#I AM SO SORRY FOR THE BAD ART! PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I WILL GET BETTER I REALLY PROMISE!!!!!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oleander-nin · 3 months

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Hi again, I'm that same person that sent that long ask earlier lol

Okay ESPECIALLY after the poll you put up, I wanna say again that WE ALL LOVE YOU STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP /p

I'm stuck between wanting to be heartfelt and encouraging or just shaking you by the shoulders and scream at you /aff /pos

Ollie, genuinely, don't push yourself too hard. Yeah we love what you write, but we understand that you're a person with a life. You do not owe us anything.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, or maybe looking too far into this, but I feel like you're a perfectionist? And that you feel you have to crank things out quickly and it all has to be perfect. Maybe you feel somehow indebted to give us things to read. and lemme tell you, it's very easy to get stuck in a loop of "do the creative thing for your followers or else". That is, if you aren't in that loop already. I'm sorry, know I'm assuming a lot, and I'm not meaning to pry.

I just say this because I recognize the way you talk in your tags or authors notes. I'm not an author, but I used to post art. I kept getting more frustrated with myself, (and I can definitely tell you are too). I lost motivation, and it stopped being fun pretty quickly because I kept thinking "it needs to be perfect" or "I need to create faster" all for the sake of an audience. So when you apologize, or seem to value your writing so little, it just makes me worry that you're in that same loop. Heck, I mean, I still don't make art often, I still have perfectionist issues and worry about how fast I can create. But it's becoming fun again, slowly.

I just hope that writing is still something you like to do. I would hate for your passion for writing to be squandered by the pressure and expectations of an audience. I know you have a lot going on right now, even if you try and act like you should be able to push through it and write, but please take care of yourself. If the February challenge is getting too difficult, please don't feel like there's any shame in limiting your workload. We'll be happy with whatever you make, and I'll be even happier if I know you actually enjoyed writing it. /gen

WOW this is long I'm sorry lmao. I've been at this for like half an hour. (Do asks have a word limit? Oops I hope not ahshjsk)

Oh also, don't worry about responding to this is an "appropriate" way. I know that this would be hard for me to respond to, so don't feel pressured to say anything at all. Even if you delete this, I'll be perfectly fine with it. /gen I just hope you read it and understand that we care about you. Please feel better <3

YOU TOOK THIRTY MINUTES FROM YOUR DAY TO WRITE ME THIS???? THE HONOR???? SOBBING THANK YOU

Breaking this down paragraph by paragraph cuz you deserve it💪(also I'm avoiding responsibilities rn shhh)

Okay first of all, thank you a lot. This entire thing kinda helped me realized just how bad I was letting myself get. In the back of my mind, I know I don't have to write, or that I shouldn't be doing it the way I am, but it felt like an obligation at some point, both from trying to repay you all in the only way I know how, and from trying to catch up with everyone else. Sometimes it feels like I'm falling behind, and if I don't keep going, I'm just going to lose everything.

I forgive you<3/lhj, but you're not technically wrong. While I'm not in the perfectionist in the sense I won't post something unless I deem it perfect and have checked over 8 times(what I used to do), I still tend to pick apart everything I've made and found every flaw. I realize this is a problem, and have been yelled at by many a teachers for it lol. But yeah, a lot of the time I do feel indebted, and I probably am stuck in that loop(Which is why I'm so bad at actually taking breaks). Don't feel bad for assuming, nothing you could say would really offend me, and you've been dead on this whole time.

I've been meaning to stop talking about how much I hate certain parts of what I write in the tags+A/N's, because I know listening to me whine and cry about something that doesn't matter gets annoying, but I'm not good at that either I guess lol.

I'm fairly certain that writing will always be fun for me, as I'm still looking forwards to doing a lot of the requests I got and one set of ideas I have, but finding the will to write it down seems impossible right now. It's like I'm stuck at the bottom of a sheer cliff and I can't start writing until I read the top. The main reason I'm so mad at myself for flopping so bad with this challenge is because I was able to do the Horrortober one just fine, as well as maintain a schedule for a while. It feels like I'm getting worse rather than getting better, and It's just making me frustrated with myself to the point of just wanting to quit(not that I think I'd be able to if I'm honest. I tried once, yet here I am, only 3 years later.)

Anyways, I'm just going to start putting more time into the writing instead of trying to force a deadline. I want to be able to make longer fics again, and to start TWOAL back up(I've been avoiding it because I want the chapters to start being 4000+ to mimic actual books). I want my writing to seem like it has care and quality, and not like it was produced by a factory. I have once headcanon style fic about the Vamp turts in the work I was spending days on to make sure it was decent, and it alone is better than a lot of stuff I've put out recently.

ANYWAYS

Thank you! I appreciate your words, sorry for the vent. I'll probably just delete this half later lol, but I needed to get some stress out.

#asks <3 #tw vent #vent #writing vent #sorry about this

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lesbian-empress-nero · 2 months

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“Do it.”

Ken stood, frozen and trapped. Papa was there, but it wasn’t Papa.

It was Shinjiro-san. It was Shinjiro-san as he had been on October 4th, 2009. He stood hunched like his peacoat weighed the same as the sky, his eyes were dark and half-lidded- exhausted.

“Just... Let me give you one warning,” Shinjiro-san said, and Ken tried to stifle his sobs.

“No, no- No! I don’t want to! I don’t want to kill you! Please, let’s just go! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’ve changed my mind!” He pleaded, and someone else walked up. It... looked like him.

“You know you cannot undo what’s been done. Why do you try?” Not-Ken asked. Ken trembled as he tried to speak.

“It’s my fault! It’s my fault he almost died, it’s my fault he struggles now... I want to help him, I don’t want him to feel bad anymore! He carries guilt too, and it’s still because of me!”

Shinjiro-san vanished, leaving Ken and his Shadow alone.

“Do you still see him as he was before? Or has he changed in your eyes?” Shadow Ken asked, and Ken bowed his head.

“He’s changed. But I still- I still see that day. It’s Papa I see now, though, not Shinjiro-san. I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! Would it be better if I had died that day!? Would it have been better if Papa had let me die, if Takaya had killed me and-”

“And you died in Papa’s arms? Leaving even more guilt? He feels bad enough over the death of your mother. Imagine how he’d feel if he had been the cause of another Amada death. He has begun the journey to forgiveness. He wouldn’t have made it past that night if you had died,” his Shadow said, and Ken sank to the ground, hugging himself and sobbing.

It was all his fault, and yet Papa was still alive. Papa still cared for him. Papa still loved him. “I’m sorry...”

“You don’t want to die. You want to live, you want to join the soccer team and pass middle school and see Papa and Dad happy. You want to see Goro graduate. You want to live,” his Shadow said, and Ken nodded shakily.

“How can Papa find it in himself to forgive me...? After all I’ve done, how can he-?”

“KEN!”

There’s a sudden thundering of footsteps, and someone strong scoops him up, spinning him around and hugging him.

Ken recognises the scent of cinnamon and cologne, and hugs back. “Papa-! Papa, I’m so sorry-”

He devolves into sobs again, and Papa presses a kiss to his head, holding him more gently, rubbing circles on his back.

“Hey, don’t apologise. Never apologise for somethin’ like this, okay? It ain’t your fault. Are you okay?”

Papa steps back, holding Ken’s shoulders. His dark grey eyes are less tired than they once were, no longer darkly shadowed. His skin, once ashen and pale, is now a healthy tan, darker still from the warm autumn sun. He was once frightfully thin, giving everyone healthy portions of food but never taking any for himself. Now he was strong, strong enough to pick Ken up with ease.

“...I’m okay,” Ken murmured, burying his face in Papa’s jacket. It smelled like nutmeg.

After a moment, he pulled away, facing his Shadow.

“...You’re me. Aren’t you?”

His Shadow nodded, and Ken extended a hand. “Well, I am thou.”

The Shadow took it, and smiled. “Thou art I.”

He vanished, leaving a tarot card in his place. When Ken took it, he saw that it was the Justice arcana.

“...Does this mean I won't need my Evoker anymore?” He asked, and Papa placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We can find out later. Come on, let's get you home. The others are all worried sick.”

As they left, Ken heard an echo of his vow to his Shadow.

I am thou, thou art I.

Memento mori.

OH MY GOD KENS SHADOW the way the fic is ken focused so shinji is referred to as papa... ALSO DIDNT EXPECT KEN TO REFER TO HIM AS PAPA FOR SOME REASON??? thats so cute though... ken accepting his shadow accepting the fact that he doesnt need to feel guilty. its all ok now and he cant change the past... also love that the shinji illusion resembles him in p3 more and afterwards when he sees the real one, he's grown, taking care of himself, looking better, happy... i love them sm

#nero answers #shackle-foes #family au #shinjiro aragaki #ken amada #persona 4 #persona 3 #p3 spoilers #persona 3 spoilers #p3 #p4

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lordisitmine · 5 months

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TTNBD BLOG: PART TWO

Welcome once again, to the extended author’s notes! That’s kind of how I’m thinking of these posts. This post covers the details of chapter two of the story, (chapter 3 on ao3 if you’re just looking at the numbers), entitled What a Tangled Web We Weave. So, spoilers if you haven’t read that yet.

HISTORICAL ACCURACY

In this week’s retrospective, I’d like to talk a little bit about historical accuracy. If you’re anything like me, you like watching and reading a lot of things that take place in past eras. If you’re like me, you hate when something- be it a phrase, an outfit, a hairstyle, or a reference to people/events- is egregiously incorrect to the time period being portrayed. Big anachronisms drive me crazy.

However, there’s a level of inaccuracy that I don’t actually mind- if it helps better the story without taking me too much out of the fantasy, or if it adds something to the setting while not detracting from the believably- I’ll allow it. Basically, what I’m saying is that, like a lot of other aspects of writing/art, historical accuracy is about finding the right balance. Or, getting as close as you can to the target of perfect. With fanfiction, I think the margin is even wider- I try not to take this medium too overly seriously, especially when I’m reading and enjoying something someone else has written. I’m a little tougher on myself, though I hope not too tough.

I like to call what I do “movie-accurate”. A lot of my favourite period films have things in them that just aren’t correct, but because I love those movies so much, and because the overall vibe is close enough to what I know about history, I let it slide.

