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layzeal · 2 years

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i said 5 months ago i was gonna share my thoughts on this scene and never did, so it's time to dig this out

what did wei wuxian mean by asking shijie "why would someone like another person" and why i.... don't think he's talking about lan wangji (i know-- i know. just bear with me)

or more accurately: an analysis of chapter 71, wwx's thoughts on love, and how mxtx utilizes parallels between past and present!

(Ch 71 of MDZS web revised edition //// ExR translation)

okay let's get straight to the point that's gonna make y'all want to call me a stupid bitch who can't read: i legitimately do not think wwx was talking about lwj in this scene! here's why:

first and foremost, let's remember what the status of wangxian's relationship was at this point after sunshot ended

first, phoenix mountain: a callback to their teen dynamic. wwx's silly and flirty personality is back, he teases lwj by throwing a peony at him then asking to borrow his ribbon. lwj is frustrated, etc. lwj forcefully kisses wwx then gets angry at himself. wwx finds him and gets worried that something happened to him. they walk together and talk in very friendly manner until the xuanli incident happens. by the end they part on good terms

then, yunmeng teahouse: the first scene of this chapter. wwx is feeling quite upbeat about seeing lwj as they had a nice chat last time they met. he does a lil phoenix mountan callback by throwing a peony at him, then asking him to come upstairs and hang out. lwj does but it.... doesnt end well. he's worried about wwx's worsening temper and fears he's starting to show signs of loss of control, and asks him once again to go to gusu with him. that severely sours wwx's mood, to the point of snapping at lwj when lwj implies that he'll regret it in the future. lwj realizes his mistake and they become polite again, but the atmosphere is significantly strained, and wwx even comments that he was presumptious and shouldn't have invited him over, which lwj dissents. wwx parts with a cordial but distant "thank you", and on... not great terms

what i think really makes the above hurt though is that, when wwx comes back to yunmeng and jc asks who he met. wwx answers this:

worse than jin zixuan.....oof. im so sorry hgj

so, it really is quite tragic. wwx had a nice time with lwj in phoenix mountain, and because of that he wanted to try and wash away their bad blood, ask him to hang out, recall some stories of their youth, maybe mend this relationship that became so strained during the war! what happens instead is that... he gets the harsh reminder of what (in his mind) lwj thinks of his cultivation, thinks he's not in control of it, that it's dangerous and he should be locked up. with that, they're all back to square one :(

the thing is, MDZS is quite known for being non-linear and having a humongous amount of flashbacks, and they're all set and positioned at the time they were for a reason! the thing is, as most read the novel once and then proceed to only revisit scenes separately, naturally forgetting about the grand-picture and the scenes that come before and after, we might misremember how some events play out or the state of the character arcs and relationships, and i believe the popular fanon interpretation that "omggg wwx was asking yanli this bc he likes lwj but can't admit this yet!!!! 🙈" is quite of a great example of this

but!! it's not for any bad reason, after all both the Audio Drama and CQL kinda play up this moment with some beautiful background music. this is, in the end, a romance novel! but let's put a pin on that for a bit and analyze what led to this scene, and why WWX came looking for shijie to ask her this

so as you see, the scene right before was wei wuxian and jiang cheng talking about jin zixuan, with jc asking wwx to not pick fights with him anymore since he's the heir of lanling jin. wwx is baffled because up until that point he and jc were trashtalking buddies when it came to jzx, but there's nothing they can do about it if shijie still likes him

that... makes wwx quite speechless, and he goes searching for her to get an answer. in his mind, jzx is still an awful, undeserving person! so why would shijie like him so much?

why would someone like another person?

of course, he's not as shameless to ask shijie right to her face why she likes someone like jzx, esp since she's already well familiar with his poor opinion of him, so he tries getting an "unbiased" answer by making a vague question, which in turn makes shijie think wwx is in love with someone else

now here's the thing: i feel like fandom tends to flanderize wwx when it comes to his unreliable narration, awareness of his own feelings or lan wangji's. we don't have time to get into that now, but if you've followed me for a while you know my thoughts on this

but here, specifically, i do not think wwx is in "denial about his crush" or "waving off because he doesnt want to get caught". his answer feels genuine, and honestly? really sad once you think about it

"I won't like anyone, at least not too much. Wouldn't it be like putting a rein on my own neck?"

this isn't strange once you consider the types of romantic relationships he grew up observing. other than his own parents', which he's mostly forgotten about, a strong love and attatchment sounds more like tying a rope around your neck. even though wwx is a romantic at heart who flirts easily but had been saving his first kiss for 20 years, he's still never felt this type of love for anyone before, and can't imagine putting himself through it

"So, wait... just because WWX said so you think you should believe it? You're telling me the curtains are just blue? If he's not talking about Lan Wangji, then what's the point of this scene?"

glad you asked!

you see, something that MXTX does quite often with the flashback placement in MDZS is contrast the moments where wangxian's relationship was at its best with moments where it was at its worst. As wwx recall these memories, his pre-conceived notions about lwj get challenged and his actions and words get recontextualized! my favorite example is probably the ending of the flashback of wwx's return, to him waking up in the cloud recesses

no i'll never shut up about this flashback placement. my goddd

so, when looking at the "why would someone like another person" scene, i ask you to not look at it by itself, but as a part of the literary work that mdzs is! because, as the wangxian of the past are stuck in this cordial, but strained relationship, do you remember where the wangxian of the present have currently been left at?

if you ask me, there is something incredibly sweet about leaving these characters at their most tender --- when one is finally beginning to not only understand his own feelings, but to suspect that those feelings are requited, in which he's allowing himself to imagine a calm and happy future with him right as they march inside the lion's den --- and meeting them again when they're younger, and strained, and not fully knowing how to communicate that they care for each other, which in turn only hurts them both.

there is something very sweet about seeing wwx who is slowly realizing that he's in love, testing the waters of that, seeing how much he can take, in what ways he can ask for affection, and then seeing him again as he says "i won't ever like someone, at least not so much. wouldnt it be suffocating? wouldn't it be an impediment? wouldnt it be shackling yourself?" because you, like a cheeky grandma, can look at him and think: you don't know yet, but i've seen you then. you will like someone very much, and it won't be restraining. in fact, you'll never feel more free...

and that is the biggest thing, about revisiting this scene after you're done. because you'll look back this 20-something WWX who genuinely believed loving someone to much is like putting a rein around his own neck... and knowing he'll know a love that not only will not feel like a restrain*, but will be there to catch him whenever something does

