#Anyway I had fun writing Etho but I need more practice

[atherix]

As promised the Etho story. It. It is way longer than I expected it to be. Also wow I made him so pathetic I love him.

--

The building is dark, darker than he ever expected; the walls groan as he presses against them, hiding in the shadows and behind old discarded boxes and, hopefully, away from the eyes of passing Vampires.

None of them seem to notice him, though whether that’s because he’s a master of stealth or because they’re all rushing around he isn’t quite sure. He likes to think it’s the former, at least.

(Cleo would scoff at that, saying it’s easier to miss the broadside of a barn than to not notice him with his shock of white hair.)

He crouches when someone walks too close to his hiding spot, peering out between the gaps of the long-abandoned shipping containers. He closes his right eye, letting red bleed across his vision; through the walls he can just barely make out movement and figures, flashing in various shades of blue against the reds of the world around him. It sends pain spiking through his head, down his spine, but he counts the figures in that room, satisfied to find there are only three of them.

Three. He can deal with three. He glances either way of the crates, watching as the figure passes down the hall and behind a new wall.

He blinks the red away from his vision, reality setting back into place, and scurries out of his hiding place. The door is a little to the right of where he thought it was- when everything is red it’s hard to know for certain where one object ends and the next begins- but only a small change to his trajectory is needed to send him vaulting through the door.

To his surprise the figures are crowded around something else. One looks up and he dives for a pile of wooden slats. Destroyed crates, if he had to wager a guess. One particularly tall pair of slats offers him a convenient corner to kneel out of sight in, and he closes his good eye once more, letting red overtake his vision once more.

He ignores the throbbing pain settling into the back of his head. This is important. He knows it is.

This could be the answer to everything.

“She’s coming!” someone calls, their voice echoing, and the three figures crowded in the corner disperse, and he thinks they turn to look at the door though like this he can only make out that they’ve moved.

Etho glances towards the door, secure in the knowledge that the slats block him from its sights, and follows a small group as they stalk up the hallways. There are five of them, three of them walking bent at the waist as if stuck in a perpetual bow; one walks with confidence and the remaining trails behind them.

The Lord, Etho knows; he remembers easily how so many of Cleo’s rescues act towards them when they first come to her. He remembers how they kneel, cowering at their feet. What he doesn’t know is if they’re Vampires or Thralls, or just Humans who have given up.

“My Lord,” one of the figures says- they sound young, no more than a teenager, and Etho grits his teeth, “I swear I can do this. You can count on me! I will deliver them to you!”

“No,” the Lord says, voice sharp, and Etho recognizes that voice. Maria. “You will not deliver them to me. I have another task for you.”

Etho follows them with his eye, watching how the three bowing figures stop at the door and sink down to their knees- definitely Thralls, he thinks with a shudder. The other two step into the room and the three figures already there bow in greeting, standing up straight once the tall figure- Maria- waves them off.

“What do you need me to do, my Lord?” the young voice asks, eager.

“I need you to lead the traitor’s allies astray,” Maria says, and Etho frowns. Traitors. It isn’t hard to guess who she’s talking about.

(She’s still bitter, it seems.)

“Take them to the warehouse, where the Strays are,” Maria continues, and Etho thinks he can hear a smile in her voice. “Let them hear what they have to say, and let them report to Cleo and her lot.”

“You want me to lead them to the Strays?” the young Vampire repeats, slowly- hesitantly. “But what if they wipe them out?”

“I don’t care what happens to them,” Maria says flippantly. “They’ve started taking Turned as mates. You were an exception, dear niece; my sister loved you greatly, enough to want to keep you with her forever, as her... daughter. You are special.” It sounds as if the words pain her to say, disgust warring with the meaning of her words. The young Vampire doesn’t seem to notice, standing up straighter as if proud at the apparent acceptance. Etho bites his tongue. “You were chosen for this gift. But to take a Turned as a mate- it’s despicable. Disgusting. A mistake of the highest order, one your mother suffered from. The Strays have lost their way. If they die, why should we care? All they need to do is deliver the message, and then Cleo will come right to us, on our terms.”

“Of course, my Lord,” says the younger Vampire, voice full of awe. “You truly are the best Lord this Coven could have. Your plans-”

“Quiet,” Maria sharply cuts through, silencing her ‘niece.’ “Please, niece... call me Auntie.”

It’s sickening, the sugary sweet tone she takes. Etho can hear the lies coating the words, the disgust. Whoever this child is, or was... Etho wonders if Cleo would be able to help them, the way they had helped so many others.

“Yes, Auntie,” the young Vampire says reverently, and Etho tries not to judge them; this life is all they’ve ever known. He watches the shorter figure bow to Maria before turning and leaving. He follows it down the hall, thinking for a moment to intercept them; if he can stop them, then whoever they’re talking about won’t fall prey to their trap.

Cleo and BDubs won’t walk right into their trap.

“Brutes,” Maria says, a little loud, and the three figures behind her straighten up. “Get the rat.”

It takes Etho two and a half seconds too long to register her words, and by the time he realizes it’s too late; a pair of arms circle around his chest.

He thrashes, yelling to let go as he wriggles away. Colors flood his vision, temporarily blinding him as he opens his eye too soon, and pain flares up, burning in his skull.

He throws himself towards the open door but the Thralls sit there, husks of their former selves, and he stumbles when he recognizes one.

Barely, but he does. One of Cleo’s humans, now drained of everything that had made them human.

(He thinks of all the times he’s passed this human in the manor halls. They always greeted him brightly, happily, and was one of Cleo’s favorites. He never spoke to them, but he knew Cleo and BDubs would talk for hours with them; they had been Cleo’s most trusted human, the one who would go to the village in their stead and go to the markets, fetching everything the Coven could ever want. He didn’t even know how many times that person had brought him redstone at his request, even when he wasn’t home. They went missing months before, when Joe disappeared.

He doesn’t even know their name.)

His hesitation costs him; two bodies slam into him, shoving him to the ground. Etho yells and struggles, and when he looks up the Thrall stares at him blankly- empty, a smile stretched across their face. Skin grey and eyes dull and flat, nothing more than a skeleton with flesh pulled taut over the bones-

Now, he thinks he knows where Joe is.

“You know,” Maria says, walking towards him with a steady click click of the heels of her boots, “when most people sneak into a Vampire’s territory to spy, they at least try to disguise their scent.”

His scent. Etho could hit himself. How did he not think of his scent? Every single one of those Vampires knew he was there. He glares up at Maria, her platinum hair almost glowing in the dull moonlight filtering in through the dirty warehouse windows.

“Why drag this out, Maria?” he asks, grinning up at her from where he’s held against the floor. She kneels down, chin up even as she smirks down at him.

“I prefer Myrani these days,” she says, tilting her head, and Etho’s brow furrows. Myrani? That’s a Fae word, he knows- and not a very nice one. “It sounds so much better than Maria, doesn’t it?” She laughs, and Etho scowls; she knows.

“Why didn’t your lackeys attack me when I first got in here?” he demands, patience running out. He struggles against the Vampires holding him down.

Maria laughs. “Well, where would be the fun in that?” she asks, waving a hand. The Vampires- brutes, as Maria called them- pull him up to his knees, yanking his arms behind his back. He hisses in pain and snarls at them, his teeth sharpening under his gaiter, and Maria tsks at him. She grabs his chin, forcing him to look up at her.

She grins, showing off her fangs. There’s still a dull red tint to them and he grimaces. “No, you’re right where we want you, demon.”

“I’m not a demon,” he snaps, irritated. “You’ve made a big mistake, you know. Now I know where your Coven is-”

She laughs, not even a single moment for the words to sink in; she laughs, and the brutes behind him laugh with her. It’s verging on hysteria, tears pricking her eyes as she throws her head back and laughs, and Etho’s teeth clack painfully as his mouth slams shut.

He is clearly very, very wrong.

“You think this is where my Coven is?” Maria laughs, leaning closer to him with a twisted grin. “Oh, my dear, silly demon. This is just a safehouse. Besides, you won’t be bringing anyone here,” she adds, shoving his face back as she stands up again. He glares. “No, you’re going to do what I tell you, or you’re not leaving at all.”

“Wanna bet?” Etho scoffs, and he tugs at himself as hard as he can- like a thread unraveling he feels himself unravel, like a ball of yarn down a steep flight of stairs or an old raggedy dress coming undone at the seams, and he feels himself fall apart, the solid bones of his arms liquefying for just a moment before turning to mist. He pulls away from them, weightless and eternal, unsolid and uncatchable, as he fades into nothing more than mist.

He’s free. He’s free, he feels it in every fiber of his incorporeal being, sees it in the red and heat and chill that floods his vision, in the everything he can see around him, in the painless numbness that falls over his senseless form. He’s free.

And then he’s not.

He presses at the confines and struggles against it; he can’t see what is holding him, not like this. He’s surrounded and the world is dimming, dulling into a purple color- cooler, cooling, as if he’s surrounded by something cool, and it’s hard to see the moving figures on the other side as their cooler blues mix with the purple filling all angles of his vision.

He struggles. He pulls himself together again, enough to press semi-solid hands against glass, and he realizes-

He’s in a glass bottle.

They caught me in a glass bottle.

(He has never been so insulted before in his life.)

His world narrows, the room tilting as he blinks his eyes back into existence. When he can only see from those eyes once more he looks around wildly, looking for a way out. Everything presses in on his center core, his entire mass pressed into a form farm denser than any human form he has ever taken before, because he’s caught in an old wine bottle that glows dimly with magic.

The feeling of the enchanted glass sends a shiver down his arms. It isn’t right. It’s cold.

Magic isn’t meant to be cold.

“Like it?” Maria asks, grinning down at him, and Etho glowers up at her. He’s small- small enough to fit in this bottle, his entire being forced into it somehow. “I know a mage,” Maria adds, turning around with him still clutched in her hand. “Little demon in a bottle.”

Not a demon, he thinks again, pushing as much of his density against the glass as he can. It doesn’t even crack.

“Not even hard to do,” she giggles, the sound like ice down his back. He pulls his gaiter up higher, as if trying to hide in it. She throws herself down on a chair, as if it were a throne, and crosses one leg over the other, propping the bottle up on her knee. He steadies himself on his feet, feeling too heavy; all his weight, all his mass concentrated into one three-inch-tall form... 

It’s not pleasant.

Maria leans on her hand, gazing down at him with a lazy grin. “Wasn’t too hard to bait you into it, either,” she says, spinning the bottle around. He stumbles, falling into the glass and bracing himself as she just keeps spinning him. “So, misty guy- may I call you Misty?”

“No!” he yells.

“Well, Misty,” she goes on, as if he didn’t answer at all, “I’m going to give you a choice.”

He glares at her.

She smirks back. “One, you work for me. You do what I tell you to do, you report to me, and I’ll spare your plucky little halfbreed.”

Anger flares up through his chest. “Don’t call him-”

She shakes the bottle, throwing him off of his feet. He lands heavily on the bottom and groans. “I wasn’t done. Do everything I tell you and I’ll spare the half Elf Vampire,” she continues, grinning as she watches him stagger back to his feet. “I’ll know if you don’t do it.”

He narrows his eyes at her, studying her expression. Confidence oozes off of her, as if she isn’t at all worried about him exposing her. Of course, if this isn’t even her Coven house, he supposes she doesn’t have to worry. 

But how would she know? Actually- how does she even know about BDubs? He came around long after Maria was locked away. She never met him.

She never should have even known about him.

“I have eyes everywhere,” she says, chuckling lowly, and he silently curses her. “And ears.”

“... You planted a mole,” he mutters, cold realization settling in. There’s a traitor somewhere.

“I didn’t have to,” she says, picking the bottle up again and lightly shaking it. He braces himself, sliding down so he can’t fall again. It’s dizzying to be shaken like this, but if he becomes mist again he won’t be able to see her. To see her face. “There are Vampires everywhere who believe the truth, even amongst your Covens out there. They came to me.”

He doesn’t want to believe it. He lifts his chin. “No.”

“Here’s the deal,” she says, as if he hasn’t already refused. “You work for me, and report everything your snooping little Lord and her allies learn to me. You will feed them false information, you will deliver them to me when the time is right, and if you don’t I will find out. If you don’t, I will wipe out all of you.” She grins widely, showing off her fangs. They’re longer than they should be and Etho glares at her, refusing to back down. “And if you outright refuse, you’ll be stuck in this bottle and you’ll watch me rip your dear little mossy Elf apart bit. By. Bit.”

He swallows, trying to push away the images that force their way into his mind. “You can’t even drink Vampires’ blood,” he says.

“So? Doesn’t mean I won’t kill him,” she says, shrugging. “It’s your choice. Either save the Elf or watch them all die.”

He clenches his teeth. “You realize I’m one of Cleo’s mates, right?” he hisses. “I won’t betray them-”

The bottle slams into the arm of the chair, throwing him to the side roughly. “Don’t remind me!” she snarls, face twisting- and in that moment he sees her for the monster she really is, for just a fraction of a second her Human facade falling away. He takes it as a small victory. 

She takes a deep breath, calming herself, and the shimmering scaly, amphibian-like skin fades back into tan. She holds the bottle up and leans back casually, smirking. “Let’s not lie to ourselves here, Misty,” she says, tone smooth as her truth is tucked away again. “Everyone has their favorites. Look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, that you would choose Cleo over your Elf.” 

He glares and says nothing.

“Oh, come on,” she cackles, bringing him closer to her face. “Would you choose to save her over him? Would she save you over that Human she keeps by her side? Don’t be ashamed to admit it. We all play favorites. It’s what it means to be alive- to love and love unequally.”

“No,” he denies. “Only people like you would look at it like that. I’m not like that.”

“You are,” she says sharply. “No matter what anyone says, we all are. We all have a child we would save over another, a mate we’ll go to over another, a parent we would confide in over the other. It’s just nature. We can’t help it.” She grins. “And I know you, Misty. They’ve told me all about you, how you come running every time he calls. How no one else can call on you the way he can. Even your Lord can’t keep tabs on you, but him? Oh, he calls your name and you’re there like a loyal dog. It’s disgusting, but... convenient.”

“You can’t even kill them,” Etho says stubbornly, not wanting to dwell on her words. The thought of BDubs in danger- him, bleeding out and turning to ashes or light- no, it’s just too much. He can’t stand it. “Cleo would never allow it. They’re stronger than you.”

She smirks. “And yet she didn’t kill me when she had the chance, did she,” Maria states more than asks. “And now here we are. Her Coven is thinning out. I have so many of her Humans that she let out of her sight, and I have you here now.” She turns the bottle around, forcing him to look at the doorway and the Thralls that sit there. “I have them. Loyal servants, eager to please. I have people everywhere. And I know their weaknesses.”

Etho slams a hand against the glass, frustrated. He can’t break through. He glances up at the cork. Maybe he can slip through its cracks...

“Cleo will be easy enough, once she’s out of her mind with anger. Not hard to do when she’s been betrayed and lost all her friends,” Maria says with a careless shrug. “And the Elf, well... there’s a few ways to deal with him.”

Etho narrows his eyes. “No,” he repeats, confident. “I refuse.”

“So you would rather watch them all die, than to save even just one of them?” She laughs. “Got it. It’s fine, I have other servants in Cleo’s Coven. They’re very good. It would just be easier with someone in the inner ring...” She shrugs. “You’ll just have to stay in this bottle, and I’ll be sure to let you watch the life fade from his eyes. Will he turn to light or ash? I’ve always wondered how it works,” she giggles, leaning closer to the bottle. “Haven’t you? Will you have anything left to bury or will he disappear like they all do, forever out of your reach? Not even anything to remember him by? Oh, I wonder, is his blood black or red? Does it glow green? I wonder if I can drink it when it’s glowing green. All that Fae magic over top the Vampire’s magic- I wonder if-”

“Shut up,” Etho barely whispers, trying not to imagine it- trying not to imagine BDubs in Maria’s grasp, glowing green blood running freely as she ripped into his skin. BDubs’ big rust-colored eyes staring at him, begging him to help- light splitting across his skin as his flesh turns grey, as he calls for help and-

He can’t stand it.

Maria smirks, and he bares his teeth at her- though she can’t see it. “There we go,” she says quietly, leaning back again. She holds the bottle by the neck, leaning on her arm as she gazes up at him. “Cleo will turn to ash as all Vampires do, but the Elf... who knows what’s waiting for him? And I’m giving you a chance to guarantee his safety, his life. All it will cost is your loyalty.”

His loyalty.

He’s known Cleo for so long, he was there when Maria was causing problems. He was there when things were different. He was there through it all, by Cleo’s side, supporting every change she made after taking over as Lord. He was there when she brought BDubs home.

How could he ever be loyal to someone else?

Especially Maria?

He grits his teeth. He can still see BDubs in his mind’s eye.

He can see BDubs looking at him, asking for help.

(He can see BDubs looking at him, blaming him.)

“You can save him or watch them all die. It’s your choice. You can have your freedom or be trapped forever.” Maria grins at him, dangerous, and he knows she has a plan either way.

Maybe if he agrees, he can find a way to warn them instead, without alerting Maria or her servants. Maybe he could save them all.

Or maybe he would doom them.

“It’s your choice.”

#Midnight Series #Hermitshipping #<- mentioned #Tumblr Exclusive #THIS GOT AWAY FROM ME OH MY GOD #I wrote this ALL today #anyway here you go <3 #Uh #Don't kill me? #Anyway I had fun writing Etho but I need more practice #I hope I got the balance of confidence to wet cat energy right

[autisticandroids]

15, 21, 23?

15. something you learned this year

i don't know if i can say i learned a new skill as such. but one thing is like... i really enjoyed making three card stud. and it really opened my eyes to like, how much of what i like about the practice of fanfiction is the meticulous remixing/reinterpretation of canon. there's a way in which the AMV is a more... analytical art form than the fanfic, because you are literally forced by the constraints of the medium to keep to the text. all you have are song lyrics and the kuleshov effect to convince your audience to take the new meaning you intend to convey from stuff already in the show. and i brought that ethos to three card stud even though i did add stuff. in a lot of ways three card stud was just me listing off things from canon i think a lot about and saying eh? eh? like. hoping the context would make it clear *why* this stuff makes me crazy. and i think that was a lot of the motivation behind the fic i'm currently working on, which is about dean and cas getting caught by the police. that fic at this point is mostly lists of things that have happened in spn episodes, placed in a new context by baffled feds and cops. which is the fun part. so like basically i learned that this is really fun, listing off canon facts in a new context

21. most memorable comment/review

so the most memorable traditional comment as such i got was probably this one, on i fold in half so easily (ifihse tends to generate the best comments because it's extremely dark without the ways in which it is dark being obviously flagged. so people are more shocked and more forced to think). "Cas: no officer i am very happy please dont tell dean im emotionally complex" is so funny and true that's literally what happens in that fic.

another top contender is this one, on getting serious, which generates good comments for the same reason ifihse does, though it's a lot less intense.

but in terms of my favorite *response to my work,* it was the breastfeeding anon saga (in chronological order here) which was a response to my fic smorgasbord.

and then i wrote a fic based on those anons, and then i got these very funny tags on my fic post:

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

when i tell you about the 120k deanvictor fic which is literally 90k of victor henriksen hunting down a serial killer dean winchester while becoming a little (sexually) obsessed with him and then 30k of victor knowing about the supernatural and moonlighting as a hunter while he and dean suck each others dicks so much.

and also it's about victor's relationship with his two ex wives and his former stepdaughter who he is still emotionally a parent to even though they have no legal relationship and the coworker he had an emotional affair with who he doesn't speak to anymore and how he feels trapped in his life and his job and dean represents this escape for him this total freedom. just living in his car on the road and not having to worry about what your boss thinks or needing to quit smoking. while for dean victor represents this stability and adulthood dean can never achieve. and dean leaves three spare pairs of underwear in victor's divorcé bachelor pad as a kind of little... fantasy. of what life could be like.

anyway the most compelling scene from that, IN MY MIND, is a scene where victor STILL thinks dean is a serial killer. and now he has him in custody. and against his will he's... charmed. by dean. because dean is charming and pathetic, shaking and sweating from mild alcohol withdrawal but still cracking jokes and being friendly and observant and extremely young-feeling, for 28. and earnest in a way he didn't expect. and they're forced to work together against a demon siege, a spin on jus in bello where victor still doesn't find out about the supernatural he's just protecting himself and a prisoner from a threat. and he has the uncomfortable realization that he's attracted to dean winchester (serial killer) (guy he is trying to take down) (has killed so so many people). and he's like well. we can table that for later. and then dean escapes.

so i've been trying to figure out a way to scoop out just that scene and turn it into its own fic because that's actually manageable for me.

the dean and cas pursued by the cops idea also comes a bit from frustration that i can't write this, though the feds in that one are ocs bc it's later.

from here

#spn #asks #sketcheun

[spikeinthepunch]

i have been writing a lot. a lot of fan fiction (that hasnt been on my main ao3 either) and i thought it might be fun to just show a number of my favorite paragraphs/bits from when i started writing again in October 2022 :) since these dont get posted to main. i really enjoy writing and its something i would like to do more of with original characters, but fan fic is chill and like practice for me.

CW for violence described. putting it all under the cut!

Strangely intimate, but still emotionally devastating- Bdubs winced as he pushed that sword through. Etho let it happen, encouraged it, leaned into it. It was hard to look at Etho, but he did. He had that soft look on his face despite the sword shoved through him. Bdubs could see the crease of a smile under that mask and he started to smile as well, even if it wavered in anxiety. This was alright, this was fine- the minutes were coming back to him slowly. Thirty minutes back, thirty more minutes with Etho. (via Take Time)

Searing and burning, a struggle to not yell out in pain, left making gasps and sharp breaths. A blow above Etho's hip and right through the stomach for Bdubs. Immediately Bdubs knew he hadn't gotten the hit he needed, with the way that Etho's blade twisted against his innards. But he was still here, he was still standing there- eyes fluttering as he looked up at Etho. The drive, the bloodlust, faltered the more Bdubs felt that pain radiate through him. It felt like an eternity as he seemed to prepare for Etho to push it in further, for the killing blow to complete. It was getting to be too much, his sword falling to the floor as he gripped Etho for support. “Are you-” Bdubs voice was breathless, “Are you going to-” Etho blinked. “Do you...want me to?” It was a rhetorical question, probably. But as Bdubs saw the red spread across his white shirt, blood starting to drip to the floor, he couldn't help giving in. But he hated to admit it. The background noise of the nether hub was unnoticed to them, but they were in the most inconvenient of places. Somehow Bdubs had it in himself to feel embarrassed, of all things. He wasn't keeping track of their surroundings, but he hoped no one had caught any of this. (via The Killing Type chapter 1)

"Well- you're talking about like.. The rift is weird, the time travel- whatever- is weird. Which like- obviously, weird. It'd still be weird if we ended up somewhere else, because who knew that would happen!" As Bdubs talked with his mouth and his hands, Etho simply stared at him. "But it feels weird! I- I'm uncomfortable for some reason."

There was a laugh from underneath the mask. "Man, Bdubs... that is what I meant." Etho sighed, running his hands over his face, then pulling down his mask. While his grin was still hidden behind his hands, he was having trouble taking Bdubs so seriously with how he managed to overthink and underthink everything.

There was a wordless sputtering that came from Bdubs' mouth, looking away. Slightly from embarrassment or annoyance, thinking that at this point it should be easy to read into each other's words. But it wouldn't be in character if they didn't go stupidly back and forth about something like that. (via Downpour)

this fic is super short so i can only throw in this absolute lovely line i wrote

“You want another scar to think about?”

“Yeah.” (via The Killing Type chapter 3)

so yeah anyways thats what im writing. some of those violent chapters i left out cuz they....they are very suggestive. but i am having fun. i really like my writing

#my writing #mcyt

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

we’re partners in this.

so titans 2.12 was mostly about (awkwardly) moving pieces around to get them in place for a grand finale. it was great! but also awkward. but great! let’s talk about it, if you don’t mind:

SPOILERS ahead.

1. i apologise for going off on a tangent right off the bat, but i just had this weird bit of insight about this show’s universe and it’s kind of hilarious. so you know those clickbaity articles about titans fucking up its worldbuilding by having its characters be so blase about protecting their superhero identities? (screenrant and cbr have inundated my newsfeed. oh good lord the pain. the agony.) maybe that’s just how It’s Meant To Be. batman and robin have been around for at least a decade and a half; the big bat’s likely been around for longer. the justice league is a sophisticated organisation with connections, representation and influence on worldly affairs. no doubt there has been countless battles and alien invasions--to the point where superheroes have become so ingrained in public life that their identities are semi-public knowledge but Nobody Gives A Shit. it’s like asking folks about their local legislators--people are aware that they exist and perform a Function in society and that a minimal amount of research would reveal who they are, but most aren’t keen on/interested in doing that. as a result, keeping up a secret identity isn’t the priority it used to be. and That’s Fine! the titans universe is its own beast with its own internal mechanics and as long as it’s internally consistent, let it deviate from its comic origins as much as it wants to.

oh typical emmram, i can hear you say. scrambling for explanations to excuse careless writing and plot holes. well, dear Strawman I Just Made Up, you may be partially right--there was a time when i would’ve waved my ‘the author is dead’ flag, but (i like to think) i’ve matured since then. but also: have you considered that plot holes aren’t really plot holes if you can successfully use what’s been established about a story’s universe to explain them away and that it’s significantly more fun? 

with this background in mind, i can appreciate more than ever that titans plays out more like an intense, soapy family drama (with perhaps higher stakes than your average soap). this was never a show about a bunch of disparate heroes coming together and finding purpose in order to defeat a common enemy. this was always about a bunch of kids who grew up in a world where vigilantism and superheroing and magic and alien invasions are just an accepted part of life, and the deeply dysfunctional ways they keep coming together and pinballing away, over and over again. there’s no point where each of the characters have definitely Gotten Over Their Issues so they can all gather together to defeat the big bad; it’s why this late in the game we can have rachel looking for people to connect to and relate with that aren’t a series of adults who claim to protect her but only keep her in the dark; hank at the bottom of a self-destructive spiral; dick barely picking himself up from rock bottom, and kory falling apart at the seams. 

so anyway, that’s it on this edition of Emmram Tries To Give A Grand Unifying Theory of Titans; let’s move on to the actual episode.

2. rose’s story could’ve been so good, you guys. actually you know what, scratch that (she types, on a computer while having 20+ years’ experience in knowing how to use the backspace key), it’s a great story that got muddled in the process of the show trying to tell a number of great stories all at once. this season has been inexorably building up to dick grayson becoming nightwing, using his unreliable narration to build up suspense as we see him battle personal hangups and the fallout from literal decades of trauma to gain a sense of equilibrium and a renewal of purpose (it can be argued that even now, on the cusp of actually putting on that dang costume, he hasn’t really learned anything--but i’ll get to that later). if this is the main story that this season is trying to tell, then taking two gigantic detours for episode-long flashbacks and building up to jericho’s death as much as they did makes perfect sense. it also makes sense to set slade up as a foil to dick, in that they are both caught up in their heads and make self-absorbed decisions to protect their ‘children’ but dick comes through with the realisation that that’s a crock of bullshit. 

but that’s not the case, is it? there are so many things going on at once but they’re all orbiting around this throughline of ‘dick becoming nightwing’ and so we only get the barest glimpses of some relatively complex character motivations and development going on with the others. 

2.25. in this episode’s flashback (we’re still getting flashbacks! in literally the penultimate episode of the season! god i have never wanted to take a red pen to anything more) we come to a number of weighty realisations: the extent of rose’s powers, her feelings of otherness, her desire to connect with her father so that she doesn’t feel alone in her otherness, how desperate she is to connect with him--so much so that she’s willing to throw away her entire life and undergo physical mutilation in service of his revenge plan--and how...learning exactly how her brother died and... being with jason??? made her change her mind??? ok that last one’s a bit muddled, but i’ll try and make sense of it.

as far as i can see, there are four big turning points in rose’s story so far:

a) that moment in the car when slade invites rose to join him and reveals that he’s basically been funding her ‘normal’ middle class life till that point. i can imagine how destabilising that realisation might be to rose, and why she might think going along with slade, no matter how weird and how abrupt, is how she’s going to live a life true to who she is

b) but imagine actually being taken in by the titans, being given shelter and support and succour by a group that her father had described as ruthless and manipulative. i can imagine her still being on board with slade’s plan, but maybe the reason she didn’t do all that she could’ve possibly done while at the tower to sabotage the titans might be because she’s actually interacting with these people, and while they might be a Hot Mess, they aren’t actively cruel or vindictive. i wish the show had woven in more scenes of rose interacting with the others, of her learning intimate things about their pasts, of her bonding with the younger titans’ struggle with their own ‘freakish’ natures. rose hardly seems to have any presence at all after her intro episode, and that’s a pity.

c) dick’s confession about what actually happened with slade and jericho. it’s more complicated than she was lead to believe--her father was actually complicit in her brother’s death. it’s a very confusing moment for rose, who’s already (probably) feeling the first stirrings of guilt, unsure, really, about her devotion to the father and brother that she’s known only for a little longer than the titans themselves, and slowly coming to the sick realisation that slade used her as a pawn in his game against the titans. 

d) jason latching onto rose is understandable--he saw her as the only person making the effort to connect with him when he was feeling vulnerable and rejected by almost everybody else. jason practically bleeds a need for connection and acceptance. i don’t think rose anticipated that jason would come with her, or be as attached to her as he is--but she sees in him a sensitive and struggling soul baring his heart to her, and in herself the kind of deception and secrecy that she’d originally wanted to rebel against. so she finally comes clean with him, and thinks they should help the titans against her father.

i mean. i might be making some assumptions (actually i’m making a lot of assumptions, to be fair), but i’m just trying to work with what the show’s given us, which is... not insubstantial, but haphazard enough that it’s easy to forget that rose exists sometimes. 

3. i fell asleep right after watching this episode for the first time, and apparently at some point before actually sleeping i appear to have had some kind of Great Insight about it because in the notes app on my phone i typed in “dick bruce concept of justice” with no further explanation.

i’ve spent the better part of this evening trying to retrace my train of thought, and i think it went like this: essentially, i was curious that dick was so broken up about jericho dying that he banished himself to a five year long lonely journey to seek penance that ended with him voluntarily getting himself arrested, but didn’t seem all that cut up about zucco dying or basically ordering the deaths of the scientists at the asylum in 1.07. betraying jericho and the older titans’ trust in him is a far greater burden on him than being responsible for the death of people who have wronged him or hurt the people he loves. but this is also a man who has internalised batman’s mission and ethos for the better part of his life, so he can’t actually come out and admit that. instead the two things come together to form one conclusion: he killed jericho, and he must be punished for it. 

(i also imagine locking himself away in prison was a result of growing up under the influence of batman--who responded to trauma by embarking on rigorous, brutal, solitary journey of penance and extreme self-discipline. batman doesn’t ask for help. batman goes to the batcave and rides it out.)

so when dick finally breaks himself out of jail, it isn’t because he’s come to a great realisation about his self-destructive behaviour (although he’s aware of it on some subconscious level); it’s because he realised the thing he was punishing himself for didn’t actually happen. he hasn’t really learnt a lesson. to be fair, he would need some pretty intensive therapy to untangle the things running through his head, so it seems quite believable that this is the way he gets back on his feet in time to be nightwing.

4. i know people think that the conversation between rachel and kory was awkward, and uh, it kinda was a little bit, but it makes sense that they can talk like that to each other. rachel wants to protect dick but feels confident enough with kory to lash out at her; kory is unafraid to be vulnerable or sad around rachel which just feeds into the trust that rachel has in kory. i don’t know, i thought that conversation was a nice way to both re-establish this dynamic and give some insight into what kory’s feeling.

5. god, mercy graves--a family woman!--tenderly wiping the blood off gar’s chin after having turned him into her own personal killing machine is just... so unsettling on so many levels.

5.5. it continues to KILL me that gar had so much faith in the titans right up to the very moment he had his fucking skull opened up and his brains messed with against his will: an undeserving loyalty to a family who took his easygoing acceptance of their shitty treatment of him at face value and essentially threw him to the wolves. how do you even start recovering from this? i feel like we’ve gone past the point where a few heart-to-hearts could help.

6. man, hank spiralling the way he did was too brutal to be anything but deeply uncomfortable. i’m sure the teenager who bought hank’s suit from him was supposed to inspire hank and remind him of his place and purpose as a titan, but it came off as kind of a cruel joke. hank has been putting his body out on the firing line over and over and over again, and his lesson is to be told that he isn’t putting himself out there enough? yikes.

7. stu and lily and their collective disdain for dick grayson’s drama are my new favourite characters on the show and deserve their own damn spin-off. MAKE IT HAPPEN DC

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #rose wilson #dick grayson #koriand'r #jason todd #rachel roth #hank hall #garfield logan

[nihilnovisubsole]

My fashion queen, incredibly important question: How would one go about figuring out fashion *style* for characters? I've noticed your OCs always have a Look(TM), and I've gathered from your blog (and fics) that you've got an eye for aestethics - please, could you give me advice at least where to *start*. I'm completely unaware of fashion and, frankly, completely overwhelmed at the prospect of just starting..

Ah! Previous Anon again - forgot to add a more specific question about fashion (I’m squeezing in 2 quesiton in one xD). Do you have fashion advice for sleek/distant female character’s clothing that doesn’t hinge on formal dresses? (as is discernable, I have literally NO idea what a Grown Ass, Self Respecting Woman would wear)

wow. that’s high praise. when i got this yesterday morning, i knew i wanted to give it the answer it deserved. this is over 1500 words long, so apologies to anyone on mobile, but i wasn’t letting go until i’d really sunk my teeth into it.

unfortunately, since you’re anon, i don’t know enough about your character to suggest anything specific. instead, i want to take a step back and see if we can solve the root of the problem - “where do i start?”

when i was a teenager, an english teacher told me this: “the biggest constraint in writing is no constraint at all.” when you have the whole spectrum of something - in this case, clothes - to pick from, it is overwhelming. the natural human instinct is to freeze up. so while it may sound strange, if you’re just starting out, you might feel better if you have some constraints to work within.

with that in mind, you can treat finding a ‘signature look’ for your character like solving a murder mystery. you eliminate all the suspects that don’t fit until you know enough to narrow it down to the one that does. that’s going to involve something else you’ll recognize from murder mysteries: you’re going to have to interrogate the character. open them up and get to know them - their background, their likes and dislikes, their quirks, the role they play in the world around them. every answer will give you clues and weed other things out, and eventually, you’ll get a box small enough that you feel comfortable working in it.

now, i love fashion, and i love using clothes to send messages about a character’s personality. so as someone who’s had that interest for my whole life, i work from the other end. the constraints happen, in large part, without me thinking about them. i tend to zoom right to a certain aesthetic or item of clothing, say, “okay, what outfit can i build with this,” and go from there. but since you’ve said you’re “unaware” of fashion and it’s intimidating to you, i’ll try to ease you in through a different route and see whether that helps.

so, if we’re going to pick your character apart, let’s think about some practical questions first:

what setting does your character live in?

if you’ve narrowed your setting down to a historical decade, you’ll find most of the style questions already - firmly! - answered for you. for example, a victorian woman would, by default, wear skirts. if the character is contemporary, you’ve got a lot more wiggle room. if you want to mess with historical fashion rules for symbolic or story purposes, awesome, but i think that’s probably more advanced than you’re looking for right now.

if the setting is fantasy or sci-fi, what’s its dominant aesthetic? is it cyberpunk? sleek ~apple~ sci-fi? or is it more like star wars? is it medieval fantasy? woodsy faerie fantasy? JRPG-style fantasy? you get the idea.

what does your character do?

speaks for itself. what’s their job?

what is your character like, just in general?

this is where everything you know about their personality goes. if they’re a fussy courtier who’s worried about their reputation and appearance, they’re probably not going to be comfortable in plain, casual clothes.

what can your character afford to wear?

again, speaks for itself. do they buy designer brands? are they trying their best with what they have? or are they super strapped for cash and just have to get the job done?

does their social scene have an easily-identifiable aesthetic that you could work with?

does your character wear urban/street fashion or preppy rich-kid clothes? are they part of a subculture that dresses in a certain way, like teddy boys? do they have the desire or freedom to go all-in with that style, or do they have to play it down, like being corporate goth?

do they need to wear something they could travel, do hard work, or fight in?

goes with the job question above. do they need some kind of outerwear or accessory where they can hide weapons? do they always need to be ready, or is it situational?

basically, where does the character’s aesthetic need to sit on a chart of form vs. function?

what do other characters who are similar to your character wear?

look at your favorite movies, games, and TV shows and see what professional designers are doing with characters like yours. what colors and cuts are they using? what other elements do they choose? do you like them? if you don’t like them, what would you change? sometimes you can learn more from what you hate than what you love.

hopefully, you’ve already culled a huge swath of fashion ideas that you Know You’re Not Going To Do. you may still not know what you do want to do, either! that’s fine. let’s move onto some more artsy questions:

are there any colors your character would prefer or avoid?

it sounds silly. it’s not. a limited color palette will go a long way toward making a character’s outfits look unified and purposeful. obviously, in real life, most people don’t restrict themselves as much as fictional characters do. but if you were a costume designer, you’d want to have some guideposts to work with.

are there any motifs you associate with your character?

animals, elements, religious or cultural symbols, plants - you can sneak all these into their clothes’ details. maybe their dress has beading in the shape of a peacock, or rose earrings, or icy sparkles, or a bear pelt for a cloak.

have fun with meanings! moon motifs for mysteriousness, poisonous flowers, etc. let your inner lit major out.

do you want your character to have a certain silhouette?

this may seem odd if you’re just going to be writing your character and not drawing them, but think about it anyway. do you want to emphasize that your character is tall? is everything they wear skintight? do they have a large, unique hat?

a great example of this is maleficent. not only does she have a horn-shaped headdress, her huge, flowing robe tells us there’s a much bigger power in her than her body would suggest.

is there a certain ethos you want their clothes to project? what, in their world, would do that? what in our world would do that?

let’s say you want your character to look very powerful, to the point where people would find their looks alone intimidating. should they wear sharp, simple, severe clothes, maybe in dark colors? or should they wear very embellished clothes, like royalty? what are your setting’s ideas about beauty? modesty? does your character play by the rules, or do you want them to stand out?

what colors, shapes, and styles appeal to you personally?

for all the time i’ve spent talking about restrictions and guidelines, it’s important not to lose the fun of it, either. use your favorite color! give them clothes you’d want to wear in real life! character style is a playground where you can let wish fulfillment run wild.

at any time, feel free to turn to google or wikipedia if you’re not sure how to answer one of these questions. if you see an interesting idea, pick it up and follow it - what you’re doing here is training your eye, and that’s how you’ll learn. that said, if you’re already intimidated, i wouldn’t dive too deep into couture/aesthetic blogs until i had a more solid grip on how i wanted the character to look. it comes back to what i said earlier - there is such a thing as too much to choose from, especially when you’re not sure what you should be looking for yet.

there’s one other thing i want to mention that can help bring a character’s wardrobe together: repetition. if you’re planning several outfits for a character instead of just one, echo some of the motifs, shapes, or colors from one to the next. they don’t all have to be identical takes on the same thing, but if they have certain traits in common, they’ll feel less like separate outfits and more like a matched set. they could all be in members of the same color family or have similar patterns on them. maybe your character has a certain accessory that they wear with everything. you get the idea.

while i may not be able to plan your character’s wardrobe outright, i hope this makes the whole process seem more straightforward. or that it gives you some ideas to work with, or any other kind of help you might take away from it. this post is getting unfathomably long, so i’ll wrap it up, but i’d be happy to put any of my own characters through a “question test” like this one if you’d like to see how it works in practice.

finally, if you can find an interview with an artist or costume designer who worked on something you like, those things are worth their weight in gold. i read an interview with colleen atwood when i was in middle school, and it revolutionized the way i thought about fashion and storytelling. and when i say “revolutionized,” i mean “i owe basically everything i just told you to that article.” dig into them and see how they think and talk about their art! they’re more qualified to teach you than i ever will be.

#anon #asks #fashion #writing

[lucidnebulous-blog]

A Night at Will’s Pub

(June 18, 2018-11:27 am)

It’s the space between the words that matter. As a writer, I supply a few choice details and the reader must complete the picture and fill that empty space. In that way, every reader is unique and yet one text supplies the foundation for everything.

I have similar thoughts towards music. I don’t just love music, I absorb it like Spongebob Squarepants absorbs fun and laughter. During my brief stay in Orlando with family this summer, I made it over to Will’s Pub for a show.

The website, like the bar, has a good sense of humor. Their bio reads: “Sure, the thousands of children who’ve allegedly been conceived as a result of the joint’s carnal formula of loud-ass rock ‘n’ roll and free-flowing beer is a mildly interesting footnote…Will’s Pub is basically a neighborhood bar that was colonized by the music community as soon as it opened in 1995. And that now-institutionalized culture and ethos have turned it into one of the Sunshine State’s most established live music venues and an anchor of the city’s creative district.”

As I was walking in, some already drunk guy with a size-too-small Gatorade blue blazer asked the bouncer “there’s no re-entry rules right? I’m tryna find a bar.” The bouncer, with recently dyed snow white hair, chided “bar’s inside, where you should be, and where you should stay.” Hey, I’m just here for the music. Let that guy take care of the free-flowing beer.

My first impression of Will’s Pub was that it was an arcade. I tickled with the idea of becoming Orlando’s pinball wizard but I didn’t want to make any of the locals salty. Plus, I had some music and people watching to take in. In the background, I could hear some Matt & Kim playing and I felt like hitchhiking to Maine.

Being tall at concerts has its pros and cons. Pro #1: great view from anywhere. Con #1: every short person in the venue hates your guts because if you’re not standing in front of a wall, you’re blocking somebody’s view. It’s never personal but drunk people at concerts always think it is so I just mosey my way on to the back, where I can see, and where I don’t obstruct anybody’s view. I think venues should sell an obstructed view ticket for areas behind me. They could charge like half price for indoor shows or double price if it’s an outdoor concert and people want shade.

Anyway as I looked at the latest Urban Outfitters catalog, aka the crowd, I thought that I recognized the entire cast of Superbad. Jonah Hill was doing shots with Dave Franco as they debated on what was the craziest thing James Franco ever did. Jonah said “Michael Cera.”

I was feeling as random as Christopher Mintz-Plasse at this concert, waiting for the show to begin. I wasn’t drinking and I was alone so I started writing. I was at this show under professional journalistic responsibility. I wasn’t like the guy wearing hiking boots for all of the snowy mountains in Orlando. I also wasn’t about to do some magic like Draco Malfoy who I saw in the corner. I was there in pink shoes, gray pants, purple glasses, and a trippy George Harrison shirt that really made me look like I wanted to protest the Vietnam war. I wanted to protest how long they give people in between concert sets. Going to a concert, you can get tired of standing and it takes away from your experience. You gotta work out for shows. Leading up to this show, I would go to the grocery store and stand in front of the bread aisle for hours. An employee came up to me and asked if I needed help finding anything. I told her that I knew where to find the sourdough. I was just practicing for standing at a concert.

I was nailing a caricature of someone who looked like a burned-out Justin Bieber in a knit cap when I thought that maybe I was being too mean with my descriptions. First, I think it’s a compliment for this dude because he looks like every girl’s crush from the late 2000s and it could’ve been JB himself. I don’t know what the Biebs looks like today but if he were in Orlando, a knit cap would be a good disguise. And for the record, I was looking like an awkward giant who doesn’t drink or socialize at bars but rather just writes in a little pocket notebook. Yes, we’re all freaks.

Despite the delay, by the time the show started, I was tuned in and ready to groove. As Gayle (Gay-l-e) took the stage, I started wiggling my knees, then came my hips, wrists, and the most important part: the neck. For somebody just starting out, Gayle captured my critic’s heart. She has the potential for star power and really locked into a vibe. She was a one-woman show that used the power of her voice and acoustic guitar to sound like what I imagine an Alanis Morissette concert sounded like. She was like an amateur fusion of Janis Joplin and Tracy Chapman. Yeah, I know, big praise. But she may be on to something. Her songwriting was incredibly compelling and reminded me of Courtney Barnett. She incorporated a call and response element to a few of her songs. One shout went “You can take my money / Give me your CDs.” Pretty cute and catchy.

After Gayle’s set, I hit the bathroom where I saw a mini prayer alter dedicated to Pabst Blue Ribbon. A flag of blue majestically waved at my back as I did my business. When I went to wash my hands, I saw a graffiti tag name in the mirror that said “Earth B. Flat.”

I briefly fantasized about getting pizza and watching Nickelodeon with this guy who looked like the perfect combination of Drake and Josh when suddenly the next band materialized in the corner of the stage. A woman dressed in black emerged from a guitar amp, followed by a stripped-sweater wearing, long hair having man. The two hi-fived, jumped, and tapped their heels twice. Then two more people came out of the same amp and the music started to play.

Sugar Plum’s lead singer had a very delicate accent when she sang. While she was singing, it was as if she was on the brink of losing her accent but she always held on to it. At one point it started floating up but the drummer threw a drumstick (the ice cream cone version) at it and it came down before she finished the song. Sugar Plum was a fun opener but nothing too special. Just good songs, a fascinating singer, and a great drummer. He laid down a few solos and beat-breaks that had some heads turning from beers and significant others to look at the noise.

This whole time I’ve been writing this I haven’t even mentioned who the headliner was. How rude of me! The headliner was TV Girl, a little dream synth-pop outfit outta Cali. Their brief catalog is pretty fun. They describe their music as being “something you can along to, but wouldn’t sing around your parents.” Fair enough but the music is something that I think a lot of people could agree with. The choruses were agreeable in the way that New Yorker comics are. It takes a second to get it and then once you do, you’re happy, amused, and confused in a muted way. The best thing going for TV Girl was that they turned the crowd into a dancefloor. Their biggest setback was that they were not playing music. Fred and Carrie from Portlandia showed them how to “act-play.” They got up on the stage and stood in front of fancy DJ equipment with lots of lights, switches, and buttons. They were convincing and the did actually sing. I think my favorite part was when they said that they don’t know the term puppy love in France. One of their songs, “Seven Days Until Sunday,” has the same chorus as the title. Sounds like a worthy pop chorus, doesn’t it? They’re the type of band to feign irreverence and I’m the type of writer to feign seriousness.

Because my legs felt like angel hair pre-boiling water, I decided to leave. When I opened the door, a cat ran out of a crack in the sidewalk. A sunflower instantly grew right from the same crack. I looked at the door that said “if you are racist, sexist, homophobic, or an asshole… don’t come in” with approval, made my exit, and then made some pasta.  

#tv girl #will's pub #sugar plum #gayle #lucid nebulous

[meltedmagazine]

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE FUNS

______________________________________________________________

The Funs itself was a positive result of a time of negativity. Do your songs reflect this? Are they aimed towards creating a positive attitude?

   To me The Funs is about creating positivity from a dark place. It’s obvious if you pay attention to what’s going on in our music. My lyrics very much reflect what is currently happening in my life and documents our evolutionary time line. The Funs started in a depressed and desperate state. I was limp and basically walking around with no skin. You know, being 21? My immediate family is densely touched with mental illness of the schizophrenic variety. I had to get the fuck out of that head space to make it. I had to reprogram the path ways in my brain. You can hear it in those earliest recordings because they’re blown out, hardly listenable, trashy and lyrics are raw and biting, and as we climb out of that hole, the lyrics get more hopeful and the tones start to get a little softer. There are these glimpses of the sun and flashes of it getting better.

   In the beginning it was me and Philip vs the world, surviving, but now we’ve carved a place for ourselves and we’re really happy and healthy. We’re keeping the shadows in check. I think you see it in our newest stuff that we can breathe now and that we fought for it. We started out as a two piece. I get really sick of calling it that, a two piece I mean. Philip and I have always played together because we are lifers. This is it. Whatever form it takes we’re not stopping. I just get tired of getting labeled anything really even though that’s what has to happen.  But to answer your question yes I am positive person that is riding the REAL into the pink and blue sunset. Every day I work for it and it comes out in the songs.

How has creating music allowed you to channel negative energy and/or escape it?

    Music has been the motivator for getting healthy. Philip and I were living in Chicago and we were both working 24-7 to live in a crappy apartment in Pilsen for $800 dollars a month that only had heat in the kitchen. We practiced at 16th and Western. We lived in that practice space when we got bed bugs, drinking orange juice and eating Vienna sausages. I ate them because my Grandma gave them to me as a kid. Philip wouldn’t eat ‘em. Anyway, it wasn’t sustainable. It was a joke. We were working to live and living to play and barely getting by. I will forever be beholden to Chicago’s basements because they made me who I am today but those spaces and those shows are ephemeral. They’re like a cactus flower that blooms one night and is gone. Change is constant and I was constantly trying to figure out how the hell I could play very loud, punishingly scary, pretty sounds and capture it or record it and keep it going full steam.

   Philip always talked about his Grandpa’s place in the country and how it was this huge old house and how we could move there and clean it up and play music and tour and take care of each other. Music motivated me to move into a hoarded, abandoned, funeral home, in New Douglas IL. That’s the truth. This was four years ago about now. I don’t know how in the hell we did it looking back. It was nuts. We loaded up our mish mash pawn shop gear into a caprice classic (also Grandpa’s) and we broke down before we got out of Chicago’s city limits, so we rented a U haul and got to work. Skin to the bone work. Head to the wall work. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you work. There was a petrified squirrel in the toilet. Mouse shit and bird seed. It took years to get it livable but we started making noise immediately. We got to know our neighbors and to be accepted. I just kept telling myself it was worth it because I’d have the space and opportunity to sustain my visual and performing practice. That’s it. That’s everything. It was all inspired by playing music with Philip every day because that is what I am meant to do. Now after cleaning out an insanely, hoarded, filthy, house and basically rebuilding the whole damn thing room by room, we have something really beautiful and I can walk downstairs and pick up a guitar and press record and it’s everything to me. I’m able to share this exquisite space we made. We call it Rose Raft. It’s a place of peace, music, and making. We are officially opening as an artist and musicians residency next year. It’s all escape. It’s all healing.

How has the Chicago DIY music scene that you're a part of affected and influenced you as a band?

   As I said earlier, Chicago basements and DIY spaces made me. The ethos and ethics that uphold those spaces and their fleeting moments’ drive my being. I can let go and share. It makes me feel so present and alive like how the 1st winter night can cut your face. Chicago will beat you down as a city. Make you feel beat. 

And what do those shows, the kind where audience and band are almost in total sync, feeding off of each other, creating a coexisting mass of energy, mean to you? Do they happen often?

   Life is suffering but to me those shows are about feeling outside of that. Maybe, for some people, at those kinda shows, it’s about being seen, or getting fucked up, or getting fucked and that’s fine we’re all coping but for me it’s the two or ten kids that are really feeling it. Sometimes it’s a whole room. The lucky nights where the energy electrifies the air and it feels like lightning might strike you down. That’s when the room becomes a wave and people crash and break on you. They form a wall holding each other back so you aren’t smashed completely. People throwing themselves into sound blindly like being raptured. We are playing that emotion and hurling it back, and it tugs, and pulls, washing in, and out like tides. It’s mouth to mouth. It’s fucking beautiful and you can’t do that on a stage. It’s just not the same. It’s a whole different production. You can’t have the barriers and the body guards and green rooms and the separation. You have to be sacred and talk to people face to face. You can’t do that at Pitchfork. Not really. And it doesn’t last forever ya know? I’m grateful to have played one show like that, in my lifetime, but Chicago has spoiled me, to my very bones. It’s given me many extraordinary shows. The music there is brave and fascinating, and it carried me home. It’s my heart away from heart. I have to live the country life now to keep from going crazy but I bleed in Chicago. Those shows are endangered wild beasts that I long to visit.

You guys seem to stick pretty close to the definition of a pure DIY band. Releasing your music on cassettes, playing in people's basements, music before money, etc. Is this mentality an important aspect of creating music? Do you believe making music this way is the most fulfilling way and will lead to ultimate personal success?

    Without a doubt yes this is the only path I could have taken to self-actualization. Let me be clear though. Money is not Evil. Greed is what sucks. We all need money to be alive in America in 2016. Being in a band is a privilege that I do not take for granted. A lot of bands do and it’s boring. It makes me fucking gag. You need money to be in a freaking band. It’s why rich dude bro rock jock types get to be heard over everyone else all the time. We know this. It’s boring. But still, the reality is you need money to be in an American band. You need $$$ for a van, to fix a van, to fix a van again, to gas a van, to fix your ancient guitar, to have an amp, to repair your sweet shitty amp. Bands are fucking expensive that’s why it’s a huge god damn privilege to play music. I have to get paid to play music in order to function and I’m clear about that but the real important thing is, and what makes a big difference creatively is that money is not what motivates me to make. Real deal DIY shows take care of touring bands financially and spiritually better than a rock promoter does 9 times out of 10. Writing something that takes me to the other side and makes me feel light is what makes me feel complete always. Finishing an album is the reward. Connecting to other humans in a real and personal way is the incentive, even if they are few and far between. Not fans, not likes, not getting rich. There’s meaning in the work. It’s worth it. I like to share what I have had the opportunity to create. I take nothing for granted. There are lots of different paths you can take. There are suits, and loafers, dinners, jet fueled planes and billboards, twix bars, red bull, chevy cars, and hard rock hotels using “cool” bands to overtly and subliminally manipulate millennials into buying shit. Don’t get lost. There are several potential sources of dopamine out there. There are choices. I’m an atheist that doesn’t believe in the afterlife. I keep death in my pocket. You’ve got to. You’ve got to ask yourself the hard questions and be honest. How do want to spend your time on this momentary spark amongst black dust and diamonds? Every second counts. Who do you want to spend those seconds talking to?  

    DIY has been sold to home depot. I don’t mean to sound jaded. It’s just really tough to keep things pure. A band is business plain and simple. You are selling yourself. You are pushing a product. You’re creating an image and people are selling it. I’m mindful about what I sell but it’s impossible to play out in the world and not compromise something at least a bit. The bigger things get, the messier it gets, and that’s all. I got to be careful and protect my freak flag in the sand. I’ve done stuff for a paycheck so I could buy a guitar and plant a garden. McDonald’s was the best job I ever had in some ways. I’ve done worse. The facts are in and we live in a consumer driven capitalist country that benefits and functions from the oppression of vulnerable peoples. You’d have to live in Canada in the woods, and grow all your own food, and make all your own clothes, and play the banjo, and bathe in waterfalls to stay totally pure. I eat McDonald’s sometimes, but I’m trying. I’m trying to do right with what I’ve got and what I can create. We’re making everything out of nothing. It’s all I can do not to pop. Art is culture. Music is our most basic beauty. To sing a song and connect and express is vividly significant. Too many bands are too busy trying to do nothing but sell shit and aren’t giving anything back. The idea of a commercial rock band grosses me out. I’m more successful than I ever thought I could crawl out of. I’m grateful for my life. I get to have it because my parents made castles out of wreckage. So now, I’ve built a home that I can share with others based in music, art, and love. I’m consistently creating passionate work that I’m fulfilled by and it meets the tall standards I’ve set for myself. I’m only ever competing with myself because this is not a cool contest to me. It’s no joke. It’s my life and it’s meant to be shared. Music is powerful. It can create change and bind us or it can blankly distribute junk food.  I’ve found my voice so I’m able to help others to find theirs. That’s what really charges my batteries the most, to give opportunities to those without the resources, exposure, spotlight or strength. I’m looking in the holes and throwing down ropes. It’s as pure as it can be. It’s a dream inside a dream. It makes me fucking gleeful. I feel splendor every day. Sanctuary.

Do you feel like people these days are lacking a part of the music listening experience when they use stuff like itunes and spotify? Is physicality in music important to you?

    YES PHYSICAL MUSIC IS IMPORTANT TO ME. IT IS ART. We make everything that goes into our albums, it’s like the organic produce of merchandise if organic actually meant anything still and……yes, hello world, buy local, buy direct, not direct tv, but hey ya know amazon is really really really fucking convenient. And CGI sucks! Stop it already all the time. Make it real with your fingerprints I say. It’s more interesting and nourishing like fresh baked bread from your friend. Maybe put down the 3D printer and forge something with your hands? Let me see your hammer blows.   

  I don’t listen to itunes or Spotify but it’s not because I’m too cool. I’m just being honest. It depends on how you want to consume, and how much, and where. It makes sense for most people to use it. I don’t really listen to a whole lot of music. I’d rather be playing or writing. Philip plays a lot of records and I enjoy that. Sometimes. Records are beautiful. But you know they are petroleum based so fuck it all to hell. You can’t win. You got to be you and figure it out. I blast Vivaldi when I clean the house. Our van has a tape deck and it’s lovely to drive at night smelling cow shit and listening to a band that made something special just for you. It feels like a gorgeous secret. It makes my life.

   I get why people do stuff, it’s convenient. It’s the same reason I go to Walmart sometimes because I’m broke and I want something and it’s okay, I can still buy stuff straight from artist’s hands and I make a decided effort to do so regularly because hello?! It makes the world less shitty. People want things immediately. I’m guilty too. We are raised for it now. Instant gratification. You have to learn to play an instrument. You have to write a song. Practice a song. Write the lyrics. Record it decently. You have to mix that shit. Then master it. If you can manage to access all that. Then you got to get it out into the world one way or another. All that shit takes time and money. It’s crazy to put in all that time and work and then have the expectation that it must instantaneously exist on the internet for free. I had to rehab a totally fucked up house, rearrange my brain, and barrow a 4 track, to get to place where I can do that and sustain myself in a healthy way. You can find yours. It is possible. It’s not easy. Nothing worth having is. I’m so grateful to be able perform, record, and tour and not compromise myself or my work. That is very rare thing for an artist.

Is there an artist/song/album that makes you feel a heavy dose of nostalgia? 

   I just listened to Summerteeth and it made me super nostalgic because Philip and I used to drive around and listen to it as kissin’ teenagers, in love out in the cornfields. And Jeff Tweedy cut his teeth not far from where we are now and I think he has kept it about as real as you can. The Breeders of course for always and forever. Little Fury and Off You take me away to a bliss-state. Flock of Seagull’s Space age love song reminds of me of the day I fell in love with Philip forever walking around lost and alone in downtown Chicago with giant headphones. Everything looked grey. Grey sky. Grey buildings. Grey concrete. But I felt a rainbow in my chest like a divinizing, dowsing rod pulling me along. That’s what music and love can do. I can’t really listen to Neutral Milk Hotel anymore because it makes me too sad. My older brother died when I was 19 and NMH, Nirvana, and Sonic Youth and Beck all remind me of him. There’s a lot. He gave me so much. He showed me another planet.

what's it like being a musician/band in the 21st century? 

    Big question. OK. You know it’s weird to be a band now but it’s weird as it ever was I’m sure. It’s weird to exist. Derealization is fucked. Anyway, I know I love to tour pretty city to gritty city via interweb connects. I’ve figured out how to do that well.  I camp and touch a redwood if I’m near one. I hug a person and shake hands when I see them. Now is a good time to be alive even though there’s climate change and Trump. There’s always something: war, terror, Reagan, nukes, neoliberals, crusades, famine witch hunts, plagues, divorces. The Big music industry is inherently flawed, sex obsessed, exploiting as the day is long. It’s in its nature. It’s in our basest nature. Luckily one can exist outside of it. If you try hard enough. Bullshit consumerism and main stream media blows. These systems prevent musicians from financially benefiting from their designs even if they are popular. You’re encouraged to sell guitar center and start a clothing line. It’s a machine and there’s a lot of people in line getting paid before the laborer. There’s no quick fix. It’s always been difficult for artists to make money from original work. Who cares? You can’t give up. You got to be relentless. Besides, it’s romantic to be a starving artist. I say fuck that. Find a way to feed yourself. Build a bridge out of tooth picks if you have to. It takes Disney channel talent and trash bag full of four leaf clovers to “make it” and what is it worth? It’s like hitting the ultra-mega million. It takes Michael Jordan riding a unicorn crying One Direction’s tears.  America’s tastes are constantly regurgitating and changing like a hungry monster in a Miyazaki film. I understand that we live like kings on a red white and blue hamster wheel. The world is relatively at peace right now, historically speaking, with 7+billion people. It’s a miracle. That can change at any moment. We are talking about trans issues in politics in America. I’ll take that. There’s some good stuff out there within the horror show. You got to fight for it. That’s what art is and art gets dissolved in industry like pop rocks in a can of coke. 

    I have hope that we will keep evolving toward symbiotic peace in a world where everyone has the choice to create and not just work to live. Most people are working to live. I’m grateful to be the age I am, 30 yrs. because I grew up not having the internet and then having it. So, I feel like I see it for what it is…An insane tool. It’s mind blowing. My freedoms are obscene. It’s all in what you choose to learn and what you choose to connect to. My childhood was cell phone free and I read a lot and ran around in circles outside. I watched MTV and VH1 until it morphed into road rules. I dug in dirt for fun. I still do. I like to sweat to accomplish a goal. It’s remarkable when labor is a choice. 

   Discovering music as teenager felt magically powerful and holy. Like a whisper in a church. I think that’s harder now to feel like that but it still exists and always will in a world I want to live in. I love science and technology. It’s thrilling. Things are happening the only way they can. I don’t long for the past. The good old days don’t exist. The past is never better. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me. But being in a band in a constant wash of media bombardment with PR campaigns and competitive sports can wear me down sometimes. Still, I don’t lose sight of what matters. I won’t let myself be jaded. That shit is sad. If you’re jaded you’ve givin’ up so try something else Sound Guy. Never be bitter. You have a choice, so use it.  Be mindful. Facebook can be a sad hole so make good habits. Reach out. I channel all that shit into making work and into real time connection. I check myself regularly. Skate and make art. I keep my fire lit and light house burning. Don’t get put out by the drool.

LISTEN TO THE FUNS HERE

interview by AL SMITH

#melted #melted magazine #the funs #music #chicago #interview #band #art

[theliterateape]

Reflections on My Year as a Windy City Empire Duchess

By Elizabeth Harper

The shenanigans my friend Kate gets me into.

I’d been to a few of the Windy City Empire events to support my friend and because I really love drag shows and a lot of them happen at a neighborhood bar, Charlie’s Chicago, which is walking distance from where I live in Boystown in Chicago, the oldest officially recognized gay neighborhood in the United States. A country and western themed gay bar that also hosts drag shows, karaoke, burlesque, as well as country line and two-step dancing, Charlie’s is the home bar for the Windy City Empire, the Chicago chapter of the International Court System.

Then Kate asked me to be one of her duchesses. I thought to myself: What is this silliness? Why emperors and empresses, princes and princesses, dukes and duchesses? I’m an anarchist. I don’t get hierarchy. I can’t keep all these titles straight. What is this about? And what does a duchess do anyway? Like I don’t have enough on my plate already?

Then of course I noticed things on their Facebook page I wanted to fix. Even though I don’t want any responsibilities, I fall into them, mainly because I have opinions about how to fix Facebook pages.

So I became Empress Kate’s Duchess for Empire 15 of the Imperial City Court of the Prairie State Empire, or Windy City Empire for short.

I didn’t know about the International Court System before Kate got me involved, but I certainly feel like I should have known about it. It has a fascinating and important history. The revered Mama José Sarria, an advocate for civil rights, for all people but especially gay and trans people and drag performers, was the first Empress. The organization’s guiding ethos is to have fun while raising money for charities in their communities: “Raising Money One Dollar at a Time. From the Heart, Through the Court, For the Community.” Started in 1965, what came to be today’s International Court System is one of the largest and oldest LGBTQ+ organizations in the world, with over seventy chapters or “Empires” in the United States, Canada, and Mexico.

There are many aspects that I feel I still don’t understand, such as the significance and responsibilities of the various roles and titles. In the beginning, there seemed to be an awful lot of rules, for example about something they call “Protocol,” which has to do with how people are introduced and described when doing their “walk” at Coronations, the yearly gala events each court holds to celebrate the end of one reign and usher in the new Emperor and Empress. But by this year’s Chicago Coronation in November, I came to realize a lot of it was just about being silly, in the spirit of camp.

Camp is the key to understanding what’s going on with all these titles, the formalwear, the very large costume jewelry, and the significance and subversiveness of the International Court System. Interestingly enough Susan Sontag’s iconic essay on camp was published in 1964, close to the founding date of the court system in 1965. Here’s an updated evaluation of camp by Bruce LaBruce, who happens to be the director of one of my favorite movies of all time, The Misandrists,

While writing this, I was motivated to watch Paris Burning on Netflix, which gave articulation to some things I had been thinking about, some insight into these glamorous, if tongue-in-cheek, performances of royalty, pomp and circumstance.

I very much enjoy performing in drag. I like practicing the numbers. I love music, but I can’t sing at all, so dancing around and lip-synching is a great outlet for me. I’ve never been much for costumes and makeup. At first I didn’t want to spend too much money on it until I decided I liked performing drag at their shows. But now that I’ve decided that I like it, I’m building up my collection: a couple of wigs; sports bras in lieu of binders; men’s clothing from eBay and thrift stores, etc. I have two drag characters: a male, Hipster Ken; and a female, Cougar Barbie.

Drag is a way for me to share my love of music, dance, performance, and gender-bending. I’ll get more involved with the costume and makeup aspect as I pursue it. It will be like I’m my own doll to dress up!

I like the people, especially some of the drag performers and kinky fetish people I’ve met. Some of the drag performers have helped me think about my drag characters and their help has been invaluable. Also, I just like being around other kinky people.

I also like raising money for good causes. I was especially proud that Kate chose Project Fierce Chicago, which helps homeless LGBTQ+ youth, as her cause. We will continue to raise money for Project Fierce as one of our causes in the upcoming year. Currently they’re focused on their Emergency Relief Fund for young people who need funds to keep housing or assistance with barriers that could lead to homelessness. Some folks who have received funds have been homeless and needed assistance with basic necessities. Additionally, the PFC Emergency Fund has been able to provide critical financial resources to LGBTQ+ young adults experiencing housing instability who needed support making rent payments, covering utilities like electricity and gas, accessing Ventra passes, and purchasing essential household goods.

I like putting little shows together like my singer-songwriter night . One of my Duchess duties was to organize an event. Putting together a show is a responsibility, but the payoff is that I get to realize my vision. I like coming up with an interesting bill of performers.

Yes, there’s the raising money for charity, but that’s not the whole point. If I wanted to give money to charity, I could just write a check or click on a Paypal link. These shows that we do are about visibility, awareness, community. I was able to sell people on the idea of the show partly because of the cause. I like creating these win-win-win situations where the venue and the performers and the cause all benefit from their shared association with the event.

Mainly the various courts put on drag shows. The tips the performers collect go to charity. About half of all court members are drag performers. Most of the rest are some variant of LGBTQ+, though all are welcome to be members. There is definitely a desire and a push to be diverse and inclusive.

The most striking event for me was the Out-of-Town Show I saw when I went to Buffalo, New York for their Coronation weekend. People of all different ages, sizes, shapes, races, genders gathered together, many in full drag or campy formalwear, performed on a stage in a packed bar. In all the performances, I saw people sharing themselves and their love of music.

In talking with the various people I met that weekend, and also with my fellow Chicago court members, I’ve come to understand that, for a lot of them, the court is a way of developing their own leadership and organization skills through the responsibilities that their royal titles bestow upon them. It is also a form of activism, a way for them to take action on issues that are important to them. Throughout the history of the organization, a lot of the causes supported have been AIDS-related, both research on the disease itself and support for the people suffering from it. I know many members care deeply about the upcoming LGBTQ+ generations. Hearts go out to those in small towns, some in the Bible Belt, who suffer because of their sexual orientation or gender identity, some dealing with bullying and rejection from church and family members, some depressed and alone, some even suicidal or homeless.

When I first got involved with the court, members kept telling me it was like a family, which was not a selling point for me. Family has associations of obligations and conflict for me, though I guess, for some people, it has associations of acceptance and security.

I became more aware of drag families. It was very sweet to watch drag mothers with their drag daughters, bringing them gifts and taking pride in their accomplishments.

I’m looking forward to performing at future Windy City Empire events. Being a member of the court is a responsibility, but it’s a lot of fun too.

Feature photo: Duchess Elizabeth in tux next to Empress Kate in her ball gown. Photo credit to Joseph Stevens.

#Windy City Empire #International Court System #Chicago #Coronation Gala #charity #drag shows #LGBTQ+ #José Sarria #friends #camp

[rockthecotswolds]

A Rocking Day in the Life: Betsy Benn

We meet Rocker and multi award-winning founder of the wonderful personalised prints, gifts and decorations company that is www.betsybenn.com

So Betsy, when did you set up the business and what were you doing beforehand?

We launched Betsy Benn in March 2010 and I’d kind of been doing a couple of things before that. My “big job” was as an events manager for Zurich in Swindon, but after I’d had my baby I really couldn’t figure out commuting from Cheltenham, and all the overnight stays and travelling involved in my role when my husband was also doing a lot of travelling. We’d waited a long time to start a family and I’d always planned to take a career break anyway so I was in the middle of that break when I realised I was surrounded by adorable babies pretty much all the time. 

I took my love of photography and launched a small baby portraiture business. It was doing okay, but my clever husband pointed out that there was a healthy gap between commissions and my photographic printer needed cleaning between each job and this wasted a lot of expensive ink. So I thought I’d design a few prints to sell in between commissions to keep the printer clean – and then the prints side literally exploded and the photography business was history!

Did you choose your office location for any particular reason?

Um – have you seen this door? Talk about kerb appeal. 

Before we moved into the Royal Crescent there were three full timers working in my house, and sometimes two part timers as well. We were literally falling over each other at some points and at Christmas time it was beyond daft to try and manage that. 

We’d already converted the loft and built a garden studio to maximise the house space, but when I walked into the building we are in now, I fell in love! So big, so spacious, it was more than we needed, but you know we have filled that to its limits and we need to think about how we take the next step and where that might be.

How many people do you work with and what do they do?

We have two full time Betsy helpers – Catherine, who is the office manager and basically makes sure the place doesn’t fall apart and reminds me to pay the bills whilst also giving excellent customer service and Rachel, our resident graphic designer who designs everything I ask for and also solves practical problems like “how will we engrave these aprons without unfolding them”. They were both off at the same time for a week once – I sort of enjoyed the challenge of being back hands on again, but the post only went out on time twice, there were large piles of things for them to look at when they got back and my wine consumption that week doubled. 

Then we have Stuart, a freelance graphic designer who helps us when we get uber busy and when we have techy questions about a particular issue. He and I have really similar music tastes so when it’s just the two of us in the studio I get to play very loud 1990s grunge! 

We have an open door it feels like when it comes to other floating helpers. We always get busy at Christmas and try to find some local graphic design students who want to earn a few bucks. And we offer internships in the summer when we are quiet and can spend some time sharing our skills and learning all about what’s new from the student’s perspective.

What’s a fairly typical day for you?

I drop the small one at the school bus stop at 7.20 so I’m normally in the studio by 7.30. If it’s not too busy at work I might sneak in a quick swim or gym session first and then rock up at 9 like a normal person. First I go through the new orders and see what the day’s workload looks like for me and everyone else. The beauty of a small team is that we all work so well and in harmony together and most things are understood by most people. 

There are some graphic design things that my office manager doesn’t get involved in, but that makes sense! We joke now that we work on a telepathic level and we don’t actually need to say most things out loud, and it’s kind of true. I might start a job and then get pulled away but Rachel or Catherine will seamlessly move in and finish it without me asking. The reverse happens too. I’m very lucky that my team love the jobs they have and are totally engaged in the success of the company. It makes working together very easy. 

I try not to get involved too much in the actual orders these days, I need and love to work on new designs and also the bigger strategy for the business, the comms plans, the commercial direction all of that. I get drawn back into the orders every Christmas which keeps my skills sharp and my finger on the pulse. So my day could involve writing blog posts, working out a social media plan for the months, developing new designs and products, reaching out to other creative businesses for the creative hub plan I have for the future (!) or even making and photographing new products.

How do you get to work?

It’s a quick drive. I wish I could do it another way a bit more regularly. On Fridays in the summer I will often walk in because I don’t have to do either end of the school run, but every other day I feel like I’m squeezing the absolute maximum amount of time in the office as I can before I have to head off and collect my son from school in Stroud. And even then I’m quite often late! 

Every spring I say that I will cycle in a bit – but (big secret here) I never actually learned to ride a bike when I was young and although I have a bike now, I’m still very much not in control of where it goes – so there’s some work to do there!

Where would you recommend to eat during your lunch break?

Star Bistro is right next door which can be both awesome and dangerous. We have a great relationship with them and they have been known to deliver sausage sandwiches to my desk. That takes some beating. Cheltenham is full of eateries though, we are very lucky. 

SO Wagamama on a Friday, Huffkins or Swallow bakeries for any day that needs soup and cake, Bottle of Sauce for a half price burger on a Monday, Gianni’s for anything with loads of garlic, Boston Tea Party if you haven’t had breakfast yet, The Stable for Pizza, Turtle Bay if you need heat or have a cold coming and I can’t wait to properly try out Kindness & Co – I’ve walked past a couple of times and it looks soooo good.

What’s been the most challenging and most rewarding part of Betsy Benn to date and why?

Wow, the answer to that will change on an almost daily basis. Challenges apparently help you to grow, right? Like forcing rhubarb? I’d say that launching and growing two businesses in a recession has been a fairly big challenge in and of itself, whilst still trying to find time to do other life stuff (tell me we all have days when we forget to eat, yes?).

But I think the biggest challenges are in keeping on creating new designs and collections that resonate with our ethos and our customers and then, of course, finding our customers – especially the new ones – and telling them about these great new products. We’ve had huge levels of success with notonthehighstreet.com and they have a great customer base, but we also need to be independent and support ourselves in that way.

I think the most rewarding stays the most constant and there are two biggies. It was a challenge to build the right team and get the right working environment, but we got there and we all really enjoy rocking up to the studio each day. 

We’ve all come through personal disasters the last few years and having each other on a daily basis has helped pull us through! The second huge reward is the feedback we get from our customers. The things we create are so personalised and really all about a person’s story and their relationship with the gift receiver. They make the best gifts and we are constantly hearing how a print made someone cry, or was the most loved present of all. It puts a massive smile on my face every day.

Any new products we should be looking out for this Christmas?

I am always guilty of falling a little bit in love with our latest products and actually (although that can be dangerous) I think that’s a good sign. If you don’t love your product, why would anyone else? And we really want to create products that people love and will carry on loving for a long time. 

So our latest products are our personalised denim aprons which have been flying out! Thankfully other folk love them too. They are these gorgeous hipster style dark denim aprons with a tan leather look pocket on the front that we can engrave with pretty much anything. They’re fabulous.  

In Christmas decorations we launched a new decoration called Lasso The Moon which was inspired by the film It’s A Wonderful Life. It was a labour of love to get the right materials and make it look the way I wanted, but I love it so much! 

And in prints we are just about to launch these amazing designs which look like typical vinyl record sleeve artworks, but they feature your own photographs, so you can be “the band”. Brilliant fun for any music fan!

What’s your most popular?  What’s your own personal favourite?

Well, see above, I love all my babies! But the one most dear to my heart will always be the bus blind destination print. It kind of launched my business and is still a classic best seller. We just made a video to promote it a bit more – wanna see? (click here). I just love the way you can tell a whole life story with this print, or just the highlights of one amazing year. 

And every year we sell out of our amazing Balloon Advent calendars that are actually sold by our sister company, Luna Studio Designs. We were on TV a couple of years ago on Kirstie’s Handmade Christmas with them and they were also on the front cover of the Notonthehighstreet.com Christmas Gift Guide, so they have taken on a bit of a cult status now. Very cool!

If you could recommend one place to go in the Cotswolds to a first time visitor where would it be?

JUST ONE?? Oh that’s hard. The Cotswolds is such a draw for so many different types of people that it’s hard to choose a one size fits all. Let’s see…. (my brain is exploding right now).

 Okay – you need to come to our house for a week whilst the Literature festival is on. That way we can show you the best bits of Cheltenham whilst it’s alive with clever types, we can treat you to a lunchtime steak at 131 and then a pint of Stowford Press at The Green Dragon which we will walk off all over Crickley Hill and marvel at the autumnal colours of the season. 

Followed by an evening spa at Cowley Manor. We’ll also take in a craft course at the New Brewery Arts centre and maybe even a day of cookery skills and a wood fired pizza at the Daylesford Organic Café whilst you’re here. 

You see – there’s too much to choose from!

How do you unwind after a day at work?

I’m sorry, UNW…..what? I’m not familiar with that concept. 

You might want to roll your eyes a little, but I’m one of those annoying people that lives up to that motivational quote print that you see in an insurance sales office “If you find a job that you love, you’ll never work a day in your life”. Newsflash – it’s kind of true. I’m answering these questions at midnight, with a glass of wine at hand, because I’m in “work” mode and enjoying it. 

The big thing that no-one ever really shares with you when you decide to work for yourself, and it’s kind of obvious, is that you’re in charge and you get to decide how busy you are. You might think I’m talking rubbish, because as a retail business you are dependent upon people placing orders with you and buying your things! And then of course you will be busy fulfilling those orders, but you have to wait for those orders to come to you? 

Running a successful creative business is not the online equivalent of having an honesty box on the side of the road for the apples you’ve just harvested from your garden trees and this can be where a lot of craft based businesses let themselves down. 

There is always something that you can do in this world to be telling people about your business, your products, your ethos, your story, your dreams – anything! And in that way I say you get to choose how busy you are – you get to choose your bus-y-ness! If you’ve told a great story and people are beating down your door to get your products, then you can be a little quiet for a while. 

But if that’s not the case, there a million ways to share what you are doing with your potential customers. And, like most entrepreneurs I’m sure, my mind is like a pinball machine on multiplay, with little silver balls hitting targets and lighting up lights right left and centre. 

I’m currently in the process of reaching out to every creative person in the county in the hopes of building an online creative forum where we can all support each other and chat about the things that are getting in our way, or the latest brilliant thing we have discovered that makes life easier. 

And maybe one day that online forum might lead to a physical cooperative work space – who knows – but get in touch if any of that sounds interesting!

Our tagline at Betsy Benn is "a design for every story". 

Well, here, we've collected together our little promotional pieces that tell the stories of our designs, how they are made, what our customers love about our products and their stories which we translate into our personalised prints and designs.

www.betsybenn.com

Betsy Benn’s Awards to date

Best New Product: notonthehighstreet.com Make Awards 2013 - Winners

Entrepreneur of the Year: notonthehighstreet.com Make Awards 2012 - Winners

Best Customer Service Award:notonthehighstreet.com Make Awards 2011 - Winners

Business of the Year 2014 - Gloucestershire Women in Business Awards - Winners

Rock the Cotswolds is a not-for-profit campaign created to promote the talent and creativity of the area.  

It is sponsored by Crowe Clark Whitehill in Cheltenham - their belief in what we’re doing and generous support helps keep the campaign alive and kicking!

www.rockthecotswolds.com

#christmas #decorations #betsybenn #posters #prints #adventcalendar #apron #presents #gifts #bespoke #cheltenham #entrepreneur

[disruptiveawesome]

Some HC FAQs from a CRUX HC regular.

I guess First…What is HC? HC is Homoclimbtastic. HC is a group and, more specifically, an ‘event.’ It was founded by blah blah you don’t care about this part. Go to the HC website if you wanna read more directly  

So why are you writing, Matt?  Someone asked me some specific questions about HC as relates to CRUX… and I’m on 10 of literally 22 hours of flights right now… so I figured I’d put them in a doc and share them for everyone. Please bear in mind that all of the non-hard-facts in here are just my opinions. I don’t work for Homoclimbtastic. I am fortunate to count some of the organizers as friends and climbing buddies and I’m trying to do right by the spirit of the event… But I’m just a dude who has been 4 times and likes the event a lot so for you NYers who I love, to provide some context in case you haven’t been and are interested. I figured I’d give you my perspective on some of the Frequently Asked Questions…

Where ‘is’ this area?

This is “more-welcoming-than-makes-a-NYer-feel-comfortable” Fayetteville, WV. It’s situated in the heart of the New River Gorge. Good hiking,  white water rafting, kayaking, boating (on Summerville lake–I’ll get to that), sight seeing, natural beauty, and, of course, climbing.

Where do we stay?

But like, okay. Lemme show you the place we stay at. This is Cantrell Ultimate Rafting, or as we call it “Cantrell’s.” The thing to note is that this isn’t a ‘nice camping’ area like what you’d get staying in a state park, or an AAC campground. It’s the extended lawn/back yard of a white water rafting outfitter. The cool thing is that it’s central, small and pretty much *ours* (the HC campers/climbers). I’ve only seen other campers there a few times and usually they keep pretty to themselves and away from us–and anytime they get near us, they are given a thorough ‘explainer’ by the Cantrell’s staff that this is *our* safe space and weekend (I’ve seen them do it myself). 

Green is cabins. The office/bar/club/drag stage/and some restrooms are upper right in the red. Blue is anywhere you may wanna park. Yellow is bathrooms. Pink circles are where I’ve seen CRUXers (including me) pitching tents. But you can see there is a lot of space. Now, it should be noted that if there is a ton of rain, some of that open space, like where the ‘parking’ area is above the big cluster of CRUX tents are, its a bit waterlogged. Bring raingear/a rain fly. Oh, and bug spray. 

The whole place is pretty small and you can go everywhere in under 2 minutes’ walk (See the 50′ key)

What’s the address?

Cantrell Ultimate Rafting is located at  49 Cantrell Dr, Fayetteville, WV 25840

What size tent can they accommodate 

As you can see, ANY. The area that Cantrell’s has is pretty huge. :) 

Can you cook on campsite 

Yes, many do. 

Do they have fresh water

Yes. You won’t need to bring your own in. 

Do they have electric onsite or nearby

They do. They even have a camper hookup if I’m not mistaken. Electricity is available inside the bathrooms, and there are some exterior outlets at the bar/office/club/breakfast nook space.

Bathroom facilities? 

The restroom/shower facilities are right there on the campsite. The restrooms and shower facilities are gendered, however Cantrell’s and HC have (I thought stated somewhere, but now I can’t find it) rules that people should use the restroom they feel comfortable in/fits their gender identity/expression. I would refer you to HC on that one to get anything more specific. 

Are CRUX all together?

Not exactly. Some of us stay in cabins some in tents dotting the landscape of Cantrell’s. But we do try to keep everyone going to Cantrell’s so that we can have time with each other. 

How far is parking from the campsite?

Super close, again, as you can see. 

Any fast food places like McDonald’s nearby? 

A few. But also wanna let you know that breakfast is made for us for a decent cost at Cantrell’s which is enough for me. And I personally like Tudor’s Biscuit World for to pick up cheap and easy pre-made crag foods (though I know some people find it gross). But omg I can’t wait to have sandwiches from SSS! AND PIES AND PINTS OMG. 

Any hiking areas if I wanna just go off and do my own thing? 

Yes, omg so many. <- Link from the site of Stav Basis, an adventurer/web genius/sometimes CRUXer, and I think fellow ‘this’ll be 5-years’ HCer who hikes a ton. Hey CBF! Another thing to note is a lot of the approaches at the NRG are longer than at the Gunks or a few other places we go to regularly. If you’ve been there, think maybe not as strenuous as some of the longer approaches at Rumney, but just as long. Up to 30/40 minutes, so if you’re climbing you’re getting a bit of a hike in anyway.

 Are there swimming areas?

Oh god yes. It’s one of the best parts of that area. Typically, on Friday or Saturday, a WHOLE CRAP TON of HC basically spends the whole day at Summersville lake just climbing and swimming and hanging out on pool floaties:

And usually on Sunday we go to a different part of the lake and Deep Water Solo there:

I heard that this is really only for hard climbers! 

This touches on a bit factual data and on the history of HC and its evolution. The New River Gorge doesn’t have a ‘ton’ of ‘easy’ crags. the area really opens up if you’re a solid 5.11 outdoor climber–that’s just the truth of the numbers. But like *everywhere* the places shown on the guidebook aren’t climbs that many of us more casual climbers are ready for (yet). Another fact: HC was originally founded by climbers who *could* climb pretty hard. Which is great inspiration for all of us queer climbers! But that doesn’t mean there aren’t *ANY* places for easy/moderate leading. We have found a bunch of great crags over the years with a bunch of ‘easy/moderate’ sport routes and bigger areas to spread out in which can accommodate groups.  And, like, there is so much fun stuff and there isn’t really anything like this anywhere else, so, over time HC has grown from a more strictly ‘hard climber’ thing to a more all-encompassing thing with lots of different levels. Over the last 5 years, the attitude of the organization about ‘non hard’ climbers has changed. 

But know yourself: If at HC, when there are tons of people around, when maybe you drank a bunch last night, and you’re nervous about that one person you think is hot not thinking your butt looks good in your climbing shorts, or whatever… maybe that isn’t the best atmosphere to get on your first 5.11 where the guidebook states that if you blow the crux move you could deck. If you don’t know how to clean/rappel, *AT HC, TAUGHT BY SOMEONE YOU DON’T KNOW, AT THE TOP OF A CLIMB, ABOVE 20 LOUD PEOPLE, IS EXPRESSLY NOT THE PLACE TO LEARN IT*. There are a few more snarkyish things written in several posts/manifestos/etc. by the dictators. The ‘chaperone/guest’ thing is ‘strict’ but I think the best way to think about it is if you’ve not climbed outside, you should partner up with someone who has their skills dialed in. 

And, just like at CRUX events: Leave No Trace is the order of the day. 

So is being good crag citizens and don’t put top rope on all 5 of the moderate routes right next to each other if another group looks like they may want to get on them, too. 

And though we’re well known (HC, not CRUX per se), it’s always good to remember that not everywhere is universally friendly. 

Edit/Addition: It should be noted that the fact that there are a ton of awesome climbs in the 5.10/5.11/5.12 range should be a really great motivating factor, so even if you’re not yet there, once your skills are dialed in, you can star going for those harder grades. Many of us HCers did our first 10s 11s or 12s there, but the key is to have your safety (and belay skills) TOTALLY ready:) But I get that it's something people sort of have to 'be in' to believe, just like climbing in general. How many times have we all replied "come and I'll show you that's not true" to that person who, when presented with "i'm a rock climber" says "OH I COULD NEVER..." that's what an outdoor 10/11/12 can be.  

I also heard that you have to like be a super social justice warrior or else you’re not really welcome. 

Not true. 

(EVEN THOUGH I PERSONALLY WOULD BE FINE WITH THAT BECAUSE I’M A BRATTY SJW AND I DON’T CARE *CACKLES SOCIAL JUSTICELY*). *cough* 

Anyway, this is a ‘national’ event. There are various levels of ‘wokeness’, or whatever you’d like to call it, present within the ethos of the various groups and people who attend. But as an organization the people involved are from my perspective, *deeply* interested in making sure that HC expands its attendees’ horizons and isn’t simply a gay, white cismale experience and event and they are rigorously pushing for a higher degree of inclusivity, and representation (including in their leadership) to make sure that happens. 

What does that mean, really? I think that in spirit, it means ‘don’t be an asshole’. In practice, I think it means: don’t talk about/make jokes about people whose groups you’re not part of. Be how you are within CRUX and you should generally be fine. If there is an issue, someone will say something, but I don’t think of that as a thing CRUX members have typically had issues with on the whole–everyone is capable of having issues, but we’re a good group of good people.

And we’re all adults. So, assume positive intent, and if you get called out just listen and don’t be defensive. Even if you think you’re right/it was just a joke/but, but: It won’t hurt you to listen to someone without having to respond/defend yourself. It’s an exercise each of us should probably do more often.  Anyway. This has gone on long enough. See you there. Climb On. 

#climbing HC Homoclimbtastic