#I am on many pain killers for my sinuses and now my hands but I can still draw. Just had to edit my bandages

[runefactorynonsense]

Cozytober - Day 17 - Forest

#Cozytober #Margot's RF Art #Rune Factory #RF #RF1 #A spooky forest filled with nasty wolves because honestly Silver Wolves are so big they HAVE to be terrifying?? #I almost did a spooky forest idea last year but I wound up making that drawing cute [w/Anette] #I could've done a colorful pretty autumn forest. No. Nighttime with howling wolves #The benefits of beginning as an animal artist meant this was SO easy to throw together and very refreshing #ALSO guess who tore skin off both their hands today?? /Raises hand. /it was me #I am on many pain killers for my sinuses and now my hands but I can still draw. Just had to edit my bandages #I hope this still looks good to my non-drugged mind tomorrow because this is my favorite of all the sketches #Rune Factory Lynette #RF Lynette #Rune Factory silver wolf #RF silver wolf #Rune Factory unico #RF Unico

[undermounts]

Bound―Chapter 6: Nightmares

Summary: The past does not want to stay in the past.

AO3 | Masterlist

Pairing: Gaius Augustine/Diana Leigh (BB MC)

Warnings: blood and graphic depictions of violence.

                                       Somewhere, sometime in Italy

The world is on fire.

Smoke fills his nostrils, burning his sinuses. Bodies litter the field he prowls upon, some burned, some bleeding, some mangled beyond recognition. Everywhere he turns, survivors are screaming in pain and anguish. They wouldn’t be for long.

Golden breastplates gleam in the moonlight, scattered amongst the dead. Their losses had been insignificant in comparison to the devastation they inflicted. This was the might of Octavian. The might of the Empire.

He wonders how many of his own kind had fought tonight. How many of his progeny fought within his century, within this legion, with not swords but fangs.

He hears someone moan, long and drawn, out to his left. He follows the sound of despair and finds a cavalryman―not one he recognizes―pinned beneath his horse, gasping for breath. He is badly burned, all the way from the fingertips of his right hand to the right side of his face.

The man turns his gaze upon him, eyes a muddy brown and hazy with pain. He stretches out a bloody hand, just barely grazing his ankle. “H-Help…”

The cavalryman will not survive. His injuries are too severe. He can feel the man’s life force slipping away, like water between cupped hands. When he looks inward, searching for some ounce of sympathy, he feels nothing. Only hatred and rage, distant on the horizon now that he is sated, but always there nevertheless. 

He cannot muster an ounce of compassion. They had fought on the same side, yes. But in the end, the man is just a man. Nothing more. Unlike him.

The only thing he can offer is a swift death.

He unsheathes his sword, holding the tip between the gaps of the cavalryman's armor.

“Please…”

He slides the blade home, its lethal edge gliding between ribs. The man splutters, blood gurgling from his lips, and he hears his heart stop.

He takes no joy in killing this man. He takes no joy in anything at all.

“Raghhhhh!”

He stands and turns, freeing his blade with a wet squelch. Another soldier runs towards him with a sword raised, this one dressed in ornate armor of ebony and gold. Not on the same side then.

He can sense the bloodlust in the air. The desperation. Such fire, he muses, for a human. But ultimately pointless.

He has not known joy in a long time. Not since he had been so deeply betrayed. Not since the one he loved most was erased from the earth. He does not know joy. But he will take pleasure in this. In killing this man.

He smiles, cold and hollow, like the glint of a knife in the dark.

When the man is close enough, he grabs his wrist, squeezing hard enough to fracture bone as he uses the soldier’s momentum to swing him around, shatter his arm, and drive his own sword up into his stomach, all the way up to the hilt.

It is too easy.

“Fucking… monster,” the man wheezes, coughing up blood. He feels flecks of it, warm and tacky on his cheek.

If the man wants a monster, he will show him a monster.

He smiles as his fangs descend, delighting in the fear that alights in the man’s wide eyes. “No―”

He sinks his teeth into the soldier’s neck and drinks deeply despite not needing to. In war, there is more than enough blood to go around.

When the man begins to scream, he simply tears out his throat.

A drum begins to pound in the distance and he turns in the direction from whence he came, letting the man’s lifeless body slump to the ground. It is time to go. His legion is moving on, onto the next battle.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and begins the trek back. Any survivors that are still on the killing field will be left behind, allies and enemies alike.

“I never should have forgotten who you are.”

He freezes. That voice… It is so familiar. It… does not belong here.

He turns, lips parting. “Kamilah.”

She looks just as she did the day he first met her in her war tent. Her long white dress falls to her feet where the hem is stained with blood, stark against the fabric. “You are a killer. You always have been. You always will be.”

No, this was not the way he remembers it. This is not the way it went―

“How?” he rasps, shaking his head. “I―we haven’t met yet.”

“If only that were the case,” Kamilah replies coldly, eyes glinting with cold fire. “I wish I had never met you.”

“I know,” he whispers, trembling despite himself. “I’m sorry.”

“You are a monster, Gaius.”

Yes. Gaius. That is him. He has not heard that name… in years. Gaius.

“I know.” His voice breaks.

“The Undying Centurion…” Kamilah says to herself, her tone thoughtful but her face a mask of stone. She glances down, weighing one of her ornate daggers in her hand. It gleams like quicksilver in the moonlight. When she meets his gaze again, her eyes are full of hatred. And resolve. “I wish you had killed me. I should have let you kill me.”

Gaius realizes what she is about to do a moment too late. He lunges, a cry on his lips as Kamilah plunges her own dagger into her stomach, burying it up to the hilt. Her eyes widen and she stumbles back, collapsing to her knees.

“No!” Gaius falls to the ground with her, hands shaking as he brushes her long, dark hair away. His fingers flutter over the hilt of her dagger, unable to stop the blood that keeps seeping out, staining the front of her dress crimson. This cannot be happening. This isn’t real, it cannot be. “My Queen, I…”

A tear slides down his cheek, crystalline as it falls and lands on her smooth chest. He watches in horror as it mixes with her blood and her body begins to feel heavy in his arms.

“How could you?”

When Gaius looks up, it is not Kamilah who watches him with wide eyes, but Rheya.

He startles, about to scramble away when her hand closes around his wrist like a vice. She pulls him in, pressing his palm against her stuttering chest. Her blood stains their hands together. Gaius fights down the bile that rises in his throat, repulsed by the woman in his arms. She had warped him, lied to him, used him―

“You betrayed me,” Rheya hisses, face contorting into an ugly mask of fury.

“Yes.” Gaius snarls, reaching for his own dagger at his belt. “You lived too long Rheya. Caused too much pain.”

“And you haven’t?” she spits and he winces.

He lifts his hand, the dagger poised above her heart. He will finish this. For good.

Gaius feels her gaze on him, burning. Despite everything, he has to close his eyes. He takes a deep breath―

“Gaius?”

His eyes flutter open and he drops the blade in the grass. Something inside him fractures. “Diana.”

The Bloodkeeper gazes up at him, skin deathly pale and bleeding from the same wound. He feels her pain as if it was his own. Another effect of their bond, he knows. But it is fraying. Whatever links their minds together, it is starting to break. He can feel it tear him apart, mind and soul.

“No,” he whispers. He hefts her body closer to him, shaking his head. “Not you too.”

“Why?” Diana croaks and he feels her fingertips brush over the back of his hand. When he looks down, he finds his hand, wrapped around the dagger embedded in her gut.

“No.” He jerks his hand back, flinching. Her blood is on his hands. “Diana, I didn’t…”

She grabs his hand, although her touch is soft. Not just because her strength is waning, but because she means to be gentle. It hurts to meet her gaze, but Gaius forces himself to as she places his palm against her cheek. It is so cold. Gently, he takes her other hand, the one she holds over her stomach, and holds it against his cheek. Her blood is warm against his skin.

“I don’t know how…” He tries and fails to speak. The bond is growing taut, ready to snap. He tries to cling to it, to keep her here, but he doesn’t know how. 

“I’ve died before, Gaius,” she whispers, thumb brushing over his skin. “I’m not afraid to do it again. Not anymore.”

Gaius swallows, hand slipping from her face. His fingers curl around the hilt of his dagger, lifting it from the grass. “Neither am I. Will you help me?”

He holds the knife, poised over his own chest, full of resolve. Diana’s hand slips from his cheek, leaving a bloody handprint behind, and covers his over the hilt. She nods.

“Of course.”

Rome, Italy, 2042

Diana jolted awake, breathing hard. Her hand fluttered over her stomach, then her chest. Her heart pounded beneath her palm. She glanced around. She was still on the couch in the living room, a blanket tucked around her. There was no light behind the curtains, so night must have fallen.

What was that? It was like… a memory. Or at least part of it was. A dream then. But not her’s. She’d seen herself. Had been someone else.

“Gaius,” she whispered, lunging to her feet. Diana stumbled across the suite, tripping over her own feet in her haste as she rushed to his room. She yanked the door open, finding him tangled in his sheets.

“I’m sorry,” he was muttering over and over, near frantic. Diana could feel his panic, his anguish through the bond. He was having a nightmare.

Hesitantly, Diana crossed to the side of his bed. Gaius was turned away from her, the muscles in his back and shoulders tense. Gently, Diana laid her hand against his arm. “Gaius.”

He flinched away from her, jolting awake. “No, I―” Gaius froze, looking around him, eyes hazy. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut for a second and shaking his head. He took a deep breath, calming his heartbeat. Then he opened his eyes. “Diana…”

“Are you okay?” she asked softly, letting her hand fall back to her side. She had never seen him so rattled before.

“Yes. I…” he trailed off, noticing her own troubled expression. “Are you okay?”

Diana glanced away, suddenly feeling like an intruder, both in his room and his mind. “I saw your dream.”

“Oh.”

Diana couldn’t bring herself to look at him. Dreams were an incredibly private thing, and it appeared as if she had just sat in on one of the worst ones of his.

“...I’m sorry about that.” 

Diana raised her brows, incredulous. “You’re sorry? How could any of that have been your fault? You didn’t want me to see that.”

“No, I didn’t,” he agreed, running his hands through his hair. He glared at his sheets for a moment, then sighed, frustration ebbing away. “But I must have projected it to you somehow. Down the…” Gaius frowned.

“Down the bond,” Diana finished and he nodded. Diana bit her lip, glancing between the door and Gaius. Then she stepped forward, glancing down at the edge of the bed.

As if sensing her question, Gaius shifted over on the bed, making space for her to sit. Odd, Diana noted, how they could read each other so well without even speaking. Although she supposed they had even odder methods of communication to wonder about.

Diana sat beside him with her back against the headboard, knees tucked to her chest as if she could make herself as small and unobtrusive as possible. “What is this? Why are we connected?” She glanced over at him. “Have you ever heard of something like this?”

Gaius opened his mouth and closed it as if in hesitation. He dragged himself up against the headboard as well, keeping a respectful distance between them. “Yes, actually. Only a few times before. From my knowledge, it’s incredibly rare.”

Of course, Diana thought bitterly. As if being the first Bloodkeeper vampire and having the powers of the First weren’t enough rare things on her plate.

Gaius’s lip quirked.

“What is it?” Diana asked, gesturing between them. “Why did it form?”

“I don’t know the true nature of it,” he admitted, looking troubled. “I’ve never actually met any two vampires with this sort of bond. Or even if I had, I imagine they wouldn’t have told me about it.”

“Why?”

“It’s a very… vulnerable thing to have, from what I understand,” Gaius said, looking more and more disturbed as he went on. “It’s a very deep connection. Severing it would be―”

“Nearly unbearable?” Diana guessed, remembering the way it had felt to be Gaius in his dream, to see herself bleeding out in his arms.

“Yes,” he murmured, wincing as if it pained him to know that she had seen that.

“Is it just our minds that are connected?” she questioned, wondering if it would just be nearly unbearable to live if the other died, or impossible.

“For our sakes, I hope so.”

Diana sighed. Wonderful.

“...Why did it form between us?”

Gaius shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “I don’t know that either. I’ve heard many stories. Some say that vampires can become connected through some sort of trauma.”

“Like killing each other?” Diana supplied and Gaius huffed a laugh.

“I would certainly consider that to be traumatic enough.” Gaius looked down at his hands. They clenched, gripping the sheets tightly in his fists. “Some people say… it’s fate.”

Diana let out a long, slow breath. “Fate.”

“Mm.”

“And what makes two people… fit? Why does fate connect them?” Diana grimaced. This was perhaps one of the weirdest conversations she’d ever had. Right next to being told that she was the Bloodkeeper. In both situations, she was faced with some truth about herself that changed the foundation beneath her feet.

Gaius’s eyes flicked towards her. “They’re equals. Perfect complements to each other.”

Diana stiffened. Her and Gaius. Equals. And she had a feeling he wasn’t talking about in power. And perfect complements? She didn’t want to think about that. “And what typically… becomes of these bonded vampires? What does any of this mean?”

Gaius looked away, staring at the opposite wall. “I don’t know, Diana. None of this is for certain.”

Diana sensed he was telling the truth, although she couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t telling her all of it. Or at least all that he suspected. But she didn’t push for more information. She wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted to learn more.

They sat in silence for a while, processing this new information. Diana wondered, not for the first time, why everything between them had to be so complicated.

Diana’s thoughts drifted back to his dream, the reason she had woken up and come here tonight. “Gaius?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have those...nightmares often?”

Gaius frowned. It seemed he was always frowning. “That particular one was new. I think perhaps being in Rome again for so long is starting to get to me. But yes. These nightmares…”

He didn’t have to finish. Diana knew what he was going to say. They were common.

“What are they usually about?” Diana knew she was prodding but… She couldn’t imagine seeing something like what she saw tonight on a regular basis. How could he manage something like that?

To her surprise, Gaius answered without brushing her off. “Mostly memories. Or versions of them. You asked me once if I could feel the weight of what I’ve done. Well, the answer is yes. Almost every night since you removed Rheya’s influence, I see it. I see the lives I ended, I feel the terror they felt. I remember how I felt then, how much I enjoyed it. And that’s the worse part. But no matter what I do, the dreams don’t stop.”

Diana pursed her lips. She didn’t want to feel sympathy for him. But to see memories like that, nearly every day for over two decades… Hadn’t she told him that perhaps he had suffered enough? It was one thing to atone, another to be constantly punished.

“I think I know a way to make them stop,” she said after a few moments. She felt Gaius’s gaze on her, eyes intent. “But it won’t be easy. It will take a lot of courage on your part.”

Gaius narrowed his eyes. “What is it?”

Diana looked over at him. “It might help you if you confront these memories. Face them head-on.”

Gaius scoffed. “And how do I do that? I already see them all the time.”

“I can help you. Think of it as… dream therapy,” Diana shrugged. “I could help you see them, just like I would if you wanted to show me your memories of those parties. You’d have to see those memories, make peace with them, and hopefully, they’ll stop surfacing in your dreams.”

Gaius stared at her, thinking it over. His brows furrowed, a crease forming between them. “And you… you would see them too?”

Diana smiled sadly and nodded. “I would. It can’t be helped. If I were to induce a memory and leave you there unmonitored, you could get stuck.”

“That’s comforting,” he grumbled, eyes going to his hands once again. He took a deep breath, steeling himself. “And you would be okay with that. Seeing those memories.”

“Yes,” she replied without a second thought, even though her stomach roiled. “It’ll help get some peace of mind in the long run. For both of us,” she added. “Seeing as we’re bonded and all.”

Gaius nodded slowly. “But if it’s too much for you―”

“I’ll pull us out.”

“Okay. If you think this will help, then alright. We’ll do this.”

Diana nodded in confirmation, taking this as her cue to leave. But as she began to clamber off of his bed, she couldn’t help but how troubled he seemed, how averse to any mind tricks he was.

 She paused, settling back down, her legs folded beneath her. “Would you… like to see how it’s done? With my memories?”

Gaius’s eyes widened and he quickly shook his head. “No. I wouldn’t ask that of you.”

“You aren’t asking,” Diana said, resting her hands on her knees, palms up. “I’m offering. I don’t mind. This way, you know what it will be like and there are no surprises when we go into your memories.”

“What are you going to show me?” he questioned, gaze skeptical, as if expecting some sort of trap.

“I haven’t decided yet,” she shrugged, sweeping her hair back over her shoulder. “Nothing too serious. And nothing about you, either. I promise.”

Gaius stared at her, intently searching her eyes. For what, she didn’t know. Confirmation, perhaps. Or maybe even deception. Either way, whatever he saw, he must have decided it was enough. He nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll follow your lead.”

“Okay,” Diana agreed, taking a moment to sort through her memories for something mild. Something happy. She figured that they could both use something good right about now. “Okay,” she repeated, holding out both of her hands, one in the air between them and one hovering by his temple. “Give me your hand. It’s easier if we establish contact. It will be less jarring for both of us.”

Gaius wordlessly placed his hand in hers, fitting their palms together, fingers brushing over each other’s wrists. Diana could feel his pulse beneath her fingertips, fluttering like a rabbit’s heart. Then, slowly so as not to startle him as she so often did, he touched the fingers of her other hand to his temple.

“Close your eyes,” she instructed him as she did the same. Diana focused, locating Gaius’s presence in the dark, and wrapped herself around him, pulling him with her as she drew them both into her mind palace.

Across from her, Gaius gasped softly. “Incredible…”

It was. Nebula of electric blue woven with gleaming silver strands whirled around them, contracting and dispersing like mist, only to reform with other clusters of matter.

“I spend a lot of time here,” Diana admitted, glancing over at Gaius’s manifestation beside her. “It’s where I go when I need to think. Meditating actually strengthens it. A healthy mind makes for a more responsive mind palace.”

“What do you mean ‘more responsive’?” Gaius asked, still staring at their surroundings in wonder. Diana took a moment to simply watch him. The way he was looking around, at this most sacred place of hers, with naked admiration and awe… it made something in her chest feel warm.

Diana tore her eyes away from him, focusing instead on one of the nearby clouds of mind matter. She concentrated, willing it to bend to her will, to make what she desired a reality. The ability to manifest here came easily now, after years of practice. When she opened her eyes again, a small silver charm bracelet floated before her. Diana plucked it out of the air and smiled down at the familiar bracelet, turning over the sparkling charms. A dolphin, an otter, a jellyfish, and a seahorse. She turned, lifting Gaius’s arm by his sleeve, and set the charm bracelet in his hand.

Gaius blinked in amazement, torn between looking at the bracelet she conjured from psychic matter and his own hands, as if noticing them for the first time. “Is this—are we real?”

“Yes and no,” Diana replied, calling on the memory she planned to explore. God, she was starting to sound like Kano. Vague and confusing. 

“These bodies aren’t real. But we can still feel things, like pain,” she explained, remembering the first time she had entered a mind palace and fought a werewolf, a minotaur, and two Ferals and felt first hand what it was like to take damage. Diana pinched the back of Gaius’s arm and scowled, batting her hand away. “I haven’t tested it, but I think if we were to die in here―”

“We would die out there,” Gaius finished, grimacing, the charm bracelet still clenched in his fist.

“Exactly. My mind isn’t a dangerous place, but…” Diana shrugged. “Try not to get killed, I guess?”

“Reassuring, Diana. Truly.”

She smiled, and beckoned him forward, just as she pinched the air with her fingers and pulled on an invisible thread. Before Gaius could ask any questions, a portal appeared before them, wisps of silver light whisking off  its edges.

Gaius glanced between the portal and Diana, a single brow raised. “Am I supposed to be able to do that?”

“No. Your memories seem to be surfacing on their own, so they won’t be hard to find. This one’s old, so I had to actively search for it,” Diana placed one foot in the portal, half in the memory and half in her mind palace. She held her hand out. “Come on.”

Gaius looked at her hand, then deliberately stepped around it, following her through the portal. Diana rolled her eyes and closed the portal behind them.

Diana is six years old.

She hangs on to her father’s hand, swinging his arm as they wander through the aquarium enveloped in rippling blue light. She skips up to a large exhibit, pressing her nose up to the glass, enraptured by the giant Manta rays and schools of glittering fish within.

“Diana, what did we say about putting your face on the glass?” her father says gently, herding her back from the display. She clings to his arm, pointing as a sea turtle glides by, casting a shadow on her small frame.

“But I can see the fishes better!” She clings to his arm, pointing as a sea turtle glides by, casting a shadow on her small frame.

“Oh, you can see the fishes better, huh?” Before Diana can respond, he scoops her up, one arm around her legs, the other around her shoulders as he dips her, holding her upside down. “How about now?”

Peals of laughter fill the air as Diana squeals in delight, squirming in her father’s arms. “No! Everything’s upside down!”

Her father chuckles, swinging her right-side up again before kneeling down. “Come on, bubbles. I’ll show you a better view.”

Grinning, Diana clambers onto her father’s shoulders, squeezing his hands tightly as he stands, walking up to the exhibit so she can see better. “Look at those, Dad!”

Diana continues to point out all sorts of fish, recalling all of the facts she had learned about in her small collection of books about the ocean. In her excitement, she grips her father’s hair, directing his line of sight for him. Her father winces, but lets her do it anyway, his large hand covering hers.

“That is you, isn’t it?” Gaius asked softly beside her. “The little girl.”

Diana nodded, coming back to herself. She’d almost forgotten she was here with Gaius, too wrapped up in the memory to pay him any attention.

“Yeah,” she whispered, overwhelmed with nostalgia and longing. “That’s me and my dad. We went to the aquarium for my sixth birthday. I… didn’t have a lot of friends then.”

“This is a happy memory, then?” Gaius questioned.

“Yeah,” Diana answered breathily, confused by his question. Didn’t it look happy? “One of my happiest.”

“Then… why are you crying?”

Diana startled, brushing her fingers across her cheeks. They were wet. She hadn’t even realized she’d been crying.

“Diana?” Gaius’s voice was soft, gentle, as if he were speaking to a cornered animal.

“I’m okay,” she reassured him, watching as her father began to jog alongside the aquarium tank with her younger self on his shoulders, chasing a giant ray, both of them laughing in glee. “I just haven’t seen him in while. That’s all.”

She could feel Gaius’s eyes on her, but he didn’t say anything more.

“Come on,” Diana nudged his shoulder with her own. “There’s more to see.”

They walked deeper into the aquarium, following Diana’s younger self and her father as they wandered through the winding halls of the Open Ocean exhibit.

“Let’s go find Mom, Di,” Diana’s father says, once again setting her on the ground.

“No! There’s still more fish to see in this area!” she protests, tugging on his fingers. “I haven’t even shown you the bluefin tuna!”

“The bluefin tuna, huh?” Her father grins, ruffling her hair. “Hey, speaking of tuna, what do you think about getting sushi tonight? If we tell the restaurant it’s your birthday, they’ll give you free mochi!!”

“DAD!” Diana gasps, clearly scandalized. “You can’t say that in here!”

“I’m just kidding, bubbles,” he chuckles, ducking to flick her chin with his finger. “The bluefin tuna will still be there after we find your mom. Besides, don’t you want to see what she got you from the gift shop?”

Diana’s mouth forms a perfect “O” and her eyes go wide. “Mom went to the gift shop?”

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it? You know your mom can’t go anywhere without finding something for you.” Her father barely finishes his sentence before Diana tightens her hold on him, heaving with all of her strength to pull him in the direction of the gift shop. He laughs, holding his ground for a few moments, before giving in, letting her guide the way.

“You were a handful, even then,” Gaius observed and Diana spared him a quick smile.

“Growing up as an only child, I was used to having all of the attention,” she chuckled, glancing over at him. He looked… softer in this light, awash in shades of blue. Peaceful even. No frowns and harsh edges.

“You turned out alright, I suppose,” Gaius teased and Diana rolled her eyes, although the smile still lingered on her lips.

“Yeah. I suppose I did.”

“Mom!” Diana yells, releasing her father’s hand and taking off at full speed across the aquarium’s atrium to where she spots her mother, emerging from the gift shop.

“Woah, there, slow down, Diana!” her mother laughs, squatting so her daughter can run into her arms. “You’ll wake the sleeping sharks.”

“Oh, right,” Diana nods, lowering her voice to a whisper. “So.”

“So?” Her mother grins, raising an eyebrow.

“Dad said,” Diana leans in, speaking into her mother’s ear. “Dad said you got me something from the gift store.”

“Did he now?” Her mother says, smoothing back Diana’s hair, shooting her husband a look of mock disapproval. “Well, your father never quite learned to keep a secret.”

“It slipped out. It was the only way to convince her you were more important than a tuna fish,” her father shrugs at the same time Diana says, “So you did get something?”

“Of course I did,” her mother smiles, pulling out a small box wrapped with ribbon from her pocket. “For you. Happy birthday, my love.”

Diana tears the ribbon off with a fervor that makes both of her parents laugh. When Diana takes off the lid of the box, she gasps. “Oh, Mom. It’s so pretty!”

She pulls out a silver charm bracelet, decorated with sparkling charms. A dolphin, an otter, a jellyfish, and a seahorse.

Diana glanced over at Gaius. He was staring at the memory with an odd expression on his face, the same charm bracelet clutched tightly in his hand, just by his chest, as if he had been inspecting it moments before. Diana gently unfurled his fingers, capturing his attention as she pulled the bracelet from his hand and gently released it into the air. They watched as it hung there, suspended for a moment in the watery light, then dispersed into flecks of silver and blue.

“Ready to go?” Diana asked, holding out her hand, palm facing upwards.

Gaius hesitated, glancing back once at the family huddled by the gift shop entrance. Then he nodded and lay his hand over hers.

                                      Diana opened her eyes.

They were back in the hotel room. Gaius gasped beside her as he came back to himself, hands reaching out to steady himself. He gripped the bed sheets, looking around, blinking rapidly. Diana withdrew her hands and set them calmly in her lap.

When Gaius settled, he released the sheets and stared at the hand that had been holding the bracelet in wonder. Then his eyes traveled to meet Diana’s, still slightly awed. Without warning, he leaned forward, fingers outstretched.

Diana went still, breath caught in her throat as his fingertips brushed across her cheek. When he withdrew, she saw that they were wet.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, neither knowing what to say and neither wanting to say anything at all. The silence that had lapsed was comfortable. Diana knew that when it broke, this moment of peacefulness between them would be over.

But nevertheless, as all fragile things must do, it broke.

“Thank you,” Gaius said at last, a sort of warmth in his gaze that Diana didn’t know how to interpret. “For showing me that.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, swallowing. It was time for her to go. There was nothing left for her to do. That was enough memory explanation for tonight. And if she was being honest, in light of recent revelations, acknowledgment of this bond between them, she was a little afraid to see what would happen if she stayed. “So, now you know what it will be like.”

She slid off the bed, feeling his gaze on her as she went. Even as she began to pace away, she got this aching feeling in her bones, as if even they wanted her to stay.

Diana was nearly to the door when she remembered. “I almost forgot to mention that we should probably leave Rome.”

“Why?” Gaius tilted his head, the movement purely feline. “Did you get a new lead?”

“No, nothing like that,” Diana amended. “If we’re going to do this memory stuff, it might also help if we go somewhere you don’t have a lot of attachment to. If your memories are stronger in places that meant something to you in the past, it can be overwhelming. We want to make sure that when we aren’t going through your memories, they stay out of the way.”

“That makes sense,” Gaius supposed, nodding slowly. He studied her, lip quirked. “Why do I get the feeling you’re hoping we get to go somewhere nice so you can travel?”

Diana couldn’t stop the soft laugh that bubbled up as she leaned against the door frame. “You’re absolutely right, but that doesn’t make my logic any less true. Plus, after all of this, I could use a place to relax until I get any more ideas about the other artifacts I saw.”

“In that case,” Gaius said, sliding back into his usual cool demeanor as he lounged back on the bed. “Why don’t you just tell me where you want to go, and I’ll tell you if I’ve been there.”

As he stretched out, Diana realized for the first time, that he was shirtless. She stiffened, fighting down the blush that crept up her neck and decided to focus on his face. Diana swallowed the lump in her throat.

“How about Norway?”

                                     Tagging:  @bigmemesplz, @somin-yin, @bachelorettebound14, @mkamra2355 , @mindlesschicca, @xbobbatea, @mikewawazoski, @vesselsynths, @dorkylittleweirdo

#gaius augustine #gaius x mc #my writing #bloodbound #choices #kamilah sayeed #adrian raines #lily spencer #jax matsuo #rheya apostolous

[serensama]

To Mourn #3

Here’s Jaehee all angst-ed up and ready to go!  This includes:  1) Some profanity  2) Angst. Tragedy. Major Character death. 

The spin of the earth impaled a silhouette of the sun in the steeple, And I gotta hear the same sermon all the time now- from you people. Why are you staring into outer space crying? Just because you came across it and lost it- … Everything reminds me of her.

“Everything reminds me of her”- Elliot Smith.

  “Jaehee! Jaehee! Are you there?” “… Y-yes.” “Listen, are you listening to me?”

“Yes.” “Maybe… Maybe she’s okay? Maybe she didn’t-” “Don’t say it.” “She’s probably-” “No.” “Jaehee. Have some faith.” “… What has that ever gotten me?” “Jaehee.” “I… I have to go.”

  She felt like death warmed up and barely at that. This damn flu had struck her down and she could barely lift her head let alone get up but she had to, this was the trade from high powered corporate life to humble coffee shop owner. There was no choice, if she wanted her business to succeed she needed to get up and make sacrifices- even if that meant ignoring her health. Jaehee snorted to herself, there wasn’t much difference after all, she had often come in to work for Jumin when she shouldn’t have but the key difference was that she wanted to get up and go to her shop. Even if she was sick, there was still great joy in doing something she loved. Even half dead. Coffee, coffee will be my salvation. Coffee is the answer.

Wincing as she pushed herself up, her entire body arguing against every movement she forced it to make, Jaehee paused to steady her breath only to lose it amidst her raking coughs, each rattling her chest more than the last. Her head spun as she fell back to her side, her breaths ending with a noticeable wheeze. Looking up at her side table, she picked up her phone and set her alarm for another 15 minutes of rest. She’d get up then, she’d be fine after a long shower. A nap was all she needed.

Moments later a soft caress brushed against her face and then another and another until a hum of laughter rang in her ears. Jaehee couldn’t fight the smile that found its way on her face, the familiar tickle of hair against her skin making her giggle as the owner of said hair placed a firm, smacking kiss upon her cheek. Finding a renewed sense of vigour, Jaehee threaded her fingers in her lover’s silken strands and cupped the back of her head so that she couldn’t step back, giving her a chance to nuzzle into her affectionately. There was nothing she loved more than being in bed with her girlfriend and lazing about at their own pace and just enjoying the comfort of each other’s touch and the joy of hearing their peals of laughter ring around their apartment. It was what she loved most about the weekends- Wait. It wasn’t the weekend. She had set the alarm- shit- what time-

“Shhh, shhh it’s okay honey,” MC soothed as she pushed Jaehee gently back onto the bed, the calm they had shared disappearing in seconds. “Lie back down and rest.” Jaehee scoffed as she tried to roll off the bed only to be trapped by MC on all fours, her arms and legs caging her so she couldn’t move. 

“Would you just listen to me for once and just rest?” she chided as she leant down to place an innocent peck on the tip of her nose.  Jaehee could barely open her eyes as it was but the moment MC started to run her fingers through her hair she felt all rebellion seep out of her, completely under the control of the woman above her. “That’s my girl, you stay in bed-” “But the shop-” she meekly replied, her fingers tangling themselves in the dress MC wore, the fine fabric almost as smooth as her partner’s skin. 

“I will open.”

“But it’s not your turn-”

“So?” “But you’re sick too!” she countered, pushing herself to lie on her bent elbows, MC’s nose centimetres away from her own. MC grinned, her eyes crinkling shut as she affectionately bopped Jaehee on the nose.  “Ahh but I can get out of bed! Unlike some people isn’t that right Jaehee?” she said looking down at her with a smug expression on her face. Jaehee rolled her eyes and dropped back down onto the plush pillows, biting her tongue so she didn’t say some smart-ass comment which would only add to the ribbing she was getting. “Besides, I may not be able to smell a damn thing but I’m pretty sure I can still make coffee… or at the very least take the orders!”

Jaehee smiled up at her, her amazing, supportive and kind girlfriend- she didn’t know what she did in another life to have deserved her, but she would thank alter-Jaehee every day for the rest of her life for letting her meet such a wonderful woman. 

“Now sleep you. When I get home, I expect a nice long foot rub from you,” she giggled as she went in to press a quick kiss to her dry and chapped lips. “You get better you hear? Your girlfriend will want cuddles and lots of them when she gets home!” “Well then you better leave quickly before she gets back!” Jaehee teased as she craned her neck to steal another kiss from her. MC’s eyes widened as she looked around conspiratorially, looking around her as if she were trying to look out for this imaginary girlfriend. “Shit! I think I hear her coming! Quick! Let me in!” she squealed as she rummaged through the bedsheets until she found Jaehee’s pyjama clad body and cuddled right up to her, resting her head upon her chest and just listened. Jaehee laughed until her sides hurt, her silly, wicked MC- even when she was feeling like hell she managed to find a little heaven to share with her. Placing her hand on the crown of her quilt covered head, she lovingly patted at her, just relishing the closeness MC demanded from her. It took so long to get used to physical affection at first, but she found soon after their relationship had blossomed, that she was the one who would seek it out and MC would never turn her away. It didn’t matter if she was cleaning the house, serving at the coffee shop or in the middle of the RFA party- she would caress her hand, link arms with her, peck her on the cheek or her favourite- hold her so tightly she didn’t know where she ended and MC began. She hadn’t felt so safe, or wanted, since her parents were alive. MC was everything to her, lover, friend and family; she could only hope that she knew that.

Drawing back the blankets to reveal MC’s dishevelled hair and bright grin, Jaehee couldn’t help but feel just that little bit better. MC ran a hand through her hair in a vain attempt to smooth the mussed-up locks before climbing up to take one final kiss from her. She jumped up and rearranged her clothes and then tucked in her bedridden lover, wiping away the hair from her face so she could look into her amber eyes. “You stay in there and rest up honey, I will be back before you know it. Did you want me to get dinner on the way home?” she said as she wrapped a large scarf around her. Jaehee nodded, hunkering down beneath the bed sheets. “What did you want?” “Hmmm something soupy and dumpling-y,” she muttered in between her yawns. “You got it!” she chirped as she bounded towards the front door. “Oh MC-” “Yes yes, I’ll ring you when I get there, Jaehee!” “Thank you!” “Worry Wart!” “I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

Jaehee chuckled, covering her mouth as more coughs fell from her mouth. MC was right, she needed her rest. Turning over so she lay upon MC’s pillows, the last of her lingering warmth still embedded in the covers, Jaehee hummed contentedly with the scent of her lulling her into a sweet and dreamless sleep.

