#I have no clue what the hell am I doing

[soulfulazrael]

Who am I and what I write. The tale of a weird as all Hell fanfic I put too much time into about an odd ship.

So... If anyone here cares I am a Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss fanfic writer (and I am 23/24 year old. Depressing isn't it?). Although I can't exactly call myself the biggest fan anymore. I do love the potential those series have and the ideas in them, but I am not a nut over the execution. In fact I say it is pretty bad in many respects and I think Viv and her writing team do not utilize the full potential of what they have on their hands.

What I want to do is well... Do something I would prefer this world they created to be. So I make several odd as hell Fics. Or at least one now. As you can see from the image about Stella and Moxxie (art btw is made by talented @Caffe1neW1tch on twitter). Now I know, I KNOW how she is in the show... I can explain my case. I do change her character quite significantly from what she is in canon show (as I do so with MANY other things). To something I would prefer her to be. Something while still deeply flawed being more dignified than what she is in Helluva Boss season 2 as I think the direction they took her character was severely disappointing. I can't say they retconned her, but I have to say they went overboard with the direction she was taken. Way too far into just pure Hate Sink. Something I would prefer if it wasn't done at all with a character tied to such a potentially interesting conflict.

Not to mention the direction Vivienne took the world of Hell and it's characters... I must say. I do not enjoy how easy it is to say who is good and bad in both of her shows and how similar Hell is to Earth. It honestly robs the setting of it's potential as it is perfect place to explore some deeply disturbing characters with interesting alien mindsets and their own unique conflicts as it is hard to grasp who are you supposed to root for in the end. But both Hazbin and Helluva greatly miss the mark on that front as every character is either without a shadow of a doubt a good guy (that at most cries, swears and likes to tell sex jokes because I guess that's enough to say character has depth these days) or are so cartoonishly evil and stupid they make Team Rocket look competent and make Micah from RDR2 and Erebus from 40k say "THAT'S NOT SUBTLE ENOUGH!". Not to mention how similar so many of her characters are and how limited their interactions are, the treatment of Heaven, the confusing character arcs... You know what. Issues with both Hazbin and Helluva are too many to count, too many for this post, but I also say they are not TERRIBLE shows, they are just shows that disappoint me at every step for the last few years.

And now I get to the crux of this elongated point. Again. I'm writing fics and one of them is Song for the Quiet Bird. A fic I say is best to read on a site AO3 (but it is also on Fanfic site if it's up to your speed) where I try to explore hell in more meaningful ways and make their culture more unique while telling a story of a very strange ship which is Stella and Moxxie. And do not worry, I am not going on any "Millie is dead" kind of cop out. I am into doing things in an easy way. And here is the link to it:

I also make another fic called Torments of Sinners and Imps which you may find on my profile as well which delves more into Angel and Moxxie, but that one for now is on a break. In a way Song is too, but I do hope I'll post a chapter for that one soon (personal issues and family issues).

Alright, if anyone is interested or sees this post I hope that you will enjoy my take on this series. Will post something more here? I dunno. Maybe? But anyway I just want more people to see it and maybe give their opinion on it which is what I always want to hear.

And I may post more things about what I do not enjoy in those shows and how I think they could be fixed. Talking about several things in both shows that irk me the wrong way.

Also given how deeply I go into the worldbuilding in my fics I may also post some stuff about how I made some things work there and things about culture of Hell I came up with and mythology there... Or maybe just talk about some philosophical mumbo jumbo that I sometimes think of. But whether or not I do it, especially consistently will be another story. If anyone sees this, thanks for sticking around. If anyone is interested in my works or opinions share your thoughts. If anyone hates my guts for the things I write about and my opinions of these series... Can't say I am surprised some people do hate those. You are free to share your discontent too. I welcome all voices. At least until they make my head hurt, then I just take a nap.