*okay, except in bed, but that's only a bonus for wwx

#i kinda miss literary analysis class. this is a love letter to my literature teachers #mdzs is a beautiful literary work and deserves to be treated as such!#anyways uhhh. wangxian is poggers #i feel like sometimes in people's attempts to make wx more tropey and traditionally romantic #it makes them lose what actually makes their romance so special #and the brilliance of the flashback placements in mdzs #i already wrote a lot today so no tag essay lmao. enjoy!#modao #lace speaks #do i put this in the tag? ehhhh #demi wwx

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hangingslothcentral · 4 months

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this right here is a screenshot of the end of the first novel i ever finished. it was a version of Clockwork Bird, which would go on to become my first ever audio drama in 2020, 6 years after i finished wriitng the novel. it has been a whole TEN YEARS since i finished the first version of this story.

this makes me emotional for a bunch of reasons. firstly, i can't believe it's been an ENTIRE DECADE since i started finishing novel-length projects, what the actual FUCK.

it's kind of sobering because around July/August this year will mark 10 whole years of trying to get published.

since writing Clockwork Bird, I've written seven other novel length pieces, two of which I've attempted to run for publication. I've also rewritten and re-polished three of those stories, including Clockwork Bird, to give a second shot to. Two of those projects are currently making the rounds of literary agents.

I'm feeling hopeful that I'll be able to cross the finishline at some point in the next couple of years. I have wanted to be a writer for my whole life, and I know it's one of those things where all you really need to do to be the thing is to do the thing, and that's magic, and i also know that on top of all those prose writing projects, I've written three audio dramas and numerous other projects, too. the audio dramas have been pretty successful! I'm very proud of them.

one thing that's hard about looking at other people's creative careers is that, sort of by necessity, it all ends up getting flattened and smoothed out as part of the storytelling of who that person is as a creative. we tell rags-to-riches tales or spin another sort of narrative of who this person is and where they're from. the only commonality in all of those stories is that they make it all sound much more straightforward and much more understandable than the reality.

this is okay; it's important we do this in order to stay sane. we cannot reasonably conceive of every up and down in every author's trajectory. and it's kind of a consequence of the way we inevitably end up telling these stories because we start at the end. we know when we think about Charles Dickens, for example, that he ends up to be a celebrated novelist, even as we're talking about his difficult childhood and horrible relationship with his wife. all of his struggles and personal failings are a part of a story whose ending is 'and he was a famous, successful novelist'.

when we're living our lives, we don't know the end, because that's not how it works. you can hope and believe and plan and work extremely hard towards your goals and you still aren't going to know the outcome.

when i finished Clockwork Bird i had NO idea it would be an audio drama 90,000 people would listen to. i didn't know it would be another ten years MINIMUM before i even found a literary agent, let alone saw my work professsionally published. i didn't know i'd spend years barely writing a word of prose because i felt so disenfranchised. i had no idea.

there isn't a big thesis statement to this post, i'm just having a lot of feelings. they say we overestimate what we can achieve in a year, and underestimate what we can achieve in ten. remember you're hearing the stories of other people's lives with the benefit of hindsight; that's why yours always feels much weirder and messier than theirs when you think about it. keep going. u got this. ily. xxx

#eira speaks

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witchhatproductions · 1 year

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Witch Hat News #1: Weird Stories from Space

This is an archived version of our microfiction newsletter! You can read along on our tumblr, or subscribe here.

Hi there! Do you remember signing up to some newsletter from someone you kinda know on twitter? That's me. I'm the newsletter, and I'm here to letter you some news.

For real, though, I have a lot to say about this newsletter. If you know me (I'm Samantha Calthrop, by the way, not a sentient email, hi) then you probably know that I make comics and TTRPGs, which are met with critical acclaim by my extensive audience of almost nobody. I spent my teens in fandom spaces and my early twenties making standalone games.

In other words, I make things, and I put them online, and not a lot of people see them. C'est la vie.

In recent years, I've been drifting increasingly away from social media, and towards real-world creative spaces. I'm fortunate enough to have several social outlets for my art. Between my local comics group, my university, and my small group of mutuals in Irish journo twitter, I feel accomplished enough to be proud regardless of how many Instagram followers I have. (It's 151, much like the original Pokédex.)

That's the problem with the Internet. Even in the coolest and most supportive rings of Twitter and Tumblr there is nothing to achieve but online fame, which has been famously awful for everyone who has ever obtained it. (I imagine social media to be divided into rings, much like the rings of hell in Dante's Inferno.) There are very few spaces online that feel personal and contained, because by nature the internet is large and completely impersonal.

The consequence is that being an up-and-coming creator is like shouting into the void, except the void has a handful of your confused friends and relations in it, some of whom are giving you the thumbs up.

I was thinking about the lack of digital spaces for exploring any kind of fiction that isn't short stories or published novels, and how many cool things have been made by people I know, which nobody ever sees. I thought, man, I wish somebody would start a newsletter about it or something. Then I realised that I was somebody, and I already had a creative label which I'd been using to publish things already. Then I turned to Luke Sophia and said, "Hey, we're starting a newsletter", and wrote this before I could be stopped.

So I guess this newsletter seeks to fill that missing niche; a small, personal space that celebrates obscure creative projects. We're starting out primarily with creators that we know already - friends, past collaborators, and things we're already fans of. That means right now, it's mainly webcomics, podcasts, TTRPGS, and other types of online storytelling.

To that end, here's your bimonthly dose of local talent. By coincidence, all these stories are set in space, and all of them have a wonderfully weird take on the sci-fi genre. Check it out:

Neokosmos is about the horror of being raised by people you don't understand. This series of illustrated sci-fi stories follow the last living humans, who are being raised in captivity many years after the destruction of the Earth. Neokosmos is a deeply beautiful, deeply weird, and deeply visceral story about love, cruelty, and family between completely different alien species. The first book made me realise I like speculative sci-fi. The second book made me sit on my bed, put my head in my hands, and think about how I spent my early twenties. I can't recommend it enough. Neokosmos is in open beta right now, and is available to read for free online.

Chain of Being is a delightfully strange eldritch-horror-ish audio drama by Cai Gwilym Pritchard. It's set in a mystic sci-fi universe with deep folkloric roots, and it's both written and performed unlike any other podcast I've come across. I recommend listening with headphones just for the editing. Chain of Being is also casting voice actors for Season 2 right now - more info here. They're paid roles, and actors with non-standard podcast accents are encouraged to apply.

Fetch Quest by @toonlynnk is a silly fantasy adventure in a spaceship universe. Unambitious Hugh the human is happy to settle for an NPC career and a lifetime of mediocrity, but is instead dragged into the life of an adventurer-for-hire. A webcomic set in a video game universe, and is promising to be the kind of PG comedy adventure that ends up wrenching your guts out, in the style of Owl House and Amphibia.

Your project here. Do you make art of any kind - visual, written, performed? Are you starting a project or recruiting co-creators? We want to hear from you! Email us at [email protected]. A proper submission procedure will be created if needed, but for now, it's open season - show us anything. Fire away.

That's it for now. All going well, I'll see you in a few weeks!

#newsletter #witch hat news #microfiction

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clairedaring · 4 months

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i feel like i hit a bl series slump lately. after ifylita and bake me please ended, i can't really bring myself to finish or start any new thai bl series.

list of media consumption since ifylita ended

- analog squad (8 eps)

- justice in the dark (8 eps)

- trillion game (10 eps)

- fermat's cuisine (10 eps)

- qi hun (hikaru no go live action) (36 eps)

- professional body substitute by shui qian cheng (chinese novel - 2nd reread)

- euthanasia by sammon (thai novel)

- winner takes all by shui qian cheng (chinese novel)

- additional inheritance by by shui qian cheng (chinese novel)

- professional body substitute (audio drama)

other than this list i have like two fluffy angst-free danmei novels i can't bring myself to really finish, although objectively both are very good i just really lack the motivation to finish them and the other bl series i'm only indirectly watching from the tl 🥲. can the ifylita special ep, spare me your mercy or my stand in come out quickly so i can finally move on and hyperfixate on a new series (⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠෴⁠ ⁠༎ຶ⁠) i still remember me having fun in bangkok at the ifylita final screening ep like it was yesterday (narrator's voice: it has been over 2 months).

#claire opens her goddamn mouth #the gorilla grip ifylita has on me #my stand in #spare me your mercy #come quick PLEASE #but yea in the mean time maybe i am going to indulge myself in all the my stand in content 🤣

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rigelmejo · 2 years

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Language Updates! May 25, 2022

My health is still being mean but hopefully it'll turn. As expected, I'm not studying much.

But I did get the urge to study again. So I did. And it went in an odd direction (for me) so I feel like documenting it.

First the Japanese stuff - I got into playing Final Fantasy 7 again, and video games always remind me how much I want to learn Japanese, so the urge to study kicked in gear lol. As of now I'm not doing anything big, I'm too tired lately for big goals. I am playing Yakuza 0 now and having fun picking up the words I do know. And learning some words, mainly though just refreshing my memory on things I already knew like 少し,あるんだ, zenbun matte etc. Some sentences I fully understand! Most I know a couple words, some I only hear omae lol. As one would expect.

I'm also listening to Glossika Japanese again (as review so the old files I've heard already). So not much listening, at the beginning again lol, but everything is coming back fast. So that's good.

I also bought Koisenu Futari today and started reading it on Kindle. It's like 249 pages and my reading speed says I'll finish in 8 hours, which honestly is amazing to me since usually I read too slow to Ever finish a novel ToT in a foreign language (unless it's french). I read 7 pages and it's clear to me on some level I remember the grammar i learned i jusr don't explicitly remember it if it makes sense. Like I know what's a noun or verb or how the verbs conjugation affects meaning but I'm not able to say exactly whats going on. Basically it's readable, thankfully, cause my brain still remembers how to interpret the grammar. I still credit forcing myself to do 600 Clozemaster Japanese sentences last summer for all the grammar comprehension improvements tbh, it really truly helped me get used to real world sentences and the variety in them (versus textbook sentences). Anyway so far its nice! It's to my happiness an easier read (difficulty wise) with a lot of Kanji I know so I also can kind of cheat and guess the meaning on a lot (I'm mainly looking up Kanji pronunciations/confirmations of definition and hiragana words). But I will say :c kindles Japanese to English dictionary sucks So I'm glad i recognize the Kanji a bit.

Basically, I'm back into Japanese a bit. I also found some audio dramas with eng subs I'd like to listen to that I was going to months ago, maybe yest Listening Reading Method with. But tbh my attention span is short and I don't think I can focus for 1.5 hours to get through them (though Nier Replicant Audio drama AND mdzs Japanese audio drama are on youtube which are both very cool and i do eventually wanna get to ToT)

Now for the out of character portion. So ive been watching kdramas. Live Up to Your Name, Mr Sunshine, Tomorrow, My Country the New Age, etc. As you do. And it turns out... when I listen to something long enough I really want to learn something. So I looked into learning Korean a bit.

I want to preface with!!! If YOU are brand new to learning Korean, like comprehensible input/nature method learning methods, I highly recommend going to Learn Korean in Korean YouTube channel and just Devouring all the videos made by that guy. THAT is a well made course where you can genuinely learn through comprehensible input for the basics and some surface conversational stuff (possibly more). I watched 1 of his videos once knowing zero Hangul and not caring if i learned and learned how to introduce myself. His videos are GOOD.

That said... mejo is a messy person who doesn't follow their own advice, and despite me KNOWING I love that specific learning material... I'm not using it. Why? Because watching YouTube videos requires consistent focus and i just cannot reliably focus on something for several minutes right now. I can't do long periods of focused study at the moment. Even though I know if I binged his channel I'd learn a lot.

So what is mejos plan to learn korean?

Well studying Hangul is step 1, which I've done before and have done the past few days again. Now I'm practicing just kind of seeing it in practice (like in textbooks etc) to get used to properly reading it and remembering. As my motivations for wanting to learn korean are Extremely Shallow right now - I'd just like to know some lines in kdramas when I watch, maybe absolute MOST I'd like to have a convo in korean like hi how are you do you draw (and in a world I'll never live in... enough to read Korean guardian translation but let's be real its not gonna happen.. probably). I have no intense need to learn to read Hangul. I'm gonna pick it up anyway, since it's everywhere and reading it is ultimately critical. But books with romanization are my friends right now so I can compare romanization to the Hangul to test my reading of the Hangul, and to learn words with an approximate pronunciation instead of absolutely no idea if i picked a moderately close pronunciation up (if theres only Hangul and I read a,syllable wrong I'm gonna learn words wrong lol).