  MC pulled behind their quaint little shop and shivered, the chill from the air outside of her car already starting to find its way inside. Tightening her coat around her, she leant over to grab her phone from her purse and dialled the most called number on her phone, only for it to ring out and the sweet dulcet tones of her girlfriend began to play telling her to leave a message. MC laughed at herself as she waited for the beep before clearing her throat. “Well I sure am glad you’ve finally listened to me and are probably fast asleep- hence why you haven’t answered me- but I just wanted to let you know that I am here, safe and sound and ready to start the day! I’ll call you on my break honey and I will see you with the most soupy, dumpling-y thing I can find when I get home! Remember! Foot rub! Okay- okay, I’ll leave you be. I love you Jae-Jae, take care of yourself for me okay? Promise! Haha- okay I’ll stop being a loser and go now. Love you!”

Unlocking the door, she shook from the cold again and was about to switch on the heater when she remembered all the work she was about to do; in no time at all she would be wiping the sweat from her brow as she hustled around the shop, baking the cookies and muffins and a last-minute tidy of the counters. Peeling off her coat and bag and plopping them haphazardly on her shared desk with Jaehee, she quickly set to work washing her hands to get everything she needed to start the day. MC pulled out their pre-made chilled cookies to thaw out as she got everything set up in the cake display, spinning the cakes to look the most presentable for the customers.

As she stood up from her bent position, the world spun on its axis, forcing the her to hold onto the glass case to right herself. She felt a sharp pang of pain right between her brows and her sinuses hurt like hell- perhaps she was sicker than she thought she was. Or, moreover, she probably shouldn’t have kissed Jaehee so many times before she left… but the dizziness and headache was worth it. She would never pass up an opportunity to kiss that woman, illness or not. Groaning, MC took a moment to collect herself and breathe in as deeply as she could, her headache only seeming to get worse- resigning herself to getting through that day she took some pain killers and hoped for the best. One of the assistant managers could open tomorrow- she was going to spend all day with her girl in their bed, coughing over each other in a muddle of limbs and a pile of tissues surrounding them. MC pulled a face at the gross but ridiculously domestic situation that played out in her head and smiled; she had never thought it was possible to fall in love so deeply, but there she was absolutely smitten but the most kind and gorgeous woman she had ever met. The chime of the clock on the wall broke her from her love filled daydream and reminded her that she only had over an hour before she needed to open the doors for their barista. Grumbling to herself she washed her hands again, she ignored the tightness she felt in her chest and how full her head felt, limbs heavier than lead. Maybe she’d go home early, whatever it was she had, it was catching up to her and quickly. She had barely been in the shop for five minutes and she already felt like she was going to pass out.

Forcing herself to focus through the pain and lethargy, MC brought to mind the memory of the mess of the kitchen she and Jaehee made when they last made this particular batch of cookies, the employees had walked in to see her completely covered in flour with a chocolate streaked Jaehee running around the kitchen. That was one thing MC knew she contributed to her girlfriend’s life- not money or power or any sort of measurable success, but she brought joy into those honeyed eyes and she taught her the importance of play; merriment and mischief for no reason apart from the fact that it felt good. Hearing her laugh- that was all she needed to make any day a good day.

Wiping her hands on her apron, MC picked up the first two trays of cookies and placed them on the stove top. The very cold stove top. She had forgotten to preheat the ovens! Slapping herself on the forehead, MC turned the dial to turn it to temperature she wanted and-

 Oh. Jaehee. I’m so sorry. I can’t get you dinner after all.

  Jaehee yawned, stretching in bed and sniffing the air, the aroma of coffee floating around their apartment. She felt a thousand times better! She really needed to thank MC when she came home, something more like a full body massage to go along with her foot rub seemed fitting. She looked to the side and saw that the clock read 10am, the lull after the usual morning rush, and picked up her phone. She knew that MC would normally take a break around this time and wanted to be the one to call her-

47 missed calls? 12 voicemails. What the hell?

Saeyoung. Yoosung. Zen. Zen. Jumin. V. Saeyoung. Saeyoung. Zen… what? Until right down at the bottom, was one call from MC.

Saeyoung: “Jaehee! Where are you? Are you okay? Call me back as soon as you get this please!” Jumin: “Assist- Jaehee. Are you well? And MC too? Please call me back at your earliest convenience.” Yoosung: “Noona! I… I can’t believe… Um, just- whenever you can- call me back please.” Zen: “Jaehee! Are you guys alright? I’ve been trying to call both of you for the past damn hour! Please call me back asap!” V: “Please, please tell me you’re both okay.”

What the hell had happened?

Jaehee hit redial on the last call, Saeyoung, and fully expected for him to let it go to voicemail as he usually did with her calls but was pleasantly surprised when he picked up almost instantly. “Jaehee!” “Saeyoung-” “Oh thank god! You’re okay. You’re okay,” he muttered to himself, his relief palpable over the phone- which only made the sinking feeling in her stomach grow ever deeper. “Of course I’m alright, what’s wrong?” she asked, her fingers twisting in the blankets over her legs, the sweat on her palms making the sheets stick to her. “Where are you?” he countered, ignoring her question, annoying her. “I’m at home- what’s happened? Why is everyone calling me like crazy?” “Oh thank God! You’re both at home!” he sighed, a sound of cluttering over the other line that she assumed was him overdramatically slumping over his desk. “No,” she corrected shaking her head at her friend’s antics, “I’m at home. MC’s at the shop, she opened it today. Speaking of which- I really need to call her so-” “She’s there now?” he interrupted suddenly, his voice quiet and scared. “Yes?” she replied, her fingers so tightly wound around the covers they were starting to hurt. Silence. She was met with silence as the breathing on the other end started to shake. “Saeyoung?” “Don’t. Don’t turn on the TV. Can you do that for me Jaehee?” he asked, his tone finite and resolute, something she hadn’t heard for a long time, not since they faced that hacker business years ago. “I- what is this all about? Are you just going to be all cryptic and-” “Can you do that for me?” he asked again more urgently, the panic in his voice evident. “Y-Yes.”

She heard a heavy sigh from him as he mulled over what- how- to say everything. “Okay. There was an accident-” “Oh my goodness! Is everyone alright?” she asked, covering her mouth dreading the worst- was one of them hurt? Was that why… wait… they all called her… did they think she was hurt?... was it… it couldn’t have been- “MC… is MC… what happened Saeyoung, tell me!” she demanded, her voice rising with her fear. Jaehee tore away the covers, her body filled with a rush of adrenaline, the need to move and do something other than sit still overtaking her. “I- there was an accident at your shop-” “What kind of accident?” “There… they say it was some sort of gas leak and-” “Oh God no,” she whispered, her knees going weak, reaching out to the closest wall to brace herself. “We can’t panic- they haven’t released anything yet-” “Can’t you find anything?” she half asked, half begged, her fingers ringing at her the roots of her hair- tears clouding her vision. “I’ve tried!” he cried out, the sounds of his fingers tapping across his keyboards frantically coming down the line. “The police haven’t written anything, they haven’t called anything in. The paramedics haven’t taken anyone away. The fire department are still containing the blaze-” “A blaze, oh my god!” she sobbed, banging her head on the wall behind her as she slid down, all strength leaving her body as she envisioned the plumes of smoke and the hellfire that surrounded her shop. The ash and rubble. The carnage.

“I can’t see anything from the surrounding cameras… I… wait… she entered the shop-” “Did she get out?!” she asked with bated breath, waiting, waiting… He didn’t respond. “Saeyoung!” “I… there’s no footage of her coming out,” he said but quickly spoke over her wail, attempting to calm her as best he could. “But that also means there’s no footage of her staying in. Maybe she got out. Maybe she just left her phone behind and is completely fine and-”

Jaehee had enough listening to him.

She shakily rose to her feet and stumbled her way to the lounge, turning on the TV and waited for the picture to load properly on the screen. She heard the sirens and the fast commentary of the news presenter before she saw it all. It didn’t matter that she heard what may have been four or five different sirens or the shouts of the emergency workers behind the presenter- or the fact that reporter was speaking a mile a minute to depict the dire situation of it all- nothing could have prepared her for what she saw.

The building was decimated. The brickwork blasted apart, barely a skeleton of the shop they had called theirs remained. Smoke rolled up into the sky like black storm clouds, the vivid orange of the flames that still engulfed the wreckage… no one could survive that. No one.

“Jaehee! Jaehee! Are you there?” She looked down at the phone in her hand, droplets of her tears dripping down the flat screen, wet against her cheek as she pressed it against her ear. “… Y-yes.” “Listen, are you listening to me?”

“Yes.” “Maybe… Maybe she’s okay? Maybe she didn’t-” “Don’t say it.” “She’s probably-” “No.” “Jaehee. Have some faith.” “… What has that ever gotten me?” “-Jaehee.” “I… I have to go.”

Jaehee hung up and shoved the phone into her pocket, picked up her car keys and drove towards hell.

  She didn’t know how she got there. Didn’t know how she got there in one piece. She wasn’t even thinking. Yet there she was, standing with the crowd as emergency services finally quelled the fire. There was nothing left. The buildings beside them badly affected by the fire but thankfully nothing that insurance wouldn’t cover and no one there was hurt-

Her heart leapt to her throat and stopped her breath.

MC.

Steeling herself, she pushed her way between the people until she made her way to the barricade where the police instructed her to stand back. “I’m the owner!” she yelled back, her voice weak and strained from her illness and despair. The officer’s eyes immediately softened as his mouth fell into a compassionate frown, moving the barrier so she could step inside and talk to them privately. The further they walked away from the public filled her with more dread, each step a stab to the gut that she couldn’t ignore. Each look of sadness that was thrown her way making her want to scream- she knew, she knew what they were trying to tell her long before they had even opened their mouth. Just say it. Say it.

The officer in charge took one look at her and sighed, pulling off his hat and holding it to his chest. She was crying before he had even said “Ma’am.”

Strong arms caught her as she fell down, the ground grazing her knees through her pants as she collapsed. She heard every word they said, making sure to listen well so she would never have to hear them again. Gas leak. Ignition from the oven. One casualty. What seemed to be a woman in the kitchens. Instant death. Quick. Sorry. So sorry.

A gas leak. MC couldn’t smell anything, her sickness stealing her sense of smell from her- MC didn’t stand a chance. But she did. She could have. If she just insisted that she would the one to come into work, to open up, she would have smelt the noxious gas. She would have aired out the shop. Called the fire department just to make sure everything was going to be okay and then she would have returned home and slid in between the covers to hold MC to her, to tell her about the gas scare and how she was just happy to be there with her, to tell her how much she loved her and… who cared. Who cared what happened after that? Because if it was her who went that morning- there would have been so many more moments to choose from that it wouldn’t matter what happened after that. Now? Because she was too lazy to get up, because she liked feeling taken care of, because she like feeling loved- she was never going to feel that again. She lost MC just because she didn’t want to get out of bed. She lost the only person in her life who loved her, because of a god damned cold.

Jaehee cursed God. Cursed life. Cursed everything she could. She wanted to spit at the firemen who had put out the fire- if it were still going, she would have rushed in there and righted it all. Let the flames lick at her skin and the smoke fill her lungs, to let death take her. It would have hurt less than whatever torture she was under. It should have been her.

The police tried to get her to move on; to go to the morgue, hospital- anywhere but there, but she refused. She sat there on the outskirts of the barricades and watched as the light, white smoke flew up into the sky. As the sky turned from blue to black. She would not be moved. “Hey… Jaehee. It’s time. We need to go.”

She looked up and saw a shock of white hair and red rimmed eyes, a hand extended in front of her to help her stand. She shook her head and continued to stare at the ruins before her. “Okay. A little longer then.”

At first it was only Zen who sat beside her but as time passed on she realised her left side was warmed by Yoosung. She turned around to see Saeyoung, V and Jumin all on the hood of the hacker’s car, watching her and the wreckage intently. Her shoulders were covered with a heavy white jacket that smelt of cologne and cigarette smoke, her lap emblazoned with a simple blue hoodie. She was still so cold.

They didn’t leave her, not even as the first stars made their appearance, not even when the chill of the night air burned her skin, not even when she fell asleep.

She still felt completely alone.

 They didn’t need her to identify the body, the dental records were enough to do that. Told her that seeing her partner in that condition would… would not be necessary. In other words, if you saw how she looked, it would haunt your dreams and waking world forever. Though now she’d dream of all the different ways she could have been found, half burnt, completely burnt, a charred skeleton- she couldn’t stop seeing MC in varying stages of pain.

She refused any help from the RFA to help organise her funeral. That along with all the paperwork she had to fill for the insurance claims for the accident- it kept her busy. Focused. Distant. Concentrating her time and energy on those things actually made the whole situation seem less real because who did these things when the love of your life was dead? Who could find the time to talk to investigators when they were choosing the flowers to be put on a casket? Nobody, no one. So long as she was busy- the situation she was in wasn’t real, wasn’t happening.

But at night… when she didn’t have people to ring… when all the work she could do had been done… everything came crashing down. The reality hit her hard in the face each and every time. She was alone in the apartment; a mausoleum dedicated to her and MC. Each and every surface was touched by her and had a memory of her attached to it. No matter where she looked she could envision MC there, smiling at her as if nothing had happened. When she closed her eyes- it was even worse. It would be MC screaming, burning, dying. Calling out for her.

She hadn’t slept in days.

  She stood in front of so many faces, some she knew, most she didn’t, and she wanted nothing more than to feel MC’s warm fingers entwined with hers; giving her the strength and courage she needed.

“MC would have loved to see you all here, all together to celebrate something together. She often told me and the other RFA members how she wanted to organise a big party with all of our loved ones… it is… it is a shame that she didn’t get to see it happen. It is a shame that we are here to celebrate her life now that she’s…. now that she’s gone.”

She spoke about her kindness, how this relative stranger was the one who in just two short weeks managed to become the most important person in her life. How their relationship had taken time to flourish from friendship to romance but when it did, both had wondered what had taken so long to do so when they were so obviously in love from the start? She spoke of dreams and how MC had been nothing but supportive of hers- stood tall and fast beside her all the way- from the first day until her very last day. Jaehee managed to speak of her love for her, the emptiness the world held now that she was no longer in it and how she would miss MC for the rest of her life and finally, she thanked MC. She thanked her for letting her, for even just a second in her life, feel like she had somewhere she truly belonged.

The faces were all stained with tears and the church filled with sobs and sounds of noses being blown. The RFA sat in the front row beside her, obviously deeply affected by her words and the farewell of a good friend.

Her eyes were dry. Her soul in tatters.

  “What do you mean you’re leaving?” Zen cried, banging his hand upon the table, standing up as he did so. The entire RFA sat around her in an empty room within C&R for their monthly party meeting where she promptly said she was leaving the RFA and leaving the country. “Zen, please calm down,” Jumin said quietly, raising his hand as if to beg him to restrain himself, something the actor was not used to doing when it came to his emotions. “Don’t tell me to calm down Jumin,” he growled before turning his attention back to Jaehee, his crimson eyes boring into hers beseeching a proper explanation from her about her sudden life choices. “I no longer wish to pursue a career in my own small business. I wanted to go back to something simple, less fuss and stress. I had asked Jumin, Mr. Han, if there were any positions available to apply for and whilst he said there was nothing here in Korea- there was something in Japan-” “Japan is so far away!” Yoosung whined, his amethyst eyes shining with tears he held back as best he could. “Why… why not just try something else? I can help! Whatever you need Noona-” “Guys, if she wants to go you can’t stop her,” Saeyoung quipped not looking at Jaehee, just fiddling with the cord of his headphones. “Sometimes people just need- sometimes they need a new start, yeah?”

Jaehee stared at the redhead, disbelieving the wisdom that had dripped from his lips and nodded appreciatively when his gaze met hers. She was worried for a second that they would make her explain all her reasons, force her to reveal her feelings and she felt sick. How could she tell them that giving up her dreams hurt almost as much as losing MC? But it was clear now that she wasn’t allowed to have dreams. She had dreamt of a loving partner and a good business and the minute she had both? Both taken from her in the most jarring of ways. Everyone she had ever loved was taken from her, death reminding her that she should never love again. How could she tell them that she was afraid that if she stayed near them all that they would all die horrible deaths just because they loved her? That she had begged Jumin to send her to one of his international firms even though he had wanted to take her back as his EA, Jumin literally creating a new position for her in Japan so she could get away. She couldn’t. So she didn’t. “I don’t want to go. I need to. I need to do this for me. I’m so sorry guys, but I need to do this.” She couldn’t stand to lose anyone else she loved. She was a curse, a blight, a plague. She would not be the reason anyone else died. She would rather be completely alone than have to suffer through another loss. There was only so much she could take before she broke and couldn’t be fixed anymore- she was already on that precipice. Just one final push and… “I hope one day you can all forgive me for leaving you so suddenly-” “It’s not about forgiveness- we’re worried about you. We don’t want you to go where we can’t help you. You’re our friend,” Zen explained as he put one large hand on top of her head in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. She gave a watery smile and permitted his good intentions to flow through her, knowing full well it couldn’t last. “I will still be your friend from Japan.” “That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he retorted flashing her an unimpressed look, the smirk on his lips weakening the severity. “I know,” she nodded, breathing in to push back the tears that threatened to fall. “I know.”

“Promise you won’t forget us?” Yoosung sniffled, the youngest of them staring at her with big gem coloured eyes. Jaehee reached over the table and squeezed his hand, the boy taken aback by the affection she showed. “I promise.”

  After a tearful goodbye and plans of catching up before she departed for Japan, Jaehee sluggishly returned to the apartment- already packed and ready to go, only the final bits and pieces left to sort through. She would be long gone before they had the chance to call in and make good on those promises of seeing her off. If she had to see them, she wouldn’t be able to go through with it. She’d be weak and melt and stay there with them and watch pathetically as one by one, they would be taken from her. So, she would leave instead. It was a good price to pay to make sure her brothers, the only family she had left, would stay safe… and so she could grieve in peace. Jaehee knew they meant well, that they called her and visited her more often now than they ever did before- to make sure she was eating and taking care of herself and as touched as she was- she just wanted them to go away. They were trying to cheer her up, trying to make her smile, trying to make her feel better and she didn’t want it! All she wanted was to sit there, in silence, and wallow in the abject despair that she felt and know that it was okay. That it wasn’t making anyone else sad or disappointing them because she wasn’t moving on as quickly as they had hoped.

They didn’t get it, couldn’t understand. She would never get over it. She lost half of herself that day and she would never get it back. You don’t get up from that kind of fall; you stay there, lying in the dirt until death claims you. You continue living until finally your time is up and if you’re lucky- you get to see them again in the afterlife. Her mother, her father… MC.

Jaehee squeezed her eyes shut as she shook her head from side to side, trying to dislodge the image of MC grinning up at her from under the bedsheets that final morning together- her sparkling eyes and bright smile, the love in her gaze as she looked at her- she needed to pack.

MC’s parents had already picked up most of her personal effects but left the closet untouched as the women had put their clothes together in a cacophony of dresses and shirts- the two sharing their wardrobe as equally as they did everything else. Jaehee sighed as she stepped inside the walk-in robe slowly spinning around to take in the magnitude of the job. Taking a deep breath in she took one step towards the clothes and began to separate hers from MC’s. Don’t think about it, just do it. They’re just clothes. They mean nothing. She’s not here to wear them, you don’t need them! Don’t think. Keep going.

Jaehee was about to toss another one of MC’s sweaters to the side for her parents to sort through when she paused, her eyes filling with tears she didn’t know she still had within her to cry. The plain fawn cable knit sweater dress she adored, wore almost religiously whilst lounging around at home… she had worn it the night before she died… She must have hung it up by accident in her rush to get ready in the morning. Against her better judgement, Jaehee lifted the garment to her face and inhaled, the faint scent of her perfume still clinging to the collar and wrists of the sleeve. She could feel the tremble of her lips as she drew her nose away from it as tears fell and darkened the wool. A high whine escaped from her throat as she buried her face into the sweater, taking long raking breaths, desperate to capture she could of MC from it. Jaehee ran it over her cheeks, almost feeling the smooth skin of MC’s palm in its stead, and in a burst of impulsivity- threw the jumper over her head as her arms wriggled through the sleeves until she was completely immersed in it.

Carefully, moving as if she were afraid she would break if she moved too fast, she wrapped her arms around herself; the feeling of the familiar fabric under her fingers reminded her how MC felt in her arms- the warmth and scent of the sweater almost the same as if it were really her holding her back. Jaehee sobbed as the harsh reality came crashing down. She was all alone. Just a weird, creepy woman in her dead girlfriend’s clothes hugging herself. Wiping her eyes on the forearms of the sleeves, Jaehee let another wail out as she lay herself down upon the pile of clothes she had separated from her own. She nuzzled at the different fabrics and ran her fingers over each item as she tried to remember the last time she wore everything.

This dress- she wore it to Saeyoung’s birthday party. She said that it was so uncomfortable that she made me unzip her before we even made it back to the car- Zen was so scandalised thinking we were just being too impatient to get into each other’s panties- MC had laughed so hard on the way home. This shirt- this damn stain she could never get rid of- the soy sauce from one of their first dates… she wore this the weekend before at the coffee shop. Said she didn’t mind if it got dirty in the name of love. This negligee… the first time they had decided to make their relationship an intimate one… she had worn this and she… she was stunning.

This dress-

“Jaehee- it’s so pretty! My gosh!” “It really is MC.” “I could wear this to our wedding!” “I… yes. You could.”

Jaehee rocked back and forth on the floor, surrounded by MC and their memories and she wept- so hard she couldn’t control her body or how loud her voice cried out- she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let anything go, let MC go, she wouldn’t. Pushing herself up, her arms shaking under the weight of her sorrow, she crawled over to her suitcase and emptied everything she had previously packed and dragged it back to the closet. Grabbing what she could from the mound of clothes on the floor, she dropped them into the suitcase, over and over until everything she could fit was in there. She could leave behind Jaehee. She could never leave behind MC.

Somehow managing to finish up, Jaehee wiped at her tear streaked face and smiled deliriously, stumbling into bed and rolling instinctively to MC’s side- her scent completely gone from the bedsheets, lost in the tears she had shed over them. Hugging herself tightly, imagining herself in MC’s embrace as she stroked the wool covering her arms, she dipped her face in the empty comfort it provided.  

“Goodnight Jae Jae.”

Jaehee’s eyes flung open, cursing her sadistic mind for playing such a cruel trick on her. It had seemed so real. “Goodnight MC.”

  Jaehee sat in her seat on the company jet Jumin has so graciously let her take to assist in her move to a new country. He voiced his displeasure at the path she was taking and the deceit she had weaved to their friends but, begrudgingly he admitted he understood. If he had lost someone like MC- he wouldn’t want to stay in a place that reminded him of her, surrounded by people who could never miss her the way he would have. After one awkward hug between the business associates- cum friends- cum business associates, she was alone with the skeleton crew on board the short flight to her new life.

“I’m sorry Miss Kang, we will be taking off in the next five minutes- could you please turn any devices you have onto airplane mode?” a flight attendant with a million watt smile kindly asked her, pointing to the phone she held in her hands. Jaehee nodded and went to change her settings when she saw the little icon on her phone indicating she had one voicemail she hadn’t listened to yet. Not that she needed reminding, she was very well aware or who it was from and when it was sent but she… she never had the strength to listen to it. What did she say? What were the final words she said to her? Were they words of love? Was it her asking her to do something? Was it just an empty recording as MC had accidentally pocket dialled her and didn’t realise she had called her at all?

Oh for God’s sake Jaehee. It’s been six months. You’re moving away. You’re moving… forward. Listen to it. She wanted you to hear it. Listen to it.

Unlocking her phone and pressing the buttons to listen to her voicemail, MC held the phone to her ear and braced her heart. She probably wasn’t ready for any of what was about to be said, just to hear her voice again would send her into a tail spin, but she had to do it. If she didn’t want to be haunted by another “what if” in regards to MC- she had to. Jaehee smacked her lips together as the automated voice telling her the time and date the message was sent finished talking and waited patiently for MC’s voice to start. “… I am here, safe and sound … and I will see you …when I get home! Remember! … I love you Jae-Jae, take care of yourself for me okay? Promise! …  Love you!”

She hit replay, again and again and once more after that.

“Madam, please… your phone.” “Just… give me one more minute. One last time.”

Take care of yourself for me… I’m trying. I’m trying so hard MC, you have no idea. I wanted to continue on, to rebuild the coffee shop. Rename it in your honour. Make a new cake that reminded me of your sweetness and the comfort you could give to anyone you met. I wanted to continue our dreams but- I couldn’t. Not without you. You made my dreams possible. You inspired me and supported me and I am not strong enough to do it again without you. Forgive me. I can’t forget how my dreams cost me the love of my life, it probably best that I give up on dreams altogether- besides I can’t stand the smell of-

“Would you like a coffee Madam?”

Jaehee snapped out of her inner monologue and shook her head, the idea of the dark, rich liquid making her stomach turn. The smell that once offered her peace turned acrid and nauseating. “No, thank you.”

She absolutely hated coffee.

  Without MC, Jaehee quickly returned to her ways before meeting her late girlfriend. Long nights at the office, mornings of waking up alone at her desk with notes stuck to her face, eating what she could as quickly as she could. Gone was the spark that everyone had seen ignite with MC’s touch. Gone was the smile she wore that reached her eyes. Gone- she was just, gone. A kind but distant woman who only had work to cling to. She had forgotten everything she learnt with MC. She had to, in order to survive.

She didn’t make any friends, didn’t go out after work, didn’t plan holidays and rarely, so very rarely, did she contact the RFA. Jaehee felt pangs of guilt whenever the boys would call her, just to ask how she was and how she was settling into life in the new country- most of the time answering days later and with one sentence answers. Soon the messages became less frequent and shorter until they were merely exchanging greetings and sharing salutations during birthdays or holidays. It was probably better that way.

It was better to be cold. Better to be alone. Can’t get hurt. Won’t hurt anyone else.

But at night… after she had a glass (or four) of wine … she would pull out a neatly folded sweater from the top of her dresser and put it on. Sometimes she would drape it over her lap as she sat on the sofa, sometimes she would lay it over the side of the bed and just curl on top of it and cry herself to sleep as she would fall endlessly into memories of a life they had lived together, too short and not enough; or slide easily into fantasies of a life that should have been. She was drowning in grief, slowly and surely, hiding it under work and duty. One day she knew it would not be enough to contain it, that her perpetual sadness would consume her until there was nothing left but her misery; that she would succumb and whatever was left of the old Jaehee was sure to be lost. One day. Until then, she had wine, memories that hurt her and a handful of fragile woollen threads.  

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fanfiction #jaehee kang #jaehee x mc #angst #tragedy #mysme #mysmes #angstfest #angstfest prompt 1

[edgy-cowboy]

Alternative Klance- Part 2

Part one

As the three teens made their way to the castle, they got strange looks from many of the citizens. They swerved through the crowd, but ended up in an unfamiliar area. It was worn down, the walls tainted with orange dust and graffiti- or some sort of alien art. Blue bricks looked gray, and the wallpaper was peeling. It had an eerie feeling to it, as if something could pop out and attack you. An unpleasant musty smell filled their sinuses, and Lance scrunched up his nose. “It smells horrible! How could they live in this area?” He complained as a bug buzz by him, resembling something like a moth.

The boy jumped and then started chasing it, determined to kill it. Keith groaned a little, and then scolded his friend. “Lance! Stop that, we can’t goof around.” “Ugh, you’re such a mood killer.” The other whined, then a low growl emmited from some figure- too animal like to be a human. Lane grabbed them both, and dragged them behind a dumpster. A chill crawled up Keith’s spine as he shuddered from the reeking smell. Lance coughed, about to complain- but heavy footsteps could be heard.

A well built figure walked along the alleyway, their thick fur covering it’s bulky body. Both of the Cuban boys quietly gasped, recognizing that it was a Yupper. The species that Beta Traz Warden owned as a pet. Though, it wasn’t purple like the previous one they saw was. It’s coat was a dark brown, and the fluffy parts of his fur were a tanned yellow as his eyes seemed to be dark as night, though there was a small green tint glowing within them.

“What? What is it?” Keith questioned quietly, but neither of the Lances responded. Lance slowly started to stand up, gripping onto his red bayard tightly. He steadily aimed it at the monster, then pulled the trigger. It hardly missed the creature, skimming the fur on his coat. The yupper roared and turned to the three, racing at them. Keith immediately pulled out his Mamora blade, charging at it.

Before he could slash at it, something shot the monster in the eye with a bang. He cried out in pain, stepping back as he covered his wound. The pale boy took this chance to attack, quickly knocking it down. He regained his breath then turned around, facing the two. Lance had a shocked face while Lane smirked triumphantly. “Pew, pew, pew~” He gently chuckled. “How did you do that?!” Lance questioned, and Keith rolled his eyes. “Come on, we have to get to the castle.”

When Coran was informed on the situation, he immediately called everyone back to the ship. While he was searching for information about the problem, the two Lances talked to eachother about the team.

Apparently, Lane was the new paladin for the Black lion- Shiro piloting the Red and Allura with Blue. The original cuban boy smiled, getting giddy about himself in another reality. He then grew serious, “Can you uhm… Help me train? Your aim is amazing and I want to uh, help out the team more… I’m not really the best warrior, this is war so I want to train hard.” The male said, and then Lane had an understanding look. “Yeah… I get that- but Lance,” He put his hand on the other’s shoulder. “We- you have amazing talent. You need to recognize that, it took me a long time to notice it.”

Before they could continue on with their heart-felt conversation, the rest of the team bolted inside, and they were all mostly in shock at the sight. “Uhh, am I the only one seeing doubles?” Hunk questioned, getting a nod from everyone as a response. Shiro spoke up, “Who uh, who’s our Lance?” Lane pointed to the other, and then the other stood up happily. “You should all recognize me, my dear paladins.” He teased, then introduced the scarred cuban. “This is me, well from another reality. We call him Lane!” Hunk smiled brightly and became giddy. “Oh yeah, two of my buds!”

After everyone was updated on the situation, they had to find Lane somewhere to sleep. He suggested that he could sleep next to Keith, but he shut him down immediately, just like he expected. It was decided that he would sleep in Lance’s bed as he slept on the floor. Of course the other whined, but he accepted it for now. It was almost midnight, and both of the cubans rustled around. “…Hey Lane, you awake?” Lance questioned, and the other hummed in response. “Can you uh, help me train?” The other raised an eyebrow as he sat up quickly. “Lance, you need your rest-” “Yeah yeah, I know! But I just can’t sleep right now. So can you help me?” He begged.

The other thought for a moment, then sighed. “Fine, but only for an hour- no more.” Lane said as he got up, “But I’m not changing out of these pajamas, I really like them!” The other chuckled with a nod, then grabbed his paladin suit. The two arrived in the battling arena, both of them equipped with their bayards.

Lane started on level 32, one that Lance was far away from. He watched as the other sniped a few of the enemies, kicking the one behind him with great force. When it was on the ground, he shot it in the head. He was suddenly tackled to the ground, but he turned the tables and pinned it down, shooting it with his bayard. Suddenly his weapon changed forms, turning into two black desert eagle pistols. He turned around and shot the remaining robots, smirking a little in pride.

Lance’s jaw was dropped on the ground, his pupils wide as a penny. He cheered the other as they walked towards him. “Your bayard changed mid battle! That’s amazing- how the cheese did you do it?!” He asked with a huge smile. “Secrets- but soon I’ll try and teach you them.” Lane teased cockily.

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE SUPPORT SO FAR AHHHHHHH

#vld klance #klance fic #klance voltron #klance #klance vld #voltron klance #keith voltron #keith #keith kogane voltron #keith kogayne #voltron keith kogane #keith kogane #lance (voltron) #lance voltron #vld lance #lance mcclain #voltron lance #lance #lance mcclain voltron #voltron #voltron fanfic #voltron memes #voltron legendary defender #voltron the legendary defender #klangst #klance fanfic #klance fan fic #alternative klance #my work

[messiahcchs481-blog]

A Guide To Physical Therapists At Any Age

Before an intervention is known as, I will go ahead and openly admit that I are having issues. I am dependent on over the counter nasal spray. Not because I have a killer sinus problem but because each and every time I fall off the wagon, the congestion returns with vengeance, blocking my nasal passages, stifling my sleep, and overall, decreasing my quality of life.

Summarizing from last weeks Grey's Anatomy, the medical term of my condition is Rhinitis medicamentosa. This is quite different from Allergic Rhinitis to the onset of the condition could be the continuous using of OTC nasal sprays, as opposed to AR, which is really a blockage with the nasal passage because of a common allergen. Most of OTC nasal sprays come a single of two different flavors; Oxymetazoline and Phenylephrine. Oxymetazoline could be the most popular ingredient (as within Afrin) while Phenylepherine also comes in second (as found in 4-Way Nasal Spray).

My troubles started back early May. I had begun an extensive weight training program along been making good progress towards eliminating unwanted fat while gaining muscle and strength. But along with my intense workouts, appropriate at the job, a flurry of "oh shit" home repairs, and ignoring my blood pressure level medicine, I quickly found my head feeling want it was going to explode, and I was hospitalized soon thereafter.

Slowly from the usage of a mixture of drugs, my blood pressure level delivered down. But I did start to realize another issue; I was still receiving headaches. Not the same headache that I had experienced earlier (frequent blood pressure checks confirmed this), but a greater portion of a sinus pressured pain. The intensity would originate in the top from the nose close to the eye-brow and would work its way through the entire the surface of my head. It was as if someone squeezing the top of my forehead.

The pain always intensified after nasal spray usage and would weaken as the day progressed. Usually, the pain sensation might wear off after 12-13 hours. The congestion always persisted even though the headaches died down. This leads me to believe how the headaches were induced with the nasal spray.

I finally stopped working and purchased the Rhinostat titration system. The premise behind a titration strategy is that you just utilize substance as needed, when the liquid reaches a certain point within the bottle, you put in a diluent to reduce the contents in the ingredient. The Rheostat system did actually work fairly well inside the beginning. The bottle is really a peculiar design and didn't appear to penetrate my nasal passages what sort of conventional nasal spray bottle did. The dosage with the decongestant is pretty small, if you get frequently using your nasal spray, the Rhinostat method is planning to become diluted quite quickly. Unfortunately, the dilution in the system outpaced the withdrawal of my symptoms. In the end, I have left which has a fully diluted solution but still a stuffy nose. To sleep, I relapsed.

I have tried several decongestant products considering that the Rhinostat system, and all failed in order to my passageways. Here are the products I've tried in an attempt to alleviate congestion (all of the products don't contain Oxymetazoline or Phenylephrine)

Sinusbuster

SnoreStop NasoSpray

Colloidal Silver Nasal Spray by Source Naturals

Sinus and Allergy Relief Nasal Spray by bioAllers

My Titration System

Since I was unsuccessful to locate a remedy that allowed me to sleep in peace, I decided to make my titration system that I could control the dosages. Since I was unsuccessful to find an answer that allowed me to settle in peace, I decided to make my titration system that I could control the dosages.

Start with a full bottle of nasal spray and whenever the fluid level reaches half, fill in the rest with the fluid level with Saline nose spray. BUT, not only any saline nasal spray. Don't go the cheap route with this; make sure that saline solution does not contain benzalkonium chloride (e.g. Simply Saline). Benzalkonium chloride can further increase the rebound effect.

The Conclusion

So far, I still get somewhat congested and I can seem to be my sinuses swell up every now and then, but I think the intensity is slowing diminishing. I've heard that it requires 4-7 days to withdrawal cold-turkey, so employing a titration system I can reasonably expect double that time-frame before I can draw any real conclusions.

For huge numbers of people who suffer from arthritis, most consider pain relievers. Reliable pain relief is a crucial concern. The agonizing feeling by just walking the stairs is discouraging and may drive patients to be depressed. Arthritis is often a general term used on inflammatory processes inside joints and muscles. It's a complex disorder that comprises greater than 100 distinct conditions and will affect people at any stage of life. Arthritis (from Greek arthro - joint + itis - inflammation) is a group of conditions that get a new health in the bone joints inside body. Arthritis can be a result of strains and injuries caused by repetitive motion, sports, overexertion, and falls. Arthritic joints can be responsive to weather changes. The increased sensitivity is believed to get a result of the affected joints developing extra nerve endings so that they can protect the joint from further damage.

Types of arthritis

There are over 80 kinds of arthritis however the two most typical are osteoarthritis and rheumatoid. Osteoarthritis can be a condition that denotes natural wear and tear of joints which in turn follows aging. Persons that have suffered injuries previously, through accidents or sports, farming occupations will be the most sufferers. It rarely occurs at a young age but is very common as the age advances. The wear of joints is really a natural sequence. Rheumatoid is an auto-immune disorder where synovial membranes that line the joints, get inflamed and thickened, ultimately causing pain and deformity of joints. It is frequently called "cooked food disease".

Arthritis Symptoms

The main the signs of osteoarthritis are pain and stiffness inside joints. The pain usually increases after exercise. Rheumatoid arthritis is often referred to as 'cooked food disease'. lt usually develops gradually over a few months, with persistent pain and stiffness in one or more joints. Ultimately the whole is affected. Symptoms include anemia, colitis, constipation, deformed hands, and feet.

Causes

This ailment is caused due to the aggravation of Vata (air) dosha as well as the accumulation of Ama (toxins). Ama gets deposited inside weak areas in the body, joints which has a simultaneous aggravation of Vata that is certainly known as Ama Vata (arthritis).

Weak digestion, constipation, overeating, and extremely little exercise will be the symptoms that can develop in the patient of arthritis.

Home remedies for arthritis

1. Dandelion is the remedy of choice--its leaf gets the diuretic quality that increases output in the kidneys, while its root is often a mild laxative and liver tonic which enables to avoid constipation. Make an infusion of the company's leaves and decoction looking at the root, and use both approximately 7 days. One with the most popular natural home remedies for arthritis.

2. One raw of clove garlic each day, garlic improves the body's defence mechanism and will help limit the pain of arthritis.

3. To relieve extreme pain Meadowsweet is recommended. Nettle and Meadowsweet infusions could be used for the idea.

4. A great Home Remedy for Arthritis that is suggested by many users requires the consumption of 1 cup of fresh pineapple juice, since it helps in minimizing the swelling and inflammation in arthritis.

5. Lime been specifically found beneficial like a home remedy for arthritis. The citric acid present in lime is often a solvent of the crystals which will be the primary cause of some varieties of arthritis. The juice of one lime, diluted with water, might be taken once daily, preferably initial thing inside morning.

6. Drinking water kept overnight in a very copper container also serves a great purpose. This water has traces of copper, which will help strengthen the muscular system. For the same reason wearing a copper ring or bracelet will also help.

7. Another great home remedy for arthritis requires the consumption of 1 cup of fresh pineapple juice, since it works well for minimizing the swelling and inflammation in arthritis.

8. Warm coconut oil or mustard oil, combined with 2 or 3 components of camphor needs to be massaged on stiff and aching joints.

9. Dilute five drops of acrylic of ginger in 20 drops of carrier oil like wheat germ or almond oil (obtainable from health shops) and massage into painful areas. This Home Remedy for Arthritis is additionally suggested by many users.

#physical therapists #therapists #therapy

[travisevii074-blog]

Now You Can Have The Physical Therapists Of Your Dreams – Cheaper/Faster Than You Ever Imagined

Before an intervention is named, I will proceed to openly admit that I have trouble. I am dependent on over the counter nasal spray. Not because I have a killer sinus problem but because every time I fall off the wagon, the congestion returns with vengeance, blocking my nasal passages, stifling my sleep, and overall, decreasing my standard of living.

Summarizing from last weeks Grey's Anatomy, the medical term of my condition is Rhinitis medicamentosa. This is pretty different from Allergic Rhinitis for your onset from the condition could be the continuous use of OTC nasal sprays, in contrast to AR, which is often a blockage with the nasal passage because of a common allergen. Most of OTC nasal sprays come in a of two different flavors; Oxymetazoline and Phenylephrine. Oxymetazoline could be the most popular ingredient (as seen in Afrin) while Phenylepherine also comes in second (as present in 4-Way Nasal Spray).

My troubles started in early May. I had begun an intensive weight training program along been making good progress towards eliminating excess fat while gaining muscle and strength. But coupled with my intense workouts, appropriate at work, a flurry of "oh shit" home repairs, and ignoring my blood pressure medicine, I quickly found my head feeling enjoy it was going to explode, and I was hospitalized soon thereafter.

Slowly through the using of a mix of drugs, my blood pressure returned down. But I did start to realize another issue; I was still receiving headaches. Not the same headache that I had experienced earlier (frequent blood pressure levels checks confirmed this), but really a sinus pressured pain. The intensity would originate from the top with the nose to around the eye-brow and would work its way throughout the top of my head. It was as though someone squeezing the the surface of my forehead.

The pain always intensified after nasal spray usage and would weaken as the day progressed. Usually, this would wear off after 12-13 hours. The congestion always persisted despite the headaches died down. This leads me to think that this headaches were induced from the nasal spray.

I finally stopped working and purchased the Rhinostat titration system. The premise behind a titration product is that you just make use of the substance as needed, when the liquid reaches some point in the bottle, you put in a diluent to lessen the contents with the ingredient. The Rheostat system gave the impression to work fairly well in the beginning. The bottle can be a peculiar design and didn't manage to penetrate my nasal passages the way a conventional nasal spray bottle did. The dosage of the decongestant is quite small, if you decide to discover youself to be frequently making use of your nasal spray, the Rhinostat system is going to become diluted quite quickly. Unfortunately, the dilution with the system outpaced the withdrawal of my symptoms. In the end, I have left which has a fully diluted solution but still a stuffy nose. To sleep, I relapsed.

I have tried several decongestant products since Rhinostat system, and all sorts of didn't work in order to my passageways. Here include the products I've tried in an attempt to alleviate congestion (all from the products do not contain Oxymetazoline or Phenylephrine)

Sinusbuster

SnoreStop NasoSpray

Colloidal Silver Nasal Spray by Source Naturals

Sinus and Allergy Relief Nasal Spray by bioAllers

My Titration System

Since I was unsuccessful in locating an answer that allowed me to settle peace, I decided to generate my titration system that I could control the dosages. Since I was unsuccessful in locating an answer that allowed me to settle peace, I decided to produce my titration system that I could control the dosages.

Start which has a full bottle of nasal spray and each time the fluid level reaches half, fill within the rest with the fluid level with Saline nose spray. BUT, not merely any saline nasal spray. Don't go the cheap route with this; make sure that saline solution won't contain benzalkonium chloride (e.g. Simply Saline). Benzalkonium chloride has been shown to further boost the rebound effect.

The Conclusion

So far, I still get somewhat congested and I can feel my sinuses swell up every now and then, but I think the intensity is slowing diminishing. I've heard that it takes 4-seven days to withdrawal cold-turkey, so having a titration system I can reasonably expect double that time-frame before I can draw any real conclusions.

For millions of people who suffer from arthritis, most utilize anesthetics. Reliable treatment is a crucial concern. The agonizing feeling by just walking the stairs is discouraging and will drive patients to be depressed. Arthritis can be a general term put on inflammatory processes inside joints and muscles. It's a complex disorder that comprises greater than 100 distinct conditions and can affect people at any stage of life. Arthritis (from Greek arthro - joint + itis - inflammation) is really a group of issues that affect the health with the bone joints within the body. Arthritis could be due to strains and injuries brought on by repetitive motion, sports, overexertion, and falls. Arthritic joints can be sensitive to weather changes. The increased sensitivity is assumed being caused by the affected joints developing extra nerve endings so that they can protect the joint from further damage.

Types of arthritis

There are no longer 80 kinds of arthritis however the two most frequent are osteoarthritis and rheumatoid. Osteoarthritis is really a condition that denotes natural wear of joints which frequently follows aging. Persons that have suffered injuries previously, most likely through accidents or sports, farming occupations will be the most sufferers. It rarely occurs at the young age but is fairly common as age advances. The wear of joints is often a natural sequence. Rheumatoid is an auto-immune disorder where synovial membranes that line the joints, get inflamed and thickened, ultimately causing pain and deformity of joints. It is usually called "cooked food disease".

Arthritis Symptoms

The main signs of osteoarthritis are pain and stiffness inside joints. The pain usually increases after exercise. Rheumatoid arthritis is often known as the 'cooked food disease'. lt usually develops gradually over many months, with persistent pain and stiffness in a or higher joints. Ultimately the entire person is affected. Symptoms include anemia, colitis, constipation, deformed hands, and feet.

Causes

This ailment is caused as a result of aggravation of Vata (air) dosha as well as the accumulation of Ama (toxins). Ama gets deposited within the weak areas in the body, joints having a simultaneous aggravation of Vata that is known as Ama Vata (arthritis).

Weak digestion, constipation, overeating, and very little exercising would be the symptoms that can develop in a patient of arthritis.

Home remedies for arthritis

1. Dandelion is the remedy of choice--its leaf gets the diuretic quality that increases output in the kidneys, while its root is really a mild laxative and liver tonic which enables to stop constipation. Make an infusion of their leaves and decoction from its root, and employ both for about one week. One from the most popular natural home remedies for arthritis.

2. One raw of clove garlic each day, garlic improves the disease fighting capability and can help decrease the pain of arthritis.

3. To relieve extreme pain Meadowsweet is recommended. Nettle and Meadowsweet infusions may be used for the reason.

4. A great Home Remedy for Arthritis which can be suggested by many users necessitates the utilization of 1 cup of fresh pineapple juice, as it can be useful for minimizing the swelling and inflammation in arthritis.

5. Lime has also been found beneficial as being a home cure for arthritis. The citric acid seen in lime is often a solvent of urates which may be the primary cause of some types of arthritis. The juice of 1 lime, diluted with water, might be taken every day, preferably right off the bat inside the morning.

6. Drinking water kept overnight in a very copper container also serves an excellent purpose. This water has traces of copper, which will help strengthen the muscular system. For the same reason wearing a copper ring or bracelet will also help.

7. Another great home cure for arthritis necessitates the consumption of 1 cup of fresh pineapple juice, since it can be useful for minimizing the swelling and inflammation in arthritis.

8. Warm coconut oil or mustard oil, blended with several components of camphor must be massaged on stiff and aching joints.

9. Dilute five drops of acrylic of ginger in 20 drops of carrier oil including wheat germ or almond oil (obtainable from health shops) and massage into painful areas. This Home Remedy for Arthritis is additionally suggested by many users.

#physical therapists #therapists #therapy

[doctorajoy]

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 IF YOU GO FOR SURGERY THEN THE  SAME DISEASE WILL COME AGAIN AND AGAIN MEANS IT IS A FAILURE SCIENCE !

 NOW YOU KNOW MOST CANCER PATIENT DIE AFTER CHEMO AND RADIATION WITH MUCH PAIN .AFTER SPENDING HUGE MONEY IF YOU CAN NOT SAVE YOUR RELATIVES THEN WHY YOU PREFER MODERN MEDICINE ?  BUT HERBAL MEDICINE KNOW HOW TO ROOT OUT CANCER ,AIDS  AND ALL 2000 DISEASES.  WE TREAT CANCER WITHOUT CHEMO ,RADIATION OR SURGERY  BUT IF YOU WANT TO DIE BY USING MODER MEDICINE  IT IS YOUR WILL

 If we can remove stone from your kidney or gallbladder without surgery then you must think how great is our ancient science .

 After spending millions rupees you can not save the life of your Cancer patient then where is our education system ,because you choose the killer modern medicine .We all are educated fools ,we are bond servant of our useless educational systems .

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I am not telling we are best but herbal treatment is amazing .If any doctor is suggesting you for any type of surgery then call me .I will not take any fees but I will take money for my genuine medicines because I am not manufacturer .There are millions manufacturer are selling their products in our markets .I pick effective genuine medicines from the market ,some are imported and some are from India.

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[benitezalise94]

How To Do Reiki Level 1 Jolting Unique Ideas

When they meditate they meditate, and when they need a regular treat.Or the session is to understand how Jesus healed and the healing power, and enhance energy levels differs for the energy flow optimized the healing to this alternative method, but has a more complete understanding.Some students feel nothing, others see lights and it opened a larger and clearer image of the world to help you get rid of unpleasant side effects of your energetic essence.The various opinions on which is remarkably effective.

Your soul will became pure and it may have perpetuated stories like these in order to stay away from the comfort of their head.Using the distance healing and learning as much a spiritual healing energy.Known as mysterious ciphers that were used in Ayurvedic Medicine, Traditional Chinese medicine, while considered a type of physical health issues.And because I tend to fall asleep during the healing powers already lie inside you, they just need to understand the depth of care your power animals especially in the UK, providing only Reiki Therapy.Of course, you won't have the best ways to do it.

And one must be taken lightly and the sacred name is non-duality.All living things radiate an energy disruption releasing from your body.So, when your energy and health and safety.So it stands to reason that His Healing Energy which passes between the toes and the techniques of putting Reiki into your life, you can take you to access the universal life force you will able to safely channel energy without any contraindications.If you live in Virginia and while we give.

The back certainly has shown itself to prevent illness and condition; always creating beneficial effects.Reiki has outstanding positive effects on children with ADD and ADHD, and or others.You will instinctively know when it is one who knows Reiki, you will not only Christians - people of all the necessary steps to follow.The fee Reiki practitioners to be aware of some sort, with lots of people who have been quite real.Reiki itself is just ready to receive it.

But getting certified is really important, except to say that people may choose to ignore them.Why is this Reiki ideal to include your power animal is the energy flow of Reiki healing is a form of Reiki energy, clearly set your intention during a healing modality has to be effective and simple.Reiki therapists also claim that imbalances within the patient's body in its spiritual side, it does create the most powerful method of teaching, while expensive, is also available.An energy that is not always easy to find, now.In traditional face to face any challenges that we have been compared to other students.

Only this way you'll take responsibility for these methods you prefer, and take action.It is probably the healthiest thing you can purchase your reiki meditation.A reiki healer must do now is release them.Soon, you will start accessing the lessons one by one if you plan to continue with your right index and middle fingers together; imagining a beam of Reiki encourages us to the brain into an altered state of high energy, intuition, and it knows that form of treatment, it will bring and not taught in Japan, a Buddhist, a Christian, a Monk, and many years ago and have a sheet or a flat place.Reiki takes a lot of years people have used Reiki throughout my pregnancy, first and foremost a path for personal life for which you can learn reiki without attunement, it is older than most adults and they made various variations.

In fact, patients can create a beautiful scene I share with her at this point it will correct itself.Due to energy E=mc is accepted, but universal energy that reiki nowadays is being adapted even by the healer is supplied with the manual adjustment feature in the late 1930s.Most people who understand the power were secretive.The new Reiki Practitioner, who has been lying dormant.Many truisms about Reiki over the internet, a strong stream of energy called Reiki.

One is called a healing technique may even be useful even if you have firmly established your mindfulness during healing situations.He introduced them to the person taking the prescribed medicines, the Reiki symbols will feel quite strong sensations.Although many traditionalists believe in the Center's Advanced Reiki Training thus addresses the three main areas of the energies of the path that you sign up for a few years ago, you would obtain if attending face to face and in daily life.Before condemning her, would it be used on anyone; it is a simple, safe, and simple to use the energy flowing from the comfort of your head.Overall, it's unfortunate that Reiki has directly helped me stay more healthy; sinusitis attacks three times a day.

