#I am just too tired to deal with this.

[kittlyns]

I am on 4 hours of sleep (my fault) and I have a new client in my chair who has admitted to at least half a dozen felonies in the 1 hour and 47 minutes she's been here

#actually dont even know what to say. tbf she hasn't really needed me to say anything? #she just talks. and I sit here. and nod occasionally. #there's a part of me that's like okay well this just cannot be real. she's just telling stories for fun #but also. idk she seems pretty confident that this has all happened #I am just too tired to deal with this. #she pulled up a goddamn facebook video her husband tagged her in (PUBLICLY) about liking being choked. and made me watch it. #now I try not to judge people for shit that doesn't involve me but. why did I need to see that #I need to stress she did not just pull up the video and watch it in front of me. #she very specifically held her phone up to me and said 'my husband tagged me in this' and hit play #and we both watched it together. and then when it ended she said it was true and put her phone back in her lap. #and I nodded and kept working.

[fedoraspooky]

I truly hope the rumors of tumblr selling its user's artwork and other images to midjourney aren't real, because I am extremely tired of having to uproot and move around on the internet and still haven't fully recovered from the old dA-to-tumblr exodus... But juuuust in case a deal like that does go through, I'mma just leave this linktree post here. Just, y'know, for reasons.

The worst part is, you can't even delete or go back and edit your posts to opt out if this happens, because reblogs are unaffected. If anyone has ever reblogged your work there will be no way to opt out of this unless we can get a class action suit for tumblr going, or I guess report our own artwork and hope they nuke it themselves.

Just... Really didn't fuckin need this. Tumblr has been my internet home since 2011. I may not have a lot of followers, but I've made a lot of friends here over the years, and i don't wanna start all over from scratch AGAIN because some pissbaby CEO decided to have a transphobic breakdown and sell out all of the site's artists to theft machine robber barons for a shiny nickel.

I'm hesitant to post on insta too because zuck's vacuuming up everything for his AI too. Same with musk. Like, where the hell can we even go now?

All I can think of rn is just... Bluesky, cohost, sheezyart (which is as of this post still in closed beta), and newgrounds. There's furaffinity and stuff too but idk if I draw enough furries to be on a furry site, y'know? Idk, maybe my werecreature and nonhuman character stuff counts but just ughhh if we gotta move, can we all just agree on a place and move together and not scatter to the winds again? That would be great.

#seriously i am so tired of every single place i've worked hard to get anywhere on pulling heinous shit like this #sheezyart cant open back up fast enough #i also need to post more on bluesky now that that's open too #like i know the internet's already been scraped but you just know #ai corpos are making these deals so they can skirt the lawsuits and say they 'legally licensed' our works fair and square

[squeakadeeks]

moodboard for this past week ❤️

#they should invent a grad school thats not fucking insane #i'm hanging in there but im the most unwell i've been in AWhile #this week was just horrible #there was already the freezer food incident but it also started off with a very severe pain episode thats putting me in constant woe #even mundane motion has been agonizing which is McAwesome bc we had a lab inspection which involved moving hundreds of pounds of equipment #during which we found a blackwidow and rats which we had to deal with and was a whole thing psychologically on top of the physical toll #the new class fiasco is still popping off and i had to respond to at this point over 400 emails in the fleeting moments outside of lab #AND A STUDENT TRIED TO FINANCIALLY BRIBE THEIR WAY INTO THE CLASS ? ?? ?? ????? #then the instructor wanted to use me as a guinea pig and i had to test new circuit boards but I wasnt given any time to do so properly #i had to test them plus get them operational and deal with my incoming students all in a frantic 10 minute window #im in charge of running our meetings too but the instructor was interrupting and having side conversations that made it really hard- #to train the other people on the new equipment in a smooth manner #which meant that a bunch of people had to keep me after to ask questions which made me late for my drs appointment #where i found out i cant get the new covid vaccine bc my heart and blood levels arnt stable enough #and joanns lost an expensive+critical fabric order of mine+i had to give a big presentation this week on my research that was stressful #and my inbox is still blowing up from being needed all over the place between teaching lab and classes and yall i am. so so tired. #im in so much pain and so stressed out #debating the ethics of turning into a pile of lint to escape my responsibilities and mortal frame

[bunnihearted]