So I found Teach Yourself Korean (or some equivalent type book) on archive.org for free. And am reading it. It covers Hangul, and then simple surface level conversations like your typical beginner textbook (hi, how are you, my name is, i work at, I study, I want to eat x etc). It works fine for some Hangul reading practice and getting a chance to look at sentence structure. Realistically I know korean is SOV and a really Great help would be a textbook that does literal word by word translations cause my brain likes seeing that but I'm not putting tons of time into this. (Also sadly? I KNOW there's a cool korean textbook out there whixh starts with english but in korean sentence structure then adds more korean words, like comprehensible input for korean but also intuitive grammar instruction. And i DONT know the name so I canr find it ;-; if you know the name of the textbook I'm mentioning please message me).

For words, i was going to just be brutal to myself and hop right into Clozemaster Korean. That was utterly impossible lol! With very poor Hangul reading skills you are screwed in clozemaster, there's no romanization to help you sound anything out. Also you don't hear audio until after you answer, also the diffetent grammar structure is not explained even minimally in Clozemaster. So I have realized. Yes, yes you really do need to be upper beginner or above to use Clozemaster reasonably comfortably. Unless you're learning a language with similar grammar and a similar alphabet like French or Spanish then maybe you could jump right in as a complete novice if you were up for the challenge (I can read some Spanish, I could probably push through clozemaster Spanish to study and learn more vocab even though it would be brutal). I realized clozemaster is just NOT helpful as a complete beginner in korean with zero grammar knowledge. Now normally, I'd dive right in and spend 1 week to 1 month reading a grammar guide summary of the language so I have a vague idea of what I'm looking at verb noun adjective subject object particle wise etc at all times. But as I mentioned, im exhausted lately, i cant do intensive focused reading for hours which a grammar guide would require of me. Also... to be honest, I find it an interesting experiment to go into a language totally unprepared. I was prepared for all the other languages I studied to some (minimal) degree since i studied literally all of them as a teen at least a little (japanese, Spanish, French, German, mandarin). While it's not much, it does mean if there were ever 6 months of struggling with sound or writing system or what the heck does a verb look like in z language, i got a little practice prior to diving in more as an adult.

So. What to do. Well I know for me, comparing sentence structure truly helps me grasp grammar the best. It's why clozemasrer Japanese helped me SO much with grammar, it's why one of my fave japanese textbooks is Japanese Sentence Patterns, it's why Spoonfed Chinese anki deck ans audio files help me so much. Seeing and hearing a sentence in both languages helps me figure out where words go in each, how they conjugate, what phrases are different completely etc. Unfortunately anki and memrise sentence decks in korean would make me exhausted, as i can't do the hours long intensive focus I need for flashcards personally at the moment. Clozemaster has a radio mode (to help make it easier on me) but clozemaster sentences start TOO hard compared to educational made sentences which tend to start artificially simple but help clarify the sentence structures before adding complexity gradually. Well i was like... glossika Korean might work. Turns out I'd downloaded the old glossika korean audio files a year ago so I put them in a place I could listen to. And that's going to be my primary setup for study probably. I doubt I'm going to pick up much, certainly not at the slow rate I've got to study right now. But if I DO learn anything then I'm putting in a good word for comparative 2 language audio flashcard type study materials. They worked EXCELLENTLY for me for chinese listening comprehension, increasing vocabulary, grammar patterns, but i used them as an upper beginner who could read some stuff already. Korean would be my first time trying to use glossika with a language I can't already read some things in (aka comprehend basic stuff to a decent level when reading already). We will see if i pick up much. But I can already tell it's easier for me to figure out new words than clozemaster korean, so glossika is easier for a beginner to use for sure. (Personally I do Not recommend modern glossikas subscription model I hate the flashcards but tbh i canr do flashcards often, I prefer the old glossika audio lessons they used to make so that's what I use whenever i say glossika).

So yeah, my plan for korean right now is: glossika korean audio files (dual language audio of sentences starting simple then progressing), and Teach Yourself Korean book read through. Maybe some other stuff, but this is easiest.

A side note: I am sad to report the FSI korean course audio files on archive.org are Only korean. I say thus because FsiS chinese course audios read the English aloud, then rhe chinese, then the drill directions then the drill answers. So you can basically do the entire course entirely through audio (which is great if visuals are an issue for you, or so it can be done without needing to look if say you're walking or working, and the book is mainly pinyin so it's not a huge loss to just use the audio files). So I was expecting the korean FSI course audio to also have all that - which would have made it serve the "simple sentences with dual audio to compare and pick up words and grammar" function. But there's no English in the audio, so i found the korean glossika audios instead. (In a pinch FSI courses are yes dry, but very good introductions to several languages. I like their tone drills a lot for chinese.)

Another side note: sad to report that unlike Japanese and Chinese I am not aware of the really cool niche textbooks yet. Like in Japanese, I have textbooks specifically suited to me - ones that focus on sentence patterns, 2 that teach through reading and progressive difficulty, Kanji mnemonic books. Same for chinese - I have an old grammar book that writes a way I understand, 3 comprehensible input massive graded readers that increase in difficulty, some more graded readers by difficulty, a 500 most common hanzi book with a bunch of words that use them underneath, parallel texts, a wonderful hanzi mnemonics book, a wonderful chinese intro book that covers 1000 words (which isn't ideal but i appreciate the author and irs better than one textbook I found which only teaches 200 words total yikes). I learn well with comprehensible input books like graded readers/stuff that makes you learn by trying to understand, and with comparisons of sentence structure with a LOT of common words so I pick them up. Like I mentioned above... I know a korean textbook exists that writes the English in korean word order then gradually adds in more korean words too, I am very interested in finding it if anyone knows the name or has heard of it before.

#rant #may #may progress #progress #may goals #goals #korean #korean study plan #study plan #WOW YEAH im learning a little korean #not much but i would like to recognize a bit more than i do now which is like nothing #except the greeting and thank you

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wordsknowsnobounds · 1 year

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I remember, although now not if the freshness of when I actually started in the fandom, but I still remember the dissonance I felt as I had just finished the book and dived into the fanfic and found so much hate and misunderstanding over characters I found so easy to understand their motivations.

I can't say some of my views were later tainted by fandom, the longer I dived into fanfic before I found myself into a Discord group where I could find people that knew more than I did about Danmei and Xianxia. MDZS wasn't my first experience with both, considering I have watched some movies and other dramas before, and my first MXTX book was TGCF, but I hardly knew enough. So entering the Discord group was like a breath of fresh air in terms of knowledge and learning more about a culture and small details we miss as an outsider audience.

I even re-examined what I knew about the characters, and learned more about others I didn't care as much I still have some I don't care even after, but I did learn more about them and found some respect for them, and I guess that my dissonance with fandom at large grew even more. But then I remember my experience in another fandom - Teen Wolf - that it's just as full as its own complicated relationship between fandom and canon, and something someone I met in it said stuck with me, "People have limited empathy to give characters, and they bestow it onto their favorite characters" or something in similar words, and this couldn't be any less true.

