#I can’t just keep doing this to myself

[taco-tuseday]

*Coughing violently*

The cross gay’s made buggy try a different style 😋

#one piece #one piece fanart #buggy the clown #buggy #cross guild #fanart #buggy fanart #I can’t just keep doing this to myself #put a clown In heavy gothic ish make up she says #get attached she didn’t say now be sad that it’ll never be in the show #cry cry #but like hey look how handsome buggy is 👀👀

[designernishiki]

it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now

#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions #and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety #but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake #AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior #is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out #of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and #maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you. #I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it. #I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about #it?’ #that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words #I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him #and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can #trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me #it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways #at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison #and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane #mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed #patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused #all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona #(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage #does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head #kazumaji #majima #kiryu #yakuza #kiwami 1 #yk1 #rambling

[smilebug]

😳

lil fan art of @planetbrobobot ‘s fic!!!

#i know i keep doing this i just can’t help myself #so normal about it… #this poor mf 😭 #i am gay #mcsm #mcsm lukas #mcsm jesse #minecraft story mode #jesskas #lukesse #arts

[sunnnfish]

Maybe I’m okay with it if Hirano never traditionally “loves” Kagi. Or anyone. Maybe it never will turn into the same kind of love Kagi feels. Kagi is nevertheless such a source of inspiration and strength and comfort to Hirano. Even if he never feels a desire to touch or get married or whatever. Maybe he does it because Kagi asks and he loves making Kagi happy most of all. He wouldn’t seek it if not asked. But Kagi is always asking. And he knows it makes Kagi happy. Does anyone see the vision. Do you understand. Maybe kagi will be okay with it if Hirano never “loves” him the same way Kagi loves him. Because he knows how Hirano works and he knows how Hirano cares. And he knows he is unique to Hirano. He knows Hirano wouldn’t do these things with anyone else. And that’s still love in its own way.

#every day I convince myself more and more of aroace-spec Hirano #or maybe the perceived slow-burn is getting to me #it’s like. I kind of keep forgetting that there is still going to be more relationship and character development #but also. At this point in time at least they are so queerplatonic to me #AND it all wraps back around to the theme of different kinds of love #we do not love each other in the same ways. but that’s what makes it special #also a queerplatonic relationship answers all the weird limbo relationship stuff they have goin on in future ssmy chapters #idk. anyways. maybe im crazy #also all comes back to How do you quantify being someone’s most important person #Kagi WILL be the most important person to Kagi. it’s just a question of how that manifests #at this point I can’t imagine it manifesting in Hirano necessarily wanting to touch Kagi or saying things like I love you #it’s simply. laughter and happiness and comfort #they are already old together. do you get it #I never feel like I’m properly able to explain the feelings I have. whatever #surely someone gets it #sunnfish.kghr #Hirano to kagiura #Hirano and kagiura

[dragonseeds]

there’s a horrible sickness in me that makes me want to stop and replay da:i whenever i start a different game. how am i supposed to resist the story of my own unwilling apotheosis? especially as lavellan, who doesn’t believe in the maker and who has every right to hate and mistrust the chantry but chooses to use what power they have to try save people, to fix what’s broken, no matter how afraid they are or how careful they have to be. walking side by side with the great trickster god/adversary of your people without knowing, befriending him, changing his mind about this world but ultimately not his choice. he understands what’s happening to you because it happened to him once and he gives you his castle, built over the place where he sundered the world, and paints your story there in frescos that will last long after you’re gone and after the story has been retold and reshaped so many times that the truth of who you are and what you did is lost—just as he did his own story, which was lost and perverted by war and propaganda, and he shows all of this to you knowing you’ll understand because you’ve lived through something similar, grown into something larger than yourself and your true name, and it doesn’t change anything but. he wanted you to see him just for a moment, even if he can’t tell you everything (or almost anything) and you can’t save him—because he owes it to you as a someone who is a friend, almost an equal, and because there’s no one else left who knows: a direct result of what he did to your people and which he now seeks to undo at the cost of this world.

#dragon age #solas #literally i am ILL #i love religious trauma and stifling hypocrisy and walking carefully so carefully through a place i don’t belong but i’ve chosen to be #and questioning everything and losing and discovering myself over and over #and accidentally becoming friends with my work colleagues #and most importantly dating an actual god who is just a nerdy little guy who keeps fucking everything up #he’s such a liar but he wants to badly to tell the truth but he can’t he won’t #yet he only really lies through omission and speaks carefully so as not to give himself away #ok and also he very much wanted the anchor and manipulated that whole situation #but he also shows you who he is and tells you a sliver of the truth #and he didn’t have to do that! but he chose to—he wants you to see him and on some level to save him from his path i think #also i debated sooo long about the phrasing ‘almost an equal’ because i think he does consider everyone as worthy of life & choice as him! #but ultimately he is making the decisions of a god whether or not he acknowledges himself as one #he is deciding for a whole world—so i think there’s some cognitive dissonance there #and i went with almost #i’m fr stalled out in the middle of bg3 like i miss solas i miss my work friends

