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soralymystaken · 2 days

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I think a lot about Lloyd and Harumi, solely because they have one of the most unique yet complex relationship dynamics in all of Ninjago, and it’s something I don’t feel like we talk about enough.

So often I see online that their dynamic is overly simplified. I so often see people arguing between them being “true-love” or “friends to lovers to enemies,” but stating it’s just one of those is overlooking all of the complexities. Even stating it as a one-sided thing from Lloyd isn’t looking at the whole picture. Of course, there can be many interpretations of how they interact. Again, that’s the reason I adore this dynamic so much. This, however, is my personal interpretation:

Also, warning, spoilers plus some swearing.

At the beginning, we see Lloyd have the whole “love-at-first-sight” trope, and we learn that Harumi invited him into the castle. While, of course this immediately is seemed as a positive interaction, later events reveal otherwise. It continues like this: Lloyd falls deeper in love with Harumi whilst she continues manipulating him to keep him on strings. She eventually realizes his feelings, and wants plays on that, making the process work exponentially better. Finally, we learn Harumi’s motives and her reasoning, and, in the episode, Lloyd is devastated. However, I have some additions on this, but I’m gonna finish up my review of canon before getting to that. We do also know that Lloyd still has feelings, though. We primarily see thing from Lloyd still trying to save her from Garmadon’s grasp along with his sadness from her death.

The next time we see her and Lloyd’s dynamic (at least as far as I want to mention,) is Crystalized. When Lloyd is captured, he apologizes. He still clearly has feelings for Harumi, and, in a turn of events, it seems that Harumi does as well, as she convinces the Overlord to spare him and to try to get him on their side.

Okay, enough about prior knowledge, lets discuss headcanons. So, firstly, I’m 100% sure that Lloyd was tormented by Harumi’s origin story. We know how high of a standard he holds himself to, and we also know how morally-driven he is. Him learning about the real stories of the real people who he had really hurt couldn’t have been taken easily. I’ve actually written a whole fic that revolves on that fact, and how Lloyd’s lingering feelings would have amplified that feeling to oblivion. Also, for people who assume he would immediately drop his feelings when he learned Harumi’s true motives, literally just look at how he talks about Garmadon and you’ll see he can’t exactly move on that easily. Things like this take time, and, again, he has guilt because of this whole thing. Moving on from a relationship when you believe you were the reason the person tried to destroy the entire world and subsequently died isn’t the same as a high school breakup. That’s fucking devastating, and especially for someone who hasn’t had the best relationships up to that point.

However, this dynamic really starts to become cloudy when you look at Harumi. Now, look: I’m like 90% sure she only had feelings for Lloyd in S15 as fan-service, but, fan-service or not, it’s canon, and therefore I’m still gonna cover it.

So, first off, when and how did Harumi develop feelings? Personally, I think there could be three main reasons. For one, gaslighting. The whole time, she was gaslighting Lloyd into loving her. Sometimes, when you keep up a lie like that for so long and with that level of commitment, you can convince even yourself of these feelings. Do I think this is the case for Harumi? Well, it depends. If you truly do believe there is a spark between them, then no. However, if you really don’t like the fact that they were given a romantic storyline in S15, then this is a totally valid reasoning.

The second reason that comes to mind is Lloyd’s persistence. Now, just to cover all our basis, reminder that “being persistent” and “never giving up on a love that could be” are not cutesy tropes and relationship goals, and no means no. I see too much stuff online saying shit like “I never gave up on her and, even though she said no 20 times, she gave in in the end.” This is not something to romanticize. If someone rejects you, fucking respect that and move tf on. That being said, though, I think that could actually be the case in this dynamic, albeit in a much less creepy way than some fuckers online do it. Lloyd clearly, even after all of the shit Harumi pulled, still has lingering feelings: a mix of platonic and romantic. I truly believe Lloyd is someone who believes that anyone can change for the better, and applies this to Harumi. The fact that, even after all the pain Harumi caused, he still searched for her in the rubble could be the reason she developed feelings. In my opinion, this is the most likely option.

The final one is a bit colder, and is for y’all who believe Harumi is evil through-and-through. Lloyd is fucking overpowered. Harumi’s reasoning to the Overlord could be just that: the reason. I personally don’t love this one as much, but if this is something you resonate with, I would totally understand why.

All of these factors strung together make Lloyd and Harumi one of my favorite dynamics. There is so much more that I didn’t even discuss here. Is it romantic or platonic or just romantic for one of them? Did Harumi develop feelings even sooner yet denied them solely because of her hatred? Is Lloyd’s relationship with Harumi less to do with Harumi herself and more-so to do with trying to rebuild a relationship with his father through her to prove he can hold onto someone he loves? All of these are questions I’d love to dive into but simply do not have time.

Hopefully you enjoyed my little rant. I love overthinking stuff like this and also love chatting about over-the-top headcanons. If you have any thoughts on this (or other headcanons you want to share), please do!

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago headcanons #ninjago lloyd #lloyd garmadon #lloyd ninjago #ninjago harumi #princess harumi #harumi jade #harumi ninjago #llorumi

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moraent-keys · 3 months

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Yall Huskerdust will NOT leave my mind

#there’s not enough non-spicy fanfic to go around :(#I JUST WANT THEM TO BE CUTESY AND ROMANTIC #GIVE THEM A BREAK PLEASE 😭#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel angel dust #huskerdust #text post #ship talk

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ink-the-artist · 1 year

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currently sick i forgot to add this to the last ask but your art, to me, is indicative of the beauty you seenin the world and i think it sso fucking amazing how much you see and appreciate. your brain is gigantic and wrinkled like a pug. u are amazing

advbsghf like a pug 😭 thank u this is so nice. i dont always respond to nice asks bc Im not sure what to say so i just keep them like letters lol but i get very romantic about a lot of stuff (especially when my mental health is being normal) and I'm rly glad that comes across in my art

#i do read and appreciate all the asks i get i love them a lot #the stuff ppl send me is genuienly very meaningful to me i just don't know how to respond to it #im not great at forming thoughts and feelings into words lol I'm like this irl too #and i dont want to reply to a very heartfelt ask with just 'thank you' or something like that #ive been doing better with new meds i got and its rly relieving to be able to be romantic about stuff #when i get depressed its hard to do that bc everything is warped and i get this idea that the world and everyone is evil #ive found myself drawing a lot of the more cutesy positive art when i had depressive periods #for the last few years. bc before i would often do the spookier kind of art when feeling that way #as a sort of venting of those emotions #(not that i only make that art when depressed btw. it just obv draws from negative emotions)#but more lately its kind of flipped. where id draw this romantic art while depressed as a sort of escapism #and would only draw the spookier more negative art when in a good mental place where I could engage w those emotions in a fun way #if that makes sense #kinda like how sometimes you need to listen to sad music when you're sad but sometimes you need distraction #and how you might only want to watch a really heavy movie if youre in a good headspace

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sims2istheonlysims · 2 years

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Bro, Bustin’ Out has such a heavy focus on flirty dialogue but also the worst, scariest looking choice of suitors in the world, it’s not fair.

