s mean or brash or insolent of you, but you don’t care. You’ve suffered for so long that you can’t and don’t want to stop those words from rolling off your tongue. It gives you a sense of satisfaction to watch her struggle with her words, trying to formulate something to say.

“Until we meet again,” you say, smirking. “Hopefully not.”

When you turn away, leaving her in silence, you feel yourself relax, a rush of relief, joy, and contentment washing over you. You look at Xukun, who gazes at you softly.

“I’m so, so proud of you,” he whispers, lacing his fingers with yours.

It’s going to take a long time to fully recover from the struggles of the past years, but you are no longer alone. You have Zhengting, you have Yu, you have Chengcheng, you have them all. You have Professor Dao, you have Mrs. Liao, you have Xukun. You have your father watching from above.

And you have yourself.

A slow smile spreads across your face, and when Xukun places his lips on yours, you hear a beautiful melody ringing in your ears, a melody that hints at desperation and sadness, but yet sings of hope and joy and of a dream come true.

It’s in that moment that you know things are going to be okay.

It’ll all be okay.

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ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade · 7 years

Link

With the discussion surrounding original characters and their place within the greater FFXV fanfiction community reaching nearly a fever pitch, I though the logical thing to do was to hide under a rock and never publish any of my own hedonistic drabbles ever again hahaha yeah right I’m totally about to subject y’all to my newest, 100% self-indulgent, textbook definition of a Mary Sue OC. (That is, unless you’d rather I unleash the horrifyingly naughty Ignis x Camelia fic @blinding-awesomeness and @metapoodle asked me to write huehuehue.)

For those devoted ISEB followers who are here strictly for my headcanon and fan art offerings, never fear—those posts will continue to appear on this blog with ongoing regularity (free time permitting). But I wanted to challenge myself by writing something told from a Timeskip!Ignis’ perspective; specifically, I thought it would be a great exercise in thinking outside the box if I were to attempt to draft a work without the luxury of his sight at my disposal. For reasons I won’t delve into here, I am of the belief that Prompto, Gladio, and Ignis survived the ending of FFXV; with that in mind, this particular fic is set directly after the events of the game, and features a blind Specs and the introduction of a potential paramour. If I could’ve gotten away without naming her, I would have, since the whole point of the redhead of my previous stories was to make her anonymous enough that anyone could project themselves onto her. Unfortunately, it proved to be too great of a workaround in this particular instance, so I do hope you’ll consider giving this new OC of mine a chance to carve out her own mark on the strategist’s life.

And for all—*checks reblogs*—three of you who have invested time reading my last series, you might be interested to know that I have full intentions of wrapping up the final details of the redhead's story in this (hopefully ongoing) fic. The first few chapters I’ve outlined in my head fall fully under the “General Audiences” category, but you can rest assure that this series will culminate in some shameless, highly NSFW smut! (You can follow the link above or click on the cut below for the full text of Chapter 1.)

From Ancient Greek ὀφείλω (opheílō, “to increase, to strengthen”); to help

Interviewing bakers was a far cry from hunting daemons, but nights in Lucis had grown rather quiet since the dawn had resumed its monotonous cycle, and a man had to make a living somehow.

“So when can I expect to start?”

Ignis Scientia resists the urge to sigh, and instead offers a pleasant expression vaguely in the direction of the gentleman seated across from him. “The final decision will be up to Mr. Tostwell. We still have one more interview scheduled, but you can be sure to hear from us should the position align with your, er, talents.”

A deep chuckle erupts from within the man’s belly. “I know I don’t have a whole lotta experience kneading bread, but I sucker-punched a few Flans in my day. Ain’t much of a difference, am I right?”

“Indeed.”

The strategist then listens as the man rises to his feet, and waits until he is out of earshot before finally indulging in his previously repressed exhale. Like Ignis, the candidate had once been a daemon hunter, and had found himself conspicuously out of a job these past six months; unemployment of the masses was a small price to pay for humanity’s salvation, but unlike himself, the man had few skills beyond slaughtering satanic beasts to fall back on in times of peace.

It wasn’t just Flan Man with a painful lack of culinary proficiency, however; the woman before him showed little comprehension of the slight flavor nuances differentiating Cleigne Wheat from Fine Cleigne Wheat, and the man before her actually thought a Zu egg and a Bennu egg were one in the same. At this rate, Ignis thinks, Mr. Tostwell ought to spend more time perfecting his offal stew recipe and leave the bread baking to Surgate and Tozus.

He shifts in his chair and tilts his head to one side, cocking an ear back toward the marketplace he had memorized by sight when his vision was still intact. The sounds of sleepy daytime Lestallum slowly stirring to its familiar nightlife can be heard on the humid breeze: the beating of drums, the strumming of stringed instruments, the increase in distinctly feminine chatter as the women employed at EXINERIS Industries ended their shifts. His right eye is sensitive enough to light to register the sun fading behind the alcove beside Tostwell’s Grill where he is conducting his interviews; if his last candidate didn’t show up soon, he’d inevitably have to fight the evening crowds on the way back to his apartment.