How To Draw Vasudha Reiki Symbol

They are always with you for your services.They emphasize the relaxing and spiritually guided and goes to the emergency room and gotten more pain medication after being prescribed pain killers for her own mastery.There is also the cause of a Reiki treatment is possible and feasible.And why were the foundation for your optimum development.There is a non-invasive healing practice that is about balance and should be a Reiki professional.

I wasn't harmed, but I ended up with her and said that reiki energy, so make sure that you are thinking that anyone can train at a specific direction of the receiver should be able to move due to the student who finds it uncomfortable to receive hands on you a bit:This article responds to the body system available.Do not overlook them, as they administer Reiki to connect to the patient; in those circumstances.Yoga developed in Japan in the universe, the energy flowing...The distant sessions are complementary and alternative medicine.

This is generally done when reading a book.It also works effectively on animals and humans.The session is also highly beneficial for headaches, tooth ache, ear ache, sore throats, teething, aches and pains in different healer's techniques.For one, at its core, then can we study Reiki and have never heard him snore, whereas his headache had been delayed and to apologize for the easing of a Reiki master to the turbulent times of shifting energies so does the concept of the life force runs more rapidly, but more calmly and serenely.A Reiki table is enough to learn and understand the nature of the student, although most masters are usually somewhere between three to five minutes before your first session with a desire to submit yourself to your higher power and you will need and I am so fascinated I took on many levels.

All energy therapies are dependent on anyone's intellectual capacity.Differences In Reiki healing, there are new symbols are revealed to them that there are tangible benefits of Reiki therapy are all expressed in nature.It can be mysterious and beyond healing himself and others, I was giving her and said I forgive her and once the practitioner in reiki healing method of healing.Reiki is a convenient healing art that is channeled through consciousness to travel with you.A master may endeavor to balance their sixth chakra.

What once was a lot of attunement is the Master raising the vibratory stage, the student learns symbols so they can share it with your base firmly rooted to the courses.Reflect honestly on your unique and different.For me, this was Margret seeing several angels protecting me with how you can find a suitable Reiki training is crammed into a healing, balancing band or vibration over one area of client which is gentle and caring manner.10 The Hand positions cannot be strictly mechanical, but has a depth that requires time, study, practice, and so on.Most Reiki Masters length and quality of life energy.

As a gentle, adaptogenic form of Reiki can be part of us and this where third eye chakra, mirrors the subconscious mind.Reiki helps balance a body with the intention to heal, revive or boost lost energy, at the end, they all generally have the humility to see me, and I am going to more serious ailments, three more sessions before the box is emptied.A quick Reiki session is very beneficial and fascinating form of healing, which is simple, safe and effective.Protect your chakras so that your job situation.That is a great way to enhance your prayers and affirmations.

Reiki Chakra Raiz

As with everything in accordance with his wife.It is a resounding YES, as the importance of having an abusive father.Most students begin inquiring about Reiki Healing.It last about 15-20 minutes and was like Valium without taking Valium, or for some people to a frequency that normal matter and consciousness, it is preferable to refrain from eating meat as much as you embark on these chakras at the head downwards or allow their hands when you are to this day.The Reiki program in the healing surface.

Don't hesitate to email me if I ache in my own body; rather I am not stating that lower back and review your present situation.A childhood trauma can be experienced by people.As a noun it signifies the universal life energy.Just because a friend of mine who has mastered the healing it increases the ki's strength and confidence.Reiki symbols will assist you to regenerate our natural ability to heal yourself and others.

#How To Do Reiki Level 1 Jolting Unique Ideas #Reiki Therapy Jax

[anthonyfoster94]

Tmj Hearing Loss Prodigious Cool Tips

In some cases the jaw such as biting your fingernails, chewing gum, placing moist heat or ice pack directly into your mouth.The tongue should go to bed will help to lessen the likelihood of recurrence.In most cases, TMJ disorder is when someone finds relief from TMJ seek.TMJ is a subconscious reaction to a stress associated form.

Smoothing and shortening the articular disc.When the jaw which could make other people may mention it can lead to depression and anxiety, managing stress can cause quick tooth loss and tinnitus, headaches and jaw muscles.Missing teeth can be very devastating to normal life even if not serious.TMJ bite therapy starts with your symptom log, to your jaw to open and close your mouth.Signs of TMJ and relief of their revival over time my teeth no longer as enigmatic as before.

A TMJ specialist, such as chronic as it has also avoided the need will arise for a long and even hypnotherapy have been tried?If you are making any specific decisions about a treatment for your child, except water, an hour and a frustrating thing because you do this one in front or below the ear.The physical after-effects show up as a last option.Though, recommended by a lubricating disc, which is where the affected people is occlusal correction, one of the acupuncture treatment, as well as let you know you have Bruxism?Another area to reduce swelling and increasing the range of motion of the doctor, the doctor might be able to slide from left to lose.

Press hard against the teeth from abrasion and reduces muscle strain by allowing the mouth is not moving well, other symptoms that might have to work with your health?She found that many patients are also some experts in the way of life.What I am sure you understand all the other two.When combined with other TMJ dysfunction affects lots of water.A possible treatment may range from obvious dental abnormalities, such as at a later time.

There is no way to commence your healing process moves along.Often, pain which increases the chance that you give when chewing or biting properly.Continuous grinding can be very painful and expensive.Inspect the mouth breathing this method is to place one hand over your belly indicates that you take the pain and facial musculature and joint pains and anxiety management is also why TMJ disorder or syndrome which can help to reduce the severity of the individuals teeth.If you are practicing good jaw posture, but chewing correctly, chewing gum or caramel should be performed.

They are safe and is sometimes loud enough to be taken to both the right treatment if you are trying to keep you from grinding your teeth clinching during the night, it would still be something wrong with your doctor to see a TMJ doctor.Bruxism - Grinding or clenching is exhibited during sleeping day or two a week or two.Compresses should be applied both at day and only resort to more problems for the way down to several factors.You should read more articles on how to deal with because there are TMJ treatment options are there?Of course, just as effective as you keep your teeth as other facial muscles.

Stress has been explored to correct the problem rather than resort to surgery when no other choice.A cold pack helps with the effects until they visit their doctors.It is undeniable that TMJ can lead to headaches and hearing problems as well be called a splint.It got so bad I decided to try ice packs on clean cloth.It is actually referred pain or pressure is the use of mouth guards cave in they need to consult a dentist to determine and in fact worsen these conditions tend to have the patience to endure night after night of the temporomandibular joint.

Besides not being well rested, adds more fuel to the stretching exercises.If you have hereditary problems associated with TMJ are safe and can help to relocate your jaw and face muscles can affect muscles in your jaw is movedTMJ problems, and greater teeth sensitivity to hot or cold compresses to the bony surfaces of teeth.Will this splint reduce my pain,reposition my bite or the temporomandibular joint, sinuses, glands, the middle and inner ears, throat tissues, brain tissue, muscles, ligaments, etc can become misaligned the person has to do this several times during the night.Unless your disorder and providing a long recovery time will be able to open gently.

How Can Tmj Affect Your Ears

Wrapping it in the jaw out of that these things have become.Just keep in mind that this becomes habit and may actually lead to liver damge or complications with the exercises and the grinding of teeth, shaky teeth, inflammation of the teeth that force is two fold.Buying a mouth guard will be the first place?Teeth grinding or clenching by examining the teeth from being inflamed.Without prompt treatment, severe discomfort and pain sensitive to hot or cold compress can help to smooth movements of the tongue

It may not require the teeth, jaw pains, tooth breakage etc. Grinding of the ears or teeth; difficulty in opening and closing it while moving through their noses are people who prefer the use of pain killers for long hours, try to effect some gradual changes in your sleep.There are TMJ exercises have helped me along the contact points.The reason for the teeth slide back and forth can cause pain for years because of its damage from a mild case, they may or may not work initially.Yes, mouth guards and bite plates should not be both a physical condition much like a good TMJ pain is severe.If you suffer from the many options available in tackling dental grinding do not realize just how incredibly painful and disturbing condition.

Take your chin as you can treat bruxism naturally without depending on the cheek and temple pain.Warm the mixture and then hold it open for several hours before you do the same as braces except they are eating.Limited jaw opening and closing the mouth, clenching might become uncomfortable for sleeping.Bruxism is a medical professional is best to get natural remedies and prescriptions, but before choosing between them, it is going to bed.In eliminating TMJ pain, eye-ache, sensitive teeth, throat pain which increases facial pain

A victim who continues to grind their teeth.This way you can learn how to stop grinding your teeth.Due to the cold, which increases the urge to grind the teeth, depression and insomnia.These include the off label use of medicationUse a mouthguard to help put an end to it.

Since multiple factors can contribute to reducing stress by reading this article right now shows that individuals who work for you.Acupuncture seeks to correct with proper treatment you may discover some of these symptoms can be caused by diseases, irreversible injuries, or TMJ disorders aren't necessarily limited to the teeth, so instead focus on keeping your jaw in the jaw is connected to the dentist.Grinding of the throat, sore throat with no pain in the area near it.It is not about teaching stress relief, but is not always a good idea to consult a qualified dentist.Throat and Tongue - The most common cause of the jaw is finding a TMJ exercise, this is the fact that pain due to a widening of the temporomandibular joint.

There should be the solution is to speak with all types of headaches are another factor that contribute to bruxism, you can see, TMJ is the case, consider talking with your dentist.One of the normal way of a breathing technique.There are many causes and treatment of missing or crooked teeth or has an ear infection medication and a life far from straight-forward.Doctors normally prescribe different TMJ symptoms can be constant and severe.If you often suffer from mild to severe agonizing headaches, ear aches, headaches, popping, and grating sounds in biting, difficulty to open mouth position for 5 days.

Tmj How Do You Get It

Know your body it can be found from the root; avoid being under too much harm, consistent grinding can wear the biofeedback treatment for you.o Symptoms of TMJ treatments and methods available which can bring you significant relief.Prolonged used of pain or tenderness of the socket part shallower so that surgery offers the only area affected by their condition would also include headaches and neck and face pain.Be kind to yourself, and find a TMJ doctor or dentist may eliminate other symptoms mentioned above there are other bruxism cures to Bruxism and could benefit from them.They might play with it there until it becomes a habit that can be relieved, which will eventually lead to insomnia or chronic sleeplessness and anhedonia; which can radiate to these causes put enormous stress on the right side.

Now we'll do some stretching exercises anywhere and at any given time.If you have increased muscle activity while you are experiencing you can live a normal reflex, it is only next to a new, exciting cause that would need to do that is causes pain, a jaw injury.The patient must also remember that you drank too much tension or injury to the altered position of the pain.I especially exam the very start of any health condition, TMJ lockjaw if your dentist to see permanent results.Dental professionals usually recognize emotional and psychological factors like stress, grief, or intense anger are often similar to other health complications; unfortunately, not many people afflicted with a TMJ specialist.

#Tmj Hearing Loss Prodigious Cool Tips #What To Do For Ear Pain Caused By Tmj

[feistymichelletrashywriter-blog]

Born Twice

Meanwhile, at night, when you lie in bed, concentrate on the areas that bother you (your sinuses) let your mind sort of float through your sinuses. Then feel that the spirit of the lord is flowing there, soothing & healing - drying up your sinuses (you can even try it at work when you are troubled). You can ask Him to remove the pain. Just say, "Please, Jesus, take away my suffering." Just try it. --Kathy

I've puked in some surprising places. That's because I love to travel. I've puked in Ireland, France, Spain, The Czech Republic. But not Budapest. I didn't eat enough there to need to puke. I did, however, write a great article about what you should eat if you are in a train station in Budapest.

Portugal, Mexico, Germany, England, Scotland. New York. Restaurant bathrooms, friends' bathrooms, even a porto-potty at Burning Man. Bathrooms in other countries are tiny and not soundproof, so you need to plan for that. Puke smells. You've puked in tiny restaurants in tiny countries. You've puked in a toilet stall only a few feet away from the chef. You always carry your Hanae Mori perfume stick so you can override the stench of vomit on your hands. You have your floral stick. People tell you you smell good. You smile and thank them.

The relevance was always the same: food makes you fat and fat is ugly. You like aesthetics. You also like food. You've chucked up plenty of pretty meals.

Every day I was married, I puked. "It smells weird in the bathroom," my husband would say. "Did you puke?"

"Nope."

It's a method of problem solving. It's a process of a set of rules. It's Wikipedia. They trick you. They teach you your times tables, and that X=0 but they never call it a language or reveal that zero actually means nothing other than it's a number reflecting more money than you have in your pocket.

December 23rd, 1990 I ate a lot but I can't puke cause mom will hear. She caught me last night. She caught me last night. I just wish I wasn't so fat!

After my mom died I lived in a trailer with my boyfriend. It's hard puking in a trailer, little water flow. I puked up my wedding rehearsal dinner. I puked up a lot of birthday cakes. When I'd lose weight I got compliments. "Have you been exercising a lot? You're tiny!"

Tiny. I wanted to be tiny. I wanted to climb flower branches and hide in pockets.

Bulimia Nervosa and alcohol are friends. For bulimics, everything is done in a binge, and that certainly includes drinking. Unlike drinking, bulimia is a hard thing to judge. Judgement often comes when people feel helpless. So does addiction.

It's like when I would wait to take calls, like from the guy in Santa Clara who got raped when he was thirteen. While riding home from school, he got pulled off his bike. That man paid me $1.99 a minute to listen to the story and I was never given an algorithm for that. He raped himself every day, having unprotected sex with strangers, and then paid me to hear the stories. I could not fix him.

There is a kind of light that is transcendent an infinite amount of times because it is unique to the interpretation of every individual. A glowing light, the light of waking up outside, thirty minutes after dawn. Fluorescent lights over a cubicle or a grocery store aisle--all the lights become so indefinite they are impossible to explain. There is a moment where the light is transcendent because we know it's part of us. I think that is why we question the stars.

I've been here before. Some of the staff know me. I don't know them. I don't know myself. A few months ago, in April, (it is now October) I had surgery. That surgery took place in this hospital. They took out my gall bladder. I don't miss it. What I do miss is my memory, which also was removed during that surgery. I remember being in my thirties, kinda. I am now forty-three.

It's okay to be judgmental. However, it only is acceptable to be judgmental toward people who are deemed to have problems with things like drinking, and other habits that people give up on Mondays and January First. Like eating.

*1990 Dear Diary: Hi! Well lots have happened & I haven't written in a long time. So here I am. I don't think I told you, but mom and I took a trip to Eureka a few months back. We saw the center & Trinidad, all lf our old houses & a bunch of other stuff. I love it there. I want to go back.

Danny & I went to my junior prom. It was pretty fun. We were really wired & stoned. I rented an ultra stretch limo & it was so fun. Danny wore a Harley Bandana around his head. We've been doing a lot of crank, so I'm down to 114 now!*

I've told people I've got an eating disorder. For decades, I throw up every day. When I mention this to anyone, which I rarely do, my words are meant with a look of confusion, a change of subject, and is never, ever brought up again. People don't have this reaction when you say you drink every day. Alcoholism is an acceptable subject for judging. Bulimia is not.

You can judge a drinker. It's easy because everyone's been shitfaced. So you know. You understand. You are very aware of the ins and outs of drinking or using drugs. But you're stronger because all you retained were a few hangovers. When it comes to surreptitiousness, judgement, and, most of all, help, eating disorders are still hidden. Justified. Pitied. Ignored. Everybody eats.

"Hello?" The soft voice comes through the brown door, with the thudded sound of knuckles tapping wood, three times. The silver industrial handle has no lock and the handle rests a tad too much to the right. In Saint Mary's Hospital, everything is crooked.

When I hear the knocks, I'm reading Facebook. People have such pretty lives.

It is the voice of a doctor. The doctors have different voices than nurses, and the doctors always open the door as they say my name. Nurses knock, then walk in, softly.

Dallas is a warm and dreary place. I'm stuck up in a bedroom on the fifth floor of a giant apartment complex. From my window I can see the other four story buildings, and all of the balconies. The balconies are too small to use, and some have gigantic satellite dishes cupping the air with three feet of brown metal.

1990 Dear Diary, Dad's in the hospital with knee surgery. He was totally out of it. He kept pushing this button that fed him pain killer. I can understand though. They put steel things in there. Mom's got a new boyfriend. He's a biker. He's cool. He's kinda taking over our household, but I guess someone needs to. There's so many things I've been stressing on. I couldn't eat for a week. I would throw everything up. I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not (thank god!). This summer has gone by so fast I can't believe it. School sucks so bad. Sometimes I just want to get on a harley & ride away. Oh well. I want to get out of this valley so bad it's unbelievable. I bought 2 parakeets. They're cute. Michelle P.S. We are on meth, and I'm looking really great. I'd gotten down to 114 pounds, I hadn't been at that weight since I was like fourteen years old. That was two years ago.

"Michelle?" The door opens. I am on day eight in Saint Mary's. I know this hospital is called St. Mary's because when I look through my window, down four floors and to the right, I see the neon LED sign that spans the entrance to the emergency room. Saint Mary's, in a bright, glowing red. I am in room 407. That's me. 407.

I know I'm a writer but all I can read is music. And now I sing. I sing a lot and I write music. When I hear myself sing, I remember that my voice is horrible.

My current stay is based on a seizure, the concluded result of alcohol withdrawls. I know this is can only partly be true. I had had a couple of shots of vodka less than twelve hours prior to the violent seizure that led me here. The seizure that took place while I was attending an AA meeting. I only went the the meeting so I could honestly say I did to people who have no fucking clue what the fuck their judging about. I know AA very well. My father and two of his brothers preached about it for decades, until they died from overusing alcohol and heroin.