#sims bustin out #the sims bustin out #sims gba #meme #I keep having to dodge romantic dialogue option like bro wants to kiss everyone #sims Bustin out of what? their pants??#I wish I could romance more in Urbz because Lincoln *swoon*#like I do not want to romance any of these uncanny valley jerks come on Bustin out #I am NOT romancing terror of a man with hard edged jaw detective dan nooo #Giuseppe and the stoner are the best candidates which is sad and even then Giuseppe looks wrong #and I fear them all #and some of the romantic options bro what?? like they’re not just cutesy little things there’s handcuffs sims stop

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laufire · 1 year

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this season finale of grey's anatomy was too lovely-dovey for my tastes. hope season... twenty... brings about the divorce energy in full force again!

#yes i am saying this in an episodes with multiple possible casualties what about it xD #i enjoyed the romantic developments on the interns' side #(simone DID leave her fiance at the altar! for a guy she barely knows but has a stronger connection to! and the fiance got into a car #accident! and punched the Other Guy!)#(and the stuff with blue and jules was a++ no notes)#(i'm less excited about helm and yasuda. i like them but too cutesy. hoping yasuda's impending professional problems bring more drama)#(like. the f/f couple deserves that too not just the straights!!)#but jo/link and meredith/that guy... ugh. break them up #i prefer how they left maggie and ndugu up in the air #also. i don't really care about teddy but she's not the side of the couple i want dead dammit xDD #(i've read that the actress has signed for last season so i don't think she will die but. doesn't change that i want hunt to lol)#talking to the void #my thoughts #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy spoilers #grey's anatomy thoughts

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yume-fanfare · 2 years

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decided to check the # for the newest hanako chapter on twitter none of you get itttt

#but it's really funny to see so!#cannibalism has been a running theme in the manga guys cmon #person w rhythm game guy pfp like 'i don't know why they thought this would be a good idea' brother this is a horror manga?#its also not the first time something like this happened c'mon #'aidairo wouldn't' have you read the hell of mirrors arc #'they shouldve clarified that this love could not happen or just make it really clear that it wasnt romantic' 😭😭😭#i don't 'ship' them either lol but if you wanted nice unproblematic stuff you should've dropped this manga on like chapter 3 #like everyone else did #people calling it irredeemable media is already funny on its own but the way the fanbase is also Like This is so wild to me #every time i see some kid on the tag being like omg amane is so handsome 😍 im like i don't know you but you probably can do better #'remember when this was a manga about a girl trying to get her crush to like her back' IM IN TEARSSSS #that was....... literally only in chapter 1...........#in which she realizes she doesn't really like said crush...............#like i'd say it gets Serious as early as chapter 9???#(funnily enough id say that's where kou's conflict truly starts. a protagonist)#there is a homophobic hate crime in chapter 19??? it shouldn't take you too long to realize this is not a comedy help me #but like yeah help there Is a reason why all the cutesy romance moments that people redraw for aus n stuff happen during chapters 1 to 8 #because the rest is Plot Relevant #ok ending my rant here ♥#if u read til here ily #i used to think hanako fans should take a reading comprehension test beforehand but at this point ive accepted its a lost cause #jbksh #mar's midnight rambles

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gay-dorito-dust · 22 days

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How’d they react to you calling them bro or dude whilst in a pre-established relationship…(platonic/romantic)

Dick: he’s insulted.

Gutted.

He will try to give you the silent treatment for such a shameful thing but ultimately fails as he ends up being the one pawing at you for attention.

‘Do you still like me? Or did you just run out of cute nicknames to call me?’ He’d say one night as your both cuddling in bed together. ‘If it’s the later then I can help you find something, just please spare me and don’t call me dude or bro anymore.’

He’d rather you call him Richard-wait, no he hates that even more because to him you’re not meant to use his fully name, only cutesy nicknames that’d make a grown man sick to his stomach. Nothing else would suffice other than Dickie bird, handsome, babe, hunk, honeybun or anything that wasn’t his name.

He’s go mad or would act delusional and say that everything was fine when everyone could tell that it wasn’t. People who know him have personally came to you and begged you to stop calling him dude/bro because he kept talking their ears off about how his beloved partner is torturing him, which ends up torturing them even more upon hearing about his relationship issues.

Dick would even consult Hayley on what he did wrong, only for Hayley to look at him with those big, big eyes of hers. This was not her level of expertise unfortunately. (Head empty, no thoughts. She can’t do her abc’s guys it’s a real tragedy.)

Jason: ‘I just had my tongue down your throat just now and you had to go and ruin the mood by calling me bro. What the fuck.’ - Jason at some point.

It’s a whole mood killer for him to be honest.

He’s calling you things like chipmunk or sweetheart but here you were calling him dude and bro. He knows for a fact that he’s well and truly out of the friend zone because the shit you’ve done together isn’t platonic in any sort of way.

Thinks Roy had set you up to call him dude or bro behind his back. (He hasn’t)

Jason is petty and will get his own back by referring you as ‘just a really good friend’, ‘buddy o’ mine’ or even worse than both of those; ‘chum.’ 💀

When you go low, Jason was more then willing to go to the depths of fucking hell to the point it had become a game to see who’d call out just how stupid this all was, and at the both of you for ever thinking that this was an excellent idea in the first place.

You’ll probs get punished…I’m just going to leave it there and let your minds guess what that ‘punishment’ was exactly.

Damian:

As much as Damian hates it when you call him Dami, he hates it when you call him dude or bro even more, if that’s even possible.

Damian hates it when you call him dude or bro. He’s not your dude or bro, he’s your partner and he expects no less then darling, my heart or my beloved.

So you calling him dude or bro is more than enough reason for him to give you the silent treatment.

‘Until you learn that I am your partner, I won’t want to be anywhere near you if you’re going to keep calling me your bro or dude. It is a disservice to who I actually am to you.’ He says with a huff and beckons Titus to follow, only for the Great Dane to be left confused as to why his human parents were at a disagreement over something silly.

Also Titus, Ace, Jerry, Alfred the cat, Goliath and BatCow are children of divorce because I said so.

So it’s bests that you apologise while you still can because Damian can hold a grudge unlike any other. Even if you didn’t, you’d still crack first before Damian and quickly put an end to calling him dude/bro.

He just thinks being called a dude/bro when in a pre-established relationship is an insult.

He can take a joke but not when it’s aimed at his relationship. He’s well and truly devoted to his relationship -if we’re to completely ignore the whole being Robin thing- that it might as well be an insult towards him too at this point.

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littlesystems · 1 year

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Sometimes you read a fic where the author is clearly and intentionally writing dead dove content like:

These garbage boys are going to torture and gaslight each other until they’re inextricably intertwined 😈 they are going to make each other the most fucked-up and worst versions of themselves 🔪 they will be so codependent and broken they will never be able to be with anyone else after ☠️

And, like, this is probably written by a pretty normal, well-adjusted person. Genuinely. The dove is dead but the author knows that the dove is dead because they killed the dove. On purpose. Gleefully. They were like “wouldn’t it be fucked up if…” and then wrote the if.

But then sometimes you read a fic where the author is like:

uwu these soft boys are soooo cute and in love 🥰 they’re so sweet and pure and good 💕 I just want them to be cutesy-wutesy and in lurveeee forever 😍 this is my new fic about soft boys being soft 💋 this is the height of romance 😘

And then the fic is. Not. The relationship is THE must fucked up, manipulative, passive-aggressive shit show where both characters are being awful to each other, but in the most socially-acceptable heteronormative way where you could 100% picture a friend of a friend telling you this bizarre story at a party while you’re sitting there like wow 😬 straight people are wild who acts like that?

I don’t read fics like that often, but whenever I do I’m always like................... 👀 you good? You doing okay? You seem to think this kind of behavior is, uh. Normal. And, uh, romantic? But these characters certainly seem to hate each other. Not in the narrative, in the narrative they’re super in love somehow but uhhh. Um. You good?

There is such a chasm between people writing something fucked up on purpose vs someone writing something fucked up on accident. And the latter is where things are not tagged properly, and they’re infinitely more disturbing imo.

#I only come across this like once or twice a year #but every time it's like being smacked across the face with a wet fish

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strangersmunsons · 3 months

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Eddie, My Love! eddie munson x reader // valentine's day special series Day 2 Prompt: Chocolates 🍫 ~ 2,000 words Eddie's grumpy until he sees a familiar face in the candy aisle.

“This is a fake holiday,” mumbles Eddie as he pushes the cart past the pink and red aisle of Bradley’s Big Buy.

His uncle chuckles. “When you have someone to spend it with, you’ll feel differently.”

“Wayne,” Eddie deadpans, “this is just some bullshit that Hallmark made up so they could take more of our money.”

“I’m not sayin’ you need to go all commercial,” Wayne clarifies. “I just mean that when there’s someone special in your life, boy, you might be in a better mood during this month.”

Eddie’s mouth sets bitterly. He’d rather not get the ‘you’ll find someone someday’ talk right now — the last thing he needs is another reminder of how lonely he is.

Wayne senses his nephew’s reluctance to discuss the matter, and so bites his tongue. Instead, he points at a row of cans on the shelf beside them. “Do you need more tomato soup, or are you set for a while?”

Back at home, Eddie lays on the floor of his bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Yeah, okay, maybe Wayne had a point. Maybe he’d hate all this stupid cutesy shit less if he didn’t have to watch everyone around him enjoy it while he spent yet another Valentine’s Day alone in his uncle’s trailer, with no one to keep him company, save for a six-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon.

The worst part of it is — and Eddie would rather die than admit this — that deep down, he thinks he really could be…romantic.

Sure, he’s rough around the edges. He tends to be prickly, wary of others’ intentions, but it’s necessary in order for him to survive in Hawkins. The Munson name was already notorious, and his reputation preceded him; the incident with poor Chrissy Cunningham three years prior, despite his innocence, had sealed his fate as the town pariah.

But if someone could just give him a chance, a real chance, he thinks that he could make that person really happy.

He’d help around the house. Cleaning, laundry, anything you — whoever you are — needed a hand with. He’d learn to cook better so he could keep you eatin’ good. He’d plan fun dates. He’d play your favorite songs on guitar, maybe write you new ones, if he was feeling inspired…anytime you needed him, he’d be there. He’d be the most reliable, affectionate, loving —

“Ed?” There’s a light knock on his door.

“Come in,” he calls back.

Wayne pokes his head into the room. “I’ve got to head to the plant in a few,” he says. “While I’m gone, can you do me a favor?”

Eddie sits halfway up, propped on his elbows. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Wayne fidgets, looking apologetic. “I know we were just there, but d’you mind going back to the Big Buy to pick up some candy? It’s Mrs. Johnson’s first Valentine’s Day since her husband passed, and I meant to get her something sweet, but I forgot.”

Eddie hauls himself up off the floor. “No problem. Want anything specific?”

Wayne shakes his head. “Don’t need nothin’ fancy, just get whatever’s cheapest that still looks nice.”

“That’s the Munson way,” Eddie muses, smiling in spite of himself.

Eddie reluctantly makes a turn down the seasonal aisle he had so pointedly avoided earlier, feeling depressed. Cherubs and teddy bears seem to mock him from where they sit, and he heaves a dramatic sigh.

His eyes roam the line of cards, plush toys, endless boxes of chocolates and candies, when they finally land on you, also perusing the rows of heart-shaped packages.

Recognition flickers instantly. Eddie suddenly finds that his heart is beating very quickly in his chest.

You.

You had still been a year behind him when he finally graduated, and though he didn’t really know you-know you, he was friends with people who did. You weren’t bullied like he and the guys were, but you weren’t exactly popular, either — and so more often than not, you ran in similar circles. Gareth and Harry used to swear up and down that you were the nicest girl in Hawkins.

Because of them, he had spent brief moments with you from time to time. He thought you had been very pretty, in your own unique way, but you were also rather shy. Your exchanges were always polite and charming, even if they never broke deeper than surface-level; overall, he’d found you incredibly endearing.

He never kept in touch, but as the years went by, he had often wondered about you.

Back then, it was hard to see past his own preoccupations: he was so focused on not failing his classes, Corroded Coffin, Hellfire, his dealing gig with Rick. But in retrospect, it always seemed to him like he had missed out on something special in not taking the time to properly befriend you.

Now, against all odds, you’re right here in front of him. And he had found you attractive back then, but now? Holy shit. You’re striking to look at.

As he studies your side profile, he thinks, it’s not that your appearance has really changed much, but rather the way you seem to be holding yourself.

You used to walk quickly through the hallways with your shoulders hunched and your head down, like you were trying to make yourself as small as possible. But now your posture is relaxed, your stance casual; your head is held high and a slight smile turns up the corners of your lips. And your clothes seem different too, like maybe you’d finally found your personal style, and were dressing in the way that you truly liked.

Is this what they call kismet? Fate, destiny, whatever, maybe Eddie’s fantasy-oriented brain was jumping to conclusions, but he thinks of the floor-misery he’d been wallowing in not even an hour ago — had his internal bitching been an unintentional prayer, which was now being answered?

He takes a few cautious steps forward, trying to act natural.

You glance at him when he comes nearer and offer him a quick smile before turning back to the sweet assortment before you.

Eddie stands next to you awkwardly, pretending to browse, hoping to see you make some gesture of familiarity, any confirmation that you might remember him as well as he remembers you.

But nothing. The seconds tick by.

You reach for a box of chocolates and Eddie’s overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom. He starts sweating. Any second now, you would pluck a shiny, ribbon-adorned package and twirl away from him, vanishing into thin air, and the moment would be gone. His opportunity would be over, and he’d never, ever see you again.

“I’m so sorry,” he blurts out. His face turns crimson, but he blunders on anyway. “I don’t wanna bother you, but did you graduate from Hawkins High in ‘87?”

You turn to him, eyebrows raised in surprise, one arm still outstretched. A breathy laugh escapes you. “Yeah, I did.” You give him the tiniest wave. “Hi, Eddie.”

He could almost cry in relief. You do remember him.

“Hi.” He returns your wave, dopey grin unfurling on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you just now. I didn’t think you would remember me,” you explain apologetically.

Forget you? Absurd. “Of course I remember you. How’ve you been?”

Your voice is bright, cheerful. “I’ve been good! Busy with school.”

College, of course. You had definitely been an honor roll kid. “If you’re in school, then you don’t still live in town, do you?”

“Nah, my university’s too far. I got a place near campus, but I come home every now and then.” You smile, and motion towards yourself. “Obviously.”

“Oh. Nice.” Eddie twiddles his thumbs nervously. “Are your classes going good?”

“For the most part. They’re stressful sometimes, but that’s to be expected, I guess.”

“Yeah, but you’re super smart. I’m sure you’re killin’ it up there.”

“I’m trying my best,” you reply with a modest shrug. “What about you? What have you been up to lately?” You look at him with genuine interest, like you’re truly eager to hear about how he’s doing.

Oh, what to say. He opts for simplicity. “Bartending. At the moment I’m between The Hideout and The Attic. Although, I’m thinkin’ about trying to get a job at the garage instead.”

“You should!” Your voice is sincere, full of warmth. “I bet you’d be great there — I know you did a lot of work on your van.”

A bolt of pleasure runs through him. You didn’t just remember his name and face, but you recalled some minor details about him as well. He stands a little taller. “Thank you. We’ll see if it works out, I suppose.”

There’s a brief pause. Eddie moistens his chapped lips with his tongue. “Listen…”

Do it, you coward. If she says no, she says no, and you’ll get over it. Eventually.

“Um, if you’re ever home for the weekend, would you maybe wanna hang out? Grab a coffee or something?”

You look taken aback, but not displeased. Eddie counts that as a win.

“Sure. That would be really fun.”

He flashes you a grin. “Sick.” Then it occurs to him: you came home for Valentine’s Day weekend. Surely you’re in Hawkins because you have a date lined up with some former classmate who swooped in and asked you out after he had gone, and that’s who you were buying candy for and —

“I’m assuming you’re busy this weekend, though?” You point at the treats in front of you. “‘Cause I see you’re here to pick up the goods,” you tease him cheerfully.

“Oh, n-not really,” he stammers. “Wayne asked me to pick up something for our neighbor. I’m just an errand boy.” He swallows. “Do you have any big plans?”

“Nope,” you reply casually, lips popping the p-sound. You pull the candy you’d be aiming for before he interrupted, a pack of Hershey’s cream-filled chocolate hearts. You nod at him sagely. “I am my own Valentine this year.”

You don’t need to be. I’ll volunteer.

Eddie musters up all his courage, rocking slightly on his feet. “Actually, if you don’t have plans…like, if you’re not seeing anybody…would you wanna go out on a date with me tomorrow?” Nerves get the better of him and he starts pouring out word-vomit, totally oblivious to the way your expression is getting softer and softer the longer he rambles. “I get that it’s Valentine’s Day, I don’t know if you think that’s really…weird for a first date, or…if you even wanna go on a date with me at all, which if you don’t, that’s totally fine and I understand —”

“I don’t think that would be weird at all,” you cut in, giving him a smile that could melt an iceberg. “Eddie, I would love to go on a date with you.”

He feels like he’s having a fever dream. This can’t be real. Is this what manifesting is?

From now on, when he wants something, he’s gonna go cry on his bedroom floor about it.

Painfully aware of how clumsy his proposition came out, Eddie tries to put at least one suave move on you. “Well, if we really have a date tomorrow,” he says, swiping the Hershey’s from you, “then there’s no reason for you to be buyin’ your own chocolates. Allow me.”

Ten minutes later, both of you armed with candies and a phone number apiece, Eddie escorts you across the icy parking lot to your car. You grip his arm tightly crossing over a slippery patch of asphalt, and his stomach flutters in a way it hasn’t in years.

Okay, okay.

Maybe there is something to be said for this stupid, fake holiday.

thank you for reading!! xoxo Valentine's Day Special Masterlist

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson reader insert #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson comfort #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x fem!reader

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justporo · 6 months

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Romantic little headcanons for Astarion and Tav

As I said - I feel like I need this rn because I lost some faith in humanity today (I'm fine now though, dw). And I've been deep in my feelings lately about these two silly little geese (as if I there was a time where I wasn't...), so have some cutesy little headcanons:

Astarion always likes to make sure you're safe and that often manifests with him keeping a hand on your back in support or on your shoulder, maybe his arm around your waist

Also him like softly pushing you with his hand on your back so you're not the one walking in the middle of the busy street; you don't even notice he's doing that he's so gentle about it

You both can't stop staring at each other: stealing glances when the other isn't looking

When you're getting caught you mostly blush as Astarion makes a silly little comment about how obvious you are (affectionately)

When you catch him, he just keeps looking, smile growing bigger until he leans in for a kiss

Astarion looooves to show you off! Not in a trophy kind of way (maybe a little) but like "Look at my wonderful darling love. How beautiful and smart and witty and - dare I say - deadly?", he said and sighed dreamily.

You love holding his hand; he doesn't get it at first but it also becomes a form of reassurance between the two of you: when you don't feel comfortable or you feel like the other needs to feel support you grab each other's hand and squeeze it

But Tav also loves grabbing one of Astarion's hands like when they're sitting around talking, looking at his beautiful long fingers, massaging it gently and then entwining your fingers with his

Also Astarion lifting your joint fingers whenever you hold hands to press a kiss to them

Also Astarion letting his hands wander over your spine, just his hands sliding up and down your back or tip-tapping two fingers along it - doesn't matter if you're clothed or naked, he can never get enough of you

Astarion is also touching your face as often as possible: cupping your cheeks with his hands, holding your chin with his thumb on it; pinching your nose and shaking it softly when you're being a little sassy

Also annoying each other with big wet smooches: "Tav - NO, get your slobbery lips AWAY FROM ME! If I wanted to experience this I would let Scratch lick my face!" But he was already firmly in your grasp and you placed a wet and very loud smacking kiss on his lips. He stuck his tongue out and scrunched up his nose afterwards as you giggled. But you weren't the last to laugh when the vampire grabbed your face and started placing smooches all over your face in payback.

My soul feels better again now. Thanks for coming to my TED talk on how silly and diabetes-inducing cute these two would be.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 #fanfiction #baldur's gate iii #astarion x tav #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate #astarion x mc #astarion x oc #astarion x reader #astarion headcanon #astarion headcanons #astarion imagine #poro headcanons

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lovingseventeen · 6 months

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matchy-matchy with seventeen

a/n: me in my single era pt 2093520395 and here’s me projecting just a little bit yk. also i tried really hard to make these creative i hope it went well

seungcheol: jackets

✧ specifically varsity jackets or those racing jackets

✧ maybe not exactly the same, maybe it’s the same style of jacket but in different, but complementary colors

✧ absolutely loves knowing that it’s so easy to tell that the two of you are a couple when you walk together

✧ his lock screen is a mirror picture of the two of you :’)

jeonghan: hair accessories

✧ matching hair accessories oh myyy

✧ it could be in simple barrettes or clips with little cutesy designs

✧ or ribbons !!

✧ one day he sees you tie back half of your hair (like a semi-updo) and he just asks you, “can you do that to me too?”

✧ you two can be dainty together 🫶🏽

joshua: rings

✧ perhaps he’s a simple romantic

✧ rings can go with any outfit and he wants a reminder with you everywhere he goes

✧ loves seeing his ring on his finger in all of his daily activities

✧ also loves to hold your hand to look at the ring on your finger only to follow with a soft kiss to the back of your hand too

jun: earrings

✧ maybe he’s a little more subtle with it

✧ but he finds earrings as an easy way to be connected with you, knowing you have the same pair

✧ all that matters to him is that it’s something that the two of you know about - and maybe others if they’re paying attention

hoshi: tiger phone cases

✧ ofc you support his tiger agenda and one day he just surprises you with matching tiger print phone cases

✧ falls a little more in love with you when you don’t hesitate to swap your current case with it LOL

✧ loves taking mirror selfies where you can see your cases and as the two of you make the tiger claw hand gesture

✧ if you’re with literally anyone else together, he’ll just grab both of your phones to go “look!”

wonwoo: headphones

✧ thought of this because he games but headphones are also pretty necessary in general

✧ you each pick sticker packs and you place some stickers on your own pair

✧ then you swap headphones and fill up the rest of the negative space of each other’s :’)

woozi: pajamas

✧ he’s someone who’s also very lowkey methinks

✧ he doesn’t feel the need to flaunt his relationship too much, or go out on his rest days either

✧ he likes the moments you have just between the two of you and pajamas are a cute way to still have that

✧ whether you’re cuddling on the couch or just walking around the house, his heart is content seeing your matching home outfits

seokmin: shoes

✧ just felt like this would be soooo cute with him

✧ it gives you both freedom with your outfits and individual styles but anyone looking at you two together would know that you’re dating

✧ he love love loves taking those pictures of your matching shoes

✧ maybe he even takes a short video for his story and you can tell he’s happy in it because he can’t stop his feet from doing a little dancey dance

mingyu: hoodies

✧ adores seeing the two of you matching so obviously in the reflection of windows, mirrors, etc. when the two of you are out

✧ takes so so many pictures of you two

✧ you definitely have more than one matching hoodie

✧ will fall in love with you more if matching couple clothes was your idea first LOL

minghao: nails

✧ i had to, i HAD TO, just imagine the two of you with the prettiest hands ever

✧ maybe he lets you pick a color first and then he’ll pick a second to complement it aaa

✧ and even if you aren’t too much of a nail person, maybe you just get one nail painted with a little image or design to match the color scheme of his

✧ also imagine the intimacy of painting each other’s nails and he’s holding your hand close to his face and blowing on your nails to dry them

seungkwan: bracelets

✧ the two of you make your matching bracelets at one of those shops meant for dates

✧ i just know he would try so hard !! to make yours so pretty

✧ his heart ACHES when you find these 2 bear charms to represent the two of you (so you can have a little bear of each other)

✧ “this one’s me and this one’s you, don’t you think?”

vernon: beanies

✧ he’s always giving you his beanies when it’s cold out anyway

✧ then on this day he’s shopping and he can’t pick between 2 options (they’re both the same 2 colors but in different combinations)

✧ vernon just gets both and lets you pick the one you like more

✧ he knows you’ll look good in either one :)

chan: crewneck/hoodie-sweatpants-set

✧ this is various things but here me out, he’s a dancer and he probably has a good amount of athleisure

✧ sometimes you visit him during his solo dance practices and he likes to try to convince you to dance with him

✧ one day you stopped by without the intention to dance and he just casually pulls out the set for you that coincidentally matched with his

✧ he’s so giddy when you change. so so many recordings of you dancing together (regardless of how coordinated the two of you actually are) and mirror selfies to capture your outfits

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chronicbeans · 3 months

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Romantic Lucifer x Cutely Flirty Reader

We're not using "Hey babe" here. Here, we got that "You're a cutie patootie, pookie". That's the best way I can describe the Reader's vibes on this.

TW: None, unless you hate fluff

• You both met when he visited the Hazbin Hotel. You actually met him as he was leaving and you were heading back to the hotel with some supplies you were buying. You were more than a little surprised by the carnage that had occurred while you were gone... However, you noticed Lucifer, and decided you might as well say hello.

• He's surprised by how polite you are compared to, say, Alastor. You talk for a bit, before you let him go back to his place. The first thing that you end up telling Charlie, once you talk to her, is pretty simple! "Your dad is adorable-"

• Thus begins your flirtation, whenever he is around. However, you do try to make sure he's not uncomfortable with it, to you keep it very low-key at first. The most you'll do is wave to him, saying "Hey, pookie!" as a greeting. He's probably a bit confused, at first, but shrugs it off.

• A bit confused means very confused, in this case. Especially when he notices Charlie looking embarrassed by it. Sure, he's heard pookie used romantically, but he's also heard it used platonically, so the fact that you're flirting hasn't hit him... yet.

• You both become friends rather quickly, sharing a love of things you find cute, like rubber ducks, Razzle and Dazzle, and Keke. You decide that, since you've become such good friends, it's time to up the ante a bit. You are now more prone to waving him over, saying things like "Hey there, sweetie!" or "Pookie bear, look what I've found!"

• It's at this point, he feels he's getting the hint. You're definitely flirting, in your own way. He likes you back, yes... However, he doesn't want to ruin such a good friendship. That, and he wants to be sure you like him for him, and not his looks. So, he starts waiting for you to show signs that you truly like him outside of flirtation - things that have more of a meaning than that, or cliche love tropes.

• And he gets that sign. One day, you come running up to him, holding what looks to be a rubber duck. "Pookie! Look! I found a duckling!" "Oh, that's such a cute little thing-" "quack" Oh, it's not a rubber duck... It's a real, living, breathing duckling. He's rather impressed by the fact that you found one in Hell, of all places. It's not even a demonic duck, either! It's a normal duckling! You must've went through a lot of work to get it, just for him...

• He takes it from your hands, looks down at it for a moment, before saying "This is our child now." And with that, you're dating. And you have a duckling baby, now. He's named it Charlotte, and it has it's own bedroom.

• He loves your flirting, to be honest, and may start to mimic it. You both call each other pookie all the time. You love to call him random names you come up with, like sugar bear, baby bean, cutie patootie, pookie wookie, and he loves all of them. His face practically burst into flames whenever you call him something like that. He likes to call you his little honeycrisp or apple pie. You two are drowning in fluff and Charlie is watching in pure shock, wondering how she got a duck sister and how you managed to rizz her dad by using cutesy flirting and ducks.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #lucifer #lucifer x reader #lucifer headcanons

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gojosatoruwifey · 2 months

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ㅡglub glub glub glub glub

✑ happy happy happy birthday to our red fishie ♡(◕ᗜ◕✿) as usual, this fic is written the day before my finals exam (・ω ・✿)

✿ warning/s: fluff, short, blushy! rafayel is the best rafayel, simps, let me know if i missed something!

✿ character/s: rafayel, fem! reader

📜🖋️🎀SUPPORT MY KO-FI🎀🖋️📜

it’s his birthday so you follow what he does that makes your heart skip a beat

rafayel is in for a surprise.

he already suspected that you’re doing something fishy behind his back, especially the date in the calendar that tells him that his birthday is around the corner. a good boyfriend that he is, he will just let you do your thing.

rafayel didn’t, in fact, see this coming.

the smooch landing on his cheek was so swift that if he didn’t know you’re standing before him, waist bent down as you put your weight to your one arm and the other retrieving a small pillow beside him — he is thinking to check himself into the mental ward, complain to the doctor there that he is having a hallucination of you kissing him randomly and so suddenly at that as he lazily sprawled to the couch, phone in hand.

you, with all your might, maintained a composed face as if you didn’t just copy one of your boyfriend’s cute antics that he is unaware makes your thoughts haywire. rafayel’s gradient stellar eyes stare wide at you, perplexing surprise swirling behind those beautiful pools as he looks up at you from the couch.

a successful cheer erupted inside your mind. satisfied with his reaction, calling forth every cell in your brain to commit his face to memory. rafayel’s reddening cheeks all the way to his ears, doe eyes round and shiny.

turning on your back with the pillow hugged by your arms, you act like you don’t mind him and continue on your way.

success!

to be honest, when rafayel gets whiny, begging for attention or dragging you to a spontaneous date, it awakens a dormant beast within you.

so, when it’s your turn to act cutesy around him, you’re looking forward to it.

internally, rafayel is losing his mind. whose fault is it? you, who else. what in the world have you been up to? your recent actions have become unpredictable and difficult for him to anticipate.

you're doing it again! he bit his lower lips he’s afraid blood would soon appear as you had a python grip on his arm, pouty and sulky dripping on your voice, “i want that one, win me artsy birb plushie! please? rafayel?”

“i…” where did his usual nonchalant of a bodyguard go.

he felt you get closer, “i will! i will!” rafayel maneuver the claw, his arm still pressed to your body, clinging to him. oblivious to the grin curled on your lips. the heat on his cheeks and ears hasn’t gone away, staying there much to his chagrin. if he were to glance at the couple in the reflection of the claw machine plush’s glass, he might have not missed it.

another success!

now, onto the last one. you are not so sure how to proceed with this one. it’s not that you’re not confident to pull this move to him but rather, how to make the timing right. should it be on the day? to have better lighting? what of the place? should you hold this in the destiny cafe or at his home or yours? a date is a go-to since you can create a more romantic atmosphere so a date it is, then. you nodded to yourself.

on the other hand, rafayel’s heart will explode the more he lets you hold the reign. it's bad for his health. what will happen to linkon were their precious artist gets sick? he will blame you, really.

if you pull another one…

shit, he curses. it's late morning, brunch, unoccupied second floor with just the two of you, the muffled tappings of laptop keys below, the occasional bell ring when a customer enters and the staff greeting them, the beeping indicator of the hot water in the kitchen, the sound of beans hitting the bottom of the container, the rush of coffee cascaded in a cup.

and the warm sunlight pouring into the table where you two are sitting.

a finger lightly brushed the strands of his hair near his eyes. rafayel watches mutely. the words he has been practicing and the dramatic actions he thought last night are gone in an instant. you move away from the strays as you make eye contact with him, muttering, “there. i can see you better. don’t look down like that or you will hurt your neck.”

red bursts completely all over his face. steam coming out of his head.

“what’s the matter with you? you look like reddie.”

k.o!

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace rafayel #rafayel x reader #lads #lads rafayel #lads rafayel x reader #lads fluff #l&ds #l&ds rafayel #l&ds x reader #love and deepspace fluff #rafayel fluff #l&ds rafayel x reader

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loverboyjamespotter · 7 months

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i think my main problem with marauders meta at the moment is that (and this has always been a problem) a LOT of people underestimate the sheer insanity that was sirius and james' relationship. i think people play it off as like 'aw how cute, best friends! :)' and its like ... I DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THEYRE SO MUCH WEIRDER THAN THAT. in whatever way you take sirius and james platonic romantic WHATEVER you HAVE to realise they were NOT NORMAL about each other. they were cathy and heathcliff. i think the word that describes james and sirius' relationship to each other is OBSESSION. not like a cutesy best friends forever kind of way i mean talking about how they want to be buried next to each other kind of way. i mean that canonically their relationship exists outside the bounds of morality sirius thinks its FUNNY that james bullies people and vice versa. james only bullies snape because he wanted to amuse sirius. i think sirius LIKES all of james awful qualities (being conceited, arrogant, self-centred) which is a stark contrast to lily who canonically does NOT like the fact that james is a spoilt rich boy strutting around the castle hexing people for fun. i think james wouldnt even ... CARE if sirius HAD ended up killing snape at the whomping willow incident. not really. because it was sirius and every single moral value goes straight out the window when its sirius. do people realise that they were doing the most INSANE acts of magical devotion for each other as TEENAGERS that ADULT WIZARDS couldnt do if they tried for YEARS? why dont people talk enough about the fact that they had such an intense relationship that they excluded everyone else from it? why doesnt anyone talk about the fact that the two way mirrors WERE ONLY FOR THEM. like they didnt give one to remus or peter or lily. it was THEIR thing. sirius went to JAMES' house after he ran away. james made SIRIUS harrys godfather. QUITE THE DOUBLE ACT. NEVER SAW ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER DID YOU? the fact that people from their time MULTIPLE PEOPLE described them as jamesandsirius. .... idk i just think. its a shame people dont really talk very often about how insane and weird and unnormal james and sirius were about each other bc to me its the most fascinating part about the marauders era.

#personal #prongsfoot #bambibelle #james x sirius #sirius x james #terfs do not interact

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reverseexorcist · 2 months

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♡ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ♡

You couldn't not give me Carmilla fucking Carmine and expect me not to go feral over her-

➲ 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚 Carmine + !F!Reader

➲ Romantic ☒, Platonic ☐

➲ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 Count; 1,479 Words

➲ Warnings/notes; Female reader, these are kind've all over the place, Carmilla might be a tad OOC since this is my first time writing her

➲ There are so many different ways this relationship could possibly start. The mind boggles trying to think of all of them. Just think of all the potential shenanigans that could occur and have fun with that

➲ But lemme just say before anything - This woman is fiercely protective over you. Not in the cutesy, clingy kind've obsessive way, but the silently scary scary-dog privilege kind've partner. The epitome of 'excuse me sir, they asked for no pickles', and, because I love this trope, you are the only person (besides her daughters) that she will ever fully be soft for.

➲ Insert 🥺 right here

➲ Just, get you a woman who looks at you the way Carmilla looks at her wife. That's all I can say

➲ The soft moments in the morning when you can just lay in bed and watch her get ready. Pulling her hair up into her signature, gravity defying buns(?) and delicately slip on and twine her angelic steel shoes. The minutes of her fingers expertly working away in a comfortable silence as you just lay under the comfort of your warm blankets? Those are the moments right there 👌

➲ Probably not one for physical affection, at least not in public. Definitely not in public. Her reputation alone would probably put you in danger, which is, y'know, not good, so no hand-holding in public

➲ (Honestly, one part of her probably prefers not to be seen with you in public for that exact reason. The other part wants to keep you in her line of sight at all times because at least then she can personally keep you safe)

➲ All of that being said, can't deny she'd probably give top tier hugs. Proper bear hugs because this woman is tall and strong and would undeniably make you feel safe whenever you're in her arms. Depending on how tall or short you are, she could also probably pick you up if you really wanted 👉👈

➲ (She could 100% pick you up, and probably with one hand as well)

➲ Gives the most tender of little kisses. Small pecks on the cheeks and forehead whenever she's tired from work, her larger fingers gently grazing the sides of your head as her fluffy hair tickles your face

➲ And the adorable little pet names she whispers to you! Maybe you're just passing by each other in an almost empty street or just relaxing at home together, but she'll always try and take the chance to whisper something like 'mi Vida', 'mi Corazón' or 'mi Reina' just loud enough for the two of you to hear

➲ Let's be real, this woman is really goddamn tall, so you're probably shorter than her and she absolutely loves it and would absolutely tell this to your face just to fluster you. What she loves even more is the way you'd have to reach up on your tippy toes with her leaning down to meet you halfway just to have you playfully kiss her on the tip of her nose or her chin

➲ Maybe, very rarely, if she's feeling extra sentimental, she'd love it if you sat on her lap while she works in her home office, just so she can have your comfort and warmth nearby. More often than not this scenario would end up with you falling asleep in her lap and her carrying you back to bed with the smallest of smiles on her face

➲ If she could really help it, she'd prefer to keep you as far away from her work as possible. As much as she would love to have you in the office, maybe helping her with paperwork or something similar so she could have you at within her reach at all times of the day, arms dealing is a dangerous job. At least her daughter's have each other's backs' when they're out doing business, but you'd probably have to make it on your own or with one of her other employees and that's a big no no in her eyes

➲ Also, speaking of her daughters, your relationship with them would vary wildly depending on when you met them

➲ If you started dating Carmilla when Clara and Odette were rather young, they'd probably cling on to you like a second mother figure. In some cases, they might've even preferred you over Carmilla for the sole fact that their toddler puppy eyes work on you better than their biological mother

➲ Your dynamic would probably just be the three of you racing to see who could give Carmilla a hug first after she gets home from work

➲ (Though, this only works if Carmilla is hell-born seeing as sinner's can't have children)

➲ If you started dating Carmilla when they were older though, there might be a bit of a tense air when you first meet. Carmilla's protectiveness isn't just one way - Her daughters absolutely adore her, and although they definitely couldn't protect her physically, they'd do their damn best to protect her emotionally

➲ They'd warm up to you after some time though, seeing you do truly love their mother with your whole heart. You'd never be a parent to them, barely even a step-parent, but they'd respect you and care for you like family nonetheless because you make their mother happy

➲ Either way, her heart melts seeing the three of you getting alone, and she 100% has a family picture she keeps on her desk for her eyes only

➲ Sometimes she just waits until you fall asleep so she can cradle your head in her heads oh so carefully. She just sort've stares at you, her eyes glowing in the dark with her wild mane of hair spilling out behind her, and she just traces all the intricate details of your face with her eyes

➲ And then she just sort've hugs you closer to her, tugging the blankets a little tighter around the two of you as she presses the littlest of kisses to your forehead before relaxing into the pillows

➲ But just imagine Carmilla with a wife who died so much later after her. Just this tall, scary and proper woman that strikes fear into the hearts of millions with her little gremlin wife who keep talking about shit like reddit that the other sinners just don't understand (not even Carmilla herself, but she finds your antics somewhat entertaining, at least when she doesn't have to act as your self preservation instincts and keep you safe)

➲ Extermination is your least favourite day for multiple reasons

➲ The first being, well, the exorcists descending form heaven to brutally murder sinners left and right, but also because Carmilla changes around this time

➲ It's understandable, especially with what happened in one of the previous exterminations when she and her daughters got caught, but it still scares you to see you usually cool, calm and loving wife turn into a robot who's only goal is to get you and her daughters to a safehouse to wait out the terror outside

➲ Doesn't mean you're not grateful, though. You can look past all of that because you know she's just doing it to keep you safe, and in the end you'd rather be safe and living with your family rather than dead on the end of an exorcist's spear

➲ You probably also have a good relationship with the other overlords, despite never having gone to a meeting

➲ (It's because of this you've never met Velvette or the other Vee's, and if Carmilla has a say, you never will)

➲ Rosie, being the social butterfly she is, loves to talk gossip with you every chance she gets. Zestial likes to join in on your little sessions, not saying anything but bringing tea for everyone to drink and enjoy. Clara also likes to join in sometimes, but her sister would much rather sit with her mother and just watch the chaos unfold in front of them

➲ Almost certainly has caught you trying on her shoes when she's not looking. A part of her is annoyed because she'd rather not have you involved in anything to do with her work, but the innocent look you give her makes her rethink her annoyance in the moment

➲ She'd later found out Clara helped you because you also wanted to try and walk around on pointe like the rest of the family. No idea why you skipped straight to trying the angelic weapon shoes, but Carmilla does offer to help you later

➲ Overall, great wife and I'd give her a 9/10. One point deducted probably because she'd be a tad too overprotective, but everything else about her is great; From her bear hugs to those little moments the two of you share

Rules + Info,

Masterlist,

#carmilla carmine x reader #carmilla x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel carmilla carmine #carmilla carmine #hazbin hotel headcanons #wlw #hazbin hotel x you #carmilla carmine x fem reader

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catboybiologist · 3 months

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About to fall asleep ramble time, this has been kicking around in my brain for a bit and I need to get some form of this thought out

I was diagnosed with ADHD and gender dysphoria one day after the other back in August. Extremely stereotypically zillenial of me, I know. Handling both of these has dramatically improved my quality of life. yes yes insert discourse about how much you need to have dysphoria as a diagnosis, it's just a tool for the medical system that's ultimately meaningless, that's not what this is about.

There's one thing that was really, really weird about the experience of getting care for both of these.

Most treatment and public talk of transition and motivations to transition are about misery. How much despair your birth sex gives you and how gender affirming care is the only stopgap against suicide (oftentimes, used as a barrier to entry that it should only be given when it's at the suicidal point). How crushing dysphoria is.

In contrast, most of the public perception of ADHD is this cutesy, "omg look I'm so quirky" kind of thing. People talk of ADHD "superpowers" and how neat it is to have hyperfixations (I'm low key starting to dislike that word, even though it's an accurate description of many things- it's very overused).

My actual experience has been almost exactly the opposite.

I absolutely had gender dysphoria, and still do, and misery associated with being AMAB. But is that what defines my trans experience? No, and in fact, it feels like a more incidental blip in it. My trans experience has mostly been defined by joy, by feeling my mind and body slowly make me more and more content with my default existence day after day. And the exploration of it all! The social roles, the romantic dynamics, the friendship dynamics, even small aesthetics like clothes and makeup, and again, the body and mood changes. It's incredible and it brings me joy so much of the time. That, more than anything, has defined my trans experience.

In contrast.... ADHD has objectively made nearly every aspect of my life more miserable. Working with my therapist and my pysch, as well as feeling what it's like to be properly medicated, have shown me extremely well how much the constant feelings of misery I always seemed to have were caused by ADHD. ADHD means being unable to receive a baseline level of dopamine to function under normal circumstances, so your brain starts looking for any way it can get new sources. And wouldn't ya know it, novel stimuli are a perfect way to do that. Keep in mind that dopamine isn't just "the pleasure molecule" it's a neurotransmitter with a broad range of functions. If you don't have ADHD, or even if you do, I want you to think about how miserable of an existence that is. Your default state is depression and inability to do things. It has been for me for most of my life. Additionally, anxieties creep into your head and distract you far more easily. You're less functional. You can't do simple things most of the time. You're distracted and have anxiety spikes easily. Continuous tasks are hard. And day in, day out... You are miserable. Almost constantly.

Oh also, you're easily addicted to extreme novel stimuli. For me, it was self harm. And when that stopped working... Well, I was in a state of mostly background depression that was only punctuated by spikes of massive, overwhelming anxiety that my brain hooked itself on. At a certain point, I just wanted it to end, by any means necessary.

It's been almost ten years since that day, and at this point I can genuinely say that I'm glad I'm still here.

But it wasn't dysphoria that did that (it contributed a bit, but still wasn't the biggest factor). Or a depressive disorder. Or bipolar. Or whatever the big, more "scary" mental illnesses or neurodivergencies are. They tried to treat me for some of them, and it ended horribly. My symptoms fit mixed presentation ADHD perfectly, including my physiological response to stimulants. They don't fit anything else. I likely don't have any strong comorbidities, unless you count the symptom-level anxiety and depression. ADHD did all of that to me. The "cute and quirky" one.

By the time I got around to a diagnosis, my pysch was astounded that I made it as far as I did with symptoms as severe as mine. Tackling ADHD has removed so much misery from my life, it's indescribable. Adderall has been the only thing that has ever actually gotten rid of my constant anxiety.

It's not fucking cute. Keeping with this being the flip side to my dysphoria, I do try to keep it light most of the time, and I join in on all of the classic "whoopsie doopsie my ADHD" trains and jokes. You don't have to stop making those, hell, they're fun. There are cute and funny parts to having ADHD, and ways it's made my personality what it is. But don't forget that this is also something that makes people genuinely suffer well beyond the "oopsie I'm such a procrastinator!!!" Type thing.

Idk where this thought is going. It's just kind of an observation that's been kicking around in my head for a bit. So uh. Hope it at least generates discussion? Feel free to add your experiences if you think it'll help you. But fuck I need to sleep lol

#trans #adhd #cw self harm #cw suicide

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