[fear-no-mort]

im getting increasingly nervous for every episode that doesn’t have the gorilla appear because its presence in the season poster implies that it’s connected to another major thing happening

#just for the sake of not disappointing myself rn im under the belief that the rest of the season is just gonna be normal chill adventures #but at the same time i can’t deny my excitement about the finale. have you fucking SEEN its image in the title reveal video #thst literally can’t be nothing. WHY DO TBE THINGS IN THE PODS LOOK LIKE MORTYS. WHY IS THE DESCRIPTION THING WEIRDLY SIMILAR TO AN- #-EVIL MORTY QUOTE. But keeping my hopes down!!!! #rick and morty #odiespeak

[milimeters-morales]

i will be totally honest with y’all i can’t see Hobie (ATSV) in a romantic relationship ever. like, i can’t see him seeing anybody ever as “the one” or even having multiple partners or anything. I can barely see him having friends outside of the ones he already has. I can somewhat see the “are we dating or are we not dating” thing being something he gets involved in, but not really. i think a lot of people either don’t know or just forget that he’s probably homeless and that his world is shit rn and that stuff he needs isn’t easy to come by 😭😭 and a lot of homeless people just don’t have time/energy for shit like romantic relationships and the stuff he’s doing canonically because they’re so focused on trying to survive. That’s why when I make posts about him casually flirting or whatever it’s never serious, it never goes anywhere, because honestly! Between music shows, trying to find your next meal, fighting the power, trying to find a shelter for the night, helping other homeless people and others in need as both a civilian and Spider-Man, dealing with dimensional threats, trying to find a place to get clean, i just don’t think Hobie has time to even consider it. Sure, maybe there are facilities in the HQ to make it easier, but after that stunt, i think he’d avoid using them as much as possible. do you see what i mean??

#like i know he isn’t confirmed homeless in the movie. but like #like. i know. i also don’t like to think about homelessness and how terrifying it is esp for black guys #but you gotta realize he does not have all these damn hair products. he probably doesn’t smell good either #and he probably doesn’t have good breath most days or good teeth at all #and his clothes are probably dirty more often than not #and he will not be fun. people are not fun when their basic human rights are stripped away and they’re treated like garbage for a majority+ #of their life #like. i genuinely think people just don’t consider a lot of shit he doesn’t do or even get the chance to bc he’s homeless #and how you’re treated like a pest and as if you aren’t human and don’t deserve human decency/necessities #now don’t get me wrong. i love to imagine hobie having a reliable space at the commune! with karl and kamala and all them. but + #that doesn’t mean he has reliable food sources and it’s basically a middle class well stocked and cared for house #of course i can’t/won’t police you because i don’t give a shit about what others do regarding him but yknow. keep it in mind at least #don’t even get me started on the knowledge of fixing pipes and other broken shit. god i could go on forever lol #this post was about Hobie not dating anybody and it turned into this 10/10 to myself actually #hobie brown #spiderpunk #spider punk #m&m posts

[cadaverousdecay]

i’m so overwhelmed by things that shouldn’t be overwhelming...

#among them‚ i’ve fallen behind on drscula dauly for the first time this year and it’s stressing me out cuz i really really wanted to keep up #this year that was the one goal i had for the year is keep up with it. last year i fell way behind when my brother died and it was so hard #catching up and the entry on the 30th was a little longer than they’ve been recently and i’ve been busy and also slipping back into depressi #on real bad and i’m just not in the mood for it and i feel like it’s just gonna snowball #and this is such a non issue. it’s a book. that i’ve read before. but still it’s just stressing me out. among other things #like library books that are overdue and i haven’t finished or journal entries i want to write or a letter i’ve been wanting so badly to writ #e and a short story idea that i wanted to write down but is escaping me and fucking. tumblr notifications #these are non issues!!! but it feels like there’s a timer for the world to end again all the same. #ugh #and i should be able to focus on one thing and get it done! these things shouldn’t be hard! they’re even meant to be enjoyable! but i can’t #get myself to do anything lately #and on top of all that i’m not able to fall asleep even with my sleep meds. #what even ever‚‚‚ #anyway sorry for the rant i’m basically fine

[finniestoncrane]

said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol

#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY #£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH #Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided #remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite #remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me? #remember that? remember my trauma? remember? #because I DO!!! #I was not born to have friends I don’t think #I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people #I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself #this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol #like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to? #try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore? #please it is not great advice Ruth #THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’ #and she asked where the proof was #and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard #so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium #and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on #and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff #but it was just not the time lmao #finnie shouts into the void

