#I am not being objective right now

[captain-lovelace]

just unfollow me right now if you’re gonna argue that art theft is absolutely fine

UPDATE: I ate food and while I still disagree I am no longer incandescently angry

#just saw someone like ‘is getting someone’s art off google images and adding text to make a meme art theft’ YES IF YOU #REMOVE THE CREDIT? THAT’S NOT A QUESTION #Like the problem is that the origin becomes so obfuscated that #People will sometimes see their work spread #on a wide scale #With the creator misattributed #or absent #if you pretend art just pops into thin air with no artist #That is bad! #Admittedly I may be so pissedbecayse I am starving and I have so much work to do #I am not being objective right now

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Sally is the real neighborhood Rizzler... you all know i'm right...

#she knew what she was doingggggg #she Knew!!!! #'youre going to make me blush' yes poppy i think that was her intention <3 #popstar is A tier ship you cant convince me otherwise #fuck now im tempted to make a For Fun ship tier list.... no im not. the exhaustion is just making me insane #popstar is theeeeeee lesbian pairing tho #fingers crossed im onto something with them #cmon cmon i love being right #i love clocking relationships before they happen its my fav hobby when watching/reading stuff #i know im delusional with laughingstock but Popstar? i! am! so! correct! #probably. maybe. if im Wrong... dont light your torches im just a lil guy #scribble garnish #welcome home #wh popstar #sally starlet #poppy partridge #THAT TABLE SHOT MY WIFE AND ATE MY LEFTOVERS #i rarely scribble objects and the like and its For A Reason #it was fun for like... ten seconds and then it got tedious but i was Committed #although. i will admit. #scribbling the misc items was nice. love me some Stuff and Things

[bobosbillionsknives]

He's kinda feminine rage vibes

#only one person in the universe is going to understand what im referencing here #hi nora #this but im actually being 100% serious I am not joking #hes LITERALLY fiona apple dont play with me right now #he hates men even though he is a man but it doesn't count when he does it #his worldview isn't very logical or consistent this is well documented #millions “we are seen as objects to be used and discarded” knives 🤣🤣🤣‼️ #my sillies

[unopenablebox]

i'm fighting demons but the demon is making biweekly posts about how perfect 🌸 is

#i hear your objection but right now those posts are weekly at MOST. #girlfriend tag #box opener #does everyone else have really good impulse control to only say things online that have content or are interesting #or is the intense degree of my interest in and emotional responses to my girlfriend itself some kind of weird problem unique to me #they're just. so charming and great. yesterday i got really excited #because after about two hours of being apart i walked to the location where i had arranged to meet them #and they were there‚ in the location. #not like doing anything. we didn't have plans. they were wearing a jacket? and sitting on a ledge swinging their legs cutely? #but i also sometimes get that excited if they're just standing still and not wearing a jacket. so idk. #i know other people have blogs and also partners they like! am i just discovering that i lack the facet of self-discipline that everyone #else uses to avoid inventing the tumblr version of a wife guy

[mishtershpock]

.