For example, in the 2005 film Pride and Prejudice, the hairstyles of the young women, as well as some of their dress styles are quite off from what women’s fashions were actually like at the time in which the novel/movie was set. The 1995 BBC miniseries adaptation is far, far more faithful in terms of aesthetics. However, the 2005 film is incredibly beloved by a lot of Jane Austen fans, despite its inaccuracies! Because it’s a fucking good movie, which sells the characterization and romances so well that you can sort of excuse the “dumbing down” of the details. It’s one of my favourite period films, and films, period.

Obviously there are bad movies that don’t even try to be accurate, but when I say “movie-accurate” know that I’m talking about the good ones.

During the course of Though the Night be Dark, I’ll be making a lot of references to/descriptions of outfits and hairstyles, because I’m pretty sure I was a fashion designer or personal stylist in my past life, but not all of them will be totally accurate to the years 1899/1900. That goes for stuff like technology, too- it won’t ever be over-the-top (i.e. they’re not gonna have television in the year 1900) but if you notice stuff that seems just a little out of place, know that I felt it was necessary to fudge the numbers, so to speak, in pursuit of the characters, the romance, and the story itself.

This same sort of “movie-accuracy” applies to the settings. I’ve never been to Paris or London in my life- I’m broke and there’s a whole ocean in between me and Europe. I do my best to research and reference actual places and landmarks, but if you do live in either of those places and what I write seems fantastical or inaccurate, I am sorry, believe me. Please forgive me, and do your best to imagine these as like, imaginary versions of these places.

I don’t know why I’m defending myself- most people probably don’t mind, and some probably don’t notice things like this. But it’s important to me to be as accurate as I can be within the scope of my ability, and it’s important to me for people to learn about my process if they want to. I digress.

CHAPTER TWO: WHAT A TANGLED WEB WE WEAVE

Sometimes I pick titles because they’re references to things, and the words/themes of the things in question closely fit the character and the story. For example, To the End of Everything is a lyric from the Adam Lambert song Sleepwalker, which was on my SebaCiel playlist back in 2014 when I was first writing it. It fit the story of the end of Ciel’s life, and the end of his contract with Sebastian, and it’s such a nice set of words to say out loud and look at on a screen.

The first chapter of this fic, A Far, Far Better Rest, is a reference to the final line from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Two cities, London and Paris, both of which are the settings for TTNBD. Not a super deep reference, but there’s a reason for it.

What a Tangled Web We Weave is also a reference to something- part of a famous line from am 1808 poem Marmion: A Tale of Flodden Field by Sir Walter Scott. It’s set in the time of Henry VIII and tells the romantic and ultimately tragic story of some rich guy and his affair with a woman. The full line is what a tangled we weave/when first we practise to deceive.

I picked this title for three reasons: one, because it has the word web in it, and Claude is a spider demon. Two, because it’s about lies, and lies are the basis for some of the upcoming conflict in this story. And three, and most chief among the reasons: it sounded cool.

What can I say. Sometimes I write/use things are deep and profound, and sometimes I just use things I think are kinda neat. I try, as always, to strike a decent balance.

Alright, let’s break this chapter down.

We started off with a remix of a scene from the second season of the Black Butler anime. It’s a little infamous, to be sure. I’m speaking of course about the scene where Alois shoves his finger into Hannah’s eye socket! I know that in the original scene he doesn’t actually pull out her eyeball, but I wanted to go whole-hog, I think it’s just extra insane and I wanted you to know what kind of Alois Trancy character I’m playing with here. He’s an adult here, whereas he was a kid in the anime- I don’t know, I just thought the increased level of brutality suited him.

I pulled actual dialogue from the scene and repurposed it, which I love doing and have done many times in my fanfic writing career (side-eye at my Supernatural fics). I wrote it from Claude’s POV because I love that outsider POV in a scene. I also wanted to establish his thoughts and feelings about Alois right off the bat.

Cards on the table: I haven’t watched the second season of the anime in a very long time. I watched the first few episodes some time last year I think??? When I was deciding to write this story, just to get a feel for their characters/relationship again. I’ve seen them portrayed in fanon as everything from a toxic couple to a couple who are more actually in love, like Ciel and Sebastian- I very much don’t see that for these two. Their tension is different, and in the context of this story, it’s been years, and that tension is heading towards a boiling point.

What I’m saying is that I’m sorry to any real die-hard Alois and/or Claude fans in advance if I do stretch them too far out of the OOC allowance margins… but also no I’m not hehehehehe.

Claude mentions Alois reading penny dreadfuls. Penny dreadfuls were these cheap little serialised fiction zines you could buy for a penny, hence the name. Every volume was like, an 8–16 page chunk of a story. The dreadful part comes from the fact that they were highly sensationalised and sometime salacious stories about murder and highway robbery and pirates and stories of real-life criminals doing heinous murder and such- sometimes sold at public executions! Overall, these things weren’t considered Proper English Literature. Which of course meant that they were VERY popular. Mostly in the early to mid 1800s. As far as I know, they started to lose ground in popular culture by the turn of the century, but they existed, I think they were cool, and therefore I can include a reference to them!

Penny dreadfuls weren’t really about romance or sex but they were super popular among young people, and the idea of Alois reading trashy romance novels in general is just hilarious to me. And like I said, I just really wanted to reference something so undeniably Victorian.

And yes, for the purposes of this story, he does in fact know that Hannah is a demon. Did he know that in the anime? I think maybe he did, but like I said, it’s been a while, and I don’t remember. I could go back and watch it again, but I don’t want canon to mess up my fanfiction. Anyway, the fact that Alois knows Hannah is a demon will become relevant and important as the story continues, so I won’t say too much more about it.

Back to Paris- it’s time for more Lizzy content! There’s quite a bit of that in this chapter. Originally, this chapter and the next one were originally just supposed to be one chapter, but the whole thing got too long/had a natural breaking point in my mins, so I split it up.

These parts of the story are more difficult to write- they involve the OCs a lot, and there’s lots of things to establish. It’s hard to do that without getting to in the weeds or being really clunky, but on the other hand, I can’t forget that anything outside of canon references is in my brain and no one else’s, so I have to make sure to cover the important stuff.

This is my first time writing F/F romance! That’s not quite true. I’ve been writing original stories with F/F romances in them for years and years- this is my first time writing an F/F romance that other people are actually going to read. Thankfully, being a lesbian, I have actual experience falling in love with women, so I have lots of real-life stuff to draw from. I didn’t realise how much of my own past and current crushes and preferences wormed their way into the Lizzy/Sybil dynamic. I’ve read posts before about how romance/sex scenes are always revealing of the author’s preferences/feelings/kinks, and I was like “not me haha I am Unknowable” but I guess I can’t say that anymore oops.

When it comes to labels for fictional characters, I don’t like to use them/talk about them unless it’s been explicitly stated in canon. For example, I would never say a canon bisexual character is exclusively gay, that would be bi erasure and we don’t do that shit here. This is especially relevant when it comes to time periods where terminology was different, and labels hadn’t been invented yet/didn’t mean the same things.

I’m trying to write Lizzy in a way that the reader can interpret any way they want! If you want to read her as bi or as a lesbian, that’s fine, I have no hard opinion on the subject! I think it makes a lot of sense that she’s bi, I think that there’s a case for her being a lesbian who’s had to deal with some hardcore compulsory heterosexuality.

However, Sybil is my character and therefore I do get to say what she is, and she is a lesbian. Stone cold homosexual. Again, not that it matters, I just like saying it.

Lizzy and Sybil’s romance isn’t a full-on slow burn per se, but I’m really enjoying building it up here brick-by-brick. At this point, she and Lizzy have been friends for a long time and already know each other really well, so the “to lovers” part can kind of come into play early, but I’m not going to give it all away at once- where would the fun be in that?

Let’s talk about Verity. Madame LaChance if you’re nasty. Verity, of course, means truth, and la chance is French for luck. I kind of wanted her to be straight up called “Lady Luck” but that was a bit TOO hokey, even for me. I wanted there to be an auntie-like side character, and I said to myself, what if there was a character who was like, all the good, lighthearted parts of Grell and Madame Red without any of the “oh btw I’m insane/also a serial killer”. I thought it’d be funny if she was sort of a go-between, having friendships with both Sybil & Lizzy as well as Ciel & Sebastian without any of them being aware of it. She became a bigger part of the story than I’d originally intended- she sort of stole my heart, maybe she’ll steal yours too.

She’s a little mysterious, but I can promise you she is a normal human. She’s just very… unique, I guess you could say. No more spoilers.

I’m being sort of vague about the club and what it’s called and what it looks like, there’s a lot more about it in a future chapter, don’t worry. Also, Madame refers to Ciel as Monsieur Phénix and Sebastian as Monsieur Corbeau. That’s French for phoenix and raven respectively. Stage names. Code names. C'est très dramatique. (No, I don’t actually speak French, beyond some very basic words and phrases.)

I hate to admit it, but I felt woefully out of my element while writing this part and I'm not 100% happy with how it came out I knew I wanted to have some reason to show Sebastian and Ciel going about their day-to-day lives, but I was also struck by the lack of, like, drama or action so far in the story. I fell back on the old adage of “write what you know” and had the boys not solving crime per se (there will be time for that later) but perhaps avenging somebody. I don’t think Ciel will ever give up his vengeful nature, whether its on his own behalf or someone else’s. And for Sebastian, it’s just bad business, and we can’t have that, can we?

There are a whole two paragraphs from Little Women by Louisa May Alcott in this next scene. I don’t know if that book is meant to be sad, but it made me terribly melancholy when I read it as a kid. Also, there I go again referencing literature. I pulled the same trick in next week’s chapter too, which I didn’t even realise I was repeating until I’d already done it. Oops.

“-And nobody saw Beth wipe the tears off the yellow keys, that wouldn't keep in tune, when she was all alone. She sang like a little lark about her work, never was too tired for Marmee and the girls, and day after day said hopefully to herself, "I know I'll get my music some time, if I'm good."

"There are many Beth’s in the world, shy and quiet, sitting in corners till needed, and living for others so cheerfully that no one sees the sacrifices till the little cricket on the hearth stops chirping, and the sweet, sunshiny presence vanishes, leaving silence and shadow behind.”

I wanted Lizzy to be reading aloud in this scene and this reference jumped out at me when I was trying to think of books that existed at the time and that characters this age might have access to. Beth of course is short for Elizabeth, and Lizzy’s arc in this story is about her becoming her own person in a lot of ways, or like, realising who she is, and this quote about Beth feeling like she’s in everyone’s shadow and only exists to do things for other people seemed really appropriate.

There’s a little more insight into Simeon- I drew the photograph described in the scene so you could get an idea of what Simeon looks like. I really like writing Simeon. He’s such a Good Dad. I mean, he’s bound by his word to be a good dad, but he really loves Sybil so much and wants her to be happy. But there’s also so much going on beneath the surface. I know most of you have figured out his true nature by now, but I hope that I still have the ability to surprise you in the long run when it comes to him.

Once again, thanks for reading! Comments and questions are always welcome, and I’ll see you all again next week! Special shout-out to vandorttranslations, who is translating this story into Russian as we go! It will never not be amazing to me that someone feels strongly enough about my work to undertake such a task!

-lord_is_it_mine

#lord speaks #kuroshitsuji #fanfiction #black butler #sebaciel #writing #my writing #behind the scenes #ttnbd #tteoe series #ttnbd blog #commentary

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lilyoffandoms · 7 months

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I started writing a few months ago around May

And before revealing anything I want to say that I understand the effect of AI on the creative field.

The thing is starting out I didn't have any idea if the story I constructed was good and I would be in a desperate need of feedback so I used AI for it but I never used it to write stuff just for feedbacks and how to improve etc. As of lately I have been carrying this guilt that in a way I have wronged someone. I know my loneliness and incompetence doesn't excuse what I have done but is there any way I can redeem myself because I do feel really bad and I don't support AI generated stuff and I never used it in my work.

I just feel so guilty.

First off, congratulations on starting your writing journey! That’s an exciting and terrifying step. I’m proud of you for doing it. That’s amazing of you!! 🎉

To address the rest:

Guilt and redemption are tricky words with a ton of religious baggage behind them. I’m not one to say there is need for redemption because one is guilty of doing something. We all do stuff. As much as I despise AI, I would probably not say one should be called ‘guilty of using it.’ To be guilty, I believe, you must have committed some crime (which you haven’t) or broken some code of conduct (which is often morality based and my morals are not everyone’s morals). Plus, who am I to make that accusation?

Yes, one can use AI but it’s not a crime to use a tool that is made legally available and the usage of which is legally allowed. Do I think the AI collection of learning sources is flawed and illegal? Yes, I do. Do I think everyone that uses AI is complicit in those crimes? No, I do not. Do I believe we are morally obligated to do better by artists? Yes, I do!

I think there are laws, like the preservation of copyright and ownership laws, that should be applied to AI that are not currently applied. But laws are always slow to catch up in these cases.

I think we, as a collective, need to work harder to preserve the humanity and soul of art. And I think that starts by not using AI until there are laws in place that protect the human creatives over protecting the technology and money grabbing corporations profiting off the backs of artists.

It’s a beautiful thing to create and that’s being stolen from us by AI generated content that gets slapped with the label ‘art’. Art is losing its soul. Artists are losing their livelihoods because of this trash.

And it seems to me like you maybe share this stance. Otherwise, I don’t think you’d have written your fics entirely of your own nor do I think you’d feel the guilt you do. Please don’t feel guilt over using something.

Forgive yourself. You’ve clearly come to recognize the fault in using AI generated content as it currently stands and that’s what I think matters the most. Don’t continue to beat yourself up over something in the past you can’t change. You’ve grown, you realize the mistake you maybe made (and I don’t know if it was a mistake tbh), and you are still here standing, and hopefully, writing. That’s an incredible accomplishment!

Forgive yourself and focus on where your choices have brought you because that’s a beautiful thing.

On a personal note, the things I share here about AI generated content are mostly opinions I have formed in talking with artists and writers (and being one myself) and diving deep into this issue. However, they are mostly just my opinions. Just like, anyone else that says the opposite of me, they are mostly opinions.

Now some of it isn’t opinion. The theft of art and the outcome of that theft is very much fact. As are the lack of laws surrounding this issue. I’ve just taken those facts and formed my opinion on what we should be doing as a society to do better by artists and writers.

One final note, it’s alright to feel guilt, it’s okay. I am sorry you feel it. I know that weight but please know it’s okay. I am also sorry you are lonely. I know that emptiness but please know you can always come here when you feel that, if you’d like. I’ll try and make it feel less lonely.

I am always happy to read anything you put out into the world whether to provide feedback or just to reblog and gush. Because y’all writers are amazing creatures that deserve all the love!!

YOU deserve all the love and support!

#ask #anon ask

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grooviestsadpapaya · 2 years

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ok listen i know we're not entitled to anything obviously but could you please show us something like a loose sketch? a messy doodle or something? i'm sure you have those, every artist does- and just seeing all of your industry level finished work all the time, while very cool!!, is a little disheartening (((forgive me please but it's probably because you're so young and it just seems like you can just bust out a beautiful finished product multiple times a day despite probably only drawing for a few years))) and personally i just kinda want to know your process and/or how much i should despair on a daily basis sorry if that doesn't make sense or if it's rude

No no, it makes total sense, don’t worry. I understand. I just have to keep in mind that I have been pressured a lot by my family to do commissions with my art and make money off my art for a really long time. I used to be (and still am) very worried about not giving people their moneys worth, so I tried really hard to get better and better. I get comments like this irl from my friends and a few times it has made me want to stop doing art. I was picked on by a previous art teacher because he “knew I could do better” when I was turning in my best effort. I always get a little sad when I see these because I really don’t want to make people feel bad, and in my mind for some reason I think they would be hopeful. Like “hey, this kid can do art, then so can I”. Please remember I got good at art because I got hazed and pressured by my family. I love art, don’t get me wrong, but the process sucks. I love seeing my stuff come to life but I also want to apologize to little-me for putting her through that. Please don’t feel bad, just get filled with spite (or hope, take your pick) to get to where you want to be, because I am positive that you can.

Anyways yeah here you go :D some sketches, a storyboard, and also a reminder of where I came from when I first got Procreate lol

Anyways here is first piece in my gallery on procreate. Look at that Mipha ewwwwww

You will get better, I promise. If this is not proof then I don’t know what is.

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particular-one · 1 year

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HIIIIHIII Could i request a matchup .....? Enstars, twst and hypmic pls ...!!!

name is kitten or 🐏 emoji! i preferably dont use pronouns but she/her it/its are ok. i have no romantic preference in terms of fictional characters hahaaa.

my mbti is INTP, tho i tend to be the most "extroverted" one if placed in a room with other introverts. im also a 8w9 + virgo if that helps. also AB blood type though i dont see many people who believe in that stuff on here.

uhmmmm my personality. im pretty sociable for an introvert, but can get burnt out super quickly IRL (but i can talk for hours over text). due to the autism i cant express myself IRL but i make up for it a lot through the internet by being uhhh a real character online.

im like a bimbo with autistm and ADHD basically, airheaded cutesy girly, bad at filtering myself so i can definitely be rude/mean asf .. super bad attention span.. always with a friend. i Can like get carried away and get very mean to people im not friends with. overall im very temperamental and ive always been like "pretty girl but comes off rude/fake but shes also the class clown kinda". since humor just comes naturally to me kinda.

hobbies include: arts (drawing, making art dolls, sewing, designing outfits/costumes, fashion, ect). i used to do dancing and track running but had to stop due to health complications (im super low energy and cant be as active as most ppl). I LOVE idols so much too.

What i look in a partnerrr?? Uhh nobody shorted than me (162cm) just cuz i cant see them romantically no matter how hard i try. anything is ok honestly as long as I can talk to them for ages and theyre not too loud/chaotic. overall want someone to be as equally as down bad as i am with them for me (if not more haha)

misc ... uhh my favorite love language is acts of service. i dont have to force myself to do anything i struggle with like putting thoughts into words or trying to act affectionate (tho i do get cuteness aggression). i love recieving words of affirmation lmao i need the reminding that they do love me !!!!.

i lovee cats, BOBA i kind of have an addiction to it. cute stuff cute ppl ect... i dont rlly like public affection (its cringe asf seeing couples act lovey dovey in public Sory Im not doing that).

I WROTE SO MUCH SORRY i didnt even notice Please forgive me. uhh last bit of trivia umm. if i were half-animal id have bunny ears and a tail... or id be a deer. THATS IT OK SORRY.

hi kitten! rrararararraa a hypmic AND enstars request?? im so excited :> and don't worry about rambling, it gives me a better idea on who i can match you with! hope you like them!

ENSEMBLE STARS ---- SHU ITSUKI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ shu's first meeting with you was not actually the first time he's seen you. your handiwork with fashion had piqued his interest for the longest time, but he never actually knew that it was you behind those pieces. so imagine his surprise when he finds out that the genius behind the designs was in fact, you! though shu came off as fussy at first, especially since he wanted to get close to you to observe how you perfected your designs, he gradually found himself enjoying your company more and more. when he finds out about your interest in idols, this amuses him greatly, considering he is one. he'd be the last to admit he likes you, but his behavior ends up changing for the better when he's around you. as a partner, shu can be a bit extravagant with the way he shows love, but he always remembers to keep it in private to respect your preference. he's a perfectionist, so he likes to plan out your activities together down to the tiniest detail, but that's because he wants you to have the best time. shu can be rather straightforward with his words as he doesn't beat around the bush — he doesn't have a filter at times either — but everything he says about you, he truly means them. shu likes admiring you while you're busy at work (he says he's doing it because he wants to see how you do things but secretly it's because he likes watching you do something you're passionate about) but there are days where the both of you would be in the same room working on your respective designs together! he asks for your inputs and vice versa, it's usually the most fun he has.

TWISTED WONDERLAND ---- JAMIL VIPER

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ jamil was not your biggest fan when you first met — if he were being honest, you almost reminded him of kalim, and having another kalim was never good. still, you often get paired in tasks together that he had to get to know you eventually, and was he wrong about not liking you. though it took him quite a while to warm up to the idea of being in your company, he actually found himself looking forward to talking with you. surprise surprise, jamil's definitely the type of "he fell harder" in this situation. as a partner, jamil is most definitely not the publicly affectionate type. though it might seem he's keeping your relationship lowkey, it's mainly because he didn't want people (read: kalim) to make the biggest fuss about it. though he doesn't take you out that often, he's very loving and caring in private. though jamil never enjoyed the idea of serving someone, with you it was different. he'd find himself enjoying to cook your favorite food, help you out in your tasks without a word, and to make you feel as comfortable as possible. character development for him, tbh. when you tell him of your craving for boba, watch this man continuously try and succeed to making boba tea tailored to your preference.

