#I don't know who I am either

[antiendovents]

breaking the queue I already set up to vent. Probably gonna put it under the cut because GOD DAMN I am angry. Dont worry, the queue will be back to normal soon ((yes I queue posts, don't question me, I will cry))

Uh, also I think I'll add a tag for my own vents, so you can block them if you wanna (#personal vent / #personal vents <- two because I'll probably forget to add or get rid of the "s")

I HATE ENDOS. I am like barely holding myself together, I am sick and tired of trying to find xenogenders, labels, ect, for me and my headmates only for them to be made by endos. Even when I see pro endos with like "oh, DNI if anti endo, but you can still use my terms so don't reclaim them" it makes me pissed off because I DONT WANT to use an pro endos term. I shouldn't have to. Am I going to reclaim it? I DONT KNOW. I want to but I have no motivation, only fear and anger. I am sick of my disorder being treated like a game. I have literally lost years of my life. Years, months that I can't remember. All of it gone. I question whats a trauma response and what's not constantly, I don't know if the trauma I remember is all that happened or if there's more I don't know about. Yet endos can just sit here with their little roleplaying accounts, pretending to have the disorder that makes my life a living hell. I can't make friends, I'm so fucking scared of people, of the outside world, so I come here to the internet and everything is so much worse. FUCK SAKE WHY CANT I JUST HAVE A SPACE TO BE ME. I am so tired of endos taking over safe spaces.

#This probably doesn't make sense #I am currently having a sort of anxiety attack #Or melt down #I cant really tell #I don't know who I am either #So there's that #:3 #tw swearing #I guess #I don't usually warn it #But there's a lot of it #cw paranoia mention #? #Personal vent #Personal vents #anti endo #did #did system #endos dni #plural #actually did #alters #system #endos fuck off #did osdd

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

#selfie bee #me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails #i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade #FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!! #did you have a lot of snow on christmas! #we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c: #do you have any plans for the new year? #i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun #this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ #I would also love to learn how to make a handstand #imagine if you could just make yourself upside down #but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either #but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ ) #maybe I'll finally finish that website! #new years are good and fun #it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :) #who knows what this year will bring! #I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car #I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact #I wonder how he is doing today #since that moment I think about pheasants a lot #I knew they were real but I had never seen one #just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling #right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet #get dry soon pheasants!! #I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either #I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts #also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅ #I've finished it and its really really bad #but I love it

[inkskinned]

oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.

oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.

oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.

which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.

but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.

which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.

and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!

and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.

the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!

and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -

what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.

and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.

#i hate when people try to tell me i didn't do it right #what should i have done better #i did it ALL the right way #(not that there is a right way) #it's just that others feel comfortable believing that THEY did it the right way and that's how they made money #whereas i must have just committed a sin somewhere in there! i MUST be doing it wrong!!! #and i'm not a victim!!! im simply experiencing consequences! #and im like. where . where. wherewherewherewhere #i graduated top of my class. i was almost the student speaker. #i have always excelled at work and i work hard #i have been working since i was 13 #WHERE !!!!! IS MY FUCKING !!!! MONEY!!!!!! #ps please do not make the assumption i am ablebodied or neurotypical. #i am neither of these things. #it DOES get worse if u are either of those things. so fuckin much #but @ the one anon who was like ''u could be X that would be worse u don't know how lucky u are'' #.... don't i? #do i need to be luckier than someone else #or is it possible we are BOTH victims? #and that we need to work TOGETHER to resolve it #not just wave it off since it COULD be harder for someone else... it can be true we BOTH deserve better

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

#spn #vid #mind the warnings on this one for real #woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye. #pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl. #also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise #anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator #is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else #and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters #that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's #not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under #alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does #because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it #so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way #i am using them to make my argument. #oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to. #i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through #into everything in his life #that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[cerise-on-top]

hi! how would Valeria and Kate react if their wife’s got hurt because of their work, both of them working highly jobs and it ended up catching up to their s/o. hoe you are doing well and drink plenty of water! thank you!

-🍒

Hello! Both of them would be absolutely distraught, but would go about it in different ways!