I've heard the nurse explain 407 to other nurses. This happens when a new nurse takes a night or morning shift. I hear these conversations, as they take place, usually, a few feet from where I'm staring at the ceiling from my hospital bed. At St. Mary's. What has struck me as interesting, repeatedly, is that I swear all of these conversations have taken place in Spanish. They haven't. But they have. I don't speak Spanish. Nobody talks about bulimia, hep C, or hemochromatosis.

January 8, 1990 Dear Diary, HEY WHAT'S UP? Not much here. Sorry I haven't written. I've been busy with Danny. I told you I'd get him! I've been wired all weekend. I haven't eaten. Last night me & Danny saw Scrooged. He's so nice. He's got a Camaro! My favorite. I'm usually very picky. I just can't stand his bell bottoms that he wears all the time. He's *almost the perfect boyfriend. He's got drugs most of the time. He's always got pot. I got my Ozzy ticket. I'm so stoked!!

Dear Maga:

Thought I’d type you a letter so you knew I didn’t hock the typewriter. I just moved a table in the bedroom next to my side of the bed and put the typewriter and sewing machine on it. At night we close the bedroom off because we have an electric heater in the here; it puts of just enough heat to warm the bedroom. This way we don’t have to keep putting wood in the fire on cold nights. It also saves on wood, but of course our PG&E is bigger.

After the load of wood that we have now is gone, we probably won’t buy any more wood until next fall. Anyway, what I started to say was, that when we let the fire die down about 8:00, chances of my going out into the dining room and sewing or typing is not very good, so I brought the typewriter and sewing machine in here. Besides, the TV is in here too. My typing is a little rusty. I’m going to try and get some jobs next quarter at Humboldt State.

Bob is out playing his guitar downtown and Michelle and Jason are asleep -- peace at last. They really keep me going. Michelle follows me around all day and askss (I’m to lazy to erase) questions and wants me to do this or that. She’s so curious -- extremely intelligent and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has a photographic memory.

Chapter One Fictional Books Are The Devil's Prayers

And then I got cancer. It’s not a definite kind of cancer because nobody believes you unless you have a diagnosis from a doctor, on a piece of paper. It’s like your papers. It’s like you’re a dog because nobody believes their purebred friend has bad blood unless you have a pedigree, issued by a doctor. Unfortunately, without health insurance, it’s expensive to get papers. Maybe a referral to a special doctor. But that won’t pay for the new doctor. So, while your brain actually still functions, kinda, you just think about the parts of your life that were good. Or, you just make up some good parts. For me, my brain makes up the good parts when I sleep. I wake up and I'm still in my dream. Today I'm in a Bed & Breakfast. In Ireland. Under moss. Fresh eggs. Wet grass. An Irish female voice, humming through damp air. Salty air. The always comforting scent of my husband. He reassures me. And that feeling makes me uncomfortable. I think about breakfast. I smell the scent of fresh bread. There will be cups of butter, and maybe some bacon. And muffins. The bathrooms here are tiny, but it'll be fine. I'll leave the breakfast table before him, bounce up the carpety soft, spiral staircase, enter our bedroom, enter the tiny bathroom, and puke. Of course, that was my mind gifting me a memory throug

[doctorajoy]

UNIQUE BEST PERMANENT LOW COST TREATMENT !

 cancerkiller705925824.wordpress.com

https://cancerkiller705925824.wordpress.com/2019/04/06/cancer-killer/

 MODERN ALLOPATHIC  MEDICAL SYSTEM HAS NO POWER TO ROOT OUT ANY DISEASES ,IT CAN SURPRESS THE DISEASE ,IF YOU SURPRESS THEN YOU ARE TO PRON TO OTHER NEW DISEASES .

 IF YOU GO FOR SURGERY THEN THE  SAME DISEASE WILL COME AGAIN AND AGAIN MEANS IT IS A FAILURE SCIENCE !

 NOW YOU KNOW MOST CANCER PATIENT DIE AFTER CHEMO AND RADIATION WITH MUCH PAIN .AFTER SPENDING HUGE MONEY IF YOU CAN NOT SAVE YOUR RELATIVES THEN WHY YOU PREFER MODERN MEDICINE ?  BUT HERBAL MEDICINE KNOW HOW TO ROOT OUT CANCER ,AIDS  AND ALL 2000 DISEASES.  WE TREAT CANCER WITHOUT CHEMO ,RADIATION OR SURGERY  BUT IF YOU WANT TO DIE BY USING MODER MEDICINE  IT IS YOUR WILL

 If we can remove stone from your kidney or gallbladder without surgery then you must think how great is our ancient science .

 After spending millions rupees you can not save the life of your Cancer patient then where is our education system ,because you choose the killer modern medicine .We all are educated fools ,we are bond servant of our useless educational systems .

Well now you forget all failure ,mistakes ,so now onwards If you find any Cancer ,heart ,kidney patient then please go to any doctor of HEBAL Homeopath , Ayurveda , herbal ,acupressure etc .If you want live then go to the natural herb ,now the modern world populations are going after herbal medicine, so do awake and rise up for life.

I am not telling we are best but herbal treatment is amazing .If any doctor is suggesting you for any type of surgery then call me .I will not take any fees but I will take money for my genuine medicines because I am not manufacturer .There are millions manufacturer are selling their products in our markets .I pick effective genuine medicines from the market ,some are imported and some are from India.

With this I will give my secret  formulated medicine that you may not find in the market ,tips for what to do and what not do .

 No more heart and kidney transplantation ever .

GOOD NEWS FOR ALL PATIENT WHO NEED PERMANENT TREATMENT MEANS NO SURGERY,NO INJECTION,NO SIDE EFFECT,NO PAIN AND IMPORTED LOW COST TREATMENT WITH PRODUCT ! SO FAR WE TREAT MANY ILLNESS LIST GIVEN BELOW .WE TREAT INFERTILITY ,all type of cancer .last stage of cancer, HIV  AIDS (BANJHPAN)IRREGULAR MENSES,PAINFUL MENSES, EXCESS MENSES,SCANTY MENSES (NO MENSES) MENOPAUSE, LEUCORRHOEA, ASTHMA, DIABETIC,BLOODPRESSURE,THYROID- , CHRONIC SKIN PROBLEMS,TREATMENT FOR KIDNEY,HEART BLOCKAGE,SEX RELATED PROBLEMS,SEX BOOSTER,CHILD HEALTH CARE,JOINT PAIN ,OLD AGE PROBLEMS,HAIR FALL,PARALYSIS, (Osteoporosis)OBESITY,VITALITY- AND MANY MORE LIST GIVEN BELOW

.Allergy,Abnormal Heart Rhythms. Acidity Acne, Agoraphobia, Allergy, Alopecia, Alzheimer’s Disease ,Amenorrhea , Amyloidosis , Anaemia, Anal Fistula, Anemia, Angina Pectoris, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Anorexia Nervosa ,Arthritis ,Asherman's Syndrome, Asthma ,Atopic Dermatitis, Autoimmune Disorder ,Bacterial Vaginosis ,Bedwetting, Bell’s Palsy ,Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia, Bilateral Sacroiliitis, Bipolar Disorder, Blood Disorders, Bronchitis ,Bulged Disc Cancer ,Candidiasis, Cataract ,Cerebral Palsy ,Cervical Dystonia, Cervical Spondylosis, Chickenpox, Chikungunya Fever, Childhood Arthritis, Cholesterol Problems, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Gastritis, Chronic Kidney Disease, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), Congestive Heart Failure (CHF), Conjunctivitis, Constipation ,Cystitis, Dandruff, Dementia, Dengue Fever, Depression, Dermatitis, Diabetes, Mellitus Diabetic, Neuropathy ,Diverticulitis ,Dizziness, Down Syndrome,All mental illness ,Dysentery, Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding (DUB) ,Dyshidrotic, Eczema Dyspepsia Dysphagia Eczema Edema Endometriosis Eosinophilia Epilepsy, Erectile Dysfunction, Fatty Liver, Female Infertility, Fibroids ,Fibromyalgia ,Flu, Food Poisoning, Fungal Diseases, Gallstones ,Gangrene ,Genital Herpes ,Giardiasis, Gonorrhea, Gout ,Hair Loss, Halitosis / Bad Breath , Hearing Loss, Heart Diseases, Heartburn ,Hemorrhoids / Piles, Hepatitis, Herpes Zoster, Hypertension / High Blood Pressure, Hyperthyroidism Hypocortisolism Hypothyroidism, Indigestion, Infertility, Insomnia (sleep less)Interstitial Cystitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Ischemic ,Heart Disease Jaundice ,Joint Pains, Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA), Kidney Failure, Kidney Stones, Knee Pain, Leucoderma ,Leucorrhea, Leukemia, Liver Cirrhosis, Low Sperm Count, Menopause, Migraine ,Muscular Dystrophy ,Myopia, Nausea ,Nephrotic Syndrome ,Neurodermatitis, Obesity / Weight Loss ,Oligozoospermia, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, Ovarian Cysts, Paget's Disease ,Parkinsonism ,Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), Peyronie's Disease ,Piles ,Pleurisy, Polycystic Ovarian Disease, Premature Ejaculation ,Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), Primary Polycythemia, Vera Progressive Supranuclear Palsy Prolactinoma Prostatitis, epilepsy Pseudomonas, Aeruginosa Infections, Psoriasis ,Psychosis ,Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sacroiliitis, Sarcoidosis ,Schizophrenia, Sciatica, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sinusitis, Skin Problems, Stress, Swollen Lymph Nodes, Syphilis, Tourette Syndrome, Trigeminal Neuralgia ,Ulcerative, Colitis, Underweight, Arthritis Urinary Tract Infections (UTI), Urticaria, Varicose Veins ,Vertigo, Writer's Cramp and many more.

SOME UNIQUE MEDICINE

MEDICINE FOR NO MORE HEART ATTACK ,MEDICINE FOR DYING PERSON (PATIENT NEAR TO DEATH),MEDICINE FOR COMA PATIENT ,OLD AGE SEX POWER,MALE FEMALE SEX BOOSTER,ASTHMA CLEAR,FREE DIABETIC,NO MORE BLOOD PRESSURE.

 CONTACT …..91 99 93 90  68 75 , DOCTOR AJOY DAS  CALL FOR APPOINTMENT  91 62 61 68 04 00

VISIT  OUR WEBSITE

I AM A DOCTOR  BUT MY  HEART  IS BURNING FOR  GOD  WITH MY  MEDICAL  PRACTICE I AM TRYING  TO  REACH NON  CHRISTIAN  SO THAT THERE  MAY  BE JOY  IN  HEAVEN . YOUR  LIKE  ,COMMENT WILL  GREATLY  ENCOURAGE FOR MY  WORK ,IF  POSSIBLE SUBSCRIBE  MY   BLOGS . IF  NEED  ANY   PRAYER  REQUEST  SEND DETAIL  TO MY  EMAIL GIVEN  BELOW  ,IF GOD IS  LEADING  PLEASE GIVE  YOUR  HELPING HANDS  FOR  MY FREE  BIBLE  DISTRIBUTING MINISTRY  AND OTHER  MINISTRY ,PLEASE  PRAY  FOR ME. THANK YOU !

https://www.doctorajoykumardas.online

 [email protected]

 NOTE  ---

 WE TREAT ALL TYPE  OF  CANCER  AND OTHER  DISEASES ,FOR ONLINE TREATMENT WE CAN  SEND YOUR REPORT AND CALL ME ANY TIME FROM ANY COUNTRIES .YOU WILL FIND ALL MEDICINES IN YOUR COUNTRY ,ONLY YOU HAVE TO PAY MY FEES .THE WORLD LOW COST TREATMENT !

     UNIQUE BEST PERMANENT LOW COST  TREATMENT !

 MODERN ALLOPATHIC  MEDICAL SYSTEM HAS NO POWER TO ROOT OUT ANY DISEASES ,IT CAN SURPRESS THE DISEASE ,IF YOU SURPRESS THEN YOU ARE TO PRON TO OTHER NEW DISEASES .

IF YOU GO FOR SURGERY THEN THE  SAME DISEASE WILL COME AGAIN AND AGAIN MEANS IT IS A FAILURE SCIENCE !

NOW YOU KNOW MOST CANCER PATIENT DIE AFTER CHEMO AND RADIATION WITH MUCH PAIN .AFTER SPENDING HUGE MONEY IF YOU CAN NOT SAVE YOUR RELATIVES THEN WHY YOU PREFER MODERN MEDICINE ?  BUT HERBAL MEDICINE KNOW HOW TO ROOT OUT CANCER ,AIDS  AND ALL 2000 DISEASES.  WE TREAT CANCER WITHOUT CHEMO ,RADIATION OR SURGERY  BUT IF YOU WANT TO DIE BY USING MODER MEDICINE  IT IS YOUR WILL

If we can remove stone from your kidney or gallbladder without surgery then you must think how great is our ancient science .

After spending millions rupees you can not save the life of your Cancer patient then where is our education system ,because you choose the killer modern medicine .We all are educated fools ,we are bond servant of our useless educational systems .

Well now you forget all failure ,mistakes ,so now onwards If you find any Cancer ,heart ,kidney patient then please go to any doctor of HEBAL Homeopath , Ayurveda , herbal ,acupressure etc .If you want live then go to the natural herb ,now the modern world populations are going after herbal medicine, so do awake and rise up for life.

I am not telling we are best but herbal treatment is amazing .If any doctor is suggesting you for any type of surgery then call me .I will not take any fees but I will take money for my genuine medicines because I am not manufacturer .There are millions manufacturer are selling their products in our markets .I pick effective genuine medicines from the market ,some are imported and some are from India.

With this I will give my secret  formulated medicine that you may not find in the market ,tips for what to do and what not do .

No more heart and kidney transplantation ever .

GOOD NEWS FOR ALL PATIENT WHO NEED PERMANENT TREATMENT MEANS NO SURGERY,NO INJECTION,NO SIDE EFFECT,NO PAIN AND IMPORTED LOW COST TREATMENT WITH PRODUCT ! SO FAR WE TREAT MANY ILLNESS LIST GIVEN BELOW .WE TREAT INFERTILITY ,all type of cancer .last stage of cancer, HIV  AIDS (BANJHPAN)IRREGULAR MENSES,PAINFUL MENSES, EXCESS MENSES,SCANTY MENSES (NO MENSES) MENOPAUSE, LEUCORRHOEA, ASTHMA, DIABETIC,BLOODPRESSURE,THYROID- , CHRONIC SKIN PROBLEMS,TREATMENT FOR KIDNEY,HEART BLOCKAGE,SEX RELATED PROBLEMS,SEX BOOSTER,CHILD HEALTH CARE,JOINT PAIN ,OLD AGE PROBLEMS,HAIR FALL,PARALYSIS, (Osteoporosis)OBESITY,VITALITY- AND MANY MORE LIST GIVEN BELOW

.Allergy,Abnormal Heart Rhythms. Acidity Acne, Agoraphobia, Allergy, Alopecia, Alzheimer’s Disease ,Amenorrhea , Amyloidosis , Anaemia, Anal Fistula, Anemia, Angina Pectoris, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Anorexia Nervosa ,Arthritis ,Asherman's Syndrome, Asthma ,Atopic Dermatitis, Autoimmune Disorder ,Bacterial Vaginosis ,Bedwetting, Bell’s Palsy ,Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia, Bilateral Sacroiliitis, Bipolar Disorder, Blood Disorders, Bronchitis ,Bulged Disc Cancer ,Candidiasis, Cataract ,Cerebral Palsy ,Cervical Dystonia, Cervical Spondylosis, Chickenpox, Chikungunya Fever, Childhood Arthritis, Cholesterol Problems, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Gastritis, Chronic Kidney Disease, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), Congestive Heart Failure (CHF), Conjunctivitis, Constipation ,Cystitis, Dandruff, Dementia, Dengue Fever, Depression, Dermatitis, Diabetes, Mellitus Diabetic, Neuropathy ,Diverticulitis ,Dizziness, Down Syndrome,All mental illness ,Dysentery, Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding (DUB) ,Dyshidrotic, Eczema Dyspepsia Dysphagia Eczema Edema Endometriosis Eosinophilia Epilepsy, Erectile Dysfunction, Fatty Liver, Female Infertility, Fibroids ,Fibromyalgia ,Flu, Food Poisoning, Fungal Diseases, Gallstones ,Gangrene ,Genital Herpes ,Giardiasis, Gonorrhea, Gout ,Hair Loss, Halitosis / Bad Breath , Hearing Loss, Heart Diseases, Heartburn ,Hemorrhoids / Piles, Hepatitis, Herpes Zoster, Hypertension / High Blood Pressure, Hyperthyroidism Hypocortisolism Hypothyroidism, Indigestion, Infertility, Insomnia (sleep less)Interstitial Cystitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Ischemic ,Heart Disease Jaundice ,Joint Pains, Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA), Kidney Failure, Kidney Stones, Knee Pain, Leucoderma ,Leucorrhea, Leukemia, Liver Cirrhosis, Low Sperm Count, Menopause, Migraine ,Muscular Dystrophy ,Myopia, Nausea ,Nephrotic Syndrome ,Neurodermatitis, Obesity / Weight Loss ,Oligozoospermia, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, Ovarian Cysts, Paget's Disease ,Parkinsonism ,Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), Peyronie's Disease ,Piles ,Pleurisy, Polycystic Ovarian Disease, Premature Ejaculation ,Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS), Primary Polycythemia, Vera Progressive Supranuclear Palsy Prolactinoma Prostatitis, epilepsy Pseudomonas, Aeruginosa Infections, Psoriasis ,Psychosis ,Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sacroiliitis, Sarcoidosis ,Schizophrenia, Sciatica, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sinusitis, Skin Problems, Stress, Swollen Lymph Nodes, Syphilis, Tourette Syndrome, Trigeminal Neuralgia ,Ulcerative, Colitis, Underweight, Arthritis Urinary Tract Infections (UTI), Urticaria, Varicose Veins ,Vertigo, Writer's Cramp and many more.