Anyway. I rambled for long enough. Again check out the fic if you are interested. Wont force you. If you do so leave a comment which is the most important thing for me when I write something. Hearing what people like and don't like. Have a good one and I hope you enjoy yourself. If not with my story then in your life whoever you are (as long as you are not a total POS).

#hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #Ao3 #ao3 fanfic #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel criticism #helluva boss criticism #fanfic #I have no clue what the hell am I doing #stella #moxxie

[synthshenanigans]

#i don't know what the hell possessed me to make this at 4am but i did #this is so stupid and yet this is so funny to me why #whose gonna be the JohnnyCash to my ChonnyJash 💔 #worst thing I've ever typed #i do not listen to Cash at all. only time is like on the radio & i havent heard him [that i know of] since i was like 10-12 & I am almost 2 #21* lol #but maybe love can change that ❤ [says the guy who is very aroace] #chonny jash #moss posts #has this joke been made before???? i have no clue

[composing-the-future]

sometimes i worry that im being too autistic on the autism website

#kota.txt #Like oh shit is this a normal way to talk #Do my mutuals get what i'm trying to say #Surely they do if they follow me right #its like having to communicate by cutting words out of the dictionary #is what it feels like sometimes #like this is not the most concise or legible way to express this at all #but i dont have the energy to optimize it #^ Literally those two sentences is what i worry about like who the fuck says concise #and now i sound way too Um Acktually im an Intellectual Being Smart is a Curse nerd guy #Like no this is just how i talk sometimes idk why #I could also fully be making too mjch if a big deal out of this to the point where it reads as bragging or something #I have no clue. Fucking hell #Anyway if anyone can relate please lmk i am stranded on an island rn

[trackmind]

what if… i revamped all my muses and made a come back 👀

#am i too old and rusty? yes #do i have a single clue of what’s cool or how to do this anymore? not at all #do i miss the hell out of it? somehow yes

[princeanxious]

.

#hi yes i cant be the only young adult that has no fucking clue what to do with their life right? #not even playing the ‘haha same’ card rn but genuinely actually no idea what interests me ‘career-wise’ #‘i’m just worried about you. what to you want to do with your life?’ LIKE #FUCK I DONT KNOW I STILL GENUINELY NEVER EXPECTED GETTING THIS FAR #i dont like *anything* specifically enough to want to base a whole life on it. #i dont. *love* things #outside of art anyway. and we already know art aint a viable career in america unless u grind like hell- #-and let me tell u i do not love life enough to grind like hell just to live off the biggest thing that gives me joy #because then it would stop giving me joy #like once upon a time i thought i might do good as a baker and now that i know i cant eat gluten most food is ruined for me #i hate food and making food. eating is a chore and i do not enjoy it. i gave up baking. #like. there are more examples but every avenue i’ve tried to take that i like has failed me in a way that sucks all the joy out of it #having a career feels meaningless to me. going back to college just feels like a pointless and indebting endeavor. #am i just depressed? is my brain just still way off base chemically? #it’s pissing me off and stressing me out honestly. #luka vents #delete later

[sanstropfremir]

key using notion for promotions 😭 i have no idea what to expect

me, having no fucking clue what notion is:

#i have literally no fucking clue what that is i am lost as HELL #i have to assume the concept has something to do with office worker/something related to keycards bc of the first image??? #idk i have no experience as an office worker ive never worked in one in my life #key w #answers #text

[siixkiing]

Sorry been a bit quiet on my end...just the muses been else where and the monkeys keep fighting me when I try to write something for here.

#Loss of Powers | {OOC} #The Scrolls | Mun Menu {Post} #I am fine don't worry; but sometimes just focused else where or doing things + muses fighting me #I might write somethings soon BUT it might be slow =w=;;; #They're stubborn sometimes 8U #Also one of my ears been funky lately...soooo...that's also been bugging me a lot 8C;;; #Might have to go see a doc soon see what the hell is going on; might need my ear cleaned or something... #IDK but it's so weird right now #Can hear out of it but it's like how you feel before you pop your ears? BUT I can't pop them and feels like somethings in there??? #Again no clue what is going on but ears bugging me =3=

[jackett-slut]

ok sorry if this sounds fucking insane. i need to write something out.

