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franklyshipping · 7 years

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Just Breathe ~ A Markiplier Ego Fanfic

In the mood to write some severe angst with Bim and the Host (aka my precious bois), but don’t worry cuz it’s gonna end up all fluffy! 😘 WARNING: There will be a very detailed panic attack and a ton of self-hate, so if you know that kind of stuff affects you then DO NOT READ. For the rest of you, I hope you like it 😳

Another mistake, another task not done to the deadline, another failing for Bim Trimmer. He was stumbling as he walked, legs shaking with painful guilt as Wilford’s voice echoed in his mind. Incompetant. Useless. Worthless. Unwanted. Bim’s head was spinning as he reached his room and shut the door with a desperate slam, he couldn’t even make it to his bed. He dropped to the floor…hard. Wincing as his knees made contact and his lungs burned with hyperventilation, lips becoming dry and chapped and painful.

Bim clenched his fists against his carpet, almost wheezing as he bent his head. Chest shaking with long repressed sobs, choked sounds spluttered from his throat as his thoughts stabbed and mocked him.

Weak.

Pathetic.

Don’t deserve to exist.

Bim let out a whimpering cry, tears streaming down his cheeks as he muffled himself with his hand. He didn’t deserve to be helped…let alone heard. The air was so thin and the room so blurred as his muscles tightened, almost painfully. His despair was consuming him…and that’s what drew the Host to him. The door seperated them, but Bim was unaware. He was unaware of everything except of how much he utterly despised himself. The Host stood motionless, heart aching with the need to enter but battling with the worry of worsening it all.

The Host’s need to help won. As it should. He opened the door, making Bim jump at the sudden noise that invaded his silence. He whimpered harshly, his voice devoid of it’s gentle joy.

‘Don’t…’

He would’ve said more but his own violent sobs shook them away, he was heaving as the Host rushed to kneel beside him. The Host felt so much anger and sadness at how something so pure and perfect could be reduced to such loathing and hate. No. The Host refused. He knew what too much self-hate could do to a person…he would not let what happened to him happen to Bim. Never.

‘Shhhh…hush now. You are safe.’

The Host wasn’t one for physical affection, but he knew it was the one thing that would calm Bim above all else. With that in mind he wrapped his arms round Bim carefully, using one hand to rub his hunched back soothingly. Bim still weeped, though not as violently as the Host’s presence gave him something to focus on through the deep fog of his emotions.

‘I-I…’

‘Don’t speak, only listen. Listen to how I breathe…’

The Host waited momentarily as he breathed slowly, Bim’s breath still shattered haphazardly down his throat. The Host lightened his touch on Bim’s back, making sure he emitted feelings of safety and serenity. Bim’s breathing began to slow as his tears stopped flowing.

‘That’s it. Breathe with me Bim, you’re doing really well.’

The Host’s voice seemed to cut through the noise and traffic in Bim’s mind as he breathed, all his jitters and flinches began to lessen. They knelt there, the two of them. Breathing in perfect synchronicity in a peaceful silence, Bim was no longer crying as he slowly regained the ability to think straight. His own thoughts were the only things in his mind now. Bim slowly looked to the Host, and felt shame bubble up within him at the thought of someone…especially the Host, having to look after him. The Host had his own problems and certainly didn’t need Bim’s pathetic blubbing in his life.

‘Host I…I’m sorry…’

The Host grimaced at Bim’s apology as the latter looked down into his lap, so the Host spoke up. Loudly and clearly, these were probably going to be the most important words he’d ever say; he had to say them right. Also, despite his own preference, the Host realised that in order to get through to Bim he would have to speak as he did. Although he had already done so amidst his initial attempts to calm him, he knew Bim would be more focused now. He had to take advantage of that. The Host took a deep breath.

‘Do not be sorry for feeling. Never be sorry for such things, it is so much worse to bottle things up until they’re all that’s left of you. Trust me, I know.’

Bim failed to withhold a gasp, his eyes were wide as they traced over the Host. In both awe and shock at the Host’s words. Subsequently, he couldn’t find the energy to protest as the Host picked him up from floor and got him to lie on his bed. Bim fidgeted with his hands as the Host perched beside him, a small silence followed as Bim collected himself furthur. Bim looked aroung his room, his eyes trailing and soon settling in a lazy gaze straight ahead of him; not at anything in particular.

‘Everything was just…’

The Host looked at the whispering man patiently, watching as he scarcely blinked as he moistened his lips to rid them of potentially painful cracks. Bim let his words drip, like oil pooling in the air.

‘It all just blew up in my mind…everything all at once.’

The Host sighed lengthily, he knew what that was like. He tentatively rested a hand on Bim’s knee, and was glad when Bim seemed to relax furthur at the gentle touch. The Host smiled at his new contented expression.

‘Well if you do insist on spending the majority of your time with Wilford then I’m not entirely surprised.’

The Host smiled lightly when the corners of Bim’s lips twitched, and a hint of light returned to his voice.

‘He can be like an overgrown puppy sometimes…’

The Host let out a gentle laugh.

‘More like an overgrown rabid puppy…’

Bim smiled wider, eyes glowing with rekindled joy.

‘An overgrown rabid angsty puppy…’

The Host snickered audibly, tilting his head as Bim looked at him grinning.

'I’m confused…are we discussing Dark now?’

Bim’s eyes widened as he fell into a giggle fit, a hand clamped over his mouth as the Host chuckled along with him. He mentally tasked himself to keep Bim in this joyous frame of mind, at least for a little while. The Host switched to a tone of mocking seriousness.

'Why are you laughing? Did I say something to amuse you?’

Bim brought a second hand to his face as his bubbly giggles consumed him, he shook his head as the Host’s faked confusion increased; which only made him laugh more.

'No? Then what…’

The Host paused as a devious thought suddenly entered his mind, he repressed a light smirk.

'Wait…are you laughing AT me?!’

Bim’s eyes went wide at the Host’s playful tone as he shook his head.

'Nohoho…’

'Oh really?’

The Host raised his eyebrows as he leant forward, mischief encasing him as he administered several playful pokes to Bim’s tummy. The latter was so surprised that he jumped harshly and yelped before trying to curl into a ball.

'Nahahaha Hohohohost!’

Bim spluttered at the Host’s cheekiness, something that he wouldn’t have expected from the otherwise serene and collected man. Bim had managed to curl into a ball…but that meant he’d trapped the Host’s hand at his tummy. Bad move. The Host sneered and wiggled his fingers deftly.

'Oh no…you’re not ticklish are you?’

The Host teased making Bim’s cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink, the Host also decided to squeeze Bim’s knee with the spare hand that had previously been resting there.

'Nohohohohoho!’

Bim cackled and wiggled about helplessly whilst the Host grinned with the knowledge of this new foolproof method of keeping a smile on Bim’s face.

'I hope you forgive me for saying so, but you’re really not very convincing…’

The Host grinned fondly as Bim squirmed, surprised at how effective he actually was…or perhaps it was just Bim’s hypersensitivity.

'Stahahahahappihihit!!!’

The Host grinned maniacally as he scratched at the back of Bim’s knee as his other hand (miraculously) found Bim’s navel.

'Stop? Awww, does it tickle too much?’

'YEHEHEHEHEHES!!!’

Bim shrieked and flushed furthur at the Host’s cooing as the Host wiggled a finger in his belly button. The Host almost jumped when he howled loudly, it was like he was being electrocuted as he bucked heavily; the Host found that he was enjoying himself immensely at this point.

'Wow…it seems someone has quite the ticklish belly button!’

'SHUHUHUHUHUT UHUHUHUHUP!!!’

The Host chuckled as Bim tried to hide his burning cheeks by shoving his face into the mattress, but to no avail. The Host moved the hand scratching at his knee to his neck where he fluttered his fingertips rapidly, relishing in Bim’s squeal as he went to scrunch his neck.

'NAHAHAHAHAT FAHAHAHAIR!!!’

Bim wailed as he looked up at the Host with pleading eyes and a wide, desperate grin.

'PLEHEHEHEHEASE!!! IHIHIHIHIHI CAHAHAHAHAN’T!!!’

The Host snickered and decided to stay silent as Bim grabbed at his hands, and after perceiving Bim’s shortness of breath he let Bim grab and hold them away. Bim’s desperation dimmed with his laughter as he maintained a wide smile, cheeks burning as the Host smirked.

'Remember to breathe Bim.’

He chuckled when Bim sent him a minute glare as he panted gently, and as he did so he became very aware of something. That something, or rather those somethings, were his hands…and the fact that they were currently holding the Host’s tightly, their fingers partially interlocking. The Host too noticed, he smiled subtly.

'I don’t mind.’

He felt a warmth in his chest when Bim grinned bashfully, he eyes drooping behind his spectacles. The Host sighed and looked down at Bim’s hands, he ran his thumbs over Bim’s knuckles gently before returning them to their owner who was trying to repress a yawn.

'I think some sleep would do you some good at this point.’

Bim giggled drowsily, already mostly snoozing as he mumbled.

'Will you stay?’

The Host was slightly taken aback, he let his eyes wander over Bim’s contented form…he smiled fondly as he looked to the man’s face; his eyes were now closed.

’Of course.’

Bim hummed contentedly, the Host hesitated as he reached forward and lifted Bim’s spectacles from his face. He held them for a moment, balancing the delicate weight before resting them on the bedside table. The Host knew that the room had no chair or stool, he bit the inside of his bottom lip as he stood…he had no idea what possessed him to do what he did next. He walked round and climbed onto the bed next to Bim, lying on his back. His spared the slumbering man a glance; the ghosts of mirth were etched on his face as the Host lay back calmly.

A watcher in the darkest of times.

V tired and going to sleep now, tell me what ya think and send me some asks or prompts cuz i’d really like to hear from the (now) 43 of you! 😄 Kkay luv yous xx

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