#not to sound like a broken record #i know this has already been talked about a lot in current fandom discourse #but all the tommy love also comes from a place of #misogyny (buck’s m/f relationships failed bc the women weren’t good enough. but his first m/m is perfect and destined and tommy is god) #(even though we know next to nothing about them as a couple. cough 1 kiss and 1 failed date cough cough) #and biphobic concepts (buck’s only relationship/partner that is worth shipping and love and fandom time is the m/m one) #(if he’s with a woman he’s not worth our time? the relationship/partner isn’t worth our time. right?) #some people kinda sounding like the conservative haters right now #oliver stark’s voice shouting from afar: he isn’t gay! he is bisexual! he still likes women! #some people like to celebrate bi buck (as we should) but then erase his previous gfs #in favour of this 1 man he’s shared literally 4 scenes with. okay #<- <- <- i drafted this like 6 hours before that interview came out. ollie came to back me up with the ‘he still likes women’ lmao #him dating a guy now does not erase or dismiss his previous m/f relationships or that he’s still into women #one final comment. any time buck got with a girl it was ‘they need to break up immediately’ #‘she’s not right for him’ #he’s with his first guy and it’s ’they should be endgame’ #‘they’re perfect together’ #huh?? one. we barely know tommy/them together #two. what exactly makes them endgame material? bc they’re both men? cough biphobic misogyny fetishization cough #three. it would be objectively hilarious if he realises his sexuality and within 2 weeks is dating a guy for the first time #and then that guy ends up being his endgame forever partner. lmaoooo that would be so dumb sawry #not to mention it would kinda lean into the biphobia and misogyny mentioned above #in that it would suggest that his problem with finding love previously was… women #and this problem is now magically fixed because… man #four. not to be a buddie endgame truther but if all the vocal support means this is what we get instead #instead of Them. i’m out see ya bye bye #i am sooooo reading way too much into this but oh well

[derpinette]

english used to be the normie filter & how you could tell someone was a Trve Internethead but after the DAMNED 2020 quarantine for obvious reasons EveryBody & They Momma is acceptably fluent so now i have to learn swedish or something. -_-

#already been spending time this past year & a half i only need someone to actually speak it with IRL for maximum efficiency #technically i want to say 2019 people were already turning to english at least in my city. 7 year old me would be so happy but #ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH #YOU ARE POSERS I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON WITH YOU & I NEVER WILL. has me feeling so ♯DECEIVED #native english speakers will probably never understand this feel #speaking english now is just as cringe as i thought being francophone was a decade ago Yes even as a child i was against normies #i was forcibly taught.by my millennial older brother i had no choice but to abide by that line of thought & so here i am today #well he was right. not anymore he ain't but he used to be #but technically you can say this new wave of self taught anglophones are going against the current & remnants of colonialism so well #it is a good thing objectively i just miss the ease of recognizing Real back in the day TT_TT like you just KNEW they shared your interests #& weirdness they knew your references it said something about what their social status likely was too ETC ETC. But not anymore... #i enjoyed it tho i had a bestfriend whom i mostly spoke english with & we were known for it we were outcasts #i distinctly remember this fag who got so mad at us & harassed us for it during middle school recess. like fluency was a bad thing #we were not even gossiping about him Altho we should have been. & that was the best part is that it was a barrier #so you could talk about anything out loud & nobody would be able to understand you & at the time it was just us & our older siblings #+their friends

[thegreenleavesofspring]

.

#You'd think of all times I'd be having stress dreams right now‚ but I'm not actually #In fact usually my dreams are horrible things of dreadful desperate danger and darkness and blood. Losing my children‚ losing other people #who trust me to help and save them. #But they've all been things like “woman is criticizing my soap bottles” (🤨) and “there's a tornado - but it doesn't hit us actually” and #“you missed a phone call btw” #But it's not that I'm not stressed. I am. I am tied up in all sorts of knots over this pending divorce hearing. And the pending CPS case. #<- That's going to court btw. Dallas has had a full year to do the mandatory six weeks counseling and has opted not to finish it‚ so they'r #taking him to court over it to codify that he is not allowed to have anything to do with us. #Fine by me‚ him being legally prevented from having anything to do with us has always been my hope. It'll be a hassle for me having to #*also* appear in court‚ but overall a small price to pay. And it also removes my last theological objections to the divorce; #the unbelieving has chosen to depart indeed. #So! *Good* news. But also not not-stressful. #(My back is *killing* me and it gets worse the closer February 6th looms.) #On the other hand I REFUSE to worry. Because there is No. Way. that God would bring us this far just to abandon us now. #And His fingerprints are *all over* the last two years. #(I am still not precisely 'looking forward' to the court appearances.) #Anyway. Fun stuff‚ fun stuff. #Nattering into the void

[kylermalloy]

When I was in high school I used to perform gospel songs at church with one of my best friends. She sang, and I played accompaniment and sang backup. We were actually really close! Then I went to college and we suddenly weren’t anymore—she’d stopped talking to me so she could date this grown man she liked, who I hated.

