#Bc I didnt have it in me last tuesday lol

[hajihiko]

How did you draw this little fella as such a baddie man your style is so cool 😭

+ Mother's Favourite syndrome

#I yassify him out of love also I dont often like the DR colours also my style is much different #An art #Fuyuhiko kuzuryu #He rly is such a lil guy in the game #We're doing a little Talky Talky Tuesday Thursday #Bc I didnt have it in me last tuesday lol #And only 50% in me rn

[givemethedamnflowers]

.

#the last bits of the sinus infection i had last week and this week end are still w me #im so fucking tired #and today be hard did NOT help #im just so sleepy but 1/it's not even 7pm 2/i have d&d from 7:30 to 9:30 #this morning was ROUGH #bc our freight elevator is broken i had to reject some of our deliveries last week bc i cant bring up such heavy loads by hand #like it's 3 flight of stairs AND some walk to get to the restaurant #and bc we were closed for easter monday i knew i would get today both what we usually get monday and the tuesday deliveries #AND a redelivery from last week i knew that i was prepared #BUT the elevator was still broken so 1 of our vendors dropped the delivery at another close by restaurant and we had to find time to get it #another vendor still went downstairs and i had to carry the packages up the stairs w a colleague #the girl from another restaurant from the brand that was supposed to come at 7 arrived at 8:20 #we can open if we're only 2 but... not when i have this much delivery lol so fuck me i guess #AND we learn we have 2 new employees coming today so we have to train them #which good !! we NEED new employees but lol today of all day #we're getting 80 more places on our outside area next week so we desperatly need new ppl #we wanted them before so they could be fully trained for when the new places arrive but well better late than never idk #so by 10:45 i had : 4 deliveries and only 2 that came via the same guy were delivered actually at the store 2 ppl from another location #that know the work but not the restaurant incl one who didnt speak french 2 new employees we had to shwo around and explain the basics #and i had to take my break at 11 or i would get to eat at all #this rant is a mess

[kuiinncedes]

damn bro imagine if i could do more than like 30 mins of work in like 3 hours

#idk if that's an exaggeration or underestimate i have no sense of time XD #asnghbgbqgrihguierhqrg #jeanne talks #this part of the coding project makes sense in my head so i feel relaxed abt it for some reason #ya know not thinking about how i actualy have to CODE IT #and preferably code it somewhat QUICKLY bc this shit's due TUESDAY #i have stats hw i havent started yet too woohoo ajngjsdfbgbhdgoiquhregoiuqerhhgjfdf #anyway lol codings fine everythings fine #straight up giving up on catching up on my stats notes from a few weeks ago at this point #and also i have to read book for monday but im also not doing that 😌 #lol we had a quiz last monday on part of it and then i didnt finish the part we had to read for wednesday #and now im just not gonna bother i dont think i could handle bothering lol #which is sad i think the book is interesting and i'd want to read it !!!!! but bitch is fucking horrible at being productive and coding so #here we are instead #why am i here talking to myself lmfao bye #also me need to stop opening tumblr to get distracted by tour updates/pics STOP'

[animemusicbrackets]

Finally, here is the submission results:

PRELIMINARY POLLS WILL BE UP TUESDAY 7/25 @ 12PM EDT

tags: preliminaries matches (the actual polls, not including any reblogs) bracket info propaganda

INFO UNDER CUT

✨✨There were a couple of submissions that were openings, rather than endings, so those have been removed. (So there were 700 valid submissions, 702 total submissions)

✨✨Songs that only got 1 or 2 votes will not be advancing.

✨✨At most 2 songs per series will be allowed in the bracket.

✨✨There were five series that had more than 2 qualifying songs (Chainsaw Man, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hunter x Hunter, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and Naruto).

✨✨There will be FOUR preliminary polls for these series. They will be a week long.

✨✨There will not be a preliminary round for Fullmetal Alchemist, because Uso and Shunkan Sentimental had many more votes than the other three submissions so I will just be putting those in the bracket automatically.

✨✨For HXH, JJBA, and Naruto, I will be putting the top voted song in the bracket, and the rest will battle to the death for the other designated spot. (I didnt do this for CSM bc it was a three way tie lol.) The endings that will be advancing for these series are:

"Hyouri Ittai" by Yuzu

"Roundabout" by Yes

"Wind" by Akeboshi

✨✨The Preliminary Polls will be:

💥Chainsaw Man (2 winners)

"Fight Song" by Eve

"First Death" by TK from Ling Tosite Sigure

"Hawatari Nioku Centi" by Maximum the Hormone

"In the Back Room" by syudou

"Tablet" by TOOBOE

"Time Left" by ZUTOMAYO

💥Hunter X Hunter (1 winner)

"Hunting For Your Dream" by Galneryus

"Just Awake" by Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas

"Reason" by Yuzu

💥JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (1 winner)

"Akuyaku♢Kyousoukyoku ~ Oingo to Boingo~" by Various (Makoto Yasumura, Motoko Kumai, Hidenobu Kiuchi)

"I Want You" by Savage Garden

💥Naruto (1 winner)

"Broken Youth" by NICO Touches the Walls

"By My Side" by Hemenway

"Rainbow" by Vacuum Hollow

"U Can Do It!" by DOMINO

✨✨With the prelims, the total number of songs that will be advancing to the bracket is 62. I will not be doing any other preliminary rounds to fill in the last two spots, because I'm busy, and I really dont want to do polls for the 55 songs that got 2 votes, only for 2 spots. I will either have the bracket just be 62 songs OR i will use my godly powers to just put in two of the other songs that i like. its a surprise teehee.

✨✨The endings that are guaranteed a spot in the bracket are:

"About a Voyage" by Sayuri [Boku No Hero Academia]

"Aishiteru" by Callin' [Natsume Yuujinchou]

"Akatsuki" by Akiko Shikata [Yona of the Dawn]

"aLIEz" by Sawano Hiroyuki [Aldnoah.Zero]

"Aoi Honoo" by ITOWOKASHI [Black Clover]

"Chou Cream Funk" by Philosophy no Dance [Mashle: Magic and Muscles]

"Comedy" by Gen Hoshino [SPYxFAMILY]

"Daisy" by STEREO DIVE FOUNDATION [Kyoukai no Kanata]

"Datte Atashi no Hiro" by LiSA [Boku No Hero Academia]

"Don't say 'lazy'" by Youko Hikasa [K-On!]

"Fly Me to the Star" by Starlight Kuku Gumi [Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight]

"For the Love of Life" by David Sylvian [Monster]

"Fuyu Biyori" by Eri Sasaki [Yuru Camp]

"gravity" by Maaya Sakamoto (Composer - Yoko Kanno) [WOLF'S RAIN]

"Groovy!" by Kohmi Hirose [Cardcaptor Sakura]

"Hare Hare Yukai" by Aya Hirano, Minori Chihara, Yuuko Gotou [Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu]

"Hectopascal" by Yuuki Takada, Minako Kotobuki [Bloom Into You]

"homework never ends" by Mawatari Matsuko (JPN), Sara White (ENG) [Yu Yu Hakusho]

"Hyouri Ittai" by Yuzu [Hunter x Hunter]

"I'm Alive" by Becca [Black Butler]

"Infinity" by Yuuri [Sk8 the Infinity]

"Kimi No Shiranai" by Supercell [Bakemonogatari]

"LOST IN PARADISE" by ALI feat. AKLO [Jujutsu Kaisen]

"Magia" by Kalafina [Puella Magi Madoka Magica]

"Mashi Mashi" by NICO Touches the Walls [Haikyuu!!]

"Memosepia" by sajou no hana [Mob Psycho 100]

"Mephisto" by QUEEN BEE [Oshi no Ko]

"Nomic" by ACCAMER [I'm the Villainess, So I'm Taming the Final Boss]

"OverThink" by Fan Ka [Link Click]

"Prayer X" by King Gnu [Banana Fish]

"RED" by Survive Said The Prophet [Banana Fish]

"Red:birthmark" by AiNA THE END [Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury]

"Refrain Boy" by ALL OFF [Mob Psycho 100]

"Roundabout" by Yes [JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: The Animation]

"Sayonara Bye Bye" by Mawatari Matsuko (JPN), Stephanie Nadolny (ENG) [Yu Yu Hakusho]

"Sayonara-gokko" by amazarashi [Dororo (2019)]

"Shiki no Uta" by Minmi [Samurai Champloo]

"Shikisai" by yama [SPYxFAMILY]

"Shissou" by LAST ALLIANCE [Ouran High School Host Club]

"Shubidubi☆Sweets Time" by Miyamoto Kanako [Precure: KiraKira Pretty Cure A La Mode]

"Shunkan Sentimental" by SCANDAL [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood]

"Sore wa Chiisana Hikari no Youna" by Sayuri [Erased (Boku Dake Ga Inai Machi)]

"SPLASH FREE" by STYLE FIVE [Free!]

"Stand By Me" by the peggies [Sarazanmai]

"Sugar Song and Bitter Step" by UNISON SQUARE GARDEN [Kekkai Sensen]

"Tenchi Gaeshi" by NICO Touches the Walls [Haikyuu!!]

"The Real Folk Blues" by The Seatbelts feat. Mai Yamane [Cowboy Bebop]

"Torches" by Aimer [Vinland Saga]

"Trust Me" by Yuya Matsushita [Durarara!!]

"Truth" by Ruka Yumi [Revolutionary Girl Utena]

"Uso" by SID [Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood]

"Virtual Star Embryology" by Maki Kamiya [Revolutionary Girl Utena]

"Wareta Ringo" by Risa Taneda [Shin Sekai Yori]

"Wind" by Akeboshi [Naruto]

"You Only Live Once" by Hatano Wataru [Yuri!!! on ICE]

"Zetsubou Billy" by Maximum the Hormone [Death Note]

"Zzz" by Sayaka Sasaki [Nichijou]

#polls tournament #polls #poll tournaments #anime ending #anime ed #anime music #anime eds #music #tumblr polls #anime endings #anime #poll #animanga #anime ed tournament #brackets #preliminaries

[partiallypoison]

what other mcr "the sun is evil" lyrics do you have? the only thing other one that i can think of is a lyric from gun.: "as soon as i get my gun / i'll point it out the window at the setting sun". but i didnt think "evil sun" was a running theme lol. but it would make sense bc of the vampire stuff!

oh man i got so excited i opened up my laptop lmao.

okay so it's not a complete list, as i do add to it when i remember certain lyrics or see old blog posts/interviews.

under a read more because i typed a lot.

so i have a sort of mental collection of all of the lyrics that mcr has that state that the sun (and by extension, light) is evil. i also have a separate list/essay that includes fire, and how it (and the sun) represent religion, and how religion is weaponized. it also includes vampires, and their religious undertones, but that is a LOT to type on a tuesday evening, so we'll stick with the sun and light for now, with a bit of vampires added on, since you mentioned them.

(edit: i did, in fact, type a lot on a tuesday evening and did not necessarily stick to sun and light.)

first we have like, the entirety of vampires will never hurt you. more specifically, we have "and if the sun comes up / will it tear the skin right off our bones?" which, obviously, does fit the theme of vampires, and the mythology surrounding them and their aversion to sunlight. there isn't much else on bullets touching this particular subject, apart from skylines and turnstiles' "steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun / scorched and black, it reaches in and tears your flesh apart/ as ice cold hands rip into your heart." however, this one doesn't necessarily refer to the sun as evil, just places the sun in a desolate setting.

moving onto revenge, we have a few. hang 'em high starts out with "wait until it fades to black, ride into the sunset." while this most likely refers to the typical western movie ending, this lyric is one i wanted to add in, as it does tell the listener to avoid sunlight.

in fashion statement, we have the lyric "bright lights that won't kill me now or tell me how." as i mentioned in the intro of this post, light is also a part of this narrative. the phrase "bright lights" does come up again, in the black parade, with famous last words' repetition of the lyric "these bright lights have always blinded me." the lyrics "so many bright lights to cast a shadow / but can i speak?" are also in famous last words.

back to revenge, in i never told you what i do for a living, we start off with the lyric "stay out of the light or the photograph that i gave you." once again, we, the listeners, are being told to stay out the light/sun.

that's it for revenge, except bury me in black has a line i'd like to include: "we'll douse ourselves / in high explosive light." this briefly touches upon the weaponization i mentioned earlier.

for the black parade, i already spoke famous last words above. so i'll start with the sharpest lives, which has the lyrics, "a light to burn all the empires / so bright, the sun is ashamed to rise and be / in love with all of these vampires." this is a great set of lyrics, as it not only includes three of my keywords here (light, bright, and sun) it also includes vampires! and fire/burning, as well, which is a part of light, and, once again, this being used as a weapon. this lyric actually is present in several of my lyric collections because of this.

now, let's move onto danger days. in destroya, we have a lyric that more explicitly states this evil sun theory. "against the sun, we're the enemy!" not much needed to be said there.

a big part of danger days and the killjoys lore is that the sun will kill you. in goodnite, dr. death, he states "you know that big ball of radiation we call the sun? / well, it'll burst you into flames / if you stay in one place too long." there are some lyrics in danger days that contradict this statement: sometimes, the sun is your enemy, sometimes, the sun is your salvation. however, i'm not creating an antithesis right now. you just either have to believe me or look up some danger days lyrics yourself.

okay, now it's time for conventional weapons. we'll start with tomorrow's money. "you fell in love with a vampire [...] / say hello to the good times / and burning up in the sun." vampires, burning in the sun, what more could you want? it's pretty straightforward, and is a perfect example of "sun is bad because vampires."

your example of gun. fits right in here: "well, as soon as i get my gun / i'll point it out the window at the setting sun." no further comment on this one, as you've connected the dots yourself. but yeah, sun bad, shoot gun at it.

in make room!!!! we have "me and you and all of this living dead / burning up in the sun where the bodies add." another example of the sun and the way it burns those that are in it.

burn bright, while not exactly fitting with this exact theme, is an honorable mention because it refers to taking back the fire, the light, and using it for yourself. not allowing it to burn you, but for you to use it to burn something else. i’d include it in my other collections, instead, but i wanted to talk about it here.

finally, rounding off this post, we have the foundations of decay. "will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays?" has haunted every corner of my brain since its release, and connecting this particular lyric with the first one listed, the lyric from vampires, is actually what kickstarted this entire collection! the way these two lyrics fit together and paint a clear image in my head... i lowkey became obsessed. like, there's something about this that just made me get out the corkboard and red string. buzzfeed unsolved i've connected the dots dot jpeg.

i'll continue connecting these dots for as long as i can, and might even add onto this post eventually. like, for example, the post with my tags that you're responding to:

"stay out of the sun. watch your back. and sharpen your knives.

-g"

so yes. that's it. that's my entire theory (work in progress). if i ever feel like sitting down for another idk hour and a half or so collecting my thoughts on something maybe i'll write about the sun, fire, and weaponized religion :)

#thank you for asking though i had a lot of fun #and this hasn't been proofread so i apologize in advance #analysis #lyric parallels #mcr #ask #nero neptune

[tasteforrot]

Everything Is Dumb Now

everything seems dumb now

or the problems before tuesday

or my problems before tuesday

or the problems i focused on before tuesday

idk if theyre really dumb

but probably

does he like me will it work

venus in pisces taurus sun with a cancer ascendent

moon in leo

idk why liking someone is so terrifying to me

my shrink asked me why having basic needs met seems so impossible

or.

idk

the moon was in aquarius on tuesday i think

or i remember reading “let us hope this is a good omen”

(probably chani nicholas)

for two months i refreshed nine horoscope sites daily asking the internet

what would happen

i saw something this week

about the election coverage was too… like

focusing more on what will happen in november

not what was happening at the time

what will happen vs what is happening

what do we know

idk

this past month i began calling more feelings “pain”

laying in bed thinking “i’m in so much pain lol”

um

have you ever read the attachment theory wikipedia?

i’m sure there are better sources but the wikipedia is really convenient

there are four styles.

and this one style, “disorganized” is like

something like:

the way you’re greeted when you enter a room

and the way you’re treated

was never constant so u never like,

never know when the other shoe will drop

who will abandon when

or u’ll wild out bc like, idk.

the others are what they sound like

secure attachment style is what it sounds like

ppl with disorganized attachment ruin things, sabotage things

bc what’s the point if it’s already. idk

wednesday morning

when i told my therapist i watched someone die, she said

“oh, fuck talking about the election”

but like nah

we talked about the election

and the two guys i saw wearing those red hats

the first time ive seen them irl

first thing in the morning

on my walk up tenth avenue

i almost threw up

and threw myself on them but didnt

but i did also tell her i didn’t feel anything watching him die,

or i didn’t know what i felt or if i was feeling.

i watched him become president from my bed

scared of feeling anything except the most reality as possible

a few hours before,

i watched him make a noise and then he stopped breathing

and then a nurse hit his chest and said, “he’s just sleeping”

(he wasn’t)

she said he had a pulse, he’s fine

(he wasn’t)

it took the supervisor twenty-five minutes to show up

hospice care in a nursing home isn’t a hospital

the way she said it’s about making him comfortable

the way:

there are things that are supposed to happen

people asked if i was ok

my boss hugged me

idk if it was the death or the election

or what i’ve been saying online that has ppl msging me lately

telling me they hope im ok soon

waking up is harder now

it never really was before

i learned to like mornings in college

they felt more hopeful

opportunity, routine, etc

my shrink also told me to read online

specifically disorganized attachment

but that for some reason

and who knows

it’s not all I have. that i can do and do make secure bonds

there’s some secure attachment

something like hope?

idk

she said: attachments just are

you can’t force them

an attachment is

when i told my shrink about his last breath she said something like:

isn’t that all we have, a breath

and then we take another

and keep going

that’s the only difference

other times i’ve watched people die

(and never the act)

there was the clear moment between when they were gone

(when they started taking pain meds)

not their body but themselves

“the priority is comfort”

i only realized today that i don’t know whether or not he was in pain

just that when i got to his room, alone

i’ve never seen anyone like that

i thought he was going to die right then

with me alone

so i grabbed his hand, which was blue

and trying to take off his oxygen mask

i’ve been hearing the term “oxygen mask” a lot more

put on your oxygen mask before you help others

everyone says get out of ur internet bubble

lol

i mean, i agree

i guess

but i live alone

work online

my family is three white men

(it used to be more)

who asked me why i didn’t tell them about my sexual assaults sooner

(i had)

but i guess they forgot

or it doesnt matter? idk

i dont want to have to see them today

or tomorrow

but their dad only dies once

only died once

idk

before tuesday i’d get drunk

get stoned

wake up

apologize

idk

ever since tuesday the idea of feeling anything the most amount of

pain feels wrong

not pain for pain’s sake

but anesthetizing any of the reality

of what is and is about to happen

idk

isn’t there something about how pain is a great motivator

or isnt there that susan sontag thing about not believing someone else is in

pain?

is that the thing

or how people with that disease that makes them not feel pain are fucked

i can’t believe the pain i cause by trying to avoid pain

(myself + others)

getting out of bed isn’t a problem

or wasn’t before tuesday

(now it is)

i’m right by a window and it’s cold

and i just remember it’s real

and i’m where i was where i watched him become president

but

i like routine and waking up and drinking coffee

more so i feel it around 3pm or 5pm or 8pm or 11pm

what’s the fucking point

i don’t feel that way anymore

my anxiety’s been down since all my worst fears came true

i’m not as worried for now as i am a year from now

a year and three months

momentum, etc

it’s been clearer who’s trying to lessen suffering and who’s trying to clear

their name

i’ve been trying to take up less space

or occupy space in a different way

or, idk.

it’s easier to tell ppl i love them

u dont need a reason anymore

or maybe the reason is just more obvious

it’s too much noise n it’s not enough

im getting msgs from ppl telling me to stockpile birth control

but my body rejects most types of birth control

and i haven’t found one that works yet

so like

idk

hasnt loving and fucking always been terrifying

#Darcie Wilder #Through Clenched Teeth

[namuneulbo]

week one hundred and nine

ive decided im gonna add the title bff to l for a bit now so its easier to tell apart my bff l from my talking stage l lol.

all i remember from monday was that n made me pick my fav trigun character. apparently im wolfwood lovercoded so she was happy i picked him.

tuesday was my high school grad! i wore a big white button-up as a dress w a black tie and my cowprint heels. i liked the outfit a lot!

the ceremony was wayyy longer than anticipated. afterwards my mom took some real awkward pictures of me. later we went for food, we were gonna get mexican but ended up going to this asian fusion place that turned out to be shit TT

we walked through some stores afterwards and then sat at a café for a bit before i had to leave to catch my piercing appointment. i got my right lobe and my belly pierced!! it hurt less than i expected it too which was nice. i got pretty anxious afterwards though bc i thought my ear would heal like shit bc of how close it seemed to the other piercing but its fine now lol.

wednesday we (me, i, bff l and c) hung at bass place and watched the annual president ball hand shaking thing. my old drum teacher was there??? i devoured some cucumber w dip and then i was nice enough to drive us to the music quiz. me and bff l ended up joining l and a. they played hash pipe by weezer right as we joined them which i got really excited ab!!!

i had an oral exam on thursday and i was so terrified ab it. me and d hadnt practiced beforehand but we ended up passing and i think our convo still ended up quite good. the criticism i received afterwards was ab how i said "이 아침" and "이 밤" instead of "오늘 아침" and "오늘 밤". its all good though, ended up getting an a on it so :D

friday i went to a second-hand shop to look for clothes but i had forgot that the one i went to doesnt sell clothes so i ended up looking and cds for a bit. i found born this way on cd and snapped l like "omg lol should i buy it?" but he didnt answer until i had left so i had just kind of left it behind bc i didnt think it was worth it but then later when he answered he was all like "OMG NOOO U SHOULDVE GOTTEN IT SO WE CAN MATCH" TT. so, on saturday when i went out to go thrifting, i stopped by that shop again and got it.

on friday evening me and l watched the perks of being a wallflower. i really liked it and the soundtrack was so good. its one of his favorite movies and i had either way been planning to watch it. he asked me actually last week if i wanted to watch it together w him but we ended up not doing it but i was glad he still remembered on friday.

btw we exchanged twitter on friday. i had to delete all my tweets ab him beforehand so ended up leaving him on delivered for like an hour TT sorry, pookie, im just embarrassed if u see all the tweets ab u of me going "HES SO HOT HE JUST SENT ME SUCH A CUTE PICTURE OF HIS OUTFIT OMG HES SO-."

after buying the cd on saturday i went to one other shop and there i got an anklet and a flannel. i wouldve gone to a third one but it was closed. i wouldve gone today instead buttttttt it closes so early. it closes and 4 pm and i woke up at 12 pm and spent a good... two hours (?) getting ready and the stores quite far away and its massive so i dont think id be able to look through it in time TT maybe im just making excuses.

l and i didnt really talk yesterday, only like... three snaps each and some tiktoks. he was out on bereal yesterday though so im assuming he was just busy and also its good to not,, feel like u constantly HAVE to talk to keep it going, yk? im working a lot on my anxious attachment and its actually gotten way better over just the past few weeks id say bc im starting to really feel like the feelings are thoroughly mutual. with that said... i do hope we talk more today lol. i love talking to him.

sotw: weezer - hash pipe

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo #online diary #diary blog

[sloppysmooches]

82023

i hate how change stresses me out so much, also just little things recently have been irking me. we kicked our drummer out of the band yesterday and it feels really strange, for me it was a little unexpected like timeline wise but it needed to be done he just wasnt taking it as seriously as me and everyone else and his morals are skewed as fuck. im excited for our new direction though, i really am manifesting being the like sole singer and us getting another drummer and then the lead guitarist being on bass because i just really want to shine vocally and its hard when im still a beginner on bass.

ive been thinking about my friendships a lot recently and more and more its hard to feel like i have a best friend anymore. its partially my fault for holding resentment against her and just letting it fester but im sure if i bring it up shes gonna whip out her best arguing skills which i have none of and make me feel not so valid. i was telling her i was stressed out about our show last night bc at the time i didnt know how i was gonna get home and i was really hoping she’d offer me a ride because in less than a heartbeat id do it for her but all she said was be careful out there text me updates which was nice i guess but idk i was expecting more.

it hurts so bad because in all my friendships regardless of how long ive met them if i feel a strong connection id die for them and no one feels that way for me except maybe one person but also idk if she’s genuine. maybe it’s because i have trust issues or quiet bpd lol.

i always feel like pushing everyone away and disappearing for a year like serena on gossip girl but that isnt very realistic. it just sucks because in friendships i bring so much to the table and no one seems to care as much as i do.

even on my friendiversary with my best friend she didnt seem to care, id ask so many questions about our friendship like favorite moments and stuff like that and her response is always idk. another thing that i hold on to is how on her 21 birthday i was like lets all say our fave things about her and when i said mine she just smiled but when our other friend whose her other bff basically said the same thing as me she screamed and jumped across the table to hug her and it felt idk degrading idk if thats the right word.

i think ill just do what im best at slowly pulling away. its so painful when she says shell always be there for me but if i send a text saying explicitly that im struggling she skips right over it and changes the topic. she wont even cuddle with me which isnt the hugest deal among everything obviously but it’s important to me and she seems grossed out whenever i even touch her hand yet shes so touchy with everyone else.

quick topic switch, i have a call back for a job on tuesday, hopefully they actually call me. my dads been so evil about the band and me not going to school or being employed but its a discussion we have so so so often and he never listens to me and hes never proud of me, all he gives a fuck about is himself and his wife and she doesnt even know the extent of his real personality in my opinion. but im manifesting this job bc its so close and i like the atmosphere and its heavy on selling merchandise and i can work on being more talkative to the public so idk itd be cool i guess.

sorry this entry is so fuckin long omg

[machinecreature]

still thinking about how i said yes very enthusiastically when my new pcp said we can do the hpv vaccine right now if you want on tuesday. bc we talked about my vaccinations and how my mom didnt want me to get it, which when i was a teen i didnt realize just how ridiculous that was. i'm thankful she didn't turn to woowoo shit until then, so i still got all my vaccinations as a kid

last time i went to the doctor was 2020 and it was still my hometown doctor so i felt like i couldnt do what i wanted then lol and i also like didnt care enough but 2022-present have been the years of finally taking charge of my own health

#and i didnt tell her shit about my doctor appointment either! #cut that cord! #take that anti vaxx movement!

[i-have-bees-in-my-brain]

Personal rant or some shit bc i just wanna get this out rn. yeeeee this will be long

So today i had a vit of a stressful day with uni n all bc ive been sick and admittedly lazy over the last week up til like tuesday and i had to turn in an Interpretation/essay tonight and prepare a group presentation for tmr (saturday seminars should b illegal but ok i literally chose this). N e way so ive been procrastinating like hell up until this morning so i didnt rly eat before showing up to seminar at 12am and afterwards i had to check with my one remaining presentation groupmember and finish the interpretation and tgen i had swordfighting class at 5. I didnt Really gave time for it but its fun and im very behind bc i misses several lessons already and am generally. Not good at it lol. n e way i turn up to swords and we peactice some routines ig and heres where the peoblem rly starts. Basically i am a huge crybaby, always have been (im older than firestar btw for context), esp when i feel criticized or yknow. Make mistakes or anything and since i was a sports h8er with 2 left feet n hands all my life n cried often during school pe bc i kept messing up n git embarrassed, it was an important step for me to sign up for this uni extracurricular swords class bc. Doing sth sporty in front of others tgat. Isnt very easy and i gotta learn from scratch is a bit out of my comfort zone. But normally its all v fun, im not good/easily the worst in class but thats ok i learn and move my body and talk to ppl! Proud of myself! Well today not so kuch, i noticed i was getting tense bc of not understanding how to do a movement and everyone (3 experienced fighters bc the main teacher was sick plus 2 other beginners that r learning faster than me) lookimg at me and trying to give helpful pointers and me still doing it wrong... H8 dis feeling bc i kinda freeze up instead of being able to take the tips n try again. Its hard for me to translate input like verbal instructions and demonstsations into my own movements as is. In this state i cant do anything properly and i feel the cryings abt to start while wanting nothing more than to MOVE ON NORMALLY. Well my eye started to get itxhy n teary so i excused myself to "take care of my contacts" (lie) (why am i even so ashamed that i feel i have to lie/make up excuses?? Bro???? That just made the situation Actually cringe?????? Im normally not an ashamed person and cryings just a state/expression but idk) so it was better for a bit until it wasnt. Then i full on cried in class while 2 ppl were actively showing me things/helping me do em right n everyone else kimda watched, kimda practiced. They did ask if i was ok and i said yes like a liar. So at the end of class i normally take the bus home with one of the other new guys but i today just didnt feel able to keep talking to him. So he also asked if i was ok/why i cried and i said i just do that under stress and why i am stressed (uni) so that was also a bit of a lie but only kinda. I said i was gonna go to the livrary instead (another lie, was gonna call my bf to calm me down abit n then take the next bus) so i did tgat n it kinda worked and this genius asked if i had eaten. Bruhhh of fuckin course im sensitive ive only had 3 baked goods all day and hadnt even noticed!!!!!! So then it all made sense, mans gotta get some freakin noursishment to keep their composure in swords class! So i went to another bus stop than normally bc i needed sth from the store and bruh the guy i normally take a DIFFERENT bus with is there (awkwardly votta tell hik i changed my mimd abt the library) and we talk a bit (i feel like i talk to him wayy too much in comparison to him, like we dont know each other that well at all, idek his real name and yknow. If he actually enjoys talking to me) and yea

So now everyone in the 14th century peasant larp class knows my terrible terrible secret:))):)

#the bees in my brain are sad #thats my tag for sad diary entries now i think

[taevayu]

HII TAE it’s been awhile, I hope you’re doing okay!! how’s life & school? ready for winter break if you have it soon/around the corner? will you do anything for christmas(ik a little early asking lol but still)? I hope you’re doing well and I wish you well! I LOVE YOUR NEW THEME BTW!! question of the day: your favorite weather & season? - 📝 anon

hi omg :,0 its been so long im crying

this will be really long so dont feel like you have to read it all... but i just have stuff to say so yah!!

---

i just got back from a weekend trip (yes! today! now!) :D !! it was fun, never been there until recently. super overwhelming. didnt do much bc mainly i was there for some charity event. (if i say anything more about it i think it will be really obvious where i was...)

and honestly today was a really bad day.... i didnt know what ws up with my life anymore... but im really happy now because im back on tumblr and i am already comforted by how much my blog has grown when i was away <3

i missed school on friday so thats great, dont know what will happen tomorrow but i guess ill have to make up assignments and at least one quiz. especially my history group proj which im sorta stressed out about (i dont have the best group and its due this tuesday, we all have to submit it together). so after this, ill definitely get down to making up on my part, i slept a lot in the car so ill be staying up late getting ready for tomorrow.

i cant wait for winter break!!! have to wait for like... 12 more days? gross. i dont wanna be at school. the 23rd is when it starts! (idk when ill go back to school, maybe on jan 2nd-3rd) im going ice skating with some friends and ill be with my cousins on new years (and i was just with them on the trip... ive been hanging out with them A LOT this year).

dw ur not early about this,, im not sure if im doing anything super special for xmas though AHAHAHHAHA-- we havent even decorated our tree yet for the past few days, but soon we will cuz we got lights :)) I DONT FEEL LIKE ITS XMAS SOON THOUGH, i just cant feel it yet... and ive been way in the mood last year. currently dying cuz i have to buy stuff for my friends and i cant figure out when i can be able to do it... its fun for me but idk im just having a really bad time HAHAHHAHAH

tysmm though, didnt know id need someone to rant to this bad- (and ig ill keep this theme around for a while mostly cuz im lazy and its moderate. nothing much planned so ye) hey, i hope youre doing okay though! feel free to talk abt anything about you !! hows your life, school and stuff? winter break? xmas plans???

aotd: umm honestly im not too picky, as long as it isnt super cold or super hot. one scene could be like: warm weather, a little bit of sun, clouds. snow days are great too! i love the idea of being inside (not outside id freeze to death), hot cocoa, cuddling around the fire. rain is nice. fog = yum.

i also like autumn! or like winter. or maybe the transition in between summer and autumn, or autumn and winter. like when you dont know what season it really is anymore...

im trying to not be as sensitive to the cold asm :o

(what about you? fav weather + season? let me know!)

-- tae

#<3 #📝 anon

[highonthought]

Post-Vacation Depri

It's not so fun coming back from vacation. I just miss him. The trip back is always so much longer than the trip there. Maybe anticipation that makes the trip to California so much quicker, I'm so excited to see him. But leaving us so long, I feel every second. Just saying goodbye before the terminal, before security, it sucks. And I come home, and I'm left with this feeling that I've met before. I know it all too well, I'm not anxious I'm not mad, I'm not sad either, I'm nostalgic and I just want to be with him. There's a bit of a twang, of how I felt the last time before we broke up. I didn't know what to do with all of the feelings I felt, all that pain from being away from him, but I thought it would go way if he went away. Obviously it didn't, lol. Two years later were happily dating again and I couldn't be happier.

People say its easier to remember bad things than it is to remember happy memories. And I guess that's true. It's hard to forget how I felt every second after he left the airport and I had to wait through security and walk to my two little, and walk to my gate, and then wait an hour for my flight. Yeah, and I wait for my luggage, and I wait for my bus, and I wait to get picked up from the bus stop, then I'm home, and everything is just how I left it, everything is just as it was when I left. Just stark contrast of arriving to his state, where he waits for me at baggage claim, and i can't wait to get there knowing that my bag wont arrive for another 20 minutes, because I'll get to just stand by him. And this last visit was no different. He had on a red long sleeve mock neck, and he greeted me with a smile and open arms. I just miss him, I can't help it.

We spent basically a whole week at an airbnb living together. I only ever catch a glimpse of what our lives are like when were together. Im happy waking up next to him. Making him breakfast, making dinner together, enjoying our youth together. I love danny, Im not leaving ever again. I get weird manic days where i do some crazyshit but i think ive grown, and am able to rationalize my thoughts now. And even if i cant, I know how it felt to be away from from, completely, for two years. That sucked big balls. It felt off, hes one of my best friends and confidants.

Anyway so im back from vacation with him and i cant get much of nything done because im upset, im sad, im melancholic, I miss him and i just sit and think of him, or i just want to be talking to him. Im havingbtrouble falling back into a routine. Maybe bc i didnt have much of an established pne to begin with. Its easy to just sit here and mope. But theres a pain in my chest and i get a shiver all throught my body when i remeber that im back to my own life, no more fairy tale.

I want to remeber how good it feels to do the things i like.

School

Gym

Work

really i shouldstop watching so much tv bc i never feel good after. I feel great when i come back from the gym, or when I complete a homework assignment. But its so hard to want to do better when my room is such a mess. and man, it is always a mess. But that makes it a great place to start. Im going to clean my room tonight so i can go into the work week feeling good

Sunday: hw, gym, :)

Monday: work, hw

Tuesday: work, gym

Wednesday: work, hw

Thursday: work, class

Friday: (no work hehe) gym, hw

Saturday: clean up room, rest

This looks like an easy enough week list to follow. Simple and realistic. Im glad and looking forward to it. 💕📝

[namuneulbo]

week forty

we practiced for the concert all day on monday and tuesday.

on tuesday i got some haikyuu stickers from r from the arts department. i offered to buy her a coffee as a thank u so we planned to go sometime within the rest of the week.

wednesday! concert day! we started at 1 pm and the concert started at 8. s wore a really pretty outfit and i was so flustered when i saw her lol i dont remember which day this was but we also played piano together. we played merry-go-round of life, i did right hand and she did left. i was gay panicking so hard. i think im getting a crush on her. shes so pretty w her red underdye and her nails that r always prettily done and her cute little habits and her cute obsession w coffee and sleep. i feel like dressing up and looking pretty at school for her.

concert went alright. i think i couldve sung better but i at least felt somewhat comfortable on stage since it was the second to last song and i sang it together w l. after the concert the teachers treated us w a bunch of snacks. me and l did the bare minimum to road everything. we r the singer stereotype.

thursday! after school i went grocery shopping and picked up some take-out on my way home so i could get some food in my system before my dad came and picked me up. i drove to a city nearby to go look at makeup for halloween. i ended up finding a good lipstick for less than 3€. i still have a mark from swatching the different colors on my hand. i found one in the perfect shade but it was maybelline so i ended up not getting it bc we do not like animal testing ! after shopping we went to my dads girlfriends place. i like his girlfriend, shes really nice. her place was small but nice, it looked really cool and it had like three floors.

i had earlier that day received the black thigh highs i ordered but i didnt have time to try them on until the evening. i received the wrong pair, i ordered patent ones but got matte ones. the shop was nice enough to give me the shoes for free and now im just waiting for my actual shoes to arrive. i like the matte ones too so i dont mind having them too lol

on friday i just had a bass lesson at 11. i really like bass. its a lot of fun and i definitely wanna get my own bass at some point. i went out for the coffee w r in the afternoon. it was more awkward than i expected and it made me kind of lose the remaining respect i had for her heh she only talked abt how her friends angry w her and then dropped the r slur. she just,,, brought my mood down a lot.

later around 5 pm i went back to school to play bass. its so fun, im obsessed!

on saturday i chilled the entire day and then in the evening i went to my brothers place w my dad. we had some drinks and i had like three and a half long drinks and i threw up once i got home. my dad was dogsitting his girlfriends dog so he was w us and omg was he being annoying. i love him but omg does he crave attention.

while at my brothers place we almost had a little game. i gave him a broad genre, like jazz or punk, and he showed me his fav artists within that genre. even if i didnt really care for the music or whatever it was still quite interesting seeing all the different talented musicians and my brother knows sm abt everything so i learnt a lot. my mom picked me up after i tried throwing up for a bit. my brother gave me a glass of water and i shugged that before leaving. ended up throwing up on the street outside our house and then threw up for a bit in the bathroom. i still felt a bit sick and just forced myself to sleep asap. i didnt get a hangover but i did feel weird in my stomach like one tends to do after throwing up lol.

today ive just played sims and watched lineup and smosh lol i started talking to this girl on badoo and shes so smooth and she calls me so many pet names im going to combust (i genuinely accidentally typed ‘cumbust’ and that wouldnt be too far off either). she literally talks like kaeya.

okay i gtg !!!!!!!!

sotw: the realist by onf

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

[oflgtfol]

right when i think me and my mom are back to normal in terms of Not Arguing About Covid anymore, i find out i am Required to be tested by TOMORROW and i just never saw the fuckin email for it bc im an idiot so im freaking out trying to figure out how to schedule it and so i need Parental Guidance so i couldnt hide it from my mom and so i had to tell her and now she refuses to speak to me <3

#like im worried that im gonna get in trouble with the school somehow for not doing required testing on time #and shes just like 'no. you're not getting tested.' #and im like 'YES I AM I DONT WANT THIS COMING BACK TO BITE ME' #like functionally it doesnt matter if i get tested anymore bc today was the last day i had at school #so now im gonna be home for months on end lol...? #like its not like i was living on campus . getting tested as a commuter wouldve been better if i had done it at a timely manner #aka when they first sent the email....... LOL #bUT LIKE. I DONT WANNA NOT DO IT #AND THEN FIND SOME HOLD ON MY ACCOUNT IN A FEW MONTHS OR SOMETHING?? LIKE I DONT KNOW #they said that residents who dont get tested will losing their housing for next semester #idk what they'd do to a commuter?? like i already wasnt housing?? and u cant rlly like . whats the word #EXPEL me for not doing it especially bc i wasnt MALICIOUSLY not getting tested i was just an idiot who didnt check my emails yjthgfdsfg #so like idk WHAT theyd do to me but IM NOT ABOUT TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT LOL DX #so im gonna get a test tuesday . i scheduled the appointment #have no idea when i'll get the results. hopefully not long after #so im hoping that like yeah the results will be like about a week late from the deadline they set for commuters but like #BETTER LATE THAN NEVER......!??!?! #like idk i just do not wanna get in trouble all bc i was an idiot who didnt check their fuckin emails!!! #IM NORMALLY SO GOOD WITH MY EMAILS #the ONE time i fall behind...!! #brot posts

[tinkonka]

things that have happened in my yttd au

this is your typical ‘au where nobody dies and they just happen to know eachother’ but all the participants are very close and... i’ve just thought up random scenarios n headcanons to go along with it. (also a lot of these r influenced by .shintsukimistan’s headcanons so please check out their blog if you wanna see good headcanons!) canon ships in this au: joemaru, keiji x kai, rekonao. (we also have hinakanna but im not really sure about shipping children, so we’ll just place it as platonic for now :] ) long post undercut

- q-taro is very very competitive, and he’s confident in his sports ability. so one time, joe challenged q-taro to a round of twister, in which q-taro obviously one, but then kai was like ‘i’d like to have a go.’ q-taro is like very intimidated by kai lol so he’s tryna impress him, and a move calls for kai to put his hands on, let’s say red. q-taro’s leg is in the way. queue kai doing a backbend and landing flawlessly. And keiji was laughing his ass off. like everytime you remind him of this he’ll laugh.

- they were all sleeping over at mishimas house on thanksgiving. unfortunately mishima lives next to a person who’s a spider enthusiast, and a tarantula got loose and ended up right next to gin somehow.  he woke up and screamed, every1 came running in (except for shin he kinda just walked in n then turned around saying ‘nope nope nope’) EVERY1 WAS SCREAMING and kai just *calmly places it in a jar* 

- nao: babe. wake up. please. i need to tell you something. honey. wake u- reko: what is so important that you had to wake me up at 4am on a tuesday nao: i love you - one time q-taro was drunk, and he gets competitive as hell. he was sitting at a table with kai, joe, keiji and alice, going On and On about how he was the strongest. joe dared him 2 arm wrestle keiji and in doing so, keiji got ready and simply just slammed his hand down before joe started counting (it took him off guard) keiji is smug as hell so q-taro is yelling that it wasn’t fair n keijis going ‘haha lol guess you aren’t the strongest’ and q-taro was progressively getting more annoyed

- kai is a stickler for proper posture and one time whacked shin in the back with his ladle thingy (is it called a ladle)... shin got a bruise LOL  - gonna talk about the ships for a little! reko and nao have been dating for 1 yr n 4 months. they met at a cafe (lol classic cafe au ooo) and reko was just entranced with nao’s hair. she went up to go say that (she doesn’t like to just ogle in silence lol) and nao told her she looked really cool. they exchanged numbers after small talk, and nao confessed 2 months later. very healthy relationship, yin to eachothers yang :]

- still not sure about keikai?!? how they’d date n stuff.. they’re both very reserved.. maybe kai wld confess

- ranmaru confessed w a letter! after being talked into it by sara, he wrote a note to joe telling him to meet at their hangout spot after school. joe came n was like ‘hey someone said 2 meet here have u seen them- OH WAIT’ it was a very slow confession.. ranmaru was very nervous. made it clear his feelings for joe were beyond friendship. joe asked him what being romantic w eachother meant, n ranmaru explained. joe didnt realize his feelings for maru were romantic up until that moment, and accepted his confession :D he and ranmaru sat down and joe asked him about what he felt comfy and uncomfy w, and talked about what they shld n shldn’t talk ab. it was sweet. they told the others soon later. 

- speaking of others, i mentioned this before, but best friend squad!! ryoko, joe, sara, anzu, ranmaru and kugie are all friends! :D joe and sara and ryoko were friends prior, and anzu was ryokos friend (they were both in band). after ryoko introduced anzu to joe and sara, ranmaru came along and anzu befriended him, introducing him 2 joe sara n ryoko. then kugie got expelled from her last school and came 2 the school.. sara befriended her quite easily bc she does not take shit from anyone and kugie found that attractive LOL and boom! bsf squad! they hang out often! (i’ll make headcanons ab them later lol)

- hinako and kanna met at school :D they were paired 2gether for a project, n kanna was REALLY scared of her at first. but after like a few minutes she realized hinako wasn’t that scary n actually kinda nice (hinako was exhausted that day, if she wasn’t she probably would’ve tried 2 scare kanna a lil more tmjiwt). kanna and hinako became friends after that, hinako did have a bad case ‘ohh is she pretending to like me?’ but it quickly faded after kanna did kind things out of the blue. they have sleepovers like a lot (n they cuddle platonically :D its just kanna going ‘..hinako’ ‘yes’ ‘can kanna be cradled’ ‘okay’ and then they fall asleep like that)

- joe: hey you two are kinda similar (to ranmaru and shin). you’re both kinda quiet, kinda emo, skinny, kinda good with tech, n ur both relatively the same height *ranmaru and shin look at eachother* ranmaru: yeah except i dont look like this *over exaggeratedly slouches* shin: .___.

#yttd #kimi ga shine #anzu kinashi #ryoko hirose #kugie kizuchi #sara chidouin #joe tazuna #ranmaru kageyama #keiji shinogi #qtaro burgerberg #reko yabusame #nao egokoro #hinako mishuku #kanna kizuchi

[uwooyoungs]

//

#lol somehow i got absolutely Nothing done today #i woke up late read 1 (one) page for my research #got coffee w/ a friend #went to class #went to see my horse #got back to my room and... honestly i cant even tell u what ive been doing for the last 6.5 hours #i honestly dont know #i tried to skim my readings for tomorrow #it didnt really work #i showered which is good i guess #but wtf else did i do. nothing. i seriously dont even know how over 6 hours passed #like i Really Was gonna do more work for my research paper but its not happening #i keep telling myself i have time bc the 10pg draft isnt due until mid-late april #but really i dont have time bc i have to gather all my sources read them and take notes on them #and then figure out wtf im actually trying to Say in my paper lmao #it is... not goin well my dudes #but after my class today i feel less bad abt my senioritis bc every other senior in that class #was like yea i havent done hw since like last tuesday #and like yea i wrote up my presentation at 2am on the day of #so like. that makes me feel slightly better and less alone alhfhsk #but STILL #i need to stop doing this i Need some productivity #i need my motivation to return BADLY