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jozor-johai · 2 months

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Dorne, Shown not Told: how Darkstar is more than his reputation.

Darkstar used to bug me as a character—not necessarily because of his edgy dialogue, but because the way he was written: he's not on-page for very long, so we're really told much more about him than we are shown anything.

I've seen this same complaint voiced before, and almost always it's brushed over as an inherent failure of Gerold as a character, or other arguments that presuppose a lack of faith in Martin.

I can understand why, without deeper analysis, some people try to make the Doylist argument that Darkstar must be lazy writing by Martin, something along the lines of "I have to introduce this guy quick, so here's a bunch of backstory told by a bunch of characters". Instead, though, I argue that this situation of being "told" so much about Darkstar is actually the Watsonian perspective of his character; it is Arianne who has been told so much about him, and we're experiencing her misconceptions.

I've come to realize that the feeling of being "told" about Darkstar, with a focus away from what we're "shown," is fully intentional. With this different approach to interpreting Darkstar's character, I've found that not only do I like him so much more as a character in-universe, but I also like him so much more as an element in George R R Martin's writing. Melisandre might be his "most misunderstood character," but I think Gerold Dayne must be up there too.

I don't understand why it took me so long to see it: ASOIAF is all about the way that information—or misinformation—spreads and changes the course of action and history. Of course this would be a theme to look out for. Once I started to dig more into this idea in relation to Darkstar, I realized just how prevalent this theme was in the Dornish arc, which is entirely about the way that people are told something, and the way that being told these things—even without evidence—has such an impact. That's what the companion post to this one is about.

If you've read that post already, and now I've got you on board to doubt the reputation that Darkstar has, and to doubt the story Arianne was told about him, this is the post where I rebuild Gerold's character from scratch, and convince you that he's actually an alright guy, a trustworthy one, and possibly even a true knight. Maybe, even, he's worthy of Dawn, and the title of "Sword of the Morning."

I'm sure I'm not the first to suggest this, as it's been so many years, but it's exciting to experience a moment of realization that makes me see the writing itself in a new light, so I wanted to share my thought process here.

2.0 Gerold Dayne, shown not told.

In this part, I attempt to look at Gerold Dayne as if I were Areo Hotah, not Arianne: to watch what he does and says, on page, rather than take anyone's word for it, and rather than interpret his actions against a prejudice that he is as dark and dangerous as Arianne thinks. This way, I want to see what kind of man Gerold Dayne actually shows us he is, through his actions and interactions, rather than who we're told he is.

Beyond just doubting Doran's story because I don't believe Doran to be trustworthy, here I'll be explaining why I think that once we get to know Darkstar as best as we can, maiming Myrcella doesn't even really sound like something he would do.

This is a long one too, like the other one, so the rest is after the cut

2.1 Early good impressions—by being early

We don't see very much of Darkstar on-page, so let's start with our very first impression of him, in the second paragraph of the chapter:

Arianne Martell arrived with Drey and Sylva just as the sun was going down, with the west a tapestry of gold and purple and the clouds all glowing crimson. The ruins seemed aglow as well; the fallen columns glimmered pinkly, red shadows crept across the cracked stone floors, and the sands themselves turned from gold to orange to purple as the light faded. Garin had arrived a few hours earlier, and the knight called Darkstar the day before.

We don't know when they arranged to meet, but I think there's room for a symbolic meaning to Arianne arriving just as the sun goes down. Symbolically, the day ending as soon as she arrives mirrors the way that her plan is going to end as soon as it begins.

In addition, it's a signature of Arianne's character this chapter, moving just slightly too slowly. In this way, Arianne is already more like her father than she wants to admit—remember the overripe oranges falling in The Captain of the Guards, or how Areo knew that Doran saying they would leave at dawn meant midday. Arianne is the same—she arrives to her own plan at dusk.

Even without that comparison, Arianne's late arrival is emblematic of her inability to structure a plan as carefully as she believes she can, which is also something that haunts her for the rest of his arc. Consider the meaning of this for her: she is the head of this plan, and yet she and her two companions are the last to arrive. Garin beats her to the rendezvous place by a few hours... and Darkstar is almost the opposite extreme. He gets there a whole day early.

Perhaps that's suspect, perhaps that's responsible; this alone is not enough to say. For a certainty, though, this clearly positions Darkstar as someone who is, say, the opposite of the "Late" Lord Walder Frey. He's a man who comes early, not late.

As the chapter continues, it's not the only time that Arianne lags carelessly while Darkstar vouches for a more responsible course of action, so keep this in mind. This passage sets the tone for the rest of the chapter.

2.2 What makes a man "Great"?

The next time we see Darkstar on page, we get his first line of dialogue and his first actual on-page action. He juts in while the others are talking about the storied hero who is Garin's namesake:

"Garin the Great," offered Drey, "the wonder of the Rhoyne." "That's the one. He made Valyria tremble." "They trembled," said Ser Gerold, "then they killed him. If I led a quarter of a million men to death, would they call me Gerold the Great?" He snorted. "I shall remain Darkstar, I think. At least it is mine own." He unsheathed his longsword, sat upon the lip of the dry well, and began to hone the blade with an oilstone.

There's a lot to unpack here for such a short passage. To begin with, we can interpret some of Darkstar's values from his additions to this conversation. He clearly has a certain pragmatism, because he chooses to see through the veneration that the stories have afforded "Garin the Great", and points out that his cause was actually poorly met. In this way, Gerold might come off like a humorless spoilsport, but we can also consider the fact that he's already learned some of the lessons that other characters, like Sansa, have been forced to face: reality does not match the songs, and not all "heroes" are good people.

Gerold also shows a concern for the ranks of the military. It's not about one man's veneration for him, it's about the success of the plan—and the survival of the men who act on it. This is actually the same concern for Dorne that Doran is obsessed with, at the end of The Watcher:

"Until the Mountain crushed my brother's skull, no Dornishmen had died in this War of the Five Kings," the prince murmured softly, as Hotah pulled a blanket over him. "Tell me, Captain, is that my shame or my glory?"

Doran has spent a lifetime hemming and hawing over this notion, unsure of whether to act or to wait, and choosing inaction over decision. By stark contrast, Gerold speaks with a casual certainty: "Garin the Great" was no good at all, because all his men died, and he lost. It might make him sound like a cynic, but Dayne knows what he believes in. Leading men to their death is no greatness at all.

2.3 Choosing one's own name

And, now knowing his thoughts on blind veneration, we might reinterpret his decision to invent his own nickname. Rather than grasping for approval from in songs (like Tywin's Rains of Castamere), his act of naming himself could be seen as a sign of honor, not blind pride.

"If I led a quarter of a million men to death, would they call me Gerold the Great?" He snorted. "I shall remain Darkstar, I think. At least it is mine own."

He does not believe in misjudged "bravery" for the sake of a title, and therefore is unlike so many others who we see across ASOIAF ready to die fighting in their desire for glory. Rather than dreaming of becoming immortalized in a song, Darkstar has no lust for public approval—he's given himself his own title, and means to prove himself against his own standard.

And at least it is his own. ASOIAF is a story where so much weight is put into names and epithets—Arya and Sansa losing their names and even their chapter titles, Brienne and Jaime fighting against the disparaging nicknames they are given. Here, Darkstar has already proven himself past all of those troubles with this one action—regardless of whatever names others should call him, or even remember him by, he shall go by this one, the name, and the fate, that he chose for himself.

2.4 Honing the blade

And then, immediately, Gerold starts caring for his blade.

He unsheathed his longsword, sat upon the lip of the dry well, and began to hone the blade with an oilstone.

Interestingly, the list of people who hone their blade on-page is surprisingly short. This shared action puts Gerold in league with the likes of Brienne:

I will, she promised his shade, there in the piney wood. She sat down on a rock, took out her sword, and began to hone its edge. I will remember, and I pray I will not flinch.

And also the likes of Yoren, Arya, Jon, Meera, Barristan, and Hotah himself; all of whom are dutiful if not also generally good-hearted. Ilyn Payne and Rakharo, care for their blades on-page, too, and though I'm not sure if they get enough story time to argue whether or not they are good-hearted, they are certainly pragmatic, skilled, and committed. Bronn, too, hones his blade on-page, and even if not good-hearted, he's these other positive qualities, the ones that make him likeable even in his scoundrel status: Bronn is skilled, pragmatic, dedicated to his craft, and even committed after his own fashion (he does name his adoptive child Tyrion, after all).

Better tying this to a morality case, the first time we see Sandor Clegane caring for his blade is after the Red Wedding, after he fully commits to taking in Arya. Similarly, Jaime is only seen caring for his blade in Feast and later, after he begins to have his own character turn towards searching for honor.

In stark contrast, Theon pulls out his blade to "sharpen" it before facing his father in Clash, but he only "gave it a few licks" with the whetstone ... what a total poser.

(It's a silly thing, but the most minor character we see sharpening a blade is a stray Blackwood... so you know these are the good guys, haha. Oswell Whent, too, which I don't make much of myself but I know others have.)

So, when we see Gerold Dayne start to sharpen his blade as his first on-page action, we might think: here is a man who is responsible, who is committed to duty, who believes in taking care of his person and his honor. Tying little actions like this to character qualities is the kind of thing GRRM does frequently.

2.5 Sober attitude

To a similar end, we also see that Gerold Dayne doesn't drink, preferring water with lemon.

Once the kindling caught, they sat around the flames and passed a skin of summerwine from hand to hand . . . all but Darkstar, who preferred to drink unsweetened lemonwater.

Which puts him in league with Brienne again:

"I would prefer water," said Brienne. "Elmar, the red for Ser Jaime, water for the Lady Brienne, and hippocras for myself." Bolton waved a hand at their escort, dismissing them, and the men beat a silent retreat.

As well as Stannis, paragon of "duty":

But not today, I think—ah, here's your son with our water." Devan set the tray on the table and filled two clay cups. The king sprinkled a pinch of salt in his cup before he drank; Davos took his water straight, wishing it were wine.

Again, this is the kind of quality that is associated with people who are attached to their sense of duty. (Note also that as Brienne feels increasingly lost during her search for Sansa, we see her increasingly drink wine. Roose, for his part, doesn't just drink wine, but wants wine sweetened with sugar and spices, which, like Littlefinger's minty breath, covers up his harsh reality).

So Gerold Dayne, in word and action, seems to have more in common with duty- and honor-bound characters, rather than being the heartless rogue which the Martells seem to believe he is.

2.6 Arianne's imagination versus Gerold's reality

Arianne asserts that Gerold would go so far as to exterminate an entire clan... but it's while she's fantasizing about ruling Sunspear with Myrcella as Queen:

Once I crown Myrcella and free the Sand Snakes, all Dorne will rally to my banners. The Yronwoods might declare for Quentyn, but alone they were no threat. If they went over to Tommen and the Lannisters, she would have Darkstar destroy them root and branch.

So we know what Arianne thinks he's capable of, but we also have heard Dayne's own thoughts that war for its own sake is not laudable. Would he really be the type to eradicate a whole family, like Arianne says? So far, he seems otherwise like an alright guy, and potentially even a true knight, so far: he takes care of his sword, he stays sober, he arrives early, he's not searching for glory from others, and he doesn't believe one should be rewarded for idiotic wars.

If I were to put this in a single quote—if I could create a single moment where I might show that Arianne's mental image of Darkstar is one way (hard, dangerous, mean) and his reality was a different way (dutiful, pragmatic, and good-hearted)—I might show it like this:

He has a cruel mouth, though, and a crueler tongue. His eyes seemed black as he sat outlined against the dying sun, sharpening his steel, but she had looked at them from a closer vantage and she knew that they were purple. Dark purple. Dark and angry. He must have felt her gaze upon him, for he looked up from his sword, met her eyes, and smiled.

Does he have a cruel mouth, and dark, angry eyes? Or does he have an easy smile? Arianne tells us the former... but so far, we are shown the latter.

And what does Gerold himself say with that "cruel tongue"? What counsel does he give, what courses does he suggest?

2.7 Gerold's bloody suggestion

Before Myrcella arrives, Gerold Dayne has the chance to offer counsel to Arianne. This moment comes directly following that moment where all of Arianne's other conspirators confide that they don't trust him, and that they don't need him for the plan. Immediately afterward, Darkstar returns and suggests that the plan isn't very good to begin with.

Dayne put a foot upon the head of a statue that might have been the Maiden till the sands had scoured her face away. "It occurred to me as I was pissing that this plan of yours may not yield you what you want."

While all of Arianne's friends have warned her of Darkstar, why is it that Darkstar is the only one to warn Arianne that this is a poor plan? It's important to remember that he's right, after all, because this plan gets thwarted, and as he goes on to say, was ill-concieved to begin with. If he can see it, why have none of Arianne's other allies considered this? Or, more interestingly, why have none of them told her?

This conversation continues, and notice how Arianne is never straightforward with Gerold about how she feels in response to his questioning. She says one thing, and then thinks another to herself. Already, we are being shown how we might be distrustful of what we are told—and again, Arianne has more in common with her father than she thinks. She knows how to speak carefully when she really has another objective.

"And what is it I want, ser?" "The Sand Snakes freed. Vengeance for Oberyn and Elia. Do I know the song? You want a little taste of lion blood." That, and my birthright. I want Sunspear, and my father's seat. I want Dorne. "I want justice." "Call it what you will. Crowning the Lannister girl is a hollow gesture. She will never sit the Iron Throne. Nor will you get the war you want. The lion is not so easily provoked." "The lion's dead. Who knows which cub the lioness prefers?" "The one in her own den." Ser Gerold drew his sword. It glimmered in the starlight, sharp as lies. "This is how you start a war. Not with a crown of gold, but with a blade of steel."

At first blush, it's easy to get caught up in the notion that Darkstar is simply offering to kill Myrcella for the ease of it all. We're told the whole chapter that Darkstar is a violent man, and here's the evidence.

Arianne herself only considers this interpretation, and it's how she remembers the conversation once she's imprisoned:

He wanted to kill her instead of crowning her, he said as much at Shandystone. He said that was how I'd get the war I wanted.

However, this conversation, though brief, is not so simple as that. Instead, while Gerold's advice to Arianne here at first seems unnecessarily violent, he's actually displaying wisdoms that we learn elsewhere in the story.

For a start, we see Gerold's disdain for vengeance for it's own sake—and his suggestion to Arianne that this quest of revenge and authority will not actually get her what she wants. In Gerold's words, she wants "a taste of lion's blood." He knows this song, as he says, as well as Ellaria, who gives an identical warning with far more impassioned language to the same audience ADWD The Watcher:

"Oberyn wanted vengeance for Elia. Now the three of you want vengeance for him. I have four daughters, I remind you. Your sisters. My Elia is fourteen, almost a woman. Obella is twelve, on the brink of maidenhood. They worship you, as Dorea and Loreza worship them. If you should die, must El and Obella seek vengeance for you, then Dorea and Loree for them? Is that how it goes, round and round forever? I ask again, where does it end?" Ellaria Sand laid her hand on the Mountain's head. "I saw your father die. Here is his killer. Can I take a skull to bed with me, to give me comfort in the night? Will it make me laugh, write me songs, care for me when I am old and sick?"

Gerold says it more simply, and more harshly: this quest for vengeance and lion's blood will not get you what you want.

He then tries another angle, saying that "Crowning the Lannister girl is a hollow gesture. She will never sit the Iron Throne. Nor will you get the war you want." This sounds, at first, like a complaint of the plan's futility, but he offers a suggestion of how to achieve said war instead: "Not with a crown of gold, but with a blade of steel."

I have to point out the metaphor at use in this moment:

Ser Gerold drew his sword. It glimmered in the starlight, sharp as lies.

A blade as sharp as lies—yet another allusion to this constant Dornish theme of lying and deadly misinformation. Seen from another perspective, we might put it another way: that lies are as deadly as a blade. This, too, is Doran's message: that the grass which hides the snake is just as deadly.

This too is Gerold's message, because in combination, his suggestion that crowning her is empty and to kill her is simpler sounds like an allusion to another wisdom we learn later in ADWD Tyrion I, given by Illyrio when Tyrion alights on the same bright idea as Arianne, to crown Myrcella:

"In Volantis they use a coin with a crown on one face and a death's-head on the other. Yet it is the same coin. To queen her is to kill her."

Gerold understands this, and he displays it in this conversation. His offer here, then, is to skip the trouble in between—the girl will never sit the Iron Throne in any case, so Arianne should just kill her and be done with it, and have your war that way.

Rather than a threat against Myrcella's life, the way Arianne remembers it, we might see this as a challenge: if Gerold sees that both acts end in Myrcella's death, and both in war, he's presenting Arianne reality of the lack of choice.

In a way, this is consistent with his earlier complaints about Garin the Great—was it worth it to make Valyria "tremble" at the cost of so many of his own? Gerold's question, though harshly put, makes Arianne face that question now, before they start off with the plans.

Like her father, though, Arianne defers the problem, preferring not to address it this night.

I am no murderer of children. "Put that away. Myrcella is under my protection. And Ser Arys will permit no harm to come to his precious princess, you know that."

Arianne makes the choice, but she does not say it aloud. Why? Because even she sees that it's contradictory to raise her up and expect her to live?

As we see so often with Arianne, she foolishly answers that it's not her responsibility. Myrcella may be under her protection, but Arianne relies on Ser Arys' action to keep it that way. Arianne tries to argue that the weight of this threat to Myrcella is not Arianne's burden to take, but rather Arys'.

Darkstar disagrees, pointing out the longstanding rivalry between the Dornish and the Marcher Lords.

"No, my lady. What I know is that Daynes have been killing Oakhearts for several thousand years." His arrogance took her breath away. "It seems to me that Oakhearts have been killing Daynes for just as long." "We all have our family traditions." Darkstar sheathed his sword. "The moon is rising, and I see your paragon approaching."

Finally, though, actions once again speak louder than words. Rather than pull his sword here against Arys, like he was just threatening to do, he sheathes his sword when he spots Arys, obeying Arianne's command. So far, whatever he's said, Gerold is still committed to following Arianne's wishes.

His threats about Daynes killing Oakhearts has another layer of meaning, though, in this complete context: Daynes have been killing Oakhearts, yes, but it's not just Daynes who wouldn't blink at killing a Marcher, it's all of the Dornish—as Arys is so intimately aware of in his one chapter.

As much as Arianne is dodging responsibility, she's also right that Arys is the final obstacle in anyone's way should they wish to do harm to Myrcella. Note, though, that despite the story Doran and Arianne later tell the Sand Snakes, it is not Darkstar who slays Arys—it's Areo Hotah. If we say that actions speak louder than words, hear this: Gerold sheathes his sword when Arys approaches, and it is Doran (through Areo) who kills Myrcella's most leal protector.

Given all the trouble Doran later goes to in an attempt to smooth over Arys' death, Gerold is probably right here that a dead Arys means war. Once again, Gerold is a pragmatic thinker, in theory. In my opinion, despite the cruelty of his suggestion, his conversation about the death of Myrcella is a reality check, not a call for wanton violence.

2.8 Gerold's good counsel and care

Later comes the second time where Arianne lags carelessly... and here, Gerold steps in to give Arianne good counsel.

Arianne had hoped to reach the river before the sun came up, but they had started much later than she'd planned, so they were still in the saddle when the eastern sky turned red. Darkstar cantered up beside her. "Princess," he said, "I'd set a faster pace, unless you mean to kill the child after all. We have no tents, and by day the sands are cruel."

Here, contradicting the stories of Gerold Dayne as a cruel man, Darkstar seems to show more direct concern for Myrcella's wellbeing than any of the other plotters. Arianne—like her father—moves to slow, and Gerold wants to make sure that the girl isn't killed. He's not just pragmatic in theory, he can also be pragmatic and considerate when it comes to the young girl with them.

Here, also, we see that Gerold does not actually mean the girl harm. The accusation that Darkstar slashed Myrcella implies this narrative where Darkstar took advantage of the chaos to finally take his chance to kill the girl and make good on his threat. If that were the case, then here Darkstar could have simply said nothing, and let the girl suffer or even die from the heat. Instead, he speaks up in order to spare Myrcella from the sand's cruelty.

2.9 Gerold's opinion of Arthur Dayne

With all of this context, I'll finally take a look at Gerold's opinion of Arthur Dayne.

As she led the princess to the fire, Arianne found Ser Gerold behind her. "My House goes back ten thousand years, unto the dawn of days," he complained. "Why is it that my cousin is the only Dayne that anyone remembers?" "He was a great knight," Ser Arys Oakheart put in. "He had a great sword," Darkstar said. "And a great heart."

He clearly loves the Dayne house, but seems to have less respect than most for Arthur. Many and more have taken this to be a sign of petty envy, that Darkstar is questioning Arthur's skill at swordplay, perhaps in comparison to his own.

But consider the quote another way: we know from his opinion of "Garin the Great" that Gerold resists the idea of blindly idolizing heroes only because they have become great in the telling. This newer hero, Arthur, is no more special to him. What has he actually done, not what stories have been told of him?

Once again, this is a return of our theming: being shown, not told. Gerold is quick to resist the allure of the songs of Arthur Dayne—to Gerold, there are plenty of other Daynes just as special, or perhaps even more so. This is not a lack of love for his house, nor for honor and glory—quite the opposite. Like with choosing his own name, Darkstar wants to create his own context to see Arthur in, as part of a ten thousand year old lineage of great Daynes (ha) and not some special, magic knight.

Perhaps Gerold Dayne is pointing out that there is more to a knight than having a sword; perhaps he is condemning the idea of equating "swordplay" with "greatness".

What we hear about Arthur is more often than not about his prowress with a sword, but consider the context in which Arthur Dayne was brought up in this chapter. When Myrcella brings him up, his reputation is marred by the fact it's own existence:

"There was an Arthur Dayne," Myrcella said. "He was a knight of the Kingsguard in the days of Mad King Aerys."

Not the most good-hearted of details to remember him by, truth be told.

I suggest that this passage instead serves to suggest that Gerold has a stricter sense of what is valorous than most. Even the great, seemingly infallible Arthur Dayne was a sword in defense of the Mad King. Does serving the Mad King still make for a "great knight"? Or only a "great sword"?

Of course, there's another interesting aspect to this quote: despite his disregard for the particular qualities of Arthur, Gerold is more than willing to acknowledge the greatness of the sword Dawn. I'll get into that at the end.

2.10 Gerold sues for peace

Finally, in his final appearance on-page, we get a last word from Gerold Dayne, who, this time, says exactly what Arianne is thinking... when she, again, is too slow to act, and is unable to say anything herself.

You reckless fool, was all that Arianne had time to think, what do you think you're doing? Darkstar's laughter rang out. "Are you blind or stupid, Oakheart? There are too many. Put up your sword."

Darkstar suggests to all that they surrender. He suggests they put up their swords. Yet again, this is a consistent characterization for Darkstar: a man who speaks against the honor of leading others in a death charge, a man who is a sober thinker, a man who plans to arrive early, and a man who considers heavily the consequences of the actions at hand, especially when they end in the death of a young girl.

After all this, I don't think it sounds like Darkstar to make a wild, reckless, opportune grasp for Myrcella's life, no matter whatever Doran says. Instead, Gerold Dayne has all the trappings of a dutiful knight, and even his brusque edges come from a certain brutal realism, not a sense of jilted pride. He may even be a good and caring man at times.

3.0 My predictions for TWOW: GRRM's next moves

I used to really not like Darkstar. I don't mind him being a little cringe, because this whole series, as well written as it is, still has plenty of pulpy 80s underpinnings which I love just as much as the highbrow stuff. I can handle a little melodrama, fine... but why is Darkstar so flat, I wondered. It felt so incredibly—uncharacteristically—clumsy to have this hurried introduction of a character, and have everyone in the chapter rush to tell the reader how dangerous he is, just so he could do the "dangerous guy" thing and run off to become the next MacGuffin of Dorne.

That is, if everything, or anything, that we were told about him is true.

If we understand that not all we're told is true, then GRRM hasn't actually spent a whole chapter telling without showing. Instead, he's been consistently playing with the same notions of actual reality vs. stories and lies that the rest of the Dornish plot revolves around (and the rest of the series, for that matter, but I'm staying focused here).

In addition, all of that telling we got about Gerold Dayne wasn't at all for the purpose of giving us a quick, surface level introduction to the character (which makes sense, because George is otherwise so good with character). Instead, all that telling is part of a larger, longer plot about Doran's scheming and lying, and Arianne's own susceptibility to Doran's stories.

Finally, and most of all, it all sets up one of GRRM's favorite things to do: a subversion of a character in a twist that involves a sudden change of perspective.

If Arianne and Doran have spent 4 (or 5, including TWOW previews) chapters now telling us what a nasty guy Gerold Dayne is, won't it be a shock once he's granted Dawn rightfully and is named the next Sword of the Morning? What's even better is that, looking back, it will be clear to see how much he isn't a nasty guy—he's actually a pretty good candidate, dutiful, smart, aware of the consequences. He's the kind of guy to take care of himself, keeping his mind and blade sharp, and to be considerate of those lesser than him, as with Myrcella or Garin's army. He may not be a nice guy, but being nice and kind are not always the same. That character of Darkstar, the knight worthy of Dawn, was there all along—except that it was all obfuscated under Arianne internal narration and Doran's repeated lying.

After all, he is of the night... which sounds super edgy, but is foreshadowing too. What comes after the night? The Morning.

Being "of the night" might not be Darkstar being an antihero, but instead being anti- heroes, he's against the concept of the overinflated hero. Like Sandor Clegane, who starts to seem more and more a true knight despite despising knights, Darkstar may be set up to take on a legendary mantle, like Sword of the Morning, despite his utter disdain for legendary heroes, like Ser Arthur and Garin the Great.

And actually, I suspect that Darkstar is quite familiar with Dawn already—after all, despite his cool words about Ser Arthur, Gerold Dayne does seem to recognize the greatness of Dawn. I expect that he's seen its value for himself.

Gerold is the type of man to take himself seriously ... and while that's very easy to make fun of from a reader's perspective, it's a very admirable quality in a knight. It's the same trajectory Jaime has been on: everything used to be a joke to him, but no longer: Jaime is learning how to shed that shield of humor and to take himself and his honor seriously. Can we begrudge Ser Gerold the same?

Rather than hunting down a villain, Areo Hotah, Obara, and Balon Swann are on Doran's truth-suppression mission. For after all, as Lady Nym pointed out, loose ends make for exposed lies. If I replace some of the names of her cautionary message from The Watcher:

If Gerold Dayne is alive, soon or late the truth will out. If he appears again, Doran Martell will be exposed as a liar before all the Seven Kingdoms. He would be an utter fool to risk that.

And so Doran sends his unbeatable Hotah, with his massive and lethal axe that already killed one Kingsguard and might well kill another. How is Gerold Dayne going to match up against that?

Well, he'll have a great sword.

#jozor thoughts #asoiaf meta #asoiaf analysis #Doran Martell and Gerold Dayne #valyrianscrolls #twow speculation #darkstar #Dorne Told not Shown

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thequietkid-moonie · 10 months

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Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean Martin

First love with a kind and extrovert reader

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Ryuuichi Kashima ]

[ School Babysitters / Gakuen Babysitters ]

› Song that inspired this [ Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean Martin ]

OMG ANON THANK YOU!! This song has been on the back of my mind for SO LONG but like i never knew the name!

Thank you so much for asking for Ryuuichi ❤️❤️ I love him so much ❤️❤️ I start to watch Gakuen Babysitters again to be able to write this right well. that an excuse and im enjoying it so much!! Thank u so much ❤️❤️

As Ryuuichi introduced himself to the class he mentioned that he is part of the babysitters club, however no one really knows what was that and the curiosity stuck on you head for the rest of the class, so when the class ends and you finally had the opportunity you didn't wasted any time and approached to the new student, with a smile you greeted him and ask him about the babysitter club

You two spend some time talking about the club, the conversation extended and end up being quite long and at the end you asked him if it would be alright if you visit the club one of this days, to what he answered excitedly that it would be perfectly fine, you will always be welcome. Ryuuichi was actually excited of someone being interested on the babysitters club and yet he didn't expected to you to come over immediatly, or even do it, you aren't fonced to do it, but you do came over and not just once, after meeting Ryuuichi you started to come over once on a while and help him around

After that first time you spoke you two started a friendship that just grows more and more with each passing day, your expressive and energetic personality contrast pretty well his usual calm and mature personality, creating an interesting dynamic between you two

It was just matter of time for you two to become closer, his situation isn't a secret at all but he actually was the one who tell you directly what happened to his parents and how he and Kotaro ended there, showing his sadness but gratitude, not because he felt obligate or felt the need to explain himself, he just felt like he could share it with you, like if it would be okay if he open up to you, and you accepted him with a smile

Ryuuichi has never been the type to ask for help, he is more used to have to handle everything by his own and yet you are always there, offering him your help for even little things, not that you pity or underestimated him, it is just part of your nature, and no matter how much times he insisted that he is okay and that you not need to do that you always just smile at him before helping him, sometimes with school when he has been too busy with the club or helping him with the club when he is overworking himself. Even when Ryuuichi insist that it isn't necesary he is grateful for you wanting to help

Your personality always manage to cheer him up, he doesn't know how you do it but your openly expressive and cheerful attitude always brings a smile to his face, and he isn't the only one, the kids of the nursery are always influenced by your attitude and that is something that always amuses him

It felt so natural and comfortable for Ryuuichi to fall in love with you that he didn't even noticed it, he didn't noticed in what moment he started to want to spend more time with you, he didn't noticed the moment when you started to appear more on his thoughts, when he started to miss your presence whenever you don't visit the babysitters club or when he started to smile unconsciously anytime he sees you

Even when Ryuuichi start to feel love towards you he doesn't quite get it, he is used to think that when you fall in love with someone the thought of that person never leave your mind, that you feel butterflies in your stomach and feels nervous around them, but for Ryuuichi it isn't like that at all, for Ryuuichi falling in love with you feels completely comfortable and soft, he feels happy and safe with you, like if when you are around him he doesn't have to be the independient and mature person he is, he feels safe enough to be able to relax and act a little more with his heart, for him falling in love with you goes unoticed for how suble it could be, he just start seeing you as part of his family

Ryuuichi has never been in love with anyone before, besides he has been too busy with having to take care of himself and Kotaro to think on those kind of things, is just that Ryuuichi will chose Kotaro over someone else without a doubt, however, even when he doesn't fully understand his feelings he knows that he will never had to do such choise since you are always there to support and love both of them

#music prompt game #school babysitters x reader #gakuen babysitter x reader #kashima ryuuichi #kashima x reader #ryuuichi x reader #ryuuchi kashima x reader #x reader #x gn reader #anime x reader

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elisysd · 4 months

Text

50. I trace the evidence, make it make some sense, why the wound is still bleedin'

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: Hits Different - Taylor Swift

It was pouring rain. No matter where she wanted to go, Julia was met with gigantic puddles, soaking her shoes. She was on her way to the Ferrari’s facility to see her boyfriend right before he had to go to the media pen for his interviews. Boyfriend. It was still something she wasn’t very comfortable using. Don’t get her wrong, she liked him, she liked his comforting presence, the way he was easy to talk to, the way he made her feel secure, how everything was predictable and she had to admit, a bit boring. But it wasn’t a bad thing for her. She liked it this way. It was nice. They didn’t argue all the time, she didn’t have to question what he was doing half the time because he was always making sure she knew, he was always careful with her, looking after her whenever he could. She felt seen, cared for.

But his kisses didn’t make her shiver, she didn’t want to lock herself in a room with him whenever he was looking at her, she didn’t want to plan a future with him and it made her feel awful and unfair. Martin was a good guy. A really nice guy who was doing everything he could to make her happy. And maybe she just needed time, maybe she wasn’t completely over Ethan and maybe jumping into another relationship without taking the time to reflect on herself had been a mistake. But despite everything, she didn’t want to put an end to whatever was going on with Martin. She wanted to try. She wanted to give this a chance, she wanted to know what a nice relationship was supposed to be and Martin was showing it to her. She owed him to try to fall in love. She owed it to herself.

She was so focused on avoiding the puddles that she didn’t see the white jumper in front of her and collided into it. She swore under her breath before meeting two chocolate eyes that looked at her with a bright smile.

“My, my, my… Isn’t it Miss Julia Leclerc that I see, right in front of me?”

“Niels? Oh my God, it’s been so long!”

“It has been indeed.” smiled the Skoda driver.

“I would love to say that we should meet up later for a coffee, but I’m a bit busy right now.”

“It’s fine, we will have the time to catch up soon, anyway.” he winked at her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well… It’s not official but your dad approached me a few weeks ago to offer me Elijah’s seat. And I said, yes.”

Julia gasped and threw her arms around the neck of the driver, almost making him fall backwards.

“I’m so happy for you! You deserve it so much! And Noah? How are you guys doing?”

She saw him wince which made her worry.

“It’s over. It was nice while it lasted but I guess we were too different. Or more he was not fully ready to come out. And it’s fine, I don’t want him to feel like he had to.”

“Maybe it won’t be over forever…”

Niels shrugged and looked at the time.

“I really have to go or our good old Wilhelm will make my life like hell. It’s kind of already the case since I’m moving to Ferrari. Your dad not only bought your contract back, he bought mine as well. You should have seen Will’s face. I’ve never seen him this red. I thought he was about to explode. And I think a chair didn’t survive the phone call with your dad, but you didn’t hear it from me.” he added with a wink.

She smiled, happy to see him and it brought a wave of memories. Her first time on a track as an engineer for Skoda, her first meeting with the boys, her first encounter with Ethan and the whole fake dating plan. Her happy smile turned bitter and she excused herself, not without promising Niels to get a coffee together soon to catch up.

She got to the Ferrari hospitality completely drenched and shivering and let out a sigh of relief when she was handed a bowl of soup. She went to sit in a corner, waiting for Martin to be done with the sponsoring activities so they could get the hell out of here. She wasn’t feeling comfortable at the idea of crossing paths with Ethan or with Kyle or Ludwig. Even Romy would feel weird when she was her best friend. And she was dreading their first paddock walk as a couple. She was well aware of how people were going to perceive the fact that now she was with Martin when a month ago or so, she was right next to Ethan. She knew the names she was going to get called. And truth be told, she couldn’t blame them. She had already put her social networks private and blocked her tags to prevent the hate to be written under her posts. And now, she only hoped for the best.

Lost in thoughts, she didn’t see nor hear Martin coming behind her and putting his hands on her shoulders, kissing the top of her head.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, taking place next to her.

“Nothing interesting.” she smiled, looking away from him.

“Julia. When we decided to try this you promised you would always talk about things no matter how stupid or useless you thought they would be.”

She sighed, biting her lips and closing her eyes.

“I’m just thinking about what people will say when they notice we’re together. That’s all.” she admitted.

“Will their thoughts change anything for us? Will you stop what we are trying to build because people talk?”

“I’m trying to stop caring so much about others' opinions but… it’s years of coping mechanisms to unlearn. I can’t stop caring just like that.” she explained.

“Why can’t you?”

“Because… I don’t know. That’s not how I live? That’s not how I built myself to be? I’ve always acted according to what people were expecting from me. Because if people liked me enough, then I don’t need to fear being left alone or cast aside. But… all in all, I think I’ve never let anyone being close enough from me to get to know the real me and I think, if I’m one hundred percent honest that I don’t know exactly who the real me is, and I want to find out so bad but I don’t know where to start.” she confessed.

“Well, first you need to stop thinking, Juls. That’s the problem with you, you overthink your slightest move. Try being carefree for once, you’ll see how good it feels.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” she replied with sarcasm, arching an eyebrow.

“You trust me, for starters.”

Ethan was coming to Germany with a clear goal: making people forget about Canada which wasn’t the easiest thing to do when all questions during the press conference were about it. But following Sofia’s advice who had not left his side, he had answered every single one of them with a calm attitude that surprised him a lot. Coming out of the press conference he was proud of himself and the smile his therapist gave him as well as the pat on his back made him beam with joy.

The free practices on Friday went even better than what he expected with a competitive car which was matching Ferrari’s and Audi’s pace. He was feeling good, confident as if nothing could stop him this weekend. Nothing.Not even the sight of Martin’s arm around Julia as he was on his way to the Maserati’s hospitality right before the start of the qualifying. Of course he didn’t like to see it. Of course, we wanted nothing more but to run to them with a snark remark, to rile up Julia, to see her looking at him with angry eyes and tell him to fuck off. But now, he knew better. And he had a pole position to take.

Inside of his car, a few seconds before he was about to hear his race engineer through the radio, he locked out everything. Every noise, every thought in his mind. He put down his visor, looked straight ahead of him and when it was time to push on the throttle, he did it confidently.

The track was wet after it had rained the whole morning but he didn’t care. Since he started his career in F1, three years ago, he never had a sunny race weekend in Germany. He liked the rain, he liked the danger it was bringing, he liked the way he had to be perfect. It was thrilling. It was making him alive. He got through the Q1, without difficulty, managing a nice P5, right behind both Ferrari, Romy’s Audi and Ludwig’s Lamborghini. He was a bit surprised to see Kyle getting through the session as P15 and wondered if there had been a problem with his car or if it was something medical. He hoped not. It was Romy’s homerace, he didn’t want her weekend to be ruined because something would happen to her boyfriend. But he didn’t have much time to think about it as the next part was about to start. This time he thought he was going to not make it after he slipped and almost lost the rear in the last sector.

“Are we through?” he asked on the radio.

“P10, Ethan. Good job. Fastest second sector. That saved your ass.” his engineer replied.

He sighed and looked at the board. Martin was P1, followed by Ludwig and Romy. Kyle was just in front of him with his P9. Something was definitely wrong with him. Sure, he didn’t like to race in rainy conditions, and now they could also add the wind that was going to make the Q3 more than interesting, but still. Kyle was good and consistent in every race conditions. Rarely as far away from his teammate. He shook his head. Now was not the right time to lose focus.

As he thought so, the Q3 was messy. At some point he saw Ludwig in the grass after he probably slipped and missed the apex. But Ethan was doing more than okay, for the first time in months and maybe even in his whole career, he felt like was making one with the car. That it was doing everything he wanted. Every curve, every sector, every line felt like he was flying and when he crossed the line he knew that he had just done the lap of his life.

“Ethan, you’re on pole for tomorrow? You did it, my boy.”

“No way!! No fucking way!! Thanks guys. Thank you for believing in me. Our first pole and it’s together. I wouldn’t wish it differently.”

He parked the car and got out as Romy was doing the same. She would start P2, as Ludwig would be P3. They both came to him and Romy hugged him quickly as Ludwig gave him a half smile and shook his hand.

“Well deserved, man.”

“Thanks Lu…”

He headed to the interviewing zone where he watched on the side his friends answering questions until it was his time.

“Ethan, what a lap. It seems like the summer break worked wonders on you.”

“Seems like it, yeah. To say that I was expecting this result would be lying but I’m very proud of the team and the upgrades they brought for the last part of the season. I know all the work they did behind the scenes and to be on pole today is an amazing reward.”

“What do you expect for tomorrow?”

“We definitely have the car to fight for the win but I know Audi and Romy are very strong and I know she will be determined to race fiercely tomorrow to make her country proud. So I think we can expect a nice fight with her. Lamborghini is also in the fight and obviously Ferrari, so we’ll see.”

“First pole of your career. Is there someone you want to dedicate it to?”

He let out a silent laugh. He looked at the journalist who was wearing a playful smile on her face and then, he looked straight to the lens of the camera. If she wanted to play with him, then he would give the media something to talk about.

“This is for Sofia. She knows who she is.” he winked before thanking the journalist and left.

When he finally walked into the Maserati’s hospitality he was welcomed with a burst of joy and sparkling water. Everyone was congratulating him, giving him nice pats on the back and whispering words of pride to him. It was as if Canada never happened.

“P1, Ethie!! Pole position for you, my friend!” smiled Chloe, forcing her to bend down so she could throw her arms around his neck.

“Please, never call me that ever again.” he whined as she laughed.

“Why? It’s cute!”

“No. It’s not.”

“Too bad, because I like it. Ethie.” she winked at him before leaving.

He then walked to Sofia, who was alone in a corner of the room, her notebook pressed against her chest and her blond hair in an elegant updo. Her natural elegance was contrasting with the roughness of the place.

“Dedicating the pole to me? Really?” she asked, shaking her head.

“Why? Didn’t you like it?”

“I would prefer to know why you did it?”

“I wanted to play.” he shrugged.

“You sure it doesn’t have any link with Julia and the fact that she is here with her new boyfriend? You didn’t want to make her feel jealous?”

“Maybe, yes. I hope it worked. At least a little bit.”

She was not a little bit jealous. She was very jealous. She was seething. But she couldn’t show it. Who was Sofia? Was she the blonde she had already seen at his place? Was she his new girlfriend? She had seen on the screen how playful he looked, how peaceful. She had seen the gleam in his eyes, a gleam that had only been there when she was next to him.

She didn’t hear Martin coming to her and debriefing his qualifying. Truth be told, she didn’t care much. She wanted to get out of here, she wanted some fresh air and she wanted to be alone. She didn’t listen to him when he called out her name, only passed through the door. The rain was there. And the wind too. There was not a shadow outside, everyone was busy.

She had no right to feel hurt or to feel jealous. Absolutely none. She was trying to move on, so did he. She was feeling the rain soaking her hair and infiltrating her clothes. She was going to be sick, she knew that but that was the last one of her worries. Her feet carried her to the Maserati’s hospitality, as if it was a joke from fate. She could see the lights and if she closed her eyes, the laughter. They were celebrating Ethan’s pole. She gulped. She should’ve been there. It was her place, where she was supposed to belong. Next to him, watching him being happy. Not outside, freezing to death.

Despite herself, she imagined the blonde woman next to him, her perfect manicured hands around his neck, her plush lips on his, his hands around her waist whispering sweet nothings to her. She imagined him doing everything he had done to her. She imagined him being happy with someone else and she felt sick.

She was about to turn away when she heard someone shouting her name.

“Julia? What are you doing here?”

Chloe was standing in the opening of the patio door, a glass of fruit juice in her hand.

“I don’t know if I’m being honest. I shouldn’t be here.”

“Ethan is inside! I can get him if you want to say congrats.”

“Chloe, I…”

But the redhead was already gone. She could have left but it was as if her feet were glued to the ground. She couldn’t move. He soon appeared before her, an umbrella in his hand.

“Chloe told me you were here to congratulate me on the pole. Shouldn’t you be with Martin to kiss away his tears?”

“I didn’t come here for that,” she blurted out.

“So, why are you here?”

“Because… because…” and that’s when she saw her, looking through the window. The blonde girl. Sofia. “Nevermind. Your girlfriend is watching us.”

“Sofia? Yeah, she sticks to me like glue. She understands me. She gets me. The real me.”

“Good.” she replied, a bit harshly, clenching her jaw so hard she was scared she wouldn’t be able to move it.

“You don’t seem happy. Is Mister Perfect not what you expected? Is he as boring as he looks?”

“I’m happy! He is great! Not that it’s any of your business.” she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“Can he make you feel as good as I did? Does he know your body as well as I do?”

He took a step towards her, slowly leaning to her, his lips brushing her ear. She didn’t dare to move, instead she locked eyes with Sofia and didn’t try to look away. She was hot and the raindrops on her skin felt like burns.

“Does he know that when I bite that birthmark right under your left thigh, you let out the most erotic sound? Does he know you like it rough? I bet he doesn’t. I bet he is not very creative in that area. I bet he is boring. I bet he is the type to plan your nights together. I bet he can’t even make you come.”

She wanted to reply. She wanted to say that he was wrong. But she couldn’t lie. The truth was, she didn’t know what it would be with Martin. They were not intimate. Not yet. He wanted to wait, to make sure she was ready and if she was honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to have sex with him. And that was making her feel so bad about herself. She felt like a monster.

Ethan pulled away and looked at her. She didn’t need to say anything for him to read her like she was an open book. He laughed.

“You should go. You’re going to catch a cold. And I have someone who will be more than happy to take care of me for the next few hours. I would have lent you the umbrella but I have to prioritize my health. I can’t risk getting sick. I’m starting on pole tomorrow. See you around. And say hi to your dad from me.”

Coming back to the Ferrari’s hospitality, her first thought was to find Martin. Ethan had managed to get into her head once again and to make her feel insecure. She hated how much control he had over her. She erupted in Martin’s driver’s room as he was changing. She closed the door in one swift move before locking it. He gave her a weird look, surprised by her sudden outburst and a look even weirder when she rushed to him and forced him to sit on the couch as she straddled him before kissing him like she had never kissed him before.

She felt him tense as she sneaked her freezing hands under his shirt to throw it away, barely leaving him enough time to catch his breath. She then attacked his neck with her kisses and when she felt him not reacting she pulled away.

“Am I not attractive enough?”

“What? Where does this come from?”

“You have no reactions! Am I doing something wrong? Don’t you like it?”

She was removing herself from him as she looked in the mirror, trying to not cry. She saw him coming slowly to her, almost careful as if she was about to run away. Slowly he put an arm around her waist as his lips found her ear.

“I was just surprised. That’s all. You’re doing everything right, I promise.” he whispered, nibbling her earlobe before moving to her neck as she let out a sigh of content.

She turned to him with a fiery look on her face. She didn’t let him have the time to say something as she pushed him back to where he was on the couch and getting in the same position she had been previously, but this time Martin was ready. He got her closer, firmly against him, as she ran her hands on his chest. She was determined to prove Ethan’s wrong, that he was not the only man who could make her feel nice.

“Are you sure?” he whispered as he laid her down on the couch, towering over her.

“Please, I need it.”

But she didn’t feel anything. And it was not because Martin was bad, far from it. His touches and his words were pleasant. He was careful with her, making sure she was alright every step of the way but it simply didn’t work out. And as he was trying his best to make her come undone beneath him she was forced to admit that it wouldn’t lead anywhere.

“Stop. Just… can you.. I can’t… it’s not working.” she breathed as he obeyed her and she swore she saw a glimpse of disappointment in his eyes. “I’m sorry…. I don’t know why I can’t…”

“It’s fine. It’s okay. Maybe it’s not the right setting, maybe you’re not in the right mood, maybe I’m not doing it right. We’ll learn, Juls. Will get there. Practice makes perfect.” he smiled, trying to light up the mood.

“But I want it to work now! Why isn’t it the case? I don’t want Ethan to be the only guy who…”

“Ethan?” he repeated. “Why are you mentioning him?”

“Martin… I’m sorry it's just a slip of the tongue.”

“You went to him. Tell me I’m wrong.” he said.

In front of her silence, Martin drew his conclusions.

“Am I just a distraction for you, Julia?”

“It’s… I…” she stuttered not knowing what to say or how to reply, knowing full well it would be just a bunch of lies coming out of her mouth.

“I know you’re not there yet. I know you don’t share the same feelings as I have for you. It’s fine, I accepted it. I accepted you needed time and I’m willing to offer it to you. To go at your own pace but we can’t move forward if you cling to him every chance you get. That’s not fair for me.”

“I know… I didn’t plan to, I swear it just happened. I didn’t want to see him but he was there and he said some stuff that got into my head and I wanted to prove him wrong and…”

“I’m not your mean to your end, Julia. I’m not a pawn to be used whenever you want. I’m sorry. It’s best if I go back to the hotel. Alone. I don’t want to say something I will regret. We’ll talk later.”

He unlocked the door, leaving her cold and feeling like the worst human being on earth on the sofa.

When he came to her room the next day, before leaving for the track, he found her, eyes puffy and red. He didn’ hesitate before taking her in his arms, kissing the side of her head and whispering he was not mad. A little hurt, but not mad.

“I swear I’m trying, Martin. I want to give you a chance but I don’t know how long it will take for me to get there.”

“You’re trying. That’s what matters to me. The rest is not important. Let’s go, I have a race to win.” he added with a smile, taking her hand in his.

Ethan wasn’t sleeping. He was just resting his eyes for a bit. He could hear the hustle bustle of the crowd in the paddock and was trying his best to focus. He usually liked to be alone before the race. It was easier to focus. He didn’t expect Sofia to knock on his door and to enter the room before he even had the chance to say come in.

“How are you feeling?”

“Unexpectedly fine. Like, I thought I would be stressed out because it’s my first pole and the stakes are high but, I’m good. I can’t wait to be in the car. I know what I’m supposed to do, I know the strategy. I’m ready. I feel like I’m going to win and nothing can stop me. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s a gut feeling.”

“Good to hear but I was asking in general. How do you feel about Julia being there, with her new boyfriend, when she told you she needed time for herself. Do you feel like you’ve been lied to? Played with?”

“You don’t choose to fall in love, doc. I know that. I can’t blame her. Does it hurt? A whole fucking lot. Am I jealous? I want to punch him in the face. Will I act on it? Nope. I want to get better, I’m better than that. And I think a part of me wants Julia to regret breaking up with me. I want to prove to her that she made the wrong choice. Is it stupid?”

“No. You love her. But maybe you should also accept that she is happy with someone else.”

“She is not. I know what she looks like when she is happy. And I swear she is not. She is faking it. I don’t know why, I don’t understand why she would feel the need to sabotage herself like that.”

“Some people need to hit a wall at full speed, to take an image that you will understand, to face reality. She needs to hit rock bottom. I can’t say much about her, I would need to talk to her for that but that’s what I can observe. And before you ask, you can’t help her, she needs to open her eyes by herself.”

Ethan nodded, even if the perspective of having to witness Julia throwing away what he considered, without pretension, being the most beautiful thing that could have happened to her wasn’t making him particularly happy. But he didn’t have much time to think about it as it was soon the time for him to settle in his car.

On his way to the garage he came face to face with a defeated Kyle.

“Lamborghini’s garage is this way, bro.”

“I’m not racing. I failed the eyesight test. The doctor doesn’t allow me to get in the car. Too risky.”

“Damn bro… I’m sorry, for you.”

“Yeah… Well, it’s like that. I’m going to support my girlfriend next to her dad. He is so freaking scary! We had dinner yesterday after quali, and I swore he tried to break my hand. He looked like an adorable golden retriever in pictures but that’s only in pictures!”

“I mean, you shouldn’t be surprised. That’s exactly how Romy is. When you look at her you could never imagine she was this ruthless on tracks. Like father, like daughter.”

“Romy is adorable, shut up.” Kyle defended her.

“She is only adorable with you, mate.” laughed Ethan. “Well, I have to go… cheer for me and Ludwig as well. Bros before…”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, asshole.” smiled Kyle as Ethan gave him a hug before leaving him there.

It was a weird feeling to have no one in front of him on the starting grid. A feeling like he was the only one in the world. Nothing mattered besides him and the track. He knew each curve, each line by heart, each tricky corner. He only had to focus on what he knew best and it would all be okay. A few raindrops were falling on his visor, which made him smile. At least he wouldn’t be caught in traffic and in the potential mess the start would be if rain was starting to intensify.

And finally it was lights out. He knew he had taken a perfect start but surprisingly, Romy as well. He smiled. She definitely worked on her starts. It was going to be a tough race. One he was ready to drive. A few laps later, they both had managed to distance the rest of the grid, it was just him and her.

“Ethan, box next lap.” said his race engineer.

“I can still go a few more laps with the ones I have.”

“We know but we want to force her to box.”

Ethan sighed but didn’t try to argue and did exactly what was expected from him. He was careful to not go too fast in the pitlane, it was not the time to get a penalty or to give the FIA any reasons to investigate him. They did a nice pitstop and Ethan got out right behind Martin. He didn’t dare to try to scare him, only overtook him in the cleanest way he could have done and much to his surprise, Martin didn’t even try to put up a fight. Soon the Ferrari was only a red spot in his rearview mirrors. He pushed on the throttle. It was time to catch up on Romy and take what was his.

“Five laps to go, Ethan. Pace is good, tires look fine, you can go all in.”

“Gap to Romy.”

“Two point three seconds. You’re zero point one fifty faster. She is managing her tires.”

“Copy.”

And he did exactly what he was told to do. Soon, Romy’s Audi was in front of him. There were two laps left to race and he could feel the tension in his body. It was now or never. He got into her slipstream and waited for the perfect opportunity to attack her. But she was a brilliant and smart driver, not hesitating to change her trajectory, flirting with the limits and with the rules. When his two first tries were unsuccessful, he decided to wait until the very last corners. He wanted to pressure her, to push her to make a mistake, forcing her to degrade her tires as he was calmly managing his. And now, it was the last line. It was time to try something, so when she least expected it he got out from behind her and went side to side, pushing on the throttle with everything he had as she was doing the exact same thing until he saw the checkering flag being waved. The race was done, he was on the podium, the first one since Paris. But he didn’t know about the results.

“Photo finish, Ethan. There is a doubt.”

“For fuck sake! How come!”

“We don’t want to sound too sure but we think you’re P1, mate. Don’t start to celebrate too soon, though.”

He didn’t care. If his team was saying he was P1, that he had won the race, his first race, then he trusted the team. The P1 and P2 signs had been removed as he parked his car next to Romy’s as Martin was following him on the P3. He looked at Romy who was crying in the arms of her dad and mom, the German flag draped around her shoulders. Kyle was on the side, a beaming smile on his face. Ethan frowned and went to his team that had a dark look on their faces.

“Audi is saying that Romy won.”

“But she didn’t! You said you were sure that the win was ours!”

“The FIA has to give us the proof right now, I don’t know what they are waiting for.”

“Trafficking the results?” Ethan asked, angry.

“Ethan…” his team principal tried to call him as he was furiously walking to the German clan.

But he was already next to Romy who had tears streaming down her face and a proud smile on her face. He felt bad for one second but he had to be sure.

“Did you get anything from the FIA to start celebrating?” he asked a little too harshly.

“I mean… I don’t need the photo finish to know that I won, Ethan…” she explained, sure of herself.

“Really? Because I think you should. Maserati is sure that the win is mine.”

“Ethan… her front wing was a little ahead of you. I saw it.” said Kyle coming near him as if he could sense that Ethan was about to blow up.

“With all due respect Kyle, I don’t trust your eyesight today.” Ethan replied.

“Now you’re being unfair!”

“Unfair? I’m not the one celebrating when we are not sure of anything and…” he was interrupted by a protocol officer who forced them to the cool room, away from everyone.

Inside, Ethan saw straight away Romy’s face on the number one and his on the number two as the finish was replaying on the screen side by side with the photo finish where indeed, Romy’s front wing was ahead for a little centimeter. He felt his world shatter beneath his feet. He had lost fair and square, he knew but it didn’t make the pill less hard to swallow. He tried to keep a straight face, he would let the camera catch his disappointment and his bitterness.

“Ethan…” Romy came to him, to apologize he guessed but he brushed her off.

“Congrats. I don’t have anything to add.”

He went to sit on the chair and at the very last second, decided to go to the one meant for the winner. Was it petty and unnecessary? For sure and he caught Romy’s look on him when he sat as she decided to stay in the corner, watching highlights of the race. She still had her German flag around her shoulders, playing with the corners.

“That was still a beautiful fight.” said Martin, in an attempt to appease the tension.

“Would have been even more beautiful if I had been at the top of the podium.” replied Ethan, loud enough for Romy to hear and for the microphones in the room as well.

And soon it was time for the podium. Ethan had never thought he would say it but he was dreading it. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to fake being happy with a second place when he should have been standing on the highest step. Martin was the first to come out of the room, under the screams of the Tifosi who were there. And then it was him, he didn’t hear a sound, too much in his own bubble and when he got to the podium he almost decided to make one petty move and stand on the first step but he couldn’t do that to Romy, she didn’t deserve it. It was still a win in her home country, he knew how important that was. His eyes fell on the crowd and on the sea of red grouped in a corner. Julia was standing next to her father but unlike what he expected she wasn’t looking at Martin, she was looking at him. And he swore he could see her smile from there. A smile that was only for him. It made his day a little less shitty than it had been until now.

Romy standing next to him and the crowd roaring and cheering for her made him snap out of his thoughts. The German anthem resonated, people singing along as he could hear Romy doing the same, tears streaming down her face. And when finally he received his trophy he had a hard time accepting it, even considering to refuse it. He put it on the side as he saw a hand in front of his eyes. He looked up to Romy who was smiling.

“You’re an idiot but come here. You deserve to stand there as much as me.”

“No. I don’t. When I’ll be there, it will be because I won a race not because someone pitied me.” he replied, refusing to stand next to her as she tried to drag him to her but failed. He heard her sighed but didn’t budge.

Not even the champagne made him smile and as soon as he had seen he could leave, he did, leaving his trophy there. He wanted to forget this race ever happened.

“Ethan! You forgot your trophy.” Romy said, running to him.

“I don’t care, I don��t want it.”

“Oh, come on. Now you’re just being petty!”

“Petty! Do you know how important winning was for me? Converting this pole into a win? After all the shitshow Canada had been? All the bad press? All the doubts and criticism about my talent? All the comparisons with my dad? You, better than anyone out there, should understand it.”

“Admit that half of the bad stuff that happened to you, you brought them upon yourself, Ethan.”

“Excuse me for not being like the overprotected perfect little princess Romy!”

“Ethan, enough.” Kyle's voice echoed from the other side of the corridor.

“Dare to say the opposite, Dawson! She has always been sheltered! By her last name, by her team principal, now by you!” he erupted.

“You don’t know half the things I went through in my life, Ethan! You hate being associated with your dad, don’t you dare doing the same with me!” Romy came forward, as Kyle was about to reply.

“Your dad comes to your races at least. It’s not the case for some of us.”

“Maybe if you weren’t such an ass, he would come more. Maybe, your behavior is shameful to him. Have you ever thought about it? Maybe if people are giving up on you, it’s because you’re the problem.” she spat at him.

She pushed him out of her way with such a force that he stumbled a little. He turned to Kyle who looked at him and looked at where Romy was a few moments ago.

“That was unnecessary, Ethan.”

“Because what she told me was necessary? You’re not serious? I thought you, out of all people, would be on my side!”

“I’m not on anyone's side…” Kyle defended.

“Sure, you’re not. You know what? Fuck off, Dawson.” Ethan said, leaving as well.

He wanted peace and quiet to calm down before the press conference. He rolled his eyes when he noticed Julia, leaning against the wall.

“Martin has already left.”

“I wanted to see you.”

“Why? Do you want to tell me how an asshole I am, too? I’m not in the mood.”

“Well, you know that already. You’ve always been one, it shouldn’t surprise anyone.’ she smiled.

“What do you want, Julia? I’m not in the mood.”

“You deserved that first place. You pulled the perfect weekend together. That lap in qualifying was outstanding and that final lap behind Romy, staying behind her until the very last moment? That was brilliant. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you can be proud of yourself. For all it’s worth, I am. If breaking up was what it took for you to explode on the track then, it helps me to heal…” she told him.

He didn’t know what to say or how to reply. Instead he nodded, leaving her there. Her words touched him more than he wanted to admit. She cared. Despite everything, she cared. It might not be much but it meant a lot to him. Maybe not everything was broken, maybe there was still a chance, after all.

The press conference’s atmosphere was heavy. Romy was sitting as far away from Ethan as possible, Ethan wanted to be anywhere but here and Martin felt out of place.

“So, question for all of you, how did you feel when you understood that we wouldn’t know straight away who won?”

“Well, some of us were more sure of their win than others… right Romy?” Ethan started.

“I had that feeling, yeah. Like you thought you'd won as well.”

“To me, I was very happy with my third place, both of them raced amazingly. I was a little more concerned with how long the FIA took to show us the photo finish. They are supposed to give it straight away but failed to do so…” said Martin, trying to divert the attention from the two drivers.

“Are you saying that they did it on purpose?” the journalist asked.

“I’m not saying such things. I have no proof. I’m just saying that it’s weird it falls on Ethan when we know the FIA has him in its sights since Canada. And I’m not a man who believes in coincidences.”

“You are insinuating that there would have been any other drivers, they would have provided the teams with the proof immediately?”

“I’m not insinuating it. I’m telling you.” he stated calmly and with a smile as, against himself, Ethan chuckled.

When they finally got out of the room, Ethan stayed behind, waiting for Martin who stopped dead in his tracks when he saw him.

“What you did out there, calling out the FIA’s bullshit… that was bold.” said Ethan.

“Someone had to say it. It was just the truth.” Martin shrugged.

“Yeah… but we’re not friends. You could have said that I deserved it.”

“But you don’t. I could have tried to slow you down when you came out of the pits…but you were on another planet out there. You will win. I'm sure of it.”

He was going to leave when Ethan added:

“Martin? Take care of Julia for me. She deserves to be happy.”

Martin half-smiled and nodded, fidgeting with his cap and Ethan saw a glimpse of something he couldn’t quite pinpoint in his eyes. Was it sadness? He wasn’t sure.

He was tired and his bones were aching when he finally came back to his hotel room. Under the hot shower he couldn’t help but think of Romy and how mean he had been with her. His towel wrapped around his waist he decided to give her a nice bouquet of yellow roses to symbolize their friendship. He called the florist and asked for a delivery. He even was nice enough to add a little card with it: To the queen of Germany. I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your day. Your favorite asshole. Ethan. He barely had time to hang up that someone knocked on his door and when he opened, found his two best friends.

“I don’t want you to be mean to each other so now it’s time for you to make up.” announced Ludwig, entering the room as if he owned it.

“I’m sorry I took Romy’s side without considering your feelings… I know how important it is for you to prove them all wrong. And it’s not because I love Romy that I have to forget that I’m supposed to have a clear mind or let my better judgment get affected. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too… I let the anger and frustration get to me and nor Romy or you deserved it. Especially Romy. I sent her flowers… to apologize.” Ethan said.

“She’ll love them. And you're my brother, I love you. I promise it won’t happen again.”

Ethan let Kyle hug him.

“Now that you’re friends again and Kyle understood the concept of bros before hoes, I stole booze. Wanna celebrate friendship by emptying the bottle?” sait Ludwig, getting out the bottle from under his coat.

“You stole booze?” repeated Kyle. “ You know there is a shop down the road where you could have easily bought it, right? Your millionaire’s ass can afford it.”

“I know. But everything tastes better when you get it for free.” he replied, shrugging and Ethan knew that no matter what storm he would come across, he would always have his best friends.

Author's note: Happy new year and we celebrate it with a bang! I really love this chapter. I usually wanted to divide it but I think it makes more sense that way so you have a huge chapter hehe.

What do you think will happen next? Let me know your theories, I love to read them.

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist:

@herondalism @aundercover @musingsbyshreya @karmabyfernando @reengard @mycenterfold @smoooothoperator

#writing #fiction #charles leclerc #f1 fanfic #f1 fic #f1 x oc #charles leclerc fanfic #max verstappen fanfic #max verstappen

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oaxleaf · 1 year

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mag 199 - seeing it through

i love this episode a lot, but it comes very very close to pushing over the emotional threshold of what i can handle. it is an in depth look at so many of the show's themes, and it is fascinating. it's the climax of all the moral discussions and there is so much to cover that i don't think i can even get around to it all

firstly, i really like how clearly not only everybody's stance is, but also why they think so. martin, like always, sticks his head a bit in the sand, denying even the possibility of any other option. he doesn't really care for any type of system of ethics. basira's views on morality are very conditional - to her, the correct choice varies greatly based on a ton of unknown factors. melanie very firmly cares about the people in her immediate vicinity, she has lost far too much personally to lose any more. georgie has, as is stated before, issues assessing risks, which is why she's the only one even vaguely suggesting not doing anything. she's always been more of a bystander

and jon, of course, is dealing with unfathomable levels of guilt. whilst, with the very limited information we have, his preffered option might be the most ethical one, i think it's very important to point out that there is some level of selfish motivations behind it. he couldn't live with the knowledge that he's caused even more pain, even if he never sees it. he doesn't want anybody else to ever go through what he is. he might not be power-hungry, but he wants a chance to make things right - which there of course is no way to do, especially not without severely abusing power

which is another thing: what i consider to be the show's two major themes, power and choices, are also discussed heavily. power in the sense that there's the issue that they don't even have the right to make this choice. but then, who does? not like there is any good results anyway. you can approach this through the cold lens of statistics or through messy human emotions, but no perspective is more valid and regardless of what you choose it won't be right. thus, they are forced in a position where they have to abuse power beyond their rights, unless they choose to do nothing, which, of course, they can't. because the idea that you have to make a choice, and the exploration of how manipulated your motivations and the outcome have to be for it to even be your choice, is presented over and over again. as well as the idea that, regardless of how the choice was made, you still have to live with the consequences. maybe the only right course of action is the one you can live with

jon and georgie's conversation hold a special place in my heart. she's a crucial character in his development, i think, because she's the only one that remains passive. she never tries to change what he's doing, even if she judges, but rather just lets it sit. i think he needs that. and clearly, she cares so much for him, but she can't let him destroy her with himself. the fact that she hangs onto the lighter just feels important to me, for some reason

jon and martin's little talk is also interesting, because it also establishes what's been apparent for a long time - that all of the trauma and everything awful that happened and broke them down, also brought them some good. and it's not even in a 'look on the bright side' kind of way. it's this grief that there are parts of yourself, good parts, that you only could reach because you were shattered open. i love them, and i love them as a couple, but it's really important to me to acknowledge that they'd never have been one had all this awful shit not happened. that's important, too

#this is another long one but this is such a good episode #everything about it is perfect #tma #a mag a day #mag 199 #jonathan sims #georgie barker

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wellntruly · 1 year

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M*A*S*H - Season 8, misc. notes

Welcome to March M*A*S*H-ness, the season in which I finish M*A*S*H

Here are some reduced notes from S8, I hadn’t forgotten! No approach this time, just whatever made the cut.

Oh you know actually there is a theme it's thighs???

— — —

Start of this season gotta be the collective skinniest this cast has ever been, babes what was going on in 1979! Mike Farrell has always been a sapling, but Loretta Swit seems to have gotten even tinier this year, Alan Alda rushed into a frame partly undressed looking markedly thinner than the last time I saw him, and when Gary Burghoff comes back?! Positively a shadow of himself!

The other notable thing is that their doctors coats are now fully "blush." [Elliott Gould voice] It’s fine by me.

I appreciate that we simply all dislike Zale

The slipshod “Previously On”s they do for the two-parters finally worth it for the implication that Hawkeye hurting his finger is going to be just as emotionally impactful as anything else going on.

Sitting Awards. And in the pink shirt.

The company clerk job going from Radar to Klinger is like a reverse Henry Blake to Sherman Potter, huh. I confess to being a little stressed.

Ohhh okay okay, I can see it, oh boy okay I can see how we pull this off: Klinger CAN be a good clerk, he just has to be a totally different kind: a renegade little rascal. Radar is like a London cabbie with the Knowledge: knows the entire map of the war and every rule and person in it. Klinger can be an improv artist, a con artist, schemes upon schemes. Oho, I would like this! Ed. note: hey I was pretty much on the money!

Okay don’t make me cry….. ah too late

Hoooooooooooo all of Hawkeye’s boyfriends simply have to kiss Radar and tell him to pass it along, huh. WHAT a way to reference when Trapper left…. !

Hey gang we’re still crying! :(

The most impactful way they could do this bit with BJ’s toddler thinking Radar was her dad is if it isn’t commented on again, we just have this wordless moment where he’s so visibly stricken by the fact that his child doesn’t know who he is.

Ah never mind, it’s the whole episode.

Y’know, when drunk BJ smashed up the still and hit Hawkeye, I thought well this is a lot to deal with, but it’s him later sobbing to him, quote: “I’m so torn up with envy I almost hate him! And I feel the same way about Trapper, and I never even met him. But he built that still with you, and…” that had me staring wild-eyed, repeating a strangled “Pause pause pause pausepause” while my hands search blind & desperate for the remote to give me a fucking MOment---

Just, the DARK GALAXY BRAIN, M*A*S*H, to go hey, how about BJ got violent because he’s jealous of your ex

...God the absolute nuclear event this episode would have caused if it aired during the Internet….we all would have aged 10 years.

“Well what else am I good at? Being a malcontent? Silliness? Booze?” The three Graces.

“Colonel, you wanted to see us?” “Not really, but it’s the only way I can talk to you.” Hahaha, Potter like, I’ve seen enough.

Whoa! Transition alert! I don’t even know how to describe this, it was like an in-camera PowerPoint wipe? Jaunty!

BJ grabbing his hands to get him to stop doing CPR, and Hawkeye just letting him hold them while he gets his own breath back. See, and now you do this…and I just…..!

Ah, I know exactly what you mean, Father. Hawkeye would ‘make a fine priest’ in the sense that he could write a good sermon. And he could write a good sermon in the sense that Danny Boyle, M. Night Shyamalan, Martin Scorsese—they were all on their way to seminary school before veering off into filmmaking. Because: they liked the storytelling. They liked getting at meaning, at feeling, through words delivered a certain way. Commanding an audience, and trying to get them to understand. Who does this apply to most in camp?

Line delivery of the episode once again goes to David Ogden Stiers, for “What is your name?”

I want to be playing poker in the sunshine with Klinger, Hawkeye, BJ, and Margaret with her sleeves pushed up her shoulders.

The way Klinger comfortingly trilled a little “Brrrr” to freezing Hawkeye as he pulls a blanket around his shoulders has gone right to the cockles of my heart. You sweet weirdo I love you!

INCREDIBLY dynamic of them to take five minutes from us for the commercial break, I yelped

Oh, SOLID Potter impression, Jamie Farr!

I like whenever they make grim jokes about this being a “police action,” not a war. Can you believe we were doing this shit all the way back in the ‘50s…. Potter, in his lil lilting gravely grandpa voice: “Believe me, boys and girls: this is a war.”

Father Mulcahy’s sad war song: it moved this reporter

Big ups to Kellye teasing Hawkeye behind the bar at Rosie’s in the most gender way possible

“Hawkeye, you’re really cute, and probably a wonderful dancer—” thanks, Scully

What does PDQ mean, Potter

Hawkeye is spelling “theremin” in Scrabble

With Radar leaving, Charles has probably taken the mantle of funniest character on this show per minute. He kills me. <3 His silly presh baby chatter, then segueing into “I talked to everyone in camp, which, by the way is a first for me—”

To everyone else they’re Class A’s, to Pierce they’re “Sunday go-to-court-martial clothes”

Uuuugh the loosened ties and unbuttoned cuffs of an off-duty Class A….

Are they using the Officer’s Club a lot more this season, or is this just me

Image set idea: every group shot where Hawkeye is half horizontal on some surface half asleep

Loretta Swit wins first actor on this show to feel for an elevated temperature correctly: back of the hand

Sometimes I wanna get at Alan Alda with Glossier ‘Boy Brow’ and just see what happens. I mean by all rights this man should have eyebrows

Wait, it’s MAXWELL Klinger. Maxwell Q! Quentin? Quincy? Quinn??

I like night in the camp when everything is quiet

Kind of appreciate that by this point putting Captain Pierce in charge is just routine. It’s only the third time but Potter’s like, it’ll be the charm. And then he’s right, it’s entirely uneventful.

I know I’ve cried at the last two episodes in a row and yet already can’t remember much of them. Truly this season is so odd.

The return of Alan Alda’s actual dad, and the emergence of Loretta Swit’s BIG HAIR. A lot to take in in one episode.

Oh and naturally EVERYONE’S FREEZING, ALANNN

That was his bROTHER????!?! Other Alda????!!

I mean we really need to bring the drag back because so far Klinger’s whole experience as the new company clerk has been essentially “god forbid women do anything”

At least Sidney’s here :)

I’m already so into the COLD & DREAMS episode and we haven’t even hit the DREAMS

AH HERE ARE THE DREAMS

Oh Klinger that’s brilliant. Warm up the blood against the bodies it wants to be back in.

The sense of spatial arrangement and time and perspective all so mutable…it’s really, really good. Most cinematic dreams are fantastical but overall too sequential—this nails that “and now this is happening” quality.

The bit where as Father Mulcahy nods off this soldier's words become nonsense?? So neat and so effectively rendered!!! Huge commendations to this actor’s seamless transition, god I loved the sensation of watching this.

Ohhhh this is not what I though Hawkeye’s nightmare would be like, and ho-ly shit

Very rare that you actually see someone in the real life swallow convulsively—5 narrative fiction points to Alan. No you know what: 7

Smitten with her deep voice. I have as the kids say, a crush.

“This is BJ, the doctor that put you back together, and this is Hawkeye, who uh, seems to be falling apart.” She’s so clever and so fun, hell yeah Mike.

WAIT “LET ME SHOW YOU MY ETCHINGS” HAS BEEN A JOKE SINCE AT LEAST 1980?? What is this from!!!!! I thought my theatrical design friends made this up in 2009!! Update: WOW! We’ve just all been making this same inside joke no one knows the origin of for over 100 years!!

I know I’ve had two hot toddies but all I want is to spend the night with Margaret and Aggie and just talk into the night while lotioning our arms, maybe flirt a little, who knows

Charles: “Klinger, as the poets would say: [lowers three inches] hubba hubba.” This episode is the most fun I’ve had all season.

Huh. Oh huh. It’s Hawkeye’s comment about how the war threw Aggie and Scottie together and now they care about each other, that cracks it for BJ. Now he can pin his feelings on the war. You gave him an out—both a way to reframe it and a tool to end it. I half-think you knew what you were doing, too.

“Everyone knows the civilian M.D.s pack away the dineros.” Excuse me?? Is ‘De Niro’ a homonym for money?? Is his name Bobby Money???? Update: Spanish for an old Roman coin. Incredible.

Just started chanting “Math! Math! Math!” through a mouthful of cake. Okay, average of 7 bowel resections a week, for 546 total = 78 weeks. Hawkeye has been there 1 and a half years. In Season 5, it was already 2 years. This has been: the Jeremy Bearimy Corner.

Potter: “Pierce, you’re like an unbroken colt, and all I can do is give you reign until you wear yourself out.” Help that’s astute.

Okay I still need to figure out what PDQ means, Sherm….. Oh hey it means “as quickly as possible,” but why...? PRETTY DAMNED QUICK ! Fuck this is going in my vocab immediately.

BJ grinning to himself at learning Hawkeye has squirreled a Jeep away somewhere as part of his “payment,” and receiving a warm conspiratorial grin in return, then later slyly stealing another Jeep for him—this is what I love.

Aaah yay they’re doing it again! Charles was eventually proven to be wrong and immediately starts apologizing and complimenting them and shaking their hands. This is very consistent!

Whaaaat we never shoot the tent from this angle??

Whaaahahahahaat is THIS ANGLE ALSO

Get your camera out from between his legs, this man is a father!!

Oh and in closing, the numbers on this season: - 3 episodes written & directed by Alan Alda - 2 episodes where they’re all so cold - Venn diagram is a completely contained circle

In the third one he wrote & directed Hawkeye still ends up under a blanket being doused in ice, and another he just directed someone else's script—and put everyone in jackets and turtlenecks. I still don’t know what this means, but by god it sure is important. To me.

— — —

Season Viewguides

These

#M*A*S*H #M*A*S*H hours #Misc. MASH #Tarra takes notes

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joeyjoeylee · 1 year

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When writing both sides of the law whose POV was more challenging to write through? do you have a favorite POV? You captured Beth and Rios voice so perfectly!! do you have any tips on how to put Brio in a completely different universe but still make it feel like it's them?

Anon, I love you, thank you! Both for the kind words and for the little thrill it always gives me to see the dot on the Tumblr.com Ask Box!!

Putting under a cut b/c, as always, brevity is not ya girl’s strength.

I found both POVs equally challenging for different reasons, and while writing each one, I would longingly think about how much easier the last one was and how much I looked forward to finishing the current one to get back to the other one.

Beth’s was easiest b/c superficially, I’m like Beth. White woman from American suburbia, same general age range, oldest daughter with wacky, irresponsible, beloved younger sibling that I had to parent from the moment of their birth? Check, check, and check. So it wasn’t hard to try to channel that POV, because Beth’s experiences were something I could relate to or imagine her reactions.

By the opposite token, Rio was therefore exponentially more difficult. A man, Latino-American, crime-adjacent, etc. – what do I know about all that other than from pop culture/reading others’ perspectives?

The “man” part being the first hurdle, because yes, I’ve read George R.R. Martin talking about how he as a man writes such disparate women characters (“You know, I’ve always considered women to be people.”) and that’s all well and good (are men people tho? Jury still out. Just kidding. Mostly.), but I also LIVE for the Men Writing Women Badly memes (“Her large gelatinous boobs hung calmly, penitently boobing boobliciously under her boob-framing shirt.”), and I was constantly worried I was doing the same thing in reverse, i.e., “is this actually how a [supposedly] normal hetero cis man thinks/acts? Seems sus….”

And then writing from the perspective of someone a different race/cultural background than my own? I know it’s no surprise that race/culture issues can be so fraught in America and deservedly so (of course elsewhere in the world too, just noting “in America” as that is my personal experience and the experience of the overwhelmingly American media/pop culture I consume), and I was very sure I didn’t have the skill or ability to convey any of that with sensitivity or nuance so tried to avoid it/not get too into it too much for fear of botching it badly or offending or writing something that came off as a straight caricature (example: I cut so much of Rio’s “family” scenes other than the Gretchen ones, etc.).

But then again Beth’s POV was harder for me b/c personality and temperament-wise, she is not me. I am the OG Gen X Slacker Stereotype (the Hufflepuff to Rio’s and Beth’s Slytherins, if you will, which is a good fit as I think about it b/c Hufflepuffs love Slytherins) and sometimes writing all Beth’s lists and research and BETH-ness was so exhausting I wanted to take a stress nap (Insert Fat Amy gif: “ENOUGH [WITH THE DAMN BINDERS, BETH] ENOUGH!”).

And then Rio was much easier b/c his “humor” for me was fun to channel b/c I see it as more like my own, as is what I viewed his approach to school and studying (get by on talking and reading quickly and retaining only what you need to know? Check!), and how his POV could just be long monologues of observing Beth and making fun of her rigidity (this was often-times just straight “JoeyLee dunking on Beth” and not “Rio the Character dunking on Beth” if that makes sense).

As far as tips for writing an AU, I don’t think I have any really good ones – again, I’m not the creative writer others are as shown by the fact that my “creative” attempt at an alternate universe was literally a universe I had actually personally experienced, aka law school – but for me, I tried to think of what I believed to be the core characteristics of the canon characters (understanding that this was MY read of them, and others’ mileage may and should vary):

· She is: intensely private, a Certified Leslie Knope-Level Steamroller, willful, dogged, often entitled, knows how to weaponize her privilege, blind to the things she doesn’t want to face/acknowledge, desperate for approval from outside sources she values (Rio, teachers/authority figures, Polite Society at Large), pragmatic, goofy sense of humor, and above all, will always prioritize “survival” over personal happiness;

· He is: family and business-oriented, charming, charismatic, ruthless, full of joie de vivre and able to see the humor in life, quick-witted, sarcastic, flashy in dress/accessories/material things, and capable of effortlessly slipping into different faces and masks to fit any situation;

· They both are: stubborn, ambitious, very emotional (her more inwardly, him more outwardly), petty, aware of what they look like physically and their effect on others (but often not their effect on each other), absolutely convinced at all times they are right, quick to lash out and go total NUCLEAR/SCORCHED EARTH when wounded or hurt, competitive, and obsessed with each other at all times, even when they supposedly dislike/hate the other.

So I told myself that even though I was writing an AU, they always had to be in personality like how they are in canon, otherwise I would just be writing original characters with the Beth/Rio names slapped on them (this is fine too, of course, but the whole point of fanfic for me is to read about the characters I love).

Then I tried to always write them acting and reacting like those characteristics above, even as they weren’t reacting as I would have and it made the writing harder (me thinking “FOR GOD’S SAKE, can you just HAVE A CONVERSATION for once and stop with this madness!”)

So my advice would be: for any alternate universe setting you can imagine, just think about what the characters’ core characteristics are for you. Then you have to write them always remaining true to those, no matter what different timeline or life experiences you’ve dreamed up (and that could even be half the fun – what would Beth’s life be like in an AU where she doesn’t have Annie as a younger sibling? Or didn’t meet Trashcan Dean too young? What must have happened that formed/shaped her into the same Canon-Beth Personality without those Canon-Beth Life Experiences?).

And final thought, I gotta say, the AUs I’ve read where that is done well (like I have read so many times in this fandom), well, for me, it’s like seeing the Multiverse – all my fave characters in so many different times and places, but still themselves, still them. Don’t get me wrong, I love a canon or canon-compliant fic super hard, and I understand why some readers just can never relate to an AU. But it makes me happy to find a new AU and pretend I’m Dr. Strange seeing another one of the million different universes where my faves are still existing and interacting in different forms. Possibilities = endless.

What’s your dream AU/head canon, Anon? Write me back so I can daydream about it too and break up this ridic work day!!

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animentality · 1 year

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Just saw Wakanda Forever.

I liked it a lot! First marvel movie I've seen in phase 4 beyond the joyless, effortless dreck that was Thor 4.

And I actually really enjoyed it.

Let's talk about it.

So first:

Story: 8/10

I enjoyed the story quite a bit. The pacing was much slower than any of the other frenetically ADHD Phase 4 Marvel stories, and I did enjoy the build up and tension. Not many quips and annoying one liners too. Just an emotionally deep, heavy melodrama with action thrown in here and there. The focus was on the characters and I really, really loved that.

But holy fuck. It was too long. We hit the 2 hour mark and I was like oh my god...there’s still 40 minutes...and those 40 minutes could’ve been sharper, cleaner. It lagged at several parts when it didn’t need to.

Martin Freeman and his wife were utterly pointless. Their scenes felt forced and strange and terribly uninteresting.

I don’t mind the over drama being how the world’s governments treat Wakanda...that was narratively cool and thematically solid, I just think Martin Freeman lacked the importance he had in the first movie, and so his entire role could’ve been cut or reduced.

He’s just exposition man, and the movie didn’t need the American government scenes. Not really. They didn’t have any impact on the main plot, really, anyway.

The main threat was Namor, and that was all we really needed.

So that’s the minus 2 deduction.

Action: 8/10

I loved the action of this movie because it felt meaningful, and character-focused, rather than just a CGI mess like say....Black Adam. There was real weight to the action, which is nice, since Thor 4 kind of destroyed my idea of Marvel as a decent action studio.

I enjoyed Wakandan tech, Shuri’s more technology based approach to fighting, and Okoye domination, as always. Less action than Black Panther, but where it existed, it was poignant, fun, had purpose, and felt fairly solid.

The only deduction comes from the fact that well. Some of the underwater action was meh. And I was a little underwhelmed by the climax. The fight on a Wakandan ship was...ehhh.

Still, Shuri vs. Namor was pretty damn cool.

Effects: 9/10

Solid! Thor 4 looked fucking awful. I was so worried they’d be fucking lazy.

But no.

This movie was gorgeous.

This movie had wonderful, real costumes with some amazing makeup, clothing designs, weapon designs, and integrated tech.

Great CGI that felt seamless and not horribly and lazily edited. Some wonderful cinematography and shots of both Wakanda and Atlantis. Er... Talokan.

The tech looks cool. The CGI suits and moving pieces weren’t too distracting, not unless you deliberately slow things down to analyze them, which I suspect some people will.

My only real complaint is that Talokan was so murky and dark that I had a hard time seeing the daily lives of Talokan’s people? We were supposed to see like, children and families and this ethereal underworld city that lives so different from us...

But I could barely see shit. Plus, it didn’t look natural? Everyone had this weird stiffness to how they were swimming...I didn’t believe they naturally belonged there. Everyone moved too spasmodically. Like they were in a pool and the director was making them act like they’re ok when they’re actually about to run out of oxygen?

They might’ve known that, cuz we didn’t linger on the city for too long.

It wasn’t like super horrible, it was just awkward. So 1 point demerit.

Wakanda looked fantastic. Even when under attack.

So here’s the meat of this review:

Characters 7/10:

Shuri 10/10: I loved the exploration of Shuri's grief and her arc of becoming the Black Panther. That was beautifully done, solid thematically, narratively suitable due to the unfortunate passing of Chadwick Boseman. It felt natural and respectful.

Shuri's relationship with Namor was thoughtful and deep and I liked how it was resolved. I'll admit I did want her to murder him for a brief moment just cuz I'm a gremlin like that, but it was nice for her to sit back and say well I'm a queen now. This isn't just between you and me. I don't want to bring our kingdoms against one another.

That was nice. It didn't feel as cheap as a marvel movie normally would do it, like, have Shuri make some dumb speech about how revenge is simply bad all the time.

It was more practical. A little less personal.

And it made sense for Shuri! She’s not this angry, passionate warrior.

She’s a scientist. A voice of reason.

Less mystical. Less honor bound, and more pragmatic and wise.

I always liked how Shuri was the character that represented Wakanda’s tech too.

Like Wakanda is this larger than life Afro-futuristic paradise where various African cultures from the real world are displayed...but also, it’s high tech.

So how do you negotiate between the highly technical and fantastic elements, with the more realistic, more grounded historical roots?

Shuri is the answer.

You have the traditional T’Challa. And then you have his more youthful and irreverent sister, who’s a scientist and a genius, who’s not just up to date with technology, but far ahead most of the world.

It makes sense, and having Shuri have to explore how that will affect her rule as the Queen...I liked that a lot.

I liked that she fought Namor hand to hand...and lost horribly, until she used her ship and her other tech to weaken him.

It made sense for her.

And again, the story of her grief and losing both her brother and mother...deciding that she would still reject revenge and embrace her new role as a leader...it was well done.

I loved Shuri here.

I hope her actress has given up on her anti vaxx weirdness from a while back!

Now...

That being said...

Namor 5/10: Didn't really like him. He felt a little underdeveloped. He had this hatred of colonists like Killmonger, but he lacked the emotional connection and development that Killmonger had.

We just didn't see his personal story enough. It didn't feel justified enough, since we only saw a few scenes of his mother, and only one scene about the horrors of the surface....

Plus we've already seen that anyway. It was a copy paste of the idea that here's an oppressed people who wanna get back at the rest of the world.

Not saying colonialism isn't bad or anything but in this particular narrative, you are just copy pasting a new anti genocide...genocidal maniac.

Plus his stupid wing feet had me rolling my eyes the entire time. He just didn't feel that intimidating. We didn't see much of his abilities in the water other than that he's very fast and he re powers through water.

Kind of not very memorable in terms of weapons either...man’s hot but he’s basically just a dude in a swim suit.

His necklaces/collar were interesting and his later re design was fine, but....I don’t know.

His aesthetic was fine, but his character narrative was weak to me.

And like I said, I was just laughing at his dumb little wing feet.

Yeah they give him the power of flight, so what? There are a lot of characters who can fly without looking silly.

Also again, not enough underwater stuff to really make him pop out as a credible villain.

He might as well have just been a flying villain.

I don’t mind the resolution they reached, though, so.

Okoye 4/10:

Listen. Okoye was very funny and I do love her. But she kind of...was just there for the first part, and then she got fired...and then Shuri just re-hired her again by the end part. Not nearly as complex as the first film.

I liked that they touched on Angela Bassett being annoyed still over that whole, siding with Killmonger shit.

But her character didn’t grow or change or do a whole lot, even as a civilian...

She didn’t even fix her mistake of letting Shuri get kidnapped. Nakia did that...

And speaking of Nakia...

Nakia 5/10:

I really feel like they didn’t know what to do with Nakia...she did save Shuri and the Scientist Girl at one point, but she didn’t do much for the whole rest of the movie, besides Be There.

I feel like they dropped the ball on this one.

And the ending credit scene, where she has T’Challa’s son...it’s sweet and all, but I can’t help but feel like it reduces her role to being a mom who’s off screen.

We didn’t see enough of her involvement with the main plot.

She was some emotional support for Shuri, but...she wasn’t impactful other than that. Kind of sad, I liked her a lot in the original, since she and T’Challa had these conflicting viewpoints about how Wakanda should be involved in the world...

But here, well. Now that the world knows of Wakanda...she just has no purpose or role.

She didn’t really have any good fight scenes either. Most of her work was ensemble. Mixed in with other randoms.

They did my girl dirty....but damn, she was gorgeous this movie...

M’Baku 11/10:

No notes. He’s perfect.

He’s hilarious, he’s emotional support. He and Shuri were so fucking cute.

No notes.

Queen Ramonda 11/10:

Angela Bassett carried this movie on her back. Truly phenomenal performance.

Wonderful beginning and end to her glorious character.

I am mad that they killed her, but...also, it was fitting enough, since Shuri becoming the next Queen AND the Black Panther was neat.

But damn, I am a little mad.

Ironheart 5/10:

I didn’t hate this character, but...she was like...barely present. She was important initially, but then she just got under water shafted for a long time...then she came back to help Shuri do some background work....then she was in the final battle.

And that was kind of it.

I didn’t care for her suit, and didn’t feel like her character had enough significance to Shuri or the main plot.

She was a genius tech expert, but helping Shuri design the anti Namor ship was something any character could’ve done, that’s how background it felt.

I didn’t think she had enough of a fleshed out backstory either.

She didn’t have an arc, plus I wish she and Shuri had bonded more over their scientific genius. Their friendship came across to me like...I guess they like each other.

We needed more of them finishing each other’s sentences or geeking out over their shared technical prowess.

We only really got a scene in the beginning and the very end.

not enough meat and potatoes.

And that Ironman suit was dopey looking.

So all in all...

8/10.

Yeah.

Solid, really good, way better than anything else in Phase 4....

Chadwick Boseman’s scenes had me tearing up or openly weeping....

A touching tribute to him, as well as the character.

The runtime needed to be reduced, however, and the plot dragged in several places.

Plus, Namor could’ve been more interesting. Beefed up.

Narratively, of course. His actor was pure beef.

Overall, I really liked it, though.

I’ve only seen 2 Marvel Phase 4 movies, and I’ll say.

Wakanda Forever deserved to be better than Thor 4, and it was.

Rest in peace, Chadwick.

You’re a legend.

#black panther #wakanda forever #wakanda forever spoilers #chadwick boseman #shuri

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twiststreet · 1 year

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I’m about a volume and a half into this manga Kowloon Generic Romance, after Jeff Lester mentioned it yesterday over here, and it’s like my favorite thing in a long, long while. I really am kind of excited about it-- it’s a very Citypop-y slice of life/romance comic, which gradually starts to have vibes of other genres as it proceeds (I’m not sure which though because it hasn’t fully played its hand yet, magical realism or science fiction or what). It’s sort of about Kowloon Walled City, but kind of not because it doesn’t entirely make sense. It’s pretty horny! It’s a horny comic-- I think one chapter kind of strays into “this is maybe too horny for me, Japan” territory, but it’s mostly horny in a sweet, earned, romance-y way-- I think it’s descibed as seinen, which means it’s for 18+ men, but I believe the author is a woman. (I probably don’t read enough of that stuff, mostly sticking to Shonen on account of the economics, but).

It’s just got an excellent rhythm to it, though-- the pacing; the breath of the pages. I really like the rhythm-- I don’t know how to explain that, but. Or... It took me a long time to realize, because I’m a dumb guy, but I always get really excited by a certain kind of swooning-- Maggie Gyllenhaal in the party scene in Olivier Assayas’s short film Quartier des Enfants Rouges, a lot of Chungking Express; I think I mentioned the other day, how the kiss from A Girl Walks Home at Night is the only part I really remember; the Rolling Stones scene in Martin Scorsese’s Life Lessons-- that’s one of my very favorite-st things he ever did; heck, Julia Roberts walking through the casino at the very end of Ocean’s Eleven, I think that’s a top 5 part of that movie. The comic is a LOT of that, and when it’s not that, and it’s more of a genre story, it seems like it’s building a pretty fun one, mostly.

(I’m a little nervous that it’s ongoing as of the present-- manga can overstay its welcome, but so far so good). Anyways: for fans of vibes-- the vibes are pretty good on this one and I just really like the storytelling. It’s kind of a comic that makes you want to dig out the pens from your drawers, not because of the drawings, as much as just the sequencing, you know? You know: there’s story, but then there’s storytelling and I guess I’m just really excited it about it for the latter. (With the caveat that I mostly read manga for tiny children so it could be the refreshing novelty on my brain of just being around a more adult-oriented approach after years now of 11-year-old-boy fight comics I’ve made a nest out of...). Here’s an interview with the author.

#worst hobby or worstest hobby?#manga

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astrovian · 1 year

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I'm not on Twitter but sometimes I see people on here posting about what fans are like on there and it makes me glad I'm not on Twitter. Are they really that messy or do I just happen to hear the outliers?

I mean, in all fairness to twitter, I think it really depends on who you're following - like all social media, you can easily end up in an echo chamber of awfulness if you follow the wrong people or you can have a ball of a time if you follow the right ones

I say this not in a negative way as well, but in my experience (I think it's important to emphasise I'm a 26 year old at this point) the twitter crowd tends to be divided more into two camps:

the slightly older-crowd of RA well-wishers - generally people who have followed him since the very early days of his career (e.g. BBC Robin Hood/North & South) but as the result of being older & wiser than myself therefore also have a tinge more of a boomer-esque approach to social media - absolutely lovely to follow and see their posts but also just not the sort of people that I feel comfortable unleashing my true chaotic self on/feelings to

the random outliers who are small in number but very creepy and vocal. generally you can tell they really joined on during the hobbit (which is not necessarily a bad thing; I first saw RA in the hobbit!) but are the sort of people who, for instance, at the very least low-key shipped RA & Martin Freeman together at the time. or RA & Lee Pace. you know the sort - the kind who basically still only think of RA as Thorin 😐 we don't talk about them because it makes me WILDLY uncomfortable

(if anyone wants any lovely RA twitter people hit me up btw)

obviously not EVERYONE on twitter falls into these two camps lmao but that's the sort of overall general vibe twitter falls into imo

there are always outliers on any social media site but for me the difference is that RA isn't actually on tumblr (and I know some people think it's naive, but I also pray that tumblr either isn't on his radar or he never looks here). I think when people have the capacity to contact him directly on a site it drastically increases the odds of people being dicks and creeps (to both him & others)

to me, y'all on tumblr are an ageless & faceless void so I feel more comfortable unleashing myself fully on you

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jakeh2987 · 4 months

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A Look Back at the Things We Loved in 2023

2023, in many ways, was an incredibly challenging year, whether it be because of many things going on the world or just on a personal level, but there were a lot of things that kept us going throughout all of that. There was so much in terms of various entertainment throughout the year, and I wanted to take some time to talk about it all. But, thinking about it, I felt like I couldn’t do it alone. I immediately knew I had to call in my old friend Bradley (go follow him over at @thisaintascenereviews, he posts all kinds of music reviews and will be putting out a companion piece to this soon) ; we had recently reconnected earlier this year, but we used to write about music together a lot, so it was only fitting I ask him to be a part of this. When he and I talked about coming together to write this, we circled around the idea of really wanting to celebrate the things that brought us joy. Before we get to the heart of this with our music lists, we wanted to take a quick look back at the rest of entertainment and share a few of our personal highlights in movies, TV shows, video games, books, or anything that comes to mind, really!

So, Bradley, I wanted to ask, before we get into specifics, is there any sort of recurring theme or vibe or energy that you found yourself gravitating towards this year? I think for me, a lot of the stuff I loved most this year was really resonant because it tackled a lot of trauma and personal struggles and what happens when you try to get to the other side of that. I also found myself falling back on a lot of old favorites, things I knew would be comforting and safe in what was often a chaotic and uncertain year.

First and foremost, thanks for having me here, Jake! When you approached me to collaborate on this, I was immediately on board, especially because last year was the first time I did a proper yearend list in a few years. I had a yearend list for 2021 as well, but I didn’t listen to a lot of new releases that year, as I only really got into new stuff in the last few months of the year. Last year, however, I took my time and really spent my time with a lot of albums and artists, but I digress. I guess what I’m trying to say is that things feel different this year, but in a very good way, so thanks again for bringing me on board. It feels like old times, so I couldn’t be excited to be doing this.

This year has been a challenging one, you can say that again, both in terms of what’s happening in the world at large, or personally, but one thing that’s always been there has been various forms of art and media to keep us entertained and comforted in these uncertain and challenging times. As for what kind of stuff that I’ve loved and gravitated to, I think it was a mix of stuff that resonated with me, whether it was IPs or albums that tackled and commentated on real world politics or dealt with personal struggles, and things that just were having fun. The last few years have been so stressful, dour, and downtrodden, I just wanted to have fun. I did last year, too, as a lot of my favorite albums from last year were things that let loose and had fun, but this year was more so a mix of catchy, fun, and energetic stuff, and poignant and personal, ultimately having something important to say.

I know we’re going into 2023 releases, but before we dive into that, did you find anything that was, for the lack of a better phrase, “new to you”? Over the last couple of years, I ended up going back to a lot of favorites, especially when the pandemic first hit, and I’ve been doing that this year, too, but I also found some new stuff, whether it was games, music, movies, or TV that isn’t new, but I spent a lot of time this year getting really into. A few prime examples were diving into the Mafia game franchise, as well as watching the show Justified for the first time this year, and really getting into artists like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, and that doesn’t even scratch the surface in comparison to other stuff I got into, let alone the new stuff I got into this year, but whenever I had a lull in new releases, I’d revisit some old favorites, especially a few bands on my yearend list, and some stuff that’s related to some of my favorite TV shows and movies, too. What about you? Did you find anything that was ��new to you,” that you hadn’t checked out before, regardless of what it was?

I actually have something that I’m in the middle of watching right now that perfectly fits this, that being Law and Order: SVU. That show’s been around since 1999 (and is still airing currently, believe it or not), and I started making my way through it from the very beginning over the last couple years, but 2023 was the year I really went all in on it. There’s something comforting, despite the heavy subject matter, about watching the bad guys get caught, and even if a particular episode isn’t especially interesting, being with the core group of characters is always a good time. I think it comes back around to having that catharsis and certainty that things were gonna be okay by the end of an episode in a year that often wasn’t. Another big one for me this year was the early 2000s teen drama series The O.C. It was four seasons of ridiculous, silly nonsense, but honestly, it was just what I needed. I watched a couple episodes a week in a Discord call with some friends throughout the year, and that was such a fun experience (I’m doing that right now with another show in a similar vein, One Tree Hill, with another friend). You put it really well, while I will always resonate most with stories and music that cuts deep to my personal experiences and is reflective of the world around us, sometimes you just wanna have fun, and The O.C. was perfect for that. When it comes to gaming specifically, I wanted to highlight a few things I really loved that came out this year. This year had so many incredible games come out, and there were a lot of different releases for a lot of different genres, so everyone had something they could resonate with, I feel. For me, I wanted to highlight a few that really hit home for a variety of reasons. For starters, this was a great year for horror games, and we got two really incredible remakes of genre-defining classics in Dead Space and Resident Evil 4. What both of these did really well is take the essence of what worked so well in the original games and bring it up to modern standards, whether it be Dead Space making the entire environment seamlessly explorable versus being restricted by loading screens and cornered-off sections, or RE4 getting a combat overhaul that brought it up to some of the best third-person, action horror combat you’ll ever play. It’s almost as if these games play now the way you always remembered it feeling while still being new experiences. This year also saw the release of two of the most fun but also emotionally resonant action/adventure games I’ve played in a long time, those being Star Wars Jedi: Survivor and Final Fantasy XVI. These two games really hit on that theme of going through something deeply traumatic and the aftermath of that, and they both had really fun gameplay to back it up.

But, my biggest highlight, and my personal favorite game of 2023, is easily Alan Wake 2. This game is one of the most unique pieces of media, period, that I’ve ever experienced. The way the dev team at Remedy was able to seamlessly interweave live-action footage into gameplay and story cutscenes is really cool, and it’s also a game that’s not afraid to commit to its really weird and abstract ideas. It’s also just a damn good survival horror game in its own right. So really, Alan Wake 2 was a perfect blend of unabashed creativity, and I’ll be thinking about it for years to come. I know you’re not as big of a gamer, but you do still play some things! You mentioned Mafia, but is there anything else you played this year that stuck out, from 2023 or otherwise?

Law & Order: SVU, huh? I used to watch that back maybe a decade ago when the USA Network would show reruns (back when those were a thing, anyway) of that and NCIS. Law & Order is a very successful and long running franchise, and the cool thing about a show like that is, since you have 20+ years of episodes to get into, you’ll be on it for awhile (although that could be a bad thing, too, just because there is a lot to get through). I felt the same way when watching Justified, although that show is less about the bad guy of the week and more so about a season long arc, but it was satisfying to watch the main character get the bad guys, and things would be momentarily okay. Sure, that’s not how life works, but like you said, for a year where a lot wasn’t okay, having that catharsis helps.

The OC is a good example of what I meant with having fun this year, although with sinking my teeth into hard hitting and poignant stuff, and in fact, I have something similar — I spent a lot of this year revisiting The Muppets, whether it was most of the movies, the 2015 sho, or the original Muppet Show, and that was a good time, because The Muppets are an American institution at this point that knowingly provide solace, fun, and a good time away from the bad things that are happening. I realized the last couple years, and I’ll talk about this more later, but not everything needs to be super deep, poignant, or meaningful. You can just have fun, escape, and lose yourself for a bit, regardless of what you’re diving into.

Switching gears, however, I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a “gamer,” but I do enjoy playing a lot of stuff. I haven’t really played anything from this year, per se, but I’ve gotten into a lot of stuff. I never played Dead Space, or RE 4, but I have played a good amount of horror games this year, namely the Dark Pictures Anthology, as well as The Quarry. Those games provided some of the best horror stories I’ve seen in awhile, even if the gameplay itself wasn’t always as interactive or interesting as other games.

I wish I had a PS5, so I could play the new Jedi Survivor game, as well as something like Spider-Man 2, but aside from the Dark Picture Anthology that I really got into this year, as well as getting into the first couple of Mafia games, a couple of games that really stuck out were playing God Of War: Ragnarok around this time last year (and the beginning of this year) after getting it for Christmas, and that is the sequel to the last one that I really wanted. It’s one of the best games I’ve ever played; not only was the combat still just as good, and even more interesting this time around, the story was excellent (really going more into the Norse aspect than the first game), and the relationship between Kratos and Atreus was more fleshed out and ultimately very emotional and compelling. That ending, too, really got me excited for another one. Another really cool game I played this year for the first time was The Wolf Among Us, which is a game from about a decade ago made by Telltale Games that adapted an obscure DC series that is kind of a gritty look at the classic fairytale characters and it’s a choose your own adventure game, but that was a really fun experience.

I’ve played a bunch of other stuff, as I’ve downloaded a lot of the monthly games on PlayStation Plus, but those are a handful of games I’ve played this year that really stuck out. I wish I could have gotten more stuff from this year, but I’ve played a lot of stuff that was new to me, and that’s the most important thing, I think. With that said, do you want to talk about our favorite movies and TV shows from this year? I know I’ve got a few, but I’m sure you got a bunch of stuff, too, so I’d love to discuss that before we get into the meat of everything.

There’s one main thing I wanted to highlight when it comes to TV and movies, and that’s The Last of Us on HBO. If you’ve known me for any amount of time since its original release in 2013, you know that The Last of Us is easily my favorite game of all time. So, when I heard there was a TV adaptation being made, I went through the range of emotions I imagine a lot of fans did, from being initially skeptical of an adaptation in the first place, to being more open to the idea whenever we learned who the creative team and cast would be, to being excited once we started seeing footage in trailers. I don’t think I was ready for just how great this show would be, however. Firstly, Pedro Pascal and Bella Ramsey as Joel and Ellie were really wonderful; they took what Troy Baker and Ashley Johnson did in the games and struck a good balance between paying homage to them and also adding their own layers to the characters. I also really love that the creative team was willing to take risks and do different things that played out very differently in the game (episode 3, without spoiling anything, is one of my very favorite things I’ve watched this year, and that doesn’t happen if you’re restricted to just recreating the game 1:1). And with HBO behind it, the team went all out on making all the sets and environments really feel like they were almost ripped right out of some Naughty Dog development concept art. I really couldn’t have been happier with this first season, and I have all the confidence in the world that they'll continue to nail it as they go into adapting The Last of Us Part II in future seasons.

I do also wanna briefly mention Ahsoka, the new Star Wars series from this year. It was essentially a live-action fifth season of the animated show Rebels, but I had a great time with that. And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Barbie. I mean, come on, Ryan Gosling as Ken singing Push by Matchbox Twenty as some kind of empowerment anthem, how can you not love that??

How about you, though? What really stood out to you from the world of TV and movies this year?

You know, I never watched that, or haven’t played any of the games, but that’s something I’m going to rectify next year. I know how much you love those games, and that’s cool that we got a show out of it, let alone being so critically acclaimed.

In terms of TV and movies, I had a few things stick out, including Ahsoka. I’m kind of burnt out on Star Wars nowadays, but with Ahsoka, I enjoyed that show quite a lot, although it’s one of those shows that if you haven’t seen Rebels (or Clone Wars, for that matter), you won’t either get it or care, and I do hate that media, especially huge IPs, has become a web of needing to watch shows and movies to understand new stuff, instead of also being its own thing. Ahsoka ended up being a good surprise, though, especially after Obi-Wan being ultimately fine, but very predictable.

Speaking of IPs with a lot of material, Marvel is worth talking about a bit. I watched everything Marvel put out this year, except for The Marvels, and only a couple of things stuck out this year, which were Guardians Of The Galaxy 3, and Loki season 2. The former is ultimately a send off for the titular characters, but without spoiling much, it was a good time that was also rather compelling and emotional. Loki’s second season was a masterclass on how you execute the “multiverse,” and how you make it interesting, since every IP is trying to make their own multiverse now. Kind of a shame that Marvel dropped Jonathan Majors as Kang (although it was for a very understandable reason), because despite his performance in the new Antman film being solid, that movie wasn’t particularly amazing, but he did great as Victor Timely in Loki, so I’m a little bummed that we won’t know what happens to Kang, unless the character is recast. I also wanted to briefly mention a few more shows — The Muppets Mayhem on Disney+, which unfortunately got canceled, but was a great romp that focused on the in-house band for the Muppets making their debut album after 50 years of touring, and the new season / spin-off of Justified that brought the main character back for one more grand story that sent off the show and the character with a lot of grace. The last show I wanted to mention is the Netflix show The Fall Of The House Of Usher from Mike Flanagan, and if you’ve seen any of his other work, it’s very similar, but as a fan of Edgar Allan Poe, he does his work justice.

Barbie is another movie worth mentioning, and it’s one of the most unexpected successes of the year, as no one thought a movie about a doll from 60 years ago would be as great as it was, but Ryan Gosling using Matchbox Twenty to express his feelings was a bunch of fun. I never saw Oppenheimer, but Barbenheimer was probably the biggest media event of the year. I didn’t see too many movies, at least new movies, but Killers Of The Flower Moon is my favorite movie of the year. A three and a half hour epic about the 1920s Osage murders in Oklahoma, it’s a compelling crime drama that showcases a very uncomfortable and awful truth in our nation’s history. I did also see the new Indiana Jones when it came out this year, and despite the movie getting torn apart in its release, something about seeing Indy again in one last romp was a lot of fun.

I guess it’s time to talk about the elephant in the room — our favorite records of the year, but where do we begin? There was so much music this year, but I suppose we can talk about our overall impressions with music this year, so what are your general thoughts and impressions with music this year? Did you gravitate towards one or two genres, or was your radar all over the place?

When I look back on this year in music, one of the main things I see recurring throughout my favorite albums and songs is the idea of coming back home to old favorites. So many bands and artists I love or am nostalgic for put out new material this year after hiatuses, fan-favorite members returning, or maybe not being at their best in recent years. I admittedly didn’t listen to as much that was new to me, but as the year went on, I grew to be okay with that! I’ve spent so many years chasing the next new and exciting thing to listen to, and while that’s great and led to so much music that I love dearly, I spent a lot of this year letting go of that need to discover the next new thing, and instead I just listened to things I knew I would find comfort in. That’s not to say I didn’t make any new discoveries at all, but it felt really nice to just kick back and enjoy the ride, so to speak. How about you, Bradley? In the over ten years that I’ve known you, your taste in music has evolved so much, so I’m really curious to hear what really sticks out to you about this year.

You know, Jake, that’s one thing from this year that I can say was a recurring theme, too — a lot of old favorites, including my two favorite bands period, dropped new albums after years in between albums, and it was nice to have those bands back, especially with some of those bands leaving a sour taste in peoples’ mouths with their last albums. I certainly did listen to some stuff that was relatively new to me, although it wasn’t from this year, and a lot of what came out this year that I love are from artists and bands I already enjoy. Sure, there are some that are first timers on the list, or that I’m just listening to for the first time, but there is a sense of comfort in revisiting your old favorites, or listening to new albums from your favorite artists. I was on the lookout for new stuff, but I wasn’t in a state of mind that I needed to listen to obscure and random stuff, and it was refreshing just to look for stuff, versus feeling like I needed to sink my teeth into everything that was in the zeitgeist.

I had a couple of other recurring themes this year, aside from also revisiting a lot of old favorites, or getting back into artists I haven’t listened to in awhile, and the biggest one for me is that I haven’t really listened to a lot of “heavier” music this year. I’ve been a fan of hardcore and metal for years, almost a decade now, and aside from a few pretty popular acts and a couple of more obscure ones, my list isn’t very heavy, but it’s interesting because it’s not that metal and hardcore have had a bad year. It’s been great, actually, but not a whole lot of it has resonated with me, I guess, and that’s okay. I still enjoy a lot of heavy music, but I’ve really expanded my horizons even more so this year. I’ve also really gotten into a lot of country and folk this year, two genres I’ve had mixed feelings on in the past, but I finally dive headfirst and really found a lot to love. I wouldn’t say my favorite albums are any one specific genre, but there are a few that show up repeatedly on my personal list, and out of my favorite albums of this year, and country is one them, surprisingly. Are there any genres that you found yourself listening to a lot, or any genres in particular from your favorite albums of the year?

Genre-wise, my favorite music this year is pretty all over the place, and I think that speaks to just how varied a lot of what I listened to was. Last year, I definitely found myself leaning towards a bit of a heavier, hard rock/alt metal sound, and the years before that was a lot of pop-punk and adjacent genres. Going back to the idea of letting go of any preconceived notions, I was able to just listen to whatever felt good in the moment, and that led to a lot more variety in what I heard, and that’s really exciting! When you see my list, you’ll of course notice that I do have certain sounds that I might resonate with a little more than others, but overall, I think this is the most variety in one of these lists I’ve maybe ever had. Okay, so I think we’ve done enough buildup to this thing, haven’t we? I say we kick things off with our honorable mentions! I actually only have one entry for this, and that’s alternative pop/folk artist Noah Kahan’s Stick Season (We’ll All Be Here Forever), the deluxe edition of his breakout album that dropped earlier this year. Since this is technically a re-release of an album that came out last year, I didn’t put it on the list proper, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t give it some form of love because of how much of an impact it had on me this year. Huge shoutout to my friend Claire; she was always talking about Noah Kahan and saying I should listen to Stick Season, and one day early this year, I finally did. Very quickly, this album became a source of comfort for me, and I’ve had it in heavy rotation ever since. There’s just something warm and inviting about these songs and how Kahan tells stories through his lyrics. Plus, getting to share that with a friend made it even better, so it just really meant a lot for me to have something like this throughout the year.

From talking to you about making this piece, I know you have some fun things to mention even in just the honorable mentions, so whatcha got?

I can say the same thing, that this year is pretty all over the place, genre-wise. There’s a lot of great stuff that came out, and not just in any specific genre, but quite a bit. It’s exciting how much great music is out there, and how much came out this year. Of course, we all have sounds and genres that we resonate with and gravitate to more, but there’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Noah Kahan is a really solid artist, and it’s been great seeing his blow-up this year. He’s sorta bringing that 00s indie-folk sound back, although in certain corners, it never quite went away, but it’s great. I’ve listened to Stick Season myself, and it’s a solid little record, especially for that type of sound. As for myself, I got about fifteen honorable mentions (I wanted to keep it between five and ten, but this year was so packed with great albums, it was hard to keep it so short). I was only going to highlight a few here, but I think I’ll briefly list each record, because all of these albums are worth hearing, but let me know if any of these were on your list, or stick out to you, Jake.

I wanted to start off with a few metal albums, because metal did have a good year, but only a few metal albums stuck out to me. Native-American black metal band Blackbraid and their sophomore album, Blackbraid II, was a great surprise, expanding on their idea of taking melodic black metal and combining it with indigenous music and lyricism about nature, and the band Wayfarer, with their new album American Gothic, takes black metal and combines it with country, folk, and Appalachian music and lyrics about the Old West to make for a very unique experience that I’d call “Cowboy metal.” Death metal stalwarts Cannibal Corpse also put out a new album, Chaos Horrific, and I put this here because while it doesn’t really reinvent the wheel, these guys are an institution at this point and they’re always reliable to give you a solid record. The only real surprise I had in terms of metal was the new Thy Art Is Murder record, Godlike; aside from the controversy around this album, which I won’t talk about, the band sounds revitalized and their brand of deathcore isn’t anything special, but it hits hard here.

I did enjoy a few post-hardcore records, too, and a couple of them are records / bands you put me on. Caskets’ Reflections, Wind Walkers’ What If I Break, and Archetypes Collide’s self-titled are bands in the “pop and R&B meets post-hardcore” vein, and they’re nothing special, either, but they execute that sound so well. Spiritbox also dropped a new EP, The Fear Of Fear, and that’s why it’s not on the list proper. I didn’t feel like putting a single EP on the list, but it’s a great record that showcases their strengths. Guitarist Nita Strauss put out a really cool album called The Call Of The Void that brings together a lot of who’s who in hard-rock and metalcore, and it was a fun little romp with some good tunes.

Aside from hard-rock and metal, I had a lot of fun with other styles of music, especially catchier music. This year had a bit of a theme where alternative bands, either bands that have been around for a long time, or just put out a debut album, released an alt-rock album with an 80s sheen. Bands like Honey Revenge and their debut Retrovision, Broadside’s Hotel Bleu, and Boys Like Girls’ comeback album, Sundays At Foxwoods are in that vein, but they’re so fun and catchy. The last few albums I really wanted to highlight are one of their kinds, really, but they really resonated with me — The Muppets Mayhem show also included a soundtrack from The Electric Mayhem, which was really fun. I didn’t listen to a lot of hip-hop this year, but Aesop Rock put out Integrated Tech Solutions, a really fun, catchy, and witty look at how technology affects people and the lack thereof. My last album is a late addition, but the new Spencer Sutherland album, In His Mania, is a really solid and timeless-sounding pop album I found this past week, and I just had to include it, because his voice is so good.

Okay, let’s take a breath and regroup, because that was a lot, but what were your favorite albums this year? Were any of the ones I talked about on your list? I’m real curious to see how our lists overlap, but I’m also excited to see how different they are, too.

I have a pretty definitive number one, and I’ll save that for last, of course, but my top ten can be broken up into a couple different groups with similar sounds and moods, so let’s get started with that! First, I have what I’ll affectionately called the “sadboi hours” albums, and these are albums that hit you hard emotionally. This Wild Life’s Never Fade and City & Colour’s The Love Still Held Me Near have a very chill, almost serene sound, and that allows all the focus to be on the vocals and lyrics, and they both do very well with that sound. It’s nothing necessarily super different than what these artists have done before, but they both do it really well, and it hits me just right if I’m having a rough go of it and just need to be in my feelings . My next category of sorts would be albums that were just super fun listens from start to finish First, Broadside continued to carve out their own lane in the pop-punk scene by leaning into their pop sensibilities on Hotel Bleu, and Olllie Baxter’s voice is just endlessly enjoyable to listen to. Next up, there’s Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness’ Tilt At The World No More, a breezy indie-pop ride that continues McMahon’s signature self-reflective songwriting and piano tunes. In a sort of similar vein, Citizen’s Calling The Dogs, while I admittedly didn’t like it quite as much as their previous album, is a quick burst of indie-rock jams that you can’t help but dance along to. Next up, I wanna shout out Casket’s Reflections and Beartooth’s The Surface, two albums that fall into the hard-rock/alt metal category. Caskets just does this sound really solidly, and they’re anchored by an utterly killer vocalist in Matt Flood. You’ll get a good mix of catchy hooks, emotionally-charged lyrics, and a lot of damn solid music to back it all up. A lot of the same could be said about Beartooth; Caleb Shomo has morphed into one of the best frontmen in the scene, the hooks are incredibly catchy, and the lyrics are hard-hitting and emotional, but I think what sets The Surface apart from the others is Shomo’s focus on self-love and positivity. Shomo’s made it no secret that he didn’t wanna write about super dark things with this album, as he was undergoing a life change and it would be disingenuous to do so just because it was the expected thing for the band. It really shines through, and it makes The Surface easily Beartooth’s best album. Before we get to my final three albums, I wanna turn it back over to you; what are some of the albums in your top ten that especially resonated with you?

I don’t want to spoil my top three, so I can think we can save those for last, but I can say the same about my top ten having some minor themes to it, although there are a handful of outliers, too. I think I’ll dive into those first, because they don’t adhere to a theme, but since you mentioned Broadside and Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness (whose new album was quite good, by the way), another album in the “alt-rock / pop-punk band making catchy, fun, and 80s-influenced stuff” is The Maine’s self-titled. That was a bit of a theme for me this year, but I wanted to include my favorite of that bunch in my top ten, and that’s the one that really worked for me. Citizen’s new album, while not on any of my lists at all, was still a really good album that might have been a slight step down, but still offered something different. The same thing that I said about The Maine’s S/T also goes for the handful of alt-metal and post-hardcore albums with pop sensibility that I talked about. That’s where The Surface by Beartooth comes in; I certainly agree that it’s their best album, and it really takes their catchy sensibilities to the next level. Caskets’ Reflections was great, too, but Beartooth’s latest just hit so hard. Its lyrics and main thesis statement from Caleb Shomo were part of that, too. I really appreciated his optimism this time around, and it made for a very liberating album.

I do have a couple more albums, outside of my top three that resonated with me, and one theme that I’ll touch on with my top three is the idea of some of my all time favorite bands coming back after a lengthy hiatus, or just surprisingly releasing a new album, and Paramore is the one band from the bottom half of my list to do with that This Is Why. While not my favorite Paramore record, the stuff that’s really good on here is just that — a masterclass in post-punk. But another major theme I touched on earlier was country music dominating my list this year. Albums from a lot of lesser artists known in the mainstream but very big in the underground dropped some killer albums, such as Colter Wall’s Little Songs, Tyler Childers’ Rustin’ In The Rain (which is nominated for a couple of Grammy’s), and Jason Isbell & The 400 Unit’s Weathervanes. The latter album is one of the most poignant, emotionally compelling, and best performed albums of the year.

I did have one more album in my top ten that doesn’t fit a theme, and I almost felt as though I was cheating with it, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to include it. This is gonna be a shock to most people, maybe yourself, too, but Seth MacFarlane and Liz Gillies (of both of Family Guy and Victorious fame, respectively) teamed up for a jazz / Christmas album in the form of We Wish You The Merriest. If you enjoy jazz music, and/or Christmas music, this may as well be a new album on the yearly rotation, because it will be for me. Sure, it’s a Christmas record, but there’s something about this album that really resonated with me, whether it was their vocal chemistry or the way they handled these classic (and exclusively secular) Christmas songs. This record is very fun, festive, and catchy, and if you want a good modern Christmas album, it doesn’t get any better than this.

With all of that said, let’s talk about our top three, and I feel like I know what one of ours will be, since it hasn't been mentioned yet (yet people who know either one of us know what one of our favorite bands is), but what are your top three albums of the year? These are the best of the best, even among the top ten, so what do you got?

I feel like I know which album that will be, too, but before I get to that, I wanted to bring up a band you had recommended to me, actually, that being Spanish Love Songs and their album No Joy. I had only vaguely heard of them before, but you had recommended that I check out their album from 2020, Brave Faces Everyone, and I really enjoyed that. I think No Joy came out shortly after, and that album kinda snuck up on me. I really liked it on first listen, but I kept coming back to it more throughout the year, especially as I started thinking about this list. What Spanish Love Songs do really well is write really poignant lyrics that paint a vivid picture in a very direct way, Much like bands such as The Wonder Years, Bayside, or another band who may or may not be on this list, these guys just know how to hit you in the feels, as they say. For number two, this is the one that’s not gonna be remotely surprising to you or anyone reading this if you know either of us, and that’s Fall Out Boy’s So Much (For) Stardust. This band really needs no introduction at this point, but I do think the backstory behind this album is pretty fascinating, as well as my feelings leading up to it and ultimately how the album turned out. We’re both pretty staunch defenders of Fall Out Boy’s post-hiatus material, but their last album, 2018’s Mania, is a bit of a tricky one for me. I respect the hell out of the band for going all out in the way that they did and trying new things, but in chasing all of that innovation and trying to remain fresh, I feel like they bit off more than they could chew, and it results in an album that I don’t enjoy going back to as much. The band themselves have said as much, so when they went back to the studio to make So Much (For) Stardust, they essentially decided to make the album they would have made if they had never gone on hiatus after 2008’s Folie A Deux. In doing so, I think Fall Out Boy made what is easily their best album since Folie, and you can really feel how reinvigorated the band is throughout. It’s a real love letter to everything they’ve done without feeling derivative, and that’s such a tricky balance to strike for a band this long into their career. It was just so gratifying to have a band that’s meant so much to me for so long now really firing on all cylinders.

Finally, my favorite album of 2023 is, without question, The Menzingers Some Of It Was True. This is the album that resonated with me the most this year, and it’s largely due to the recurring themes of being in your early thirties and being stuck in this holding pattern in life, and it really digs into the anxieties and insecurities that come with that. I turned 31 a little over a week ago from writing this, and I struggle a lot with this idea of not having everything figured out and feeling kind of directionless due to any number of factors, whether it be societal pressures or seeing the people around you find their way through all this. The Menzingers have always been really damn good at capturing these emotions (2017’s After The Party is still one of my all-time favorites), but I don’t think I was ready for just how hard this album would hit me. It really gave a voice to a lot of the things I’ve been feeling these last couple years, and I’m super grateful for that. It also just helps that they continue to be damn good alt-punk songwriters who know their way around a catchy hook and some energetic guitars. I’ve always really liked this band, but Some Of It Was True cemented them as one of my all-time favorites. So, Bradley, kicking it back to you, what are the albums that really stood above the rest this year?

Spanish Love Songs, eh? No kidding, that’s cool you really loved their new one! Their new album, No Joy, is a fantastic album. I don’t like it as much as Brave Faces Everyone, as that album really hits home, but No Joy is a great addition to their catalogue. That’s an album I painfully cut from my honorable mentions, and that’s saying something when I had to make a handful of cuts that I wouldn’t have otherwise made in almost any other year.

I’m gonna come out the gate, spoiling part of my list, but my favorite album of this year is Fall Out Boy’s So Much (For) Stardust. I think you said it best, Jake, especially for how we’ve always been defenders of their post-hiatus work (even when in retrospect, some of it hasn’t aged the best, but it’s really damn good), and this new album had a lot riding on it. Their last album, Mania, was a really solid album with overblown production and self-indulgent songwriting that could have used some rewrites, but I really enjoy that album still, warts and all. They still shine through in that record, despite how it goes off the rails sometimes. With Stardust, they could have easily harkened back to 2005 - 2007, because emo nostalgia is huge right now, but they didn’t. They took everything they’ve done since Folie A Deux, and put it all into a blender, as well as adding some new spices and flavors, making for an album that feels both nostalgic but forward thinking. Fall Out Boy is my favorite band, period, and they always have been, so this album represents a lot. In a year that has been rough in many ways, getting this new album from this band that I’ve loved since I was 13-years-old and having it sound the way it does makes me feel like I’m falling in love with them all over again.

Before I talk about my second and third favorites, I did want to go off what you said about The Menzingers, and their latest. I’m glad you loved it as much as you did, but I was kind of disappointed by Some Of It Was True. I really enjoyed it, but I really love Hello Exile from 2019. I listened to that for the first time before this record came out, and I feel as though that album has the same themes but done a bit more interestingly, and a lot of the subject matter is the same as what they’ve always done, but is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. It’s an album that still connected with me for those same reasons.

Anyhow, the two albums that resonated with me, aside from So Much (For) Stardust are Metallica’s 72 Seasons and Zach Bryan’s self-titled. Two very different artists, and they both resonated for different reasons. Metallica is very similar to Fall Out Boy, as they’re my other all time favorite band, and despite not being into a lot of metal this year, hearing this was a breath of fresh air. We haven’t had a Metallica album in seven years, and their last album was fine, but very much trying to appease their older fans. This one does a mix of trying to do that again, but also doing whatever the hell they want. This album has flashes of thrash, traditional heavy metal, doom / stoner metal, alt-metal, and grunge. There’s an interesting variety of sounds here, and while this album gets a little too self-indulgent at times, they pull you back in just when the album starts to lose you. For diehard fans, and even the public at large, this is the best Metallica album we’ve gotten since maybe the Black Album, but I did also listen to 2008’s Death Magnetic for the first time earlier this year and I really enjoy that album.

Zach Bryan had a huge year in 2023, and no one expected that, especially after the awful year that mainstream country’s had. Having songs in the top from Morgan Wallen, Jason Aldean, and Oliver Anthony (who’s the least awful of the bunch, but “Rich Men North Of Richmond” isn’t very good), Zach Bryan took the world by storm with his self-titled album that came out almost out of nowhere. His duet with Kacey Musgraves, “I Remember Everything,” went to number one, and it’s one of my favorite songs of the year, but this record resonated with me because of how personal, introspective, and “real” it sounded. The instrumentation is raw, organic, and stripped back to make room for his vocals and lyrics that are very well-written and understated. This is his most personal album yet, despite how he has been writing more third person / story based songs, but this is just heart wrenching stuff. Out of the country albums that came out this year, and the ones on my list already, this was my favorite.

Whew, this was a long one, but a very good one, nonetheless. This year was also a good one, too, at least for music, anyway. We had too much stuff, especially in comparison when other years haven’t had anything at all. Do you have any final thoughts before we wrap this up and tie a bow on it, Jake?

Ultimately, I’m really glad we decided to do this kind of on a whim. It’s always fun reflecting on the year, but it was even more so getting to tackle it with an old friend and really dig into each other’s perspectives, and even explore some different mediums like gaming and movies/TV a little bit! This was an often challenging year, but it was also a really great year for the things we love most, and I’m excited to see what 2024 has in store for us!

#best of 2023 #music #video games #movies #tv shows

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mc-lukanette · 3 years

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Have you considered writing a "Truth" fix-it with Marinette admitting her secret to Luka? Maybe he could be a confidant like Marianne was for Fu.

Truth was having a terrible, awful, rotten, very bad day. If he could use his powers on the universe, he would've asked what he did to deserve this kind of treatment.

It started with his girlfriend keeping a secret from him concerning her ditching their dates, then escalated to Jagged Stone - who'd been his idol for years - turning out to be the father who abandoned him, and now he was fighting Ladybug and Chat Noir in Marinette's room after he’d been told by multiple people that Marinette’s supposed “secret” was that she was in love with Adrien, as if he hadn’t already known that and they just wanted to mock him.

His civilian self had never been never someone to presume, but now it's all he could do. Marinette must've ditched him because she didn't really love him, Jagged probably never even felt bad about abandoning him, and despite Adrien never even trying to win Marinette's heart, he was just better than Luka in every way, because the rich model with all the connections Marinette could ever want would always outmatch the "guitar boy" who worked a part-time job, lived on a houseboat, and had parents who either kept secrets from him or flat-out didn't want him.

Had it not been for his akumatization working to drive him towards a goal without interference, he would've cried. He wanted nothing more than to wake up and think the whole thing was just a bad nightmare, with dating Marinette just being brief highlights of it that kept getting shot down with a reminder that he wasn't good enough.

He wanted it all to be over.

Chat Noir was still trying to banter with him, but Truth wasn't having it. While going after Ladybug first wasn't ideal, as she was the smarter out of the two, it was easier to get rid of Chat Noir and deal with the heroes one at a time.

Thus, when Ladybug had run across the room to use her Lucky Charm, Truth acted. He managed to grab Chat Noir and throw him into the chest that Ladybug had been hiding in before, then locked it tight to prevent Chat from escaping. That done, he went after Ladybug, who was stunned but nevertheless prepared to fight. Chat Noir being out of the picture didn't impact her ability to fight, but Truth had Pharo on his side to knock Ladybug around when it was too hard to get a spotlight on her.

Finally, he managed to tackle her, her lying on her back and him pinning her arms down. The chest nearby rattled in protest, but Pharo shined its spotlight on it, preventing it from moving anymore.

Truth watched as Ladybug looked around for a method of escape, but she came up empty. Her eyes widened in the realization that... this was it. This was the end.

"Now," Truth said, clamping down harder on her arms as he leaned down, "tell me the truth!"

Ladybug tried to shut her lips tight, but he could see her struggling, her body shaking as she tried to free her arms to stop herself. It was only a matter of time.

Then, her mouth opened, and out came the words, "I love you, Luka!"

He froze, his fingers twitching in his confusion while he could only stare down at her in shock.

"And I'm so sorry! I'm sorry for everything! I wanted to tell you - I always wanted you to know - but I couldn't, and you deserve so much better than a hero who can't give you the time you deserve!"

A cold realization washed over him in form of a shudder. Those words could've been interpreted in so many ways, but he was the only one who registered their real meaning: that Marinette was Ladybug, her "ditching" had been her needing to fight akuma, her keeping secrets had been out of a desire to protect him, and he—

...He had only caused her more problems by getting akumatized, being no better than all those that had interrupted their dates. She loved him, and he gave into Shadow Moth to go against her.

Ladybug continued rambling, oblivious to his internal crisis, "You're incredible, and I just love you so much. I knew you were special from the day we met, when you called me—"

Truth clamped his hand over her mouth, preventing her from spilling any more secrets. He could feel Shadow Moth's influence in his mind, demanding that he remove his hand, but Truth ignored it, just as he'd been ignoring so many of his commands. The energy from akumatization that once made him feel powerful now made him feel disgusted with himself, guilt swirling in his gut and making him regret everything.

He reached up with his other hand, grabbing at his necklace and tearing it off. Ladybug's brows rose at the crunching of his akumatized object, and the last things he saw were the akuma flying free and Ladybug's expression turning to something...

thoughtful.

—————

Marinette de-transformed in a nearby alleyway and headed down towards the Seine, having not yet processed all of her feelings from that day. She had a little time left, given that Luka had quietly asked to walk back home himself, but she’d gotten no closer to clearing her mind since leaving her house. She was still a jumbled mess of "what if"s and "but maybe"s, and ultimately knew that it was going to be a matter of essentially winging it and just saying everything that she had on her mind.

As she approached the Liberty to wait for Luka, she paused as she noticed another figure already standing there. After all, Jagged Stone wasn't exactly someone you could not notice.

Before she could debate on whether to approach him, Jagged seemed to sense her and glanced over to make eye contact. She stiffened, only able to wave awkwardly and pretend like she didn't know why he'd be there.

"Hey, frockstar," Jagged greeted tiredly, his smile not quite reaching its usual lengths. "What are you doing here?"

"Um..." She walked over, standing next to him and staring in the direction where Luka was going to come from. "I need to talk to my boyfriend."

"Ah." It took a few seconds for the words to actually register with him, at which point Jagged turned to her, mouth agape as he grabbed her shoulders. "My son's your boyfriend?!"

She didn't quite have the energy to feign total surprise at the “son” comment, but she didn't have to. Jagged immediately pulled back without really looking at her, regaining his composure just as quickly as he'd lost it.

"You... wouldn't happen to be able to put in a good word for me, hm?" He grinned sheepishly, jabbing at Marinette with a hopeful elbow. "Haven't exactly figured out what I'm gonna say yet."

She was torn between being upset with him on Luka’s behalf and feigning sympathy because it was not only none of her business, but she was in a similar boat and felt like she had no right to judge.

She went with the latter, smiling weakly and jabbing him back. "That makes two of us." Then, she frowned as her nerves came back. "And... anyway, I don't know if he'll want to keep being my boyfriend after tonight."

For once, Jagged didn't pry or ask questions, the atmosphere probably felt even by him. They just stood there, waiting.

After a few minutes, Luka finally walked into view, staring at the ground and seeming defeated. Marinette felt ill at the sight, her fingers clutching at the fabric of her capris to find a sense of stability.

Should she approach him? Let Jagged go first? Or, maybe that would seem evasive, so—

She felt a pat on her shoulder, looking up at see Jagged urging her forward with his eyes. She wasn't sure if she should be grateful or consider him to be the evasive one, but Luka's akumatization was also mostly because of her and thus it only made sense for her to go first.

She ran the distance to get to him, Luka glancing up at the sound of her footsteps and stopping as she got to him. The usual light in his eyes wasn't there, and she had to force herself to even say a simple, "Um... hi."

"Hey." He hesitated, then rubbed the back of his head. "I'm really sorry, Marinette."

"Huh?"

"I got akumatized, and I was in your room when I woke up." His brows furrowed with uncharacteristic anxiety. "I didn't have to hear the song to know what the notes were. I must've gone after you."

Marinette blinked, having not even thought about him feeling guilty over the whole thing. She shook her head, reassuring, "No no! I mean—you told me to run! You didn't go after me, not really!"

She wasn't technically lying; he never sought her out to her knowledge, and even as Ladybug, she'd always had to chase him.

Luka sighed in relief, though his expression didn't change much. "I'm glad."

He met her gaze again. She yearned for the way he used to look at her like he wanted to get lost in her forever, but his eyes soon darted elsewhere as he noticed Jagged Stone standing not too far away.

Marinette tried not to get discouraged, stepping back into his vision and waving her hands to try and divert his attention. "Ah—don't worry about that! Look—" She paused, needing a moment to breathe, then lowered her hands and shifted to seriousness. "Can we talk? And walk? It's... really important."

She couldn't imagine the conclusions he must've been coming to in his head, partly because he didn't voice any of them. His eyes merely searched hers, seeking nothing in particular.

"Sure, Marinette," he agreed.

She managed a smile, happy that she made it this far at least. She reached out to take his hand, but stopped herself at the last second and simply walked past him, Luka taking one look back at Jagged before following after her.

The walk was tense and quiet, the only sounds coming from the evening ambiance and their footsteps. The uncertainty of it all gave her anxiety, but she'd been sure of that uncertainty since she first decided to talk to him about this.

Because, whatever the future of their relationship was, it would be in his hands.

—————

As they arrived at her intended destination, Marinette heard Luka briefly stop behind her, perhaps processing where she just took them. It was the Canal Saint-Martin, also known as the place where they'd first agreed to date, and now it was potentially the place where they'd break up as well. Marinette vaguely pondered if that would be for the best, like the memories would just cancel each other out and Luka could forget about it altogether if he wanted to.

Nevertheless, she walked over, glancing at the bridge for reference and sitting in roughly the same place she’d been all that time ago. She then tossed Luka a hopeful look, and he walked over to sit next to her.

Steeling herself up, Marinette took a breath, inhaling until she couldn't take in any more oxygen and then exhaling for just as long. At least a little more emotionally prepared than she was before, she finally spoke up.

"I...I'm sorry, Luka. I'm sorry that I got you akumatized—" She saw that he was about to interject and cut him off. "—and I know you don't blame me, but it doesn't matter—I mean—it does matter, but I'm still sorry anyway, okay? You had a right to be hurt and maybe if I'd explained myself better, then things would’ve been different."

He still seemed to want to argue, but was holding himself back so she could continue, which she appreciated.

"It's not that I didn't trust you. If anything, I—I trust you more than anyone else. You've never betrayed me and I know you'd never tell anyone if I told you my secret. You understand me even when I'm being the disaster that everyone laughs at - everyone but you - and..."

She sighed, pulling out her phone and navigating to her text conversation with him. Mentally wincing, she tapped on the photo of her Adrien wall that Ziggy had sent, then presented it to him. He leaned in to make sure of what it was, then looked back at her, clearly not understanding where she was going but knowing it wasn't her being spiteful or rubbing it in.

She said as much, "You don't assume anything, like when you got sent this dumb picture. I know it was obvious that it was an accident, but you didn’t have to go with it and you did. I wouldn't have blamed you if you got mad, but you didn't. Whenever I'm stammering and being an idiot because I'm scared or nervous, you don't judge me for it or think that whatever comes out is what I actually mean. That's so important to me, Luka, you have no idea."

She settled the phone between them and kept the picture on-screen. Her gaze flickered down to it, silently encouraging him to look at it too, then glanced back up at him.

"How much do you know about fashion?"

He tilted his head, thrown off by the sudden question, but answered anyway, "Only what my sister's ever talked about."

"Do you know why fashion trends die so quickly?" When he shook his head, she explained, "Part of it is the over-exposure. When people hear about what's in at the time, suddenly everyone starts wearing whatever it is, so everywhere you look, you see it, and then people get tired of it."

There was a flicker of understanding in his eyes, Luka looking back-and-forth between her and the phone like he was piecing a puzzle together.

She confirmed it for him, "That's why I have so many. I don't feel that way about him anymore - I don't think I ever did - but I just don't know how to act around him. I hate how the whole idolizing thing took over my life and I already tried everything else, so I figured this might work." She groaned. "And of course it blew up on me and you got sent that without any context. Of course."

He gave a look of concern at the exasperation in her tone, but she tried to ignore it, not wanting his sympathy.

"My point is..." She gestured vaguely at the phone. "I stammer about him, but it's not because I'm in love with him, it's because I've never really been his friend and I don't know how to do it. I'm not dedicated to him and I'm getting better at not doing the stuff I used to."

His eyes flickered again and she wondered if he was thinking about that day on the Liberty where she was late to Kitty Section playing, where she ignored Adrien entirely. Just for emphasis, she tapped her phone and deleted the picture, adding on, "I'm only dedicated to you, Luka. I—"

She shifted in place, hitting the wall behind her feet a few times with her heels to ease off the anxiousness. It was so much easier when she’d been Ladybug, though granted that she was under the influence of Truth's spell at the time. She and Luka were dating, yet she was sure he'd ask her to end it, making putting herself out there all the scarier.

"I..." She met his gaze. "I love you." He gaped at the confession and she continued on, "I love you like I haven't loved anyone else before; definitely not Adrien. It's the kind of love that actually makes me happy, and comfortable, and my life is better with you in it."

She bit her bottom lip, hands curling into fists at the tight feeling in her chest. She turned, placing one hand on the ground as she began to push herself up, her other hand landing on Luka's shoulder to wordlessly insist that he didn't have to stand with her, so his gaze merely followed her as she moved.

"But that's the thing." She took a few steps away, back turned to him as she stared up at the sky. Her stomach twisted itself in knots at the words in her throat, but she nonetheless admitted, "I don't think it's mutual."

Luka's voice took on a sharp, offended tone. "Marinette—"

She spun to face him, cutting him off, "—and I know that you're going to say something sweet and heartfelt about how everyone has a place in your life and then something about how bad notes can still make good songs, but... Luka, you don't understand."

She turned away from him again, this time pacing as she counted off events. "Bullies and liars target me, and sometimes that means going after people I care about. I'm clumsy and a stuttering mess and you wouldn't believe the mistakes I made that I couldn't have even seen coming. It seems like I draw bad luck wherever I go; I mean, your mother is one of the most chaotic people I can think of, so you'd think she'd get akumatized a bunch, but it was only the day I showed up that she did. Even the other boys who only loved me for a little bit either got akumatized over it or became an anxious mess until they found out who they actually liked, and that last one would've at least been really useful to think about if I'd just made the connection back then, but I didn't!" She paused, then met his eyes with a pained expression. "And then there's you."

"What do you mean?"

She stopped in place, not knowing whether to be touched or not by the fact that he either hadn't noticed or was pretending not to. Throwing her arms out, she explained, "Things go bad whenever we hang out! I already mentioned your mom, but then there was the ice rink; even without me getting distracted when all you were trying to do was make me feel better, there was an akuma and you probably got frozen solid by him. When we were hanging out on the Liberty, Adrien just happened to show up on that day with Kagami to turn me into a mess, and then Desperada came to make everything worse."

Marinette couldn't remember when she'd started thinking about such things or feeling guilty for everything that ever happened. There was just a point where it felt like she was always apologizing for something, no matter how small it was, and stuff being her fault became par for the course by then.

"Then, both times you got akumatized, it was because of me—and I know you don't blame me, but I'm always involved! You were ready to leave the TV station, but because I tried to put up a fight, Bob Roth threatened me and that was your last straw. Today was the same thing; you were already upset about what happened with your dad and then it was me who sent you over the edge!" She shut her eyes tight, the memories painful to relive. "You're always putting up with me, Luka. You put up with me crying all over you and even dropped your guitar for it, and then you had to protect me from Miracle Queen's mind control! I'm supposed to protect you!"

He recoiled at the volume of her voice, then furrowed his brows, his eyes darting back and forth as he seemed to process something particular about what she said.

"I'm supposed to make you happy, and I can't. Out of all the people in Paris who should be able to keep you from getting akumatized, it should be me, and all I've done is hurt you. You're the calmest person I've ever known and then I came along and gave you feelings you didn't ask for. Sometimes—" She shook, choking briefly on the words. "Sometimes I wonder if it would've been better for you if you never met me."

Luka's gaze sharpened. He didn't reply, but turned fully to her, pushing himself up as if to approach.

However, she stepped back, his look then flashing to hurt. She took a breath, expression determined as she said with her whole chest, "I'm Ladybug, Luka."

He froze, his body going stiff and his eyes blinking rapidly at either the reveal itself or the way she’d so firmly said it.

"I'm Ladybug," she repeated quietly, this time with an ache in her voice, "and I'm telling you not because I trust you—I mean, I do trust you—but I also believe in you; that you wouldn't sell me out to Shadow Moth even with all the mind control in the world. You've always had my back and supported me even when I didn't deserve it, and I want you to know. It's dangerous and I don't know what'll happen and I'm scared but I want you to know it." She put a hand to her chest. "I'm the one who has to save Paris whenever something happens, and that's why I always had to ditch you. I'm the one who messed up and lost you your identity as Viperion. I'm the new guardian of the miraculouses, and the kwami don't even listen to me; they invaded my privacy and it was one of them that took and sent you that picture."

She realized that her vision was staring to blur and looked skywards, trying to fight back tears.

"I-I'm not a normal girl. I can't be a normal girlfriend, or give you everything you'd want out of a normal relationship. It's my fault that you got akumatized because I just—I wanted you. I wanted to be in a relationship and go on dates with you, but Ladybug isn't supposed to want things. She's supposed to be selfless and only worry about everyone else, but... you made me happy, and I wanted more of that. You were the first person I really felt like I could be myself around without being scolded or lied to and I thought it would be okay..."

She noticed him moving and quickly turned her back to him, at least able to let the tears fall now without him seeing them.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this. I always think I can handle things but then it goes wrong and I end up hurting people. If I'd just gone home the day of the music festival instead of complaining about Adrien not being around, then none of this would've happened." She sighed in frustration, wiping her eyes clean of tears, and she was so focused on forcing her words out that she didn't hear the footsteps coming from behind her. "I-it's okay if you want to break up, Luka. It wasn't fair that I kept you in the dark, and I understand if you're mad, or you want to date other people, o-or if you don't love me anymore—"

Her voice cut off with a gasp as a pair of arms wrapped around her midsection, pulling her against a familiar, warm chest that had an unfamiliarly pounding heartbeat. She tried to look up at him, but his hair was shadowing out his eyes and left only his trembling lips visible. In fact, his whole body was shaking, as if it were winter and no amount of layers could keep him warm.

"L-luka?" she called, confused.

"Stop," he begged quietly, the hug tightening briefly to give her a squeeze. "Please."

"But..." She trailed off, acknowledging the request. She'd never heard his voice just break like that.

"You've already sung your part of our duet, Marinette. Now it's my turn." He paused, taking an unsteady breath before continuing, "I'm glad you told me your secret. I know you're worried about me being in danger, but it makes me happy that you can rely on me now. Music boxes aren't meant to stay shut, and you deserve someone who you can open up to, even if I hate that you have to mute yourself in the first place to keep everyone safe."

She opened her mouth, wanting to say that it was okay and it was just her job, but kept quiet to respect his earlier request.

"My life isn't worse because I met you," he murmured, an unspoken plea in his tone that told her to never think that way again. "I felt things with you that I never have before. My song started out as a flatline, then we met and you made it move. Music isn't exciting if it doesn't change but you did that for me. What you might see as bad notes is my passion for you, and I won't apologize for it or make you apologize for messing up just like every person does. I'd never wanted someone before you, and even if you never wanted to date me, I'm grateful that I got to know you; to fall for you."

Marinette blinked in an attempt to stop oncoming tears, Luka pulling her closer for comfort when she whimpered.

"All that mattered to me is when we were together, just the two of us. That's when your melody plays the clearest and when I get to see you. Those two weeks when we were preparing our music video were some of the best two weeks of my life because I got to see you in your element. I've accepted every break in the tempo because I've heard you, I've heard the Marinette you've wanted to be, and I want to be there for every beat of it." Then, he exhaled, adding with a somber tone, "I can't imagine how much pressure you must be under, or how awful things are and how impossible it must be to sing when you can't even take a breath without something going wrong. I just... I want to help you be happy. I don't care what you, your kwami, or anyone else says; you're allowed to be happy, Marinette, and I'd drop a thousand of my guitars if it meant that you get to play happy notes one more time."

She let out a sob, blushing pink as her hands unconsciously raised to rest on the ones around her waist, Luka sighing in content and nestling further against her.

"So I don't want to break up with you, Marinette. Not at all. I just want to find ways to make it easier on you - on both of us - and if that means finding ways of planning our dates around akuma attacks, or not planning at all and going wherever the rhythm leads, then that's what we'll do."

She tried to keep quiet, but couldn't help voicing, "W-what if... what if it doesn't work? What if I have to bail on you every now and then? People will think—"

"I was never worried about that," he retorted immediately. "I'm a Couffaine. My clothes are ripped, I carry my guitar in the basket on my bike, and I live on a boat. I stopped caring about what people thought a long time ago."

He was unbelievable. Marinette didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she did both. He just held her there, his heart still beating against her back but now serving as something to calm her.

"The only opinions that matter in our duet are yours and mine," he said. His hold loosened, though hesitating like it was physically painful to release her. He let her go nonetheless and held his hands out in front of her, palms facing the sky. "So what about you, Marinette?"

She stared at his hands, then slowly raised her own to hover over them. She breathed up, then slid her fingers across his palms until their calloused fingertips met, neither making any move to pull away.

"I...I want to make it work," she whispered, leaning back against him. "I want to be with you, Luka. I'm at my best when I'm with you. I just..."

She stopped, knowing that he would have an argument for anything she said. If she apologized for the failed dates that she can never fix, he'd argue that it'd be worse to leave things off a sour note, and that not every good song starts out good. If she tried to suggest other people for him to date or imply that it'd be easier with someone else, he'd say that his guitar plays only for her and he wouldn't change that even if he could.

"...I'm sorry," she said, smiling her first genuine smile of the night. "I won't doubt myself anymore."

Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he was smiling too. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah. Do—do you?"

"Yeah," he replied, voice thick with emotion.

Wanting to see his face, she slowly dropped their hands and turned to face him, silently hoping that she didn't look awful from her earlier tears. However, to her surprise, she noticed that Luka's eyes were watery despite his smile, just like her. Realizing something, she raised a hand to her shoulder, where his face had been hovering over ever since he'd hugged her from behind.

It was wet.

"Oh, Luka..."

She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him against her. He returned the gesture, squeezing her lovingly and giving her back a few rubs that she responded to with a happy hum. They held the position, the warmth of the hug completely negating the slight chill of the night air.

Even when they pulled away, it wasn't far nor for long. Marinette wasn't sure which of them initiated it, but one moment they were staring at each other and the next they were kissing. It had been long overdue and she idly thought that it was better than she would've imagined their kiss at the cinema to be.

She breathed in his scent, her fingers blindly reaching up to slide into his hair. She almost felt like crying again, though this time in relief that everything had actually worked out for once and they were kissing without interruption. Even though Luka was more subtle in showing his emotions, she could tell that he felt the same from the way his hand on her back shook, practically vibrating with happiness.

The kiss eventually broke with a soft click, though she kept her hands on him for the sake of stability. They were both breathing a little hard from the emotional toll of the conversation yet not necessarily in a bad way.

And the love in his eyes - the life that she missed so much - was back. She honestly thought she wouldn’t have seen it again and she was tempted to just keep kissing him in relief, part of her aware that he definitely wouldn’t have minded it.

It took her a few tries to get the words out, hesitant to break up their wordless exchanges of love. She knew what revelation was waiting for Luka back at his houseboat - maybe he'd already guessed it - and she wanted to be there for him, so she asked carefully, "Do you... want me to come back to the Liberty with you?"

Eyes half-lidded, he gave her a soft smile and gently squeezed her hand. "Yeah. Do you want to sleep over?"

She nodded. "Mm, I'd like that."

Holding hands, they began making their way back to the Liberty, the ambiance of the night finally coming through to soothe them. Marinette glanced down at their joined hands, then at the wide smile on Luka's face, the latter clearly caused by the former.

She looked ahead at where they were walking, pretending that she hadn't just been admiring him. "We could always go out for breakfast together. That might work out."

"That sounds amazing." Luka feigned a look of thoughtfulness. "Maybe Shadow Moth doesn't like mornings?"

Marinette squeaked mid-giggle. "You'd think that'd be the case from the name, huh?"

He chuckled, covering his mouth with his free hand, and the conversation remained light from there. Any bad feelings from the day had evaporated, leaving only smiles and hope for the future in its place.

Everything was going to be okay. For once, Marinette could truly believe that.

#type: story #story: oneshot #Flower Arrangement Shipping #episode: Truth #other: ml spoilers #((Bold of you guys to assume that I only had one of these in me.))#Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

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arty-shadow-morningstar · 3 years

Text

A Failed Betrothal /Betrothal AU: Take Two

So here is the second part of the betrothal AU that I decided to name "A Failed Betrothal. This takes place before Part 1 which in hindsight should have been done first. Part 2 got too long so I cut it and started Part 3. I have no idea and nothing planned on how long this will go. Hope you enjoy ❤.

[Masterlist]

(Part 1)

PART 2

Marinette also wasn't having a good day or a good week.

Lila Rossi had been up to her usual tricks. You know, spewing lies from her mouth. How she met these awesome celebrities during this trip and they worship the ground she walks on for her amazing and humbling help. There were stories of these charities, trips and galas that she had been to or was invited to. She has problems with her wrists and can't do simple stuff like carry her own bag or do her homework. She has tinnitus in her ears so she needs to sit in the front where the only seat available would be next to Adrien.

And for the finale.

The desert after feeding the class a banquet of lies.

"Mari...nette..has been bullying me, she...told..me not to tell anyone..*sobs*..that she would kill me if I did.."

Lila dramatically gasped and slapped her hands over her mouth. Turning on the waterworks for a more dramatic effect. They all ate it up, jumping on the ‘let’s hate Marinette, a bad person’ train.

"She is going to kill me now and I am so scared." That snake managed to snuck an evil smirk past her glaring, oblivious classmates.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marinette, at this point of her life, had frankly given up caring for them due to the class's lack of brain cells and Agreste's spineless 'High Road' Approach.

For Kwami's sake, she went through a brutal torture that was training in some jungle temple in Asia before Sabine Cheng, former mercenary/assassin, kidnapped her (Little Marinette took a risk. She ran away and followed her around until Sabine begrudgingly accepted that she was now the 6- year-old girl's mother because screw it, Tom said he wanted children.) to raise/train as her own while she settled down with a baker whose mother may or may not have ties with the Mafia and other illegal activities.

(Mother-daughter bonding days became much more fun once she had Guardianship of the Miraculous. Sabine was ,at first, furious at Master Fu for dumping everything on the girl and losing his memories before swearing to help protect the jewels. Adopted or not, Marinette is her daughter and no one should let a child, even one with training, fight a war. A good thing to come out of her reveal was that her mother was a great tiger to have as back-up. But now, her training regime had become harder and challenging.)

The point was that Lila Rossi would be dead and body missing since that first time she threatened Marinette in the bathroom. The Italian was in perfect health despite what she claims otherwise, because Marinette didn’t want to be the person she was raised to be and also she didn’t want to disappoint Tikki, she was fond of the little red kwami. But sometimes, she just wanted to give into the urge to kill.

She had met and dealt with unsavory characters of all types and she can safely say that Lila Rossi was a manipulator that thrives on attention and like a parasite, latches herself onto the fame of others. None of the unsavory people she had met get under her skin like Rossi had.

Marinette had enough self-preservation to drop the nice girl act and sometimes let the dragon underneath to surface. She stopped doing last-minute favors and giving away free stuff which Lila uses to her full advantage to further destroy her relationships with her ‘friends’. It was better than sticking her neck out for classmates that were no longer worth her time. Attempts to expose Lila had backfired due to the denial they are in, believing the liar to be a sweet, nice girl living the high life.

Adrien with his rose-tinted glasses firmly stuck to his eyes was not happy at all with her decision. That may also have to do where she suggested he shove his advice after he tried to reason her to take the high road for defending herself for the umpteenth time. She felt like the biggest idiot to ever have a crush on him. Every time, Rossi blames Marinette for a problem, he would shoot disappointed looks in her direction.

Alya being Lila's biggest guard dog tore into Marinette for her newfound 'bad' behaviour. The rest of Lila's supporters backed her up with "How could you do that to Lila","I can't believe you changed." Nearly all her so-call friends had turned their backs and lost all common sense to the Italian's manipulations.

(Alya was supposed to be her best friend, aren’t you supposed to listen to your ‘bestie’ over a complete stranger)

The designer took it all with a bored expression on her face, used to the lecturing which was a waste of time because her behavior isn't going to change, no matter what, Lie-la will keep up the act of being the bully's (*cough*Marinette*cough*) victim.

Her heart that cracks the tiniest bit at the accusations. A small part of her, she admits, is hurt that they think so low of her.Was she really that worthless to them? All those times and efforts helping them out on last-minute favors and giving them free treats. Were they not enough to earn their friendship? Their trust or at the very least, a benefit of doubt?

The only ones who didn’t join the berating to 'correct' the raven-haired girl’s attitude were Chloe (who had proven herself to have changed after the miracle queen incident and Lila stole the spotlight and Sabrina. There were a lot of apologizes, gifts and ‘making up to do’) Alix (she came to her senses when the supposed bullying started) and Nathaniel (Lila blatantly claimed to be the artist for the Ladybug comic to his face).

“Girl, Marinette, are you even listening to me?”Alya demanded.

“Maybe. Did you say anything that doesn’t have to do with Lila or how I did her wrong or how I am no longer the person you knew?”

Marinette knew that being sarcastic would backfire but nothing she does or says will change what they think of her. One word from Lila and they will turn back on her. As much as she hates to admit it, Lila’s threat has fallen through and she was alone. Mostly.

She still had Chloe, Nathaniel, Alix, Luka and Kagami as friends. The trust-worthy and loyal kind.

“Girl,” Alya says in a disappointed tone, shaking her head,“when I look at you, I don’t see that girl who stood up to Chloe the bully-”, Chloe snorted, she had changed but they were too blind and prejudiced against her to notice her efforts, “-Picking on Lila, threatening and harassing her. This isn’t you and you know it. Just get over your jealousy on Lila being close to Adrien and apologize to her.”

If Alya had talked to her in the past 12 months other than demanding things that took away her time or anything relating to Lila, she would know that her infatuation had turned into annoyance.

Marinette sighed, too tired of this routine, tired of trying to knock heads so the brain cells can work again. Apologizing would mean that Lila had won. She was petty and stubborn enough to allow that to happen. Lila said she will take the class and Adrien. Fine, she can have them but Marinette Dupain-Cheng will not admit defeat. Bigger men had fallen to the ravenette for lesser offences. A year has passed since the expulsion and the class still hasn't regained common senses, so they can deal with the consequences after the inevitable downfall of Lila and Marinette will be there to see them lay in the grave they dug.

Steeling herself for the pain that will come with the execution of her plan,

“What if I don’t. I won’t apologize to her because I have not done anything to her or even interacted with her. If I apologize, it would be insincere and a lie. And I hate liars.” The former assassin said evenly.

“Lila is not a liar. I don’t know why you are like this.” Alya said, frustrated.

Marinette knew there would be a small chance of an akuma with Gabriel Agreste having an important meeting to attend on this day that would last for the next hour. This was the small window of opportunity to start the plan and also further confirm the identity of Hawkmoth. Killing two birds with one stone.

“Alya, this has always been me, you just never took the time to get to really know the real me.”, she replied, the last part with an icy tone.

“Well-... I- ..You-, fine, then if you can’t say those simple three words, we can’t be friends. I clearly don’t know what a selfish bitch you are. God, I can’t believe I wanted to be best friends with you. You are now replaced by Lila because unlike you, she is genuinely nice and selfless.” Alya declared. The rest of Lila’s supporters murmured in agreement.

Phase 1, complete. Lure the Lie-la into a false sense of security by making her think she won.

Marinette tried not to show how hurt she was, to be replaced by the scheming bitch. But at the same time she felt relieved, she no longer had to walk on eggshells in fear of losing the friendships of people she used to care about. It felt final as she maintained her stoic expression, hoping they didn't notice the glassy sheen her eyes had.

“Then, it is official. We are no longer friends.”

They haven’t been friends for a long time.

Mme. Bustier finally walked into the classroom to start the afternoon classes, signalling the end of the conversation. After class, Marinette resolves to inform them that she was resigning as class president which she was sure the class will be glad for. She was right.

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Ladybug was, as the Americans say, pissed at Hawkmoth which was nothing new. He had sent out another akuma just as Marinette was back home and trying to relax after the stressful day. The akuma was not any of her ex-friends which she wasn’t sure to be thankful for or not.

Louise Martin was a boy about Luka’s age and mad at his friends who had blamed their fifth loss-in-a-row on him despite the fact that it was his skills that were getting them any progress. They were playing one of those recently released 5V5 skills and strategy battle games. (League of Legends or Mobile Legends. Take your pick, I am going with the latter)

He was akumatized into Hayakuma as proof of Hawkmoth’s lack of creativity. Hayakuma was a bleached out version of Louise’s chosen hero avatar, Hayabusa whose outfit was basically what the media portrays ninjas to look like with some samurai aspects.

Unfortunately, he also had the hero’s ultimate special powers which were making four shadow copies of himself and being able to switch positions with them. Thanks to Rattlesnake’s Second Chance, they know that he can only make a switch once every two minute. Hayakuma also wields a sword, showing off his skills.

Just lovely.

Hydra and Ladybug were the only ones able to counter his attacks with Hydra’s sword and Ladybug’s summoned one. (Let’s go with that headcanon(?)/trope that she can summon weapons for plot convenience and the others can too but just don’t have enough practise yet.)

The others managed to dodge and shield themselves from Hayakuma’s really sharp sword.

The shadows themselves were annoying as they would distract or hinder the miraculous users by grabbing them by their shadows and making them unable to move. Until Bunnix had the brilliant idea of shadow boxing which gave the heroes gain more even ground.

With how strong and handful the akuma was, it was code ‘all hands on deck’. Ladybug, Stinger, Rattlesnake, Hydra, Bunnix, Trickster. Well, nearly every hand. Lady Mǔ lǎohǔ was busy with the bakery. Chat Noir was nowhere to be seen or very late which had been the norm for the last year ever since Ladybug wanted to form a new miraculous team consisting of permanent heroes.

(He didn’t show up for the first few months because the first permanent member was Ladybug’s mother who did not like his attitude towards her daughter. He ran away with his tail between his legs once he found out how she was related to Ladybug. His face when he realized it, was something Marinette will cherish forever)

At least when Lady Mǔ lǎohǔ was around, he would not dare act out of line. When she is gone however, he is back to his old ways.

After saving one of Louise’s teammates from Hayakuma’s sword, they gathered the rest of the team and hid them someplace safe. Using Trickster’s illusions to trick all the shadows and the original to one place, the heroes were going to surround and ambush them and get the akumatized item. The plan would have been a success if it weren’t for Chat Noir hugging Ladybug from behind, making her miss her cue.

“Hey~ Bugaboo~ Did you miss me~? Your Chaton~?”

Thwack! Smack!

Chat Noir was on the rooftop, groaning pitifully in pain. Especially his crotch area. Ladybug glared at him and looked to the ambush point to see the illusions had disappeared and everyone else gone from their hiding place.

She sighed and turned on the comms, (Thank you, kwamis)

“Sting, did you venomed the akuma?”

“No, he escaped before I could. What happened, LB?”

“A certain cat got me delayed. What’s the status update?”

“Hydra is holding him off and Bunnix found that an umbrella is a good substitute for a sword. The rest of us are keeping track of the shadows. They split up but none of them are getting near where we hid the targets.”

“Where are you? I will meet you later with back-up.”

“Near Notre Dame and tell Mama Tigress I said hi.”

“Tell her yourself.”

She looked down at Chat No-, no he is not worthy of being a hero anymore with the amount of times he had derailed and hijacked the plans to defeat the akumas just so he can ‘earn’ Ladybug’s heart.

She looked down at Adrien Agreste, who was sitting and sulking like a child that was unfairly punished. (Once she got over her crush and started looking at the right things that she managed to piece together her ‘partner’s’ identity by accident. Tikki’s confirmation sealed the deal.)

“Chat Noir, this partnership of ours,” she said, gesturing to the two of them, “ is going to change tonight. Meet me at the ‘spot’ at 11 sharp. Now, go home.”

He left with a small glimmer of hope in his eyes at her words. She felt a little bad about the subtle manipulation but with the way things were now, it can’t go on. He was hindering more than helping and the people of Paris that weren’t shipping ‘Ladynoir’ saw that.

As she jumped towards Notre Dame, she called the bakery with her yoyo.

“Mama, are you free now? I need a little help with the akuma and can you bring the horse miraculous.”

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Chat Noir waited excitedly at what they both dubbed at their ‘spot’, in the good old days when it was just the two of them. Maybe Ladybug was finally open to the idea of dating. Or maybe she must have seen what a great hero he is and was going to get rid of the team. Or realized that having her mother on her team was a bad idea. Parents are the worst and they both can be two rebellious teenagers in love. Like Romeo and Juliet. So romantic~.

He was so deep in his daydream that he didn’t hear his lady land.

“Chat Noir.” Startled, he nearly fell off the roof. No, don’t make a fool of yourself in front of Ladybug.

“Yes, Bugaboo.” Hoping she didn’t know that he was very distracted. His attention will always be hers 100%.

“Don’t call me Bugaboo. Tikki wants to talk to Plagg about Kwami stuff. So you go over and hide behind that chimney. Then, we can talk about why I told you to be here.” Adrien frowned and then smiled. His lady must be very embarrassed about her mistake that must be why she is taking her time. He tried listening to what they were saying but the kwamis were talking in their special Guardian Language. Was it him or did Tikki’s voice sound more like his lady’s voice?

Whizz!

Adrien was tied up with Ladybug’s yoyo. “M’Lady? Bugaboo!? LADYBUG! WHAT IS GOING ON?!! PLAGG-”

Ladybug cut in, “Adrien Agreste, you have been slack in your hero duty and choosing your own feelings over supporting your partner, me, the holder of the Ladybug Miraculous and current Grand Guardian, in the efforts to defeat the enemy of Paris, Hawkmoth. Due to those reasons, you are no longer worthy to be the Holder of the Black Cat Miraculous” in one swift motion, she took the ring off his finger, “As such you are hereby revoked of Plagg’s Ring.”

“NO, YOU CAN’T. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! I LOVE YOU AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME BACK. WE ARE SOULMATES, WE ARE MEANT TO BE-”

Adrien went slack at Lady Tigress’s pinch on his pressure point.

“I don’t what you ever saw in the boy.”

“I don’t know either. I think I dodged a bullet here. Can you carry him back to his home? I think I have dealt with enough of him tonight.” Ladybug muttered, as she erased Adrien’s memories of being Chat Noir.

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Tag list: @alysrose-starchild, @buginetye, @lookatthestars1, @blackroserelina, @macncheesemonster, @mochinek0, @myazael, @tonicxworld, @thewitchwhowaited, @t1dwarrior-of-earth, @kissa-chan, @iwantasecretidentity, @theymakeupfairies, @user00000003, @woe-is-me0, @kashlyn, @mochegato,@moonlightstar64 , @greatcatblaze, @moongoddesskiana, @tazanna-blythe.

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(Part 3)

#maridami #maribat #damian x marinette #mlb x dc #Betrothal AU: Take 2 #A Failed Betrothal #sorry. No Damian this chapter #there is salt #Alya salt #Adrien Salt #Lila salt #class salt #I don't know if it is mild or not #Marinette is an assassin

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dathen · 3 years

Text

Okay I have some complicated thoughts following Melanie’s arc that all build on top of each other and hinge HEAVILY on unreliable narrator interpretations so bear with me

In my relisten I’m at the beginning of s3, and it always shocks me a bit at how quickly she interprets Martin’s interaction with her as hostile. I’m going to skip over the “it’s understandable, Melanie’s had a hard time in her career” disclaimers since there’s plenty of meta on that already, and instead follow the effects of this tendency: not on others, this time, but on her

(This got absurdly long and covers so many episodes so I’m going to split it into separate pre- and post-bullet surgery posts)

Rewinding a bit, the last time she was at the Institute, she was starting to get along with Jon before he seemed confused about her comment on “the other Sasha.” It takes her a split second to interpret that confusion as him suddenly deciding to gaslight and mock her, gets angry and tells him there is something seriously wrong with him, and leaves before he can ask what she means. Given how tenuous their truce was and the fact she and Jon had mocked each other in the past, it’s an outburst that at least has some personal history behind it.

But only a couple episodes later, we learn that it’s not just Jon she responds to in this way. In TMA 84, she meets our Martin Blackwood! Customer service voice opposite-of-Jon politeness extraordinaire! And as soon as he gets confused about the two Sasha comment, she.......immediately assumes that HE is also trying to gaslight her. She insists that “I’m not doing this again” without giving him a chance to ask or explain, so they miss the opportunity to piece together the deal with the Not!Sasha. Her doing this with someone she just met shows a much broader pattern than her interactions with Jon.

That very episode, Elias offers Melanie a job, and she accepts despite Martin’s protests. Later, she accuses them all of them being an “old boy’s club” because she interpreted Martin’s warnings as sexism rather than trying to protect her. As the audience, we see the unreliable narrator of her perspective at work: we know that Jon and Martin were genuinely confused, and we know that Martin was trying to save her, and that all of these instances were her seeing it as people being out to get her.

Hop forward to the notorious gossip scene in TMA 106. Here, Melanie complains about Martin being hostile to her. My first assumption was that this was all offscreen, but after this parade of misinterpretation and comparing to her and Martin’s actual interactions, I have to wonder:

TMA 84, after Martin tells Melanie about the murder, and right before Elias interrupts:

Martin: Are you sure you’re alright?

Melanie: Yes! I just got… God, I’m kind of at the end, you know?

Martin: The end of what?

Melanie: Everything. Friends, clues, savings. Everything. Options. There’s nowhere left for me to go . I don’t know why, but… I just, I just felt that perhaps coming here might help. And talking things out with Jon. I mean, I mean he’s awful, but at least he listens, you know?

Martin: (soft) Yeah. ...I’m sorry. Um, is there anything that I could, like, maybe...do for you?

They get interrupted immediately after this, so this was the first impression Melanie was given. Then, when Elias offers the job, she...assumes Martin’s “I don’t think that’s a good idea” is from sexism, when he’d just been talking about murders and disappearances that caused that very job opening.

TMA 88

Melanie: Are you alright?

Martin: Yeah… Sorry, just a lot of change recently, y’know. You and John and Sasha and… everything’s gone a bit wrong. It’s the not knowing, you know? I mean, Jon’s still alive. Not sure why, but I’m sure of that. But Sasha, I…

Melanie: Yes, it’s… it’s probably, um…

Martin: Sorry, sorry, I’m... What do you need?

Next interaction! Oh this one HURTS. Martin takes her question literally, and starts telling her why she’s not alright, a reverse of their earlier exchange. But Melanie came by for a question and wasn’t prepared for an honest answer, so Martin quickly reels it in and asks what he can do for her once again.

Skipping forward a bit in that same scene:

Martin: Oh, you weren’t here when we took the place over from Gertrude! It’s been over a year just to get it like this. I mean, I think the database was on Jon’s list, but--

Melanie: So how do you track someone down?

Martin: Oh, oh well, y’know, we’ve a few contacts in various record offices around the place. Aside from that it’s just… just a bit of detective work, really. Tim used to do a great line in impersonating people to utility companies! Heh, the number of times he got them to give him ‘his own’ address--

Melanie: Right, right… Um, this one, the name is 'Jude Perry.’ Doesn’t mean anything to you, does it?

I LOVE THIS EXCHANGE. I TREASURE IT. Having bottled up his emotions, Martin is going in full Friendly Helpful Coworker mode. There are so many little details here signaling that he’s embracing her as part of the team, sharing anecdotes about Tim’s shenanigans and Jon’s old plans, looping her in as One of Them as he helps her get what she needs. This is the kind of approach you go to management trainings to get, to help new hires feel welcome and part of things. But alas, Melanie is in a hurry and wants to cut to the chase, so all this is lost on her.

TMA 98 - I won’t copy it all in here because it’s long, but this is an overwhelmingly positive interaction. She asks if he’s okay, but he bottles it up and says he’s fine. This time, she presses, and he admits it’s because of the statements. Martin ends up asking for help!! and Melanie agrees! She’s on the way to murder Elias, but she still gets credit for “I’ll ask him to cut you some slack.” Then she invites him to drinks!

And then.... TMA 106

Melanie: Anyway, Martin’s always been lovely to you.

Basira: Hmm. I don’t know, I mean, you should have seen him when I turned up last year. I think he thought I was trying to steal his precious Archivist.

Melanie: Ahhh. I got the exact same when Jon was hiding out, and came to me with his “source on the inside” stuff. Martin was not impressed.

WAIT WHAT

We just looked over all their interactions! They were all soft and lovely and welcoming!! But then we hear Melanie with “well unlike how he is to me, Martin is nice to you.” This was taken at face value for years, but when you line up all of the above, I feel there is a strong basis to say this is another case of Melanie’s first impressions + over-defensiveness gone wrong. Just like we saw her initial bickerings with Jon solidify into series-long hostility, her interpreting Martin’s confusion as gaslighting and warnings about the job as sexism seems to have doomed her opinion of him long-term. We hear Martin being kind and concerned and welcoming, then hear Melanie contrast it as bad treatment.

Recently, a mutual considered this even further to how she talked about losing all of her friends with the Ghost Hunt UK circles:

Melanie: Even back then, I could feel all my old friends starting to distance themselves from me. ... I stopped asking the others for help, and I kept my research to myself. I talked to them less and less. By the time I was arrested, I think a lot of them had already given up on me.

I have to wonder...did this sort of dynamic play out here, too? Did she assume that her friends’ concern was judgment or hostility? Were they giving up on her, or did she lash out and push them away? Either way, it’s easy to see parallels to s2 Jon in her description, here, with her withdrawing and diving alone into increasingly risky research without asking for help. And s2 Jon definitely shared Melanie’s tendency to see offers for help and support as hostile. (Aside: I interpret her and Georgie as not very close at this point, like a networking contact rather than a friend; Melanie comes to Jon for someone to talk to about her struggles above her, and Georgie seems to be unaware of all of Melanie’s encounters pre-s3)

And on that downer note I am ending part 1...but PART 2 IS GOING TO BE WAY HAPPIER THAN THIS. Here, we see Melanie with a lot of people who would have supported her if she let them: Martin, Jon, possibly the friends she said abandoned her. But in her effort to protect herself and not let history repeat for how she’d been hurt in the past, she ends up alone and spiraling.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma spoilers #melanie king #tma meta #I had to stop myself from just rambling All Melanie Feelings in Every Direction to stay on track #but hoo boy writing this gave me a lot of feelings for the martin melanie friendship that could have been

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alexskarsgardnet · 4 years

Photo

New Interview & Photo Shoot! Alex photographed by Johan Sandberg and interviewed by Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (October 2020)!

Alexander Skarsgård: the photo shoot and interview for L'Uomo

BY TIMOTHY SMALL, JOHAN SANDBERG 25 SEPTEMBER 2020

Alexander Skarsgård is a really, really nice man. A Swede through and through, Alexander, or Alex, is a very down-to-earth gentleman who could definitely act as more of a big shot, considering he is also one of the most interesting actors in Hollywood right now, a town that, in true Swedish style, he once defined as “kind of silly”. After getting his first big break as the lead in David Simon's excellent Iraq War mini-series for HBO, Generation Kill, Skarsgård exploded in our collective imaginations as Eric Northman in True Blood, while also acting for Lars von Trier in the wonderful Melancholia.

Since then, he has been a very buff Tarzan in The Legend of Tarzan, a mute bartender in future Berlin in Mute, a very dark killer in Hold the Dark, and a hilarious Canadian Prime Minister in Long Shot, as well as giving an Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning turn in HBO's Big Little Lies. The self-defined “restless” 43-year-old is set to star in The Northman, Robert Eggers's highly anticipated third film, a “Viking revenge story” that Skarsgård himself was crucial in bringing to production – and, by all accounts, it seems like it could have all the right pieces to become a future cult classic. It certainly has that kind of hype.

L'Uomo Vogue: The Northman is such an interesting project. I know it's important to you. It's also part of a growing resurgence of interest in the Viking era and Norse mythology and that sort of epic Scandinavian adventure. How did it all begin?

Alex: It all started seven or eight years ago. As a Swede living in America, I realised there was a certain level of fascination with the Viking era and Viking culture – and this was before any of the Viking shows that have since happened. It made me realise that there basically had never been a real great epic Viking movie made, and I thought that that's what I wanted to do.

LV: So how did the project kick off?

Alex: I started having conversations with a studio back then, trying to crack the best story. All I knew at the time is that I wanted to make a big Viking movie. We had a couple of potential different starting points: we had a story about two brothers, and then one about the Viking travels down to Constantinople with the Viking siege of the city. We were looking for the right story, but I never really felt we were there. I knew the scope I wanted it to exist in. But what was the story?

LV: And that's when you met Robert Eggers.

Alex: Yes, like three or four years ago. We met about something else. I can't remember how, but we started talking about Vikings. And he was, like me, a huge fan of Viking culture and of that historical era, and I immediately felt he would be the perfect guy to direct this movie. And then we found an author and poet in Iceland, Sjón, who came onboard to write the screenplay – and they did a fantastic job, just cracking the story and the essence of it.

LV: Sounds great.

Alex: It's a real adventure movie, but it's much more. It taps into the culture, and the mysticism of the Vikings, it becomes more intimate and more personal. I didn't want it to be a generic “swords-and-sandals” movie. Robert is one of the best filmmakers out there. And the whole process is so much more gratifying than when you're quote-unquote “just an actor”. It's been truly extraordinary.

LV: But then you had to halt production.

Alex: Yeah. I was in Belfast, Northern Ireland, three months into prep on The Northman about seven days away from principal photography. Just gearing up, you know, getting ready to start a very long, very intense shoot -- a shoot that we were scheduled to wrap in July – and that's when the virus hit.

LV: What did you do then?

Alex: I normally live in New York, while my family lives in Stockholm. When the first wave came, I was on the fence: nobody really knew how long it would be, or what precisely was going on. So we shut down production for six weeks. The idea was to then see what would happen. I basically moved to Stockholm for four months.

LV: How do you feel about this forced break from work?

Alex: I had not been home for this long in... more than 20 years. It was strange. We were in a bubble; we were all healthy and safe. In a lot of ways, I had moments when I felt being surrounded by my loving family, feeling safe and loved, and taking a break from work, but then also feeling very guilty because I was, for the lack of a better term, being spared.

LV: In the past, you've described yourself as being a nomad. Did you miss Sweden and the North?

Alex: I realised how much I have been missing it. I go to Sweden regularly, but usually only for three or four days, maybe a week, tops. My father and two of my brothers are actors, so we're used to never being in the same city. We all travel all over the world. Maybe we'd get back together for Christmas. And I can really say that I had missed spring in Sweden.

LV: Do you think we will change the way movies are produced?

Alex: We're going to have to figure out how to shoot movies with dozens of crew members and hundreds of extras while still respecting social distancing rules. It's an unprecedented situation and everyone is scrambling to figure out the best approach. My brother was one of the first people who worked in our industry during the pandemic. He shot a movie in Iceland in the middle of the lockdown. The way they solved it is they split the crew into colour sections. So, hair and make-up had yellow armbands and the camera department had blue, and they had a “Corona appointee” on set who would call out, “Now blue go in!” and then “Blue, out! And yellow, in!” And then they would all do their job in turns. It was very military-like. Productions are already complicated, so we'll just have to add another layer.

LV: How did you become an ambassador to the Clarks brand?

Alex: To me, authenticity is very important. I don't want to endorse products I don't genuinely like. That's why I was excited when Clarks reached out. I've been wearing Desert Boots for 25 years. Also, I like to travel a lot. I like to explore new cities by foot. I want to be able to walk around comfortably in a classic, iconic shoe. I travel from movie set to movie set, and I often live out of a suitcase. And this teaches you to be frugal. Whatever fits in that suitcase, that's all I can bring.

LV: Is that the Swede in you?

Alex: Maybe. But we consume way too many things in this society. Also, you give things more meaning when you live with them, and when you go on adventures with them. Like, these are my boots. I've been places with them. And when they fall apart, I'll buy a new pair. If you have the right stuff to begin with, you don't need more.

LV: Going back to The Northman, that really sounds like a dream project.

Alex: It is. It will be a rollercoaster ride. I can't wait to get back to Northern Ireland and get back to the production. It's also a very physically demanding project, so I have been training for, well, since a few months before production stopped.

LV: In a way, getting into a role, getting on a movie set, acting through it, the whole process of making a movie is a bit like a little adventure. You have to prep, you have to travel, often with people you don't know, and you have to push boundaries.

Alex: Absolutely! A huge part of the appeal of this profession is you get to travel, and you meet amazing, interesting people from all over. And the uncertainty, you know? What was it, 12 years ago, I was in New York, and I'd never heard of Generation Kill. And then two days later I was on a plane to the Kalahari Desert to be out there for seven months to shoot the series. And I'll never forget the feeling, sitting on that plane, thinking, “Two days ago I didn't even know about this project, and here I am on my way to Southern Africa to spend seven months in the desert with 200 strangers.” It's very exciting.

LV: What a feeling that must be!

Alex: And every single job is like that. Every movie is different. Your part, the tone, the energy, the people – it's always different. And for someone like myself, who has that kind of wanderlust, who's always looking on the horizon, it's very attractive to never know just what the next adventure might be.

October 14, 2020: Updated with the full interview courtesy of our friends at the ASkarsLibrary (x).

Fashion credits:

Photographs by Johan Sandberg Styling by Martin Persson Grooming Karin Westerlund @ Lundlund Hair Amanda Lund @ Lundlund Stylist’s assistant Isabelle Larsson Digital Daniel Lindgren Production Madeleine Mårtensson and Olle Öman @ Lundlund

Read the full interview by Timothy Small and see the photo shoot by Johan Sandberg in the October issue of L'Uomo, on newsstands from September 22nd.

Sources/Thanks: Interview: Timothy Small for L’Uomo Vogue (x), Photos: Johan Sandberg for L’Uomo Vogue (x), artlistparis.com (x) via artlistparisnewyork instagram (x), luomovogue instagram (x) & atomomanagement.com (x) via atomomanagement instagram (x), our caps from artlistparisnewyork’s September 23, 2020 insta story (x, x)

#Alexander Skarsgard #alexander skarsgård

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voiceless-terror · 3 years

Text

I mean, I don’t believe in the predictive power of dreams, obviously, but still, it’s a deeply unsettling thing to find. I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives. - Episode 11, Dreamer

Jon stares down at the paper in his hands.

He’s had many an unkind thought towards Gertrude, his predecessor, the woman responsible for this mess and the current bane of his existence. She’s been the topic of most of his grumbling as he sorts through piles of nonsense and decaying cardboard boxes. He’s got no love lost for her, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy she’s dead. Or, specifically, to have a statement apparently predicting it through the medium of some prophetic dream. Ridiculous. He wants to feel detached, unaffected, but he can’t help the sickly sense of dread that creeps up his spine and lingers in his throat.

It was your face and the expression upon it was far more fearful than any I had seen in eight years of wandering this twilight city.

Jon doesn’t know Antonio Blake and has no reason to believe him. But he’s known something’s wrong for a long time now.

He’s never admitted it aloud, never within his assistant’s hearing range, but he can feel it, as foolish as that sounds. This miasma of wrong, of being watched, of becoming...something else, that happens every time he records a statement. Despite the academic detachment he aspires to, he does attempt to empathize with each statement-giver and get into their mindset. But what he’s doing here...it’s different. He can visualize it so perfectly, the terror in their words sticking in his throat and setting his own heart pounding, as if he were the one experiencing it and not just regurgitating it to an ancient recorder. He’s always had an ‘overactive imagination,’ as his grandmother would say, but this is relentless in its manifestation. The fear is real, not imagined. Each statement draws him further and further away from the safety he used to cling to, where the only real cases were few and far between and the most sinister things lurking out there in the world were books and the monsters within them.

And as much as he wants to linger on the false accounts and take comfort in tearing them apart, his hands automatically seek the real ones, the right ones. It’s frightening, the ease with which he finds them nowadays. Perhaps he’s a better archivist than he thinks.

She died and you’ll be next, something whispers to him. He’s being dramatic, as he’s wont to do, but it feels true. Every statement that doesn’t record correctly, every follow-up he has to qualify with an ‘I would dismiss this, but-’ is starting to add up. His nights have become restless. He often lies awake regretting that he ever took this job, that he left the relative safety of research for a position he’s not sure how to fill, his only reassurance Elias’s occasional emails that he’s ‘moving in the right direction,’ whatever that means.

Jon assumed he’d be more removed from the dangerous aspects of the job that research entailed- following up, going to locations, field work. And it’s true, he has assistants to do that for him now. Dependable, for the most part. And while he should feel safe in his tiny office with nothing but dust and paper and cobwebs (good lord, the cobwebs) he feels more unsettled and exposed than ever. He once joked he’d die of old age before getting the archives in order. But now a stroke sounds much more pleasant than whatever happened to Gertrude. If it’s true.

Perhaps it’s a joke, he thinks. Planted by one of the others, designed specifically to unsettle him. Well, it worked.

It wouldn’t be surprising. He’s...not had the best start. The promotion was a surprise, but not wholly unexpected; he knew he’d been on Elias’s radar, though he wasn’t expecting it quite so soon. He’s young and unfortunately, it shows. The way he stutters through department meetings, talking about digitization while the others, all of whom have at least a decade on him, shoot pitying looks. He stays later and later, the desire to show some sort of progress even as he discovers more mess by the day. The permanent scowl that now graces his features becomes his armor as he walks the halls and feels himself becoming the uptight, unlikable curmudgeon everyone believes him to be. The one time I measure up to expectations, he can’t help thinking.

A joke. There’s a comfort in that. At least it’s familiar.

But it didn’t record to the laptop, his traitorous mind supplies. It's a bit sad he would prefer it to be a mundane attempt at bullying rather than a real expression of the supernatural, but he supposes it’s par for the course. There were many nights as a child he wished for the same thing, for that boy to go back to taking his lunch money and the occasional beating or two instead of…still, he dismisses it from his mind. You don’t know there’s a correlation. Follow up. Disprove it.

He’s interrupted from his musings by a knock on the door and the vague outline of Martin through the frosted glass. “Come in,” he calls, attempting to inject some irritation in his voice to cover up the shakiness. “Did you need something?”

“Ah, I finished my write up for the Herbert case, was wondering if you had anything else for me?”

His hand hovers over the statement on his desk. He opens his mouth but then closes it, thinking better.

“Can you send Tim in, actually?”

______

“Sorry boss, I couldn’t find anything on this Antonio Blake fellow- well, at least with the details he provided, which were next to none. Proper spooky, though.”

Of his assistants, he trusts Tim the most with this sort of thing.

On a surface level, it wouldn’t make sense to some. Tim can be loud and gregarious: the typical, charming extrovert. But he’s not unkind and he’s a hell of a researcher, especially when something grabs his interest. He digs into statements and doesn’t let go- not unlike Sasha, though he’s a bit better at empathizing and handling things...sensitively. Easily attuned to Jon’s moods, Tim’s always been willing to lend an ear whenever he gets too in his head about cases, helping him talk things through or on several memorable occasions, go down the rabbit hole with him. He’d taken the statement from his hands with an easy smile, though his face grew serious with the nervous look Jon shot him.

And if Tim couldn’t find anything, well. Maybe it was a prank after all.

He sort of wanted it to be true, frightening as the implications were. Because then it would mean this terrible, heavy feeling on his shoulders was real, and not just the byproduct of his own mediocrity. He doesn’t want to be scared, he doesn’t want to be in danger, but at least it would provide a real reason for panic, and not just his own inability to measure up. He doesn’t want to prove them all right, collapsing under the stress of a job poorly done and so easily crumbling at a stupid, made-up statement, targeted as it may be.

“A joke, then.” Jon says, rubbing a hand at his temples, trying not to let the hurt seep into his voice. Tim makes a commiserating noise.

“You know how people are, the institute isn’t exactly popular. You remember last Halloween, when-”

“Yes, I don’t need a reminder.” Jon sighs. He’d rather not relive that day, stressful as it was. “But that wasn’t quite what I was thinking.”

Tim stares at him for a moment, uncomprehending. Jon continues, attempting to make his hands busy as he pointlessly shuffles papers.

“It’s rather pointed, isn’t it? I doubt someone off the street would create such a detailed account of the death of an...archivist as opposed to the usual ghostly drivel.”

A look of pity flickers in Tim’s eyes and Jon has to turn away. “I don’t really think anyone here would-”

“Really? You don’t?” Jon lets out a mirthless laugh, rubbing a hand across his face as he stares down at his desk. “I’m not blind. Or deaf.” The derisive snorts if he goes off on ‘needless tangents,’ how Rosie pretends to be busy whenever he approaches Elias’s office, the way his name badge still reads ‘researcher’ after months of asking for a new one. He’s basically become a pariah.

“Jon, did someone say something to you?” The words are carefully chosen and he’s leaning forward now, making as if to stand up and god forbid, do something comforting. It’s not that Jon doesn’t want the comfort; he craves it more than anything. But he’s gone without for so long he doesn’t trust himself not to break at the gentlest of touches. Being on the receiving end of Tim’s protective streak is nothing new, but he shouldn’t need his assistant looking out for him like he’s some sort of helpless infant.

He snorts derisively instead, covering up the insecurity and hurt with a sardonic, self-effacing smile. The kind he knows Tim hates. “They don’t need to. I’ve walked in on conversations, I’ve seen the way people go quiet, the looks they give me-”

“Hey,” Tim’s voice is low, like he’s dealing with a frightened animal. Jon wonders how he looks, if Tim’s going this soft. “Don’t listen to them, alright? You inherited a mess, we all did- but we’re doing our best, yeah? Study and record, like Elias said.” Jon doesn’t dodge the hand that finally lands on shoulder, and he’ll deny to anyone that he leaned into it.

“Study and record.” He repeats listlessly, slumping back down into his seat. He’s let himself get too worked up, acting like a child instead of a boss. He’s not sure when he started wearing his heart on his sleeve, but Tim’s always been good at reading him. Though he’d rather people think him an arrogant ass than the seething mess of insecurity he truly is.

“Atta boy.” The pat to his shoulder is purposefully light, devoid of Tim’s usually friendly force that sends him stumbling forward. “Now get out of here at a normal time, alright? We can grab lunch tomorrow. Just the two of us, if you like.”

Jon makes a noncommittal grunt, though the thought is nice. He entertains the idea for just a moment, remembering their occasional outings back in research. Tomorrow he’ll make his excuses. He hasn’t been much of a friend as of late, and he’s not sure he deserves the kindness of company.

“And if there’s anyone that needs a stern talking to from me, I-” Tim wags a finger and Jon rolls his eyes, ignoring the pang of warmth the words send through his chest.

“Don’t, please. It’s fine.” It isn’t. “But...thank you, Tim.”

“Course.” A wink and a sloppy salute to lighten the mood, and Jon feels the tension in his posture ease minutely as Tim shuts the door behind him.

He lets out a breath and reaches for the tape recorder. He’s wasted too much time already.

Be careful. There is something coming for you and I don’t know what it is, but it is so much worse than anything I can imagine. At the very least, you should look into appointing a successor.

Good luck.

He fights a shiver as the man’s voice leaves him and the last vestiges of that twilight world fade back to his dimly-lit office. In his follow up, he tries to play it off as a joke. A bit of hazing for the new boss. And yet the uneasiness still creeps into his voice, and he ends another tape on a stilted, half-believed note.

If this is genuine…

Jon prays that it isn’t.

And like most of his prayers, it goes unheard and unanswered.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32165071

reblogs > likes

#tma #the magnus archives #my writing #jonathan sims #tim stoker #season one jon feels #with added tim #in which rye has feelings about jon 'dismissing' statements and thinking it could be a joke and TRUSTING TIM #what else is new #reblogs appreciated <3 #a light bit of #jontim

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