So when I came home from college that summer, I stopped singing songs with her and started performing at church on my own. The first one I sang was about how people change for the worst slowly, over time. Anyway that’s MY silver springs

#kylerrambles #for the record i was right about the guy #she got engaged to him and THEN found out he didn’t want kids #not to mention just being an awful entitled a-hole of a man anyway #always found it funny that her parents were briefly on MY side bc they hated him too #but the compulsory heterosexuality euphoria won them over in the end #our barely-legal daughter has a boyfriend! hooray! #neither of us would have ever considered our friendship gay but it’s still funny #it was a very public breakup regardless i bet some of the old church ladies gossiped about why we never performed together anymore #anyway it’s been almost ten years and i’m very amused by it all now #my song choice included because the song is. objectively. awful #but nineteen-year-old me thought it was clever #and now it’s past midnight and i am telling all you lovelies on tumblr because it crossed my mind earlier as i played the piano #another reason we shouldn’t let kyler nightblog

[hauntedtotem]

I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh

#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly #I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol #Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were #Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls- #I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something? #But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting #Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was #'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this- #-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?' #So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why' #this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool #//shade #I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo #My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk #Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter #Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics. #Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close' #vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ? #Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol #imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever. #Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them #This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3 #Iykyk

[shoechoe]

Learning languages is so difficult but that moment where you hear someone speak the language you've been studying and it hits you that you can actually understand what they're saying without subtitles makes it all feel worth it I think

#not jojo related #personal #me learning spanish #i feel like i am starting to get a little bit of a handle on grammar #just starting to learn was so rough i felt like everything i learned just fell out of my brain #but now i think i'm starting to pick up on it and i can write some sentences from memory now which is exciting #i can just never remember verbs and object names right... #if only i was better at being consistent with studying on my own outside spanish class lol #i had a really long duolingo streak but i quit that cause i didn't like the layoffs thing #i do not want to live my life knowing only 1 language so i want to keep studying beyond school

[strwbrymlkshake]

I am trying so hard but it still isn't ENOUGH FOR YOU? DON'T YOU SEE HOW HARD I'VE BEEN TRYING?

#mine #normally i've been good about not being too upset over things #but oh fucking boy. okay. im glad people are scared of me #i hope they know that im the only right one in the whole world and they are wrong and are justified for fearing me and im glad my existence #will turn them off from sharing their wrong opinions. but oh FUCKING BOY? ive been sitting here the whole time like oh they hate me #oh they hate me so much they want me to die wahhh and im trying to do all the things they like because im for some reason fucking bothered #by their other opinions. even though the people themselves are useless trash #and oh. like i was suspecting it but its finally confirmed huh??? you all cant fucking stand the sight of me because im right? #you dont understand the truth?? they hated him because he told them the truth? thats me as fuck rn dude #i am literally gracing your eyes with the content i make and basically hand feeding you the correct opinions to have #and yet you still reject them! people just love being stupid unfortunately. i want to kill them all. #i would be so much nicer if you all just agreed with me on the objective truth but unfortunate you have to be stupid #i have graced you with so many GIFTS and protected you from my wrath so many times but you do not even give a fuck #WHY AM I CRYING. YOU ARE ALL SO USELESS WHY AM I CRYING!!! MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOU DONT AGREE? #i guess im crying because they are all so stupid #so what im saying is its very unfortunate that everyone does not worship me and all my opinions and the world is very hard. yes. #friendship ended with self hatred now delusions of grandeur are my new best friend #even trhing to explain myself makes me sound like a shithead but i swear to fuck if you all just listened to me like youre supposed to #then absolutely nothing would ever go wrong! but you all had to be stupid on purpose! do you like being wrong? whats your problem #explaining all the reasons im RIGHT and yet i still feel bad for having the gall to do so. i shouldnt feel bad. im doing great. youre just #uncomfortable in the fact that YOURE wrong and making me have to accomodate you for your wrongness? tf is that about #okay lunatic rant over i have finished crying ☝️