People are more inclined to analyze, or overanalyze, a character they care more, they give that character more leniency or more reasons for the way they act if they identify with the character more. However, the problem starts when the analysis becomes something personal instead of steaming from the character written in the text, and the fact MDZS has so many versions that bring with them their varied canons makes it even more complex.

Because we have the novel with flawed, but three-dimensional characters that have a variation of reasons and motivations for the actions they did, and even in it some are afforded more slack than others. We have a TV Drama that had to pass through a censorship in both content and ideals, they couldn't have a hero that lost control or wasn't as pure as some wished him to be - and taking WWX blame of the ones he was guilty of took a lot of him as a character - and threw all the guilt on another one took a lot of the narrative that the world isn't as simple or black and white. We have the donghua that added some little more flair to certain circumstances and gave a more villainous plot for something that was a good change in the novel, and completely butchered another character. Not only that, but we also have an Audio Book version and a Manhua, but since I haven't either heard one or read the other, I can't say much about them.

All these different canons end up leading to different interpretations, but also leads to misunderstandings and people talking in different "languages", since The Untamed and the Donghua have crucial differences in relation to the Novel. Another thing that adds into the dissonance I have with fandom at large, it's also the whole problem I see of the interpretations that disregard cultural and historical differences. Yes, MDZS happens in a fantasy ancient China, but they still have a different set of morals and beliefs that differ from what we consider as the norm today.

I've seen too much fics of characters raising a fuss about things they never did and would never do in the context they lived and because of who they were and believed in, because they weren't considered amoral or wrong in context. Although, MDZS discussion shouldn't be about morality at all or who has the higher ground to claim it. Or who is right and who is wrong, because that's not the story, that's not what we should have taken of it, because the beauty of MDZS it's because it tells a story of very much human characters, with human motivations, human fails and human emotions.

It feels frustrating to muddle through fics and metas that you read, and your first reaction is: no, that's not it, that's not 'character x'. It feels disheartening that if you try to disagree with something or have something to say about a character or that the majority of fandom have a specific opinion you're either said to be an anti or an apologist. It's rare to find spaces and places where you can have good discussions without someone attacking you for one reason or another. So working that dissonance becomes an even more difficult task when you feel you can't speak because of fear of being targeted.

But I guess that I got tired, and just wanted my frustrations to get out and about on the outside world, so here I am. I'm putting my face out there, I might get burned, but I think I needed to try.

-The Sole Nie out.

#MDZS #The Untamed #Just some thoughts #Not a Meta #Just letting out my frustrations about Fandom #You're free to disagree or agree #I'm not gonna fight anyone #so keep your flames and hate to yourself #however #if you want to have an interesting discussion with different opinions #then we can talk #I like to confront my opinions and different ideas

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rcmclachlan · 2 years

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hey RC! so i started watching the untamed after seeing it on your blog. i adore it completely. i'm having trouble keeping track of all the different versions though! as far as i understand, there's (1) the original book (2) an animated version (3) a graphic novel?? (4) audio drama (5) a translation of the book, that's being released in volumes? i just finished volume one, have volume two on pre-order and ... idk how to ask this without just saying 'do they fuck' lol but i've seen the references to 'every day means every day' and i can't figure out if that will show up in the translation i'm reading??

Yep, MDZS has a bajillion adaptations, and depending on where you're sourcing them, they may or may not be censored. Here's the breakdown:

- Original novel: Explicit, but has since been removed or censored. I can't remember which. Fan translations were uncensored when I first read the novel, but I’m not sure what changed or where you can get fanlations now that the novel has been officially translated.

- Animated version: Censored, but the animation team did the best they could to keep as many hints and the like in it. It ends beautifully.

- Live-action show: Censored, but again, they did their best. What they lost in explicit sex they made up for with longing glances and swelling music.

- Graphic novel: Censored, but some of the cut pages (such as the kiss at Phoenix Mountain) get leaked every once in a while.

- Audio drama: Uncensored! You can get a taste here and you can download the audio (with English transcripts!) here.

- Novel English translation: Uncensored! They haven't gotten to the juicy bits yet, but they've promised it will be translated from the original, uncensored novel. The official English translation is rated 17+.

Hope this helps!

#the untamed

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razberryyum · 3 years

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TGCF donghua Special Episode Thoughts (SPOILERS for episode & novel!)

Favorite moment:

Of COURSE that amazing ending sequence, which is the mirror of Dianxia's backstory at the end of the first episode, except this time from Hua Cheng's point of view. Speaking of, holy mother of YUM, dear gods, Hua Cheng:

Look at this "hideous" man. I am DROOLING.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know his appearance was supposed to be a secret, that we technically hadn't seen his face yet all this time. I remember we had a super quick glimpse of him in the Banyue pit and I thought that was his reveal, that that'll be all we'll get for now and I was fine with that...that is, until this ending sequence happened and we actually see him in his entirety. My eyes will forever never be the same. What was I even thinking??? The flashes in the pit were absolutely inferior to the real thing. No comparison. He is so gorgeous; I can't WAIT for Xie Lian to meet him next season.

Second favorite moment:

What I love about this scene is first of all it features some of my favorite lines from the novel, "If you don't know what to live for, then just live for me. If you don't know the meaning of life, then take me as the meaning your life." Even though Dianxia was playing it up for dramatic effect, I loved how he crawled towards San Lang and then uttered the lines with such conviction. I LOVED the way the music reached a cresendo during his words--hell, I love the music in this entire episode, this entire show, period. I also love how bittersweet this scene is: here Dianxia is so embarrassed by his own words that he even laughs about them, dismisses them, not know just how much of an effect they had on the person he said them to, how they really did serve to motivate that person to live on, to exist, utterly for him. Not knowing at all that that person he said what he now thinks were silly words to is right in front of him. The irony!

I'm still making my way through the book so I haven't gotten to the part where all is revealed to Xie Lian yet, but I can only imagine how shocking and emotional this particular revelation would be. It'll probably be ten years before we get to see all that in the donghua, if we ever do, but I'm gonna keep on crossing my fingers and hoping.

"I swear, whether in Heaven or or on Earth, you cannot find someone more sincere than me". The subs left out the Heaven or Earth part but it's still such a good line. Love also how San Lang precedes that by trying to reach out to touch Dianxia but is like too afraid to. The donghua really captured his feelings of...I guess I'd call it timid inferiority...so well.

I have a strong suspicion what that ring is (irl, I've seen companies advertising turning ashes into diamonds as a keepsake of your loved ones...never tried it so I don't know if it's the real deal or some kind of scam) and I cannot wait to get to that revelation as well. Putting aside the potential significance of this momento, the fact that Hua Cheng left Dianxia a ring to wear around his neck is already a beautiful gesture on its own.

I already miss seeing how San Lang looks adoringly at Xie Lian. In fact, I think I'm going to miss San Lang for quite a while since next season I think we'll be mostly spending time with Hua Cheng. Not complaining at all since Hua Cheng will no doubt look at Dianxia just as adoringly, but I will miss this cute guy.

Also already missing the cuteness that is Dianxia. I love all his expressions...the way he said "San Lang" just made my heart explode. How can he be this adorable??? Really, bravo to Jiang Guangtao-laoshi, his voice actor, for such an endearing voice performance. I actually started listening to the Qiang Jin Jiu audio drama because I've become a fan. Imagine Xie Lian being super seductive all the time. That's the ear candy I'm enjoying now, even though I only understand like less than half of the plot due to my shoddy Chinese comprehension.

Proud of how San Lang didn't just lose it when Dianxia cradled his face like that. This man really has unbelievable self control.

I loved that they were chatting in bed like an old married couple. I'm sure this is a glimpse into their future married life. 😁

Besides SanLian, I know Banyue was in this episode as well, I still think she's adorable and love her voice, and I'm glad she gets to enjoy a torture-free life now (I am assuming she does).

I'm glad we got this special episode to really close out the season, but I'm still kinda confused as to why we didn't get it at the actual end of the season but rather as an odd stand alone episode like this. Obviously it picked up right where the 11th episode left off, so it would've slotted in perfectly well. I was hoping the reason they held on to it was because they were going to attach a teaser PV for the next season, but alas that wasn't the case. I wonder if they just needed more time to finish the episode. I still don't quite understand how the Chinese donghua industry works: for something seemingly as popular as TGCF, you would think they'd have good enough budget and resources to finish episodes in time and to make more than just 12 episodes. There are other donghua shows I've seen on Bilibili that have blown way past 12 episodes, so I don't understand why they have to stubbornly stick to a dozen only for something like TGCF. Or is it a danmei thing, I wonder. They just don't want to devote the time and resources to danmei shows beyond just 12 episodes? So weird. Again, VERY GRATEFUL we're getting a second season. SINCERELY praying that we get many more seasons after so that eventually they'll finish out the book. God I hope I finish reading before the donghua team finishes putting out the show.

And that brings me to: Current Reading Progress...chapter 160. Look, I'm gonna be honest, I'm just not a fan of the whole jinx demon concept or the Brocade Immortal. I know all mysteries of the week lead back to the gods and their backstory, but as CONCEPTS, I was just NOT into them so I constantly got distracted. I know MXTX-laoshi was under a LOT of pressure from both censorship and just ridiculous deadlines (I was told she had to produce a chapter a day, which is INSANE), so I feel like a douchebag for even thinking anything negative about the book...not to mention I'm only on Book 3 still so maybe all of this will be wrapped up nicely at the end. But for now, yeah, those two as ideas are a bit underwhelming and almost silly (especially the Brocade Immortal) and maybe I don't need the backstory of ALL the gods. Anyway, before anyone yells at me, there's always a chance I might change my mind about all this by the end...which I hope to get to soon. Didn't finish the book in time for this special episode which was my goal, so readjusting the goalpost back a little further...hopefully just a tad...like a few weeks, because I DO want to get to the unrelenting pain soon so that I can get through the suffering and finally to the HuaLian happily ever after ending.

#Tian Guan Ci Fu #Heaven Official's Blessing #HuaLian #SanLian #TGCF donghua

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lovefrombegonia · 4 years

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My journey with BL based Cdramas:

(THESE ARE ALL MY PERSONAL OPINIONS, I AM NOT EXPERT)

(very long, I was just bored and wanted to share my thoughts)

For the last few months, I have watched quite a few BL based cdramas, starting with Guardian, which was rather disappointing after some 15 episodes. Now, although I enjoy BL works, I can't continue watching a series just because of that element. It has to be an overall good drama too. If it wasn't for the acting skills of the lead actors played by Zhu Yilong and Bai Yu that got me atleast invested enough to end the drama. I still speed watched so many scenes.

I was particularly impressed by Zhu Yilong coz he had double roles to do, and he had me genuine believe that Shen Wei and White Ghost (can't remember the exact name) were different people. They had so many of these little moments that I enjoyed. I heard that a lot of production issues and censorship hindered this drama. I felt sad hearing that coz the story definitely had potential. You can definitely notice their impact on the drama. The direction, design, script, audio design, acting, editing, effects...I could go on and on. I still finished it and appreciate the efforts of the team coz they had to do a lot in a low budget. Guardian was bad but it had its fair share of reasons. They did whatever they could despite all the problems they faced. They also introduced me to a really good novel which I have finished half way, atleast.

Then came The Untamed and it was definitely a huge improvement. The lead cast were all good and the actors Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo did a wonderful job. Xiao Zhan, especially, played Wei Wuxian really well. I really felt for this character. I can't imagine another actor playing this role now. But Wang Yibo definitely impressed me more because he got such a stoic role to play and yet he pulled it off. Every small expression and movement from him conveyed something deep. It was so interesting to notice him whenever he was on screen.

The Untamed too had its fair share of technical issues with questionable editing choices and direction. Out of the immediate lead cast of the major clans in the MDZS world, the acting was bad to average. CGI was bad and the action choreography was laughable sometimes.

But what truly made The Untamed good for me was the story...not the script, the story behind the script. The characters, irrespective of whether the acting could justify the writing or not, were complex, intriguing and three-dimensional. The BL part was already long resolved by the mid-series but characters like Jin Guangyao and Xue Yang really pushed the plot well. The fact that their mysteries were investigated and solved by Lan Zhan and Wei Ying, such lovable characters was almost perfect. The Untamed really set the bar high up when it comes to writing characters and major props goes to MXTX, the author of the original novel. After this, I couldn't imagine a better BL based drama than The Untamed. Considering all the censorship and production, their team did a fantastic job and no one has any right to deny it.