Valeria’s and Laswell’s Wife Gets Hurt Because of their Job

Valeria: Whoever hurt you will wind up tortured and eventually, once she thinks they’ve had enough of their miserable life, will wind up dead. Naturally, the first thing she does is check up on you, see if you’re alright and well, that’s her priority. You’re the love of her life, there’s no one else in this world she wants to see do well. You’ll be admitted to the best hospital nearby and will only get the finest treatment. Once you’re stabilized, that’s when the hunt begins. Whoever hurt you won’t get too far since that bastard’s life will be on the line. Regardless of where they might be hiding, Valeria will find them and show them that death is actually a kind of mercy. She has pretty much everything at her disposal, everything money can buy, this sucker won’t know what hit them. If it’s revenge they want, then revenge they’ll get. Valeria promises you that their head will be on a silver plate. She’s not very good with words when it comes to comforting someone, but she will have that person killed in the most cruel ways she can imagine. In fact, she’ll take the pleasure of torturing them upon herself. Once she’s done, she’ll take some days off, which is surprising since she usually can’t afford that at all. You’ll be under her direct care for those days. Anything you want you’ll get. Afterwards there will be a slight shift in her demeanor, Valeria becomes more protective over you. Sometimes she might even assign some trusted people of hers to watch over you since she can’t afford something like that happening again. While she can’t always take some days off, she’ll try to be closer to you anyway. Always texting you, finding excuses to come home for a day maybe. She just really needs to make sure you’re okay, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself if you died.

Laswell: Laswell will try to be a bit more diplomatic about it at first, trying to coax whoever hurt you out of hiding. This person will be held accountable for their crimes against her world. Naturally, she rescues you first, gets you to the nearest hospital and won’t leave your side until you’re stable again. If it takes you a while to wake up again, she’ll leave to find the fucker and make sure they swim with the fishes. She has a pretty large, efficient network and will find out who it was fairly easily. Once she knows who they are, she won’t hesitate to find out all their past crimes as well, if they hurt you then they must have done some other awful things as well. Once that phase is over, she’ll go to their home herself and have them arrested, put in the worst prison imaginable where the inmates are treated especially badly. She won’t kill them, but she wouldn’t be surprised if they wind up dead anyway. Laswell usually isn’t an evil person, but she does hope that person dies during their time. Their sentence will be as long as possible so there’s no chance of them ever seeing the sunlight again either. Once all of this is over, she, too, would take some days off to spend with you. You’re a priority above all else, so Laswell will want to be there for you, no matter the cost. While she usually isn’t, depending on how severely you got hurt she might become a bit overbearing, a bit overprotective. That overprotectiveness will last for a few months, afterwards she’ll try to give you some space again. However, she’ll always be keeping a closer eye on you, always texting or calling you every once in a while to make sure you’re okay. If she needs to, she’ll put you under her protection officially, but the situation needs to be dire for that to happen. Either way, she’ll be keeping you safe.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #fem!reader #I hit over 100k words in my document last night which is so so much #I've written so much for Call of Duty in such a short time it's unbelievable. granted there's one fic I never posted but still #I don't intend to stop now either though it's fun. I'll probably be into cod for a while still anyway so there's that too #besides Valeria and Laswell have me in a chokehold. Farah does too I love them #every time someone requests them I'm very happy. I didn't expect the girls to be this popular though in all honesty #not complaining! it's nice to get to imagine kissing girls. it makes my gay little heart sing #I actually had some art of Valeria and an OC of mine commissioned not too long ago #every time I look at it I giggle and kick my legs a bit #I want her to fluster the everloving hell out of me until I can't speak anymore and am complete mush for her #I know I've mentioned it before but I love women who could absolutely just kill me. and who absolutely would do it as well #cod has some good women. made me realise that older women are also pretty epic #I think I'd melt into a puddle if Laswell ever called me her girl or her wife

[himehomu]

“Homura callously destroys everything and everyone else because she's selfish and she only loves madoka” right that's why, when she rewrote the entire universe, she not only made it to where Madoka would be surrounded by her friends and her family, but she also gave Sayaka a second chance with not only Kyoko, but with Hitomi and Kyoske as well. That's why she gave Nagisa and Mami a life together. Because she's callous and selfish and she doesn't care about anyone but Madoka. That's why she took on the brunt of immortality for Madoka to be human again, even if it's temporary, choosing to suffer alone whilst everyone else has a second chance at a life. Go fuck yourself. I'm so tired of seeing ppl minimize Homura's love for Madoka and her friends by writing off her actions as “oh she's just a selfish evil edgelord who destroys everything and everyone who isn't madoka bc she doesn't care about anything else bc selfishness vs selflessness themes!!” like you do know that you can point out Homura's selfishness and Madoka's selflessness without blatantly lying and trying to rewrite canon to fit your narrative, right?

#pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #mahou shoujo madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica rebellion #homura akemi #madoka kaname #muting notifications to this bc i already know ppl who either want homura to be evil to justified their hatred for her #because they can't admit they still don't understand why homura did what she did in rebellion after 10 years #or those who want her to be evil and toxic bc they think that makes her a girlboss are gonna foam at the mouth either way #yes homura acted selfishly but not in the way everyone claims she did y'all are just twisting her actions to fit your narrative #it's 2023 just say you hate her and move tf on bc i am NOT going into Walpurgisnacht Rising with ppl in my ear telling me #how awful homura is and how she's a terrible person #homura did nothing wrong

[sergle]

has the huggable twee irritation always been a Thing or did it evolve in response to like, "you're not ugly. i'd fuck you" type comments? like in your personal experience

god, I'm not well spoken enough to describe it exactly the way it Registers In My Brain... but like. It's not the "you're not ugly, I'd fuck you" genre, and that type of comment is so easy to immediately dismiss because it always comes from a certain type of man, and it's like yeah yeah, I could throw a sandwich and you'd fuck it before it hit the floor. But also, that one's so specific, it's a bottom-of-the-barrel "compliment" that dudes will give when a woman has actively said something about feeling like she's unattractive.

The HUGGABLE THING. The oooh squishy marshmallow somft huggable mom shaped 🥺🥰 She looks like she gives GREAT HUGS. Those comments are UNPROMPTED. I'm immediately like. Every keyword you say, I kill another hostage. I will blow up this whole building and everyone in it. Because it is SO FUCKING WEIRD. And I have heard it one million times. And I see it on every drawing of a character who's even remotely plus sized. These comments would not fly for a thinner person, they'd be rightfully received as weird. People aren't gonna comment on a picture of Ariana Grande going omg she's sooo huggable mom friend shaped. WHAT. Simultaneously are desexualized and sanitized to a weird degree in that uwu language way, WHILE also being creepy. Like, why are you describing what you think I'd feel like if you hugged me? Like the only positive thing you can think of to say is that I look like I have some give. As strangers. I'm not going to hug you, I think you're a creep and I think you're giving yourself a big pat on the back for complimenting a fat person. What are we doing I'm arguing at the air. Where am I And you're just supposed to go oh thank you that's so nice, because as a fat person, you gotta take whatever compliment you get, even if it is actually not a compliment. And that's the thing, there are SO MANY ACTUAL COMPLIMENTS TO PICK FROM. But people settle on huggable and somft. Was this person pretty? Were they hot? You could say gorgeous? Handsome, beautiful? Elegant? Stunning? Sharp? Sexy? Stylish? Are you trying to say that you're attracted to this person's body? Are we being horny? Do you think they just look nice in general? Can't we think of anything else to say? Or are we just gonna sit here and say they fuckin look like Santa Claus. Huggable like a pillow. Girl what the fuck

#every time I see or hear it my eyes roll so far back in my head that I can look at my thoughts #I accepted about a thousand of these compliments as haha thank you before I gave up on pretending I think it's a compliment at all #people say this shit ALL THE TIME and I KNOWWWWWWWWWW I'm not the only bitch who hates it. #I hear this from others too. I'm not completely insane right here #or maybe I am. FUCK AUGH #can someone explain it BETTER AND LESS LENGTHY #sergle answers #People don't say any of the outdated plus sized compliments anymore either. you only hear them from old men #Like I would rather be called full figured or curvaceous or a whole lotta woman before I get called MOM FRIEND SHAPED??????????????? #what's that post.I'm going to kill myself in front of you and forever change the trajectory of your life #It would be different to be described as soft by like a partner. combined with compliment-compliments. like yeah you OBVIOUSLY know #what I feel like

[front-facing-pokemon]

#MR FUCKIN PLANES HIMSELF FROM GTI!!!! OUR BEST FRIEND #emolga #i dunno if anyone is gonna get that reference but this one time i saw like. a paradise crew askblog on here randomly and the post i happene #to see was someone asking emolga what thing he thought was coolest to hear about from the human world. and he said like #fuckin planes dude how do they work #and i thought that was the most emolga quote ever and i loved it. and it's been bouncing around in my head ever since even though #i don't even know who wrote it. i dunno the askblog or if it even exists anymore #but either way. this is still like the only pmd character with a canon blush sprite besides watchog i think from psmd #everyone knows he eventually rejects virizion for dunsparce. his very obvious crush on dunsparce throughout the whole game #i have so many thoughts about gti it really is the best pmd game. in some senses. gti and also eotds and also smd are all my favorite pmds #that's three out of four of them and no i am not cheating

[firenati0n]

several sentence sunday <3 :)

hello friends :) thank you to @sparklepocalypse @onthewaytosomewhere @captainjunglegym @magicandarchery @getmehighonmagic @bigassbowlingballhead @junebugclaremontdiaz @violetbaudelaire-quagmire (HBD!!!!) @itsmaybitheway @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @anincompletelist for the tags <3

proposal au titled "the full spectrum of human emotion" coming eventually. there is spanking involved:

Alex leans closer to Henry's ear, watching a lone drop of sweat slide down the man's temple, and whispers, “I did say you were allowed, sweetheart.”  Henry's cheeks go a lurid shade of pink, almost glowing from within under the lights. He takes a second to assess, landing on a decision surely meant to end Alex's life prematurely. Extinguished in his youth; death by over-the-clothes lap dance spanking.  He raises his hand and brings it down with a swift crack and Alex feels it through his jeans, all the way to the blood vessels pounding in his temples. But Henry doesn't stop there. No, he goes the extra mile, goddamn overachieving fuck he is, and squeezes. Alex is going to die in this fucking bar. If the bull didn’t do it, and the dancing didn’t do it, it’s definitely going to be the fucking spanking. The patrons are wolf-whistling, Nora is yelling all sorts of dirty encouragement, and Alex. Well, Alex is over the fucking moon.  “That's the best you got, baby boy?” “I suggest you don't push me right now, Alex, if you don't want to cause a scene in this lovely bar.”

xoxo roop

+ tags below the cut and open tag as always <3

@ninzied @dumbpeachjuice @wordsofhoneydew @saturntheday @leaves-of-laurelin @inexplicablymine @sherryvalli @littlemisskittentoes @heybuddy-drabbles @priincebutt @whimsymanaged @ships-to-sail @futureseaempress @happiness-of-the-pursuit @theprinceandagcd @tintagel-or-cockleshells @cricketnationrise @tailsbeth-writes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @myheartalivewrites @onward--upward @celeritas2997 @affectionatelyrs @tinyarmedtrex @14carrotghoul @rmd-writes @indomitable-love @anchoredarchangel @gay-flyboys @cultofsappho @welcometololaland @gayrootvegetable @rockyroadkylers @suseagull04 @eusuntgratie @orchidscript @cha-melodius @candyspandemonium @kiwiana-writes

#roop writes #several sentence sunday #rwrb #rwrb fic #i don't know what's going on either so #here you go i guess #i wrote this in the dairy fridge of a costco #godspeed #to the costco patrons i am sorry you watched me struggle to write this bc i was somehow sweating in that cold ass fridge #my apologies to the child in the cart who saw me try and fail many times to italicize the word “crack” on my phone #fat fingers: 1. roop: 0 #fic: tfsohe

[zeroducks-2]

I feel like a lot of folks who insist that the rampant purity culture in fandom spaces is "not a real problem", and something "an adult with a job" shouldn't deal with, fail to realize that if you simply engage with a certain ship or a certain trope you are exposed to cyberbullying in the form of insults, death threats, rape threats, suibating, self-harm baiting, attempts at doxxing, loss of your livelihood.

Your traumas will be stepped on if you have any, and/or treated as a joke. Your coping mechanisms will be deemed wrong, bad, harmful to yourself and other people, and you will be shamed for having them. The work you have been doing for your mental health, regardless if you dabble in the hobbies you like because of past traumas or because it's just a past-time you have, will be kicked into the dirt because someone is grossed out by them and they arbitrarily decided you cannot express your interest in them.

It is a real problem. Being an adult with a job doesn't give you an "exempt from this" badge that will protect you from harassment if you engage with anything that antis deem immoral.

And there are no "two sides of the same coin" and "two versions to hear" when it comes to this. I don't care if you think someone liking something is "unhealthy", that's none of your business what another person likes. Antis do not "have a point", they never do, their reaction to seeing a dark trope or an "unhealthy ship" are never justified. Hurting real living and breathing people over fictional content is never justified!

#I understand people who don't want to deal with the so called 'fandom discourse' #I really do because 90% of the times I don't want to deal with it either #but you know what I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE #it doesn't matter if I talk about this or not they will still come into mine and my friends' ask box and send insults #it doesn't matter if I say that I am proship/comship/anticensorship/whatever or if I don't - not saying anything does not protect me #I will still like (and post about) content these fuckers don't like and I will be still harassed for it #ramblings #today I had one mutual being harassed and another being legitimately scared to post things after accidentally bumping into some anti fucker #and I am so fucking tired #proship #anti censorship

[slimey-wally]

W-W-WHAT IF-

Miku could also work!!!

#welcome home fanart #welcome home #welcome home franny #franny joyful #franny joyful fanart #sailor moon #I don't know much about sailor moon #Just know her design!! #And thought about Franny! #Who am I kidding I thought about Franny first- #Not sure about the color scheme either #Whatever whatever!!! #I'm posting so much today #I'll start working on Melly tomorrow!!

[skrunksthatwunk]

something he can't put into words.

#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333 #also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random #20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either #meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people #always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it #for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu #does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected #haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway #(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible) #anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either #i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #dojima daigo #like a dragon #daigo dojima #ykz #i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now #gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient #anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love #also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu #uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM #yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig #skrunkart

[svtskneecaps]

took advantage of what may apparently be the last quiet qsmp night for a WHILE to watch through some day 1 vods, since i didn't hop on the train until mid april. holy SHIT there is gold in those metaphorical hills. one day i gotta make a compilation fr but it is so tedious the way i get clips.

anyway here's a collection of highlights:

#qsmp #block game brainrot #shut up vic #for those of you who might not have time to watch a million hours of livestreams lol #a few day 1 gems i haven't seen mentioned recently #can MAYBE find time stamps for those if requested #i was watching phil bad and foolish though i jumped around i didn't watch straight through #i have some time but i don't have 'catch up on qsmp' time #OTHERWISE MAYBE I'D WRITE THE GODDAMN SLIMERIANA TIME LOOP AU GRRRRRRRRR #my brain goes nuts over it constantly but grr grrrr grrrr i didn't see flippa live bc she was DEAD WHEN I ARRIVED #AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MANY VODS SCREAMS. #AND!!! I DON'T!!!!! SPEAK SPANISH!!!!!!!! #anyway lol if anybody knows fast convenient ways to clip vods either on youtube or twitch but mostly youtube lmk #(and by clip i mean 'get video files' idk how clipping works on twitch bc literally qsmp is the only reason i'm on twitch) #anyway it's 4 am enjoy these unhinged tags goodnight 😴 #bbh may have fixed his sleep schedule (allegedly) but balance must be restored to the universe apparently lol #long tags

[fabledfirmament]

this might be a minority opinion but i actually love that mellori betrayed the wizard. go on girl be your own fully realized person and advance the plot in interesting ways

#wizard101 #w101 #this is not meant to be shade i just like it when characters are volatile and do stupid shit #a lot of the early characters in wizard101 are super static and slotted into either #“wizard i love you and i am your ally 5ever” or “wizard i hope you get the electric chair” #so i really love mellori for like. she betrays the wizard but not really out of malice #she did it because she thought she had to #also i like it because it's funny #i feel this way about bat's betrayal too just. really like characters who's morality isn't revolved around #“is this character nice to the wizard” #(that is also why i love ione but i could talk about why i love ione for hours) #wizard101 spoilers #i don't know if fucking mirage still counts as spoilers #but to my brain mirage came out three years ago and not #checks notes #eight. it can't be eight what the hell.... #my god...........

[kaladinkholins]

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

okay note that nonbinary is an umbrella term, and applies to a vast range of gender identities, but it's my personal preference to use it as is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels. more power to you if you are though, but anyway.

essentially when i refer to mizu as nonbinary it means that i interpret mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that by nonbinary it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no one way to identify as anything, and everyone views gender in a specific way.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is an inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier, plus it's what the creators use, and because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my stance.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

#mizu blue eye samurai #mizu bes #blue eye samurai #blue eye samurai meta #sorry if this is redundant btw i just cant stop thinking thoughts :3 #btw i am a mixed* southeast asian who is also nonbinary. just in case that's important context #by mixed* i mean i'm asian+asian but diff ethnicities lol. i dont have a white bone in my body god bless<3 #my whiteness is purely learned thru cultural osmosis + bcs my parents taught me english as a first language (boooo 🍅🍅🍅) #also i live in the global south so i think EYE know a thing or two about being gnc in a society of rigid awful gender roles‼️ #so likeee i think its ridiculous that its an either-or thing #mizu can be nonbinary while still being a woman of colour ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #also ummm as much as i love queer themes and gay people i wish people would talk more about the racial otherness / community aspect #as mentioned in the post above #you don't need to read bhabha's whole book btw but just take a look at some of his ideas and you'll get what im talking about #like the fact that the fandom mostly ignores those themes in the story makes me feel like :( :/ #cuz to me THATS the thing that spoke to me most and its a shame that its just not talked about enough #i mean i know why thats likely the case. but still. #whoops im rambling again 🤪 #fandom.rtf #shut up haydar #meta dissertations.pdf