#I cannot be the only one who hears it

[chaotic-carnifex]

No hold on I'm gonna make an extra post about this:

I wouldn't choose to be alloromantic

If I were given the choice to either remain aro or become alloro again, I would choose aromanticism.

And I think a lot of people need to hear that.

#aro #aromantic #actually aromantic #safeforaro #alloromantics are encouraged to reblog this #aros aren't the only ones who need to hear that our orientation isn't a consolation prize #too many ppl - both aro-specs and alloros - think that being aro is okay only bc it's not something we choose #with the implicit belief that if we COULD choose then OF COURSE we'd choose to be alloro #bc it's clearly the 'superior' option #and honestly? it's not. #they're equally valid options and which one is 'superior' depends entirely on your own needs and preferences #and my preference is *being aro* #so if you're aro and you feel like yeah sure it's OKAY that you're aro bc you DIDN'T choose this #but if you could you WOULD choose to be alloro? #well maybe being alloro really would be better for you. or maybe it's just internalized amatonormativity. #and I cannot answer for you which one it is - the only one who can is you #all I can do is raise you the OPTION that it might be amatonormativity and then leave you to consider it #so this is for the aros who need to hear that option #and for the alloros who pity us for supposedly getting the short end of the stick #we are not a tragedy

[possiblyawesometmblr]

#i cannot be the only one who thought this #she's so put together #he looks like he hasn't slept in eight weeks #hold this photo up and i can hear the doctor phil this is your man quote #yes. yes it is #fnaf #fnaf movie #mike afton #mike schmidt #vanessa fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf trailer

[autism-alley]

y’all headcanoning poseidon as purposefully sending medusa’s head back to sender knowing gabe would open it is like. entirely missing the point of sally jackson’s character and also SO fucked up if it was poseidon?? who used medusa’s head to kill an asshole man?? like!! what the fuck! not to mention sally jackson?? ms. sally jackson? who kills her abusive husband? who on multiple occasions rejected the help of the man who is both a god and her former lover bc she wants to build her life herself—? and who does it? “if my life is to mean anything, i have to live it myself.” those are sally jackson’s words. the abuse itself was already incredibly watered down in the show and that is upsetting. to have gabe accidentally kill himself because he’s a bumbling idiot waters down her agency against her abuse and is even more so upsetting. to have not just a man but a literal god kill her husband for her is so. do you not see how that’s even worse. and then add in that god being poseidon and the method of murder is medusa’s head? i don’t even have words to articulate it, just—

no matter how you cut it, narratively you only disrespect and degrade sally when gabe’s life is taken by any hand that isn’t hers, and having that hand be poseidon’s is just wild.

#WIIIIIILD TAKE #and i don’t even think some of y’all are hearing yourselves #sally jackson herself told percy he cannot kill her abuser for her #that her life only has value if it’s in her own hands #and that was said to her CHILD who Also suffered at the hands of gabe. #can you imagine how it looks disregarding that sentiment so a literal god can save her? #the god partly responsible to blame for medusa’s fate in the first place? #sometimes depicted as her rapist? #doesn’t look good! #as a disabled woman i am all for needing to be saved #wanting to be saved #not feeling shame in needing help #but sally jackson is not only Not one of those people #but someone who shaped so much of her identity around saving herself #how dare the show take it from her. #and for fans to rub salt in the wound? #i know y’all don’t mean it like that that’s why i’m not angry #but i want y’all to rly consider what you’re saying #pjo show crit #pjo show #pjo fandom #percy jackson #sally jackson #poseidon pjo #medusa pjo #ris raves #gabe ugliano

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you' #'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way' #'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.' #and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato

[safewavess]

I love love love that the ccs will be forced to use the translator in order to communicate with the new ccs joining qsmp because that’s what it’s there for!!!!! it’s a translator!!! use it to translate, even if both of you are able to speak the same language!

I don’t see enough people use the translator, especially when the ccs are both able to speak (usually) english, and it’s still great that they can speak easier if they speak the same language, but the language barrier is one of the causes for the creation of the qsmp! Let the language barrier be a barrier in the first place, and let the translator do the work it was meant to do!