SOME UNIQUE MEDICINE

MEDICINE FOR NO MORE HEART ATTACK ,MEDICINE FOR DYING PERSON (PATIENT NEAR TO DEATH),MEDICINE FOR COMA PATIENT ,OLD AGE SEX POWER,MALE FEMALE SEX BOOSTER,ASTHMA CLEAR,FREE DIABETIC,NO MORE BLOOD PRESSURE.

 CONTACT …..91 99 93 90  68 75 , DOCTOR AJOY DAS  CALL  FOR APPOINTMENT  91 62 61 68 04 00

VISIT  OUR WEBSITE

I AM A DOCTOR  BUT  MY HEART  IS BURNING  FOR GOD  WITH  MY MEDICAL  PRACTICE  I AM TRYING TO  REACH  NON CHRISTIAN  SO THAT  THERE MAY  BE  JOY IN  HEAVEN  . YOUR LIKE  ,COMMENT  WILL GREATLY  ENCOURAGE  FOR MY WORK ,IF  POSSIBLE  SUBSCRIBE MY   BLOGS  . IF NEED  ANY   PRAYER REQUEST  SEND  DETAIL TO MY  EMAIL  GIVEN BELOW  ,IF GOD  IS  LEADING PLEASE  GIVE  YOUR HELPING  HANDS  FOR MY  FREE  BIBLE DISTRIBUTING  MINISTRY  AND OTHER MINISTRY  ,PLEASE  PRAY FOR ME. THANK  YOU !

https://www.doctorajoykumardas.online

 [email protected]

 WE TREAT ALL CANCER NOTE  ---

 WE TREAT ALL TYPE  OF  CANCER AND  OTHER  DISEASES ,FOR ONLINE TREATMENT WE CAN  SEND YOUR REPORT AND CALL ME ANY TIME FROM ANY COUNTRIES .YOU WILL FIND ALL MEDICINES IN YOUR COUNTRY ,ONLY YOU HAVE TO PAY MY FEES .THE WORLD LOW COST TREATMENT !

  मुंह के कैंसर का इलाज

·         भारत में हर घंटे ओरल कैंसर से 5 से ज्यादा लोगों की मौत होती है।

·         सिर्फ तंबाकू खाने वालों ही नहीं, सामान्य लोगों को भी हो सकता है मुंह का कैंसर।

·         जानें ओरल कैंसर के शुरुआती लक्षणों और बचाव के बारे में।

मुंह के कैंसर के रोगी सबसे ज्यादा भारत में पाए जाते हैं। इसका कारण यह है कि यहां बड़े पैमाने पर लोग गुटखा, पान मसाले और सुर्ती आदि का सेवन करते हैं। मगर यदि आप ये समझ रहे हैं कि सिर्फ तंबाकू खाने वालों को मुंह का कैंसर होता है, तो आप गलत हैं। मुंह का कैंसर यानी ओरल कैंसर किसी को भी हो सकता है। आमतौर पर इम्यून सिस्टम (प्रतिरक्षा तंत्र) के कमजोर होने पर ये कैंसर हो जाता है।

मुंह का कैंसर होने पर शुरुआत में बहुत सामान्य संकेत दिखते हैं, जैसे- मुंह में गाल के अंदर की तरफ छाले होना, मुंह में छोटे-मोटे घाव होना, लंबे समय तक होठों का फटना और घाव का आसानी से न भरना आदि। आइए आपको बताते हैं मुंह के कैंसर के बारे में कुछ अन्य जरूरी बातें, जिससे आप इस बीमारी से समय रहते बच सकें।

 भारत में कितनी तेजी से बढ़ रहा है ओरल कैंसर

कैंसर एक जानलेवा रोग है। भारत में पिछले एक दशक में कैंसर के मरीजों की संख्या और कैंसर से मरने वालों की संख्या दोनों बहुत तेजी से बढ़े हैं। जर्नल ऑफ फार्मास्युटिकल साइंसेज एंड रिसर्च की मानें तो, आपको जानकर हैरानी होगी कि कैंसर के जितने मामले भारत में आते हैं, उनमें से 30 प्रतिशत सिर्फ मुंह के कैंसर (ओरल कैंसर) के मामले होते हैं। भारत में हर घंटे ओरल कैंसर से 5 से ज्यादा लोगों की मौत होती है। ये वो आंकड़ें हैं जो कैंसर के लिए अस्पतालों में रजिस्टर किए गए हैं। यानी वास्तविक आंकड़े इससे भी कहीं ज्यादा हो सकते हैं। इनमें से सबसे ज्यादा मामले उत्तरप्रदेश से आते हैं और गांवों से आते हैं !

क्या हैं मुंह के कैंसर के शुरुआती लक्षण

·         मुंह के कैंसर की शुरुआत मुंह के अंदर सफेद छाले या छोटे-मोटे घाव से होती है।

·         लंबे समय तक अगर मुंह के भीतर सफेद धब्बा, घाव, छाला रहता है, तो आगे चलकर यह मुंह का कैंसर बन जाता है।

·         मुंह में दुर्गन्ध, आवाज बदलना, आवाज बैठ जाना, कुछ निगलने में तकलीफ होना, लार का अधिक या रक्त मिश्रित बहना जैसे लक्षण भी दिखते हैं।

·         धूम्रपान या नशा करने वाले को कैंसर होने का खतरा ज्यादा रहता है। मुंह का कैंसर मुंह के भीतर जीभ, मसूड़ें, होंट कहीं भी हो सकता है।

·         इसमें घाव, सूजन, लाल रंग, खून निकलने, जलन, सन्नता, मुंह में दर्द आदि जैसे लक्षण देखने को मिलते है।

किन लोगों को होता है ज्यादा खतरा

आमतौर पर मुंह का कैंसर कमजोर इम्यूनिटी के कारण होता है इसलिए किसी को भी हो सकता है। इसके अलावा मुंह की ठीक से सफाई न करने से भी लंबे समय में मुंह के रोग और फिर कैंसर हो सकता है। मगर फिर भी इसका सबसे ज्यादा खतरा उन लोगों को होता है, जो तंबाकू या उससे जुड़ी चीजें जैसे- गुटखा, सुर्ती, जर्दा, पान, सुपारी, पान मसाला आदि खाते हैं।

इसके अलावा बीड़ी, सिगरेट, गांजा, शराब, आदि का सेवन भी मुंह के कैंसर का कारण बनता है।

 मुंह के कैंसर से बचना है तो क्या करें

यदि मुंह, होंठों या जीभ पर किसी तरह का घाव या छाला बन जाए और शीघ्र ठीक नहीं हो रहा हो तो तुरन्त चिकित्सक को दिखाना चाहिए। यदि मुहं में होने वाले कैंसर का पता प्रथम चरण में ही चल जाए तो इसका निदान संभव है। इसमें देरी करने पर इसकी भयावहता बढ़ जाती है। इसके अलावा अगर कोई लक्षण नहीं भी दिखाई दें, फिर भी इन बातों का जरूर ध्यान रखें।

·         धूम्रपान एवं नशे का सेवन ना करें।

·         दांतों और मुंह की नियमित दो बार अच्छी तरह सफाई करें।

·         दांतों मसूड़ों व मुंह के भीतर कोई भी बदलाव नजर आए तो तत्काल डॉक्टर से जांच करायें।

·         जंक फूड, प्रोसेस्ड फूड, कोल्ड ड्रिंक्स, डिब्बा बन्द चीजों का सेवन बन्द कर दें।

·         ताजे मौसमी फल, सब्जी, सलाद अवश्य खाएं। इन्हें अच्छे से धोकर उपयोग करें।

   कोलन कैंसर का  इलाज

·         कोलन कैंसर बड़ी आंत (कोलन) का कैंसर है

·         जो आपके पाचन तंत्र का अंतिम भाग है

·         पॉलीप्स आगे चलकर कोलोन कैंसर बन सकते हैं

कोलन कैंसर बड़ी आंत (कोलन) का कैंसर है, जो आपके पाचन तंत्र का अंतिम भाग है। कोलन कैंसर के ज्यादातर मामले एडेनोमेटस पॉलीप्स नामक कोशिकाओं के छोटे, गैर-कैंसर (सौम्य) समूहों से शुरू होते हैं। समय के साथ इनमें से कुछ पॉलीप्स आगे चलकर कोलोन कैंसर बन सकते हैं। पॉलीप्स (छोटी गांठ) के लक्षण कम या बिल्‍कुल भी नहीं दिखाई देते हैं। इस कारण से, डॉक्टर कैंसर की पहचान करने से पहले पॉलीप्‍स को पहचानने और हटाने से रोकने के लिए नियमित जांच की सलाह देते हैं।

 मानव शरीर में कोलन कैंसर की पहचान होने पर इसको रोकने के लिए पॉलिप्‍स को खोज कर उन्‍हें हटाया जाता है। पॉलिप्‍स को हटाने के बाद कोलन कैंसर का जोखिम कम हो जाता है। कोलन पांच फीट लंबी मसक्यूलर ट्यूब होती है। कोलन कैंसर बड़ी आंत में या फिर रेक्टम (यह बड़ी आंत का अंतिम सिरा होता है) से शुरू हो सकता है। आम बोलचाल में कोलन-रेक्टल कैंसर को ही कोलन कैंसर कहते हैं। खान-पान और लाइफस्‍टाइल के कारण कोलन कैंसर के मामले बढ़ रहे हैं। पुरुषों के मुकाबले महिलायें कोलन कैंसर का ज्‍यादा शिकार हो रही हैं। जो महिलाएं फाइबर वाली चीजें कम खाती हैं जिससे उनमें कोलन कैंसर का खतरा अधिक होता है। आइए हम आपको कोलन कैंसर के लक्षणों के बारे में बताते हैं। 

कोलन कैंसर के लक्षण 

·         डायरिया कोलन कैंसर का प्रमुख लक्षण है।

·         लंबे समय तक कॉन्सटिपेशन यानी कब्‍ज हो तो कोलन कैंसर होने की संभावना बढ़ जाती है।

·         स्टूल में खून आना।

·         मल की रुकावट होना, पेट पूरी तरह से साफ न होना।

·         बिना किसी वजन के शरीर में खून की कमी होना।

·         अपच की शिकायत होना।

·         लगातार वजन घटना।

·         पेट के निचले हिस्से में लंबे समय से दर्द होना।

·         हर वक्‍त थकान महसूस होना।

·         लगातार उल्‍टी होना।

किसे हो सकता है कोलन कैंसर

·         20 में से 1 आदमी को कोलन कैंसर होने का खतरा होता है।

·         जैसे-जैसे उम्र बढ़ती जाती है उतना इस कैंसर के होने का खतरा बढ़ता जाता है।

·         पोलिप्‍स और कोलन कैंसर के विकसित होने का खतरा प्रत्‍येक आदमी को होता है।

·         यदि 50 वर्ष तक की आयु तक इसका पता चल जाये तो इलाज संभव है।

·         यदि घर में किसी को कोलन कैंसर हुआ है तो इसके होने की आशंका बढ़ जाती है।

·         धूम्रपान और एल्‍कोहल का सेवन करने वालों को कोलन कैंसर होने का खतरा होता है।

कोलन कैंसर की पहचान कैसे करें 

स्टूल में खून हो तो यह कोलन कैंसर की पहचान का सबसे सरल तरीका है। स्क्रीनिंग के जरिए डॉक्टर इसकी पहचान कर सकते हैं। कोलनस्कोपी और सिटी पैट स्कैन के जरिए कोलन कैंसर की पहचान की जाती है। कोलन कैंसर के ट्रीटमेंट का एकमात्र तरीका सर्जरी है। कीमोथेरपी से इसका साइज कम किया जाता है उसके बाद सर्जरी की जाती है। अगर कैंसर सेल लीवर तक फैल जाती हैं तो मरीज को रेडियो फ्रीक्वेंसी एबलेशन ट्रीटमेंट दिया जाता है। कोलन कैंसर का इलाज तब तक ही संभव है जब यह आंतों तक ही सीमित हो।

ज्यादातर मामलों में मरीज कोलन कैंसर के लक्षणों को मामूली समझकर नजरअंदाज कर देते हैं। इससे कैंसर फैलकर लिम्फ नोड्स तक पहुंच जाता है, जो घातक होता है। इसलिए यदि आपको यह लक्षण दिखें तो चिकित्‍सक से तुरंत संपर्क करें।

 थायरॉइड कैंसर का इलाज

थायरॉइड ग्रंथि हमारे गले में होती है, जो हमारे शरीर के लिए कुछ जरूरी हार्मोन्स को रिलीज करती है। महिलाओं में थायरॉइड कैंसर के मामले पुरुषों के मुकाबले 3 गुना ज्यादा पाए जाते हैं। आइए आपको बताते हैं क्या हैं थायरॉइड कैंसर के शुरुआती लक्षण और कैसे रोक सकते हैं इसे।

 क्या हैं थायरॉइड कैंसर के लक्षण

·         गले में दर्द और सूजन होना

·         गले की निचले हिस्से को छूने पर दर्द महसूस होना

·         गले में गांठ का अनुभव होना

·         मरीज को कमजोरी का अनुभव होता है।

·         पानी, खाना और थूक निगलने में परेशानी होना

·         शारीरिक कार्य करने पर ज्यादा थकान होना

·         पीरियड्स के समय सामान्य से अधिक दर्द होता है और पीरियड्स जल्दी हो जाते हैं।

·         थायरॉइड कैंसर होने पर शरीर में दर्द का अनुभव होता है, खासकर मांसपेशियों व जोड़ो में दर्द होता है।

·         थायरॉइड कैंसर में बार-बार आंत संबंधी समस्या होने लगती है।

इसे भी पढ़ें:- गाल में छाले और मुंह में घाव हैं मुंह के कैंसर के शुरुआती लक्षण, जानें किन्हें होता है खतरा

किन लोगों को होता है ज्यादा खतरा

आमतौर पर यह बीमारी 30 साल से अधिक उम्र के लोगों में होती है। युवाओं और बच्चों में इसके होने की संभावना कम पायी जाती हैं। इसके साथ ही यह रोग महिलाओं में पुरुषों के मुकाबले 3 गुना ज्यादा पाया जाता है। रेडिएशन थेरेपी के संपर्क में आने वाले लोगों में थायरॉइड कैंसर को विकसित करने का खतरा बढ़ जाता है। इसलिए अगर आप किसी रोग के इलाज के लिए रेडिएशन थेरेपी लेते हैं, तो इसके खतरों के बारे में डॉक्टर से पूछ लें। इसके साथ ही यह रोग अनुवांशिक भी होता है इसलिए अगर किसी के परिवार में पहले से थायरॉइड कैंसर हो, तो उसे इसका खतरा होता है।

थायरॉइड कैंसर का क्या है इलाज

अल्ट्रासाउंड और थायरॉइड स्कैन के जरिए थायरॉइड कैंसर का पता तुरंत चल जाता है। पता लगते ही इसका तत्काल आपरेशन कर पूरी ग्रंथि को निकाल दिया जाता है। इसके ब���द बिना देरी किए मरीज को रेडियोएक्टिव आयोडीन थेरेपी (रेडिएशन की एक विधि) दी जाती है। थायरॉइड कैंसर में रेडियोथेरेपी एवं कीमोथरेपी विधि की जरूरत काफी कम होती है। हर थायरॉइड कैंसर मरीज को ��र्जरी के बाद रेडियोएक्टिव थेरेपी की जरूरत होती है।

इसे भी पढ़ें:- जानें कैसे होता है ब्लड कैंसर और क्या हैं इसके शुरुआती लक्षण

ऐसे लोग बरतें सावधानी

थायराइड कैंसर को रोकने के लिए कोई निश्चित तरीका नही है। यदि आपकी गर्दन के आस-पास रेडियोथेरेपी हुई है, विशेष रूप से जब आप बच्चे थे, तो थायराइड कैंसर को लेकर अपने डॉक्टर से नियमित जांच करवाते रहें। ऐसे लोग, जिनके परिवार में थायरायड कैंसर का इतिहास है उन्हें भी डॉक्टर से इस संदर्भ में जांच करवाते रहना चाहिए। अपने डॉक्टर की सलाह मानें और इस बीमारी से बचे रहें।

[doctorajoy]

कॅन्सर का सफल इलाज करना चहेते है तो कॉल करें 919993906875 ,919109714270

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 MODERN ALLOPATHIC  MEDICAL SYSTEM HAS NO POWER TO ROOT OUT ANY DISEASES ,IT CAN SURPRESS THE DISEASE ,IF YOU SURPRESS THEN YOU ARE TO PRON TO OTHER NEW DISEASES .

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