[undermostcorgi]

the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

#heed my warning boy #it seems i am not well today #recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation #something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well #its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day #i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully #but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf) #but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is #and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him #my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me #so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks #but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it #and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao #so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that #and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves #ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO #anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF #i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY #ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA

[victory-cookies]

sometimes I think I’m getting better at dealing with my fear of failure and stuff and then sometimes I say one thing that’s wrong and I can’t stop thinking about it the whole day

#I made an incorrect assertion about a question on my coworker’s hydrogeology homework and now I feel like I should die about it #like. no shit I was wrong I know jack shit about that subject and was guessing at smth #and when she corrected me bc she’s a geology major and knows what she’s talking about #I just felt like ‘cool okay I’m gonna just go die now’ #Like why am I like this #why I can’t deal with not knowing everything all the time #like I’m in a wickedly bad mood rn and that’s the only thing today that was like. Bad. And I keep thinking about it #like why can’t I accept being solidly okay and not always perfect and 100% right 24/7 #I try to be more accepting of the fact that now that I’m in uni I’m not gonna pull the same marks I was in hs #but even though I feel okay about the idea of it seeing how I’ve lost marks of tests or assignments #or how I’m ending semesters with half my marks in the eighties (which is objectively still a great mark!) #I feel like I’ve lost somehow #it’s stupid #this wasn’t supposed to be a whole vent sorry lol #I just wish I could be chill about things #I’m so stressed all the time #and yet I also have been really struggling with focus and motivation and as a result my grades are suffering #and it’s all just a horrible combination that makes me feel inadequate and stupid #anyways #vent

[winterrose42]

The frustration of i want to do things and get things done but i dont have everything i need to fully complete it. Cant complete it so whats the point of working at all. Need to do things now so im not overwhelmed doing All Of It later. I dont have everything i need yet so i cant complete it and it looks bad. Cant complete it so whats the point-

#winter speaks #the point is i have some sort of chronic fayigue thing so foing little bits where i can instead of needing to do it all at once is necessary #but fighting against my brain for days on end to do even little things so im notbtired layer is exhausting itself #and things being so messy is triggering panic bc im gonna get in trouble even thiugh im not but oooh my god #why i hated moving why i eill hate moving and why i loathe room rearranging #itll be so.much better and object impermanence friendly and space saving plus my beds gonna be up high #and that eill be so much better mental health wise but The Process is making me want to itch my skin off #itchy itchybitchy and my head hurts and i wanna nap but i refuse and thats not good either and euuugh #and i just know my bed frame will be packed with styrofoam. the ridiculous amount of dread just from that #by march itll be done and my space will be livable agaim post depressive episode mess turned complete reorganization #and i can start my schedule things and figure shit oyt but right now i am miserable and itchy

[froshele]

today in the wild I came across a phrase to the effect "...And this [pair of ethical axioms about what constitutes quality of life for purposes of discussion about disability and coma prognosis, based on the opinion of one person who has not ever been in a coma or disabled thereafter] suggests that maybe, just maybe, [relevantly comatose or recovering or disabled] people may have quality of life sufficient to make them ethically relevant"

that's ... not, um, normally considered to be what makes people "ethically relevant" in the world where all the people are and there's sunshine and grass and things, but, you know what, ok jennifer, A for effort! :) gold star for you, philosopher extraordinaire, moral lodestar for people unsure what to do with granny, paragon of ethical conduct!

