#I can’t connect anymore

[diari0deglierrori]

My Spotify doesn’t work anymore 😭

#I can’t connect anymore #I haven’t used it in a long time but I still loved my old playlists #rip you were everything to me

[alexiethymia]

I love “I heard your voice too”, but I also love the translation, “Thank you Meryl. It reached me. Your voice”.

It cements the parallel between them as foolhardy, reckless idiots who never give up, as well as makes a neat little call back to the first episode where Meryl ropes him in. Meryl’s voice reached him in time to save him, and Vash’s wire reached her in time to save her from Knives.

#trigun #trigun stampede #vashmeryl #tristamp #vash the stampede #meryl stryfe #it’s about how what vash longs for the most is human connection #but he doesn’t usually make himself available for it #as nai points out because of his guilt #but also because simply put most people don’t ever bother to try #but meryl tries so many times at the risk of her own life #despite vash’s power and self sacrificial tendency she sees him as someone who simply needs a helping hand #and as she’s said before #she doesn’t want to regret anymore and miss the opportunity to protect those dear to her #she’s human but she puts himself out there to help and protect vash #not because vash can’t protect himself but because he won’t #and that’s a theme that rings true for the both of them no matter the timeline manga ‘98 anime and tristamp #and I think that’s just neat #I really love subtle dynamics like that #ships

[a-friendly-dumpster-fire]

have a sloppy sketch because i cannot find words to explain the emotional role reversal between breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom. something about losing yourself in the pursuit of finding yourself. forgetting the more you try to remember, losing more in order to gain more, sacrificing the very thing you fought to protect and that thing being memory etc etc . you know

#totk has me in shambles #you’re telling me breath of the wild is about gaining memories and tears of the kingdom about losing them #breath of the wild is about lost connections and tears of the kingdom is about forging them #in breath of the wild zelda is the one who remembers and makes a big deal about remembering #and now when she is the one to forget link says nothing #he can’t #she forgot. she isn’t her anymore. why ask a beast if it remembers what the girl it consumed used to be. #i need to write something #loz totk #tears of the kingdom #totk fanart #totk light dragon #loz botw

[finniestoncrane]

said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol

#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY #£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH #Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided #remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite #remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me? #remember that? remember my trauma? remember? #because I DO!!! #I was not born to have friends I don’t think #I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people #I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself #this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol #like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to? #try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore? #please it is not great advice Ruth #THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’ #and she asked where the proof was #and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard #so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium #and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on #and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff #but it was just not the time lmao #finnie shouts into the void

[thewingedwolf]

luther: the golden child

diego: the mastermind

allison: the peace keeper

klaus: the clown / mascot

five: the rebel / truth teller

ben: the lost child

viktor: the scapegoat

is this something i think this is something

#the umbrella academy #rani makes text posts no one will read #hargreeves siblings #ben being the lost child is kind of forced bc he’s dead but i find it interesting even then #bc ben was unique in the family for already hating being a superhero and his powers due to the horror of them. and however it is he died #it had to be horrific bc viktor doesn’t write about it in his book bc five doesn’t know what happened. and before he died ben’s unique self #awareness seems to have meant they all loved him in a normal way only for his death to poison those bonds completely #so through no decision of his own this very sullen and cranky child has to become a self sacrificing wallflower bc the only way he gets to #even exist is if he takes care of klaus and tries to sober him up. his big moment is sacrificing himself for his siblings! they can’t ever #escape the abuse that reginald heaped onto them!! even in death they’re playing roles reginald forced them into #and sparrow ben is clearly so used to being the manipulator so he’s thrown when his family dies and sloane refuses to be manipulated anymore #and he winds up kind of lost child esque accidentally *anyway* - ignored and repressing his feelings and unable to connect emotionally #also before anyone says diego is too stupid to be the mastermind google ‘the mastermind dysfunctional family role’ it doesn’t require you to #not be a himbo only to be willing to be cruel & as they all say in s1 diego never knows when to stop #pogo is an adult enabler. grace has a weird function bc the umbrella kids love her and diego is convinced she killed reginald bc of abuse #five seems similarly attached to her (makes sense given delores) but the others see her more as an enabler which is INTERESTING #i’m gonna stop rambling now

[badolmen]

“The only time it’s okay to pirate is when something isn’t available to buy. Otherwise it’s wrong and bad.” Babe how are you going to watch something when it becomes unavailable if people weren’t pirating it before it became unavailable.

#ra speaks #personal #piracy #don’t get me wrong there’s nuances to piracy but like #but like. I’m sorry pirate archiving SHOULD happen when something is still legally available. #I just. I can’t see the logic in this. maybe it’s like ‘oh the people who OWN copies they PAID for should redistribute via piracy once it’s #unavailable’ but like. the point is a lot of media isn’t OWNED anymore. you pay to rent and view it nowadays. there’s no file or dvd. #just an internet connection to some streaming service’s server. and if they decide to pull the plug you aren’t getting that media back #no matter if you paid to ‘buy it’ #I am. so eepy. ‘‘twas a long cold day of comdef monitoring. goodnight.

[nicolibbyquotes]

“Other lives, other existences, it didn't matter. They were polarities, and wherever they went, his half would always find hers.”

- “The Atlas Complex” by Olivie Blake

#HIS HALF WOULD ALWAYS FIND HERS #SOULMATES AND TOGETHER IN EVERY LIFE #no doubt if he didn’t die they would have been together in this one too #THEY ARE INSANE #like insane insane #nicolibby really won in TAC #like every lifetime endgame??? #who else can say that??? #love my soulmates #one of their many bangers from this book #and seeing as it’s my birthday I needed to post one #hope all the antis were crying reading about how much they love each other #and how Nico defines love by his connection with Libby and how Libby loves Nico more than any of the other 6 could love each other #sorry the amount of shit I went through in this toxic fandom made me not even want to be part of it anymore #and I don’t even post anything about a different ship or characters I don’t like on any platform #yet people can’t just leave me alone for liking nicolibby so I’m being petty #nicolibby #libbynico #nicolibby quotes #libbynico quotes #nico x libby #libby x nico #libby rhodes #nico de varona #olivie blake #the atlas series #the atlas complex #tac #the atlas complex spoilers #tac spoilers

[snzluv3r]

gf officially went through being gaslit at the doctors with me 🎉🙈 held me while i cried afterwards so that was a nice little touch

#she thinks my surgeon is a bitch and has an ego #i cant say i disagree after today #she was more concerned about the state of my incision than anything #babe it’s been six months #it’s too late #i told you it was an issue two weeks after surgery when you could’ve helped me #and you told me it was normal #and now you’re concerned because it looks ridiculous #i’m so drained from dealing with doctors like this #it’s every single one these days #i really can’t do it anymore i’m just gonna let my body eat itself alive and i’ll see how long i last lmfao #only concerned because she sees the e scar as a direct reflection of her work #well maybe if you acknowledged me when i said i have a heritable connective tissue disorder that’s complicated surgical procedures #you should’ve at least written it down #delete later i’m just beyond defeated

[soullessjack]

every time u say jack should’ve always been a baby you owe the autistic community a quadrillion dollars and a life sentence to match how many years you just collectively reduced from us AND also I’m shooting fat little cherubs out of the sky with my sawed off again

#cal.txt #spn #jack kline #bitches will see a character that a marginalized group feels connected to and represented by and will say hey what if he never existed!! #like. hey maybe Don’t fucking do that. #I would ask if y’all can hear yourselves but I know that destiel echo chamber doesn’t let anything into it lmao #anyways time to get high I can’t stand it anymore #hell world or whatever

[palms-upturned]

.

#meg talks #feeling really down and frustrated #ever since i caught covid over the new year ive just been doing so badly #it’s now halfway through may and not only am i having all sorts of weird new pain problems #to the point where i dragged myself to the er yesterday bc my usual meds didn’t do shit for me and i spent seven hours writhing in pain #but also mentally im just. constantly tapped out #before covid i was able to keep up w news and work on research projects and write multiple image descriptions every day and read books #and keep up w friends all while working full time #like even if i was in bed p much whenever i wasn’t at work i could still read and write and carry conversations #now it’s like i can only handle all of these things in small doses before my brain just shuts off #im still keeping up w news and describing what i can and working on my research projects and trying to make connections #but i feel so slow abt everything i do #it’s driving me up the wall #ive been trying for days to get through this one academic paper that’s rlly not even that long #and i just can’t do it. not for long anyway i have to read in small bursts #and then having to take muscle relaxants for these fucking spasms that make me really drowsy and sleep the whole day away… #idk. it might not even be abt covid i might be reading too much into it but it’s just pissing me off. thinking abt how nobody masks anymore #and how every time there’s a covid outbreak i won’t be able to properly protect myself or my brothers from it #bc of this fuckass job #idk im just tired and upset

[self-spaghettification]

(while I’m at it)

tdp & lmk intro scene parallels

#the dragon prince #Lego monkie king #go watch these shows theyre so similar #self spaghettification #I can’t consume media without making connections to the dragon prince anymore I’m sorry #But not really sorry

[astrababyy]

i feel like people have vastly different views on azriel as a character. he’s either the quiet, thoughtful character or he’s the emotionally constipated incel with severe anger issues. like (obscure, i know) either a helia from winx or fucking kaleb from credence LMAO. does that make sense? i don’t know how to explain it. he’s either the quiet, supportive, functional member of society or he’s so emotionally constipated that be barely talks and expresses half his emotions through extreme bouts of anger. one is very likable but a little bland, but the other is very ew while also being genuinely interesting.

that being said, he’s probably somewhere in the middle. that, or sjm herself has no idea what he is.