HYPNOSIS MIC ---- NEMU AOHITSUGI

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆ nemu actually met you through a chance encounter in a mock rap battle during the tdd era as audience members. it was your personality that drew her in, but she was actually surprised by how blunt you were, but if she were being honest, your humor makes her laugh a lot. your relationship means the world to her, especially since she made sure that samatoki didn't interfere as much as possible. she loves her brother, but he can get carried away when it comes to her. nemu's definitely the one who ended up liking you first, but she's unsure on how to express this to you. as a partner, nemu is very, very sweet. she's scared of messing anything up, so she carefully plans everything in advance. when she finds out that you like cats, she actually comes forward with the idea of adopting a cat together with you! it became your bonding activity, with two of nemu's favorites in the entire world: the cat and of course, you. she has your favorite boba order/s memorized and likes to surprise you with getting some. nemu's the encouraging type, so expect a lot of comforting words from her. she's also the type who likes bringing you out to shop, whether it's for your art materials or for clothes, nemu likes hearing your inputs on the items you buy (or consider buying) and takes note of them so she can surprise you with them in the future.

#hypnosis mic #hypmic matchups #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland matchups #ensemble stars #ensemble stars matchups #enstars matchups #enstars #·˚ * 🔭 carlyle matchups

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v-anrouge · 1 year

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I'm sorry if I didn't get the memo, but I was wondering if I can request a match-up with a character? 👉👈

If I am allowed, I'll just type up the stuff for it under here. But if not, then you can just disregard this request and have a lovely day!

My love language is probably physical touch and quality time. I also really like reciprocating because I want the other person to feel as appreciated as I do when they are with me. So that means I'll listen to them as long as they'll listen to me, or if they want to hang out I am ABSOLUTELY there!

What I like in a partner is someone who likes to have fun but can also be reasonable, patient, and understanding. I tend to be insecure, so someone needs to reign me in or be there for me during those moments of vulnerability.

Some of my hobbies are writing, video games, and art. My social nature gets sporadic, so while I'm prone to doing these activities for long periods of time I still like going outside to hang out at parties (though I get drained really easily).

I AM SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE THIS 😿😿💔 PLEASE FORGIVE ME also pleASE IGNORE ANH TYPOS ENGLISH MISTAKE MY BRAIN JS FRIED FROM WORK AND COLLEGE 😭

i match you with....

LILIA he loves to pop up behind you to surprise you with a hug, he does it every single day so you don't really get scared anymore but he doesn't really mind because the end is always the same, both of you laughing and hugging eachother tightly

lilia and you have quite a bit in common and perhaps that's what make you both work out so well, lilia loves to talk to you, it doesn't need to be anything important he just wants to spend time with you listening to your voice and watching your expressions change as you speak, its very common for you two to spend hours talking about completely random things, the topics change quickly and the more you two talk the more excited you two get to talk about the next topic, sometimes either you or lilia will get a bit tired of talking and either just listen to you or you both will just stay in a comfortable silence, in those moments if you're close to lilia you can feel him purring with a cute little smile on his face

lilia adores the fact that unless you're really truly extremely busy you'll always show up to hang out with him when he invites you, he'll wait excitedly until he can detect your presence and when he does he'll teleport in front of you trying to scare you, sometimes you get scared and sometimes you're already expecting it but regardless of your reaction he'll always give you a soft kiss on the cheek to greet you and then take your hand to guide you to the place he wants to hang out in

lilia is an old fae, he has LOT of experience comforting and calming people down, those skills will get even better if it's someone he cares about, so you can imagine how sweet and caring he is when he sees that you're feeling down, lilia knows you well and so he'll always find a way to cheer you up, it's honestly surprising how quickly he can make all of your sadness go away and have you laughing until your stomach hurts instead, it's a skill lilia is very proud of, after all it shows him his favorite view; your smile

gaming nights are a must! most of the times you'll both be in the same room because lilia thinks it's way more fun than talking through a call, and he is right! it is way more fun to have the person playint against you right by your side, the only bad thing is that lilia will try and distract you from your game so he can win, sometimes he'll start tickling you or flirting with you just anything that'll make you start paying more attention to him, however you have found a way to cut the distractions and distract HIM instead, play with the little wing like things in his hair he'll immediately start giggling and purring giving you a few seconds of advantage

other possibilities: rook, cater, jade & malleus

#･͛♡̷̷̷･͛ asks ‧ֺ․۬‧˖⁀➷#･͛♡̷̷̷･͛ raccoonpid ‧ֺ․۬‧˖‿➹

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inkykeiji · 2 years

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Hey, clari!💖

How have you been? Have you been drinking enough water? Please try to find time during the day to appreciate yourself and remember how wonderful you are!

I’ve been daydreaming💭about a certain bmb question! How would daddy tomura and Dabi react after a fight with the reader, where they deep down know it’s THEIR fault? I personally view Tomura as someone who would spoil they reader with gifts and indulgences but would have trouble apologising(although we’ve seen him do it in part 3). As for Dabi, I think of him, too, as someone who wouldn’t express his remorse, but would try subtle ways to let the reader know he’s sorry(such as letting her have her way). After all, they are our favourite boys with emotional issues they need to sort out but we love them for who they are💖💖What do you think?

Have a lovely lovely day💞💞💞

hello anon!!! <333

ah tbh today’s been kind of awful but i’m doing alright!! tomorrow’s a new day, right!? oh sweetpea 🥺 i am trying my best, i promise you <333 i hope you are able to do the same, because you are absolutely lovely <3

oooh i love this question!!!!

honestly, you interpret them well!!! for the most part you’re totally right!!

tomura would absolutely, 100% spoil reader rotten with gifts—designer clothes, sparkling jewellery, expensive dinners, lavish trips to wherever she wants—until he’s sure she’s forgiven him. he’d also be extra sweet: extra doting, extra loving, extra clingy. you’re right, we have seen tomura say sorry before, but even then, he struggles to truly acknowledge and accept that HE is the one at fault, even though he knows he is. so that is truly where the issue lies. he has trouble owning up to it, admitting he was in the wrong and discussing his misdoings. he’d be able to say sorry, especially if it was something really bad, something that truly hurt her and wounded her heart, but he’d seriously struggle with actually talking it out with her, with sitting down and going ‘hey, i know i did this thing, and i know it was wrong, and i’m sorry, i’ll do better, i’ll learn’. instead, it’s more along the lines of ‘i’m so sorry, princess, i didn’t mean it, i love you, don’t cry, Daddy gets so sad when he sees his pretty girl crying’ etc etc etc. it’s excuses, even if he doesn’t want to make them. he just doesn’t know how to vocalize his acceptance, doesn’t know how to be okay with the vulnerability that comes along with admitting you were in the wrong—he’s so used to always asserting that he is right that this feels entirely foreign to him, so he drowns his baby in materialism and hopes it can say what he can’t. but an apology really doesn’t mean much without action behind it, does it?

dabi, on the other hand, doesn’t have as much of an issue with admitting he’s done wrong. he’s able to vocally acknowledge those things, even if they are wooden and awkward, full of abrupt pauses and trembling words, but he can do it nonetheless. dabi’s issue lies in acknowledging and working through his emotions. while tomura can at least express his regret, his worry, and how he aches inside because reader aches inside, dabi can’t even string together a few simple words to express the feelings clashing in his chest and hardening in his throat. as such, you’re right, he expresses how he’s feeling through his actions. as we’ve see in if i found a way would you walk it with me, dabi is a lot more sentimental than tomura is, and instead of talking to reader about the emotions he’s experiencing, he shows her he cares by indulging in very specific things he knows she loves: participating in her favourite activity with her, taking her on a trip to her favourite art gallery, cooking her her favourite meal or watching her favourite film with her (no matter how many times he’s seen it, no matter how much it gets under his skin). these actions truly speak volumes, and dabi silently vows to learn from his mistakes. seeing the happiness and appreciation on her face helps him forgive himself; her pretty smile and glittering eyes absolve his guilt and self-loathing, incinerating them to ash. he knows she can tell that he’s still bothered by his mistake, can see it in his eyes and his behaviour (he’ll either become more touchy, seeking comfort and solace in her body and presence, or he’ll become distant physically, careful he doesn’t touch her at all, as if his wrongs will contaminate her), but he’s glad she doesn’t press and allows him to work it out in his own way.

honestly, together they kind of fill in the other’s flaws hehe <3

#thank you for your question anon i enjoyed it a lot!!!#i hope you’re having a wonderful weekend <333 #please stay safe and drink enough water <3 #bmb universe #inky.bb #clari gets mail

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 2 years

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Frenchie army here. about that anon asking about racism/kpop in France, honestly I don’t have much to add I share your thoughts BMT.does racism play a part in kpop not being more popular here?Probably. is that the main reason? No, don’t think so. I think it’s much more complex than that and i am personal.there’s an important asian community in France (mostly chinese), the Korean community is tiny and concentrated in the capital city. The average French person doesn’t know much about Asia and Asian cultures in general and even less about SK. Sometimes it just boils down to a very simple reason imo:it’s far away, we don’t have much connections/a shared history, our cultures are extremely different, the language is also very different etc also I guess most people aren’t really interested in getting to know more nor have the time/the ressources to dive into a whole new culture, as sad as it is. I’ve got many friends who aren’t interested in kpop because of its reputation, they don’t know much but are influenced by stereotypes, think it’s too heavily manufactured, and that’s it. Or some just don’t vibe with it, same way I have no interest in latin music for ex because it’s just not my thing in general. Also, to me it doesn’t seem like the kpop industry makes much efforts to develop in Europe. It’s still very much a niche thing here as BMT explained. Outside of East Asia, the big kpop labels seem to focus primarily on the US market- understandably, it’s the biggest and most influential one. As BMT said it’s also closely correlated to your age range and the platforms you’re engaging with.so if racism might play a part in why it’s not popular over there, it’s probably not the main reason imo. (Sorry for my crappy English btw! typical frenchie lmao)

Hey anon, thanks for coming back and bringing some more background info on the general audience and the communities. I think your point about not having a connection to it is important. Not the main reason, but it's one relevant aspect. And it's not like France doesn't welcome K-Pop. As PPTM said in her reblog, a lot of events and concerts were held in France, but it's also true that Europe at large is not a big market for this genre. And you're also right, because K-Pop does focus more on the US-market. In the case of France or other countries, this is a topic that would be better understood from a historical point of view and it would take a lot of time and work for me to bring that background, especially since my history knowledge of France hasn't been polished in a while. Yes, racism is a part of how white French people look at other cultures. And not just France. I'm not telling this for you anon because I'm sure you know this better than me, but the history of colonialism and subsequently post-colonialism, plays a big part here. And France colonized some parts of Africa and Asia as well - what was called Indochina. And in the postcolonialist era and due to migration, other cultures were beginning a quite difficult process of integration that ended up being reflected in art as well and what became mainstream and what not. In film studies, I read about Beur Cinema, especially the movement that started in the 80s - film about shared colonial experiences and cultures.

What I'm trying to say in very simplistic terms (if anyone wants to know more, you can do a little research about it), is that France is not a white homogenous country in which the citizens are mostly racist towards an East Asian country and that's why K-Pop didn't reach there as well. The issue is way more complicated and nuanced and I bet there are some studies and research articles on the K-Pop scene in France for those who are interested in this topic.

*For the original asker who wanted my opinion and that of anon, I hope this helps. And for you, Frenchie anon, please forgive me for my bad, under researched attempt at talking about French culture and colonialism. I mostly used some left over information in my brain from some other areas of research.

#bmt asks #frenchie anon #kpop #kpop in France

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amoramiel · 2 months

Text

I’ve had a trend of having dreams that eventually came true

I dreamt my now ex gf said she wanted to talk to me again and get back together

It felt so real

But it wasn’t

I wish it was

My heart aches for her every moment of my life

I hurt her on accident, but nonetheless, still hurt her. I should’ve known better, and It is okay and valid for her to feel this pain and be mad at me

Im so sorry I did this

I hate myself every second of the day for hurting her

I just wish she knew

All the love I still have left to give her

I wish I could turn back time and stop myself from being so selfish

I wish I got back on my meds sooner but I couldn’t afford to, I never realized how bad my condition was without them until it was too late

How I want to dedicate every second of my life to care for her and love her

I want to make sure all her needs were met

I was too needy

I wish she knew

All the plans I had

The art I had dedicated to her, paintings, poetry, training my voice to sing and read to her again

How I changed my mind and wanted to propose to her in return as well rather than her being the one to do it

How I want to spoil her because she deserves nice things, and all the things I wish to make her

All the love and care I want to give her

How beautiful I want to help her feel

The sweet words I’ve always meant with my whole heart, showering her with affection and reassurance and appreciation

How I yearn to be her shoulder to cry on and let her melt in my arms

How I miss calling her Angel, and all the sweet names she loved

Im so sorry

I prayed, and Brigid, she told me, despite all odds, the gods intended us to be , a love like mine for her, irreplaceable

She told me, In time all will be okay as long as I keep being good and kind

I was told by her and my gf I had a beautiful heart

I wish she believed me

I wish she knew, how tender hearted I am, my nature meek and sensitive. The wall I put up just out of fear of being hurt, and hopefully fit in better with the friends she had, in efforts to be more like she wanted me to be and like me more, I just didn’t know better. I was afraid the real soft me would be made fun of and picked apart.

I was afraid to be as soft as I truly am out of fear of getting hurt and I only hurt her in the end

I promise I’ll get better, not just for myself, but her too. She and my gf deserve the best, and I love them with all my heart, I want to be the best for them

I want to show you I’ve changed and I’m not the monster you believed I was

I don’t want riches, I don’t want fame

All I want is love

To love my two precious angels

That I’m so lucky to have

And to be loved by them too

And live the rest of my life peacefully with them

I will never stop fighting to be better for her

Im so sorry for how awful I was and how I hurt you

Im sorry I was so disgusting and cruel with you

Im sorry I didn’t do enough for you

Please forgive me

I will always love you with all my heart, no matter what, and I want nothing more than to be yours and give you the world. I’ll make sure I will never hurt you, or let anyone hurt you, ever again.

———————

Everything I see

Everywhere I look

Everything I feel

Reminds me of you.

I cannot rest from thinking of you, and how much I love you.

The sky and seas, your loving eyes and gaze, reflecting back at me.

The sunlight beaming on my skin, the warm of your touch, your soothing fair skin

The breeze, your gentle voice, whispers on me, your gentle touch flowing throughout all of me

Waking up every day

Treasuring every moment you have given me

You surround me

Every moment

Every day

My love

My life

All for you

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huhnkie · 1 year

Text

~~ re marriage ~~

So please ask someone else about marriage as I don't know anything about it and I don't even want to think about it. To be honest with you, I think marriage is disgusting

I don't know about marriage and I do not want to know and I don't wanna talk about it either

I appreciate marriage and stable family and raising kids and that's important for society but that's someone else's job not mine

I have had relationships before but they never lasted more than two or three months. I am not a long term relationship type of guy and I will never get married. Marriage is too boring for me

Your pastor in church may give you good advice on marriage or divorce too

Your parents have been married and they know you better than I, so they can give you better advice on marriage or divorce

BTW I've never been married and will never marry, so I can't give advice on marriages or divorce

Lol u may make a good writer. Good imagination and improvisation.

U r f ing with me but thats ok. I forgive you. Good Night. U outsmarted me tonight. U can pride ur self of that

Smart asses //xD

Go to phone book and look up marriage counselor in your town

U may have to pay them but they possibly have better advice than me. They got experience counseling people like y

I would refer u to professional marriage counselor

I can't give U the right answer cuz I m not a God or ginnie

I do not know about ur background and ur personal history. Ok

I feel sorry for y

Yes it is toxic relation ship and u r caught in a trap

I feel sorry for y young man

So u r tied up with this very toxic relationship

I'm only human

My friend I am not a god

R u religious?

Love is overrated, in my opinion. I may be wrong

In my opinion, romance is very substitutable business. U get sex, u get happy. It's that simple. It's biology , reproduction. There is no spiritual dimension in romance, in my opinion

Again, soul mate concept is bull shit religion in my opinion.

U 2 r both confused cuz u got married way 2 early. I tell people to wait till 25 to get married. U people never listen to me

U married too early man

True love is an illusion, soul mate concept is a lie, I learned later on.

Later I learned that monogamy is a bull shit created by some shit religion

Wake up romeo

No problem. Divorce and get a new lady. We all make mistakes. Forgive and forget ok baby bro

I love God yes

...

No rule is without an exception.

I have seen some people who got married early and never divorced and had very successful marriage, so early marriage may work well for some people.

But I advice to young people is that they should focus on education and career development until at least 25 years old and don't even date till then.

95% of cases, I recommend same race marriage, 5% exceptions recognized.

Before marriages, at least date for a year to get to know the person during both good and bad days.

Seek advice from people who have experience with marriage and who know you and love you. Like your parents or mentors or teachers or pastors.

I am none of them. I'm just one of your social media fried who don't even know your name, who don't know what you look like.

I don't even know what your gender race age is.

All that I know about you is that you are one of the smartest people in the world and that's why you like me because you are like me.

And I do care about you like you care about me. We are good friends.

Learn martial arts and focus on education and career development.

God bless You and Your family and friends for generations to come

//:-)

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boredalistic · 2 years

Text

I really don't want to be mean to myself.

But I don't like how mad I get.

It scares me that my temper is so low.

I am trying my best to be my best self.

I am trying to control my emotions, my voice, the way I act...

I don't mean to be mean. I genuinely was just freaking out. I didn't know what to do. My first week of college... I just wasn't used to all of this. It scares me.

In some ways. I forgive myself. I am also begging forgiveness from everyone who witness my act of anger. I deeply am sorry.

I'm so sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.

They all told me that everything is gonna be okay... Well, only one person. Everyone could go die in a hole.

I know I can pass. I know everything will go well. I am a good person. If I feel this badly towards me raising my voice slightly higher because some guy in my class decided to mumble something so obvious.... I get I was trying to defend myself but please calm down.

I am proud of myself for even saying anything because I've never been this brave before. But... Just the way, how she looked at me...

It happened hours ago haha... But I know I am trying to fix my mistakes.

I am reflecting over and over. Trying my best to be better.

I don't want him to see me like this. I want to be a good girl for him.

...

There's always a side we don't know of someone.

In this case, people don't know how bad my anxiety can get.

I was literally crying while I drove home today. It just made me so fucking upset. AND THEN I SAW MY FRIENDS DRIVING RIGHT FUCKING BEHIND MY CAR--- SO I had to quickly wipe out my tears and just drive away from them. But god, I continued to cry for another 10 minutes until I got home. I got my answer. But I really want to be a Radiation Therapist. I am willing to do anything to get to that level safely and intelligently. As in I want to do it in a legal way.

ahhhh.

There's so much things to be thankful for in life.

The fact that I got my hearing back. That I have friends who are willing to study and eat and laugh with me. Definitely not for rants or therapy because jesus, it got quiet.... I just was not having a good day and usually I just push away everyone because I get really really moody if I'm not alone. But ugh, they helped me with math so I guesssss.

But I got to go to college for free. Got a free coach. Free internet. Free Gym. Free food at home. A nice bed with a cusion finally.

I got good professors and classmates. I finally have a driver license. Driving my dream car. Everyone loves and adores my art. I have amazing friends. I am working at my dream place. I am prettyy rich. I'm very pretty. I have cute clothes. I get my own privacy. I have an adorable guinea pig. My parents have jobs again. I have everything I need close to me. I meet amazing, rich, confident people everyday (In college, you'll find all sorts of people).

Yep, I am doing pretty good. And at least, I'm trying to be a good person. I really want to be someone that thinks before acting.

My apologies.

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livingalifeofasimp · 3 years

Note

Hello, may I please ask for yandere headcanons for Childe, Diluc, Kaeya and Zhongli in their honeymoon please since you did those wedding headcannons

Warning : Yandere themes, only for entertainment purpose, pictures and arts ain't mine.

I am sorry I don't write smut, could you forgive me for that. I hope you like it!

Wedding dresses that Yandere Genshin Impact guys selects for you.

Childe 🧡

🧡You might have been an acquaintance of Childe, he sees you everyday, you sometimes being happy, sad, excited, clumsy and a hard worker. As time passes by, he finds himself falling for you so deep that it becomes hard for him to not see others as a threat towards you. So he creates a situation where your family has no option but to marry you to him and he will welcome you like no one else, you would never be able to see his obsessive love unless he shows you or you observe him.

🧡A wedding that Childe gives to his Darling would be grand, showing off all his wealth to you so that he can be a better man for you than any other man. He can make all your wishes come true except that one thing, leaving him. The satisfying smile on his face when you get amused by his efforts was worth seeing.

🧡Childe is the type to choose location :- Egypt for honeymoon, he did love seeing you in their traditional dress. Pretty and all dolled up walking towards an excited Childe sitting on a luxurious chair waiting to see his lovely darling. Oh Childe won't force you into anything but his affection will be playful, lingering slightly around you leaving you wanting for more even if you don't want to.

Zhongli 🖤

🖤Not every person you encountered with, was good, one day you got bumped into a jerky guy, who was tried to pull into an alley. It was a horrific moment for you, lucky a young man saved you from him and dragged him away from you. You wanted to thank him when everyone was watching, he was the only one who took action, so when you saw him, you were happy, thanked him and treated him lunch. You always smiled so brightly at him which made his heart flutter. Zhongli sends a wedding proposal to your family for you, making you angry but your family was happy a reputed, young handsome man was perfect for their daughter so they forcefully married you off to him. Somewhere inside you accepted him too because he is a good man.

🖤All the options would be in front of you on the table as Zhongli tells you all the details with a faint smile on his face asking you to select one of your liking, he is pretty sure that you would be happy with the options he gave you, unable to understand your rebellious desires. He like seeing you in white ruffled shirts with tight black pants.

🖤Zhongli is the type to choose location :- Spain or Scotland (Forest theme, Greenery), a silent location where no one would interfere with both of you. Zhongli has everything prepared. He prefers to approach like a gentleman in a traditional way, holding hands, forehand kisses and so on, even though you shiver a bit every time he closes the distance between you two. Being with you he experiences joys that he never did before and that's why he doesn't want it to disappear, if only begging would make you stay then he shall do it.

Diluc ❤️

❤️To you Diluc was just a childhood with whom you got separated because of your dad's works. You really loved him but it was platonic, when you got back to Mondstadt, you got to know what happened to Diluc in your absence, you felt guilty even tho it wasn't your fault, so you decided to spend your free time with him by helping him or just accompanying him. The forgotten love he felt towards you got awakened once more and this time it was obsessive, paranoid and possessive. Marrying your childhood sweetheart wasn't a bad idea, so how could you refuse him when you had no marriage proposals other than his.

❤️He might have dreamed about marrying you when was young multiple times but it got lost as he grew up struggling but when he saw you again and got close to you that was the moment he felt like his fate is locked with you. If it isn't you then it could be no one else. Diluc let's you wear anything you want but still prefers you wearing his clothes instead.

❤️Diluc is the type to choose location :- Maldives (any beach location), he gives you freedom to roam anywhere you want but if you still try to run then there are guards everywhere hidden it's not like he lets you disappear from his sight. Diluc is a patient man but he still yearns for your love desperately. He might not touch you, afraid of you hating him more than you already do but he dreams of having a family with you, he isn't sure that he could be a better father perhaps he can with you.

Kaeya 💙

💙Getting cheated by a guy who you dated for timepass wasn't heartbreaking but it was ego breaking. One day your friends forced you to come with them for drinking wine, that's where you caught your boyfriend cheating, which pissed you off. In a drunken state you flirted with a handsome young man asking him to be your boyfriend so that you could show your ex how better you are and there are men better than him. Totally unaware of how amusing and interesting that young man would find you. At first he approached you for fun, even he wasn't able to notice how he got captivated by you until your ex asked you to come back.

💙Wedding? Is that necessary since it's only a tradition and nothing else, you are his, he is yours, Kaeya is not to blame because you came to him first. Still if you want a wedding he doesn't mind wearing a tuxedo for you. Kaeya does selects clothes for you hours and hours.

💙Kaeya is the type to choose location :- Switzerland (cold, snow places). Being with Kaeya was not boring but he gets extremely annoying when he is clingy and all over you. It pisses you that he doesn't know how to respect your personal space. You hate him for forcing you to marry him and manipulating you into it, he understands that too but really can you find any better man than him who loves you overwhelmingly. You do push him away, it makes him sad and afraid but he doesn't show it to you. He loves it when you snuggle towards him unknowingly, to which he gladly accepts. It's not everyday you are so welcoming towards him. He too wants to be accepted by you.

#genshin impact #yandere #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #tumblrfeed #tumblr #yandere story #genshin impact diluc #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact childe #genshin impact kaeya #yandere diluc ragnvindr x reader #yandere childe x reader #yandere kaeya x reader #yandere zhongli x reader #yandere male x reader #yandere genshin x reader

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thelaundrybitch · 2 years

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Little Blue Hearts Update - Chapter 10

Hello Turtle Doves!

I'm updating tonight because, sadly, I have my father's funeral to attend on Saturday, and we will be very busy for the next few days.

Please don't crucify me with this next chapter. I promise there's good reason 😂

So, hang in there 😘

I'd like to showcase my beautiful and amazing new Cover Art done by my girl @leosgirl82 because she's the absolute best 😍🥰

*screams with joy*

Also, we have a new POV in this chapter! I hope you all enjoy!

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

Reblogs only, please!

Raph's Recap

~Raphael~

Earlier that day...

Unbelievable.

Of course, he makes a big entrance. Why wouldn't he? He's Leo after all.

I roll my eyes as he offers the woman his hand along with his best Prince-fucking-Charming smile.

Not that I blame him. Between listening to all of Ashley's stories and then meeting the beauty in person... The attraction is real.

But that's enough of that.

I smirk as I see Master Splinter out of the corner of my eye, coming out of the dojo - fully robed, thank GOD -just as Honor Boy starts flirting and teasing poor Liv.

"Oh? And who is your favorite?" I hear him say to her, as he moves a stray piece of hair from her face.

"Leonardo!" Scolds Sensei.

Leo looks up and knows he's in trouble.

"Stop teasing that poor woman. Where are your manners?! I taught you better."

"Sorry, Sensei," says Leo, who now looks like he wants to crawl in a hole.

"I'm not the one who needs an apology."

Leo looks back down at her with that... Look on his face, and I can feel my stomach turn. Donnie doesn't stand a chance.

"Please forgive my inappropriate behavior. I should have never treated a lady like that." He holds his hand out and waits for the woman to reciprocate a response. Which she does, gently putting her tiny hand in his.

His breath hitches for a fraction of a second when their skin touches, his smile genuine. "I hope you can forgive me and that we can start again," he says to her softly. His whole demeanor changing.

"Of course," she says, blushing up at him. "I'm sorry for not allowing you to introduce yourself in the first place. I didn't mean to be a big creep about it."

I can't help but chuckle at her well-placed sass, clearly taking a dig at herself. I'm not the only one either, resulting in Sensei clearing his voice.

Aaannnd there he goes... Right back to schmoozing her.

"Liv, I'd like you to meet Master Splinter," he says, looking like Prince Charming, again.

She seems quite taken by him, which is interesting. She's either fangirling over the whole comic book character thing- which is hot as fuck, by the way- or, Leo is her favorite from the many series that have been done about us. Friggen Eastman. Leo was always his favorite too.

Watching them interact, is absolutely heart-wrenching- especially the way she's looking at Leo. I feel for poor Donnie having to watch this woman - who he's been gushing about for weeks - being swept off her feet by the knight-in-shining-armor himself.

Fucking guy.

And of course, Master Splinter sided with Leo and Mike about Liv staying in Leo's guestroom. Sure, he's a light sleeper, but I'm sure Don would've been able to set up some kind of an alarm system to warn him if she was trying to sneak out.

But, I digress. It is what it is.

I watch as Liv bows to Sensei.

Yeah...Work it girl.

"Master Splinter, I'm so overwhelmed with happiness, and I'm so happy to be here. I am truly honored to be trusted by all of you."

Oh, no. The poor thing is about to get some of the worst news of her lifetime. I'll take the asshole lead on this, so Sensei doesn't get dubbed the 'bad guy'.

"Nobody said anything about trust, sweetheart," I say, straight-faced and arms crossed, so she knows I'm serious.

She looks up at me, confusion in her eyes.

"This is true," says Master Splinter, agreeing with me.

"Leonardo will fill you in on your stay here until we feel you can be trusted."

Someone may as well have told her she only had 24 hours left to live. Her face goes pale and you can see her whole world crashing down around her.

Amazingly, she recovers quickly, saying she understands and even smiles at Sensei. Damn, girl.

Sensei turns to me looking for assistance. I step toward him and give him my arm to help him back to his room.

Once we get a few steps down the hallway that leads to his and Leo's rooms, he says, "She took that extremely well... I'd like to stand here and listen to what she has to say to her cousin, however."

I chuckle, "You catch those death lasers she shot across the room, too?"

He smirks, "She's only human, you know. But yes. I want to know how she responds."

We stand in the safety of the shadows near the entrance of the hallway, listening as a cool, calm, and collected Liv expresses nothing but love and concern for her very apologetic and anxious cousin.

"Hmm," hums Sensei. "I'm not sure even I've had that kind of patience for you boys."

Go, girl, go. You'll earn Dad's trust real fast if this is how you are.

"I think I've heard enough. Please help me back to my room, Raphael."

I walk him to his door and pause, "Sensei..."

"What's troubling you, my son?" Says the old rat as he looks me in the eye.

"I don't want you to feel like I don't trust your judgment..."

"But..." He encourages me.

"Well, do you really think it's the best idea to put her in Leo's guestroom?"

"Raphael. Leo deserves a chance at happiness, too."

"But what about Donnie?"

"Donnie has had a very unfair advantage. He knows her more intimately than she probably even knows herself. He's very proficient in his research," says Master Splinter.

"He also knows how to hold his own with a woman... Clearly," he says, eyes going wide.

Interesting.

"I see everything, my son. Don't mistake me as my old age. I also know all of you, very well. If you hold interest in Liv, that's one thing, but other than that, let Donnie and Leo work things out."

I nod, in understanding.

"And more importantly, Raphael,"

"Yes, Sensei?"

"The choice will be Evelyn's."

"Evelyn?" I ask, furrowing my brow.

"Yes. Liv."

And with that he shuffles into his bedroom, gently closing the door behind him.

Frig. Even her name is beautiful.

Then I hear it. Mikey.

"Really?! 'Cause, it looks to me like Leo's got you in his arms with his lips on your ear!" He yells, like the little shit he is.

Oh hell no.

I come stomping down the hall into the common room, as Leo looks up at me with big eyes, then back down to Liv. He's holding her like he’s her lover.

I stand there giving him a disapproving and questioning look.

He lets her go, very reluctantly, looking pained as he separates from her.

What the fuck is goin' on with him. This isn't Leo.

"She tripped," Leo explains, "I just stopped her from falling. I was bringing her to see where she'll be staying."

"Uh-huh," I say, a little unsure of what's going on between them, or how I should proceed -Especially after what Sensei just said. "Maybe instead of stuffing her in your room, you should let her choose which guestroom she wants to stay in."

Leo sighs and shifts uncomfortably.

"Raph, we've been over this. It was agreed that she would stay in my guestroom because I'm a light sleeper, and it's less likely she'd be able to sneak out."

Liv's face drops, a look of pain flashes across her attractive features.

"Your guest room?" She asks.

Oops.

Leo closes his eyes and sighs, swallowing the guilt that's ready to consume him. "Yes. You have to go through my room to get to it. There are no other exits except the one that goes through my room."

Liv stands there. Speechless, motionless.

"If you'd prefer..." Leo starts, trying to console her as he reaches for her.

"I'd prefer to go home,” she says, cutting him off and jerking away from his touch, causing Leo to blanch. “Unfortunately for me, I can't," she glares.

"Because I'm being held hostage."

Yep. I'm out.

I turn and head to the kitchen with Mikey, Don, and Ashley as quickly as I can while Liv damn near has a nervous breakdown.

I practically run into the kitchen, probably looking guilty as hell. Everyone is sitting at the breakfast table.

"Oh hey, Raph!" Says Mike, shoving a piece of pizza into his mouth.

"Uh, Raph, what's wrong?" Asks Donnie, looking at me with concern.

Ashley and Mikey stop eating and look at me.

"Sooo... I may have mentioned... You know, just now... In the common room... That Liv was… Uh...

goingtobestayinginLeo'sguestroom." I let out nervously.

"Oooh-kaaay..." Says Ashley, standing, and looking like she was getting ready to go rescue her cousin.

"How did you say it, Raph..." Donnie says, more like a warning than a question.

"Uh..."

"Raph?" Mikey asks innocently, an encouraging look on his face.

I shuffle a bit before answering. "It may have been something along the lines of him stuffing her in his guestroom, and her not having a choice..." I confess with a guilty grimace.

"Oh, no..." Ashley says with a horrified expression on her face, running to the door, and almost into Master Splinter.

"Easy child," he says, reaching up to touch her shoulder. "Your cousin is fine," he tells her.

We all look back and forth at one another, confused and surprised.

"She even apologized to Leonardo for her behavior. I believe she said... I'm frustrated, but I understand. And I'm also frustrated that I understand."

Ashley let's out a visible sigh of relief. "Yea, that sounds like something she'd say."

"So where are they now?" Asks Donnie, anxiously.

"In Leonardo's guestroom, I imagine," says Master Splinter with a satisfied smile on his face.

Donnie stands up, a look of panic spreading over his face.

"Sit down, Donatello," commands Sensei. "Finish your dinner. You will have time to spend with our guest later."

Donnie sits back down, shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Oh, shoot!" Ashley yells. "I need to get to work! I'm gonna be late!" She exclaims, as she kisses Mikey and runs out the kitchen door. She pokes her head back in for a moment and says, "Thank you Master Splinter," a grateful smile on her face.

He smiles and nods at her, then turns to the rest of us, "A piece of pizza, please."

After dinner, we meet up in the common room, and by chance, Liv and Leo end up meeting us there.

She looks to be in 'la-la' land as Donnie is trying to talk to her and find out if she needs anything.

No response.

"Geez Leo, did you break her?" Donnie says, exasperated, waving a hand in front of her face. "Liv?"

"Hmm?" She seems to realize she's being talked to, snapping out of her daze and looking back and forth between my two brothers.

I don't miss the sneaky wink Leo gives her either.

"Donnie, I'm so sorry. It's been a long day, and I've had a lot to take in. My brain was... Visiting my happy place," she says with a seductive smirk, Leo's eyes going wide as he clears his throat.

"Right..." Says Donnie, his eyes darting between Liv and Leo, looking panicked and agitated. "Well, as I was saying, we are going topside to go on patrol shortly, and we are stopping to get your belongings at Ashley's. Do you need or want anything else?" Donnie asks, finally.

"No, but can you please make sure all my shower stuff gets put into my luggage bag before you bring it back, though? It should all be in the purple toiletry bag on the back of the toilet. Oh, and my toothbrush too, please?" She asks him, with the world's most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

I smile. Girl's over here killin' it. Her smile is to die for.

Donnie smiles back, relaxing a bit, "Of course, Sunshine," he coos, "What color is your toothbrush?"

It's the black, electric Sonicare. It's plugged in on the back of the sink. Thanks, Donnie," she says, giving him an even bigger smile.

I chuckle internally. Donnie's gonna need a cold shower before we leave.

"Of course. Anything," he gushes.

Looking back at Leo, he goes deadly serious, a warning in his eyes, "Let us know when you're ready to head out."

Leo nods, and my two younger brothers head toward the Lab to prepare for patrol. I decide to hang back to see what's going on.

Leo looks down at Liv, affection spilling across his face. He lowers his voice to almost a whisper, his lips dangerously close to her face.

"Will you be alright?" He asks.

"I think so." She says looking all dreamy-eyed, and leaning in toward him. "Am I allowed to watch... a movie... or... something?" She asks as Leo closes in on her mouth with his own.

"Of course!" I say loudly, walking toward them, causing them to jump. "Let me show you how everything works, little lady," I say, smiling down at her with the sexiest smile I can plaster across my face.

Jesus, what am I doing.

I can't stop myself and step between Liv and Leo. I bend in toward the blonde and gently take her small hand in mine, hooking her arm through mine…

"Come with me, Sweetheart," I flirt, causing her eyes to go wide while she turns the color of my bandana.

Little Blue Hearts Master list HERE

@leosgirl82 @chicchanmooshy @roxosupreme @mysticboombox @turtle-babe83 @whispers0fgreen @nittleboo @post-apocalyptic-daydream @xanadu702 @donniesdove @pheradream15 @mistyroselove @ashleighclark98 @mrskenobi677

*If you aren’t on this list, please let me know if you want me to tag you in my other work or if you prefer me to not tag you 😘

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thecousinsdangereux · 3 years

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the land of race car ya yas

A short little ficlet for @corvophobia who has drawn a bunch of art for the bees racer au of my dreams. This is ALL based on her drawings, so make sure you check out her stuff. Happy birthday, Amber! You are one of my two favorite British children. <3

(Please note that I know nothing about street racing. I've only watched the Fast and the Furious movies. Forgive me....)

“How’d you do that?”

Blake’s used to the question or some version of it, and maybe that’s why she takes in the words before she notices the tone, imagines a scowl (a lowered brow, hands curled into fists, the flash of teeth as the scowl turns into a snarl) with the same instinct that has her shoulders tensing. It’s only mid-turn that she realizes the question is laced with wonder rather than anger, but even this awareness doesn’t prepare her for the sight that meets her. It’s a woman, her smile wide and unrestrained by pesky things like self-consciousness or insecurity, and her eyes are nearly glowing in the low light, purple and bright and full of open admiration. Her black leather jacket, classic in cut, has the sleeves rolled up mid-forearm, revealing a prosthetic of black and yellow, and her grey jeans are tight, showing off a body that Blake has to work to avoid following the curves of. Her hair is long, blonde, curling around her shoulders and down her back, artful in its disorder, down to the single, stubborn cowlick at the top of her head.

In short, she’s beautiful, and Blake stares for longer than she should, feeling heat in her veins.

“Do what?”

She manages a response, but it’s absent minded. She’s just noticed the light dusting of pink on the woman’s cheeks, coloring the spaces in between her freckles, and it has her re-evaluating, pulling her thoughts to the effort she’s put into her own outfit that evening: a cropped and sleeveless hoodie with blocked colors of white and purple, tight leather shorts, and clunky boots that hit just under the knee. Blake looks good and this woman knows it, which makes them even on this particular front, and that's a settling sort of feeling.

“Win,” the woman says simply, her smile growing. “And don’t just say NOS.”

“NOS,” Blake drawls, just because she can, and she’s rewarded by the woman’s laugh, rewarded even more when she steps closer.

“No, but what’s your delivery method? Direct port, obviously, but you had to have used a custom kit, right? I’ve been telling you, Yang, I need to recalibrate yours. Can I look at your car? Would you mind if I just took a tiny peak just to see what you’ve done with your injection site? We really need to upgrade, Yang. A nozzle with less back pressure will give you a better squeeze. I’ve been telling you!”

She hadn’t noticed the other woman, but blinks at her now, a red blur waving her arms about, hoping from one foot to the other, firing out words faster than Blake — an aficionado of all things fast — can keep up with. The woman (Yang?) seems to find the act familiar and reacts with affection tinged with a false exasperation (put upon for Blake’s benefit or maybe as a means of gentle chiding), sighing and placing a hand on the smaller girl’s shoulder.

“And I’ve been telling you, you can’t just ask people to look at their shit!” She turns to Blake now, and this time her eye roll is definitely for Blake. “Sorry about that, I swear we’re not trying to steal any of your trade secrets. Ruby just… really likes cars.”

“It’s so pretty too,” Ruby coos, batting away Yang’s hand and taking a step towards the vehicle Blake had used to push past Yang at the last moment, a fact neither of these women seem to hold against her. “The purple stripes. But I bet the engine is prettier.”

It’s unprecedented, really. Blake’s been on the scene for a while — longer than she would admit to anyone here — first as a tagalong and now as a driver, but she’s never had an encounter quite like this. The unexpectedness of it all has her feeling off-balance, has her reacting without any of her customary cool anger as Ruby stares at her hood (as though if she focuses hard enough, she’ll be able to see through the metal to the parts underneath). Maybe that’s why Blake responds in a way that’s decidedly unwise, without any further thought at all.

“You can take a look. I don’t mind.”

“Really?” Ruby squeals, but doesn’t wait for Blake to confirm, darting around her and flipping open the hood in the span of three seconds.

“Really?” Yang asks, and the word sounds wildly different coming from her, sliding out from behind her crooked lips like thanks or maybe a challenge (or maybe both). “Not worried about my mechanic figuring you out before the next race?”

Blake should be, of course. But.

“Can’t say I am.”

“Maybe not the smartest move.” Yang crosses her arms; the chrome of her right glints under one of the flickering street lights. For the first time, she looks away from Blake’s gaze, eyes darting over to check on Ruby (who’s leaning so far into the front of Blake’s car that her feet nearly lift off the ground) and then to another group of drivers, a good distance behind them, but clearly watching in curiosity. It’s never wise to gather after a race, but everyone always does when it goes well, and for the first time, Blake’s glad for it. “She’s pretty vicious about giving me an edge. I wish I could say it was familial loyalty, but really, she just wants to make the fastest car in the city.” Yang pauses, tilting her head in thought. “Or country. Or world. Not sure when she’ll be satisfied, to be honest.”

“Sisters?” Blake asks. She can’t really see the resemblance, but then again, she hasn’t spent as much time looking at the younger of the pair, even though she should probably be less focused on the elder (the one not pouring over her engine. Sun and Ilia were going to kill her).

“Yeah.” Yang probably doesn’t realize how much her smile grows in the confirmation, saturated with pride and love. “Scary brilliant too. Give her five minutes with a car and she’ll take it apart, put it back together, and it’ll run better than it ever has. But all that means she always thinks it’s the car that puts a driver ahead.”

Blake arches a brow. “And you think she’s… wrong?”

“Well, yeah.” Yang’s closer than Blake remembers her being, maybe because her legs are long, her strides somehow longer, and it only takes a step before she’s close enough for Blake to feel the heat radiating off her body. “I know it’s only the driver that puts a driver ahead. That’s why I’m here talking to you instead of looking at your car.” Her lips twitch and she amends her statement quickly. “Part of the reason, at least.”

The other part of her reasoning is made pretty obvious when Yang’s eyes trace up Blake’s form once more. It should probably bother Blake, but it doesn’t, maybe because she’s done the same to Yang during this conversation (more than once). Still, there are things better avoided, and Blake knows this better than anyone. She does her best to get back on track.

“It wasn’t me,” she says (almost blurts), and then feels her neck warm when Yang looks at her quizzically. “Before, you asked how I won. But it wasn’t me, not really. You could have had it if you hadn’t fired your nitrous early. You were impatient.”

It’s too blunt, Blake knows this as soon as the words leave her lips. She’s backtracked too much, retreated into aloofness as she was wont to do, but Yang only laughs, and the sound cracks through Blake’s go-to defense, a corner of her lips curling before she can stop it.

“You’re right. I used to be way worse, back when I started out, but I’m a lot better now. Usually.”

“So what happened today?” It’s the question Yang wants her to ask, of this Blake is sure, but it hardly feels like a chore.

“Ah, bad luck, I guess. I took one look at the driver next to me and all that impatience came rushing back. All I wanted to do was finish the race and meet her properly.” She winks. Combined with the cheesy line, it shouldn’t work as well as it does (but it does). “I’m Yang.”

“Blake.”

They don’t shake hands, and Blake’s glad for it. There’s something buzzing between them, a tingling sensation at the tips of her fingers, the build up right before a lightning strike, and Blake’s not entirely sure what the contact — however brief and friendly — might do to her.

“Next time, maybe I’ll be a little more prepared.” Yang’s eyes roam across her face, settling once more on gold. “But probably not.”

“Immersion therapy,” Blake quips. “Give it time.”

Yang whistles sharply, and it takes Blake a moment to realize that she’s called her sister back over. (Blake had forgotten about her entirely, though the grease on her hands and face leads her to believe that Ruby had done a thorough dive under her hood, the sort Blake ought to be worried about.)

“Time is exactly what I plan on giving it. A lot of time, if you’ll let me.” Yang nudges her sister back in the direction they’d come from. Ruby waves, offers a wide grin of thanks, but Blake’s stuck on purple.

“Well. Let’s see how you do in the next race,” she murmurs.

“Looking forward to it.”

And Blake, who started racing to get away, who started racing to run, who started racing so she never had to stay in one place for long, finds that she is too.

—

“What the hell is your problem?”

Blake’s used to this question too, or some form of it, and this time, the tone is exactly what she expects. The small, white-haired woman in a vest and tie, however, is not.

“Listen, I’m sorry I hurt your boyfriend’s feelings by being a better driver than him, but you’re only embarrassing yourself now.” Blake takes another look at the woman’s attire; her sleeves are rolled up to her elbows and — despite the country club hairstyle and the heels — the hint of a tattoo on her pale skin, just under the fabric makes up Blake’s mind for her. “Or… Girlfriend?”

“Not quite,” says a familiar voice.

Today, Yang has decided to show off her abs (and she most certainly does have abs) with a cropped jacket of black and gold checks, and Blake can’t quite bring herself to look beyond that for too long, though she catches the black driving gloves, the oversized and gold sunglasses, the oversized cargo pants. In the seconds it takes for Blake to wind her brain back up, Yang grins, cocksure, and continues.

“Though you were right about the gay thing. I mean, look at her.”

“Look at you,” the other woman sniffs, actually physically turning up her nose. “Could you be any gayer?”

“Yeah, I could be wearing a vest and tie,” Yang fires back, but it’s clear the banter is familiar, it’s obvious these two know each other well enough for their back and forth to not contain any real barbs.

“I wouldn’t mind that,” Blake drawls, before she’s able to stop herself, and Yang turns back to her with an arched brow. “Good to see you again, Yang.”

“Oh, is it? Could have fooled me!” The other woman’s ire has been refocused, and it’s seemingly stronger than before, the pitch of her words higher, more dire. “Given you nearly killed her just now.”

“Weiss,” Yang sighs, but Blake winces, feeling the sting of the words despite Yang’s quick glance of reassurance sent her way.

“I didn’t realize you’d pull off when I drifted. I thought you’d… lean in.”

It’s not an excuse. They’d been neck and neck towards the end of the race (again), and when she’d nudged the side of Yang’s car — far gentler than she would against anyone else — she’d assumed the woman would give as good as she got, like most every other racer she’d gone against. But Yang hadn’t taken any chances, and it’d cost her the race.

“We don’t do that here,” the woman — Weiss — says, lips pursed to the point of contortion, but Yang only laughs.

“We do that here all the time. I did way worse to Mercury last week.”

“Yes, but Mercury is a creep.” Weiss pauses, considering. “We only do that to creeps here.”

Blake’s hands lift, a show of peace. “Hey, no one handed me the Beacon Street Racing Etiquette Guide when I joined up the other week. Maybe you could loan me your copy.”

This doesn’t exactly smooth things over with the woman, especially not when Yang snickers, but Weiss can clearly see the writing on the wall, and tosses her hair over her shoulder with a huff.

“Whatever. I’m telling Ruby about this,” she warns Yang (or maybe Blake, or maybe both of them), before stalking away, her last words called over her shoulder. “She’s not going to be happy.”

There’s no concern on Yang’s face as she watches her go, if anything she looks amused. “Sorry about that. She’s… protective.”

“I can see that. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been friends with someone for a while.” It’s a guess (and a probe), but Yang doesn’t correct any of her phrasing, so it must be close enough to the truth.

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean protective of me.” Yang’s grin shows a flash of white teeth. “Weiss bet on me tonight. You lost her money. And that’s the real sin.”

Blake’s surprised at how easily her laugh comes (more surprised how easily the fondness slips through the cracks in her chest). “Oh, I see. So I can kick your ass up and down the streets as long as I convince her to bet on me in the future? Good to know.”

“I’m not sure that’s the message I want you to be taking from this,” Yang drawls, but still smiles, flicking her glasses up to her forehead. “Besides, like she said, Ruby’s the one to look out for. She seemed all sweet and innocent yesterday, but gods help the person she turns her disapproving stare on. I’ve seen people break into tears on the spot.”

From what Blake had seen yesterday, Ruby isn’t the sort that loses her chipper bounce very easily, so despite Yang’s teasing tone, she files the information away as useful. If she were being a little more self-searching, she might question the action, given her tendency to not stick around in any one place for long. (Surely Beacon isn’t any different. Surely she couldn’t know now if it were.)

“Lucky she missed the race today, then.” Her lips curve, a sharp corner that would require a drift. “What, she couldn’t bear to see you lose again?”

“Oh, ha ha. No, she had class. And she knows there’s no skipping for racing; that’s the only hard and fast rule for our household.” It’s not what she expects, the straight answer backed with genuinity, but it strikes Blake as endearing, somehow, especially when Yang continues. “I started racing here so we could pay for those classes, so I think it’s only fair.”

“That’s — ” Kind. Authentic. Surprising. Blake’s not sure which word to use so she disgards them all. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as the type who was racing for the money. Not that… there’s anything wrong with that. Especially in your case.”

Yang laughs. “Hey, don’t mistake me. I started racing here for the money, but it’s not why I race in general.”

“So why do you?” Blake asks, even though she suspects she knows the answer. (It’s not wise to take your eyes off the road, but she’s done it in both of her races with Yang, eyes darting to the side to find the woman speeding alongside her: eyes wild, grin wide, the fervor of the moment all over her face. There’s freedom there, more than there is anywhere else, and Blake thinks she sees that in Yang as much as she does in herself.)

“Same as you, I think,” Yang murmurs, closer now, sliding in when Blake’s distracted once again.

“I’m not sure you know me well enough to say that.”

A bluff, of course, but it gets the intended result.

“Not yet.” From this close, Yang looks taller, and Blake has to tilt her chin to look into her eyes. “But I’m still looking to fix that.”

Blake wets her lips. It’s too much, and she’s not sure she can tack on ‘too soon’ to quantify the thought, make it less tame. If she had to guess, Yang will always be too much, like sunlight after coming out of a room. Blake’s not sure she’ll ever adjust to the rays, or if she wants to.

“Let’s see how you do in the next race,” she says again, and Yang laughs again, totally unabashed.

“Okay, I’m sensing a trend here. What, you’re not going to let me take you out unless I win a race again you?”

“If I say ‘yes’, what are you going to do?”

It’s not cockiness that overtakes Yang’s face then, not exactly. It’s confidence or want or determination or maybe just the flush that comes from the thrill of a challenge. Blake’s setting herself up for something here, she knows, failure or disappointment or something like it, but right then, she doesn’t care. There’s a freedom in this sort of race too, and that she’s come to love.

“Oh, that’s easy, Blake.” Yang leans in a little more, and Blake knows it’s audible, the way her breath is cut short. “I’m going to win.”

#bumbleby #writing #rwby #bees racer au #for #corvophobia #<33333 #just a little something for a birthday treat

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