#vent. sort of. #okay. why do i have absolutely no clue what i want or like. like in life. career/job/college/life etc wise. no interests beyond casual. #and amateur level interests. which is fine but i don’t think i want them to go higher and therefore aren’t careers you know. i like them #for fun. but like all my friends have interests and things they’re studying or doing that i hear it and i’m like oh my god yeah that’s them #that’s perfect. that’s so them. of course. makes perfect sense. and they have the history of hobbies and interest in the topic to back that #choice up. but me? man i have fucking nothing. i feel like i have been in survival mode forever and i literally have not had the opportunit #or ability to develop myself and my interests or even my fucking STYLE or ANYTHING!!! it seems worthless FOR ME. WHY???????? #that’s the survival mode talking. but like what am i supposed to do now. i feel like a fucking shell of a person. like the only thing that #passes through this brain is whatever my current hyperfixation is and whatever new hell/trauma/issue i’m dealing with in my life. that’s it #man i remember being a kid and having vibrancy and passion and interests. and it just left. maybe it left when my brother was born when i #was 10. maybe it left during any one of the traumautic experiences or abuse during my teenage years. #but then i wonder what my friends see. like do i have interests and likes in their eyes? i mean space has been My Thing to my friends for #years now but even my interest and love for that was a coping mechanism (escapism) and i’m not interested in the science beyond what i can #use to cope and mentally escape or use in my head as hope for escape. #MAN i feel like i’m so fucked. like i don’t know what the fuck to do. i don’t want to do anything. maybe i’m depressed? #i mean i know i do and have dealt with depression but i mean maybe that’s what this is from. #maybe i’m autistic? maybe adhd and maybe that’s why i have whims and phases that never stick? i don’t know. #maybe it’s from the dysphoria? maybe it’s like bc i can’t picture a future for myself bc of that? probably not cuz i have trans friends who #do indeed have solid interests and senses of self. #so. i don’t fucking know. #i don’t fucking know. i don’t know what to do. i feel like i’m falling behind and like i’ll never get out and i’ll never get my head into #my own real life and the present in order to figure out who i am and what i like and want. i’ve got NOTHING. HEAD. EMPTY. WHAT THE FUCK. #what the fuck. what do people do when they run up against this problem. i don’t know. #maybe this rn is just because i’m on my period. i don’t know. fuck. #maybe it’s dissociation. or like FROM my lifelong dissociation issues. hmm. #okay but THEN i’m like okay this is a really privileged problem to have like. i have a choice in what i want to do. which is nice. and i am #not even being rushed by my family. so like. then i feel even worse for feeling this way. fuck. maybe it’s fine maybe it’s all fine. #maybe this just happens sometimes and a person has no interests and it’s fine. i don’t fucking know. doesn’t seem to be that way for most #people but maybe. who knows #vent

[june-again]

first school dance yesterday im jus gonna write out a few things that happened because it was funny yes ok

boyfriend stood in one place the whole time but did not complain abt shit and knew a huge portion of the songs (compared to me) and so he sang and i danced and it was cute

did my makeup it was shiny green eyeshadow the only night of my life it would feel justified to have such shiny green eyeshadow

dis one kid who makes music had his entire friend group request a specific song of his and when it came on they all went wild

during raffle draws a number was pulled and some guy did a fist pump or something and everyone started cheering for him. he ran up onto the stage and waited for everyone to finally shut up so that he could go "it wasn't my number!" and then he jumped off and everyone lost it

did jojo dance

friend with whom i did jojo dance got to meet my boyfriend and was very excited to ask him about naked eren jaeger figure