#this post is NOT logical #but that’s all the opinions i have on azriel #he’s such an odd character imo tho #like i can’t place him at all #how can he be so angry all the time and never express it #while also seeming like such an emotionally connected person sometimes #it’s weird idk #i just don’t get him #acotar #azriel #anti azriel #ig this is anti but i don’t really mean it as an insult #i just don’t get his character AT ALL #reading credence right now and kaleb reminds me of what azriel is sometimes?? but not all the time #like idk anymore #astrababyy #what even is this post lmao #not me bringing up acotar winx club AND credence all in one post #like that’s an interesting combination indeed #also do NOT judge me for reading credence #it was popular and i was curious 😭

[zaddyazula]

YOU WHAT.

#WHAT THE FUCK I JUST FOUND THIS OUT FROM A TIKTOK COMMENT #DAVID WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE #HOW IS HE KASHIWAGI I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE #I DON’T PLAY WITH THE ENGLISH SO I ONLY JUST FOUND THIS OUT #THE MGS AND YAKUZA CONNECTIONS CONTINUE THIS CAN’T BE REAL #yakuza #rgg #kashiwagi osamu #osamu kashiwagi #like a dragon #lad8 #zad talks #david hayter

[skinreflectsthesun]

.

#my connection with my kid wasn’t something I was ever going to be prepared to understand #when people would say that I’ll love him so much I just nodded along because obviously #but it’s so much more than that #it’s not just a love #it’s an understanding of souls #I brought him into this world #we had a scary birth #but we did it together #every step of the way #and even now I take him with me everywhere #he is with me always #when I’m away from him I can’t wait to go back and get him #when he cries I can comfort him #I know this little person like he is me #and I hope that I will always know him #that he will let me know him for the rest of his life #because he is amazing and I hope he lets me be part of his life even when he doesn’t need me anymore

[dahldahlbills]

I really need to get serious about personal projects again

#I think I said something like this last year too lol #currently in a weird headspace about it #the biggest reason why I lost focus on them was bc I prioritized engaging in fandom #(something that I never really did when I was focused on publishing a few years back) #so part of me feels like in order to make considerable progress on projects again I need to cut myself off from fandom #and I kinda have been weening myself off a bit from animanga but not really for that reason #it was mostly bc I was getting overwhelmed by how much I was consuming and I wanted to appreciate things fully #I don’t think I’d cut myself off from fandom completely either I’d still try to keep up with stuff #but the idea of not engaging in fandom anymore kinda.. scares me? #idk I feel like a major loser admitting this lol #it just feels like I’d lose a lot of connections with people #and would lose a lot of the love I have for stories if I’m not actively interacting with them :( #and then there’s also that stupid feeling of being a ‘fake fan’ because I’m not dedicating every single second of free time to fandom #which is dumb bc like I have a life and need to make money yknow I got things to do #im just Stressed bc I’m at such a critical stage career wise and im getting closer to 26 so hhhhh healthcare coverage will be up in the air #so I really can’t afford to dawdle #there’s just so much I wanna do and while I’m not necessarily racing to get it done I still want to take advantage of the time I have #but it also sucks feeling like I’m giving up a part of myself to progress on another part of myself #I don’t think any of this makes sense sorry I just needed to dump my thoughts bc I am Terrified™️ #anyway personal projects! gotta get back to those ! #blahblahbills #delete later

[thesassywitchofthenortheast]

Personal af but, my blog my rules you know?

I had such a great break through/realization in therapy today. And it’s so weird cause with it comes this sense of peace and hope that finally parts of me are healing and I won’t be thinking the way I do now for the rest of my life but then at the same time figuring out a root and having that realization of where so much of my anxiety and fear is coming from is painful.

Because I know it wasn’t intentional, but it still happened and reconciling those two things is so fucking hard. I want to scream at them, and rage and cry and ask why even tho I know it will fall on deaf ears and then just hug them and continue living in ignorance or something so that things don’t change. It’s a weird combination of emotions right now.

(I’m being vague cause if yall do read this out of curiosity— cause that’s what I would do lol — im not entirely ready to be completely open about it yet in this type of public space not that anyone deserves or needs to know but still maybe someday not today)

But anyway I feel like I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s taken a year and a lot of years but I’m not as broken anymore and all those invisible cracks I didn’t know I had are finally healing. I still have a long way to go, but the road isn’t as daunting anymore and I feel more hopeful than anything else. Like I finally know and believe that eventually I’m gonna “normal” and that no matter the outcome (LC or NC) I’ll get through it and be okay. For real.

#personal af #I really need a journal #but also that can be found and read #this can’t #but also he can’t actually read said journal he doesn’t live here anymore #idk whatever #it’s here #here feels safer for the time being #cause while I love yall you’re still ‘strangers’ #and have no connection to my irl life #except for a few of you #and these are things I’d say to them anymore