Let people who physically can’t speak the same language interact! It’s part of what makes qsmp qsmp, and even though it has impacted hugely just from adding people who generally create content and talk in different languages, I do think it somewhat lacks in the people speaking different languages category, because while that is true, it is also somewhat untrue in that all of the ccs can speak one of the same language (usually english), even if they’re not a natural at it!

Now, that’s not a bad thing at all! But, it does blur the speaking different languages problem that was meant to occur in qsmp. They speak different languages! Let them speak whatever language they want and let the translator do the work! Again, that is what it is there for! It is a translator! (I’m looking at you twitter)

And even if it takes a million repeats of the same sentence for someone to finally get what another person is trying to say, a hundred fuck-ups of the translation or a thousand language barrier/cultural miscommunications, again, qsmp was made for this to happen! It was made so people who come from different backgrounds and are usually unable to interact because of cultural/language barriers can interact, whether it start out negative or positive!

And I trust them (the ccs and fans) to communicate if controversy/confusion happens culturally and language-wise, and (hopefully) for the fans to not turn anything minor** into a huge drama, so I am extremely excited to see the ccs be forced into using the translator!

#I love love love when people use the translator so much like YOU CAN SPEAK DIFFERENT LANGUAGES AND STILL UNDERSTAND EACHOTHER #I just find it so fucking cool as someone who can only speak english fluently #qsmp #qsmp 2024 #I love hearing people talk in their native langauges even if I don’t understand shit it’s like woah you can speak and understand this whole #vocabulary without a second thought and I can’t??? Speak to me more in hopes that I will someday because I WANT TO #I want to learn languages so bad but I am caught between two to learn first because i cannot speak my own secondary language that more than #50% of my relatives CAN so I’m like I should learn that first but also spanish french and portuguese is RIGHT THERE and the one I should #learn first is so much harder to learn because of accessibility to lessons and just people who can teach it in general and also school lol #I’m not gonna say the language because I’m 90% sure nobody will know what it is but it is a tonal language which makes it much harder to #learn

[textsfromthetva]

“Hey, me and my platonic life partner saw you from across the bar, and we really dig your vibe. Can we buy you a drink?”

#there. I posted it. #I’m just going to let myself out #this obviously shouldn’t go on a highly professional Loki meme blog #calling it even tangentially related would be reaching #'but then why did you post it here and not on main?' I hear you ask #because I have RL friends and family who follow me on main and they cannot be exposed to shit like this #also I kinda do want that one follower who knows Rafael Casal to stare in horror #I’m not even going to tag this properly it is for you guys and you guys only #(it's the ridiculous level of uncontrolled smolder that's killing me)

[ghostenluvs]

hey real quick

just a man from epic the musical

but it's swk and macaque's fight during jttw.

like.

like please i don't wanna annotate every frame on this tumblr post but please someone get what i'm saying here.

#<!3 #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #like #youre as old as he was when i left for war but in the sense of immortality and its been so long since theyve seen eachother #they argue and the whole fight thing happens #and the decisive moment on the whole killing front happening right when the lyric of when does a man become a monster #comes in does anyone hear me #i cannot be the only one who is having THOUGHTS RELATED TO EVENTS WITHIN MEDIA #over this right #im normal im normal im totally normal and not bonkers whatsoever. #i prommy [lying]. #lmk macaque #lmk sun wukong #monkie kid macaque #monkie kid sun wukong #lego monkie kid macaque #lego monkie kid sun wukong #draw characters later tag

[gayforcarstairsgirls]

Great so now we're outing children/teenagers to their parents! And therefore possibly endangering them! Fantastic!

#kemi fucking badenoch #i genuinely cannot stand that woman #at a tory event one time she stuck 'male' and 'female' signs on the doors of gender neutral bathrooms #who fucking does that? #and who does this?? you are FORCING teachers to out their students #what if they hear by accident that a student's friends refer to them with different name/pronouns? #they have to report that home? #for some queer kids the ONLY place they can be themselves is at school with their friends (and even then it's limited) #and now kemi badenoch is taking that away as well #for FUCK'S sake #uk politics #trans rights #kemi badenoch #this is taken from a guardian article btw!! #sorry to be like #depressing on main lmao #but i can't rant abt this to my mum bc tbh she'd probably agree with badenoch #so tumblr it is #i am just #SO FRUSTRATED BY THE TORIES AND THEIR 'CuLtUrE wAr' #GROW TF UP AND GET SOME EMPATHY UGHHHHH #transphobia #tw transphobia

[akechi-fancam]

bleach media literacy is actually just a measure of how you read urahara as a character

#‘irredeemable bastard who violated the geneva convention’ vs. ‘funny perv who is in love with yoruichi’ #sorry not ‘vs.’ i mean ‘and’ #did we actually consume the same series #y’all know that tiktok song that goes ‘nobody knows me like you do’? that’s me abt urahara #yes i acknowledge the fact that this man has performed human experiments on multiple occasions #no we cannot conflate this with him touching yoruichi bc both actions are violations #those r two different kinds of violations and the last one feels so forced by kubo #‘oh but ​he doesn’t respect boundaries’ IS TRUE but whennn was he weird and rapey like that before tybw #i can think of one-off instances bc that’s just kubo’s humor but he did him so dirtyyy #ppl js b searching for any reason to ship urayoru like ewww bitch u reel of filler arc 🤢 #i’m so sorry i’m only ranting bc of that one person on here who likes urayoru and has literal essays typed up abt it #AND THEY SHIP SHINJI AND HIYORI? DISGUSTING AFFF 😭🤮 #i’m not hearing anyone out bro she acts and look like a child and their relationship is essentially family arguing #getting a ship out of that is insane to me #BYE this is staying in drafts and i’m sc it to send to lilly 😭 #well sm for staying in drafts #💀 #bleach #clorox bleach #kisuke urahara

[bumblingbabooshka]

She's a daddy's girl v_v

[Image 1: Tuvok drew three breaths and then sat down in the padded window seat and drew Asil into his lap. She had a disconcerting ability, for such a young child, to discern what he was contemplating. He had not felt her search his mind, but he had no other explanation for her insights.] [Image 2: "Yes, Asil, I would. For many years I have dreamed of making a pilgrimage into the desert, and for seeing Seleya, the sacred mountain."] [Image 3: Asil turned her small head away from him and gazed out upon the desert, which shimmered with heat in the midday glare of the sun, the red sands turned almost orange. To some it would seem an uninviting sight, cruel and unforgiving. Tuvok saw there only mystery and beauty.] [Image 4: "I'll go there someday," Asil said matter-of-factly. "Maybe we could go together."] From the "Pathways" Novel

#In this book Tuvok almost sends his sons to a temple but Asil gets to cuddle in his lap HEHEHEHE #This is like when you're the firstborn and your parents won't let you get a phone until you're 16 but your baby siblings get one at 9 #I just KNOW Sek was cursing her HEHEHHE #Tuvok (new father): Sek you cannot have a snack until your homework is complete. I will not hear any arguments v_v #Tuvok (four kids in): Yes Asil you may have ONE snack while you finish your homework. v_v #Sek: Oh. So Close To Dinner???? #Asil: (eating her cookie) It is only one! #Tuvok: It is only one. #Sek: .............................................................I See. #The image of Tuvok with his lil baby in his lap is socuuuute~!!!!!! #And he's totally giving off the vibes of a parent who thinks their kid's a genius for fairly mundane things <3 #Sek telling horror stories to his siblings like 'You have no idea how good you all have it' #novel experiences

[itspileofgoodthings]

like. Nina listens to Taylor, moderately keeps up with the front-facing aspects of her life, enjoys her quality, has her minor critiques, recognizes her place in the current culture, can set her down and do other things when she wants to, and most importantly knows who Taylor is through her art.

#you cannot engage with Taylor completely casually it doesn’t work #you won’t get to know her #you have to let her in. go on a sunset walk with your headphones in and open your heart to her and just HEAR her #and then once you know who she is you can go from there #but there absolutely is this level of refusing to get to know her #and I am truly (once again) not addressing people who have that door simply closed (my mom! my older sister!) #people whose opinions matter so much to me #but I am talking to the people who wrestle and want to love her but actually hate her and idk. I feel that it is something where—- #well it’s like people isn’t it. you have to get to know her without judgment #and without bias #you have to know her FROM her #(which does not involve Easter eggs OR celebrity headlines if you hate both of those things #and then if you don’t like her you do in fact have to leave without making that other people’s problem #especially Taylor’s! #I am thinking of this girlboss journalist who wrote a piece on Taylor the other day #that was LIVID with Taylor for sharing only positive reviews on her insta story #(as is not only Taylor’s right but literally normal behavior??????????) #and was practically foaming at the mouth about how Taylor’s level of power was getting scary #and it’s like. I’m so sorry for swearing but BITCH #a lot of the numbers are out of Taylor’s control and also NOT REAL. Taylor also DESERVES her success and is simply doing her job very well #and riding the waves of virality she knows how to create in ADDITION to that #also stop worshipping power and money!!!! the way you clearly do!!!!!!! #Taylor is not doing anything with it except her job!!!!!!!!!!!!! #she is also CLEARLY a human being who suffers #SEE HER AS SUCH #and end it THERE #INSANE #turning off reblogs for this one #because I have gotten carried away but wow

[the-last-quest]

No context au meme

(Ignore my terrible handwriting lol)

#I had another version where I wrote out the text but tumblr hid the post #idk if anyone else will find this funny #mostly cause I’m the only one who knows the lore #anyways if anyone wants to hear my brainworms I’d be happy to explain #I’m so normal about this au but I cannot for the life of me create actual content for it #sonic the hedgehog #tails the fox #miles tails prower #unbreakable bond #sonic and tails #sonic au #sonic dhmis au #dhmis au

[astridthevalkyrie]

everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh

long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional

#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now #and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him #they're both going to the correct doctors #but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is #jokes that i'm faking it #i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself #which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't #but when i was 16 or 17??? #being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too??? #who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was #so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time #and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space #i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me #i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems #i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!! #and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!! #my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY #the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS #i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!! #every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind #and not awkward or mean #i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't #and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this #i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware #but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit #i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone #i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child #my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow #what the actual fuck???? #my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it

[elvain]

begging people to step back and look at how islamophobic the iron man movies really were LMAO

#the white rich billionaire being held captive by 'arab terrorists' and emerging a superhero #its not the take u think it is. #even in the comics it was 'vietnamese terrorists' who took tony captive #somehow someway the IM movies were just american propaganda for the war in the middle east. crazy #only good thing to come from those movies was the soundtrack and the blacksmith arms #tired of seeing so many bad takes or brainless takes so im speaking up lollll and i dont wanna hear about it xoxo #mk.post #i literally cannot even watch them anymore because of how poorly the brown people therein are represented #the way that the only 'good' arab is the one that helps tony stark escape and freely murder hundreds of ppl in the middle east #without consequence or jurisdiction or rationale #its too white saviour for me im sorry lads #anyway im gonna finish zadig #EDIT: i say this as one of the biggest tony girlies i know i love this man dearly and desperately but please. please. i-

[magentagalaxies]

one of the absolute funniest moments on scott's tour that i wasn't able to capture on camera (for obvious reasons) was at the meet and greet after the nashville show these two older gay guys mentioned they were reading scott's wikipedia page before the show to find out more to chat about at the meet and greet and like. idk if this is just because i am very familiar with scott's wikipedia page but you could tell that was the extent of their scott knowledge (which is valid not everyone is researching a documentary on the guy)

but then they asked about the poster for the lowest show, which they'd never heard of before their wikipedia reading, specifically this quote:

