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saintobio · 3 years

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sincerely not. (5)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband who’s ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.

genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+

tags/warnings. profanity, slight misogyny (hi naoya), alcohol consumption/intoxication, cheating, breeding kink, explicit smut

notes. this chapter has 9k words on god pls excuse my writing i couldn’t be bothered to edit sdjnsj also !! here is the playlist for the series <3

series masterlist -> episode six

One of the many events where wealthy people gathered together was in auctions. Charity auctions, to be exact. There was nothing more exciting than to be in a room filled with the most affluent people in the country, flaunting their riches by bidding on different valued items with exorbitant amounts of cash. In all rich people’s handbooks, it wasn’t a secret that raising a bid was more of a competition than an intent to help a certain charity. This was all because of the mindset that if you were in the same place as your rival business empires, the most satisfying feeling in the world was to know that you had more fortune than everyone else in the room. It boasted of luxury, power, and abundance in money. You weren’t exactly supporting the principles that the people from your elite social class upheld, but this was the norm that you had grown accustomed to.

That being said, it didn’t feel any different for you when you entered the hotel’s grand ballroom. Greeted by the euphonious melodies of the pianoforte, the cluster of high class people in their tailored suits and dresses, and the redolence of expensive champagne made you feel like a monarch of the new age. Everything was upscale for a ballroom that oozed glitz and glamor.

Perhaps you really were seen as a princess with a godly prince holding your hand as you walked further into the venue. You and your husband received greetings from the elders and garnered looks of admiration from the bachelors and bachelorette. You could very well discern through the sparkles in their eyes that they didn’t see Satoru and Y/N, but rather, the heir and the heiress of The Gojou Group and the Creston Financial Group. They could see money and power before your faces—a superficial trait common to the elite.

If you had no name, there was no place for you in there. As kids born from old money, people would recognize you by being represented as someone’s daughter or son which was the raw indication that you could never truly be yourself without your lineage or inherited wealth. The upper class would also consider factors such as how big your business was, how many properties you had, and how much assets you owned for you to be classified as influential enough to find your belongingness with the high society. You couldn’t just simply be rich, you had to be the richest of the rich. This was the key to be a part of the exclusive circle of aristocratic families.

Fortunately, status didn’t blind you. Nor did money and material things. You believed that there was no reason to form a clique when anyone regardless of their bank account could participate in events like these for their own philanthropy. The sad thing was how those born from old money tend to raise an eyebrow for the nouveau riche, releasing scoffs of mockery and side-eyeing them whenever they noticed that an arriviste had managed to find their way into the elite society.

Everyone hated the new rich. Even your own husband, simply by how terribly he treated his step-mom claiming that the woman was a status-seeking parvenu who would be in the streets if she didn’t climb up the social ladder by sleeping with his dad.

A bit harsh for him to say, but what was new for Satoru?

“Where’d you get this?” With the said husband stopping at one of the cocktail tables, he grabbed your wrist and eyed the gold bracelet around it.

“From Nana,” you answered, tidying up his collar as he placed a hand on the small of your back. Satoru displayed contemporary elegance in his tailored Zegna suit—truly a man of class and effortless sophistication. “She said it was your family’s heirloom.”

Satoru remained stiff when he chose not to say another word, taking a sip from the glass of champagne to distract his thoughts. You could tell that he wanted to make a comment about the bracelet but could not do so when all eyes were constantly glancing at the two of you. “They’re all looking.”

Well, who wouldn’t find a newlywed couple intriguing? Gossips about how you landed Gojou and contrariwise were probably the topic of their sotto voce remarks for tonight. Their eyes were green with envy, but their lips were upturned into inauthentic smiles.

“Don’t mind them,” you told your husband just as he tugged at the hem of your Chanel tweed skirt, scrutinizing your outfit with his slender fingers that brushed on your thighs. “H-Hey.”

“Don’t you have a pantyhose underneath? This is too short.” His criticism was laced with irritation. “Just change into that other dress you brought along.”

Acting. He could be acting. You had to remember that he was quite a good actor and that he wasn’t truly concerned about the lack of fabric that covered your thighs. “Oh, that... It’s my piece for the auction.”

Diamond blue eyes quickly met your gaze at the information. “From your closet?”

“No, I designed it,” you clarified, acknowledging your auntie from two tables away with a smile before you looked back at your husband.

He placed a hand in his pocket and held yours on the other, brushing his thumb on your skin as he spoke. “You make clothes?”

If no one was around, would you even have this conversation at all? Your heart was somersaulting from all the downpour of affectionate gestures, something that you rarely received from him. “I just design them. I have a professional seamstress that makes them for me.”

Satoru averted his eyes to check the multitude of high class people around the two of you. “Didn’t know you do fashion design.”

You did, in fact, wish that you could have pursued fashion but was pressured to take up Business Management and Entrepreneurship just like him.

“Well, you never asked.” You didn’t say it bitterly, but it was plain true that Satoru was never curious enough to know about your hobbies and interests.

And as expected, he didn’t further ask about you until Shoko Ieiri in her Anna Sui peplum dress appeared on your side with an enthusiastic grin to greet you and your husband. Because she came from a family of renowned doctors, she held her own reputation within the elites.

“Hey, you two,” she exchanged quick kisses on the cheek with you before she nudged Satoru on the rib, “How was the honeymoon? I saw the pictures.”

A nightmare. Just thinking about Iceland was enough to release a gnawing ache through the crevices of your heart. All you could remember in your head during that trip was how badly you tried your best to spend it happily with Satoru, only to have him constantly remind you that he was basically doing it out of obligation.

“It was fine." He took the initiative to answer but was visibly stultified based on the tone of his voice alone. He then released your hand and looked around the place as if he was searching for someone. “Ieiri, have you seen Suguru?”

Shoko could only offer a shrug. “Who cares? He could be waiting on some chick,” she answered, quickly changing the topic, “I’ll borrow your wife for a while. Don’t miss her too much.”

“Whatever,” your husband muttered concurrently to how he rolled his eyes with lack of concern.

Your eyes widened as the woman tugged at your wrist and dragged you with her while you were looking at Satoru in panic. “Wait, I—”

“Relax, we’re just gonna join the youngsters for a bit,” said Ieiri as the two of you strutted across the table, “Mai wants to meet you. Besides, Gojou is a a self-righteous asshole. I bet all he talks about with you is how he’s the richest man here.”

Satoru wouldn’t even initiate conversations with you on the daily and realizing that was more hurtful than you imagined. Since that night when he asked you to stay with him, your guilt allowed you to submit to his request because you felt some sort of responsibility for finding yourself caught in between him and Sera. His words were clear in your head, reminding you of the pain that you owed them for having agreed to the marriage and for simply existing.

You sighed, choosing not to plague your mind with depressing thoughts as Shoko guided you to a table where the Zen’in twins and Yuuta were seemingly having a lighthearted conversation. Satoru’s step-brother immediately acknowledged you with a welcoming grin by the time you reached them.

“Yuuta, hey,” you greeted, waving a hand before turning to Maki and Mai, in nearly similar dresses, who both gave you a quick bow of respect. “Ah, you two look really pretty!”

Ieiri supported your compliment. “Right? As a Zen’in should be. Their genes are something else.”

Now that she mentioned it, the Zen’ins truly were quite notable within the elites. Their clan was well-known all over the country for being one of the biggest business empires across Japan. They highly rivaled the Gojou Group when it came to industries such as real-estate and investments, and they also owned the biggest department stores nationwide. You weren’t sure what drama they had within their family, but you could alike their popularity to the Kardashians in the US.

It was flattering to know that the twins looked forward to seeing you because you’ve always admired how strong and independent they were even at such a young age. If only you had the same trait growing up, you would probably be powerful in your own regard.

“I’m so excited to bid on your dress!” Mai cheerfully informed you, “I can imagine myself wearing it. Your designs are so amazing.”

Before you could respond in gratitude, Maki decided to add her thoughts as well. “Maybe you should start your own line.”

You considered the thought. “I’m not confident yet, but...”

“Nee-chan, you’re already amazing at it.” Yuuta’s eyes turned into crescent moons with his smile. “We’ll support you. The whole family will.”

It was the same thing Gen told you when she encouraged you to start your own clothing line, but you heavily insisted at the time that fashion design was only a hobby and you knew that you couldn’t really just abandon the family business. You were set to take position in your father’s company soon so it might only give you a heavier weight on your shoulders to handle two things at once. Or three, because Satoru was the primary cause of your stress.

“They kinda have a point,” said Shoko before she shot you an encouraging wink. “You should definitely have me as your model.”

Along with a chuckle, you nodded your head, “I’d be honored to.”

Where the hell is he? Gojou was getting more and more agitated at the fact that his best friend was still not around. He already checked his phone thrice within a short period of five minutes but there had been no reply after the last one.

Satoru: You coming?

Suguru: Yea, you owe me for this

Satoru: Make sure she’s safe

On a good note, his father was not here in the auction because he had to meet up with your dad to try and persuade the man with the thought of a mergers and acquisitions deal. The only thing that was adding onto Gojou’s irritation was the fact that his witch of a step-mother was here, currying favor among the elites like a desperate social climber.

Satoru tried not to give a damn about his step-mom while some of the influential men approached him to discuss his business ventures and blatantly comparing it to theirs. While you were with Ieiri, your husband had to hold conversations with his uncle and his elders to talk about business politics, stock trading, and investments. In between those commerce-related topics, they all also congratulated him for his recent marriage and for choosing the ideal woman to spend his forever with.

There was no way Satoru would admit it, but you gave him some leverage when it came to receiving approving nods and praises full of respect for the power that you two held together as a couple. Being married to you was a boost to his ego because no one had ever treated him higher than they did when he was still a bachelor. Now that there was the prospect of your companies merging together, everyone else started to feel inferior to Gojou. Sure he was selfish for utilizing you, but he realized just how much he loved gaining power and superiority because of the marriage.

The last person that he expected to approach him was one of the possible heirs of the Zen’in Group, Naoya Zen’in, whose smirk and sharp eyes promptly elicited Satoru’s pique. He had known him after a series of business events where they would run to each other since their teenage years. Gojou deemed it was safe to say that the man was a rascal who often annoyed him with his competitive nature.

“These upstarts, they don’t know their place,” said the blond man as he stood next to Gojou while looking at the two unfamiliar guys from another table that both reeked of overflowing pretentiousness. “Good thing your wife isn’t like them, right? She’s born from old money.”

Satoru exhaled and placed his hands back inside his pockets. “What do you want?”

The corner of Naoya’s lips only lifted itself higher than before—a clear sign of his incoming mischief. “Can I not greet the best actor in this room?”

“Watch your mouth.” For a fleeting moment, Gojou’s eyes followed you as he watched how you timidly laughed around Ieiri and the younger members of the business empires. “Who says I’m acting? I love her.”

The heir of the Zen’in clan was ruthless enough to ridicule Satoru with a sardonic laugh. “Please. Rumors have been flying around, you know? They say you only married her to acquire their company. You’re quite bold, Satoru-kun. You deserve an Oscar for those skills.”

It was the first time he ever rendered himself speechless in front of Naoya because Satoru was often one to make clever comebacks, yet he couldn’t even deny this one. “It’s what our fathers want. Why don’t you focus on your own business? It’s why you can’t ever surpass me.”

By choice, Naoya ignored the guy’s last remark. “Shame. You’re counting on a woman to achieve your success? If I married Y/N, I’d put her on her place and simply use her as a fuck toy. Maybe that’s what you’re doing, huh—”

Gojou’s firm hand latched onto Naoya’s velvet suit, provoking him for a fight but the latter only chuckled and raised his hands in surrender. “Keep her name off your mouth.”

“Right, right. The acting thing,” Naoya sneered as he looked straight into Satoru’s sky blue orbs and grinned at his face. “Acting like you care and all, I ge—”

“Is everything okay here?”

Satoru had to roll his eyes in annoyance when he saw his step-mother getting in between them, showing her pretentious attempt at being concerned. “Get the hell away from me,” he didn’t hold back at saying those words to her before he looked back at Naoya who seemed to have found it by himself to just walk away.

“See you later, Satoru-kun.” The guy left him with a few taps on the back as he walked towards their table, forcing Satoru to be alone with the witch.

The said witch was gritting her teeth, holding her faux fur purse while narrowing her dark brown eyes at her step-son. “If you wanna act like a bastard in front of everyone, I’m not stopping you. At least they can see how my son has better manners than you.”

He hoped that his clenched jaws were enough to scare the woman off. “I said, get the fuck outta my face. You disgust me.”

The woman opened her mouth to retaliate but was cut off when you came back, looping an arm around your husband with worried doe eyes.

“Baby?” Your gentle voice somehow softened Satoru’s antagonistic stance and he instinctively held you closer to his chest. “What’s wrong?”

He would’ve hated you for being clingy, but frankly, he could thank you for distracting him away from his step-mom who now couldn’t say anything else but to fake a smile to you and say, “I’ll leave you lovebirds, then.”

The auction was crazy to say the least. It wasn’t like this for the past year, but everyone was more prepared this year to bid higher prices just to seal the deal in getting the most worthy items displayed. As a representative for your family, Gen was better at making bids compared to you because it was innate for her to be confident in a room full of businesspeople. She took after your dad for having the same leadership qualities while you took after your mom for being softer and unassuming by nature.

You wished that Gen was here to witness the on-going war for the dress that you designed because you were highly certain that she would find it entertaining how Mai was doing her best to get the cream asymmetrical dress that you brought as your piece for tonight’s auction.

“One hundred thousand yen!” yelled Mai, crossing her arms beside an amused Maki.

The host announced her bid price, “I’ve got one hundred thousand yen, any more?”

“Here, two hundred thousand!” From the opposite side of your table, it was the daughter of Mrs. Suzuki who proposed the bidding price.

You could hear Mai’s groan even from a distance, but being a Zen’in whose pride soared higher than the ceiling of the grand ballroom, she fought back with another bid, “Five hundred thousand!”

“Oh my God.” Your eyes grew wide from her determination to get the dress. Even Maki was stunned to hear her twin’s offer. “Mai really wants it.”

“Five hundred thousand! Going once, twice,” the host counted off, “and that’s it, the beautiful dress designed by our gorgeous Y/N Gojou is officially sold to Mai Zen’in!”

Mai’s triumphant squeal was loud enough to make the elders laugh. And while you chuckled at her reaction, you couldn’t also get over the fact that the host said your name with your husband’s surname attached to it. It was those simple things that made your heart flutter naturally.

“She’s crazy,” Satoru yawned, meeting your eyes for a brief second. “She likes your dress that much.”

“I know...” And had you known how desperate she was, you would have willingly designed a special one and gifted it to her because you absolutely adored just how supportive Mai and Maki were and they were not even your relatives.

Throughout that night, more items were up for bidding including Naoya’s ancient katana which was sold for seven hundred thousand yen, Ieiri’s limited edition Hermés china set which was sold for three hundred thousand, and Satoru’s Zegna suit which garnered a whooping one million yen.

On the other hand, you noticed how your husband kept glancing at his phone while looking around the ballroom. His eyes searched for every corner—all except you. The only time where his attention actually came back to the auction was when the most awaited item was finally put on display.

“And now, our main item for this night is the rare and stunning Jimmy Choo flat pumps that Princess Diana once wore. Embellished with south sea pearls and ornamented with Swarovski crystals—these elegant shoes are truly fitting for a princess! Now, who will be the next owner?”

All women in the room gasped, including you, when the light blue heeled shoes were displayed in a glass box for everyone to see. It was not only breathtaking in person, the sentimental value it had for being Princess Diana’s shoes were what made every single woman in the room competitive at raising their bids up. It was war, indeed.

“It’s so gorgeous,” you whispered, eyes coruscating in fascination at the sight of the majestic shoes. As much as you wanted to bid, the women already started going through hell just to get it.

“Three hundred thousand!”

“Me, I’ll do five hundred thousand!”

“I’ll get it for one million!”

You were taken aback when your husband suddenly snatched the bidding card from your hand and raised it for the host to acknowledge. “Five million yen.”

God. As soon as he threw his bidding price in, everyone in the whole ballroom turned to the two of you and you were about to melt on the spot because of the sudden attention that you and your husband received from every single person in the room. There was no way that you expected that Gojou would go out of his way to actually bother purchasing a woman’s shoes at an auction. There were gasps of astonishment and a fusillade of Oh my Gods that followed after he sealed off the deal.

“Jimmy Choo shoes sold for five million yen for the handsome Satoru Gojou,” the host was just as astounded, “What a lucky wife.”

Somehow, later that night, you managed to see Suguru Getou who approached you and Ieiri while the event was still on-going. He was showing his trademark smile, one that turned his eyes into curved lines as he greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.

“Suguru.” You gave your husband’s best friend a warm hug. “Satoru has been looking for you since we came here.”

He scratched the back of his head, taking the glass of champagne that Shoko handed him. “Is he?” he casually drank from the glass and oddly avoided your eyes. “Where’s he now?”

“Bathroom,” you answered, realizing that it had been a couple of minutes since Satoru excused himself. Was he actually wandering around the hotel? Or was he caught up in another situation like earlier with his step-mother? You’ve gotten quite worried so you decided to follow. “Hey, um... I think I need a quick bathroom break as well.”

Panic then stretched across Suguru’s face. “Wait, Y/N... Don’t you wanna stay here and talk for a while?”

Ieiri took it upon herself to answer him. “Jesus. Let her,” she said, urging you to go off, “Go and have that quickie with your hubby.”

Heat suffused your cheeks as you chuckled and politely took your exit by walking out of the ballroom in measured footsteps because your feet were getting sore from the stilettos that you were wearing.

You lied. You weren’t actually heading to the bathroom. What you did was to ask one of the waiters if he had seen your husband somewhere. Lucky enough, he guided you to one of the dressing rooms behind the grand ballroom which was void of people with nothing but classical music ricocheting through the walls. After thanking the guy, you walked closer to the room—door was ajar as you got near and immediately stopped in your tracks when you heard a familiar woman’s voice echoing from inside.

“Satoru, this is so beautiful!”

You didn’t mean to peek. And strangely, it felt like you weren’t supposed to see this specific moment between Gojou and Sera knowing that your heart was going to crumple like a bottle of can that had been squeezed and twisted to release everything it had inside. Perhaps what you experienced behind your ribcage was more painful than that.

“Cost me a lot,” your husband said, crouching in front of her as he placed her feet inside the shoes that you stupidly believed was meant for you. “There’s only one pair in the world. Princess Diana wore this.”

None of them were aware about your presence behind the doors, neither would they care enough had they known. Gojou and Sera seemed to have always lived in a bubble of fairy tales whenever they were together—so passionate, so dreamy, so in love. You hardly received the same gaze that he would give her nor did you share the same kiss that he willingly saved for her. Sera was truly the only woman in his eyes despite being a married man and you thought that you could accept it, you thought that you could be fine seeing him with her, you thought that you could live with having another woman occupying your husband’s heart. Your level of masochism was not strong enough to endure this much anguish.

“I booked the presidential suite for us tonight,” he informed her after a quick peck on her lips, holding her by the waist and smiling at her with love in his eyes. “I can’t wait to be alone with you again.”

Why do you torture yourself at watching them step over your dignity? Why couldn’t you go in there and yell at his face, call him out for how awful he was making you feel? He was unfair and you knew that he didn’t value your marriage, but you thought that you were prepared enough to see him cheating on you. You weren’t, and you definitely wished that you didn’t allow it. So how exactly did you find yourself in this tortuous situation?

The answer was simple: you were paying the repercussions for splitting them apart.

This was what Satoru meant when he said those words to you back in the penthouse. You would have to go through this much pain in order to feel even a little bit of theirs, when in truth, their pain was not even half as close as the gravity of yours.

You had to leave. Even when your eyes pooled with tears, you started walking away from the scene with your heart tightening heavily each second. The pain was astronomical that you had to place your hand over your chest just to ease the growing ache. Your breathing turned rapid as your heart pounded but you continued to walk aimlessly, wanting to just escape the image of Satoru and Sera kissing because tonight was the first time where you have actually seen how sweet your husband was with another woman. A great contrast to how he treated you.

Tears blurred your vision while you gasped for air, walking and walking and walking until you stumbled inside a place where you could find solace away from the torment. It was never your plan to end up here, but you found yourself entering the hotel’s bar and sliding to sit at one of the bar stools with a face clouded in deep sorrow. How could Satoru hurt you both directly and indirectly? How could he let you suffer this much and you still wanted the best for him? These questions were left unanswered, but they burdened your mind nonstop.

“Can I get a forty-two on the rocks, please?” you requested when the bartender came, eyes worriedly looking at you because desolation infused your voice when you spoke. You weren’t much of a drinker but believed that this was the only way to alleviate your pain. Even for tonight. You were so overwhelmed from the heartache that you’ve become numb because it scared you that your emotional pain was mixing with the unusual physical throbbing in your chest.

You didn’t notice that the bar barely had people inside, only a couple from a distance and a man who was seated one stool apart from you. The mop of raven hair, the infamous scar on his lips—you used to only see this man through media outlets and it was rare for you to come across him because he had always been laissez-faire about their family’s business ventures, yet here he was now, distracting you from your pain with his presence alone.

“I have a son,” was the first thing he jokingly said to you, downing a glass of Scotch before meeting your eyes fleetingly.

Confused by his words, you had to clarify, “Excuse me? I wasn’t trying to...” You showed your ring. “I have a husband.”

Did he think that you purposely sit next to him because you were trying to make a move? Surely, many women probably approached him this way but it somehow offended your soft heart. You could never find yourself being confident enough to even initiate a conversation to someone like him.

In your limited knowledge, you’ve heard that Toji Zen’in was a man full of pride. It was an intrinsic trait for a Zen’in to have, but Toji’s vainglory had always been his remarkable trait. He could live an independent life away from his family because he was powerful enough to run a business by himself. He was adroit, sagacious, and a good decision-maker which were some of the prime qualities that a CEO must possess to successfully handle a conglomerate. He was indeed as intimidating as the sound of his last name.

You’ve always thought that he was a serious man who never joked around with others, much less talked to them, so you were not expecting to see a playful smile tugging at his lips when he studied your face for a good minute. “Y/N, right?” he asked, clearly entertained. “So where’s the husband now?”

With the woman he loves. You sighed just as the bartender placed a cold up of 42 in front of you, urging you to sip from the drink to let the burning taste numb your throat. You had to veil your forlorn expression before Toji could notice. “In the auction.”

“Interesting.” Toji swiveled from his chair just enough to face you, playing with the cubes of ice by slightly shaking his glass. The clinking sound was almost a form of mockery as he watched you try to pull yourself together. “It’s arranged, isn’t it?”

How could he have possibly known? Was it that obvious? In your own effort, you still tried to deny it. “No, Satoru and I have known each other since we were kids. We’ve grown fond of one another.”

While he shrugged in response, the glint in his eyes reflected just how much he didn’t believe your words. “You can admit it. You should know the difference by how a man looks at you. There’s no love in his eyes, not even a little bit.”

“Gee, thanks a lot,” you retorted, spitefully chugging all the liquor as tears welled up your eyes. It was as if your heart was being excavated out of your chest thinking of the plans that Satoru had for Sera tonight, plans that he never made with his own wife. “You’re right. He hates me, actually.”

There was no reason to hide it from a man who came from an aristocratic family himself. Arranged marriages were common and it was even more likely to happen than a casual marriage because everything about the world that the people like you lived in held importance for money, power, and assets. Toji would not judge you for it, and in fact, he had softened a little as he sympathized with you.

“Wanna talk about something else?” he offered, pivoting on his chair to signal another glass from the bartender. You did the same by politely asking for a glass of tequila mojito this time.

You were grateful that Toji wasn’t one to stick his nose into private matters and you found it very comforting that he would rather talk about anything to distract you from your emotional turmoil. “Why are you here and not with your family there?”

He drummed his fingers onto the counter’s smooth surface. “I’m not into events like these. They just want me to show up and that’s it.”

Choosing momentary silence, you nodded your head. “Makes sense. It must be tough to be in your family, huh?”

“Tough?” A bitter grin spread off his lips. “It’s hell in there. If not for Megumi, I’d have cut ties long ago. They put too much pressure on your shoulders and expect you to be perfect enough to handle the business. You have no place in the clan if you’re incompetent.”

You drank from your cocktail and stared at his side profile. “That’s sad to know. My dad doesn’t enforce that much pressure on Gen and I.”

“Gen,” he uttered her name in remembrance, “your sister? We went to the same school. She always stood out.”

As the alcohol blazed your throat with fire, you traced your finger along the edge of the glass in deep thought. “Yeah, I just expect her to run the company better than I ever will. I was never really interested in banking and finance.”

He tilted his head slightly to gauge on the emotions that painted your face. “Anything that interests you, then?”

You had to admit how good it felt to have someone interested enough to listen to the things that made you happy because you doubted that your own husband would ever hold the same curiosity. “I design clothes,” you shared, sipping from your glass and scrunching your nose from the spirit that left fumes in your nostrils. “Well, I don’t make them. I just design and then I have trusted people who create those pieces for me. I’ve always dreamed of having my own team who would plan out all these amazing concepts that I have for the collection and it’s just such a perfect setup that I wanna be in someday.”

“So why don’t you?” he immediately responded with an encouraging question. “You have the money. If you’re looking to lease the perfect space for your clothing line, we have our luxury malls for you.”

You chuckled at his offer, being reminded that they owned some of the largest malls in the country. “I don’t know. I’m just... I’m not prepared.”

Ever since your mom died, you have lost track in life because she was your greatest supporter who encouraged you to always follow your dreams and to enjoy your life like it was the last. Your mom was your heart, and now that she was gone, you didn’t know how to fill the void that she left behind. In a room full of people, you were lonely without the most important person in your life. That was how everything started to feel when your mom vanished from this world.

“You’re only in your mid-twenties,” Toji pointed out, sounding as if he was going to give some helpful advice for you to ponder about. “You have time to build that confidence in.”

You would blame your liquid courage, but it was definitely the alcohol talking when you decided to tease him. “Right, I forgot you’re pushing forty.”

Never did you think that you would be entertained to see Toji’s reaction as his eyes widened and his lips upturned into a grin. “Watch it. I’m only thirty-five.”

Gojou had to drag his feet laboriously after he was told by one of the staff members that you were in the hotel’s bar after he had left you at the ballroom with his friends. He was deeply vexed at how much of an attention-seeker you were for doing this just to make him chase for you. Frankly, if people wouldn’t be suspicious, he never would’ve cared to come down to the bar. He would have gone straight to the presidential suite where Sera was waiting for him so they could spend some time together.

But you had to ruin it for him, just like with everything else.

Along with his established annoyance, Satoru was flabbergasted when he saw you laughing together with his biggest business rival, Toji Zen’in.

What the hell? He held his breath and stomped towards you, snatching the glass from your hand and forcing you to look at him. “Get a hold of yourself. You’re out here drinking?”

You were clearly inebriated out of your wits because you wouldn’t have had the bravery to put your hand on his cheek, presenting him to an amused Toji who listened to you intently. “Here he is. You see this fucking face?” You giggled and leaned back on your husband’s chest. “This is the face of Satan. Haaa... Handsome, but evil.”

Satoru swatted your hand away and drank the rest of your liquor so you wouldn’t consume more alcohol before he sent the other man an accusatory look. “Did you make her drink?”

The Zen’in heir only scoffed at him. “Why would I?” It was more of a statement than a question, something that deeply irked the hell out of Gojou. “She came in here crying. Why don’t you blame yourself that she drank this much?”

“You know nothing. Stay out of it.” Satoru had no ounce of care when he warned the man, later pulling you up as you stumbled on your feet. Why are you even crying? “I’ll take you home. You’re such a burden. I still have somewhere to be, you know?”

You tried to squint your eyes, tilting your head to the side as you lightly threw your fist on your husband’s chest. “S-Somewhere…? I don’t wanna… Can I stay?

Toji got up from his seat and paid for the drinks, which included yours, and Satoru took it as him trying to flex his money. The former’s eyes didn’t leave yours even as he took a few steps closer to pat your back. “You good, Y/N?” he asked, watching as a territorial Satoru locked an arm around your waist. “I’ll take her home if you can’t. She’s not that much of a burden. She’s actually interesting to talk to.”

Was he actually trying to insult him? Satoru’s eyebrows were now furrowed in annoyance. He just couldn’t believe the audacity of this man to even offer such a thing. “Stay away from my wife.”

“Then treat her better.” Toji matched Satoru’s hostility with his own一staring at him with an unfazed look that showed how willing he was to defend a stranger like you. “You’re lucky that your wife stays with you. Others wish they still had theirs.”

“Aaah一my head hurts! I wanna… I wanna go home!”

“Be quiet. We’re already home.” He could smell alcohol in your breath and had to hold his growing ire for your sake or else he would simply snap. He was already on the verge of it, but was trying his best to keep his temper settled.

Satoru didn’t know that you could be so loud when you were drunk. It was hard enough to deal with you when you squirmed out of his hold as he carried you in bridal style, entering the penthouse and heading straight to your shared bedroom. All he had to do was get you to bed so he could leave and head back to the hotel to see Sera.

Unfortunately, when he did place you down in bed, you managed to get up and throw your heels at him. “I said I don’t wanna go home!”

Jesus Christ. Satoru undid two of his buttons to allow himself to breathe while standing at the side to see you struggling to strip yourself off your clothes. “What are you doing? Just stay down!”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” you replied, pouting when you successfully rid yourself of your clothing before you teetered your way into the bathroom. “I’m gonna… shower!”

So annoying. Was he babysitting a kid? “Fine. Do what you fucking want.” He shouldn’t even have bothered to drop you off, and yet he was nice enough to. The least you could do was to act like the decent woman that you were, not this wild intoxicated girl that could barely hold herself together. “Next time you drink, I’m not doing shit for you.”

His murmurs were ignored when you continued to enter the bathroom, not even sober enough to open the lights although he did hear the sound of the shower echoing through the glass walls. As exhaustion chased his body, Satoru pulled his phone out to see text messages from Sera asking him how long he would take. He was about to type in a response until he heard you bursting into tears from the bathroom.

“Now what,” he groaned, placing his phone on the bedside table before he hurriedly went to check on you. He didn’t need to open the lights to see your silhouette, hugging your knees in front of the shower as you sobbed. Gojou had to release a weary sigh knowing that he had to deal with you whether he wanted it or not. How could a person go through so many phases of being drunk? You had a broad spectrum in that aspect—going from being an angry drunk to an emotional drunk, Satoru knew he was bound to see more later on. “Stop crying and hop off the shower.”

You sniffed, chest heaving while your tears cascaded down on your face the same way the shower rained on you like waterfall. “Wh-What’s wrong with me?” Gojou halted on his footsteps as he listened. “I-I know I’m not that p-pretty, but… is it really hard to love me?”

He wasn’t planning on staying, but hearing you cry had his feet stuck on the bathroom floor because he couldn’t outright admit how easily he could get swayed by tears. Seeing you cry during your first night back in Iceland was already difficult to go through, and now hearing you voice out your pain made Gojou’s heart a tad bit soft. He didn’t want to lose his cold demeanor towards you, but his guilt would eat him alive if he didn’t warm up even just for tonight.

“Who says you’re not pretty?”

“My husband… he doesn’t look at me when I talk.” There was undeniable pain behind your slurred words that possibly came from your deepest feelings. They said drunk people speak the most sober thoughts. Alcohol was a truth serum that allowed one’s feelings to pour out from the bottle where it was long kept in. “I’m trying my b-best but he… he’s just…”

“Maybe he has reasons,” he tried to console as much as refused to do things for you. And he would never do things for you, yet he found himself sighing in complete submission as he unbuttoned his shirt and slipped off his pants to join you in the shower. You hardly noticed his presence from behind until he pulled you up by your arm and grabbed the bottle of your vanilla and jasmine body wash. “Let’s get you cleaned up so you can sleep, okay?”

There was no sound that came out of you while you rubbed your eyes, allowing your husband to start rubbing soap all over your back. “What if I just stop caring?” you mused just as Satoru was spreading the suds on your waist and going further down to your buttocks. He could feel the rush of internal panic that overpowered his mind because the thought of you considering that question somehow messed with him. “It’s easier that way. No one would get hurt.”

“You think?” he egged on, turning you around so he could rub the soap on your chest, running his hands around your mounds and gliding the suds down to your stomach. He was doing it as quickly as he could because he would grow a boner just by touching you. “Arms up.”

Like an obedient girl, you did as told and suddenly broke out into fits of giggles. Satoru recognized this phase as the giggling phase, watching as you beamed at him while he cleaned your body. “Your hair’s s-so funny.”

For the next few minutes, Gojou tried his best to clean you up while hearing your series of chuckles that didn’t stop even until he had a towel wrapped around your chest and another one around his waist. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this and he couldn’t exactly explain to himself why he felt such a need to care for you. All he knew was that one night of being a caring husband wouldn’t hurt and he could just go back to being an asshole the next day like you deserved.

“Why are we naked?” you innocently pondered, tugging at the towel around your chest as he carried you to sit on the vanity.

“We’re Adam and Eve,” he dryly answered, reaching for your hair dryer before he started blowing your hair with it. “Too hot?”

You giggled, swinging your dangled legs like a kid. “No, you are.”

Fine, at times like this, you weren’t too bad. Despite the marital situation that made him grow resentment towards you, your soft nature was quite adorable in some ways. He didn’t want to give in to it, but he was lucky that you weren’t as terrible as he thought. A snob, an entitled brat一you had not actually shown these traits while living with him in your domestic household. “Did you get your period yet?”

You answered him by shaking your head, soon holding his wrist with a playful grin. “You can’t give me a baby.”

Confusion was then plastered on his face. “Why not?” he asked, placing the hair dryer down. “Is that a challenge?”

“...No, you just can’t.” You offered him a smile of mischief.

“Yes, I can.” He hoisted you up by carrying you with your legs enclosed around his waist as he walked out of the bathroom in haste. “I’ll make you a mommy, then.”

He could feel your giggles vibrating on his chest while trying to squirm out of his hold as he sat on the corner of the bed, adjusting himself so he could lean his back on the headboard with you on top of him. The lights were off so he couldn’t see your face clearly, but he could discern your womanly figure even through the dark. He soon slipped the towel off your body simultaneously to how he snatched the same cloth around his waist, revealing the boner that he could no longer stop from growing.

Should he still limit his affection this time? The image of you crying in the shower somehow stuck with him and he considered easing up on you tonight and be more affectionate. “Come here,” he pulled you to sit on his crotch, sliding his fingers to play with your clit and palming your entire pussy with gentle strokes. “You think you can ride me right now?”

“W-We’re gonna have sex?” You pressed a hand on his chest, sitting on his shaft and instinctively grinding your folds along his length.

Satoru feathered soft kisses on your neck. “Do you want to?”

You gave a sheepish nod, hiding your blushing face. “Yeah...”

“How much?” he pressed, now trailing his lips along your jawline. “Look at my eyes and tell me you’re a hundred percent sure about this. Tell me you’re even sober enough to remember this. Tell me how much you want me.”

“I am! I want you.” On your own, you left kisses on his neck before you looked at his eyes intently. It was at that moment when he realized that sobriety finally returned to your gaze, and the aching lust was there. “So much,” your answer was full of desire, “...until I’m sore.”

The thought had his lips forming a smirk. “Yes, you will be.” He guided your hips as you coated his throbbing cock with your slick, and while he shouldn’t have been this affectionate, he still ended up squeezing your breasts and pressing his lips on your ear. “You’re gonna give me a baby. Hm?”

Your response was a hum of satisfaction—arms wrapped around his neck before you raised yourself up a bit, allowing your husband to penetrate your entrance when you lowered yourself down. “Nngh!” Gojou could feel how his cock was splitting you open, but he was far too engrossed by how warm and tight you felt around his length. “S-Satoru—!”

He didn’t hold back a moan this time. “Uh—fuck, does that feel good?” Snapping his hips upwards, he watched how your tits pleasingly bounced with every move. “I’m gonna fuck you so hard ‘til you get pregnant.”

“Ah-ah! S-Slow,” you mewled, leaning forward with your palm pushing against the headboard and the other squeezing your own breast to keep it from moving wildly. Shit, Gojou knew he was going crazy at the sight. And he hated himself for it because he had to control just how much he was willing to give you during sex, but his mind and body wanted to go all in. No holds barred. He wanted nothing but to stuff you full with his cum, fucking you all night until your cunt was sore the next morning. It was only recent when he realized how much he actually liked the thought of having a wife to have a sex with, not holding back in making a baby by accident because in the eyes of everyone, this kind of intimacy between a husband and wife was right. You were married after all.

Besides, he was doing you a favor for being the only man that could rightfully give you a child. “You like this position?” he asked, tracing your curves before leaning in to suck your tit. He could hear your titillating moans as he swirled his tongue around your sweet nipple, kneading the other breast with his hand—all while he was rutting his hips into you. “Tell me.”

“Y-Yes!” You arched your back from the immense pleasure that washed over your body. “Mm—Daddy!”

It took one word. One fucking word for Gojou to take a halt from his movements. His eyes widened, his breathing hitched, his whole world paused. How in the goddamn hell did you just manage to make him more aroused than he already was?

“What’d you call me?” he pulled away to look at your grinning face before you attached your lips onto his. The kissing was sloppy and your tongues couldn’t meet in perfect coordination because you were too embarrassed to properly do the job. What your husband did instead was to shift your position by laying you sideways as he got up and knelt between your thighs. He threw one of your leg above his shoulders while positioning his tip back on your entrance, rubbing slit to slit and allowing your sweet pussy to suck his swollen head. “Why’d you drink earlier?”

“I—Aaah!” He buried all of his fat cock at once, desperate to fuck a baby into you when he held your waist in place. “I don’t know.”

In his recent memories, he recalled the way Toji looked at you and felt the need to bring it up. “Why were you talking to that guy?”

“T-Toji is... nice.” Louder cries escaped your lips from the harsher thrusts that your husband gave you. “You’re mean. Very mean.”

While he didn’t like how you called his business rival ‘nice’, he couldn’t exactly disagree when you called him ‘mean’. He chose to simply remain silent throughout your intercourse, focusing on reaching his orgasm as he slammed his cock deeper through your walls. The sound of his skin slapping against yours filled him of his needed arousal until he finally felt a coil in his lower abdomen.

As promised, all of his warm load coated your walls and filled you in before he collapsed on top of you. Both of you were panting out of breath as your sweaty bodies were tangled in bed. “Don’t drink without your husband ever again, okay?”

“Okay...” Your eyelids were heavy while you moved to place your head on his chest. “Hug me ‘til I fall asleep, please.”

It felt like you were possessed by a sex goddess last night.

Your head was pounding when you woke up on top of a naked Satoru Gojou who had your waist caged around his arms while deep in slumber. You recalled yourself crying after seeing him with Sera and proceeding to drink with Toji—Oh God! You cringed at the thought, burying your face on the crook of your husband’s neck. Just how embarrassing were you in front of Toji last night?

More importantly, seeing yourself naked and sore on top of a husband gave you flashbacks of your steamy sex. Now that you thought about it, you remembered him saying that he booked a night at the hotel with Sera so how come he still stayed with you throughout the night?

“Ugh,” you groaned, shaking your head and pulling yourself up to look at Satoru’s angelic face. His arctic lashes were even more beautiful in his sleep, making him look twice as heavenly. You couldn’t help but lightly press your lips on the tip of his nose while asking yourself: did you really just do all of those with him? His overflowing affection towards you during your lovemaking must be driven by liquor courage because you couldn’t believe that Gojou was capable of being sweet during intercourse.

The shooting pain in your head forced you to get up and move out of Satoru’s hold as you stumbled to reach for your thin silk robe. You didn’t care if the robe was slightly see-through and you didn’t have any underwear underneath, all you wanted to do was to get a glass of water to ease your headache from last night.

As you headed to the kitchen, you tried to think of how you should act around your husband while terribly hungover. Do you just pretend that nothing happened? Or should you bring up the topic?

You couldn’t stop weighing your options in your head as you grabbed a coffee pod, turning the machine on while hoping that Satoru would allow you more time to think of your next move. Surprisingly, however, the sound of the doorbell awoke you from your trance and led you to the front door in urgency.

The doorbell rung a few times as though the person was impatiently pressing the button. “Coming!” you raised your voice so that they could hear, but blood rushed out of your face when you opened the door to see Sera with tearful eyes, looking at you from head-to-toe in absolute disgust. “Sera—”

“I knew it,” she accused, tears falling from her eyes as she balled her hands into fists. “I thought I could trust you, you liar!”

You desperately shook your head. “I was meant to—”

“Sera.” Gojou’s voice stole both of your attention, seeing how the man was scrambling to pull his sweatshirt down in desperation to get to his lover. Not one second did Satoru’s eyes ever meet yours because Sera was all he cared about. “Let me explain.”

Before he could do so, Sera already ran away while painfully crying her heart out. You were stuck not knowing what to do because you started feeling nausea along with the sudden stabbing pain on your chest.

“Satoru, I...” You held your chest in desperation, but he pushed you out of the way to chase after Sera. “Wait, I’m...”

He turned around, not to show the slightest worry for your current pain, but to spit out words that hurt you a thousand times worse than the physical agony in your heart. “Stop being an attention-seeker,” he accused, thinking that you were faking your chest pains so you could prevent him from chasing his lover. If looks could kill, you would be dead already. “Know your boundaries and leave us alone.”

And as you watched him run after the woman that he loved, even your soul was not spared of the paroxysm of negative emotions that you felt after being hurt countless times by the man that you were supposed to love.

You figured that you could die today and be forgotten in this world with no husband to grieve for his loss because you were never once seen as an important person in his life. No matter how hard you tried, Satoru no longer had space in his heart for you to ever be in—the truth hurts, but lying to yourself would only hurt more.

jjk general taglist: @kity @deeznutss @suhkusa @wonyoschubs @the-golden-jhope @6mattsun9 @hokageyamz @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @crashica @aizawap @juniorhooter @atsumusoup @gxtitobxby @strawberries-en-cream @dora-the-grownup @softy-woo @tsumume @kac-chowsballs @anime-nymph @kageyamakock @onlyonew @underratedmage @katsulovee @crapimahuman @alicia-1725 @fatal-impact @drippedcream

sincerely not taglist: @itsnotsoni @pluviophilefangirl @daphnxy @choso-bee @sparklingblacktea @omisemi @captainchrisstan @your-consulting-fangirl @xllance @jonsncws @and-you-found-me @tobiotetsu @jeonjungkookismyfuture @d-efend @honouredsatoru @my-reality-is-in-my-head @blueowl51 @misslovingpearl @cuteissei @japanesevenom @borpcorp @ushi-bakatoshi

#gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru x you #gojou satoru angst #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru angst #gojo satoru smut #gojo x reader #gojo x uou #gojo angst #gojo smut #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jjk angst

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dearestgojo · 3 years

Text

With Love, Good-bye

Toji x Fem Reader

Summary: Years of pining with no results, when it it time to finally let go?

A/n: I'm a little late, but this idea has been sitting in my drafts for awhile. A one-shot spin off from @saintobio Sincerely, Not. Tiny mentions of Gen, Gojo, and Y/n from Sincerely, Not. I reused some parts from a scrapped idea so I'm sorry if some of it doesn't make sense. It was originally going to start at the auction, but it didn't feel right so I changed my timeline to where this all takes place before the events of Sincerely, Not.

I was going to wait till the start of the week, but I'm impatient. A special thanks to @thebeardedmoon for proofreading 💕.

Wc: 6.4k | JJK Masterlist | Main Masterlist

The air around you feels stuffy as you weave through the crowd of people, desperately trying to find a quiet place to relax, the air around you suffocating you. You didn’t want to be here, you much preferred to be back at home in your room, but when your father had asked you to join him for tonight’s event you hadn’t been able to say not the sad look he had given you. He insisted that he wanted to spend time with his daughter, but the moment you had arrived he had been dragged away by a group of businessmen which left you to find your own entertainment for yourself.

You had already walked around the venue twice, watching as people either spoke about business or the latest gossip. As you passed by you could catch pieces of their conversations, but not being much for either you simply kept walking until you felt tired and the voices started to become too much to you that you looked for the exit. Looking around the venue in hopes of catching a glimpse of the dark raven head, with no luck you walked out into the wide call way where more people were chatting, much less than what was inside.

Walking against the wall you look around you, there’s a few known faces. The two Creston heiresses were just arriving, arm in arm. The oldest wore a dark green dress that showed off her cleavage while the younger, who was closer to your age, wore a light green off the shoulder that spotted right above her knees. As you watch them walk by, your own older sister makes an appearance, hand wrapping around your arm, you jump as you feel her slender fingers wrap around you to be engrossed in the people that surround you.

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you. I can’t believe you actually came, I thought you were too depressed with whatever is going on in that head of yours.” She unhooks her arms with her husband to hook her other arm with yours, her freed hand pulling you in closer, leading you back into the venue you just walked out of, “Love your dress by the way.” You look down at the lavender dress your mother had picked out for you. It feels out of place with the other slick bodytight dress the others are wearing, you feel like you should be a debutante ball and not an event celebrating an anniversary. You look at your sister's black floor length dress, it’s simple with a bit of lace.

“I much rather be wearing yours,” You state.

“Then we can switch later when mom isn’t around,” she jokes as you both watch your mom approaching you.

You pull your arm out from your sisters before your mother reaches ten paces from where you stand, “I need to go get some fresh air, I’ll see you at the table later.” You walk off not wanting to deal with your mother nagging before your sister can say anything. Just as you're rounding the corner of the exit you bump into something hard, spilling their drink, “I’m really sorry,” you start looking up to find yourself staring into the blue eyes of Satoru Gojo. You swallow down the saliva that feels your mouth, the squeals coming from around you taking your attention away from him when you turn to see a group of girls huddled close whispering while pointing at you.

Right half the women in this room were infatuated with him. You tear off a corner from the sign in sheet that’s next to the door, writing your number on it quickly not wanting to be under their gazes, “Just text me and I’ll pay for dry cleaning.” You hand him the piece of paper lifting your skirts speeding away before he can even answer, your face burning. You can hear his friend laughing and teasing him about how you couldn’t get away fast enough.

You find a quiet place in one of the smaller ballrooms that’s empty save for a few chairs and tables spread across the floor. There’s a large dome in the center of the ceiling that lets the moon light from outside light the otherwise dark room. You don’t bother trying to find the switch for the lights and lay in the middle of the room. Soaking in the light coming from the moon, letting your eyes close, and enjoying the silence of the room.

A door to the room opens and shuts, the noise echoing through the room. The noise has you sitting upright quickly, blood rushing towards your head making you a bit lightheaded. Your eyes struggle to focus on the figure that enters at first, but after focusing them you see a familiar blond hair with dark tips. “What are you doing here, Naoya?” You can feel your mood souring.

“I could ask you the same thing. Meeting someone here?” He walks around the edge of the shadow and moon light circle on the floor.

“Why would you care if I’m seeing anyone or not?” You start to stand when he comes into the light offering you his hand for support.

“Is not that I necessarily care, but more so watching out that you don’t get caught. I don’t think your brothers would be pleased to find you messing around in a dark room with someone.” He answers. Now that he's in the light, you can see that his hair is a mess on the top of his head, and that he’s shirt is out of place. He’s been messing around with someone.

“I think you're just trying to cover up your own tracks.” You whisper, reaching up to fix his collar, purposely sliding your finger across the lipstick stain on it.

He smiles down at you, “You sure are perceptive, y/n and here I thought I could get away with it.”

Dropping your arms down to your side, you tease him with a smile, “If you hadn’t been so noisy you wouldn’t have been caught.” You hook your arm around his, “Now lead me out so at least the girl can leave with some dignity.”

Naoya does a bow, stretching his arm out in front of him, “As you wish my lady.” You watch from the corner of your eyes as you walk out of the room as he looks around the room once more, clearly making sure that whoever was in here with him isn’t in sight.

When the door closes behind you, Naoya leads you towards the elevators, he knows you well enough from growing up that he knows you hate crowded places, “So what were you doing in there alone?”

You press the button on the first floor, trying your hardest not to turn back when you hear the door you just came out of open. “Just trying to catch a breather.” Naoya looks once over his shoulder before helping you into the elevator.

“I figured. Your dress is lovely by the way,” He teases, you give him a him, waiting for him to finish his comment, “You look like you belong on the top of a cake.”

“I didn’t choose it, my mom did. You know how she is.”

“Still dressing you like your her personal doll?” He asks.

“You know it.” You sigh, leaning against the wall.

Naoya’s arm brushes against yours when he moves to stand beside you, “What is she going to keep choosing how you dress until you get married or something?”

Your mind recalls how she did exactly that with your sister. How your mother would dress you and her for all types of events in dresses that neither of you would have worn otherwise. “Probably. Wouldn’t be surprising of her.” You close your eyes, taking in a deep breath.

Suddenly you feel yourself being caged in against the wall, your eyes snapping open to see Naoya’s face inches from yours. You can feel your chest beating rapidly in your chest. “What if I marry you so that she’ll leave you alone?” He asks, his voice sounding serious, you know better from years of spending time around him, but for a second your mind considers it. The thought of being free from your smothering mother. It quickly evaporates when a certain pair of green eyes flash across your memory. You bring your hands up and push against his chest, pushing him away. The movement has the scent of the women he was just with filling your nostrils.

“No, thanks. I’d rather die than marry you.”

“Why?” He asks, an offended look on his face.

“I’d be the laughing stock of high society while you sleep around with other women. We both know you’re not the committing type.”

Naoya leans against the opposite wall from you, eyes scanning you from your head to your toes. “I think there’s more to it than that.” A knowing smile creeps across his face, “You're still hung up on him aren’t you. Hoping that one day he’ll look at you as something other than a child. Than a friend to his son.” Your face starts to heat up and how obvious you apparently are. Naoya slips his hands into his pocket and continues with his little speech, “You’ll never be her, you know. Toji holds a very very special place for his dead wife, one that you can never fill.”

You can feel tears start to prick the edges of your eyes at the reminder, and you're thankful that the elevator stops signaling your arrival at your floor. You blink a couple of times, fighting them back, “Whatever.” You pick up your dress and walk out, leaving Naoya alone as he watches you with a pitiful look as you walk away.

You're not sure where you're headed, but when you come back to your senses you're standing in the bar of the hotel where the event is being held. There’s barely any people so it’s easy to spot his dark hair from where you stand. Toji’s sitting on one of the stools at the counter, swirling his drink around. You drag your feet across the room towards him, your heart clenching as you get closer.

Tapping slightly on his shoulder and swaying back and forth on your feet, hands behind you when he turns around, ”Hey.”

Toji smiles at you, looking behind you to see if you're alone,” Hey, y/n. What are you doing here?”

You smile up at him, resting your chin on his shoulder, “I came to ask for a ride. Dad already left and all my friends are drunk off wine.”

“What makes you think I’m willing to give you a ride, or that I’m sober enough to drive.”

“So you would leave me here, alone rather than give me a ride home?” you pout at him, “and I saw you bought your driver.” He pinches the bridge of his nose quietly laughing at how you probably planned this out just so you could spend some time with him. He’d honestly gotten used to it after two years of you flirting with him openly like this and scheming.

“You really are something. Come on, I'll drop you off,”

Toji watches you from the corner of his eye, as you look at the passing lights and cars as you sit next to him. You're young, barely twenty-two, so he can’t understand why you would be infatuated with someone his age. It’s the thirteen year age difference and the fact that he had watched you grow up that keeps him from returning your feelings, because even though he would never admit it out loud, you were quite pretty. He’d seen the way boys your age would follow you with their eyes. Hell he’d seen his own son look at you with the same eyes at times. He really doesn’t understand why you would want to be with him, a single dad about to reach forty.

He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes leaning into the seat. He hears shuffling coming from your seat and when he opens his eyes your face is in front of his. Lips close enough to almost be touching. Toji can smell your perfume and it’s intoxicating to say the least. He can see the mischief in your eyes as you look into his, a teasing smile playing on your lips.

“You let your guard down,” you whisper, shifting your weight bringing your face closer, “ What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Toji’s tempted to let you do it. Tempted to feel your lips pressed against his, to feel their warmth. When was the last time he had kissed anyone? He swallows before grabbing onto your shoulders and pushing you back into your seat, “I’d probably avoid you more than I do now.”

You cross your arms and go back to looking out the window, seeming deep in thought. Toji does the same, remembering the day you first confessed you had feelings for him. You’d come to the estate to visit Megumi after being gone to college. You caught Toji drinking coffee in one of the lounging areas after finding out his son had left earlier for his early morning piano lesson and , your face resting in your palms watching him drink his coffee and read the newspaper. “You're kind of hot,” you’d blurted out, your eyes open wide in shock when you realized you’d said out loud. Toji had laughed until you said, “ I think I like you.”

Everything had gone quiet afterwards, red painting his cheeks. After a couple of minutes he awkwardly excused himself and walked away. He remembered how he did his best to avoid you for a whole year and half, but failing because everywhere he seemed to look you were there. Auctions, events, parties, and even his floor in the Zenin building. He eventually gave up on avoiding you. Over the course of the following two years, you’d become more aggressive with the flirting, sending him winks when no one was looking, running your fingers along his back when you walked past, and sometimes using cheesy pick-up lines in public. He wanted to say that he disliked the attention, but if he were completely honest he felt strange when he’d seen you and you when you didn’t do any of those things.

He lets out a chuckle as he remembers how terrified he’d feel every time he’d see you. It wasn’t like you were showing up on purpose, at first at least, but I’d after you’d both gotten more comfortable with the fact you were love-struck with him, you’d actively seek him out. Not that Toji minded, he enjoyed how comfortable you’d become after that first year and half.

“What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing just how much you’ve grown into yourself.”

“You talk like I'm a kid.”

Toji thinks the next words over, “You are a kid. It’s only been four years since you graduated highschool, and it hasn’t even been a year since you graduated college. You're just starting to live.”

“And now you're acting like you're some old man. You are in your thirties, not your fifties.” The car goes silent again. Toji keeps his head turned towards the window, the tension of the car making him uncomfortable. “What would you do if I moved on? If I get over my feelings for you?” You ask out of nowhere.

The thought of you not hanging on to his every word makes his heart clench, after two years of having you around it’d be quite strange not having you hang around. It’d make him sad not to have your twinkling eyes sparkling up at him with hope that he might return your feelings one day. “I’d feel relieved. It’d mean that you're growing up.” He looks out the window as the SUV pulls into the gate, the driver speaking to security to let you through. “You're young right now you don’t actually know what you're feeling. You’ve barely even dated.” Toji tries to recall a time he’d heard a rumor of you dating, but can’t seem to.

“Have you met the dating pool for me my age? The dating pool of men that most of the upper class find acceptable? Most of them are egoistic and only marry for money. And most men that aren’t part of the elite find me intimidating because of the money my parents have. So no, I don’t date.” You take a deep breath as the car reaches the front of your house, “ I’m not saying I’ll wait around till you return my feelings, but I'll wait until someone who shares the same values as me walks into my life. You can choose if that’s you or someone else.” Toji watches as you get out of the car without waiting for his response. He waits a couple of minutes after you’ve entered before signaling his driver to head home.

Toji lies to himself as he watches the flashing lights of buildings and cars pass, he tells himself that he's not the person you want. That over the two years you’ve hung around him he hasn’t developed even the slightest affection towards you that crosses the boundaries he himself set. He tells himself that if you were to stop hanging on to every being it wouldn’t bother him.

It’s early morning when your father finds you on the terrace eating a plate of fruit, he presses a kiss to your forehead, “How’s my little angel?” Your father was a large man, who held a great presence, that when he walked into a room everyone would turn to look at him. If it wasn’t for that people would look down on him because your family was still considered new money even after three generations going on four. You watch as he sits down in front of you, the maid coming up behind him with his breakfast, he gives her a thanks and tells her to tell the kitchen to take a break because everyone else is probably going to sleep in.

‘Your angel is doing just fine,” you smile at him, taking a sip from your orange juice.

“I was just asking because you're usually not up this early.” He checks his watch, “Seven am and you're up, so of course I’d be a little worried.”

You laugh, turning to face the terrace again, “I just had some thinking to do last night.”

The sound of the birds singing brings a sense of calmness to you this early morning, “Think about what exactly?”

You let out a sigh letting bring your legs up on to the chair, your pajama shorts riding up your thighs, “The future.”

A smile spreads against your dad’s lips, “What about the future exactly?”

“Marriage.”

You almost burst out laughing when the smile your father had worn disappears and turns into a frown. “Why are you seeing someone? Did they ask you to marry them?” His voice is stern, his eyes set into a glare.

“No, but I think it’s time that I think about it,” you look at your nails and start picking at the skin around them, and whisper under your breath, “Think about moving on and letting go of certain people.”

“No one’s putting any pressure on you, so don’t worry too much about that. Focus on building your career. That should be the only future you should be focusing on.”

“So you’ll get a job at your company as your marketing executive?” You joke, knowing what his response would be. He had raised you and all your siblings to start from the bottom and work your way up the ladder, giving you jobs as soon as you were old enough to work at an entry level. You were currently working in his company as the assistant to one of his executives after starting out as a simple front desk receptionist on the bottom floor. All your siblings had started out the same way, most of them now holding executive positions in the company or either started their own business.

“Fill out an application first and we’ll see if you have the qualifications.” Your dad jokes back as he stands up picking up his empty plate and heading back towards the house. Head thrown back in laughter.

“I thought you wanted me to focus on building my career!”

It’s late Monday when you're walking down the street to the Zenin building with a folder filled with paperwork. You walk past the reception desk and into the elevator clicking the floor to Naoya’s floor. You can feel your heart beating rapidly at the possibility of running into Toji. When you reach Naoya’s floor, you walk to the receptionist that’s on his floor. “Is Naoya Zenin here? I have some paperwork he needs to sign by today.”

You watch as she awkwardly looks at the door that opens to his office, the door closed and the secretary missing. “He’s a bit busy right now, if you don’t mind waiting a few minutes.”

“Not at all, thank you.” You push yourself away from her desk and take a seat on one of the chairs that adorn the lobby of the floor that sits facing Naoya’s office. As you wait you watch as people move around the office, people heading towards business dinners, others moving from one office to another with papers in their hands that need to be signed, and assistants carrying coffees around following some of the higher ups.

The environment is much more busy than what is at your dad's company where things seem to be more lax. Not to say that you weren’t busy, but your dad allowed for things to not to be in such a hurry, deadlines were always met, people were on time, but it lacked the urgency that people seemed to have here. You thought it might have something to do with the man behind the door always slacking off.

About five minutes later the door to Naoya’s office opens, his secretary coming out of his office, shirt wrinkled and hair out of place. You let out a breath as you stand from your chair, smiling at the receptionist as you make it down the hall to the office, “Is Mr. Zenin free?” You smile sweetly at the woman sitting in front of his office, ignoring as she tries to fix her hair.

“Um yes he is. Let me let him know you're here.” She stumbles over her words, picking up her phone and dialing Naoya’s extension, “Sir you have a visitor...okay I’ll let her in. He’s been expecting you.”

“And I’ve been waiting for him.” You say opening his office door and closing it behind you, “You know you could be a little more discreet about your affairs.” You walk in to Naoya tucking his dress shirt into his pants.

“What’s the fun in that?”

You drop the folder you're holding in your hands on his desk, “We need you to review and sign these.” Naoya picks up the folder and sits down looking through the papers, motioning for you to sit down across from him.

“If you were mine I might consider not sleeping around,” he says not once looking up from the folder. He sounded serious, but you knew better than to believe anything that came out of his mouth, you had grown up with him and knew better.

“Like I’d believe you.”

Naoya closes the folder and sets his pen down, standing up from his chair, and walking around the desk towards you. He crouches down and spins the chair until you are facing him. His hands placed on the seat on either side of your thighs, “One date. Give me one date and you can reject me afterwards.” You examine his face trying to see if he’s joking, he isn’t. You're about to reject him when he releases a sigh, backing away from you a bit, “How long are you going to wait?”

You're frozen in your seat, the words he and Toji said a few nights echoing in your head. You remember how two mornings ago you’d sat on the terrace of your home, telling yourself how you’d give yourself a chance to move on to find someone who actually wanted you, “Okay. I’ll go on a date with you.”

Naoya looks taken aback by your answer, “Really?” When you nod your head he smiles from ear to ear, “Okay then I’ll pick you up tomorrow.” He smiles sweetly at you.

You knew better than to get romantically involved with Naoya Zenin, but the emptiness in your chest felt unusually empty after what you had witnessed this afternoon.

It was late afternoon when Toji walked into the estate, when he found Naoya in the foyer humming happily as he flipped through the pages of a book. “How was your afternoon,” he has a playful smile on his lips.

“It was okay, I just finished doing some field work.” Toji walks towards the stairs ready to shower and get into his bed.

“Aren’t you going to ask me about my afternoon?” Naoya stands up, his smile growing wider. He was planning something.

“I’m not interested.” Toji takes two steps before he’s interrupted again.

“Not even if it involved y/n?”

Toji turns back to face Naoya, his lips in a straight line, “What about y/n?”

“Oh not much she came by so I could review some papers. I might’ve or might not have asked her out on a date. She said yes.” Toji can feel his eye twitch as Naoya’s smile gets even wider, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Toji turns and starts walking up the stairs not sparing Naoya a second glance, “She’s free to do whatever she wants.” Naoya’s laughs echo throughout the foyer as he notices how brothered Toji is and at how bad he is at hiding that fact.

Toji closes his bedroom door leaning against the door, frustration coursing through his body. Had you really agreed to go on a date with Naoya of all people. He recalls the conversation he had with you three nights ago in the car. He should feel a sense of relief that you're going out with someone closer to you in age, not jealousy.

He drops on his bed, your face flashing before his eyes when you hook your arm with him and smile at him. Would you be giving Naoya the same smile? Would you give Naoya the same teasing touches, or cheesy pick up lines? Toji would like to think that those were reserved for him.

He picks up his phone, and as if by instinct he clicks on your contact, calling you. The phone rings three times before you pick up, “Hello?” You sound a bit out of breath which makes Toji wonder what you were up to.

He doesn’t even think about his words as he blurts them out, “I heard you have a date with Naoya. Is it true?” Toji can almost see a smile spreading across your face at how frustrated and jealous he sounds.

“Yeah, I do. Why do you care, I thought you’d feel happy that I’m dating someone closer to my age. You sound jealous,” you whisper the last bit seductively, which makes Toji’s brain short circuit for a moment.

“I’m not jealous. If anything I’m worried that you're going out with Naoya of all people.” He drops back onto his bed, the back of his hand pressing over his eyes, listening to you laugh through the phone.

“Well like I said there aren’t many dating options,” you pause for a bit, “and Naoya asked.” Toji can just imagine sitting on your bed as you talk to him, legs probably tucked in underneath you and looking off into the distance.

“Didn’t mean you had to agree to it.”

“Again there aren’t many dating options and he asked. Plus he isn’t that bad...to look at,” you laugh. The sound of it making a smile spread across Toji’s face.

The smile disappears from his face when he asks you, “So are you going to start dating?”

He can hear you humming from the other end while you consider your reply, “I think I might, I’ll see how my date with Naoya goes.”

“So if it goes well will you start going out with Naoya?” He can hear you laughing hard from your end, so loud that he has to pull his phone away from his ear.

“Don’t make me laugh,” you try to control your breathing before speaking again,” I don’t think I could ever date Naoya. If the date goes well I might go on a second date with him, but Naoya isn’t the settling type. Going on dates doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll end up dating, so I don’t know maybe after a while I’ll actually date someone.”

“So you're basically going to use him as your fill in boyfriend.”

“Hey don’t judge me. Don’t you think it’s better if I use him rather than get used by him. We all know how Naoya is.”

“I guess you have a point.”

“Well I have to go, I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight Toji,”

“Goodnight y/n.” The line goes dead afterwards, and Toji is left alone with his thoughts and confusing feelings.

You’re dressed casually when you walk out the front steps of your home, a pair of jeans, an old t-shirt you stole from your sister’s closet that you cut into a crop top, your hair up in a ponytail, and your favorite pair of custom designed shoes. You’re met with the sight of Naoya in his own casual, slightly more dressed up, attire, something you're not used to. When he told you was talking you out to a place in the mall you didn’t find a reason to get dressed up. “Well don’t you look nice for our date,” he says sarcastically.

“You act as if you are taking me somewhere nice and not to the mall.” You get into the car, him closing the door behind you and walking around to get into the driver's side of the black Lamborghini he's driving today. “Did you get a new car?”

“Yeah why do you like it?” he smiles at you, pulling out of the circular driveway and down the small road that leads up to the mansion.

“Not really, I’m not into luxury cars, I prefer my Genesis, Kia, and Jeep to driving something like this. “

“Of course you do, isn’t your family known for buying affordable vehicles?” He laughs as he weaves through the traffic, his words aren’t meant to degrade you and the humble way your parents raised you despite having money. It was true, even though most of the cars in the garage were brand new, they were cars that most middle class workers could afford, and high society didn’t understand why with the amount of money your family had you would buy something so...cheap.”

“Not a great way to start out a date by making fun of what I drive.” You tease him leaning against the door. Looking out the window as cars and buildings drive past the car. The rest of the car ride is spent in silence as he weaves through the traffic, his music playing softly in the car. You can feel yourself dozing off, the sudden left turn he takes jolting you from your sluggish state, your head banging against the window. “Naoya! What the hell?” You glare at him rubbing the side of your head as he covers his laugh with the back of his hand.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” He’s eyes twinkle with amusement causing you to not believe him completely. “Anyways we’re here.”

You look out the window in awe as you drive on a small paved road, there’s fields filled with flowers. Naoya parks the car in a parking area, getting out the car to open your door. When you step out you see that there’s picnic areas spread across the area in the center of the fields. The flower aroma hits your nose and you can feel your body relax. “Wow, this place is beautiful.”

“I know right, perfect first date material.” Naoya reaches behind your seat pulling out a blanket and picnic basket.

“I’m guessing you bring girls you're trying to woo here often,” you state not meaning anything by it.

“Only the really pretty ones.” He smiles at you, walking out in front of you. Your face starts to burn at his comment.

Naoya finds an area near the flowers where he sets up the blanket and puts down the basket. You take a seat next to him, watching as he takes out a couple of dishes filled with fruits and veggies. He pulls out two glass plates and glasses, reaching one last time into the basket to pull out sandwiches and strawberry sodas. “You still like strawberry flavored things, right?”

You nod your head grabbing one from his hand and pouring it into a glass. “You know if it weren’t with you this would be the perfect date.”

He takes a sip from his own glass, looking ahead at the people taking pictures with the flowers, “You mean if I were Toji this would be the perfect date.” He sets his drink down, turning to look at you. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I shouldn’t have said it, but I don’t think it’s healthy for you to keep waiting for something that might not happen.”

You stare ahead of you, your heart aching,”No you were right, I’ll never be her. And I know.”

It’s the last thing you say before a girl with red hair pours water over Naoya’s head, some of it splashing onto you. “Your a fucking liar!” You stare in shock at Naoya who slowly turns his head towards the girl. He doesn’t seem to recognize her at first, but you can tell that her face becomes familiar slowly.

“Rina, w-what are you doing here?” Naoya stands up, towering over the girl, water dripping down his hair.

Rina crosses her arms, “I wanted to show my friends this place. I kept bragging to them about this place after you brought me here, but now I see I’m not the only one you bring here.” Rina side eyes you.

Naoya scratches the back of his head, “Look I never said I was exclusive with you, so I don’t know why you're angry.”

You watch the girl's face fall and as her eyes become watery. She bends down, taking your soda and throwing the liquid at Naoya before screaming, “You asshole!” You burst out laughing as she walks away, disappearing into the crowd of onlookers. As you watch her go something in you clicks, and the aching in your chest seizes.

“That was really smooth. I thought you said you only brought pretty girls here.” You stand up, reaching into the basket you bought and pulling out some towels to help him dry himself off.

“It’s not my fault I only date pretty women.”

You shake your head, “I think we better go.”

“Okay, but we have to stop at my place so I can change first.” Naoya starts to pick up the barely touched food.

Sitting back down on the wet blanket you start to help, “That’s okay.”

Toji is walking out of the Zenin Estate as Naoya drives up the driveway, you watch him stop next to his car, and you feel a rush of blood pumping through your heart. Naoya parks his car right behind Toji’s, killing the engine. The two of you get out and walk towards Toji, who eyes Naoya’s wet shirt that’s stained pink. “What did you do that pissed y/n off?”

“I didn’t do anything to our precious y/n.”

You greet Toji with a smile, “He didn’t piss me off, but there is a girl somewhere bawling her eyes out because of him.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Toji returns your smile, leaning against the tail of his car.

“I’m going to change. I don’t think you’ll mind keeping y/n some company while I do, so that I can drop her off after.” Naoya pulls his shirt off his sticky body.

“I’ll drop her off,” Toji offers.

From the corner of your eye you see Naoya smile, “I don’t want to bother you. It looks like you're going somewhere.”

“It’s not a problem.”

Naoya turns towards you, his smile spreading wider across his face, “I guess our date ends here. I hope you had a great time and that you text me for a second one.”

Eye him up and down once, you turn on your heels heading for Toji’s passenger side, “Yeah, don’t stay up waiting for that text.” You tease, “I don’t want to end up like that poor girl.”

You can hear both men laughing as you open the door and climb into the seat. Toji opens the drivers side climbing in soon after. You can see Naoya taking off his shirt and entering the house from the passenger side mirror.

The car ride was silent as Toji drove through the neighborhoods, heading towards your house. He’s the first to break the silence, “So how was your date with Naoya?”

“It was okay. It helped me figure some things out.” You keep your eyes straight ahead.

“Like what?” He asks.

“That I need to move on before I get hurt. That if you actually ever actually gave us a chance and it didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be able to handle it.” You can see the gate for your house as the car pulls onto your street. “I want you to keep being a part of my life, I don’t want to ruin that.” Your house comes into view, “So I’ve decided to take your advice and date people close to my age and to focus on myself.” Toji parks the car in front of the entrance to your house. You turn and smile at him one last time, “I’ll see you around Toji.” You open the passenger door, giving Toji a small wave as you walk into your house.

Toji watches as you disappear behind the closing doors. An empty feeling washing over him at the realization that he would no longer be on the receiving end of you flirting. It also dawns on him that even after his loss he can still feel the burning in his heart that he once had felt with his wife. And it gives him hope that maybe one day he’ll find someone who can fill the empty space the death of his wife left, though it might not be with you.

#toji zenin #toji jujutsu kaisen #toji x y/n #toji x reader #toji fushiguro #dilf toji #jujutsu toji #jjk toji

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knuffled · 3 years

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Just Practice - Chapter 16

it’s here! i know i said this last chapter, but this is the most important one in the fic so far now. hope you enjoy it! if you could leave a comment and reblog, it would mean the world to me! thank you!

ao3 link here

The state cross country meet was held on a cold, gray April morning. Rainfall from the night before had left the ground muddy and slick, and clouds still lingered in the sky, obscuring the sun. Mist seeped out of the woods and crept across the ground, coating each blade of grass with dew. Annabeth toyed with her jacket’s zipper and watched her teammates file off the school bus. Coach had left her in charge of finding a spot for the team to warm up before the race, which meant a lot of standing around in the cold.

Annabeth chaperoned her team in search of an unoccupied spot, but it looked like they were late to arrive. Much of the grounds had already been camped by other schools. As they passed, Annabeth made mental note of the competition that had gathered. She recognized two girls from Northbrook who had placed higher than her at state the year before. There was the girl from Creston that beaten her to second place at the invitational. A few runners from Seneca Falls passed by from time to time, but Reyna herself was not among them.

Once they were settled, Annabeth led the group stretches in Coach Davis’s stead. The chill quickly sank into her bones and the wet grass drenched her yoga pants, only adding insult to injury. Annabeth could hear her teammates’s teeth chattering when the cold wind blew past. They were uncharacteristically solemn, even the younger ones. State tended to have that effect. The effort to stay focused was evident by the grimaces on their faces, but more than that a cloud of anxiety hung over them. Annabeth had hoped Coach Davis would have some words of encouragement for them but she was nowhere to be seen.

Strangely, this was perhaps the one meet that Annabeth did not share in their nervousness. She was so accustomed to being a bundle of nerves during meets that it seemed completely bizarre to feel otherwise. Today, however, it was like Annabeth was so focused she didn’t feel anything at all, but it wasn’t a strained focus. Instead, it was somehow relaxed and effortless. Percy had described the sensation to her before when she had asked him how he managed to stay so calm before swim meets, but she had never understood his explanations. Now, experiencing it firsthand, she couldn’t help thinking it was a good omen.

Coach Davis returned just as one of the meet officials announced the women’s five kilometer would begin shortly, and Annabeth approached her once she was done with her stretches.

“I think you should say something to them,” Annabeth muttered. “They look like they’re going to puke.”

Coach raised an eyebrow. “Me? You’re the captain. Rallying the troops is your job.”

Before Annabeth could protest, Coach stood in front of the team and cleared her throat. “Alright, listen up everyone! Your captain has a few words for you all before the race.”

Annabeth pursed her lips and balled her hands at her sides. She wasn’t one for speeches. Still, the tentative, expectant look on the faces of her teammates compelled her to say something.

“Um, congratulations to everyone that made it here,” Annabeth started. “For some of you, this is your first time competing at state. It’s normal to be nervous. I know I certainly was my first time here. But, I want you to know you’re here for a reason. Trust in all the hard work and dedication that brought you here, and make sure when you leave here today, you do so with no regrets!”

Looking at her teammates now, Annabeth couldn’t help feeling a lump form in her throat. “I, um, also just wanted to say that it has been an honor and a privilege to be your captain this year. I know I haven’t been that great at it, but I couldn’t be more proud of you all. Now, this is the last race of the season, so let’s go out there and make it count!”

The cheers of her teammates took Annabeth by surprise and embarrassed her. She shifted on her heels and felt her face heat up. Even she herself was taken aback by how well she had spoken. A few of her teammates thanked her or clapped her on the back when they passed by. Even Clarisse gave her a begrudging nod of respect before jostled past her on her way to the starting line. Annabeth hid a smile and shook her head before she turned back to Coach Davis.

Coach gave her a thumbs up and said, “I didn’t know you had it in you, kid. That was a killer speech.”

Annabeth breathed an incredulous laugh. “Don’t expect me to do it again. That was one hundred percent luck.”

Coach shrugged and said, “Who knows? Maybe today’s your lucky day.”

“I sure hope so.”

Coach Davis threw an arm around Annabeth’s shoulder. “I know so. Next time I see you, you’re gonna be holding a first place ribbon in your hand. You’re gonna kill it today, Chase.”

Annabeth ducked her chin to hide a smile. “Thanks, Coach. I’ll do my best.”

Coach gave her a final clap on the back and whispered, “Go get ‘em, kid.”

Annabeth nodded and jogged over to the starting line. Since she was late to arrive, Annabeth didn’t even bother jostling for a place closer to the head of the pack. It was nothing she couldn’t make up within the first few minutes of the race anyways.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her body felt lighter than normal. Her mind was clear. Around her, tension droned in the air like a buzzing bee, but she felt removed from it all. She couldn’t bring herself to feel nervous, even as the official raised his gun and squeezed the trigger.

This was it, Annabeth mused. Her last high school race.

And then, the gunshot shattered the silence and Annabeth took off into the misty woods.

The ground was so soft and slippery that it was difficult to maintain proper footing and weave between all the other runners during the initial scramble to find a place. It didn’t take long for mud to cake her shoes and shins, much to her chagrin. But, after a few minutes, Annabeth found herself a spot towards the head of the pack.

The pace Annabeth held for the first half of the race was faster than the one she had adopted at the invitational, and as such it wasn’t long before she pulled into tenth. Since the new year, she had focused almost exclusively on her stamina, training to her limits. One Reyna’s greatest strengths was that she could sustain a brutal pace for the majority of a race. That alone gave her enough of a cushion to make it practically impossible to make up the distance by the end of the race. Annabeth realized that it was essential to keep up with Reyna until that point if she wanted to stand any chance of beating her.

All of that effort finally showed results when Annabeth managed to push into third place twelve minutes into the race. The girl from Creston was ahead of her, but Annabeth could tell that she was faltering. Her pace hadn’t improved since the invitational but Annabeth’s had. Annabeth’s suspicions proved correct when she managed to pass her only a minute later and pull ahead into second place.

Now, there was only one last obstacle. Reyna was ahead of her, but her lead wasn’t so large that Annabeth wouldn’t be able to make up the distance. If she had to estimate, there were perhaps a hundred meters between them, and she had the better part of three minutes to close it.

Annabeth set her jaw in grim determination and picked up her pace. Deviating so early from her race pace was risky, but she couldn’t afford to play it safe if she wanted to beat Reyna. She was doing fine in terms of stamina, and there was enough adrenaline coursing through her to give her confidence that she wouldn’t burn out.

Over the next two minutes, Annabeth managed to shrink the distance from a hundred meters to twenty. Reyna even heard her coming and fixed her a steely look over her shoulder before facing forward again. Even in the heat of competition, Annabeth couldn’t help taking a moment to admire Reyna. Her form was still immaculate this late into the race. There was something beautiful about the sheer efficiency of it. The only sign she was even working hard was the sweat on her brow.

But with six hundred meters left to go, Annabeth was still unable to bridge the distance between them. The remaining distance made things tricky. It was too much for her to abandon her pace and launch into a sprint. Honestly, her legs were already having a difficult time maintaining her current punishing pace, but Annabeth couldn’t afford to go into the final two hundred meters of the race behind Reyna. With a headstart, Reyna would beat her ten out of ten times in a sprint.

So, Annabeth made a bold gamble and abandoned her pace early.

Sprinting for over a third of a mile was not possible. Annabeth knew that. At best, Annabeth guessed could manage a little under four hundred meters at close to a sprint. Ideally, she would pull far enough ahead during that time and Reyna would be unable to make up the distance during the final two hundred meters.

Annabeth dug deep into what little stamina she had left and pushed herself as hard as she could. She grit her teeth and ignored the way her lungs immediately burned in protest. Reyna gave her a look when Annabeth managed to pull alongside her, but then she subsequently increased her own pace.

Annabeth wanted to scream. Reyna had an even faster pace?

Before she could spiral into negativity, Annabeth forced herself to calm down and re-evaluate the situation. She had no way of knowing, but it was entirely possible that she was throwing Reyna off her pace. If Reyna hadn’t planned for that, it could deplete her stamina much faster than she would have anticipated. Which meant that it wasn’t impossible for Annabeth to win.

Of course, it was all complete conjecture. Maybe Reyna had practiced for this very situation, and Annabeth was doomed. But if there was even a remote possibility that Annabeth was throwing her off her game plan, she would take it. If she could force a war of attrition, Annabeth could actually see a world where she could win.

Don’t slow down. Just keep running.

The following two minutes were perhaps the most brutal in Annabeth’s entire running career. It felt like her lungs were tearing themselves in two, and her calves burned like they had been coated in acid. The simple act of breathing was painful. At some point, her mind blanked out, and she slipped into a kind of trance. Thinking was no longer a necessary function. All that mattered was putting one foot in front of the next. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

But then, for the first time in the race, Reyna began to falter. Her shoulders were hunched and her stride grew inconsistent. It was subtle but cracks were beginning to appear.

A rush of excitement swept through Annabeth.

She could win this. All she had to do was deliver the finishing blow.

Just one final push, and state was hers.

Annabeth reached into the last vestiges of her stamina and pushed forward, desperate to pass Reyna for the first time.

But then, she hit a patch of mud and slipped, hyper-extending her leg.

Her left knee made a popping sound.

A bolt of pain unlike anything she had ever felt before shot up her leg.

Annabeth released a cry of pain and fell into the mud. Her mind was still blank, so it took her a moment to register what had happened. Once she came to, Annabeth desperately scrambled to her feet, but her left leg gave out on her the moment she put any weight on it.

She tried again only to fall face first into the mud. Annabeth blinked in disbelief and looked up. Reyna was getting further away. This couldn’t be happening. She was going to lose.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!

Annabeth pounded the ground with her fist, hard enough to bruise her knuckles. She laid there in the mud, lacking the energy and the will to sit up. Anger wracked through her like venom.

She had finally been about to beat Reyna. Just a little more, and she would have done it.

But now, she had no shot.

It was all over for her.

At this point, she wouldn’t even finish the race.

Mud crept into her mouth, forcing her to finally sit up. Annabeth spit it out, but the taste of defeat lingered on her tongue. She brushed away the tears pricking her eyes and blearily took in her surroundings.

It was so quiet. Her knee throbbed in agony. Reyna had stopped. Mist curled around Annabeth’s waist. The ground trembled ever so slightly, heralding the onrush of runners.

Wait, Reyna had stopped?

What was she doing? Why was she just standing there? The other runners were going to catch up to her.

She watched in disbelief as Reyna walked over to her and dropped to a crouch, a strained look in her eyes. “Can you stand?”

Annabeth blinked blearily. “What?”

“Can you stand on your own?” Reyna repeated. “Or do you need help?”

Annabeth screwed her eyes shut and shook her head. “I- I don’t understand-”

Before she could react, Reyna tugged her onto her feet and threw Annabeth’s arm over her own shoulder. Reyna held her hip and pulled her into her side to support Annabeth’s weight before her knees buckled from under her.

The girl in third place sped past them without so much as a look.

Annabeth stared at Reyna with wide eyes and hoarsely asked, “W-What are you doing?”

When Reyna didn’t answer, Annabeth squirmed in her grasp. “Let me go.”

“Shut up.”

Three more girls passed them in rapid succession.

“Let me go,” Annabeth pleaded, her voice cracking. “You’re throwing the fucking race! Let me go!”

Reyna refused to look at her. “I said shut up.”

A lump formed in Annabeth’s throat, and she found herself fighting back tears. She didn’t think it was possible, but this was somehow worse than injuring her knee.

“Wha- Why?” Annabeth stammered. “Why are you going so far for me?”

“Because we’re friends,” Reyna said simply. “Now, let’s get going. We’ve got a race to finish.”

Annabeth barely registered the journey to the finish line. Her knee throbbed in pain the entire time, and her heart felt like it was tearing itself in two. It was already bad enough that she had completely fucked up the race, but the fact that she had stolen Reyna’s victory too was more than she could bear. At the rate she was going, Reyna would have broken the state record and placed nationally if it hadn’t been for her. Annabeth could already tell that she would never forgive herself for this.

The next thing she knew, they had stopped. Annabeth blinked and looked around, trying to figure out where she was, only to find herself standing right in front of Percy and the rest of her friends. Her throat seized up, and her heart squeezed in her chest.

The look on his face made her want to die.

Reyna helped Annabeth into Percy’s arms, a wordless understanding passing between them. He immediately supported her against his chest, and Annabeth melted into him. Usually, his scent was enough to calm her down, but not today. Today, it just made her sad. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and clutched at the fabric of his shirt, her lip quivering.

“P-Percy,” Annabeth whispered, voice cracking.

He held her tightly against him and ran his hands down her back. It was hard to say why, but that gesture was what broke the levy and allowed her to finally cry. Annabeth sobbed in his arms and held onto him like a lifeline.

“Get her to a hospital,” Reyna muttered.

Annabeth could hear Percy speak through his chest. “What happened?”

“She fell. Badly,” Reyna said tersely. “I did my best to get her here, but she’s yours now, alright? Take care of her for me.”

Percy’s grip on her tightened. “I will. I promise.”

There was a pause before Reyna nodded and turned to leave. But before she could get too far away, Percy called out to her.

“Reyna?”

She looked over her shoulder and met his eyes. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Reyna paused for a moment and nodded one last time. And then she was gone.

:::

The sky had begun to darken before the hospital staff allowed Percy and her friends in to see her. She had spent nearly two and a half hours in triage with the doctor and nurses. They asked her a lot of questions and ran some preliminary tests on her, mainly to measure her mobility, before they decided she would need to stay overnight. They didn’t know what the issue was for certain until they ran some imaging tests, but their tentative diagnosis only affirmed Annabeth’s worst fears.

After that, she was allowed to take a bath and changed into a hospital gown. Her knee was put in an elevated brace to keep her from putting any weight on it. The position was remarkably uncomfortable, but she had no other options than to bear it.

It was only after that that her friends were allowed inside to see her. They rushed inside and crowded around the bed, except for Percy who lingered by the doorframe. Annabeth fleetingly met his eyes and quickly looked away.

“Oh, Annabeth, we were so worried about you,” Rachel cried, taking her hand.

Frank nodded and quietly said, “They made us wait for so long that we thought something might have happened.”

Annabeth mustered a wan smile. “You mean apart from my knee getting completely fucked?”

Her friends looked at each other before Jason stepped forward and said, “We were afraid they had pulled you into surgery or something.”

“They still need to run a few tests before that,” Annabeth said.

“Do they know what’s wrong yet?” Piper asked, furrowing her brow.

Annabeth did her best to shrug. “They don’t have any leads just yet,” she lied.

There was an awkward silence before Hazel cleared her throat and said, “Well, let us know if there is anything we can do for you.”

“I think I’ll need a change of clothes and some toiletries probably,” Annabeth said.

Piper nodded to herself and made some notes on her phone. “Got it.”

“Anything else?” Rachel asked.

“Nothing for now,” Annabeth said, trying to smile. “Just some bed rest.”

“Alright,” Rachel said, nodding. “Let us know if that changes or if anything comes up.”

Annabeth nodded. “Sure, I will.”

They lingered for a short while longer before a nurse popped into the room to yell at them for having too many people in the room.

Jason sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I guess that’s our cue to leave. We’ll see you later, ABC. And remember: anything you need, we’re here for you.”

Annabeth nodded and waved feebly while they filed out of the room. Only Percy stayed behind, but she had suspected as much. She had been dreading talking to him most of all. When he got worried like this, he wouldn’t let her get away with weaseling her way out of talking.

Percy stood by the base of her bed and offered her a soft smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.”

“I tried calling your dad, but he wouldn’t pick up,” Percy said. “Sorry.”

Annabeth nodded. “I figured as much.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Alright, I guess,” Annabeth said. “My knee sure hurts like a bitch though.”

“What happened?” Percy asked. “Reyna said you fell.”

“I mean, yeah, pretty much,” Annabeth said, sighing. “I was about to pass her, but then I slipped on some mud and hyper-extended my leg or something. Next thing I know, my knee is completely fucked and I can barely stand.”

“I’m sorry,” Percy said quietly.

“Yeah, well,” Annabeth said, trying for a shrug.

“How are you feeling?”

Annabeth looked at him. “You already asked me that.”

“You told me how your leg was doing, not how you were doing,” Percy said.

“Don’t have the decency to let me wallow in my own misery, huh?” Annabeth joked half-heartedly.

“Afraid not,” Percy said lightly.

Annabeth sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t really know, honestly. Hasn’t really sunk in yet. Just can’t help thinking the universe sure has a sick sense of comedic timing that’s all.”

Percy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I was so close, Percy, so fucking close,” Annabeth said. “Just a little more and I had Reyna beat. But, when the time came, I fucked up like I always do.”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Percy said. “You were just insanely unlucky.”

“I know,” Annabeth said, smiling sardonically. “That’s what makes it so funny. I’ve spent the last six years of my life training my fucking ass off, and all it took was one moment to make it all completely meaningless. Isn’t that just fucking hilarious?”

Percy shifted uneasily and said, “Annabeth-”

“And you know the worst part is that I dragged Reyna into it too,” Annabeth said, shaking her head. “She was going to win and place nationally, and I stole that from her.”

“She made that choice herself,” Percy said gently. “Besides, we don’t know if she would have won for sure.”

“Yeah?” Annabeth laughed humorlessly. “Well, here’s something I do know: it would have been better for everyone if she’d left me there in the mud.”

Percy inhaled sharply and said, “Oh, Annabeth. There’s absolutely no way that’s true. And all your hard work wasn’t for nothing either. You still have all of your college career ahead of you.”

Annabeth stared down at her lap, a lump forming in her throat. “But what if I didn’t?”

Percy furrowed his brow and said, “What do you mean?”

Annabeth wrung her wrists. “T-They’re saying that I probably tore my ACL.”

“But you said before-”

“I was lying,” Annabeth interrupted. “I just didn’t want to bring it up in front of everyone.”

There was a slight pause before Percy held a hand to his forehead and muttered, “Shit.”

“Yeah. Shit.”

They both knew a torn ACL had spelled the end to many an athlete’s career. It wasn’t a death sentence, but there was a good chance Annabeth would never come back stronger than before her injury.

Percy’s hands tightened around her bedframe. “It’ll be alright. I’m sure that some surgery and rehab will do the trick.”

“Wish I shared in your optimism,” Annabeth said, half-smiling.

“Look, I know it seems hopeless right now, but you’ll make it out. You always do.”

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “And there’s also a good chance I’ll never be as fast again.”

“Well, I believe in you,” Percy said. “I know how strong you are.”

Annabeth offered him a weak smile. “But what if I don’t believe in me?”

“Then I’ll do enough for the both of us and make up for it,” Percy said gently.

His words should have made her feel better, but instead they lit a spark of anger in her. “Just because you believe in something, doesn’t make it true, Percy.”

Percy must have sensed the shift in her mood and carefully said, “I’m aware of that.”

“No, you clearly aren’t,” Annabeth snorted. “This isn’t something you can just self-help, positive thinking bullshit your way out of.”

“I never said it was,” Percy said quietly.

“But it’s what you meant,” Annabeth insisted.

Percy pursed his lips and looked at her. “What would be more helpful for me to say instead?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe you can start by acknowledging what’s really going on,” Annabeth said caustically.

“And what’s that?”

Annabeth sat up straight and crossed her arms over her chest. “How about you admit I might never be able to run competitively again? Or how about admitting I’m responsible for sabotaging Reyna’s victory at state? Admit that my best isn’t good enough, that it’ll never be good enough.”

“And that will help you feel better?” Percy asked slowly.

“Compared to the garbage you were saying before? Yeah, it would.”

Hurt flickered in Percy’s eyes before he took a deep breath and shook his head. “I’m not going to say that.”

“Yeah? And why’s that?” Annabeth demanded.

“It’ll only make you feel worse,” Percy said quietly.

Annabeth ground her teeth and glared at him. “You know, I really hate when you do that.”

Percy furrowed his brow. “What?”

“When you pretend to know how I think or feel,” Annabeth fumed. “Or when you act like you know what’s good for me. It’s so fucking arrogant.”

“I didn’t mean for it to come across-”

“Then stop fucking pretending this isn’t real!” Annabeth snapped. “Do you really not understand how completely fucked I am right now?”

“Annabeth, I get how you feel. Trust me, I do,” Percy said. “But with the right treatment-”

“Percy, I could lose my scholarship over this,” Annabeth interrupted, fighting back tears. “I-I can’t afford to go to Berkeley without one, and I sure as hell can’t ask my fucking parents for money. They couldn’t even be bothered to see me here!”

He paused and processed the information quietly for a few moments before he said, “If we find a good surgeon and a physical therapist, they’ll figure out a way to cure you.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” Annabeth asked desperately. “What if I never fully recover?”

Percy walked around the side of her bed and took her hand. “Then we’ll figure that out together too.”

“What do you mean ‘we’?” Annabeth laughed bitterly. “This isn’t your fucking problem. You still have your scholarship. Even if you didn’t, your mom would help pay your tuition. You still have people who give a shit about you. I don’t have anyone like that.”

There was a hint of tragic desperation in Percy’s voice when he said, “But you have me.”

Annabeth looked up at him with a strained smile. “Do I? Do I really?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Percy asked, narrowing his eyes.

“You have been hiding things from me,” Annabeth said quietly. “You’ve been hiding things from me, who knows for how long.”

“Annabeth, what are you talking-”

“Kara Mayfield,” Annabeth said tiredly.

Percy stiffened like he had been slapped across the face, and that was the final nail in the coffin.

“Where you ever going to tell me about her, about what happened to you two?” Annabeth asked softly.

When Percy was silent, Annabeth breathed an incredulous laugh and shook her head. “So never then, apparently.”

“I never meant to hide anything from you,” Percy said. “It’s just-”

“I don’t want your excuses, Percy,” Annabeth said. “Either you don’t trust me enough, or you think I’m too fragile to handle it, like I’m some kindergartner that needs protecting because I don’t know what’s good for me.”

“I’ve always only ever had complete trust in you, Annabeth,” Percy said tersely.

“Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it,” Annabeth fumed. “I have never kept anything from you. I’ve always told you absolutely everything about myself. I guess it just hurts because I assumed that you did the same.”

Annabeth paused and stared down at her lap, digging her fingernails into her palms. “Honestly, it’s fine if there are things you can’t tell me. Like, it hurts but I can live with it. But then what was the point of the fucking ocean of subtext that you’ve been forcing me to swim through since the start of the school year? I just don’t understand why the fuck you’ve been leading me by the nose on this wild goose chase if you’re so unwilling to open up to me. At least have the decency to make up your fucking mind.”

When Percy still continued to remain silent, Annabeth just felt suddenly exhausted, like all the events of the day had caught up with her all at once.

“I’m just so tired of this, Percy,” she muttered. “I’m tired of having to lie awake at night trying to analyze why you said this or did that. I’m just so fucking tired of it, and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“You don’t think I would’ve said something if I could have?” Percy said tightly. “You think that I’ve liked keeping things from you? It kills me-”

“Then just tell me then!” Annabeth said. “This is your chance: right here! Just fucking say what’s on your mind for once.”

“I can’t!” Percy said, voice cracking. “I- I just can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

Percy was silent for a moment before he whispered, “I don’t know.”

Annabeth bit her lower lip to keep it from quivering. “You’re breaking my fucking heart, Percy Jackson. I really hope you know that.”

Percy took a step closer to her, looking shattered, but Annabeth pointedly looked away at the opposite wall and cleared her throat.

“If you don’t have anything to say, I think you should just leave.”

A suffocating silence draped over them like a blanket, so palpable that Annabeth could almost feel the weight of it smothering them both. She held her breath, hoping against hope, that Percy would finally come out with everything he was holding back, but he didn’t say anything.

She didn’t know how long he simply stood there before he opened the door to her hospital room. He paused between the doorframe for a few moments, and her heart jack-hammered inside her chest.

This was it, Annabeth realized. This was finally how he left her.

Before he could close the door behind him, Annabeth frantically turned to him and yelled, “I’m in love with you!”

Percy froze and looked at her with a searching gaze. Blood pounded in Annabeth’s ears. Maybe now he wouldn’t leave. Anything to make him stay.

It felt like an eternity before Percy withered in front of her. His smile was achingly kind and familiar, but Annabeth was too struck by the hurt in his eyes. She had never seen him in so much pain before. Was that all her doing?

“It’s alright, Annabeth,” Percy smiled. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

His words hit her like a sledgehammer to the face. The door closed and shut behind him before she could react, and then she was alone.

And then she was alone.

#percabeth angst #percabeth #percabeth fake dating au #percabeth fluff #percabeth fic #just practice #knuffled fic

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