#I don’t want pity but I do want love

[floral-hex]

I’m so over emotional right now. read that Jimmy Buffett died surrounded by his friends and family and started crying. not that he died. that everyone he loved, that loved him, was there with him in his final moments. and his dogs! his dogs were there, too! something about it is so beautiful and nice and fuck, I am bummed he died, but that he went out surrounded by his loved ones makes it seem okay. I’m glad he got that in the end. That knowing you’re loved and you’ll be remembered. I think that’s all we can really hope for in the end.

#hi I am in emotional crisis #I can’t say I was a HUGE Buffett fan buuut… #I do have at least one of his books (ironically?) and who can’t get down on some of his music? #but also my dad is a big Jimmy Buffett fan and so it feels like a part of his has died now #I love my dad but in a distant diety way. the kind you prayed to as a child but now you only really know in memory #I never talk to him but I love him and whenever one of the few things I know he enjoys dies it’s like I lose another little connection #he loved Anthony Bourdain. He loved Jimmy Buffett. god please someone watch over Chris Isaak for me! #I’m a mess #my emotions are everywhere tonight. #I was angry and disconnected for hours and now I’m just sad and lonely and anything could make me cry #I need a hug #I don’t want pity but I do want love #blegh #anyway… my brain is slowly coming back online. I can read a bit better now. #just needed to take meds and eat and whatnot #going to take a shower and I went and got some snacks to treat myself #but whatever. I love you stranger #or I don’t but pretend I do. I’ll pretend too. I want you to feel good. #you can ignore this #hug your pets please #hug me too if your arms can reach #text

[kicktwine]

oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock

#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock #if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died #sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior- #kipspeak #she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not #to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now #this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky #Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves #the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions #so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is #just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed #anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o #weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot #it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting #she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct #just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close #my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s #HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet #too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed #very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun #and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’ #I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me #LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya #It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions— #I’m not done let me s #she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH

[simgerale]

me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake…. #I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour. #I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing? #y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day. #but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!! #I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

[simcardiac-arrested]

once again sorry to everyone for bringing this to your dashboards. but some of you are like, genuinely delirious. not even in a funny way. & i hope you die. i hope we both die. hand in unlovable hand etc etc

#Just so fucking bizarre to me how people can be Like This. there has to be something so wrong with your brain on a fundamental level #i can’t even laugh about this or anything because i genuinely feel pity for these people. it’s so sad to me how you’re gonna be like 20 #and then go in a niche tumblr community and create drama over Nothing. over Thin Fucking Air #like do you not have a life? do you not have college? or a job? doesn’t it get tiring? don’t you ever feel ashamed about all this #and the fact that they go and complain about the shipping and the ‘fandombrained’ people as well…. oh my god #how are you going to be TWENTY. and DO THAT. are you seriously sick. ? do you need help #just say you are homophobic and that you hate kids and go. it’ll save everyone a bunch of time for sure #anyways. as someone who has been a rain world fan since 2018. i love you embracing canon. i love you changing canon. i love you disregarding #canon entirely. i love you ships that make sense in canon & that make absolutely zero sense at all. i love you fancharacters that don’t #follow canon rules. i love you ‘cringe’ fancharacters and self inserts. i love you self shipping. i love you oc x canon shipping. #and i love you taking inspiration from designs. i love you community & i love you artists & i love you art #i love you borrowing elements and being inspired and referencing something because you liked it. #are fandoms perfect? GOOD GOD no. is every Fan perfect? no. am i also sometimes annoyed or irrationally pissed off over a ship that #i think is stupid and is illogical. Yes! i’m only human! but i can still love and appreciate the whole CREATIVITY of it all. and the whole #Fun that people are having. i love you having fun. if i don’t like it or if anyone else doesn’t like it they can just Cope #instead of hateposting about it on main and indirectly bullying people who are most likely children. or lgbt. or both #anyways. please continue doing whatever you want. The world is your oyster and you only live on earth once #everyone else can fuck off

[dilf-phoenix-rights]

People really bend over backwards to minimize how important Iris was to Phoenix, or try to make her mistakes seem infinitely worse than Edgeworth’s and it’s just like. The biphobia and sexism is showing.