"The posters—featuring Thompson lying supine on the ground with a big wad of semen dripping down the side of his face—went up around the city on September 10, 2001"

and they were like "wow we'd love to see those posters hahaha" and i immediately jump in like "oh i have that photo on my phone give me like 2 seconds"

to be clear: these guys had not interacted with me or acknowledged my existence the entire conversation. they had their backs to me when they were talking to scott, i did not introduce myself as directing the documentary since i wasn't filming and they didn't ask who i am, etc. but my brain was like "oh someone wants to learn more about scott? my time to shine, let me pull up that folder in my camera roll". even scott was like jfc here they go again.

anyway i barely had to scroll back in my doc research folder so i immediately held out my phone to the guys and showed them this

it's a photo taken days after 9/11 of scott in front of the posters for his show which was supposed to open the following week

so i hold out my phone and explain this thinking like hey i'm being so helpful these guys wanted to see this aspect of scott lore and i gave it to them!! meanwhile these two old guys are like i can't even focus on the poster anymore i am standing next to scott thompson and also WHO THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD AND WHY DID THEY JUST HAVE THIS ON THEIR PHONE?

another one of the funniest tour moments was after meeting up with some gay guys in their 70s who were friends-of-a-friend-of-scott and immediately befriending both of them we were about to leave and i asked for their phone number and scott just rolled his eyes and was like i'll give you his phone number in the car as though he was saying "jfc jessamine this is ridiculous even for you". he never ended up giving me the old guy's number

#i just love old gay men so much lmao #and they seem to love me (or at least the ones in the second example did lmao) #also one of the other indicators that the first guys only knew about scott's personal life from his wikipedia page #is that they assumed the last boyfriend mentioned on there was someone scott was still dating to this day #and they were like ''oh i'm so happy to hear you have (boyfriend's name)'' meanwhile scott is like ''uh sorry we broke up 21 years ago'' #meanwhile i'm like SAME NUMBER OF YEARS THAT I'VE BEEN ALIVE SCOTT!! #to be fair scott hasn't had a serious long-term relationship since then so we have joked about my birth somehow being the antichrist #but just for scott thompson's romantic life. like there's some curse that scott can't be in a serious relationship until i am #which is very funny bc both of us did in fact have a date we were looking forward to when we got back from the tour #in my case mine is with a hot nonbinary person who works at the venue where scott did his boston show and that's how we met lmao #this is also why i was pissed off that my instagram locked me out bc i have hot nonbinary person's instagram but not their phone number #and i said i'd message them when i got back from the tour. which i cannot do #tempted to just message them as mouth congress (the one account i can still get into) and send them my phone number #maybe i'll do that if i don't get my instagram back by buddy's birthday #anyway maybe this is oversharing about both my love life and scott's love life but i just find it very funny #like i was never someone in high school who went on dates and gossiped about it with my friends #and now i get to have some bizarre version of that where my peer group is goddamn scott thompson???? #between this and me pulling up the lowest show pic in like 2 seconds yeah maybe we are weirdly close lmao #but i wouldn't have it any other way

[nordicbananas]

shudder i keep on hearing the sound of these guys saying my name send help

#they call out to me so much it's forever stuck in my head please leave me alone <333333 #and now the one that said he had a crush on me (I honestly do not know if he's joking tbh) who also looks like brent rivera. #but uh. he found out my dead name even though most people knew it he joined this year which is when I changed my name at school #so that's so amazing and fun that he now knows that name. and refers to me as both but favors my dead name #I love the world so much I love that class so much the only thing that keeps me in that class is twiggles #ily twiggles but I'm at my limit in there it's not ur fault pookster #I'm going. insane. I cannot deal with them anymore. #I wish to go back to when off brand brent rivera was just a joke xjgxhgxjgxjg #okay love you guys lmk if you want the brent rivera look alike story <33 #WAIT OLI I SAID ID TELL YOU ABOUT THAT LIKE. TWO MONTHS AGO #CJGIGCCUGCUG I CAN'T RN BUT LIKE TONIGHT LMK IF YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT HAHAHA