Then came the announcement of The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty and Winter Begonia. When I saw the promo videos, I knew production is not gonna be a problem. They seemed to have good budget and the cast looked good too, especially in Winter Begonia. The actors weren't, let's say, typical "pretty doll-like" type of actors that BL dramas always tend to cast for some reason. I don't understand why they do that tbh. It doesn't improve anything in my eyes, especially when the make-up is awfully noticeable. I think that's because this is what majority audience like. The Untamed and Guardian did that too but at a much tamed level (pun intended) so that it didn’t look bad and in their case it was justified coz their main characters weren't exactly like us "muggles". They were either supernatural beings or spiritual cultivators. But the actors in WB looked naturally good looking. It piqued my interest.

Then I started both the dramas almost at the same time on iqiyi tv app. Now, as someone who prefers wuxia and historical dramas much more, I was expecting to like SOMD much more than WB. Oh how I was wrong!! And it didn't happen just because SOMD turned out sadly disappointing but also because WB turned out to be one the most beautiful dramas I have ever watched.

To keep it short with Sleuth, let me just summarize, except for the eunuch character, I didn't care for anyone else. He was the only good actor and interesting character. The acting of the two leads was quite underwhelming. Now, I can accept that if the story is good but damn! Their script is all over the place! I couldn't continue beyond ep11. The production is good and everything looks pretty but that's it. Right now, it's on hiatus on my watch list. If someone is watching it, please tell me if the story improves in future, otherwise it is a no from me.

Let me just, all this is my personal opinion. If others enjoy this drama then I am really glad you do. I wish I could do too. As a huge fan of Jackie Chan, I really wanted to like this drama and I tried. But it just isn't for me.

Now...Winter Begonia...sigh...oh! The beauty and depth of this drama and its colourful and intriguing characters. I am head over heels for WB. There are many reasons for that. The plot is engaging. The story is good but what truly makes this drama is the characters, specifically, the main leads Shang Xirui played by Yin Zheng and Cheng Fengtai played by Huang Xiaoming. The direction, bgm, editing, visuals, cinematography, acting, production, and the writing range from good to top-notch. I have already become an admirer of Yin Zheng, Huang Xiaoming and Chermaine Sheh. I am going to write a whole new post about WB but let me just say this.. If you're not watching Winter Begonia then you're missing out on an intensely beautiful drama.

Stay safe my fellow drama lovers!!

#my thoughts #on bl cdramas #bromance #guardian #the untamed #sleuth of the ming dynasty #winter begonia #xiao zhan #wang yibo #bai yun #zhu yilong #yin zheng #huang xiaoming #cdramas #tumblr newbee

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scifinal · 4 years

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DW s12e10: It's Quite Unfortunate That This Child Keeps On Regenerating

It's only fitting that the first post on a blog called "SciFinal" should be about a season finale.

Not that fitting is the fact that in said post I'm going to begin where it all started for me.

Part One: How I Even Got into This Mess of a Show in the First Place

While I call myself a huge Doctor Who fan, even a – *gasp* – Whovian, I must admit I am not as familiar with the franchise as I would like to be; I've seen the new show, I've seen Torchwood (though, admittedly, I had to force myself to finish the fourth season – but that's a story for another day), I've listened to a handful of audio dramas (including Kaldor City, which I consider to be canon for both DW and Blake's 7) – mostly Torchwood audio dramas, but who cares, – I've read a couple of comics, I've got a novel or two somewhere on my bookshelf, I've seen the first couple of seasons of the classic show, but that's about it. I can't say I grew up with it – it wasn't on TV when I was a kid, there isn't an official Ukrainian dub, et cetera, et cetera. I first heard about it when I was about thirteen, when my classmate did a project about something they liked – and was pretty dismissive of my peers' hobbies at the time, believing myself to be somewhat above them, so I didn't pay much attention.

Then somebody finally pressured me into watching it (I believe I was fifteen or something back then) and I loved it. The first two episodes of the first season, I mean. I watched those, texted my friend something like "consider me a Whovian now!" and abandoned the show completely only to return to it maybe several years later.

I loved it. This time, for real.

Doctor Who has been with me ever since that time, it has a big soft spot reserved for each and every Doctor ever in my heart, and for each and every companion. I know full well it's cheesy, and it's stupid, and it's technobabble-y, and it's glorious in all of its cheesy technobabble-y stupidity.

And I hate this finale.

Part Two: Doctor, Why

I hate this finale – because I hate Chris Chibnall. Mind you, not the gentleman himself (I don't even know what he looks like, and I can't be bothered to Google), I hate what he did to Doctor Who.

Now, when it was revealed that the would replace Steven Moffat I felt... nothing. What did you expect? I had no idea who the man was. I know now he's made Broadchurch, and I know he wrote a bunch of stuff for Torchwood back in the day, including Cyberwoman. I had to drop Broadchurch because of how well-handled the depressing atmosphere was, and I love the flawed, dumb, sexy-cyber-bikinied, almost-fifteen-minutes-of-Ianto's-whining-including (I know because some time ago I literally cut almost every single moment of Gareth David-Lloyd whimpering, moaning, groaning, screaming, and mugging at the camera out of the episode and made those bits and pieces into a beautiful clip show called "I HATE THIS" to explain exactly why his face was and still is so punchable) mindless fun that is Cyberwoman (this is also one of the two episodes in which they actually do something fun with the pterodactyl living inside Torchwood's underground base). The latter also led to the creation of one amazing in how it develops Ianto's character audio drama entitled "Broken". I love Broken. I am now forcing you to look at its cover because of how much I love it.

Here we go. Now, back to the point of me rambling pointlessly

In his video "Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here's Why", a well-known YouTuber hbomberguy pointed out how Steven Moffat's problem is that he is more than capable of writing a good one-off episodes, but ultimately fails at managing multiple complex, overarching stories, as visible when you look at the difference between Moffat's individual episodes and his run on the show.

Now, I believe that Chris Chibnall suffers from the same affliction: he's a good screenwriter but a terrible, terrible showrunner. Sure, he's made Broadchurch, but Broadchurch, in its essence, was a complete singular story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no bigger, incomplete arcs expanding at the expense of other episodes, and the show did exactly what it was originally designed to do: it told an uninterrupted story.

Here comes Chris Chibnall's run on Doctor Who.

Now, while Steven Moffat was ultimately not very good at managing overarching stories, he tried to do so nonetheless, and the fans seemed to like his attempts. And while I can't be sure as to whether it was Chris' original vision for the show or he and his co-writers were merely trying to emulate Moffat, he attempted the same. A friend of mine has even pointed out how, to her, it was painfully obvious how the writers of the finale were desperately trying to copy Moffat's style (to give you some context, she grasped it from a 30-second clip of the CyberMasters' reveal, and that clip basically consisted of me filming my laptop's screen and laughing at their design, making the video wobbly and the audio distorted). At the time of writing this post this friend hasn't seen a single episode of Chibnall's era and, as far as I know, has no wish to do so – mainly because of two reasons that both have something to do with the finale:

Somebody's already spoiled it for her, so who cares;

I ranted to her about how shit this finale is and now she hates everything about Chibnall era.

I am very sorry for the latter, since I genuinely believe there are some nice episodes in these seasons, and I especially like the "historical" ones, they really are quite a lot of fun, I like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fighting badly CG-ed alien scorpions, I love Lord Byron and Mary Shelley running around a haunted house trying to escape from a Cyberman (even though it's all too similar to the Agatha Christie episode from Russel T Davies' run), I adore that episode about Rosa P–– oh, wait, no, that one was crap and ripped off Blake's 7... Anyway, I love Jodie Whittaker's Doctor, I am a big fan of Graham, I like Ryan just fine, and I can put up with Yaz, even though it's been two seasons and I've still got no idea what's her personality supposed to be, and I absolutely love the new Master (he reminds me of a cute little pug with a big Tommy gun). There is plenty of good stuff in these two seasons, they are lots of fun to watch, but this finale... Oh god, this finale.

Part Three: We Had All of Time and Space at Our Fingertips and We Ended Up with This

We are getting to the point of this whole thing. I would love to begin with the obvious, the twist, but there's so much wrong with this who-cares-how-many-parter than this one big thing.

It is inept. It is impotent. It is incompetent. It is bad at almost everything except its okay camera work, somewhat good (for a British TV show, I mean) effects, and its really solid performances.

Its editing is tone-deaf to the extreme. There is a moment in the final episode where Ko Sharmas asks who will be the first to cross the Boundary and step into the unknown, and immediately it cuts to Yaz walking towards it, all fast and silent. I would love to show you a clip of it, but I don't have one and I can't force myself to download the episode and sit through this shitshow again just to present you with a ten-second clip. Nonetheless, that part is not edited like a dramatic moment. You edit comedies this way. Bad comedies. Bad editors edit bad comedies this way.

Its plot is incoherent. There are several plot threads in this finale, and they're managed in a way that doesn't make the viewer care about all of them at the same time, rather the viewer goes "oh, I've completely forgotten this was happening" and then, before they can even begin to care, the show cuts to something else. It's all over the place and oh so annoying.

The plot armour is painfully obvious despite every attempt to disguise it. There wasn't a single, solitary second when I believed the Doctor was really going to sacrifice herself and, lo and behold, here comes the old guy ex machina to do it for her. The only questions I was asking at that moment were "How are the writers going to prevent the Doctor's death now that they've seemingly created themselves a way to go on forever?" and "How can Whittaker care so much about her performance in this scene she's literally almost crying?". I wholeheartedly related to the Master asking "So why are we still here?" and shout–– hiss–– mumbl–– whatever-ing "Come on, come on, come on!" – at that point I've suffered through at least forty-five minutes of utter nonsense, people going preachy, religious Cybermen with Dalek motivations, that absolutely ludicrous scene in the previous episode when the show was trying its worst to make me perceive autonomous flying Cyber-heads with laser eyes as a serious threat, a shit twist and... Oh.

I've got to finally touch on the shit twist, haven't I?

It doesn't make sense. No, I mean it. I guess it makes sense from the show's writers' standpoint to retcon everything in a way that would allow them to go on forever without having to come up with a way to circumvent limited regenerations, yes. And I won't be touching upon all the lore people say this twist has ruined. No. It doesn't make sense as it is.

The twist is revealed to us by a madman that claims to have hacked into a database, claims to possess control over the Doctor's mind, and gives the Doctor and the audience no actual solid proof that the Timeless Child is, indeed, the Doctor. We have Ruth, sure, and she's nice enough (damn, I want that vest), and she's a Timelord that happens to own a TARDIS that looks like a blue police telephone box, and she calls herself the Doctor. Here's Ruth:

I really like Ruth. She also makes no sense from the show's timeline standpoint, since the Doctor's Type 40 TARDIS only got stuck looking like a police box in 1963, so there's no reason for the Doctor to not remember being her.

We also know that the Judoon have identified Ruth as "the Fugitive"... except in one of their previous appearances in the show they weren't able to identify their targets exactly and thus were seeking out non-humans. There is a possibility that they were only looking for a Time Lord on Earth.

You know what? It's possible that Ruth is actually the Master messing with the Doctor. I have just as much proof of this as I have of the fact that the Doctor is some kind of an endlessly regenerating superbeing.

But this is not the most maddening thing here. I loathe it, but I don't loathe the twist itself: I loathe its lifelessness, I loathe how empty, how unemotional, almost robotic it feels. When somebody'd spoiled the finale for me, I got angry, and I started asking questions, and when later I saw the actual thing...

This gif. I can't even explain how accurate it is. I stood there, in the middle of my kitchen, episode paused, holding a cup of cold tea and desperately looking around as if in my surroundings I could somehow find that emotional reaction that this show failed to evoke. I was ready to burst into tears of how empty it felt, and how empty I felt, and how the same show that has Christopher Eccleston go from literally foaming at the mouth with pure hatred to shocked silence in a matter of second because of one sentence that you, a viewer, can't help but be astonished by failed to make me feel the tiniest speck of literally any emotion. And slowly, I felt that vast void in my chest fill with sheer, pure, flaming hatred for the person who made me feel nothing, for the story that left me not bored – but empty.

And the next moment, in its own unique way of being absolutely tone-deaf, the show introduces the CyberMasters, looking ridiculous, being asinine in concept, making me burst into laughter with their dumb design. Wow.

So.

Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who is no longer a show. Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who isn't even, as somebody on Stardust said, a fan fiction. It's a rollercoaster. A lackluster rollercoaster that lifts you from the vast caverns of frozen hell, devoid of any life whatsoever, soulless and abandoned, to the heavenly torture of being so bad, so utterly awful and ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh as you watch something you used to love be distorted and deformed to the point where you can't recognise it anymore nor really care. This is what Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who has become. And I'm going to continue my ride on that grotesque rollercoaster. I'm going to pirate that ride and get on it again. Because I'm a masochist. Because I want to feel something, even if it's hatred towards those that make me feel nothing.

Because some time ago my fifteen-year-old self watched the first season and learned a lesson that I hold dear after all these years – that I can't abandon hope, and that someday, somehow, things are going to get better. That the future is being written right now. That the future can change.

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #doctor who review #i hate this #review #sci fi

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