#‘I don’t like that he forgives her in the end’ #well than you shouldn’t like that he forgives Edgeworth for almost getting him convicted and for letting him grieve him for a year #‘She’s hardly better than her sister’ #what Iris did was certainly morally questionable at best but she did it specifically to try to reduce the harm her sister was doing #would it have been better to turn her in? yeah but the reason she didn’t was because she loved Dahlia; #they were sisters and she pitied how Dahlia was raised #she never wanted to hurt anyone #Yeah Edgeworth thought he was doing the right thing under Von Karma’s teachings but he also was very much willing to actively hurt ppl #(refer back to turnabout sisters where he very much knew the trial was rigged in his favor on that 2nd day #but he still prosecuted Phoenix in the same way he did before because being a ‘perfect prosecutor’ is his moral compass at that point) #I’m not saying Iris has to be your favorite character #if she makes you uncomfortable that’s fine #but to argue that she is unforgivable while simultaneously adoring Edgeworth is hypocritical #there’s a reason they are clearly paralleled in bridge to turnabout #and ppl who just try to minimize how much Phoenix actually cared about her in narumitsu fics: that’s just biphobia. #or it’s just an unhealthy idea that no one can have relationships that mattered that just didn’t work out. #ALSO Phoenix forgiving Iris is a healing moment for him! #like the ‘you are the person I thought you were’ is Phoenix realizing the person he loved wasn’t just a lie!! #obviously it never should have been a secret in the first place #but he forgives her for the same reason he forgives Edgeworth #because he knew their hearts years ago and he now knows the pain that lead to their mistakes #and that’s the kind of person he is. #regardless of if that’s relatable to you or not

[libramooon]

going on instagram in your early 20s is wild because there are people i went to high school with who are married, own a house, and are posting pictures of the baby they just had or others who travel the country spontaneously with their significant other. and i’m looking at these pictures while i sit in my childhood bedroom on a saturday evening, like nothing changed.

#sorry. i have moments when i’m completely fine with where i’m at. #but then i compare myself to others and feel like the worlds biggest loser. #i’ve made no friends in college. live laugh love. #i really just… don’t go out. and i genuinely don’t want to cause i’m introverted? so i should just be happy and accept that i’m okay. #but then i feel like i’m missing out? but the idea of ‘going out’ is so draining to me? #like i’ve never been a romantic relationship. and some days i’m okay with it and other days it really grates me. like it’s so lonely. #and i do not want to do dating apps and i don’t go out so it’s like 😀 #and i have 3 friends who i love dearly #and a great relationship with my parents and sister #so it’s like i should be fine but i still feel like im behind and lonely and just so shitty #i am rambling and i probably shouldn’t post this but oh well #i hate it i hate it i hate it #i hate feeling this way #im fine #vent #more like pity party #amy.txt

[moonilit]

Anyway, Can I have baizhu in every color

#Im so glad i got him im loving his kit so much #Funny i think it slso ‘by concept’ work with xiao #I have them both in my friendship team and he both shield him and heal him + if u got fave could also battery #Its pity their elements don’t benefit of each other lol #But like baizhu solves so much of my problems he is do convenient <333 #Im s little scared of doing his story quest if he is shady or something I don’t want to hate him #baizhu #genshin impact #That healing passive is like the funniest thing too khfh

[blonkk]

im gonna rant!!!

i’m so tireeddddd of people projecting their pathetic insecurities onto everyone else (me). like i’m sorry you’re afraid to be alone and you don’t know who you are and you’re insecure and you have no courage. not to be a bitch but seriously. idc anymore maybe i am stuck up maybe i do think i’m better than you!! but coming at me because i refuse to do what everyone else does with such contempt and vigour just exposes you. like i have accepted that in my life i will not experience romantic love. not because it doesn’t exist, it does for some people, but i’m not gonna base my entire life and goals around meeting someone, falling in love, marrying them and having their children. i’d be ready to end my shit right now if those were my goals, being 28 and not even having a boyfriend. that means i’ve already failed at life but i knowwww i’m still a caterpillar. like be serious. sooooo yeah, sorry that in your narrow worldview everyone needs to basically get married and have kids, and there’s “someone out there for you” — what so all women gotta find that person by age 30 or our lives are over?? 😂 you delusional weirdos sound like hardcore christians. like maybe there is someone for me who i’ll meet when i’m 45 or 70! maybe i’ll never meet them! maybe there isn’t anyone because that’s just the way the world is! but i’m selfish because i don’t want to spend my life being miserable because i can’t find love and place all chances of future happiness on this person and the privilege of bearing/raising their kids??!!? so i should just settle for second best — of something i don’t even WANT — because everyone says it’s the point of life?… anyways

i’m just annoyed like i said. i can accept a loveless life, it’s hard but i’m ok lol. yeah it gets sad and lonely sometimes but truth is i have a pretty wonderful life that i’m thankful for, despite sadness, loneliness, grief etc. being in love won’t improve things in any significant way imo. i don’t want to be isolated in a relationship with a man. i don’t want to live with a man. i don’t want to have kids. i like my life; i like my 50 year old snowboard bum roommate, i like my shit car, i like having the ability to do whatever i want. i like bouncing from job to job, despite the financial insecurity and general lack of stability; all my life i’ve wanted to be free and independent, and i finally am — i can take care of myself which is what matters. i love my friends, i love exploring different hobbies and places and careers. i am literally unemployed and haven’t been this happy in a long, long time. i’m so sick of people telling me they “want me to be happy” but ignore me when i say i finally truly am. they just want to shove me in their stifling little box with them for god knows what reason. just because you think your life is perfect doesn’t mean it will be for everyone. idk, things change! maybe i’ll change too! but for now shut the fuck up. go be in your annoying relationship with your insufferable bf/husband and tell everyone how much were missing out on by not being married/having kids. the gals a couple feminist waves back beg to differ along with the steadily rising divorce rates and rapidly declining marriage and birth rates.

you’re the one who’s unhappy. if not, then you simply lack compassion and general respect for others. your worldview is small and you’re ignorant. your life is yours, others have different wants and will follow the path that leads them to those things. we all suffer for our choices — sure, i may wish at times i had a spouse and a house and a mouse. that doesn’t mean it’s what i have always wanted deep deep down. it means it’s normal to wonder what it would be like to have what you don’t and yearn a little sometimes. BUT i’d literally never give up my freedom. i think back to high school often and how restricted i felt; i couldn’t breathe. i flailed in that environment because it was so rigid. i’m never, ever going back to that, ever. i have self respect

#dni #this was a lot my b #had to get it off me chesticles #sometimes i just want to shake people #like girl….congrats you got married….wow…women have been doing that forever lol #do something cool or different #like i’m tired of acting like it’s some big accomplishment to find love #idc #call #me bitter #call me whatever you want #i’m happy for my friends etc when they’re happily ina relationship or get married don’t get me wrong #the line is crossed when they act like it’s the point of life #and project unasked for pity on me #like seriously. you’ve done what women have been forced to do for millennia #…congrats? ig #anyways

[harmonictechnicality]

I’m gonna be super honest…

I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to finish editing this current chapter of the vampire eddie fic by tonight. It’s been just… not a great week mentally and I think it’s affecting my writing.

And I really want this chapter to be decent - there’s a lot at stake in it for the characters, so I want to do them justice. Hopefully I can make my evening focused on getting this chapter in order, so that I can post it tomorrow. That way, I can finish the next part of the memory log ficlet by Monday.

anyways thank you for listening xx

#fic writer update #doing my best but anxiety kicked me in the ass on Thursday #and I hate not finishing things on time #but I also don’t want my writing to suffer because of my stupid brain chemicals #okay I will stop being a pity party and get back to grouping words into sentences #have a lovely day out there everyone xx

[fluffypotatey]

hm, it appears i am still not over a silly annoyance from earlier today

#it really is silly #just me and a classmate have a difference in opinion over a character #ngl hers seems very black & white and imo takes away from the very core of the character but it’s fine it’s whatever #giving me ‘abuela should have been cut off from the madrigal family’ vibes and i don’t like it #that’s all #also! a character can do unforgivable things and be written to be dislikes le and STILL find redemption in them end of a story #he was not written to be LIKED but to be PITIED #our sympathy for his kids and the children he teaches us is still valid #our anger for his ‘tone deafness’ is valid but that should not mean that he’s irredeemable narrative-wise #idk #new friend told me i was very passionate about this topic in class and like yes i am bc family drama in stories are never black and white & #are written supper good or super badly #But I think this nivel hits the nail on family issues and maybe it’s bc I have messy family issues that I feel some kind of relation to it #So the classmate’s comment about how the character shouldn’t deserve sympathy got to me #also I’m very tired of that kind of opinion bc it feeds into the ‘just leave! cut off that toxic parent’ but sometimes you can’t and #sometimes you don’t want to bc you still love them and wish to keep some contact #but whatever it’s fine #late night talks with a potato #fluffy vents

[boomerang109]

my epsom salt bath didn’t even fix my shoulder

#waiting for my dad to get out of the shower so I can re-do his head dressing we are truly the picture of health #life of a boomerang #living with my dad is very questionable for my mental health but living with him being disabled means he will never question me being in #constant pain and i do fully appreciate that #we can truly just go back and forth with ‘my this hurts’ ‘me too’ ‘my that hurts’ ‘my that other thing hurts’ and then like. once it’s been #acknowledged we just move on. it’s just a fact. no pity or awkwardness and I love that #cause one thing about abled people is they don’t want to talk about symptoms and that sucks #like no I’m in pain let’s fucking talk about it #(this isn’t about anything/anyone btw. this is just a general observation and appreciation of my father)

[terriblelizbians]

oh i see it turns out i am just feeling sad and lonely again

#time for my semi-regular self pity session where i get sad about how i don’t even know what kind of romantical physical intimacy i want #because it’s never a fuckin option at all!!! because i am so alone!!! because i don’t fucking interact with people!!!!!!! #other people are able to do it even if it’s difficult or scary or they’re not very good at talking to people!!! #so like even when i don’t think im making it all up. it’s like. well that explanation only goes so far #and i know in reality a lot of other people DONT actual have any experience in relationships or love or romance of sex or whatever. #it literally isn’t just me. but it still feels bad!!!!!!

[serkonans]

because people who refuse to accept love make every interaction loveless! hope this helps!

#oisín.txt #oisín.n #you don’t have to understand it or agree with it but it is literally SO unpleasant to be around people who refuse to allow any expression #of fondness and warmth #there is nothing i want to do less than beat against the cage door of someone’s unending pity party #you hating yourself is not anyone else’s problem and if you vehemently insist that you’re not worth love and effort maybe don’t be shocked #if people start to agree ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ziracona]

I guess what should be considered with Marie is whether your character starts a relationship with her because of their shared past drawing him back to her, or because he just feels bad for what part of him did to her. I don't know about Marie, but the idea of someone hooking up with me purely out of pity would be awful, worse than a rejection. No one is obligated to start a romance they don't want to soothe someone else's pain. Of course it's all up to you and how you're playing him, godspeed

TuT everyone seems to hear my quandary as “Am I responsible for this girl’s suffering and thus indebted to get with her to make her better.”

That’s really not it at all. I’m not responsible. I didn’t do that shit. And none of this has ever been based on pity. There’s certainly a level of justice to it and what’s right vs wrong in motivation, but fairness and pity ain’t the same at all.

It’s not “Do I have a responsibility to get with Marie?” (Read: do I owe it to her to romance her to make up for what a part of me did?) — its “Do I have a responsibility to get with Marie?” (Read: is this my dead wife?)

There’s a lot to consider. But. Idk why everyone seems to hear my distress as “Should I pretend to be in love with this girl so I can right a cosmic wrong and heal her, because I’m sort of a part of what did it to her and I feel bad?” and it distress me

I’m not a bad person TuT I don’t just think that way.

It’s “If this is a part of me’s dead wife, who he destroyed and abandoned, am I to me Izanagi? And am I Izanagi to her? Because if so, that means she’s my wife. It means I’m a part of the person who abandoned her, but more than that it means I have a chance to be a better me. It means I have a ‘for better or worse’ and even if I don’t remember the me who made that vow, we are the same person, and that matters to me. I take it serious. I wouldn’t abandon my wife. If we are Izanagi and Izanami to each other, that is more important to me than my character’s preferences or former plans. That’s my wife. I have a responsibility to her, and to myself. I have a chance to end the cycle of abuse. I have a chance to save someone. And even if I don’t remember her, and don’t remember making that promise, if we are to each other those two, it doesn’t matter, and it’s my wife memory or no. And I would put everything else aside for that. That isn’t pity. It’s responsibility sure but not in a begrudging way. In a desperately important choice of love. I would chose the spouse a part of me vowed to love over everything, because they’re me even if I can’t remember, and even if I never do. I would love and become who I need to be, because if that’s my wife, it matters, and it will always matter. The question is if I have that responsibility, if I have that bond. Because I don’t know if I am Izanagi to her. And I know my thoughts and my answers, but you can’t tell someone they love you. And I don’t know if I am to her, and if she does, and I don’t know how to know. So I don’t know what to do. It’s about what I want and who I am being tied to a determinate framework, and not having the other half of the equation, and if I have to guess, trying to figure out what the right thing is to do.

#and I feel like this will still somehow be misinterpreted as something it’s not #but idk how else to say it at this point #ask #anonymous #r’s p4 run #why does everyone think this is about guilt and pity. it’s about right and wrong and loyalty and partnership and values and identity #‘you can’t tell someone they love you’ but isn’t that what you’re doing to yourself?’ — NO. it’s not!!! I love her regardless. not #maybe in the specifically amorous way but deeply. and I will regardless. but I can’t be her husband if she doesn’t view me that way. and #that’s ok! if she would be happier moving on or just doesnt and we go on as friends that’s fine! I am happy to become a new me or bring an #old me back to life and reinhabit him. I don’t like ‘want’ to date her and don’t know if that’s ok. I want to know what she wants #because that impacts what I do. I’m a third of a person in this game. and I can’t make myself be the friend or the husband to her. I can’t #choose if people see me as the whole or the fragment or which fragment. I can only live the best I can as whatever I am #but regardless I want to do right by those a part of me is bound to. just what that means changes and it changes based on a framework I hold #only minimal control over. and that makes ot all so complicated. but it matters so much. #I would be just as happy as Ryung-gu the gay single guy into Kanji as I would Ryung-gu Izanagi the part god trying to love his wife gently. #but I don’t know what I am so I don’t know what to do. which to be which is right. which I am to anyone else. and I can’t control what I am #and am not. so I’m under enormous stress

[shivermewhiskerz]

.

//Venting in Tags:: TW Sewerslide and shit like that

#dude seriously sometimes I think I’d be better off dead. and the people around me would be better off if I wasn’t around #I know they love me they say it all the time but at the same time in the back of my head there’s just this little voice telling me like #telling me its all fake. telling me theyre only staying out of pity for me or something like that #theres so many things wrong with me and if it’s not on the inside or how I act its how Im presented #I hear it all the time ‘you need to lose weight’ or ‘your face looks bad (acne)’ or literally anything #even small shit like I got told I was feminine and it hit me like a truck #I never EVER liked myself #I cant remember a time when I did #even when I was little I knew there was something wrong with me #I genuinely cant remember a single time when I was happy with myself and my life #I love my friends more than anything #and I have family members I would do anything for #but I know damn well what a disappointment I must be. Im not productive I don’t talk to anybody irl I don’t do anything irl I’m just #lazy and gross and depressed and stupid #I hate myself I always have and I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating myself #I have a fucking suicide note written and everything because I know one of these days somethings going to happen #and I won’t be able to stand it #and I’ll do something idiotic #and I’ll find the one permanent solution to a possibly temporary problem #I don’t want to be this way but I can’t bring myself to fix anything #it’s like my mind and body won’t let me get better. maybe i was just destined to be this gross fucking thing #maybe that’s it #maybe I don’t have a purpose. maybe I was just born to suffer #who knows. maybe Im overthinking everything. maybe im fine. maybe it’s gonna be ok. but I don’t know #I just don’t know anymore #I don’t know what to do

[lemoncakedesign]

really struggling with that persistent feeling in rp where like. i feel like nobody would care if i just stopped doing it

#and it suuuuuucks bc i can’t even talk about it #bc yknow everyone get the ‘no we love having you!’ thing but like #do you? bc every interaction fizzles out and you seem like you’re just waiting for me to leave you alone #esp sucks bc my main rp partners are my boyfriends and they are literally having fun w everyone but me :) #sat here looking at all these threads like ‘well #‘it was fun while it lasted i guess’ #idk. i’m just tired and sad. #miss feeling like people enjoy my presence #talking about it here bc i don’t want anyone to actually see it :) #a pity post or two is worse than nothing at all #esp when it fizzles out again immediately after