[ivyppoison]

being self-conscious really fucks up your life

#txt. #i can’t stand looking at my face let alone my body #I never like taking group photos #i never like ppl taing photos of me #neither group photos #I don’t have any pictures on my posts on insta #and I never post a picture of myself on snap or instagram #whenever I do send a snap #it’s hardly ever of me #& when it is of me i despise it #i never like doing makeup on myself bc I feel like the ‘makeup on a pig’ idea #i just want to fucking kms #I can’t keep doing this to myself

[thefanciestborrower]

Sometimes being the resident pred just means you have to put up with your buddies using you as a tent every winter

Davey likes to complain about it, but truth be told he doesn’t mind all that much. At least it means he’s full right?

#news¡es again finally!! #I love them bois #listen Davey is a shifter and the street are cold #therefore friends are gonna want to nap inside him whenever they can #these are all period accurate clothes right down to the shoes and I’m so proof of myself #also you can’t see it but his feet are pressed against the door to keep other people from coming in lmao #gotta hide the fact you eat people best you can #very proud of the way Davey looks in this one tho he’s full and happy #I wanna do a follow up internal of his friends just chilling inside in those stupid old long underwears lmao #cause he made them take off their heavy winter gear since he didn’t wanna swallow that #soft vore #safe vore #g/t vore #news¡es vore #fandom vore #vore art #arts #them boysssssss

[willowcrowned]

i hate hate HATE when you have to trick and bribe yourself into writing. why is it hard to do a thing you like to do for fun

#right now I’m trying desperately to come up with a little treat to get myself to just open the doc for ten minutes #i know if i can work for ten minutes straight and get into the flow I’ll be golden #but I’ve been trying for HOURS and I! just! can’t! #anyways usually this is the point I would ask somebody to write with me or at least bother me every fifteen minutes to check that I’m writi #but everybody is busy and I don’t like to do ask games/keep me company while I writes so close together #writing

[taonpest]

Listen. I had plans for them. I worked my ass off to deliver literally the best drawing I ever made in my life but I fucked up so you’re only getting a silly doodle now

#blasphemous #my art #sketch #doodle #based on that one picture of Carla Bruni and Arno Klarsfeld at the fashion week you know the one I’m talking about #I have an entire stock of pictures like that that I have to redraw with them #am I going to have YET ANOTHER mental breakdown over my failure tonight? #most probably #you known the lineart is very good at least and I should be able to post it on tumblr #know* #but I am prevented from doing so because I know the whole piece is unfinished #I’ve been thinking about trying to finish it again lately but. like #it’s impossible #I had grand ambitions for this piece #I remade it from start more than 5 times #and right now it definitely is closer to perfection than my first attempt but I disappointed myself IMMENSELY. it’s too late now #I’ve been thinking of keeping the general idea and make something else with it but I just can’t. Everything related to this idea gets #blocked by my brain

[why-the-heck-not]

18.01.24, thursday

duolingo french streak 13

5h of researching & trying to figure out a thesis topic (I’m so bad at deciding this damn)

1.5h walk

#i’m stressed bc was supposed to email abt the topic today but did not bc i dont know lol #I’m all the time just putting myself to the AI corner and I keep fearing that the next 5 months I’ll be up to my ears with probability #and statistics bc like that’s going to be the case if I can’t get my brain to stop thinking like ’’the use of AI/ML in X’’ #but ​for some reason that’s the only thing it’s spewing rn #maybe bc that’s the only fucking thing u ever see these days #maybe I should just ’’if u can’t beat them; join them’’ with this #like I’m going to have to do something with AI sometime I’m sure so might as well like learn a bit more now #(I’m so bored with AI bc it’s goddamn everywhere and oh boy do have I knews for u (@me about my choice of study/career field)) #today’s productive(ish) things #january 2024 #2024

[shadow-says-hello]

Does anyone watch jake webber and johnnie guilbert? Idk I’ve always just liked watching them bc they’re funny and I don’t think there’s fanfic for them (I also don’t have wattpad) so I’m just gonna leave this here

#In other words I have caught feelings for Johnnie because I can’t keep myself from doing it #it just happens #johnnie guilbert #jake webber #jake and johnnie

[missjashin]

Reason why I think Eddie should be the big spoon:

I don’t want Steve to choke on Eddie’s hair during sleep

#also that boy needs to be held and Eddie has two arms #and honestly I would fight for that spot if I was Eddie #I mean have you seen Steve’s butt I’d do anything to press myself against that #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steve x eddie #my stupid posts ❤️ #It’s been months I just can’t keep all these to myself I gotta share and let it all out #don’t take this too seriously please I think they can both be whatever spoon they want💕