🪦🩹

#it's so mentally draining nd taxing for me to live w my family... #they are never considerate towards me and always treat me like a bother #even after my surgery my sisters kept making sure i knew i was a burden and took up too much space #i could tell how sick my mom is of me too #it's just so exhausting #bc like now when i only slept 3hrs bc of tooth pain nd then couldnt sleep more #nd now still have tooth pain nd im rlly tired nd need to wake up early tmrw to call the dentist #my mom nd sister r in the living room watching tv #so i asked if they could plz be mindful of the volume #nd they sighed nd rolled their eyes nd said yeah yeah whatever #like im an awful demanding person for even daring to ask them this #it's just not fun to have to deal w constantly #sorry im in pain nd i wanna try to sleep as much as i can but i cant even try when i can hear u laugh nd talk etc etc #just rathet be alone :(( #but yeah idek if i'll be able to sleep bc the pain isnt fun #im trying to just breathe nd accept that it is there nd that hopefully the dentist can help T-T #am i bad for wishing to be shown consideration nd sympathy? sometimes i even wanf them to feel sorry for me

[miodiodavinci]

laying down by a brook with one hand in the water like some kind of tragic prince , , , , , ,

#my break is now over and tomorrow resumes the final hell rush before the end of the semester #well i say break but in all honesty i spent 90% of it working or being so so scared for my car #i did get a little time to clean my room finally and turn into gelatinous ooze #though now i am The Slightest Bit Scared that i have gotten too oozelike and will not be able to fully reform into a functional being #in time to deal with The Horrors #(read: two intensely busy weeks on internship as i basically take over for my mentor all day) #(on top of the big portfolio assignment that my (project) partner Still Has Not Done Anything On) #like as long as i do my part i’ll get a B in the class no matter what but #aheem heem #my gpa that i worked so hard for….. i don’t want it to disappear……. #aaaaa it’s just hard to focus when i am so so tired and really just want like 5 solid days of No Thought Just Video Games And UTAU Dev #before getting back to my own big deadlines #i am looking at this document that i could probably write in 20 minutes but my brain is just. fried meat. #or more precisely i think i can get this done in an hour but Everything Else This Week? #i think i would have an easier time chewing shoe leather than getting my brain to do it all #if it weren’t for the fact that i would Literally go broke if i did not finish all this next semester #i would be soso tempted to take another semester off #only this time for my mental health………….

[sysig]

He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)

#Doodles #Commander Peepers #I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3 #*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins #I think there might be a theme here #Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired #And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol #The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3 #I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol #Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye! #Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol ♪ #Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs #I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat'' #Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing'' #And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol'' #Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom #And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol #But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s #Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes! #And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it #If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol #Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation #I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol #Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol #ANYway lol ♪ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D #I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c

[mitamicah]

I managed to catch the last of the live and I have thoughts:

It was very chaotic in a mostly fun way

Häärijä was being extra chaotic playing with tissues, a hairdryer and so much more

Jere and Erika seem to have the same hyperactive energy

I have no idea who Sara and Rein were (sorry to every Finn :'3) but they seemed cute

However!!!

I got a very bad taste in my mouth about Noja

Her constant spamming of the Israeli flag in the chat and then her getting to go live with them just didn't sit right with me

I am sure she is probably a nice girl but yeah

Sorry Noja; you didn't chose what country you were born.

That doesn't mean I cannot find it to be in a bit of bad taste seeing the flag and the 'come to Israel after the war' comments

I hope I am not being too harsh here - I can only say what I feel

I think I preferred the ICIP live tbh

#anybody else felt kind of awkward about the noja thing? #or am I just making it too big of a deal? #maybe I am too tired for this #I will go to bed now #ik there's only 45 minutes till ruoska is released here #but I need my sleep #I am getting black thoughts #micahs thoughts

[gruvu]

Maybe if I remake Crimm for the tenth time I won’t feel guilty about drawing him. WOOO. 

#Cyrus Crimm #gruvu's art #Sobbing cause I haven't drawn a full piece in ages but I am too tired to deal #I just wanna sleep guys #Crimm

[feyarcher]

Figure skating is better without the russians, but it would be even better without the isu.

#figure skating #im not watching worlds live this is just a general true statement #but also a lot of why im not watching live is because i am too tired to deal with bad judging and general isu bs #still mad that the rd exists and even madder about the current iteration of it #can i fucking get a waltz already i want to actually watch people skate well in close holds #meanwhile over in singles... yeah no im too tired

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified. #not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again. #I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months. #and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible. #but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit. #so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭 #personal

[pinkysberg]

do ALL the starfield potential romances talk abt their ex this much or...

also can the flirt prompts stop coming up right after they've given me a lot of personal information about their last long term relationship please.

#barrett being a widower is sweet and i love hearing about his husband #i actually am very tired of hearing about lillian #sam i don't care abt your ex who u used to have amazing sex with #unfortunately sarah is both blonde and british and that's just too much for me #so i don't know what her who deal is #andreja i will get to #'me and lillian fight sooo much' why am i able to flirt w him rn #starfield #pinky

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[soldier-poet-king]

God forgive me I got bored and looked at my tumblr fyp and got blasted with blatant antisemitism AND vaccine conspiracy theories AND anti public school libertarian sentiment

The problem with being religious, specifically christian (i can't speak to if this is a universal experience across faiths, I somehow doubt it), is that I cannot stand the vast majority of my co-religionists, and online it seems that I'm only ever 3 degrees of association away from the most batshit godawful opinions I've ever had the misfortune to read

#franposting #i dont wish evil on anyone #but i think some people would benefit GREATLY from never being on the internet or having access to a public platform again #go join a monastery and engage in good wholesome work and contemplate your actions #and most importantly. stop annoying ME. i am SO ANGRY all the TIME #anyway whining but this is not abt anyone i follow directly or who follows me #so its fine. its 7 degrees of kevin bacon but evil #today is in essence a monday since yesterday was a stat holiday #and i am TOO tired to deal with this on a monday #where im bored out of my mind at work bc boss is STILL away #and i can only generate so much busywork #but my scruples keep me from just. blatantly watching tv on my phone. #im gonna go reas that data bias invisible women book and make myself even more mad #its not even new info to me. some of her examples maybe. but like simone de beauvior was right oh we're really in it now #i havent read the secind sex cover to cover yet only bc i think i will get so angry depressed that I'll never recover #the parts i have read. v good.

[bunnihearted]

🏫🍃🌥️

#oooof... sleep was rough bc my face was super itchy. all of a sudden i got rashes in my face yesterday ?!?!? i have NEVER gotten that wtffff #hopefully it's just temporary nd will go away. it's still a tiny bit itchy but not as bad as yesterday :o #istg my life is a JOKE!!!! a joke!!!! rashes?!? what? maybe stress nd anxiety?? idk it's wild tho i cant deal w this #so i couldnt really fall asleep but i rested for a few hours #then i got up. took my dog out. had oatmeal. called the surgeron clinic. #and like... i told them abt my weight and they said im underweight?! and that my bmi is 18.9 and u need to have 19.... #i told her that i cant gain weight bc i cant eat anything. that i cant have more fat than i already do bc then it hurts too much #she said she'll talk to the anesthesia doctors and call me later. she hasnt called yet #i rlly hope they understand the situation?? and that i can still have my surgery bc what else am i supposed to do??? #ughhhh why cant anything ever just be easy and smooth for me?? #i am sooooo tired of all these hardships piling on top of eo #then i walked to school.. took me an hour and im spent now bc im so weak nd malnutrioned skskskks #and im in class... it's a long one. still more than an hour left :'( my head hurts #ugh i just wanna be fine for once in my life #but yeah im like 75% thru all the hard things i need to do today #just need to finish class nd then walk home nd then hopefully get a call back and then i can relax (as much as i can lol) #i hope the itching goes down (still wtf is my body doing? i have no patience for it anymore) nd i hope im not too underweight for surgery om

[calamitys-child]

Hornyposting in tags skip if u dont wanna see

#like wrestling collar matches right. idk. yesterday i was trying to explain my Deal to a friend when they asked if i was a puppy #and i was like. im not a puppy. because im not cute sweet baby boy . im a fucking Mutt. #im a grown ass dog with teeth. #and im a werewolf. im scared of the part of me with claws and teeth and no self control #and i love the part of me with teeth and claws and no self control #i dont want head pets sit up and beg good boy #at least DEFINITELY not outright #i want to be chained up and slapped and only when ive broken myself against my leash and am too tired to fight is it safe to pet me #i want reassured that i cant bite people because even when i get twitchy or scared or snappy the muzzle keeps me from hurting anyone else #and I dont want degradation i want seen as an equal being worthy of respect #and pro wrestling collar matches. i feel more resonance with that than i do with almost any pup play content ive ever seen #i want a fight. and maybe i want to lose. just to prove to myself that im not the threat im scared i am

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage