Tumgik
#Bad coping I guess
wolvierinez · 1 year
Text
Honestly sometimes when reading posts ppl make on here it feels like ppl forget autism is a disability and it. Yknow. Disables you.
789 notes · View notes
aphel1on · 16 days
Text
so funny how gale pulls himself out of his suicidal slump purely by finding something new to unhealthily fixate on. just complete 180 immediate full steam ahead to the next unhinged idea. he sees that crown and goes Ok im not mentally ill anymore! 🥰 (is obviously still mentally ill. in a new and exciting way)
like people will complain about the lack of emotional resolution to the plotline and while i get it, to me that is a feature not a bug. my mans is not Emotionally Processing a fucking thing. this is the guy who had a year to brood in his tower and learned nothing. zero personal insights. act 3 gale is manically distracting himself from dealing with anything all whilst backsliding into hubris bc he is unable to comprehend a middle ground between Gods Specialest Boy and Gods Wretchedest Fool. i love him so much
78 notes · View notes
comradeboyhalo · 2 years
Text
2020 dsmp feeling of priding yourself on knowing every streamer’s lore vs the 2022 dsmp feeling of not knowing what ur favorite character is doing atm
1K notes · View notes
thecruellestmonth · 1 year
Text
Jason's feelings about Sheila Haywood
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Batman #427 (1988)
"God, it must have been hard for you."
"...I'll save you... Mom..."
Tumblr media
Batman: Gotham Knights #44 (2003)
"...I love..."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Batman #428 (1988)
"He threw... himself... in front... of me... in front of me... He took... the main brunt... of the blast... Such a... good boy... Must have... really... loved his... mother..."
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Deadman: Dead Again #2 (2001)
JASON: "It's weird--she betrayed me to the Joker. Got us both blown up--but I'm not mad at her. It wasn't really her fault--her whole life was screwed up. Things just... happened. [...] You gotta tell me--is she going to make it?"
DEADMAN: "She's fading pretty fast, kid--"
JASON: "No, I mean-- her soul. What's going to happen to her... afterward?"
DEADMAN: "That's not for me to decide."
SHEILA: "Jason tried to rescue me... We almost... made it... So close... He turned out to be such a good kid..."
JASON: "Thanks, Mom..."
Tumblr media
Batman Annual 25 (2006)
He remembered most of what happened. The search for his mother. Her betrayal. Joker. And his own murder.
Tumblr media
Task Force Z #8 (2022)
"I died trying to save someone I cared about."
481 notes · View notes
brothersonahotelbed · 8 months
Text
one of these days i'll remaster this but for now its crudeness will be part of its charm. nico music be upon ye
115 notes · View notes
sailing-ever-west · 5 months
Text
peak concerning comedy to me is that sanji has been smoking since he was like 10 and this is sooo far down the list of his problems that fanon doesn't even use it for angst we just joke about it
69 notes · View notes
katalyist · 1 year
Text
Other of the reasons why the dead of the bad boys was so different and tragic (well, everything about it is, but you get the point) it's that Grian was willing from the beggining to give his time, he was willing from doing something different that any other of the seasons: Sacrifice himself instead of others.
Like, when Jimmy was climbing the ladder with Scott he says it but both Jimmy and Joel ignore him because Scott is here to give Jimmy time, why sacrifice his time like that? Even when it was a good idea because if Jimmy die with an hour they don't have time to get him more (that is what ended happening).
And with Joel, he repeats to him multiple times to not go out on a killer rampage because if he died he was gonna be alone, and when he is at seven minutes and repeats that Joel needs to kill him until he convinces him to do it.
He was doing everything he could to keep them alive and ended up alone. With the burned of being alive, to live because that was what they wanted.
I want to point out also the parallels with Last Life, because in that one Grian did the opposite of this one and get the same result: He sacrificed The Southlanders to stay alive.
And maybe this shows how much the hole thing of 'being red' stop important when it comes to allies because everyone felt what it was being the last one standing. In Last Life the moment one of them turned red they were exile from the group and couldn't come back until they were yellow again and Grian was willing to have someone with him, or to be back, try (in joke) kill Mumbo so he is red too, scam Scar to take other of his lifes, stay with Joel so he isn't alone... And by the end it was him the one killing his own teammates to survive until he lost Impulse and ended being the last one of the Southlanders without real friends, real allies, pushed to work with the rest of the reds in a makeshift alliance (that is kinda what happend this session, Grian knows he is gonna end alone, and tries to make an alliance with the only people they haven't attack to much, not really because he wants but because he needs to).
And maybe this is other thing that makes it tragic! Because to be honest I was one of the people that expected the bad boys to break apart after three episodes, maybe four if they could stay in green. I was expecting Grian to work behind their back at some point or leaving them the moment he received a better alliance. I was expecting him to refuse giving his time to anyone of them. But it didn't happened.
All of them finally had an alliance of people they can trust. Of people similar to them but different.
And then three were one.
And one has to survive.
158 notes · View notes
cupiidzbow · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
it’s legitimately so sick and twisted they restocked the ka.ta.mari prince plushie on fan gamer AND mar.io vs DK is releasing on the 16th bro i have no money 😭😭😭😭😭
28 notes · View notes
thenon-fictiondays · 1 year
Text
Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-1
Chapter 4: Fall.
Part 1
Prev || Next
Tumblr media
It might be September by now, but the sun’s rays know no bounds.
Heat from the weather aside, the schoolhouse on the coattails of summer break is permeated with the fervor of the students.
Among all those in the athletic clubs who have undergone away games and training camps, there are many who have deepened both their tans and their virility. The sense of achievement characteristic of those who kept up with their exercise lives within their growth spurts.
Hirano’s roommate is, once again, one of them.
Kagiura, who’s gotten a bit taller, has gotten used to high school, completely devoid of the anxiety he’d seemed to have around the time he’d started school.
Since they’d met up over the summer, he’s become more and more relaxed, and Hirano can’t help but think of him as a beloved younger brother.
Wait, but younger brothers don’t do things like give you earrings, do they?
Hirano isn’t really in a position to judge, with no siblings of his own.
He’d found his original earrings while organizing his luggage after returning from Kagiura’s countryside home. They’d fallen into his school bag and hidden themselves beneath the stiff bottom plate.
What should I do about it? he’d wondered, but figured well, whatever, and didn’t bother switching out his new ones. He’ll keep them in the dorm just in case, but ultimately plans to keep using the ones Kagiura gave him.
As soon as the new term starts, preparations for the Cultural Festival are full speed ahead. Even the first years, who aren’t used to running events without the guidance of a faculty member, are gradually gaining opportunities to build character. The Executive Committee members have so many responsibilities that it has become difficult to carry out their studies without the cooperation of their classmates.
Kagiura also has the situation of being part of the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’, and his grades are not up to snuff. It would be good if they don’t take a hit from his extracurricular responsibilities, but that will come down to his own efforts.
It’s not just the Executive Committee members who are swamped. The students in the culture clubs are also at their busiest, and with the autumn tournament right around the corner, there’s no way the athletics clubs can cut back on practices.
The sweltering nights have yet to abate; yet despite these conditions which could even be called cruel, most of the students are eagerly awaiting the Cultural Festival. You might even get away with saying all of them.
Because, after all, girls come to visit the cultural festival. 
And even without that element, a festival is still a festival. 
This is a time when the whole student body is restless, so the Disciplinary Committee will be on top of keeping everyone in line—or such is their public stance, but they won’t be too strict about moderating uniforms and hair styles.
In any case, a high proportion of the students will be in costumes on the day of the festival. 
There's also at least one class cross-dressing every year. 
This year, that’s right, it's the class that Hirano is unfortunately a part of. More specifically, it's been decided that Hirano will be one of the ones in drag. 
Oiwa-san—a famous spirit who makes an appearance in the Yotsuya Kaidan.¹
There are many variations of the famous ghost story, in which Oiwa, the deceased wife, holding a grudge over the betrayal of her husband, Iemon, slaughters every last person involved. Apparently, they will be basing the makeup off of Tōkaidō Yotsuya Kaidan², which is popular among Hirano’s classmates.
He’d been shown reference images of the ghost, her face half disfigured and inflamed by poison, but the picture was nightmare fuel when viewed in the dark.
Supposedly it’s a style of Halloween makeup that’s been popular in recent years, but the trial makeup that had been applied to his arm after school in order to match the shade to his face had been truly grotesque.
This information is to be kept top secret until the last possible minute on the day of, in the interests of building hype.
While Hirano is putting away his homework, the door opens with a click.
His roommate is home.
It’s still bright outside, but the dining hall is just about to open for dinner.
“Hirano-san, I’m home!”
“Welcome home, Kagi-kun.”
These days, Kagiura usually gets a bit bashful in reply to Hirano’s greeting, seemingly tickled. So naive and innocent he must be, making such an expression with no fear of being misunderstood.
There were days they’d spent together, but summer vacation had been long.
There’s an air of a different kind of newness from the one there’d been in the period before they’d gotten used to sharing a dorm—Kagiura probably feels it too. At least, Hirano thinks so.
He feels closer to Kagiura compared to before. After all, he’s met his immediate and extended family, so of course they’d feel more intimate. It’s as if the part of himself that had been on guard while thinking about how to act as a senpai in his second year in the dorms has been absolved.
After Hirano had filled out his print-outs as if in competition with Kagiura, who’d spread out his homework in a frenzy, they’d headed to the dining hall a little later than usual.
It always takes him about 3 or 4 days to get back into the swing of dorm life.
Speaking of which, he thinks.
Before Kagiura moved into the dorms, Hirano had been quite nervous.
He’d talked to Hanzawa about it one time when the Disciplinary Committee had a meeting, and they’d brainstormed strategies to avoid scaring Kagiura off.
He’d also felt it would be a waste of his efforts if he was only friendly at the beginning of their time spent living together; thus, they’d come to the conclusion that it wouldn’t be too far out of Hirano’s depths to give him a nickname and use “-kun”.
Oh yeah, that’s right. At the beginning I called him Kagiura-kun.
He’s been calling his name every day, enough that he’d ended up shortening it, thinking it’s too long and clunky.
Kagiura has morning practice tomorrow, too, so there's no way he can let him oversleep.
Hirano got that, but there was something on his mind that just wouldn’t go away, so he asked before shutting off the lights. 
".....Hey, um. I know you're working hard, so I don't wanna rain on your parade, but are your studies going all right? I haven't heard how your proficiency test went yet."
As the words leave his mouth, he thinks, what am I, a private tutor? and laughs drily to himself.
For the results of the test held right after summer break, a list ranking every student in their grade and the standard score were passed out to each person, the same as for the periodic exams.
For first years, they can be used as nothing more than a reference, but due to the breadth of the material covered, in some cases they might be used to determine which schools to apply to when compared to results from previous cram schools.
“...I just barely passed.”
“What’s the damage?”
“The teacher said, ‘You didn’t do badly enough that I need to pull you aside, but keep working hard’...”
“I see.”
Which is bad in and of itself, really.
Kagiura hangs his head dejectedly, and Hirano’s tempted to comfort him all the more for having seen the extent of his efforts, but his lack of preparation is unmistakable.
“Kagi-kun, after the cultural festival is over, you gotta step it up. If you miss some of the notes, get someone to show you theirs before the next day. Don’t let them build up. If you end up with a backlog of notes to take, you’re not gonna be able to understand them.”
Hirano knows deep down he’s probably worrying too much, but he keeps the expression on his face stern. The beginning is the key to everything. Among his classmates in the ‘Sports Recommendation Squad’ who, like Kagiura, are bad students, there are many whose grades plummeted after going on to their second year.
Who knew he’d become this much of a worrywort after becoming someone’s senpai?
“Yeah…Hirano-san, will you teach me again?”
“Sure. But you better bring back good grades.”
“I will! …By the way, can I ask you something?”
He ducks his head as he asks the question, a gesture with all the charm one would expect from someone as cute as him.
“What’s up?”
“When you were a first year, did the senpai you roomed with teach you how to study, too?”
“Nah, no way.”
“Hm…did you not get along?”
“It’s not that we didn’t get along, we just weren’t really that close. I wasn’t nearly as friendly a kouhai as you are.”
This is usually the case for dorm students. Hanzawa, contemptuous of homosexual relations, has a reputation in certain circles for having a finely-tuned gaydar and showing up to cockblock any time he senses anyone getting a little too close.³
His distaste isn’t unwarranted; apparently it has to do with his family, so even Hirano feels bad for him.
“...Does that make me special, then?”
“Why are you so happy about that?”
At Hirano’s jests of what are you, a dog? Kagiura breaks into a grin.
“Yeah. You know, I’m glad I’m your roommate, Hirano-san.”
Hirano smiles wryly; Kagiura’s got him wrapped around his little finger without a hint of insincerity.
With Kagiura cozying up to him like this, he doesn’t stand a chance.
*****
T/N: (1) Not sure I need to add more info on this to the story, but it's pretty interesting, so you can read more about it here.
(2) A movie based on the story made in 1959.
(3) Yall....idek what to say about this. I tried to keep the tone lighthearted but the original text literally says 'gay-hating Hanzawa' and describes his feelings as disgust. Idk why the writer put this but our boy is NOT like that 😭 I actually broke my vow of not looking at the official TL just to see how they handled this bit and they completely watered it down lmao. and tbh, yall know my dedication to accuracy but I WAS TEMPTED. While going back and forth about what I should do, I told my sister about it, and she suggested that Hanzawa doesn't actually hate gays, he just hates gay sex and will stand for none of it in his dorm so...we're going with that interpretation 💀🙃💀🙃
Prev || Next
Special shoutout to @jeizet, @jujupanic, @massyworld, @umbreonwolfy, and @acidsuzanne-blog for sponsoring these updates 🙌
117 notes · View notes
amazingspider-z · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
Based on a combination of Jaime calling himself an alien hybrid in the first issue of Graduation Day, the way he was consistently drawn without a nose as the Blue Beetle during the 2006 run (not just the mask design either-comparing his profile to other people when in costume, it *is* distinctly flattened (and yes I compiled panels as evidence) and since it's a mask more than a helmet in terms of fit, well), and Khaji Da's ability to manipulate Jaime's physiology, I bring to you what I've been calling the Reachling/Infiltration Mode AU.
Basically, it takes the concept of the infiltration Scarabs one step further with the idea that they're designed to rework the host's DNA (or more accurately, probably, insert/replace with XNA) to be more similar to that of the Reach, although the changes are supposed to lay dormant until the end of the infiltration century.
However, on account of being magic-damaged, Khaji Da was a) unable to fully rework it's host's genome and b) fully integrated all the changes they had made functionally immediately once they'd connected completely to Jaime (which, I guess technically would be after his first transformation 'against' the posse, such as it was, but which for narrative reasons I'll say is after his technically second transformation in Infinite Crisis) which is, to say the least, not great for Jaime.
Technically, Khaji Da can still make Jaime look normal through manual manipulation of the infiltrator protocols, but since physiological manipulation is easier to do than it is to undo, it's an active manifestation that can be disrupted, although the actual power this uses up is miniscule enough to be negligible.
(On the other hand, while the Horizon's beetles do bond with their host to the cellular/neurological level, they aren't as invasive, so to speak, since the Horizon aren't, y'know, tyrannical space colonizers)
30 notes · View notes
mokutone · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
page 1 | page 2 | page 3 | page 4 | page 5 | page 6 | page 7 | page 8 | page 9 | page 10 | page 11 (you are here) | page 12
image desc under readmore:
ID:
Panel one has a view into Kakashi's bedroom from just outside the open window. We look over the bed where Tenzō's Anbu mask is resting and past the flapping curtain, and see the spot where Kakashi and Tenzō are sitting. Tenzō, still crouched by the side of Kakashi's bed, is mostly hidden aside from the top of his head. Kakashi is sitting with a loose, tired posture, looking wryly out the open window. "And then you came to my apartment, " Kakashi says. "Maybe it felt safe and secluded enough to have your breakdown in. Which is flattering, but to be fair, my wards are usually immaculate."
The second panel, they are sitting, knees touching knees, facing each other. Kakashi's eyes are closed, like he's trying to force a smile, but not succeeding very well. He has one arm wrapped around himself. Tenzō is leaning forward towards Kakashi, eyebrows low over his eyes. "But I didn't plan—I didn't choose to do this, to feel this," Tenzō argues. "Who would?" Kakashi asks. He continues, "The only drawback of having trust, of having a place to be vulnerable, is that sometimes you'll have to be vulnerable in it, I guess. Hurts, huh?"
/end ID.
#my art#naruto#comics#yamato#tenzō#yamato tenzo#kakashi#im sooo pleased with the top panel. but i hate the second panel so much. the duality of a single comic page#in trying to remove himself from the subject hes speaking about (repression) kakashi uses very definite second person speech#even though he throws the word ''maybe'' or ''perhaps'' in there to indicate that he doesn't know tenzō's internal workings#to tenzō it sounds very much like ''you did this because you probably felt this. you did this about that..''#and tenzō is very much like ''I. NOT INTENTIONALLY? I PROMISE I DIDN'T PLAN THIS!''#tenzō feels like he's being assigned a greater agency than he felt. is i guess what im saying#if kakashi instead talked abt a situation where he acted similarly to tenzō its possible this might have given tenzō an opportunity#to understand his behavior through comparing it to kakashis. recognition of self through the other or w/e. BUT.#kakashis not a mental healthcare professional. hes ALSO just a traumatized kid. with bad coping mechanisms. trying his best.#tenzō is 13 here so kakashi is probably around 16#thats part of why i draw him as or mention thruout this comic that hes getting frustrated or uncomfortable#hes a kid! hes not good at this! he's just Unfortunately tenzō's best option for support at the moment. literally its either Kakashi#or going to the Hokage like ''hi Hiruzen I have concerns that I might be a danger and a threat to your village.''#''do you want me executed or banished? Really I insist it's your choice Hokage-sama. I'm really not picky."
231 notes · View notes
martilyongabo · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
EO3 (partial) lineup - November-December 2022
Peak MAbo is collaborating with your best friend for a(n admittedly unfair) final project (for web development!!!! an elective!!!), saying you would post it, forgetting about it for a year, posting it on Artstation and forgetting about it again.
As always, AC drew the lineart, and I colored. Designs were more of a collaborative effort between the two of us!
Probably should have shared this when the HD collection came out... anyway it's here now!
Some design ramblings under the cut :0! There's a lot i wanna share especially given that we recently did a soft rewrite that departed from the guild system entirely ^^" and EO3's cast was actually one of the first that we had, surprisingly!
Tumblr media
Micah is quite clearly alt gladiator 3, but in an entirely different profession. instead of going into the labyrinth, he works in what i imagine would be an analogue to the forge in Tharsis (aka helping people make things busted af). It probably works best for his character, since he was always a gizmo freak even in his first iteration! geomagnetic (or submagnetic, ugh) gizmo is AC's idea!
Tumblr media
Micah's brother, Eva, is a very loose spin on zodiac 3, but with a wayyyy lighter colour palette. Admittedly, i did steal a little bit of the spiritmaster's coat from bravely default, but AC managed to spin it back to resembling the original coat that the class had. Eva works as an astronomer, hence the little telescope he always has on him.
Tumblr media
Next up we have Eva's protégé, Miri (who was imported from AC's stories)! Theoretically, Miri would be a second zodiac, and, after watching some EO3 speedruns, would probably be really strong in the earlygame when working with Eva in an actual playthrough. AC's design heavily borrows from Patho II's Grace, hence the coat + dress combo.
Tumblr media
Following Miri in this lineup would be Noa, her admittedly very lazy but clingy sibling. I think it's apparently here that we didn't have much time to filter what a believable design would be in an EO setting, given that Noa's clothes were translated directly from our designs of them in school attire. It's actually funny how for we diverged from their original portrait (buccaneer 3) to the point that she is literally unrecognizable. Truly a pipeline from good sea boy to j-horror twist character.
Tumblr media
Last in the OC section would be Masaru, who recently found work for the Senatus. Admittedly he does have another example of "incongruent time period" clothing (the jacket), though it's a lot more reworkable than Noa. We also made his design a lot less poofy and rugged compared to the original, and I mixed the base and alt color palettes as well to make him less, well, glaringly red. Probably one of the funnier things is that his clothing palette made him blend in more with the likes of Kujura, but given that they work for the same place, it'll probably work out fine.
Tumblr media
Now we go onto NPCs, and who better to start than with Flowdia! Admittedly, her art was one of the last ones that we did, hence why her design looks relatively plain (sorry lola). Probably one of the things I would like to add would be more ornate patterns, perhaps of butterflies to tie her closer to Gutrune!
Tumblr media
Before we get to the Princess, we gotta get through her bodyguard first! >:0 I honestly don't like Kujura because I answered honestly in his first question, and he said that I was prideful, but AC likes him so he looks really good here. He isn't as rendered here as he is in his portrait, since he was also one of the last characters we made, and I didn't really get to notice that he doesn't have as much value contrast in his clothing as Masaru does. Probably something to think about next time I color him >:0
Tumblr media
Next up we have Gutrune!! We decided to make her look more jellyfish-like, while still keeping it a bit uncanny and unsettling. We tried to give her a more traditionally Filipiniana look (mostly on the Maria Clara gown), but we haven't yet made a poncho design that mixes well with butterfly sleeves without looking cluttered. As such, she has a more nightdress-y look here. AC drew in a few tentacles, and I couldn't help but make them look squishy.
Tumblr media
Last but not least is Olympia! We wanted to align her appearance more with her background, hence her altered design :0 Having rips of the artbook easily accesible online also helped us flesh out her hair in particular, since we didn't want to just transplant Gutrune's hairstyle onto her.
And that's all of them!!! I'm honestly hoping to draw more EO characters, though Seyfried's design scares me (honestly the reason why I couldn't make a Reversed Emperor comic).
Currently, I've made a lot of progress on the EO4 game, and I'm excited to draw up the three N-turned-PCs + Xiuan >:'0!!! I don't think I can ever get as cool as Morika tho. If you've come this far and aren't into EO, please check out their blog!! Their art is stunning and has come a really long way :")
26 notes · View notes
in-tua-deep · 2 months
Text
had some very plot-y dreams last night!
I was an alien who was disguised as a human. I think I had come to earth as some kind of invading force years and years ago - my lifespan was pretty long actually, so I was only about the equivalent of my early 20s still but I'd been on earth long enough that I looked more middle-aged.
Which was appropriate, because the reason I had bailed/was in hiding is because I had fallen in love with my beautiful wife. She had died, so I was raising our half-alien son by myself and was probably the definition of Overprotective Parent
I never saw what I looked like, but there was a point in the dream where my son was in his alien form. It was actually very beautiful - he looked like he was made of colorful gemstones or glass rather than flesh and blood
But the whole dream's plot hinged on me finding what was apparently some kind of like, alien rehabilitation program where they took someone and made them human and made them experience life as a human as some kind of penance/rehab?
And there was a dude who I recognized as like. a Big Bad species, that I was CONVINCED had a) no ability to feel remorse, b) would indiscriminately kill everyone, and c) was very very dangerous and also in the same town as my son
so I started like, hanging around?? To try and catch this dude being Evil and also making sure everyone was staying The Fuck Away from my kid, right? except this dude just kind of. didn't do anything evil. stone cold poker face and no showing emotions, but no like, killing or anything
at some point into this dream, we find out about a bomb that is under the chair of one of the group, which consists of me, This Guy, and some squishy humans. My goal is to make sure that if the bomb goes off, it goes off with the other alien bc his species is very invulnerable to things like that
long story short, I ended up with the bomb and driving away and got. really really hurt. and the evil alien? he ran over, covered my wounded body with his own, and someone transferred half of my wounds to him and in doing so he saved my life
so... not as evil (or as emotionless) as I thought, clearly
The rest is fuzzy, but I know I let him see that I had a son at one point, though I didn't directly introduce them.
Honestly the whole dream kind of felt like it had a vague enemies to friends to lovers plot going on as we both explored more of his background and history and emotions, and as we revealed the fact that I had once been kind of a bad guy honestly before falling in love with my wife.
something something, second chances
then i had an entirely different dream where I was a princess who accidentally defeated a dragon and bound him to me in human form lol
11 notes · View notes
echo-s-land · 4 days
Text
It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care
#vent ig#i wish i could#but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i#wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the#short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent#but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar#and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie#we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant#the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and#'im not even remotely interested by any of you'#its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT#NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up#on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.)#anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point)#am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as#a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened#i hate feeling apathetic#and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them#cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life
7 notes · View notes
falldogbombsthemoon · 11 days
Text
Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.
#vent following#its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother#no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism.#there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that.#he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that#anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like#“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case#yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.#and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping#and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline.#and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me#not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad.#i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute#i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself.#but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion#i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing#but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone#and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after.#i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn#quinns daily yapping post#rather#quinns personal hell
10 notes · View notes
ackee · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes