#GET OUT OF HERE WITH THAT FUCKING NAME

[brother-emperors]

TRY AGAIN LATER

it's like. well. its several things.

(Plutarch's Crassus, trans. Warner)

and also this

(ibid.)

that compliment sounds like an insult, baby.

anyway, there's a fun kind of eroticism in being given everything, in taking things that aren't yours without any real consequence, in climbing towards becoming a Roman Alexander, only for one man to deny you, over and over and over again, at every turn. Sulla tried, Crassus did it better. who would put a butcher in their place? who else knows you well enough to do it? who else can match you step for step like this? doesn't it feel like a kind of intimacy, a kind of—

it's also about the 'even sulla kissed my sword/so you want me on my knees too?' innuendo was too good to pass up. that was actually the first line I wrote, I figured out the rest of this to justify making a comic with it

and finally! the sword line is referencing/playing off of Lucan's Pharsalia a little bit because it fucks hard

(Lucan's Pharsalia, trans. Jane Wilson Joyce)

EDIT: oh, and that's a public domain anatomical illustration of a heart. you know how it is with love and hate.

#marcus licinius crassus #gnaeus pompeius magnus #tris homines #komiks tag #roman republic tag #drawing tag #its about how many ways i can create situations where i have crassus call pompey a brat #the subtext going on here is that pompey and sulla are in the middle of their political falling out #and pompey is like. okay motherfucker. and crassus is something that sulla had under his hand #but uhhhhhh. its not going that well for pompey. because sulla got there first #and left his mark #dont worry tho pompey you'll get him in the end. your descendants are going to marry each other #and name two of their sons directly after both of you!! fucking wild. LOVE it #can't get much closer than that! altho pompey did try something when he married publius crassus' widow #crassus himself however holds true to his statement of 'no one is ever going to touch me ever again.' #he's like. not alive right either so it'd be hard to pin him down anyway #too haunted. your ghosts your dead your ancestors have escaped your family house buddy

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS #REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT #NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS #THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS. #ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of #another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY.. #i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her #idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had #when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them. #but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore. #but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think #i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow. #ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that #AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE #I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME #THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE #WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL #in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad #this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks- #-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl- #-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi #gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show #i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!! #anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM

[glorious-spoon]

i just think it's neat that eddie hasn't had any near death experiences since buck found out about the will. and now we have shannon (?) coming back, and the diaz parents filming in the hospital with chris and buck, and - idk! many possibilities here, is all i'm saying

#911 #911 spoilers #911 speculation #am i going to get what i want here? possibly not! #but i really do want it #also realized i typoed shannon's name after this was already reblogged oops #anyway what i want out of this isn't necessarily even specifically buddie so much as a reckoning with helena diaz #regarding how badly she fucked her son up

[moongothic]

You know I wasn't going to post about this, but the more I think about it the more it drives me up the walls

So when Luffy and co release Crocodile from jail, it's specifically under the threat that if Crocodile tries anything funny, well, Iva-chan has a trick up their sleeve to put Crocodile back in-line.

So what the fuck was that actually about? What is Crocodile's secret weakness? I'm specifically looking at the way this is phrased in the manga, because the anime's added dialogue kinda messes with what's implied here. But what Iva specifically says is that Ivankov in particular holds the key to one of Crocodile's weaknesses, but they'll stay quiet about it as long as Crocodile behaves himself ("Vataashi wa koitsu no yowami wo hitotsu nigitteru", a very clunky but literal translation could be "One of his weaknesses is within my grasp". The way Viz translated the line is a bit different so I'm not bothering with getting a cap of the panel, you wouldn't be able to tell how these lines were phrased in Japanese based on Viz's translations anyways) (The dialogue Toei added was Crocodile furiously shouting at Iva-chan, telling them to not say anything and Iva-chan reminding Croc to watch his tone or else they'll reveal Croc's past to everyone. A lot of people don't remember this was in-fact added by Toei, hence I wanted to clarify/remind what happened in this scene originally)

And now. Obviously. When Oda went out of his way to introduce a brand new character whose entire personality is being queer and their power is giving people magic HRT. And then like five chapters later re-introduces Crocodile. And tells us that these two have Secret Beef. And never proceeds to fucking tell us what the hell that was about. Yes, the natural conclusion one would come to would be that Crocodile is stealth trans. That is basic, good storytelling. You (re)introduce two characters, tell us they have beef, one has a very specific ability; you're supposed to connect these dots in your mind. So that now, if Oda revealed to us tomorrow that Crocodile was canonically trans, it would not surprise anyone because it's already been set-up in the story, by this very scene. It's a logical conclusion.

But. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Iva-chan's blackmail might actually not be about Crocodile being trans.

Like the general fandom assumption for the past 15 years has been that Crocodile's stealth trans, but we actually don't know he's stealth. He could be openly trans, and between that being a borderline requirement for Crocodad to be real (since he would've been a Shichibukai for years before Luffy was even born) and the possibility that his earring could specifically be a gay earring, like. Yeah. Crocodile could be openly trans. If Crocodile's perfectly happy to let the whole world know he's gay, then him being trans shouldn't have to be a secret either. We the readers could just be unaware of it because it wasn't relevant information to us, and his transition would be old ass news in-universe and not worth bringing up.

And thus, if Crocodile isn't stealth, then Iva-chan can't blackmail him by threatening to out him, becaus he can't be outted.

Now for a while I did considder that Iva-chan could've been actually threatening to detransition Crocodile if he tried anything funny. Surely he would hate that, so much so that he might not have wanted to even hear Ivankov suggest it. But thinking about it. Unless Iva-chan can use Armanent Haki or get Crocodile moisturized, they shouldn't be able to hit Crocodile actually. Like Croc's Logia makes him impossible to hit unless he specifically allowed himself to be touched. So even if Iva-chan tried to surprise attack Crocodile with Estrogen, Croc should just turn to sand automatically, the attack should not land.

Meaning Iva-chan shouldn't be able to detransition Crocodile against his will, at least not without Haki and we don't know if they can use it, so that can't be Crocodile's weakness either.

And so we have to ask the question. What the fuck is that weakness then that Ivankov mentioned?

All we really know is that Crocodile doesn't want this weakness to be brought up, it's a secret. And for all we know Iva-chan might be the only person in the world who knows about it.

And I just. Like.

There is one weakness, kind of a universal one that many people could have, one that has been brought up time-and-time again post-timeskip, one that has become more and more relevant in the story, especially now at the begining of the Final Saga.

A secret weakness.

If pregnancy is what cracked Crocodile's egg and he transitioned immidiately/soon after giving birth, then it's entirely plausible Iva-chan could know Crocodile had a secret child. And surely he'd want nothing more than for his child to be safe, not end up in trouble because of him. And Ivankov most certainly could put that child in danger, especially now that Crocodile was officially no longer on the World Government's side, there'd be no protection for the baby. All Ivankov had to do was leak the information out, that Sir Crocodile had a child, and anybody who had beef with him could get their revenge by attempting to find the child.

Like I'm just saying. This could line up nicely, actually

#Moon posting #OP Meta #Sir Crocodile #Crocodad #Keyword COULD #I know one might WANT to argue that surely Ivankov wouldn't put someone's child in danger #But Iva-chan can be mean or cruel if they feel like it. Remember they had no intention to help Luffy nor Bon-chan Luffy not begged.... #...for them to save Bon-chan while HE was on death's bed. And they did forcibly transition that prince (to be fair he did attack first etc) #Point is; If Crocodad Real then Iva-chan would know that Crocodile's Secret Child would be 17 by now #And even if they did leak the info about the child's existence as long as they don't know the child's name it might not do that much damage #Like it could send people on a wild goose chase to find the child but without any leads how could anybody find the kid #And again. The kid would be 17. Surely that's old enough for them to defend themselves if they did get discovered #And hey what's the alternative here. Ivankov outting a fellow queer. That's not exactly great either. #The blackmail's gonna be kinda fucked up regardless but also Crocodile did attempt to nuke 1 million people so who cares about his feelings

[sprinklethetangerine]

Hey, I just watched Dead Poets Society for the first time ever! Now, if you guys don't mind, I'm gonna go sit in the corner of my room and scream!

#me very politely asking whoever made this movie to revive Neil (i am holding them at gunpoint) #NO BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK #what about my anderperry you cant do that... my anderperry you killed it... why ☹️ #no but literally i usually cling onto one character in every show or movie and the rest i could care less about guess who it was for dps? #NEIL IT WAS FUCKING NEIL AND THEY KILLED HIM #i am rotating his father on a fire like a rotisserie chicken and feeding him to dogs. #i hope his father dies a slow agonizing death. i will boil him alive. #me at the end of the movie waiting for someone to say psyche or people to jump out with cameras and tell me i was being pranked #me before: “haha people seem to like this movie a lot it sure seems interesting ill check it out” #me after: “what is life...” #no but all of them standing kn the desks was so AHHHHHH #and i qant to fucking fight that bitch whatever his face was idk i forgot most of their names #the chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch #thats his name now forget his actual name #dps #dead poets society #anderperry #since i mentioned it in the tags #nuwanda literally was like “sure yeah ill get expelled but i wont rat you guys out” #but chatterbox tattletale snitchy bitch mister “you forgot about the homework” over here is like “yeah so i told them everything” #i am exploding his head with my fucking mind #he deserved that punch so fucking bad

[verdantglow]

I believe it’s true,

‘Cause nothing matters when I’m all wrapped up in you.

(Made a Boat Boys playlist the other day. It’s not quite done & ready to post yet, but I’ve decided I want to go through it & do paintings for a few lyrics from each song on it. Here’s the first one. ^^ )

#boat boys #SmallEtho #hermitshipping #trafficshipping #verdant art #Part-time soulmate Full-time problem #<— gonna be using that tag for this series so people can find it on my blog. #also that’s the playlist’s name on Spotify if you want to listen to the WIP #just remember it’s subject to change & some songs might get swapped out #Spotify #fuck it I’m gonna slap this in their individual tags as well #I hope that’s okay #afaik Etho doesn’t go on tumblr & Joel seems to know exactly what kinda shit’s going on here. #anyway. #Joel SmallishBeans #Etho #Ethoslab

[quirkle2]

anybody else rly rly ill about the amount of grief in his eyes in this scene

[original screencap under the cut]

#qkdraws #id in alt #ayyyee surprise trigun content #vash is rly fun to draw <- girl who says literally everything is fun to draw #except shoes.fuck them thangs #anyway yeah the look in his eyes here rewired me a little bit #imagine animating human emotion so viscerally. who did this.who thought this was ok #apparently im incapable of drawing pointed faces i have to round them out. or ill die or smth #i wanna draw him more but i 1) need Energy and 2) i will have to draw his prosthetic #this isn't an excuse i Will draw his prosthetic im just whining to whine. i ain't no quitter #vash the stampede #trigun stampede #trigun #trigun vash #shoving this in the drafts before i go to bed.hi it's Draft Jay here coming at u live at 1:30am and Starving #literally so hungry.somebody save me <- too worried abt waking her parents to make food #enough of that tho i didn't expect trigun to be so .fucked up #i mean it's a show abt a fucking pacifist gunman who has a brother named Millions Knives.that's so fuckin stupid /pos #who knew how horrid it would get (not me.now i know tho <3) #uhh ur regularly scheduled mob psycho stuff will be back soon in the meantime[passes out]

[prettyiwa]

Every so often I see anons in mutuals’ inboxes not understanding the deal against empty blogs even if there’s an age, or about blogs that don’t reblog and it just reminds me of how quickly we forget and how quickly we cycle through toxic phases in this community. It's partially because it’s ever-growing with people from Reddit and Twitter and Wattpad writers and everyone else not listed.

It comes and goes in fucking waves so it’s easy to miss if you aren’t here for it, but every handful of months there’s some mass post going around where a writer has been informed of or found their writing (and others') stolen and reposted on another site (9 times out of 10 it’s Wattpad) with the poster taking credit. So often that account and plagiarizer is traced back to an empty blog that’s following all the blogs it stole from. Sometimes they’ll even leave a like that serves as a bookmark so they can come back and steal those words for fake internet points.

Like. For people who have been subjected to that kind of theft, there’s anxiety and distrust that remains. For people who watched it happen (especially time and again because it’s multiple times a year), there’s that voice in the back of their mind when they see someone with a blog that has a header of “Kayleigh (19) Just Reading!!” and nothing else.

And so either these anons who don’t understand why they can’t “lurk in peace” genuinely do not know about the cycle that happens here or they do not care for the people writing the stories and HCs and drabbles they passively enjoy.

Regardless, it only contributes to that growing feeling of being yet another source of quick and convenient consumption and not an actual person sharing their passion with people who might like it.

#sorry I’m salty #idek if this is halfway coherent but yeah #It’s very frustrating watching history repeat itself especially on a site like this when history is easily forgotten and the cycle is much #much shorter #almost like it’s also tied to fiscal quarters #“it's my choice to have my name/age/reblogs on my account!” that is very much true. it is your choice. i respect your choice. #now it's your turn to respect the choice of the writer for which that is a boundary. #you expect us to respect your choices that are indicative of your humanity but you won't offer the same? get the fuck out of here

[chrollohearttags]

anyways, I’m so glad I actually have talent and the ability to make fics that make me happy so I don’t have to go around throwing shade at others’ writing because I have the creativity of a piece of fucking lint. So happy I have self esteem and a personality instead getting mine from the internet. Some of you obviously can’t relate.

#lemme just focus on my stories #anybody else can eat a fucking dick atp #idc idc #somebody lied to some of you bitches and told you that bc you write for unpopular characters/fandoms it makes you better #and y’all are sadly mistaken #I know y’all are note hungry but please don’t get mad at me bc you can construct a proper sentence #that’s a you issue and not that of ‘the popular blogs’ #I’m just a bitch on here writing whatever comes to mind m #I don’t be giving a damn abt who likes it or not #it’s not my business #cherry chats 🍒 #but y’all got it #y’all got it fr #and please don’t get me started on how y’all plagiarize from said blogs and then have the fucking nerve to say #‘idk who this came from’ bitch if u saw the hc/names #then you can see the person you stole it from dpmtfo #but if you get called out ur being bullied lmaoo be so fucking fr #and this isn’t a call out #whoever feels hit #holler bitch idc #if it don’t apply then let it fly

[nox-sssscraps]

Gawd I’m. it’s 4:20am and I’ve been listening to exclusively the new 21 savage album since it dropped last night and I’m thinking abt my ocs . And spacewaffles I suppose

#RRRGG I can never get Bacon’s colors right but it’s ok!!! #it’s sooo okay and fine I’m deffo not upset abt it ^_^ #lifesteal smp #baconnwaffles0 #planetlord #oc: Corduroy #im so proud of the name Corduroy I really like it . need to flesh out her character more <33 #UGH ok I dislike how Planet’s head/hair looks and Bacon’s hair is too fucking saturated AND you can’t tell that’s it’s braids !!! #Corduroy looks fine. love you Corduroy <333 #according to procreate I spent 2.5 hours on this OHGG MY GOD WHYYY #ok caption true tho new 21 kinda awesome #my favorites so far r see the real and uhh #wait hold on #and just like me . special mention should’ve wore a bonnet . THAT song takes me straight back to middle school and swing screen doors <3333 #AND ICE POPS AND WATER BALLON FIGHTS that we were allowed to start past 7pm cuz parents would make us clean up and we had school #damn. I love music #ok bye I’ve been here for long enough and i probs need to sleep lol #nox art

[miss-ute]

#I miss them #“Sister Bernadette?” #HE WROTE TO HER!!!! #still waiting for those letters HEIDI! #his soft “When?” #dead #I love him #he looks like a baby here! #“You are not travelling 30 miles by public transport!” #bless him #“Forgive me. But I don't answer to that name any more.” well the idiot does not know your real name so... #Chummy I love you but get the fuck out of there! #duty calls? he says

[pepperpixel]

WHERES UR HEAD AT- AT- AT- AT?

WHERES UR HEAD AT?

WHERES UR HEAD AT?

FiNALLY MORE ART… Srry I’ve been gone for a while!!!!!! I… have just.. been super busy. And I’m still busy lol. I got a lot goin on!!!! But… But…!!! I managed to finish some art today!!! Thank god lol- so yeah! Behold this funky nurse creature..! she will be committing medical malpractice on u..!!! And that is a promise!! Or ur money back guaranteed!

#original #original art #artists on tumblr #nurse #demon #doodles #it’s the holidays dudes…. shit is fucking busy….. #but yeah… here is nurse tho… I hope u enjoy her… #I enjoyed drawing her!!! I tried to mess around w a lot of diff stuff! #like… I tried to not stress so much about.. making a polished end product.. and to instead just. draw… in a way I thought would be fun #and interesting! and it was!! #which was nice! #and also I think the end product turned out good too which is nICE BUT #I was trying not to worry about that while I was drawing lol. #I think.. she has soup for brains… but boy does she kno how to work a hacksaw…! #like. her brain is only made for surgery… almost scarily competent and cracking somebody open and messin around in there! #the scarily is cuz… u have to be awake lol… and also u don’t need surgery… she just wants to give it to u… so! ur getting surgery lol #but her brain has no cells or time or care for anything outside the operating room… #IDK IF ILL EVER DRAW THIS NURSE AGAIN SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A NAME #but there are those thoughts I had about her! #blood #knives #the scarily is also cuz. who KNOS what she’s doin in there!!! u certainly don’t!! other medical professionals dont! they’d be appalled! #straight up horrified! but! she knows…. she knows what she’s doin. that’s what matters in the end lol #also she def isn’t giving u any anesthesia lol she’s goin in raw #anyway yeah!!! she’s cute I like her!!!

[sp0o0kylights]

ooo and 5 please! who's saying fuck no about what??

This waaaas a werewolf oneshot I was playing with, separate from Hungry. It features a transmasc Gareth, protective Eddie and Steve, and a personal favorite, Secret Berserker Jonathan Byers.

This was another oneshot that is made entirely of various scenes, so I wrote a quick introduction here to it. It wouldn't make a lick of sense otherwise lol.

(Similar to Hungry, we're playing with dominant/submissive werewolves. Think Patricia Briggs and Ilona Andrews & how they run their werewolf stories based on super outdated but very fun concepts of real wolf packs lol. I have my own little modern twist on them, but there's a difference between a social work/school friend group "pack" and a Wolf Pack TM. )

Snippet

Hellfire won't be out for another few minutes, but neither Steve or Jonathan talk much as they wait. 

It's a peaceful kind of silence they share, particularly between two people who aren't friends, but ended up as family anyway. 

Which is why both startle hard when the doors to the school slam open. 

One of Munson's wolves storms out, looking over his shoulder instead of ahead. "What part of fuck no don't you get!?" 

"Come on." Wheedles another voice, and Steve and Jonathan both watch as a sandy haired boy in a letterman jacket pursues the first.

Slowly, casually, and with the air of a predator.  

"Don't fight it so hard, baby!" The harassing party coos, in a smug mimic of Danny Zuko. 

"Do not call me that." Munson's wolf--Steve can't recall his name but he thinks it starts with a G-- whirls around.

The guy seems to be made of both fury and anxiety, backing away even as he spits and snarls--though his actual emotions are hard to get a read on given he's drenched himself in scent-neutralizing cologne.

(Steve almost sneezes when he scents it, but manages to keep himself together.)

The Hellfire kid's putting up a fight, but its clear from the way he holds himself that he’s a more submissive wolf--and a bad match to the dominate one chasing him. 

Jonathan tosses a glance at Steve. 

"I'll call you whatever I like." His pursuer tells him, a smile unfurling on his face. "Especially after I make you my bitch." 

Steve shoves off the car the same time Jonathan does, but he ends up being the first to the scene, surging forward to step in-between the two.

Hardened battle buddy he is, Jonathan takes this as his cue to fall in behind him, sticking near Munson's wolf. 

"Andy." Steve identifies, voice cold. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

"Harrington?" Andy replies, thrown off his target and showing it. "What are you doing here?"

"Putting you in your place, apparently."

Andy's head snaps back, eyes narrowing in mounting rage.

"Excuse me?" 

Steve cocks his hip, hands on his hips.

"Not until you swear off hunting down submissive wolves, you fucking walnut." 

"That isn't what this is, Harrington. Mind your business." 

He makes to go around Steve, and finds the older wolf won't let him. 

"I told you to back off." And the voice Steve speaks with then, is different. 

Weighted.

Steve's wolf is the dominant party here, and he's making Andy feel it. 

Andy growls at him, an inhuman sound, eyes darting from Steve, to Jonathan and back.

He's outgunned and he knows it.

Tension grips them all as Andy meets Steve's eyes in challenge, before clearly thinking better of it.

He drops his head, stepping back.

"Fine. But I'm not giving up, Grace. We're doing this, sooner or later." 

"My name is Gareth." Munson’s wolf snaps, and Steve knows Jonathan will hold him back if he tries to escalate things, 

Submissive has never meant unable to fight, after all. 

Steve keeps an eye on Andy as he retreats another step, and it's all too clear he wants a parting shot.

"Now we both know that's not true." He says, and Gareth hisses like a kettle, fury emitting off him in choked waves. 

Steve clears his throat in warning--he's done playing here, and no matter how much he hates fighting, his wolf has no such qualms.

Andy's eyes dart to him once more, before he whirls around on a heel and storms back through the school doors.

Right in time to plow through the rest of Hellfire.

"Get out of my way, freaks." Andy spits, shoving his way through. 

Will yelps in surprise, caught off guard and off balance, falling back into the lockers with a crash.

His head smashes against metal and he slumps for a moment, stunned.

Mike and Dustin both turn to shout at Andy, Lucas slotting himself to Will's side and trying to get a look at his head.

Behind Steve, Jonathan's eyes go dark.

Munson and Gareth both choke as power floods the parking lot, bloodlust pouring off the elder Byers in waves.

He knifes forward, past Steve, hands blurring in a slurry of shifting muscles and bone until his fingers elongate into sharp, wicked claws. 

It's a controlled change, a feat very few can accomplish--and a deadly one, given Jonathan's reacting out of instinct than anything else.

"Jon." Steve calls, power ringing out from his voice.

(Can see, from the corner of his eye how even Munson, the second most dominant wolf present, flinches from it in surprise.

Steve isn't. He might be a trash fighter, too worried about preventing injuries to inflict them, but his wolf doesn't share the same sentiments.

It's not a disconnect. Rather, it's an agreement he has, with his wolf half, and it serves them very well.)

Jonathan freezes, and it's immediately clear by how tense his muscles are that he's not doing it on his own.

That Steve's using his position in the Pack to hold him, magic and Pack bonds pulsing between the two.

"Steve." Jonathan warns, all too calmly. 

Steve's wolf doesn't rise to the challenge. Doesn't consider it a challenge, even if most wolves would. 

Amber pours into Steve's pupils, the mark of the two halves of a werewolf blending themselves together.

Just as Jonathan did.  

"Check on the kids." Steve and his wolf say together.

 Jonathan's face twist in a snarl as his body shudders under the command.

"Fine." He says after a beat, and Steve's Pack magic releases its hold.

Jonathan's hands twist again, bloodlust fading from his scent, frantic energy draining from the air like a hole punched into an inflatable pool. 

"I'm fine." Will calls out to him, and Steve eases himself back into his own natural state, the threat of Jonathan murdering Andy neutralized. 

He turns to check back in on Gareth, and finds the younger wolf has pressed his face hard into Munson's shoulder. 

"He okay?" Steve asks.

It's redundant because of course Gareth’s not okay--but that's not the question he's really asking.

What he's asking, is if Eddie has Gareth.

Steve has never quite been sure of Munson’s pack status--he knows some clubs and friendships are closer than others, and many can act similar to how Steve’s own capital P Pack does. 

Knows through the kids that Munson runs his group more similar to a proper pack than your normal little high school friend group.

That does not mean Gareth will get the care he needs right now, hunted down like he had been.

"Yeah." Eddie says, understanding relayed in a nod. He turns his gaze to the right of Steve's face, the polite thing to do when two dominant wolves to interact. "Harrington, we need to talk." 

It's in a tone that'd normally have Steve's hackles up, but given what's happened, Steve soothes down his wolf.

Follows when Eddie gently pulls away from Gareth, handing him over to a teen Steve is pretty sure is named Jeff before edging Steve away from the crowd. 

"Can you tell me what Andy said to him?" Munson asks, and his tone is odd.

Off slightly, like he's trying hard to be extra careful. 

Steve chooses not to read into it. 

"He called him names. Bitch and baby. Said Gareth shouldn't fight him so hard." 

Eddie stares at him then, eyes burning into Steve's own, and Steve's wolf itches under his skin at the audacity of it. 

"Anything else?" Eddie demands. 

"He said he wasn't hunting, that it wasn't what it was." 

Munson frowns. "No, did he call Gareth anything else?" 

Steve's dropped the polite urge to keep his eyes averted, now staring dead into Munson's eyes, unable to ignore the direct challenge offered in it.

"He called him Grace, but I figured that was just another insult."

Steve’s voice is clipped. He’s not eager for a fight, particularly not against the guy the kids won’t shut up about, but his wolf is already closer to the surface than it usually is.

Munson stares at him for a moment longer.

"Think you and Johnny boy over there can keep that last bit to yourselves?" 

It's too much like a command, a threat of force in Eddie's voice that's backed by hints of his own wolf shoving forward.

The Steve of old would have been downright violent when faced with that. 

The Steve of now, the one who'd gone three rounds with the Upside Down; who sat drugged out of his mind in a bathroom while Robin confessed to liking Tammy Thompson and then looked at him like he might kill her for it, keeps himself in place as he looks Munson over. 

He’s not imaging it, there is a challenge there--but Steve pauses to think about what he’s being challenged over before he responds. 

How Munson isn't so much focused on Andy, as he is on the name he'd called Gareth.

His eyes flick over to find the younger wolf staring right at them. 

The guy’s arms are wrapped tightly around the middle, a poorly hidden tremble rolling through his body.

Steve hadn't taken Andy's words at face value but Eddie’s request reframed things in his head, and he’s silent as he works out why, exactly Gareth's name matters so much. 

No wonder the kid had drowned himself in that awful, scent neutralizing cologne. 

"Yeah. I'll make that happen." Steve agrees, his words heavy with promise. 

"Thanks." Eddie inclines his head. 

#werewolf au #tw dead naming #transmasc Gareth #eddie munson #steven harrington #protective steve harrington #protective jonathan byers #thems their kids how very dare you #0o0 fanfics #tw warning in that Andy is very clearly pursuing Gary here for bad intentions and while I dont think it comes through as much its that #thing where a guy has something over you and is using threat of force to get it--the threat here being that he'd out Gareth as trans #and generally doesnt see gareth AS trans #oh yeah #protective eddie munson #lol #homie sees Steve fucking pull Jonathan out of a berserker rage with four words and still squares up

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

#ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #I Love Yoo #Kousuke Hirahara #Shinhye #idk what to tag her as because we know she isn't known as Shinhye anymore #and because Simhan and their mother never married AND she was from a previous relationship Yoo isn't even her family name #so I can't really use Shinhye Yoo lol #alas #anyway this episode was DEVASTATING and quimchee said it's the beginning of the sad episodes meant to happen in March #literally said 'It's all downhill from here' #which I take to mean til the timeskip #BUCKLE UP BABIES WE'RE GOING FOR A BIG CRY SESH ;______; #i gotta say tho this episode didn't even make me cry - i guess because none of this is new and I've been bracing myself for it #Kousuke is so fucking wet cat it agonizes me ;_____; #I could write a whole essay on how Yui destroyed him and Nol in one fell swoop #i think a lot about precocious little Kousuke who tried so hard to be a good little boy and rushed through school because he wanted so badl #to hurry up and catch up to his father and join him in the workplace #all the opportunities he lost #the way he tried to fit himself into a personality a person he never picked out but just believed would get him what he wanted #he lost himself in the process #or maybe he never even got to know himself #i think too a lot about Kousuke who played piano and gave it up when he came to believe it wasn't important to his dad #that it didn't garner the attention and praise he seeked #so he dropped it to better mold himself into someone he thought Rand WOULD be proud of #FUCKING DEVASTATED #I'M GOING TO JUMP OFF THE ROOF SOBS

[mymarifae]

can we all just kill ourselves like actually

#FUCK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE #NOT BABY-BABY MIZUKI.. #SHE'S SO SMALL... #i hope we get to learn her big sister's name. that would be nice i'm sick of calling her mizusis what's her NAME #THE LIGHTING IS GORGEOUS HERE AND HER SISTER IS SO SWEET AND SUPPORTIVE AND ACCEPTIVE AND SN:4*%&¡\*$(^* #passes away

[why-the-heck-not]

ugh gonna have to start a new sourdough starter; this one has a bit of mold in the sides of the jar (not on the starter itself) and ik some ppl on the internet say u could just take some of it out to a new jar and keep going, I think the safest bet is to just start over. It's only a month old, and better to go back a month than to always wonder if I'm lowkey poisoning myself every time I make bread (and wouldn't feel comfortable abt sharing that bread/starter with other ppl bc one thing to poison urself, but others?? that's a big no).

#sucks but anyways it's a process #and I don't fuck with microbiology; too easy to accidentally grow something weird and bad #elvis truly is dead lmao (that's the name of the starter (and will be the new one's as well bc I will live one delusion that it's the same #one in spirit bc I got emotionally attached to this one)) #also ik what I did wrong; like yesterday I kinda forgot to feed it and also the sides of the jar weren't fully clean (bc usually I switch #jars like once a week; not every time which is what I'll start doing from here on out) #but the new one I think I'll feed twice a day from the beginning bc noticed it rly helped ti get it going #so it might not take as long as the last one #2024 #april 2024