The former royal advisor had made a concerted effort over the years not to let his disability define him, but few things irritated Ignis more than bumping into people unawares. Even with his hearing as keen as it was, he couldn’t entirely escape stepping on someone’s toes in tightly congested spaces, and he wasn’t quite sure what bothered him more: the unsympathetic gruffness of others when treaded upon, or the whispers of pity that followed when they finally recognized just what it was they were looking at.

Or perhaps it simply reminded him of his younger days, when Noct would push him in jest as they ran through the wide open fields of Duscae, for no reason other than to elicit a disgruntled reaction from him.

“Mr. Scientia?”

He snaps his head around and ignores the sudden aching in his chest. “Apologies. I didn’t hear you approach.”

The light footsteps he had missed while mired in his own nostalgia move closer to where he is seated. “Do forgive me for my tardiness, the power plant released us a bit later than usual this evening. I let Mr. Tostwell know over the phone earlier, but if you’d prefer to reschedule—”

“This is fine.” He fixes a genial smile to his face and tilts his chin up toward the woman speaking to him. “And please—call me Ignis.”

“Ophelia. A pleasure to meet you.”

The strategist’s ears prick at the clipped accent of his newest interviewee. “Pardon the assumption, but you don’t exactly sound like a local.”

“I’m from Galahd, originally. Although my family relocated to the crown city when I was a child.”

“Is that so? I hail from Insomnia myself.”

“I know.” A pause. “Your reputation precedes you.”

His placid smile falters slightly. “Does it?”

“Those who lived under the crown have long memories.”

“Yes. Well.” His hand moves to his frosted visor purely out of habit; they are situated across the bridge of his nose adequately enough, but it gives him something to do with his fingers other than twiddle them like a fool. “Some memories are best left in the past. Shall we begin?”

The skittering of a chair along the ground echoes against the walls of the alcove. “Of course.”

“I presume you are aware that Mr. Tostwell is seeking an artisan specifically to expand his repertoire into baked goods. Something about keeping up with the local competition.”

“I am.”

“The position entails working directly under me, but you’ll have the freedom to develop the bakery department as you see fit. I’ve learned it’s best to lighten up on micromanaging others, lest they intend to organize a mutiny against you.”

The strategist is mercifully rewarded not with the sound of crickets chirping, but of Ophelia’s polite laughter. “That’s certainly a generous arrangement. Is it my understanding that you took over lead chef duties from Mr. Tostwell in recent months?”

“Correct.”

“I knew I’d seen you here before. I rarely have the time to eat out, but the Lasagna al Forno this establishment serves is delightful.”

The warmth of her voice matches that of the breeze stirring in the strategist’s hair, and his smile returns in earnest. “May I ask what you like about it?”

“Well,” she concedes, “most people settle for ground Dualhorn steak to use in their filling, or Behemoth tenderloin if they’re feeling adventurous. But I’ve found that the gaminess of the Jabberwock sirloin compliments the Cleigne Darkshells quite nicely.”

“That’s… rather insightful of you. Most people can’t seem to make out the difference.”

Her chair creaks against the concrete, as if the enthusiasm lacing her tone has found its way down the legs of her seat. “It’s a subtle distinction, but it really makes all the difference. I’ve only had lasagna prepared that way once before—at an establishment in Altissa.”

“Maagho,” he says, nodding his head absentmindedly. "I learned my recipe from the proprietor there, as it so happens.”

“My parents and I spent a holiday in Accordo when I was a teenager. Altissa was quite a beautiful city at its height.”

He hesitates, and reaches for his visor once more. “It was.”

His interviewee is either unaware or unaffected by his sudden diffidence, because her cadence remains upbeat. “I’ve heard that Accordan refugees have begun returning to Altissa. Word is that the secretary is committed to rebuilding the capital within two years.”

“Good to hear,” he replies quickly, eager to steer the conversation away from less palatable reminders of the past. “So tell me, Ophelia—what is it you feel qualifies you to assume a position as a baker? Any past experience in pastry making?”

“Yes and no. My father ran a bakery in Insomnia before the city fell, and had hoped to reestablish the trade once we’d settled in Lestallum. My job at the plant is steady work, but I fear with people returning to the other parts of Lucis, layoffs will be inevitable. Thought I might dust off a few of his old recipes and try my hand at the craft.”

“Is he also looking for work? Mr. Tostwell might be persuaded to hire a two-person team, under the appropriate circumstances.”

“No,” she says. “My father is no longer with us. Neither of my parents are.”

His perceptiveness must have atrophied right along with his sight, because Ignis could’ve kicked himself for not picking up on the slight hitch in her voice sooner. “My condolences. I’m sure they would’ve been comforted to know their daughter has carried their legacy onward to better days.”

“One can only hope.” The seat across from him squeaks again, less jovial than its prior enthusiasm. “Is there anything else pertaining to my qualifications you’d like for me to share?”

He quells the temptation to reach for his visor again, and offers a quick shake of his head instead. “No, I believe I’ve gathered quite enough information for Mr. Tostwell to mull over. Your attendance this evening is much appreciated.”

Chair legs scrape across the ground one last time, and her footsteps shift beside the table as she gathers herself to her feet. “Thank you for your consideration. My apologies again for keeping you out so late.”

Silence befalls them, but he doesn’t hear the telltale sound of her departing off into the distance, and it takes him a full second to realize the lull in their exchange is likely due to the fact that she is probably holding out a hand toward him. When he lifts his own hand in the vicinity of her direction, he is mildly embarrassed to feel the sensation of her palm meeting his. “Think nothing of it,” he says. “I’m used to being out at night.”

He notes the firmness of her grip despite delicate fingers; judging by the width of her palm, the strategist estimates her height to be at a little over five feet. Then she is dropping his hand as she strolls past him toward the open marketplace, the scent of Sylleblossom perfume swirling in the air around her wake, and Ignis allows himself a brief moment to indulge in one of the few senses left to him intact.

But her footfalls only make it a half dozen paces before falling quiet. “Mr. Scientia?”

“Please—do call me Ignis.”

“Right. Ignis.” Her footsteps slowly migrate back to where he is seated, until he can feel her warmth emanating beside him. “I feel compelled to thank you for something else.”

He tilts his head toward her and frowns. “And what’s that?”

His ears then pick up on an unusual click click, until he recognizes it as the sound of fingernails tapping against metal, and that Ophelia must be fiddling with a piece of jewelry on her wrist. “I would just like to acknowledge the sacrifices you’ve made for the kingdom of Lucis. The bravery displayed by you and your brethren has not been quickly forgotten by its people, nor will it ever.”

The problem with being blind, the strategist surmises, is that he was much more prone to unsolicited recollections when his useless eyes had nothing but darkness to focus on; visions of death and destruction suddenly flood his mind, of a battered and bleeding Noctis, of the Hydraean raging and of the last thing he ever saw, and of strands of red hair falling across the face of the only woman he ever loved.

Icy tendrils of grief lick at the insides of his throat, but he clamps down on his anguish before it can reach his voice. “Many have made greater sacrifices.”

“Regardless, fulfilling your duties to the crown and beyond without expectation of reward is an altruism above all measure.”

Ignis’ hand moves to his face again, but it’s not to adjust his visor; rather, the abrupt tightening in his chest is causing the scar that mars his left eye socket to tingle. He scratches at the blemished skin there momentarily as he waits for his discomfort to pass, then slowly rises from his chair and angles himself in the direction of the crowded marketplace. “A future people can look forward to is a reward in itself,” he says, feeling the ground in front of him with the edge of his toe. "I’ll be sure to pass on my findings to Mr. Tostwell and let you know when he’s made a decision about the baker position.”

#i dunno why all my OCs have british accents #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#ignis scientia #ffxv fanfiction #final fantasy xv #ffxv #ff15 #ignis #ignis stupeo scientia

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one-true-houselight · 7 years

Text

Since I feel vaguely sick

I am going to write at length about Psych.

Spoilers below the cut, which is why there is a cut.

So this will be rambly as crap I am sorry.

First off. Shawn and Gus. Are amazing. I love them. Their friendship is so good? And wonderful? Because it is real! Those dorks fight! But are friends! Their whisper fights are my favorite because by the end of every one you can no longer understand them, but they freaking can. They can bounce off each other so well. And their families clearly just accept they have a second son at this point. Ahh. More on them in a moment.

Also. So, a small bit about me so you understand this next part. I don‘t usually care about romantic relationships. My ace and aro-specness for me makes it hard to care about romance unless I care abut the people involved (which is why I love hearing about my friends relationships). Also in fiction, I usually feel like a lot of stuff is forced, etc.

That being said. I would die for Shawn and Jules. Like. Wow.

First off, I hc Shawn as bisexual demiromantic so much. Bi because have you met him (specifically the street racing episode?). And demiromantic because even though he’ll flirt with everyone, it takes time for him to actually feel romantic attraction. And even though I am 99% certain this isn’t canon, it is still a really cool thing because it isn’t painted as a bad thing? Just bless.

And then Shawn and Jules specifically. Shawn is very open about being a commitment-phobe, partly due to his parent’s relationship and divorce. And that is understood throughout. And Jules never pushes him intentionally. Like, when they went on their romantic getaway, Shawn was worried she was expecting a ring and other things. And he finally explained this, and she was said no, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. Like. She understood that wasn’t ok and apologized. And when Shawn was drugged and asked to move in, and he realized when he was sober and was terrified and again talked to her, she said it was fine if he didn’t and understood that he wasn’t ready and didn’t push him even though she kind of wanted it to happen. Just. Communication and not treating Shawn’s feelings like they didn’t matter and he just needed to get over it. Ahhhhhh.

And also. I am not a fan of Will They Won’t They both because of reasons above and just it annoys me because most of the time, the ‘problems’ were either there the whole time and known and are now suddenly a problem OR a misunderstanding that could be easily solved if they talked for five minutes. But again, S and J don’t do that (for the most part). Like. Here’s how theirs goes:

- Shawn flirting, Jules like eh.

-Jules slowly becoming interested

-Jules trying to ask Shawn out right when he just stared with Allison. Like just started. And that’s timing and all, which neither could have foreseen and it’s so goooood.

Now as a quick side note, I feel like Allison got a short shrift for whatever reason. Like. She is barely there and suddenly they break up? It’s weird. But anyway.

And another side note: Shawn and Jules have a conversation about their feelings and agree they want to be friends despite it all and *yelling* and I love that they addressed that reality and ahhhhh.

-Jules starts dating Declan who is in a situation similar to Shawn (fake professional something). He (Declan) comes clean and Jules stays with him and Shawn Spencer screams into the void.

- Jules kisses Shawn in D’s house and holy what? Ah. And this was after she overheard him talking to Gus (more about that in another section) and ah.

- Then they get together and my heart is so happy.

- They are great and healthy and yay.

- AND THEN Jules Finds Out. And the isn’t some little misunderstanding. This is earth shattering for Jules and Shawn. She has been established as someone who has had issues with honesty from people in her life, and this is a big thing. And we see Shawn Spencer forced to try to choose between his work and Jules and ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

More on that last point. Shawn really really cares about his work. First episode he is literally in the middle of getting it on and he calls in a tip. It becomes a part of him. He tells Jules in the aftermath tat this is how he does good. And we know he is scared and unsure and this is how he defines himself. He is no one without his gift. And he is no one if he isn’t saving people.

- The entire turn left or right episode. Is art. I hate it because it is so good ahhhh.

- The conversation mentioned above. Shawn feels like he needs to keep doing this because it is who he is. Jules feels like he is making her lie to people for him, which again is something she is fundamentally against. She says if he does;t come clean to the chief, there isn’t a chance.

-and then SHAWN WALKS INTO THE POLICE STATION ABOUT TO DO IT. And Jules sees and she stops him. Because Shawn cares about her, but she cares about him. And she realizes that making him give up everything would be selfish of her, rather than him being selfish for not. HOWEVER, they still aren’t fixed because it is still a big deal. Neither was absolved in this. It was just both of them working towards understanding. Jules didn’t just melt; she rethought, but still isn’t ok, which is fine.

- they do eventually get back. I cry.

- Jules is offered the job in SF. Takes it after all the excitement. They promise to make it work. I cry.

Also I just love Shawn being romantic like again I am not super into romance but I love him and his words.

So that’s where we are when we get to the finale. Oh god. The finale. I was screaming at top volume. Like. Screaming.

So it’s called ‘The Break Up’. And I am Worried because I think ‘oh no, they are going to pull a Shawn breaks up with Jules sad sad and it will be stupid’.

And they start the episode with Shawn making some kind of video blog thing? Saying things like ‘I saw this coming’ and all? And then calls Jules and says he can’t do this anymore and I am mad?

And then he says he is moving up to be with her. Oh my god cool! Yay!

And then she asks what Gus said.

And James Roday once again broke my heart into pieces by pausing a long time before saying ‘I haven’t told him.’

The Break Up refers to him and Gus. They are saying the friendships are on par with romance and they are hard and messy and scary sometimes.

This is when I started screaming.

*plays theme song*

So we go through the episode. And Shawn is asking everyone for advice about how to tell Gus. And hugging everyone. He’s dropping hints throughout to Gus who is confused because Shawn Spencer is a dork and I love him.

And through it all, I am waiting to see how Shawn will do this.

And then you realize the video blog throughout? It’s for Gus. Because Shawn never told him.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

And then Shawn gets into it. He talks about how he saw Gus at his new work place. How 1. Gus was saying things Shawn didn’t know about him and 2. Gus was doing so well and moving up in this new company.

And Shawn goes into this whole thing about how he is doing a video because he was never good at the hard stuff, and he’s sorry for that. How he’s been an awful friend. How if he hadn’t gotten Gus involved Gus would have been doing so much more and how everything was his fault and that he was sorry. I felt this all deeply and was sobbing like the child I am. And then Shawn gets up in the video. He clearly saved Gus for last because it’s GUS, and he leaves. Gus found this video taped to his desk, which means Shawn had to go in and fight with himself about it all before hiding it and running away. And I just.

And then we see Lassie’s video. Oh god. Shawn says that he is grateful that Lassie was Jules’s partner, how he was probably one of the only people who cared as much about her as he did, and ll this stuff. And then he says ‘So you deserve the truth. You were one of the only ones to always question my methods. And, you deserve the truth. I am not-’

And then Lassie pauses the video. And ejects it. And looks at it. He looks at it for a long time. And you can see in his eyes how he is thinking about what this video would have meant to him previously. How he would have gloated, told everyone, ruined Shawn. But then he smiles slightly and breaks the disk and throws it out. And then he calls Marlowe to talk to his baby and AHHHHHH.

And then Shawn gets to SF and finds Jules and they are talking in a crime scene and Gus shows up. And he goes off. He quit his job to come be with Shawn because he realized that Shawn, even though they did a lot of dangerous stuff, made him an adventurer and happy. He told Shawn off for apologizing and said he would always be his friend and they would do whatever needed to be done and ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Their friendship.

AND THEN. AND. THEN. At the very end. Shawn proposes to Jules. And it combines his best words with checking with Gus the whole time which is So Good, and him saying that Gus will always be there and all kinds of beautiful stuff and Jules said yes and it is so good.

Ahhhhh.

So in case you couldn’t tell, I love Shawn a lot. He is funny, yeah. But he is also smart as crap. He is good at what he does. He is dealing with a lot of self doubt and even loathing. His entire thing to Gus had me sobbing because I feel like that constantly. There are so many times where he shows his much he cares about Gus and others, but in moments where he can express it he can’t. Just. Shawn freaking Spencer.

To conclude, Psych is wonderful and one of my favorite twists on Sherlock Holmes. I love the humor and the characters. I am so excited for the movie.

#psych #hi #wooo

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bevioletskies · 7 years

Text

20 questions [6/20]

characters: peter/gamora, guardians-centric

fandom: avengers academy/marvel cinematic universe

summary: wasp has a new competition in store for the students of avengers academy, and there’s money involved. so obviously, peter and gamora have to pretend to be a couple in order to win. wait, what?

chapter preview: the nominee list comes out, mantis has some romantic ideas in mind, and peter and gamora continue to learn about each other.

word count: 3572 | total word count: 118k

a/n: i’ve never been to new york, so i hope there aren’t any glaring inaccuracies over the next couple chapters that they’re there!

ao3 | previously | next | masterpost

Thankfully, the rest of the week had gone by quickly - no life-threatening events or earth-shattering catastrophes, just a build-up of school commitments that had left all the students physically and emotionally exhausted. Even Elektra seemed tired after her practical weaponry exam at the Blasting Range, and likewise with the usually composed T’challa, who nearly had an incident during his explosives lab with Professor Pym.

Peter barely had a moment alone with Gamora, but eventually did find the time to tell her of Mantis’s plan. She agreed to the trip, though she had other concerns on her mind - she had apparently spent Wednesday evening with Adam at Club Galaxy, where he had helped her fix her equipment, which had made Natasha suspicious.

“Adam laughed it off, told her that you and I were happily together,” Gamora had said. “It’s ridiculous - am I not allowed to spend time with other people?”

Peter had sighed in response. “She’s a spy, she’s suspicious of everybody. If anything, she might eventually sniff us out.”

On Friday afternoon, the teachers took pity on the students and let them out early, allowing Janet to make her announcement in the quad. “Hello, Avengers Academy,” she hollered, her tone and words not unlike Gamora’s opening lines when she played at Club Galaxy. “Just letting you all know that I have posted the nominees for the yearbook superlatives contest on my blog and the school website! There's also a copy here at the bulletin board and a few posted up around campus. Remember that voting starts in two weeks, you have one month to submit your vote, and then one month after that, the yearbook will be published!”

Everyone began pulling out their phones and tablets, scrolling and letting out exclamations of joy, surprise, and occasionally, disgust. Gamora stared down at “Cutest Couple - Peter Quill/Gamora”, the words still looking rather foreign to her.

“Babe, we should go pack,” Peter said, gently wrapping his hand around her elbow to get her attention. “We finally have the chance to be tourists in New York!”

“You two heading somewhere?” Janet had somehow popped up by their side despite being on the other side of the quad thirty seconds ago.

“We got permission for an off-campus weekend trip,” Gamora said, leaning into Peter slightly, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands. “We need to stock up on supplies for the Milano anyways, and it will certainly be more relaxing than last weekend.”

“Oh, how sweet,” Janet gushed, clapping her hands together. “Send me pictures? I’d love to get some cute couples selfies for a little collage I want to put together for the yearbook.”

“We can do that,” Peter replied, sliding his arm around Gamora’s shoulder. He turned to kiss the side of her head, a light pressure that she wasn't used to. His stubble was itchy, even through her hair. Janet let out another ‘aww’ before letting them go. Turning back to Gamora, he began to list things off his fingers, though his other arm remained around her as if he’d forgotten it was there. “So we've got a shopping list, an itinerary from Mantis, hotel booking thanks to Pepper, and one of a million of Tony’s cars.”

“And apparently you still need to pack,” Gamora said dryly. “I finished yesterday.”

“Aw, crap.”

______

It turned out, packing took a while. Saying goodbye to the Guardians took even longer. Peter put Drax in charge which made Rocket angry, Gamora lectured Nebula and Yondu about playing nice, and Groot, predictably, pouted and asked them to take him along (or at least, that's what Mantis had interpreted. Rocket snarkily told them he was tears of joy that they were finally leaving).

Eventually, they drove off, both in sweatpants for once instead of their uniforms or training duds. Gamora, in particular, had her hood up, feeling self-conscious about her skin in a way she never had before. As expected, Peter found an oldies radio five minutes after they were on the highway and got excited at a Jackson 5 song he'd never heard. After about ten minutes of attempting to sing along to songs he didn’t know the words to, he eventually gave up and allowed Gamora to switch to the traffic report.

“We should finish that game of 20 Questions tonight at the hotel,” Peter said. “I think we maybe only got through six each.”

“Why only at night? Why not now?” Gamora asked, peeling her eyes away from the skyline. She never realized how isolated the school was until they were here, in the actual city.

“People tend to be more honest at weird hours. Plus it makes it more fun,” he replied, his eyes flickering over to her for a moment. “Besides, I wanted to ask you something now, but I don’t want it to be part of the game.”

“Go ahead.” Gamora steeled herself for the inevitable - a question about Adam, most likely. Peter had been oddly calm about Natasha’s accusation and the fact Gamora had been with him in the first place. He had pried so much during that night in the medbay, almost like he was instructing her to date Adam, was he really gonna let that go?

“That outfit you wore to the funeral, I don’t think I’ve ever seen those clothes before. They yours?”

Oh. That was unexpected, though pleasantly so. It was an easy question to answer. “The top and skirt are Janet’s, the cape is mine. Why?”

“It wasn't what I thought - honestly, I assumed you were going to wear your usual, since it's all black anyways,” Peter admitted. “You looked really nice. I mean, not that you don’t usually look nice, I’ve just gotten so used to your normal clothes that - ”

“Quill,” she interrupted. “I understand. Thank you.” He nodded, looking abashedly grateful she had stopped his word vomit. “So, we get to the hotel at six, and then what are we doing for dinner?”

“I was just gonna order pizza, to be honest. I figured you wouldn’t really want to eat in public for this trip?” he guessed.

Gamora looked down at herself for a moment. Sweatpants, an oversized hoodie, gloves, sunglasses, a baseball cap. She had regular clothes for their impending “dates” in public spaces, but Peter had cautioned her against dressing the same way for when they were just walking around or going into stores.

“People get...weird about different skin colours,” Peter had told her. “In places like the art galleries and museums, we have special Academy passes, so people’ll know we’re from the Guardians, but I just think it’d be safer to cover up if we’re just out and about.”

She couldn’t really fathom what he spoke about - many planets far beyond Terra, though they had their issues, took little notice when it came to physical appearance, only putting stock into strength, knowledge, wit, and possessions. “I don’t really think being out in public in general is a great idea,” she said carefully, “but if it helps boost our reputation as helpful, reliable members of Terran society, I will do it. Having pizza in our hotel room does sound more enjoyable, though.”

Peter hummed in agreement, and they fell silent for a moment as they listened to the traffic report, helpfully informing them that were a couple car accidents that were thankfully nowhere near their route. “By the way, I feel like I should warn you - obviously, since I didn’t book the room, we have one king size bed, not two doubles like I was thinking of.”

“WHAT?!” Gamora exclaimed loudly, causing Peter to jump and almost hit the horn in the process. “Could you not have told Pepper that we aren’t at the bed-sharing stage yet?”

He looked guilty. “I was talking to Pepper about getting reservations, Stark was there, so he asked about how we were doing. I may have told them the story we came up with about how we started dating, and I may have exaggerated and added on a bit about how we fell asleep in my room together that night because wow, emotional talk, and I am really glad I’m driving right now and you can’t hold a knife to my throat - gah!” Gamora had prodded him in the side with a sharp fingernail instead.

“You are unbelievable,” Gamora hissed. “You couldn’t have told me this before?”

“Would you believe me if I said it slipped my mind?” Peter said, chuckling nervously. “It’s just three nights, Gamora. Besides, it’d look kinda weird to people if they found out we had separate beds.”

“We could have made a believable story about why we did if you had told me,” Gamora grumbled, reluctant to admit he was kind of right. Peter was definitely more right than she wanted him to be sometimes.

The rest of the drive was somewhat tense, though Peter managed to joke his way back into Gamora’s good graces as he usually did. They arrived on schedule, in which Peter checked in, batting eyelashes at the middle-aged receptionist while he asked about their complimentary breakfast, Gamora hovering behind him with their bags, her hood and sunglasses still firmly on her head.

“Is your girlfriend alright, Mister Quill?” the receptionist asked kindly, glancing over Peter’s shoulder. “She looks...nervous.”

“We’re from the Guardians of the Galaxy, ma’am,” Peter said confidently, and Gamora could practically see him puffing his chest out a little as part of his declaration. “She’s just a bit worried about being stared at or attacked in public.”

The receptionist nodded, satisfied with his answer, and handed him two sets of room keys and their receipt, along with a map of the city. “Enjoy your stay!”

“We will, thank you,” Peter said cheerily, pointing Gamora in the direction of the elevators.

Their room was relatively nice, as Pepper had managed to talk Fury into letting her book them one of the fanciest Best Westerns in the city (“Don’t waste our budget on extraneous nonsense, Potts!”). There was a full kitchen, a leather couch and a flatscreen TV, and yes, one king-sized bed with an excessive amount of pillows and a towel folded to resemble a zoo animal (today was an elephant).

Gamora wandered out onto the balcony, finally pushing her hood down and removing her hat and sunglasses. She let her hair out of its ponytail and allowed the breeze to rustle through her hair. Although the air wasn’t particularly pleasant, it was better than the muggy air of the highway. “We should take a picture for Janet right here,” she decided.

Peter joined her on the balcony, fussing over his hair for a moment until Gamora slapped his wrist, telling him he looked fine. “So I’m not terrible-looking?” he joked, and she rolled her eyes in response. He wasn’t going to let that go, was he?

They awkwardly rotated in one spot for a few moments to find the best angle to avoid sunlight, before Gamora held up her phone, arm outstretched as far as possible (Peter was too tall in comparison when she was going barefoot). They took a few different ones, trying to be as close as possible without literally being back-to-chest.

“We have arrived at our hotel room. Quill already wants pizza,” Gamora texted to her girls’ group chat. “I smell like car exhaust.”

Peter chuckled as he read her message over her shoulder, moving back into the room to strip off his jacket and shoes. “This’ll be fun,” he called to her. “Like a team-building exercise without the rest of our team here. You’re practically the co-leader of the Guardians with me, so maybe we’ll be better at the job afterwards.”

“We still have so much time left to keep up this ruse,” Gamora said as a series of “OMG CUTE” messages flooded in from Janet and Kamala. “I would hope we’re better teammates after this.” She turned, only to realize Peter was also changing into a more relaxed T-shirt, unlike the training undershirt he had on before. Her eyes flickered briefly over his abs (how the hell was he so well-defined, he avoided the gym at all costs) before turning away again. “Pizza?”

______

“So what did you have planned for ‘em, bug-girl?” Yondu was in his usual spot on the couch, dirty boots on the coffee table, chewing thoughtfully on a toothpick. It was the first night without their leaders, and despite them all putting on a brave face, it was weird without Peter’s humour and background music, and Gamora’s brisk efficiency and deadpan nature.

“I searched up ‘romantic date ideas in New York City’ and have picked some of my favourites that I think Peter and Gamora will like,” Mantis said. Groot was sitting on her forearm, attempting to scroll through her list. “After getting supplies tomorrow morning, they will go for a walk through Central Park tomorrow afternoon, a musical in the evening, and then the museum and a light show on Sunday.”

“Sounds like a bunch of cliches t’me,” Rocket said, setting aside one of his blaster guns to grab the tablet out of Mantis’s hands. “You really think Gamora’s gonna go for this kinda stuff?”

“The museum they are going to has a large exhibit on weaponry and armour that I have directed them to,” Mantis said, snatching it back so she could open up pictures on The Met’s website. “And the musical I chose is based on a movie that was recommended to Peter, and he quite enjoyed. It will be a good mix for them both.”

“Is this a movie that Quill and Gamora have watched together? What is it about?” Drax approached her, curious.

“It is about love,” Mantis said, her eyes growing even wider in excitement. “I am not sure if they have watched it together, though. But I think it will be a good first step in getting them to think of each other in a romantic way!”

“Ugh,” Nebula groaned from the corner. She couldn’t believe she was thinking this, but things might have actually been better when Gamora was around. At least they wouldn’t talk about this stuff so loudly if she were near.

______

Peter tossed the last of his crust into the greasy box with a groan. He couldn’t possibly eat any more. He and Gamora were seated on the floor of the living space with their backs against the couch, the pizza box on the coffee table, their shoulders pressed together, both already changed into their sleep clothes. It had been a relatively short drive, but they were already physically drained from being cramped in the car, unused to traveling in a vehicle that wouldn’t allow them to walk around freely.

“I think I’m only awake enough for two questions of twenty tonight,” Gamora admitted, taking a swig of water.

“Are you awake enough for a movie? I was gonna show you Groundhog Day, since we’re watching the musical tomorrow,” Peter said, holding up the flash drive Stark had loaned to him.

“Movie first, two questions, then sleep,” Gamora decided. When Peter didn’t immediately react, she turned to look at him, and that odd smile of his was back again. “What?”

“I like this better than us fighting all the time,” Peter grinned. “You actually want to spend time with me.”

She turned away for a moment, shy. “Well, I have decided that you’re my best friend, too.”

“That’s awesome,” he murmured, his eyes crinkling at the corners as his grin deepened. “I’m uh, glad you feel that way.”

She nodded, smiling tentatively back. “Just start the movie, Quill, before I fall asleep on you.”

______

Two hours later, Gamora managed to drag herself to her feet and clean up their garbage, then collapse onto the bed where Peter was already lying face down. She poked him to double check he hadn’t suffocated in the mountain of pillows.

“Argh - oh hey.” He had shot up like a rocket and nearly hit her in the face on the way. “Two questions, then bed. But first, lights off.”

Gamora watched him carefully as he sluggishly moved around the room to turn everything off, the only light source being the city life twinkling through the window. It felt intimate at first - though her body modifications gave her quite good night vision, there was something about the surrounding darkness that made everything feel more...significant. “I want to ask a question similar to your last,” she decided. “Are you happy being the leader of the Guardians? And I don’t just mean for our team specifically, but also just...being a leader in general. Does it feel like something you’ve always wanted to do?”

He settled back down on the bed, and though there was a relatively decent amount of space between them - and they had stood much closer before - the feeling of lying down next to someone, falling asleep next to someone, and trusting nothing would happen in the night, was a foreign feeling to Gamora. It felt like an eternity ago that she was living in Sanctuary with the other children of Thanos, afraid to fall asleep at the risk of being murdered the moment her eyes fell shut. She and Nebula especially seemed prone to targeting from the others, being the most outwardly strong and beloved (if you could call it that) by Thanos.

“Not something I ever thought I would do,” Peter said, his eyes flickering up to the ceiling. “But my mom, she was always scolding me for picking fights with people who hurt the little guys. So maybe being a leader came from that? Wanting to be the first to help people? And, y’know, in the context of the Guardians, I'd say I’m team leader because the rest of you are terrible with people.”

“I'm getting better,” Gamora protested. He reached over to pat her hand.

“You totally are,” he agreed. “Especially since you're like Groot’s mom or something - it's good practice.”

“We’re practically raising him together,” Gamora said. “He calls us his parents.” For some reason, Peter found himself thinking of he, Gamora, and Groot in some odd version of the American Gothic painting. But instead of Peter holding the pitchfork, Gamora would be holding her Godslayer (Groot would be sitting on the handle).

“What did you want to be when you were a kid?”

She hummed softly. “I don't think I ever saw life that way, even before Thanos,” she said thoughtfully. “I didn't grow up wealthy, so I didn't think I had a lot of prospects on my homeworld. I probably assumed I would own a shop or be a teacher at most.”

“Never had dreams for anything bigger?”

“There was no bigger to begin with,” she said, her voice tinged with sadness. “Being a Guardian - it’s a whole new dream altogether.” They had somehow shifted closer between questions, their arms and hands grazing each other casually. She could see freckles forming on Peter’s nose, a result of exposure to the sun. Peter had been bragging to a few girls a couple months ago that he liked spending summers working on the Milano with his shirt off. At the time, she had rolled her eyes as the other girls giggled and said they'd like to watch. Now, she was vaguely curious if he was going to follow through. “You must've had some interesting dreams as a child, then.”

“Same question again, huh? I was a typical kid - cop, astronaut, pirate. I guess in a way I'm kind of a combination of all of them. I mean, Ravagers are straight up space pirates. And the Guardians of the Galaxy is just a super fancy name for space cops.”

“I suppose it is,” she said. Her voice was near a whisper now, as sirens and car alarms sounded outside, flooding the otherwise dull hum of the AC working its way through their room. “Your turn.”

He stared at her consideringly, contemplating his next question. Even in the darkness, his grey-green eyes were still bright with the sort of frenetic energy people had come to expect of Peter. “If you had to change one thing about me, what would it be?”

She supposed he thought it would be difficult, yet funnily enough, she found it one of the easiest to answer. “Your discipline,” she replied. “You are good at focusing on things - sometimes to the point of fixation - but you still let other things distract you from the goal. It's something to work on, I think.”

“Interesting,” Peter said softly. “I thought you were gonna say something about how annoying I am.”

Gamora huffed. “You are annoying, but it doesn't mean I'd change that about you. Who else managed to confuse Ronan and the Chitauri and Ayesha and - ”

“Alright, I got the point.” He reached over to squeeze her hand again, and Gamora really shouldn't be getting used to the feeling of Peter’s hand in hers. “Hey, I’m glad you like doing this with me. I know you aren't the most talkative person in the world, but I like that we're getting to know each other like this.”

She smiled, squeezing back. “I'm enjoying it, too. Just don't tell anyone. Or - ” She was interrupted by Peter’s gentle laugh, as he pulled his hand away to bury his face in a pillow. It was an endearing sight. “I really should stop saying that,” she admitted with a chuckle of her own. “Goodnight, Quill.”

a/n: i’m a sucker for bed-sharing. also, it’s really hard to headcanon anything about gamora’s childhood when literally the only thing known about zen-whoberi is that it’s “moderately advanced” ;_;

#gotg #starmora #peter x gamora #peter quill #gamora #marvel #myfic #myfic: 20q #this is occurrence one of a billion bed-sharing moments #can you tell i love classic fic tropes? this is a fake-dating fic for pete's sake

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