#they had to put me in a coma because i declined really fast after pediatric brain surgery #it was not a long coma by most standards but i had to get so so much physical and other therapy about it #like i was out here relearning to walk and speak it was a really long recovery #people like this are of an opinion that people like me are ~simply suffering too much~ to be ~ethically relevant~ #which i think is a particularly shit form of pseudobenevolent ableism #what degree of pain do i have to experience before the invisible hand of Ethics decides i shouldn't be resuscitated if I fail #how much does my life get to suck before jennifer here decides it isnt worth living and what will that décision mean #objectively of course i was doing all of this in ukraine so the opinion of this ethicist-panelist would not have been worth anything at all #but i was so close to like being euthanized like a little mop dog #not formally exactly but my mom told me once that she thought about smothering me a lot while i was in recovery #and it was entirely because she was terminally theorybrained about suffering and life-quality in the same type of way #and if it were a medical availability i probably would not be here because i was so absurdly difficult and expensive to raise #and its just like man. i am begging you to remember the humanity of the subjects when you put these things in science papers #im having an ok morning globally i just want to blog about this on the internet to get the thing it brought back to me out of my system #i grew up with meaningful and painful disabilities + the fact that my neurology miraculously knit together into something “more workable” i #totally coincidental actually. what if it didnt? if it didnt + i was still in pain from the sun and wobbled like an earsick kitten then??? #that was the thing here like there was a 70/30 chance I would have needed a talking board and power chair #i am glad i do not but i am also very sensitive about this type of covert desire to decide about their right to live for people who do #i dont remember a lot of my childhood but i remember a lot of that pity laced with something i can now identify as revulsion to my pain #and i remember that i didnt understand it and that all i wanted was to be like other kids who were wanted and hoped for and believed in #and i dont know like its an individual thing its a family thing whatever but yesterday i had a weird trauma memory moment #that was about being displaced a little bit #which is an awfully vulnerable thing to put here but i am not asking for your sympathy i am just saying i was tender and a bit insane #and then i stepped on this rake! good morning insane asylum 《sunshine》 #today will be a better day than this #im going to make the tags froshgriping and froshplaks for my bitching and personal sniveling feel free to blacklist them #froshgriping #froshsniveling #froshplaks

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

when i knocked on my conductor’s office door this afternoon she yelled ‘COME IN’ but it was locked so i imagine her reaction upon opening the door was probably something like ‘who left this upset and trembling chihuahua on my doorstep? oh, it’s just em.’

#conductor reading my thank you email before i told her what happened: oh she’s adorable! #conductor looking at me after the spring concert party: oh she’s traumatized! #like. at what point should i just accept that i probably have PTSD from what happened at my last group. #it’s been four years and it still affects my personal and professional relationships #to such a point where i’m just [gestures with disgust at self] #ugh i suck. but i will not hear a single bad word against my conductor. i owe her so much #it’s just. last year i didn’t feel anything bc i was too busy learning how to coexist in an orchestra again #and also i had a layer of stands to hide behind #i had very little one on one interaction with her #now it’s like i talk to her all the time #i’m sitting right in front of her. looking her right in the face #i’m feeding off her energy trying to translate her gestures into music #and all the fear comes screaming back even though i Know. objectively. i am safe #there’s so much disconnect bc i feel frustrated bc i think my fear is preventing me from being the best i can be #there are so many places in the rep this year where the seconds are very prominently featured #and every rehearsal she says we can come out more #so everyone is just following the lead of this scared little creature who still has #part of their mind stuck at sixteen crying in a corner at the vienna konzerthaus #we can come out more. dolce. dolcissimo. I KNOW. GIRL I KNOW. I KNOW I CAN READ THE FUCKING PART #ITS JJST ME THATS THE PROBLEM #but other than that she seems. so happy with me. she’s always telling me to keep up the good work #like sure it’s good work but it doesn’t feel like my Best work #and i want to give her my Best work because #fuck it she helped give me back my smile #just like how my violin teacher helped give me back my smile #so of COURSE i want to give them my Best! it’s the least i can do! #anyways. what a fucking day #em jumped up busker #music is about love #<- for journaling