cha cha slide

macerena

girls just wanna have fun danced really hard

dancing queen danced REALLY hard

my feet hurt so bad

i bought a friend of mine a glowstick and they got so happy and hugged me and it was adorable

told boyfriend he should grow a mustache

he disagreed

fuck the police

my french teacher who speaks russian and english and not french did some legit breakdancing and we were all in a circle around him and he was out there spinning on his head and shit

almost got trampled by a huge train. boyfriend pulled me out of the way uwu kawaii doki doki

oh yeah basically nobody came it was like 15% of our school lmao

live music was a bunch of my band kid besties they were great lots of incredible electric and disorganization

one couple was slow dancing in every song even though there were no slow dance songs kinda cringe but i hope they had fun lol

at the end they had "we are young" and everyone pulled out their phone flashlights it was endearing

#three hours of 'what am i supposed to be doing right now' and 'who cares' and 'im fucking thirsty' and 'why the fuck'd i wear longsleeves' #nobody i know won the raffle 👎 #have like 2 blurry photos from the event and that's it #LMAO #also i'm skipping school today???? no clue why ?????????? #jus woke up and it was halfway thru first block and im like hell nah am i goin now #june shines #june days

[jovalencia]

not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol

#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying #how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily #just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself” #okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next #year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city #and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate #which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic #In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate #also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge #but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that #I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr #the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that #even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself #whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay #anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell #carmen.txt

[rosicheeks]

I Am having a thought or two, now, yes! Mostly about how easy it'd be to fluster the hell out of you, tell you "aw, it's okay darlin, take your time and use your words," give you a little pat on the head that's Totally not meant to illustrate the height difference, just see how much I can make your cheeks glow without touching you all that much!

And then see how much you can whine and turn deep crimson with a different sort of touch~♡

Does hsbaksndjsnkdjf count as words??? 🥺🥺🥺

#and yes I did do that gibberish a few times to make sure it was the right feel 😂 #you have NO clue how easy it is to get me flustered #like I uhhhhhhhhhh #the thought of a cute person just LOOKING at me a certain way makes me blush and get a little flustered #like I’m not used to attention or flirting #so either it would go right over my head #or if it’s super obvious it would make me go BRIGHT red #I wish I could show you guys how bright I can get cause it gets baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad #every time my crush found out I liked them I was like what????? who told them??? and then I was like my damn CHEEKS told the fucker #like just reading ‘fluster the hell out of you’ and ‘aw it’s ok darlin’ makes me KndkdndkndkNnJbKBjNjJJBBJBBHJJB #I can’t handle being called darlin/darling #I just 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #I am curious if my blushing is different or deeper/brighter when it’s from an intimate touch #I think it would be super fun for you to tie me down and see what different reactions and noises you can get out of me #kdbdknskandnd ksndkdndkdnkd #shhhhh I’m having so many thoughts right now #I wanna scream #you are so so so CUTE #mwah 🥰😘😘😘 #cute asks #ask #♡ anon

[southislandwren]

FEAR FEAR FEAR PANIC PANIC SOBBING AND SCREAMING

Edited to add she made me asparagus soup today so maybe she can have a little gender knowledge. as a treat

#uh oh is this because I looked at her like a sad wet puppy and asked if her husband was transphobic for realsies #it’s because of the fucking mullet isn’t it #fucking HYPERVENTILATING rn bro I can not deal with this. #sorry boss my gender is a secret my pronouns are privileged information #I love you but I cannot respond in any way that will leave us satisfied! #Aw what the hell ill just lie. she/her/whatever. it doesn’t fucking matter does it #getting he/him’d is just a special treat that’s just out of grasp 😔 #but I got they/them’d in a Facebook comment on my moms post so that was decent #but like I am not a they them! I love gender! just no one can ever acknowledge it #like she’s definitely figured out I’m a queer but she doesn’t know what flavor yet and I think that’s probably a driving factor behind this #oh maybe it’s because I’ve got gay and trans rights in my insta bio and she friended me on insta today #actually there’s a lot of clues lying around for people to notice I’m a Gender Enjoyer. it’s up to them to not fucking mention it though #man fuck gender. I’m just a little guy and I don’t deserve this #ohhh I probably referred to myself as a little guy and that tipped her off #well at least she’s liberal and she’s asking because she respects me and not because she thinks I’m a filthy sinner or something #gender post #okay but if I do release Secret Info I bet she’d get a kick out of my boy name being a cheese lmaoo #cheese. gender. it’s all the same #you can eat the rind if you want but you don’t have to

[peasgaming64]

First Cosplay!

Its taken like a month to get around to posting it but enjoy my first cosplay from Sydney Supanova! Not bad for something I pulled together in three weeks

More shots on my insta just cause Tumblr is a bit of an awkward site for big photo sets. But I'll throw a couple more under the cut too.

Bonus blurry as hell shot from the night before the con because I did not think to get a bunch of shots without the helmet and it looks cool as fuck.

#cosplay #comics cosplay #Jason Todd #Red Hood #DC Comics #Batman Comics #Red Hood Cosplay #Jason Todd Cosplay #DC Comics Cosplay #idk how to tag this ngl #Really needed to readjust my belt before these shots but I was already scrambling getting the helmet gloves and holsters on #And I was the group photographer so my friends had no clue what they were doing with my camera #there was like four red hood cosplayers around on the day and I was the only one with a handmade helmet and I am both embarrased and proud #Cause like man it shows I was doing things cheap and did not have time to order a helmet cause i pulled this together in three weeks #but also I MADE A FUCKIN HELMET AND THAT TOOK SOME CREATIVITY #I'll have to see what I can improve before next con #I want to keep doing this it was fun as hell #anyway tag rambling done ill shut up #peas makes DC stuff #peas does cosplay #? guess ill need a tag for that and thatll work as well as anything else #Peas' Art

[blueslight]

Man FUCK autism its got me googling shit like how long do you gotta be dating to be able to say i love you... I dont fucking care abt the social rules on this shit i wish i could just wing it and act out of instinct !!! But no i am left studying shit i will never understand in fear of messing up because of. Shit i will never understand

#hell. im tellin ya #you know whats an even worse thing to not know about ? how far into a relarionship its normal to start having sex #i have zero fucking clue . google said lots of people do it after a week but thats gotta be insane. i genuinely have no fucking lead of my #own on it but my girlfriend made a joke recently that implied she thinks 1 month is really early . so i suppose it is #not that i am that desperate to bang. but it would be nice to know whats expected of me #another thing - whats the difference between dating and in a relarionship?? does it not mean the same thing ????? (apparently not . ) #and why WHY do you even gotta wait w saying i love you. i love her now. and i wanna tell her. why do i gotta fuckinf wait just bcuz thats #the rules on that..????????? #i dont know. i genuinely dont understand any of it n i am like so nervous about it way too often bcuz what if i mess up #and also . the absolutely baseless guilt (the secret third thing my brain is making me struggle with.).. #godddddddd in heaven and hell. can i just get reprogrammed to be normal and socially aware please

[flowerwithdepression]

.

#so #my mom just screamed at me #for like a straight 20 minutes #and I have no clue what it was about #she is always like this and for what reason??? #I am trying to listen and understand wtf I'm doing wrong!! but dhe makes less than zero sense #i am trying i really am and no matter what i get yelled at #so everyone can go to hell. #fuck you all #I hate every single person in the world right now #vent

[gobbluthbutagirl]

ALL the tide pods were stolen at my job today btw

#i have no clue what that black thing at the bottom is #WAIT what the hell am i talking about yes i do. i was wearing black gloves so that’s gotta be my hand #i was the one who audited them out and i’d scan each bar code and it would say some shit like ‘6 on the shelf’ #well as you can see there were none on the shelf. #my job wrapped